#dirty because youre wearing the same clothes from a week ago and u smell like piss bc u havent cleaned ur cats litterbox bc theres no

[gorefuckmetalhead222]

#tfw u spend all night writing ur end of term essay and decide to make a blueberry cobbler while simultaneously foraging for free things to give ur mom for mothers day (bugs and flowers)

[nakedmossy]

Depth Over Distance - Part One [Rudy x Reader]

[A/N: I haven’t found a hometown Rudy fic yet soooo I wrote one. I have no idea where this story is going to go and I’m honestly finding it hard to get out of writing JJ and get into writing Rudy, but here we go anyways. I wanted to write something where the reader and Rudy were hometown friends before he moved to LA, and to explore the idea of how that would change/what it would look like when he comes back. Get ready for a S L O W. B U R N. my dudes. Peace and love, Mossy x]

The sky was grey and the air was wet - it had been raining for 4 days straight. You sat in your car with the heat cranked, your window down slightly so that the humidity didn’t fog up your mirrors. Living on the Alaskan coast was beautiful most of the time but horrible some of the time, especially when you had to waste gas just keeping warm and dry at 6pm in the beginning of ‘Summer’. 

You had never lived anywhere else aside from the summer you spent in Vancouver with your cousin when you were 19. Now, at 23, you were working full time at the local bookshop that was an 8 minute drive from your house in the winter and a 20 minute walk/skate in the summer. Your car was parked street side, waiting for your friend Lizzy to finish her shift at the cafe. The smell of the rain and the Ben Howard song on the radio made you nostalgic about the times you and your friends from high school had spent hours skating down these streets, beers in your backpacks, no helmets, dirty shoes and clothes, no pressure, no responsibilities, no cell service...no worries. 

Since graduation a lot of your friends had moved out of town, either to Anchorage or down to Washington, or further south. Your best friend Lizzy had stayed close to home, helping run her families business and working part time at the cafe. You had stayed local too...your dad owned a fishing guide business and your mom was an admin assistant for the MD in town, but neither made enough to cover all the medical bills you had racked up over the last few years. You figured once the debt was paid off you might leave...but you had no idea where you would go. 

You missed all of your friends, but you missed the boys the most, aside from Lizzy you didn't have a lot of female friends, and your boys had been like brothers to you. You spoke to most of them every few weeks on FaceTime, except Rudy. He had gone to LA for awhile and had kept in touch loosely, but after the first few months he started to drift. 

You felt the loss the hardest for Rudy. He had been your closest friend the longest, you had spent nearly every day of every summer together since you were 9, and every school year you worked the same part time job at the seafood restaurant on the water. Now, the last you heard, he was coming back for the summer to ‘reconnect’. You had low expectations and tried not to let yourself get excited, but truthfully, you wanted him to spend some time at home and be around his own kind again - he had always been a homebody and you were worried that being gone for 4 years would go to his head or change him.

Lizzy tapped on the glass, causing you to blink out of your reverie and smile at her. You rolled the window down and let her reach in and open the door from the inside (the handle had been broken since high school). She threw her backpack and skateboard in the back seat, climbing in and closing her door.

“Ugh.” She grunted as her teeth chattered and she rubbed her bare legs. 

“You know its only May, you shouldn’t even be wearing shorts yet. The snow just melted.”

Lizzy glared at you playfully and put her hand out to do your handshake. You did it, then put the car in drive and started slowly down the street, windshield wipers moving rhythmically.

“How was the shift?” You asked as you checked your mirrors and wiped some humidity off the rear view. 

“Same old” Lizzy leaned back in her seat and pulled the visor mirror down to fix her hair. “That old man Collins from the cannery keeps coming in and harassing me.”

“Jack? The one with the eye patch?” 

Lizzy nodded dramatically as she held the bobby pins in her mouth and started to twist her straight black hair off her face. 

“That guy-“ She finished placing the final pin and slammed the visor closed “-Is an absolute creep.”

You snorted a sarcastic laugh and rolled your eyes.

“He’s like...70. And widowed. Don’t be rude.”

“I’m not being rude. Im just...asserting my boundaries.”

“You literally have a 3 foot counter between you at minimum, at all times.” You looked over at her and raised your eyebrows.

“Whatever. All I’m saying is we need hotter men in this town. Like...soon.”

You nodded in agreement and felt your eyes wander all over the road, remembering the time you and Rudy had taken your longboards down it after a torrential downpour and you had crashed and gotten such bad road burn that he had to call his dad to come pick you both up because you couldn’t walk.

“Hey, Y/N, are you listening?” Lizzy cut back in, staring at you.

“No, what?”

“I said, speaking of hot guys, I heard Rudy is coming back for a few months.”

You pinched your face and looked at her then at the road, then back at her.

“Rudy is not hot. Rudy is....Rudy. What are you talking about?”

Lizzy looked at you disbelieving and closed her mouth, trying not to smile.

“What!” You repeated, smacking her arm.

“Hey!” She laughed, then shook her head and looked out the window. “Whatever you say man, I just think....” She grabbed her water bottle and began to screw off the lid “I just think...he’s not gonna be the same Rudy that left 4 years ago. He’s like...a movie star now.”

You couldn’t even begin to touch that one. You knew what she was doing...she was always harping on you about going on dates or taking trips with her to the mainland to hook up with the pilots during their layovers. You never went, and always insisted that you were just fine and were not interested. She never listened. Part of that was true...you were fine, and usually not interested. But sometimes, when the water was calm and the sunset was colourful and the fish were jumping and your beer was cold...you wished you had someone to share it with.

“I’m going up to Skagway this weekend with my dad” You said, changing subjects. “He’s short a guide and needs someone to drive the boat.”

“Lucky you” She said sarcastically, screwing the lid back on her bottle. “Another weekend spent with men twice your age who have zero ability to catch a fish and even less ability to smell nice.” 

“It’s good money.” You said flatly, annoyed that everything seemed to revolve around men with her. “And in case you forgot I’m kinda in need of that at the moment.”

Lizzy licked her lips and put her hands up, dipping her head. 

“Alright...noted. Chill out Kemosabe.” She giggled under her breath and looked out her window, drawing a small penis in the moisture on the window.

“Babe, seriously. You need to get laid.” You said, shaking your head.

“I know” She replied, working on the veins. “Trust me. Im in a state of national emergency by this time of year.”

Lizzy was absolutely one of the girliest girls (and most beautiful girls) in the south of Alaska, which was ironic considering the house she grew up in. Her dad was an overweight German restaurant entrepreneur who had opened a world class seafood restaurant in Juneau back in the 90s and had shacked up with her mother who was this drop dead gorgeous Haida warrior woman who you had literally seen kill and skin a bear with her own hands. 

They had forged this chain of restaurants local to Alaska that people flew hundreds of miles to eat at, but still lived in an off-grid cabin that hadn’t been insulated since 1960 and used wood heating. Not really the type of family that screamed southern belle femininity - yet somehow Lizzy came out of that union with a pink bed set, refusing to ever wear camo or sweatpants, and still had never shot a gun - which her mother reminded her of weekly. 

Lizzy had hit puberty at 10 and had used her breast advantage over every girl in your class for the next 3 years like some sort of distinction of better genetics, as if she needed boobs to prove that. Unlike you, she was naturally thin and tall (6ft to be precise), had long, thick straight black hair and olive skin, and perfect hips. You felt like a prepubescent boy standing next to her, with your uneven complexion and your frizz and your awkward thigh fat distribution. You were envious of her genetics - her mother graced her with the body of an athlete and the thick black hair, and her father had given her height and cheekbones that could slice through glass. You looked down at your arms, covered in freckles, pasty white from lack of sun, and cringed, looking back at the road.

You turned the corner leaving the main road and starting on the dirt road that led to your favourite part of beach access. Lizzy pulled her hoodie out of her backpack and took off her seatbelt, leaning forward to pull it down over her head. You leaned forward and looked up, this was your favourite part of the drive. The dirt road which was lined with moss and ferns and other foliage wound along the base of the snow capped mountain that was at least 1000ft in elevation. The mist and fog from the coast was thick and creeped through the tall cedar trees, black ravens and falcons flying overhead stark against the white mist. This was the most idyllic picture of northwest coastal living you could find.

When you parked at the trail head Lizzy slipped off her work flats and into her Teva’s, you grabbed your yellow Vans out of your trunk and slipped them on. You usually drove bare foot, a habit you had started in high school after Rudy had thrown your shoes off the dock at the restaurant and you had to drive home without any. You grabbed your sweater and your backpack which had the beer in it. As you were both gathering the rest of your things...beach blanket, hats, and rain cover, you heard a car pull up behind you. You stood up out of the trunk and squinted to see the car through the fog. It was a black ford pickup you had never seen before. 

“Who’s that?” Lizzy chimed in from behind you.

“No clue” You said as you lifted your hand to wave once. 

The truck had tinted windows and looked brand new. When it pulled up beside you, the drivers side window began to unroll, revealing Junior - your high school (ex) sweetheart.

“Holy” You said, eyebrows up, nodding. “Nice truck - where’d you steal it from?” He rolled his eyes at you dramatically.

“Whatever kid - its a rental. Got it to drive to the airport in.” His chest puffed out and his expression read so proud. 

“Airport?” You said inquisitively. “Since when does Alan pay you to drive new trucks to the airport?” 

“Since Rudy hired him for the pick up service and apparently is incapable of driving his own ass around anymore” Junior snorted and waved at Lizzy.

“Or he doesn’t have a car here anymore” You noted, rolling your eyes at him.

“Either way, I get this bad boy for the next 24 hours and I intend to give her the royal grand tour of our humble town.” He ran his hand up and down the steering wheel, stroking the new leather. “Wanna go for a rip?” He said, winking. You shook your head and crossed your arms over your chest. 

“Well I do” Lizzy piped up from beside you, walking closer to the window. She smiled at Junior and began to put her hair in a pony tail. She nudged your arm as she began to walk to the passenger side door. “Come on, granny. Let’s go!”

She laughed as she climbed up into the truck, but you shook your head again.

“I’m good...you kids have fun. Say hi to Rudy for me” You said to Junior, who shrugged his head and muttered ‘definitely wont do that’ under his breath.

