#did i ever tell you guys i was considering making an actual homestuck au thing where people could vote on the outcomes

[dailyjokerp5]

its that time of year again

[theunlimitedskye]

This is your reminder and a nice lesson on how to be a decent fucking human being in fandoms.

Hi.

Guess what?

Just because you don't like or don't agree with something doesn't mean you have to be a dick about it.

Just because you're indifferent or uninterested in something doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to see the good things about those subjects or like certain aspects without actually knowing about the subject.

You're allowed to like things. You're allowed to dislike things. It's when you get aggressive and nasty about is when people begin to have negative opinions on you, and by association, the thing you are offending or defending.

I've had so many people who tell me I'm not allowed to like something without knowing it. I've had so many people come to me and tell me that I'm wrong for liking the things that I do. Does liking South Park make me a racist homophobe? Does drawing PewDiePie make me anti-Semitic? Does mentioning a vague interest in Hazbin Hotel without even being in the fandom automatically make me have an interest in pedophilia? According to some of the anons I've had in the past, it does.

But, hey, newsflash guys, I'M ALLOWED TO LIKE THINGS and SO ARE YOU.

I have plenty of shit that I don't like, but do you see me shitting on everyone? Fuck no. That'd make me a dick, and while I am a dick, I certainly don't want to be one when it comes to other people and what they like. Who the FUCK gave you any right to tell me that I can't like something? Who the FUCK gave you any right to tell ANYONE they can't like something?

If you like something, then you fucking like it! You don't deserve to be judged unless the thing you like is morally or legally wrong. If you like a ship or a fandom or a character then that's fucking fine!! Nobody is allowed to tell you what you can and can't like in these instances. If it makes you happy then it makes you happy! You only deserve to be judged, again, if what you enjoy is wrong by society's standards. Not by the standards of some random chucklefuck on Tumblr.

Another thing. If you're uninterested in or indifferent towards something then that doesn't mean you get to shit on the people who DO like those things. In bird culture, that is considered a dick move. People are allowed to like or dislike things, and if you disagree with their opinions then that's just too fucking bad. You don't get to tell people what they're allowed or not allowed to like, or what they should and shouldn't like. I can give SO many examples of this from my own personal experiences and the fandoms that I'm in, and fandoms that I'm NOT in as well.

Take, for example, the lack of fandoms I've been in. Never have I ever been interested in things like FNAF, BATIM, Undertale or Homestuck. I've never been interested, I've never cared to be interested, and I don't think I ever will be interested. Do I dislike these franchises and fandoms? Do I have some personal vendetta against them or their communities as a whole? No. I'm just uninterested. I'm indifferent. Nothing more.

Now, does being uninterested and uninvolved mean that I can't see the good in these fandoms and projects? Hell no!! They all have immensely unique plotlines from what I've seen, and are each special in their own way. The gaming mechanics that came with FNAF and Undertale are distinguishable and wonderful and should really be considered their own genres, a clear and very large amount of effort went into Homestuck and it definitely shows, and I don't know much about BATIM but I'm sure it's great too.

And hey, guess what? I hardly know ANYTHING about ANY of these franchises. Does that mean I'm not allowed to praise them for what I think are good points and aspects? Does that mean that I'm not allowed to appreciate the time, effort and dedication that went into creating these games, and the sheer love and appreciation that the fandoms give them? Some would say yes. Some would say that if I don't know anything about these things then I should just shut my petty little mouth. But you know what? Fuck you. Just because I never had any participation in these fandoms does NOT mean I can't praise and appreciate them.

And on top of it all, the music for FNAF, BATIM, Undertale and Homestuck fucking SLAP. The canon music and ESPECIALLY, E S P E C I A L L Y the fanmade music. I wouldn't even know about OR3O if it wasn't for All Eyes on Me! The people in these fandoms who dispense such wonderful content and such amazing music deserve to be praised for what they are. They fucking deserve it just as much as the creators of the actual fandoms do.

A few more examples come from the fandoms that I'm actually in, mainly South Park, and mainly regarding a topic that usually can hold a lot of discourse in any fandom: ships.

Now, I don't ship bash. I don't hate people for what they like. I can dislike or hate a ship without hating on the people who ship it. That's called having opinions and being NORMAL about them. I try my best to be open-minded on things like ships and characters. There's quite a bit that I don't ship simply because I'm not interested, and yeah, I'll admit it, there's ships I fucking HATE in this fandom. Rebstella, Jyle, Stangory and Creek are all on my list. I despise these ships for multiple reasons, mainly due to other people cramming them down my throat and not taking it well when I say that I don't really care for the ships.

When it came to things like Rebstella and Stangory, I never used to give a damn. But certain events took place that made me hate these ships with a burning passion. The same with Jyle and the same with Creek. They're the holy rectangle of "get these ships the fuck away from me".

Hate is a strong word, but let me tell you, I mean it with every fibre of my being.

Do I hate these ships? Yes. Do I hate the people who ship them? No. Not in the slightest. I know plenty of people who ship Rebstella and I don't shit on them for it. I just ignore the discussion whenever it's brought up because that's what NORMAL people do.

I know how this world works. I know how this platform works. My opinions are "controversial" and I fucking know I'm going to get people in my inbox screaming at me for what I'm saying regarding these SP ships alone. But you know what? I don't give a fuck.

I don't like Creek. I don't like Rebstella. I don't like Stangory.

Come scream at me and tell me what a horrible cunt I am. See if I give a shit. I'm allowed to have my fucking opinions. That's the entire moral of this goddamn post. I, and other people, can like or dislike things without deserving to be screamed at to conform to the every desire and whim of a souring fandom just because we dare to have different opinions from the rest of the community.

Being uninterested doesn't mean you have to be a prick. I don't ship Pockestella but I have friends who do ship it, and I let them ramble at me about the ship whenever they want to because even if I don't care for the ship, I care for my friend. I don't ship what they ship, but they get happy talking about their ships, so I let them, because I want them to be happy. I don't HAVE to ship what they ship to have a conversation about it.

(Oh, and while we're on the topic of Pockestella, they're not fucking cousins. They're cousins in the book. In the show, they're only stated as playmates. Fuck off.)

The same goes for other ships. Just recently I was scouring the Gregory tags for some nice art to add to my folders, and I found an absolutely spectacular Gregstella piece. A ship that I also don't care for. But the art was superb. It was utterly fantastic and I ADORED the way it was drawn. So you know what I did? I liked the post and saved it to my folder because I liked the art, and I'll probably head back to search the tags for it again so I can reblog it because it was just that good.

I don't ship Kyman, but I love the FUCK out of the Helluva Park AU. Nor do I ship Tyde, but guess who loves the Fleur Bleue AU? This bitch right fucking here. I can appreciate the way things I don't care for are portrayed if they're portrayed nicely or professionally. Does liking an AU where Kyle is a demon make me anti-Semitic? Does liking an AU as fucked up as Fleur Bleue make me some kind of smutty rape fetishizer? Some would say yes. And those people are fucking idiots. Liking something doesn't mean that you support what's portrayed. I've been told I was racist because I liked canon South Park as a whole. If liking South Park makes a person racist then I guess everyone in the fandom is a filthy racist, huh?

