#did i go back through the whole game to try to find that moment balance mentioned where it looked like joe was singing??

[cementcornfield]

Joe and Jake goofin' around on the sideline 🥲

[drowning-in-paragraphs]

hiiiiiii,

Can I request a Jude Bellingham imagine where you’re in the Bellingham documentary for his YouTube and it shows you behind the scenes watching his games and stuff and just being a cute couple 💓.

Thank Youuuuuu💓✨

a/n: sorry for the delay, I don't know why but it took me a while to write it. I hope you like it. Request me whatever you want!

THE ONE

jude bellingham x gf!reader

warnings: none, just that English is not my first language.

summary: It’s her turn to step into the spotlight of Jude’s documentary, where unseen moments reveal the depth of their connection, exposing a side of their relationship and how much they mean for each other to the public.

The camera lens focuses, the soft hum of equipment fills the room, and she sits on their cozy, cream-colored couch. Her hands are folded nervously on her lap, her leg bouncing ever so slightly as she adjust her position, trying to find the perfect balance between comfort and confidence. Her hair falls softly around her face, and she tucks a strand behind her ear, looking up at the camera with a genuine smile. A nervous chuckle escapes her as she glances toward the crew and to him.

Jude stands just out of the frame, leaning against the wall, giving her a reassuring nod, his warm smile reaching his eyes. He mouths, "You got this," and she exhales deeply, trying to calm the butterflies in her stomach. His presence is comforting, just like it always is.

"Hi, I'm...well, Jude's girlfriend," she says. "But, more than that, I’m just me—someone who tries to support him, love him, and keep him grounded." Her voice is gentle, but there’s a quiet strength in it, one that suggests she's much more than just his partner.

The interviewer asks the first question, something light to ease her in. "How did you two meet?"

She smiles wider and looks down for a moment, as if reliving the memory. “We actually met through mutual friends. Super normal. I didn’t know much about football back then, but of course I was fully aware of who he was. In person, he was even more handsome and charming, so it wasn’t a surprise that I was attracted to him straight away.” She laughs at herself. “Because of that, I spent most of the night ignoring him since I was dying of embarrassment and it wasn’t until I spilled a drink on his shirt that I was able to look him in the eye to apologize, but Jude just laughed. From then on, we spent the whole night talking, even over text afterward. We got along pretty quickly, but we took things slow. I think that’s what made it work… just letting everything happen naturally.”

As she speaks, the screen fades into footage of the two of them, candid moments from Jude's life. There's a clip of them walking hand in hand, Jude glancing over at her, his face lighting up in a way that's impossible to fake. Another video shows them sitting on a couch, laughing at something on TV. Jude’s arm is casually draped around her shoulders, his thumb gently rubbing circles on her arm. The chemistry is effortless, easy.

Back in the interview, she’s asked about how their relationship has evolved with Jude’s career skyrocketing.

"Honestly, it’s been crazy," she admits. "His schedule is intense, and sometimes we’re apart for long stretches. But we’ve always made it a priority to stay connected. We FaceTime all the time, even if it’s just to say goodnight. And when he’s home, we make sure to enjoy the little things—going on walks, cooking together, just spending time. Those are the moments that matter most."

Suddenly, Jude’s voice breaks in from off-camera, clearly teasing her. “Yeah, well burning food doesn’t count as cooking, love.”

She laughs, shaking her head, the sound of his voice immediately softening her expression. “He’s talking about his abilities,” she replies with a grin. The off-screen laughter from the crew adds to the playful atmosphere.

The next part of the interview focuses on her relationship with Jude’s family, something that’s been a big part of his life. Clips play of her with Jude’s younger brother, Jobe, during a family dinner. They’re joking around, Jobe and her teasing Jude and him complaining about their alliance. Another clip shows her talking to Jobe who’s clearly comfortable with her, and at one point, she playfully nudges him, making everyone laugh. Then, she’s shown with Jude’s parents, Denise and Mark, during a relaxed family gathering. She’s sitting next to Denise, the two of them talking and laughing as if they’ve known each other forever. The bond is clear—she fits into the family seamlessly, not as an outsider, but as someone who belongs.

"Jobe is like a little brother to me," she says with a smile when asked about him. "He’s such a good kid, and we’re always joking around. It’s just easy with him. And Jude’s parents... they’re honestly the sweetest people I’ve ever met. Denise is like a second mom to me. She’s always checking in, making sure I’m okay, especially when Jude’s away. And Mark, well... he’s the kind of dad who always has a story to tell and advice to give, whether you ask for it or not,” she adds with a laugh. “I couldn’t be luckier.”

Cut to a heartwarming montage of family moments: Jude’s girlfriend and Jobe playing video games, both of them laughing uncontrollably as Jude looks on from the side, shaking his head. Another clip shows her helping Denise in the kitchen, the two of them sharing a peaceful, easy rapport, with Mark chiming in from the dining room, to help them.

“They are awesome.”

The screen cuts to a new video clip of Jude talking directly to the camera in a different segment of the documentary. He’s sitting outside on a patio, the sun glinting off his face as he reflects.

"My mom told me pretty early on that she thought she was the one," Jude says, nodding slightly, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. "She said she just knew. And I trust my mom’s instincts more than anyone else’s. Honestly, I think I knew too, but hearing it from her made me super sure."

The scene shifts again, showing a playful clip of Jude and her from one of their trips. They’re by the beach, Jude holding the camera as they walk barefoot in the sand. He’s joking, trying to push her toward the water while she protests, laughing and running away. They tease each other endlessly, but the affection is obvious. Every touch, every glance, speaks volumes.

Back in the interview, Jude’s voice is heard once more, this time in a more serious tone. “She’s my rock,” he says. “People always ask me how I stay grounded, how I handle everything, and it’s her. She’s the one who keeps me steady when things get overwhelming.”

Her eyes soften as she listens to the interviewer words. "He said that?” She asks, blushing a little as the one holding the camera nods. “Well, I think we’re a team. We support each other through everything. When he's having a tough day, I’m there for him. And when I'm struggling, he’s always the first to lift me up."

The interviewer gives a knowing nod, then shifts the tone to something more playful. "Now, we’ve seen some fun clips of you two together, but who’s the bigger tease in the relationship?"

Her eyes widen slightly as she chuckles. "Oh, I know he’s going to say it’s him, but i’s definitely me. I love to tease him. He gets this little furrowed brow, and I just can’t help myself."

Another video plays, this time a candid clip of them in the living room. Jude is trying to explain some football tactic using salt shakers and a pepper grinder as players, while she watches him with an amused smile. Suddenly, she moves one of the shakers, to condiment her food, completely messing up his demonstration, and bursts into laughter when he groans dramatically, head in his hands.

Back in the interview, she shrugs innocently. "He takes it well, though. He’s a good sport about it."

Jude’s voice cuts in again. "Barely."

She bursts out laughing, shaking her head. "See? Always listening in."

The documentary closes with one last video—Jude and her sitting on the couch, his arm around her once more as they scroll through pictures on his phone. They’re laughing, teasing each other about the awkward photos, and then he pulls her close, kissing the top of her head. It’s a simple, intimate moment, but it says everything.

As the video is about to finish, she’s seen asleep in his arms and Jude’s voice comes through one last time. He looks at the camera with a smirk and whispers “Yeah... she’s the one.”

[ye4gerism]

𝐆𝐎𝐎𝐃 𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐊, 𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍!- 𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐋𝐘 𝐗 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑

word count 4.8k

content warning a little bit of spiciness, false positive pregnancy mention, black reader friendly

author’s note hi. i suffered through writer’s block these past three months but BOOM mouthwashing and fanart of this fine ass man popped up on my fyp. i’ve watched two playthroughs of this game, so i hope i captured the right image of curly. oh and he’s australian here. and my requests are open!

synopsis on a study abroad trip, you meet another (handsome) study abroad student who talks his way into your heart and ends up being a key part of your life

Winter in London was not up to your standards.

You were here on a study abroad trip for your master's program. You did the whole overseas thing during one quarter during your time as an undergrad - it was a little visit to South Africa which you thoroughly enjoyed. But “travel some more,” everyone said.

After a lot of thinking, you gave in and decided to travel to the U.K. as you wanted something that felt familiar. You were wrong in so many ways - the roads followed unnecessary loops, plugs were shaped unusually, and...oh, every drink there was some sort of 'diet' or 'zero sugar' crap.

But over time, this place began to feel like a routine. It wasn't home but you were okay. You liked the opportunity to grow in your program and you liked your classmates. Everything was balanced - school, eat, chat, sleep.

Except for one particular day after your classes, a few of your classmates insisted you go to a pub with them. Something about 'getting you more exposed to the London culture'. After much pestering, you indulged.

So you found yourself at this pub but not as excited as the people who invited you. Over time, they were engulfed in their own conversations and inside jokes and you were off to the side, whiskey in front of you, own your own. It's weird to drink when the people who are supposed to have your back don't.

"Enjoying yourself?"

Oh boy, were you about to have your first unwanted encounter in London?

You look over your shoulder and see this strikingly tall man, his head full of bright hair. His shy smile

is highlighted by his stubble. Your eyes soften for a moment and the tension in your shoulders fades.

But then it returns. "I'm enjoying myself. Thank you. I'm with my...my classmates." Your tone is sharp. You gesture to your classmates, who are still in their own world.

"You're American? Are you sure these people know you?" He asks. You pause, trying to find a witty answer of your own. Part of you wanted to point out his thick accent as it wasn't as posh as the Londoners. Maybe Australian. You think for a while but you're still stuck.

"Curly." He extends his hand to you. You shake it.

"Your name is Curly?" you ask curtly. "And I'm supposed to feel bad about my situation?"

He chuckles at your response, his face settling into a smirk. "My name is Grant. Everyone just calls me Curly."  He swirls his glass, eyeing the empty barstool next to you. "Do you mind if I sit with you?"

You look him over noticing his muscular build once more. "I don't mind." He swings his leg over the seat and rests his forearms on the counter. Curly takes you in for a moment. You take this time to take note of his eyes - a shade of deep blue. He's sort of cute, you think.

"So, why exactly is an American girl like you here in London?" And it all goes away. You find yourself a little annoyed with his question as it's yet another variation of the same question you've heard since you arrived here.

"You ask that like I'm not supposed to be here. It's not like the United Kingdom is some sort of war zone," you respond. He raises his right hand in defense. "I'm studying abroad for a quarter. I'm a grad student," you finally answer. "You don't sound like you're from here either. What's your deal?"

"Well, I'm here for school too." He downs the rest of his drink. "Masters too actually. I'm trying to go to space."

"Still doesn't explain the accent," you cut in.

"Well, my father's Aussie and my mother's from here. They separated years ago and I spent most of my life in Australia with my Pa and spent time with my mother when I wasn't in school. She moved to the States after the divorce. I decided I'd pursue my college education in America and have been there since."

"So you're here studying abroad as well," you state. He nods and then gestures to someone behind him. "That's Jimmy. I like to think we've been attached to the hip for the longest time."

This Jimmy he speaks of is on the opposite side of the bar, socializing. "I'm really happy we got to take this trip together. He made my breaks great. I was really bummed that the person I considered my best friend lived on the other side of the world but the great thing about adulthood is the lack of limitation."

You laugh at his comment and he gives you a confused look. "As an adult, I feel that there are so many limitations. Especially as we get older."

"Well, it's up to you if you let those limitations run your life. You have free will, you know, and...and you typically only live once." He places a hand on your arm and it slowly runs down to your elbow. Your eyes are locked now.

"My name is Y/N."

"I like that."

You like the weight of his hand and you like his eyes and you like his hair. He seems like a cute guy and he has such a cute name - Grant Curly. What a cute face.

"Hey Curly." The moment is broken by an unfamiliar voice but a familiar face. The Jimmy guy. "It's getting late and we have shit to do. You think you can stop flirting and leave now." He pauses and looks at you. "No offense."

You're taken aback and not sure of what to say but you respect him for keeping his friend in check...but maybe not with that tone. You look behind you and see that your classmates have left you. So much for adults.

"You're right. I lost track of time," Curly admits sheepishly. He looks at you first, then at Jimmy. "This is Y/N."

"Great. Nice to meet you, Y/N." You wait for a handshake or something. "Let's go now." Jimmy starts to walk away from where you're both sitting.

"Sorry about him. He's nice! I promise!" Curly rubs his neck nervously. "How are you getting home? Going back with your friends?"

"They left. I'll have to call a cab or something," you say. He looks over at Jimmy, who's exiting the pub, and then back at you. "I'll take you back home. What's your address?"

"It's okay. Your friend...he doesn't seem receptive. And besides, I can take care of myself," You answer. You start to rummage through your purse and pull out your wallet to pay for your drink. Curly gently holds your wrist. Your breath hitches at the electrifying feeling. "Let me pay for your drink and take you home," he starts, "I know you're definitely capable of taking care of yourself but it'd kill me if I left you alone."

You look away from him for a moment and think. This was your opportunity to get his number. "Okay...I'll pay for the drink and you can take me home," you offer. He shakes his head and gestures to the bartender. "Please put this lady's drink on my tab," he says. Curly pulls out his wallet, then his card, and slides it over to the bartender. You lightly slap his arm in protest. "Why would you do that?"

He just smirks at you before taking back his card and receipt. "Let's go." He offers his hand to you to help you off the barstool but you playfully swat it away before plopping off.

Curly leads you outside to the parking lot and clicks the unlock button on his keys. His friend is leaning against the car and you take note of the fact that he was rushing Curly when he didn't even own a car himself.

"What is she doing here?" He asks. "Jimmy, we're dropping her off. You think you could move to the back so the pretty lady can sit up front?" His friend asks.

Jimmy gets off of the car and mumbles something illegible under his breath. You feel bad so you say something, “He can sit-"

Curly cuts you off, "No, no, you sit down." He opens the passenger seat for you and you slide inside.

Something you noticed about the two friends was how opposite they were; Jimmy was clearly someone who didn't like too much change and you assumed that Curly lacked any anxiety. They seem to balance each other out...maybe?

As you conversed with Curly about your respective lives, you couldn't help but notice Jimmy's eyes piercing your image through the rear view mirror.

“Hi love." You feel so much relief when Curly's lips meet yours. You can't help but melt against him. It felt so good to have him in your home.

The two of you had decided to go long-distance months after you met in London. Curly was based in Colorado; his mother lived there, it was where he attended school and he loved it so much because of the snow. It seemed like whenever you called, he was on some sort of mountain or on his way there. While you were living in California, where there wasn't much of that, Curly claimed it reminded him so much of home - so he didn’t mind you living there.

After your first meeting, you regularly hung out and spoke over the phone. Sometimes you both were lucky to be alone; he'd take you out to lunch or take you to tourist sights in London. Sometimes you'd spend time in his flat and Jimmy would be there. The latter wouldn't say much but you always felt like he never really wanted you around. When he did speak to you, your conversations would start somewhat simple and then he'd say something to kill the mood.

One night as your school's study abroad program came to an end, Curly showed up at your flat without any notice. The Curly you saw that night wasn't the one you were getting to know all this time - he was much more bashful than ever. Not the type of bashful when Jimmy tries to embarrass him but bashful in the sense that he was well into his twenties, almost 30, and was struggling to find the words to confess to you. Luckily for him, he didn't need to completely contextualize as you felt the same way.

"How is work, baby?" You ask him. He came to California as it was his turn to take the flight to see you.

"Same old, same old." He started working for some space freighter company months before he met you; you only heard about it once you got back to the States. You weren't too sure about the whole thing but he was making money and getting practice for the career he really wanted.

You pull away from his chest and take his image in. "I missed you so so much." Curly pulls you closer to him so that he can kiss you again. This time it's a bit longer. He pulls away looks behind himself to find your couch and leads you to it without bumping into anything.

He sits first and invites you to crawl onto his lap. Once you're settled, he grabs your thighs and you take hold of his shoulders, kissing him again. His hands roam from your thighs to your back before finding themselves under your shirt. At the feel of your bra, he asks, "Oh, what's this?"

You feel your cheeks heating up at his playfulness. "Why don't you take my shirt off and find out?"

Taking this as permission, Curly unclasps your bra and moves his hands to your shirt; you raise your arm as he pulls the bottom of your shirt off. Once it's been discarded, your bra slightly falls off your chest and Curly does you the honor of taking it off of you.

He lets the back of his hand run lightly against your nipple and you can't help but mewl a bit. "Missed me?" He asks. You nod. "Every single day."

"I think about you a lot. At work, at home, when I'm outside. It's hard knowing that I have such a pretty darling on the other side of the country." He brings one of your breasts to his lips and wraps his lips around your nipple, where his tongue dances around. He pulls his lips away with a 'pop'. "Grant," you let out breathlessly.