Lizzy blew a kiss at you and waved once before Junior put it in drive and started to go up the dirt road north of you. 

Junior and you had ended on okay terms, but he had concocted a theory that you had broken up with him because of another guy, and the unspoken suggestion was that that guy had been Rudy. Small town guys had a heck of a time with the idea of girls and guys just being friends. 

You sighed and watched as the truck disappeared around the corner, and turned back to your own car. You grabbed your backpack and slammed the trunk closed, walking down the path alone. You weren’t mad at Lizzy for going with him - she was flighty and bailed on you at the bar all the time - but you were mad the beer was going to go warm before you could drink it all. Not that you should even be drinking 6 beers alone by the water when you had to drive yourself home. Doubtful the 2 cops in this town would even be awake to see you though. Whatever.

You reached the end of the path and rounded the corner, revealing the coast line and the rocky beach. It was your favourite place to sit and think, sit and smoke, sit and be yourself. The beach curled in a U shape, giving you a private spot where the rest of the shoreline was blocked from view and all you could see was the ominous cedar forest that stretched up the mountain, the snow caps at the top, and the horizon over the cold pacific.

You had intended to share the joint you had in your pocket with Lizzie, but...well, her loss. You spread the blanket out on the softest patch of sand and rocks you could find (which still meant you were guaranteed to get at least 2 rocks in the ass) and placed your bag down, kicking off your sneakers. You took a deep breath for the first time in a few days and lit the joint, taking one long, deep inhale. You felt it tingle through your chest and your arms and legs almost immediately, relaxing you. Being here alone always sent you into a spiral of memories and thoughts that you worked hard during the day to suppress. Most insistent lately had been thoughts about your health problems. You called them ‘health problems’ but in reality it was just an eating disorder. You could go 2, sometimes 3 days without eating anything, and never felt hungry. It started after graduation.

You had lost weight, dramatically, going from a stable 120-125 to 95 at most and 90 at worst, in the span of a month. And for the next three years you had never gained it back, you had stayed at a relatively stable 95, which still left you looking sickly and too thin at 5’3”. Your frame wasn’t built for that kind of weight drop, you were Scottish and Cree, sprinkled with a little bit of German and Irish. A classic northwest cracker mix. You weren’t naturally small, you always had a bit of something to grab onto, but it was normal to your body, healthy. 

Some part of your brain knew that it had something to do with leaving school...and the pretence that came with that. The expectation...the responsibility. You were never that kind of person, and it never really bothered you, but suddenly it had. You never planned to go to University right away, but you had no back up plan. It wasn't something you and your friends really talked about. But suddenly Jacob had gotten into U of Washington, Dan had left to backpack Europe, and Rudy had not so graciously announced he was deferring his acceptance and scholarship to culinary school because he wanted to be an actor, and flew to LA the next month. You had been left behind, with Lizzy of all people, and it had hit you hard.

You looked around the beach, dragging on your joint quicker than normal, trying to knock the thoughts out of your head. An Eagle screeched above - scaring you - and you laid back on the blanket, closing your eyes. You needed to chill the hell out. This was the first time in a few weeks that you had gotten a night off from helping your dad with his guide business and you didn’t plan on wasting it riddling your brain with anxiety and worrying about your body.

You looked up at the sky and watched the mist and fog kiss the clouds, the sunset colours dancing across them. As it usually did, the rain had stopped just as the sun was going down, the clouds parting briefly and letting the smallest sliver of sunlight through, just enough to burn the grey light out of the sky and allow the pink and orange hues to fade along the horizon. You sat up and cracked a beer, enjoying the fresh smelling air and the rhythmic sound of the waves licking the shore line. 

Two beers in you had put on your jacket and placed your Bluetooth speaker next to you on the blanket, blasting a playlist that Rudy had made you for your graduation party.

Three beers in you took the jacket off, standing up and dancing by yourself on the beach to the music.

Four beers in you laid down on the blanket, balled your jacket up and used it as a pillow, and started looking for shapes in the stars.

Five beers in you fell sleep.

———

Many hours later, as the sun rose and was bright on the water and the early morning bird feed was in full swing overhead, you were drifting in and out of sleep to the squawking when a shadow came across your face, alerting you to groggily open your eyes.

“What’s up, Little Fern?” His voice had gotten deeper. Wait, what?

You opened your eyes and blinked, raising a hand to block the sun. There, in your very awake and very not dreaming state, was the unmistakable silhouette that you had spent the last 18 years dreaming about and 18 years being a friend to.

Rudy.

[p1zz-d1no]

So, today I repaired my bed because it broke a few days ago, and I cleaned my whole floor!!

I'm proud of myself^^

So now, all I gotta clean is my table and inside my closet.

You guys should know that I'm really struggling with cleaning.

Mostly, I don't clean my room, so there lay clothes, old dishes, food packages, and art supplies all over the floor.

When I see how much just lays around, I often get overwhelmed and stressed and all that, so I just try to avoid cleaning, and of course it just gets more dirty.

And today, I wanted to move my bed, so in order to even move anything, I had to clean.

So I cleaned my floor and repaired my bed.

And my room looks SO much better. It could be way cleaner, but it's at least something I did!!

[To anyone struggling with cleaning or selfcare!!]

I know it's hard, I know you think you can't do it. I know.

Do not feel guilty, there is no reason to!

Take ur time to get it done, theres no need to hurry.

It doesn't matter how much, or what you need to clean.

Do it how you want to do it.

Do it in ur speed.

Start where u want to start

Clean how u want to clean.

If you didnt wash ur teeth in a while, maybe even months, it's fine.

If you didn't shower in a while. Its fine.

If you didnt get to eat or drink, its ok.

If you're wearing the same clothes, shirt, trousers, underwear, jacket, socks or whatever, for so long that it smells, its ok.

If you can't socialise anymore, its ok.

Yes, these are all really important. And of course you and many others may think it's weird to not do these important things.

But if you can't, then you can't.

But you will do it.

You will wash ur teeth. No matter how exhausting it is. Do it. Take ur time. Maybe sit down while doing it.

It's ok if you didn't get to wash ur teeth in a while.

Don't feel dirty or disgusting, it's not ur fault.

You can do it.

You will shower. It's easy. Take out either clean or your comfort clothes. Your choice. Then you walk to the bathroom and make it nice and warm. Take of your clothes and turn on the shower.

See? It's fine. You can do it.

It seems hard doesn't it? I know.

You will feel better after a long and calm shower.

I promise. You can take a long nap afterwards. You can do whatever you want afterwards.

Just take this shower.

It'll get better, of course it won't solve all of your problems, but maybe you'll feel cleaner.

You can do it.

Please eat or drink. You deserved it. You are not fat. It doesn't matter if ur overweight or not. Eat. It's not bad to eat. At least drink a little water.

That doesn't hurt.

If you cant get ur self to eat, do it in babysteps!

For example:

Week one: A energy giving and healthy salad with at least 2 glasses of water, maybe eggs at breakfast.

Maybe something sweet in the noon.

And then a small, warm thing.

Noodles with tomato sauce, or anything else you like. Maybe even your comfort food.

And more water!

1 glass? At least!

And then you can slowly start eating more and more.

Eat whatever you crave. And drink.

You can do it. I know you can.

It's ok if you think you eat too much or if you didnt get to eat anything, just start where you began. Or go on where you ended.

It's not easy, but definitely possible, and someone as strong as you, can do it!!!

It's ok to wear the same clothes like yesterday or the day before.

But you need to clean them, if you're able to get out of bed, you try to change.

If you're not wearing ur comfort clothes, you can put them on.

If you're wearing them and still want to change, change in anything you like instead, then you can wash ur clothes (or ur parents do idk) and when they're clean and dry, you can change into ur comfort clothes again!!

It's ok to not have the energy and motivation to get up and change.

It's nothing to feel digusting abt.

If you cant do it today, then you can try again tomorrow. It's ok.

Maybe your clothes smell. Thats fine.

Maybe there are stains on ur clothes. Thats also fine.

At least try to change sometime. And if u already did it today, yesterday earlier, then I'm proud of you!!!

You can do it again. I belive in you

It's hard to talk to people.

It's exhausting.

And some might even find it annoying. And thats fine.

But socialising is really important.

You don't need to meet ur friends in person if you don't want to or can't.

You don't need to call them if you don't want to or can't.

But try texting them.

Or answer their unread texts they sent you, just a short conversation.

Or you can go to any social media and interact there with anyone.

It doesn't count if you just like any pictures or videos and watch stories or something.

Have a conversation.

With anyone.

Not a long one.

You can do it!!

It can be hard, I know, but you are strong and able to do this!!

Once or twice a week, maybe even more if you can. I'm sure it'll help you.

I often feel better after talking to someone, not necessarily abty problems, it helps to just have a distraction from ur thoughts.

Try it.

It's worth it, I promise!!

I hope this helps anyone, if can also vent in the comments or private If you need to.

Other ideas that can help are also welcome.

<33

[purplesurveys]

656

Where is the last place you had a kiss? My girlfriend’s couch. I normally wouldn’t kiss her inside her house but we were alone, so it just happened. What did you eat for breakfast yesterday? I skipped breakfast yesterday and went straight to having a macchiato, which was a horrible idea considering I had a badddd hangover. My body made me pay for it soon enough when my stomach started unusually heating up, so I bought a sandwich by around lunch to help it feel better. When was the last time you were at an amusement park? 2013. I don’t like amusement parks so when my friends make plans I don’t go along with them. Two weeks ago I was at a school fair which kinda has the same amenities as an amusement park, but I guess it’s not the real thing so it doesn’t count. When was the last time you cried out of physical pain? Last Wednesday. My friend Leigh was trying to demonstrate for me the concept of just-noticeable difference by pinching the skin on my hand. I don’t like feeling pain anywhere on my body, so when she started amping up her pinching I had to yell out. Have you ever done anything to Support the Troops? No. Can’t relate.

