#did I cringe reading my own fic yeah lmao

[freshlove-sturn]

house on the cape.

pt 1 pt2

based on last friday’s video bc im obsessed with it. (events that happened in the vlog may not be in order just so the story flows how i want, also might add or get rid of some things for that same reason ofc). definitely gonna be multiple parts if yall like it so please let me know!!

summary: when the triplets come back home from la, they reunite with their favorite summer tradition, staying in the house on the cape. amidst all of the familiar laughter, and reminiscing on old memories, y/n can’t ignore the feeling stirring in her heart. something that went deeper than friendship. as she grapples with the fact that her feelings for her lifelong best friend, matt, are more than what’s just at the surface, she must learn to navigate and balance the unspoken feelings, and the gut wrenching fear of risking it all.

a/n: sorry guys but i think im scrapping all my old fics. i just have lost interest in them and i dont want to give yall something that i just half assed yk. i just need something new 😖🙏 don’t hate me pls. also i didn’t proof read and i never do so hopefully this all makes sense LMAO

……………………..

“BOYS TRIP!” chris shouts through the house.

the triplets are back in boston from being in la. i’d be lying if i said that i didn’t wish that these visits would last forever. being across the country from my best friends sucked.

“oh yeah , and you’ll be there too. you’re one of the boys.” chris points at me, smiling before loading the car with our bags.

“chris please never say that again.” i cringe, but fail to keep in my laughter.

“i agree. that was disgusting.” nick chimes in.

“just wanted to make sure you know you’re included.” chris throws his hands up in defense.

“thanks.” i smile and shake my head before getting in the car.

we were staying at their house in cape cod, something all of us looked forward to each summer growing up.

we arrive at nate’s house to pick him up. after the group effort of showering him in compliments for his new hair cut, we get back in the car.

sandwiched between nick and nathan, i check the time on my phone. nick grabs my wrist and moves it out of the way to give himself a better view of my lock screen.

“that is such a cute picture.” he says admiringly. it was a picture of matt and i. the picture was taken from behind while matt gave a piggy back ride back to the car because my feet hurt from wearing heels to madison’s concert.

“you took it.” i laugh.

“i know. i really out did myself huh.” he hypes himself up. i smile and roll my eyes.

once we get to the cape house, we unload the car. all of our bags scattered haphazardly throughout our respective rooms. the same rooms each of us have stayed in for years. nate with chris, nick with matt, and me, having been the only girl, with my own room.

“let’s go to the beach!” nate walks out into the kitchen, clapping his hands together.

…

the beach was just within walking distance. matt and i fell behind the rest of the group.

“i’m so glad you’re back.” i tell him.

“me too. i missed you.” he replies.

“i missed you too.” i admit. “a lot.” i look up and meet his eyes. we just stare at each other for a second. we didn’t really need to say anything. it was almost just a mutual understanding that each other were our favorite person.

if only he knew the extent.

the only person i’ve confided in about my feelings for matt was nate. which was precisely why he kept shooting me knowing glances anytime matt and interacted. nate swore that he knew i was in love with matt for years, before i even knew myself.

i can’t exactly pinpoint when i fell in love with my best friend, but i do remember when i realized.

flashback

matt and i sit together in the hammock string between two large oak trees in the backyard of the cape house. the gentle breeze swaying us back and forth softly. the sun was going down just to the right of us. beautiful pink and orange hues paint the sky.

“i could stay right here forever.” matt breaks the silence that had fallen between us.

“me too.” i reply softly.

“oh hey i have something for you” he digs his hand around in his pocket and pulls out a baby pink seashell. he hands it it me.

“i’ve never seen a pink one like that before.” he tells me as i admire the gift.

“me either. i love it. thanks matt.” i smile sweetly at him.

“of course.” he returns the smile.

i feel the heartbeat in my chest racing and my cheeks heating up. the feeling i had been carrying around with me for quite some time became abundantly clear.

i was in love with my best friend.

when i got home that night, i tied a string around the shell, and wore it as a necklace. and i haven’t taken it off since.

end of flashback

that was back when we were 16. 4 whole years i’ve gone hiding my biggest secret from the one person i told everything to.

our gaze was interrupted by chris. “jesus, yall are some slow pokes” he hollers back at us.

we both laugh and pick up out pace.

soon we arrive at the beach. i’ve always loved the beach. it truly is my happy place.

especially when i’m with matt.

nick snaps pictures here and there.

“oh my gosh matt look! this is just like your tattoo!” i hold out a shell to him.

“oh shit you’re right.” he holds out his arm, revealing his tattoo.

“that’s sick.” chris admires the similarity while nick takes a picture.

…

later that night, we all sit in the living room debating on what movie to watch.

“chris im not watching planet of the apes again. we’ve watched it like 9 times already.” nick argues, shutting down chris’s pleads.

“how about grown ups?” matt suggests.

“yes i love that movie.” nate agrees.

“that’s fine with me.” nick shrugs and starts typing it in.

“is that good with you?” matt leans down to where i was sitting in front of him, his voice soft and genuine.

“yeah that’s good with me.” i tell him.

he smiles and pats the spot on the couch next to him, gesturing me to come sit up there with him. i stand up from my spot on the floor and sit down next to him. he drapes a blanket over the both of us.

about an hour or so into the movie, my eyes get heavy. i lean my head on matt’s shoulder, to which he responds with wrapping his arm around me. this was nothing out of the ordinary. there’s pictures going back to when we were in preschool of the two of us practically fused together passed out on the living room floor.

suddenly, a gentle shake of my shoulders woke me up from a sleep i hadn’t even known i fell into. my eyes flutter, slowly regaining focus. when they do, i’m met with matt’s gentle blue eyes.

“hey, you wanna go lay down in your bed? i don’t want your neck to be sore.” he asks, genuinely concerned for my comfort.

i look around, everyone else appeared to have gone into their rooms.

“yeah i probably should.” i say through a yawn.

matt grabs my hand and helps me stand up from the couch. we walk down the hallway. my room came before his and nicks.

“goodnight matt.” i say, slowly turning the doorknob.

“goodnight y/n. see ya in the morning.”

i toss and turn in bed, unable to fall asleep. i stand up from bed, and leave my room. slowly making my way to the kitchen to get a drink, careful to not wake anyone up.

i open the fridge and grab a water. before i can take a sip, i hear a familiar voice behind me.

“can’t sleep?” the sudden breach of silence made me jump a little. i turn around and see matt. he was leaned up against the door frame. his sweatpants falling dangerously low on his figure, his arm under his shirt itching his shoulder, exposing his midriff.

“nope. you?” i set my water down on the counter.

“hm mm” he replies.

we stand in silence for a few moments before matt breaks the silence again.

“wanna go to the beach?”

….

a/n: PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LMK IF YALL LIKE THIS. SUGGESTIONS ALWAYS WELCOME AND MY INBOX IS ALWAYS OPEN 🙏 i’m using my old taglist, so lmk if you want taken off or added to it!

taglist: @honestlybabymiracle @pepsiimaxx @creamoncreamoncream2 @mattestrella @luvmxtt @rac00ns-are-c00l4

[butmakeitgayblog]

This is meant with so much love but sometimes I read your interactions and you're such a millennial it's endearing! Coming into this fandom felt like joining an old lady's knitting club lmao 😭 (like with the emojis, genz uses the crying emoji as crying with laughter, y'all just use it as sad-crying. You frequently use 🥰 unironically, and it gives me such a whiplash) love you tho xx

Well I don't take this offensively - tho it is condescending, just know that about yourself - because I AM a millennial, but I do honestly feel a bit bad for you lol. I'm 35 years old and the fact that you seemingly think that is "old lady" age is??? I also mean this with love, it's gotta be terrifying living life and thinking that you have maaaybe a decade after you get out of your teens to feel young and have fun and enjoy things. Or that being young is (???) synonymous (???) with speaking like a teenager.

Just in reality here, your brain isn't even fully developed until you're 25, and you don't really begin to emotionally pull your head out of your own ass until about 30. So 30-50? That's when the real fun begins babe like idk how else to explain it you just have to live it. Hobbies are better, the sex is better (by far), the friendships are better, the freedom is so much fuckin better.

