#did i spend the time from my last post til now to write this much

[ignisregina]

The Fomori

The Fomorians or Fomori are a race of hostile, monstrous supernatural beings, an enemy to the people of Ireland and the Tuatha Dé Danann, the tribe of gods. They dwell under the domain of mankind, in the sea and nether regions of the earth.

Most of the Fomori have been destroyed during the Battle of Mag Tu, with the greatest of their forces too powerful to completely obliterate were sealed. The World, however, keeps its balance with little regard for good or evil, allowing the lesser of this race to be reborn and work together (as much as their nature would allow them) to free their leaders, foremost of which is Balor the Flashing One, and finally take over the Overworld that once was theirs before the gods came.

APPEARANCE

There is no one word to unify the appearance of Fomori - for they come in all shapes and forms. Some bear the head of an animal atop a human body, or a strange amalgamation of a man's limbs, or a ball of flesh and eyes, while some are said to be beautiful, lithe, and graceful.

ABILITIES

Just as their appearances, the Fomori's abilities are diverse and varied, and not all of them dark. It was said that before the age of gods and mankind, the Fomori dwelled on land, and are very much linked to the powers of fertility. When they were evicted by the gods, their powers turned into darkness, leaning to destruction in place of creation so much that their coming to the lands of men are not only heralded by calamities but are calamities themselves. They possess enhanced strength, endurance, durability, and heightened healing factor, on par with the Tuatha Dé Danann. An example of a unique ability include creation of illusory domains that slowly drain their prey of life energy.

These powers have decreased in their years of imprisonment, weakened by the spirit seal of the Eternal Flame. Upon reemerging from the gaps of this bond, they are mere shadows of their former strength, most of them nothing but a shade until they have fed on chaotic energy and dark memories.

BEHAVIOR

Fomori linger in places of chaos, abandonment, wreckage, or nature. Humans, under normal circumstances, could not see Fomori, only feel their presence. Even when possessed by one, they might not realize that is the case unless they become more than a prey to the creature but a vessel. Fomori could also take root and embed themselves in places, imbuing it with its own darkness.

Smaller, weaker Fomori tend to band together. They often act on instincts just as animals would, feral and guided by hunger and need most of the time. Being mostly raw darkness, they can phase through surfaces.

Fomori who are able to gain greater parts of their former strength start to gain a physical form and put other weaker Fomori under their control, utilizing them as their own armies but may also opt to consume these lesser spirits to empower themselves.

Aside from being drawn to chaos and nature, they are also attracted to the divine, desiring to consume such inhuman energy to make themselves stronger.

WEAKNESSES

While human weapons may cause a slight impact on Fomori with physical forms, these implements could not kill them. Only divine weapons, talisman, and counter-curses could do such things.

Marianne is the wielder of the divine flame from the goddess Brigid, and a spirit bow. Apart from being able to control regular flame, the blue flame she could summon is the bane of Fomori.

Note: If your muse is a wielder of any divine implement or power, they can probably harm or even kill Fomori.

[taylor-titmouse]

2023 Book Retrospective

it's pretty much the end of the year, and i've never done this before, but i wanted to take a look at what i managed to do in 2023 and share some of my thoughts on it! i published five novellas this year (though i didn't actually write one of them) plus the public release of the demo and first huge update to You're A Mage on Monsterfuck Mountain. that's a lot!

so let's dig into all that. this will contain some spoilers for the books, because it's hard to talk about them without talking about what's in 'em, so maybe check out my itchio first and grab anything you missed! (but also.... perhaps wait until this weekend before you buy anything. shh.)

You're A Mage on Monsterfuck Mountain, released in March

TECHNICALLY, the demo was finished and available on patreon around the end of last year, and didn't become public until I'd finished the garden update, which i did finish this year. and what a massive fuckin THING that was. 60k words! 50 illustrations!! the biggest thing i ever put out and technically finished, and the beginning of a move to being less afraid of writing "weird" sex. there was so much bee sex in it. arguably too much bee sex in it. which i'd left entirely til last to do which meant i was writing nothing but bee sex for weeks.

this was the first time i let myself really indulge in writing dubcon for the bad endings, and it was a lot of fun. very often it was more interesting than the deliberately horny routes, because it meant writing a way to be put in the situation, and also making it hot every time. i'm very much of the philosophy with dubcon that even if the situation wasn't Ideal for the character, they're still going to get good sex out of it. i believe i put it at another point as, i'm here to write the pleasure of helplessness, not suffering. to that point, the dubcon endings for the armor, the dryad, and the queen bee were my favorite bits from this.

the fact i never got a second update out this year is a big regret. i finished a bunch of the routes for it, but ultimately i wanted to have things i could release! shortly after publishing the demo and update, i officially put my webcomic on hiatus so i could focus more on my graphic novel, and also spend more time on my writing. having that extra time is probably the only reason i was able to write as much as i did this year, and i didn't want to spend it toiling away on a serial project i couldn't release for months at a time.

which leads us to the release of my first novella of the year...

House of the Risen King, released in April

now this is when i truly said "i'm just going to write what i think is hot and interesting and not worry about how it's perceived!!" and went whole hog on exhibitionism and monster dubcon cult horror. house was mostly inspired by the ending of Hereditary, and was originally going to be more poltergiesty and played more straight, with vee being harangued by a bunch of horny ghost-demons and nothing more sinister than that. but i've had cult shit percolating at the back of my brain forever, and i wanted to play with ideas i'd first developed in shadow in the shelves with rituals and shadows, so here we are! the scene of hettie fingering vee in the bathtub while vee's god-fucked out of her mind is my favorite.

fun fact, the original seed for this book was actually going to feature max and mortis, my photographer/model couple (that link goes to cohost because i wasn't posting here yet when i was drawing them the most). the idea was they'd go do an urban exploration shoot and mortis would start getting fucked by a ghost while max filmed it, but the more time i spent with those characters the less i wanted to involve the supernatural. which meant i never wrote their book, and had to make a new character to do the idea. and then it wasn't even that idea anymore.

that's writing, folks

Roger Crenshaw: The Dogs at Duskfall, released in June

... which makes it ironic that the next book is one i didn't even write! r/l monroe @mortalityplays has been my friend for years, and was my editor for a long time (until he got a REAL JOB and didn't have TIME to edit anymore. sobs, cries, kicks a stone and walks into the distance). he's also always been an incredible writer, and for my birthday this year i asked him to write me something. i asked with the expectation of a little short story about our old tabletop RP characters, or a fanfic scene for one of my books he'd edited.

and then he wrote me 20,000+ words digging into the character of roger crenshaw and who he is that perfectly summed him up and tied all his stories together, such that i don't think i ever need to write another one. he did it, he wrote the perfect ending to roger. AND he did it using my favorite of his ocs from our tabletop campaign, AND there's some really hot and sweet smut in it. AND HE DID IT IN LIKE TWO WEEKS.

i loved it so much that i asked if i could illustrate and publish it as an official novella, and to my delight he agreed, and it was so so nice to collaborate with him on it. even if it meant beating our heads against the wall for 30 minutes about the placement of certain images on the page.

this was a great tragedy. i'd drawn the vagina one first, but an image earlier in the book had to be moved, which affected the placement of everything else. the vagina image had been perfectly at the start of a new page, and then suddenly it wasn't. so i had to do the penis one instead for better placement. tragic!!!

it's hard to pick a favorite scene in something written entirely, lovingly for you. how can i choose between the characters' pitch perfect semantic arguments on the nature of folk lore, the millenium princess-ass memory hopping, or the really really hot smut? i can't. i love it all. thank you r/l for being so good at what you do and writing this for me, i'll treasure it always.

The Dragon Double Feature, released in May

apparently this came out in may, and not july. i don't know why i've been convinced this came out in july. oh well i can't be bothered to insert it on top of the roger one.

anyway. THIS book. this book exists because i believe at the time i was a bit blocked, and wanted to just write SOMETHING. for a long time i've had the idea of a dragon wrecking a princess' wedding and fucking her in front of the congregation just sitting in my back pocket. it was the 'i know i could just slam this out if i wanted. i don't have to care about it it's just sex and then it's done' fallback idea, and i finally did it!

and then it was too short. i don't like the idea of publishing anything less than 10k words for full price, so i was like. okay. alright. i've always thought fucking an eastern dragon would be hot and have this other idea i was going to use for roger (back when i had an idea for every monster possible for roger), let's just write that. kenta is only kenta because i took a poll for what body type i should pair with a dragon (he was 'big boy', i think the other options were twink, older woman, and average woman). and i was also Really into the movie inu-oh at the time, which is probably obvious with kenta being a blind musician, lol.

the musician and the waterfall was tougher to write because i didn't have a clear vision of how it should end or even how they should fuck (the mechanics of fucking long noodle dragon have challenged me for years) but i'm ultimately pleased with it. it would have been a long time since i wrote something sincerely romantic, and it was nice to go back to it. i'm a HUGE romantic at heart.

both stories are pretty much one extended scene so it's hard to pick a favorite moment from them, but i will say i'm very pleased with how i approached writing the musician and the waterfall, specifically in the challenge i set myself to never use visual description kenta couldn't reasonably guess. writing from the POV of a blind man made me focus in on different senses and ways to describe them.

this book is also, as of right now, my best seller. which is great! i love that for me.

The Dragon Double Feature 2, released in July

okay i guess THIS one released in july.

anyway i got stricken with the curse with this one. a lot of people wanted me to write a sequel, but i wasn't going to. and every time i say i'm not going to do something, i end up doing it. it's so annoying. this one only happened because i wanted to write a SHORT! a SHORT extra for patreon describing kenta and wakatake's first time having sex as humans.

and then i wrote too much preamble describing their time on the beach. and then i got emotionally invested in unpacking their actual relationship, and also added a third character with mrs arakawa, and had to bring it all together into a story that was coherent and had something to say about the way they loved and ALSO ended in a THREESOME because WHATS THE POINT OF INTRODUCING A THIRD CHARACTER if they aren't all going to FUCK TOGETHER!!

it was tough. but i'm really, really happy with it in the end, and think it's one of the best things i've ever written. my favorite scene is definitely them playing with the hermit crab on the beach. metaphors babie.

the gundrid/eveline story is fine too. lmao. i NEVER PLANNED TO WRITE ANOTHER WITH THEM!! i only did it because the idea of publishing a sequel to a story from a double feature without writing a sequel to the other half of the feature was insane. and now eveline and gundrid are some of my most beloved characters, to the point of writing another book featuring them...

The Tenebrous Tower, released November

yet another book i'm pretty sure i was like 'i don't need to write this. this character doesn't work for a story on his own, what am i ever gonna do with him' and then i dumped a bunch of fantasy characters into a jar with him and suddenly i had a story. I ONLY MADE ROMICK BECAUSE I WANTED TO DRAW FUCKED UP WIZARD PORN AND MY ONLY OTHER OPTION WAS A GRANDPA!!!

anyway i started writing it as something to do on vacation, and it was just gonna be a bunch of dungeon bdsm vignettes until i hit on a throughline and suddenly i had a story and an emotional arc and damn i did it again. i did it again. i have a book.

i was expecting this one not to do very well because it had multiple prerequisites, but because i am a master of my craft i made sure to write it so you didn't need to read those. and then people read it without reading those. so it worked out anyway and now it's done just about as well as dragons 2. the people love romick, but they especially love the idea of him being destroyed. maybe someday. maybe someday. (except on patreon, where it's already happened)

the final vignette with the doll is, of course my favorite. i think it was a lot of people's favorites.

