#developing fondness for a hockey player one of the worst things that can happen to a person it’s true

[significant-narratives]

auston’s soft little voice in the latest leaf blueprint kills me… there is such a warmth and kindness to him…

[worlduniversityrp-blog]

Accepted Denmark App

Accepted! Please have a blog up within the next week, and send the URL to this blog so we can add you to the members page @brunchhater 

OOC

NAME: Eliza PRONOUNS: she/her CONTACT URL: brunchhater.tumblr.com

CHARACTER WANTED: Denmark! ACTIVITY LEVEL: A solid 5!!! TIMEZONE: South Eastern U.S time PASSWORD: accepted MEMBERS PAGE ICON:

((this is formatted poorly I’m sorry, I can resend the icn full sized if you want though!!! If its easier too, also link!: http://paperdrawsshit.tumblr.com/))

EXTRA: Yes! I’m in school and I work so I might be slow or won’t do replies till either late at night or early in the morning depending on the day!

IC

FULL NAME: Magnus Frederick Densen AGE / YEAR: AGE AND YEAR: 21, 3rd year/Junior GENDER / PRONOUNS: He/Him pronouns

APPEARANCE: AT LEAST 1 PARAGRAPH: Magnus is a strikingly tall 6’3 man with wild, thick blonde hair and blue eyes. He’s got the build of a hockey player since that was the sport he stuck with since middle school and is quite muscular but doesn’t know his own strength. Magnus is covered in freckles on his cheeks, shoulders, and thighs but has only the occasional mole on his arm. He has a scar over his collarbone that’s a brighter pink color and a lighter scar across the bridge of his nose. Along with that he has a very charming smile which includes dimples.

PERSONALITY: AT LEAST 1 PARAGRAPH: The best way to describe him is an overexcited puppy who fumbles over things. Magnus has a heart of gold and is a really good person, he’s easily excitable and even easier to please and distract. He’s very gentle and caring but has no vocal control and unfortunately is already a naturally loud person. He’s the friend that’ll let you cry on his shoulder but won’t let you leave without him giving his two cents and making sure you accept it. Gives good advice for many things but has issues taking his own advice. When he actually does get angry it comes in the form of terrifying silence and a very disappointed look on his face. It’s quiet and it hardly happens, it’s the same when he’s sad. He doesn’t like showing his negative emotions because it’s a personal belief of his that just because he feels bad doesn’t mean other people should. However this can be irritating to even him because he just won’t ask for help when he’s suffering.

SKILLS:

Hockey! He’s been playing hockey since he was 11, very strong because of this so his strength is strength but hockey strength. 

This is a talent, he’s really good with graphic design and art in general. Especially with color theory and making things look aesthetically pleasing even though he looks a whole mess. Its ironic

Resilient, if there’s a will there’s a way and Magnus knows how to find a way to do anything especially when asked. He won’t stop until he accomplishes or gets something. 

Team-Player, good with people, a huge people person, very good with team building exercises and group projects. Definitely is the glue in friendships sometimes. However he’s also a natural leader most (some) of the time.

FLAWS:

Puts others before himself, He’ll ignore his own problems just to help other people and has the worst habit of doing this to a point where it actually hurts his mental stability, grades, etc. Doesn’t see it when people point it out to him.

Has a slight ego, he takes a lot of pride in stuff he does well and any compliment he gets makes him feel invincible. Which goes to his head and gets him hurt (sometimes, or he gets a bit cocky) 

He has Celiac disease, parties are awful for him especially with beer. Sometimes he forgets he has celiac and its pain for him and sometimes those around him. Occasionally gags when he smells bread from the bad memories and pain.

Overworks himself most of the time and is tired close to 24/7, operates on caffeine and love for everything.

BACKSTORY: 

Magnus was raised as an only child to a single mother. He lived with his grandmother and her and was taught a lot of fundamentals. His grandmother used to tell him that if he felt bad he should turn that bad energy into something good. He picked up baking from her and developed the habit of being a do gooder from a young age. Upon entering elementary school he started to realize things about his family such as their financial stability and that it was not like his classmates. His mother paid for him to go to private school since he entered school and the difference between him and his classmates settled into stone with him at a very young age.

Throughout his school years Magnus was always very bright, he picked up on new things really quickly and wanted to learn as much as he could to show his mom that he was grateful for the education she essentially bought for him. He was offered to skip a year in elementary and took it nearly instantly. This put him against older kids who unfortunately looked down at him and doubted his abilities. He pulled through and tried to be nice despite their odd resentment of him (which was something he didn’t pick up on) he did make friends but never any truly close ones until he got into middle school.