Do you donate blood? Nooooo no nope. I just said I didn’t like feeling discomfort on any part of my body hahaha and getting pricked is the worst sensation for me. I wouldn’t be able to donate blood even if I wanted to either – as far as I know you have to be of a certain weight to be qualified, and I’ve never met that requirement. Are you wearing two shirts? No. It’s never too cold to be wearing two shirts here. The only time I had to really do this in a local sense was in Sagada. That weather was b r u t a l. It was the first time my dad turned on the heater in our car and I didn’t even know Filipino cars came with heaters lmaaaaaaao. This was a very long way of saying no. Have you ever owned the socks with toes on them? Never have. What were you the last time you went trick or treating? I went as my best friend at the time, Sofie. I didn’t have time (and wasn’t as extroverted as I am now) to come up with a detailed costume, so I went as her – black dress, eyebags, winged eyeliner, and thick hair that was never combed. It had the least effort of all my friends’ costumes, but I got the most compliments on social media lol. What's your favorite morning activity? I am so not a morning person, and I just like sleeping/lying in whenever I can. Can you cook? I am hopeless in that department. Is there a lot of laundry in your hamper? No. My mom’s laundry day is Friday, so it’s basically empty the whole weekend. When do you think you'll have children? In a little less than a decade, honestly. I’m pretty firm in my decision to have kids; it’s my biggest dream if anything. I mean I’m also willing to wait until I’m in my 30s because god knows how expensive everything is rapidly getting these days, but I just know I’ll end up having kids one way or another. Can you point out constellations in the night sky? No. The only thing I can safely point out for you is Orion’s Belt, and that’s because it’s essentially a giveaway lmao. What was your favorite part about studying ancient Greeks and Romans? Nothing. It’s one of my least favorite topics. The only thing that got me to enjoy them for a brief period was the Percy Jackson series, but when I finished the books my interest in that world waned fast. Have you ever eaten a gyro? Nah, but close enough – I’ve had shawarma. What's your favorite flavor of Tootsie pops? Mmmm not really a fan of Tootsie Pops, or like candy in general. What's the last thing you bought at a mall? If I remember correctly, I got a toasted siopao in Coffee Bean. Where did your mom go to high school? She went to Colegio de Santa Rosa in Makati. What's a subject you would never major in? Philosophy. My college curriculum required me to take one Philosophy elective, and not only was it the worst experience ever, but I got my second-lowest mark in college from that class. Is there someone who you can turn to for money and not be ashamed? No. I hate asking for money, even from my parents. When's the last time you took a bubble bath? A little over a year ago, probs. I love bubble baths when I manage to get settled in one, but because I’m usually in a hurry when I take showers, the concept of staying and relaxing in a bathtub is a little weird to me so I never do it haha. Have you ever swam in a river? I have photos of me when I was 1, my mom, her sisters-in-law, and their kids (my cousins) swimming in some river.  Are there any dirty clothes underneathe your bed? No. I know I could be messy, but that’s just disgusting. What food do you love the smell of while it's cooking? Curry. What food do you hate the smell of uncooked? I just hate the smell of wasabi in general. Your #2--what's their occupation? Your #3--what color are their eyes? Your #1--what cartoon character would they be? Your #4--are they allergic to anything? All Myspace questions that I’m skipping, lmao. Has a bee ever stung you? No. That’s like one of my top 3 fears so I never allow myself to be near bees or wasps. If there’s any nearby I run the fuckkkkk away. Where did you last go camping? I have never been camping for real. In what month do you start Christmas shopping? Last year I had some stuff ordered by early November – but those were gifts for just my girlfriend. I bought everyone else’s gifts like a week before Christmas. Have you ever slept in a bed with someone with bad BO? I’m sure I have; I just don’t let it bother me because no one’s breath is supposed to smell great in the morning lmao. Do you have a favorite flavor at Baskin Robbins? I have never had Baskin Robbins and I dunno if I will, because it’s just so expensive. Philippine suppliers looove bringing foreign brands like Shake Shack and Baskin Robbins over here and slapping insanely high prices on them just so they’re seen as high-end lmao, it’s sad. Are there fast food wrappers/cups in your car? No not at the moment. If anything there are old receipts. Do you read the newspaper? Very seldom, but given that I’m a journalism student, I encounter newspapers a lot because they’re everywhere in the college. What search engine do you use? Google. Have you ever posted a question on Yahoo questions? Nope. But the website is useful and I just look for people asking the same question I have at the moment. Have you ever been on a dating website? I made a Tinder account a few years ago just to observe it and just for fun. I never needed it but I was curious, so I joined it but I used a fake name and a photo of a cat I saw in school as my profile picture so that no one knew who it was. Have you ever had a crush on a celebrity of the same sex? Save for CM Punk, I’ve only ever had crushes on female celebrities. What kind of flowers would you plant in your garden? I dunno, I’ve never felt interested in growing flowers...or a garden, in general. Would you rather have a flat tire or overheated car? Flat tire. As far as I know that can be fixed a little more easily than a completely overheated car. What's the safest form of transportation? Private car, lmao. That’s really your safest bet in this country. Do you believe that kids should be taught abstinence? They can be taught about it so they’re aware of what it means and asks of them, but kids should also be reminded that at the end of the day it’s an option that they can choose to take or not. When's the next time you'll go to the grocery store? I only ever go when my dad is home because he likes having us along, so maybe in a month or two. When's the last time you went to Chuck E. Cheese? Never. What's your favorite cheese or cheese flavored food? Mozzarella sticks. Do you like black licorice? It’s decent, at best. I won’t spit it out, but it’s not my first candy of choice either. Can you count to 100 in another language? Two, Filipino and Spanish. We use Spanish when referring to currency, so that’s why it’s easy to memorize. Like I’d say I have labing-limang (fifteen in Filipino) notebooks, but when I have to say fifteen pesos, we say it as kinse (fifteen in Spanish). Idk, it’s a weird quirk with Filipinos but yeah. What's the nearest thing to you that can bounce? I don’t think there is anything bouncy in the living room at the moment. Do you hate cleaning? If I have to do it I get lazy. But when I actually want to clean, it can be relaxing. Do you clear dishes in the garbage disposal or in the garbage can? My mom takes out the garbage. Do you watch anything on the E! network? I don’t think our cable comes with E! so the only times I get to encounter it is when we’re staying over at hotels. I like having Keeping Up With the Kardashians on when we do have that channel. Have you ever tried out or thought of trying out for American Idol? I loved the show during its peak days, but I never had the desire to join it. Where's your car keys? Upstairs, on my bedside drawer. Did you keep any momentos of high school dances? From my high school ball, yes. I still have my old gown, photos with Mike, the instrument he used to ask me to ball (a Starbucks cup with the proposal written on it by the barista), and my old corsage. I like keeping stuff like that around so that I don’t forget, not because I still like him lmao. My prom could fuck off, and I have nothing from that night. Do you still have clothes from your high school dances? I have no idea. My high school prom dress disappeared after a while, but I still have my ball gown. The last person you laid in bed with said... I don’t know what you’re referring to but our last conversation was her telling me to drive home safe. Can you touch your nose with your tongue? I can’t. Which celebrities would you want to hang out with at a bbq? The Friends cast. Do you think you could do better drawings than Napolean Dynamite? I have never seen the movie. What are you doing on Superbowl Sunday? Isn’t it over already? I saw my aunts and uncles post about it on Facebook so I’m pretty sure it’s over. Anyway, I don’t care for football. Ever been to the original 13 colonies? No. Have you ever been to a concert that got out of control? Not really. The most ‘rebellious’ thing that ever happened was at my One Direction concert. The organizers made the stupid decision of holding the show on FLAT concert grounds and not a stadium, for a concert that probably held 10,000-20,000 people. Can you imagine holding that on just the GROUND??? Anyway, my sister and I had the third best tickets which was supposed to bring us to the semi-front, but it turned out to be so far from the stage. Everyone from my section all the way to the back resorted to standing up on the monobloc chairs which really isn’t allowed, but duh it’s One Direction and we wanted to see them. Harry had to call us out and ask us to get down from the chairs and just stand on the ground for our safety, but we kept protesting until they just gave up and continued the show. What's the last thing you watched on tv? Titanic, but we watched it on Netflix. I haven’t seen cable TV in a whiiiiiiile.

Whose show should be cancelled? 13 Reasons Why. Do you like Lindsay Lohan as a blonde? It doesn’t bother me. When's the last time you ate fruit? Last Friday I tried some of Laurice’s green mango with bagoong. Can you jump rope double dutch? Nope. I know jump rope but I never went that far.

[prideandprejudicees]

it’s exchange time !!! this is my gift for @soft-ravenclaw-apollo for the @aftgexchange, with the prompt “i literally cannot stand anything he does” !!

soooo it like,, barely fits a winter theme and it’s a bit weird but i really hope you like it anyway!! the prompt got away from me a lil.

Read it on ao3 here!

The back room of the funeral parlour was uncomfortably cool, and the faint smell of old perfume and musty carpet hung stale in the air. Andrew’s hands had gone ghostly pale and stiff some time ago; he had to keep clenching and unclenching his fingers to encourage the blood flow back into his fingertips.

The body lay in a casket in the middle of the room.

“She looks well.” Nicky commented. He and Aaron were standing facing the casket, gazing down solemnly at the greyish body. Andrew was slouched against the wall, bored.

Andrew’s brows knitted together as he considered his reply. It was an inane comment. He knew that Nicky also knew it was an inane comment. He couldn’t judge him for making an attempt to break the thick, uncomfortable silence that stretched between them, but still. “She looks like shit.”

“Andrew.” Nicky hissed, casting an uncomfortable glance at Aaron.

It was true. The car crash had knocked her most of her teeth out, and her face had caved in like a skull into the empty space. Rigor mortis had set in before the undertaker had gotten the chance to insert false teeth, and they were unable to open the mouth without breaking the jaw. Andrew gave an unapologetic shrug.

Aaron’s didn’t respond to either of them; his gaze had caught on an unexpected splash of colour nestled into the dour greyness of Tilda’s death suit. “Are they… Nicky, are they rosary beads?”

“Hm?” Nicky followed his gaze. Sure enough, there were a set of blue rosary beads protruding from where they had been interlaced between deathly white hands. “Oh. Looks like it.”