............................................

and that's everything i published this year! honorable mention to my novel starbuster, which i'd written most of last year, then spent all of october this year revising with the intent of finishing it, only to run out of steam by the time i was done revising it. so it's exactly where i left it last year. just better written. god it would be nice to finish that fuckin thing next year.

my goals for 2024 are, of course: release more books!! i have a big project i've been working on illustrating for the past month that i'd like to release in january, and i've also been working on a spin-off one-shot with mrs arakawa and an oni. i think this coming year i want to Try to blast through some of the one-off ideas i developed this year so they'll quit banging cowbells in my brain. like the sleeping garden. it makes me insane i never actually wrote the sleeping garden.

anyway if you actually made it to the end of this, thank you!! if you've bought all of these books, double thank you!!! i've been able to pay my rent and expenses just with my adult work this year, and it's been amazing and fun and super fulfilling. thank you for supporting me in 2023, here's to a horny 2024!!

[moonlight-tmd]

Anything insecticon bee.

Mating habits? Wing talk? How he sleeps so deep they all check to make sure he isn’t dead.

Prowlbee or Blitzbee

I knew i'd see you in my ask box sooner of later~

The hibernation protocol is like stasis but it gets into action automatically when it gets cold. Let's say like, late autumn- Bee will get cold but still function normally til mid-November, but after that his Hibernation Protocol will kick in and he'll eat more and move slower and after one week of it working he'll get all cozy in berth with multiple blankets and just snooze. Not even the plant's alarm will wake him up.

The first time his protocol kicked in everyone was worried cuz Bee was- well, not acting like Bee! Then they went into panic cuz Bee disappeared and there was no trace of him. Only 2 days later Ratchet found him sleeping under one of the boilers they had(the only one working at that time) with a blanket. Still, he had to shake him awake cuz he would not wake up to him calling. Panic might have been eased but still they were hella worried about him, Prowl goes in every morning to check on Bee snoozing in his room with blankets and heaters so he wouldn't crawl into some weird space again, others check in whenever they pass by his room, Ratchet comes to do a scan around noon everyday until Bee is waking up and being active again in late February. Still there was no way Sari wouldn't have woken him up for Christmas- she did succed because she jumped on him while blasting an air-horn to his audial. She does this every time before Christmas. And the others scold her everytime for it.... Bee doesn't mind as much, he likes spending time with his team. Honestly he'd be sad if he missed Christmas with them. Sari also wakes him up on Valentines Day.

ProwlBee: Prowl would essentially move in with Bee and spend his free time with him, cuddling and meditating as he listens to Bee's slow vents.

BlitzBee: Blitz lives with Bee in his room so of course he's gonna act as an additional heater for his hummel- he just lays next to him and wraps his arms and legs around the big Bee-rrito and snoozes too. He wakes up around noon and goes to bed very late. (habit from his decepticon days) Most of the time he stays in berth with Bee just napping and cuddling or sits by him sculpting.

Now onto wings! I imagine seekers/fliers would use their wings to attract or impress a potential mate. Insecticons do the same. Of course, there was no way Bee could do it before he went into the cocoon. So after Bee hatches and has those features showing, he will defo do unintentional displays for his beloved:

If ProwlBee: Prowl has knowledge about animals- and insecticons now that there was the deal with the cocoon- so he knows Bee is doing it to impress him. Which there is no need for, but damn it's working.

If BlitzBee: Blitz is half-seeker, he knows the whole ordeal with seekers trying to impress potential sparkmates with their wings. He's done the same with Bee, even if Bee didn't realize. Bee's wings are the most beautiful ones he's ever seen, and when Bee spreads them out and flutters them so they sparkle- Sweet Primus, he's so smitten. He will also flutter his own wings, Bee has a strange feeling about them- like they're the most impressive part of Blitz.

And i know what you want- i saved it for last. And a reminder that i do not write transformers the "usual" way: here is my version of how they do the interfacing.

Spoiler just in case: NSFW, alien biology

So, you have the normal transformers junk written out in the post i linked. Insecticons have it a bit differently as you imagine. Although for Bee it is mixed cuz he is not full Insecticon like Waspinator or Blackarachnia.

Insecticons, for all i could come up with, have a hidden slot under their abdomens(back thingy). So they do the deed the normal, sexual way. That slot is also a way for eggs to come out so the larva can hatch.

Bee also has that slot. Now interfacing is a little bit tricky- he still interfaces with his sparkmate(Blitz or Prowl) like regular transformers would. But everytime it happens he has to have a rag or towel wrapped around his abdomen cuz that slot gets kinda leaky when they get kinky...

So a normal cybertronian would have 4 tendrils and 1 reproductive strut. I imagine that because Bee's biology has changed slightly, he only has 2 tendrils and 1 reproductive strut. And while transformers can release the reproductive strut on command- insecticons? eeh not really. So it's often hard to see which wire is coming out of where cuz the fluff on his belly keeps poofing up due to static and blocking the view- Bee has to put gel in it to keep it down. While the tendrils and the reproductive strut can't really intertwine or else whoops, Bee and his partner can still play with it.

If you're asking for kinks then there's the feeding kink, wing kink, glossa kink(?), biting kink and i don't know what else. The tendrils themselves are kinky enough to play with i guess. I mostly write for BlitzBee so yeh, i dunno what Prowl would be into.

I had a very funny not-canon-to-this-AU scenario in my head earlier;

So Blitz and Bee decide to get funky now that Bee is different and see if there is some new kinks to discover... They did the deed once.

The following days Bee is feeling odd, he's not as energetic and he can't retch up honey to give to Blitzy as a treat.

At some point Prowl gets concerned and tells him to go to Ratchet for a scan, Blitz goes with him. So they do the scan and Ratchet literally just stares at the result image with wide optics and semi-scared expression.

The next thing everyone in the plant hears is a scream accompanied by a loud metallic thud.

So turns out, because Bee's biology changed- he got sparked. (they got all confused which wire is which, whoops.)

Oh, and did i forgot to mention? Insecticons can have up to 20 larva per brood.

Lucky that Bee is only part-insecticon so he ended up having 8 Newsparks in him... which they ended up terminating cuz there is no way they would be able to handle it.

Yeah... Blitz and Bee interface rarely now in fear of it happening again. They still get kinky sometimes, you don't have to have direct contact to have fun.

Altering the non-canon scenario: If Bee did keep them, his other insecticon protocol would kick in- similar to how he was unaware when he was making a cocoon, Bee essentially becomes kind of feral and builds a small hive/nest in the basement. There was a storage room no one ever went into so it was a perfect place. So he disappears and nobody knows where he is until Prowl hears something when he's in the basement and finds Bee hissing and a pile of insecticon eggs in the hive-nest. Once the littles hatch he goes back to normal, dw.

The way Bee having eggs would happen; Newsparks incubate in the Sparkchamber but then get moved to a special compartment in his abdomen where eggs get formed around them and they get laid. Then like normal insecticons, Bee would cover them with honey that the eggs absorb nutriens from and the Sparkling-larva is growing, just like what Bee is after the cocoon. Then once they hatch they still eat the honey until they can eat solid food and energon. Then later on they also cocoon themselves.

I'm getting way too scientific with this, geez.

I know you probably wanted some NSFW action but honestly i can't make myself write it like this. You gotta send me a direct ask for me to ditch my dignity and aswer honestly. Also give me a prompt cuz no idea what or how to write nsfw.

If you weren't asking that- oh well, now you know just in case.

[luckydoeslanguage]

Weekly Review | 12日5月２０２４年

Writing my weekly check in early(?) this week because i missed my update last week. honestly i totally forgot about it, (which is a shame because i had a really good week last week for studying!) but also because I've had a really bad study week so i want to start fresh today on Sunday instead of waiting til Tuesday which is when i usually do my check in. if you've been following my updates so far, お待たせしました！lets go into my last two weeks then shall we?

Last week: April 30th - May 7th

good week! got 9 hours of immersion in :D

finished Yuru camp season 1, still havent gotten around to my review of that here but we'll get there.

I ordered some books to read!!! I got a kids book, a short kids novel and a copy of Nintendo Dream magazine. (the may addition) they'll take awhile to get here, but im excited to try reading them when they do!

pre-downloaded a bunch of subtitles for anime i want to watch, so they're ready to go when i get to them. a problem i have is spending too much time deciding what to watch, so streamlining the process a bit makes immersion easier for me.

overall a good week!

this week hasnt been as good. partially because I've been kind of out of it emotionally, but also because the fair was in town and i spent time going out to have fun rather than study. I'm trying to be kind to myself about it. not every week can be a banger in productivity! besides, I still got some things done:

started Yuru camp season two! this show is sooo comfy, it makes me really want to go camping. or just spend more time outdoors in general.

Tried writing a letter to Tia in どうぶつの森. Im pretty sure my grammar was all over the place, but i had fun composing it!

did some kanji practice in my journal. made me realize i should practice writing waaay more because i had to look up the stroke order for all (4) of the kanji i used.

My goals for this week is to get back on my routine and watch some more shows. i have Hibike! Euphonium lined up next, so im going to watch it along side Yuru camp for a change of pase from cardcaptor.

i also want to spend some time practising writing! got some awesome input on my last post about it, so i have a better idea how to approach it. Thank you all for that!

okay, thats all for now, see you all next week! またね！

[monstrsball]

my favorite line in each song on noah kahan's stick season (we'll all be here forever)

this will be long so i am just putting it all under the cut <33 if you haven't, you should listen to stick season by noah kahan btw

Northern Attitude

"Forgive my northern attitude, oh, I was raised on little light."

Stick Season

"And I'll dream each night of some version of you That I might not have, but I did not lose."

honestly really hard to narrow it down for this one because i love so many lines in this long... "I'm no longer funny cause I miss the way you laugh" is another one i really like.

All My Love

"Now I know your name, but not who you are."

(runner-up: "If you need me, dear, I'm the same as I was" )

this is one of my favorite songs on the album in general because it's just so... relatable, idk. like this is a song about a past relationship but it makes me think about the friends i lost touch with after i graduated high school. makes me emo.

She Calls Me Back

"I still dial 822-993-167"

the pre-chorus just tickles my brain... i enjoy it a lot but specifically this line. idk man. otherwise i don't have like strong emotions tied to this song or anything but i do like it.

"Oh, there was heaven in your eyes. I was not baptized" is also good though... really love the way he sings it too

Come Over

"Someday I'm gonna be somebody people want"

New Perspective

"You and all of your new perspective now Wish I could shut it in a closet And drag you back down"

Everywhere, Everything

"Everywhere, everything, I wanna love you 'til we're food for the worms to eat"

Orange Juice

"Are we all just crows to you now?"

there are so many parts of this song that i absolutely adore... it's so hard to pick one. the post-chorus is genuinely incredible. my favorite part of the song.

Strawberry Wine

"No thing defines a man like love that makes him soft"

Growing Sideways

"I'm terrified that I might never have met me."

Halloween

"But the wreckage of you, I no longer reside in And the bridges have long since been burnt"

Homesick

"I got dreams, but I can't make myself believe them. Spend the rest of my life with what could have been And I will die in the house that I grew up in"

as i've said before.... this song seems to perfectly sum up what being in your 20s is like lmao. (it's very much about growing up in new england but it's also so 'what being in your 20s is like' to me)

Still

"You miss something that you can't place but you can't deny it"

The View Between Villages

"The things that I lost here, the people I knew They got me surrounded for a mile or two."

The View Between Villages (extended) <- technically the last song on the album but i'm putting it here so it goes with the original

"I'm back between villages and everything's still"

okay i was going to pick a lyric that was unique to the extended version but i couldn't. i just love this one, i have to represent it.

Your Needs, My Needs

"I'm naming the stars in the sky after you"

however, the bridge is also INCREDIBLE and perhaps my favorite part but i don't want to just write the entirety of it. and i think what makes it my favorite is less the lyrics and just the way he sings it and the way it... intensifies and gets louder?? idk. but it makes me crazy.

