#do any of my followers or mutuals think im a shitty person?

[theevilicecreamsoda]

What if i died forever

[savventeen]

hmm savv what would u do with mutual pining and woozi? :3c

daisy,,, beloved,,,,,,,,,, how dare you make me think about mutual pining w/ woozi ( /hj ) (i am already pining for him and thinking abt MUTUAL pining is going to drive me actually insane methinks g o d sdkjflskjdf)

ok so. SO. after vibrating in my seat and fantasizing abt lying down in the middle of the floor for the rest of time as i think about this concept, i have come to the following conclusion: mixtapes. and i mean in the classic "hey i made you this mixtape" sense

reader and jihoon are both producers for the same label and don't really interact that much at first. in fact, they don't actually even meet for the first time until soonyoung invites them both to his birthday party and they start talking shop, bonding over teasing soonyoung, and then ending the night with a promise to grab lunch together sometime.

fast forward a couple of months and they are officially Friends. they've managed to start a tradition of getting lunch together once a week and bitching about various work bullshit, and they've also started to hang out together in group settings after realizing they have more mutual friends as well

reader is the first one to send jihoon a song. it's a few hours after their weekly vent session, jihoon having taken up most of the time complaining about shitty higher-ups giving ridiculous deadlines and stuck-up idol wannabes trying to tell him how to do his job without having a clue about what his job actually is, and he gets a message from reader that says "i feel like this fits ur current mood" with a link to a song. [cw the song linked has a somewhat startling gun sound] he clicks on the link, curious, and then bursts out laughing after a few confused moments of listening bc that was NOT what he was expecting, at all

and that's how it starts, really. a few days later, he sends reader a song with the caption "how much u wanna bet soonyoung would choreograph something to this just bc it has the word 'tiger' in the title" / "no bet he absolutely would" / "ur no fun :P" / "sorry can't hear you i'm sending it to soonyoung as we speak"

pretty soon they're sending songs back and forth almost daily "what are ur thoughts on this" / "?? i don't speak french" / "and?" / "...ok yeah this is p good" "is this kinda close to the vibe you're trying to get for that one group you're working with?" / "not quite. but that's ok bc IM Vibin with this one" "i need u to stop whatever ur doing and listen to this with the bassist bass you can get with w/ ur setup" / "ok??" ... "holy shit" / "RIGHT?"

fast forward another couple of months, and reader shows up to jihoon's studio with a can of coke zero and a flash drive. "what's this?" / "this, my dear woozi-ssi, is going to be the solution to our creative blocks" and then reader goes on to explain their idea: they both have tracks that they're stuck on (personal, professional, or otherwise), and so they're gonna 'sisterhood of the traveling pants this shit' ('i literally have no idea what you're talking about'). aka: reader put some files they're having trouble with on this flash drive, and jihoon's gonna add any notes/ideas he has and then give it back with some of his own trouble files on it. rinse and repeat

and not only does it work ("ohmygod i've been trying to figure out that bridge transition for DAYS THANK YOU") but it also becomes Their Thing. like, they're used to collaborating with other writers/producers/etc bc it comes with the job, but something about this silly little flash drive... feels Special. [*cough*it's because they're catching Feelings*cough*]

tHIS IS GETTING SO LONG FUCK OKAY other things i would include in this fic: - one noticing the other has been working on a lot more love songs lately (or maybe a lot more Sad (read: pining) love songs) - reader has a bad day at some point and they end up losing the flash drive and they have a breakdown over it (jihoon comforts them and also helps them find it we love emotional hurt/comfort in this household) - scenes where they're individually waxing poetic about the other to different friends and the friends are like "bro. ur in love with them" "uh, no? they just have a great work ethic and a great taste in music also their lyricism is just—" "you. are. in. love." "i admire them professionally!

AND THEN THE CONCLUSION!! one of them decides to bite the metaphorical bullet and confess their Feelings. this could be either of them, but i'm gonna go with jihoon bc i can. so of course he can't just say "hey i love you" like a normal person, he has to confess through music. so he goes out and buys a new flash drive (with a really cute cover bc he knows they'd like it) and puts two folders on there. the first folder is full of instrumental files and is titled "all the times i couldn't find the words". and the second folder is titled "and all the times i could" and it's all love songs he's written inspired by/for reader

he sneaks into their studio and leaves the flash drive on your desk while you're in a meeting, and then he Waits and waits and waits some more until it's time to go home and it's been total radio silence and his heart feels like it's been crushed. so he starts to head home in the rain (bc i am a cheesy bastard and love rainy confession scenes) but after a few minutes of walking he hears shouting behind him and he turns to see you sprinting at him while screaming his name and before he can get a word out you're clutching his shoulders, soaked to the bone and asking "do you mean it? the songs, did— do you really mean it?"

and all he can do is nod because his heart still hasn't quite found its way back to his chest yet, and then he can't nod anymore because you're kissing him. you're kissing him, and he drops the umbrella he was holding and you're both kissing in the rain bc you're both obnoxious helpless romantics and "y/n-ah, i mean it— i mean it. i love you"

"i love you too, you stupid romantic bastard oh my god"

"hey, you're the one who started kissing me in the rain"

and it ends like the cheesy romcom this turned into bc i couldn't help myself and i need to lie down in a puddle of feelings now k thx

[send me a person and a trope/au and i'll tell you what kind of plot i'd write for them]

[ollies-moving-castle]

⭐️ into post ⭐️

my names ollie :]

(matching pfps with @agentwaffle)

My pronouns are he/him

I’m pansexual, kinda poly

when I get overwhelmed I talk in third person I tag it as “MOOOM Ollie’s talking in third person again” but sometimes I do forget

and my tag for asks is ⭐️ asks :] and my tag for anons is anon 💫

if you want my discord don’t hesitate to dm me and ask for it

I’m always open to making new friends!!!!!

I have many interests mainly

howls moving castle

Percy Jackson (I love pjo I just started reading the books)

DUNGEON MESHI

ghibli movies in general

I do like anime but don’t really watch it much

Brooklyn 99 (comfort show)

hells kitchen

kitchen nightmares

mha (kinda iffy in this one havnt watched in awhile)

DC

Greek mythology

any cool facts and things

or cute things too really

I vent sometimes on here i try and hide it under a read more but sometimes i dont BUT im trying to stop venting on here but sometimes i want my mutuals advice and stuff so ill vent on here

i dont judge people on most things unless you go against my morals and/or are shitty or homophobic or racist yknow just shitty or are sexual to me right out of the gate (totally fine with slightly sexual jokes from friends but yknow just in the jokey way)

I deserve the right to block whoever I want for what ever reasons I have I don’t have to justify anything

I love my mutuals and will go to war for them so yknow always love a new mutual and usually follow back if I think you are cool :]

✨My mutual tags✨

Agent asks 🧇 (one of my best friends)

Dandy isn’t a weed 🌼 (another bestie)

well(of silence) 🕳️ (another bestie)

The storm <3 (my boyfriend)

the child (Lizzzzz)

coookiekat 🐱 (one of my favorite moots they’re so funky)

Bestie sandwich (my bi bi bi bestfriend)

(Mutuals lemme know if you want one :] )

I probably shouldn’t have put that after the don’t be a jackass part

love my mutuals tho

(Dividers by @saradika)

[fuckhouse2theelectricboogaloo]

i joined the rpc when i was 12, and ive been online since i was 9. obviously i lied about my age and i was… basically 13 for four years LOL. no one ever caught me tho because even when i was 10 people thought i was 17 (not good. not a good thing at all. 10 year old me thought i was so cool for it tho.)