"I think about doing you at my desk, on my bed, everywhere." He lowers you down on the couch and adjusts himself so that he's on top of your lower half. "I think I'll take you on this couch and maybe if you're up to it, on your island counter next, and then after-"

He's cut off by a vibration in his pocket. "Just a moment, it's probably work," he says, pulling out his phone. You notice a slight annoyance on his face when he reads the Caller ID.

"Jimmy, hi." Speak of the devil. At the sound of his name, you shuffle to sit up on the couch. Curly puts a hand out to stop you but you swat it away.

"No, Jimmy, I didn't eat your pickles. Have you tried looking around the fridge?"

You reach next to him to pull your shirt and bra out of the crevice of the couch.

"You found them- no, I landed here hours ago."

You clasp your bra and put your shirt back on.

"I'm sorry that - Jimmy!" You jump at the volume of Curly's voice. He sees this, places a hand on your knee and mouths an apology. "Look, I'm sorry I didn't call you. I just got here. I'm with my girlfriend- huh? Ok. I'll talk to you later. Bye Jimbo." He then hangs up. Curly sits back on his knees. He brushes his hair back with his hand and releases a sigh before placing both hands on his knees and looking at you. "Sorry. Just Jimmy."

"I don't like him." You give him a pointed look. You cross your arms, obviously disappointed that his idiot friend ruined your time with your man. You're aching for him but at the same time, you don't even want to fuck Curly anymore.

"I think he's a nice bloke," Curly says under his breath. You raise your eyebrows, practically asking him to speak up. "It's like you guys are the brother and sister that hate each other for fun. You'll both come around eventually."

Your face twists in disgust and you fake gag, which makes Curly laugh. "What brother is deeply in love with their sibling, you in this case?" you question, "He clearly wants me out of the way."

"No, he doesn't. He loves you!" You can see Curly's face melt into confusion. "Maybe not love you...but he likes you around?"

You scoff. "See, you don't even know yourself." You wiggle your legs from under Curly and get up off the couch. He reaches for your hand. "You don't know want to...?" He cocks his head toward the couch.

You purse your lips and shake your head no.

"So gorgeous!"

"How many karats?"

"The proposal! What was it like?"

One year and a few months after your meeting, Curly decided to propose. He took you to Australia to meet his paternal side. In truth, you were scared of those big-ass Australian spiders and whatever the hell else happened to live there but your love for Curly was stronger. The night before your flight back home, he planned a candlelight dinner for the both of you in his father's home and proposed to you - your answer obviously being 'yes!'.

Today you were at your wedding shower with all your friends - Jimmy too!

"How do you feel about getting married after just a year of knowing each other? I mean, Grant can't possibly know everything about you in a year!"

Curly's mother was a piece of work. You had met her a handful of times during your trips to Colorado and yet you couldn't seem to just get along. You were polite but she always had something to say. There was some attachment to her son but he was her only one so you let it slide.

"Well...you do know we're getting older. I fell in love with him and have been since I met him. I feel that Curly-"

"Grant. His name is Grant," she interrupts.

You take a deep breath and smile a forced one. "Grant. I feel that he and I can be mature adults and grow and learn about our marriage and what makes it work." Part of you wants to mention why her marriage didn't work out but one of had to be the bigger woman.

Mrs. Former Curly hums trying to find some witty response. "Is the Bride-to-be avoiding me?" You let out a sigh of relief and you never thought you'd do it to this particular voice.

"Jimmy! Nice to see you, hun!" Curly's mom moves past you to hug Jimmy and kiss him on the cheek. For once, Curly's friend looks cleaned up compared to the other times you've seen him.

When Curly's mom pulls away, he looks over at you. "I wanted to pull Y/N aside. Haven't gotten to properly congratulate her on the engagement. I can catch up with you before I head home," Jimmy tells her.

After the engagement, Curly decided to move in with you. It was a decision you were confused by; you were easily willing to pack up your bags and move to Colorado with him. You knew he loved the snow and his mom would probably lose his shit if he was so far but he insisted on moving in with you.

At first, he wouldn't tell you the truth, something about high housing prices and about wanting to explore more. Eventually, he told you he wanted to get away from Jimmy. He opened up to his friend about the idea of getting engaged - showed him the ring and everything. It turned into an argument about you being the right choice and Jimmy low-key insulting you. After he told you the truth, you let Curly move in before the wedding.

Over time, Jimmy apologized to Curly and even extended an apology to you and the two got closer again. Although they weren't best buddies, it didn't sit right with you how quickly Curly took Jimmy back as a friend. Maybe Mrs. Former Curly was on to something.

"How have you been, Jimmy? Has living alone served you well?" You ask. He makes a funny face at you. Were you making a dig at him?

"It's fine. I actually got a new roommate. He's pretty chill. Keeps to himself." Jimmy avoids eye contact for a second. "How's living with Curly? I know he's ecstatic but are you?"

Living with Curly was great, especially when Jimmy was briefly out of your lives; uninterrupted cuddles, uninterrupted dinner, uninterrupted sex. You were living the life!

Instead, you answer, "Living with Curly is great. He's lovely. He's the best roommate and fiancé I could ever ask for."

Jimmy's trying to keep a light demeanor but he truly couldn't. "You know, I hope you're really right about that. Hopefully, he doesn't drop you like a sack of potatoes...although, I hope he does. I really really hope he does. You don't deserve any of this."

Your face drops and for once he's left you silent. Jimmy smirks when he realizes he's really hurt you. "Congratulations again, princess," he says before walking off.

You feel your body buzzing and you just want to cry but everyone - your family, friends, Curly - are all gawking over you and you don't want to set any alarms off. You want to find Curly but you know at the sight of him, you'd burst into tears.

You eventually find the strength to walk out of the party - passing by with polite 'excuse me's and 'just a moment's. You take a moment to feel the breeze. It picks up and your breath struggles but once it slows down, an entire weight is off your shoulders.

You decide to sit in the car. A tired heavy sigh escaped you. You noticed your fiancé left his winter jacket in the car and used it as a blanket.

For a moment, you wanted to cry but you had all this makeup and didn't want others to realize that you were upset. But besides that, you didn’t have the urge. Why couldn’t you cry?

You chalked it up to space. You needed to be away from Curly's petty mom. You needed to be away from Jimmy and his weird attachment to your fiancé. You both needed space for this whole thing to work out.

A shadow hovers over the window and you turn your head to see Curly, who lifts his finger to knock on the window. You open the passenger seat door and before allowing him to speak, you start first.

"Sit."

He doesn't argue and walks around the car to sit in the driver's seat. "Babe, what's going-"

"I can't do this, Grant." You can see his eyes and panicking and his mouth trying to find the right words. He grabs your hands and lets out an incoherent version of "but I love you" and other things you couldn't catch on.

You shush him and it takes him a while to quiet. You place a hand on his cheek. "I don't want to say my vows in front of people who are wishing on our downfall. You know what Jimmy said to me tonight?"

His eyes go from saddened to worry and then a building. "I knew it. I shouldn't have - what did he say to you?!"

You place a finger on his lip, quieting him again. "Grant, baby, please. We'll deal with him later. I want to go to the courthouse and marry you. I want to say the vows I wrote for you there. And then after, I want to eat a burger or something...something greasy and salty as hell, and then after that I..." You move your finger from his lips down to his chest and then even lower.

"You want to...?" He's playing coy.

You move his finger away from his pants and slap his chest, which makes him release an "oof". "I want Jimmy and your mom to suck it and let us have our moment," you say. You watch his face as he starts to think (he has this cute thinking face that you can't help but melt for).

"Ok. Deal." Curly kisses the corner of your lip. "Can you come inside now? Everyone's worried." You kiss his cheek now and chuckle an 'ok'.

Back at the party, everything felt fine. You had your friends and family to cheer you on and your amazing fiancé who loved you more than life. It was toward the end of the night you felt a shift.

You were catching up with another friend when you observed Curly walking Jimmy outside. After a few moments, it was just Curly that returned.

"They want you to do what for how long?"

"It's just a year, baby." He was still with this Pony Express bullshit. "It's nothing we haven't done before. Think of the other times as practice.”

He was doing space deliveries in a span of a few days or even hours to the International Space Station....when he could be working up there.

A part of you felt bad for complaining but the money with good. With your income combined, you were able to buy your first home. You had the most spacious dining room and connected kitchen. It helped with family gatherings, dinners with friends, and hard conversations like these.

"Why can't you get like...I don't know...a real job at like NASA?"

He slams his hand on the table. "It is a real job like NASA!"

You're startled - you can't think of one time he has ever raised his voice at you. Your utensils clutter against the plate and you get up, pushing the chair back with your legs. “Y/N, babe, sorry-” he tries.

You ignore him and leave the dining room, your shared bedroom being your target. Curly’s pleadings and footsteps can be heard behind you.

You reach your bedroom and Curly places a hand on your shoulder. It stops you from walking away from him again. He counters you and now both hands are holding your shoulders. “I didn’t mean to yell at you. I know I never yell at you.” His right hand moves from your shoulder to your cheek. “I’m really really sorry. I shouldn’t have taken my frustrations out on you.”

You blink and your face scrunches up trying to stop yourself from crying, which you fail. Curly brings you in and holds you.

“Grant, I can’t do it. I can’t do a year,” you sob, “And with all the negative tests…I can’t do it. I need you here with me.”

The both of you were trying for a baby but haven’t been lucky. Just a lot of no’s and one false positive - that was the one that hurt the most. The excitement was immediately gone when your doctor told you there wasn’t anything to begin with.

So it was back to Square one and other options.

But this year's mission had thrown a wrench in your plans.

Curly leads you over to the bed and has you sit down. He kneels in front of you and takes your hand. “Listen, it’s some quick cash. A lot of money. When I get back, I’ll quit. I’ll find something else. And we can focus on ourselves and our family. I’ll make it happen. It’s a promise.”

There’s so much hope in his eyes. He sticks out his pinky finger, indicating that he is serious in his own lighthearted way. You hug him instead.

"So who's the lucky girl?"

Curly looks up and sees Swansea, who's pointing at the gold ring on his left hand.

"Oh!" He turns red at the thought of you. "My wife is back home. I didn't realize how hard it would be - being this far from her. We actually dated long distance for the longest time but yet, I can't shake the unusual feeling in me."

“Your wife…” The older man thinks for a moment. “Oh! The one that pulled you to the side to give you an earful!” He lets out this belly laugh and it goes on for quite a long time. Curly takes a deep sigh, letting his shoulders drop. Swansea slaps his left shoulder, perking him up again. “Yeah, I miss that too.”

Curly was about a month into this delivery trip. He stopped counting the days because it made him miss you more. He just wanted to blink and be home so that he could hold you in his arms and apologize a hundred times over.

You both got into an argument when you found out that Jimmy once again found a way to be in Curly’s space.

One night, Curly got back-to-back calls that he kept ignoring. “Just pick up please so we can sleep,” you tiredly snapped. He chuckled at your annoyance and kissed your forehead before complying.

You didn’t find out until you saw Curly off at work before the start of the mission.

“Are you kidding me? Don’t tell me he was the one calling!” You exclaimed. Curly looks back at his crew who are feet away saying bye to their own families or prepping the ship. “Can you please-”

“No! No, no, no, no,” you hold a finger in front of his face. “Why is he there? I tell you all the time - I don’t like him and I don’t like the influence he had, or I guess has in this case, on you-”

“He needed a job! He needed some help. Things aren’t good on his end. He’s a damn good pilot. He just…he just needs the right push.” His blue eyes hold so much sympathy. You loved your husband’s compassion for others but when it came to Jimmy - after all the times he made it clear you weren’t welcomed - you just wished Curly had a little bit of backbone.

There’s still so much anger and disappointment in you but you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.

“I hope it all works out and that your boy succeeds. Good luck, Captain.”

You raise both hands in defeat and start to walk away from Curly. This is your last image of him before you fully turn around. He says your name once but doesn’t follow you.

[applesontheground]

promise me you'll run 🍎

KINKTOBER 2024 | DAY THIRTEEN - ROLEPLAY & AFTERCARE

writing him again is like running into the arms of your childhood bestie you ended up fucking around with as adults, and man, did i jump headfirst in this time.

NSFW | Word Count: 900 | Leslie Vernon x Female Reader contains predator/prey, implied outdoor sex, weaponplay, mild masochism, the mask kink is sorta there if you want it to be, fluff, the labors of love when being les' final gal 🎼: x, x (dude i listened to thirteenth step like as a whole while writing and editing this over it's his album in my head now)

Running like the orchard never ended, a freedom you let yourself have and forgetting about the rest of the world beyond the worn down fences. When your time on earth ended, you liked to think this is where your spirit would land: running from him, destined to bump into each other but knowing his quirks just well enough to never stay together for long.

He always pursued, and you were the pursued.

He would catch you, and in a scuffle you always got yourself on the ground, making it hard for anything else to happen besides pinning. Transporting you wasn't going to be a fight you took laying down besides in a literal sense. Clumsy in your own nature and so trusting of your surroundings, you even let yourself roll a little, stopped by a skittering hand against hard dirt and scattered rocks, digging into gentle flesh of the palm. He’d then stand on your back, a slash against your temple in warning from the sickle and sticky, hot blood and searing pain throb in your head.

You’d snarl like an animal, push back against the sole of his boot until he lost his balance – then run before giving him a second look. The chase was on again with momentary, but sloppier hiding places. He’d find you, scare the voice from your lungs, the heat from your face – and then it’d rush back in with the game as you took off running again, pumping through your body like a tumble of a washing machine, cleaning the stagnant feelings and sensations from your person and making you feel more alive than anything else could.

His and your wills would then slip when the final hunt had come to a close, much like you had tumbled to the ground multiple times, and then the sliding of a warm shaft between your legs, and the noise you tried so hard to keep to yourself reverberating against the mask. His hands broken out in cold sweat as they trail up your neck and hold you for a moment, more of a warning or practice for the real act as he looks into your eyes, trying to appear cold and uncaring but unable to keep from creasing as you go limp. The rub of the tree bark on the back of your head as you lolled your neck under his fingers, allowing him to see the exposed skin, feel the thrum of your jugular.

Just in case he would decide to end it here and now, a nonverbal showing that you could die happy like that.

Your eyes opened again, reeling in the fresh memory in the shelter of your shared home with him. A white mug of warm cider came into your peripherals. Returning to the moment at hand, you smiled up at Leslie as he came in from the other room, the facepaint and garb already off his body and face, loose pajama bottoms and a thermal sweater on him now.

“Here. You sure earned this, cutie pie.” He spoke so warmly now, and you nearly flustered all over to hear the shift and recognize it as the same person that was pinning you up against the shed maybe half an hour ago. When people that brutal, that devoted to the craft softened around you, it felt like an utter privilege to bask in.

You couldn’t stay off him when he got too close, immediately setting the mug down and fumbling into his lap when he sat on the couch with you, and you asked, “Can we do that again some time?”

“Don’t see why not. It’s great practice for your cardio and my grappling.” He replied just as eagerly, then touched the part of your forehead reflecting under the warm light of the living room. “Let’s just make sure you heal first before we get crazy again, though.”

“I didn’t think I could run like that, either.” You mentioned, and Leslie quickly explained, “That's the beauty of adrenaline, all this magical stuff happens to the human body when you’re under that kind of stress. Good on you for playing the part, the perfect partner for all the games I like to play.”

You relaxed against him, and agreed, “It sounds like a plan to me, can’t wait to do it again.” He draped an arm over your shoulders, trying not to sound so elated as he commented, “It’s wild, I’ve never come across a girl who..." He trailed off, a hand coming up as if to grab the word out in front of him, so close yet so far from the tip of his tongue. "Lets me chase her like you do, it’s a goddamn dream. You know what Eugene once said to me when the time came for me to find someone like you crossing my path, [Y/N]?”

You wrinkled your nose in a smile, looking down at your lap. “Turn the other way?”

Instantly, you let out an involuntary yelp as he squeezed his arms around your waist, melting into laughter as he nearly pressed all the air out of your body in one hug.

“You take her, and you squeeze the daylights out of her-“ He strained, but when you looked at him his voice fell quiet, relaxing his hold around you he almost brushed his eyelashes against yours.

“And you're damned if you ever let her go.”

[weaveandwood]

The Bard and The Blade Chapter 2: A Small Continent

Wyll/Named Tav | Slow Burn | Read on AO3 | Entire Work

Summary:

Rosalind has a poor showing in battle and the mission is a complete failure. Will Wyll change his mind about accompanying the party now?