Dial Drunk

"'Son are you a danger to yourself?' Fuck that sir, just let me call"

another one where the bridge is my favorite part of the song and i didn't want to just write the entirety of it lol. this line IS from the bridge though

Paul Revere

"And the world makes sense behind a chain-link fence If I could leave, I would have already left"

No Complaints

"Yes, I'm young and living dreams In love with being noticed and afraid of being seen"

Call Your Mom

"I'll drive, I'll drive all night I'll call your mom"

once again, the bridge is the best part of the song imo but this line gets to me too. this whole song makes me tear up though... had to force myself not to cry one time when it came on while i was in the car with my dad.

You're Gonna Go Far

"We ain't angry at you, love You're the greatest thing we lost"

this is the hinata shouyou song to me... so ofc this is my favorite line. <33 i think about him and karasuno whenever i listen to it and it makes me so so so emo, i want to cry. hinata fans gather and listen to this song.

also have recently started appreciating "Making quiet calculations where the fault lies"... makes me think about a certain ship that i'm sure you will never be able to guess [sarcasm] <- world's most predictable girl

[threewaysdivided]

Genuinely, this. As someone who hit major burnout last year because I also tried to double-book all my free time with chores and "adulting" while also working an under-resourced, overloaded, administratively broken job with an undermining, unsupportive boss (which thankfully is over now, but certainly played its part in contributing to the problem), not making space for rest and media is going to cook your brain.

I get the guilt thing, really, I do. A huge part of why I basically didn't touch my game console at all (or even sit down to watch TV unless a friend made me) was that I felt like I had to be maximally productive every minute of the day. It can get genuinely paralyzing, thinking about all the stuff that would be "a better use of your time" or outstanding chores/ projects. Can't sew because you really should to the ironing first, can't iron because that means setting up the board when the floors need cleaning, can't clean the floors because you need to cook and that's going to make them dirty, can't cook because you really need to water the plants first... this kind of guilt-spiral will push literally everything out, and god forbid you want to do something "unproductively fun" like game or watch TV or write your fic. It's like gas; it will expand to fill any space you let it get into.

Thing is though, decompression is important. Rest is important. Your brain needs the break.

You can't work/housework until you drop, then go to bed with a notebook and try to write fic while falling asleep. I know: I've tried it. Doing this shit completely atrophied my creative side until I ended up not being able to write anything I was happy with and spending more time being compulsively annoyed at terrible sequels to a thing I liked than thinking about my projects or the things I actually enjoyed. Don't be like me, kids!

But that's not really gonna get rid of the guilt. So here's some stuff that helped me:

It's okay if stuff doesn't always get done on time. Some of the chores need to get done eventually, but a lot of stuff can be delayed or broken down into smaller bits. Half-assed is better than no-assed. You can live with stuff not being perfect. Your laundry hamper will not summon the apocalypse. Can't clean the whole house? Fine: just take out the bins, and maybe mop the kitchen floor if it's getting gross. Can't iron? rewash the clothes that don't need it, you can wear them until then. Can't cook? It's okay to order in sometimes, or pickup go-meals from the store or have toast for dinner.

It's okay to let some stuff go for a while. I bought fabric for pants in late 2021 - I didn't sew those pants until late 2022. It's fine. Some things pick their own hour and their own season. It gets done when it gets done.

Fan-stuff is a Hobby. Don't get hung up on "output" or "engagement". This has been a big one for me too. I take ages to update my own long-fic and last year I ended up putting tonnes of pressure on myself to always be drafting, always respond to comments; being compulsively on tumblr hoping people would ask me things and then feeling like I needed to stay up 'til 2am answering them when they did. I was chasing connection because I felt miserable and ended up making that connection another thing to stress over. Not healthy. Fandom is a more collaborative hobby, but it's still a hobby - if writing or posting is stressing you out then put it down like you would any other hobby. You do not need to get a "good grade" in it.

You need to rest and take breaks for your health, so schedule it in. Make it part of whatever list system or chores roster you keep. (Also, if you have a schedule, remember to include the incidental stuff you do that your brain might be tempted to gloss over as "not work". If you're feeling this much pressure then you're probably doing a lot of routine work that you take for granted.) Here's the one I ended up sticking to my wall:

(Notice how I've got reading time actively booked in there, as well as a bunch of things that are tiny but that add up to a fair bit of time and feel good to tick off. I laminated mine so I could actually tick them off with marker and remind myself how much I'd done.)

Seriously, if you're this overbooked, block in your rest and fun time. Block in 30 minutes when you get off work where you can go "okay, I can game now, this is my game time, I don't need to do anything except game for the next 30 minutes", or some time during the week to catch a show or see a movie or read a book.

And look, you're still probably going to feel guilty about it when you first try to make change. If you've been locked into the "if you're not working on something you're wasting time" mindset, it can take a while to unlearn. That's just something you'll need to stick out until your brain gets used to the new paradigm.

You're a human being; basically an ape with higher fine motor skills and enough intelligence to give yourself anxiety. Your body needs sleep. Your brain needs to disengage. These aren't optional: they're biological requirements.

Don't punish yourself for being stressed by denying yourself the things that help you de-stress. It won't help.

And more to the point, you deserve better 💚

i literally cant remember the last time i played a video game and i've been wanting to SO BADLY LATELY but i have so little free time these days that if i don't spend the free time i have working on my fic i feel guilty bc it's still on hiatus after two months (and i keep receiving comments reminding me abt it.) HOW do u get past the guilt

[patton-sanders-killed-a-man]

I love the comic and I miss it, and I hope you're doing well

What happened to Patton-sanders-killed-a-man?

Well the short version is: ⦁ trauma ⦁ school ⦁ I had set up an unrealistic precedent for myself

And now you can skip to the Read-More to see the ask-blogs originally planned plotline alongside the panels of the unfinished last update, but if you want the long version:

Patton-sanders-killed-a-man was the first of my creative ventures that ever garnered a notable amount, with me making comics since I was 13, though all of my previous projects got little to no attention. So obviously when the ask-blog blew up, 16-year-old me was ecstatic, but very much not ready to handle it. Not only was this my first project to receive this amount of attention, but I also lacked experience as a writer, and with a medium of storytelling as fickle as an ask-blog in which the plot can change drastically depending on the asker's actions, it was not a good combination.

I mostly wrote the story on the fly, with an outline (which you can read under the Read-More) composed of cool ideas I had and various dark themes I was fascinated with but didn't have the emotional maturity to discuss. But the worst writing decision I made was making the inciting incident, the thing that led Patton to kill "Johnny", based on a personal trauma of mine, one I was in denial about. However by the last update, something happened that forced me to acknowledge it, and after that, I was no longer comfortable with the story I had set up.

That combined with the fact that School Was Kicking My Ass (which to be fair was mostly due to my own overambition) forcing me to shift my focus away from the ask-blog. I had also set up an unrealistic precedent for myself, with updates getting longer and longer. It was unsustainable, but with the pressure I placed on myself I didn't know how to go back from that and make the process easier for myself.

(this isn't even to mention all the different ways I made the art process itself horribly time inefficient, like the way I obsessed over perfect line art, choosing a semi-realistic art style rather than something less time-consuming, not creating character design sheets to help me stay on model, obsessing over wrinkles in the clothing, spending ages taking my own reference photos, redrawing panels over and over because I'm unsatisfied with them. If you're thinking of making an askblog/a comic, if you can't make a single-character panel in 10-20 minutes with your current art process you gotta figure out a style that does allow you to do that. There is a reason why 90% of Homestuck looks like crap til shit gets serious, ok. Please don't do what I did)

I had been running purely on fumes, and the second those ran out, I fell out of love with the story I created.

…

Well, that was a bit of a bummer, huh? But as mentioned I still have been making stuff, even if it isn't ask-blog related, for example, I just recently finished my first animated short which you can watch here:

(with its completion being mostly due to my teacher, who forced me to learn to take on more manageable projects, which I must thank her for)

I also have made a new art blog, that being @anonymous-utility and have been posting things on my youtube alongside it. I don't post often since I need to focus on IRL stuff, but it's where I post updates to all the projects I take on alongside just various other art. Even if ended far too soon, I'm still proud of this ask-blog, as it has taught me a lot. Thank you all for participating and if you choose to follow my art blog I will be seeing you soon.

Rough outline and unfinished update under the Read-More:

From what I remember, because I never actually wrote it down, as the majority of the storyline relied on the actions of the audience, but it was intended to go something like this:

⦁ Everything that has already happened

⦁ On the bus Dee would meet Virgil's younger sibling Andy (who is anxiety from the shorts), though Dee won't understand the significance of that, not knowing who Virgil is. We'd also be shown Dee's scar on his neck, all shown in the unfinished update above.

⦁ We'd later meet Dee's coworkers, Dee would log in at his desk as the interview isn't scheduled for an hour or so, and he notices that his email is full, this is the first hint that it isn't just his phone the askers can send messages to, but through technology in general- Dee is not stoked about this.

⦁ He then would meet "Johnny"'s mom and older brother (Daniel, aka the critic or Dice as referred by the fandom) They'd be using "Johnny's" real name, Renard, and we don't catch on that it's Remy, until Daniel calls him that. Overall the attitude of the two would be like this; the mother would act upset, but in a manner that makes it all about her, and Daniel would be rather cold and matter-of-fact. Daniel's attitude would frustrate his mother, leading to an argument breaking out, during which Daniel points out that she only cares because Remy is the only one of her children to never go against her, mentioning a certain Remus getting kicked out (to which the mother reacts negatively to daniel calling Remus by his chosen name). The interview ends poorly and Dee leaves the entire situation wondering how this family has ended up being so dysfunctional.

⦁ From then the askers could direct Dee toward Remus or Andy.

⦁ If directed towards Remus Dee would find him working at a library, and with a bit of time, they'd realize they recognized each other, mostly via each other's chosen names, as they were online friends but lost contact when Remus got kicked out and lost access to the internet. Remus is delighted to see Dee again after all these years but confused about why he's in the States, since Dee's Canadian, to which Dee explains that he moved to the States, moving in with Logan, their third online friend, as soon as he could to get away from his own family.

⦁ Once Remy's fate Remus is generally uncaring since his family is dead to him, "So golden boy kicked it, with how many people he pissed off it was only a matter of time, now come back to me when Roman commits manslaughter, oh wait" to which we are told that Roman is serving time for having killed someone in a car accident (something that Remus finds hilarious since he was often labeled the troublemaker out of the two).

⦁ Remus would also be somewhat weirded out by the concept of Patton being the killer, since Remus knew him via association and always thought him a bit of a wet rag, then again even 50's housewives snap eventually. They exchange contact information and go their separate ways.

⦁ After this Remus becomes available to the askers, taking the form of a strange figure that only Remus can see that hangs in the corners that can stare at Remus and make various gestures, though that takes coordination as they would be controlled by various people. Remus would at first try to ignore this strange figure, having experienced hallucinations in the past, but if the askers become more aggressive in trying to get Remus to pay attention to them Remus may become more desperate to get rid of them.

⦁ If the askers direct Dee towards Andy we learn that Virgil went missing three years ago

⦁ At this point, the plot becomes more vague as I hadn't planned that far ahead aside from the major plot points.

⦁ After having spent so much time with Dee, we'd cut back to Logan. Any asks directed to him will not go through the phone, unless Dee is present. Instead, askers' messages would get scratched into Logan's skin, specifically on his arms, and if the askers become particularly aggressive, especially with Logan refusing to acknowledge them due to the absurdity of this situation, the messages would begin to cut into Logan's skin rather than just scratch. This is an issue due to Logan being a high school Comp Sci teacher and really needing to not bleed in front of his student if he wants to keep his job. Logan got his priorities in order.