“Well, what the fuck did they give her those for?”

“I think it gives her a sense of, you know. Dignity.”

“Dignity?”

“Yeah.” Nicky seemed to sense that he was wading into dangerous territory, because he changed the subject quickly. “They styled her hair nicely too, don’t you think?”

“They just washed it.”

“It makes her face look slimmer.”

Aaron glanced at him, aghast. “Her face looks slimmer because she’s dead, Nicky.”

“Still.” said Nicky. He was looking at him expectantly. When he said nothing, he looked at Andrew. Met with nothing but a glare and stoney silence, he cast his eyes around the room. “It’s a nice enough place, isn’t it?”

Aaron grit his teeth. “It’s a funeral parlour, and my mother’s corpse is laying cold in a box in front of us.”

Nicky nodded as though that hadn’t quite occurred to him. “Yes, I suppose. Are you going to say anything?”

“What?”

“To Aunt Tilda. I can wait outside, if you like.”

“What the fuck would I have to say to her?”

“Well. If there was anything you felt or thought that you’d maybe like to get off your chest, or maybe if there was anything you weren’t able to tell her in life, you could get it all out now. It could be therapeutic, you know.”

Andrew thought he might be able to hear Aaron’s clenched jaw creak with strain. “I’m not talking to a decaying pile of flesh about my feelings.” he said the word like it was a dirty thing. “Who’s paying for this shit, by the way?”

Nicky looked away then. “Your uncle, for the most part.” he said. Both twins noticed his choice of words, his obvious avoidance of the words “my father”.  “He left a special allowance for the funeral.”

Aaron stared fixedly at his mother’s shrunken face. “D’you think she did it on purpose?”

“Did what on purpose?”

“This.” he waved a hand in a gesture that encompassed Tilda’s corpse.

“What, died?”

“Yeah,” said Aaron, “I mean, the timing can hardly be a coincidence.”

Nicky and Andrew shared a lingering look. Andrew wondered dispassionately if Aaron was cracking up. It had been years since the twins had seen Tilda; their last contact had been the night Andrew had dragged Aaron from that awful house, bringing him to Nicky’s house in Columbia. The following weeks had been hell, with Aaron’s screams echoing through the house as he detoxed and Andrew pacing and Nicky fretting, but somehow they had pulled through. They had all pulled through.

Nicky took a deep breath. “If you’re asking me whether I believe that your mother purposely died five years after you left her house, I’m obviously going to say no.”

“Five years to the day! The fucker did it on purpose, I swear. And so close to Christmas, too!”

“It’s not good to speak ill of the dead.” Nicky chided, though there wasn’t much force behind it. Andrew knew that Nicky shared his relief that Aaron was allowing himself to feel anger towards his mother; for a considerable amount of time they had bore the brunt of that frustration. It was somewhat gratifying to see it directed where it belonged. They all stared down at the body for another few moments before Nicky spoke again. “I’m worried about you, you know.”

“What? Why?”

“I just mean… you’re terrible at expressing your emotions-”

“I’m not terrible at-”

“- and you’ve always had a difficult relationship with your mother. I just think that now would be a good time to unburden your heart.”

“Unburden my-?”

“I know you haven’t opened the letter she left. Andrew told me.”

Aaron shot his twin a nasty look. Andrew shot Nicky his own nasty look at having been ratted out, but then met Aaron’s scowl head on. Aaron scrubbed a hand roughly over his face. “The woman’s barely gone cold.”

“I think you need to be a little more mature about this.”

Lacking anything else to do and desperate to do something with his hands, Aaron checked the time on his watch and then ran his fingers through his hair. “Where the fuck is Katelyn?” The cremation was due to start at 4pm, and it was nearing five to. It was entirely unlike his girlfriend to be late. He checked his phone, then blew out a breath. “She’ll be here soon.” he paused, and then with an attempt to appear casual that failed worse than anything Andrew had ever seen his twin attempt, he said, “Neil is coming with her.”

It took Andrew a herculean effort not to perk up with interest at that piece of information, although it came with a considerable amount of watered down annoyance. “Why the fuck did you invite Neil?”

Aaron attempted to blink innocently at him, which failed almost as horrifically as his attempt to be casual. “What do you mean?”

Neil Josten was Aaron’s red-haired, blue-eyed, long-legged study partner. They shared the same Advanced Statistics class; Neil was sharp-tongued, loud-mouthed, and the most stupidly attractive asshole Andrew had ever had the misfortune of laying his eyes upon. He was also, tragically, the most oblivious asshole Andrew had ever had the misfortune of laying his eyes upon.

“Ooooooh.” Nicky said, eyes suddenly bright and interested. “A boy? A boy you like?”

“I literally cannot stand anything he does.” Andrew is quick to correct. He crosses his arms and glares at the side of Tilda’s very dead head, his chin jutting out stubbornly. “It won’t work, anyway. He thinks I’m a freak.”

“Well, first impressions have never been your forte.” Aaron said snidely, obviously thinking of their own disastrous first meeting.

“And how the fuck was inviting him to watch your mother’s cremation supposed to disprove that first impression?”

“Our mother’s cremation ceremony.”

“Why the fuck do you think that’s better?”

The sound of muffled footsteps sounded as Aaron began to reply, and then the door opened and Neil and Katelyn spilled in. Katelyn’s hair was scraped into an elegant little bun, and her eyes strayed immediately to the casket. Neil was wearing a shirt and actual proper pants. Andrew’s mouth tasted coppery. When Aaron gave him a suggestive dig in the arm, he had to suppress the urge to murder him. Instead he opened his mouth to greet them, but all that came out was “You’re late.” He could see Nicky wince from the corner of his eye.

Apparently choosing to ignore him, Katelyn stepped up closer to the casket and gazed down at Tilda’s body. “She looks… peaceful.”

Andrew squinted at the corpse. He could understand Aaron’s earlier frustration with Nicky now, at least. “She just looks dead.”

Nicky stepped forwards and gave Katelyn a hug, taking the ignoring approach to Andrew as well. “Thank you for coming, it means so much to all of us-”

Andrew was about to scoff and interject when he felt a presence step up beside him. It was Neil, of course, because the only thing that could possibly make this day any better would be humiliating himself in front of the most attractive person he’d ever met. He forced himself to stare straight ahead so that he wouldn’t notice the way Neil’s hair looked like it was glowing in the harsh light of the room, or the way his blue shirt complimented his eyes, or the way that his dress pants were the most fitted item of clothing he had ever seen him wear. Damn it, it wasn’t working and he was checking out his brother’s hot study partner in the back room of a funeral parlour in front of his mother’s dead body. The fact that this was Aaron’s idea in the first place made him want to burst into hysterical laughter.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” murmured Neil, tilting his head down slightly. Even his voice was stupidly attractive.

“Mm,” said Andrew intelligently.  

“I remember how it felt when my mother died. If you need someone to talk to…” he trailed off, and then cleared his throat and shot Andrew a wry smile. Andrew had to fight back a full-body twitch in response. “Well, I’m here if you need to talk it out. It can help.”

“It wasn’t much of a loss.” Andrew said, and then mentally kicked himself. Neil had undoubtedly heard the rumours about him; that he was a psychopath, a sociopath, that he’d kill anyone that crossed him without blinking. The last one wasn’t all that far from the truth, but that wasn’t the point. Neil had definitely heard the rumours, because everyone had, and even if he hadn’t believed them up until now what the fuck would he think after Andrew had announced that he didn’t care for the woman who had given birth to him right in front of her corpse?

But Neil just shrugged. His eyes were watching Andrew’s; he hadn’t looked at the body once. “Sometimes it isn’t.” he said, and then looked over at where Katelyn was holding Aaron tight to her chest.

Seized by the urge to say something, to keep Neil’s pretty blue eyes on him, Andrew blurted “Thanks for coming.”

“Oh,” Neil looked back at him and smiled a little. The scars along his cheekbone visibly tugged a little at the movement. “It’s no problem.”

When the mortician and the crematory operator came in, Andrew felt relieved. He was too warm from embarrassment, despite the cold temperature of the room, and he was ready to get this whole awful ordeal over with. It felt like Tilda’s body was mocking him from the casket with her freshly washed hair and those goddamn rosary beads.

After the cremation was over, the five of them ended up in Sweetie’s with a veritable mountain of dessert spread across the table. Tilda’s urn sat on a chair at the head of the table and earned them several odd looks from fellow diners and wait staff alike. Andrew had suggested tossing it out the window of the car on the way over, but had been vehemently vetoed by his cousin and brother.

“So,” began Katelyn conversationally. “What made you guys go for cremation?”

“Wanted to stop her from coming back.”

“Andrew.” Nicky chuckled nervously, glancing at the urn as though expecting some kind of retribution.

“It was the cheapest option.” Aaron amended, squeezing his girlfriend’s hand and smiling softly at her. She smiled back, sickeningly sweet. Andrew longed to punch them both.

“It seemed like the best choice,” Nicky said between spoons of ice cream cheesecake, “I think Aunt Tilda would have wanted cremation. It didn’t seem right to bury her. Besides, the cremation allowed for a quiet, intimate farewell. It seemed appropriate.” he noticed the glares he was receiving from the twins and admitted, “Also, it was like, significantly cheaper than burial.”

“My mother was cremated when she died,” Neil spoke up, swirling his melting mint chocolate chip ice cream with a spoon, “In a manner of speaking.”

Before Andrew could begin to pick apart that cryptic statement, Nicky blurted, “When are you going to open the letter?”

Furious, Aaron glared at him even as Katelyn asked “You haven’t opened it yet?” in a tone of disappointed surprise.

“What letter?” asked Neil, looking between the three of them. When he saw Andrew looking at his melting ice cream he pushed it towards him in offering.

“Their mother left a letter addressed to them with strict instructions for them to open it when she died.” Katelyn finally put down her spoon, having finished demolishing her dessert. Andrew had to admit he was impressed at her progress. “You really should open it, Aaron. It could be important.”

“How important could it be? She’s dead.” Andrew snorted. He ignored the triple-scowl he received from Aaron, Nicky, and Katelyn and began to lay into Neil’s ice cream.

