#did Zenos not fill the void? did that part of them not die with him?

[impossible-rat-babies]

;—; thinking so much about eyrie’s return to warrior being because of ardbert. the common ground between them of this impassioned love for the people around them

[imperial-nuisance-rudje]

Spoilers for the whole DRK questline under the cut, if that matters to anyone.

Shayun's broad strokes have mostly remained the same but the details have shifted drastically over time; sometime during late 2.0/2.x I decided that he and his partner had raised children together in Coerthas, and designed the five of them (since previously he had been childless), which required that I justify why he left Ishgard after the Calamity, and thus his partner's death went from "vaguely caused by the Calamity" to specifically "ignored injuries taken while keeping as many of their neighbors alive as possible after everything froze over in an instant, leading to his death from infection". I also at some point (I do not clearly recall when) decided that he had been involved in one of the earliest strikes against Skatay by the Garlean Empire, ending in a series of events that left him one of two survivors of an attack on a bunch of trainee Woodwarders (which thinking about it definitely underscores how bad the post-Titan massacre and the Banquet were for him—a repetition of old failure, even if he wasn't close to most of the Scions), which contributed to why he was willing to leave his post in the first place. I also tweaked why he can no longer use a lance IC—initially it was vague damage and atrophy from getting sick/nearly starving after his partner died, it's now an old gladiatorial injury that didn't heal right. Oh, and I realized that I accidentally gave him autism without thinking about it so I just solidified that as part of him. I also at some point shifted from "it is ambiguous if his Esteem is a distinct person or psychosis" to "his Esteem is a full alter as long as he has the DRK stone near him, also he has bonus psychosis symptoms from how he wounded his soul making Fraj and Myste don't worry about itTM :)".

Peach was meant to be more cheerful/flat as a character, but as I fleshed out his backstory and personality there's been a recurring theme of extreme isolation and loneliness despite being surrounded by people, and how he attempts to hide that he feels that way and fill that emotional void. He wasn't meant to have Zenos as a mirror, AND YET—!

Baavgai was initially an exile, but I decided it would be much more fun if the only reason he left the Steppe is because he and Daidukul just cannot fucking stand each other for incredibly petty teenager reasons that never got revisited as they aged. So he still has contact with his dads, and the big barrier to him openly courting Esugen is just an extension of the Oronir being dicks about Esugen not perfectly conforming to their concept of masculinity rather than Baavgai needing to die for Crimes. (He's still a wanted man, just not in his homeland.)

Baatu (non-WoL) was initially just nonbinary, but i decided that as a child they viewed themself as a trans girl rather than just more vaguely transfeminine and only started thinking outside the binary when they were like 15-16. Also, I at some point decided that their birth family were a Dalamiq offshoot that tried to enter Coerthas early, which went about as well as you'd expect if you know the Ishgardian Xaela LoreTM. (They are unaware of this, since an important part of their character is that they feel the loss of that culture strongly even as they dearly love the family that raised them after the massacre and the only way they'd find out is if they managed to go to the Steppe themself and someone recognized that they strongly resemble their mother—Shayun would be happy to help with that, but both he and Baatu would have to be made aware that it was an option, it's not something they'd put together themselves.) Also, I did not initially plan to ship them with any NPC but then I doodled a joke about them being Reille's new mom and, uh, congrats Shayun on Sidurgu being your son-in-law I guess.

Oh yeah before I forget, Yuris (non-WoL) used to be just an Elezen before I decided his mom was a Hyur. Doesn't change much for him, just is a fact.

FFXIV Daily Question n°81 : Is there anything in your character's lore you decided to change from the moment you created them and today ? Do not hesitate to tell us about it, no matter how hug the changes if any.

[rinnysmuses]

‘That, I cannot deny.’

‘Ha. Acceptance at long last! The conflagration of our clash will scorch even the stars!’

~

Eyes snapping open, Ashe shot straight up from her spot in the bed. Looking around the dark room, she took in her surroundings. She wasn’t in that faraway place at the edge of the universe. In a place where dynamis ruled over aether. In a place where she literally fought to the point of ‘burning out her life’s candle’ all because… 

Bringing a hand down to her torso, she ran it over the bandages. Her wounds from that fight still lingered… Annoyingly so. She had just been too good at hiding them from everyone. Even after the parting of the Scions from the Rising Stones. The chirugeons in Ishgard did their job well enough, of course. She was on the mend still, regardless. 

Feeling the shift on the mattress, Ashe pulled out of her musings. Looking over to the side, she watched her husband adjust himself in his sleep. Reaching over, she moved some of the bangs from his face. He looked so peaceful. So… Relaxed. It was nice to see him that way. To see him like this. Pulling her hand away, Ashe turned to look out a window. 

‘I need to burn through the candle of my life.’