So yeah no you're right I don't think as hard on emoji meanings as zoomers do because I'm just having a good time interacting and talking rather than worrying if I'm being the 'right' kind of ironic, idk. I suppose I feel less need to make myself perform for other's approval online, but I did it in my own era, so I get your impulse. Also, I know it's a cyclical thing with pm all 15-25 yo's thinking that 30+ is like some crypt keeper style deadline for being fun or young. It's just a rite of passage, every generation thinks that way about the generation before them, we've all been there. And it is hilarious because when you do get past those ages and into your 30s, you will look back and realize exactly how clueless you were 🥴 that's also a rite of passage, believe me. Your moment will come

Mostly tho I just hope that you appreciate that the only reason this fandom is as good as it is or has lasted so long as it has is because of people my age and older. Most of the classic memes/lore/fics that this fandom is known for come from people 30+, because we have been where you are and lived it and actually made it past that smoke-and-mirrors stage of life that is your 20s. We can write about actual life and love and strife without sounding full of shit or unrealistic because we pour actual life experience and fully shaped senses of humor/character growth/etc into our work which most younger people simply cannot do (not all, I know a few brilliant younger writers and they deserve their spotlight). You too will get there eventually tho babe you will. And when the next generation laughs at you for your ~cringe~ emoji usage or whatever the litmus is for their era, you'll remember this message and then pat them on their sweet naive baby heads too 🥰

[samuelroukin]

hi! not here in favor of you making Actual Books (i don't even read any of the newly published books anymore for reasons and reasons and reasons), just complimenting your work in general

i dont really care for cod at all but i really enjoy how you write the characters!! and tbh the only reason i watched some playthroughs of the games was so i could understand your work better. sure, fandom is the main reason people click in, but it's definitely not why they're staying. and it's not why people are writing paragraphs of praise to your stubborn ass even though you work so hard to never listen to any of it 💖

also id be enchanted to hear more about your ocs on future works or even here on tumblr!! you're great at creating made up people that actually feel real. they're pretty round (funnily enough that is the actual technical term), even when you don't tell us a lot about them

also 👀👀 say you have original stuff in mind?????? i would love love love love love to know more about that!! you're getting pretty darn good at worldbuilding and ambiance. better with each update now that you're trying out this AU thing. it would be infinitely interesting to see what you come up with when working with your own stuff only

anyway what i mean is. even though I don't quite believe in Published Books on this day and age, please know that your writing is definitely good enough for the editorial market (even more so now that those dark romance things are going mainstream and a lot of them read like the stuff 12yos post on wattpad. what tf is the deal with that? but I digress. out of those circles your work is still definitely good enough) it's legit like Good Work, even if the tiny mean bully whispering in your ear disagrees. it's good realism. good introspection. good porn and also good narrative and great junction of those. it's lovely seeing how far you've come in so little time and we're excited to see you reach new heights in the future (because you will, with absolute certainty, unless you stop. but i don't think you could really stop yourself at this point lmao)

and please know that achieving that level of quality with no help or instruction or training in so little time is a grand fucking accomplishment

point is: Who Care? We Care (even if we're not an enormous audience)(...yet?). and not just because it's cod

it's def a nice compliment to get thank u 🙏💖

and so is you reading my stuff without caring much for cod! though i wouldn't be able to write this much about them without (clearly) being completely insane about Them and the basis the games laid (haha laid) because without them i'd be nowhere at all, these characters are so. well they clearly took over my brain lol, though i worry a Lot about them being ooc when i write them 💀

i actually feel like my guys are so barebones and one dimensional rip, which is fine since i mostly created them as little more than a joke and they're just being used as set dressing, so that means a lot 🙏

my Main story is this sprawling urban fantasy thing, which if i ever did write it would need serious adjustments since it's. old and not aged very well. the gist of it was the main character (30 year old barista) has Visions, cue road trip with his bestie (ex bf from high school that he reconnected with years later) to figure out The Deal after they suddenly get much worse. it's about that on the surface, and below about dealing with missed chances and not living up to ur potential. it sounds stupid but i've been Thinking about it since i was like 14 so cringe is to be expected lol

lsklhkjhffghst yeah no offense to them but despite this fic being what it i i wouldn't really want to fall into that category even if that sound like i think i'm better than them (i'm not it's just not my thing. or i guess it is and i just have a superiority complex. anyway) um thank you once again 🥺i def feel like i haven't improved a lot but you're dead on about not being able to stop myself anyway lmao

idk why you're being this nice to me but 💖💖💖

[griefabyss69]

THREE!!!!!!!!! OF THEM!!!???

Hello!!! Thank you for asking about this one I'm pretty excited about it! This is a newer WIP - Another steddissy started this year after a conversation with my friend. It's going to be a longer fic, because when I write in Chrissy's POV I'm incapable of keeping it short. This one is already 11K and honestly has just begun LMAO... I'll probably end up breaking it up into two fics because I can see a natural stopping point in the middle of the plot. Her backstory is a little made up in the way that fandom already has taken what little we were given about her and came to it's conclusions. I take the religious trauma of it all a little further, and so while it's not explicit in the text, she is from one of the c*lty sects of christianity, and is at the part of her story/healing where she's making moves to get out of it. Here's a long piece of it bc it's hard enough to decide on what to share!!!: (Contents: allusions to the shitty parts of christianity, rated T for vague horniness, canon levels of drugs)

When Chrissy had become friends with Eddie, she had liked how it seemed like their own private little thing.

Just two people showing each other the craziest stuff they could find from two different worlds - Eddie's were gifts and hers were something Eddie called a blurse, a blessing and a curse.

She had to agree, he gave her proper weed and let her pick through his hidden music collection and let her try on his clothes and -

-tried on her clothes.

And what she gave him in return had been stories, mostly. Things that even deeply into her indoctrination she had known felt weird, wondering if life really was always like that, or at the very least knowing she was never actually going to be what they wanted her to be.

So he cringed and laughed and sometimes got tears in his eyes and didn't even try to hide them and she got to have fun, mostly. Turned on, sometimes, but she thinks that if God didn't want that to happen then he shouldn't have let someone with Eddie's waist try on her cheer skirt.

Anyway, their private little bubble was comfortable and safe and she was trying so hard every day now, to keep the damned thing intact.

It's just that going to the secluded Christian College at the end of town everyday just happened to put her right into Eddie's area, and while everybody else thought she was studying at the library or going for a workout to keep in shape or if they were really out of the loop, on a date with her ex-boyfriend; she was with Eddie.

Yeah, sometimes she studied or did her homework at his place, if reading from the textbook out loud just to watch his smile fall further and further into disgusted horror when she found something really terrible counted as coursework.

Most of the time they shared exactly one joint, sat a respectable amount of inches apart on the couch, and ate whatever new thing he'd been trying out in the trailer's tiny kitchen.

Honestly it made her heart start singing praises that sounded nothing like hymns at all.

The bubble does, eventually, burst.

But it's not her fault, and it's not even Eddie's fault.

Steve Harrington rocks up to the trailer one evening, looking like he bathed in gold as the sun sets behind him, and Eddie's composure crumbles to the ground and rebuilds itself in two quick blinks, all right before her eyes.

Yeah, that has something inside of her withering to hide under a shadow, but it also does something beautiful for her heart anyway. She'd… not known, but maybe hoped, that if Eddie wasn't into her then it'd be because he's gay. Not for her ego or self esteem or anything, being Eddie's friend is like working at a self esteem factory, but because he's just so.

There's just something about him that's outside of everything rigid in her life, and she'd been maybe even too scared to think about it directly, but with how easily he acts around her even when he's being so polite with very particular things, how they can do a little bit of flirting and it's just for fun, even if she thinks way too hard about it later… maybe there's reason for that.

Guys don't just flirt with her and not follow up on it.

So the bubble has burst and Steve Harrington is here, reminding her about the way she also used to get flustered around him, though Eddie's doing a much better version of not letting it to get to him than she'd managed.

Though it wouldn't have been an issue if she'd gotten caught looking too long.

Her breath catches in her throat at the thought of Eddie getting found out and vows to protect him however she can, even though like, she could be reading this whole thing completely wrong.

Eddie protects her though, if not physically then from the first half of her day.

She keeps her eyes off of his bare forearms as he lets Steve in and gives him a familiar spiel, though usually he makes her hide in his room before letting someone in to do a sale. He must trust Steve enough, for some reason.

"Oh, hey! Chrissy, nice to see you," Steve greets her, the stubble on his face adding something extra to his smile that makes her want to put him in a bubble. "You also here for Eddie's… services?"

The way he says it honestly sounds… dirty, and she has to think of Antarctica and keep her breathing slow so she doesn't turn into a human tomato.