“I’m sorry,” she blurted out before taking a large gulp of her wine, which he instantly topped up.  “For what?” He laughed. “For having a bad day? It happens to everyone. I have had a number of days end just like this, returning to camp with my metaphorical tail tucked between my legs, my only solace at the bottom of a glass of wine. Now…I can honestly say I haven’t died in the middle of a fight,” he smiled as he teased her, hoping it would help lift her spirits. He wasn’t ready to admit to her that the sight of her lying lifeless on the ground sent a cold dread through him, even though they had only known each other a little more than a day at that point.

AN: This chapter was born out of the fact that I am playing on Balanced mode (and am Not Good at the game, even though I enjoy it immensely) and a glitch in my Investigate Kagha quest. I'm hoping to update this fic every 2 weeks, alternating with Weave & Woods. Also big thank you to @druizard for the banner!

Dying the second day of their adventure wasn’t part of Rosalind’s plan, but as she woke up gasping for air with her three party companions standing around her, it was clear that was exactly what happened. She groaned as she sat up, her now pounding head in her hands as her elbows were balanced on her knees. 

“What happened?” She asked the ground, not wanting to make eye contact with Gale, Astarion, or especially Wyll out of sheer embarrassment.

“Wood Woads,” said Gale. “Nasty buggers, they got us all pretty good.”

“Speak for yourself, wizard. I am perfectly fine, thank you very much,” said Astarion, a hint of amusement in his voice. Rosalind glanced up. Gale and Wyll looked way more beat up than Astarion. She assumed he used his sneaking abilities to get around the majority of the fight. She had been friends with plenty of rogues growing up in the Lower City, she knew how they operated. 

“As I was about to say,” Gale said as he leveled a look at Astarion who was no longer paying attention, having moved on to look around the small island for chests that may have loot in them. “Luckily, we had taken down most of the mud mephits and the other Wood Woad before you went down. Wyll here got the final blast in right after you…well right after you died.” 

She looked at Wyll, who was staring off into the distance, not making eye contact with her. While she had to admit he looked extremely handsome as the sun shone on his face, this had clearly not been a good first impression on her part. He was probably rethinking their deal right at this moment and was plotting how to leave their camp and capture Karlach on his own, leaving her in the dust. She thought about resurrecting the Wood Woad to take her out again or crawling into a large tree trunk and never coming out. Maybe she could get Gale to cast an invisibility spell on her so she could slink off for good. All three sounded like good and valid options at this point. 

“Weren’t we supposed to find some sort of clue here about Kagha?” Astarion yelled from behind the large tree trunk. The whole reason they came to this area was to see what shady deal Kagha was getting into based on the letter they found in her quarters and hopefully try to talk her out of performing the ritual that would seal the Emerald Grove and set the tiefling refugees out on a road far too dangerous for anyone who wasn’t trained to fight. “There’s nothing here!”

Rosalind took Gale’s now outstretched hand and he smiled at her as he helped her up from the ground. What a good, kind man. She was glad she pulled him out of that rock. She walked stiffly to Astarion, groaning and rubbing her back as she did. “What do you mean, there’s nothing here? There has to be!” She was desperate for something to go right today. 

“Darling, I’ve looked in every chest, under each rock, and in every nook in this tree. There’s nothing. Either someone else got to it first, or we were duped and there never was anything here.”

She sighed. This was not her day at all. “Alright, let’s head back, I guess.”

As they walked the path through the swamp back to the grove, she found herself falling in step with Gale while Wyll and Astarion led the way. Gale was easy to talk to - partially because he loved to talk, and partially because wizards had always been so interesting to her. The way they practiced magic was so studied, so precise. Sometimes watching a wizard cast felt cold, calculated, formulaic - less about artistry, more about precision. Gale was on a different level - the way he moved his hands was faster than any wizard she had ever seen, and the spells he chose had a certain flair to them, either in the type of spell he chose or when he chose to cast them, which resulted in the most dramatic effect. An artist can always spot another artist, and Rosalind felt a kindred spirit in Gale. 

“You know,” he said softly as he slowed down, putting more distance between the two groups, “I think Wyll was angrier when you went down than he was during the goblin fight yesterday. An instant after you fell, the Wood Woad who caused your demise was nothing but ash. He was also the one to revive you. Astarion and I didn’t even have time to attempt to dig our scrolls of revivify out of our packs before he was already chanting the verbal components at your side.” He smiled, a knowing tone in his voice. “Interesting, don’t you think?”

Rosalind stopped in her tracks, her mind racing. Wyll revived her? Instantly, she was giddy as she pictured him pushing everyone away to rescue the downed, fair maiden. She giggled internally at the thought and caught herself starting to blush. On the other, more practical hand, it made complete sense. He’s a hero - of course he’d rush to her rescue out of a sense of duty. Part of the job. Just another day. She knew that. And the anger Gale described? Well, that was definitely because she was a failure and put them all in danger. Any thoughts she had of him potentially fancying her disappeared as quickly as they came, replaced by deep embarrassment again at being unable to hold her own on the battlefield that day. Living in a large tree trunk for the rest of her days now seemed like the most appealing option again. 

Maybe a family of raccoons would take her and her tadpole in. 

******

The mood at camp that evening was subdued. Wyll noticed everyone seemed to take their cues from Rosalind, effectively the party leader at this point, and Rosalind was not in the best of moods. She sat away from the rest of the group, using her fork to stab at the remnants of whatever vegetables remained in her bowl of stew Gale had prepared and muttering to herself.

He recognized that mood.

He grabbed two cups and a bottle of wine and walked over, sitting next to her on the ground. He saw her freeze for a second before looking up at him. She had the biggest blue eyes with flecks of gold. He hadn’t taken the time to appreciate them fully the other day, but he was sure he’d notice their beauty all the time now. He filled one cup and handed it to her before filling his own. 

“I’m sorry,” she blurted out before taking a large gulp of her wine, which he instantly topped up. 

“For what?” He laughed. “For having a bad day? It happens to everyone. I have had a number of days end just like this, returning to camp with my metaphorical tail tucked between my legs, my only solace at the bottom of a glass of wine. Now…I can honestly say I haven’t died in the middle of a fight,” he smiled as he teased her, hoping it would help lift her spirits. He wasn’t ready to admit to her that the sight of her lying lifeless on the ground sent a cold dread through him, even though they had only known each other a little more than a day at that point. 

She groaned, burying her face in her hands. “Don’t remind me. I have a scroll I can give you to replace the one you wasted on me.”

He placed a hand on her arm, the contact making her look at him. “It wasn’t a waste, Rosalind. It would never be a waste to revive a valued member of a party.” 

She sighed. “I’m not sure exactly how valued I am. I am sure everyone here thinks I’m awful and would leave me on the side of the road in a heartbeat. Well, maybe not Gale. I’m just…new to this. Fighting, traveling, roughing it. All of it. I’ve only been outside of Baldur’s Gate just a few times, and one of those times led to me being kidnapped by mindflayers. Once this is over I don’t think I’ll be venturing outside the city again for a good long while,” she said and laughed nervously, finishing her wine. 

Wyll took a drink, observing the rest of the party. Lae’zel kept to herself mostly, sharpening her blades each night. He had heard her admonish Rosalind for dying, ordering her to train with her during any free time from now on. Gale, Astarion, and Shadowheart sat together, laughing quietly at something. Gale looked over at them a couple of times as Wyll watched. He thought he saw a smile, a nod directed at Rosalind. Wonder what that is about? He turned to look at her and caught her staring at him, her chin resting on her hands. She quickly tried to look away, but he noticed the blush rising up her neck. He smiled to himself. 

“Refill?” he asked, holding up the bottle of wine, now half gone. 

“Please,” she replied, holding out her cup. 

“So you’re from Baldur’s Gate?” He asked, wanting to confirm that his suspicions on her identity were correct. 

“Oh! I guess we didn’t really get a chance to talk much. Eventful day yesterday, what with the kidnapping, the crash, and the battle with the goblins. I think I fell asleep 10 minutes after setting up my tent. Anyway…” She cleared her throat. “Yes, I’m from Baldur’s Gate, born and raised, in a manner of speaking. You’ve already figured out that I’m a bard. Hmmm, what else? I mainly perform in coffee shops and taverns in the Lower City, sometimes the Upper City - but those are few and far between. I’ve been asked to perform at private events and bigger venues but I turn them down every time. One must keep their reputation intact, you know.” She rotated her cup in her hands as she spoke. “Do…do you ever stop in Baldur’s Gate on any Blade of Frontiers missions?” She asked. 

He shook his head. “I was raised there, but left seven years ago. I was seventeen with an eye for adventure and haven’t been back since. I did enjoy seeing bards perform in the Lower City Plaza when I was a teenager though.”

“I used to perform at that plaza! My first paying gig was there. I was so nervous!” She smiled, her face lighting up as she reminisced. “It was such a big place, and it was the weekend so of course it was busy with people not even pretending to pay attention to me. I remember it so vividly! I wanted it to feel intimate so I cast dancing lights but instead of the cool blue they normally are when I cast, I changed them to be warm yellow, like candlelight. I thought I was so creative,” she laughed. “I think maybe twenty people listened to me that night, but I’ll never forget it.” 

Wyll couldn’t believe it. It was her - The Sunlark. What a small continent it was. 

“I wonder if our paths ever crossed before this. It’s such a huge city, it feels unlikely. But I got that gig when I was seventeen, and if I’m doing the math correctly, that would have been when you were sixteen, so there’s a chance,” she said, looking at him again and catching him smiling at her. “What are you smiling about?” She asked, taking a sip.

“I remember you. I saw that performance.” He finished his wine, the bottle now empty. 

He heard her choke on her wine and had to hold back his own laughter. “You did? And you remember it after all these years? It was either really good or really bad to be that memorable,” she laughed nervously. “Hopefully good, though,” she added.

The fire cast a diffused warm glow onto her, reminding him of that night. “Good enough for a sixteen year old boy to skip drinking with his friends at the Elfsong. And good enough to remember a pretty bard’s beautiful singing after seven years,” he said softly as he looked over and saw her shy smile, the faint blush returning to her cheeks. His gaze traveled over her face, taking in the faded bird tattoos, the scar above her eyebrow, her freckles, the scar cutting through her full lips. They looked soft. He saw her beautiful blue eyes do the same, pausing when they got to his lips. He realized suddenly that he had been leaning toward her, their bodies closer now than they were when he sat next to her. All it would take was him leaning in just a little more…

No, there wasn’t time for that. He cleared his throat and stood up quickly.

“It’s getting late, I should get to my tent. Tomorrow we hunt down Karlach and we’ll need all of our strength to capture that infernal devil. Goodnight, Rosalind, thank you for the conversation.” He bowed to her before turning and walking across camp.

******

Rosalind smiled to herself as she finished the last of her wine. He had seen her perform. He remembered her. He called her pretty . Gone was the embarrassment of the day. Gone was the desire to run away. Gone were the feelings of doubt and insecurity - at least for now. She was positive she’d make more mistakes, most likely tomorrow. But none of that mattered because the Blade of Frontiers complimented her singing voice. She would float on the cloud she was now on as long as possible.

Not quite ready to end the day, she went across the campsite to sit between Gale and Astarion, laughing at jokes they were telling at each other’s expense. Her favorites were the ones about Shadowheart’s permanent scowl - even Shadowheart managed to crack a smile at a couple of them. As the wine flowed between the four of them, however, the attention turned to her. 

“So, Rosalind,” Astarion crooned. “You and Wyll looked rather…cozy over there.” 

Oh, no.

She felt her cheeks get hot, sure they were turning bright red. “We were just talking,” she said, taking a long drink. 

“Please, the two of you looked like you were two seconds away from -”

“Now, Astarion,” Gale interrupted. “Rosalind and Wyll are young. Surely you remember what it was like to be so young after the heat of a battle? I could hardly blame them for their…closeness.” Rosalind choked on her wine again. Somehow it sounded even worse coming from Gale. 

“No, no. He was just cheering me up! It was a hard day, what with dying and the mission being a complete failure. That’s all. We both grew up in Baldur’s Gate, so we were reminiscing.” Gale, Astarion, and Shadowheart all exchanged a look that implied they didn’t believe her for a second. 

She looked up at the sky, squinting at the moon, now high overhead. Does that even mean anything for nighttime? She thought, suddenly wishing she had taken the time to learn just a little about life in the wilds and not focus her entire childhood on just surviving in the city. “Well! Look at the time! We should probably wrap this up - big day tomorrow, capturing a devil and all! I’m just…I’m just going to go to my tent now.” She turned on her heel and raised her hand to give an awkward wave. “Good night! See you in the morning!” She heard the sound of muffled laughter as she entered her tent. 

She took two deep breaths, thinking again about her conversation with Wyll. She smiled as she climbed into her bedroll, grabbing her small notebook she kept for jotting down notes, potential lyrics. She wrote “fire, wine, soft lips, almost kiss” on a page and closed it, holding it to her chest. 

“Sorry family of raccoons, I think my tadpole and I are going to be sticking around here,” she laughed to herself.

[imtrashraccoon]

Hello everyone!

Next Day

A month ago I saw a post by @scrambledmeggys (I hope you don't mind me tagging you!) for a month's worth of prompts for Self Shipping with UF! Papyrus. I originally wanted to try my hand at art but I am much better at writing imo, so here is what I've come up with so far!

I missed Day 1 so now I'm uploading that and Day 2 at the same time. I'm planning on continuing to write a continuous storyline with these prompts but I am pretty much making things up as I go lol.

Edit: I actually drew something for this chapter here if you want to check it out!

Day 1: First Meeting

You walked carefully through the snow, cringing slightly from the loud crunching sound it made, interrupting the otherwise quiet winter morning.

You were in a tough spot to say the least.

The fall had been an accident. One moment, your little friend was innocently kicking stones down the sink hole, and the next, they'd slipped and fell in. Of course, you'd tried your hardest to catch them but then you lost your balance and plunged in after them.

Against all odds, you'd both survived the fall. While your friend had thankfully only sustained a few small cuts, especially because you managed to shield them from the impact, you on the other hand had hit your head pretty hard. The bleeding had stopped by now but you still felt weak and rather lightheaded.

Still, you had to keep going. You had to find a way to get Frisk back to the surface. They were still a child, barely six, and had their whole life ahead of them afterall.

Speaking of, Frisk lightly tapped your shoulder and you paused so they could tell you what was on their mind. Shifting them from your back around your body until you were facing them, you flashed them a small smile.

"What happened?" you asked quietly.

Frisk's face reflexively screwed up. "You died again..." they signed slowly.

Your smile fell. "I'm sorry..." you murmured and let out a sigh.

You didn't understand how or why, but ever since falling down here, Frisk had seemingly developed an amazing power that allowed them to reset time to previous safe points. They didn't really know how to explain it but they claimed it was sort of like reloading a video game.

You didn't know how many times you'd apparently died so far, as Frisk hadn't been keeping track. You were instead focusing on doing your best to keep moving forward. Still, you were pretty concerned for them.

While you didn't remember any of your deaths up to this point, you knew Frisk did and while neither of you was discussing it, you knew this was something that would need to be dealt with. Once you got back to the surface, you would need to get therapy and figure out how to do the same for Frisk. They would definitely benefit from it at least.

Frisk patted your shoulder and you realized you'd zoned out. "It's alright, I'm getting used to it." They smiled but you knew it was a forced one.

"I promise I will keep you safe. No matter what happens, we will get through this together," you said.

Frisk nodded and their expression took on a more determined look.

You took a deep breath. "Let's do this again then," you muttered and started to shift Frisk back into a piggyback hold.

"Watch out for the skeleton up ahead," Frisk signed before wrapping their arms around your shoulders again.

You raised an eyebrow. Was that who'd killed you? Frisk hadn't elaborated further but you didn't blame them. You'd died a couple times to the traps in the Ruins and many times during your escape from Toriel. Many of those had apparently been pretty grisly if how shaken Frisk had been afterwards was any indication.

< ~ - . - ~ >

Someone was stalking you. While you were trying not to think about it, you were getting pretty anxious. Frisk hadn't said anything else so you just focused on continuing forwards.

Until you came to a narrow bridge with wooden bars across it that is. While you could still get through the gap between the bars with little effort, before you could do so, you heard footsteps approaching from behind you.

Frisk tightened their hold on your shoulders and you quickly turned around to put yourself between them and this new person.

It was a skeleton but not quite like what human skeletons looked like. He was only slightly taller than you were, but his bones seemed thicker and sturdier which gave him quite a bit of added bulk.