“It could be a will.” Nicky piped up.

“Whatever it is, I’ll open it later. There’s no point getting onto me about it, it’s not like I’ve been carrying it around with me.” Aaron grumbled.

Nicky gave a sheepishly nervous giggle. Recognising that laugh as the one that meant Nicky had done something they would Not Be Happy About, the twins turned reflexively at once to glare hard at him. “What the fuck have you done?” Aaron demanded.

Still looking hopelessly sheepish, Nicky reached into his suit jacket and drew out a sealed envelope. “It was just in case you changed your mind!” he rushed to explain, his words almost drowned out by Aaron’s annoyed groan.

“Let Andrew open it.” he said stubbornly.

“I don’t want anything to do with it.” Andrew argued quickly, leaning away from the envelope in disgust. “Besides, you’re the one she kept. You open it.”

Aaron’s mouth fell open. “I can’t believe you just used that as an argument.”

“Neil can open it!” Nicky suggested excitedly. When he was faced with Andrew’s furious glare, he explained swiftly, “He’s the only one here that has a bit of distance from the situation!”

Very hesitantly, Neil took the proffered envelope. Before he made any move to open it, his eyes moved to Andrew and he gave him a significant, questioning look. It wasn’t until Andrew gave a jerky shrug of one shoulder that he opened the envelope. The quiet at the table was swollen and expectant, unbroken except for the chatter of the other patrons in the diner. Andrew was trying and failing pretty pathetically at not looking at Neil; because of that, he noticed when Neil’s neutral expression faltered.

“What?” snapped Aaron, having noticed too.

Neil’s mouth opened, then closed. His face was doing a complicated thing where it seemed to be fighting to display at least four different emotions all at once. “Um,” he said, when his face had finally settled down. He looked chagrined. “I think maybe it would be better if you read-”

Andrew plucked the letter out of Neil’s unresisting hands, noticing the way their fingers brushed even in his distraction. He scanned the content of the letter. Then he scanned it again. He started to laugh. “Oh. Oh, that’s just perfect.” Apparently unable to stand being in the dark, Aaron leaned over the table and ripped the paper out of Andrew’s grip. Andrew noticed that Aaron’s tie had dipped into the remains of Katelyn’s cake, and now had a large chocolate stain covering it. He began to laugh harder.

As Aaron’s eyes flickered over the words of his mother’s letter, his mouth dropped open in horror. “Fuck.” he managed to say.

“What is it?” Katelyn asked softly, laying a hand on his shoulder. Andrew was still laughing.

“She-” Aaron put the letter in his lap and threw his head back to stare at the ceiling. “It’s a letter from mom, with her funeral instructions. It’s really detailed. It’s… she wanted ham and cheese sandwiches served, and a big ceremony, and-”

“Tell them the best part.” Andrew watched his brother, now making an attempt to stifle his cackling. “Don’t hold back.”

Nicky was looking from Aaron to Andrew to Neil, understanding dawning on his face. “Oh no.” he said, looking sickly.

Aaron turned the paper around and pointed at the bottom of the letter; DO NOT CREMATE ME

Andrew giggled again. “She wanted a big old burial.” he shook his head mockingly. “What a delusional woman.”

The force with which Aaron’s forehead hit the table rattled the cutlery, and he groaned loudly. “Fucking hell.” When he lifted his head, there was a red mark on his forehead. “Well, fuck, what do we do with the ashes?”

“Flush them.” Andrew suggested, ignoring Nicky’s scandalised gasp.

Aaron was looking at the letter again. He sighed, then ran his hands through his hair so that it stood up in disorganised clumps. “Damn.”

When Nicky opened his mouth, looking as though he were about to offer his own brand of comfort, Andrew stood from the table, “I’m going for a smoke.” he said by way of explanation, before marching out of the diner.

The air outside hit him hard, bitterly cold, and he regretted coming outside almost instantly. He weathered it, too stubborn to retreat as he fumbled with his cigarettes and lighter with numb fingers. The door opened behind him, but he didn’t look up until someone stopped in front of him.

Neil held a hand out expectantly. It was almost second-nature for Andrew to comply, placing a lit cigarette carefully between Neil’s scarred outstretched fingers. Neil smiled slightly at him, but he didn’t raise the cigarette to his mouth; instead, he took a deep, slow inhale of the smoke and leaned against the wall next to Andrew. “Aren’t you cold out here?”

“No.” said Andrew stubbornly. He had answered far too quickly, and his cheeks had gone pink from the cold (and it was definitely from the cold, he told himself firmly, watching Neil’s small smile). “If it’s so cold, why did you follow me out here?”

Neil’s expression turned a little wry. “Nicky wants to bury the ashes, but Aaron wants to return them to the funeral home and make them keep them. They’re arguing about it now.”

“Mm.” Andrew turned away and looked out across the parking lot, forcing the feeling of disappointment down deep. What a stupid thing to feel, after all. Neil hadn’t ever shown any desire to spend more time with him than necessary; even now he had only followed Andrew out to escape an awkward situation, and Andrew couldn’t fault him that.

The sky outside was a deep, ugly grey. The winter wind whipped at them, but neither moved. “It looks like snow.” Neil observed, pointing with his free hand toward the sky.

“Why did you come today?” Andrew blurted, before cursing himself internally. It’s times like these where he realises he’s pretty stupid; always so willing to hurt himself.

“I just really love cremation ceremonies.” Neil said drily. His fingers twitched around the cigarette though, and after a moment he added, “Aaron suggested it. He has Katelyn, and I guess he wanted someone there to support you too.”

“I doubt it.” His brother had never shown any concern about his lack of interpersonal relationships, and he sincerely doubted he would start now. Although, having that said, the very fact that Aaron had actually tried to set him and Neil up (even if the attempt had been utterly tone-deaf) had taken him completely by surprise. He hadn’t really believed it until he had seen Neil with his own eyes, shuffling his way into that goddamn funeral home.

Neil shrugged, but there was a secret smile playing across his face. “Okay.” The silence didn’t last for long, because after a moment Neil asked quietly “I can leave, if you want. If you don’t want me here.”

Andrew clenched his jaw, and turned his head to look back across the parking lot. God, he hated him so much. “I never said that.”

That stupid secret smile lingered across Neil’s lips as he took his first and last drag of his cigarette before stubbing it out against the brick wall behind him. Andrew peered through the window of Sweetie’s; Aaron and Nicky were still arguing, with lots of expressive hand gesturing. Katelyn looked distinctly uncomfortable. Andrew blew out an annoyed breath, which swirled around his face in a cloud of condensation. “We should just flush the ashes down the toilet and be done with it.”

“What if they clogged the toilet?” Neil’s tone was so innocently curious that he almost made Andrew laugh out loud; not a manic giggle or a disparaging snort, but a real laugh built from good humour. He nearly bit his tongue trying to swallow it down.

“Good point,” Andrew agreed when he had managed to wrestle his facial expression into submission, “That would be cruel to the toilet.”

Neil turned his smile on him, and Andrew had to look away again because it was damn near blinding. Neil said, “I hope I didn’t make today awkward for you.”

“You think you made it awkward for me? My brother tried to set you up with me at his mother’s cremation ceremony, and you think you were the one that made it awkward?”

“Well, I didn’t mind.” Neil shrugged jerkily. The flush spreading across his face was from more than the cold.

Andrew usually felt fairly confident in his own intelligence, so it took him a rather embarrassing length of time to fully understand what Neil meant. He swallowed thickly, feeling as though his tongue had swollen in his mouth. His expression was still neutral though, so at least his image was preserved even slightly. “Really.”

“Really.”

God, he’s the worst, Andrew thought, scowling at him. “We could hang out somewhere outside of a funeral home sometime.” The words came out almost startlingly normal, considering his heart was beating so erratically it felt as though it were about to leap up his throat and into his mouth.

“Aren’t we doing that now?” Neil smiled. Fuck, Andrew thought, He’s trying to flirt.

“Eating cheesecake at a cheap diner with my family with human remains in the spare chair doesn’t count.”

Neil actually laughed at that. Horrible, Andrew thought, watching Neil’s eyes crinkle and his nose scrunch up a little. Truly awful.

“It’s not the worst date I’ve been on.” said Neil, which promptly sent Andrew’s mind spinning in several directions at once. Neil dates? He had always heard from Renee and Aaron that Neil was staunchly uninterested in just about everyone. Neil thinks that this is a date? Watching Tilda burn and then sitting in Sweetie’s watching Andrew’s family argue over the ashes counts as date-worthy to him? And it’s not the worst date he’s been on? 

Andrew checked his watch mockingly. “You know, I don’t think we have time to even begin unpacking that.”

“We should organise to do it another day, then.”

What the fuck? What was happening? Andrew just looked at him for several long moments, before eventually saying, “There’s a tea shop two blocks away from campus.”

“I know it.” said Neil agreeably.

“We could go. Tomorrow.”

“Yes.” said Neil, a ridiculously pleased grin playing along his lips.

Before they could say anything else, the door to Sweetie’s was pushed open and Aaron stormed out, closely followed by Katelyn. Nicky trotted after them, holding the urn and looking guilty. Behind them, the manager of the diner ushered them out with shooing motions.

Andrew’s eyes tracked over the dusty stain on the front of Aaron’s shirt, and then over the grey in Nicky’s hair. “Hey, I think you’ve got a bit of Tilda on you.”

Aaron scowled ferociously at him, until Nicky piped up “Aaron started it!” and then his glare was turned on his cousin.

“Please don’t come back here again.” the manager said from the door, before pulling it closed with a dramatic flourish of his hands.

Andrew glared. “Did you get us banned from Sweetie’s? For throwing human remains at each other?”

“Aaron started it.” said Nicky again, apparently oblivious to how close to death he was. He shuddered dramatically. “I have bits of dead body in my hair!”

“They’re just ashes.” Neil pointed out pragmatically. His tone suggested that he had once had bits of actual dead body in his hair, and that ashes were a much more preferable option and that Nicky should really know this.

“I’m covered in my mother, Neil.” Aaron scowled at him.