If Eddie's services were at all about sex then she'd…

Anyway.

"Sort of," she says, not sure how much Eddie wants him to know, not sure how much she trusts him. "Just a joint."

Steve nods, his smile relaxing into something more genuine at the corners, and it's weird for a second, because the smile before had looked plenty real.

"Nice choice," he says, nodding like he's actually impressed, and that's got to just be for conversation.

"Steve, you wanna stay and smoke with us?" Eddie asks, coming back down the hallway. "I was thinking about ordering a pizza."

Chrissy raises her eyebrows, unable to keep from looking surprised. Today was supposed to be what Eddie said was a perfected recipe day, something he'd been working on and she'd been his audience for.

She'd tried his first attempt and one in the middle, and if he'd improved it anymore since then, she wanted it.

Eddie shoots her a wink - a sorry, thanks for putting up with his bullshit, and a promise to fill her in later all in one.

"That um, honestly sounds good," Steve says, and under Chrissy's scrutiny he looks… just as awkward as Eddie does.

It's like watching seventh graders compliment each other's braces.

She smiles, tosses a piece of hair over her shoulder, and spins to head off down the hall.

"Awesome! I'll be right back," she calls, going into the bathroom so she can try to condense the supernova of what might be affection or even just plain excitement down into three minutes of silent shrieking.

[astraystayyh]

Eek more questions hehe I really like this new set

Really curious for #1, #7, #8, #10, #13, #21, #24, #28, #34, and #35!!

These were really good questions hehe

-💫

What inspired you to start writing fanfiction?

it was i think my 3rd month of being a stay? and I really loved reading ff on here even tho I had no idea how this app worked LMAO I've already told her but @rachalixie's hurt/comfort drabbles were my fav thing to read, she was one the first ppl I followed on here, and so, tmi, I was feeling so anxious and I wrote a channie helping u through an anxiety attack drabble (that I never posted AJSNJSB) and I was like hold on! this is fun! i can write what I want??? and post it for people to read...... like I was already writing some poems for a couple of years now but they were just for me yk, so i got super ambitious and i posted a long ass OT8 saying ily for the first time as my first fic akssjnjb i was so nervous like actually shaking and refreshing the notif bar every two seconds, i still rem the very first two comments i got, i think that's when it hit me that people actually READ stuff I wrote.

short answer, i've always loved writing and then stayblr -mainly anny inspired me to start writing too hehe

10. What's your favorite part about the fic writing process?

wahhhh probably coming up with lines i'm proud of?? i also loveee weaving parallels into my fics and for everything to come full circle, I love the symbolic aspects of fic writing in a way, thinking of mundane things and giving them an important significance for the characters!!! someone commented underneath Orange that they cannot believe they're crying over oranges and that rlly made me giggle!! that's the point HEHEH

13. What's the most challenging aspect of writing fanfiction for you?

for me it's descriptions ;;;; especially when it comes to sceneries or clothes or omg PLACES like decor and all,, I can't envision these things in my mind so I always worry I'm not describing them well in my fics,,, also the little transition scenes where nothing MAJOR happens but that are still pivotal to the right flow of the story ;;; yeah these mess with my head the most

21. Have you ever used fanfiction as a way to explore your own emotions or personal experiences?

hiii heyyy ofc i did ZJKNJD i think a lot of authors will relate but art cannot be completely separate from the artist, every work u read of mine has a little (or big) piece of me in it, that's why it's so vulnerable for writers to share their works on this scary place because u are perceived and judged for them and u hope that someone will find solace in ur struggles or relate to ur worries,,, and this is really helping me mend back my rp with love!!!

24. What advice would you give to someone who wants to start writing fanfiction?

JUST DO IT!!!! seriously go for it, you'll 100% cringe at ur earlier works later on but u will also improve and learn and discover things about urself that u would've never known otherwise!!! be self-indulgent and write things for urself and there will be always someone who will appreciate them

34. Are there any fic writing tips or tricks you've learned along the way that you'd like to share?

im trying to think of smtg i never mentioned before mmmm.... oh I think that trying to include bits and quirks of the member u are writing about is always so fun and makes the story more enjoyable for the reader!! ofc we don't know what these idols are like irl BUT there are some aspects of their personalities that we know of (like their interests or small habits) and it's always fun to incorporate into ur story, also helps with the characterization hehe

35. What do you enjoy most about being a fic writer?

THE FEEDBACK!!!!!!!!! nothing beats the feedback for me it's literally what makes the entire thinking, writing and editing process worth it!! the feedback is what keeps me going and fuels my motivation, it is so so important for writers I can't stress this enough,,, I'm so so grateful and lucky to have such sweet readers who leave me the most THOUGHTFUL feedback, like with just one rb u could erase SEAS OF DOUBTS in the writer's mind. i always say this but the only way for me to know if my fic is good is by reading u guys' opinions,,, so yeah the feedback is my fuel ;;;;

7. How do you handle writer's block or moments of creative stagnation? 8. Do you have any rituals or habits that help you get into the zone? 28. What's the most ambitious or challenging fic you've ever written

i answered these here and here <33

[sorryimananti-romantic]

angel!yeosang singing to reader "oh my body, i don't wanna stop until the break of dawn" before he.. well.. went into retirement.

but yes!! i could definitely tell how much you keep improving after reading dazzling light (from 2022 btw.). and this is NAWT saying you were bad at it before 🙅🙅🙅 however you have changed positively so, yep yep yep!!

you remind me i forgot to mention some in my rblg, ofc. the way in which you build up to plottwists NOW is much more difficult (/pos) to foresee as a reader. sometimes it's nice to have a straight-forward plot and be able to tell how it's gonna end and other times i love to be pulled in by secrecy and be whiplashed by endings i did not see coming (*kisses out to An Empire of Dreams and Illusions*)

also, i love to see how over the amount of works you've written, it's really noticeable that you push to create and write worlds, lores, characters the yumi way™. everyone gets inspired and motivated by others and arts of many ways, being able to use that energy and make something out of it that is so Y O U is 👏👏👏 never an easy feat. 🩷

embrace the cringe. be the cringe. [insert burning elmo gif here]

every creation is a contextual piece of their time and place. not every rework is necessary but no harm recycling ideas or getting inspired by previous works. i heard it's good for the planet.

i don't remember WHEN our wedding took place but i am also not opposed to a runaway marriage, endless honeymoons, no consequences. that.. always ends well in fanfictions, right?..

what'd ya think about a honeymoon in south korea and japan? we could take the ferry from busan to fukuoka and really channel that deluyuyu travel boyfriendism

○ chron 🃏

WENT INTO RETIREMENT- (but yeah that's pretty much what happened lmao)

ahaha thanks yeah, i understand! like the writing style obviously improves the more you write but i think i'm more creative with my plots now? sometimes i do like writing predictable stuff like if there's a friends to lovers fic, there's only so much you can do lmao. but yeah i'm glad that it's getting harder for you all to foresee the direction of my fics AHAHA i like that-- i always leave hints tho ;)

AHAHA the yumi way™ i'm gonna remember this :') i've actually heard that a lot about my fics and honestly that's prob my fav part about writing like i can create my own universe and do whatever i want with it. but yes, even when i'm inspired by sth else, i just like to make it as unique as possible! that's very true, thank you for noticing and pointing it out!

oh i am the cringe ahaha it's a part of me i can't deny that but yes. thank you for that :')

oh so you wanted a step by step huh? i see i see (i just presumed the wedding happened already oops KJHFDJKGH) but omg. your honeymoon plan is perfect it's actually my irl dream to do that so you've read my mind :') we shall channel exactly that :') oh to see the cherry blossoms in full bloom with you :'))

[cheesy-che]

for tmnt 40th asks!: 3 (for 2003), 19, 28, 35 and 36? :0c

TMNT’s 40th anniversary ask game!

Hello you! :3

19.) Who is your favorite ally?

Definitely April! She’s resourceful, and I see her acting as a cool, young aunt for the turtles. Or just an older friend, tbh. She is extremely caring and intelligent,  nothing stops her. I feel like she is one of the few who realizes (and makes them realize) that the TMNT are going through A LOT for teenagers. She’s grounded but also has her silly moments that are fun to watch. The way she cares about family values is one of the factors that explains why she stayed, in my opinion. 2003 April beloved…

28.) What is one thing you would like to see explored more in TMNT art/fics? You know the answer to this. You wanted me exposed, is that it? :’) I am absolutely obsessed with the concept of fluffy feelings in a world that’s harsh. (You might say I love “contrasts” or something.) These turtles deserve love and happiness that is exponential to the levels of trauma and adventures they endure. I have to admit I’m not very good at remembering the titles of the few fanfics that I read… but the ones I enjoyed the most are the ones shining light on how they are able to find joy in the little things while dealing with angst/trauma. How they can heal when receiving love and understanding from their brothers, their friends or even when OCs are thrown into the mix.