He was wearing a gray hoodie with a fur fringe, a red turtle neck sweater underneath, a pair of basketball shorts, and a pair of high tops. His smile was filled with sharp teeth, one of which was gold, and there was a pair of crimson pinpricks in his otherwise empty eye sockets that regarded you suspiciously.

"well, well, what have we here?" he drawled as his eyelights flickered over your body.

You narrowed your eyes in response, feeling a wave of disgust at the way he was eyeing you up. "My eyes are up here, thank you very much," you muttered through grit teeth.

The skeleton chuckled, "ah, my bad." He held out his right hand and added, "name's sans, sans the skeleton. and you are?"

Before you could actually shake his hand though, Frisk squeezed your shoulder. You assumed they were warning you not to, so you didn't.

"Rihanna," you said in response.

Sans raised a bonebrow when you left him hanging but seemed ultimately unbothered, which was a relief. "i'd say it's nice to meet ya, but that'd be a lie," he said and flashed a slightly menacing grin at you.

If you weren't holding Frisk, you would've crossed your arms, so instead you just gave him an unamused look.

Sans chuckled and started to walk around you, "ya know, i'm supposed to be on the look out for humans right now, but i don't really care about capturin' anyone."

You remained facing him as he walked until you'd essentially swapped places. You held Frisk a bit closer as well, just in case you'd have to run.

"now my brother, Papyrus, well, he's a human huntin' fanatic," Sans continued. He glanced through the wooden fence and added, "go on through, he made the bars too wide to stop anyone anyways." He turned and strode casually across the bridge as if to demonstrate.

You glanced at Frisk over your shoulder and they nodded. Well, at least he didn't seem like he wanted to immediately kill you like most monsters you'd met so far. So you followed him, although you maintained a safe distance just to be on the safe side.

Sans paused near a wooden booth up ahead and looked further down the path. As you walked over to him, he made a quiet "huh" sound. "ya know what, i think that's my brother comin' this way now..." There was a slightly amused tinge to the tone of his voice as he spoke which sent a wave of irritation through you.

You glanced over where he was looking and immediately spotted a tall skeleton wearing black armour with red accents approaching. Even from this distance, you could tell he was pissed and it sent a shiver down your spine.

Frisk squirmed in your grip to be let down and while you didn't want to let go of them, you relented and let go. They thankfully stayed behind you and clutched onto one of your pant legs.

You knelt down next to them and ruffled their fluffy hair a little. Flashing them a small smile, you whispered, "We doing this?"

Frisk got a familiar determined look and nodded. "I'll help you! I think we can talk him down if you say the right things."

You chuckled and stood up again, ready to face this new opponent. You could get through this, in fact, you would get through this...for Frisk's sake.

Papyrus certainly looked familiar and part of you wondered if he was actually the one who'd killed you last time. It would make sense, as he definitely looked more dangerous than Sans.

He was at least a foot taller than you were and looked quite a bit different from his brother. He still had sturdy bones but his frame was a lot more angular compared to Sans' more bulky look. He had sharp teeth as well, although his eyelights were a slightly different shade, maybe a scarlet? His left eye socket also had two long scars across it, presumably from a fight.

Besides his black chestplate, Papyrus also wore long red gloves, a red scarf that was more of a cape, and tall red boots with heels surprisingly. If you weren't battling to remain calm, you probably would've complimented his bold fashion sense. You didn't know of anyone else who could look so menacing and...hot at the same time.

"Sans! You Lazybones! You Have Not Reset Your Traps Yet Today! What If A Human Comes..." He paused mid rant when he took in your appearance.

Sans bristled and the corners of his smile fell slightly. He seemed like he was about to retort in kind but stopped himself.

Papyrus narrowed his eye sockets at you as if he was scrutinizing your appearance. He slowly strode forward, stopping a few feet away from you. "Why Does It Feel Like I Have Met You Before, Human?" he asked in a chillingly quiet tone.

You stared up at him unblinkingly and crossed your arms. "I could ask the same actually..." you answered.

Papyrus glanced at Sans, who merely shrugged. "don't ask me, bro," he hissed.

Frisk tugged at your pant leg to get your attention. When you glanced down, they quickly signed what was on their mind. "Flirt with him."

You had to bite your tongue to keep yourself from retorting and drawing too much attention. Why would they suggest such a thing? Where had this child even picked up the concept of flirting? If this worked, you were going to have a serious discussion with them at some point.

"So, Papyrus," you started to say, catching his attention once again. "Do you have more bones than the average human or would you like to find out?" You mentally kicked yourself for that one but tried to maintain face and batted your eyelashes at him.

Papyrus stared at you for a solid five seconds before the meaning of your question seemed to set it. A dusting of scarlet flickered across his cheekbones and he stepped back from you, covering his mouth as he did so.

You smiled and stepped slightly closer to him. Feeling slightly bolder, you called upon everything you had learned from sucking up to college professors and your boss.

"If I may be so bold, I think you also look very cool. Like seriously, humans dress so boring in comparison." You made a bit of a show of looking him up and down, nodding approvingly. "I'm actually jealous of how cool you are."

Papyrus opened his mouth to respond but quickly closed it. The scarlet blush wasn't disappearing no matter how hard he probably wished it would. He stammered and stepped back again.

"You... Your Flattery Will Not Save You, Human." He scoffed and turned on his heal. As he stormed off, you heard him mutter something along the lines of, "Not Being Able To Talk Your Way Out Of My Traps."

You couldn't believe that had worked. You scooped Frisk into your arms and hugged them tightly. "You have some explaining to do later, kiddo..." you muttered but Frisk only grinned at you, clearly proud of themselves.

"wow, i can't tell if you're insane or just lucky. either way, i'll be keepin' an eye socket on ya, human..." Sans said quietly.

You chuckled and flashed him a triumphant grin, which caused him to huff and walk away in the direction you had come from. You'd survived just a little bit longer it seemed.

[the-forbidden-pookie]

Happiest

Tw: SFW, can be read as gender neutral tho written with a fem reader in mind, fluff.

Pairing: Blade x reader

--------------------------------------------------

"It's ok Bladie, even if you won't admit it, I can see right through you, I know you loooooove me!" You said cheekily as you and Blade were walking back from HQ, enjoying a walk through the nearby park.

His sharp eyes stared at you as you teased him. And there for a second, he looked so utterly pissed you almost felt intimidated. But then, that small twitch came as his lips slightly twerked up, and you knew for sure that he definitely loved you.

"Stop it." Blade tried to scowl at you. But the twitch wouldn't budge.

You wrapped your arms around one of his, as you usually did when you walked together. "Alright alright, so how did the mission go? Did you locate the objective?" You asked, curious as to whether he and Sam found the required Curio.

Blade tried to move his arm away but you wouldn't let go.

"I don't want to say," he grumbled. Even though something inside him wanted to tell you everything about what went down on the mission, anything you wanted to know at all.

"I know it's technically confidential, but it would be a huge help for me to complete my own task if you told me... Ah well I won't pressure you" You say, in a poor attempt at reverse psychology.

Blade sighed.

And before he knew it, he found himself telling you every single detail about the battle, the routes they took and how many enemies to expect around the location. He very much disclosed the whole mission as well as confirming they had, in fact, found the Curio but were unable to move it for the time being. You've probably never heard Blade talk so much before.

You stared at him, eyes wide open, jaw hitting the submarine- the floor, not actually expecting him to tell you so much. After all, Blade was a smart man, there was no way he would fall for your little trick... the only explanation was that he told you willingly.

"Bladie- I- " You cut yourself off, not finding words to appropriately show how touched you felt, you instead opted to stand on your very tip toes, using his arm for balance, and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you." You said quite bashfully.

"What was that for?" Blade's cheeks took a slight red hue.

"Stop it." He grumbled as he tried taking his arm back. But just like before — you wouldn't let go.

"Aww don't be shy!" You said, even though you were the one noticeably getting flustered now. "I'm just showing my gratitude!"

Blade tried scowling at you. But a miniscule smile formed on his lips instead.

The swordsman looked at you with a small amount of guilt in his eyes. "Oh, screw it... you can keep my arm. Just this once, okay?"

"... Isn't that what you say every time?" You were quick to point out.

Blade froze. And he went redder than a ripe strawberry, trying and failing to hide his blush.

You had caught him red-handed.

Deciding to cut him some slack, you rush to change the topic, "My mission will be with Silverwolf! But I've never worked with her before... I know she likes playing video games, any idea which I could talk to her about?"

"Ugh... Silverwolf?" Blade grumbled.

The swordsman rolled his eyes thinking of the somewhat childish teammate. "She plays all kinds of games. I've never understood why she's so invested in them but, it does make her happy so I cannot judge."

"That's so mature of you Bladie!" You say teasingly.

He rolled his eyes at you again but this time, to your surprise, he smiled.

It only lasted a moment however, before he seemed to remember something.

"Don't call me 'Bladie'." He hissed. "You know I hate being called that."

He wasn't even going to try denying that.

"By anyone else you mean, but I'm special right?" You quickly reply, hugging his arm tighter for emphasis.

"You know what? You are special." Blade scowled as if he was mad at himself for saying the words out loud.

The swordsman sighed before looking at you. "Why does this always happen...? Why am I the one to open up and show my stupid feelings?" He asked in annoyance.

"Oh? would you like me to tell you about my feelings then?"

"Hmmm..." Blade pretended to think about it for a few seconds before smiling widely... Though it looked somewhat unsettling.

"Actually, yes. Yes, I would like you to tell me about your feelings."

You suddenly stopped in your tracks, releasing his arm. You went to stand in front of him, and with the most serious expression you could muster: "You make me the happiest woman alive, Bladie." You said.

Blade was completely caught off-guard by your sudden declaration. A blush spread across his face but this time, he didn't try to cover it up.

Instead, the swordsman slowly placed one hand on your cheek as he looked into your eyes.

"You do the same for me." He whispered as he brought his lips close to yours for a kiss.

--------------------------------------------------

Author's note: I'm primarily a renheng shipper, but that's such a tragic ship, I have to balance it out with some fluffy Blade x reader!

[mana-jjk]

I would love to hear your thoughts on inuokko post-shibuya. like how toge goes through the acceptance of his injury, how yuuta would help and be so supportive of him and also their reunion…just want to hear your thoughts on it! go wild! I love inuokko <3

oh my gosh anon thank you i have so many thoughts !!

feel free to send more asks about canon or au’s !! i have so many thoughts it’s insane i an incredibly not stable about inuokko and it’s a little scary tbh.

Post-Shibuya

• so i think it’s important to establish that the time between shibuya and gojo’s unsealing was 19 days. let’s just sit on that for a few moments, just a little more than two weeks.

• what gets me is that a week after toge’s 17th birthday, he is traumatically amputated and alone.

• i do think yuuta was the one to find him, having arrived at around 1:30 a.m. to shibuya. it’s heartbreaking in itself to consider, because even unconsciously if toge calls, yuuta will come barring nothing.

• yuuta is immediately dispatched to shibuya and everything with the culling games is happening so he doesn’t even know if his friends are okay and that’s the hardest part.

• waking up brings a numbness, quiet acceptance that’s been beaten into him since he was a kid. it was inevitable that he was going to severely injured at some point in his life. that’s why he didn’t cry or scream or even feel angry. he was just numb.

• going with the theory that his wraps were meant to contain curse residuals/poison, there was severe nerve damage that extended from the now stump to his shoulder and even a little down his abdomen. shoko tried her best to help him learn how to move again, but she was overbooked.

• every morning, afternoon, and evening, he was forcing himself to move and learn how to maneuver without his arm. he mostly fought with his legs and cursed speech, so he was grateful that he hadn’t lost either. no matter how much inwardly his heart wished otherwise. losing an arm did throw him off-balance so he practiced a lot in learning to fight without the weight.

• no matter how much shoko tried to convince him to rest, he couldn’t force himself to sit still, every time he sat down, he thought of yuuta and maki and panda fighting out there alone. the dead civilians stared back at him in his dreams. the feeling of a thousand cleavers sinking into his flesh pulsed. he couldn’t sit still, so he did what he’s been doing since his parents gave him up. he trained, he fought, he prepared to sacrifice what was left of his body.

• when they called forth everyone willing and able to fight, toge didn’t even hesitate. despite being a traumatized teenager just learning how to tie an empty sleeve, marching towards death was as natural as breathing.

• stepping into the meeting point, he’s in the mind of the soldier, focus on nothing but the next fight, trying to ignore the way his shoulder aches from phantom pain.

• surprisingly, it’s maki who sees him first. while she knew from yuuta what had happened, it still ached her own scars to see him. yet, boldly as everything else she does, she comes up to him and grabs him into a forceful hug. panda isn’t far behind, even with his reduced height. for a moment toge can do nothing but blink.

• yuuta is a breath behind, a mixture of overwhelming relief and devastation all at once in the blue of his eyes, wanting the other to be thousands of miles away but unable to shake his last memory of digging through the shredded remains of civilians, praying to find him whole.

• toge sees him, sees the distress in his eye and reaches out. his hand encloses around yuuta’s, and the distress melts into relief that spills down his face, a crybaby as always. at least that’s how it goes in his mind, past the way his shoulder spasms to do just that. it isn’t relief spilling from yuuta’s eyes, it’s a quiet understanding and grief that tears his heart apart.

• not so long ago, his presence brought relief, his strength was depended on, and he had the ability to at least wipe the tears from his friend’s eyes. all at once it hits him, the scars on his shoulder burn, the feeling of a thousand cleavers on flesh no longer there, the sight of maki’s burns, panda so much smaller, yuuta crying over him, always over him. his own bloody hand tying his tourniquet, not knowing where his friends are, not knowing where he is, alive or dead, hands digging through the debris, strangled breath, pain, burning, darkness, blood, smoke, debris, dead eyes, everyone was dead, why wasn’t he dead?

he didn’t save them.

he couldn’t protect them.

and after everything, that was what broke him.

• he cries, and as everything it’s quiet. the hitch of his breath is enough to send tears streaming down all their faces, just as he feared he’s inevitably cursed them again. it’s only a moment before maki steps aside and warm arms are wrapping around him. he cries until his face burns and his throat hurts from the hitched sobs, but yuuta with tears streaming down his face accepts every curse with open arms.

Recovery

• when everything is over, toge doesn’t really know what to do with himself. all he’s ever known was to fight and sacrifice and part of him thought he would die in the war. now that it was over, he couldn’t wrap his head around actually living.

• he spends his days trying to relearn everything he forgot, having been so focused on learning to fight that he hadn’t even considered what it meant to learn how to cook or write or even properly sign with one hand.

• through it all, yuuta is there, sometimes unbearable in his presence and persistent belief in toge. always watching, yet forcibly holding himself back from intervening after a stern talking from maki. toge failed in the simplest tasks, again and again, and sometimes he could only kick in frustration. but through it all, yuuta never left, never looked at him with pity. sitting and waiting like a golden retriever waiting for the word.

• the few times toge cried, like when nobara complained of being hungry and toge tried to shape rice but couldn’t get it right. he stood in the kitchen, tears blurring his vision, fingers twitching violently, unused to so much use. yuuta had walked in, took one look at him and wrapped his arms around him. strong and so familiar to the way he lifted him from the rubble. he didn’t say anything or trying to pull him away, he just held him as they stood in the kitchen, rocking gently on socked feet and smelling of fresh laundry. eventually toge stood back and tried again, producing a slightly bumpy but edible riceball. yuuta tried to make his own and sent toge into tears again over how absolutely clumsy and misshapen it was. with his single arm, he guided yuuta as best he could and returned the bashful grin yuuta gave him with something almost like relief.

• toge eventually got a prosthetic arm, one he could funnel cursed energy through, but the domain had left a number in phantom pain. a consistent poison stopped only by sigils and yuuta that felt like a thousand knives in his nerves. sometimes it was unbearable and left him wandering at odd hours with gritting teeth and pulsing nerves. he never liked waking anyone up, so yuuta ruined what little sleep schedule he had to ensure that rika always listened for the others footsteps.

• toge never told him, but yuuta’s reversed curse energy was different from shoko, where shoko was practiced and efficient like a bandage, yuuta felt like a warm hand over the injury that pressed until it was absorbed entirely. he never had a mother to wipe away his tears or even a sibling to pick him up again, but the way yuuta wiped his pain away made it seem as though it didn’t even compare.

• the first time toge cooked alone, yuuta cried at the first bite even as toge teased him for being a baby. later, he would gently hold his shaking hand that twitched with exertion with a reverence that shook toge to his core. sometimes the care he treated toge with scared him, so afraid to give yuuta, warm and kind yuuta, the broken pieces of himself. but sometimes yuuta made him feel like he wasn’t broken, that he was something precious. kindness and love that so warm and encompassing, it terrified him.