Thankfully, before that line of conversation could be continued Aaron’s phone rang. As he picked it up, the group started meandering towards the car. The sky was a grey so deep it looked almost deep blue; it felt like it was about to open up on them at any moment.

“Yeah.” Aaron was saying. “Yeah, that was us. What? No, we got- What? No, but we have-” he whirled around, almost causing Nicky to drop the urn. “Holy shit. What the fuck do you mean? Then who-? Right. Okay. Fine. We’re on the way.” He stuffed the phone in his pocket, gaze still fixed on the urn. “We have to go back to the funeral home.”

“Why?” Katelyn asked.

There was a long pause, and Andrew felt the answer coming long before Aaron opened his mouth to say it. “We took the wrong urn.”

There was yet another stretch of silence as they all digested this information.

Then Nicky screeched, “Then who is in my hair?!”

“Come on, the family of whoever this was is at the funeral home waiting!”

As his family raced to the car, Andrew looked at Neil again. “This is what you’re getting yourself into.” he said, using a hand gesture to attempt to encompass the events of the day and then motioning to himself.

Neil stepped forwards, and their knuckles brushed. “At least I won’t be bored.”

Above them, the sky started sprinkling snow.

[spn-rewrites]

01x12 (part 2)

Season One Episode Twelve: Faith

A/N: hey guys, sorry the updates are slow. again, my lap[top is hnot letting me play videos on it? therefore i can’t work on it whenver i want to, but i promise they’kl keep coming and i will try to fix it! reblog if you enjoyed, thanks for reading i love u guys! let me know if you guys wanna be added to the taglist!

Summary: where one heart is saved but another is broken and guilt weighs on everyone because of it

Word Count:4.1k

You waited in the hospital room, one similar to the one Dean was in not too long ago, and paced back and forth. From the moment he woke up, Dean insisted that he felt fine. No symptoms of the heart condition that had plagued him only a day before but you and Sam both insisted that he get checked out.

“So you really feel okay?” Sam asked Dean, as he buttoned up his shirt after getting dressed.

“I feel fine, Sam,” Dean deadpanned, annoyed that he was there and annoyed that the two of you were bothering him. The doctor came back in, a pile of papers in her hands and she flipped through them before she spoke to double check.

“Well, according to your tests there’s nothing wrong with your heart,” she said, folding the papers under her arm. “Not that a man your age should be having heart trouble, but uh, it’s still strange - it does happen.”

“What do you mean strange?” Dean asked, picking at her choice of words probably just as much as she did before she decided to use them.

“Well, just yesterday, a young guy like you - 27, athletic - out of nowhere, heart attack,” she explained nonchalantly like it happens every day and if you didn’t know about the things that you did, maybe you would have just thought it was strange, too.

“Thanks, doc,” Dean excused her. She smiled and nodded at the three of you before leaving the room. Dean smacked his lips, tilted his head and looked at his brother. “That’s odd,” he said.

“Maybe it’s a coincidence,” Sam argued, shrugging his shoulders and not giving it more than a second thought but you saw the joy that was on his face from the doctor’s new diagnosis and you knew that his reluctance to question it was because of that. “People’s hearts give out all the time, man.”

“No, they don’t,” you told him, crossing your arms over your chest. You were right there with him last night, ecstatic and all smiles and ready to take on the world because your best friend wasn’t going to die but now it all seemed too suspicious.

“Do we really have to look this one in the mouth?” Sam asked, looking at you and then to Dean. You were both giving him the look. The look that said, are you kidding me right now? “Why can’t we just be thankful that the guy saved your life?”

“Because I can’t shake this feeling, that’s why,” Dean snapped, standing up from the exam bed and turning his back to you and Sam.

“What feeling?” Sam pried. You saw Dean take a deep breath as he finished rolling up his shirt sleeves.

“When I was healed, I just. I just felt…..wrong,” he explained. “I felt cold and for a second. For a second I swear I saw this old man. I’m telling you, guys. It was a spirit,” he said, throwing on his jacket and finally facing you again. He was telling the truth, you could tell from the look on his face and you felt the cold air, too, the moment he fell to the ground but you didn’t see a man and you didn’t have a strange feeling but you believed him.

“If there was something there, I would have seen it,” Sam argued. “I’ve been seen an awful lot of things lately.”

“No, I felt it, too. The hairs on my arms stood up and I felt something weird in the room but I didn’t think anything of it,” you told Sam, shaking your head but looking at Dean. You felt Sam’s eyes on you but you didn’t look at him.

“Yeah, excuse me, psychic wonder,” Dean interrupted you and snapped at his brother. “You’re just gonna have to have a a little faith on this one,” he said, using the words Sam said to him against him. “I’ve been hunting long enough to trust a feeling like this.”

“We do,” you told Dean, putting your hand on his chest and stepping between the boys. “I believe you alright?” Dean looked down at you and you nodded at him. “Sam, we’ll go check out the heart attack guy and Dean will go talk to the reverend. Yeah?” You ordered, looking back at Sam who sighed and then nodded, agreeing.

+

Your first visit was to the pool where the victim, Marshall, swam at every single day. At least according to the worker there that knew him fairly well. It was a local pool, small but clean. The whole thing smelled like chlorine and so did the employee that was walking you around. “Like I said, he swam every day, never smoked so a heart attack just seemed kind of bizarre.”

You left the locker rooms and went into the main pool area, where the floors were slippery and the air was hot. “You said he was running right before he collapsed?” Sam asked. You wondered how he was standing in this pool with a giant coat on when you were just wearing a sweater and you were sweating.

“Yeah, he was freaking out. Said something was after him,” he explained like it was the craziest thing ever but you knew better than that.

“What was it?” You pried.

“Thin air, that’s what. There wasn’t anything,” the man said. Sam thanked him for his time and you skipped up the steps to the pool area but you noticed the clock was wrong and the second hand wasn’t moving so you stopped Sam and turned back to the employee.

“Hey, your clock is broken,” you told him, pointing up at it.

“Yeah, we can’t get it working. Just froze at-” he paused and read the time. “4:17.”

“Is that the same time Marshall died?” Sam droned.

“How’d you know?” He asked, furrowing his brow and tilting his head. Sam looked at you and you gave him a tight-lipped smile, raising your own brows. 4:17 also happened to be the same time that Dean got healed and you knew that Sam wouldn’t find that a coincidence. Sam once again thanked the man and you guys left, finally in the cool air.

“Thank god we’re out of there, my clothes were starting to stick,” you complained, pulling the fabric off your arms and your torso. Sam’s eyes went to your hands and he watched intently. “What? Yours weren’t?”

Sam shook his head but less of an answer and more trying to shake whatever thoughts had bounced into his mind. “Let’s go back to the hotel,” Sam suggested and that’s exactly what you did. He talked the whole time, listing possibilities off to you like they were his to-do list. You nodded, listening but not really.

He pulled out his laptop the second you got into the room but you closed the screen just as quickly as he opened it. “What?” He asked, looking up at you. You knew he was eager to look into it and he wanted to do it before any of the details left his mind but you couldn’t focus on the case anymore because the only details that were in your mind were the way his breath felt against your lips and how warm his hands were on your waist.

It had been a week since the almost-kiss and you hadn’t talked about it at all. Not even a small mention and you gave it time to sit and marinate because of John and then Sam left and then Dean but now Dean was fine and you needed to get it off of your chest. “Are we ever going to talk about it?” You asked.

“Talk about what?”

“You almost kissed me,” you reminded him, your heart racing as the words left your mouth. It was more nerve-wracking than you thought it was going to be actually saying it out loud. In your head, you would it say loud and proud and you wouldn’t be scared of what he was going to say next or how his eyes were looking at you but in real life, it came out as barely a whisper and your hands were sweating because his eyes were looking deep into yours and he was smiling.

“Yeah, I know I did,” he said, smirking up at you. He was sitting down so for once, you were taller than him but not by much.

“But we didn’t because of your dad so why haven’t you tried again?” You felt bolder as time went on and Sam’s smile just kept growing. He put his hand on top of yours that was resting on the top of the laptop screen so he couldn’t re-open it and avoid this conversation and you thought he was going to grab it and move it but he squeezed it, instead.

“When would I have had time to do that? We’re busy, y/n. And I want it to be perfect,” he whispered, his eyes checking the door to make sure that Dean wasn’t going to barge in, probably but he was still holding your hand.

“And in a dirty hotel bed at 4 in the morning was perfect?”

“No. So I’m glad it didn’t happen and you’ll just have to wait for it now,” he teased, finally moving your hand and opening the laptop up. He started typing away and then the moment was gone so you pulled up a chair next to him and watched over his shoulder and it was game on.

You brushed your hand over his knuckles when you’d point to something on the screen and you exposed your neck right in front of his lips and when you’d whisper to him, you’d whisper so close that he could feel your lips on his earlobe and you could tell you were distracting him but he was persistent in his work.

You knew, however, that this was important so you did your research too and you found a list of all the people that were healed and wrote down every single detail and when Dean came into the room, he threw his jacket on the bed. “What’d you find out?” He sounded exhausted.

“Well, I’m sorry to tell you this but Marshall died at 4:17,” you told him, tapping your pen on the table, starting with the easy facts first.

“The same exact time I was healed?” Dean asked. You nodded in response and Sam grabbed the stack of papers that you had accumulated during your research.

“We got a list of every person that was healed. Six people over the past year - and we cross-checked them with the local paper,” Sam explained. Although you had your fun in the beginning, the more you dug up about the case and the Reverend, the sadder the atmosphere was.

“Every time someone was healed, someone else died, from the same symptoms that the Reverend was healing at the time,” you explained, pursing your lips out in a pout.

“Someone is healed of cancer and then someone else dies of cancer?” Dean asked, looking through the papers. You nodded at him and somehow, the energy in the room got even thicker with his sadness.

“Somehow, Le Grange is trading one life for another.” Sam’s eyes were wet and your heart was heavy because this was exactly the news that Dean did not want to hear. You knew just as well as Sam did that this would weigh on him heavier than any other explanation.

“So Marshall died to save me?” Dean asked, raising his voice.

“He probably would have died anyway,” Sam whispered, trying to make it better but he couldn’t. “Someone else would have been healed,” he tried.