Most of the time, I love when the things they are going through are unsaid but very clear at the same time. The ninja turtles do a lot of that in canon. They are all sensible in their own ways, but I love to see the explanation being deeper in fanfics… which brings me to the fic that YOU wrote that I love so much, NERD. (Frost) 

TLDR : Fluff and angst!

35.) Which character relationships are your favorite to write/draw?

I don’t draw as much as I want to because I’m so out of practice and busy… hhhhhhhhhhh. I wish I did though… eventually… maybe… if I have enough self-confidence to post…..

As for writing, I’m obviously obsessed with my Original Character in the TMNT universe. She’s literally my muse. Writing about her relationship with any of the turtles makes me happy, but especially when I write about her interactions with Leonardo because I ship them :’). (I am cringe, but I am free.) 

But I think it goes along with what I wrote for the previous question. My favorite things to write about are when the four turtle brothers understand each other with little to no communication. Some things are simply too difficult to talk about, but they can communicate with actions and just be there for each other. I did write a piece forever ago here inspired by @sassatello’s Vacation AU… it’s probably bad HAHA – I TRIED…

As always, I don’t produce content as much as I want to because vague gesture of the hand capitalism, depression and all that. And I have to admit that the courage I need to actually post something sometimes is immense to me lol.

BUT YEAH… TLDR : Things left unsaid but completely understood by two or more characters. These characters being my OC x any turtle or any turtle x any turtle. I love all my sons.

36.) Which character do you have the hardest time writing/drawing?

Drawing : All of them. I straight up do NOT practice enough lol. Hence why I don’t often post my art.

Writing : For some reason, Michelangelo is the one that I have the most trouble writing with! He is lots of fun to write because I can just be sillier and more laid-back with the way he presents himself, but who knows what’s going on in that head of his LMAO. 

I feel like the three other turtles have a tendency to suppress their feelings in some way, and while he does it too, it’s very different. He’s more “jokey” and about it. We’ve seen how, in canon, he expresses what he thinks in a way that’s so casual it’s almost creepy lmaooooo. For example, in Grudge Match, Leonardo and him have this conversation when Leo suggests he can help Mikey with his training :

L : [...] to be so focused, so ready, that nothing and no one will ever catch you off guard again.

M : Um, we still talking about me here?

So like.. you KNOW that Mikey understood that his brother was troubled. But the way he expresses his worry with a joke? Bro. I love him so much for this HAHA but I have trouble recreating this in my writing.  ~ ~ ~

Thank you for reading my ramblings… I really appreciate it ;_; <3 

[wetcatspellcaster]

I am so curious to know the background on this! :D

“Now, sweetheart,” he commanded. “I think you should kiss me again. And if you can’t make it nice, at least make it interesting.”

So, he was leaving her to do all the work. Rosalie bit her lip, in uncertainty and in anger, as she examined him, puzzling out his motives. Was he trying to make her feel wretched, again? Forcing her to act, so she condemned herself?

She said she’d been to therapy - and she had, extensively - but there was always going to be that little pit of self doubt in her stomach, no matter what. Especially with Astarion.

It felt selfish, given how immensely she’d failed him, to turn over the other parts of their relationship like fossils for examination. But one of the cruellest parts, about never getting to see things through to end, was never knowing what they truly could’ve been - what he would’ve wanted with her, in time. She didn’t know what he liked, and what he’d pretended to like.

Hello lovely, thank you for sending the ask!

Read myself for filth, commentary one: The first two paragraphs is how a person who can't write E-rated fics tries to write D/S undertones without writing enough spice to ever actually earn those tags. Never sure if I'm successful, but my god I could be a Level 7 rogue for the amount I dance around things and evade them.

So this is one of the few times Rose gets close to a good insight check, I guess bc the DC is lower than average! Astarion was trying to humiliate her, force her to admit she wanted him, force her to act on her own initiative rather than be 'seduced', meaning that she is culpable and cannot deny that fact later on. Wouldn't make sense for him to be lying about that, in fact it serves him and his purpose to make it very, very obvious, bc that makes it all the more embarrassing for her at her end.

Astarion does love her/want her, etc (that's what he's rolling deception on lmao). But he does also want her to condemn herself, it's a game. He wants to prove he has power over her, to prove she was wrong for abandoning him, and he's also testing her. He is making her physically uncomfortable, yet she's seemingly unable to resist or leave, regardless. He is also testing to see if she falls for the trap he sets for everyone: of deciding whether she is attracted to him enough to ignore all her other morals and constraints, and will thus place herself wilfully in danger.

As to the final two paragraphs - this Tav has some absolutely rock bottom self esteem, even if in this AU timeline she's kind of too powerful for that to serve her anymore, honestly. But another thing about getting an Evil Ending with a break up is that her relationship with Astarion was: Act 1 seduction: 'I successfully romanced him, oh no it turns out it was all an act', Act 2 'I don't think we should have sex anymore, idk if we ever will again': 'oh no, everything I did before now was making him uncomfortable and I never realised', then Act 3: turbo charged sex demon tells you you're worthless. So I feel like it makes sense for her to have a lot of self doubt around sex or intimacy with Astarion, bc she doesn't have any real knowledge of what the man she knew would've wanted - they never got to unpack what parts were an act and which parts weren't, and they crucially never got their graveyard resolution scene.

She has no belief that she ever correctly understood what he wanted or needed and so yeah. She'd be scared of getting it wrong again. What if he was doing all this just to turn around and tell her that she was never what he wanted at all?

She is also just... very attracted to him :') that makes a lot of people self-conscious in these kind of situations lmao

And yeah, I think that that kind of petty, insignificant insecurity carries a lot of guilt as well. I do think she's talked about it in therapy. Your boyfriend lost his soul while you watched... why would you obsess over whether the physical intimacy was good or not? That's cringe, and way down the list of priorities. But it's also a very human insecurity and she's fallible, so unfortunately it is there.

Hope that this was in any way interesting! :)

DVD commentary ask

[yuukei-yikes]

can we get uhhhhhh some hibiya thoughts

yes. yes. yes. i fucking love hibiya. he's LITERALLY A LITTLE GUY when i got into kagepro he was one of my faves actually cuz he was the closest to my age at the time. i was 13… im 22 now! lol thats not weird at all *eye twitch* sry ive been weird abt the passage of time lately. erm wait this isnt my therapy session <- doesnt go to therapy

HIBIYA. LITTLE GUY. my thoughts on him………honestly, i recently reread all the novels and god his intro chapters were HARD to read. all the creepy stuff abt hiyori yknow. i was cringing so hard. i kinda wanna ignore it bc i'd rather do that with the weird bits kagepro has to offer, but not to get rid of it completely. like id take away hibiyas whole thing abt a collection of hiyori pics but still keep the aspect of him that worships her. and how that dynamic would COMPLETELY go away post str.

post str hibiya is VERY different from how he started out. i mean. 10 year old timeloop…. he hasn't grown at all mentally like he has to process all this with his 12 year old brain, but going through all he did he just kinda looks at things rly differently now. not obsessed with hiyori, for one…. and she's also different to him. their relationship changes drastically bc now they both respect each other LOL listen i know im annoying with my codependent relationship headcanons but… eyes hibiya and hiyori

these bitches are 12. spent 10 years watching each other die over and over and literally die for each other. AND THEN THEY GET EACH OTHER BACK? ERM. yeah theyre NOT letting go of each other. its not so much codependency as much as it is awful awful awful separation anxiety. god are there any fics of hibiya and hiyori going back home and having a breakdown at having to separate and go to their own houses (bc in the city they were living together so it doesnt hit that they need to separate until they go home)???

