#despite the fact that I am struggling with this shit every day and I've spent years trying to put a name to what I'm dealing with

[lightningfilledsaber]

sometimes I feel... silly. for saying I have the disorders/illnesses/etc that I have because I’m not diagnosed and the little internalized ableism monster in my head telling me it’s “too many” but also like. I’ve taken a VERY long time sitting down and evaluating these things about myself and I still don’t like. allow myself to use certain diagnostic labels despite fitting most, if not all, of the criteria. It feels like a fine line to walk, understanding that self-diagnosis is in a lot of cases critical, just as a professional diagnosis can be! I have my reasons for using the labels I do and identifying with what I do, just as I have my reasons for not seeking diagnosis, and I think at the end of the day whether I choose to use them or not, I know I’m doing all I can to use them with respect.  

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

1.) The funniest part about this is how I haven't even written a Harrymort fic in a very long time cuz I've had no inspiration for it or HP in general. Also, if you consider it pedophilia to write about two consenting adults taking 200,000 words(and several years in-fic) to finally realize they like each other, then there is no hope for your reading comprehension. Stick to 3rd Grade Level stuff, pls. It'll save all of us the trouble.

2.) Dave is no slave. He is a dumbass. He is racist. Sexist. Homophobic. A liar. A cheater. A thief. A bum. Dave spent 1 1/2 years doing nothing as we dealt with homelessness. I wrote over 1 million words for pay to keep us in motels that entire time while he claimed his leg was too injured to work. And spent every day demanding to know, 'did anyone give us money yet?' cuz he wanted sweets. Dave got us into this mess by opening his mouth over things not his business. Dave lied about every step of the way here. He's literally being blackmailed cuz he thought he met a chick online who could lead to a quick fuck and instead was dumb enough to tell her all his personal business and now she's holding the well-being of his daughter and grandkids over his head if he doesn't pay her.

3.) I am the only person here who can take care of my mom 24/7. I'm literally her personal caregiver. I clean the house. I cook the food half the time. I am her legs for everything she can't manage. I'm also in terrible health and desperately need to see several doctors but every time we bring it up, Dave makes excuses over MOM'S van cuz he knows she can't defend herself and I can't see well enough to get a license. I haven't had my teeth looked at in 8 years and I haven't had an eye exam in 7. Dave bitches about having to take his own child to the doctor and was even willing to get in trouble with the school over not having her medical paperwork up to date. Mom hasn't been able to get her meds in over a year cuz Dave prioritizes ice cream over medicine and bitches when she won't give him money for snacks.

4.) I am Visually Impaired and Hard of Hearing. I cannot see and I struggle to hear all the ime. I am also colorblind. Stoplights either look off, or always yellow. I can't tell distances. I can't see details in things just a few feet away. You want me to actually do something, when I actively do what I am capable of. I'm not capable of much and the health conditions have piled on more and more.

5.) How you can dick ride for a man you don't even know is beyond me. How you can hear all this shit about him and think he's a swell guy and not a literal useless scumbag who can't even be bothered to keep his kid and grandkids safe from strangers on the internet, idk.

6.) How anyone could call Dave the innocent in this situation is laughable. Fuck the disabled woman he's betrayed countless times despite telling everyone they're fiancés and in love when he wants sympathy from people while he cheats with strange women he meets on Facebook. Fuck his daughter and grandchildren whom he has put in danger all for the sake of cheating. Fuck all the connections he's ruined in his life cuz his greed and obsession with racing put everything at risk. Fuck the fact that he can't even help us actually do the moving ANY of the times we've had to move because of him.

He's just a poor wittle man who can do no wong ever. T_T He's just so sad and hurt. He needs the big stwong Anon to come in an save the day. T_T

Sometimes you can just tell an incel wrote something, and this whole Anon was red flags from one side to the other. People who throw around the pedo accusation over a ship they don't like always end up being pedos themselves too. It's like clockwork. How bout you turn that finger back in your own direction, hun? Seek mental help and perhaps someone someday will finally give a damn about your existence. ^-^

Maybe if your daughter got up off her ass and helped out more especially in the past while instead of sitting around writing pedo fic about harry potter and Voldemort then you'd have got everything moved on instead of leaving till last second