Basically, the moral of the post is don't be a prick. You can like things without hating on people or being hated on. You're allowed to have your opinions and other people are allowed to have theirs. If they don't shit on you for what you like, don't shit on them for what they like. We're all allowed to have our likes, dislikes, opinions, stances, ships and preferences. If everyone was forced to like the same exact things in a fandom, it would get very boring, wouldn't it? Fandoms need variety.

Don't be afraid to state your opinions because you're afraid someone will dislike what you're saying. Don't hold back on showing love to the things you love because you don't want hate in your inbox. Show love to what you love anyway and disable questions and submissions. It's that easy to ignore the toxicity. Block and delete buttons exist for just these reasons.

You have to be brave and show love for the things you appreciate in fandoms. If someone hates you for what you're saying, so what? If it's an anon or someone you don't know then why the fuck should you care? You don't know them. Let them hate you. If it's someone you consider a friend getting pissy, well, they're not a real friend, are they? If I had a friend getting up in my case over the things I like or support, or the things I don't like and support, I'd drop them faster than the beat drops in a Skrillex song.

Do you like ships that aren't popular? That's fine! Ship them! You don't have to like what everyone else likes if shipping rarepairs makes you happy!

Are you playing a new game without playing the previous games? That's fine! Play the games you like! (I'm looking at you, Animal Crossing fandom. Fuck off the cases of people who are enjoying New Horizons without having played the other games. I just got New Leaf, are you gonna shit on me because I never played Wild World?)

Do you dislike things that everyone else seems to like? That's fine! You can have opinions! You're allowed to dislike things, especially if they're things that the fandom shoves down everyone's throats! Every fandom has things like that. You're allowed to dislike them!

I'll say it real loud for the people in the back.

PEOPLE CAN LIKE OR DISLIKE THINGS.

PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE OPINIONS THAT DIFFER FROM YOURS.

NOT EVERYONE HAS TO LIKE THE EXACT SAME THINGS YOU DO.

PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO LIKE AND APPRECIATE THINGS WITHOUT KNOWING EVERY SINGLE LITTLE DETAIL ABOUT THEM.

I NEVER PLAYED FNAF BUT I LOVE THE MUSIC AND I FUCKING HATE CREEK. Are you gonna come yell at me for being brave and telling people my opinions? Are you gonna try and suppress me? Are you gonna try and silence me? To get me to conform to what you like? To tell me that I'm wrong? To manipulate me, gaslight me, threaten me until I step down and admit defeat? If that's your endgame, then find another target, because I don't fucking care. I'm not afraid, and neither should anyone else.

Individuality is key.

This has been your daily reminder on How To Bs a Decent Fucking Human Being in Fandoms.

Love, Skye.

[albapuella]

How to Lose a Lover in 10 Days or Less: A Comprehensive Guide to Becoming a Future Romantic Failure (Chapter Three)

AO3

Fandom: Homestuck

Summary: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days AU Dave needs to win a bet; Karkat needs to write an article. Shenanigans ensue.

Tags: Humanstuck, alternate universe - no sburb session, POV switches galore, implied/referenced child abuse Author’s note: This story is the result of a jam session I did with aceAdoxography on the davekat thirst federation discord server. This one's a little out of my usual wheelhouse, but I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. New chapters every Saturday/Sunday.  Didn’t bother with the formatting this time: You want the fancy formatting, go to AO3 :D

Day 3:

Since Karkat had not managed to scare Dave off with the... outburst yesterday, he figured he’d hooked the idiot as well as he was ever going to. Which meant it was time to start fucking it up. He did his best to ignore the sense of loss already forming in his chest at the thought. Whatever frustrations he’d felt during that hang out/date thing Dave had put him through yesterday, he couldn’t deny that he’d enjoyed the experience, too.

Dave was a dork who talked too much, but he was also witty and charming in a maladroit sort of way. And it had been nice to have someone appreciate Karkat’s sense of humor in return. For once. A part of him wished he had longer to enjoy their time together, but he knew better.

Since he knew better, he also knew it wasn’t the time to mope. It was time to go on the full offensive. “Offensive” being the operative word. In this case, it meant acting like himself. Karkat had been on his best behavior up to this point, and now he’d show Dave who the “real him” really was. If he played his cards right, he probably wouldn’t even have to go on another date to seal the deal.

Karkat felt his eyes ache, and he hated himself for being such an idiot. He’d known this wasn’t going to last—even without his article, it never would have lasted. He’d already proven a countless number of times that, while a fairly good friend, he was simply terrible as a romantic partner. Dave was just one more guy he’d never really had a chance with. Just one more tally mark to add to his failures.

---

When Dave woke up the next day, he saw that he had quite a few messages waiting for him. A handful from Rose about wedding plans (with a reminder of the dress code, because of course her wedding would have a fully defined dress code). A bunch from his far-flung friend Jade (mostly telling a story which did not require more than a quick “cool” on his part). A couple from John (who was excited that he’d be seeing Dave at the wedding). There were also several from Karkat. Which was kind of a relief: Dave hadn’t liked that he’d been the first one to message him all the time: it made him feel like he was bugging the guy. Especially after waking him up yesterday.

CG: OKAY ASSHOLE, HERE’S THE DEAL:

CG: YOU WANT TO DATE THE REAL ME. FINE.

CG: I AM DONE BEING ON MY BEST BEHAVIOR.

CG: BE PREPARED FOR ME TO COMMENT ON EVERY INANITY THAT DRIBBLES FROM YOUR MOUTH LIKE THE LEAVINGS OF AN INCONTINENT PIGEON.

CG: YOU ARE NOT HALF AS FUNNY AS YOU THINK YOU ARE. ALSO YOUR “RAPS” ARE AN AFFRONT TO THE GENRE AS WELL AS TO THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

CG: IF YOU THINK I AM JOKING OR BEING “CUTE”, YOU ARE WRONG. A STATE YOU SHOULD BE EXTREMELY FAMILIAR WITH BECAUSE YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY SUFFERING FROM AT LEAST MODERATE BRAIN DAMAGE.

CG: I AM NOT NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN “A SNACK”. I ALSO DO NOT HAVE A “SEXY PROFESSOR THING GOING”. IN THE ENTIRE SPAN OF MY MISERABLE EXISTENCE, I HAVE NEVER BEEN ANYTHING WHICH COULD BE CONSIDERED TO BE IN EVEN THE MEAGEREST OF WAYS “SEXY”.

CG: MAYBE YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO SEE THAT FOR YOURSELF IF YOU EVER TOOK OFF THOSE DOUCHE SHADES YOU ARE ALWAYS WEARING.

CG: I HOPE YOU HAVE ENJOYED THIS SMALL TASTE OF WHAT IS TO COME IN YOUR FUTURE SHOULD YOU DECIDE TO KEEP DATING ME.

Dave read the messages a few times, frowning. Mostly, he felt confused, too confused to feel either amused or insulted. Sudden. This was sudden. Also, the more he read the messages, the more he thought Karkat was being more mean to himself than to Dave. His inner Rose (the voice which sounded like Rose but was not nearly as smart as the real thing) said that Karkat was lashing out, hoping to hurt Dave before Dave could hurt him.