i personally wouldnt really ever consider lying about being older than i am now tbh. idk. i wouldn't do it </3 if someone doesnt want me in their space, i dont want to be there. its as simple as that. that's why i have so many 18+ blogs blocked on my rp acc. it just makes it easier (and also some people with minors dni in their rules really love following me. good to know that some people in the rpc cant mcfucking read. atp i just decided 2 put IM 15!!! in big fucking font on my rules page)

however....................................... i do think it is unfortunate that the rpc on tumblr seemingly started out with mostly like. teenagers. and then just kinda. grew up. obvi people grow up and stuff and i don't fault any adults not wanting to interact with minors, that is NOT what im saying. i actually think its a very good thing, especially because. clearly. a lot of adults don't remember what it was like to be a teenager on the internet (or being a teenager in general) or don't know what's appropriate to say and whats not appropriate to say to teenagers and shit (people have sent me some Crazy Stuff in the past let me tell u).

but its sad. still. all the people my age are either too scared to rp on here or they're too busy roleplaying with their shitty ai chatbots. i think i have maybe one mutual on my rp blog who's around my age. its so obnoxious when i see people go "MINORS SHOULDNT BE IN THE RPC AT ALL!!! MINORS!!!! I HATE MINORS!!!" like......... weren't you literally on here at like 14.... don't give me that dawg. shut up and mind ur business... goddamn... take ur meds, gramps.... also they arent even here anyways... so why r u bitching and moaning

so i get people who fake their age. i really do get it. and it sucks that people treat people who do it as less than literal scum. my regards 2 anyone whos gotten fr death threats over dumb shit like that (like. impossiblecrusadekitten. banger username LOL) its not a good thing to do, but i don't think it warrants a witch hunt. like fr ur doing too much at that point.

dear tumblr roleplayers, stop making teenagers fr suicidal... thank you....

*sick ass outro music*

Posting as is

[some-thrilling-heroics]

rant incoming and it's gonna be messy bc idgaf

as much as i enjoy some of the weirdest fucked up smut out there (affectionate) i'm really tired of things like 'oh the way he looks at you, he's struggling not to bend you over the table there and then' and 'he dreams of fucking you every night' when the chara is just looking at you with affection. and im tired of the 'once you get married / once you have sex...' - what if never? hm?

we can have bear sex with halsin, we can have tentacle monster fucking and all that great shit but i guess we can't let go of sex as the pinnacle of how love and affection is shown between two or more people.

and it annoys me that i feel the need to do all these disclaimers to indicate it's not smut itself i have an issue with. that horny posting is fine. but sometimes i see somebody post a thing and half of it feels unnecessarily extra strongly sexual.

why is every look from x companion indicator of attraction and steamy thoughts? why is waking somebody in the middle of the night automatically 'oh he's down to fuck' and not literally anything else?

give me platonic smut - give me sex that isn't steamy and passionate but just part of mutual care, that isn't 'oh my gods i've waited so long to touch you and now that mystra put a safety pin on the orb i can tear of my undies'. karlach hasn't been touched in a decade - give her a nice bath and a night of sixty consecutive orgasms - tav's just taking care of their girl. why is it any different to how gale has been cooking for everybody everyday at camp? it *doesn't have to be any different* is my point. give me companions who don't give a fuck.

wyll is in no hurry to have sex, he's firm on waiting for it. he likes classical romance and ballroom dancing. what if after he proposes he just isn't interested? (i know in canon that's when he and tav have sex bc... of course it is *sigh* but what if... not?) not bc he doesn't love you or whatever, he'd just rather express all that through dance, or storytelling - those are things close to his heart and how he shows affection. what if he is very much interested but more like once every two weeks? what if once all is said and done, tav teaches wyll to love his body again? ridges and bumps and horns and all of that - not in the 'you're so hot, im gonna use those horns as handlebars' way but in a this is your body, it's useful to you, it does what you need it to do and you are beautiful way? what if they just spend evenings naked chilling and doing things, wyll liking the way tav's body looks in the candlelight and even if he is attracted and the two of them enjoy sex - sometimes a body is just something pretty to admire. like a marble statue. without being weird about nudity all the bloody times.

i get what astarion is doing but it's shitty (personally for me, im not talking bad writing) that to get the 'i never had any friends, i think having one would be nice' followed by a hug in act 2 i need to start it off by fucking him. listen. i support all the dorky headcanons abt him, and how he's a gremlin (he so is) but those pick up lines? made me fucking cringe. i was fucking excited when he asked if we can stop with the sex as he figures himself out but now imagine at the end of the game, he's gone on this journey and had his great arc of self discovery and wants to reclaim his sexuality (good for him /gen) - do you think he'd walk out on tav who tells him they'd rather not bring sex back into their relationship? show me how they navigate that. show me a tav that's more interested in astarion teaching them how to pick a lock or a pocket than fuck.

i want you to try a thought experiment for a sec. i get sex can be fun and feel great but it's not magic (unless gale does it /jk). have you ever thought of it on the same level as any other bodily function? not disgusting, just... present. like washing your hair or pissing. as maintenance.

[smokedanced]

i'm still shadowbanned so i can't interact with your posts, see my ims or asks, reply to even my own posts, and if it appears i've unfollowed you i have not unfollowed anyone in several weeks, shadowbans fuck with mutual checker and follower lists.

because i'm not more than lurking here because tumblr, but i have to quickly note:

i'm not watching the episode. ever.

i don't know if i'm watching the third season if it gets renewed. i'm too fucking traumatised from previous favourite character deaths, i think it's shitty writing to kill off the disabled character and the character who has just found some happiness after who knows how many years of having not had any of that. while i don't know if i'd call it problematic (ableist or bury your gays), i do think it's shitty, and it definitely is personally triggering to me.

so i'm doing what i did when spn killed off cas: i'm never going to watch the episode.

i'm also going to try harder to not care about ongoing media again. i'm tired. i'm really tired of caring about things and then ending up having to grieve them. i'm not ok. i'm certainly re-jaded to fucking tv shows. i shouldn't have let myself care. every fucking time they fuck you over and you have new trauma and grief.

and don't you fucking dare come tell me "you can't have grief/trauma over a fictional character" i will full on block you.

it's valid if you enjoy the show, i would never tell you not to.

there are major character death scenes in media i have enjoyed, as well. it's ok. just because something hurt me doesn't mean you aren't allowed to like it.

most importantly for this blog. as a rule, i will not allow threads where izzy is dead. even if neither one of us is writing izzy for the thread, i will not allow any threads in the ofmd universe that even refer to izzy being dead. i will add this to my muse specific rules before posting again when i'm out of tumblr jail. obviously this only applies to threads with me, you can write whatever you want with other people. you don't have to content warn tag his death for me either. just don't bring it up on our threads and don't bring it up to me in ooc conversation. thank you.

i feel like my tone is really harsh and cold right now but i'm just trying to. breathe. sending love to you all fellow izzy enjoyers.

[faggylilpunk]

Finnaly made a tumbler! Anyway, haiii! :3 i am albert, i am a punk dragon dino!

