#ding dong the governor’s dead

[cjbolan]

Wicked Part 1 Spoiler below…

So glad we see Elphaba’s father die. The movie really expands on how horrid he was to Elphaba. Never have I been happier to see a fictional character die.

[darkmaga-returns]

Welcome to New World Next Week – the video series from Corbett Report and Media Monarchy that covers some of the most important developments in open source intelligence news. This week:

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WATCH ON:  /  /  /  /  /  or DOWNLOAD THE MP4

Story #1: Police Say UnitedHealthcare’s CEO Was Likely Killed With a Ghost Gun. What Are They? https://www.npr.org/2024/12/10/nx-s1-5223368/luigi-mangione-united-healthcare-ceo-ghost-gun

Abe’s Killing Haunts Japan With Questions On Homemade Guns (Jul. 10, 2022) https://apnews.com/article/shinzo-abe-japan-crime-tokyo-gun-politics-6ef3aa271e147bf2426363448ecd9f1b

NWNW Flashback: Cody Wilson DOJ Lawsuit Win for 2nd Amendment (Jul. 12, 2018) https://corbettreport.com/interview-1371-new-world-next-week-with-james-evan-pilato/

Corbett Report Flashback (2013): 3D Printing Guns https://corbettreport.com/3d-printing-guns/

In the Line of Fire https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_the_Line_of_Fire

Story #2: Alert! The East Coast Is Being Buzzed By “Very Sophisticated” Giant Drones Every Night That “Go Dark” When Approached By U.S. Aircraft https://activistpost.com/2024/12/alert-the-east-coast-is-being-buzzed-by-very-sophisticated-giant-drones-every-night-that-go-dark-when-approached-by-u-s-aircraft.html

NSFW Flashback: New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy Confronted While Having Dinner With His Maskless Family (Dec. 2, 2020) https://twitter.com/mediamonarchy/status/1333132816456904705

The Drone Wars: You Are Not Prepared https://corbettreport.com/the-drone-wars-you-are-not-prepared/

Yemeni Drone Makes Impact In Central Israel; The Yemeni Drone Managed To Overcome Israeli Air Defenses, Warning Systems Before Striking Penthouse https://thecradle.co/articles-id/28006

Story #3: NWNW Updates – US, Israel and Turkey Launch Airstrikes In Syria After Cheering Regime Change https://news.antiwar.com/2024/12/09/us-israel-and-turkey-launch-airstrikes-in-syria-after-cheering-regime-change/

TRAV_EL BAN! South Korea’s President Yoon Banned From Traveling Abroad After Martial Law Chaos https://apnews.com/article/south-korea-martial-law-yoon-a196573506375f39d5645843bcf87828

Goldman Sachs Quits Global Climate Coalition For Banks https://www.reuters.com/sustainability/sustainable-finance-reporting/goldman-sachs-quits-global-climate-coalition-banks-2024-12-06/

Pandemic Treaty Negotiators Conclude Week-Long Meeting In Geneva Without Agreement. https://doortofreedom.org/pandemic-treaty-negotiators-conclude-their-week-long-meeting-in-geneva-right-now-without-an-agreement-ding-dong-the-treaty-is-dead/

Fertility Rate In England, Wales Falls To Lowest Level Since Records Began In 1938 https://news.sky.com/story/fertility-rate-in-england-and-wales-falls-to-lowest-level-since-records-began-in-1938-13243333

Israeli Attacks In Gaza Kill at Least 50 More Palestinians Over 24 Hours https://news.antiwar.com/2024/12/09/israeli-attacks-in-gaza-kill-at-least-50-more-palestinians-over-24-hours/

Episode 469 – A Brief History of the War on Syria https://corbettreport.com/a-brief-history-of-the-war-on-syria/

[thetistaboveall]

Batting A Thousand

Part 1

The Governor of the state inauguration is at the very eve of conception when he invites me over.

The limo came from me leaving me at the end of the drive way he greets me by the gate.

We sneak in his lips kissing me so sweetly it is funny enough he use to be an arrogant blow hard.

You see two weeks ago after years of cruel words, assumptions and attacks I was at my boiling point.

It’s not my fault he pretended to like me and was recording me the whole time

He plans to blackmail with it in order to keep me with him as long as he wants.

My skin is boiling in a rage I hit him on the head with a candle stick.

He goes tumbling down the staircase I race scared out of my life.

I check him out with my finger to no neck in heat, I drag him to the bed happily subject him to my programming.

“Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead”

“Wwwwhhhhhaaattttt uuuuuugggghhhhh”

“Sorry you phony excuse of a hero”

“Do you understand what I have done?”

“Broken, fix and freed me forever”

“Why did I do that?”

“I was without question horrible to you”

“I need to learn a lesson”

“This is punishment”

Part 2

I click my fingers waking him up as I pick up a candle light and place it on the table near him.

“What the fuck dad?”

“Punch him and knock him out”

“My son”

I ponder a bit father governor and the son is the mayor of the city.

I giggle with anticipation placing his son on the couch and lite the candle again.

“Inhale the scent as it dives in to his nose and fill his lungs.”

“No….aaaaahhhhh”

“Good boi”

“God!”

“My god”

“You tried to”

“I know “

“Blackmail you”

“I was a arse”

He falls to his knees wrapping his arms on to my waist and he leans.

“Your lips are sweet”

“Taste like cherry”

Part 3

“My other son Tyler is upstairs”

“Bring him down nice and easy”

“He is a senator”

“Yes Master”

“As you wish Master”

“Who the hell is? Why did you call me?”

“What’s that smell? It’s so awful”

“I am about to faint”

“Ffffuuuucccckkkk”

“Deeply embrace it all”

“I love you”

“You love me”

“Be at my will”

“Be better then most”

“Love me completely”

“You own me forever “

“I am your life”

“Be all and end all”

Part 4 - 5

“Do you have any more kids?”