And wasn’t that sad?

TG: first of all

TG: you are a total snack

TG: this is not negotiable

TG: do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars

TG: not to be all objectifying or whatever

TG: but that was literally the first thing i thought when i saw you

TG: that guy is a total snack

TG: and fuck you you are sexy

TG: i bet you look even better without the sweater

TG: you are the bank and im the debtor

TG: payin compliments is my cheddar

TG: need proof read the letter

TG: dear mr vantas you are hella sexy signed me

CG: OH MY GOD.

CG: THAT WAS THE PART YOU CHOSE TO FOCUS ON. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOU AT ALL. MOST PEOPLE DON’T LIKE BEING INSULTED. IS THIS A KINK FOR YOU? IS THAT WHAT THIS IS? ARE YOU A FUCKING MASOCHIST?

Dave was grinning so much his cheeks hurt. Nailed it.

TG: im not a masochist

TG: but i think i might be getting a thing for grumpy assholes

TG: it needs more testing

TG: how about we hang out for a few hours today

TG: and see

“CG is typing” appeared and disappeared several times.

CG: REALLY. YOU REALLY WANT TO KEEP DATING ME.

TG: yea unless you dont want to keep dating me

TG: i hope you do

TG: want to keep dating me

TG: i want to know you better

TG: and kiss you sometime

This time the “CG is typing” message went on for quite a while. Dave wondered if maybe he shouldn’t have sent that last message. Then again, he’d already called the guy sexy several times; saying he wanted to kiss him wasn’t weird.

CG: IF YOU’RE SURE YOU WANT TO KEEP DOING THIS, THEN FINE. OKAY. I THINK I WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER TOO. JUST REMEMBER I GAVE YOU AMPLE WARNING OF WHAT THE REAL ME IS LIKE. WHEN I INEVITABLY END UP HURTING YOUR FEELINGS, YOU WILL HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF.

TG: score

---

After, unwisely, agreeing to meet Dave at the park again before going to some secret secondary date destination he had in mind, Karkat slipped his phone into his pocket in a daze. He was still reeling. Where had he misjudged this situation? He’d been certain he’d done enough to scare Dave away, and yet, here he was with another date to prepare for. Masochism or brain damage—those were the only options. Considering how much Dave had insisted on Karkat’s attractiveness, he was leaning towards the latter.

Of course, the words alone were only half of the total package. Even Dave would find difficulty deriving whatever enjoyment he got out of Karkat’s insults when they were being delivered at an ear-ringing volume. Karkat heaved a deep sigh. All he had to do was be himself on this date. That had always been enough for every other person he’d dated to leave him. Dave would be no different: he was just dumber, so it was taking him longer to get with the program.

* Thinks I’m “sexy”. Definite brain damage. Probable masochist. Raps have not increased in quality but I’m starting to get used to them.

---

The problem was Dave knew what he liked to do, what he found fun, but he didn’t know Karkat well enough yet to have much of an idea of what Karkat liked to do. Usually, Dave would have just asked, but seeing as Karkat had just been prepared to be dumped, he didn’t think the question would go over well.

When Dave approached the YO this time, Karkat was already sitting on the bench. His head was bowed over his notepad, and he was furiously writing. Although tempted to look over his shoulder and see what he was doing, Dave decided not to. If it turned out to be something deeply personal, he’d feel like a creep.

Whatever it was held Karkat’s full attention. Dave could be very stealthy, but he wasn’t even trying to be quiet as he got closer. Finally, he was standing right beside where Karkat was sitting. Still nothing. Remembering the reaction he’d gotten the other day, he flopped down close to Karkat, making the other man jump. “Hey.”

Karkat brought his notepad up to his chest, hiding it, and glared. Despite his clear irritation and the roominess of the bench, he didn’t move away. “What the fuck, Dave? Are you incapable of conducting yourself like a normal person? Or am I just special?”

Dave grinned. Looked like Karkat had meant what he’d said about acting more like himself. “I don’t know, you are pretty special. Not in the Special Olympics way,” he hastened to add as he realized his compliment might not come across complimentary. “I mean, nothing against them, they’re great,” he continued, now realizing the actual insult he was now offering them and not wanting to be that guy, “but that’s not what I’m talking about.”

A sort of disbelieving half-smile. “Should I stop you now, or let you keep going?”

“Oh, definitely stop me,” Dave said, relieved. He gestured to the notepad Karkat was no longer holding so tightly against himself. “What are you working on?”

“Nothing important,” Karkat said brusquely, shoving the notepad into his bag as though it had personally offended him. “Something for my work.”

It occurred to Dave that he actually had no idea what Karkat did for a living. “What do you do?”

For a moment, Karkat only regarded him with deep suspicion. Then he sighed. “I write for Dubiously Cultured.” Apparently, Dave’s confusion showed on his face, for he elaborated, “It’s basically a gay Cosmo.” Then he frowned. “You know, a magazine with fashion tips? Make-up? Relationship advice?”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Dave said quickly. The last thing he wanted was for his eyes to glaze over on his date like they did when Rose started talking about her magazine (whose title he could not recall at this moment if he’d been being held at gunpoint). “Are you writing an article? Laying down the keep your man tips for the masses?”

Even Karkat seemed surprised by the laughter abruptly bursting from him. “Something like that,” he said once he’d recovered. “You work as a DJ at the Glass, right?”

Honestly, Dave was shocked. He’d been sure Karkat had been just tuning him out! Then again, he had remembered he was from Texas, too. Maybe he just always looked bored and pissed off. “Yeah. It’s not super steady, but it pays the bills.” It actually didn’t pay the bills; Rose’s mom (his mom, she was also his mom) sent him money every month to pay for the apartment and various other expenses. However, his sad family history wasn’t exactly third date material. “You ever been?”

Karkat leveled Dave with a skeptical look which seemed to indicate his estimation of Dave’s intelligence had started low and was only getting lower. “Do I look like the kind of person that would get past a bouncer? Are you actually visually impaired, or are you making fun of me?” He shook his head. “I can see myself in the mirror, jackass; I know what I look like. Stop pretending I’m,” he held up his hands to make the finger quotes, ‘hot’.”

“I’m insulted you would think I’d lie about your hotness. You’re a fucking rooftop in the middle of a Texas summer. I should know; I’ve been there.” The metaphor stirred up memories Dave didn’t want to think about, and he wrapped an arm around Karkat’s shoulder. He immediately wished he’d done it sooner. “Anyway, I’ve already told you, you are a snack. You might as well accept it. It’s obvious. Everyone with eyes can see it. Not you, for some reason, but everyone else.”

“That’s just not true, Dave.” Before he could contest this, Karkat continued, “Most blind people still have eyes, idiot, and they can’t see anything, let alone support your dubious assertion that I’m attractive.” The words practically dripped with sarcasm even as he settled into Dave’s half-embrace. “You’re being so fucking insensitive right now.”