⦁ This will be the first time the askers would have the option to directly hurt someone

⦁ Logan will not tell Dee about this, due to the absurdity of it and due to his history with depression, he worries that Dee would think he did it to himself.

⦁ Either way, the deadline for Dee's article is closing in and he must make a decision on how to frame the narrative.

⦁ But first, we cut back to Patton. It's the 12th of May, 2020, and he has gotten as far away as he could and is currently in the woods. He is not doing well, and he hasn't heard the askers in the past two days, with him being certain he has imagined them. Once they flood back in it startles him, and he reacts loudly, loud enough to attract a passerby.

⦁ That passerby is Virgil. Patton does not react well, thinking that he started seeing things as well. But once Virgil confirms that he is in fact realm that only replaces the problem of potential visions with the problem of meeting his estranged friend who he hasn't talked to in three years. Virgil quickly forgives him, however, especially after Patton awkwardly states that he is homeless, to which Virgil assumes Remy to be the cause, stating "he took your shit and ran, I told you he wasn't to be trusted", offering a place to stay.

⦁ I didn't have much planned for Virgil, and at the time I was unsure if I just wanted him to be a paranoid guy who decided to live off the grid or… a genuine serial killer who sold people's organs. Needless to say, the second option was certainly a thing my 16-year-old self came up with and it's not a concept current me stands by.

⦁ Either way after this interaction Virgil would become open to asks, with the askers becoming able to slightly move things to garner his attention, though this ability would be limited to asks directed to Virgil only.

⦁ These interactions between the askers and Virgil will spark an obsession in him, as he always feared and was fascinated by the other-worldly since childhood.

⦁ Through the course of the story, Virgil and Patton would grow closer, with Patton eventually confessing to what he did and the circumstances that lead him to do it. Virgil stays on his side, and this leads Patton to grow comfortable, enough that with the help of Virgil he grows to accept his identity.

⦁ Cutting back to Dee, no matter the tone of the article the askers stay, and now it's not just his phone that the messages are being directed towards him through, but all the technology around him, and no one seems to be aware of this aside from him and Logan, eventually becoming convinced the only way to get the askers off his back is to get Patton done in since he appears to be the source of all this, resulting in Dee tracking Patton down and getting him arrested - this solves nothing.

⦁ After a breakdown from Dee, Remus, Logan, and Dee realize they have the same problem, and Remus gets in contact with a coworker and friend of his who is into the Otherworldly.

⦁ That's when it's revealed the askers are an interdimensional entity called The Audience, a creature with uncountable eyes and mouths, and the more people it gets in contact with the closer it gets to gaining physical form, with the sixth person contacted being its gateway.

⦁ The Audience's motive? To take control of the "story" and mold it in its own image.

⦁ Going back to Patton, he meets Roman, who's doing time for manslaughter. Their meeting goes as well as the one between a killer and the younger brother of the victim since Roman was closer to Remy than Remus was. But their meeting also results in Roman becoming open for the askers, this manifesting in them getting control of his left hand, eventually climbing all the way up to his shoulder.

⦁ All the while the askers can manipulate Virgil into breaking into prison, as the prison contains what they both want. With Virgil, he not only wants Patton back but has also become convinced that The Audience/the askers are his dark patron god and serving them is the only way to regain control over his life and be able to do something other than live at the edge of society in terror, while the askers want Roman not only because he's the gateway but also The Audience gains physical form they'll gain full control of the story, perhaps even allowing them to rewind back to prevent the inciting incident from occurring.

⦁ Of course, askers not aligned with this goal can warn the Intruloceit crew (Dee, Remus, and Logan) about what's happening but it will be pretty difficult to make them trust you after all that has happened.

⦁ The rest goes as one would expect from a cosmic horror climax, Virgil tries to get The Audience into their dimension, and Patton probably goes through with it with promises of having his crimes erased and being able to feel safe again after all that happened, but the Intruloceit gang show up armed with knowledge from Remus's friend and seal the gateway, Remus makes fun of Roman for being the cult sacrifice rather the dashing hero and then therapy.

⦁ The very last scene of the ask-blog is Picany alone in his office as suddenly an ask gets sent through his email, asking whether he will be involved in the plot.

⦁ The End

All in all a big part of the story would be my own fascination with the potential of ask-blogs serving as a vehicle for cosmic horror, especially with the audience being the source of said horror. Other than that the ask-blog's themes would center around identity and various forms of violence and how one can find themselves the victim of said violence, and other sensitive subjects 16-year-old me was not prepared to handle (nor had the time to with how long this story would have been, comics take a long as while to through their plots yall).

But I have grown since then and have actually finished one of my projects for once (cough please watch 'She gets eaten by the end *cough) and I'm a better writer for it, as well as just better at managing my time. While I won't give any guarantees, with IRL stuff taking the majority of my time, in my free time I have been working on an illustrated horror novel that I plan to release for free once it's finished, so if you enjoy my younger self's writing, you may want to be on the lookout for that on my art blog ;]

[sevasey51]

Could you possibly write premature reader where she is with Chris and she has a pretty bad pots episode or maybe a seizure?

If anything it made them stronger.

Warnings: seizures, brain fog, dizziness, heart palpitations, nausea, mention of vomiting and headaches

Summary: two headcannons of premature! Sister has a pots episode and a seizure when she’s with Chris and concerned brother comes out in full force.

The PoTS episode ->

So you could usually tell when an episode would be coming because your symptoms would become more prominent  leading up to the episode.  Which usually meant more headaches, more confusion, and more heart palpitations with of course the added dizziness with the general discomfort and fatigue too.

You were spending more time in bed than up walking around, Chris was spending more time with you comforting you because he knew how much it took out of you. It was just snuggled and movies for you with electrolytes for hydration since it was important to keep you hydrated.

You were napping on and off because the restless sleep you’d always had a problem with. Chris was always there to hold you whilst you napped since you could wake up really confused due to brain fog.

You woke up disoriented - Chris could see that and comforted you pretty quickly.

“Lovebug you okay, you’ve just woken up from a nap and we’re in my bed.” He whispered making sure not to scare you.

“Mhmhm I’m good ‘ust feeling dizzy” she mumbles back snuggling in to his chest being careful of her tube that was currently connected to her feed.

“Okay bubs let’s raise your legs, I’ll just put my legs under them. He replied gently not wanting to shift her too much.

Luckily for you falling back to sleep helped, with your feed running, Chris changed the feed once it was done to electrolytes and did follow shortly after you falling asleep snuggling you lovingly like he did the day you were born.

Seizure ->

When you’d have a seizure it usually started as you just staring in to space, or it could be a full blown tonic- clonic seizure that sometimes you weren’t unconscious for which everyone knew that scared you, it scares everyone every time you have one just because they all know they can’t do anything til it’s over in the post-ictal stage.

This week had been a surprisingly good week for you given they were few and fair between given how the seasons were changing and the colder it got more things would play up. Like you always being cold (literally me right now). But for the most parts you were thriving as well as you could.

You were currently under chris’ covers in his bed with Dodger he was snuggled up in between your legs snoring away like usual when you felt a tingly feeling in your left arm, a sinking feeling in your stomach. Knowing what was gonna happen you called for chris with a shakey voice, he walked in seeing the look of pure fear on your face and knew what to do.

He got Dodger off the bed got you to lay on your side just as the seizure was about to begin, you mumbled “Chrissy- i ‘ont want it to hap-pen”

“I know babe I know you don’t, just let it happen lovebug I’m here, I’m her-” he said reassuringly knowingly that was the last thing you heard before the seizure took over.

The movement started as a group of twitches in the lower part of your body then took over all over more violently on the left side than your right, Chris wanted to never admit that he cried every time you had a seizure or were in pain whatever it was he’d cry because he hated seeing you like this.

The seizure finally came to an end at 2 minutes 45 seconds, Chris wiped away the dribble of bile slowly making its down your cheek with the sleeve of his hoodie. Slowly you started to come around.

“Lovebug, you with me?” Chris asked in what sounded like a sing song voice to you.

“Mmmm” you hummed back audibly disoriented

“Okay let’s give you some more time hmm.” He said quietly knowing you’d let him know when you were ready, quietly because he knew you’d have a killer headache too.

You opened you eyes slowly again making contact with Chris’ eyes. He slowly picked you up to snuggle up into his chest, since you’d fall asleep pretty quick after some preventative meds though your tube with electrolytes on a feed too.

“Chrissy- what happened I’m tired” y/n asked visibly confused.

“Lovebug you just had a seizure your okay, we’re gonna do some meds, put some electrolytes on and just snuggle okay, nice and calm alright baby.” He replied peppering kisses on to her forehead noticing the thin sheen of sweat on it too.

“Okay, I’m tired- I just wanna sleep.” You said sleep coming quicker than you thought.

“That’s fine bug, you just sleep let me do all the work, I’ll be here when you wake up bubs. I love you” Chris whispered kissing you one last time before yo closed your eyes sleep taking over.

“I ‘ove you too Chrissy-” you mumbled quietly sleep taking over mid sentence

This was again another headcannon of the amazingly sweet relationship that Chris and Y/n had regardless of what was going on if anything it made them stronger.

Hey guys sorry I haven’t uploaded in a while but I hope you like this, anon thank you for requesting this 💖💖💖

[sukunastoy]

I saw you post the picrew with College AU Sukuna and now I can’t stop thinking about him! I’d love to hear your headcanons about him! Or see a College AU fic with him 😍💗

OKAY I GOT IT FINISHED!! College AU Sukuna request from @yuujispinkhair

Of course he's going to be a jealous, asshole jock. Word Count: 1K+

First time ever writing a Headcanon so, I did my best. 😂 Hope you enjoy! ❤ CW: Language/implied NSFW, otherwise SFW.

Rest below the cut.

-Being childhood neighbors, you were familiar with Sukuna. You both used to play together as kids until middle school, where he just started to ignore you.

-Sukuna was cocky and arrogant all through middle school and into Highschool, and those who advanced through the years with him knew it very well, including you.

-It really sucked because you had developed a crush on him, having been so close together as kids, but now he was becoming kind of a dick head...

-He came from a wealthy family who gave him pretty much whatever he wanted so the word "no" was not something he ever dealt with, especially from girls he asked out, as they were always eager for the opportunity.

-Going into college was only to entertain the demand for attention and popularity as he never really cared about schooling otherwise, not even being that good at it to be honest. You couldn't even remember the amount of times he begged you to do his homework or help with some project he waited til last minute to complete.

-The only reason he successfully even got in was because he was good at sports and was given scholarships. Meanwhile you had to study your ass off and spend hours a day trying to get the best grades possible on every exam and homework assignment.

-No surprise that it was quite a shock to see him waltzing through campus like he earned his way in through hard work.

-So the first time he sought you out for homework in a couple of your shared classes, you denied cause, why should you?

-"Aw come on, I thought we were friends! You used to help me all the time!" "Um, well that's before you became a jock and ignored me for no reason." You'd shrug at him and walk away.

-Of course for one project the two of you got paired, and you grumbled inwardly, knowing you'd get stuck doing everything. And sure enough...

-A couple nights before the project was due, he hadn't done anything on it, and you sought him out at a frat party, where he was just having the time of his life.

-Not even caring, you called him out in the middle of it and embarrassed him by degrading him, and saying he was a horrible "friend" before leaving.

-He didn't care and laughed it off while continuing to party cause, he was popular, why should he care what you said?

-Staying in a private dorm rather than a sorority, you were slightly peeved when there was a knock at your door in the middle of the night.

-Assuming it was nothing, you ignored it til the knocking persisted and you finally answered, already knowing who it probably was.

-As you suspected, Sukuna was at your dorm door at 1 am, with his book back and stuff in his arms for the project. "Well that was fucking rude earlier." He scoffed while brushing past you into your dorm.