“Two collage aged ones”

“They are hot”

“All yours “

“When will they be back”

“They arrive tomorrow”

“I love all three of you”

“It took a long way around to get here”

“It it is worth everything “

“My sons are here”

“Go upstairs”

“Yes sir”

“Who the fuck”

“Sssssshhhhhh”

“Inhale”

“Oooooohhhh”

“You belong to me”

“Yyyyyyyeeeeessss”

The end

[coochiequeens]

Unleashing an arsenal of delaying tactics, Democrats slowed business in the Texas House to a crawl for most of Tuesday — a strategy that paid off when a midnight pass-or-die deadline expired without a vote on a bill to limit sports opportunities for transgender student athletes.

Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick responded Wednesday morning by calling on the governor to revive the issue in a special session in June, directly after the 140-day regular session ends on Monday.

Democrats criticized Senate Bill 29 as unnecessary and cruel to transgender youths, and for almost 12 hours they worked hard to make sure little work was done by offering numerous amendments, asking extensive questions and raising clock-eating points of order.

Even with all that, the House finally arrived at SB 29's spot on the daily calendar shortly after 10 p.m., but the expected showdown fizzled when action on the transgender sports bill was postponed until 11:30 p.m.

The bill, however, never came up again as the House, free of delays, blitzed through almost three dozen Senate-approved bills that had to be passed by midnight or die as the legislative session enters its closing days.

When the deadline hit, Democrats gathered at the front of the House chamber to celebrate by waving transgender pride flags and cheering.

"Ding dong the bill is dead," Rep. Erin Zwiener, D-Driftwood, said on Twitter.

"We did it!" Rep. Ana-Maria Ramos, D-Richardson, tweeted. "Today was a testament to the resilient spirit of the amazing trans community and all of the allies who stood by us all session."

The night ended with other Democratic-opposed legislation falling to the deadline as well, including:

• SB 12, a response to Republican complaints that conservatives are censored on social media, would have let users sue Twitter, Facebook and other large companies if they were kicked off or blocked.

• SB 10 would have limited the ability of cities and counties to hire taxpayer-funded lobbyists.

Both bills, as well as the transgender sports bill, were designated as priorities by Patrick and were quickly passed by the Senate. (Patrick said he wants Gov. Greg Abbott, who determines what issues can be addressed in a special session, to add SB 10 and SB 12 to a June session as well.)

All three Patrick priorities were greeted with less enthusiasm in the House, however, setting up Tuesday's drama as Democrats found numerous opportunities to offer amendments that had little chance of passage but every chance of extending debate.

They questioned each other about the scope of their bills and the reach of their amendments, and when a Democrat wasn't presenting a bill, they sometimes turned the tactics on Republican lawmakers who were trying to hurry their legislation along.

Some Republicans, including Rep. Angie Chen Button of Richardson, happily engaged their questioners in a lively back and forth. Others were less enthusiastic, including Rep. Dennis Paul of Houston, who grunted out short answers that got shorter as questions persisted, prompting laughter when a Democrat made a motion to "reduce Rep. Paul's groan to writing and place it in the (House) Journal."

Senators noticed the go-slow approach and responded by tapping the brakes as well, turning the morning's sprint through bills into a leisurely afternoon walk.

Sen. Jose Menéndez, D-San Antonio, had to endure a barrage of puns as he shepherded through legislation to limit puppy mills. Sen. Drew Springer, R-Muenster, waxed poetic about the joys of hunting and the wonders of a bill allowing electronic tags and photos for game animals instead of using a physical tag.

The Senate, subject to looser rules than the House, had until midnight Wednesday to take the two votes needed for final passage of House-approved bills.

And although killed bills can sometimes be resurrected as amendments to other legislation, the bills must be significantly related, limiting that option.

Transgender-directed bills

Republicans argued that SB 29, which would have required Texas student athletes to compete under the gender listed on their original birth certificate, was needed to protect the integrity of sports and ensure an even playing field for competition.

Its demise marked the third time a Senate bill directed at transgender youths died in the House this session.

Two other bills sought to ban gender-affirming medical care for those 17 and younger.

SB 1646 would have broadened the legal definition of child abuse to include providing puberty-blocking medication, hormone therapy or surgery to young transgender Texans. Parents who allow such treatments would have risked having their children removed by Child Protective Services.

However, the bill by Sen. Charles Perry, R-Lubbock, died in a House committee without getting a public hearing, the first step in the committee process.

And under SB 1311, health care professionals who provide gender-affirming care would lose their medical licenses. The bill by Sen. Bob Hall, R-Edgewood, also would have prohibited liability insurance coverage for banned treatments.

Rapidly resurrected and passed by the Senate on May 18 after a similar House bill failed to pass before a key deadline, SB 1311 arrived at the House shortly before an unexpected two-day break was called to protest the slow treatment of House bills in the Senate.

That delay all but killed SB 1311, angering conservatives but pleasing the ACLU of Texas, which had vowed to sue Texas if either medical-care bill became law.

If Texas Democrats can do this to defeat a bill that would have protected women’s sports than they can do the same for any bill targeting access to birth control and abortion.

[wakewithgiggli]

theconniek replied to your post “theconniek replied to your post “In loving memory of John McCain,...”

Where was all of this outrage when you let the GOP and Trump take control of your lives? Now you get to take your shots at a man who just died of brain cancer. You don't like what he did? Then vote in November and elect people who you agree with. The poison I've been reading makes you no better than the man you vilify.

This is a genuinely baffling reply to me. You realise I am a leftist, and have been villifying the entire republican party since before Trump was elected? I’ve even excoriated McCain before, during his support of the Obamacare repeal efforts. And any way, why would you assume that the people villifying McCain now have just started doing it, and were’t doing it during his life? That does’t make sense to me.

By the way, I’m British, so I don’t get to vote in that election. But that’s kind of a silly point anyway. It’s entirely possible for people to complain about one thing, and also to go and vote. It’s not an either/or situation.

For the record, I also reblogged things like celebrations of the deaths of Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Reagan (I’m quite fond of the “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead,” and the meme “Ronald Reagans Grave is a Gender Neutral Bathroom”), so if you’re attempting to shame me for talking ill of the dead, you’ve really come to the wrong place.

(I believe this, dear readers, is what they call doubling down.)

But suggesting that people spending a few hours pointing out the evil that certain people did is at all equivalent to the actual evil that those people did just leaves me speechless. (But only metaphorically, so I can still reply to this nonsense.)

