#dib is dressing snazzy

[sillyluchadoradventures]

One time Monster Clown found text dictation. It was not a good time for anyone.

One time Monster Clown found text dictation. It was not a good time for anyone.

*Read at 5x normal speed*

Group text to Los Psycho Circus: Pull off the road abuela who taught you to drive a blind person how can you still be alive I need to pass you on the left I cannot even oh hey guys I’m trying out this text dictation thing I think it will help me focus on my driving and help me be more efficient and all that but seriously we need to talk about He Whose Facepaint Must Not Be Marred people are starting to talk about him on the internet again and I’m looking at you Psycho have you been telling people about He Who Is Not Dave because I know Murder isn’t this crazy let’s be real it has to be you and we all know what happened last time I thought Tirantes was actually going to start spitting blood and it took us a month to even find Mini-Psycho let alone work through the mental trauma so guys we need to be on the same page about this no more discussing The One True Clown until the End Times have come we have talked about this—

Text from Psycho Clown: I didn’t get all that but are we talking about Dave now?

Text from Murder Clown: No! No one talks about The Fearsome One! Psycho how could you?

Text from Psycho Clown: But but sometimes I just get so bored. Pagano only wants to hang out with Pentagón Jr now and sin payaso no hay fiesta papa . . .

Text from Murder Clown: Psycho, please make more friends. Monster, never text us this way again. I hope you haven’t texted anyone else yet. Especially as you talked so fast the phone couldn’t pick up your punctuation

Text from Monster Clown: Murder what are you talking about of course I have texted other people and today even what are you saying that I am not a man of many friends and colleagues I speak to many during the day and at a perfectly normal pace what are you insinuating my punctuation is fine and I even modulate my tone of voice at perfectly reasonable moments

Text from Murder Clown: Technology has risen up against you

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Text to Pagano: Hey so I just got an email from on high and there’s some concern about dress code or something so they say we can’t stand next to each other at the meet and greet later today which I think is bullshit because we are the tallest dudes there if Murder doesn’t come and otherwise we’re going to be stuck in between Drago and TeenyVikingo and look like sunflowers in a patch of peas and it’s not like we dress that weirdly I mean I kinda like your salmon jacket I think its pretty snazzy where did you even get it I was thinking about incorporating salmon elements into my next clown outfit maybe a salmon tie or neck frill but hey I’ve got a call coming in so see you this afternoon—

Text from Pagano: Dibs on not standing next to TeenyVikingo

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Text to Aerostar: Hey little guy just checking in to see if they ok’d the final elements on the lucha de apuestas match next week and wanted to thank you for all the hard work and say that I really enjoyed working with you it was a stretch to fight someone of your high-flying talents and I’m glad for the opportunity to grow and also man it was hysterical when you convinced Drago he was going grey on the back of his head I mean he totally is but just the sheer panic on his face was worth the fifteen minutes it took to convince him he’s getting old and yeah he’s only like a year older than me but I have embraced the grey and it is time he does so as well even though he’s not really slowing down much it’s kind of amazing actually how does he still move that fast when he’s like pushing 50 but anyways just wanted to check in and say thanks and I’m looking forward to the culmination of our epic battles next week ok bye—

Text from Aerostar: Heyyy. Uh, glad to be working with you too, big guy. But I think you’ve got auto dictation on. Did you know you sent me all that?

Text from Aerostar: Also just a heads up Drago read the text over my shoulder and I totally played dumb so he took a big drink of that colored water shit and is heading for you so uh, if you don’t want to be misted I’d take cover.

Text from Aerostar: He may also have a bulldozer.

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Text to Mama Monster Clown: Hola Mamá I’m just letting you know I’m out of the lucha I know I said I’d call but my carrier keeps dropping me so let’s hope the text works how is your knee did the surgery go well I hope that the recovery time is quick and also that your neighbors stop letting their dogs shit in your yard remind them your son is a chungus luchador and will fight them if need be love your son—

Text from Mama Monster Clown: Ah my son it has been so long since I have heard from you I was starting to think you had died during a show and they just cut it out or something but your father said I was being dramatic again but I told him no I know my boy and he’d never make his mother wait if he died he would come back and let me know but I suppose a text is good enough my knee is still healing but God be praised it will be better soon and don’t worry about the dogs your father took care of them with a shovel the neighborhood council is a bit upset with us now but that’s ok because we have two shovels and the arms to swing them!