What to expect:

very leftist ideologies

Politics

16+ posts

A lot of photos of me and cass

Talk of crimes (anything serious will have a tw and be tagged appropriately)

Furry & therian content (tho less common)

Punk diy stuff (i plan to make some tutorials for a lot of the diy stuff I've made<3)

F-slur/T-slur (I am reclaiming them but will have them tagged as #f-slur and #t-slur if they bother you ofc! Not changing my @ tho, it kinda means something to me qwq)

I may post words like slut, whore, and other degrading terms, they will be tagged as said word (ex: #slut) so you can blacklist the tag ^^

I may talk about themes of self harm, violence, abuse, or explicit substances, all of which will also be tagged! (Ex: #selfharm #tw:selfharm) but i will also have a more descriptive trigger warning for heavy subjects like self harm, sa, abuse ect. If you dont wanna fully blacklist the tag ^^

Some of my patches will have things that fall under these^ o will likely not go through the effort of censoring and i might not tagg it unless it's fairly close up so if it really bothers you just block me ^^ no harsh feelings

This isn't a 18+ blog, nsfw pfps will be blocked to keep ppl safe, my cusion follows me

Do not interact if:

Nsfw pfp

Anyone else, feel free to argue and talk shit, i will put nazis, pedos, fascist, zionists, zoos, racists, and who tf else i hate in thier place or just block ya after trying lol

About me:

trans masc/enby person (gender bxy)

therian/otherkin identifying with a dinosaur-esk dragoniod (yes, I'm aware I am human -_-)

I am a plushum, meaning I have romantic and/or sexual attraction, twords plushies. I consider my bunny plush one of my partners bc i love them very much

Furry

Pansexual and arojump (under the aromantic spectrum)

I am diagnosed with autism, adhd, dyslexia and dysgraphia

Self diagnosed and peer reviewed with social anxiety, gender dysphoria (duh), bipolar disorder (not sure which one yet tbh but it's exstreamly obvious to my bipolar partner lol) and potentially dyscalcula but im not fully sure so take with a grain of salt

Mutual/social anarchist, i really wanna be able to set up a free market where I live one day

I am very vulture culture, frequently bring home dead animals to burry for respect and bones

Very left leaning if it isnt obvious enough

I've been called the f-slur & t-slur a few times. Now i call myself that because what ya gonna do if I already call myself those oh so scary words?

Im atheist and dont believe in any form of life after death but like I support yall having freedom of religion, pagens, Christians, Muslims, Satanists, like go for it, I just simply cant understand the idea of a greater purpose

I grew up where slurs were used casually. I have racist redneck family. Thankfully, I grew up to realize wtf is actually wrong with that side of my family ?-? You can break out of shitty thinking, there is no excuse for racism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, ect. Like get a life

I try my best to support, but we can only walk places, and we frequently eat outta dumpsters

More will be added as i think of stuff

[swiftfootedachilles]

MY BEHAVIOR AND RESPONSES REGARDING WHAT EXACTLY??? stop being vague and get fucking specific. unless you HAVE nothing to be specific about because i have done absolutely nothing to garner the hate ive been receiving for MONTHS. the only reason i even said that personal shit about my relationship or lack thereof with judaism in response to your ask is so you understand that i didnt wake up one day and go "today im going to spread misinformation on the internet" i was explaining that i try to learn my shit before i go posting stuff on the internet regarding cultures that i am not a part of and customs i do not follow. i wasnt trying to gain sympathy points, i wasn't doing a "woe is me" schtick. i couldnt care less about how you or anyone else on here feels about me. it was simply me stating that i wasn't trying to misrepresent, stereotype, or negatively convey any jewish cultural beliefs

i cannot "google it" because you didnt even say what specifically i misrepresented or fetishizes about jewish customs... i learned about jewish wedding traditions, then i made a post mentioning some of those traditions because i thought it wouldve been nice to see said traditions in regards to the fictional characters Ian Gallagher and Mickey Milkovich getting married in the television show Shameless. i did not write the episode where they revealed a shitty white supremacists to be also jewish. thats a completely separate conversation to have. i only brought up that episode because an anon was confused as to why i made a post mentioning mickey being jewish. that is what youre so pissed over. again, if i misrepresented something, i wouldnt know because - despite the fact that YOU are the one who send me an ask and made me aware that my post was apparently fetishization - you have not specified what i said to make you come to this conclusion

since you wont tell me what the hell i said that upset you so much and you refuse to respond to me privately, i guess ill have to explain myself here publicly

i can only assume that you already disliked me before today and are just looking for reasons to disassociate with me like all your friends are doing. luckily i still have followers, mutuals, and real friends who have critical thinkings skills and still support/love me despite whatever bullshit is going on in this dumbass fandom right now. whatever. i would love to hear from other people on this since the person who originally raised this concern is not responding to me. do you find it inappropriate or unethical to discuss - specifically in fandom spaces - communities you are not a part of? is that the problem here, or is there something i missed?

[verycharismaticdragon]

Tag 10 People You Wanna Get to Know Better

tagged by @mu-qingfang-stan-account ty <3

relationship status: single (as in "too scared to try finding someone to date considering the state of queer rights here rn")

favorite colors: *james pokemon voice* its lavender (but honestly purple in all shades. my life have improved immensely when i started dyeing my hair purple and getting clothes to match)

favorite food: this is so broad uh... if its sweet stuff I gotta go with ice cream because whatever u want. it got u. and if we are talking about proper meal foods i think i gotta say chicken. shes so versatile what cant she do

song stuck in your head: oughh i cycle thru so many... i guess Leia (Rondo cover) came up a lot in the last few days

last thing you googled: spelling of some word, dont remember which. i often do this bcus im not confident in my spellings, esp with longer words, because I only learned them visually and that doesn't necessarily mean all letters or in the right order. wait i think it was resurrect, i keep forgeting if its two "s"s or two "r"s in there (yes i googled it again to spell it rn)

time: 13:40

dream trip: listen this is just gonna be sad if i answer it, so lets not

last thing you read: I'm currently super mega slowly rereading Scum Villain - like, taking notes every page slowly - so that's been going for the past month or so. If we're talking finished, then pipi's You Fei.

last book you enjoyed reading: I did enjoy Fei a whole lot! As usual, I'm a sucker for priest's ability to entwine some absolute clownery with so much subtle (and sometimes not subtle) heartbreak. Also the more I hear from my friend who branches out into BG cnovels/cdramas the more I realize how special a female protagonist like Fei is.

last book you hated reading: a danmei novel that shall remain unnamed bcus it was recced by a mutual. meanwhile i regret finishing it. the plot was such a friggin soap opera. literally almost Every soap opera trope. i'm surprised nobody's clone showed up, it wouldnt have been out of place! the ship dynamic was good so i finished to get their happy ending but. kinda felt that it wasn't worth it in the end.

favorite thing to cook/bake: gotta be meringues, as long as you know the perfect time for your particular oven theyre literally SO easy to make. and tasty. I like making blini too but they are kinda stressful because you gotta stay on them the entire time.

favorite craft to do in your free time: cross-stitch, it's somehow just the right proportion of mindlessness and engagement for me

most niche dislike: there's this special kind of annoying fans that make me dislike thing that they are fan of literally just because it becomes associated in my mind with their annoyingness. (I don't know how to explain every nuance of how they are annoying, but most often it involves being shitty about something else, that I already like.) And it kinda pisses me off not just on its own, but also on behalf of the thing they are fan of. Like - it usually doesn't deserve my ire! it's literally just the fans, and only some specific ones! But I can't stop my brain from cringing at the sight of the thing. ugh. So: hate it when this happens.

opinion on circuses: im more interested in the aesthetic concept of circuses than in any real ones.