Anyway, here’s a decent article on John McCain and his legacy. A few choice quotes:

McCain’s legacy is more complex than his legend, of course. Many of his maverick moments covered for less-noble motivations – of pique or public relations. And his dying regret that he did not select Joe Lieberman as his running mate does not heal the damage he did to our body politic. By tapping Alaska Governor Sarah Palin for the 2008 ticket, McCain opened a Pandora’s Box of right-wing populism, energizing the nascent Tea Party and presaging the triumph of Donald Trump.

....

The media “tend to notice acts of political independence from unexpected quarters,” McCain later wrote. .... “I was gratified by the attention and eager for more.”

...

Up to and including his final year in office, McCain’s bold declarations of principle were often later reversed, or quietly abandoned.

In the age of Trump, McCain positioned himself, superficially, as the president’s antagonist. In 2017, McCain relished playing executioner for a version of Trumpcare.

...

Yet just months after this principled stand, McCain backed the senate version of the Republican tax bill – legislation that had advanced on a strictly partisan basis, with no committee hearings, and passed literally in the dead of the night. Heightening the contradiction, the Senate bill contained the central feature of the “skinny repeal” McCain had voted against — ending Obamacare’s individual mandate. The bill also opened the Arctic National Wildlife to drilling, a measure McCain once fiercely opposed.

[gurguliare]

This is a Cao Cao blog now I’ve transcribed his whole dumb fuck death sequence buckle up

At Cao Cao’s invitation, Su Yue designed a large-scale building of nine sections, surrounded by corridors, elevated galleries, and towers. The drawings were presented to Cao Cao. After examining them, he said, “Exactly what I had in mind. But we do not have the lumber for the main beams.” Su Yue replied, “Thirty li from the city in front of the Vaulting Dragon Pool there is a temple of the same name. Beside the temple grows a giant pear tree over a hundred spans tall. That should provide the beams for Foundation Hall.”

Elated, Cao Cao sent workmen to cut the tree down. But they could not penetrate it with saws or open it with axes. In disbelief Cao Cao led several hundred men to the shrine to inspect the tree, which soared straight up and spread out a leafy canopy that seemed to reach to the Milky Way. Cao Cao ordered his men to cut the pear tree down, but some local elders came forward to object. “The tree is already several hundred years old,” they said, “and a spirit has always occupied it. It should not be cut.” Cao made an angry reply: “In all my time, over forty years, I have gone far and wide across the realm. And I am held in fear and respect by all, from the Son of Heaven himself to the common man. What perverse spirit here dares to challenge my wishes?” He struck at the tree with his sword. There was a metallic sound; then blood splashed over Cao, who threw his sword to the ground and rode home in hysteria.

That night at the second watch, unable to sleep, Cao Cao was seated in his chamber, resting against a low table. Suddenly he saw a man dressed in black, hair disheveled, hand on sword, advancing straight at him and shouting, “I am the spirit of the pear tree. Building Foundation Hall signals your intent to usurp the dynasty. That explains your striking at a sacred tree. I know your number is told, and I come to take your life!” Cao Cao called in a panic for his guards. The black-robed figure swung his sword. Cao Cao screamed and awoke, his head throbbing unbearably. Physicians were sought, but none could bring relief. The court officials were depressed.

Hua Xin submitted a proposal: “Your Highness knows of the marvelous physician Hua Tuo? [...] In cases of disease of the internal organs, where applied compounds will not work, he feeds the patient a narcotic potion to induce a deep sleep; then he cuts open the stomach and irrigates the affected areas with medicinal fluids. The patient feels not the slightest pain, and after the irrigation Hua Tuo sews up the wound with treated sutures and spreads salves over it. Recovery takes a month, maybe twenty days. That’s the kind of skill he has!

“Traveling one day, he heard someone groaning. ‘Inability to ingest,’ he said --- which turned out to be the case. Hua Tuo had three pints of garlic and leek juice given the sufferer, who spat up a worm over two feet long. After that the man could ingest once more. Governor of Guangling Chen Deng suffered from severe indigestion and inflamed complexion. Unable to eat, he summoned Hua Tuo. After taking medicine, the governor vomited up three pints of worms; their tails wriggled and their heads were reddish. Chen Ding asked for the cause. The doctor told him his condition came from eating too much fish, and that the symptoms could well recur in three years and become incurable even though he was normal at the moment. Three years later the governor died.

“Another time, a man had a tumor in his eyebrow. It itched intolerably, so the sufferer summoned Hua Tuo. After studying the growth, the doctor said that something winged was inside. Everyone laughed, but when he cut it open, a little sparrow flew out, and the man was healed.

“Another time, a dog bit a man’s toes, and two lumps of flesh grew there. One hurt and one itched excruciatingly. Hua Tuo said, ‘There are ten needles inside the one that hurts, and two chess pieces, one black, one white, inside the other.’ No one thought this diagnosis credible; but when Hua Tuo cut them open, it was exactly as he said. [...] Your Highness should call for him.”

Huan Tuo was speedily summoned and ordered to examine the ailing king. “Your Highness’s severe headaches are due to a humor that is active. The root cause is in the skull, where trapped air and fluids are building up. Medicine won’t do any good. The method I would advise is this: after general anesthesia I will cut open your skull with a cleaver and remove the excess matter. Only then can the root cause be removed.”

“Are you trying to kill me?” Cao Cao protested angrily.

“Your Highness must have heard how I treated Lord Guan’s right arm after he was wounded by a poisoned arrow,” Tuo replied. “I had to scrape the bone, yet he betrayed no sign of fear. Why is Your Highness so apprehensive over a minor affliction?”

“An arm can be scraped. How can the skull be opened? You must be Lord Guan’s close friend, hoping to use this occasion for revenge.” So saying, Cao Cao ordered Hua Tuo imprisoned and interrogated.