• it’s through shoko he hears that yuuta is considering going abroad again. despite everything he’s been through, the idea terrifies him like nothing else. still trying to learn how to live, he never considered a life without yuuta in it.

• so he hides, shutting down with all the willpower he had to recover disappearing with yuuta. every time yuuta knocks, he burrows deeper under his covers, willing himself to disappear like he should have before.

• he should’ve known that the people around him never seemed to understand why it would be for the better. maki shoves open his door, drags him out, and drills in his head once again that he lost his chance to escape the day he stepped foot in the school. he loves them, loves them more than any word could describe, and their love in turn aches like an open wound but at this point he can’t imagine living without them.

• yuuta finds him later, sitting outside in the garden he always found comfort in. it’s quiet when yuuta kneels in front of him, taking his hand with a kind and dopey eyes with a soft smile that he must know always strikes a cord in the other, “i am considering going abroad again,” he says, a juxtaposition of healing and breaking him apart again and again.

• “and i want you to come with me.”

• toge was a weapon as far back as he could remember. what the higher ups demanded, he obeyed. he lost his entire life to being that weapon, destroying himself and learning to never yearn for more. he never imagined he’d get to experience what others did, never thought he’d see the outside of japan. never thought he’d live long enough to consider it. but here yuuta was, offering him not only to shatter the perception of what his life should have been, but offering to spend his own proving that idea wrong every day.

• there was no sign or words to convey that feeling, the fear and hope that settled heavily on his chest. the weight of the world crushing him a little more everyday. the coward in him told him to shake his head, to stay where he knew and never leave. but didn’t he have to eventually? well into his third year, he never considered what came after.

• nobara and maki were getting an apartment in the city, permanent partners in missions, in life. panda was continuing yaga’s work, learning how to live on his own for the first time, navigating a world not built for him. yuuji and megumi were still figuring out how to live through their trauma, but they had each other and talked frequently about finding their own place after graduation. everyone was moving on, even if they always had a place for one another.

• “you’re the reason i can wake up everyday and believe that it’s okay for me to be alive,” yuuta says as if he doesn’t already have his heart in his hand, “please let me convince you the same.” and toge was helpless but to agree.

[theghostofashton]

beginnings tag game

thank you @lonestar-s5countdown @herefortarlos @reyesstrand @tellmegoodbye @corsage for the tags!!

1. Which 911 Lone Star season premiere is your favorite?

i think it's a tossup between 1x01 and 4x01. i adore the pilot, i genuinely think it's such a good setup to the show and i love the intros to all the characters, but i have such a soft spot for 4x01. it has some of my favorite moments in the whole show and starts off my favorite season, it'll always have a special place in my heart

2. Which character do you think had the best introduction or first scene in the show?

i'm gonna choose two and say tk and tommy. tk's introduction is genuinely so brilliant, throwing us right into the action of him all excited, ready to propose, to how it all comes crashing down with finding out alex is cheating and everything that comes after that. i love the scene with him and owen at the 126 for the first time, tk saying that they don't belong there, imposing on this community's grief and trying to tell them how to live their lives. it's such an incredible detail that immediately added more layers to his character, cemented his empathy and kindness from the very beginning. i love that his introduction wasn't just watching him go through something horrible, we also learned so much about his personality/view on the world.

and tommy....her s2 introduction is just everything. i love the way they balance her being so skilled and experienced as paramedic captain with her self-doubt. i also really liked how they set up her arc of struggling between being a mom and going back to work and trying to juggle both, it's one of my favorite storylines in the whole show. and her friendship with judd being so central was perfect and so incredibly done

3. What is your favorite moment of 1x01?

the ending, i think, when the alarm goes off and they're all jumping on the truck and we see judd at the end get into the driver's seat. it felt like the perfect way to wrap up the episode.

4. When did you first start watching Lone Star and how did you find out about it?

september 2022, after @paperstorm put far too many gifs on my dash for me to ignore <3

5. What is one wish you have for the season 5 premiere?

i would love any kind of domestic tarlos. i just want something of them, happily, blissfully married, before we get into all the drama lmao

open tag since i'm very late!

[dd-is-my-guiltypleasure]

Born in New York City in 1960, David Duchovny graduated from Princeton with an AB in English Literature before earning a Master of Arts in the same subject from Yale. Following a small role in David Lynch’s Twin Peaks he won the starring role of Fox Mulder in 1993 on the global smash hit UFO series The X-Files opposite Gillian Anderson. From 2007 to 2014 – a period which coincided with treatment for sex addiction – he played troubled womaniser Hank Moody in Californication. He’s also written five novels and released three music albums. He has two children, 24-year-old actress West and 21-year-old son Kyd with his ex-wife Téa Leoni.

Best childhood memory?

I think it’s probably just being in the park playing football or baseball with my dad, in New York City, 21st Street and Second Avenue where I grew up. It conjures up memories of being with my dad and enjoying the sort of simple communication that you can have through a game. I did the same sort of thing with my own son, who was good at playing baseball for a while.

Best day of your life?

There’s no one specific day but in my mind’s eye I can see a beach and my kids. I don’t know if it’s a particular day I’m thinking of; it’s just one of those summer days. It could be on holiday, or it could be in the States; it’s really just that feeling of no structure, summertime and no school for the kids; being in the water and feeling the waves and having to protect them a little and teach them about the water.

Best moment on a TV set?

About two or three years after I started on The X-Files, I did the Larry Sanders Show with my friend Garry Shandling although he wasn’t my friend at the time. He didn’t know me, but I loved his show. The producers told me, “Oh, Gary loves you.” Then I got there and it was clear that he didn’t have any idea who I was, which was fine. We did this scene – half written, half improvised, maybe – and Gary said, “How old are you?” I said, “32” and he said, “What took you so long?” and that felt like a blessing as to me he was the king of a certain kind of comedic performance.

Best Hollywood party?

I didn’t really go to many, especially at the peak of the X-Files years. For five years the show was shot in Vancouver and in many ways, it was a blessing to be out of that world, but I had some interesting, if nerve-racking moments at awards ceremonies. I remember going to the Golden Globes and being sat on the same table as a really good friend of mine, director Bart Freundlich and his wife Julianne Moore. My ex-wife Téa was sitting there, and Téa went to the bathroom, and she came back and said, “Did I miss anything?” I said, “Yeh, they announced my award. I won and you missed the whole thing.” Which was not true at all. I only kept her in the dark for a couple of seconds as it became rapidly apparent that I had no statue.

Best moment of self-realisation?

In many ways we remain children no matter how old we get and in many ways a lot of my reactions were based on childhood stuff; not necessarily something that I am ever going to change, but something to be aware of and keep an eye on. It’s the fine line between realising that a lot of your personality was constructed a long time ago, before you were really smart about these things, or knew about these things. And that that’s the same for everybody – but that’s not an excuse to continue reacting like a child. So, for me, life is this balancing act between honouring that kid and also not letting him drive the bus.

Best personal characteristic?

Perseverance. There have been many occasions when I’ve felt like giving up on everything, but I didn’t. I don’t give up. I guess I gave up trying to be a professional athlete at some point. I loved baseball and basketball and before getting to college I still had secret dreams of going pro.

Best decision?

This is going to sound negative towards education, but to leave graduate school and try to find out what else I wanted to do aside from being an academic. Not to denigrate academics but, for me, that was a hard and good decision although a scary one. I was a dissertation away from my PhD. I had done four years as an undergraduate, nearly four years of graduate work. Eight years towards a certain life; a good third of my life pointing towards a certain goal and then saying, “You know what, I’m gonna go do this thing, where none of that matters.” At the time it felt a little like I was throwing it all away. But in the end I think I’ve honoured those academic years and they also fed me.

Worst childhood memory?

My parents’ divorce. I was 12, which wasn’t a good age – but it’s never a good age. It’s hard to say exactly what the impact was on me, but it was profound. And I think having gone through it, as a parent as well, it’s taught me what I might not have been able to process at the time: it really pulls the rug out of a kid’s life. You can sugar-coat it all you want but it’s a traumatic experience. It’s not the end of anything and it’s not like you can’t recover from it but you do have to acknowledge that the world turned upside down. It’s hard to say how my life would have turned out had it not happened but I think I’m thankful for being hurt. I’m thankful for the wound because that’s what makes you human and makes you an artist. If you can survive it and remain empathetic it makes you aware of other people’s hurt. And without that, I don’t think I’d have anything.

Worst moment of your life?

Telling my kids about getting divorced. I still can’t think about it without feeling terrible. It’s actually a memory that I push out if it comes up. I don’t want to think about it. It happened nearly 10 years ago now, so the wound has healed a little but it’s not my wound; it’s theirs. And that’s why I push it away. I’ll never know it.

Worst moment on a TV or film set?

I wouldn’t want to name the project because I wouldn’t want to hurt the people involved. Probably my feeling of being in the wrong place at the wrong time was more about me than it was about the project or them. But, yeah, and that’s just a terrible, terrible feeling. I’ve certainly had periods of self-doubt and I very nearly got fired on an early job. They gave me dailies to take home to see how bad I was. I wasn’t great but I think I was just young and green. I just needed some more gentle direction.

Worst moment of self-realisation?

I guess I have two self-conceptions. One is that I’m really talented and can do a lot of stuff easily. The other is that I’m not very talented at all and I have to work, work, work hard to do anything. And I believe I’m both of those things. It’s a fight when I’m not working. When I’m working, and I have something to work on; to put my perseverance and hard work into, then I’m healthy and I’m good. When I’m not working, I can be a little on edge. And I know this sounds like a humble brag, but it’s my reality. Obviously, I do a lot of stuff, but I feel lazy. I always feel like I’m not doing enough or working hard enough. Whether it’s in work or life, I always feel like I want to go and rest, to switch off and tune out. I also want to give up half the time, which is why that tendency in myself of perseverance is my greatest trait. 

Worst thing anyone has ever said about you?

It would have to be something that I thought was untrue – and there have certainly been plenty of untrue stories written about me. But then, I’m willing to entertain anything. Whatever you say to me, I’ll entertain it for a minute, and I feel like that’s a strong point for me. It’s a painful thing to be that open but whatever is said I’ll consider the source then come up with my own opinion.

Worst decision?

I think even some of my worst decisions have been beneficial. When I took the X-Files job I’d also accepted a small part on a TV movie, and I had to let the director of that project down because the dates of the two projects conflicted. I told my agents and obviously they said, ‘Take the X-Files’, which meant breaking my word, which I wasn’t comfortable with. But, clearly, ultimately my agents’ decision was absolutely correct. If it had been left to me, I would have made the wrong decision.

[caveiratimida]

That moment of Ellie fiddling with her hidden gun in the bathroom reminded me a lot of that famous scene of Taxi Driver with Robert De Niro. I really felt like at that moment Ellie was trying to hype herself up in case she had to do something as teenagers do. Like trying to face this ruthless world with false bravado even though it is all she has known. That was the first crack in my internal dam of emotions.

Honestly, the fact Joel had to really siphon gasoline from other cars was such a nice detail of world-building, and then struggling to explain to Ellie the science for it was FANTASTIC. I really like how it's those little tidbits of a supposed-to-know-it adult with a child full of curiosities where we see their bond flourish, they question each other...

Naturally, the joke book and the magazine scenes from the game put a face-splitting grin on my face. The magazine was expected but I lost it in Ellie's joke book.

Them trying to rest in the forest without fire was such *chef's kiss*! An awkward night on the road. Before the end of the world, it would have been a nice bonding trip. Just the two of them with really no other reminders of people. No Bill and Frank's house with so many things to distract them from getting to bond with each other and no Tess to be the bridge in case they clashed. No comforts so to speak and just two emotionally raw souls. Who find a connection through the most shitty puns which is then the biggest factor that allows them to shed some of their emotional unavailability for the both of them. It was two-sided, Joel went along with it, Joel knew the pun and you can bet he probably told it to Sarah before!!

The fact that Joel stayed awake to make sure it was safe like he had told Ellie. Ellie despite being a girl who saw too much for her age still being fascinated by things such as the goddamn coffee (;﹏;)

The opposites of a hardened pessimist and a hopeful optimist is so nice. You really get the idea that at the heart of it, the show is about hope. In all it's stages. I adored the vulnerability of Joel admitting that whilst what he had was jumbled up and haphazard with Tommy, Tess, Bill and Frank, it was his and it was somewhat good.

I am a sucker for that childish reluctance of "I'm so not tired" of Ellies's to then fall asleep it was so intimate and also showed that she trusts Joel to have her back. IT IS THESE SMALL GODDAMN DETAILS. To then really have them butt heads about directions just as people do.

The sheer rawness with which Joel tells Ellie that the people won't hurt her in any way was just UFF. That entire scene where Ellie shoots that young raider to save Joel's life. Personally, it was extra cruel in my mind that she didn't kill him because that really showed her people in all their survival. He was a mess; he let go of any pretenses and begged for his mother. For me, it was implied she had to shoot Riley, but Riley I imagine was ready for it, she didn't have these final moments of desperation like this man did. Joel killing him away from her was a small mercy, and it makes their whole later discussions about the cruelness of their current world and that Ellie shouldn't have to do or deal with any of it extra heartbreaking.

I ADORE the telling of time and age with Joel in everything he does. the steps, the hearing, the less immediate reactions of his. IT IS SO NICE TO SEE AGE AND ITS FLAWS/BENEFITS ON SCREEN. It only adds to how Ellie and Joel really balance each other out in the sense of survival.

Right, look all the mentioned above produced tiny cracks, and like everyone else I am guessing - I lost it at Ellie and Joel in the middle of all the heaviness finding THE MOMENT. Seeing them carefree and just laughing TOGETHER and WITH EACH OTHER fucking broke me. It reminded me of what the creators of the game mentioned ages ago how Ellie was the first one to make Joel laugh in a long, long time. At that moment everything overcame me with such a strong feeling. And I didn't know what it was until now, I recognise it as hope. What makes seeing them laughing in this shitty skyscraper so ridiculously wholesome is hope. It was a different intensity than the usual survival. It was the same intensity of hope that we felt with Bill and Frank.

Lastly, I am so intrigued about where they will take this with Kathleen and the people in Kansas City honestly. Especially with Henry and Sam.

THESE ARE ALL MY THOUGHTS FROM WATCHING THE EPISODE THIS MORNING!!!

[liviavanrouge]

Special Abilities pt 2

Vil: *Watches Golden, a sunhat on his head to block the burning sun*

Lilia: Carefully aim and insert your mana into your weapon

Maria: *Sighs, balancing a soccer ball on her foot, aiming for the target*

Lilia: You kids will have to learn how to cloak your mana onto things, anything can be a self defense weapon

Maria: *Nods, focusing on the soccer ball, cloaking it in red mana*

Lilia: Go!

Maria: *Launches the ball up then leaps up and sideways kicks it through the middle of the target*

Lilia: Good job, Mari!!

Maria: *Laughs* Thanks!

Lilia: Golden, you're up next!

Golden: *Twirls a polearm between his index and middle finger, walking forward*

Lilia: Alright, instead of the whole object, you settle for the tip of it

Golden: *Nods, focusing his mana, yellow mana surrounding the tip* Got it...

Lilia: Launch it!

Golden: *Pulls his arm back and tosses the polearm at full speed, striking the middle of the new target*

Lilia: *Claps* Good job!

Vil: They're all very strong and well trained...I am impressed..

Shadow: *Grips his dagger, grey mana surrounding the blade*

Lilia: Go ahead

Shadow: *Runs forward zigzagging then slashes his dagger twice across the target, stopping right behind it*

Vil: Huh?

Shadow: *Flicks his tail causing the target to burst into small sliced up pieces*

Maria: Nice job, Shadow!!

Lilia: *Nods, smiling* That was great!

Shadow: *Walks over, trying to hide his embarrassment but failing* Mhm....thanks

Vil: This feels more like soldier training than self defense...

Silver: *Holds the handle of his sword, pink mana surrounding the blade*

Golden and Shadow: *Laughs at their brother* NICE COLOR!

Shadow: SILVER THE PRETTIEST PRINCESS!!

Golden: WANT A TIARA YOUR HIGHNESS!?

Silver: You guys love picking on me at any chance you get

Golden: *Smirks, laughing* AWWW! SLEEPING BEAUTY SILVER AND HIS PINK MANA!

Shadow: *Cackles* WANT ME TO FIND A PRINCE TO GIVE YOU TRUE LOVES KISS!?

Lilia: *Sighs, chuckling* Boys

Golden and Shadow: SILVER THE FIRST~~~

Silver: You guys are mean....

Vil: Is he....pouting...?!