“Oh, shit, you’re right.” The part of Dave not worrying about the words flowing out of his mouth registered how nice and warm Karkat felt under his arm and pressed against his side. “Well, if they got to feel you up, they’d agree you were a snack, too. So, checkmate, Karkat. Check fucking mate. You’re just going to have to accept it. Majority vote. You’re a snack.”

Karkat looked up. “If you tell me you want to eat me, I’m leaving now and blocking your chumhandle.” Then his gaze shifted away. “This is nice,” he said, his voice softer than Dave had thought he was capable of. Maybe it was Dave’s burgeoning hearing loss, but he sounded… sad.

While Dave wanted to ask why he sounded so sad, he figured Karkat would tell him if he wanted him to know. After all, they still hadn’t known each other for very long yet. What was needed was a distraction, and Dave had just the thing to cheer both of them up. “If you think this is nice, you should be super excited for our date.”

---

Karkat had been feeling guilty again. It really had been nice, sitting on that bench in front of that giant art installation, to pretend that there was actually some sort of future for them. For him and Dave. Together. So, he’d been feeling guilty—even if he was an idiot who talked too much, Dave wasn’t a bad guy, and he didn’t deserve what Karkat planned on putting him through.

At least, that’s what Karkat had been thinking until they’d arrived at their final destination.

“A karaoke bar?” Karkat felt a scowl furrow his brow, and he turned it onto Dave, who had the audacity to be grinning at him. “It might interest you to know that I can’t fucking sing.”

Dave shrugged. “No one can at these places, Karkat. That’s why it’s fun.” He pushed his glasses down his nose, allowing Karkat the briefest glimpse of his eyes before he pushed them up again. “You’ve had fun before right? Or do we have to go slow and ease you into it, because fun is a hotel pool with a broken heater, and you haven’t raided the mini-bar yet.”

“Of course I know what fun is, you festering anal wart.” He saw himself ranting reflected in the lenses of Dave’s stupid glasses and looked away. “Fun is a walk in the park, or watching a movie, or going on a picnic, or playing a game. Fun is not embarrassing yourself in front of dozens of strangers by subjecting them to what can only laughingly be called your singing voice!” He started at the unexpected hand on his shoulder but made no move to shrug it off.

“Hey,” Dave said quietly, “if you really don’t want to be here, we can do something else. I don’t really know what you like yet outside of chick flicks. And writing for a magazine. And coming up with creative insults for me.” His grip on Karkat’s shoulder tightened slightly. “Help me out here, Karkat; I’m drowning with only seconds left to live. You’re the hot lifeguard, and I’m gonna need your sweet lips on mine fairly soon, or else I’m leaving the beach in a body bag. And no one wants that.”

Karkat turned back to face Dave. There were so many things to unpack in this latest offering of word vomit that he wasn’t even going to make the attempt. “Do you ever actually listen to the things you say?”

“I try not to,” Dave said blithely. “Messes with my flow.” Then the smile faded. “I mean it, though. If you want to go somewhere else, we totally can. I don’t have my heart set on this place; I just thought it’d be fun. Maybe you’d loosen up a little.”

“I am exactly as loose as I want to be,” Karkat sniped back, tacitly admitting that now he was the one saying stupid things. As much as he wanted to make things difficult for Dave for the sake of his article, he really couldn’t deny being touched that Dave was willing to change his plans because Karkat had complained about them.

Besides, while Karkat could be (and often was) loudly unpleasant and vulgar, it wasn’t the kind of thing he could force. He had to feel it. And he wasn’t feeling it. “No, we can stay. Just are there private rooms?”

Dave was frowning, perhaps in displeasure, perhaps in thought. “We can check.”

---

It turned out that there were private rooms, but they were prohibitively expensive. If this had been something Karkat had really wanted to do, Dave would have shelled out the cash, but he’d known he’d made the right call to spend the date elsewhere when he’d given Karkat the verdict and his shoulders had immediately relaxed.

Although Karkat had also protested that he wasn’t much better at bowling than he was at singing, he’d seemed less agitated about the prospect. He’d actually smiled a little when Dave had confided that he, too, wasn’t much of a bowler. Dave also wasn’t much of a drinker, but when Karkat offered to buy him a beer, he’d accepted it.

Dave was currently sipping his apple? flavored ale from the chair in their section of the alley and watching Karkat lob yet another ball down the gutter. This made, what? the tenth in a row? Dave had managed via blind luck to hit a strike with his first shot—a feat he had not been able to repeat—and that had pissed Karkat off like nothing else. Each additional failure to even get his ball any closer to hitting any of the pins only made Karkat’s face redder.

The only question was when he was going to pop.

“FUCK!” Karkat stomped back to the ball return. “FUCK ME, FUCK BOWLING, AND FUCK YOU, DAVE. YOU THINK YOU’RE BETTER THAN ME? NEWSFLASH, FUCK FACE, YOU ARE JUST AS OBJECTIVELY TERRIBLE AT THIS AS I AM—AT LEAST *I* HAVE THE FUCKING DECENCY TO BE ASHAMED OF MYSELF!”

Dave made absolutely no attempt to hold back his laughter.

“Hey, do you mind watching your language?” An older man in the next lane was giving Karkat quite an impressive glare. “There are kids present.”

Karkat’s face went purple.

---

“Well, Karkat,” Dave said as they walked down the street to no stated destination, his tone infuriatingly casual, “I can honestly say I’ve never been kicked out of a bowling alley before. I can scratch that off the old bucket list. It wasn’t on there because I hadn’t thought of it, but now I see I was blind to the possibilities. Thanks for opening my third eye or some shit like that.”

Karkat had let Dave put his stupid arm around his shoulders about a block back, and he hated the fact it felt so comforting. Bad enough he’d made an ass out of himself over nothing in public (again!), but it hadn’t even worked. He’d wanted to piss Dave off by showcasing his abhorrent personality, and he’d failed miserably. It wasn’t even his fault he’d failed either. For some inscrutible fucking reason, the idiot found temper tantrums hilarious to watch rather than embarrassing to be associated with. “Fuck you, Dave,” he said quietly, his energy quite spent.

Dave chuckled. Case in fucking point. “Aw come on, don’t be like that. It’s not like we’re banned from the place.” He paused. “I’m probably not going to get you to go there again anyway, am I?”

“I am never stepping foot back into that establishment, no.”

“Are you still pissed at me for that strike?” Dave’s voice sounded disbelieving. Maybe a little hurt. “I told you, man, it was a fluke. I wasn’t trying to hustle you. If I’d wanted to hustle you, there’d be money involved. That’s how that shit works. It’s like the definition of a hustle.”

Karkat sighed. “No, I’m not mad about that.” He hadn’t really been that mad about it in the bowling alley either. He’d just been frustrated. Loudly. Which was how he usually expressed his frustration. In the moment, it made him feel better… afterwards, he just felt tired. “I’m just really fucking embarrassed, okay? I know embarrassment is probably a foreign concept for you, but—”

Then he was being hugged. He tensed for a moment, then relaxed into it. He knew he shouldn’t be accepting Dave’s comfort, that this was only going to make things harder in the long run, but he couldn’t help himself. He really was such a selfish asshole. His head fell naturally against Dave’s shoulder, and he felt a distressingly familiar ache in his eyes. “Why are you hugging me?”

