#did I steal this from an FB Reel?

[tmrrwppl]

Do you ever get angry about what happened to Susan?

Young me: oh she stopped believing

Older me: *RAGE SOBBING*

[sanjuno]

NRT+SW: That We Answer To Our Stars

Just remember that you people asked for this and if I end up posting a story concept that you love and want to see as a fic? Be well aware that all of these outlines only have one thing in common:

I HAVEN’T WRITTEN A SINGLE SCENE FOR THEM.

Which means I won’t be turning them into fic for a year at least so... *handwaves* Encourage me IRT your favourite WIP of mine, because finishing one of those will clear up space in the docket for a new story to get some attention.

Now, these outlines can get kinda disjointed but at least you’ll get to see a bit of how my brain works when I plot out stories.

THE SCENE!

>Kaguya’s multiverse trip goes wonky b/c best crossover fodder scene

>Uchiha Clan dumped wholesale on Rim World/Wild Space World in SW’verse. All the Uchiha Clan. All the Uchiha since ever.

->World is XL planetoid version of TG44, with added biome options b/c YOLO (unless you’re in the Uchiha Clan I guess b/c then you get to Live All The Times?)

>Indra, Madara, and Sasuke separate ppl w/ wiggy chakra resonance. V disorienting.

->Ninshu gets Dialled Up To Eleven = Force Bonds! Force Bonds everywhere!

-->Entire Clan gets Highlights Reel of Historically Important Memories (also so much purposely induced trauma wow WTF.)

--->Mass Meditation required to untangle/unfuck heads

>Entire Clan now Force Sensitive BTW

->WTF w/ crazy Nature Chakra infesting everyone? Uchiha are Not Pleased.

-->Upside: Force Bonds/Ninshu Super Connection can be used to awaken Sharingan w/out Psyche Destroying Trauma so yay for that

>All Uchiha now have Kaguya’s est. life span. Also nubbin horns and forehead sensory organ b/c aliens are a SW thing I can do this now (don't know if want full-on third eye or just funky Clan Marking thing? Hm...)

THE PLOT THICKENS/ACTUALLY STARTS BEING A THING!

>Sep. forces land on new Uchiha Homeworld b/c shenanigans and The Force Likes To Meddle

->Sasuke introduces said forces to Kirin b/c is reminded of T7 mission to Land of Iron? Or Snow? Dunno which but Naruto’verse says machines = bad juju so Sasuke is 100% justified ok thanks.

>212th follows. Obi-wan is v concerned by the Uchiha

->Entire Pop. of Planet is FS WTF is this nonsense?

-->Clones v impressed at least. Free-range jedi are badass why were they not informed of this being an option? (Clones made for jedi = have a hard time leaving GAR b/c existential dissonance when no jedi for retired soldiers? Also Kamino sucks and slavery sucks more but now the Clones who don’t want to be soldiers or recycled can Take A Third Option! So much Clone chatter about the Uchiha thing wow.)

>Madara is sent to be Senator b/c Jedi are Very Insistent that this Planet be part of the Republic.

->Madara terrifies all the politicians b/c Uchiha Hate Politics (they're too blunt and the see too much) but Madara is best at it v good at lying without saying anything untrue.

-->Madara knows Palpatine is skeevy b/c Uchiha See All The Things and You Can’t Fool Me With Such A Weak Illusion, Foolish Human and now there are clashing manipulators and Your Attachments Make You Weak and this is going to get out of hand so quickly I just know it. 

>Sasuke is apparently still best Prophecy Child Bait and Anakin is Conflicted b/c how can he be attracted to someone not Padme?

->501st would like to adopt b/c last time Anakin fucked off without backup Sasuke came back 5 minutes later with Anakin hogtied over his shoulder and the Seppie base on fire. Sasuke is so unimpressed b/c That’s Not How You Infiltrate Enemy Lines, You Moron

-->Sasuke is still 100% going to seduce Anakin and Padme b/c his life is Not Complete without an Idiot to yell at and a Crazy Berserker who likes to pretend she’s The Sane One to ride herd on.

--->Obi-wan is Done With All Of Them b/c Sasuke isn’t even pretending to try and hide his intentions b/c if they get fired Sasuke can just take them back home for a proper marriage. Mikoto is So Proud of her boy. 

>Madara and Mace have ‘sip and bitch’ IRT Palpatine being an evil fucker

->At some point Madara will wonder out loud what Palpatine is grooming Anakin for? Mace is Concerned by this revelation. Madera is not.

-->Sasuke had Issues IRT not sharing well with other children. BTW Mace Sasuke is planning to steal away Anakin and marry him. Don’t worry he will be returned eventually and so will his wife.

--->Mace thinks Anakin had it coming. WTF was the boy thinking? Did he really think he could hide anything from a temple containing several thousand telempaths? Jedi can get married, it’s just considered polite to ask first and go through the counselling with the Mind Healers beforehand. (Idea! Coruscaunti Jedi treat marriage the same way the Japanese treat Gun Control. Lots of paperwork and regular mandatory psyche evaluations and pervasive low-key terror at the idea of having one.)

->Madara will hear the “too much fear in him” story and cackles

-->Slaves have to please their Masters to survive. Anakin was freed to be a Jedi so if not a Jedi then he’s a slave again? No Fear = Be A Jedi (Not A Slave) and now Anakin is The Hero With No Fear

--->Therefore everything the Council dislikes about how Anakin acts was initialized by the Council. Mace hates Irony so much. Madara is still cackling in his face.

->Madara wants the aged out Initiates who still want to fight (or even just the Initiates who don’t suit the Jedi lifestyle)

-->He has a Clan to maintain! About 25% of the Uchiha never fell in love or fell in love with non-Uchiha so they need Marriage Options. (Uchiha don’t fall out of love easily either so new potential spouses need to be Impressive As Fuck and the jedi know how to be Impressive.)

--->Species doesn’t actually matter Uchiha’s Forest of Death planet has lots of different options despite being mostly Giant Fuck-Off Trees and the higher your Force Sensitivity the higher your chances are for successful cross-species hybrids. (Madara is planning to keep Obito and Itachi away from the aquatic species for a while b/c they have a concerning fondness for fishes.) Hybrids are viable though b/c The Force loves grand babies.

