#did i learn anyhing from drawing this ?

[vix-png]

saw a new tiktok art trend . thought "how could i make this about chilaios ?"

tried out a new shading technique so its kinda scuffed but thats ok :)

[silvercrystalwhump]

The Town's Matron

TW: starvation, hunger, parental abuse, bbu warning

Flynn watches Kai out of the corner of his eye. Using one of Flynn’s mechanical pencils, Kai draws on the back of an old receipt. Eyes fully entranced on the pencil lines. Flynn pushes the shopping cart forward gently, so as to not disturb Kai who is sitting inside. A yawn leaves Flynn’s mouth as he looks across the shelves. The shopping list, if one could even call it that, sits clapped to the baby holder on the cart.

Holding up one of the sturdy backpacks, Flynn asks Kai, “Do you like this one?”

Kai eyes it for a second and hesitates before snapping to the chipper attitude he usually has and nods. Flynn blinks and looks back at the shelf, trying to follow where Kai flicked his eyes.

One thing he learned about box boys was that they never said no. That fact alone made Flynn worried for him.

What do they do to you to make you so compliant?

“Is there another one you like more?”

Kai pauses his drawing and slowly looks up at a green one. He points the pencil at it for a moment before going back to doodling. Flynn pulls the bag free from the shelf and holds it out. Kai beams and nods back at him, scrunching his nose like he usually does when he’s actually happy.

So, it’s safe to say that Kai really likes green.

Flynn looks over the price and the pockets of the bag. It’s made of decently sturdy material and is big enough to hold things other than one notebook. He slides it beside Kai in the cart and grabs the largest one he can see to go with it. These bags will need to hold a lot of things for a while.

Flynn tries to rub away the tiredness that eats at his vision. He had been driving for two hours before arriving at the nearest city to buy this stuff. He couldn’t do this in town. Everyone there knew him and someone would tell his father and he knew he would taste another piece of hell.

All of this needs to be yours and no one can know.

Kai sits in the cart surrounded by clothes for multiple seasons, bottles of soap, boxes of nonperishables, and a dozen donuts to use as a bribe for when Flynn returns to his Father’s house. One more month. That thought alone keeps Flynn going, keeping his eyes up. One more month until I take Kai and drive out west, leaving this hell behind.

Kai looks up and points behind him. Flynn looks over his shoulder and feels his stomach sink.

“Flynn!” an elderly woman, whom he knew well, cheers from across the aisle, “How are you?”

Pulling on his calm, practiced happy face, “I’m doing well Mrs. Dane, how are you and the family.”

“Oh excellent,” Mrs. Dane chirps, “The grandbabies are just so sweet and God has been good, what’s a young man like you doing this far out of town?”

“I could ask you the same,” Flynn smiles as he turns to the elderly woman. Mrs. Eliza Danes, the oldest woman in his small town and a woman who was respected. She is the kind of elderly woman with the tenderest heart but, at the flick of her eyes, could instill the fear of God into the devil himself.

“One of my kids lives out here sweetpea. Visiting the grandbabies, six, four, and three they are. All sweeter than honey! But you didn’t answer my question young man,” she beams as she looks past him into his cart, “And who’s he?”

“Oh, that’s Kai, he doesn’t do much speaking and well, something you just gotta come to the city for.”

Mrs. Dane raises a withered eyebrow, “Flynn, sweetie, you look like you haven’t seen a good warm meal in days. Whatcha doing with yourself?”

“Don’t worry, I’m walking on my own two feet.”

She smiles at him and says, “I don’t doubt it for a second honey. How ‘bout you come help little ol’ me finish shopping and come back with me to get you nice and fed.”

Flynn gives her a nervous smile, “I shouldn’t, my old man would wring my neck.”

And hurt Kai if he’s really mad.

Mrs. Dane drops her gaze and gives Flynn a knowing look before perking up again, “What did you eat last?”

A piece of toast yesterday morning.

“A sandwich for lunch, I’ll eat supper when I get home.”

Mrs. Dane shakes her head, “Lying does not please the Lord young man, and I know your father well enough to know exactly why you’re dodging this.”

“Mrs. Dane please-”

“Do not interrupt me young man, you and Kai are coming over to my house tonight and I’ma feed both of y’all, you hear? I do not care what your Father says I will personally escort to the Lord if he tries anyhing stupid.”

“Yes ma’am,” Flynn says, eyes on the floor and now very aware of the emptiness in his stomach.

