#did not escape relapsing into ana tho ✊😔 but eating dinner rn so | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lilgynt · 9 months ago

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i’ve been clean of self harm for like. a year or so. which not a big deal cause ive done that before and longer it never really felt like an addiction addiction till like junior year ish i was crazy back then but anyway haven’t done it in a year or so mainly bc self harm for Me was usually a way to get emotions out and or keep the memory of an event when my brain couldn’t/ wouldn’t and like last year of my life main problem was the dad situation which. def could self harm to but felt unfair bc like damn that ain’t his fault i don’t want to make a memory out of something he can’t control and is like. infinitely worse for him

#personal #reading a kinda whump fic but damn if i’m not like ha! i did that! #kinda bad #that hit most the shit on the nose #anyway it got me randomly thinking #i know i have a weird perspective on my self harm and the resulting scars #it never felt like. something that needed to end or even had an end point #there’d be times i do it and times id stop rinse and repeat #it still feels like that #and then for the scars honestly neutral to positive about them #which maybe it’s bc they’re pretty inconspicuous and don’t cause problems for me #but they just feel like markers of my body #while the actual real life earned scars are more loved they’re fine #did not escape relapsing into ana tho ✊😔 but eating dinner rn so #eating disorders nah eating dis order

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