>Izuna is there as Madara’s Security Chief and he’s having Far Too Much Fun getting to be paranoid for a living. Plus all sorts of time to spend with his wife! (Need to pick name and develop Izuna’s wife beyond terrifying DFAB genderfluid interrogation specialist but at least they’re happy together.)

->Izunami (Izuna’s daughter) and Kagami are tiny children again b/c weird cross-dimensional space-time fuckery is like that

-->Shisui is super amused to be ‘older’ than his grandfather.

->Kagami approves mightily of Madara-shishou’s friendship with Mace (reminds him of Tobirama-sensei!)

->Izunami is 100% in favour of actually getting to ‘grow up’ with her Mom and Dad around this time (although she only really listens to Madara b/c he was her Parental Authority Figure and old habits don’t break) Jedi actually find this comforting b/c even if Uchiha crazy about attachments there are familiar bits there in how they arrange instruction even if the three students at a time thing is weird.

-->Both Izunami and Kagami are So Relieved that their Spouse is the same age as them b/c while they would be willing to wait until the other grew up this is much less creepy.

>Speaking of age fuckery Itachi is smol now and just about permanently leashed to Mikoto’s side.

->Sasuke is v amused b/c Aniki deserves this.

-->Mikoto and Fugaku are the first Uchiha couple to make a new baby and it’s Sarada b/c she’s the only good thing about the Next Gen (Except for Snake Fam but they aren’t a part of this fic boo)

>Obito is Madara’s primary assistant b/c some of the Uchiha are Not Over the whole Killing Us All Off thing.

->Obito runs into Quinlan Vos. Results are hilarious.

-->Brainwashing to the Dark Side ep. goes v differently. (Need to re-watch this ep for details but yes) Obito will rampage over everything b/c dude has No Chill

>Shisui is v jealous of his relatives b/c Itachi is too smol to play with and also has been hijacked by Isami (who will hold her death over Itachi for the rest of forever but again Uchiha don’t really fall out of love so she’s also learning Itachi wrangling skills from Mikoto now.)

->Everyone else is finding Jedi favourites and Shisui misses his ANBU team b/c it’s not like he really had time to make any other friends

-->Sulking Shisui trips over Feemor while waiting for Madara. Apparently Uchiha and Yoda’s Lineage have A Type. 

>BIG PLOT POINT: Uchiha Remember

->’Curse of Hatred’ spun by Madara as ‘plague’ caused by ‘non-native invasive plants’ (Blames it all on Zetsu and says plant was toxic to non-Uchiha) Says is why there are no non-Uchiha in TG44′s population despite stories otherwise.

>Uchiha think the Jedi Code is silly but the Clones are the Best Thing. All Clones look different to FS/Sharingan

>Uchiha have a habit of “stealing” spouses.

->BTW Shisui has No Patience

-->Upside: Feemor is v flattered by the attention and TG44 has a v interesting ecosystem. TF is in everything on this planet like WTF how does this work?

->Kagami is So Proud. Look at his Grandson, so proactive.

-->Starts to ‘hint’ that maybe Madara-shishou should think about settling down.

-->Mace has been meditating and consulting with the other Masters of the Order.

--->War changes everyone. Plus certain contracts between the Jedi Order and the Senate have been voided by the drafting of Jedi Generals. (Look up the details of the Ruusan Reformation for more info on disbandment of Jedi Military Powers and what it means when Senate gives them back the right to raise levy forces.)

-->Jedi don’t need to look harmless anymore just need to look less dangerous than the Seppies and the Sith.

>Uchiha Clan FB keep any of them from Falling to the Dark Side.

->Sasuke finally gets his hooks in Anakin and Padme. Notices the ‘nightmare vision’ problem first time he sleeps over.

-->Kidnaps Obi-wan to ‘repair’ the stress fracture in Anakin’s only familial FB b/c having his partner be so alone in his head is creeping Sasuke out and it’d only get worse if the bond to Obi-wan breaks completely.

--->Obi-wan is too tired to even object and now Anakin is freaking out b/c he’d been so focused on Padme maybe-dying in childbirth that he hadn’t even noticed how sick his Master looks.

---->Oh and also there is a Sith Energy Parasite attached to Anakin’s FS and it’s been poisoning his bonds. Sasuke just facepalms while the Jedi have panic attacks and drags in the genjutsu expert hostile deprogramming specialists.

----->Upside: Uchiha now know what Sith Master’s chakra signature is and can hunt him properly. Also help Mind Healers check all Jedi for similar problems, starting with Active Duty Generals. My the Council Chambers look so much Lighter now. 

>Then some stuff happens where Palpatine is exposed as the Sith Master and there are explosions.

>Plot Twist is that Madara and Mace have been banging and rewriting the Jedi Code of conduct since like their third date and no one picked up on it.

->Mace: *stares Anakin in the eyes* And that’s how you hide an affair, Skywalker.

*jazz hands* And this is how my fics look before I start writing them.

[paulbenedictblog]

%news%

New Post has been published on %http://paulbenedictsgeneralstore.com%

Fox news AFC East draft grades: Dolphins soar, Pats perplex - NFL.com

Fox news

Why provide prompt grades on the picks of prospects who own yet to decide an NFL snap? Well, you are studying this, are now no longer you? Brooding regarding the makeup of every and each roster and the components surrounding each and each employ, Gennaro Filice and Dan Parr strive a division-by-division assessment of the 2020 NFL Draft. Own in thoughts that these grades are in accordance to draft hauls alone -- picks traded for passe players weren't taken into epic. Below is Dan's assessment of the AFC East.

Credit score the Dolphins for laying within the gash to receive their guy. By the purpose draft week rolled spherical, Chris Grier and Brian Flores had astute soccer observers attempting to search out into the premise that they would decide an offensive care for with their first employ -- maybe even trading up for one -- or tear on the Alabama QB for Justin Herbert at No. 5. Obviously, that wasn't the opinion. No one knows if Tagovailoa's break woes will apply him into the NFL, but this used to be a shot Miami wanted to decide. The Dolphins didn't tank, and so that they soundless landed Tua. Well done.