do you have any sense of direction: yeah im pretty good with it, both in "reading maps" way and in "understanding where things are located relative to each other and alternate routes/shortcuts" way

tagging: god please I always forget every single person I ever seen or talked to when it comes to tagging. Literally any of my followers, I'm interested, I wanna hear about u, if you'd like to do this say i tagged you and go off

[thisplacecanburn]

Im really sorry for a long message but we haven't been friends for years and I dont know how else to reach out. I just want you to know I am sorry for how things turned out between us. I never meant to hurt you or any of our mutual friends (I guess for me, ex friend). I know you're probably going to send this to some group chat and you'll all laugh about how lame I am for trying to reach out. The truth is I went through a lot in life very suddenly (and ik everyone does, its not an excuse) and I'm sorry you all had to see the ugliest parts of it. you guys are my roman empire and im sorry life made it hard for me to be the friend you needed. I honestly needed intense support in that time and its okay if you couldnt be that. Im not sure if you care but I genuinely had to go through everything I went through completely alone. You guys were my closest friends and my main support system at the time. I'm sorry if my behavior at the time harmed you in any way shape or form. I know I may not have been a good friend while I was going through things in life, but I never really mentally recovered from being ghosted and excluded by you two. I don't mean to be bitter but I've been afraid to make new friends for years because of the way you guys treated me. I see you reblog posts about feeling lonely and disconnected from others at times and I wonder if you ever realize how much of an impact you've had on other people's lives. I wish there was an easy way for you guys to tell me you were starting to secretly hate me but we were young. I wish we trusted each other enough to actually talk about it. I guess if you hate having me around it's not worth fixing. I just want you to know Im sorry and i know I made mistakes being your friend. Its been 7 years since we stopped being close, 7 years is how long we were friends before that. The anniversary effect is real and I think I've moved on but then I still find myself wondering about how you're doing. I hope you stay friends with the people you actually love and I hope they love you back. I hope you find people who will give you more chances than you gave me. I was hoping to be one of those people cheering you on but you don't want me to be there. And I think Ive finally accepted that. Im not sure if you care, but in case you do: I'm doing okay now so no need to worry about me. Again I am so sorry this got so long and is probably intense and scary to receive with no warning. I have needed to say this to you and I know it's a lot. It seems counterproductive to be this detailed on anon but it feels embarrassing to reach out any other way. You can block me on IG if it bothers you that I'm following you on there. There's no need to respond or reach out if you don't want to. I just don't know if I'll ever get the chance to tell you this. I'll probably never see or hear from you again. And I'm tired of being hurt by that fact. They always said if you love something, let it go. I loved our friendship so much. You were the coolest girl in school. You taught me a lot about life at such a young age. I'm so sad we don't share our lives with each other anymore, but thank you for the time that you did. Thank you for the times you tried to help me. You were someone I really genuinely cared about. I'm sorry if I didn't show it enough. I always admired how brave, sensitive, and intelligent you are. We were girls together. Now you are a beautiful woman and you are going to shine in life.

Thank you for reaching out please message me. I was a mean girl and a bitch to people that needed me for a long time, no one deserved how I treated them I have no excuses. I am full of regret and I miss girlhood and friendships I’ve lost due to nothing more then my own insecurities. The really shitty part is realizing I could have done this to more then one person and can’t even reach out myself. Thank you for being brave and kind and telling me it means a lot to be even thought of.

Please be kind to yourself I am glad you’re okay I hope you find nothing but joy and peace, I understand. Growing up is just so fucking hard

[goremet-chef]

maybe ill tell my mom im hungry? im so. my entire LIFE i have always always hated asking for things like so much so that i stopped asking for things on my BIRTHDAY because im like. terrified of being seen as selfish? idk its funny cuz parents will like. god forbid i get a treat when im a kid, then all the grown ups in my life look down and call me spoiled as if they didnt give me the treat, and they still think children arent capable of complex thought so they didnt anticipate that id internalize it for the rest of my life but here we are 😁😁

so i just. god i hate asking for things it makes me feel so shitty but i think shes gonna go somewhere anyways? and EVENTUALLY hes going to run out of things to cook so maybe if i ask she'll bring home some food (vent/rant)

that is one thing that always bothers me tho ive got? idk my mom is. shes my mom i guess, currently she treats me very nicely but when her bf was gone for a few years all that anger was directed at me so yknow. i guess shes over it? or she tries to make up for it, but if im not given an apology, i wont forgive or forget even. it was mutual, lots of arguing on the basis of politics at time, but sometimes it was just fucking nothing, to the point where she'd even admit that i didnt deserve that treatment its just. SIGHHHHH im over it at this point im just trying to get out atp yknow? but like

my sibling asks for LOTS of things. and they get all of them. money for computer parts? sure. money for literally any thing? sure. new game? sure

im not bitter about it, as long as my mom can afford it i dont care. but like....... whenever I ask for things, its usually a no

because of my BPD, i take rejection really hard, its the worst pain in the world so i kinda just stopped asking for anything at all to avoid the feeling. then they always are like "ohh what do you want for yr birthday we cant just get you nothing" but i actually DID ask for something on my birthday. i asked for a copy of pokemon black for the ds. it was the only thing ive directly asked for in years, and i didnt get it which is super embarrassing. like whats the point of bothering me about what i want if you dont listen to me when i do? they always get me what they THINK i want and its this really outdated version of me that doesnt even exist anymore, its makes me dissociate knowing thats what they see me as when im just not that anymore. even when i tell them its null

IDK its jsut a whole thing, idk how to feel about it anymore. its to the point where like. my friends take me out sometimes but i mean. they know im broke, they know i have no job, they know i have no income. but im terrified the entire time that theyre gonna like. ask me to pay or something, and i always do my best to just do nothing when we go out cuz i really like. even when they offer to get me things it makes me feel so fucking shitty man i feel like im just leeching off of them even when they offered. even when they tell me they like getting me things it just. it feels so bad. and GOD its embarrassing, when we're walking around stores and all im doing is just following them around because i have like FIVE DOLLARS in my pocket at most. things like that make me want to never leave my house again, it just sucks.

im jealous of them if im honest, because they have jobs and i dont. but i dont think? i genuinely am unsure id ever be able to get a job. im not well adjusted like them, im constantly dissociating, constantly tired, my sibling yesterday, i made a comment about my mom leaving without telling me at all and he was like "well she said she was leaving on the weekend didnt she?" like yes, she did, but i genuinely have no idea what day it is at any given point. all i know is the number, i dont know the day of the week ever.

like im so. fucked, im fucked! totally, even if i managed to get me shit together, relearn the days of the week, set a good sleep schedule, im fucked anyways because i dont know how to be a person at all. an interview sounds fucking terrifying, ESPECIALLY if i dont know the questions theyre going to ask. i do really REALLY poorly with actual human conversation, like its painful. and pretty much everyone around me thinks im kinda creepy or weird in some way, so theyd DEFINITELY be able to tell. i have no resume, i dont even know what that IS. like im so fucked!! i wasnt able to pass highschool, i cant partake in a conversation if i dont somehow have both sides planned perfectly.

little unsure about my odds, gotta be honest

but at the same time like? i keep hearing people say "if you cant work then get disability insurance" am i disabled? everyone around me tells me im just not trying hard enough. they laugh at me when i say i just cant. even if it covers mental illness, i? i dont know. im constantly in denial of things because my family specifically my mom like. a long time ago she told me i just couldnt be autistic, because im "too smart"