[...] One of the jailers where Hua Tuo was confined was known as Wu the Bailiff. Every day the man provided wine and food for Hua Tuo. Gratefully, Tuo said to him, “My death is imminent. What I regret most is that my Book of the Black Bag will be lost to posterity. You have been so kind to me, but I have been unable to repay you. Now I will write to my family. Have someone take them the letter, and and they will present the book to you so that my methods can be carried on.” Delighted, the bailiff said, “With that book I can be done with this kind of work and cure the sick. That way, master, your benevolence will reach the generations to come.” Hua Tuo composed the letter, and Wu the Bailiff took it to Jincheng. Tuo’s wife gave him the book, and he brought it back to Hua Tuo, who read it through and then gave it as a gift to the jailer. Wu the Bailiff took it home and kept it there.

Ten days later Hua Tuo died. Wu the Bailiff purchased a coffin and had the body readied for burial. He then resigned his office and returned home, ready to begin his study of Hua Tuo’s book. Once home, he could hardly believe his eyes: his wife was putting the book in the fire. Up in arms, Wu the Bailiff tried desperately to retrieve it, but it was already destroyed. Only a couple of pages remained. When the bailiff angrily cursed his wife, she said, “Even if you could become as great a physician as Hua Tuo, you would only end up dead in jail. What’s the good of it?” Wu the Bailiff sighed his heart out before he desisted. This is why Hua Tuo’s writings have never come down to us, except for the few lines about capons and gelded pigs on the unburned pages.

[...] Cao Cao’s condition worsened. One night he dreamed that three horses (ma) were feeding from the same trough (cao). The next morning he described the dream to Jia Xu and said, “I’ve had this dream before. I thought then it meant trouble from Ma Teng and his sons. Ma Teng is dead, but the dream has recurred; does it signify something dire or suspicious?” Jia Xu responded, “They are boon horses --- a sign of good luck. A boon horse comes home to Cao. There is no need for your Majesty to be disturbed.” [...]

Toward the third watch, as he lay in his chambers, Cao felt his head and eyes begin to swim. He got up and rested against a low table. Something sounded like cloth tearing. Frightened, Cao Cao looked up in amazement. Suddenly he saw the murdered queens, Empress Fu and Lady Dong, and the two royal sons, along with Fu Wan, Dong Cheng, and some twenty other high courtiers. Smeared with blood, they stood in the gloom and called for his life in muted voices. Cao Cao jerked his sword free and sliced at the empty air. Then came a crash as the southwest corning of the building fell in. Cao collapsed and was rushed to another part of the palace.

The next night Cao Cao could hear the incessant wails of men and women outside. At dawn he assembled the officials and said, “Throughout the campaigns of thirty years I have never given credence to the monstrous or the abnormal. But what do these things mean?” They replied, “Your Highness should command a Taoist priest to perform the rites to ward off evil.” But Cao sighed, commenting, “As the sage Confucius said, when you give offense to Heaven, to whom can you pray? My mandate is exhausted; I am beyond rescue.” He did not allow the services to be held.

By morning Cao Cao felt a pounding in his head, and he could not identify forms. [...] Cao Cao called for Cao Hong, Chen Qun, Jia Xu, and Sima Yi; when they were at his bedside, he instructed them on the matter of the succession. [...] “I have made conquests the length and breadth of the realm these thirty years, and all manner of heroes have I annihilated. There remain but Sun Quan of the Southland and Liu Bei of the Riverlands to be removed. But I will not be able to remain among you, and I shall have to entrust my house to you. My eldest, Ang, son of Lady Liu, died young at Wancheng. Of my other four sons by Lady Bian --- Pi, Zhang, Zhi, and Xiong --- my favorite has always been Zhi, the third. But I will not have him as heir because he is vain and insincere, as well as overindulgent in wine and unrestrained in conduct. The second, Zhang, is bold but tactless; the fourth, Xiong, is sickly and will not live long. Only the eldest, Pi, is reliable, generous, respectful to others, and scrupulous in word and deed --- fit, therefore, to succeed to my estate. I hope you will give him all support and assistance.”

Cao Hong and the rest wept as they received their king’s last command. After they left, Cao Cao had an attendant bring out the rare perfumes he had collected; he apportioned these valuable substances to his harem ladies and instructed them as follows: “After my death devote yourselves diligently to needlework. Make plenty of silk shoes, and you will be able to survive on the sales.” Cao Cao also commanded many of the women to remain in the Bronze Bird Tower in order to offer sacrifices to nourish his spirit each day in ceremonies to be attended by female entertainers and accompanied by music.

[footnote from Moss Roberts: ‘This luxurious touch is not found in the “Wudi ji” of the SGZ (p.53), which emphasizes Cao’s austerity in life and death: “They dressed his body in the clothes appropriate to the season; no valuables were buried with him.”’

footnote from Mao Zonggang, translated by Moss Roberts: ‘Some claim that in dividing the perfume among the women and then ordering them to sell shoes, Cao Cao was departing from his lifelong love of deception. They fail to realize this too was one of his deceptions... At the brink of death what question could be more important than the imperial succession. But Cao Cao, who provided to the smallest detail for each of his women, had not one word to say about the Han throne. This can only be because he wanted the world and later generations to believe that he had no thought of usurping the dynasty; rather, he let his progeny bear the blame that he avoided.’]

In addition, Cao Cao ordered seventy-two decoy tombs erected outside Jiangwu in Zhangde country lest anyone discover his burial place and excavate it.

.

.

WHAT A GUY

I will also append the parts of his death ode I enjoyed.

Here was a man to challenge all tradition! First he rose to hegemon, then king, But in decline he whined as any child. He can fight no more; fate ordains his lot. Turning to his womenfolk, he has no hope of help. Doling out the rare perfumes --- call him not unkind. Alas! Great men of old took care in every deed; Deserted or in pomp, their purposes held firm. The pedant lightly speaks about the dead; From the grave they mock his pedant’s airs.

[lascapigliata]

chris christie can officially begin his term as governor of fuckshit city, hell. ding dong the witch is dead 🍻

[frontallloog]

Y’all do realize how important history is?

For example, let’s say that Denmark is flooded over(in which it will be due to global warming)

The culture is still present, but the land that produced it is not.

The land in which people shedded blood For is gone.

All underwater and lost.

The homes of those who lived there through generations and generations, gone.

Just like some old buildings in France and Italy.