In middle school he switched over to a different private school that focused more on getting into a prepatory high school. He became interested in the hockey team because he hadn’t heard of the sport before. Upon signing up for try-outs he made a good friend at the same time who was also signing up. Of course he ended up making it onto the team and that granted him the gift of friendship when he needed it most. Middle school is basically horrible to everyone and Magnus was no exception as he grew like a weed and it became obvious to his classmates that he wasn’t like them on the economical class level.

Teasing came to him in the form of mocking his income, something he didn’t quite get because out of all things, they chose that? It was absurd to him for a while until he finally got that they were mad because he was lumped into their ‘rich’ group of kids per se. He decided to prove them wrong entirely though. Every time a tease came his way he’d just laugh it off and talk about how lucky he was to be getting a good education, and oh yeah isn’t he the only one with an A in Entering Physics? He thought so. It easily blew over him on the outside but inside he knew his mom was struggling. So he worked even harder, especially with hockey to get a scholarship.

During his 8th grade year he was scouted by a private high school interested in giving him a hockey scholarship which was astounding to him because he’d only thought that applied to colleges and university but he accepted immediately. He switched schools, teams, and classes all together and was proud to come home to his mother and tell her about it. When he saw the way she smiled it made him truly happy with himself. He’d done something right, his hard work paid off and he was on his way to success.

High school was a lot easier, everyone seemed to love him except for his Algebra 1 teacher who hated that he was so fond of correcting her work. Magnus started knowing when he was right and wasn’t afraid to speak out about it either. It went to his ego though, even his peers loathed his brightness so he decided to play dumb- to be more well liked while keeping his grades up as much as possible. Instead he decided to make jokes in class, ones that even got teacher's’ sides in stitches. He took pride in that too, how he was able to make people happy. However highschool was also when his celiac gave him a run for the worst and he was constantly sick during his sophomore year and tried to push through it.

He tried to do a hockey game during its worst boughts and instead of having his head in the game he was focused on the lights around him. Overwhelmed he actually managed to get hit dead in the nose with the hockey puck and it left a nice scar from where it split his skin over the bridge of his nose.( He does change the story every time he tells it.) His coach sat him down and asked if he was okay and Magnus told him how sick he’d been feeling the past month and it miraculously ended in a doctor’s referral, one emergency room visit, and medication to treat the previous damage. It could’ve been worse but he was glad that he got better before junior year.

Junior year was eventful because not only did Magnus do hockey and decided to take all AP classes, he also got a job to help his mothers and grandmother with bills. He juggled all three things with only one spare piece of thread and nearly went insane during that year from stress. If it weren’t for hockey being a way to get his emotions out he’s positive he would’ve been a lot angrier towards others than he was. Something he felt guilty over always was his anger even though it never showed in typical signs of yelling,he’d always apologize to people for being mean but they never got it and he felt too guilty about his feelings to explain them really. Something he still does to date but he’s better at managing it.

During this year he picked one of his majors, marketing after he designed a poster for the school play. He was always good with colors and drawing but never really pursued it, taking favor in as many academic courses as he physically could. What got im interested in it even more was during a career fair where he heard a used cars salesman and realized that that was something he could TOTALLY do. Plus he could work for all sorts of people or run his own marketing business entirely if he wanted. He also wanted to do broadcasting, he was always told he had a “tv worthy” personality so when it came to applying for college he decided to major in both.

Lucky for him his transcript provided his first college with all of his credits and the massive amount of classes he took and his consistently exceptional grades. At first he got into a prestigious school and did that for two years before he decided that he didn’t like it. Even though he was in on academic scholarship he wanted a break from the people he’d been surrounded with all of his life. Tired of- stereotypical rich people.

So he decided to apply for World University, it was a chance to leave where he grew up and start over entirely knew. With his perfected ‘English’ accent and grammar into place he put great effort into applying and making sure his credits were in order to transfer. Upon being accepted he was so entirely happy that he did indeed cry because what was even better was that he actually had more resources in America, especially Manhattan for his broadcasting America.

Magnus couldn’t wait to see what the school could give to him and what he could give back.

HEADCANONS: 

Real life FC is Lucky Blue Smith

Has a birthmark in the shape of Denmark right above his butt

Terrified of small dogs (he’s a big clumsy man and doesn’t want to hurt them)

Casually watches Project Runway when he’s studying

Speaks 4 languages (including Danish, English, Spanish, and (some) old norse.)

MAJOR(S): Double major in Marketing and Broadcasting

MINORS: N/A (he doesn’t take a minor he’s too busy!!

COURSES: SOME SPECIFIC COURSES THEY TAKE FOR THEIR MAJOR/MINORS. (OPTIONAL):Product Management.,Retail and Sales Management, Logistical Strategies,Media Planning, and Editing.

SHIPS:

OTP(S): PAIRINGS YOU LIKE/ARE WILLING TO DO: Anything for the most part? I am typical and like Den/Nor and Den/Ame but I’m not exactly picky choosy with it either. The more obscure the ship the more fun, y’know?