Major disclaimer: Bill Belichick has forgotten extra about soccer than I am going to ever know. OK, with that out of the map, I was befuddled by this preference. What does Bill (or Nike the dogs) know that we kind now no longer be taught about Rohrwasser? Well, likely loads since we had been caught off guard by the employ. The customary Herd kicker wasn't invited to the NFL Scouting Mix or the postseason all-indispensable particular person video games, yet the Pats made him the main specialist off the board. If you happen to had instructed me before the 2020 NFL Draft that Fresh England had an even bigger grade on Justin Rohrwasser than Jake Fromm, I would perchance own wanted assistance restoring my jaw to its commonplace enviornment (maybe they didn't and right idea kicker used to be an even bigger need?). As a minimum, maybe this can flip out to be a gem of a employ, but it used to be positively a surprise gamble on a player who's already embroiled in controversy.

An option quarterback final season at Navy, Perry lined up at vast receiver in January at the East-West Shrine Bowl, and the Dolphins are listing him at running relieve, which is smart. I mean, the guy ran for the 2nd-most yards within the FBS final season (2,017). What Perry lacks in dimension (5-foot-9, 186 pounds), he makes up for in intangibles. He used to be one of the significant closing 10 picks of the draft, but I would perchance now no longer wager in opposition to him turning into a versatile contributor for the Dolphins.

NOTE: Draft classes are ranked from most productive to worst at some stage within the division.

Miami Dolphins

RANK: 1 · 2019 RECORD: 5-11-0

» Round 1: (No. 5 total) Tua Tagovailoa, QB, Alabama; (No. 18) USC OT Austin Jackson; (No. 30) Auburn CB Noah Igbinoghene. » Round 2: (39) Robert Hunt, OL, Louisiana; (56) Raekwon Davis, DT, Alabama. » Round 3: (60) Brandon Jones, S, Texas. » Round 4: (111) Solomon Kindley, OG, Georgia. » Round 5: (154) Jason Strowbridge, DE, North Carolina; (164) Curtis Weaver, edge rusher, Boise Order. » Round 6: (185) Blake Ferguson, LS, LSU. » Round 7: (246) Malcolm Perry, RB, Navy.

This used to be the Dolphins' draft to protect watch over. They entered it with basically the most picks within the league, including three first-rounders, and weak the boatload of capital about as well to additionally they can. As I talked about earlier on this portion, I'm a fan of the threat they had been engaging to decide with their first preference. Tagovailoa's doable used to be too big to tear up, even with the break concerns. Jackson and Igbinoghene went sooner than many anticipated them to, but in those two players, Miami would possibly perchance want a future starting left care for and a now no longer easy, competitive, bodily nickel relieve -- it be significant to be right kind at those spots to rob in this day's NFL. We're now no longer right here to strongly dock the Fins for those choices, even supposing a case would perchance also be made that they had been reaches. The Igbinoghene employ foreshadowed the Dolphins' theme for Day 2 of the draft, because the grasp opinion of adding now no longer easy, bodily, great means used to be fully revealed with the picks of Hunt, Davis and Jones. Broad fan of the work they did on the line of defense on Day 3, landing a Senior Bowl standout (Strowbridge) and a doable steal in Weaver, who didn't allow below-real looking explosiveness to protect him from racking up 34 sacks over the past three seasons. Closing but now no longer least, Perry -- he of 2,017 speeding yards final season -- has an opportunity to create a enviornment as a versatile contributor who can assistance on offense and special teams. Now, the deserves of drafting a prolonged snapper also can likely be arguable, but all in all, a terribly good haul right here.

Fresh York Jets

RANK: 2 · 2019 RECORD: 7-9-0

» Round 1: (No. 11 total) Mekhi Becton, OT, Louisville. » Round 2: (59) Denzel Mims, WR, Baylor. » Round 3: (68) Ashtyn Davis, S, Cal; (79) Jabari Zuniga, edge rusher, Florida. » Round 4: (120) La'Mical Perine, RB, Florida; (125) James Morgan, QB, Florida World; (129) Cameron Clark, OG, Charlotte. » Round 5: (158) Bryce Corridor, CB, Virginia. » Round 6: (191) Braden Mann, P, Texas A&M.

Sure, we know there's low-ground doable with Becton. We additionally own heard that he is a 6-foot-7, 364-pound mountain of a one who mauls of us. That's what I would possibly perchance be attempting to search out if I wished to present protection to my young franchise quarterback. So, Sam Darnold can relaxation a itsy-bitsy bit simpler at night (and with any luck couldn't own to wonder if Iowa OT Tristan Wirfs, who went a pair picks later, would had been the upper employ at No. 11). Oh, and GM Joe Douglas stumbled on a right kind cost in Round 2 even after trading down, improving Darnold's supporting solid all all over again with the addition of Mims. If he can grasp a extra advanced route tree than he used to be asked to flee at Baylor, sight out. Douglas then became to his defense, snagging one of the significant center-rounders who generated basically the most buzz this spring. This would possibly perchance be a gigantic employ if it all comes collectively for the freakishly athletic Davis, dubbed the draft's "thriller man" by one commonplace manager final month. The Jets would possibly perchance need reached a itsy-bitsy bit to bag a necessity with the Zuniga employ. The production (18.5 occupation sacks in four seasons) would no longer soar off the page, but injuries had been a bugaboo. Perhaps Gregg Williams can coax basically the most out of a player who surely has shown flashes. Douglas must own enjoyed his time scouting within the Sunshine Order, as he added a pair extra Florida males to originate up Day 3. Perine, who can churn out now no longer easy yards, used to be a beautiful different to bag a necessity within the relieve of Le'Veon Bell. We additionally weren't bothered by the choice to decide a shot on the best-armed Morgan as a backup for Darnold. Same goes for a vogue Douglas closed things out on within the draft's final few rounds, checking off needs and discovering good cost all all over again with Corridor in Round 5.

Buffalo Payments

RANK: 3 · 2019 RECORD: 10-6-0

» Round 2: (No. 54 total) A.J. Epenesa, DE, Iowa. » Round 3: (86) Zack Moss, RB, Utah. » Round 4: (128) Gabriel Davis, WR, UCF. » Round 5: (167) Jake Fromm, QB, Georgia. » Round 6: (188) Tyler Bass, K, Georgia Southern; (207) Isaiah Hodgins, WR, Oregon Order. » Round 7: (239) Dane Jackson, CB, Pittsburgh.