hiyori would still be kinda bitchy and bossy but definitely not horrible to hibiya. and also her attitude hits different when she's also always holding his hand and refusing to go anywhere without him and throwing tantrums when any of the dan members even imply any activity that would require to separate them. and she wouldnt rly be embarrassed abt it i think hiyori would be super open and vocal abt HIBIYA HAS TO BE WITH ME ALL THE TIME !!!!!! and hibiya isnt even flustered hes just like *NODDING NODDING NODDING* bc he's the same with her. girl… SEPARATION ANXIETY HIBIHIYO<3 mekadan so sick in the head <3 they have 78 undiagnosed mental illnesses <3

not to make it abt my future headcanons of psych major hibiya but. new generations man. hibiya is 10000% the one in the dan going like GUYS WHAT HAPPENED TO US WAS SOOOO MESSED UP and everyone's like lol yeah !!!! and he's like DONT LOL ABOUT THIS IM FUCKING SERIOUS??? especially since he's such a fucking outsider to everything like everyone else's been experiencing all these tragedies since they were born and he just kinda. had a normal life before? and like i said NEW GENERATIONS MAN THEYRE PSYCHOANALYSING THEMSELVES AND EVERYONE AROUND THEM…. the dan is so used to this shit that they kinda lmao rock and roll thru it and hibiyas like NO. NO. NO. EVERYONE. THERAPY. NOW!!!!!! it becomes his special interest he starts getting all into psychology and when he comes back to the city for his visits suddenly he's diagnosing everyone with stuff and the dans like *shaking* MAKE THE KID SHUT UP also realises he has separation anxiety with hiyori and works on it. hiyori is surprisingly the one most terrified of letting go. and like i said…. 10 year long time loop being processed in a 12/13 year old brain.. hibiya is SUPER self aware. he makes sure of it

ok and. heh. haruka. THE WHOLE HIBIYA HIYORI AND HARUKA THING COULD BE ITS OWN POST… SO… IM LEAVING IT HERE CUZ THIS IS ALREADY SUPER LONG but im just gonna say. hibiya's IN DENIAL of konoha being gone. he keeps expecting haruka to go away. hibiya THINKS he's super mature, and he is for his age bc of all this shit and his willingness to understand his problems and everyone else's. and everyone else also think he is mature, but this is just something he can't stop being a 12 year old about. his friend is gone! WHY does it have to be gone!?!? especially in an ending where hiyori is back. if she wasnt, then he'd be more accepting of the losses bc there were 2 both konoha and hiyori and like it becomes another whole thing abt letting go and mourning but if she is back…everything is supposed to be perfect!! everyone made it back!! why couldn't konoha? why does it have to be gone? its not fair! he doesnt care this haruka was the body's true owner!! konoha was his friend! it also deserved to live as much as this haruka guy!!! why is HE more important!!!?!?!?!? and he just. he's just insanely immature abt it. and he knows he is but truth is he's just really fucking sad and regretful about konoha being gone. i could also talk about hiyori and harukas feelings abt it but heheh yeah this is super long. erm. hibiyita el chiquito <3 hibiya throwing a tantrum in front of the whole dan abt how it isnt fair and how he wishes haruka would just die. LMAO. he is 12. if anyone has fic commissions open Eye eye

also erm wholesome one before i end it. he makes little miniature dolls of the whole dan<3 he's BAD at typing on his new smartphone but since he lives away hes always texting in the gc<3 he gets super into mobile games<3 amongus fan hibiya asking all his grownup friends with jobs and no time for amongus if anyone can play with him<3 they do bc theyre busy but there will always be time to amongus with friends<3

[nacaharachuya]

Okay so i realised im a fucking idiot and that i’ve been sending you shit through “?” And i have no idea where those messages go through so whoopdy doo ig but in my defence i wasnt able to send anything any other way bc.. uhh.. yeah my email wasn’t confirmed n all that. Im telling u man i’m a whole ass boomer rn🤦‍♀️ can’t even remember how to send an ask smh.

Anyways i only now finished reading svs because i’ve been putting it off in favour of reading different fics (works from other fandoms and… ooc soukoku fics. Listen i hate mischaracterisation as much as the next guy but i find them very entertaining okay) and AAAUURGGHH WHAT A BANGER. The way you write is immaculate if svs was a food it’d have a savoury taste like i’d be liking my fingers n shit. I found out about it when you posted on twitter you updated it (it was the smut chapter, by the way) and i was like “huh” and decided to read it and my god am i glad I didn’t skip over that tweet.

Idk if this was on purpose or not but verlaine is kinda cringefail in your fic and i love it. I am a firm believer that as badass as verlaine is he is undeniably embarrassing and i need MORE of that.

My one criticism for svs is that we needed more adam scenes. He should have been added like really, unnecessarily early on in the fic and act as a third wheel in the fic. But like a third wheel soukoku did not want or ask for but he’s just kinda there they can’t really get rid of him. Chuuya and dazai in their divorce arc arguing and adam is in the background thinking “i could crack a really funny joke from this” (on that note i added the lines “Adam’s blabbering makes more sense now, so they act as if nothing has happened. “When I lift this veil, you will seal the deal with a kiss.” He can’t stop himself from laughing, “I hope you enjoyed that joke too.” “We didn’t,” Verlaine says from across the shrine. “Paul be quiet.”” In my “collection of fanfic lines I chuckled at” in my notes. He’s so silly i love him. I love how he laughs at his own jokes he just like me fr.)

Anyways here are like two extra svs doodles. I keep thinking about how you said that chuu can fluctuate between genders (literally) and its so… zamn.

And reading the scene where verlaine is brushing chuuya’s hair inspired me to draw this

I have no idea how long chuuya’s hair is supposed to be like idk if it’s “yeah his hair is a little longer than it is in canon haha” or “yeah mf got some LONG ass hair looking like rapunzel”. Also I don’t remember if his lil ribbon was red or blue but.. i jus went with blue and i didn’t know if the pearls were supposed to be like on his head or woven into his braid so i just went with the latter. And again ALSO i know he was barefoot but i’m not drawing his fucking dogs okay.

This ask is long as hell never let me talk again LMAO

Currently looking at a detail i forgot in the drawing… not pointing it out in hopes you don’t notice it either smh but GOD DAMMIT 🤬🤬🤬

DAWG I OPENED THIS YESTERDAY IN SHOCK IA M ALWAYS BLOWN AWAY BY YOUR ASKS AND ART IT MAKES ME FEEL SO LOVED AND SO CRAZY LIKE!?!?! I'M SO GLAD YOU LOVED IT ENOUGH TO MAKE ART I SAVE IT AND LOOK AT IT CONSTANTLY ;_; IM LIKE.....

AND ALSO THANK YOU. I need svs criticism and ur right I should have introduced more characters earlier I just got carried away with skk because...IDK BUT ADAM WAS MY SAVING GRACEE. He was so silly I wanted to add him sooner but I was like wait....no... BUT HE IS IN THE SEQUEL!!! DW!!! His silly ass is there and he's cracking them jokes and Verlaine is like o_o. THE ADAM LINES WERE SO FUN TOO CAUSE HE'S NOT CRINGE HE'S JUST....HIM.

Verlaine is cringe-fail on purpose tho and I'm glad you saw that because I see him as an incredibly pathetic person who can't do normal human things. He would like bite open a metal can or rip it open with his hands because he doesn't know what a can opener is. He is that type of guy.

The art is just immaculate bro like straight-up BEAUTIFUL. Chuuya's literal genderfluidity is something I'm glad people like cause when I imagine divinity I think of someone not bound by sex or gender and whatnot plus I just don't think he'd give a fart. so like....world's most wonderful tits...but he's shorter.

THE WEDDING OUTFIT IS SENDING ME TO THE GRAVE THO LIKE. IT"S PERFECT AND IDK WHAT DETAIL YOU MISSED CAUSE I FORGET EVERYTHING BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT I"M. THE HAIR LENGTH I DIDN"T SPECIFIY !!! He looks so *crying emoji cause I don't have my phone* you don't have to draw his toes I just think barefoot chuu running up the stairs to meet dazai is very him. perseverance.