NOTP(S): Basically adult/minor ships but I don’t know if that’ll be an issue in this ring or not (correct me if I’m wrong!)

WRITING SAMPLE: 

Magnus didn’t realize he’d overslept for his midterm until it was too late. His alarm had never gone off and when he looked at his clock and realized that it was 10:30 he felt something inside him snap and die- part of his soul leave him. He sucked in a breath and launched himself out of bed, putting on some clothes and shoes and hunting down his book bag. He couldn’t BELIEVE he was late for his midterm, god he was gonna fail- his professor was going to fail him and he was going to die on the streets cold and alone with nothing but his impression of a used car salesman and that bad magazine spread. He tried swallowing down his fear as he brushed his teeth and made a mad dash out of his dorm and out of the housing building entirely. Magnus tried to dodge people on the way, swerving, keeping a good spring up most of the time. He cursed the journalism building for being a 30 minute walk across campus for him. His ribs were aching and he felt like he couldn’t breathe just as he literally crashed into someone. “SHIT- I mean! Crap, I’m sorry- are you okay- I was running I didn’t see you and you’re so small and-” His words came out between pants as he extended his arm towards the person he ran into. “Are you alright?” He asked, voice softer than it was before.

[shawnallenblog]

The Boys of Fall

This could be a bitter pill to swallow, so buckle up.

I want to shake you, I want you to think -- just give me two minutes of your time after this video. This video is going to stir up some tremendously deep and fond memories for many, some old emotions, feelings and memories of youth, yearning of days gone by -- herein lies part of the problem, we want those same things for our kids. We have made this game part of the American way, part of our families and lives --but, is it worth it ? Only you can decide, but, should it really be your decision?

When I feel that chill, smell that fresh cut grass I'm back in my helmet, cleats, and shoulder pads Standing in the huddle, listening to the call Fans going crazy for the boys of fall. They didn't let just anybody in that club Took every ounce of heart and sweat and blood To get to wear those game-day jerseys down the hall The kings of the school, man, we're the boys of fall.    -Kenny Chesney  

Do you like to take risks ? How about high percentage risks ?  What about high percentage risks with a part of your body that you cannot fix ? No, I am not talking about taking up juggling chainsaws or free soloing the 2500 foot shear cliff face of El Sendero Luminoso.  What if I asked you if you are willing to take on those high percentage risks, with a part of the body that one cannot fix, and put that part on your child? 

Here is the problem -- I see things.  On a weekly basis I would bet, I see people come in with actual physical problems that strongly appear to be related to a minimal traumatic brain injury weeks, months, years and sometimes decades ago. This sadly sometimes includes poor kids who clearly had a minor head injury in the past few weeks.  I see things, I see sad things, preventable things.  Mind you, not all things are preventable, we must move on through life and things happen in life that are out of our control, but we can at the very least control these higher percentage risks in our children.  However, the question that haunts me, the one I do not understand is, why are some taking on these known higher percentage risks -- with their kids.  I am not judging, I just do not understand. 

I think some of this story is about denial, a sort of cognitive dissonance. Let me share a story from Jared Diamond's book "Collapse" to explain this phenomenon a bit clearer.

"consider a narrow river valley below a high dam, such that if the dam burst, the resulting flood of water would drown people for a considerable distance downstream. When attitude pollsters ask people downstream of the dam how concerned they are about the dam's bursting, it's not surprising that fear of a dam burst is lowest far downstream, and increases among residents increasingly close to the dam. Surprisingly, though, after you get just a few miles below the dam, where fear of the dam's breaking is found to be highest, concern then falls off to zero as you approach closer to the dam! That is, the people living immediately under the dam, the ones most certain to be drowned in a dam burst, profess unconcern. That's because of psychological denial: the only way of preserving one's sanity while looking up every day at the dam is to deny the possibility that it could burst."

I believe this denial is a little of what is going on today when it comes to head injuries in our children, in a day and age where we know more, we know better, we understand the tremendous risks. This is hard stuff to take in, it somehow rattles and challenges us because it puts cracks in the foundations of our life, in our memories, in our feelings and emotions of our youth -- the same good stuff we want for our children.  Humans make excuses for the choices that serve us best. It's human nature to dodge the hard painful things that once defined us

So lets get down to some facts.

From the Nauman Purdue football study: “The worst hit we’ve seen was almost 300 Gs,” Nauman said in reference to the G- forces of a football tackle. A soccer player “heading” a ball experiences an impact of about 20 Gs.“  So, how many Gs would 20 headers create ? How about 30 sub-maximal football tackles, in a week of game and practice? You can do the math, the numbers are there.  How large do these numbers get through a week of games and practice?  What are they over a whole season? The latest facts of the matter are that it is no longer about a single event, it is about the constantly rising odometer of impacts such as the Purdue Football Study found. And, I will show you information in a moment that reveals that it doesn't even need to be head impacts to up the odometer.