Mrs. Dane looks up, “Now. Look at me.”

Flynn raises his eyes and meets Mrs. Dane’s. Fear eats at the lining of his stomach along with hunger. He feels his hands begin to shake against the cart handle.

“I remember when I was your age,” Mrs. Dane begins with a much softer voice, “There were alot more men like your Father raisin’ youngin’s and I know what that cart is for and you will be finishing the story after you're fed, is that correct?”

“Yes ma’am.”

Flynn turns around and locks eyes with Kai. Kai curled himself under Flynn’s hoodie and was watching the entire conversation. Unease reflects off the mirrors of his eyes. Flynn tries to give Kai a comforting smile but Kai sees through the facade like looking from a window.

Mrs. Dane talks about everyday things as they finish their shopping. The air presses into Flynn’s skin as he pays for what will be his salvation.

If Mrs. Dane doesn’t stop it before it even happens.

Kai helps Flynn stuff the bags into the area behind their seats. Flynn slides into the driver’s seat and Kai grabs his hand and gives him a sort of tender, questioning look. His slender fingers press into the hardened skin of his hand and send shivers up Flynn’s spine.

“It’s okay,” Flynn says, trying to reassure himself more than Kai, “Everything’s gonna be alright.”

Kai nods and lets go of Flynn’s hand. Kai returns to a still sitting position that he is sure is one of the numbered positions but he just doesn’t remember which one. Flynn lets a panic attack stew under the surface of his skin. The air in his lungs doesn’t taste right and it’s never enough. His vision is only clear on the road, his periphery blurred beyond usability.

Somehow, he makes it to the small log cabin next to the church.

Mrs. Dane lived alone, her husband passed a decade prior. Flynn, despite only being eight at the time, still remembers the suit his mother wrestled him into for the trip to the church. Mr. Dane was buried in the church cemetery.

Flynn steps out of his car and lets the crisp air of Fall snap him awake. Kai zips to his side, clinging to his arm. Kai’s fingers squeeze around Flynn’s arm and Kai nuzzles his nose into his shoulder. Flynn nods to himself and walks up towards the house, Kai on his heels.

He opens the door to let Kai and Mrs. Dane through before carrying all of her groceries into her home. All while, Flynn fights through the pain of hunger and fear. The ache of his stomach drags at his eyes. The emptiness in his gut almost feels too full and Flynn chokes back the urge to vomit up air.

Flynn can’t deny, the idea of any food in his stomach, no matter how revolting, was tempting.

Mrs. Dane gives him a warm smile, “Thank you, now about supper, I have a pork roast in the crockpot and I’m gonna bake up some potatoes for you and your little buddy. Now you two wash up and sit down.”

Flynn’s stomach growls and it takes every ounce of willpower he can muster to keep from curling in on himself. The cramps get worse by the second and they keep growing in area and intensity. Kai, after washing his hands, wraps Flynn in a hug. His eyes silently apologize.

Since Flynn has been giving Kai his food for the past couple of days.

Mrs. Dane finally calls them to the table. The food looks like gold and diamonds to Flynn. The pork is falling apart on itself and he can smell the spices and marinade from across the table. His mouth waters as he pushes Mrs. Dane into her chair.

Kai sits anticipatedly at the table, bouncing in his chair.

Flynn wraps an arm around his stomach as he sits. Mrs. Dane bows her head and says, “Let’s say grace.”

Flynn doesn’t hear what Mrs. Dane says as a prayer of thanks leaves her lips. The warm smell of food encapsulates his senses.

“Amen, Let’s eat.”

That’s all he had to hear.

If it weren’t for the years of table manners drilled into his skull, he might have ripped the pork out with his bare hands. He lets Mrs. Dane fills her plate first and then he fille Kai’s, out of both respect and to excuse the fact he wanted to eat everything on the table.

After the couple seconds that felt like years, he finally sunk his teeth into actual food.

His body just takes over after that and eats.

“Hasn’t eaten today hasn’t he?” Mrs. Dane says after a minute of Flynn snarfing down his food.

Kai, barely through a baked potato, shakes his head no.

Kai! Why do you betray me like this?!

“I knew it,” Mrs. Dane huffs, “I’ma kill that man, starving his son because of what, a lack of care!”

Flynn looks up and pauses eating, “I- It’s not- Um-”

Mrs. Dane shakes his head, “Let me tell you a story. When I was a young woman I had a sister, Anabel Peterson, she was a lot like you.”

