#divorceandkids

[thehuntforthelovemonster]

Similar to filling a bucket. A child has many ways in which they feel good about themselves and loved and happy. We need to carefully stop and think about how we act when they are in our presence. #emotionalcup #emotionalsupport #fillabucket #bucketfiller #mycuprunnethover❤️ #kidshavestresstoo #kidsmentalhealth #divorceandkids #divorce #death #griefandlossforlittles #rainbowbridge #happy (at Kanata, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/B5h_7VGgE8n/?igshid=1oy06g1t3sfor

[ournewreal-blog]

It takes a village...

Going thru a divorce I have learned one really important thing about the people in your life, they don’t know how to handle the new you.

Once upon a time I had a completely different life. I was married for almost 20 years, had 2 beautiful kids after years of struggles with infertility and I wanted everyone to think my life was great. As it turns out the only one I was fooling was myself, anyone that new me knew that was far from the truth. I had been married since I was in my 20′s and had worked really hard to have a family with someone I thought wanted the same things I did. After many tumultuous years of trying to make a relationship work with someone who didn’t understand what that means...poof it was over. Now anyone that has been in my like knows that poof was really like an atomic bomb. Things don’t usually end if they are going well and to say our relationship was not good is an understatement. But in the end it didn't matter why it ended, I had made the decision that I was done and left. With 2 small children this was not an easy decision, but the people in my life promised they would be there to support me. Unfortunately for me most of them didn't really know what that meant. I can count on one hand the number of people that were actually “there” for me.

Divorce is hard on everyone and every relationship is affected not just the one you are leaving. People see you as you your former self, relate to you they way they always have and change does not come easy for any of us. Despite the fact that people overwhelmingly agreed with my decision to leave, now they had to decide how it affected them. Relatives felt loyalty to their family member, friends felt they needed to pick sides and most just didn't know what to say. Being single and hanging out with “married” friends becomes awkward and now a more complicated dynamic. Hanging out with other parents becomes difficult because they can’t relate to the struggles a parent doing it “alone” faces on a daily basis.  Even close friends don’t really understand unless they are in the same exact situation.

Don't get me wrong, people mean well. Part of the problem was me too, I didn't know how to ask for the help I so desperately needed. I have a very small family, my parents are deceased and I have 2 brothers(one who is estranged). For the most part my friends are my family. I was still struggling with people knowing how bad things had gotten in “my perfect life”, and now I had to admit I couldn't do it on my own. Very hard for me.

I think as your life changes so do your friends, and good friends are hard to come by. People have their own struggles and no matter how good their intentions, they are not going to be there every minute. So I think they key is to expand your circle, putting yourself out their and finding more people to have in your life.  Now that the internet has made people “just one click away” from each other, this in theory is easier to do. Connect with people in similar situations, common interests and goals. The problem is you still have to put yourself out there, admit you need the help and look for new friends to join your village.

So here I go....

[thehuntforthelovemonster]

A great tool for helping kids understand and recognize their sad feelings. I personally like the, "play with a pet" choice. Brighton knew that he was sad and why. Fortunately it did not diminish his imagination and ability to pursue his curiosity which led him to so much happiness. This is from Teachers pay Teachers; a great site to get printables like this. It costs $2. The pinterest link is included. https://pin.it/3hfw5rqxbmtij2 #kidshavestresstoo #divorceandkids #griefandlossforlittles #happinessisontheway #thesunlightbreaksthroughthedarkestcloudssoon #greyskiesaregonnaclearup #feelings #dogtherapy #lovehasfourpaws #teacherspayteachers #ottawa #kanata #newauthor #kidsbooks #newbooks #canadianwriter (at Kanata, Ontario) https://www.instagram.com/p/B5KxRSaFjtE/?igshid=jtpyczsqpu03