?????? it showed me immediately that she has absolutely no fucking idea what shes talking about ever, i bet she couldnt list more than 2 symptoms of autism like genuinely. im not even smart also????? maybe id be a genius, if i could retain information after 5 minutes 💀💀 its complete bullshit man, im just. im at a loss

and then they have the audacity to mock me for not knowing how to be a person in the world, when THEY shouldve taught me. it was THEIR job to help guide me through it, and they didnt. they laugh and roll their eyes and scoff when i tell them oh i dont know how to use a stove, i dont know what food stamps are i dont know how to dress for a job interview ETC

they expect ill know, that i wouldve jsut picked it up over time but surprise! i didnt. i need instruction i need CLEAR instruction and no one will give it to me. its so frustrating man, they suck ass and they just make me feel WORSE about myself. like good fucking god, give me a break

idk im just. exhausted. im tired of just cramming my problems down because the people around me are incapable of seeing me as anything other than a child, and children dont have problems, right? i have no right to complain if my backs constantly hurting, if im too tired to feed myself properly, if i cant leave my house for 2 seconds without feeling the deepest dread. like be so serious bro

i cant wait to fucking move out, but.. how? my friends said its okay if i cant always make enough money from art to pay rent, but no. i dont believe them at all. theyre just being nice to me and i dont even deserve that, i fucking refuse i cant just. im always dead weight, its so frustrating. it frustrates the people around me, too. i feel like such a fucking burden man, its so tiring. if its not things i just dont know how to do, its fear. oh i cant help clean the garage because its crawling with spiders, i cant take out the trash because the trash bins are crawling with spiders. i cant walk down the stairs because i saw a spider on the ground. they fucking hate me man

i know what they see me as, but i have no idea how to convince them that its not me. they think im rude because i dont know how to properly communicate, i say things and its rude to them and i feel bad because i didnt intend to come off that way. everyone thinks im selfish, they think im overdramatic. exaggerating. if they could live in my head for one day, they wouldnt think that anymore

its so exhausting because you dont even get any sort of sympathy from them! just like. awkward pity, and it makes me wish i was never born. never oh im sorry yr feeling that way, do you wanna talk about it? never

they see me as such an obvious burden but they? i dont know! i genuinely cant understand, they think i just have no complex emotions? they think i cant hear it, cant see it? they think i dont feel like a burden when they tell me i am. its so stupid

i cant stand being around anyone, and it just pushes me FURTHER into dissociation. ive got an interesting thing with that. see, typically when yr dissociate with a dissociative disorder like OSDD or DID, that hazy period in time opens up for another alter to front, you dissociate away and get tucked inside yr head. except i get maladaptive daydreams. so im fully dissociated in another world basically but im still physically present. its like i just always take up space thats never meant for me, in every conceivable way. i hate it.

i know, when i finish typing this, ill feel a lot better. which is just embarrassing, bpd fucking sucks. having no emotional permanence is EMBARRASSING when im over here crying on my knees about my problems and then the second i get it out i feel completely fine. it just makes me invalidate my very real emotions even further and its so.

im just. whatever.

just spit it out and stop looking that way

[vngelgyu]

"i don't hate you"

☆ pairing - gn!reader x choi san

☆ warnings - profanity, creepy agressive man(not san)

☆ word count - 1.6K? idk i added to it after checking.

☆ genre - angst, slight fluff?, enemies to lovers

☆ authors note - im sorry if its not that good, i wrote it quickly.

☆ description - reader goes on a date to try to get over their crush on their "enemy" and it ends up going badly

so here you were, on a blind date with a man you barely knew. the date honestly was going kind of shitty but you had nothing better to do and you were trying to bury the feelings you had for the man you hated most. Choi San. While he was your “enemy”, you were madly in love with him and you were somewhat ashamed of that, which is why you were letting some other dude you met on tinder waste your time. it wasn’t that he wasn’t nice or cute, because he was, but it wasn’t doing what it was supposed to do. you couldn’t help but sit there and pretend to pay attention while thinking of San.

San really wasn’t a terrible person, he just got on your nerves a lot. you had met him through a mutual friend and at first, you both got along, but as time passed, you both started to ruthlessly make fun of each other. you couldn’t even breathe without him bothering you. it was like he lived to make you miserable.

he somehow managed to get on every nerve in your body no matter what you were doing, but he was hot while doing it. if someone found out you liked him, theyd have a hard time figuring out why. San wasnt the most likable person. but despite that, he was loyal, caring, and just nice. not to you but to other people. although he wasnt terrible to you, if you asked if your outfit looked nice, he would absolutely clown you, and if you tripped, he would catch you and then laugh while copying you for the next week.

you honestly didnt think the date could get any worse until the dude started being weird. “you should come to my place later and we can hang out” he said while creepily winking at you.

you tried not to gag and then gave him a fake smile and said “i actually can’t tonight, but maybe some other time?”

it seemed like ol dude wasn’t taking no for an answer though and reached his hand across the table and placed it over yours. “oh come on, i promise it’ll be fun.”

at this point, you knew you couldn’t get up and leave because he would probably follow you, and you also couldn’t straight up tell him no because of his current predatory demeanor. the last thing you wanted to do was make a scene in the middle of a small quiet cafe. deciding that excusing yourself to the bathroom was the best choice, you slowly pulled your hand away from his and stood up. “ill be right back, i promise, i just need to use the restroom really quick.” you told him.

you quickly made your way to the bathroom and pulled your phone out of your pocket after locking the door. you tried calling your friend, Wooyoung, but he didn’t answer, so you tried calling your mutual friend, Mingi, but he didn’t answer either. you sighed and scrolled through your contacts, until your eyes landed on San. as much as you didn’t want to call him, you didn’t really have a choice. he would probably make fun of you for weeks afterwards but he was your best bet. swallowing your pride, you called him and surprisingly, he answered on the 2nd ring.

“what do you want y/n, I’m busy” he told you, but you knew he was lying, seeing as how he answered so fast.

“I’m locked in a bathroom and i need your help, could you please come get me?” you asked him, not wanting to admit that you were on a shitty date.

“no, call someone else. I’m hanging up” he said.

you were about to beg but suddenly, someone started banging on the door.

“just a minute” you called to the person outside of the door, you already knew who it was and you had no idea what to do so you said “san please i need help” through the phone.

“who are you talking to? are you trying to leave me?” the man yelled from the other side of the door. at this point, you 100% regretted even downloading tinder. it was just your luck to get matched with a creepy dude who for some reason thought you belonged to him after 30 minutes of speaking.

you heard san sigh through the phone and then he said “send me your location” and then hung up. little did you know, he wasnt actually busy. he was just sitting at home and he figured you were just calling him to bother him as usual, since you didnt tell him what was wrong, but when he heard the mans voice over the phone, he realized what kind of situation you were in.

you did what he told you to and sunk to the floor, waiting while listening to the man yell at you. you could also hear other people telling him to calm down but he wouldn’t. this would definitely be the last time you met up with someone on tinder, you were just going to have to deal with your emotions or pretend they didnt exist.

after about 10 minutes of incessant banging on the door, it stopped and was replaced with soft knocking.

“y/n? are you in there?” you heard San call out. you quickly got up off the floor and opened the door. you had never been so happy to see him in the 6 months that youd known him. san grabbed your hand and said “i really don’t know how you get yourself in these situations but lets go. and y’all should probably call the cops before he wakes up.”

you looked at the floor and there he was, knocked out. you looked at san and then at his hand that was intertwined with yours as he pulled you out of the cafe and to his car which was parked down the street. once at his car, he opened the passenger door and pushed you inside before slamming it shut a little too hard. you could tell that he was upset and could only assume that it was because you interrupted whatever he was busy with.