Flynn shifts uncomfortably in his seat. He glances over and sees Kai leaning in, listening attentively.

“How so?” Flynn asks as he continues to stuff his face, slower now.

Mrs. Dane sighs, “Your Father likes to talk and most of the town knows that you… as we would call it back in my day, fruity.

That I’m gay. Yeah, he yelled it out in church last weekend.

“So was my sister, and she had… relations with a woman who was of a darker shade than we are. My Father found out one day and began to treat her very poorly and one morning I saw her grab similar things to what you have in your car and left. I have not seen her since.”

Flynn looks up from his plate and sees remorse and regret across the elderly woman’s face, “That must have been hard.”

“Yes,” she replies with a sigh, “I deeply regret not going after her, to take back many of the hurtful things I said.”

Kai looks back at Flynn and blinks. His eyes have a flavor of understanding that looked unfamiliar even to Kai. It is strange to behold. Flynn looks back at Mrs. Dane, “What are you getting at?”

“I know you plan to leave and never return, it is obvious and I do not blame you for the sentiment. I want to help you,” she says as she finishes her plate, “I know we will more than likely not see you again but I wish to at least make your last memories of here have some dignity.”

Flynn sighs, tons of worry and fear falling away like petals in a torrent. His head falls into his hands and has to hold back the reins of his tears to keep himself from crying in relief. “Thank you.”

“Pack your things here and let me know if you need anything, when you decide to leave come here and pick them up.”

The world both spins and tears for Flynn at once, some pieces of this plan come together and he finds himself smiling, “I- Thank you.”

Mrs. Dane smiles, “You’re welcome sweetheart, I hope God leads you to a better place than this one.”

Flynn and Kai look at each other and Kai beams a thousand stars worth of joy in Flynn’s direction. Flynn can’t help but absorb some of that happiness and smile at himself. The air seems lighter around him and for the first time in weeks he feels like he can breathe.

“Do either of you two want ice cream?”

Kai instantly perks up at the idea of anything sweet and nods frantically. The redhead practically vibrates in the chair.

Flynn nods, “Yes please.” Letting himself feel calm for a moment, he takes what he’s offered and eats.

Then his phone rings.

[ziegenkind094]

hey idk if its strange or stuff but your art really inspired me tonight. I havnt been able to draw since the start of corona stuff bc im so emotionally drained from everything going on. I tried drawing something now and it just didnt work like it used to and i don't know how to handle this feelings. I saw that you to had made a break in drawing. Can i ask how you managed to get back in? I really love your art and thanks for answering in forward. /Und ich finds toll das du aus deutschlang kommst!

Hi there! I think being unable to create is a normal reaction to a terrible event like a worldwide pandemic and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. Actually it’s pretty normal to take regular breaks to recover your  mind and your body from creative work. It’s just that social media makes us think that we should work all the time and if we can’t do that then it’s considered an ‘artblock’, even tho it’s just a natural recovery phase you shouldn’t fret about. At least that’s how I started to look at it because it’s really fucked up to expect myself to be at my best all day every day while also working fulltime and taking care of my household, my friends and my family. During those ‘artblocks’ I like to simply look at drawings and break them down to figure out what I like about them. It’s like studying without having to produce anyhing at the end and I still learn new things from it so it’s a clear win/ win situation.  I also tend to leave social media and concentrate on myself and my other hobbies. It’s important to recharge your creative batteries so you should concentrate on stuff you know will have a positive influence on you. This is also the perfect time to explore all the movies/ games/ books/ weird interests you’ve put on hold because you never had the time to look into them. You do have the time now. Sit down and watch those 600 anime episodes if it makes you happy and if you get a new obsession out of it then congrats there’s your new reason to draw.  At least that’s what I tend to do. In order to draw you need a solid foundation of inspiration, motivation and energy and a lot of people forget to take care of these aspects.  I had a really hard time around October this year with exams and several family issues and it was just impossible for me to draw. So i studied my ass off after work, helped my family, got off social media and just binged on Naruto every single night for four weeks straight. Did I draw in those four weeks? No, but my Naruto obsession came back full force and gave me a reason to draw again and I haven’t put my pen down ever since because I love this stupid anime so much it makes me wanna create 24/7 and I’m gonna ride that wave for as long as possible until it’s time to recover again. ✌️