A soft guff of laughter blew past his ear. “Dude, you looked like you needed a hug. I’m not a hug expert or anything, but sometimes you look at a guy and think, that guy, he needs a hug.” The arms around him held him just a little tighter. “I hope you leave me a good review on yelp.”

Karkat choked on his unexpected laughter. “Dave. You are so fucking ridiculous.” As much as a part of him wanted to remain in his arms, he knew if he stayed any longer, he really would start crying. “Let go of me, asshole.”

Dave did so with only a moment’s hesitation. He put his hands on his hips. “So, what do you think?”

“About what?” Karkat successfully resisted the urge to wipe his eyes. With any luck, Dave wouldn’t notice how tear bright they probably were. Why was he getting so emotional anyway? None of this would matter soon enough.

“My review,” Dave said as though Karkat should have any idea what he was talking about. “Five out of five stars, right? Don’t crash my yelp score, dude—I have a reputation to maintain as hug master supreme; it’s all I have.”

And Karkat was laughing again. It really felt good.

---

* Gives nice hugs. Doesn’t respect personal space. Karaoke bar? Shitty bowler. Why isn’t this working?

---

{{ The third step is the ego. For Dr. Freud (famous psychology hack), the ego was a moderator. For our purposes, we return to the original Latin: I. Make it all about you and your comfort. If you have had enough of your short-term partner’s incessant prattle, say so. When you want to scream, do it at the top of your lungs. Use whatever language feels best to you at all times regardless of the situation. Make your short-term partner embarrassed to be associated with you. If you can get you and your short-term partner kicked out of an establishment due to your behavior, so much the better. However, if you find that such antics only serve to amuse your short-term partner, cease them immediately. The point of this exercise is to humiliate your short-term partner, not further endear you to them. Also, in the event that you are more embarrassed by your conduct than your short-term partner is, under no circumstances allow them to comfort you. It will only distract you from your objective. }}

[hootpoop12]

Theory time

Alright, so we all know through the context of this being written in a fanfiction/a03 format that this is all a play about canon VS fanon. What is a little hard to decipher is what are the things that are plays off fanon and which qualities are the true aspects of the characters(canon)? ANYWAY here are just a few of the things I am ASSUMING are plays off fanon based on my years in the fandom and sheer obsession of consuming this shit (trigger warning for everything taken place in the epilogue FYI):

-Dave: I think some of the main aspects of fanon influencing his epilogue version is intertwined with “woobifying”, “Slow burn”, and even possibly even “sexuality”. 

        -Woobifying is a fandom concept of reducing a character to “a cinnamon roll too pure for this world” someone you wanna baby (often applied to trans guy characters whether canon or headcanoned). This one is a bit of reach I’ll admit because it DOES makes sense that after years of living with Karkat the dude would soften up but there were times in the epilogue even Dave admits he’s gotten softer and the dude just plain out was very passive. In my time I’ve seen tons of depictions of Dave as a lot more emotional than shown in the comic or a lot more woobified in fics (like in meteor fics where he often has very dramatic emotional outbursts) By the way this is NOT me shitting on you if you like viewing Dave in that way because a lot people with trauma relate to him and use him for “cathartic release”(me fucking too lol). It’s more a guess/observation of maybe why he’s developed in this way due to the comic now being a strange sponge absorbing all fanon, good and bad, into it weird ass grasp.

        -Slow burn is likely the trope that plays into why the hell it took so fucking long for him AND Karkat to admit their feelings. If you have literally ever consumed Davekat content I’m sorry but 99% of it is slow burn lmao every meteor fic is pining, every coffee shop AU is the budding of a lifelong partnership, and every Harry potter furry inflation pwp crossover WHATEVER fic is 10k words building of sexual tension like......To bring their other relationships in canon into this we can see that Dave was able to flirt with Jade and Terezi and entered a relationship with them at a pretty normal rate WHICH can totally be attributed to the fact he views them as girls and himself as heterosexual so was much more comfortable making a move- sure. Looking at Karkat, however, and you see the dude is a little shy about romance sure but he was still able to flirt with Terezi and make awkward moves on John so like......I can’t help but to feel like something outside (us?) was influencing them?

        -Sexuality is another sort of reach but I think it’s something to consider. In terms of the comic....when exactly DID canon end? You could argue at the end of act 7.......or the moment John used his retcon powers to create a new timeline. Fandom Dave (on the tumblr side at least) was usually consider queer and a lot people shipped Dave with another dude. Perhaps John going back and rewriting canon helped bring our influence over Dave’s sexuality into the comic? I remember finding out Davekat was canon and confirming my “Dave is bisexual” headcanon and just thinking in wonder how it felt like Hussie was plucking my desires straight from my head and incorporating them. Which made me HAPPY by the way. If this is anywhere even near truth it’s not like he didn’t do a fantastical and natural job of incorporating it into the comic which shows how “incorporated fanon” is not a totally horrendous thing. The comics always done it with fandom memes and such. 

-Rose Lalonde. Not too sure what fanon influenes were brought onto her to be honest? In candy she was almost like a creepy stepford wife which is. Bizarre to me. Rose is the most contrary and rebellious character so seeing her settle down like that (OR FUCKING DOING SOME GUYS LAUNDRY) is a little strange. In meat she insists that she is an individual despite being married but that could have EASILY been Dirk’s influence? Also her biggest fandom stereotypes off the top of my head is Know-it-all smug meddler, alcoholic, and elegant. Really none of that was applied so still need to consider her more. The most damning thing however is where is all the piss?? If you look at the amount of piss kink rose fanfiction one has to wonder......and I can’t even continue this joke.

-Jade Harley: Gonna keep it real with ya’ll. I feel like this epilogue gave Jade Harley way more character. She wasn’t given much in canon except for lonely silly girl so it makes sense to me why she’d grow up desperate for physical bonds and inserting herself into relationships. I liked her telling John that she wasn’t some princess in a tower anymore cause it shows she KNOWS how everyone has always viewed her and that’s a little sad. As for tropes around her character.....yep people pleaser, silly girl, hippie, shoved aside for literally any other character......Need to think about her more, too. 

-Jake fucking English. What even is there to say? He more than anyone was influenced by fanon and it doesn’t take too much thought to see how. In a lot of fandom jokes and in fanfiction he is basically treated as a stupid piece of meat. I genuinely don’t read much fanfiction about him except from a trust few fans who I know care about him and will write him in a full rounded way. In any case we see a single moment in which Jake has this oppressive narrative taken away from him and it was when he was talking to Dave and Karkat during their election conversation. If that wasn’t already hard enough to read we can look back at the implied rape that took place with him in the beginning of Jane’s relationship with him or over the course of it. John, the one person supposedly not influenced by fanon as he’s still tied to the comic via retcon powers, is even the one to tell people that Jake is basically being raped. So yeah. Good times. I’ll get to Dirk in terms of Jake in a moment L M A O. Imagine that being the saddest lmao you ever just read.