Concussions have been now shown to cause abnormalities in brain and motor functioning. These issues can last long after perceived clinical recovery. "Recent work suggests subtle deficits in neurocognition may impair neuromuscular control and thus potentially increase risk of lower extremity musculoskeletal injury after concussion.”  This is just the tip of the iceberg. How about the more serious stuff, the seizures, inability to sleep, memory loss, difficulty thinking, dizziness, vision problems, vomiting, depression, headaches, anxiety, speech problems, coordination problems, and then what about the big one, CTE.  CTE stands for Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy, a progressive degenerative disease that some studies suggest begins ramping up about 10 years down the road if enough cumulative trauma has occurred. The problem lies with our inability to know how much, or how little, one needs to sustain to begin this terrifying brain degenerative disease. 

Some of our current society continues to ignore the immense long lasting effects of head injuries, even minimal ones. We continue to allow young developing brains to partake in football, soccer, and other jarring sports. Yes, we cannot live in a vacuum, but we can live in awareness and wise choices.

Facts:  The 2 year Purdue Study of high school football players suggested that concussions are likely caused by many hits over time and not from a single blow to the head, as previously believed. “Over the two seasons we had six concussed players, but 17 of the players showed brain changes even though they did not have concussions,” Talavage said. “The most important implication of the new findings is the suggestion that a concussion is not just the result of a single blow, but it’s really the totality of blows that took place over the season,” said Eric Nauman. “Most clinicians would say that if you don’t have any concussion symptoms you have no problems,” said Larry Leverenz, an expert in athletic training and a clinical professor of health and kinesiology. “However, we are finding that there is actually a lot of change, even when you don’t have symptoms.”

“New research into the effects of repeated head impacts on high school football players has shown changes in brain chemistry and metabolism even in players who have not been diagnosed with concussions and suggest the brain may not fully heal during the offseason.” stated Emil Venere.  “We are finding that the more hits you take the more you change your brain chemistry, the more you change your brain’s ability to move blood to the right locations,” Nauman said. By now there are those of you reading this with heavily sweating palms. You played football or hockey, soccer or lacrosse, or had a sport-unrelated concussion, maybe several. You remember it, kind of, or the many -- sort of.   You sweat now, wondering what your future will hold for you. Will you be as statistic ? How many more years do you have before that first "apparent senior moment"?  Will everything be alright ? Is it CTE or am I just getting older? One has to wonder, and that is no way to go through life. This is the chainsaw juggling act again, do we need to take on such risks ?   Why do we knowingly welcome our children into this potentially life changing brethren?  Why must we offer them that same wonderment and worry as their years go by ? No longer can we remain in denial and lean on cognitive dissonance as acceptable reasons for our avoidance to act and protect our children.  Our answer to our children cannot be, " sorry son, we didn't know any better" -- because now, we do.

- Shawn

These head injuries are complicated cases which I cannot take on yet, I am not smart enough yet, this is too complicated a problem.  I refer these cases out to my tribe of neuro specialists from The Carrick Institute who specialize in putting these brains back together. Watch this video, my mentors, my teachers. As a parent or patient, you do have options.

Biomechanical Correlates of Symptomatic and Asymptomatic Neurophysiological Impairment in High School Football Evan L. Breedlove, BS1,Thomas M. Talavage, PhD2,3,Meghan Robinson, BS2, Katherine E. Morigaki, MS ATC4,Umit Yoruk, BS3, Larry J. Leverenz, PhD ATC4 , Jeffrey W. Gilger, PhD5, Eric A. Nauman, PhD1,2,6

'Deviant brain metabolism' found in high school football players

Frequent soccer ball 'heading' may lead to brain injury. Albert Einstein College of Medicine of Yeshiva University

[goldhirsch]

                                                    to-day will die to-morrow;                                                  time stoops to no man’s lure...

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒

      a twenty-three year old, jewish, french-canadian entering his junior year at lockwood double majoring in human physiology and psychology with hopes of becoming a professional physical therapist in the nhl, a path inspired by his own struggle (and continued struggle) to physically and mentally recover from a serious injury ; plays defense for the men’s ice hockey team and was named the captain for this season ; a gentle jock most people would consider the mom friend of the group, though he has experienced a deeply tragic loss and has plenty that he still keeps close to his chest.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘

( general tw for a bit of mental instability / depression ; this will likely be alluded to in threads as well )

— jason was born jason cadoc cloutier in gatineau, qc but that didn’t last all that long. by the time he was two, his father was out of the picture and he and his mother took back her maiden name of goldhirsch. it was for the BEST, really. jason never really missed his father, hadn’t been old enough to miss him and his mother was a rock and his idol. when he was nine, his mother met a new man and eventually they married and moved to saguenay where he would spend the latter part of his childhood growing up.