BOYCACA WHAT IS YOUR TWT LET ME FOLLOW YOU AND BOTHER YOU THERE AND SPREAD THE BOYCACA AGENDA

[bluebunnysart]

Someone made fanart for my Mikuteto fanfic (Rain) and I love it so much, I love it sosososososoo much, words aren't enough to convey it www I really wanted to scribble up a doodle in response to this but I need to go to work rn so I guess I must hold it in but I wanted to promo it and gush about it here...... There are no spoilers from looking at this (the biggest spoiler is what you'd expect from a fic named "Rain" lmao so it's fine if you haven't read it) but hmnfkjdf in this essay I will--

Ok *pushes up my art analysis glasses* Much of what I've already wanted to say, I've said to the person directly, stuff about how I never thought Rain would receive fanart lmao (and then it got so much, the most 😭) and I'm so soo thrilled and flattered and excited that it did. Thank you so much to everyone who's been liking my stuff and made me fanart; I've saved all of it and printed it out and treasure it greatly (yes, yours too!!!). It's soo soo cool so I'll always love it. Everything I've received has been amazing and it's not just 'cuz everyone is such a good artist lol but it's because all art is great and deserves to exist even if it isn't "pro quality" (whatever the heck that means). Idk if that waters things down 'cuz that means I love any kind of art just for it existing as opposed to "technical skill" or whatever but I am NOT saying these things because I think any of the art I've received is lacking in those areas at all. All the art is freakin' beautiful and VERY awesome and technically skilled and pro level (yes, yours too!!!!!!) so yeah, enough rambling there. I'm just saying all Negidrill is beautiful and I love seeing it forever. Lately I've been saving more and more art to my phone to admire lol, when in the past I'd just bookmark it (that's why I have 22k+ bookmarks but I digress).

Idk what else to say about this art that I haven't already said but I'll say it here anyway. xD

When I first wrote the scene, I didn't imagine them facing each other and I'm not sure if the artist imagined them facing each other and that's why they drew it, or if the artist drew them facing each other 'cuz that's a GREAT idea and they chose to take it, but them facing each other during this scene is so fun and funny honestly. This scene is pretty GAY and even gives ME slight secondhand embarrassment so the added visual of them facing each other during it is very amusing to me. The Teto in my head is already cringing in embarrassment (affectionate) but I like it lmfao. Good for them lmaooo

The setting is just a bunch of piles of trash everywhere so the artist did a great job representing that! ♥🔥🔥🔥 They did a great job showing how it's possible for Teto and Miku to sit on top of it too! In this AU, Miku and Teto are usually either on top of the trash or on the ground, and sometimes the trash is hard to navigate with lots of stuff sticking out but other times it's more flattened. In my own head I think about how I want to depict the trash piles being their "ground" (I sometimes imagine doing it through having them standing on a metal sheet or something sometimes lol) but as always, this is great! Very good! <3

I didn't ask them this but what the heck is this fhhdskfldsf I guess we will never know...... xD

Anyway, the trash is variable, so when Miku dives off it, the impact on her is very up in the air... She could either luck out and not hit anything too bad or she could experience the opposite of luck and hit a lot of sharp objects. xD Anyway, Miku is fine. I would never hurt Miku. Miku, next to Teto, is my favorite, so all is fine and good forever in this AU 😂😂😂😂 (thinking).

Something else I didn't mention but thought to talk about now is I REALLY like the light under their umbrella 'cuz what the heck?? xD The beach umbrella being this big is already based and very accurate, but the light also serves to show this is kinda like a safe place/spot for them and that's so cool?!????? It's like a safe haven or a save spot in a video game lol. I freakin' love how not only is the umbrella sheltering them from the weather and keeping them secluded/with each other-- it's also covering them in light and seemingly preserving it for them?? And Miku is singing ofc because she always is. Girl likes to sing lol.

Anyway, the symbolism goes so hard. Umbrellas are what you need for the rain but this is so 相合傘 (ai ai gasa / love-love umbrella)-coded lmao, I love it so much. When I first imagined them sharing an umbrella, that concept was literally on my mind, so I'm really happy that there's this freakin' cool symbolism going on even now, despite me changing the moment into a slightly different one from Miku and Teto happily sharing an umbrella and walking around or whatever. xD

I'm not confident in my coloring yet 'cuz I'm impatient and rush things lol but I really love colored artworks and the colors chosen here are so great. Everything else is devoid of color except these two and the umbrella and under it and it's such a great effect.

I made it into my Windows computer app tile. I love it so much.

I really need to go to work now but long live Negidrill 😂😂😂😂 As long as I'm alive, I'll be making more. I really did make up my mind, so I'm not jinxing it, I promise. xD Trust. xD 💖💖💖💖🥰🥰🥰🥰

Thank you again, RandomNobody. 🥰 I won't forget this and I won't be able to 'cuz this will be on my wall soon lmfao. Colored artworks go on my wall. Uncolored artworks get printed and go at my desk. Either way, they are always in my room with me, along with my Triple Baka keychains. 😂😂😂😂

[saintmouthed]

dtcfdp chapter 3 (author commentary)

I fear it is time to Reread dtcfdp Again and I'm going to be so annoying about it, actually. Anyway I'm gonna basically reread my own fic and liveblog the experience. Chapter 3 commentary starts under the cut!

chapter 1 commentary here

chapter 2 commentary here

"It wasn’t until he got out of the shower that he realized somehow he’d made it home with Ange’s jacket."

Right off the bat this made me smile so big. Yes... his jacket... I had NO motivation to have R take Enjolras's jacket... none at all

Hey, sweetheart, how are you feeling today? Ange.

oh my OWN heart jumped at sweetheart this time around.

That sounds like something someone just trying to make me feel better would say. R. I wouldn’t lie to you, I’m being honest. But, is it working? Ange. Grantaire thinks about this. A little. R.

they make me SICK (in the best way)

“What, you think I don’t have a key to this place?” That’s not something that had ever occurred to Grantaire. “Oh.” He says, after a thoughtful moment. Éponine laughs at him. “Bossuet let me in before he went to class, dipshit.”

LMAO this is so fucking funny I completely forgot about this. I don't reread this chapter often so this is like experiencing a whole new fic. Though I don't remember why I don't reread this chapter often? Is it the trivia one? that might be why. More on that later if it is the trivia one.

“Well…” Joly, at least, looks a little abashed. “It might have been…Enjolras?” “Enjolras?” Éponine gasps, before bursting into laughter. “Are you fucking kidding?” God, Grantaire is completely lost. “You know this guy?” “Yeah.” She waves a dismissive hand, as if he has any idea what she’s talking about. “We’ve met, obviously, and I went to a few meetings. Joly, are you serious?”

HOW DID I FORGET ABOUT THIS ADFASDFJ... "are you fucking kidding" it was so funny having everyone be like 'oh yeah grantaire you'd HATE enjolras' meanwhile grantaire is already sickening in love with him

OH MY GOD IT'S THE ROPE BITE NIGHT CHAPTER...

if you haven't read the Enjolras ficlet I wrote for this one or the Jehan ficlet... you should

aw... Grantaire learning to tie a futomomo... me too buddy

Ange rolls his eyes. “I trust you haven’t traumatized one of our newest members yet, Jehan?” “I leave frightening the newbies to you, my dear, that’s usually your area of expertise.” Grantaire wonders which one of them picked up the casual pet names first.

I'm OBSESSED WITH THEM

wow props to past me for writing that rope demo so beautifully damn

oh god... it IS the trivia one

I've seen the rope twist one before IRL it IS mean

CHEERS I DO LOVE A ZIPPER THOUGH

“How would you drop a raw egg from a height onto a concrete floor without cracking it?” Ange asks, blithely ignoring R’s commentary. “You…can’t?” “It takes more than an egg to crack a concrete floor, darling.”

an anon sent me this one back in the day!!! I love this... and I loved reading about the first zipper getting ripped off tbh.

the thing I don't like about the trivia chapter is that it's another of those threads I never followed through bc there was simply SO MUCH going on in this fic. And the Gutenberg question makes me cringe, but that's another story LMAO.

THE ROPE AS A FLOGGER WHO CHEERED. I saw this in a video once and it made me feel insane.

Grantaire either A. shrieks or B. blacks out (though there is that last possibility C. which is both)

Real as fuck grantaire

WAIT FUCK IS THIS THE PHONE NUMBER everybody hang on

FUCK

IT IS

freddyfromnicarlycheering.gif

“It’s…” Ange hesitates on the last character, felt tip of the pen stilling on Grantaire’s skin for a brief moment before he follows through. “My phone number.”

OH MY GOD

“I mean, it’s—it’s still nothing. I mean, not nothing, it’s definitely, uh, something.”

sure is !!!

this chapter was good actually idk why I tend to skip it

[bread-squid-uwu]

Hi so I’m the name anon and I just wanted to say that. Yeah of course that doesn’t apply to the Racism that is KC and Nekoette, but also. I wasn’t sending that confession as a writer. As a writer, yeah I understand changing names. Aphmau is weird and Minecraft roleplays are cringe change things to be socially acceptable and Garroth shouldn’t be running around with his real name etc etc. I see all those things and reasons, but I sent the confession as a reader.