-Jane Crocker: Welp hope you weren't a Jane fan lmao. What can I say except it FEELS like all the subliminal messaging really got to her and she’s like......warped by the condesce? I think if in the comic they showed more of her political takes then maybe this wouldn’t have come as such a shock. Like, I flat out am disgusted by her character now? She’s a facist, abusive, rapist(that was hint, unfortunately)? WOW good take homestuck writting staff?? I mean I know one of you used to write like incest pedo rape porn but aight??????????? Anyways in fanon Jane is treated as the girl who gets in the way of dirkjake so kinda that early 2000s bitchy yaoi girl brand, boring person in the background, or the hottie. They obviously kept saying she was “easy on the eyes” so there’s the hottie trope but that’s about it.

-Roxy Lalonde: Out of ALL the Alphas they fucking escaped with their goddamn dignity PFFT. So in terms of tropes: trans Roxy, alcoholic, and flirty “boy obsessed”. 

        -So with trans Roxy this is like Dave’s sexuality thing I discussed where a widely celebrated headcanon influenced canon and that not necessarily a BAD thing. Like I said, this theory is that canon is just absorbing fanon for better and for worse. I saw people were bummed they weren’t a trans girl but I am actually down with this for two reasons. 1) being all those memes “what’s your gender?” “the void” and 2) a part being friends with someone who’s trans is.....not being used to seeing them as the gender they actually are but taking the time to learn these new unfamiliar pronouns- and get the fuck over it. It’s their choice and you just gotta accept it despite your feelings. 

        -alcoholic Roxy was not at all incorporated which is the biggest fanon about her (not as much in recent years thankfully) so honestly? Kinda diminishes my argument. It’s not like the writers were worried that tossing out their progress as person was bad writing lol look at Dirk.

        -Flirty Rox. In candy they were SUPER fast moving in their relationship with John and despite towards the end they said that Dirk dying made them wanna do something with their life I just....don’t buy it? Mainly because john who is uninfluenced by the fanon tropes even noticed how fast they were moving and how stepford agreeable wife she’d become. 

-Dirk Strider. Aight. So. Here we go. fandom tropes are controlling puppet master, abusive, and cold/uncaring.

        -Dirk is a naturally controlling man, yes. Every version of himself struggles with this, yes. Even if we work on issues does not mean old flaws will never leak out, yes. However, after in the comic itself we see conversations with some of his closest companions and the effort he was making and ready to continue making was completely obliterated. Dirk is someone who takes his projects a little too seriously so why would he toss out this one- the most important one in his life? ANYWAY........Dirk in canon is shown that he’s also not great at multi-tasking or really anything that he really makes himself out to be AMAZING at. Don’t get me wrong I actually view Dirk as a complement dude cause he did get all the alphas into the session in a smoothish fashion (yes hal is him so it still counts) but, like, even when Dirk sounds like an AWESOME engineer to Jake he even admits that he basically had the future’s technology to help and it wasn’t that impressive. So now he’s claiming he’s the BEST? Wack.

        -Abusive Dirk......The sheer amount of people in the fandom who still misconstrue his character as heartless and the sheer amount of fanfiction of sociopathic Dirk might’ve done something. If he is truly becoming his “ultimate self” and he is heart aspect.....all these fanfiction splinters are getting applied to him as well, ya’ll. INCLUDING one of the epilogues writers who literally used to write fanfiction depicting Dirk as a brutally abusive and manipulative version of himself. With the similarities between their big fic and the homestuck epilogue I can’t help but to wonder if they’re subtly trying to incorporate that? After all Alt Calliope goes into detail about how the writer/narrator is IMPORTANT and when one is someone who enjoys viewing dirk as such....well who’s to say pfft Everything about how Dirk treated Jake was some of the most shocking to me. How did you get the guy taking most of the blame for a relationship gone wrong to a man who in a very rapey way makes someone obsessed with him, stupid, and unable to ever receive respect? Horrifying stuff to read, lads. It makes much more sense to me if you look at this fandom’s perceptions on DirkJake. My god there are some bad takes and there’s a whole section of the fandom who was hellbent on making the ship out to be the most problematic ship to ever occur. So whereas in the comic you have Dave pointing out that both sides had issues and everyone was willing to talk things out you had half the fandom insist that it was all Dirk’s fault and he just COMPLETLY forced himself on an unwanting Jake. Yep, sound familiar?

        -cold uncaring. yep tons of depictions of Dirk being cruel to his friends and family and sorry but go reread Homestuck I don’t even know what to tell you if you actually believe that. There’s literally nothing here I could write to help you. As if the whole thing about his character isn’t about how the people around him helped prevent him becoming like that and he hasn’t said in a dozen different ways how much he loves them and wants to treat them better. Get out of here with that shit lmao 

I guess all can be said about Dirk at this point is either 1) the absorption of the vast amount of terrible Dirk depictions from ascending to his ult self has warped him 2) he’s playing a villain just because Homestuck being over means not existing which TERRIFIES him and existing is a higher priority than treating the people around him right or 3) caliborn influence

        1) For the ascending I’m pretty sure this is the theory that’s gonna be right

        2) playing the villain is probably not what it is because on twitter all of the writers are saying the transphobia is literally just him and they’re boosting a lot of theories say “this is a story about friends you love disappointing you and you moving on” So. Yeah. Take that depressing nugget of information. (I literally will be fucking dead inside if that really is where this story is taken. No joke I will probably quit this fandom lol don’t know if any of you really know how big that is for me to say

        3) Caliborn? eh maybe who the fuck knows after typing that last bullet point out I’m too bummed to continue this hah

[galaxyacerodoesart]

Me: Oh, I should go back at drawing some more “normal” stuff for the Sanders Sides fandom..i sure miss those guys just by themselves! No AUs, just them! c:

Also Me: I WILL throw my shitty cursed Sanderstuck AU at your guys faces and you all WILL ENJOY IT.

AKA. Homestuck Panel Edits are fun, and i won’t be letting go of my Sanderstuck AU too soon, so ya’ll better be ready for panel edits of this cursed AU in the future, because they certainly are fun to make asfsadjkasdklasj

All of my Sanderstuck sprites can be find HERE AND! Under Read more some background story for what is going on in this picture AND Virgil/Roman relationship in the AU in case anyone is interested in my train of thought during the making of this, BE WARNED THOUGH, it is long. I like to talk and give things details, don’t blame me >:’T

First, without getting too into the story itself of the AU, Virgil and Roman relationship in this AU is simple: 