— his mother signed him up for hockey when he started to get too rambunctious for a single mother to handle, and he took to the ice like all good canadian parents hope their children will. it also became a critical bonding point with his stepfather as well when he entered the picture.

— his talent on the ice was undeniable, no generational talent by any means, but he was extremely good at what he did. it started becoming more obvious as he hit bantam and then midget levels, eventually getting drafted 10th overall to the rouyn-noranda huskies of the quebec major junior hockey league ( qmjhl ) in the 2014 qmjhl draft. it was then that the whispers started and that tiny percentage of hope at the pipedream that was the nhl started to grow. there he played for two years, establishing himself as a top-pair defenseman by his second season despite his young age. that season ( 2015-16 ) they won the regular season title in the qmjhl and went on to play for the memorial cup though ultimately they lost. that off-season, he was taken 16th overall by arizona in the 2016 nhl entry draft ( sry jakob chychrun ). he returned to the huskies the season after being drafted to continue to develop.

( begin car accident & death & injury tw )

— his third season with the huskies was off to a strong start. by february, he was already setting career highs in points for the season & was gaining ‘defensive maturity’, and the team was on pace for another regular season title. they were gearing up for a deep run in playoffs when disaster struck. on the bus for a set of away games, the ride started like any other until a tractor trailer t-boned the bus causing it to flip several times. the bus crumpled like a soda can. jason’s memory of the moment is still pretty fuzzy ; that’s probably for the best. the result of the crash could only be described as carnage : too many dead, others critically injured. jason had been at the front of the bus talking to one of the coaches when the collision happened — that probably saved his life and allowed him to escape with relatively minimal injuries, despite shattering his lower left leg and fracturing his right.

( end tw )

— news of the crash shook the hockey community, the huskies decimated and season obviously over. jason faced months of physical therapy and grappled with the idea he may never skate again and the repercussions of that on his lifelong dream to play in the nhl, on top of the grief at the loss of so many teammates he’d come to see as BROTHERS.

— he remembers little about those months, even less than he does the crash, but he knows that was without a doubt the lowest point in his life. they put a metal rod in his right femur and another in his left tibia, but it wasn’t the physical aspect he struggled the most with, but the mental. his physical recovery could be described as a miracle. he was driven to prove his doctors wrong, to make a full recovery and play again — and come end of summer, he could even skate again and he did, but in the absence of a million doctor’s and physical therapy appointment, the mental aspect reared up and proved to be much harder to overcome. first it was the nightmares, then it was the shaking in his hands even before he stepped foot on the ice, worst of all was the panic attack after he dropped the puck at iamgold arena on opening night to symbolize new beginnings or some shit : the memories, the guilt, the pain… he couldn’t play again. how could he ??

— he retreated back into himself, picked up some menial and mind numbing minimum wage job at tim hortons if only to get his mind off things and him out of his house per his mother’s pushing. more push and pull with his mother finally came to a head and he conceded to therapy, which slowly and non-linearly eventually did start to help. he went for walks in the cold, crisp dawn and eventually thinking about hockey didn’t hurt so much. winter faded back into spring. the first anniversary of the crash passed painfully. summer arrived in all her bright glory. and in those weeks, those months, jason truly started to piece himself back together ( not just physically ) and a new path for himself slowly revealed itself.

— jason had always been smart enough, doing decent in school but college had never been at his forefront, even with a mother who was a professor. but now it was like it was the only option forward, a new opportunity, and a new path to journey down. he prepared his applications, labored over his essay ( a small talent for memoir revealing itself ), and then submitted his applications and waited. he was rejected by a few, accepted by more, and then came the acceptance notification from lockwood university and a phone call from their men’s hockey coach. players from the chl ( from professional leagues aka leagues where players receive pay or a stipend ) aren’t typically allowed to play in the ncaa, but they could get an exception for him and his circumstances. he eventually accepted his offer from lockwood, though he said a pretty strongly worded no to the hockey team.

— but the thought had been put back into his head, and with his therapist urging him to face his fears and get back on the horse or some shit, jason did finally start seriously skating again. and he eventually found that beneath that compressed pain and guilt, he truly just missed the sport and even though his lifelong dream was hardly feasible anymore, he missed it in his life. hockey had been everything to him once, and he had to find who he was without it — but hockey was still integral, still important, something he wanted and not just because it was all he knew.

— lockwood’s coach was persistent, though jason was hardly willing to make any commitment, he finally did take up the offer to come to the first week of pre-season summer practices. they say a lot of things are like riding a bike, but for jason getting back into hockey and the game was just like tapping into those years and years old instinct and muscle memory. soon enough summer was ending, classes were starting, and two years after he last played an official season, jason goldhirsch had finally found a new team.