And as a reader I find harsh name changes disorienting and that they can make a fic difficult to read, especially with something like MCD where these characters can have little to nothing that makes them truky distinct beyond hair/eye color, a major detail, and their name. And you can really see that in the vastly different ways people view a character. All that paired with one of the things that makes fics pretty cool, not needing to build things up and explain who the characters are or what they look like, lends itself pretty badly to a name change because it leads to me trying to figure out who this character actually is instead of really reading the fic

But at the end of the day, it’s just my opinion and I knew it wouldn’t be wholly agreed with, and that’s why I sent it to a confessions blog

Abd also, I do personalize my experience, however in a fandom this small personalizing your experience comes at the steep cost of even being able to have an experience at all. And I don’t ship Garrance so I’m pretty dead in the water fic wise already lmao, so I do my best to keep my options open and the fact that is a real dealbreaker really does just show how disorienting I think it is.

Anyway, I sent this to you because I feel like you missed my point and I hate my point being missed. I wasn’t a writer saying “Under no circumstances should names ever be changed there is no reason” I was a reader saying, no matter the bountiful valid reasons that can be as small as I wanted to, I find name changes in fics extremely disorienting and hard to read

Oh anon no no I completely understood you lmao, I was just chiming in with a viewpoint from someone who did change a few characters names - not responding negatively or bashing on the confession or opinion.

I do completely understand, and even agree with you entirely. Which is why I keep my own name swaps similar to canon, for example Nekoette became Niko, and of course our main girl Aphmau became Aphrodite - still "Aph"

I get it, and I've actually put down a few fics for confusing changes and non direct descriptions of things, because I have some processing issues and get lost. It is disorienting, which is why curating experiences with what you enjoy is important not only for us as readers, but also so writers don't feel upset or pressured to change their craft based on said feedback.

Not saying that's an outcome of your confession ask, but it's a fair point to keep in mind eh? You brought up an opinion and now in this ask you bring up amazing points and very very true statements!! Like?? Honestly anon I actually think you're super cool and wish you the best with finding aphblr content that suits what you're interested in 🩵

Truly I wasn't saying anything in response to how you feel about it anon. My intent was only to explain my own changes for my own readers, the few of them lol, - and also to, again, bring up the absolute weirdness that Jess created with KC and her daughter because really i'll never be over "kawaii~chan" being called for CLASS ATTENDANCE IN PDH BRO.. like it's her full and LEGAL NAME that destroys me lmfao

This fandom is tiny, and it is hard to find specific things around here, but hey! If you can't find what you like, there's always the option to create things for pure self indulgence right? Nothing works better than creating for yourself, its why I have this blog actually!! Lack of danvis content made me start creating some out of playful spite :D

Idk if my response to this is good, I'm running on no sleep and limited brain power lmao, this reply got rambled into and definitely incoherent but meh 🩵

[zeninsama-moved]

NAOYA ANON IS HERE WHAT HAPPENED WHAT ARE YOU THINKING

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT MY ANSWER TO THIS ALL DAY (AND EVER SINCE U FIRST RECOMMENDED THE FIC TO ME TBH) AND I JUST... first of all, i haven't finished it yet, i stopped at chapter 11 because i had to sleep so these are my thoughts so far. i may have missed a thing or two but this is the gist.

be warned there will be jjk manga spoilers/fic spoilers also this post is so fucking long i'm sorry

so i made note of the scenes/lines that had me screaming my head off and i will share them/discuss them under the cut <3

starting lighthearted with gojo things i found absolutely hilarious

"damn. by virtue of that, that means that technically-ish, gojo would be the semi leader of the zen'in clan. holy shit. shit's wild, son."

"maybe later he could trot over to lawson's and get himself a nice juice box, then a chocolate coolish ice cream pouch. yeah, that's the shit right there."

"behind you, he could hear your mother speaking with one of the servants in the hallway and he hopes to god she doesn't join in on the conversation. why the hell does she have to be here? fuckin' kris jenner with her bullshit, couldn't she leave her daughter to make her own decisions for herself? what's next, a sex tape to keep you in the zen'in family? shit. caught in 4k, filmed by gojo (and starring gojo)."

"should he pick you up and shot-put you into the distance so that you're like one twinkling star as you orbit? he doesn't know. if you were a dude, he'd definitely do that to you. fine. equal opportunity, it's the twenty-first century, he'll shot-put you."

"he looks nice like this, you think, in a thin white linen button-down short sleeve with cream shorts and... you do your best not to grimace. fucking assistant to the regional manager over here with the birkenstock kicks. at least he's not wearing white socks with them. you'll make sure you don't look anywhere past his kneecaps."

"'you wanna kiss me that bad?' he slaps his palm down onto the table as he chews and swallows. 'i knew it, you can touch me anytime, anywhere you want, babe–'"

GOJO IS A FUCKING MENACE IN THIS FIC! I LOVE THAT HE'S SO EMBARRASSING, IT FEELS LIKE REAL GOJO <3 his dynamic with the reader is so funny too, how she (for the most part) wants absolutely nothing to do with him. how things can be normal and sweet between them and then he says something so painfully cringe that it snaps us back to reality. what a fucking man.

"sometimes, he would dream that your thumb was a sausage and give it a bite. usually you would wake up and give him a bite back on his black, pointy ear."

NOW THIS LINE IS NOT GOJO OR NAOYA RELATED BUT IT'S ONE I ENJOYED NONETHELESS... i love kimi so much <3 the concept of him alone is so cool, being part-shikigami, part-demon or whatever, and how he can morph into different weapons for us to wield <3 also the scene where his paw emerged from the shadows to pester gojo for some salmon LMAO

okay.............. onto the main event i think...... onto naoya......

a lil tw for misogyny/death even though i know naoya anon will be the only one reading this

"a boy, he wanted a boy. he must have a boy. at least two or three. then you could have a girl, he'd gift you with one, he had told you before as you stared up at him with that dumb, fucked out expression. he'd gift you a baby girl after you had done your duty to him as his wife. a baby girl, as a treat. a reward if you're a good little wife."

WHY DID THIS HAVE ME FUCKING SCREAMING!!!

"for now, you would make do with expensive designer items as gifts until you managed to bear him a son. no little girl yet. but you'd work on that, he'd work on that – he'd make sure to work his fat dick into you as often as he possibly could to achieve that goal. he'd tell you he's such a good husband, making sure you get your own little treat."

DECEASED. I AM DECEASED.

"yeah, don't bother. this is too much for yer pretty little head. just go be pretty and dumb elsewhere, lil' baby. go on now, shoo."

"my pretty little girl. right? that's right. yer my baby girl, all mine? tell me, baby girl, who do you belong to?"

"stayed up all night waitin' for me, eh? what a good wife y'are. c'mere'n let me see yer cute face."

JUST... THE WAY NAOYA SPEAKS... THE THINGS HE SAYS TO US. it reminds me very much of touya because it's affectionate for a guy like him but still teasing and playful. these lines had me blushing so hard and kicking my feet and giggling. the use of petnames like "lil' baby" and "baby girl" and him telling you to "c'mere'n let me see yer cute face" ohhhhh my god.......

not to mention, i love his accent very much. country boyyy i love youuuuu.

"'c'mon now,' he mutters, turning his head to the side so he can press a kiss to your temple. 'why didn'tcha say somethin' earlier if it bothered you that much, you dumb baby.'"

this scene really changed everything for me... i will expand on this more later but the connection they have... their loyalty to each other... or moreso their desire to just have each other.

"a man, the man who had humiliated maki's mother many times, spoke hideous things about her children within earshot, is straining to call one of his other cousins because fuck fuck fuck why aren't you answering. his eyes soften and he's not exactly sure if it's because of the sweat in his eyes or the picture that you had just sent two minutes ago, a picture of you and the new lipstick you're trying on. you look so pretty. fuck. he's gonna cry."

I SAVED THIS ONE BEFORE THE SECOND POV CHAPTER THAT WENT MORE IN-DEPTH ON NAOYA'S FEELINGS AND THAT ONE – I WAS ALREADY DYING BUT THAT FINISHED ME OFF! this fic is so well-written that i felt grief for this fucking man. grief for naoya fucking zen'in of all people. it left a hole in my chest and i haven't felt this grief since [REDACTED REDACTED] in csm.

especially later, when reader was remembering her honeymoon in amalfi coast, when they were driving in the convertible and lost her scarf. for some reason that flashback made me so sad.

