#do i even bother tagging gmod?

[ferretoats]

(THE TITLE IS GONE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BRING IT BACK) [Okay so this unintentionally turned into a mini essay(can I call it that?) about my experience with Undertale and video games in general- Is this how I am suppose to use Tumblr?]

Going back maybe around the year of 2015 or 2016 (I was 11), my brother showed me a video clip of what looked like an image of a calculator attached to a vacuum chasing after a child.

Younger me: "I guess math is scary?"

Of course I didn't know it at the time, but that calculator was a character from the game called Undertale.

Some time in December my siblings sat me down on our living room couch and then made me play this game with a controller (I mained keyboard and mouse). They guided me through a pacifist run, a play through of the game where you do NOT kill anything and you better swear to not even look at that FIGHT button or else- Or well at least that was how it felt. At the beginning I didn't know why I had to avoid fighting at all cost. I was just told that it wasn't the best option. When I finished the game, I didn't want to play it again or do it any other way... but that might just be because I got too emotionally attached to the characters... But then if lets say my siblings didn't tell me anything or help, would I have still gotten a neutral route? One where I end up killing some of the characters?

To start with my gaming experience at that point has been mostly these games: Minecraft, Garrys mod, and Team Fortress 2 (Maybe a bit of Terraria?)

So, I had no reason to really assume the "at 0 health you faint" like in Pokemon, because in games like Terraria and TF2 you die, explode, or combust into confetti when you reach 0 (mostly explode). Also in most of those games hurting anyone (even on accident) generally leads to death for one or both sides. In Minecraft you did the little up-down crouch animation and then jumped around when the other joined in. Somehow even in TF2, a game where you can decapitate your enemies, has a subtle way of communicating "Hey wait! Lets be friends." -Which happens sometimes when one side doesn't shoot (and prolonged awkward eye contact).

In a weird way we had Undertale before it was even a thing, it's just that most games never really have a built in "friendly" system when the main goal is to kill. TF2 might be one of those exceptions (did you know you can heal your own enemies by throwing a sandwich at them?). However even then it all depends on how you or the person reacts to non-combative or passive behavior. Personally I try to treat any kindness in return in any game, and take the punches if I fail. So, I like to think I would have ended up doing the pacifist run first time around.

I am also pretty sure that moment where Sans gives you the whole "you gained love not LOVE" (Level Of Violence and... Experience?? wasthereevenan"E"?) talk flew over my head... because well I think I remember genuine confusion- Clueless 12 year old: "like yeah man that's how the game is supposed to go right?? But thanks ig??? Also why did you say it in caps?"

[I couldn't find the video so have the gif version of the Vine that was used]

[wasflypaw]

I want to talk about an image going round on the internet that's been bothering me for Years but knowing the internet I'll wake up to 70 people sending me said image and sending me into an anxiety attack (maybe that's my anxiety talking..)

This image. I'm not going to say what it is but it's the Only image to ever effect me the way it has. I first saw it in around 2019 and the feeling of dread went through my body to the point where I still remember feeling that way Today.

And then it gave me nightmares for a month or so. For context I dont usually Have dreams that freak me out. And because it was a popular image going around I'd run into it everywhere, from YouTube thumbnails to Facebook posts to tweets to Tumblr posts etc etc.

I already have severe anxiety so that was just Awful, it made me terrified to browse the internet for a while. It's not as popular now but every so often I stumble into the image and flinch. I saw it again a few weeks ago and while it didnt affect me as badly the figure in the image would proceed to appear in my dreams for the next Week

And even occasionally itll appear in my thoughts. I'll be vibing playing Minecraft or some shit and suddenly I'll think. What if I turn the corner and I see [Redacted]. The thought goes away quite quickly but

I just. Dont know where I'm going to see it. There's no preparing for it. It's not tagged Ever. I tried looking up something to do with the Ao3 drama a couple weeks back and the image was just There in someone's profile picture. I tried looking through the Minecraft tag and there it Was, not the original image but a Gmod Model of it, so it didnt get me too bad. still flinched though