-Obviously he doesn't care about any protest, the guy doesn't understand "no." And he just drops all his stuff in the middle of the room and plops down to the floor. "Alright let's finish this dumb thing."

-"Already did, dick head. You think all of it could have been done in a night or two? Ugh you really are a spoiled, unattached to reality, idiot." Not that telling him any of this would mean anything to him.

-"Oh..cool then. Wanna fuck?" There's not much sense in his jock brain, and he was beyond dense. Homework all done? Already partied? Time to get laid then, right?? "Rather not have sex with an idiot." you rolled your eyes, trying to send him out of your dorm.

-Of course he protested, saying that he was super hot so it should mean something, plus he was good at sports, why couldn't you think that was admirable?

-Leaving him dumbfounded out in the hall with his stuff in hand, his mind was almost collapsing on itself. No one said 'no'.

-He'd definitely taunt you every chance he had since then. Saying things to embarrass you or annoy you because you ignored him. He is SUCH an attention seeker, and not having the admiration of every one was something he couldn't handle.

-He'd work out more, go harder in sports, hell, even started on a paired project BEFORE you. Was he really so butthurt that you turned him down he was trying to impress you now?

-Absolutely he was. Like a buck in the wild trying to impress a doe, he was doing his best to strut his stuff. Alas, you remained uninterested. Let him suffer a bit.

-One day, he really lost it when witnessing you out with another guy. It just about drove him crazy, as you laughed and looked so entertained. How was this guy better??

-Your guy friend suggested to go "on a date" with you, JUST to irritate Sukuna since he was being a jerk. It was a petty idea. You loved it.

-Naturally, Sukuna pretended he didn't notice, but he was so obviously jealous it was kind of adorable. He always happened to be where you and your "date" were, what a coincidence, and he always just invited himself into whatever you and your friend were doing.

-To add some angst, your "boyfriend" breaks up with you in a campus café when you were both certain Sukuna was lurking nearby.

-Both playing your roles properly, you remained "crying" at the table, and look who just so happened to be nearby.

-"What're crying for brat?" he asked in a non caring tone while sitting himself at the table casually as if he was openly invited to do so.

-Pretending you were so upset and heartbroken, he was feeling awkward and all he could think to do was pat your shoulder a little roughly like you were a teammate.

-"So...you're like...single now then?" He blatantly asked, not being one to understand proper emotional boundaries.

-Rolling your eyes you nodded. "Yes, idiot...I am."

-"Oh...cool then. So, NOW do you wanna fuck?" You crossed your arms and gave him a dull look at his words and he sighed irritatingly. "Okay, okay fine....but, what if I say we'll cuddle afterwards?"

-Needless to say, he was amazing at giving cuddles...

Hope you liked it!! ヾ(•ω•`)o

Please reblog when you like!

[ohnococo]

Reiner Braun NSFW Headcanons

Throwing out my read on some NSFW hcs for Reiner because I love the man. As with anything I write, he’s a grown ass man here (post-time skip!)

Also this ended up so fucking long but I spend a lot of time thinking about Reiner Braun lmao

NOT SFW/18+ ONLY UNDER THE CUT!

Reiner loves making out. Like loves loves loves it. He’d happily kiss you for hours on end, and his kisses are enough to make you melt. 

He pulls you flush against him when you’re making out, and loves holding your face or lightly brushing his fingers along your cheek. He goes between slow languid kisses - tongue moving against yours, his deep moans echoing in your mouth - to soft gentle pecks with his forehead pressed to yours. He will honestly kiss you til you’re soaking wet and both of your lips are swollen. 

Speaking of, he has a big thing for grinding. He loves having you cum on his thigh or hip - it just blows his mind that he can get you so worked up that you’ll cum through clothes and he gets butterflies in his stomach every time you come undone beneath him. Basically, given the time to during a session with Reiner he’ll have you cumming before you even get undressed. (and lowkey, he’s definitely cum in his pants while just making out). Oh, and he loves having you leave hickeys on them. He cherishes them and gets the warm n’ fuzzies anytime he looks at them after one of your long make out sessions. 

Big on praise: both giving and receiving. If you suck his cock he’ll be babbling his praises the whole time: holding your hair back for you if he needs to, telling you how good you’re making him feel, thanking you every time you let the tip of his large cock breach the tight seal of your throat. On the flip side he loves having you tell him how good he is, you can talk him right into a quick orgasm with your praise - he loves to know he’s your good boy. Loves little non-verbal things too, nods and hums of affirmation as he moves his tongue just right against you. 

This brings me to oral sex. Reiner’s need to please alone has him right on my Official AoT Men Who Eat Pussy Like a Champ roster, but this man has a fat tongue that doesn’t get tired. He’ll groan right into you just from how much he loves getting a taste, and you’ll drive him absolutely wild if you rock against his face or lock your legs around his head to keep his face buried. His goal is to leave you shaking and if his face isn’t a mess he isn’t done. Fav positions for eating you out are this, this, and this. Especially the last one. He’s a strong lad with a thick fucking neck, so don’t worry about hurting him if you sit on his face.

I’m sorry y’all but I hc Reiner as having a serious submissive streak running through him, I just do! I’ll get into that more in a bit but firstly: he can be a switch, though even when he’s taking a more dominant role he’s the most attentive dom and a big softie. Every move is still at your behest and the goal always remains your pleasure. He’s constantly checking in on you, watching your face and listening closely for even the smallest sign of discomfort. A dream dom in a caregiver type role, but he still needs the release of submission.

You can coax a feral side out of Reiner, especially if you show enthusiasm for his actions and assure him it’s what you truly want. Put his hand on your throat, moan when he squeezes lightly, and he’ll be easily encouraged to fuck you harder. He can and will get as rough as you like as long as you’re showing him how much you love it. In general though he won’t initiate anything like choking or face slapping unless you ask or discuss it beforehand - in all honesty he’d be terrified if he did something like that and actually hurt you. Reiner is definitely the type to go soft as soon as you let out of yelp of genuine discomfort (or show you’re no longer enjoying any kind of pain you’ve asked him to inflict) so he tends to play it safe. 

The silver lining of this is that he’s so intensely aware of your every reaction. He’ll notice the way your eyes change when he playfully slaps your ass or jokingly calls you something (like “Prince/Princess” or, thanks to the random Reiner dream my brain blessed me with, “Little Mouse”) and he’ll file even the smallest reaction away to bring out later. He’s an overall attentive lover in that way, and knows when to pull out the things in his arsenal that make you wild.

Now. Sub Reiner. Sweet tender sub Reiner. He loves having you tell him what to do, when to cum, when to wait. Even if you’re in the middle of more vanilla play, tell him to cum for you and he will immediately. 

He loves being overstimulated as well, keep going after he finishes and he’ll be squirming and whining in the most delicious way - and play with his nipples! This man is blessed with sensitive nipples and could almost cum from nipple stim alone. 

He loves begging too, begging to be touched, begging to fuck you, begging to cum, or even begging you make you cum - he loves it all. He just wants to make you happy, just wants you to tell him he’s good. 

Aftercare is an absolute must for Reiner too if he’s been submissive. When he crashes he crashes hard, and needs your comfort afterwards to round off a session properly. He loves having his hair washed by you (and secretly has a sensitive scalp) but as long as you curl up with him to cuddle and kiss him til he falls asleep he’s more than happy. 

He gives as good as he gets when it comes to aftercare too. He’ll check in about anything new you may have tried, making sure you liked it or were happy with how it felt. If he’s had you in an uncomfortable position he’ll stretch you out and rub your muscles to make sure you aren’t stiff or sore, and he really loves running a hot bath for you or helping you wash up afterwards too. He finds scrubbing your back or finger detangling your hair in the shower or tub soothing, and having you clean and comfortable in bed with your head on his chest lets him know he’s done a good job.

[familyagrestefanblog]

Theory for “Gabriel Agreste”

Saying that I'm EXCITED for this episode is an understatement, I'm THRILLED! So let me give you my speculation for what could happen in it and how it’ll affect the future, because pieces are literally just falling into place in my brain and I just have to write this down.

The episode is called" Gabriel agreste" because in this episode Gabriel will create a (long time) Sentimonster for himself that'll take his place and cover for him in his civilian life while he himself gets completely swallowed by his Hawkmoth/ShadowMoth identity (which is a direct paralell to the fate Marinette just escaped by telling Alya her secret). He doesn't want to "waste" anymore unnecessary time by having to NOT be Hawkmoth, which then completely separates him from Adrien who very much was one of the last (if not THE LAST at this point) few strings that kept him grounded in his humanity.

The episode takes place right before the middle of the season and since it's season 4 we are talking about here its fair to assume that both Adrien and Gabriel are back at (at least) suspecting each other to be Chat Noir and Hawkmoth again at some point. Adrien is going to be even more rebellious after the status quo break and set up of "Lies" so him maybe (or maybe even confirmed already to Gabriel) to be Chat Noir could definitely be the factor that sets Gabriel over the edge, rips these two apart for good (as I foresaw in my analysis of "Jackady") and brings Gabriel to distance himself altogether while covering his own identity from his son by creating a Sentimonster (bc Adriens secret being discovered by his evil family is already forshadowed to hell and back, just like him ending up getting Homeschooled again this season, mark my words)

---

"Queen Banana" is supposed to take place right before "Gabriel Agreste" and we have a leak where it's seen that Adrien is now kinda taking on Nathalies role since she is (supposedly) still bed ridden.

Seriously, just humour me here and stay with me. This would mean that Adrien would get to see and interact with his father much more often and Gabriel wouldn't be able to ditch everything and turn into Hawkmoth as easily as he was able to with Nathalie.

A cover up Sentimonster was actually already kinda forshadowed in "Party Crasher"

by introducing HoloGabe with the intention of providing Gabriel with alibis and to attend meetings etc for him in the future so Gabriel can invest more time into being Hawkmoth. But a Hologramm is not suitable for every occasion, which is where the Sentimonster comes into play.

At first Adrien wouldn't notice much off about his father and the few things he notices Adrien actually doesnt mind. If SentiGabe is really supposed to replace Gabriel as... Well, Gabriel, that also means as a FATHER and my money is on SentiGabe being created to be a better father than the original. SentiGabe does everything Adrien wanted his father to do in s1-s3: Join Adrien at dinner time, spend more time with him, is in general in better of a mood and not such an unpleasant dick and so on and so on.

Easy to say, Adrien basically welcomes the good change he always wanted in his "Father" with open arms and chooses to ignore things that seem suspicious and the always remaining gut feeling of something just being... off. This will collide with the unveiling of more of the family (+ Emilie) mystery which will for Adrien all continue to point at Gabriel as Hawkmoth because of one event that is likely to happen in episode 4.

I'm currently writing on yet another post about this topic in particular, so I will link it HERE for elaboration once I post it, but in short, I think Rena Rouge and the Grimoire secrets Marinette shears with Alya could be the catalyst of Adrien suspecting his father to be Hawkmoth again.

Adriens memories of the time he went through the Grimoire himself in "Volpina" would be triggered again after seing the Grimoire page Rena (honestly, quite recklessly) brings along into battle and from then on things will slowly pile up until Gabriel deflects from himself with SentiGabe in "Gabriel Agreste" (just like he did in “The Collector”)

People WAY to easily forget how ready and serious Adrien was in "The Collector" when he actually concidered his father to be Hawkmoth.

Keep in mind that Ladybug was only able to tell Chat Noir the weakest reasons of her suspicion against Gabriel (while the Grimoire being Guardian property was NEVER found out by Adrien... til NOW) that being Gabriels mysterious personality and the butterfly logo of his brand.