Paintings used to be present in some Dad empty rooms til they were burned, something we’re not getting back.

Same with Native Americans.

They exist, but they’re almost gone because most Natives were slaughtered by the English colonists. Being Native American was looked down on, and some hid their heiritage to fit in.

How about the Mayans, Incas, and Aztecs?

Gone due to Spanish colonists.

Like I know that’s I’m a huge history geek but I kinda want to point out how important history is. Cause you see how much we’ve gone through? Americans in the wars with Russia handed out XL condoms in order to convince Russian women American men are much more *ahem* I bet you didn’t know that right? You have those times were a Texan man when Texas was still a country was thrown in a Mexican prison, talked his way out, and married the governor’s daughter and neared children with her. The French once wore their swords at the crotch area so enemies(specifically the English) couldn’t steal their swords. A prostitute got out of being accused a witch by showing her boobs to the judge by saying, “How could you destroy such great items of God?” We have the one time England hated their Prime Minister so much that when she died the second most viewed song was, “Ding Dong the Witch Is Dead!” We have the Dutch Prime Minister who arrives to important meetings on a simple bike waving. We got that one time Kenya sent over 13 cows to America to help with Hurricane Harvey. We have that time where a guy was getting really popular and then got murdered for being too popular but that made him even more popular and then a religion was made out of it. We have a nation that lived to see the beginnings and endings of great empires also known as China.

If it disappears then it’s gone forever.

Currency

Alien friendo: So you don’t have a singular currency, but instead multiple different kinds?

Human: Uh, yeah? Different cultures come with different money systems I guess. The different societies didn’t really come into contact with each other until the 1800s

Alien friendo: But why not have a single one afterwards? Isn’t the conversion process tiring?

Human: Oh absolutely but many countries like to hold onto their history by keeping their money the same.

Alien friendo: But why? It’s not efficient. At all.

Human: *shrugs* It is the way it is because it is. I’ve got nothing.

Alien friendo: *various noises of confusion* *mutters under breath* Ineffcient flesh bags is what it is.

[sueboohscorner]

#Outlander Recap - S5, Ep10 - "And Mercy Shall Follow Me"

I know the title of this episode was “Mercy Shall Follow Me” but I want to call it, “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead!”  But I’m getting ahead of myself.  Let’s recap!

We start in Wilmington where meetings are taking place with the Fraser clan making their plans to find Bonnet, trap him and make it pay for his crimes.  Another meeting is taking place in Wilmington this day.  This meeting is with Stephen Bonnet and Mr. Forbes. 

The Fraser’s plan depends on Philip Wylie keeping his word; something that Claire is quite worried about.  The plan also requires Ian to dress up as Alexander Malcolm so he puts on western clothing and Claire uses makeup to hide the markings on his face.

Now for the other meeting in town – Stephen Bonnet is meeting with Mr. Forbes in a brothel!  Forbes is trying to convince Bonnet that he needs to be discreet and keep out of sight.  But all Bonnet wants to do is go to the magistrate to claim Jemmy as his son.  Once that is taken care of, Jocasta and her husband will have a terrible accident and Bonnet will inherit River Run and Forbes will get his share as well – 20% of the inheritance.  A little side note, has anyone else realized that Forbes is played by Billy Boyd who was Pipen in the Lord of the Rings trilogy? 

As both plans are now in play, Claire and Bree pay a visit to the local glassblower to create a tube that she can use to make a new syringe.  Wait, are they alone as they run their errands or are they being watched?

It’s time for the Fraser plan.  Jamie, Roger and Ian are at Wylie’s Landing in the woods. Roger explains to Jamie and Ian that Bonnet’s men won’t be a problem as they only work for Bonnet out of hunger and fear, not real devotion.  Roger also tells them that he wants to be the one to kill Bonnet when the time comes.  Jamie doesn’t like it but when Roger explains that Bree is his wife and he needs to be the one to finish this.

It’s time!  As a rowboat approaches the dock, Jamie and Roger take their places hidden inside the cabin as Ian waits outside.  The men get out of the boat but wait, no Bonnet!  Bonnet sent his flunkies!  Now what?  The men are suspicious when they don’t see the whisky barrels.  When they enter the shed, they are jumped by Roger and Jamie.  The men demand to know where Bonnet is.    

Unaware that the plan is unraveling, Brianna and Claire spend the afternoon at the sea.  They watch a pod of whales, Bree talks about how much she loves Moby Dick.  This, of course, hasn’t even been written yet. 

Bree and Claire reminisce about how they used to race on the beach when Bree was a child and off they go!  Mother and daughter race once again!

But this idyllic moment can’t last!  As Claire is gathering shells, she is met by Bonnet in the sand dunes.  He was the one watching her and Brianna as they walked through the streets of Wilmington.  He grabs Claire and holds a knife to her throat.  A terrified Bree pulls a gun on Bonnet but he promises to let Claire go if she comes with him.  There’s a struggle and Bree and Claire are knocked out.  When Claire wakes up, Bree is gone and she heads to find Roger and Jamie.

Bree wakes on Bonnet’s couch in his secret lair.  He is playing at being a gentleman.  He pours her some tea and tells her that he wants to build a life with her and Jeremiah.  Bree is terrified to learn that he knows Jem’s name. 

This new and improved Bonnet makes Bree participate in a dinner spectacle.  She arrives in a beautiful gown.  Bonnet asks Bree to teach him how to be a gentleman.  Bree tells him that you can’t teach someone to have a “moral compass.”  But Bonnet wants to teach his son to be a worthy gentleman and he needs Brianna’s help to do so.

Seeing no other way but to play along, Bree tells him to take his elbows off the table.  He asks Bree what proper ladies and gentlemen do with their free time.  Bree suggests that he could read to her.  When Bree realizes that Bonnet can’t read and offers to do the reading.  Bonnet asks if she reads to Jemmy and Bree explains how she likes to put herself in the character’s shoes.  She starts questioning Bonnet to see what motivates him – love, money or revenge.  She suspects money because he isn’t capable of love.

Bonnet angrily insists that there are 2 sides to every story and Bree doesn’t know anything about his story.  He wants Bree to learn to love him.  Bonnet explains that once he learned that a part of him is in the world, he wants to be a better man. 