Brandon Beane took care of his largest need final month, giving up a equipment of picks, including this year's first-rounder, for WR Stefon Diggs. Then all all over again, we're grading purely on the work done on draft weekend right here (their grade would be bigger if the Diggs deal used to be being taken into epic). Beane soundless did a right kind job along with his remaining capital, even supposing! He stumbled on a first-spherical-caliber player gradual in Round 2. Epenesa used to be once regarded as a probable top-15 employ, but fell out of prefer with the draft cognoscenti due in phase to an NFL Scouting Mix exercise that didn't inspire. That talked about, he filled Buffalo's top need coming into the draft and used to be one of basically the most productive values within the draft, in accordance to NFL Network draft knowledgeable Daniel Jeremiah. I like it, and would perchance recount the identical thing for the different of Moss, a violent runner who fills the void left by Frank Gore. Now, I would perchance own most well-most customary to explore Buffalo tear along with a nook with its first employ on Day 3 (Josiah Scott? Amik Robertson?) with Josh Norman in decline and playing on a one-year deal, but I stamp the appeal to of constant to add weaponry for Josh Allen, and the Payments did bag cost at the nook enviornment with the different of Jackson within the closing spherical. Davis has the size and safe radius to snag Allen's throws downfield and Hodgins is yet any other expansive tree who can tear up and receive it. The Fromm employ used to be an eyebrow-raiser, but I will be able to now no longer argue with the associated charge. Weird things happen on Day 3, as I was additionally bowled over they determined to reel in Bass in Round 6, but hi there, he used to be arguably basically the most productive kicker within the draft. Sorry, Stephen Hauschka.

Fresh England Patriots

RANK: 4 · 2019 RECORD: 12-4-0

» Round 2: (No. 37 total) Kyle Dugger, S, Lenoir-Rhyne; (60) Josh Uche, LB, Michigan. » Round 3: (87) Anfernee Jennings, edge rusher, Alabama; (91) Devin Asiasi, TE, UCLA; (101) Dalton Keene, TE, Virginia Tech. » Round 5: (159) Justin Rohrwasser, K, Marshall. » Round 6: (182) Mike Onwenu, OG, Michigan; (195) Justin Herron, OL, Wake Wooded enviornment; (204) Cassh Maluia, LB, Wyoming. » Round 7: (230) Dustin Woodard, C, Memphis.

No one's earned the superb to be assured extra than Bill Belichick, but this Patriots draft felt model of ... successfully, smug. They didn't trouble to take care of needs at quarterback or vast receiver and took a kicker when it used to be soundless early within the fifth spherical, making Rohrwasser the main specialist chosen in 2020. Belichick has talked about the choice to tear on drafting a QB 10 cases "wasn't by create," in convey that sounds love he didn't abominate the means at the enviornment on this draft. He right didn't in actuality feel compelled to decide one in a year where he is riding with Jarrett Stidham and Brian Hoyer. Alrighty then. The Pats did take care of just a few voids with their picks after trading out of Round 1 and deciding on up a further employ, even supposing. Dugger offers some unparalleled-wanted childhood at safety and whereas he comes from a minute college, he regarded love a man who belonged when he faced all-indispensable particular person competitors at the Senior Bowl. Uche, yet any other Senior Bowl standout, appears to be like to be a right kind fit with raw athletic tools that Belichick can mold. Jennings drew a comp to ancient Patriot Kyle Van Noy from colleague/draft guru Lance Zierlein, so it can appear he landed within the superb enviornment. Fresh England had to add at tight end, and lastly did in Round 3, trading up for both Asiasi and Keene, which had been a itsy-bitsy handsome choices on condition that there had been arguably better prospects at the enviornment available at both spots. The choice to add depth to the O-line in a while Day 3 made sense. Total, there had been things to love and things to seek details from on this class.

[thingsiwasafraidtosay]