San climbed into the drivers seat and put his seatbelt on before starting the car. he glanced at you and said “put your seatbelt on.” you could hear what sounded like annoyance in his voice and did what he said.

the whole ride was quiet and the car was full of tension. instead of taking you home however, he pulled into the parking lot of the apartment that he shared with Wooyoung.

san pulled the key out of the ignition and got out but you sat there. part of you wanted to go in and the other part of you just wanted to sit there, not wanting to deal with San being mad at you. you could tell by looking at the parking lot, that Wooyoung wasn’t home, which meant it would just be you and him.

you were pulled out of your thoughts by san opening the door on your side. you quickly unbuckled your seatbelt and got out. since it seemed that he wasn’t going to let you stay outside, you followed him to his apartment and entered behind him.

you made your way to the living room and sat on the couch, feeling slightly uncomfortable. San was currently slamming cabinets in the kitchen so you decided you probably shouldn’t go in there. after a few minutes, he joined you in the living room and threw himself on the other side of the couch.

“I’m sorry for interrupting what you were doing.” you told him, while looking at your hands which were in your lap.

san let out a loud sigh and then said “I’m not mad at you. I’m mad in general. why would you waste your time with a lowlife like that?”

you couldnt think of anything to say so you settled for not speaking. you didn’t want to sit here and confess to him just for him to laugh at you.

"you dont deserve him" he said, which automatically struck a nerve.

you got up off the couch and said "oh yeah thats right, i almost forgot that you think im absolutely terrible."

san could hear the accusing yet hurt tone in your voice and stood up too. he was now a few inches from you and you could help but think about how handsome he was when he was mad.

"you dont deserve him because you deserve me. that guy is not good enough for you. i mean damn, im obviously the better choice. i can take care of you, all he did is scare you. but i cant even take care of you how i want to because you hate me” he said and you could swear you heard sadness in his voice, which made your previous anger fade away.

“i don’t hate you” you told him while placing your hand on his cheek.

“yeah but you don’t like me.” he said sadly

“why do you think i don’t like you?”

“you literally went on a date with some man you never met before. you would rather be with someone else than be with me” he said, starting to get frustrated.

“what does that have to do with you?” you asked him, confused.

“you really aren’t the smartest y/n. I’ve liked you for months but you never noticed, i mean i know i mess with you a lot but damn, how are you that oblivious? ive been by your side this whole time. if i really didn’t like you, i wouldn’t have been here and i wouldn’t have gone to get you today.” san pulled your hand off his cheek and intertwined his fingers with yours.

“i like you too.. I’ve liked you this whole time.” you told him. you felt relieved now that your secret was out.

san looked at you with an unreadable expression on his face and then pulled you against him, tightly wrapping his arms around you. “please don’t ever do something like that again. you have no idea how worried i was.” he said quietly.

“i promise i won’t. i don’t know what i was thinking. but, now that i know you like me, i wouldn’t want to do something like that again San.”

he pulled away from you and looked you in the eyes before asking “would you maybe want to give us a try? i promise i won’t tease you anymore.”

you nodded and pressed your lips against his cheek. maybe san wasn’t as much of an asshole as you thought he was.

[caroldantops]

hey! im quite new here and i have seen a lot of talk about readers interactions and i was wondering what is the best way to support my favorite writers (like you) because i think i have been doing this wrong and i really want to support writers who do this<3 ps. sorry if that was confusing, english isnt my first language

not confusing at all babes! you're 100% clear.

also can i just say, i very much appreciate you asking this. i would much rather more people speak up and be like "hey, we dont know the best way to support our favorite writers so how can we?" other than just. Not Knowing and Not Doing Anything.

so, im going to speak from my own personal experience but also what ive seen many of my mutuals/writers i follow talk about. this might get a little long but i wanna answer as thoroughly as i can because people should know!

im putting it under a read more because it got hella long, but please i encourage everyone who reads fics but don't interact to read and consider these things.

fellow writers i encourage you to reblog and add any other commentary you think is helpful!

before anything else (this is absolutely not directed at you, anon, you're perfect), i just want to get this out of the way. never come to a writer's blog and get angry with them for complaining about lack of engagement. like jesus christ. writers are putting hours of work on tumblr for you for free. the least we ask is for comments and reblogs. that's it. if you go and act shitty towards writers who ask for more engagement, yet still follow and wait for the next fic, like what are you even doing bro. just stop.

anyway. now let's get to the actual question!

basically all writers on tumblr will agree, reblogs are vital. and i feel like that gets said a lot but maybe people dont actually understand how impactful it is so lemme give an example.

so let's say hypothetically i have 100 followers. that is 100 potential people who see a fic that i post (i say potential because timezones exist so you might not see it as it's posted)

and let's say one of my followers (Person A) reblogs it, and they have 50 followers. that's 50 more people that can read the fic.

and let's say Person B followers Person A and they also reblog it to their 50 followers.

with only two people reblogging a fic, that's already doubling the number of people who have read the fic.

now imagine Person C followers Person A and reblogs the fic, and Person C has like, 1,000 followers. that's so much more exposure for the writer.

and that's only from two followers of the writer. so imagine if all 100 that read the fic reblogged it? the numbers skyrocket at an exponential rate.

plus, more people reading means that the writer could get more people follow them. so they get a more consistent audience.

likes, on the other hand, do not guarantee this exposure. i would say that most people don't have their likes public on tumblr. and also, even if they do, i know that I'm not about to scroll through people's likes rather than scrolling thru their blogs. likes up the notes, and that's about it. of course i understand liking a fic so you can come back to it later, i do that all the time. but if I've liked a fic, i always reblog it once I've read it.

now, say you're reading hardcore smut that you might not want on your main blog for whatever reason, so that's why you don't reblog a fic. look, i get it. sometimes irl people follow your blog, or sometimes you just don't want people to know what you're getting up to. but that's why i made a sideblog specifically for fics.

this entire blog BEGAN as a way for me to reblog fics i liked. and then it grew and grew and grew into all this. not saying that you have to start writing if you do that of course, but i guarantee, i'd rather see a small sideblog blog with like 3 followers reblog my fic than a blog just like the fic and leave. because that's still 3 more people who will see my fic and possibly read it and reblog it. 3 is better than none.

comments. reblogs are important, but comments are really what keep writers writing. they inspire us with new ideas, help figure out what it is that people enjoy from us, help us improve our writing, and most importantly, they make us feel good. and like writing and posting is worth it.

now, i know that sometimes it can feel awkward reblogging with a comment directly on the post. i even usually don't do that unless it's with a friend. but here are some alternatives/tips!

send an ask or DM! if you're really intimidated, sending an anonymous message is by far the easiest way to bypass that awkwardness.

write in the tags!! i cannot express this enough. comment in the tags. ramble about the fic. just put three tags worth of screaming. literally ANY comments in the tags are my favorite thing. i promise you that writers will scroll thru like basically every tag.

also, if they post it on both tumblr and ao3, don't feel weird about giving a little comment on both! i do that all the time. you can even be like 'hey i read this on tumblr first but wanted to say again how much i enjoyed it' and that is like, heart burstingly nice to hear.

also, if you're having trouble coming up with something to say, my like top commenting tip as both a writer and a reader is point out something specific that you like about the fic. when i comment on a fic (this is moreso when i comment on ao3 bc my comments are always longer there) i try to point out a particular line i like. literally if you just copy and paste it and go 'wow i really really like this line especially' that is the number one way to a writer's heart. seriously. it's the simplest thing, but it makes SUCH an impact.

however, if your comments are only asking for more fics, then that's not a comment, that's a request (which not all writers take).

saying something like 'hey i loved this fic a lot! if you have more in store for this in the future, i'd be really excited to read it!' is a million times better than 'will you do a part 2'. i know they don't sound that different, but i promise you that the tone makes a big difference.