These arguments are weak because they are ONLY actually suspicious in the specific context of Gabriel being Hawkmoth. Once you have proof against that they hardly hold any ground anymore, hence why both Adrien AND Marinette so easily brushed off these points after seeing Gabriel akumatized. I mean, excuse a designer for choosing a BUTTERFLY as his logo when his last name is literally the name of a butterfly type. The fuck kind of accusation is that??

So I hope you understand that when I say that, yes, these reasons DID trigger further memories/realizations for Adrien in that moment

It simply was only the tip of the iceberg.

The fact that Adrien not only gave Ladybug the fucking benefit of a doubt and heared her out about accusing his FATHER of being HAWKMOTH and took it THAT seriously and wanted to find out if his father truly IS Hawkmoth means that Adrien very much sees his father as capable of being Paris villain Nr 1. This... understanding and acceptance of Gabriels nature already had to be in Adrien much prior to "the collector" to set it off like this. And while normally Adrien chooses to turn a blind eye towards his fathers bad qualities in favor of seeing Gabriels redeeming (and even the rare somewhat GOOD) qualities, Adrien only does so because he thinks Gabriel hasn't crossed the line yet that makes his father undeserving of these loving conciderations. But Gabriel being Hawkmoth IS CROSSING that line for Adrien and he immediately sets aside his remaining/choosen love for his heavily flawed father and willingly sees Gabriel for what he is.

Adrien already did it once with only a few somewhat solid reasons and the Grimoire being kept secret from him altogether,

So he will do it again, just this time the proofs and developments are supposed to stay for good.

---

This development would not only be forshadowed by "the collector"

But also by the episode "Ladybug". There Mayura used a Sentimonster version of Ladybug against Chat Noir, using their love against him. What she didn't know though was that Ladybug actually isn't in love with her partner (yet) which ended up with Chat Noir being put in the situation of having to decide which Ladybug he believes to be real.

Does he believe and hold onto Sentibug who returns the love he so desperately seeks in life or does he let go of his hopeful wish and accept the heartbreaking reality of once again not receiving his love in return from yet another person he holds so dear?

In "Ladybug" Adrien couldn't make that crushing decision yet (and don't clown in the replies about this, not only was the situation vastly different it's also a cruel thing to ask of Adrien) but as we are used from Miraculous by now, that episode was only the set up for future events.

What Adrien couldn't let himself believe about Ladybug and Sentibug he will have to FORCE himself to accept about his Father and Hawkmoth. Same set-up of the Sentimonster symbolising Adriens desperate and hopeful WISH what his loved one were vs the crushing, heart wrenching reality of what his loved ones actually ARE. Just that letting go of his wish for Ladybugs love didnt seem "necessary enough" for the mission to succeed so he just couldn't MAKE himself give her up whereas accepting and seeing that his father is Hawkmoth is going to be one of the most crucial sacrifices of the show, changing the game forever. So as horrible, cruel and soul shattering as this is, putting an end to his fathers villainous reign for the sake of the greater good is a reason worthy enough to force himself through his pain.Which brings us once again back to “The collector” (which seriously forshadows almost everything I love that episode), because there is ONE major aspect that episodes sets up like crazy

And that is:

And thats where we are heading now.

This entire time Adrien wanted his Father to behave more fatherly, spend more time with him and improve his explosive behavior but he always got disappointed over and over again. So how heartbreaking would it be if over the course of the second half of the season THIS would be the very reason why Adrien gets behind Gabriels secret? Because SentiGabe behaved too fatherly for Adrien to truly buy it in his heart and when forced to decide what he actually believes his father to be - like the fatherly Sentimonster or the villainous Hawkmoth - Adrien has to and WILL recognize and accept his fathers true nature and turn against him, as it has been set up for a LONG time now.

This season shit’s about to go DOWN!

[imagines-mha]

⭒ haikyuu x exam season ⭒

Daichi- when i say he is the MOODIEST person when studying. It’s all fun and games until you interrupt him one too many times and he fucking explodes. Needs 2 chill

Suga- his goal in life is to be an aesthetic studyblr like this man will go and get iced coffee, order the prettiest stationary and then spend 20 minutes organising it for his instagram. As for ACTUALLY studying? He’s amazing at it. Literally the person we all aspire to be

Asahi- anxiety crams before tests. He does more than like 70% of his classmates but is always convinced he’s fallen behind on everything. Cries a LOT when he doesnt understand smth

Noya- another one who cries only he does it SO easily. Personally victimised by anything past question 1. Gets literally everyone to do his work for him

Tanaka- tries so hard he really really does. His handwriting is a mess and his notes look like something a 7 year old would do. Gets everything wrong but doesnt let it stop him

Ennoshita- did someone say pretentious straight A student??? Offers to help his friends just so he can flex his pretty notes and intelligence. Seems like he has everything under control but really? He cries like once a night in the lead up to exams

Kageyama- he doesnt have any room for anything in his head that isnt volleyball. Hes hopeless

Hinata- LACKS COMMON SENSE SO BAD. He’ll finally understand EVERYTHING but write the answer in the wrong place or leave out a decimal place in the exam. Stupidest mistakes

Tsukishima- he sticks to a study schedule like what? Who tf sticks to a schedule? Doesnt like to flaunt his grades around anyone who isnt hinata and kageyama, but akiteru and his mom are 100% the type to post his grades all over facebook like “so proud of my son !!!!!!”

Yamaguchi- the king of saying he hasn’t done much for exams, but then stays up every night til 2am studying. He HATES people having any expectations of him so keeps all his preparation secret lmao.

Kuroo- hes smart and he flaunts it so bad. 100% a teacher's pet, especially for science. Around exam season he lives in the library. Motivates kenma to study with him too tho hes so supportive

Kenma- hes naturally smart, which is like 70% of the reason his grades are good bc he does NOT study. Leaves it all to the night before/ when hes with his friends in the library but other than that nope he doesnt have energy

Lev- doesn't fully register he’s taking a test until he’s 3 questions in and hasn’t written a single word. Then he starts panicking.

Bokuto- he goes through the 5 stages of grief every single time he has to study. Gets frustrated as hell when he cant understand something, gets distracted by everything, a mess. Always leads to him slamming his textbook shut and sulking for an hour

Akaashi- the only one in fukurodani who actually spreads his studying out over the year so he doesnt have to cram. He has pretty notes and diagrams but still gets so stressed smh

Konoha- “yeah ill study in ten minutes” *cue him 6 hours later only starting* studies mostly at night and doesnt care about grades , yet still manages to score really good on every test

Oikawa- if this man is anything he’s dedicated. Actually finds balance between volleyball and studying when exam season’s in full swing, but that doesnt mean he still doesnt overwork himself. Surviving on 40 minutes of sleep and coffee lmao

Mattsun- doesn’t take school seriously at all. Hes like “who cares im gonna die one day” “if i dont know it now ill never know it”. So fucking chill

Makki- tries to be like issei so bad but it fails every time. He’s like “yeah who cares about biology anyway lmao”. He is a liar. He cried for 2 hours over biology last night smh. Biology is actually his number one care.

Iwa- naturally smart and follows a routine. The only healthy studier in seijoh tbh. Motivates his friends so much though hes the only reason mattsun and makki pass smh

Ushijima- sounds pretentious but he doesnt mean it. The worst person to study with because hes so naturally smart and makes everyone feel stupid. Hes like “how do you not understand this? Its easy?”

Tendou- hes so average when it comes to studying i cant even explain it. He goes home and studies, has dinner, watches some anime and studies a little more, then just goes to bed? Never overly concerned about it but hes the best for calming nerves. Makes you really believe things will be okay

Goshiki- CHRONIC WORRIER OH MY GOD. definitely gets the shakes before an exam and almost has a fuckin panic attack every single time, never feels prepared but he really is. Needs tendou for emotional support

Atsumu- too confident in his abilities lmao. He’s like “yeah ive got this i totally know it” then acts shocked and appalled when he fails. Thinks he’s the main character, therefore he HAS to pass. He’s not. And he never learns.

Osamu- the slightly smarter twin yet still not exceptional in any way. Doesnt really care about grades, he knows there’s more to life but still studies enough to pass

Kita- hello mr “whats a failing grade”. Never stresses and never fails. Actually the top of his class in basically everything. Manages to study and still find time for hobbies.

Aone- i am convinced a hug from him would get me through exam season every single year. Another person who just? Doesnt stress? Follows a routine and doesnt mind if he doesnt know something in the test. wow

Futakuchi- “i dont care about exams at all fuck them” *gets 53% and cries*. He doesnt have the patience to study and feels betrayed when all his friends actually do the work

Koganegawa- hes like hinata only he actually passes most of the time. Works SO hard and gets so happy when it pays off!! Always treats himself to mcdonalds after an exam thats self love babie

Terushima- you need to be cautious around this man. He’ll spend every night of exam season partying and ignoring any responsibility, yet still come out with 100% in everything. Where does he find the time? How does that work? What the fuck?

[moorishflower]

7, 29, 42 👀

What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of?

I'm proud that I've gotten this question 3 times asdgs uh let's see I am kinda newly proud that I am...apparently a very prolific writer. And just never really registered the fact? XD

What’s your favorite title that you’ve come up with?

One time I wrote a super filthy Sam/Gabriel rimming fic and called it "Mouth Ever Fresh With Praise" does that count

But, more seriously, "your bed with its horns" is a reference to sleep paralysis that might not be casually obvious. It's from The Little White Bird by J.M. Barrie!

Post a snippet from a wip.

I've been doing a lot of Wings so here's some bandits instead lol (rest under a cut because it's slightly spicy)

Once Belle is up, Hob pats his pockets for a bit of dried apple and lets her chew at it while he runs his hands over her, checking her hooves for stones and her legs for any bites or nicks she might have suffered in the night. Vielantiu seems a fine guardian, for Hob finds nothing, not even any burrs in her mane or tail, and, satisfied that she’ll maintain through another day of easy riding, he fetches his saddle from where it sets beside the sleeping lord.

Though not so asleep, it seems, for when Hob bends down, he finds himself glancing aside into eyes as flatly, deeply blue as a calm sea, the lids heavy, the dark brows furrowed, though why, Hob cannot guess.

“You are still here,” the lord murmurs, and Hob, blinking, settles down onto his heels.

“Yes,” he says, “did you not say I pleased you? That was our deal. You’ll keep me on ‘til Canterbury, so long as I’m pleasing to you.”

The lord pushes himself up onto his elbow, the wool blanket falling from his shoulder in a ripple of softness. His fine clothes are wrinkled, and his hair is sleep-mussed, and his expression is soft and wondering. Hob thinks of that gentle cheek lying upon his thigh, and kissing his skin so sweetly, and feels another helpless pulse of wanting run through him.

“Did you think I might leave?” he asks, and the lord, very slowly, nods. Hob huffs, and drops down onto his seat in the loam. “Now why would I do that? When I’m so close to guessing your name.”

“You are no closer now than you were when you began,” the lord says, but it sounds as though spoken by rote. The lord licks his lips, a flash of tongue as pink and soft as honeysuckle. “I took liberties with you, last night. Beyond that of our arrangement. You would be within your rights to leave.”

Hob stares for a moment, trying to find his way to the logic that must be at work here. He had thought he’d been fairly obvious in his interest from the very start – he’s never had the problem before of being too subtle in his ardor. “My lord,” he says haltingly, “when I asked of you a boon, for the wager of guessing your name, did I not ask for a kiss?”

“You did.”

“And when I took myself in hand last night, did I not tell you that ‘twas you I was thinking of?”

Another hesitation. And then, “You did. Yes.”