— and the rest, as they say, is history.

𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐂.

— jason lives in a rented off-campus house a three minute walk away from the hockey arena, which makes it the perfect place to stay when you consider all those morning skates and practices. he lives with three of his teammates ( 4 of them living there altogether ), all fellow juniors and seniors. the house has been “passed down” through ( aka continuously rented by ) several classes of lockwood men’s hockey team members and is often the hub for all team parties, making it known somewhat unofficially around campus as the hockey house. ( see the snapchat tab on jason’s theme to get the vibe.... honestly they’re dumb and stoopid ).

— he lived in the dorms for his freshman and sophomore year, but opted for the house as he wanted a real kitchen that wasn’t shared with like... the entire building or whatever.

— he also owns a black cat named kraken, a token from his healing process after the accident ; an emotional support animal who’d been critical in that first year after, originally prescribed to help him with insomnia and ensuing nightmares. she’s also quite fond of water, something jason is quite entertained by it. kraken’s emotional support aspect has waned a little as more time has passed and jason has begun to heal, though he still takes solace in her company. she’ll often perch on his shoulders while he does homework and sleeps with him at night. she still aids him through panic attacks and will wake him at night if she senses him in distress. this cat adores him and you can tell.

— jason watches the sun rise every day without fail unless he’s completely passed out. it’s both a reminder that each day isn’t given and a homage to those who no longer are around to see it rise.

— he doesn’t own an awful lot, and though he might try to pass it off as ‘ minimalism ’ the truth is there isn’t an awful lot in his room to personalize it. he does have a few plants in his room though, because he likes the idea of taking care of something and it gives him a sense of control ( more on this later ).

— his hands don’t shake as much as they used to, though now it’s usually a precursor to a panic attack. he’s tried to take that in stride as much as he can, in an attempt to prevent or mitigate them as much as possible.

— he’s fluent in québécois french bastard french as well as english given he spent his entire life in quebec before coming to maine for college. he’s “accentless” in both languages having grown up speaking both. he is also jewish like his mother, can speak halting yiddish and could survive speaking german if he really had to. a close friend has also been teaching him swiss german.

— however, jason has struggled with his faith the past few years ; the tragedy of the crash has shaken his idea of a higher power. however, he still participates and enjoys the sense of community that comes with faith. this is something that’s also been picked apart pretty meticulously in his therapy sessions.

— attends counseling / therapy biweekly or at least every month still. though the accident is quite a few years in the past now, jason still struggles at times. healing is a slow and non-linear process and he is no different.

— he doesn’t like coffee, but he drinks hot chocolate out of a tim hortons thermos for Clout.

— he acts like he’s impervious to the cold even though he isn’t. a bitch refuses to wear more than the hoodie. but to be fair he did grow up in sagueney.

— his skills in the kitchen are actually quite impressive. he can cook very well and enjoys cooking for his friends, which comes as a surprise to some. he often finds cooking to be “productive procrastination.” that being said, mediocre at baking at best unless it’s boxed brownies.

— also he is pescatarian and keeps a pretty lax form of kosher, though being pescatarian in general cuts down on the complexity ( eg. keeping diary and meats separate ). for him it’s mostly avoiding shellfish and other non-scaly seafood, and isn’t terribly strict on eggs and diary products being kosher. he does keep all his cooking things in his own cupboard and won’t let others use them if they’re cooking meat. he isn’t against cooking things with meat for others, though he still doesn’t use pork ( sry no bacon, friends ) and often still keeps meat and dairy products separate.

— his favorite takeout food is tofu pad thai ; his favorite to cook is salmon and asparagus

— smells…. cold ?? think pine trees covered in snow.

— jason has a knack for languages and is learning swiss german from his friend sebastian who he met at the u18 world juniors in switzerland. they have a friendship they’ve kept ever since. it’s not uncommon to hear him on the phone stumbling through conversation in swiss german.

— he’s a bit claustrophobic. it’s something he supposes surfaced in the aftermath of the attack, this extends to buses and planes and probably the reason he dislikes flying so much. he hates the feeling of being trapped or the sensation that he could be trapped — perhaps tied to the rising importance of control in his life. no one lock him in a closet, i think he’d freak out.

— he reads a decent amount, a newer post-accident development. prior, he used to sleep on the lengthy bus rides, but he finds it difficult to do so after the accident. he also found his mind still tended to wander when he watched movies or shows, therefore he’s ended up reading quite a bit, any and all subjects — some pertaining to his studies, plenty that don’t. he owns a kindle paperwhite that he doesn’t travel without.

— he is a cancer ( JUNE 21st, summer solstice baby ) and i read this one cancer analyzation thingy and it was like “ dislikes : strangers, criticism of mom, and revealing personal life ” and i just want to say that’s…. spot on.