To get him away from her, Bree picks up a book and starts to read Moby Dick to him – by memory.    Bonnet is enthralled by the story and excitedly hopes that Ahab slaughters the whale and gets his revenge.  Bonnet is not happy to learn that the monster wins and that Ahab drowns.  Bree responds, telling him that it depends on who you think that monster is. 

In a rare, real moment, Bonnet opens up about his nightmares. So, his recurring nightmare is all about the sea and the darkness of the water as it closes around him and no one will save him.  Bonnet worries that Bree will think less of him now that he’s exposed his vulnerability.  Bree tells him that it’s not possible to think less of him. 

When Bonnet asks if Jem sometimes get scared, Bree says that he needs his mother.  He actually gets emotional, with real tears, when he tells Bree that he was an orphan and for a brief second, I almost feel compassion for him.  Almost.  He’s still Bonnet.  Bonnet pulls Brianna close and again asks her to teach him to love.  Bree pulls away, saying that a proper lady would say goodnight. 

In the morning, Bree pleads with Bonnet to let her go and get Jeremiah.  They can’t both go because her family would never let her leave with the baby and return to Bonnet but she believes that fate will bring her back to him.

Bonnet seems to believe her and wants to seal the deal with a kiss.  The pair shares a kiss but the kiss seems to be lacking a certain something and Bonnet intends to show Bree that he knows how to pleasure a woman.  To prove his point, he grabs a female servant (who is one of the girls from the Brothel) and has his way with her.  When Bonnet leaves to get the girl her coin for services rendered, Bree sees this as her chance to get away.  She begs the woman to help her escape.  She manages to find out that she is being held on Bonnets island – Okracoke.  But when Bree begs the woman to take her wedding ring to Wilmington and find Roger, the woman is too afraid to help her.

Heading back to Wilmington, Roger finds Wylie and holds him at gunpoint and demands to know where Bonnet is.  Wylie says that he doesn’t know but that Bonnet has been blackmailing him and has made his life a misery.  Roger pushes the knife a little closer and Wylie sends him back to the brothel for answers. 

At River Run, Jocasta is meeting with Mr. Forbes.  Forbes is furious when Jocasta announces that she wants to start giving some of her fortune away now, not when she’s gone.   Forbes seethes when she tells him how much she wants to give her family but when Jocasta wants to give a sum to Lizzie, Forbes loses control and smothers Jocasta!  But Ulysses bursts into the room, pulls Forbes off of Jocasta and breaks the man’s neck!  Jocasta is shaken but alive!  Way to go Ulysses!

As Jamie and Roger head back to the brothel, they meet up with Claire who tells them that Bonnet has Bree.  Jamie and Claire race to the brothel.  As they question the ladies, the woman that was at Bonnet’s place is there.  Claire spots her trying to leave the room.  She also notices that the girl seems to be in pain as she moves.  Claire gives her a quick exam and realizes that the woman’s lets are uneven.  She makes a life to go under one heel and the woman feels better.  Claire instructs her to have the shoemaker make her a permanent lift for her shoe and gives the girl some money for the shoes.  Claire’s kindness prompts the girl to share what she knows about Bonnet. 

Back to Bonnet’s island, Bonnet has decided to sell Bree to Captain Howard.  Bree is violated once again as the Howard looks her over.  Brianna bites the man’s finger when Bonnet forces her to show the man her teeth.  The Captain offers Bonnet six pounds.  The Captain, Bonnet and Brianna head to the Captain’s boat for his money. 

On the beach, Bonnet pushes Bree over the dunes when a shot rings out!  One of the sailors falls.  The Fraser’s made it in time!  Bree runs to Claire, but Bonnet grabs her first and a fight ensues.  Roger grabs Bonnet and knocks him out! They tie him up and give Brianna the choice of what to do with him.  Bree wants him taken back to Wilmington to stand trial for all his crimes.  Taking no chances though, they will ask Governor Tryon to be the judge in Bonnet’s since Tryon still owes them for what happened to Roger.

Bonnet was found guilty and sentenced to death by drowning.  Poor Bonnet is smack in the middle of his worst fear come true!  He is tied to a post in the water.  He screams as the water rises and tries desperately to keep his face above the water.  Suddenly someone appears on the shore and shoots Bonnet in the head – killing him. 

It’s Bree and Roger standing on the beach and Brianna is the one who killed Bonnet.  Roger asks if she shot him out of mercy or to make sure he’s dead.  Bree doesn’t answer but turns and walks away.  Stephen Bonnet is gone!  Brianna and Roger no longer have to fear that they will lose Jemmy.  Ding, dong, the witch is dead!

Sadly, only 2 episodes remain until the season 5 finale.  “Journeycake” airs on Monday, May 3, on STARZ. 

Visit www.sueboohscorner.com for my recap as well as recaps, news and info on all your favorite shows. 

Stay safe!

[hejgyrus]

Cameron's First Time (p 1)

Pre-words: Ok just before we start... this is not legit, this is just the horny fantasy of a virgin fag (me!). Our story begins with Cameron (18 M) getting ready to go out on a date with his new boyfriend Ari (21 M).

//TL;DR to find fucking scene, do CTRL+F and type [FUCKING BOOKMARK]

Narrator: Tonight is Cameron's big night. His heart is flying all over the place as he prepares for his date with his new man he just met on the internet (this will end well, shut up). He has only seen pictures all over Instagram but he knows some things about Ari: he's ~6' 5", dirty blond, long-ass dreadlocks, works out, and tames horses. Cameron himself is: 5" 6', extremely white and red eye'd (he's somewhat albino, it's not obvious from a distance), 97 lb, white hair, and really smooth. For the past hour Cameron has been preparing for this event: choosing cloths, trying clear lipstick, regretting that choice, regretting that choice; and finally decided to just go for a cute messy look. A white button-down t-shirt, light grey shorts and some hair gel to make it seem as a bully gave him a nuggy. (he ended up going back on the lipstick).

Cameron: Fuck, shit, fuck, Fuck, FUCK!!!! Oh god, regret, regret! I'm not doing this, nope, nope, not today. I'll just... kill myself! Ya, that should be a good way out of this. No wait, science is too good for that, and Ari will find me dead.