(i honestly have more thoughts about good ways to get over commenting fear/know what exactly to comment that doesn't feel generic, so if people would like me to make another post about it i'd do it.)

and last but not least, if the writer has a way to donate, like a ko-fi, that always is so appreciated. of course, take care of yourself first, but if you have a few bucks and wanna show some support to your faves, that's a great way to help :)

oh! also, if the writer ever reblogs those little ask game things, just send them something! engagement outside of writing is also so much appreciated.

i think that's about everything i can think of! i hope this is helpful and that my explanations weren't confusing (if i need to clarify anything let me know). and again, thank you so much for asking! even doing that shows that you're a reader who cares, and that means the world ❤

[pr1ncessm00n]

Update!!

Hi, everyone!! thank you so much for all the support and compassion. i'm sorry i've been kinda MIA for two days lol. that's kind of shitty of me to just not drop an update on Sunday and then disappear. but here's an in depth explanation as to wtf i've been doing and whats going to happen!! tw: heartbreak, depression, academic struggles

so obviously most of my chapter got deleted. i am actually almost done with rewriting it and i think it shaped out to be better than what i had previously written. i think by at least the end of the week it should be out, and it's VERY long just to make up for sunday's non update!! so i've been working a lot but thankfully my days off start tomorrow. i have a lot fo academic stress bc of some personal issues regarding my school quite literally fucking my schedule up and pushing my estimated graduation date back by oh... a few fucking months! great! literally hate that !! so ive been running around like a headless chicken trying to fix what wasn't my fault. sigh, i guess it should be resolved in a week or so, but as you can imagine i am so stressed about it. what makes me angrier is that it was not my own error. like to have to fix an issue that i did not cause?? i swear the staff at my school makes our experience harder not easier.

secondly, don't be fooled lol. i am writing this with tears down my face listening to harry styles and the aot season 3/4 theme song endings on repeat for almost 30 minutes because i had to end my 4 year relationship. that's a whole story for another day, but i don't think i will be okay mentally for a long time. he was my best friend and my first real love, so yeah. i might make our own love story into a fic or something just to cope but as for now thats another thing i have to deal with now!! my heart hurts a lot !! it's always the things you least expect. the worst part is it really isn't either of ours faults... or choice. i don't want to go into too much detail because even tho he's not on here and y'all don't know him, i want to respect his privacy. but the main reason is he has become very depressed, and even though i tried to help him as much as i could theres just some things you can't fix as a partner. i wish so much that i could take his pain away but i can't, i just can't.

sorry for that weird rant lol. it was a mutual decision, but it still hurts regardless lol. he was my bestfriend and lover in one, and i don't know how im going to continue my boring routine without him lol. but don't worry, i'll still be writing. if anything i'll probably write more. it distracts me, soothes me and is. great outlet. i don't plan on abandoning tumblr anytime soon lol.

thank you all so much for the support you guys are seriously the best group of people/fandom space i have witnessed in all my years as a fangirl. and i was around for 2014 tumblr so thats saying something. you guys have motivated me a lot to write more and improve, and i actually feel heard on this tiny blog (altho u have managed to make it not so tiny any more in the span of such a short few months?? im literally at 420 followers and i was at 300 a few weeks ago?? wow. im also about to hit 500 notes oh god.) you guys have literally given me so much inspiration and im so grateful for the friendships ive made already!! i have plenty of requests in my inbox to work on as well. im also creating a tag system so stay tuned!!

anyways, i feel so blessed to have such attentive followers and readers and you guys literally make me laugh everyday. its not just about notes or followers to me, but its so amazing how through tiny screens we can all share our love for some 2d characters and how for some reason my writing has struck a nerve with some of you. i love you all <3

emi

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

me: yeah I used to identify as a pro shipper but I don’t anymore because im not seventeen anymore and realised fiction and reality is a complex issue that cannot be summed up in one or two buzzwords. both sides have really good and really bad people and points, which people on the other don’t realise because it’s weirdly encouraged to send harassment to people and that keeps an endless war going on.

yes, fiction can spread negative ideas and bad messaging, but most of the time it’s genuinely people who don’t know any better and they need education and not shaming. not every depiction is intended to be an endorsement, and there’s a massive disconnect between people who define shipping as simply neutrally finding a dynamic interesting and thinking it’s somewhat positive at least that leads to mass miscommunication. thinking critically about your interests is important and fun but it’s okay to like things in a mindless way. literally like 90% of this whole discourse could be solved if antis and pro shippers literally just talked to each other because this whole thing is primarily severe miscommunication between people saying “dark fic is fine and cool” and “you can spread harmful messaging through fiction and you probably shouldn’t” which are not mutually exclusive and shouldn’t be.

99% of people on both side are lovely people who are biased through having a bad experience with the other side because the discourse breeds extreme toxicity and the 1% of people who are dickheads take advantage of that and turn decent people into harassers and influence them to have bad takes. i've probably had shitty takes in the past when i was seventeen and i appreciate being told that but also people change.

this whole thing is pointless bullshit between two points that both vary from very based to fucking awful depending on the person arguing for them and it’s fucking stupid to get involved which is why i've stopped doing it because it’s literally the dumbest thing and i do not give a fuck. people need to realise this is a complex issue and it cannot be boiled down to approaches that don’t work when followed to absolutes.

also, writing rpf of minors that is sexual literally makes me sick and is genuinely an incredibly fucked up morally bad thing but the worst part of the communities that do it is the fact they’re literally full of grooming and very literal cp not like written stuff as in actual real pictures of real children and i don’t think that should be ignored and kids that escape from that deserve support and sympathy because they were probably groomed.

some people, for some reason: metaru is totally a pro shipper, totally a paedophile despite being seventeen when they identified with that term and totally thinks shipping rl minors is ok and I am going to harass their friends over this. people cannot change ever.

like, seriously, just harass me instead I wouldn’t give a shit about that hate me block me whatever just leave my friends alone please? this has been happening for MONTHS direct the shit into my inbox not theirs.

[anonil88]

Malcolm and Marie live blog

I don't usually do liveblogs for movies but yea.

Spoilers ahead!!

I love that its modern timed but very 70s stylized.

A tune indeed.

When you are high and drunk on success and

How the white critic reacts is why I feel like gatekeeping my scripts. At the same time some things I do make are about race or involve.

Marie sitting on the patio smoking is a mood whenever men are talking.

So he's pretentious and unaware.

Whoever chose the music for this, I feel like we would be Spotify mutuals.

Can this nigga stop pacing.

Also can he stop talking;

Marie is so tired and unimpressed.

Also little booties matter and are to be bitten.

Oooo the tension and the jazz.

Title Card over mac and cheese.

Shitty boxes mac and cheese but still mac and cheese.

Tbh i always wonder if spouses/significant others get upset when their spouses don't acknowledge them during speeches.

John sounds so much like his dad but I really hope his acting style differs from his dad a lot.

Guilty confession?

He did not profit off of his partners backstory and then not even acknowledge her.....I.....

If that ever happened to me catch me cussing my partner out during the beginning credits, the end credits, in the car, and at home.