— while he’s almost always in attendance at parties, it’s more to keep an eye on his friends than to really participate himself. it’s not uncommon for him to nurse the same one or two bottles of beer throughout the entire night. at the same time he’s not exactly a downer and definitely doesn’t look down on those who have fun ; he’ll just have his fun sober — ironically, this may tie into his need for control, despite the fact he knows that getting drunk could also maybe numb the pain.

— human physiology ( the study of the human body ) & psychology ( the study of the mind and behavior ) : it seems like an unlikely combination of majors, but during the year and a half of re-calibrating his life and coming to the realization he needed a NEW dream, jason learned a few things ; one of them being that recovery is as much mental as it is physical. he chosen these two majors in hopes of becoming a professional physical therapist someday. he hopes he can take his own struggle to return from injury physically and mentally and turn it into a source of empathy for him in the future.

— jason is a defenseman and was recently named the captain of the team for the upcoming season. at the height of his elite prospect status, he was a highly coveted offensive defenseman with incredible skating skills and a hockey IQ off the charts. he could drive a game from the blueline and break up the other team’s offensive plays before they even happened. he is based ( play-wise ) on a combination of cale makar and mario ferraro. post-accident jason is not quite the same player, though no one hardly expected him to be after his long hiatus. his agility and skating ability suffered the greatest, though he has slowly been working at getting that back over the past couple years and is getting to a reasonably comparable point. he’ll likely never get to the place he was. it’s also a huge issue of if his body could handle the fatigue and stress of a heavily athletic life ; it’s alright for now, but professional is almost certainly out of the question. his hockey iq bounced back the quickest, and in the wake of the accident, he’s seen himself step into more of a teaching and mentoring role, part of what makes him a good captain. his teammates respect him greatly, and not just because of what he’s been through. ( detailed timeline of the teams he’s been on HERE. ).

— jason uses a CAGE instead of a plexiglas fishbowl or hybrid shield because the two latter make him feel super claustrophobic. definitely misses the freedom that comes with #visorlife which he’s familiar with from his last year in the chl, but them’s the rules. ( for those who aren’t familiar, the american collegiate hockey at all levels requires full facial coverings regardless of age, unlike professional and national teams which allow the use of a visor once the player turns 18 ). 

— also while we’re on ncaa hockey, there’s also super super strict rules against fighting which include automatic game ejections and subsequent game suspensions. after your first fight of the season you’re suspended for the next game, after your second fight of the season you’re suspended for the next two games, and so on — considering there’s only a maximum 34 of games in a college season ( not including conference tournaments and the ncaa tournament ), you very much want to avoid game suspensions. this means fighting is actually quite rare in the ncaa. ( but this doesn’t mean there still aren’t scrums around the net or after the whistle : pushing and shoving and chirping and yelling and general feistiness, y’know ).

— jason knows he’s quite lucky to be alive and to have returned to hockey, but part of him laments that he was never able to participate in the world junior championship ( the main one aka u20 ) and get an opportunity to play for gold there. it’s definitely the dream of everyone who plays youth hockey in canada, and jason would have likely been named to the team in 2017 and/or 2018 if the accident hadn’t happened. it’s not something he dwells on, but during his necessary time off to recovery seeing wjc highlights everywhere certainly took a toll on him ( though looking back now he can see it helped in his healing process ).

— he realized he was bisexual when he was sixteen, freshly moved away from home and living with a billet family. everything felt so open and free and he was able to explore a few things. this is a fact he’s kept mostly to himself in the years that followed, at first concerned with his future in the nhl, and then just because he’s had bigger things to worry about since then. it’s not exactly a secret now, though he’s not openly vocal about it and is a pretty private person in general. you might see some guys leaving his room occasionally or him getting chatted up by all sexes at parties, people can make of that whatever they want, though likely the default assumption as it is for most male athletes is that he is straight. in general, he isn’t all that interested in pursuing romantic relationships as he recognizes he’s still not emotionally healed and prepared for that.

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘

— he’d always been one to know just what others needed — even before the accident. that life event maybe nudged a few more buried traits forward though, replacing the urge to use that knowledge for his own gain and instead use it to HELP others. the past two years have seen jason grow into a full-fledged mom friend : always the most sober at parties, always the one with the bandaids, always the one leaving aspirin and water on his friends’ desks. no one’s really sure of everything he keeps in his backpack, but it does always seem that he has exactly what someone needs at exactly the right time. a running joke on the hockey team that they call him “mom” ?? probably alsdkjflaskdjf.