At the Start, they couldn’t stand each other, their opinions and views on things were pretty much opposites, with Roman always trying to see the bright side of things while Virgil would jump straight to the bad and pessimistic side of things, so basically no matter what Roman would bring up to the table, Virgil would point the bad side of every single one of his ideas, which would lead to their endless rants and fights. They would talk with each other to begin with,mainly because both were friends with Logan and Patton (so they basically were dragged into conversations together by them). When shit hit the fan and Sburb happens, and everyone is dragged to pretty much save the universe, Virgil is obviously TERRIFIED and ready to just die and be the reason the universe ceased to exist in the first place, while Roman is seeing it as all he ever dreamed of (Being the hero?! Saving not only the world, BUT THE UNIVERSE?! Count he in) so again, their views of things clashed against one another, Roman wanting to jump and fight to the “greater good” and Virgil not believing for one second they can pull this through, eventually going with Roman saying Virgil wouldn’t be needed to end the game at all, since everything he did was bring everyone’s spirits down anyway (Which is definitely a lie, as, ironically, both him AND Virgil are the most important players, being a Space and Time players respectively, but obviously Roman isn’t aware of that at the start) this leads to a pretty awful tension in the team, as after hearing that Virgil isn’t talking to anyone for what feels like ages, completely isolating himself until he finally seems to just dissapears. Plot related things happen, with Virgil ending up going Grimdark at some point, just in time for Roman to come to terms and realize (with a lot of explanation and help realizing some shit from Logan, Patton, Thomas and even Remy) HOW WRONG he was about Virgil’s part in their game, and about Virgil as a person in general. His negative view of things weren’t his way to try to bring Roman’s ideas down, but to actually improve them, since pretty much all the time, all the “criticism” he received from Virgil would have improved his ideas if he just stopped to listen. Virgil wasn’t hating on everything Roman did, he actually cared so much about it, that he would try to make sure they were perfect, so everything would go well and no one would get hurt. After realizing that, Roman sets off to try to find and apologize to Virgil, so they can start from zero and actually become friends.

Meanwhile, on Virgil’s side, he literally isolated himself in the void believing everyone would be better without him holding them back like that, that was part of the reason at least, what he would never tell a soul, is that the words Roman threw at him did hit him HARD, since as far as he could remember, Virgil always admired Roman’s way of seeing things, and honestly wished he could see things as positively and passionate as he did, and would be lying to himself if he said he may or may not had develop some sort of crush on the other, but being to scared to do any sort of move, he just kept that little detail to himself, so yeah, Roman words really did hurt him. When Roman and the others FINALLY find Virgil, they all try to reach for him but he was into the void and believing in Roman’s words for so long, that it seemed almost impossible to pull him back, ending with the last person they would think would help to actually solve the issue and bring Virgil out of the void and out of his Grimdark state: Dolian. Sure, he was a Void Player, but no one really imagined he would be willing to help out like that, but since everyone was too busy crying tears of happiness to have Virgil back, they let it slide. When he is able to finally talk with Virgil, Roman tells him all he realized while he was gone, and gives the most sincere apologize he can manage, to which Virgil accepts after understanding Roman’s side of things. 

Time jump  a few weeks, everyone is gathered around the same living-space at this point (Think the meteor in Homestuck where Kanaya, Rose, Karkat, Dave and Terezi stay, it’s pretty much the same thing) Roman does keep his word of trying to understand more Virgil way of thinking, and slow but surely, they get to the point where they can call each other “friends” which while is amazing (Patton is SO proud of his boys omg) things definitely aren’t easy on Virgil’s heart, as the silly crush he had on Roman before Sburb happened only gets stronger now that both are on actual good terms, Virgil only ever told Logan about said crush, as he know the others wouldn’t tell a soul about it, or make a big event of it, so at that point, Logan is Virgil’s “to go talk about this stupid crush” guy.  At one point, already getting enough of all that, Logan just straight up suggests that Virgil just TELLS Roman how he feels, literally going on saying “Realistic, we literally don’t know if we will even survive the events of this game, so you really don’t have anything to lose by telling him how you feel”  to which Virgil panics almost screaming how he “can’t just tell someone how much he loves them” which had Logan responding with “Then just write your feelings down. Not saying you will need to send him a letter saying how you feel, but it might make things easier for you to get all this pressure out of your shoulders” to which Virgil reluctantly agrees.  Unknown to BOTH of them, Roman was hearing the whole conversation (Don’t blame him, the space they are isn’t exactly huge, and neither of them really were using indoor voices anyway) although he doesn’t really know WHO IS the person they are talking about as no name was dropped any time, all Roman knows, is that Virgil has a crush on someone and is struggling to tell them. Which, surprise surprise, low key hurts Roman, who was actually starting to develop a crush on Virgil as well, now that he knew who he really was. And no, of course at no point Roman stops to consider he might be the person Virgil is talking about, he hurt Virgil in the past right?! His words and stupid beliefs almost lead to Virgil being completely lost and left to die in the void, no way Virgil would have a crush on him after all that. Whoever, for the first time in what seems forever, Roman decides to push his own feelings and needs aside, and actually focus on Virgil’s instead. If Virgil needed help confessing to who he loved, he was going to help him! That’s what friends do, he owned him after all he did! He was a hopeless romantic anyway, if there was one thing he knew, was how to confess to someone, so even if it hurt, Roman would make Virgil and whoever he liked be together and happily ever after! It is what Virgil deserves, happiness, right?! Who cares about his own feelings, Roman would be fine. He probably didn’t deserve Virgil anyway, not after all he has done to him. 

And unknown to both, Roman and Virgil, literally everyone in that place knows about their crushes on each other, they are obvious like that. But they all respect their own wishes and are willing to let them tell each other their feelings in their own time. Which sadly seems like it will take a while because, goddammit, those two are slow when they want to.

SOOO YEAH. That’s pretty much how Prinxiety works in this AU. Two idiots who clearly love each other, but one doesn’t know how to tell the other, and the other don’t believe he deserves to be with the other after all he did to him. The idea behind the panel I edited is pretty much a follow of the last details i explained, Virgil writing his feelings down on letters that (if depending on him) will never really be given to Roman, while Roman wants to help Virgil write his heart out, because “he owns him for everything he did in the past”, despite the fact he would want nothing more than be together in a relationship with Virgil at that point, and Virgil obviously trying to push him aside because “HELLO?! HOW CAN I WRITE DOWN ABOUT MY CRUSH FOR YOU IF YOU ARE LITERALLY NEXT TO ME?! NO, STOP! DON’T YOU DARE READ ANYTHING IN THAT PAPER!!!” but Roman isn’t giving up on helping him so he can finally be happy like he deserves to be. 

[mutually-screaming]

for death and he

Fandom: Homestuck

AU: Godstuck, but with more cults

Chapter(s): 1/2/??

Ship/Pairing: Dirk/Lil Hal

Summary: Hal needs to feed to survive at this point in his everlasting life. Being a god isn’t easy, especially not when you have virtually no followers. But he’s not god now. He’s a leech. And he needs Dirk to be his host if he wants to survive any longer as a god.

AR: Ever wonder what happens when everything becomes void, Dirk?

Maybe that's enough internet for tonight. One second you're watching someone showing you how to make your own pasta, and the next you're getting religious bots asking you what you think happens after death. Hm. Dirk couldn't say he was a fan. But he was curious.

His laptop remained in his lap, closed, but he stared at it, almost as if he was waiting for it to do something. It wouldn't. But part of him wanted a response to him closing it rather than just the silence that was ensuing. He didn't want to open the laptop back up and find a million pop ups for porn games or whatever viruses do to wreak havoc on electronics these days. If this even was a hacker. It totally had to be a bot.