*ding dong*

Cameron: I'M LEAVING, OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW! I CAN'T TAKE THIS.

*door knocking*

*Cameron walks towards door regretting*

Cameron: I'll just throw up on his shoes, that should make him leave.

*Open's door to a giant Manticore*

Cameron: Woh, Hi!

Ari: *snickers* wSup?

Cameron: (gently)Panicking, (fully)still alive

Ari: Ready to go?

Cameron: (NO!) Sure

Narrator: The two get into Ari's decent looking open cockpit jeep, and head off to an outdoor restaurant on the beach. When they arrived they saw a pretty fun place with a small main building and a field of beach couches surrounding picknick-like coffee tables, the sun was setting beautifully on the horizon. Cameron finally managed to compose himself.

Ari: This place is great, I worked here as a bartender while I was at school.

Cameron: Wow, what were you studying?

Ari: Veterinary practices.

Cameron: Ah

Narrator: The two sit at a "table" closer to the water, when a waitress comes over to to her job, you fill in the dialog.

Her:

Ari:

Her:

Cameron:

Her:

Cameron:

Narrator: Ari got a steak done cut up to be edible without leaning forward, and Cameron got a chicken salad, but the chicken is actually pork, it is a pork salad.

Ari: Aright, ya know what... I'm not good with dating...

Cameron: Oh don't worry, this is actually my first time.

Ari: Really! Then let's do the all the cliches, just for the lulz.

Cameron: Ok.

Ari: So tell me about yourself?

Cameron: Oh, god this is going to take a minute. I guess it all started when I was born.

Ari: ..

Cameron: I was born to a pair of Icelandic swingers who decided to elope to Israel, lying about being Jewish to get in free, who decided to fuck around and got stuck with me! I don't know much about them because the orphanage was incompetent for the most part, but they did tell me my mother was 7" 2'... I guess the Icelandic giant's gene.

Ari: Wait then why are you so short?

Cameron: There, actually, is a good reason for that! It's sad but good. Ok, so they left me at an orphanage... Now the Israelis are on the darker end of Caucasians, right? And the country is mostly a desert, so they didn't know my tolerance for sunlight, and decided to be conservative. I didn't really go out and play a lot. That didn't stunt my growth, but it did make me... smaller then the other kids.

Ari: How big did they get?

Cameron: Look at your arms and drop 3 inches

Ari: Oh

Cameron: So back to the house. *Narrator: Wow he opened up quick!* My first foster family was great, the dad was a high ranking military guy. The mother was very active in the community, her two sons were soo nice to me, always forcing me out of my shell and taking me out with their friends. Their friends, on the other hand, were not good people.

Ari: Y

Cameron: Well there's this word in Hebrew, "Arrsce"... It's a healthy mix of punk and bitch. They were that.

Ari: Where's this going...

Cameron: Well shit happened and they beat me up. Violently... comatose-ly. I lost 3 months of my life, and my Icelandic giant's gene.

Ari: Holy shit dude.

Cameron: Ya after that, and the media fire, technicalities happened and a US dignitary managed to "extradite" me to and keep me as his foster kid.

Ari: Lucky break?

Cameron: No he was pretty cold to me, and the rest of his family, but at 16 the state said I could leave the house and live somewhere else on their rent so long as I worked. And I did. I got an apartment over a subway where I still work.

Ari: Quite the life story.

Cameron: Ya I got use to my past.

Ari: But you can't accept that as normal, that was one of the saddest stories I heard in awhile.

Cameron: Too late.

Narrator: Ok I realize you have been waiting for the fucking, you fucking perv... I'll get to that soon...

Cameron: So what about you? You should have some stories.

Ari: Ahh well. My early life started off boring and bland from a broken family.

Cameron: Same!

Ari: He, sure... my life didn't really start until I got my first job a this little horse ranch. Well, like I said, bland and boring.

Cameron: You aren't boring, I love horses... at my size I need something under me to be my bitch (and it defiantly couldn't be you)

Narrator: The two continue to talk about meaningless drivvle to which I do not feel like writing out. If you have never been on a date, imagine a conversation... there ya go, that's what's happening. After a spectacular diner the two proceed to take a nice calm walk on the beach, now going dark.

Cameron: This is a day I won't forget for a long time, thanks for this luv.

Ari: Why dose it have to end? Ya know I have a whole tent and camping shit just lying around in my car, we could just camp out on the beach for the night.

Cameron: I don't know, I don't usually sleep with a guy I just met.

Ari: You've never dated.

Cameron: Point, let's do it!

Ari: Great, take this flashlight and start collecting fire wood, I'll go get the jeep... it's gonna take me about 10 minutes.

Cameron: *sarcastically* I miss you already.

Ari: Bye *kisses Cameron on the lips lightly, like they've been together for years*

Cameron: I... Iiii.. wut

Ari: *with slight regret* I'll be back *Leaves running*

Cameron: Wait I just let this guy leave me alone on a beach at night! He kissed me! How do I know he won't run away. Wait I just had my first kiss! *turns on this tiny pocket sized flashlight that lights up the entire rock face of the cliff the beach sits on* Wouw... I don't know how shallow he is but I'd come back for this flashlight.

Narrator: Cameron collects whatever scrap wood he could find, growing a large pile by the time Ari came back following the immensely powerful vibrator sized flashlight as a beacon.

Ari: Aright! Let's see what we got here...

Cameron: You kissed me.

Ari: Lemme just get started on this fire first.

Cameron: Is this how first times go?

Ari: *fiddling with matches* You mean me not thinking before I act, sure why not.

Cameron: Are we just going to forget that

Ari: *looks him in the eye awkwardly* Yes *Boops Cameron on his snoot*

Cameron: Ahowkey I'll just unpack the tent.

Ari: Oh its one of those spring loaded type deals, just pull off the straps and it will explode.

*Pulls off straps and out pops a giant tent*

Cameron: Oh!

Narrator: Now with the fire blazing and crackling because of moisture, the tent exploded out and tied in place with an inflatable mattress inside (No Ari isn't a creep who just caries around a fuck tent, and it isn't a fuck tent). The two just sit around staring off at the black horizon talking about some deep shit.