He was right, of course. Just because Dean was the one who got healed, didn’t mean that it wouldn’t have happened to someone else but he didn’t see it that way. He threw the papers on the bed and looked at the two of you. “You shouldn’t have brought me here,” he said.

“I was just trying to save your life,” Sam pleaded. You could see his hands shaking.

“Sam, some guy is dead now because of me!” Dean yelled.

“We didn’t know that this what was happening, okay? It’s not Sam’s fault,” you defended him, standing up out of your own chair and looking at Dean. Everyone was feeling guilty, not just Dean. Sam felt it, too, for bringing him here and you felt it for believing in Sam and it was all for these boys. You did it all for them and now you were paying the price.

Dean sat down on the bed, calming down a little bit because all that was left to do was figure out how to stop it. “I just don’t get how Roy is doing it. How is he trading one life for another?” Sam brainstormed.

“He’s not. Someone else is doing it for him,” Dean said, little expression in his voice as he searched his brain.

“That old man you saw,” you finished his thought and he nodded, biting the inside of his mouth.

“I didn’t wanna believe it but deep down, I knew it,” Dean said, looking blankly at the ground.

“What are you talking about?” Sam asked, frantic for answers because he wanted to fix it. He wanted to stop feeling guilty for this and for everything. He felt the weight of the world on his shoulders.

“There’s only one thing that can give and take life like that,” Dean explained, putting his hands on the table and leaning on them, getting closer to you and Sam.

“A reaper,” you whispered, again finishing his thought because that’s what you did. After years of hunting together, it was like you could read his mind and he could read yours. He nodded at you, pressing his lips together. You had read about them in the journals and remember John breifly talking about them in the past but you had never dealt wih one and neither had Dean.

You got all the books and read the all the articles you could find about reapers  and the pictures of it were creepy and dark and gave you the chills. “You really think we’re dealing witht he actual Grim Reaper? Like the angel of deaath, collect your soul, the whole deal?” Sam asked.

“No, not the reaper. A reaper,” Dean corrected. “There’s reaper lore in every culture on Earth,” he explained. “They go by about a hundred different names. It’s possible that there’s more than one.”

“You said it was a dude in a suit?” Sam asked, leaning with his elbow propped on the table as he scrolled through web articles. He had bags under his eyes and his hair was messy but you sat next to him and the entire time, you thought about his hands on you.

“You think he should have been working the whole black robe thing?” Dean asked sarcastically. You rolled your eyes at him but laughed and Sam glared at you but he covered his mouth to hide his smile. “You said it yourself the clock stopped, right?” Dean asked, looking at you. You nodded. “Reapers stop time.” He said, holding up a piece of paper with a drawing of a reaper. “You can only seem them when they’re coming after you and that’s why I could see him and you guys couldn’t.” That didn’t explain why you could feel his energy but you didn’t bring that up because it made things more complicated than it needed to be.

“Maybe,” Sam mumbled, rubbing his hand over his chin.

“There’s nothing else it could be, Sam. The question is, how is Roy controlling the damn thing?” Dean wondered. You put your hand on Sam’s thigh under the table and he looked over at you and you nodded, reassuring him that you were on the right track even if he did have his reservations. You could almost see it, the lightbulb in his brain going off the moment it did.

“The cross,” he whispered.

“What?” Dean asked, looking at you but you shrugged.

“The cross. There was this cross I noticed in the church tent,” he explained, rummaging through his papers and pulled out a stack of tarot cards and sifted through them until he found the right one. He chuckled and showed it to you and then to Dean.

“Tarot?” Dean asked, now it was his turn to be skeptical.

“It makes sense. Tarot dates back to the early Christian era, when some priests were using magic and a few veered into the dark stuff - necromancy and how to push death away, how to cause it,” Sam explained. You watching his mouth move up and down and wanted to kiss his lips because now he was smiling and he was onto something and he loved that.

“So Roy is using black magic to bind the reaper?” Dean asked, flipping the card over in his hand.

“If he is, he’s riding the wirlwind,” Sam said, taking the card back and putting in the stack with the others. “It’s like putting a dog leash on a great white,” Sam explained.

Dean stood up from his chair and put his mug of coffee in the sink. He sighed and turned around, leaning back against the sink and looked at you and Sam with a hard expression. “So, we stop Roy.”

“How?” You asked.

“You know how.”

“What the hell are you talking about? We can’t kill Roy,” Sam said, causing your head to snap and it was the first time that you hadn’t been able to tell what Dean was thinking and maybe it was the guilt speaking or the fact that he was so mad that someone would do something like that but that was never the answer.

“This guy is playing God - deciding who lives and who dies. That’s a monster in my book,” Dean explained, no emotion in his voice except anger.

“No, we’re not gonna kill a human being, Dean,” you argued with him. “We do and we’re no better than he is,” he reminded him. You were in this job to save people and maybe survivors guilt is getting to his head but killing another person wasn’t the answer and you knew, deep down, Dean knew that, too.

“Okay, so we can’t kill Roy, we can’t kill death. Any bright ideas, girl?” He was snappy and rude and you stood up, pushing your chair back, scoffing. The legs of the chair scratched the floor but you didn’t care.

“What the hell-” You started but Sam grabbed your hand and stopped you.

“Okay,” he raised his voice, pulling your arm down so you’d sit back on the chair next to him. “If Roy is using some kind of black spell on the reaper, we just got to figure out what it is and how to break it,” Sam explained as if it was that easy.

“Why do you have to be such a jerk sometimes,” you asked Dean, ignoring Sam’s suggestion.

“Why do you have to be such a baby? Sometimes we gotta do the hard stuff, it’s not always fun and cuddling with Sam,” Dean snapped at you, pushing off the sink.

“Guys,” Sam interjected again. For once, he was playing the referee and not you but you didn’t like being on this end of it, either. “Can we figure this out first and fight later?”

+

The service was about the start and there were people filing into the tent. You saw some of the same people you saw the last time you were here, again hoping for their chance to be healed. The same protester was there, handing out flyers and the three of you took one, praising his work. “Keep up the nice work,” Sam said, patting him on the back.

Part of you felt guilty for this. Not stopping Roy, but stopping him after you got what you wanted from him. Was it fair that you let Dean get healed but you’re stopping everyone else from being healed? It wasn’t and that thought weighed on you as you snuck around Roy’s house, waiting for him to leave for the service.

Once they did, you and Sam snuck into the house through an open window. “Maybe we should check the library, first,” you suggested as Sam glanced around the living room. There were books all over the place but nothing that looked anything like a spell book which is what you were looking for. You figured that he had to get a spell from somewhere and it was your and Sam’s job to figure out where while Dean stalled the service.

The library was filled with books which you found odd because Roy was blind but there was dust littering all of them. You ran your fingers over the binding of all of them, up and down, reading the words printed on them.

Something was pulling you towards the center of the bookshelf. A feeling, deep in your gut. As you continued on, a sinking feeling began to take over. Like your heart was racing faster but also getting heavier so it was travelling down your throat and into your stomach. The dust was absent in front of one book and one book only. “This one,” you said, pointing at it. Sam took it out and read the cover but it was nothing. “It has to be,” you mumbled, looking at the empty hole.

Sam noticed the dust, too. He ran his fingers through it and the feeling was getting more and more intense it started to hurt your brain and you felt cold and then you saw something pushed up against the back of the shelf. “What’s that?” You asked, reaching it to grab it.

When your fingers touched it, the feeling went away. There was no remains of it at all. No aftermath. Just gone. You opened the small book and pages fell out. Pages and pages of news articles. One about an openly gay teacher and another about an abortion supporter and then another, about the protester that sat in front of the church.

Sam flipped through the pages of the book and sure enough, there were spells written all over the place. He showed you one page in partcicular, that had a dog ear in the top corner and a picture of a reaper, similar to the one that you were looking at a few hours ago. “There’s the cross,” Sam pointed out.

“You think these are the victims?” You asked, showing him the articles. “People he thinks are sinning?” Sam didn’t answer, instead, he grabbed all the papers and the book and started back towards the window. You followed him and as soon as you hit sunlight, he called Dean.

“What do you got?” Dean’s voice was a muffled mess on the other line, but you could hear it.

“Roy’s chosing victims that he sees as immoral. I think we know who his next victim is gonna be,” Sam explained, rushing through the yard to get to the tent. You checked in every car for anyone that could be listening, but it was all empty.

“The protestor,” Dean answered.

“Yeah, but we’ll find him but you can’t let Roy heal anyone, all right?” Sam told him and then hung up, leaving it all on Dean’s shoulders to stop whatever was going to happen next inside that tent.

You scanned every car for him as the music from inside the tent stopped and then started again but it was a vacant lot. There was nothing and then a loud yell, “HELP!”

You whipped your head around in the direction of the noise but all you saw was cars. “Do you see him?” You asked Sam, who towered a whole foot above you and could see over the tops of the cars. He nodded and grabbed your hand, pulling you around a yellow car and down the row and then you saw him.

He was running, looking back at nothing but calling for help. Sam caught up to him and the feeling came back. A dark, cold, wash came over you. “Where is he?” Sam asked, looking around frantically but there was nothing.

“Right there!” The protester said, pointing down the row of cars. You couldn’t see it and Sam couldn’t see it, but you nodded and pulled the guy in the opposite direction anyway and kept running.

After a few moments, he seemed to calm down and then the phone rang. It was Dean. “I did it. I stopped the service,” Dean said to you over the phone.

“I think it’s okay,” you said to Sam and the protester, reiterating what Dean had told you. The guy let out a sigh of relief and he looked around with no panic in his eyes until he turned 180 degrees and then he fell to his knees. “It didn’t work!”

tagged: @matchamendes @stuckupstucky @sillydecoy @kaelyn-lobrutto24@liztorr1212 @icanreadbookstoo  @rachael-mae @jessewa26

[cutiecrates]

Cutie Reviews: NMNL May 19

I know it’s only been a week since I did the previous NMNL, but I had been hoping to have this done a few days ago. But I just wasn’t really in a hurry to use the items like I usually do. The box wasn’t the problem though, I just lost a little momentum again. But I’m feeling better again and I’m ready to do this!