Silver: *Sighs, keeping the pink mana cloaked around the blade then rushes forward at the target*

Silver: *Slices his sword once across the target, causing half to slide down and hit the ground*

Lilia: Good job, Silver

Kuro: *Cracks his knuckles, stepping forward, then plucks the biggest feather off his wing*

Lilia: Okay, try to infuse your mana into your feather and made it into a weapon

Kuro: *Nods, his eyes closing as he focused*

Vil: *Looks over as Golden sat beside him* You guys really have been training since you were able to

Golden: *Nods, using a towel to wipe the sweat away* My parents want us all to be able to defend ourselves, so the moment our magic appeared and we were old enough to start training, we'd do so for a long while

Golden: There would be times where father leaves us in the woods to let us play games with Sebek, Nex and Vex

Vil: *Frowns at him*

Golden: Livia couldn't join at that time, she's a picky eater and not being able to eat make her sickly, she'd throw up whenever she tried to train with us, and she's a late bloomer

Vil: Oh...

Kuro: *Slices the target into four pieces with a steel feather, grinning*

Livia: NICE KURO!!

Kuro: *Gives Livia a high five* You're last!

Golden: *Quickly pulls Vil to his feet, moving him back* EVERYONE GET BACK!

Lilia: Thirty feet! Come on, thirty feet back!

Vil: Why are we moving back?

Golden: Livia is a late bloomer, mentally, physically, emotionally...even magically but the moment her magic DID appear..boy, is it strong

Vil: Huh?

Golden: Just watch..you are gonna see what I mean

Livia: *Nocks an arrow into the bow, her weapon glowing a dark green as she focused her mana*

Vil: What the-!?

Livia: *Fires the arrow, an explosion going off when the arrow made contact with the target*

Golden: Livia was the last to join us for training, but she far surpassed us with Mana Cloaking....

Vil: Your sister is a beast with magic

Golden: *Smiles stepping closer* She is isn't she

Vil: .....you are not getting any kisses or cuddles from me until you take a shower....

Golden: *Whines looking dejected* Alright babe....

Lilia: Alrighty! Trainings over for today, you all go take showers and relax, we meet here again tomorrow!

Livia: *Runs off with Kuro beaming* SHOWER TIME!!

Kurk: YES!!!

Maria: *Waves to everyone, trotting away*

Shadow and Silver: *Stays behind, helping Lilia clean up the targets*

Lilia: Thanks boys

Vil: Shower, now.

Golden: *Whimpers, walking past his boyfriend*

Vil: *Walks after him* You'll get all the attention you want from me when you're done

Golden: *Perks up and looks at him* All of your attention?

Vil: A whole weeks worth

Golden: *Bolts away, beaming* HELL YEAH! SHOWER TIME!

Vil: Goldy baby! Don't run!

[oscartwofoxtrot]

[kicks down the door like the kool-aid man]: hi oscar talk to me about your favorite scene that you’ve written?

Sorry this took so long to answer, I was, apparently, writing an entire thesis. You Have Been Warned.

Oh my god uhhh. My favourite scene…okay, if I had to go with one, it’d probably be the scene from The Valiant Never Taste of Death I unofficially refer to as ‘Everybody’s dying bitch, let’s get you some peanut butter’. This comes about a quarter of the way through the second (proper) chapter, Requiem (NB: if we’re going by AO3 numbers then it’s Chapter 3, since there’s a Prologue chapter as well, but I don’t tend to count that numerically), and it’s the bit where Nate gently bullies Brad into sitting down and having a snack. And then uno reverse-cards him into talking about his childhood trauma. [Slaps scene] This bad boy can fit so many emotions in it!

For those unfamiliar with Halo 4 (which in all likelihood is most if not all of you), you should know that for the most part, I tend to hew fairly closely to the story and plot structure of the game when writing Valiant. But linear first person shooters don’t offer the characters a lot of opportunities to sit down and talk about their feelings, so this scene is an oscartwofoxtrot original! Sure, the action scenes can be fun, but there’s nothing I love more than getting to write Brad and Nate in their quiet moments, and I crowbarred this one in here to really dig into that Deep Halo Lore and hopefully use it to get at some of the complexities of their dynamic in this AU.

Speaking of complexities, you ask me anything at all about Valiant and I am not so much going to unpack the suitcase as start pulling hat stands and potted plants out of it Mary Poppins-style, so…this shit’s gonna need an itemised list.

1. Nate: [Basically refuses to acknowledge his own mortality, but you better believe he makes sure Brad remembers to eat and take a break every once in a while]. Also, Brad displaying just how whipped he really is. They may not have the same relationship dynamic as canon, but Brad pretty much lets Nate tell him what to do most of the time. tbh I think he likes it.

2. We get another hint at the circumstances surrounding Nate’s capture by the Gravemind. I alluded to this event in the prologue but have thus far avoided going into too much detail about it, so you’d better believe it’s a Surprise Tool That Will Help Us Later. One of the biggest challenges of writing an AU based on the fourth game in a series is finding the Goldilocks Zone of exposition – too much and you lose the current plot thread as well as the attention of literally everyone reading; not enough and the whole thing is virtually incomprehensible to normal people who don’t spend all their time on Halopedia. Trying to get that balance right is, shall we say, an ongoing struggle.

That said, I have been having way too much fun throwing out passing references to stuff like this – and this particular occurrence is a Big Deal in the world of Brad and Nate, because I think it may be the only time they’d been apart for more than like 24 hours since they started working together. (The backstory of their first meeting is a whole other essay in its own right, so I’ll just slap a sticker on this that says ‘Ask Me About My Canon Timeline In The Very Unlikely Event That You Are Interested’). Nate had become such a permanent fixture in Brad’s life, I doubt Brad understood what it would even feel like to miss him until he was gone.

And now that Nate’s life is in danger again, Brad has a very clear understanding of the stakes involved. Almost losing him the first time…it wasn’t The Moment of Realisation (more on that later), but it certainly did crystallise some deeper level of awareness on just how important Nate is to him. Of course, last time, the problem was one of distance – Brad was light-years away and couldn’t immediately get back to Nate, but there was a fortress to storm and a dragon to slay so he could save him. This time, Brad is right there, and he can see Nate suffering, and there is absolutely nothing he can do about it.

3. Couldn’t resist throwing in a version of the Peanut Butter MRE Temper Tantrum lol. I am at heart a giant sap and I do love writing them joking around and just being incredibly fond of each other. Because there’s no officer-enlisted divide here, it gives them more room to develop the casual familiarity and vaguely flirtatious banter we see hints of in the show. The spectre of Nate’s Rampancy does cast a pall over the whole thing, but it wouldn’t be Generation Kill without some serious mood whiplash. Speaking of which…

4. Hello and welcome to my impromptu TED Talk on the Insane Fucking Lore behind the SPARTAN-II program! (On all levels except physical I am this Brian David Gilbert Unraveled video). That’s right: the Spartan-IIs were kidnapped from their families at the age of six and, to avoid suspicion, replaced by clones implanted with their memories who would die within months due to congenital health issues caused by the cloning process. And as Nate points out, the UNSC didn’t even have the justification of the Covenant War, because that hadn’t started yet! They did this shit because various colony worlds wanted independence from the United Earth Government – but that would negatively affect the economy, so apparently the only two options available were ‘bloody civil war costing billions of human lives’ or ‘covert military operations to quash nascent insurrectionist uprisings, carried out by fucking child soldiers who we put through brutal training and experimental bio-augmentations that killed or permanently maimed like half of them’.

So, uh. That’s fucked! And what’s wild is that even though this has been a feature of the expanded universe since the beginning, it’s something that’s barely ever touched on in the games. Nate only knows about it because he went snooping for Brad’s unredacted file not long after they met for the first time (based on Cortana doing the same in the Halo prequel novel The Fall of Reach). For what it’s worth, Brad’s stated mindset is pretty typical of how the Spartans themselves feel about the whole thing: it’s been normalised for them because it’s the only life they know.

Nate, meanwhile, is understandably horrified, and it’s clear they both recognise the parallels between their experiences – the UNSC took away Nate’s autonomy too, by the very act of his creation. In between the Gravemind and the Rampancy, it’s something he’s been increasingly struggling with: that he was brought into being as a fully-formed person to serve a specific purpose, with the knowledge that he’d only have an operational lifespan of seven years before his systems started to decay irreparably. I can’t put it better than the Gravemind did (courtesy of the Halo short story Human Weakness by Karen Traviss): “Your creators made you separate. They placed a barrier between you and the beings that you would be encouraged to protect, a wall you could never breach. They even gave you a human to centre your existence upon, a human to care about, yet never considered how you might feel at never being able to simply touch him. Or how he might feel about outliving you.”

Damn are you guys seeing this shit? This is fucking crazy! Anyway I’m Rod Serling

5. Rule number one of Valiant: Brad does not know that he’s in love with Nate. Ya boi is pining without even realising that he’s pining. This isn’t a reflection of how I most commonly interpret canon – I look at show!Brad and I’m like ‘yeah, there’s a guy who’s 100% self-aware that he’s simping for his platoon commander’ – but in this AU, the Spartans’ lack of normal human socialisation has left him without any practical life experience of things like romance, so he’s just not quite able to put a name to those feelings. Yet, anyway.

As for Nate? I’ve been writing under the assumption that he is aware of his own feelings, but isn’t totally sure of Brad’s. I reckon he probably has a good enough read on Brad to at least suspect that Brad might reciprocate if made aware of the situation, but without any way to be certain, Nate’s unlikely to bring it up. Even I’m not fully decided on when Nate’s Moment of Realisation was. I do have a few ideas, but it’s not a detail that’s ever specifically relevant to the fic, so feel free to speculate.

In conclusion: …idk man, it’s been a year since I wrote this and I don’t completely hate it yet so. that’s probably a good sign, right? sorry for rambling it will happen again

[grapefruit-personified]

I posted 3,191 times in 2022

That's 1,947 more posts than 2021!

1,047 posts created (33%)

2,144 posts reblogged (67%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@tiernatime

@usahockeybutmakeitgay

@footygirl114

@smithsfc

I tagged 358 of my posts in 2022

#woso - 155 posts

#uswnt - 82 posts

#nwsl - 62 posts

#woso imagine - 61 posts

#woso imagines - 61 posts

#uswnt imagine - 51 posts

#uswnt imagines - 51 posts

#alyssa naeher - 44 posts

#canwnt - 21 posts

#chicago red stars - 21 posts

Longest Tag: 129 characters

#i care if the ladies get the money they deserve truly bull that the men would have gotten so much more for lackluster performance

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Touch I crave (Alyssa Naeher)

Hello Lovelies this fic is longer then I had anticipated so I hope y’all enjoy it. Let me know what y’all think though!

As always any and all feedback is welcome! My inbox is always open to just chat or for request so just send them my way!

Y/N’S POV

Human touch was something I always craved. Whether it be a simple pat on the back to a long deep hug from someone I trust. I had always been like this, seeking out the little attention I could from my parents. My teammates always dogpiling me at the end of a winning match knowing I was one of the few who actually seemed to enjoy the sudden pressure that I felt all over my body.

That’s what made being with Alyssa hard at times.

It’s not that she doesn’t love me, I would hope I would realize if she didn’t after being together for going on three years. But she wasn’t one for a lot of physical contact. Sure there was the light touch of my hand in the middle of the night as I rubbed her back as we dozed to sleep, or the gentle hand on my hips as she keeps me balanced as I try and reach too far for something in the cupboard. But the cuddling I craved was rarely done, the simple act of being held not something Alyssa was overly comfortable with. Sure at times, we would find ourselves in those moments her arms wrapped around me as we watch a movie play across the screen in our small Chicago apartment. 

But those were few and far between but over time I grew to be comfortable in the fact that that was just our relationship. Alyssa didn’t mind that I seemed to always find Christen at camp instantly claiming her as my said cuddle buddy for however long we were stuck together. While I didn’t mind that Alyssa showed her love through acts, like fixing the crooked mirror I could never get straight or making sure my bag had my recovery tablets that I always seemed to forget, a small note almost always attached letting me know she loves me. 

For many, they saw our relationship as unbalanced and maybe even unfulfilling, but it felt like the opposite, both of us getting just enough of what we need to know the other loves them. 

___________________

The balance we had seemed to always work well until these past two weeks. We had been prepping for the World Cup in Australia and New Zealand, camp was long and you could tell we were growing tired. My usually cuddle buddy was no longer wanting to be touched as she did her best to stay focused. My body was tense as I did my best to stay calm, my anxiety coursing through my veins as I tried to stay focused. 

My shots were going wide and my passes kept getting intercepted the longer the training went on. My starting position was becoming more and more fragile the worse I did in training which resulted in me being benched from our first game against South Korea. Only getting subbed in at the eighty-minute mark, I played the best I could assisting on a goal for Christen. My heart soaring at the dogpile afterwards. My energy suddenly revived just a little as I played with a vengeance for the last few minutes of the game. The final score was five to zero, the whole team making their way onto the field in celebration. The first game of the tournament was a major success. 

I go around giving handshakes to the other team and receiving hugs here and there from my own teammates. When I finally make my way over to Alyssa the taller woman brushes me off with a quick side hug and a whisper.

“Not here, there are cameras everywhere.” Her voice is rough from yelling as she quickly ducts her way off the field. My eyes falling towards the green grass under my feet, Tobin’s hands on my shoulders being the only thing to draw me back into reality. I knew Alyssa was hesitant about being public, people already dug into our life more than we liked. Finding any little moment we shared to blow up into a major moment, any little touch, or any pictures taken of us out and about in Chicago. But I had never thought she would pull away, not during this moment in our lives. 

The rest of the tournament was spent in a similar manner, the only physical touch I was able to find was from playing well. This meant I played as well as I could finding goals when I could and assisting on every opportunity I could. I still didn’t find any attention from Alyssa, her main focus was on the games and her family who sat up in the stands watching on. My heart cracking as I watch on completely unsure if I would even be wanted over there with them. 

___________________

Our last round of sixteen games was successful landing us a spot in the quarter-finals against Sweden. The tension was both fueled by excitement and anxiety as we face the reality that a repeat of our past Olympics could happen, something we had trained for but could so easily collapse. 

“Hey,” I whisper quietly as I sit down next to Alyssa, her back rigid and her face serious. “Are you okay,” my hand going to rest on her knee. 

“I’m fine,” Alyssa says, pulling herself away from me. 

“I understand if you're stressed,” I sigh, my thumbnail becoming extremely interesting as I do my best to keep myself from reaching out to the blond woman, her discomfort around my touch clear as day to me. 

“I’m not stressed,” Alyssa snaps out “just because I dont always want to be suffocated by you doesn’t mean I'm stressed.” The room falls silent, many of our teammates turning to see what caused the sudden anger. “Y/N,” Alyssa sighs after a moment, her face dropping as she tries to take my hand. My instant reaction is to pull away, standing suddenly as I rush out the door. My mind reeling as I try to not let the thoughts overtake my mind. 

I had been raised with the constant feeling of tiptoeing around my family. My parent's lack of affection leaving me always feeling like I was on thin ice, doing my best to please them in hopes of receiving even a little praise from the people I craved it from most. I knew when I got into a relationship with Alyssa that she wasn’t big on physical touch, but she had always shown her love in other ways but these past few weeks had clearly put a strain on not just our relationship but the relationship of the whole team as we went into one of the hardest games of the tournament. 

I spend a while just wandering the halls, the cool air was a relief as the sweat on my body slowly dried. I knew the bus was going to be leaving any minute now but my desire to find my way back was small as I found myself lost in the maze of halls. 

“Y/N?” I hear from behind me, the slight echo bouncing off the walls. Turning around I see Sam Kerr making her way towards me. 

“What are you doing here?” I ask as she pulls me into her arms, the hug tight and warm. 

“Well, came to watch the competition, but also wanted to check in on you, it's been a while,” Sam whispers into my ear as I hold on tightly, the familiar woman bringing me comfort. After our time spent with the Chicago Red Stars, we stayed in touch going to one another to vent and find relief from the friends around us. 

“Alyssa texted you didn’t she,” I sigh as I finally pull back. 

“She may have told me she had upset you,” Sam’s eyes meeting mine “and that you may need a ride back to your hotel, the bus left about five minutes ago.” 

“Of course it did,” I breathe out, running my hand through my hair, yanking the ponytail it had been in loose as my hair falls around my shoulders. 

“You want to talk about it, you know now that we aren't trying to rush you to the bus.” Sam's words are soft as she sits down on the floor, her back against the concrete wall. 

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299 notes - Posted January 11, 2022

#4

We're in this together (Leila Ouahabi)

I want to be very upfront this story does contain some heavy topics around the loss of family so please keep that in mind when going to read this.

