#disabled people are in fact allowed that. we are allowed to do unnecessary and frivolous things.

[finnlongman]

A new genre of book signing photos, in which I attempt to balance too many things in my lap at once. Shoutout to Waterstones Piccadilly, Traf Sq, and Covent Garden, and Foyles Charing Cross Road, as well as Gay's The Word, for the wheelchair accessibility. Negative shoutout to Hatchards, whose display tables made the walkways too narrow to navigate in a chair and whose lift was out of order (but the booksellers did at least fetch my book for me so I could sign it).

I hadn't planned to use my wheelchair during the launch party itself: I needed it for visiting bookshops earlier in the day because I can't walk that far these days, but I thought I'd be able to manage the party with just my cane. Turned out that my massage on Thursday, while it did wonders for my tension headache, didn't actually cure my BPPV and so I'm still suffering from the kind of vertigo that makes me feel like I'm perpetually on a boat. Oops.

Fortunately, my chair is extremely cool and matches my author vibes impeccably. Although it has disadvantages as well, I'm so glad that I decided to buy one: it was watching several friends and new acquaintances benefit from wheelchairs and other mobility aids that made me realise I was, in fact, allowed to do that, even if I didn't need to use it all of the time, and maybe I would be able to have more fun if I wasn't triggering a major pain flare every time I did anything.

I am very tired today, but in no more pain than usual, and that is something I had stopped thinking was possible.

Thank you so much to my agent Jessica Hare for pushing me around London for 3 hours (RIP to the tourists' ankles we took out in the process), and to everybody who came to the launch party.

[empowermentstrategies]

Graceful as a Feline

"Learn to... be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not."  -- Henri-Frederic Amiel

What does it take to move through life gracefully? And is that something that's even worth putting time and energy into? Ready examples of people who can both be productive and handle life's ups and downs with serenity seem to be in short supply.  Many of us were taught by our relatives and others that life is hard, we have to work hard and never let up, and getting anything done means pushing and shoving all obstacles out of the way with brute force. The concept of grace exists in a whole other realm than this kind of thinking. Isn't it selfish, or frivolous, or self-indulgent, or even downright stupid to want something else when this is just how life is? 

I submit that it is not any of those things to want to experience more ease and less drag in the course of your daily activities. The masculine-energy-dominant paradigm of the last couple thousand years has glorified battle and conflict as fighting the good fight, in other words, the best and most glorious way to get things done and to live. But taken to an extreme, this thinking causes us to want to fight everything that moves. It keeps our stress hormone levels high, reinforces the self-sabotaging idea that everything worth doing must nearly kill us, and blinds us to solutions that could be implemented calmly, cooperatively, and expediently so that we can move on to other exploits with a minimum of unnecessary drama and injury.

Note that I'm not saying that feminine energy encourages no extremes! If feminine energy and thinking dominated planet Earth for millennia and dismissed the wisdom inherent in masculine energy, we'd just be likely to have a whole host of different problems. But that is not the scenario we've been exploring. In order to concoct a better balance between masculine and feminine, one that acknowledges all the wisdom we have access to, regardless of our gender, it helps to make a habit of focusing on where bringing in qualities associated with the feminine can smooth out our experience.

The truth is that it is possible to accomplish many of our daily tasks with less tension than we're probably used to holding. It is possible to be more focused in the current moment, and to worry less about the future. We can, in fact, give up animating the voices of our detractors in our own minds and choose to celebrate our goodness and our accomplishments while avoiding arrogance and continuing to learn and grow. In making these choices, we open the way to greater expression of what we truly have to offer. 

Someone who is graceful exhibits fluid movement that can also be precise; grace implies a high degree of awareness and conscious intent.  How can you bring more focused awareness to your activities?

Grace requires control that is based on practice, but not over-muscled inflexibility.  How can you let go of tension even as you continue to accomplish your tasks?

Its maintenance requires the ability to adjust while in motion.  How can you become more comfortable with shifting course based on feedback you receive from all of your senses?

There are internal qualities without which these abilities are not enabled.  How can you build these within yourself?

enough coping ability to register emotions without being immediately disabled by them;

enough optimism (and determination) to remain open to creative solutions before they are visible;

the willingness to keep flowing in some direction even when the way forward is blocked.

Before swinging into action, try taking a moment to ask yourself:

How can I complete this task without struggle? Maybe this could be easier if I allowed it to be

Is now the best time for it, or have I decided to try to put my head down and try to ram it because I've let stress and habit cloud my vision? Is there anything I could take care of right now that would allow me to return to this with greater enthusiasm and a grounded sense of readiness?

Could it be done more cooperatively, more calmly, more enjoyably somehow?

If you want insight, you have to make space by allowing a few moments to elapse in which ideas might emerge from your own wisdom. If you want help from anyone, including yourself, you usually need to ask. Cultivating the ability to hold still and wait for a better idea will serve you over time in ways that might surprise you.  A meditation practice of some kind will help support your ability to do this as well.

The more you focus on adding grace to your movements on all levels, the more you will learn about how to surf through your days with less wear and tear and more grateful satisfaction.  There will always be surprises and challenges, but this makes everything in life feel easier and more fun.  You can learn from others, but only by trying things out for yourself will you find the methods that are most supportive to you.  Maybe this is worth the time and effort after all!