#disclaimer that i have nothing against Camellia and Wenduag

[shiawasekai]

For Nela!

2. How do they feel about Areelu Vorlesh?

8. What do they desire the most?

26. Did they separate from any companions? Why? (Consider killing a companion too for this question)

Thank you for much for the questions, Dujour!

2. How do they feel about Areelu Vorlesh?

The most vicious and (self-)destructive mix of love and hatred.

Plainly put, Nela herself hates Areelu for taking her entire life. What she did is, emotionally, not different from razing her entire hometown and murdering her family. It's worse in a way, even. Yes, she didn't personally kill them; but Areelu took away her home, her culture, everything she knew and understood from her. Areelu took years of her life, her own self changed irreversibly by aging (both physically and mentally). The world has shifted beyond what Nela can recognize. Her family spent their entire lives thinking she died and she'll never get the chance to correct them. Her parents died thinking she was gone.

Areelu destroyed more than words can express, and Nela understandably despises the woman who did it.

And yet, the experiment was a success. A part of Areelu's child lives within Nela, and that part loves her mother. It disgusts Nela, to feel such a thing for that woman, but she cannot stop it. For two souls that so easily coexist in the diminished state of the child's, that's the one true point of conflict.

Guilt and disgust tend to appear whenever Nela pays these feelings any mind, and the results are never pretty.

8. What they desire the most?

For most of the game? Going back home.

It's impossible, but the desire is made all the stronger because it cannot be fulfilled. There is nowhere to return after the Crusade is over. Everyone else gets to return to their lives before, or set forth to fulfill their dreams. Her dreams, her life before, they're gone.

Moving on feels like a betrayal. Even when Nela starts to build a new life in Mendev, there is the knowledge that this life wouldn't be even possible if she hadn't lost what came before. She wouldn't have met any of them.

I've mentioned it before, but if she was truly forced to choose knowingly between her life before and her life after? For most of the game, she would choose the life before. It would be a hard choice, yes, but one she would take nevertheless. It's one of the reasons it's so hard for her to talk about her issues with others: it means confessing she would abandon them if given the chance. It eats her inside, especially with some of the companions.

Let's leave the romance aside. Saying to Woljif, who considers her after his companion quest his first friend, that she would just leave him behind like that? To Arueshalae, for who she has been such a great support? "Yes, I would leave you to your devices and possibly fail your redemption to have my life back"? Screw your brother, Sosiel. I'm out of here.

It's selfish, it's ugly. She just cannot say it to them. Even when her feelings start to change into something more nuanced, as she grows to love these people, she knows the truth about herself. She knows what she wants most.

26. Did they separate from any companions? Why?

Wenduag dies in Act 3. I had trouble figuring out how Nela would feel about Wenduag for quite long. Nela believes in redemption, but she isn't a fool about it and won't compromise the Crusades for it. Wenduag has obvious reasons to do what she does, you could think there is a chance at redemption. Wouldn't it make sense for Nela to give it to her?

The thing is: Nela despises Wenduag for very personal reasons. In Wenduag, Nela sees who she could have become if she had listened to those darker instincts that one time. If she hadn't pushed back against her fear and decided to risk her life to save those slaves. Sacrificing others without a second thought for power, for knowledge.

Nela cannot believe in Wenduag's redemption, and doesn't want to either. The idea of having her around is simply beyond what she can tolerate anyway, so I won't say it eats at her conscience.

The other companion to "separate," as in die, is Camellia.

This time wasn't out of hate, but it wasn't out of the goodness of her heart either. As I said before, Nela doesn't expect perfect morality from the Crusaders or her companions, to do so would be foolish. What she expects them is to not be an active problem.

After what happens in Act 3, Nela cannot trust Camellia. The waste on resources trying to keep her watched would be ridiculous, and pointless given the mythic powers. It would be an active issue and a constant source of worries. Nela is knowledgeable enough to notice something is off with Camellia's explanation but, even if Mireya were real, Nela would still have no way to ensure Camellia sticks to only pre-approved targets.

In other words, Camellia becomes a liability that only makes her life harder and hinders the Crusade. Nela does wonder sometimes if she did the right thing, if there was an alternative way... but she also knows that Camellia had way too much power for the risk to be worth the potential salvation.