Cameron: I was beaten a lot.

Ari: Why

Cameron: Governor Shit-ass was for corporal punishment

Ari: What the cold American family

Cameron: Yup

Ari: You wanna talk about it.

Cameron: No.

Ari: What did they do.

Cameron: Everything.

Ari: Tell me.

Cameron: Nothing was ever right. I couldn't make my bed straight, speak without stuttering, keep straight A+(s) for 4 year.

Ari: *hold him* you're not alone.

Cameron: At some point, he couldn't stand me so much he put me in an orphanage in his town to teach me a lesson.

Ari: Did they also beat you?

Cameron: All because of him.

Ari: Hey, come here... ya wanna know something? One time my Dad was having one of his fits, and he threw me across the house so hard my arm broke in half. I came back at him so hard he lost consciousness.

Cameron: I've never been naked.

Ari: What.. how?

Cameron: I mean I bathe and everything, but in living alone for 2 years, I've never just been naked.

Ari: Was it Governor Shit-ass?

Cameron: The orphanage had a very creative way of punishing those who explore themselves.

Ari: What?

Cameron: The doctor said I started puberty, and the a week later, I got my first boner. I didn't understand what was happening so I ran to the bathroom and started poking around at it. And a nun followed me thinking I was sick, but she caught me, and she thought I was masturbating.

Ari: ..

Cameron: Then she dragged me out of the bathroom and kicked me senseless.

Ari: No

Cameron: But it didn't end there. The next day they took me to the auditorium, which had a thrust built out for a play. They stood me in the middle of the thrust and told me to strip.

Ari: Did you?

Cameron: I didn't understand why, but after I finished stripping and was just stood up there ashamed of myself I heard a storm of foot steps coming towards the door. I tried to run but the nuns were all there looking at me. Then the entire orphanage burst in looking confused until one boy pointed at me and started laughing.

Ari: Oh my god

Cameron: I tried to cover myself up but a nun whipped me on my back and told me to straighten up and put my hands on my head. *now crying a little* and I did.

Ari: *holds him tighter*

Cameron: Then she said, "This is what happens when you explore

your body, you have to share what you found!"

Ari: That's terrible

Cameron: The boys were just pointing at me laughing, and the girls were giggling and disgusted. I couldn't do anything but stand up there and cry. Then the nuns cleared a path for me to walk out naked and alone with my hands on my head, then they led me to my dorm and left me to get dressed.

Ari: ..

Cameron: I cried in my bed for hours until the rest of the boys came to go to sleep. I heard them talk about me, but they didn't notice me.

Ari: You were hiding.

Cameron: The next day no-one would look at me straight, and even one kid pantsed me in the middle of class so that everybody me see my bare ass like yesterday.

Ari: Hey look at me, that's all in the, loook at me. You're 18, you're out of the system. I'm here for you.

Cameron: *hugges Ari as hard as he could*

[FUCKING BOOKMARK]

Ari: D.. Do you want to be naked?

Cameron: Yes.

Ari: Ok come here, stand up. I'm here for you, just follow my lead.

*Ari standing on his knees starts unbuttoning Cameron's shirt slowly*

*Cameron watches him as one half of his face is pitch black and the other glows in the fire*

*Ari gets to the bottom of the buttons, and pulls his shirt off, letting it fall to the ground*

Ari: How do you feel?

Cameron: Nervous.

*Ari undoes Cameron's belt and with one swift move pulls it out leaving it a few feet away*

*Cameron feels his pants drop slightly, suddenly he feels some of that same fear from the orphanage*

*Ari undoes the single button holding Cameron's pants up and slowly lets them drop while looking him in the eyes*

*Cameron feels his knees shutter*

Ari: Now how do you feel?

Cameron: Scared.

Ari: Do you wanna keep going?

Cameron: *nods*

*Ari looks at Cameron's underwear, they were big loose black boxers*

*Ari slowly moves his hands up Cameron's smooth legs to his pants and gently grabs each side*

*Cameron remembers the feeling of that one boy who too pantsed him and prepares to cover what's underneath*

*Ari pulls, ever so gently and slowly taking in every moment of the experience, Cameron is about to break out of a thick shell. The waist line almost got to the base of Cameron's cock when he moves his hands in to cover himself.*

*Ari continues to pull until they're all the way down*

*Cameron has his head down, he's all tense... like he's hiding*

Ari: Look at me *tilts Cameron's head up*, how do you feel?

Cameron: Alone.

*Ari swiftly grabs Cameron and gently lays him on his back, on the sand, next to the fire and sits over him. All of Ari's dreads flow off the the right, away from the fire, forming a curtain. The fire illuminates Ari's whole face glowed in the fire*

*Ari grabs Cameron's wrists, still firmly covering what little was left, and moves them to his sides. Cameron is now totally exposed*

Ari: *softly* How do you feel?

Cameron: Like running away.

*Ari puts hand on Cameron's chest. Even if he wanted to, Cameron couldn't run away... but he didn't want to.*

Ari: What about now?

Cameron: I want to scream.

*Ari comes down and kisses him on the lips, he was so slow and took his time*

*Cameron whimpers slightly, he can feel Ari's tongue slowly slip through his lips and rest on his tongue. The sensations, emotions, and fears finally got to him and he blacked out*

Narrator: Ok what? I just got back in after I was forced out of the script because I was labeled a distraction for this scene. Ok.. so, the night goes by and Cameron slept like a rock. The next day he wakes up to the sun and finds himself undisturbed, the fire somehow went on all night and Ari was asleep at his side. There were a few people at the beach that early, all nude... turns out this was a nudist beach. Cameron pays them no mind as he walks into the ocean to wake himself up; the water is warm. Ari wakes up a few minutes later and sees Cameron's white hair glisten in the sun as he plays in the water. Ari found some of that weird instant-coffee-juice-shit and pours out 2 red solo cups. When Cameron got back, his smooth white skin wet and glowing in the sun, he sat down on Ari's lap, wrapped his arms around his neck and started to make out with him. Neither of them cared that they were being watched.