Hello Lovelies sorry this took me so long to post I’ve been having a bad mental health time but thankfully something sparked in me and I was able to get this finished tonight. Now I really love this family dynamic much like my Alexia and Arlo fics (quick update on that we may have more of that coming soon 😏) so I hope y’all enjoy it as much as I do! 

As always request and messages are always open (for request they may take a while but I promise to try and get to them) if y’all ever even just want to talk send those messages my way!

Y/N’s POV 

Waking up to that phone call nearly broke me. I hadn’t expected to hear the heart shattering cries of my mother at three in the morning but when I did all I could do was frantically rush to get a suitcase together. Waking Leila up in the process, barely holding myself together as she groggily asked me what was happening her half awake state making her own panic rise as I struggled to get words out. 

“She’s gone there both gone,” my throat tight as I willed myself not to cry my hands frantically folding any piece of clothing I could grab not caring that it was possibly Leila’s and not mine. 

“Who? Babe I need you to tell me what’s wrong,” my hands suddenly getting grasped in hers as she brings my frantic movement to a stop. 

“My sister,” tears were leaking from my eyes as the wall finally broke. “My mom called, she's gone, her and her husband are both gone.” 

“Oh mi alma,” Leila’s arms gently wrapping around me as she pulls me back onto the bed “you need to breathe for a moment let me help you,” my eyes meeting hers after a second my breath still jagged as I stare back at her. The dim light from the street lamps being the only thing to light up the room, Leila’s face is covered in shadows as she holds me tightly. “What is the plan?” The question is quiet as Leila watches my face hoping to not set me off again. 

“I have to go back to the states, I don’t know for how long. There’s Atlas that we need to figure out, he’s only one and he’s already lost his parents,” the tears I had been able to dry up made a sudden reappearance at the idea of my nephew being alone. The only family he had was me and my mother and she wasn’t able to raise another kid, not after all of these years. 

“Then you go home, you see if they had made plans in case this happened and we go from there,” my head falls gently to her shoulder, the exposed skin from the way her tank top had slid down her arm was warm my eyes closing for just a moment as I take a deep breath doing my best to calm down. 

“We?” I ask quietly “I don’t expect you to stick around through this, this will change everything and I can’t hold you back,” my voice is soft, barely audible had I not been right up against Leila I doubt she would have been able to hear me. The churn in my stomach makes me cringe slightly as I think of all the ways my life was about to change. Was I going to have to move back to the States? My dreams of playing with Barcelona for at least another season could be coming to a sudden end. 

“Y/N there was never the idea that it wouldn’t be we, this isn’t something that will end us because I'm going to be right there with you.” Leila’s hand gently rubs up and down my arm, her head bent down to whisper softly in my ear as my eyes drop closed for just a moment, the loose t-shirt I wore as a night gown slowly sliding down my arm as she did her best to comfort me. 

“But,” I start, Leila’s soft shush putting a quick end to the thought as her lips gently meet the top of my head, her check resting on the crown of my head as she wraps her arms tightly around me.

“No buts mi alma, no buts.” We sat in silence for a while longer knowing deep down that there was no way I was leaving Spain anytime before dawn, her arms never letting me go as the tears slowly fell down my face wetting her shoulder. 

___________________

The trip to the states was grueling, having a layover in London and then another in New York City before landing back in Chicago. The comforting arms of Alyssa were the first I met in Chicago, the usually hug adverse woman wrapping me up tightly as I cried into her chest. The familiar comfort of the woman who took me under her wing at my first camp with the national team. 

“I’m sorry Y/N,” Alyssa whispers as she holds me tightly, no doubt blocking the view of those around us as she pulls me tightly against her. 

“I’ve missed you,” is the only thing I'm able to choke out as we pull apart, her hands gently brushing away the tears that slid down my cheeks.

“I’ve missed you too kid,” Alyssa grunts as she takes my stuffed carry on which I had managed to squeeze half of my closet as well as some of Leila’s into. 

My arms wrapped around my stomach as Leila’s hoodie clung to my skin, the slightly slimmer woman’s clothes never fitting me quite right but the smell of her hoodie brought me too much comfort to leave behind. 

We sat in near silence as Alyssa drove me to the suburb of Chicago, Evanston's welcome sign bringing a dark cloud of sadness over me as we near my mothers home. The small white picket fence home was quiet as Alyssa parked, her hand gently squeezing mine before getting out of the car to grab my bag. I sit still for a moment longer, taking deep breaths to calm myself before going into the home I was so used to from my childhood. Taking one final deep breath I pull myself out of the car, Alyssa’s comforting presence making it a little bit easier to climb the brick steps to the front door, unsure of if I needed to knock for the place I used to call home. Thankfully I never have to make the decision as the door swings open, the loud cries that had been kept contained in the home were now flooding out into the street. 

“Oh honey thank goodness you're here,” my mothers arms wrapped tightly around me, her blotchy and swollen face showing just how much she had been crying in the past few days. 

“Of course I'm here,” my voice muffled by the older woman's chest as she held me against her, almost afraid to let go. “Is that Atlas?” I ask after a moment the cries from inside the house never getting quieter. 

“He hasn’t been calm in days, nothing I’m doing is working.” The distress is evident in her voice, her bloodshot eyes meeting mine as fresh tears start to form.

“Okay,” I whisper, doing my best to keep it together, I gently take the bag from Alyssa, giving her a quick hug promising to text her soon. Walking into the house sends shivers down my spine as I place my bag by the door. Atlas’s cries bouncing off the walls being the only noise coming from within the home. 

“He’s in the guest room, I had to step away for a few minutes.” My mom's voice comes out strained from behind me as I look up the stairs knowing exactly where the cries were coming from. 

“Why don’t you lay down for a while, I’ll go and try to calm him down.” My hands gently resting on her arms as her exhausted face falls. The little bit of energy the older woman had was shot and you could tell she was grasping at straws. 

With a small nod she heads to her bedroom down the first floor hallway. Climbing the stairs was more challenging than I thought it would be knowing that at the top I would be met with what had been my sister's room, the pastel pink walls and the canopy bed. My mom, having never had the time to change the room to something else, left it in the state that my sister had left it all those years ago. Now it was simply a relic in time, a time capsule per say. I finally make my way down the hall past my childhood room and towards the very end of the hall, the high pitched cries getting louder as I crept closer. My hand gently rested on the knob for a moment before turning it, the door swinging open. The small red face of the young boy nearly broke me, the fear and sadness clear on his face. 

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307 notes - Posted May 20, 2022

#3

You've proven yourself (Alexia Putellas)

Hello Lovelies this fic has been sitting in my WIP folder for the past seven months but I somehow got the energy to finish it! I had been at WICC and the games were amazing and meeting Alexia and many other Barcelona players made my life (plus somehow running into Lindsey Horan while she was walking Fergie is a story for the books because only my mother would not realize who she was and absolutely gush over just her dog LOL) I hope y’all enjoy this story its a little more broken up into short scenes instead of one long drawn out story so I hope it isn’t to choppy for y’all!

As always my messages and inbox are always open so please don't be weary about reaching out. Also request are open just be warned that they may not get done quickly but I will try and work on some of them soon!

Y /N’s POV

It’s been a long year, one that had many lows and not so many highs. Portland had been locked down for months the rest of the country was in a similar state. No travel in or out of the country was permitted. That left me with many nights staying up later than usual, just trying to get a sliver of time with her.

Alexia had spent the past months in Spain, I mean, of course she was, her life was there. She is from Spain, she plays for Barcelona and the country's national team. She couldn’t just leave all of that to come to Portland so we could quarantine together. 

That left me alone in my small apartment staring at the wall as I did my best to keep my skills up in hopes that the NWSL would be able to resume play sooner than later. Slowly over time, Providence Park opened up to practice fields for us to work on. Still alone. The mental drain of constantly trying to challenge myself when there was no keeper to stare me down, no pressure from the other women around me. 

This caused the already gray clouds of the pacific northwest to feel even darker, the chill of the rain no longer welcoming as I longed for the sunny skies of Barcelona, only wishing to be held in the warm embrace of the one woman I craved attention from. 

_________________

“Oh mi amor,” Alexia sighs as I lay with my face pressed into my pillow. “Tell me what's wrong please.” 

“I just miss you, I miss Spain,” I mumble knowing Alexia would barely be able to hear me. 

“You’re always able to come stay with me,” Her voice soft.

“I can’t,” I sigh, running my hand down my face doing anything to keep me awake a little longer. “There are rumors of an international club competition coming to Portland and if I leave now I would probably miss out.” My mind racing with the recent whispers of competition coming back to the states. I had heard that Lousiville was planning on putting on a tournament as well, but my hopes were up that the rumors were true and we may have one in Portland as well. 

“You know I could pull some strings and you could play here,” Alexia’s voice floats through the phone, her upturned eyebrow adding an air of mischief to the conversation.

“I know you could,” I whisper, “but I want to earn a spot at Barcelona, not get given one.” 

“You have earned a spot, they are just too blind to see it,” Alexia’s frustration is clear as I close my eyes, willing sleep to stay away for just a few more minutes. 

“I wish that was true my love, just not quite yet,” I say with a soft smile as her eyes burn with a fiery passion, the intense hazel color staring back at me. 

“I just want you here with me,” The Spanish woman says growing quiet as she watches me drift to sleep. 

“Maybe one day,” I whisper “I love you.” 

Alexia's voice fades slowly as I drift to sleep, the Portland nightlife causing a quiet buzz to fill the apartment. The last thing I hear before fading into silence is Alexia’s “I love you too” as she ends the call. 

_________________

The weeks continue on, training slowly but surely turns into group training as we all make our way back into the routine of training at Providence Park. The group continues to hear whispers of the WICC making its way back to the states. Articles being published theorizing on who would be invited and where it would be held. It seems that the main consensus was that Portland was to host as the reigning challenge cup champions, the idea that Houston was to be the other American team was also pretty much confirmed. 

The big question was what two European teams would fill the vacant spots. Part of my heart craved for Barcelona to be selected but my expectations were kept low as I hadn’t heard anything from Alexia about the possibility of the group traveling out of Spain anytime soon. 

“So who do you think will be the other teams,” I hear Rocky ask the team, all of us spread out around the field stretching out after a long practice.

“I’m thinking probably Arsenal and Olympique Lyon,” Meghan shouts from across the field. 

“I don’t know maybe Wolfsburg and Chelsea,” Kelli says with a shrug of her shoulders. “What about you Y/N are you hoping for any team in particular,” Kelli’s question clearly holding a double meaning as some of the other ladies giggle like school girls. 

“I’m not getting my hopes up,” I grumble as I lay down on the turf, the sun's rays heating up the plastic underneath me. 

“Oh come on, give us a guess,” Rocky instigates. 

“I’m hoping for Barcelona and Manchester City,” My eyes closed as I take in the ambient noise of downtown Portland. “But knowing my luck,” I grunt as I sit up, “It will probably be Bayern Muchen and Olympique Lyon.” 

“I guess we'll just have to wait and see,” Rocky says, her smile wide as she pats me on the back before heading towards the locker room. 

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317 notes - Posted March 24, 2022

#2

Life is like art (Mapi Leon)

Hello Lovelies I hope all of y’all enjoy! I am open to writing more in this universe just need some ideas! 

As always my inbox is always open weather it be to chat or to send request so please send them my way!

Y/N’S POV

The sun beats down on the group of screeching seven year old girls, their excitement filling the whole area with joy as I watch on, their smiles being the only reason the school had talked me into coming today. Football fields were not my normal stomping ground, never finding much interest in the sport but when it came to the young girls I taught art to every week I was willing to put that aside for their happiness. 

The small girl's private school I worked for had been on a short list to join Barcelona's women’s team in a training season but the physical education teacher had to call out at the last moment, leaving us uncertain on if the girls would even be able to go. That's how I ended up out in the boiling heat as the sun beat’s down on us, my long skirt and tight blouse no longer feeling appropriate for the day as I stood off in the little bit of shade that I could find. 

“Ms. Y/N,” the soft tug on my skirt drew my attention down to one of the smaller girls, her eyes showing clear nerves as she anxiously waits for a response. 

“Yes, Sofia is everything ok,” kneeling down to her level, careful to balance in the heels I had unfortunately chosen to wear that morning. 

“I’m nervous Ms. Y/N what if I’m no good,” her question is innocent as the young girl's nerves get the best of her. 

“Well Sofia from what I’ve seen you're extremely good, and even if you weren't we're all here to have some fun and that's all that matters today doesn't it.” My hands gently rubbing the girl's arms trying my best to calm her as I watch a few players step out on the pitch behind her. “In fact, it looks like they're about to start so why don’t you go show them how good you are.” The young girl's smile reappears on her face as she quickly rushes off towards the other girls. 

I stand off to the side, not paying much attention to anything outside of my girls, making sure they are both behaving but also having a good time. Many of them are sending smiles my way with excitement very present in their eyes as they start to do simple passing drills with some of the players, many of them looking familiar but none I can put a name to. 

“Are you not joining us today,” A raspy voice says from just behind me, making me jump slightly as I turn. A blond woman smirks back at me, her Barcelona training top giving me a clear idea that she's one of the players. 

“I’m not really dressed for it,” I joke after a moment, scanning the woman up and down I notice the very obvious tattoo placed right on the middle of her throat. Looks can be deceiving, the words drawing an interest.  

“Did they not warn you about where you would be today?” Her question would be innocent enough had her eyes not had a mischievous shine to them. 

“It's not the normal trip I would bring the girls on, they don’t usually send the art teacher out into the wild.” My comment elicited a soft giggle from the woman, my stomach fluttering with nerves as she looked me in the eyes. 

“An art teacher you say, what got you out here?” The question is simple and innocent enough but the anxious butterflies in my stomach get even more noticeable as I continue to stare at her. 

“Our physical education teacher is out sick and I guess I love the girls too much to say no,” my eyes drifted back to the young girls playing around the field as the older girls went easy on them, their laughter causing a small smile to form on my face. 

“Well I’m happy you were able to join us, not every day we get pretty ladies out here,” Her flirting is clear as my cheeks flush bright red. 

“Oh, I'm sure there are plenty of pretty ladies for you to watch if you wanted,” My words catching her off guard clearly not expecting me to retort back. 

We stand there for a moment longer in silence, my smirk growing with each passing second. 

“Mapi,” one of the women on the field yells “are you going to join us, or are you going to keep flirting,” The blond woman or I guess Mapi quickly snaps out of whatever daze she had been in sending me a quick smile before jogging onto the field. 

___________________

The girls play games with the ladies for a little while longer before their time is concluded. 

“Okay girls let's get our stuff together,” I shouted out to the small mass of children that had formed around me. 

“Leaving so soon,” The familiar voice says as she approaches me. 

“Sadly we have to get back to the school, their parents are surely excited to hear all about their day.” My eyes meeting hers again, the same butterflies appearing again. 

“Do you have someone you're going to be sharing the story of your day with,” her question not being subtle at all. 

“I only have my cat and he hears everything,” I say with a soft laugh as I turn back towards the kids watching them all shove things into their school bags as slowly as possibly not wanting to leave quite yet. 

“Well, would you want to maybe go out tonight, tell me all about your day Ms….. Y/N,” Her eyes shooting down to the id badge around my neck trying to as discreetly as possible figure out my name. 

“I would like that Mapi, I’ll see you tonight, you can pick me up from the school I'll probably be hanging around anyway,” the grin becoming seemingly permanent on my face as I turn to round up the children quickly ushering them to the bus. 

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316 notes - Posted August 7, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Thank you for everything (Ona Batlle)

Hello Lovelies this is the Part three we have all been waiting for! I hope you all enjoy it if you have anything specific you would like to see in part four let me know! Also if you see any major grammar and plot flaws please let me know I gave it a read through but I have to head to work and may have missed a few! 

Part one

Part two

My messages and inbox are always open and feedback is greatly appreciated to send it my way! I hope you all enjoy and that you’re looking forward to more!

Y/N’s POV

“Aunt Y/N,” the high-pitched toddler voice screeches from across the field, my attention quickly pulled away from the passing drill currently occupying the team. My face lit up with joy as I turn towards the young child running towards us. Her toothy grin is almost as wide as mine. 

“Hi baby,” I squeal out quickly scooping the young girl into my arms. “I’ve missed you,” I say as I kiss the young girl's cheek. 

“You didn’t tell us Barcelona was going to be this warm,” the voice belonging to the tall brunette met my ears. The older woman’s jacket unnecessary under the hot Spanish sun. 

“What did you expect from Spain in June,” I laugh out as the women wipe the sweat from their foreheads.