Drago’s face when he saw the text message

[broken-white-boi-no1]

Retrograde || Jeff & Paige

Plunking herself down in the desk chair it swivels under her and Paige pushes herself with her feet to pivot slightly to the other side just staring at the side drawers. Out of a nervous habit she tends to drum her fingers on the surface of the cheap plywood with worn tacky looking layers chipping away along the edge.

She reached and slid open the second drawer down where inside lay her small tin box from her childhood. She couldn’t quite recall when she got it but much like her bunny wallet she was too old for such babyish things so this had to be hidden. Swiftly plucking the box out of the drawer and lying it on the desk she stares at it with every ounce of disdain she had in her.

All her earnings. At least $175 remained after what she spurlged on the portfolio. And some of that she had used her babysitting profits. But more than anything she needed to be rid of this cash. The longer it sat there, she felt it was mocking her. A reminder of how stupid she had been to let someone get too close. It was best if all of it was just blown on something… but what?

Besides her hobby… pfft.. what hobby? After she’d ranted back at Jeff she hadn’t even wanted to touch her camera. It lay on her desk untouched, dust collecting as the time passed.

Ughhh! she shakes her head. Now, wait a minute. Paige tilts her head as she eyes the camera and the corner of her mouth quirks into a smirk. Perfect! she grabs the strap and slings it over her neck, grabs the tin of money shoving it into her messenger bag and she storms down the stairs. Her parents in the kitchen aren’t even paying attention as she waltzes out the front door. There was a little shop, a junk shop in downtown Retrograde that would take this piece of unwanted crap off her hands and that would be it. If she could blow all her money, hock her camera well then that would be it. Nothing left to remind her of the dumb mistake she had made.

It was fairly quiet and of course nobody noticed her as she passed by the shops, the library, and finally landing in the consignment and vintage shop. Letting herself in she was the only client. And wastes no time heading to the counter to ask for a price.

The clerk stares at her then the camera before he finally says, “Fifty bucks. Take it or leave it.” Of course it was worth much more than that but whatever, Paige nods. It would just add to the money she got to spend.

While he was working on the paperwork Paige runs her hands along the menswear absentmindedly, however… she pauses as she pulls put a particular suit jacket. Nicely tailored. Beautiful material. With her index finger and thumb Paige fingers the hem of the sleeve. The lining was… wait was that silk. This is enough to cause her to take it off the hanger and it was snazzy. It would be a big bit on her but she’d make it work.

Next she wanders over towards the shirts and a nice paisley print of a deep eggplant purple. She did love purple. That would come home with her too. Adding it to the jacket, both draped over her arm. Well if she was going to get some clothes why not some accessories? But first she spots the vests. Most are horid looking things with fringe like hippies. Gross. Moving a little down she spots a brocade vest. Now this is quality. And wasn’t there a saying… “quality over quantity” couldn’t hurt to start young and maybe a change of style might be just the thing to help her mood.

Onto the accessories and first Paige’s eyes widen at seeing a vintage fedora.. deep gray and beautiful wool, it was just calling to her. She doesn’t think and plops it on top of her head. Her fingers glide over the scarves. Once again most are atrocious. Yet one strikes her as perfect. She’d add that to her pile before stepping into the dressing room.

She had to roll up the sleeves of the button up shirt and the jacket, even knotting the shirt at the end. She ties the scarf around her wrist as contrast to her neck and that looks mighty becoming. Of course she has the fedora. When she steps out she preens in front of the mirror quite liking this new look. It went well with her destroyed denim skirt and tattered over the knee stockings. Paige turns a few times admiring herself, thinking she looks quite mature.

“You know you got nice style, kid,” Paige looks to the clerk. “I got an idea. What do you say to helping me out at the display windows. Maybe sorting through the merch that people lug in? For pay of course.”

Hands on the edges of the jacket she waltzes towards the counter, “Okay, deal. Oh and if you know who brought these duds in. If he happens to bring in anymore… I’d like first dibs.“

The clerk nods, “That’s do-able. I can try and give him a call,“ he mumbles out while ringing up her total. When he rattles off the number she takes out the tin and removes the cash wad and plunks it down on the counter. He doesn’t question it though he wears a surprised expression.

“I’ll wear these out,” she adds as she receives her change. After he deposits the change in her hand he also gives her clear cut instructions on when to arrive in a couple days and what she will need to do. Nothing too complicated mainly just use logic. Easy enough. “See you then,” is said on her way out the door and then she strolls down the sidewalk, slipping in her earbuds and scrolling her playlist till she lands on some AC/DC. That is satisfactory for her as she passed by some shop windows she noted, Clothes really do make the person.

@if-you-onlyknew