My story

I'm gonna try to keep this short and on more of the relationship side of it. When I was a few days from turning 13, I locked eyes with this guy and just fell hard for him. Until that point I was pretty much lesbian cause I'd only been into girls. But yeah I fell hard. I'd mark the days on the calendar when I'd see him, and I was painfully shy at that age, I was afraid to go up and talk to him. My sister and his sister were friends, so we would all hang out. We never actually spoke but it's like we had this secret communication with our eyes. And when we'd lock eyes it just made me light up, when he wouldn't look at me one day or be distant I'd cry when I got home xD. A year went by and not much happened. I knew he liked me though. He'd always stare at me, even my sister noticed. Like one night I was on their trampoline with my sister and his sister and was doing flips and he stood about 10 feet away just staring xD. When we went to the fair I'd go on rides with him and my sister would go with his sister. Every time my heart would race and my skin tingled every time we accidentally touched. One time we all played hide and seek in the basement. I was it and I had gotten his sister and my sister and he just comes walking out and just stands there and my sister says I gotta touch him. It was the weirdest moment ever. I slowly walked up to him, and touched his arm with my index finger while he just stood there xD. And on this quiz on fb, he said he trusted me with his life. Well he answered yes to the question. And I just had it bad. One day, he just gave me this sad look as he was walking to his car and I couldn't figure out what it meant. I didn't see him for awhile after that. One day few near the end of the year, October ish, my friend on fb kept telling me to play this fb game with her. So I did. And it was this online chatting type game, basically the same as imvu, it was called yoville. I started playing that and talking to people on it for fun. So, one day I found out my crush had a gf, and I felt a sense of Led on and cheated on. I wanted to completely move on and forget his existence. So. I turned to the game. To just forget him and maybe if I fell in love with someone else, then there wouldn't be anymore hurt and I'd forget him. And man, I had no idea what I was getting into. That's when I met my first love Austin. He was so sweet and different. We'd stay up till 2 am talking about everything and nothing. And I knew it was love. He seemed like a perfect boyfriend. We'd go on dates on the game almost every night. And after we'd go to his place or mine and we'd talk and talk. We'd write on white board "Austin + Reed= Forever". Also how I got that name. When I first made an account, I just used the name of my favourite character in my fave book, not thinking much of it at the time, but the name just became apart of me. So, I find out austins been cheating, a lot. I even catch him with his best female friend saying, "I want you, my gf doesn't even kiss me anymore." Kinda because the only time I did was because he'd act cause I was so nervous. I'd wait for him to make the first move or him to ask me. So yeah one day I got tired of being cheated on and him begging for me back and me taking him back and repeat. He wanted another chance and I was afraid to say no because I wanted to say yes but I was also afraid to say yes so I kept running and hiding from him. One day, he keeps following me around and says this is the last time he'll ask. I wanted to say yes but I said no. After that, i felt for the longest time everything he did was revenge. He said he was quitting the game for good and left for a week. He gave me mad anxiety attacks. So a week later he comes back and he seems fine and like we can be friends and he was friends with this one ex on the game before him, didn't feel that strongly for the guys, he cheated on me with 3 girlfriends, banged 5 chicks and had a wife, idk maybe Austin hanging around that dude was bad, but he's all like. "I'm gonna break your heart". He used to be so romantic, sending me love songs And then he was sending me the song break your heart by taio. I thought it was nothing. But he became a heartless jerk and did everything in his power to hurt me. I'd be on my knees crying and begging and he'd tell me to stop harassing him. He treated me like shit for 4 years. Dating all my friends, cheating, reeling me back in, throwing me back away. It was a huge part of my life. I felt the way about him that I did about my first kindergarten friend. Like the person is apart of me. The other half of me. All the good memory's of him loving me to him being so cold and putting me through the worst things a person can put someone through. One of my friends sent him this song called face down and was like "do you feel like a man when you push her around??" And another friend witnessed it. He was like "you want a lie? Here's one. Reed, I love you." And my friend was like "wtf! Why would you say that to her?!" I just couldn't get free of him. I had great friends on the game that accepted me for me, unlike my real friends who were complete dicks to me all the time and would put me down when I'd be myself. So I'd make a new account to get away from him. He always found me. I tried to move on from with him another friend. This guy who's liked me for a year. Who would always just listen when I'd rant about Austin and tell him what was new. He'd just sit on me outside my house on the game on the seat swing thing. And he kept telling me to end things and block him. And he'd hit on me all the time and compliment me. One day I had enough of Austin and told my friend to tell Craig that if he wanted to be with me, that I'd be waiting. So I didn't know what took so long. But finally, he came and we talked and we started dating. And it was a great relationship. He was good to me and we'd be silly together and I could be myself around him. I couldn't show my silly side to Austin, he'd tell me I was acting stupid. But with Craig I could be completely my crazy self. He'd do thing like being like, pushing my up against a Tree and kissing me and being like *takes your shoes* and would run to the bedroom xD. I didn't feel sexually attracted to dicks so during our sexual time I didn't really understand it. But I liked when he'd be playing with my boobs. And all my friends liked him. The only worry was his friend Hannah, who had a crush on him. And I knew it and kept trying to tell him that she was tryna steal him from me. He was so blind, like she'd write love crap in her mail about him. (You could read anyone's mail). And it just seemed all great and happy. One day though, Hannah came at me and was cussing me out. I had my own way of cussing people out. While girls like her were like "lol you ain't cute" and act all high and mighty, I'd be like "ugly bald ass weave headed tree truck! I bet you lick snails on the sidewalk!" So I guess Hannah got to him before I could. And idk what she told him but he was pissed. I'd never seen him pissed. He was the always happy kind of guy. And it was bad timing too. I was at my friend deans house and wrote on her white board "I love you like a love song". And I was gonna tell him that I loved him for real. So he comes in all pissed and I didn't know what was going on. So I was like, dude she was so mean to me! She totally likes you! Why can't you see that?! And he's not listening. All like "why tf were you mean to Hannah?!" Guess he cared more about her than me cause he didn't listen to a thing I said. And he dumped me just like that. I was thinking, oh it's miscommunication and everything will be fine. We even seemed like we were fine again after a few days, he was all flirting with me again and everything. But then I find out he has a gf. And it crushed me. And I'm all like, wtf is happening, you dumped me days ago. But he seemed happy with his new girl. I'd just sit on the seat swing we'd always sit on together and wait for him to come. When he's online he'd Always come to me. He didn't. One day I went to him and all his friends and her friends were there and they were making out and it crushed Me. I was like "congrats" and left, thinking he'd come after me. He never did. So I'd just sit on the swing and wait. I waited 10 months. For nothing. The chick knew it was killing me to. When I'd go to him, she was all over him. And they even kicked me out to have some private time. One day I broke down and told him how I felt. He told me Layla forced him into dating me. He said he never liked me. But I knew it was a lie. And I didn't know why he'd say that. So I went back to Austin again and he said he still loved me and yeah. I'd always make the same mistake