— it’s not really surprising jason was named captain of the team, either. sure, he was an inspiring story, and sure, he was still pretty decent at hockey even with two metal rods in his legs, but the coaches saw more than just that when they gave him the C. it was the guy in the locker room with always the right thing to say second intermission still down two, the guy on the bench who knew how to get a rookie who deflected an own goal his confidence back, the guy who stayed late to help the backup goalie solve the problem with his blocker side save. captaincy isn’t all about scoring goals and fancy dekes : it’s about heart and moral fiber and leading by example ; there’s a reason it’s not always the best player on the team that gets the captaincy.

— since the accident, jason has become far more controlling. some people might take a life or death situation like that as a sign to live in the moment, but jason is not one of them. he still feels his life spun so far out of his control in that year and a half and never wants to experience that again. because of that he controls as much as he possibly can, from his appearance, to the way people perceive him, to the confines of his suite and dorm. as a result, he’s a neat freak, always having things meticulously organized. when he’s stressed he cleans and organizes — it can be his stuff, it can be a friend’s, it can be a complete stranger’s. deep down he knows there’s not much he could’ve done to prevent the accident, but that doesn’t stop him from at least trying to create the illusion he can control everything in his life.

— a facet of control is perhaps an over-protective nature. he was wary of getting close to people upon entering lockwood, but keeping people at arm’s length never was his strong suite. he cares very deeply for his friends and teammates, and has an almost irrational fear of losing them. it’s a fine line between control and being willing to do anything to keep the people he loves safe.

— jason still struggles with survivor’s guilt. the fact that a simple choice of just where he sat on the bus determined his life or death completely freaks him out. the gravity of his loss, the empty spaces left by so many absent friends, didn’t hit all at once — it was gradual until it was a stifling weight he feels like he can’t bare some days. he’s still in therapy to deal with his internal thoughts, though it was originally a huge struggle to get him to go. besides his therapist, he doesn’t like to let many other people privy to his thoughts, especially those surrounding the accident. he won’t tell people what happened, though some may be aware from the news or just word of mouth.

— it’s been a long time since jason has given much attention to matters of the heart, but in love, jason is just as caring and protective as he is with his friends ( truly just “two” by sleeping at last to a T 😔😔😔 ), perhaps even to a high degree. some part of him is driven by that survivor’s guilt that still struggles with the idea of being happy, but he also strongly feels that he just isn’t ready to date or enter a relationship again. he is someone who values his friendships greatly and is more than content with that — and some no-strings-attached sex if it comes to it. falling in love, though, he’s starting to think that isn’t for him and honestly he has no interest in making an attempt to figure out if it is. however, some view jason as a bit of a “player,” but the truth is lesbians simply flock to him for protection from campus creeps.

— despite all these internal thoughts, jason still manages to present himself in a fairly positive manner. he’s good at pretending he’s fine, already been one to keep his true emotions close to his chest even before the accident though it might not have been obvious to see given his overall friendliness. he doesn’t want his tragedy to define him, though it has undeniably changed his life.

𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄

— 6′2″ ( 193 lbs ), a pretty strong build

— tan skin, dark brown hair, trimmed short on the sides and styled longer on top like SO.

— STYLE : jason is practically a walking cliche of male college athlete style. he tends to prioritize function and comfort over looks and boy does it show. his day-to-day look doesn’t fluctuate much : a never-ending revolving door of fitted t-shirts and athletic shorts that occasionally touch on the side of slightly too short and tight, slimcut joggers and pants with sweatshirts when it gets cold. in general, he doesn’t own that many clothes, and ones he does often look quite similar to each other. his outwear of choice is definitely just hoodies all the time. if he’s wearing a real jacket, it really must be cold. or he’s sick.

— he wears a rectangular silver pendent on a chain almost always. it belonged to a particularly close friend & teammate he lost in the crash.

— tattoos : lit candle ( inside right wrist ), stag with a crown ( left outside shoulder ), jack g’s butterfly ( outside left forearm )

— he has several small scars, most from glass and metal during the crash, as well as one on his right thigh and lower left leg from his surgeries. on occasion he will walk with a slight limp, especially when he’s tired or it’s especially cold and damp out.

— PINTEREST BOARD

𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒:

— PRONUNCIATION : JAY-son GOLD-hersh

— NICKNAMES : j or jay, hershey ( hockey )

— BIRTHDAY : june 21, 1998 ( cancer )

— LANGUAGES : english ( first language ), québécois french ( second language ), somewhat conversational german, bits of yiddish, some swiss german

— LABELS : the protector, the helping hand, the broken dove

— EXTRACURRICULARS : men’s ice hockey ( defense, captain, #21 )

— EDUCATION : psychology & human physiology ( lockwood university, in progress ), high school diploma ( 2015 )

— SEXUALITY : bi ( not common knowledge )

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

WANTED CONNECTIONS TAKEN CONNECTIONS

𝐎𝐎𝐂

       hello everyone !! i’m ollie, 22, est, they/them pronouns. super excited to get things going here !!