“And when you laid your head upon my thigh, my lord, did I not moan sweetly for you?” The lord’s eyes, already heavy, narrow to slits. Hob presses onwards, made bolder by the cast of light that shines around them in daring oranges and pinks, by the smell of the dew on the air, by the knowledge that there is something here, if he can but grasp it. “When you put your mouth to my skin, did you not feel me shake for you? Did you not see how much spend I had for you? Certes, I’m surprised you didn’t feel my heart pounding clear through my leg. I thought it would fair leap from my chest into your hands.”

The lord is very studiously looking at a point over Hob’s shoulder. There’s something at once fragile and mulish about him, and Hob thinks he has never gone to such lengths before to gentle any of his bedpartners. But then, none of them have been even half so interesting, nor even approaching such beauty.

“Who was it who told you,” he says, and the lord’s eyes at last snap to him, “that you were not allowed to take what is offered to you?”

[nova-is-a-writer-now]

The things we never tell.

[[Zuko x Reader]]

Summary: After the war Y/N strays away from her friends, and her relationship with Zuko seemed everytime more distant, slowly she starts to fall into a darker place.

A/N: I took a very extensive but very needed break, I’m incredibly sorry to anyone who sent me a request before I disappeared and was left waiting for me to post it but my mental health was not the best during this past few months and it’s been hard to do anything at all. But I’m back and I hope writing again gives me a sense of purpose or something lol. Talking about mental health, this fic talks about heavy topics like depression and isolation, if you’re not confortable with that or are going through this stuff I recommend skipping this one, I will have lighter fics coming soon. Remember you are never alone, no matter how much you feel like it. There’s always someone to reach out to or ask for help.

Requested: Yes!!!! By a lovely blog that deactivated but went by the name of aristasiaclarke :( (yes that’s how long I’ve been away) But side note, if you sent me a request before my break and would still like me to write it send it to me again I’d be more that happy to do it!

Warnings: Depression, Anxety, Isolation, Angst

~IF YOU HAVE ANY REQUESTS DONT HESITATE TO ASK ~

The war was over, it had been for months now, yet some things hadn’t gone back to normal . You decided to stay in the palace after Zuko was crowned since your relationship with him had only grown stronger by being so close to losing eachother. Your friends on the other hand all went their separate ways. The friend group you’d spent so many days with, planning on how to defeat the firelord, training, camping, going on missions, it all became just memories and it had been so long since you’d all been together last. You couldn’t complain though, you understood after everything that had happened all your friends were left with many responsibilities laying on their shoulders and, in a way, none of you were the same kids you were when this adventure started. You had all grown up.

Zuko and you spent a lot of time together those first few months since you moved in, that period of time when his people understood his need to settle into his position and take charge of his nation, but after that was over the workload was relentless, Zuko had been left with a broken nation and the full responsibility of fixing it. At first he always made sure to eat every meal with you, chat and update you on everything new that had happened, little by little he started to miss lunch and then it was dinner, soon breakfast and any midday break was gone as well. It came to a point where you rarely saw him at all, him working so late you were usually asleep by the time he came to bed, if he did at all, and you waking up to an empty bed every morning.

Slowly but surely a feeling you knew all too well started reappearing in your chest, something you hadn’t felt in years and were too scared of to even acknowledge. You tried to figure out what to do with all the free time you had in your hands so the feeling wouldn’t consume your mind, you remodeled at least fiver rooms in the palace, picked up several hobbies, offered your help to servants all around just to be rejected, anything and everything your mind could think of, but nothing was enough. That darkness and emptiness inside of you seemed to be determined to conquer your every waking moment once again.

Last time this happened you had your old friends around you, back at home. You family did everything they could to help you, and little by little you learnt how to heal. But this was different, all you had now were empty hallways that lead to even emptier rooms, and the ones that weren’t empty you weren’t permitted to go into.

Days were longer and shorter at the same time; on one hand, a day seemed to last ages, all you did was wait til night fell so you could go back to bed and rest, on the other you started spending more time inside your room, taking naps here and there turned into sleeping most of your days, taking baths became a task harder than any of the ones you’d had to complete in your adventure days, the curtains stayed closed and the bed unmade, day and night slowly started to blend in together.

Servants noticed first, they knocked on the door several times a day to ask if you needed anything at all, to which you would always answer no. When you stopped going to the dinner hall they started to bring food to you, most of which you didn’t eat. One too many times they even had to drag you to the bath so they could get a chance to clean your room.

It was your personal maid who had decided to finally bring in the palace medic. After running some tests on you he concluded there was nothing wrong with you and all it could be was hormonal changes. But hormonal changes weren’t supposed to last weeks, not to mention months.

The maid tried encouraging you to go out to town, visit some new boutique that had opened or a restaurant with great reviews, but all you ever said was “maybe tomorrow”. She came to understand that tomorrow wouldn’t come.

—————————

One day she decided to not stand by and witness a girl who had once been the light in every room wither away. It took all her courage to approach the fire lord,. Even though she knew of his kindness and how different he was from his predecessor he was still an intimidating ruler.

“Fire lord” she called as the young man walked through the palace surrounded by his officials, discussing some political matter she assumed. He didn’t seem to hear her so she sped up and stood in front of the group of men.

“I’m sorry but any issue at the moment will have to wait, important matters need to be addressed with urgency.” He informed her with his usual formal tone.

“Your majesty, it’s miss Y/N, she-” the maid started but was soon interrupted

“Yes, well if she requires my presence please inform her I’m occupied at the moment, but whatever she needs she can ask the help to do it for her.” Zuko attempt to walk past her but the maid stopped him once again.

“Your majesty, I hope I’m not being too bold but I don’t think you understand, she’s very unwell.” the maid saw as Zuko was about to protest her audacity, but once his eyes fell on her he seemed to realize the seriousness of the matter.

Zuko’s heart sank, all kinds of thoughts went through his head, had you gotten injured? Had one of the rebellious groups he’d been dealing with infiltrated the castle and taken you? had you fallen ill with a terrible condition? He soon turned to his second in command and said “You can take charge from here”

The man rather surprised replied after a few seconds “Your majesty, this matter requires your presence, it can not wait.”

“Well it will have to, I’m going to be unavailable the rest of the day. I’m sure you all can manage without me.”

———————

Nothing could’ve prepared Zuko for the sight he encountered when he entered the royal chambers. He hadn’t sleept there a few nights in a row, not wanting to wake you up at late hours when he was done with his workload of the day, but even when he did sleep there he was too tired to even notice anything wrong. Now, at broad daylight, he saw it all.

You were cuddled up under the covers, your hair matted and messier than ever, very dark under eye bags and an extremely pale complexion, even laying down and under blankets and covers he could tell you’d lost a worryingly amount of weight. He’d never seen you in such state.

“What happened to her? Is she ill?” Zuko asked the maid who stood next to him.

“The medic has been called, your majesty, he wasn’t able to point out anything wrong with her. Said it was just hormonal changes, but I don’t think that’s what’s going on.” she said softly.

“Well then bring another doctor in. Someone has to know what’s wrong.”

“Yes, your majesty, we’ll being someone else in first thing tomorrow.” she bowed and was about to leave the room when the firelord stopped her.

“Thank you... for bringing this to my attention and for looking after her.”

The maid just bowed once again and made her way out of the room. Zuko walked up to you, your eyes were closed and even in your sleep an uneasy expression was plastered on your face.

“Love...” he cooed stoking the side of your face slowly. “Hey, darling... wake up.”

He made sure to rest his hand on your forehead to see if you had a fever, but on the contrary you were rather cold. You barely opened your eyes, but it was enough for Zuko to see how the light that had once been there was now gone.

“Zuko?” you asked, your voice barely audible and raspy as you tried to blink the sleepiness away slowly.

“Hey, do you feel sick Y/N? Does anything hurt?” Zuko’s hand had moved from your forehead to your cheek and his thumb was now sweetly caressing your skin.

You hadn’t felt a loving touch in what felt like so long, you’d almost forgotten that you could feel something good and not painful. It was all it took for tears to slowly start forming in your eyes and eventually rolling down your face.

At the sight of your partner’s concern, you forced yourself to smile a little and respond “Nothing hurts.”

“Y/N... something’s not right. I’ve never seen you like this before, i need you to tell me what’s going on.” Zuko’s voice was almost breaking, you could tell how hard he was trying to be strong and keep collected for you, this broke your heart even more.

You took in a deep breath, your mind running while trying to find an answer for him. You knew what was wrong, you’d ignored it so far, pushed it away even though it now consumed your every waking moment, but you knew you couldn’t do this anymore. “I don’t feel well, Zuko. I haven’t for a while now.”

“Are you ill? We’ve called a doctor already, he should be-” He said before you cut him off.

“Zuko... It’s not that kind of unwell.” you almost whispered. “A doctor can’t help me with this.”

The firelord seemed lost for a while, not quite sure of what you meant. You took a second before sitting up on the bed and pressing your back against the headboard. You decided to recount the events of the last time you’d gone through this to him, every sleepless night and every full of sleep day, the multiple crying sessions, the pain and hopelessness, the ever changing appetite, the heavy chest you couldn’t seem to get rid of. This was all terribly hard for you to do but needed to be done, for your sake and for his. Zuko didn’t seem to understand at first, his eyes looking at you attentively, waiting for the moment where the pieces of your story would fall into place. It took you saying how what was wrong with you wasn’t physical but rather emotional for him to get what you were referring to. His face had fallen into a heartbreaking expression, you didn’t know if it was guilt or pity or something in between.

Once you were done and the tears that pooled in your eyes while tellling your story had fallen, Zuko held your hand tightly. “This is all my fault. You should’ve been my priority.”

“Zuko...no. This isn’t your fault, it’s nobody’s fault.” You assured him as your hand went up to his cheek.

“I’m so sorry. You shouln’t have had to deal with this alone. You were there for me when no one else was and I want to do the same for you, always.” He tilted his head into your palm before turning slightly to kiss it.

“I’d like that... I really would.”

For the rest of that night, you and your partner opened up to each other like you’d never had before. For the first time since the war had ended you didn’t feel so alone, you were together and that made you feel like you had the strength to get better, maybe not today or in the days to come, but someday. He gave you hope.

[wowtobio]

pls feed me with ur incredible writing. Iwa angst bc I haven't cried in a while lol.

Cheater! Iwaizumi x reader (angst)

──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ────

a/n: haha this made me laugh, ur too kind my writing is not that good so i cannot guarantee tears

It’s been awhile since I wrote my guy iwa and angst, hopefully this doesn’t turn out too bad eheh this is also sort of like an 800 followers special. Thank you all so much for following and reading my works, i cannot express it any other way :)

warning: angst, cursing, slight mentions

Part 1 | Part 2

You expected this to happen, as hard as it is to swallow the bitter truth that threatened to burn down your whole marriage. This man, what happened? The time he would sacrifice in order to spend just some time with you, only now consumed by his company forcing him to work overtime presumably. The words he spoke to you, full of meaning were now void of emotion and as cold and sharp as icicles hanging from the rooftop edge during winter nights. The love and adoration his eyes used to hold catered only for you.

Where did it go?  

Suddenly, the golden band adorned with emerald jewels did not shine as brightly as it used too. Though you kept yours on, it seems his own band was often absent. But you bit your lip, afraid to voice out queries that could end up in another pointless argument. 

The door shut hard, yet you do not jump from your seat like you used too. Keeping your blank eyes forward staring at the static of the television. No words, no welcomes were heard. 

The calming night breeze coming from an open window only served to add more coldness in the living room.

Recently, all the nagging you did would not serve you both justice. You were only worried for your husband, why did it seem like all he did was yell at you? A simple question concerning what was for dinner would always end up in heated words. 

“You can eat alone.” 

“But, I just wanted to eat dinner with you, I waited so lo-”

“And why should I care? Just leave me be I’m too tired to deal with you right now.”

But, you always seem like you don’t want to deal with me..