GASLIGHTER!

The way I'm excited for Zendaya to give me some, oooo can she work with Regina King. Please on my knees I pray.

Um no that's not your job to coddle your lead.

He's a dick and the type of dick who makes himself look like a good person around other people.

If Sam Levinson is trying to make his viewers more of misandrist, it's working.

I feel like Marie has her flaws probably a lot of them and we will surely see as this continues, but Malcolm needs to learn how to apologize sincerely.

70s vibes! 70s vibes!

Them kissing and talking about criticism and dreams makes me miss a partner. A partner that I've had and haven't had.

Women really are behind every great man.

Yea sir you fucked a happy moment.

Oh visual allegories for looking in from the outside and cat and mouse chasing and looking from the outside in.

She's saying she doesn't feel noticed by you.

Gas lighter :0 he called her an emotional support dog, bruh.

I would LOVE to co-write or take a writing class held by Sam Levinson. The fights i write are very much in this same realm of reflection and anger and monologue.

Sam.....sam.....are all the sides inside of you doing okay sir?

The ugly side of dating and being in a relationship with someone who struggles with their own demons.

Honestly I could close my eyes and listen to this script being read without seeing these characters visually. Just close my eyes and get a sense of these characters like it was a radio story.

Oh. Oh this is a new wheelhouse of Zendaya acting; a different voice is like breaking through here and her expressions aren't the same we are used to. You can literally hear another character in there....hmm.

Mans is outside really fighting with his invisible demons lmfao.

Selfish ass, how after everything she said you came out of it thinking about your own craft and self instead of how you hurt her.

So she's conditional.

Me: did sam (a white man) say nigga this many times in his script or are the actors adding their own inflections. Not just the lingo used but the topic of race and directing etc. being written by a white writer about black characters is always gonna be a critique when you're writer is a white person.

Alexa play Broken Girls by Saba

He is so hurtful.

A clown nigga a clown look in the fucking mirror you bozo head ass looking like you need some Mehron clown white and a size 16 in clown shoes.

John is doing a really swell performance and reading of these lines.

He is reading her for her insecurities by bringing up his experiences with other women and that.....is yikes.

Arguments can get messy like this in real life but it takes a lot of maturity and control to either not let it get to this point or have a healthy conversation afterwards.

This film is really shot on some very crisp lenses.

They sitting there like 🚬🧍‍♀️🧍‍♂️.

Leftover Mac and Cheese and unfinished cigarettes.

The nyt etc. pay walls are so annoying, but there is a work around look at the articles on incognito or add a period at the end of the url.

He sounds like his daddy so much here, weird, this is the only part I'm eh on the dialogue it feels real but a bit out of pace in how they are bouncing off one another.

Nail scissors? So the end is not the only part he based off of Marie. 🙄

ITS A GOOD REVIEW YOU DINGUS but also its a full review they are going to critique things. She isn't wrong though he did profit off of a woman's story that was not his own to profit from.

Yes Malcolm because unfortunately all marginalized people look through a lens of life that is inherently political because of the world they live in.

He is so mad and upset and had a lot on his chest. But I think he Malcolm and Sam are talking about something thats an issue and a non issue. Being critiqued for you art is hard but also Malcolm is not super self aware. He's like a stand in figure of for example rich depop sellers who wanna be oppressed so badly they yell at others instead of examining their own personal behaviors and ethics.

Oh Marie, when you know the spark is gone and you pick fights because.

He ain't even ask her to read?

One critic I have for most of hollywood actors is they learn their cry and that is it. A change from this is Margot Robbie, I adore her fluctuations of crying being similar but the crying is carried differently for each character. If I had to say any actor that does a cry scene amazing its this woman right here (Amy Adams)

You stole her story from her and gave it away, she has a right to be upset and angry and a rubber band ball of emotions.

Citizen Kane, not the cinematography, but the story is it even that good? (Unpopular opinion but meh, maybe in my rewatch it will be better.)

But that is what people want authenticity and whatever authenticity means to them. What is real for one is false for another.

To be honest look at the criticism of Euphoria, well earned, but a lot of people were like this isn't real even though he literally wrote about his own life. People said it was inauthentic like....wtf.

Ahh the smoking is just a habit, he quit and she didn't.

CAST ZENDAYA IN A HORROR MOVIE PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING. Get Lupita and Zendaya and some more black actors preferably less known ones in a horror movie. One with a interesting script and story, directed by Regina King. Please and thankyou.

I love Marie yep that was amazing.

Behind every great man is a greater woman, one that deserves her credit for how she has stood behind. I wonder the stories of those women, what they have sacrificed or not sacrificed. Their thoughts and feelings when the world is surrounding their partner and views them as a plus one. (I'd write a short script about this but I think do I have the time, can I, or am I equipped ?)

He is a shitty person for bringing up his exes, like she even said I don't wanna know any of that.

Imagine being on anti depressents and rarely having a sex drive and then when you do your partner starts talking about their exes and tearing you apart for all your faults.

I love when you see peaks of Zendaya's cadence in roles.

Tension, what if's and he didn't even bring her up in his speech.

Marie to herself and the audience:

He is not afraid that he will loose her but as my character says in my unreleased story, "i can't wait til you give me a fucking reason to leave your ass." Malcolm expects everything in order for not even doing the bare minimum and she is only asking him for something as simple as consideration. She just wants him to be considerate. He wants to get married and considers their relationship like rolling down a hill at full speed and he cannot apologize, he cannot be considerate, and he cannot admit his wrongs. He can only offer her I love yous that he probably does mean but he does not back up outside of what he's done for her in the past. The past which was more of her experience than his and he sees his part in it as a burden. He doesn't use his own vantage point of the past to further his career he uses her. He does all of these things without a real apology or thankyou because he is not afraid to loose her.

The restrictions of quarantine and the panorama have made Sam's writing very no frills. I wonder how other films from other directors and writers that are filmed in small contained crews like this will be structured. But this was a very good movie gonna add to my letter box 3.3-3.5

Oh shit this is my song,

Ratings/overall thoughts:

Script is like a C+, B- : I could go into my heavier big brain thoughts on the script but I don't feel like it. You catch hints of it above it centers conversation on race and privilege, mainly the writers and questions i have that won't be answered but Sam did make me grow disdain for Malcolm over a short time. Which is sometimes hard to do because im one sympathetic person but the sympathy i have for Malcolm is at 0. Maybe a 2 at some scenes but then it quickly goes back to 0. Some parts of the dialogue miss the mark or hit the are off balanced. While some of it like Malcolm's bathroom speech albeit mean is really strong or their conversation when he comes back from peeing really shines for me.

Performances: B+ to A- because they carried the script further than it could of gone with less talented actors. The monologues do well to showcase their current skill levels which are already high af and leave room for anticipation in where these actors go next.

Zendaya holding a knife: A+ with a gold star. That switch on and off and on is delectable.

John being a shitty boyfriend but following Marie like a lost puppy: B+ with a good job written at the bottom of the paper, Malcolm being nervous a frantic dialed up with more realistic nervousness would have sold me completely on Malcolm's anxious waiting.

Cinematography: A and a participation award.

The mac and cheese: A+ for the easy mac. Wish it was like Annie's or Velveeta.

Cigarettes: Participation award and their picture hung up for student of the month. Why the grill lighter? Everytime Malcolm opened up his mouth Marie was like sparks fly.

The music: A++ with a prize. Whoever picked the music probably makes good Spotify playlists.