"'that girl will be your downfall,' is what his father tells him later on that day. naoya wants to believe that. maybe you'll be the one to drag him to hell. that would be nice. he'd be back home. he'll always come home. if that's where you're at, he'll always come home."

WAILING

OKAY... we are almost to the end of it <3

"'wait. oh my god, wait. wait. no way. you... you loved him? you actually loved naoya? naoya? zen'in naoya?'

your eyes sting hot, and you're not sure if it's because he's speaking ill of your very dead husband or because you're taking it personally for having loved the horrible man.

there's something about how you feel when it comes to naoya. defensive, even. you're certain that although love and family had been a difficult, complicated subject for the man, he fucked you like he loved you. like you had been a very fragile thing that he needed to care for – and he did. he always did; had always cared for you in ways that no one else would. or at least, he cared for you in ways that no one else would or could within a fifty-mile radius.

'babe, really?'

for all of his acid and harsh angles and sharp tongue, naoya was someone who took care of you and protected you. he made you feel wanted and safe and cherished and by the gods even if he didn't actually say it, he made you feel loved. that's what mattered to you. now, at least. maybe too much, even."

THIS WAS A FUCKING INSANE MOMENT TO ME reader wondering a few chapters ago whether or not she loved naoya and admitting now that she did, so very much so.

this really resonated with me in particular, not to get all wah-wah pity party but i've dealt with a lot of relationship trauma and all i've got to show for it is a crippling fear of abandonment. this type of love is therapeutic to me. when your person loves you and only you, there's nobody to compete with because they don't give half a shit about anyone else. you're the only one that sees that soft part of them, dare i say the real them.

THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS I FORGOT TO WRITE DOWN BUT THIS FIC HAS CHANGED MY LIFE IN WAYS THAT I CANNOT COMPREHEND AND I AM NOT EVEN HALFWAY DONE.

another thing that made me very happy was seeing a lot of similarities in how the author characterizes naoya & how i've been characterizing him for the menthol prequel. fucking daddy issues central. naoya being a contradiction of himself because he's everything a zen'in should be, and yet he has these haunting moments of clarity where he realizes that's the last thing he wants to be... and yet nothing changes. he will be this way until he dies, and he was this way until he died. not that this man deserves tenderness because he's evil, but like... the care in which the author handles his character. it's everything to me.

trying my hardest but like oh my god it's going to be hard to let myself fall for gojo because the man the author wrote naoya to be. the husband he was. the deep, profound love he had that's even more special because it's all the love he has and it's all for you.

I'M EXCITED TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS WITH HIM COMING BACK AS A CURSE... I WILL KEEP READING TONIGHT BUT I FEAR I WILL SOB MY EYES OUT WHEN I FINISH IT <3

[blnk338]

I have an interesting question for you. I assume that in general writers gradually get better at writing and start finding their own style. So, do you ever cringe at your own writing? Or can you read through the early chapters without hating it? I don't think readers really notice the difference, but I'm wondering what it's like from writer's perspective. Ramble on

https://ibb.co/ZWPGCd5

-cheeks

god. i can never escape polnareffs ass

i am actually going through the older chapters of RWYS and I'm fucking flabbergasted as to how you guys actually read those chapters!! like god!! i like where i was going but like-- the spelling errors and capitalization errors. i remember i had an ask ages ago mention that i switched names with characters like four times during one of the christmas chapters. fucking HELL LIKE HOW DID I MISS THAT!! (its usually sleep deprivation)

it's usually redundant stuff that i notice, but occasionally ill see crazy misspellings or really confusing wording and ill sit at my desk and wail.

also there are some older fics that i have (unposted) that i read through semi-recently and i was godddaaaaaaaaaaaaamn that is so flat

yeah i cringe at my old writing, i cringe my writing even now LMAO

[nebulapaws]

Actually no I saw more of the tags for this fic, so I need to ramble about our AU

We made this AU two years ago, and it sorta started out as an excuse to draw Green as a harpy, but in a stylised way because we like to have a little fun here. Over time though, it evolved into its own AU that we plan to write for, with a little one shot series sometime in the near future! A lot of it is just silly indulgence, and a baseline of "the colours were split for this" which we later changed, because. Characterisation <3 <3 the "indulgence" being that I'm a mixed race person, and no one ever does mixed race characters in their Fantasy AUs. Anyways!!

Heres the Roster;

Time -Fallen Angel (think eurocentric angel, the one with wings and nothing else)

Twilight - werewolf (duh)

Hyrule - Cervitaur

Sky - Seraphim (if youre curious, Seraphim are the ones with six wings who appear in the book of Isaiah. Their name means "burning ones, flying serpents")

Warriors - Kelpie

Wild - Nāga (still a wip, tho)

Legend - Pookha

Wind - Sylph (theres multiple iterations of sylph, but for him it would be a mix of the ones who represent the wind/air, and the ones who're basically dragonfly faeries. Sylphs are also shapeshifters and often turn into birds as they soar playfully through the air).

Four - Chimera (for brevity, bc I got </3 a lot but he's where my indulgence lies)

Engie - Changeling cursed with a draconic form

This is the part where you can read more, if ur interested.

For this AU, I have species for other characters. For example, Sun is a Cherub or Athene being a sleipnicentaur. I got a list, but I'm typing this on my phone so ur only getting my immediate thoughts here.

Anyways, this AU is a sorta mix of modern and mythology. I'm still ironing out all the finer details, but in terms of living situations for characters and backstories I've got a lot planned. For example, I got Wild and Twi being the sons of Time and Malon (duh) with Wild being an adopted son. Four, Wind and Wars all share a living situation with Wind's Grandma and sister and theyre all siblings (Four is adopted and Wars is a half brother bc slay) and Engie lives with Gonzo and old man Nico etc etc.

I also have species for the VILLAINS I mean I have a lot planned out. This au makes me so happy and it means the world to me. 😭inc u couldn't tell by our Colour introjects literally all being from this AU uhmmm oops

Which reminds me, Four being a chimera was purely due to the fact that the colours were designed FAAAR before he was. And they were designed with individuality in mind. So the lineup was like;

Green - Harpy

Vio - Changeling / Werewolf (an oopsie happened there)

Red - Satyr / Faery (I couldn't pick between the two)

Blue - Sealkie

😭😭 yeah, like I said. Indulgent

Maybe I'll make a post about it later, because I'm in class and I had to torment myself with a transcript while having lung issues but I PROMISE I LOVE MY FELLERS I have. Designs of some of them;

When I say Iiterally am obsessed with this AU, I mean I have a literal gigantic pile of art I did just bc 😭😭 I have way too much fun with all their designs. It's like the, I'm cringe :(( I'm cringe >:)))) meme, because thats this Au LMAO

Heres more art (I was not kidding I have so much its not even funny)

I wanna write a mythical Au for Linked universe and I have some of it plotted out I just need to actually write it

So basically, Warriors is a Wyvern, Sky is a griffin, Wild is a Phoenix, Twilight is a werewolf, Time is a changeling, Hyrule is a fairy, Legend is a Pegasus, Four is undecided and Wind is maybe decided? He might be a kelpie, but I’m not sure how that would work for him exactly.

Basically here’s the lore for this Au

On rare occasions, special people are blessed by a “patron deity” which is some form of mythical beast. These cases are very rare, but when they do happen the chosen ones get a secondary form they can shift into at will. Sometimes they are given at birth, but more often then not they are gained through experiences and hardships. Wild, for obvious example, was killed in the calamity. But since he was put into the shrine of resurrection rather fast, he didn’t gain his phoenix form immediately, instead gaining it on the second time he died, however you choose to see it. I was thinking maybe in one of the blight battles. Twilight obvs gained him when he first turned into a wolf, Time with his masks, and so forth…

I Like to imagine this would also add quieks to their personality. Maybe phoenixes and pegasi are extreamly emotionally driven beings, and are quick to act on emotional impulses. Maybe changelings start feeling pain if they stay in one form for too long. Perhaps Griffins even need to eat fresh meat to keep healthy. So many interesting possibilities and angsty stories waiting to happen

Perhaps after I finally work on that Twilight fic I can start this, or someone else could just write it for me tbh.

Anyways, what are your thoughts on the chain as mythical beings? What creatures do you think they’d be?