and try to be with someone else to forget the hurt from the last person. There was also Alex, my friend set me up with, cheated on me and I went back to Austin. Then Shane, who seemed genuine, he liked me and would keep telling me that he wanted to tell the girl he likes that he likes her but said he couldn't do it and I was like "Shane. I like you too." And idk what happened, but he wouldn't make any moves to date me and one day started saying he loves me and I'm like, no you don't, don't joke with me about that, I take it seriously. Then started to tell me to off myself, and we were friends on fb so he sent me pics of weapons to hurt myself with. Then started dating this chick he'd told me a lot about that he likes, he'd talk about her a lot, so that was fun. Went back to Austin again. Then on the 5th year with Austin, he told me he met a girl in real life and told me about how much he loves me. The whole time I could have tried to date someone in rl, some guys liked me, but I didn't even notice them. It's kinda like dating your teacher secretly and no one can know, and instead of showing them off and doing couple stuff, you're shacked up in his apartment, missing out on life. But I didn't see any other guys. I was always loyal. So Austin kept going on about how amazing this girl in and talking about shit in details, and I did not want to hear it but was all like "oh yeah that's great, good for you". Like yeah totally doesn't kill me instead at alll So I was tired of that. I was done with love. I was done with it for a few months. But still couldn't move on. I thought maybe a rebound. It was the end of 2012 and me and this guy named Evan started talking. He was a friends ex and we'd talk about how my friend who was also his ex, was in a toxic relationship with this douche and we kept telling her to leave him. And then one day we just started flirting. He told me he had a gf but wanted to dumped her. Idk why I thought I was the exception. I didn't know he had a gf before I had found out about him and his ex Katie flirting. So he'd been flirting with both of us and I came to that shocking realization only last year. That it was another red flag I missed. But yeah he was flirting hardcore and I was flirting back and we talked for hours. And at the end he's saying how amazing I am and I'm like, what I'm just me. And he's like "pretty big deal flirting with someone as extremely beautiful as you". After a week he broke up with his gf and started dating me. I would kind of ask him every day if he dumped her yet. Didn't realize at the time that if someone if willing to cheat with you, they'll cheat on you. So me and Austin would still talk though. Evan would always tell me how amazing I am and I believed it all. But now it was all just his fake "I'm the perfect boyfriend" act. One day Austin said he was leaving for good and I still had feelings for him. I gave him a kiss goodbye and he told me to do it again. Just doing it the first time I knew it was wrong but maybe he hasn't seen it or something idk. And I told Evan about it, he didn't like it. And I guess I had told him he could get even and kiss some girl. It was just an empty gesture and I was an extremely apologetic person back then. But that's the excuse I got when I found out he kissed his friend Abby. He told me he didn't kiss her. I found out from her he did and he called her sexy. And then he brings up how I said I could and I couldn't stop wondering if it would have happened if I hadn't of have Austin The goodbye kiss. That was only the beginning. I never thought anyone could hurt me more than Austin did. I thought it was impossible to top 5 years of the things he did to me. With my and Evans relationship, it was the most real feeling one I've had. I made a kik cause he and Katie asked me to and it switched from talking on fb and yoville to on here. We'd watch movies together, send each other love songs, and I let him in more than I've ever let anyone in. I felt like I could trust him. I'd be afraid to tell bfs like, my fave movie cause then whenever I'd think about it and just think about the guy, since I was weird like that and everything would just be a constant reminder of the person and I didn't want that. But I let him in. I told him a ton and shared my world with him and he became the center of my world. I've never said I wanted to marry someone before, but I told Evan I wanted to marry him. He thought it was just something every girl thought, but I was like, no it's special, I swore when I was a kid I'd never get married, and I've never wanted to marry anyone, but I would marry you. He was the first person I showed my body to. It was my idea. He never showed anyone, I hadn't shown anyone, I thought it meant something to him. I didn't know he'd show it to anyone that asked. It wasn't special like I thought it was. He had very low self esteem and I was constantly picking him up. And he'd cheat a lot without meaning to. Always some excuse. He showed his bff amber, who I Knew had a crush on him but he kept denying, some things you shouldn't show a friend when you have a gf. And I even brought up the Hannah and Craig thing because it felt like that all over again and I was like, no I refuse for this to happen again. He said they were just friends though. But he'd call her attractive. He called all my friends attractive. I'd get upset and he said he was tryna make them feel better. He showed amber a pic of his thigh, and I've seen him naked a lot so it felt very revealing to me, it was really close to His dick. And he also sent her the same pics he send of me in a towel right after he got out of the shower. And who knows what other crap he did. He'd never tell me, I found out from other people. So I felt I had to stalk to get answers to find out if he was cheating. I stalked his fb one day and he's super about privacy and was actually going to cut me out of his life just for doing that. Idk if he ever really cared about me. He never made time for me, he wasn't loyal, he'd check out other chicks in rl, like staring at boobs and ass, while I'd never even notice guys, and I made so much time for him, he even put me down and made me feel pathetic about it and told me to go get a life. He never had a real gf or kissed a girl or anything and again I assumed it was because he was waiting for someone but no girls were just into him. Only the ugly ones he said. But still I was blind. He never fought for me. Maybe he didn't because he knew I'd always come back. In 2014 he left me for a girl. I knew it in my heart but he denied. He was too weak to break up with me that I had to break up with him. I was just balling and he knew that and he wouldn't reply and I'd just be like "goodbye" and delete my kik, I must have made about 50 kiks, no lie. All in hopes that he'd fight for me. He never did. He never cared when I was hurt. Just be like "sorry you feel that way" after I told him I was balling my eyes and couldn't even get up to blow my nose so I was using my shirt. I can't remember exactly what happened, but it was one of the worst nights. We were fighting about something again, well I was fighting, he'd just be like "stop making me feel awful". Well it's not my fault he did what he did and me being upset about it and wanting him to take responsibility for it was making him feel "awful". So I was upset and he stopped replying and I thought he blocked me and he just left me there to cry in the chat and it just all hit me and I started begging for him to reply. My mind just blacked out to all the darkness, it rarely happen Happened, but it did and all I could think was I couldn't live anymore. I had a self harming problem. It all started when my friend told me about it few years before. It was kind of two friends actually. Saying how they'd do that to make the pain go away and it worked and I tried to it to see if it helped because I was desperate. And I had a problem. So that night, I just forced myself to go deep and that if I couldn't then I'm weak and I'm not really in pain. It's like, trying to prove on the outside how much pain you are on the inside. And I just wrote goodbye on a piece of paper and it was all so morbid, rubbing my blood on it and sending him to him. He literally replied ":/" a few hours or days later. I just disappeared for a week and that was literally all he said. But anyways, I was really going to end my life, I didn't know how, but I just knew I had to. I got on yoville to tell Austin goodbye. And idk what would have happened if he wasn't online. When he found out he was kinda freaked. He kind of thought it was his fault that I was such a mess. He told me to never hurt myself again. And I just didn't know why he even