“May’s box is all about embracing your natural beauty! Whether you want to do that by taking care of your skin or enhancing your features wih a little makeup, we’ve included the perfect products for you because we want you to feel beautiful this month!“

Prize

For winning the contest this month, first prize could win a set of the Missa Time Revolution Vitality Set of curated products, while runner-ups got a Missa dual blending eyeshadow in Rose Crown.

Glam Gift

Meanwhile, the glam gift includes a whole set of Etude House goods :D I love Etude House, and I was very excited to recognize the Missing U lotion, it’s the exact one I have. I meant to buy the whole set, but I kinda forgot to get the others...

I’ve also been planning on buying the soft drink lip products because of how cute they are, so I found that to be kinda funny too.

Meanwhile, the months horoscope is What cocktail should you try? with mine, Libra, being a Mai Tai. I’ve heard of it, but I never tried it. I’d love to try a strawberry daiquiri though, or maybe a Cosmopolitan- I’m only into fruity, colorful drinks.

Okay, well with that let’s get started!

Patting Panda Tool

Our first item is a unique beauty tool meant to emulate an important part of the Japanese skin care routine. This is basically applying a lotion product by gently patting the skin until its absorbed in the skin, so this adorable panda wand will help with that. I assume you can also use it with other various skin products.

All you do is apply a cotton pad or paper or tissue or something, then apply a lotion (from the images I assume liquid works better, or something thin and runny), then you tap it against the skin about 30 times. I think you can do more than that though because I noticed mine was fine after that, so I think I was closer to 50 or 60 when I noticed mine was dirty and thinned out/no longer usable.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

I mean, in all honesty it’s probably more work just putting this thing together than it is actually applying/patting the product on yourself. BUT, it’s nice if you don’t want it all over your hands or touch your face, and I can’t say it doesn’t work. I used it and noticed that the product seemed to absorb quicker and my skin felt really nice. I also love pandas, so it’s pretty cute in that regard; and it was actually fun to use.

The only thing I dislike is that the loop piece won’t stay on unless you have something for it to connect to on the head piece, the cotton pad/tissue/paper. So until I decide where to put it, I’ll be leaving it in the box, which takes up a lot of space if you ask me...

Speed Off Brush Cleaning Sheets

Our next item is for cleaning makeup brushes, with each wipe infused with Alkaline electrolyte water to remove built up dirt, sebum, oil, foundation, and whatever else might be on the brushes. There is 12 in a set, and let me tell you, I used 3 of them cleaning all of my brushes.

That is because in all honesty, I actually was never told about the importance of cleaning your makeup brushes. I would clean them as I used them, but I never gave them a real, wet cleaning. Not cleaning your makeup tools can lead to bacteria that can lead to acne and other skin conditions- that never happened to me as of yet, but that isn’t to say it never wouldn’t have.

They have a scent, but I’m not sure what it is. It isn’t really a pleasant scent like flowers or fruit, but it’s not bad either, it’s really light. 

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

To be fair you probably could have got the same effect just wetting the brushes and cleaning them manually, but this saves you effort; it’s like the opposite of the panda, but like the Panda, I actually really liked these. Not only did they make everything look brand new and tidy again, but it also did an awesome job removing the built up mascara on my favorite eyelash curler I really need to throw away but won’t because it’s my favorite.

As I said above, I did go through 3 of them, but rest assure that I used each one to its fullest and they were covered. But to be fair, one of my palettes got smeared with another makeup and I had a hard time removing it, and my foundation brush was loaded with product <3< it’s seen a lot...

Fragrance Body Sheets

By Fiancee (a brand we’ve seen before but not recently~) we have these fun looking body wipes in a grapefruit scent. They have a cooling menthol effect and will keep one moisturized and refreshed whether it be in the morning while getting ready or while outside enjoying the weather.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

I love these! I’ve always ♥ grapefruit scents or anything citrus-based because to me they’re very refreshing and great pick-me-ups on those lazy mornings you can’t wake up fast enough. They smell amazing and the scent is long-lasting!

The only reason I marked them down is because you’re told not to use these on your face or clothing... I mostly use wipes for my face, and if necessary my clothes too, like if I spilled something while I’m out. I don’t know why they can’t be used on these 2 places, but I don’t plan to test my luck either and I really hope I remember not to use them on my face <3<

I assume it’ll burn...

Japanese Bath Powder & Fluffy Cleansing Pad

First up is an item I’ve had before, but it’s been so long I don’t remember if I had it in this specific version. These are adorable bath powders based on the daruma doll, lucky cat, or a dog, each with their own beneficial ingredients; like the daruma I have contains Japanese snake gourd plant extract, the cat has orange blossom oil, and the dog contains chrysanthemum extract.

As you can see I got the daruma doll, and he smells really good. I can’t tell if its cranberry or lychee or what, but it smells good and has a pretty matching color. I did use it, but because I didn’t feel like taking a bath I soaked my feet in again, but because there’s so much powder I only used a portion of it. The rest will be saved for a bath... or more feet soaks cause lately that’s what I’m into.

Since I’m pretty sure I already had this one, or one exactly like it. I’m not going to rate it, I’ll just say that my feet/skin felt no difference after I used it. All it really did was color the water (no staining btw) and release a strong, pleasant scent.

-----

Our next item is a cleansing facial pad, available in 2 colors/designs, and I was very happy I got the pink one~ But they’re both cute colors. Like the panda, this is another product by Beauty World.

These are for exfoliating and cleansing the skin while removing makeup, instead of using a cotton pad or wipes that might strip the skin of beneficial nutrients. They also brighten the skin. 

I decided not to rate this one either, but only because I didn’t really have much to say about it. It feels really soft and fluffy like the name implies, and it does its job.

Berrisom Horror Mask

Our next item is another Berrisom mask, this time part of their Horror line. We could either get a skeleton version made from Black Rice, which focuses on clearing up dry skin and improving the elasticity and moisturization, or the Pierrot/clown version, made from green tea and bamboo water to deeply moisturize and prevent wrinkles.

In knowing that, either one would have worked for me... but I don’t remember i I mentioned this before or not (I probably did), I’m terrified of skeletons DX I know it’s silly, but I’ve always been; the only exception is that I think skull designs are cute, and cutesy skeletons I can endure, I used to love the Skelanimal series.

Rating: ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ 

It smells good, it has that Target scent I mention some times. I really like it, but I did not like the skull design on this mask DX it was scary. For me to use this, I had put it on and hurried up and put one of my other masks on top of it because I could see myself wearing it. 

Again, I know its weird but it’s what I had to do okay.

Its quality was great though, plenty moist and it stuck very good. It was very soothing, and my face felt really nice after I used it~

Oh My Lash Mascara

Our next item is by Etude House, the Oh My Lash Mascara available in 2 formats; either #3 which focuses on volume or #4 for curling. I got 3, which you can kinda see in the pic on both the tube and lid.

This is a basic black mascara. There’s a little bit of a scent but it doesn’t smell like typical mascara.

Rating: ♥ ♥

I was really disappointed with last months Kira Kira Crate metallic pink let-down, so this one, which wasn’t nearly as cute didn’t give discourage me. As soon as I smoothly pulled out the wand and observed the bristles, I had high hopes this one would be pretty good.

But despite how good it looks, it’s a typical mascara. It’s not the worst and I can see a difference, but my lashes insta-clumped and stuck together. That usually doesn’t happen until like my third or fourth swipe (if I really have to do that many that is...). This won’t be in my top 3 mascara anytime soon.

Lip Tint Jam

Our last item is by Canmake. This lip tint jam is available in No.4 Expresso Jam, but don’t let the name fool you, it has a scent but its not a delicious one. This specific product features a jam-like jelly texture that easily spreads on the lips for a smooth, semi-matte finish. It comes in a brownish-orange shade... A shade I can’t say I was ever considering for myself.

Rating: ♥ ♥ 

The product isn’t bad, I kind of like how it feels on my lips. It went on smoothly as promised, but I did have to apply it a couple times to evenly spread out, because each time i brought my lips together it seemed to pull it away from certain spots. I wasn’t crazy about the color, but after dabbing it, it left a lighter, but still-noticeable tint on my lips that I approve of a lot more.

♥ Cutie Ranking ♥

Content - 3.5 out of 5. I liked the items, but I felt like some of them were lacking in quality.

Theme: 1.5 out of 5. Honestly, I think only a couple items really enhance ones natural beauty. I never really consider makeup to be Natural, but if you do I’d bump it up to a 2. 

Total Rank: 6 out of 10. The products are fine and they do work,but in comparison to the past two that I really liked, I felt like this one didn’t measure up. It had a handful of nice qualities too though, so I can’t say it was a bad box, it’s just my personal opinion that it could have been better.

♥ Cutie Scale ♥

1. Body Sheets - Besides the fun, colorful packaging, these smell deliciously wonderful! I’ll be bringing these with me and using them on those sleepy mornings for sure.

2. Patting Panda - It’s so sweet, I can’t help but smile looking at it~

3. Japanese Bath Powder - Smells and looks really pretty. I didn’t feel any different but it was still a pleasant experience. 

4. Berrisom Face Mask - the prior ones weren’t too impressive but they smelled good, and this one smelled good too- plus the quality actually impressed me. These ones would be fun to use at a slumber party or friendly get-together.

5. Speed Off Cleaner - I love its pink and black color scheme on the packaging x3 I was also very impressed by these. I wish we got more, but I can see why we didn’t, since you don’t need to clean your makeup tools all the time. They could end up drying up before you use them all DX

6. Lip Tint Jam - Felt nice but it left my lips uneven and patchy until like the 3rd application. I didn’t like the color until I wiped off a portion of it after a few minutes. The bottle is really cute though and I think it’ll be a nice shade for fall/autumn.

7. Cleansing Pad - The packaging is really cute but the sponge itself is plain; the polar bear face isn’t really even on it, which disappointed me a bit. It feels really nice on the skin though, so I think I’ll still use it. When I remember that is...

8. Oh My Lash Mascara - I think this was the biggest disappointment in the box. It worked but I wasn’t impressed by it. It’s also pretty plain, which is so not the image of Etude House I get.