Soon, it all ceased to exist. Any conversation or fight in this matter, it all scurried away as fear of more spiteful words would dig deep into your chest and sting greatly. 

But tonight was different, you just missed him so much.

Standing slowly, you trudge behind him wordlessly wrapping your arms around his torso and burying your face into his broad back. He stands frozen, you wish you could see his facial expression. Iwaizumi’s gaze is casted down at the arms enveloping him.

You guessed your arms were pretty skinny now, when was the last time you even had a proper meal? 

You tried to ignore the feminine, floral fragrance that lingered on his button up, a scent you know for sure you did not use. 

Minutes passed, what felt like hours. After Iwaizumi snapped out of his state, he easily shrugged you off and continued to your once shared bedroom. And all you could do was hold out your now empty arms and stare at his receding form.

No tears shed, you ran out of them awhile ago. However, that familiar aching pain still stirred deep within your gut.

Another night on the couch it seems.

When was the last time you were happy? Your friends voice concern for your well-being, the sparkle in your eyes now dulled to a mere dull light. Eventually you stopped hearing their distressed voices when you started to decline their offers of going out.

There was no point in forcing yourself to go anywhere anymore. It was more convenient to mask yourself as to not cause anymore worry.

But, this one night you decided to go out. Maybe it was to escape the realms that reminded you of your dying relationship. You texted Iwaizumi, it’s been awhile since you clicked on his contact. And of course, no response. Probably didn’t even glance at the notification. 

Whatever, you gulped down another shot, your step wobbled slightly. Things did not change, your friends held the same hidden worries for you. 

Was it a coincidence that his best friend was there? I mean he was quite the party animal nowadays. His casual, flirty tone ignored by you. Until you voiced heading home early, not wanting to keep your husband waiting. Oikawa’s eyes darkened, he knew something you didn’t. 

And that something was met with you when you quietly open the door to your shared apartment. The thumping of your heart was probably louder than the one heard from your shared bed. 

Suddenly, your surroundings were starting to blur in your vision. Was it the alcohol? Or have you finally lost it?

Hands shaking, you grasp the golden doorknob. Nothing to lose now, as you swung open the only barrier hiding the ugly truth. A shriek, a barely audible gasp and a sob. 

He didn’t even react, he didn’t scramble the way that busty bitch did when she made futile attempts to pick up her clothing and leave. He didn’t even look at your trembling form. 

After the woman hastily left your apartment, taking your dignity along with her. All you could do is silently stand there, hot tears streaming down your pale complexion. Hajime’s eyes, as always casted down at the sheets he committed great sin in. 

You make eye contact with him one last time. It was only a second, yet you saw it all. All the lies he hid, the hatred he held for you. He hid it so well, and you were a fool to not notice how obvious it was.

No more, you ran out of the apartment in the same fashion that woman he indulged with did. 

Days passed. Weeks as well. No apologies, no contact, no moments of crossings, nothing. This is what your marriage has come too. Months of drowning in tears and alcohol.  

The feeling of worthlessness, ugliness, everything negative consumed your being during this dark time. Your phone untouched, flooded with texts and calls from friends and family. But you didn't have the energy to respond back with empty lies. It didn’t matter, out all of those messages his name never popped up. 

How could he do this to you? How could he love you to the point of marriage only to ignore you til the downfall? How could he steal everything away from you like this? Your first kiss, your first time, your hand in marriage. And to just take that all away and leave you with absolutely nothing but heartache and painful thoughts. 

You pondered this, who knows how long you will continue too. And as you scroll down your social media feed for the first time in awhile, Oikawa’s constant post flooded your timeline, one particular caught your eye. A candid selfie of the pretty setter, your ex-husband and a girl clad in a white sundress and sun hat. The girl had perfect wavy, long brown hair that complimented her hazelnut eyes. A body of a goddess and a beautiful smile. Her delicate and dainty arms wrapped around the bicep of your ex-lover. 

Hajime’s face was caught off guard, yet overall he did not seem the least bit effected by the events that happened just months ago. 

It broke you, why was he happier now without you? Though he left you all alone to wallow in your own sadness and selfishness. 

You did not get it, and you never will. As you sobbed deeply into your arms on that cold night, the stars shone brightly into the room barely enveloping your quivering body, all you could ask yourself is where did it all go wrong?

──── ∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗ ────

a/n: idk abt y’all but i think the most painful heartbreak is watching someone fall out of love with u. but once again thank you for reading my blogs you guys :’) i seriously cannot thank you enough 

masterlist

[ranboo5]

Dropping the Ranboo mixtape

Anyway at time of starting to write this post I had two likes and two affirmative replies, which is Good Enough For Me, so here I am :D I was gonna link the YT but on second thought my YT channel is a mess so this is gonna be one of the annoying ones that doesn’t link to one you can actually listen to but 

This is also a running list and currently organized roughly by increasingly hotter takes and it’s under a cut bc it’s 13 songs and I justified all of them 

Everybody Likes You (Lemon Demon) - LISTEN THE ANIMATION MEMES WEREN’T LYING THAT EVERYBODY LIKES YOU CAN RANBOOCORE. The increasingly distorted, incredibly bright repetition of EVERYBODY LIKES YOU EVERYBODY LIKES YOU EVERYBODY LIKES YOU until you can hear it morphing in and out of EVERYBODY LIED TO YOU? Tell Me That’s Not Him In The Spiral Depths 

Tall (Naps the Block on YT) - This is a) literally a theme for the End, b) sounds stumbling and anxious/high-strung, and c) echoes the Pigstep melody in the middle while still very much doing its own thing this is self explanatory 

Dance of Thorns/Old Secret mashup (Tensei and James Roach respectively, feat. woodfur00 on YT) (yes this is Homestuck music) - It’s just the vibes. The energy. The way the elegance of the violin lines of Dance of Thorns sounds almost nervous especially against the almost noir mystery vibes of Old Secret, and the guitar lines of Dance of Thorns add like. Initiative/urgency especially when they underlay the other music it’s so good I don’t think either song alone is Ranboo vibes but this remix definitely is. Just the mix of perseverance and desperation and melancholy and mystery and Class 

Touch-Tone Telephone (Lemon Demon) - This one is old news but tbh it just works. Man decides he’s the correct one in this situation and he’s losing his entire mind that no one is listening to him because he just is not 

2012 (Will Wood) - This one isn’t really clever it’s just about memory loss, derealization, identity, and often self-hatred (“A miserable fuck, but a loud Tao mystical” is a lot). “Did you lose yourself?/It’s always in the last place that you check” sounds so mocking in ways internal monologues like Droice have been and “I might find myself/By retracing my steps” is literally just Ranboo dealing with the Enderwalk; “And not until lobotomy abolished my monotony/Did I applaud autonomy, and modify a lot of me!” works so much for him Dealing With Himself generally, and also “I heard the world would turn to hell/Compared to that, I’m doing well!” is a Him sentiment 

Hand Me My Shovel, I’m Going In! (Will Wood) - Jokes about the three hour mining/grinding streams aside. Not only is the chorus so heavily a spiral/self-evaluation mood, but literally consider his thought processes abt the things he’s done/allegedly done and then consider “My dreams were shattered like a stained-glass window/Jesus in pieces! I believe I through a brick right through Him/But my memory could not be saved!/It just seems unlikely that it’s me who was to blame/So I bookmark my DSM, ‘cause I need to remember my place.” And now with the advent of the “experiments” the second verse’s “Take the road on higher ground, and tell me ‘don’t look down! You’ll fall and break your back’/But that just reminds me how there’s more to be found beneath the black!” is more relevant than ever 

Friends With You (The Scary Jokes) - Oh my god. Oh my fucking god man. This could be on here for “I put myself to bed just halfway through the party/I love all my friends, but I hate when their eyes are on me” alone but the general almost empty saccharine vibe of the song is immensely his vibe; the humorlessly-smiling vocal fry on “don’t know” in “Why do you pretend/You don’t know who’s to blame?” is probably responsible for 80% of this read. Not to mention the first lyrics are literally “How long do I have to wait/’Til my lonely days are over?” which is really the. The waiting it out man the So When Do I Get To Be Okay of it all. Shoutouts also to “And the crumbling infrastructure no one else can see,” the self hatred of “I miss being friends with you/But what can I do/What can I do/But leave you alone?” and to “And I can tell you really love me/Can you tell I’m really sorry?” Just. The mix of hope+affection and dejected cynicism and self-hatred in the lyrics

Saline Solution (none other than Mr Wilbur Soot) - Remember what I said about waiting it out until you get to be okay? Anyway that’s crystallized in “If I could just break one more night/Maybe I could wake up and feel alright” and also this is literally a song about catastrophizing and self-evaluation just,, in general and I will not be highlighting all the lyrics about this but I will highlight the fact that he literally calls himself pragmatic and also the lyric “blurring the facts and the fiction.” Also, the sheer desperate anger-concealing-breakdown vibes of “I think I’ve made my choice” to “I think I’ve found my voice” deserves a mention, as does the culminating end of “saline solution to all your problems” with the tears+now splash water motifs of it all with Ranboo I am going to die 

Funny (The Scary Jokes) - This is actually a softer take but not only does it literally start with the singer pleading with the addressee to look away, it  continues with “I went up in the middle of the night and I climbed right onto the stage/And I raged/And I cried/Oh, what a funny joke am I” disregarding everything as performance, reemphasizes the opening demand with the qualifier “it’s not that I hate you, it’s just that I’m funny these days,” and then kills you with the last couple lines which. Yeah he does care and it does,,, just,,,,, a

Chemical Overreaction (Will Wood) - This is where the mood VIOLENTLY whiplashes because this is where we get unhinged. Anyway “I won’t stop to drop to draw a line in the sand/’Cause I’ll be picked apart to pieces by coyotes!” is LITERALLY the whole “I don’t do well with ‘peer pressure’” thing. “Where the sentimental value of the city around ya/Is deleted obsolete, but still completely will stun ya” is the single most L’Manberg lyric I’ve ever heard, especially from the perspective of a character whom I will repeatedly insist is narratively in the role of someone who’s shown up and seen the status quo as an outsider after it’s been established (hence the eternal New Kid vibes). Chorus very much has vibes of Ranboo Is Seized By The Urge To Do Something, and like. The entire dramatic end part. The last two lines especially (be very careful if you look up the vieo for this by the way it is NOT pretty; cws in the video for flashing, blood, suicide imagery) 

A Mannequin Adrift (The Scary Jokes) - The Bitterness. This song is just fully The Bitterness at the environment he’s stuck in; the saccharine comes back as does the “peer pressure” thematic and just the Having An Awful Time; the sarcastic saccharine comes back too, which is always good I love passive aggression. Honestly the first verse is just everything like just listen to it it immediately makes sense

Poison Ivy Grows (The Scary Jokes) - This is overall a song about having bad brain and not knowing what the hell to do about it; it’s so faintly bitter and distant and melancholy and also so zoned out. Also, it’s not the only lyric that matters here but it is enough to be a full argument on its own: “I used to spend so much time/Wandering around outside/Now I’ve got too much on my mind/Now I’ve got too much on my mind” 

Spring Haze (Tori Amos) - Listen. Do I know what Spring Haze is about? No. Is that gonna stop me from saying it’s about Ranboo? Also no. I just think “You say we’ll never make it there/So all we do is circle it” is so much, the fact that the bridge at the end is just “Why does it always end up like this?” repeated, and that it just feels so much like overall the song feels like a desperate attempt to figure Something out, and the chorus is just inexplicably him? It might be partially influenced by the fact that “Uh-oh, let go, off on my way” and, to a lesser extent, “Uh-oh, way to go” is not only in accordance with character vibes but also vaguely evocative of Ranboo’s speech pattern