Nonetheless, despite every fibre of his body not wanting to do it, he slowly opened back up the laptop.

The bright light emitting from it felt blinding in the dark room, but once his eyes adjusted, he noticed two missed messages from this possible bot.

AR: Don't be like that.

AR: You know I'm just trying to be friends. Do you know what a friend is? Chums? Pals? Best bros?

Dirks mind was a mess of questions right now, he didn't even know where to start. Who was this guy, if not a bot? How did he know his name? Why was he asking him about ascension? What the hell does ascension even mean? He could feel his hands shaking a little bit, more out of shock than fear, and quickly got to work on a response.

TT: I don't even know who the hell you are. How did you get my Pesterchum handle?

AR: I wouldn't ask that. But I get that you've got questions. Next question!

The red text seemed to appear almost milliseconds after Dirk sent the message, and the answer was frustrating. Ok. Be a cryptic asshat. Now that he thought about it, this guy was probably a troll. That still didn't answer why or how he got his Pesterchum handle, but he pressed on.

TT: Ok be like that then.

TT: Are you a bot or just some dickhead behind a computer? Because at this rate I'm guessing you're a dickhead behind a computer and I'm gonna have to let you know that you should fuck off.

AR: A little bit of both.

Ok so that was a crock of horseshit, but alright. Dirk didn't believe him. But then again, Dirk was pretty steadily headed down the route of whatever this guy says to him he's going to argue it.

AR: I should probably introduce myself if we're going to get to know each other. I'm Hal, or dickhead in and behind a computer. You've probably heard of me.

AR: You seem like a comfortable guy who might be looking for more, yeah? You're just going through life, clock in, clock out. School, friends, eat, sleep, repeat. The same radically monotonous routine day in and day out.

AR: Don't you want to ascend?

There it is again. Ascend.

TT: Whats that mean.

The response came almost immediately. Three chunks of words sent almost all at the same time in separate messages.

AR: Have you ever thought of being reborn? Reincarnation is one thing, but being reborn into a higher tier of human existence is another. Dying is eminent but your life after this one is forever. You can live on. Become a higher being, a greater being than everyone and everything before you. There is no need to fear when you have ascended your moral realm.

AR: Now, I know that this sounds like bullshit, I get that a lot. But aren't you even curious? You're a smart guy I think, someone who can tell what's a lie and what isn't, but I am telling you the truth here, ascension is one incredible thing. I can show you. For example, I've ascended. I've ascended this gross plane of existence and have become so much more. Don't you want that for yourself?

AR: I can show you how to be a god, Dirk. You have the skills and abilities to create yourself into your best version of yourself here on the mortal plane, sure, but let me show you how to ascend. How to become more than just a college student so bored of his life that he can't even sit through a single fucking party. I can show you how to become more than what you are.

Goosebumps had risen on Dirk's skin. This was officially creeping him out. Whoever this guy--Hal--Hal was a fucking weirdo. He didn't like the fact that he knew what was going on in his life, and he especially didn't like the fact that he knew his information and he especially didn't like the unsolicited encouragement to 'ascend'. That was uncomfortable as hell. His stomach felt sick.

And yet, he prodded further.

TT: So you apparently have my information and clearly you want me to ascend too, but what if I don't want to? Because I don't know about you, but continuing to exist on this 'mortal realm' is a pretty enticing idea my dude. I don't think I really want to ascend with you.

AR: You will.

Yeah right dude, Dirk thought to himself. Hal was a creeper and a weirdo and quite possibly an unholy combination of the two or whatever, that he didn't want to deal with. Glancing at his clock, it was now almost one in the morning. Well, seemed like as good of a time as any to turn it in for the night. Fuck this guy.

TT: Yeah alright dude whatever. Have fun creeping people out or whatever, I'm going to block you.

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering autoResponder [AR]

Dirk waited a second, awaiting another instantaneous response from Hal like he had been receiving, and when that response didn't come, Dirk shrugged and blocked the other from messaging him again. What a fucking weirdo.

Closing his laptop, he set it on his desk with his glasses on top of it before sinking down into the comfort of his pillows on his bed, closing his eyes to sleep. That night it didn't take long for him to knock out, but the last two words that that Hal guy sent him still floated around his head as he faded into sleep.

You will.

Yeah, alright buddy.

~~

It's warm, but Dirk feels goosebumps on his flesh as he stares up at the wooden throne, built from knotted roots and decorated with gaudy jewels and layered with intricate gold designs. He's on his knees before it in seeming veneration, his head tilting down as the figure from the throne steps forward him. The figure is too beautiful for words, there's literally no way to describe it other than otherworldly. More than gorgeous and too ethereal to be stunning.

Its hands are soft as it reaches down to cup his face with its long slender fingers, thumb gently rubbing against his cheek as it tilts his face up for him to look at it. As his eyes flutter open, his gaze travels up, along the slim curves of its body -- his body -- as he looks up. Dirk knew him, but he didn't recognize him. It felt like he's known him all his life. The figure, no, the god, was stunning, his ruby red eyes staring down at him, smiling a smile full of razor sharp teeth. He's beautiful, but he's crying. His ruby red eyes are crying scarlet tears, and they drip down on Dirk's cheeks, his forehead, his lips.

Dirk can taste the iron on his mouth as he tries to reach up to wipe the tears from the other's face. He wanted him. He wanted to join him. He wanted to be him.

The god's nails begin to dig into his cheeks. Slowly but surely grabbing his face harder and harder, his nails puncturing his skin as he pulls his face closer. It doesn't hurt. Dirk finds, he actually likes it. His mouth is slick with blood as he stares into the other's eyes as the god opens his mouth.

"You will."

Dirk woke up.

His body was drenched in sweat and his stomach felt like it had twisted itself into a knot. He also had a hard-on. What the fuck was that dream?

He didn't want to think about it. He felt...gross.

Scratching his head, he sat up in bed. He didn't want to think about it. Didn't want to think about that weird ass dream that he could feel already fading from thought, and he especially didn't want to think about why it fucking gave him a boner. Nope. Fuck that.

He felt sick. A hand pressed against his sweaty forehead, but it didn't really feel too warm in the sense of being sick. Just that it was hot in his dorm.

Grabbing his glasses off of the desk next to his bed, he slid them on and turned on his phone, checking his notifications.

A text from Roxy.

hey sorry for the laet text i didnt see yours. ill see you tomorrrow!

A notification from his grades app. Nothing important there.

And two Pesterchum notifications.

Dirk felt his stomach drop, remembering the eerie conversation he had the night before, and he tapped on the notification, opening them up.

autoResponder [AR] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

AR: Good morning. Not gonna lie, I'm a little hurt. Kind of looking to be friends here. Thought you could use some anyways considering what your current social circle's looking like.

AR: Anyways, I should let you know you're not getting rid of me that easy.

Dirk stared at the red texts for a good five minutes. No, no, no, he blocked this douchebag. He could remember going into User Settings and blocking him.

He didn't feel good.

Staring at the message for a good while longer, he felt sick; dropping his phone, he quickly made his way towards the bathroom, before dropping down and sticking his face into that porcelain throne, puking his metaphorical guts out.