#did someone say hot 90’s milf?

[davinciwannabesblog]

olivia in mom jeans?

You are onto something

[lyricaloveranalysis]

Rico Suave, That’s All I Can Say

The early 90′s were a strange time for hip-hop as it became increasingly more mainstream. In 1991, the single “Rico Suave” by Ecuadorian singer and rapper Gerardo would sadly chart at 7 on the Billboard Hot 100. Being a bilingual song in both English and Spanish, I have enlisted a friend of mine to help me with the Spanish lyrics. The song begins, and then has the refrain  “Riiicooo. Suaavee”, meaning “rich and smooth”, meaning rich as in taste, “tasty and smooth” could either mean he is a “snack” or referring to his penis. However, Rico is a first name, and much to the dismay of Gerardo, I shall be referring to the character in this song as “Rico Suave”. The first verse, in Spanish goes “ "Seguro que han oído que yo soy educado, soy un caballerito un chico bien portado. Un joven responsible, why siempre bien vestido. Yo no se quien ha mentido", meaning “Surely, you have heard that I am educated. I am a gentleman, a well behaved boy, a responsible young man, why always well dressed, I don't know who lies.” Rico Suave claims to be a smart, behaved gentleman with a great fashion sense, but if you have ever seen the music video, it did not stand the test of time. He also claims that people are lying about his fashion sense and behavior, and as this song continues, you will learn that it would be a bad idea to even consider engaging an conversation with Señor Suave. Then in English, “I don’t drink or smoke, ain’t into dope, won’t try no coke, ask me how do I cope. My only addiction has to do with the female species, I eat them raw like sushi.” Rico Suave is completely sober, and his only sin is his insatiable lust for what is known as “pussy”. However, he has instantly failed biology class, as “the female species” does not exist, they are also human. This may also work as he sees women as “other” and solidify his view on them as sex objects. It is also evident that he does not know how to perform the act of cunnilingus, as using teeth is a bad idea, and actually eating someone’s genitals is generally a bad idea. Raw could also mean with no preparation, meaning that the poor ladies that Rico Suave is scoring aren’t ready for the catastrophe that is sex with him. Another quip I have with this line is how simply unsexy it is, however it make sense given that Rico Suave is shown to be a womanizer. Next is the verse  "No me gustan ternos, mi estilo es moderno. Si me enterno, yo me enfermo. Mi apariencia es dura, vivo en la locura. No me vengan con ternuras" which means “I do not like fancy clothes, my style is modern. If I wear a suit, I get sick. My appearence is tough, I live in madness. Do not come to me with tenderness.” He clarifies that he is not a formally dressed man, but rather possesses a “hip”, “modern” style. He then clarifies that if he wears a suit, he gets sick, which is impossible unless the suit were to have pathogens on them, however the chance he would begin to feel physically ill while wearing it is unlikely. He claims to have a tough appearance, however I believe that I could beat him up. He also claims to have a crazy life, which it truly must be if your entire existence consists of picking up women. He also states do not come to him with tenderness, suggesting he is not interested in romantic activities. Then “ So please don't judge a book by its cover, there's more to being a Latin lover. You got to know how to deal with a woman that won't let go, the price you pay for being a gigolo”. Rico states not to judge him by his cover and to get to know him, but I can read him like a book and put him back up on the shelf. He then claims he is simply playing the stereotype of the “Latin lover”, however I have yet to meet anyone who would consider Rico Suave a good significant other. He then states you must learn to deal with clingy woman if you are a gigolo, or a young man paid by an older woman to be her escort or lover. Rico sounds a bit like a prostitute right now, and I would not pay for his services. Next the “Rico Suave” refrain is repeated, and then the brilliant verse “There’s not a woman who can handle a man like me, that’s why I juggle two or three. I ain’t one to commit, you can omit that bit, you pop the question, that’s it.” Rico admits he is either in a polyamorous relationship or a serial cheater, more likely that latter. He also outs himself as non-committal, and upon a girl asking him to marry her, he leaves her. Next is the Spanish verse “A ver: uno, dos, tres, cuatro mujeres, y la situación ahí no muere. No es un delito calmo mi apetito con un llanto o un grito” meaning “Let’s see, one, two, three, four women, and that’s not the end of it. It’s not a crime to calm my appetite with a cry or scream.” Rico is currently in a relationship with over four women, and states that he isn’t breaking any laws, only possibly moral laws, and that he calms his appetite with a cry or scream, hopefully during sex, however I wouldn’t doubt him to be up to more nefarious acts. Then is “So again, don't let my lyrics mislead you, I don't love you but I need you. Would you rather have me lie, take a piece of your pie, and say bye, or be honest and rub your thighs.” He claims despite these words he is writing, he does not love you, but he needs you...needs you to have sex with him more like it! He then questions the listener if he would lie saying he is monogamous, have sex with them, and leave, or be honest about how much of a “whore” he is, and have sex with them. Then, the refrain is repeated and then “ Well, it's ten o'clock and I'm two hours late, I never said I was a prompt date. But you kept persisting that I meet your parents. Huh, they're going to love my appearance.” He arrives late to MY house, two hours late after I said he come over at eight, his delay possibly due to having sex with someone else, and then shrugs it off. He then claims I told him he should meet MY parents and NO, I DID NOT. They might think you are well dressed, but I did not invite you over. Then “Ding dong el timbre suena, tu madre abre, qué vieja más buena. Le digo ¡Hola! Pero no para bola, que se ha creido vieja chola.” which roughly means, “Ding dong, the bell rings, your mom opens, what a MILF. I say “Hey!”, but she doesn’t listen, what the fuck you dumb whore?”. My mother opens the door for him, but she is likely disappointed in him, so doesn’t say much, but he think’s she’s hot. What the hell, my mother’s happily married you thot! Why did you insult my mom like that! Next is the “Go and serve the food Mom, que tengo hambre, if you don’t hurry, me va a dar calambre.” The Spanish parts mean “I am hungry” and “I will start to cramp”. He is hungry, what else? Next “Y usted señor? Why's your chin on the floor? Sierra la boca por favor. What's this amor, these little huevos? Esto si que yo no pruebo.” Meaning “And you sir? Why’s your chin on the floor? Close your mouth please. What’s this love, these little eggs? I can’t eat this shit!” This takes place at MY dinner table, and he hates my mom’s cooking. Now I should also mention that huevos can also mean “balls” or “testicles”, which makes this funny, as I think Rico Suave must have ridiculously small balls to mock my mother. Then “I'm used to good ol' fashioned homestyle Spanish cooking, If I try that I'll be puking. Well it's been a pleasure but we got to go.” He did not even eat the food, what a picky eater. And he’s taking me with him? Fuck no. Next up is the Spanish “Regresaremos temprano, cinco, seis, o siete de la mañana. Su hija esta en buenas manos” meaning “We will be back early, at 5, 6, or 7 in the morning, your daughter is in good hands.” I am not in good hands, and Rico should know damn well I did not want to go with him. I’m not even awake at that time, likely meaning he’s going to attempt to have sex from arrival at his house which is after 10 pm to 7 am at the latest. He then repeats the refrain “Rrriicooo...Suuuaaavveee”, and it finally fucking ends. Rico has finally shut the fuck up about how much hoes he gets and how I am one of them, and how he wants to fuck my mother. Rico, I don’t even know you but I hope the protagonist of this song is victim to a penile fracture for the sushi line alone.