cared. He spent 5 months making it up to me. Made sure that I was eating and made me promise never to hurt myself again. Told me to stay away from Evan. He never said he loved me but I felt like he was helping me because he loves me as much as I loved him and he wanted to be with me still. That we'd be together again. But he said he was leaving for good and it was time to move on. It did help. But I ended up going back to Evan again. He was like, the love of my life. He was my everything and I was addicted. I was so in love with him that I'd draw him and do all these things to show how much I loved him. He always thought he was ugly and no girls wanted him but I'd tell him every day how beautiful he is in my eyes. But I guess he wasn't getting enough of that from me and kept cheating on me. Flirting with my friends and a lot of stuff. I'd get upset and he'd tell me to just leave him and That's he's not perfect and makes mistakes. And I could never get over all the things he did. But I never felt like he was truly sorry. But still I kept putting up with all the pain and constant disappointments. He never remembered my bday. Even last year he didn't. He never said anything to me on Valentine's Day. He did Nothing for me. I didn't realize he was using me for sex and an ego boost. So, 2015, he goes to camp and for once, I feel free. I don't have to put up with his crap. I felt so free, that I actually just wanted to delete kik and forget it all. I felt like I was suffocating and in his cage. He could have talked to me when he was gone, he could have, if he really loved me, he would have. You're not allowed to have phones at that camp, but he could have sneaked it in and texted me at night. He could have. He didn't. So I wrote him a letter. I sent him a poloroid pic of me, a bracelet I stayed up late making for him, a guitar pick, and a letter about how I love him. I even made the bracelet look like raindrops, since our song was "between the raindrops". And I'd listen to it every night on loop as I'd fall asleep. I let myself fall so deeply for him, deep like the ocean. He was gone for a month, and in the end I just wanted to be free of all the hurt. I had cut my hair off and dyed it blonde. I decided to just wait till he got back then talk to him. But I already knew he'd just leave me when he got back. But to my surprise he said he got my letter, he didn't open it right away and wasn't excited about it, he didn't rip into it, he put it in his bag and was gonna read it later, the type of stuff he'd disappoint me with every day. But he said he kissed the letter the same spot I did. I put on redish pink lipstick and kissed the letter. So I thought it meant things were good. Guess he just wanted to kiss a girl and be wanted by a girl that bad. He actually never even wanted to meet me either or say anything about meeting up, but he also would say he'd cry if he saw me. But anyways, I tell him I love him and he doesn't say it back. I feel in my gut that something is wrong. But I decide to talk to him about it later. The next day I confront him about it. I tell him he has to step up or step out. I tell him love me or leave me. He picks leave. And I ask him why he didn't say he loves me back. He told me he didn't love me anymore. I was crying, he told me we could be friends or friends with benefi Benefits cause he was horny. But other than that, it's over. And I was like, im crying right now and you're saying that shit to me. And I was so done But a week later we still talk again. Idk why but since the start I felt in my gut that something would happen when he got to college. I told him he'd leave me for a girl. I just felt it and tried to many times to leave before that happened. So I could be long gone and over it. But. So he's in college and he's asking me for naked pics. And my dumb self thinks it means we'll get back together. So I show him stuff and then we don't talk again for awhile. One of my friends tell me to do the no contact rule. So I force myself to go without talking to him for a month. Another friend set me up with Branden and we became close friends. I was still loyal to Evan. I was still waiting for him to come back. I only did the no contact so he'd fight for me. But he didn't. And then, after a month, I found out he had a gf. And I was put into a constant anxiety attack. I could feel it even the night before I found out. I thought, what if he found someone? Idk I just knew and even started shaking. So I texted Evan on his phone number. I begged him to tell me who it was. I was just out of my mind and scared and hurt. And he just kept telling me how happy he is with her and that they've been dating for a month. I lost my mind. It was like, every bad thing that Austin ever did to me, all at once. I felt like I was shot 8 times and I could even count each spot I felt a bullet. I also felt this sharp knife stabbing pain in my back. And I couldn't breathe or stop shaking. I told him I was going to end my life and just threatening if he didn't tell me who it was. And I asked if it was the girl in 2014 he almost left me for but she actually did want his ass but he still kept the pics of them he had on his phone and even laughed about it to my friend like "don't tell reed she'll kill me" He said it wasn't her. He wasn't going to tell me who it was. I found out in my own. And on my own I put all the pieces together. All the shit I knew by the cryptic way he'd talk and the gut feelings that were always right. It was this blond chick that Had been hugging him in a pic of fb when he graduated high school. By the way she had her hand on him, I could tell she liked him. A girl always knows. I assumed she was one of the ugly girls that he wouldn't go after. He even told me not to worry about her. I found out he had been with her when he asked me for naked pics that last night. He cheated on her. It was one last sex stuff I guess since it takes awhile to get that stuff with someone new. So I was in pain for a long time. I couldn't move on and I couldn't stop talking to him. Every time I'd find out something else. I'd see all their pics of them cuddling and alll this shit. He did everything for her and did nothing for me. He brought her food when she said she was hungry, he took her out on vday, when on vday all he did was make me cry. He let her lay on his chest when she was sick and played with her hair. And I couldn't stop stalking. I couldn't stop talking to him. I wanted for it all to not be real. I found out he kissed her, a month later finding out he had sex with her, finding out all this stuff and every time it left me feeling paralyzed. I hated him but I loved. And idk how many nights I'd pray to just fall asleep and just couldn't stop shaking. I just lost everything in me. I became so numb. That's how my relationship with god became strong, I'd just be on my knees, in tears, begging for the pain to go away. And I'd be so grateful when even a little drop went away, enough for me to fall asleep. I didn't want to self harm again, but I did one last time. I didn't want to ever forget what he did and I wanted a scar so I'd remember. I was afraid I'd take him back. I wanted that mark to be a reminder of the pain. I had Branden and kristy who had been there for me. Branden and I even started getting feelings. I was doing the same thing again, trying to have someone new to forget the last person. Though this time I was terrified to get hurt and I was so hesitant. But I still tried, I slowly started to open up to him and let him in, I felt like I co Could trust him, because he had been there through everything. He even played go fish with me. I was in so much pain I was delusional and kept calling it "gold fish" and later he told me he was thinking "wtf is gold fish?" But didn't say anything. So I share pics with him and he does too and tells me he falls asleep hugging a pillow pretending it's me. And all this sweet crap. But he wouldn't date me. I kept asking why he wouldn't ask me out. He told me before he's been hurt really badly by a girl he loved and she put him through a lot of pain and I felt like "look at me im here, I'll never hurt you, you could easily be with me". But nah and he kept going on about "the chase" and how I was too easy or something and told me he's been flirting the whole time. Idk if he knew what a big deal it was for me to let him in and even show him pics after everything I had just been through. After that I completely shut down and felt so cold inside that my heart and soul felt frozen like ice. I couldn't stop being a bitch. I didn't care about anyone's feelings. And all I could think was, "what's wrong with me?" So one day I'm using this app on here called match and