#didn't enjoy it and felt kinda sad like ned afterward

[ladystoneboobs]

He[Ned] had a grim cast to his grey eyes this day, and he seemed not at all the man who would sit before the fire in the evening and talk softly of the age of heroes and the children of the forest. He had taken off Father's face, Bran thought, and donned the face of Lord Stark of Winterfell. -Bran I, aGoT Bran's bastard brother Jon Snow moved closer. "Keep the pony well in hand," he whispered. "And don't look away. Father will know if you do." -Bran I, aGoT Lord Eddard had tried to play the father from time to time, but to Theon he had always remained the man who'd brought blood and fire to Pyke and taken him from his home. As a boy, he had lived in fear of Stark's stern face and great dark sword. -Theon I, aCoK The Lannister lord was strong-looking for an old man, with stiff golden whiskers and a bald head. There was something in his face that reminded Arya of her own father, even though they looked nothing alike. He has a lord's face, that's all, she told herself. She remembered hearing her lady mother tell Father to put on his lord's face and go deal with some matter. Father had laughed at that. She could not imagine Lord Tywin ever laughing at anything. -Arya VII, aCoK Theon told himself he must be as cold and deliberate as Lord Eddard. -Theon IV, aCoK [...] "My father never used a headsman. He said he owed it to men he killed to look into their eyes and hear their last words. And when I looked into Ygritte's eyes, I . . ." Jon stared down at his hands helplessly. "I know she was an enemy, but there was no evil in her." -Jon VII, aCoK As he knelt to the block, the kennelmaster said, "M'lord Eddard always did his own killings." Theon had to take the axe himself or look a weakling. -Theon V, aCoK He is an old man, Jon told himself. Fifty, maybe even sixty. He lived a longer life than most. The Thenns will kill him anyway, nothing I can say or do will save him. Longclaw seemed heavier than lead in his hand, too heavy to lift. The man kept staring at him, with eyes as big and black as wells. I will fall into those eyes and drown. The Magnar was looking at him too, and he could almost taste the mistrust. The man is dead. What matter if it is my hand that slays him? One cut would do it, quick and clean. Longclaw was forged of Valyrian steel. Like Ice. Jon remembered another killing; the deserter on his knees, his head rolling, the brightness of blood on snow . . . his father's sword, his father's words, his father's face . . . -Jon V, aSoS "My blood price, he[Tormund] called it," said Jon Snow, "but he will pay." "Aye, and why not?" Old Flint stomped his cane against the ice. "Wards, we always called them, when Winterfell demanded boys of us, but they were hostages, and none the worse for it." "None but them whose sires displeased the Kings o' Winter," said The Norrey. "Those came home shorter by a head. So you tell me, boy … if these wildling friends o' yours prove false, do you have the belly to do what needs be done?" Ask Janos Slynt. "Tormund Giantsbane knows better than to try me. I may seem a green boy in your eyes, Lord Norrey, but I am still a son of Eddard Stark." -Jon XI, aDwD

aw, gotta love that dichotomy of even ned's own adoring children, not just theon, knowing he had a cold and stern side as a lord, grim and frightening to enemies, always alongside the warm, laughing dad who told them bedtime stories, that nice side of ned which is the only part most of fandom wants to acknowledge. arya even reminded of him by the face of tywin frickin' lannister! this same dad who laughed off bran's disobedience climbing all over the castle like a monkey, who couldn't punish arya for using a secret sword behind his back, who didn't even want sansa to be a witness to his passing sentence on gregor clegane with mere words for his crimes, that same soft-hearted guy would have admonished 7yo bran for looking away from his first beheading, to toughen him up and make him into a man already. just imagine, for jon to be so certain of that, either he and/or robb must have looked away from their first beheading at bran's age and been sternly told off for it. (amab) children can't be allowed to have a natural human reaction to sudden blood and gore watching dad kill someone. gotta stamp that shit out right away!

striking the way jon always uses memories of ned to choose not to kill innocent people who had yet to do him harm, first with ygritte and then the old man ygritte urged him to kill, but also uses his noble father's example to prove his willingness to kill children with zero sense of contradiction. that has to be a reference to theon, right? ned's own experience (implicitly) threatening a child ward/hostage, which all his bannermen would be well aware of. sure, jon's right about the unnamed older man. ned wouldn't murder one of his own subjects like that, he owed no duty to the magnar of thenn and would likely find undercover work even more distasteful than jon did. but, ygritte, really? a wildling of the enemy people all northerners were taught to kill? i have to wonder. did ned really find more evil in the deserter's eyes than jon did in ygritte's, making him deserving of beheading? or is it just that ned could feel he deserved to dutifully kill every time he passed that eye contact test? his reasoning was that deserters were dangerous because they already had a death sentence for oathbreaking, therefore had no reason not to commit any other crime. doesn't that same self-fulfilling violent prophecy apply to all people born on the wrong side of the wall? when you've got nothing left in life, you have nothing to lose by attacking people on the other side. is theon being "cold and deliberate" at winterfell, even killing a man with his own hand for someone else's crimes, is that really so unlike a true son of eddard stark? how different is it from what ned could have done to theon himself to punish him for his father's crimes? (surviving) child-ward-hostages always "none the worse for it" indeed.

(also interesting how jon thinks of janos slynt when asked if he could behead a wildling child. janos slynt who had sinned against jon and ned, wanting jon dead since the day they met, exactly the same as anyone to be beheaded, no matter how young or innocent. can't question jon's willingness to behead anyone else once he's executed one awful guy. it's even funnier when we the readers know janos slynt's worst sin is baby-killing as part of his old job. killing royal bastard kids like jon, no less. jon gets to (unknowingly) kill a baby-killer and threaten children in the same book, using the baby-killer's death as precedent for killing someone else's children. guess that's all part of killing the boy to let the man be born, gotta be willing to kill any man or boy. neither prince theon nor lord commander snow could afford to look a weakling to their own men or enemies. uncle maester aemon helped finish all the work ned started turning jon into a hard, strong man.)