#dipper gets ahold of the carabiner and puts it on and then runs to find a mirror

[theyhitthepentagon]

WENDY: im a lesbian im going to the gravity falls pride parade later [CAMERA FOCUSES ON BACKGROUND WHERE DIPPER IS PEEKING THROUGH THE DOORWAY INTO THE GIFTSHOP] DIPPER TO MABEL: mabel mabel did you hear that? wendy said shes a "lesbian"! maybe if i become a lesbian ill have a chance with wendy! i might be able to find something about this in the journal MABEL: Dipper come on you dont have a chance with wendy and also i dont think you know what a lesbian is. (slaps progress pride flag sticker on Waddles's face and he oinks) DIPPER: shut up jesser i found something! the author talks about a secret boon found in an ancient witches cottage turned him into the beautiful "butch lesbian" he always wanted to be. all i need to do to get with wendy is find this boon! mabel lets go!

[SUBPLOT]

SOOS: (wandering into a crowded part of town) woah where am i theres so many acceptably-clothed-but-nearly-naked people here BACKGROUND FEMME LESBIAN: (emerges from crowd) wowie a hot butch! come here handsome! SOOS: woah ladies, one at a time! [HARDCUT TO FACE] hark! my optimized aura is irresistible to women. (holding up carabiner with a shti ton of keys hooked on it) maybe spending my paycheck on this fancy carabiner was a good idea! (he is dogpiled by hot scantily clad dykes)