it matches you with people. Didn't think I'd find anyone, and assumed all guys on kik just wanna hook up. So one day this guy Damien texts me along with others, but he stood out. We start talking and he's all smooth and I actually out on Taylor swift and started dancing to "sparks fly". It had been forever since I just felt like that and just wanted to enjoy the feeling. But I thought he's just another guy that wants nudes. Things got crazy. He was head over heels for me while I was going on with me life and still trying to move on from Evan. So he'd keep texting me and just came off kind of obsessed and crazy. When I was on vacation he knew exactly what I did that day and I was freaked out. But I guess it was a normal guesstimate. And he's all getting mad and saying he wants to be with me and I don't know how to respond so I'm like "I'm gay. I like pizza" kind of replied which makes him even more mad. Very angry and controlling. One day we talk and he shows me his dog and I'm thinking, oh maybe he's not crazy. And then the next he's yelling at me to admit I like him. I knew I wasn't ready to date and told him that so many times. But he didn't listen. He didn't wanna get to know me, just wanted to date me. It was all so weird to me. I kept telling him I like getting to know a person first and stuff and staying up late and just talking about everything and nothing. I'm the type that connects with someone through talking. He says he connects with sex and he's banged 9 chicks who knows how many times. So I'm thinking "yeah for sure done with him". Idk why I even responded to him. I'd send him funny memes and he told me not to send that shit. And couldn't send screen shots or song lyrics either. And I'm like, is this guys for real? He's acting like he owns me when he doesn't even know me. Yep that's the guy I spent the last year with ☺️. He didn't ever listen to me. I tried to just stop talking to him but he didn't go away. So, I ended up stalking Evan again and See he went to prom with his gf. That's what he wanted so bad. Every year he'd tell me he wanted to go to prom and I'd tell him to go but he wouldn't without a date. So I threw him a prom on imvu. I did so much for his ass. When he struggled with studying I'd even start think game where every 10 minutes I'd send a naked pic, and he was motivated to study. So anyways. I end up telling Damien about prom and being upset about it like "guess he got what he wanted" and Damien's like "will you go to prom with me?" And I'm like "whaat" and he's like "I borrowed my dads car". Idk and just was being sweet and I was surprised by it. Then Evan and I end up talking again and Damien's upset about that. Saying how he appreciates every second I give him and how this asshole never gave a shit, and it was surprisingly refreshing. And idk he just seemed so sweet and into me that I thought I could give it a shot. I thought I'd be fine and I could still work on my issues. But man I was wrong. I was in way over my head. It was always constant fighting. I actually thought he liked yelling at me for sport, since he did it so much and literally got mad at everything. Idk it was crazy. Things started to get better and he would keep asking for stuff and I thought he can't be tryna use me for my body when he already had so many girls. And I would be thinking "why tf you online for? Why you want my nudes for? You had 9 girls aren't you satisfied yet?" And I said I don't easily cross that line but when I do I stay across. I can't think of a single time though where we're just talking and connecting. All just fighting. It was literally the only time he'd talk to me. I kept just living my life though. I'd take pics like me just grabbing my boob and just being playful like that, completely not in a sexual way, just in a being silly way. But he blew tf up and called me a slut and I'm like, wtf why are you getting upset about everything I do? And idk he says this shit to hurt me and I invite him in this group chat and kind of flirt with this guy To make Damien a little jealous idk. We played truth or dare and they dared me to write some guys name on my head and I'm like, I got a face mask on, I'll just write it on my chest. It was way above my chest and you couldn't see shit. Completely innocent, just a dare. Damien screen shot it and kept it for like forever and held it against me. So he's blowing tf up and I'm like "why are you upset? We aren't even dating". And he kept repeating "we aren't even dating" like 50 times like a psycho. And I don't even know what to think of that. I was out of there. I stayed off kik for a week. And then he's all sad and telling his friend he missed me. Tf he miss about me? Yelling at me? Like we don't even know each other yet he acts like he owns me. It was all just so bizarre. Idk how it happened though but we got closer somehow. Seeing him all sad and hurt just triggered me and I wanted to be there for him and give it a shot. The way he was talking about me and how deep his feelings were got to me. My ego so low I've thought about making a twitter and tweeting about all the stuff my exs wouldn't do for my. "My exs wouldn't buy a stick of butter for my. My exs wouldn't give me roses. Not even a piece of grass. My exs wouldn't take one step for me". All that kind of stuff. Me and Damien got closer somehow and I showed him stuff. It was a fun night. One of the few good times we've had. Just how he was kinda drew me in. Saying he'd punch any guy that hit on me and stuff. But I still wasn't over Evan. One night Damien's going off and idr what it was about but I was shaking and I was like "you're just trying to hurt me" and he's like "you bet your ass I am!" And that scared me even more. He was going off on me for hours to the point where I was shaking. But he couldn't spend 5 minutes talking to me and getting to know me. He talked to all my friends and tried to turn them against me. Idk how he does it, just making it seem like I'm the bad guy. I was so upset that I texted Evan. And we became friends for awhile. I'd tell him What Damien would do and he'd tell me I didn't deserve it. And he'd hit on me and I didn't say anything and didn't stop him. When he'd say stuff like say I was pretty, it helped heal the hurt he caused. And one night I even flirted a little, and Damien went off on me. I couldn't be loyal to him and I didn't know why. He'd be all upset and say how he just wanted me and that I kept breaking his heart and I just felt like, "wait this is actually hurting you? You don't just yell a me for sport?" And I felt so much guilt for months. I just stopped doing anything that upset him. Idk it's just all a mess. It feels like an abusive relationship. He'd laugh when I'd say that and said I'm the abuser. And I told him so many times I was done and just. The last time I said I was done, he got really sick and went to urgent care. It's my fault. 5pm telling me he hated me 6pm saying I wreaked him 7pm saying he feels really sick an 8pm saying he's in urgent care. I cant say how many tears I've spent on him. He always seems like I'm hurting him and it kills me inside. I just wanted to get to know him. I just wanted to get over Evan and fix my issues. I just wanted to spend time with him. But it's like it's just been revenge to him. He even admit it twice. I don't show anyone when I'm hurt and crying. I showed it to Evan a few times and he made me feel like I was weak, and to Damien he called me a cry baby. But still I spent like every day crying about him and taking all the blame. Sometimes it felt like I went heartless and I couldn't stop. I told him even when I just say that I wanted him that it was so hard for me to say. And he's just like "well how about this, if you don't say those things, I'll leave you." He's threatened me so many times and I can't get away. So I decided if I do nothing he can't get upset. Showing no cleavage in pics, not doing anything wrong, just trying to stay out of trouble. And then he just stops talking to me hardly and I think I can just fade out and everything will be okay. But. It's like, I'm scared he'll hurt me and himself, just the whole situation is messed up. And yeah he still talks to me. If I do anything though I always feel extremely guilty and feel like I have to tell him. Idk I feel emotionally exhausted after typing all that. Didn't mean to get so into details. Every time I upset him, he blows up my kik and leaves a ton of voice mails and texts and it's just better to play it safe. I feel like he just wants me, to keep me like his possession. When I do nothing and behave, he stops texting me. He also feels the need to punish me like he's my dad. It's weird. So I'm just trying not To get in trouble