Was that what she had wanted too? What she needed? To burn through her candle. To burn through her life like her life depended on it. And now? Burned through it she did. Saved by her friends… She was home. Happy. So why? Why did that final encounter haunt her so? Why did it-

“Night time,” came a tired voice, “is meant for sleeping, Ashe.”

Looking over to the source of the voice, Ashe’s gaze traveled down to Aymeric… Who had woken up and was staring tiredly up at her. Shit. She hadn’t meant to wake him up.

“Sorry… I had a nightmare.”

“Zenos, again?”

Hunching her shoulders, Ashe nodded. Lowering herself down towards Aymeric, she carefully laid her head on his chest. It was Zenos. Always Zenos. He was always in her head now. It always felt like he was there… Reminding her of that time in Ultima Thule or that time in Garlemald. When he had… When he had…

“About when he stole your body?”

That. 

“No,” she whispered. “Not this time. It was about when I fought him.”

Aymeric hummed, bringing up a hand to run it through Ashe’s hair. They hadn’t really talked about that. Mostly focusing on Zenos’ abhorrent action. Now, it seemed, Ashe was finally ready to talk about the final duel. The duel that left her with so many wounds that she was still struggling to recover from. Pulling the covers around them, Aymeric glanced out the window. Hm…

A snowstorm was brewing. They would have to get the fire started soon if they were to stay awake. They-

“He told me that I wanted to fill the void,” Ashe whispered. “That I just wanted to fight sometimes and that’s all I wanted. I couldn’t deny it. I couldn’t deny him. He was right. Sometimes I just want to burn my life away. To fight until I can fight no more.”

‘But in these fleeting moments, there is… a spark. Blinding, brilliant. Gone… too soon…’

And she hated that he had been right. That he had been dead right about her. That was the part she hated the most. He was right. And as she lay dying on the ground, as her life flashed before her eyes, she couldn’t help but come to terms with that. Come to terms that at the end of the day, that she had gotten what she wanted. She was… Resolved not to see her friends again. Not see Aymeric. To see anyone. 

To die at the end of the universe. 

With Zenos. 

“You are more than what he said you were.”

Looking at Aymeric through her bangs, Ashe stared at him tiredly. What? Was she really? Her? But…

“You are an artist. Bright. Brilliant. Your songs bring hope to the world. You are the dawn of everyone’s night, Ashe.” He gave her a smile in the dark, brushing her bangs away. “And I know. I know you wish that you weren’t. You are a sister. A friend. …My wife. My sun. An adventurer who craves battle, yes. But, oh Ashe, you are so much more and Zenos was wrong about you. And I am so lucky to have met someone like you. To share this life with someone like you.”

‘Was this life a gift… Or a burden?’

To share this life, huh? Curling up against Aymeric, Ashe sniffled. Yes. At the end of the day, it was Aymeric who she shared a life with. A candle, so to speak. No Zenos. Not anyone else. But Aymeric. He was the one that she chose. Just as he chose her. Zenos might have pegged part of her, but there was so much more, wasn’t there? Even if she particularly didn’t like herself, all parts included, Zenos was still wrong. He had been wrong from the beginning. 

And he was wrong at the end as well. 

Gasping as Aymeric gently turned Ashe onto her back, he hovered above her. Cradling her cheek, he began to stroke it with his thumb. Closing her eyes, Ashe happily sighed. Lifting her hand up, she covered Aymeric’s and gave it a squeeze. It was these moments that she cherished the most. The quiet ones between her and Aymeric. The ones in their bedroom during the night as the wind from the snow blew on. Skin against skin. Their bodies and souls intermingling. 

Entwining. 

She felt… Content. 

Happy. 

At peace. 

She was… 

As a lone tear escaped her, Ashe wrapped her arms around the taller man to pull him closer. What she had experienced that day would never leave her. That much she knew. The battle with Meteion’s sisters. The final duel with Zenos, especially. That would stay with her for the end of her days. Until the day she departed this star for the aetherial sea. The questions Zenos had posed to her would haunt her. Forever, if possible. He always had that way with her. 

If Ardbert was her soulmate, then yes, Zenos was her mirror. He had been her mirror since the first day they had met. She would grapple with it. She would accept it, in due course. In her own time. Because that’s what she did. Everything in her own time. Everything in due course… Teasing Aymeric with a kiss before he took her mouth into a passionate kiss of his own, Ashe sighed. Threading her fingers into his hair, she pulled back just a bit. 

“Don’t stop.” 

If Zenos felt nothing, then she would feel everything. Happiness. Pain. Sadness. Anger. Despair. Joy. Every gamut of feeling. Her spark was not brief. It was everlasting. Burning brightly. Her candle shone brighter. For she felt everything. Breaking the limits. Her limits. As she always would. Until the day she no longer could break them. 

“I won’t,” Aymeric breathed against her mouth before capturing it into another kiss. 

‘Did you find…fulfillment?’

‘Yes.’