“You said it was cooler than in Florida,” The blond huffs out. 

“It is cooler than in Florida Ash, but that doesn't mean it's not hot.” My voice filled with cheer as my arms wrap tightly around the squirming child doing my best to keep her from escaping my grasp knowing she was bound to run towards the other women all of which were still actively training. 

“How are you kiddo,” Ali asks softly, wrapping her arm around my shoulder pulling me in for a quick hug. “Are you excited?” 

“I’m good, we’re good,” I say after a moment taking in the older woman's affection. “I’m really excited, I never thought I would be here,” I whisper after a moment, doing my best to not let my emotions get the better of me.

“You deserve it sweetie, you deserve this happiness,” Ali’s voice is soft as she rubs my back, my head resting lightly on Sloane's head taking in a deep breath my eyes closing for just a moment as I think back on the late-night conversation that changed so much.  

_________________

I had never thought marriage would be something I could have, that someone would love me enough to want to be with me forever. Then Ona came into my life. The patience and care she had for me made all of the pain and anxiety that I had around my family and the idea of forever disappear. When she had first brought up the idea it had been after the SheBelieves Cup, we were back home in the United Kingdom and my emotions were all over the place as I struggled to work my head around what I thought was the end of a chapter. 

“We could just do it,” I remember Ona saying as we laid in bed late at night trying our best to get some sleep before the Manchester derby the next day. 

“Do what,” I had asked, half-awake, unaware of Ona’s racing mind. 

“Get married,” her voice is soft as her hand runs through my hair. 

“Why do you say that,” I whispered as I looked up at her. 

“We’ve been together for a while,” Ona starts “I love you, you love me. We could go back to Spain together.” Her voice goes quiet as she thinks about her home. 

“Are you wanting to go back to Spain,” I asked quietly, already knowing the answer? Of course, Ona wanted to go back to Spain. It was her home where she was from, her family both blood and found were all there. Barcelona was there, the club she had spent her youth at where her friends were the opportunity for growth she could probably never imagine here in Manchester. 

“I want us to both be with people who care for us, I just know we could find it in Spain,” Ona said after a moment. The memories of the post SheBelives celebration flashing through my mind as Alexia pulled me into the middle of the Spanish team's celebration including me as if one of them. 

“If we can find a way to go to Spain then I’ll go as long as it's with you,” My smile is soft as I place a gentle kiss on the tan woman's jaw, the tension in her body disappearing as we drift to sleep. 

_________________

That’s how we found our way to Spain, Barcelona had been in talks for Ona’s rights for a while. Doing whatever they could to get her back on their team, but one of her clauses was that she wouldn’t leave Manchester if I wasn’t coming with her. Barcelona had seemed hesitant at first, already having a stacked midfield meant they really didn’t need me but when one of the players decided to go play in France a spot was open and Barcelona quickly took Ona up on her offer as a quick way to fix that gap they now suddenly had. Sure at times, it felt like I was an add-on they needed to take but the ability to see Ona this happy everyday made it worth it. 

“So what are the plans,” Ali’s hand gently takes mine as I open my eyes squinting at the bright sun overhead. 

“Now that you three are here we are open to doing it whenever, just have to find a time when we aren’t playing.” Ona and I had decided to forgo a big wedding, having just moved to Barcelona we didn’t want to add that pressure on to the already stressful time. Opting for a city hall wedding that we hoped to keep as private as possible, having opened up to the public through a simple Instagram post back before the change of teams. We had known deep down that it was going to be made clear as day to the fans that we were together, firstly Ona’s contract clauses were bound to surface at some point, and second, it is wildly suspicious that two players seem to just change teams together. 

The post had gone over okay, of course some people were disappointed that Ona was no longer single but most seemed happy. Many said they already knew and that it was super obvious. Nerves around the scrutiny I thought would come mainly my way quickly disappeared with the flood of Spanish players' support all of them happy for us and excited for what had been our upcoming move. 

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421 notes - Posted April 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[nicomrade]

I don't think my original message was sent (or maybe I'm getting confused, haha). My question is, how do you interpret the gap between chapter 538 and 539? What is your perspective on the ending? And most of all, how do you think Baku is still alive? Some believe that Baku really died and lives symbolically in Souichi (I recommend you read Waty's review of Usogui to better understand this point, you can find it on AniList) and others that he faked his death.

As a personal theory, I think the one who says the words "Welcome back, Madarame Baku" in chapter 537 is not Gonen, but Anoma (in fact, on the last page of that chapter we can see Anoma + Gonen + the welcome phrase, which is curious, since Anoma has no relation to the scene). I think Sako has been misleading us with the timeline, making us think that Abi Khan and Anoma's conversation happens in parallel with Baku's "death", but what if that's in the past? And Anoma (for whatever reason, I still can't tell you why he decided to do that) revives Baku with a defibrillator device like Marco did with Hal and hence his words of "Welcome back, Madarame Baku". Baku returned from a death that seemed final. It should also be added that the phrase he uses refers to Baku in a formal way, but not in a close or hierarchical relationship (he does not call him Leader or Baku-san, for example).

Another good point would be that Sako may have planned from the beginning that Baku would survive, since in chapter 147 (epilogue of the Labyrinth arc) we see a flashforward in which Baku is visiting an awakened Yukiide (he woke up during STL) in spring (hence the cherry trees), so it's been a few months since he became the Leader of Kakerou. So, this scene could take place after Baku's "death", close to leaving for Las Vegas to meet Kaji, Marco and Hal. Also, we never see his right hand (he has it in his pocket) so Sako doesn't show us his missing finger.

i couldnt find the anilist review, if you have a link to it i will hapilly read through!

the ending is very fast paced and (purposefully) doesnt give us a lot of answers, i dont think much about it because im personally not interested in speculating on what happens after/in between the gaps BUT i will try my best to answer everything you brought up!

im not OPPOSED to highly symbolic readings (god knows i love symbolism myself) but i do like the much more literal interpretation better. baku is alive with kaji & marco at the end because he is literally alive, and survived somehow, the same way he "survived somehow" the first STL, because baku always finds a way to live. but also- while i DO think the epilogue is trying to make us think baku dies after gonen pulls out the joker, i dont see how the dialogue actually supports this idea that baku was also betting his life here? gonen is asked to bet his OWN life so hes allowed to join in the gamble and flip the card but i dont see a confirmation that bakus own life is ever in the balance in that particular bet with gonen specifically. it IS the moment where gonen (literally) beats baku and (symbolically) takes his place (as the bigger evil and as the gambler who keeps on winning- also his spot as the one fighting against kakerou and souichi, and bakus "heart", etc.) but to me it at best maybe implies another gamble between them that isnt shown instead? like i dont think the joker was flipped and they shot baku here & there lol (and i highly doubt it was a STL game). theres a whole aftermarth to this we are not shown. what i wanna get to here is just asking, am i the one missing something? where does it say/imply baku is also betting his life VS gonen? i could just be silly & missing something i definitely dont notice everything going on in usogui its very dense lol the only thing i get is the prince bee narration saying he "never got up again"?

i love your theory about anoma being the one talking, like i dont think gonen would welcome baku back ever? not in this context anyway? and again, the epilogue is so vague on purpose there are probably a 100 hints with no pay-off/reveals. misdirections and foreshadowing are usoguis bread and butter and i think its very fitting for the epilogue to give us SO MUCH while actually saying SO LITTLE. it could 100% be anoma talking here i agree, and hinting at some involvement he had that we dont see.

i also love what you said about chapter 147 i didnt catch that (i straight up forgot this happened at all cause i never finished my minotaur labyrinth reread its the arc i like the least for some reason?) thank you for telling me about it, especially the cherry tree that serves as a season indication is 100% true but i wouldnt have caught it myself cause i always forget about this kind of time indication. i wonder if it happens before or after the gonen gamble indeed? this is very interesting to me because i have a whole thing about the parallels between souichi and yukiide (sorry yukiide for only liking you for the role you can fill for me.... i swear i also like him as a character but im always looking at his plot beats in the context of him being a mirror character for souichi)

last thing is ill try to answer this bit: "how do you interpret the gap between chapter 538 and 539? What is your perspective on the ending?" so i think we can think of the gap between 538 and 539 similarly to the gap between, like, the 2001 STL and the start of the story. baku has done this before, he will lay low and hide in the shadows before being ready to put his big plan in motion. in hangman he says he planned to stay in the shadow for longer but seeing souichi face to face he had to change his plans- i think this gap is something similar to this. theres a wrestling poster thats visible in the las vegas shots too, right? i think we can know what year the las vegas stuff happens in that way, and that will give a lot of information on what that gap looked like. i wish i had more of a big analysis about this but filling the gaps in the epilogue has never been my priority. what i DO care about in the epilogue is the uhm heart transplant stuff lol. under the cut cause its my own personal rant where i argue for why a part of the epilogue shouldnt be considered canon (which is a pretty heretical position to defend, im aware)

so uhm, the heart transplant stuff, uh? i kind of have hated that reveal/retcon ever since i read it and its always sat weirdly with me but i didnt think about it much, like blocking it out of my mind, except for during my 2nd read through (and the times id reread the epilogue like some morbid curiosity- maybe this time itll go differently? maybe this time they wont try to lie to me?) not that i think its BAD i like the epilogue as a WHOLE but the heart transplant thing ugh i always just skim over unconsciously i dont wanna engage with it too much because so heres the thing

that line about how its totally real cause "baku shouldve been taking medication quite frequently" and its like. well he HASNT? been doing that? and its drawn super similarly to how baku eats his kariume. are you trying to tell me that his kariume was heart medication all along? what about his obsession with plums in general, and on protoporos when he imports kariume for himself? about protoporos actually- how did a man with a diseased heart who has to take medication survive 24 days on an island with no access to said meds. including a couple days of running outside in the rain chased by a literal angry mob? and then drowning?. baku, as written in the story, DEMONSTRABLY DOES NOT! have a diseased heart. when did this transplant happen???????

baku literally already struggles with sprinting when he first meets hal in 1998- souichi EASILY follows after him and is barely tired when baku is on the floor shaking for his life. are you telling me the heart transplant happened BEFORE this????????? or he already had poor stamina even before and then it cant be appropriate foreshadowing for this. so you were just lying to me about the hints and it really does come out of nowhere. ok.

i dont even mind when/if usogui does retcon stuff (/have reveals that were very much not planned from chapter 1) it is OKAY to write new stuff in your story and about your characters as you go along. it is foolish to try to argue only stuff planned from even before you ever started writing is canon and true. this is not my point. my point is that this reveal CONTRADICTS the actual text that came BEFORE. it has retroactive impact that is nonsensical and downright absurd. this is the exact kind of writing i criticize in stuff like one outs or liar game, but praise usogui in comparison. usogui does lie to you about stuff sometimes, but that misdirection, those lies, ADD meaning to the text. (im always talking about this on twitter i can pull up threads if i need to explain this stuff more) the heart transplant reveal REMOVES meaning. so what meaning does it remove exactly?

one of Usogui's (manga) thesis statements is that to be human is to be FLAWED. this is why hangman ends the way it does (and why its kind of bad they changed it in the movie- though i do get it) its what kyara's arc in protoporos is about, and its what souichis entire character journey shows. i dislike calling souichi "the ultimate human being" because his character arc is about accepting that he ISNT, actually, perfect. that he, too, is flawed and can lose and is scared of dying and is HUMAN. souichi loses drop the handkerchief because he had this weakness (chronic memory loss) that usogui exploited. and for all he tried to make up for it, or make it into a weapon instead, it was still a flaw. and its what made him human. and for him to believe himself capable of not being human anymore, of transcending it, is a lie. and usogui ate that lie. and he reminded souichi that hes human- and loved. and loved. and so so loved. and that he has the potential to become so much greater still- BECAUSE hes human and BECAUSE he tasted defeat and is flawed. thats the basic gist behind drop the handkerchief.

and this weakness of souichi, his chronic memory loss, is inherent to him. theres no reason it happened. textually theres no reason to it. its, yeah, the pressure of having to be Perfect, and being the Leader of kakerou, but we know from the doctor's email that medically they couldnt find a reason for it- yes there are reasons for it, but theyre so inherent to him, to his bloodline, that he couldnt be souichi and NOT have this flaw. there is no version of souichi (or hachina, or hal) that does NOT struggle with memory loss. he has this weakness simply because hes alive.

bakus one core flaw is his weak constitution. baku cant run up stairs (see the abandonned building arc) anything that COULD be life-threatening becomes a death sentence for him (see the minotaur labyrinth arc) he CANNOT defend himself (marco & kyaras roles as bodyguards + all the times someone threatened him with violence) his body is WEAK. it just is. what the heart transplant does is take all of this and make it the result of losing a gamble once, years ago. is this inherent to him? was this always fated to happen? we dont even SEE the gamble this happened in! it CANNOT be this important! but if we forget about the heart transplant for a second, his weak body becomes just a part of his character, with no visible cause. maybe its a side effect of how he grew up on his own without anyone to play with so he never exercised, and possibly malnourished & homeless half of the time. but either way its a cause thats so at the core of who he is that for that not to have happened he wouldnt be usogui (or madarame baku) anymore. there is no version of him who had a happy, safe childhood and is still usogui. sounds familiar? and for souichis weakness to be mental and bakus weakness to be physical.. isnt it meaningful to have their fates mirrored and tied in that way?

baku & souichi(/hal) fates being tied together is also another CORE aspect of usogui's story! not just with the ship glasses on its literally just... the emotional core of the story is their relationship (whether romantic or platonic or whatever). if your reveal in chapter 538 out of 539 (i repeat, its in the second to LAST chapter) is contradicted by its own "foreshadowing", does not stand on its own, and weakens TWO very important aspects of your story, then i think im allowed to consider it not canon or true. uhm, "youre a big liar, arent you?" if you will.

[citrinekay]

ten first lines

Rules: Share the first line of ten of your most recent fanfics and then tag ten people. Don't have ten? Not to worry, just share what you have.

thanks for tagging me @tiffanylamps! I love the premise of this game because first lines are so important for me. I really try to write a first line that is completely recontextualized or paralleled by the ending, plus draws the reader in. I've written a lot, so I'll be pulling from different fandoms here including Mindhunter, Black Sails, Hannibal, and of course Beyond Evil 💃Let's get started 💃 1. "A day after Bill comes home from Wopsononock Mountain, the trap in the vegetable garden catches a rabid possum." from The Papermill Revivals my massive Mindhunter Prohibition Era AU and what I mean by recontextualizing the beginning. if ykyk 2. "The longboats emerge from the dark roll of the waves like ghosts materializing from nothing." from "trust among thieves" the first installment in a 7-part Silverflint series deconstructing of their relationship through kink over the second half of the show. spoiler alert: the series also ends with Silver again standing on deck watching Flint leave him rather than come back to him 🥺😭 3. "Boot leather clung to the ridge of jagged, charcoal rock, balance defying the magnetic pull of gravity." from The Painted Veil, a post-fall Hannigram fic wherein Will contemplates self-defenestration from a lighthouse. 4. "From a distance, it appears that Manyang hasn’t changed one bit." from the bitter and the sweet - my first jwds fic! spoiler alert: manyang had, in fact, changed 5. "The three buccaneers arrive at Port Royal out of the dusk and rain, though none but the innkeeper pays notice as the chaos around them prattles on." from this stretch of sea and sand, a post-canon Silverflint fic and my take on Hanahaki disease. a personal favorite. i tore my own heart out :( 6. "Seoul reminds Dong-sik of Sang-yeob." from a cruel and futile miracle - jwds post-episode 8 impulsive, drunken blowjobs. now Seoul reminds ds of jw too 😏 7. "Joo-won hears Dong-sik coming up and around the bend to the house before he sees him, the solitary, rhythmic thud of his sneakers striking the pavement at a steady jog the only accompaniment to early morning birdsong." from only our love can suffice aka the hair-washing fic aka Han Joo-won's Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known 8. "Dong-sik’s bathroom smells damp beneath a tang of citrus; the window is cracked to allow in the gust of rain-drenched air since the house had been built before the convention of a ceiling-mounted fan." from fractures, the jwds post- "I will go to hell" moment fic 9. "For years, Dong-sik had not minded living alone." from survivalism. spoiler alert: Dong-sik did, in fact, hate living alone. 10. "The first time Joo-won trespassed into Dong-sik’s basement, Dong-sik had thought, not just a cheeky prince but a reckless one, too." from steel trap teeth aka Joo-won going thru the whole spectrum of human emotions before finally admitting he wants Dong-sik to spank him 🥴

This was fun! I have nobody to tag but I had a ball going back through my old fics to find my favorite first lines! I'm fairly happy with all of these 😊