She has no excuses

Dave is working his ass off providing for you all , for his faults and you begrudge him the slightest thing. If he left you'd all know about it - wouldn't know Ur ass from your elbow but u keep whining about him while being happy to take his money and see him slave for u. Yeah he's fucked up but fr he is a man under pressure he is gonna fuck up and do crazy shit that man is heading for nervous breakdown

Why doesn't your older daughter go to work instead of sitting on her big ass writing shit and playing video games 24/7. Why don't you apply for disability and keep trying cos I know it's hard. Bethy when she is bigger is gonna be hit with picking up the slack if I drive Dave off so u need to start looking for work too or disability so money is coming on

U wannabe a trad wife ok that's fine but when Ur man is cracking up etc you can't stay at home cleaning house etc id love for you to be safe and so do all that housewife stuff but you're in a crisis so you gotta toughen up and get working or more importantly your daughter has to

Ok, Coward, let's me take the trash out. @helly-watermelonsmellinfellon doesn't write pedo fics. You are either virginal and can't find anyone willing to touch you or you are jealous that you lack the talent to write. Frankly, I think it's both. Who would want to deal with such a vile piece of work like you?

Let's get something straight, you illiterate jackass. Dave is not my man. We have a child together. That's it.

Dave pays rent. I pay everything else. Oh, would you look at that. I PAY EVERYTHING ELSE. Do the math, dimwit. I don't take a damn dime from him. He does take money from me. Based on how you are trying to make it sound like you know Dave, it makes me wonder is you are the sleezeball that has been illegally blackmailing him.

And I don't know where you think you can come on Tumblr of all places and attack me and my family. You don't know jack shit about us. What you have read on Tumblr is just a drop in the bucket, you worthless piece of filth.

You send me this message trying to talk a big game but you hide behind the cloak of anonymity. You're too chicken shit to put a name to your comment. You're a nothing but a sorry ass joke that no one will ever take seriously.

Grow up, wonder skank.

BTW: Dave and I were never married. I detest marriage. I also detest cowards like you. So go pound sand.

@helly-watermelonsmellinfellon have at the bitch. I would love to see you tear this coward to shreds.

@mister-tom-a-dildo-lover

[jungleslang]

I'm sorry, but I cannot understand people who say that Elriel shippers hate Lucien and want to cause him pain or are advocating for him to experience pain and ultimately be unhappy. I understand that the mating bond is a huge deal in fae culture, and that it's more difficult to deal with for the male than for the female. But shipping Elain with Azriel despite this does NOT mean that I hate him. The opposite is actually true. It literally makes zero sense.

I've seen this argument too many times throughout the years, and I saw it again today, so I've decided to address it. I'm going to discuss why Elriel doesn't equal Lucien being unhappy, as well as some Elriel and Vucien foreshadowing, and why this could lead to Lucien's happiness. Be aware that I'm obviously biased, and this is in no way meant to hate on Elucien or Elucien shippers. I'm just addressing this specific argument. All ships are valid, and we don't ship shame in this house. This is just my personal opinion, and I know that what I ship might not be endgame.

Also this is gonna be pretty long, don't say I didn't warn you.

I want to start off by saying that a big reason why I don't ship Elucien is honestly BECAUSE I love Lucien. Elain has consistently shown not even an ounce of interest in him for the past three books. Lucien himself also says that Elain was "thrown at him," while Jesminda, his past love, chose him. Elain has never used or shown her appreciation for any of the gifts Lucien gave her (which is her right). She has clearly stated that she does not want a mate. She also currently has feelings for Azriel, and it's been said that Elain "shrinks" in Lucien's presence, her newfound boldness suddenly gone. I'm sorry, but why would I want this for Lucien?? Why would I want Lucien to be with a woman who does not love him and currently has feelings for another male? A woman who literally shrivels up when he is near her? Lucien deserves to love and be loved wholeheartedly. And of course, Elain does, too.

Additionally, Lucien's words about Jesminda highlight that having a choice and being truly chosen are things that matter to him. And who are the people that Lucien has actively chosen to be with? Jurian and Vassa. Lucien is a centuries old fae male, with experience in multiple courts, and he's chosen to shack up with two humans in the human lands. That means something, and it shows that Vassa and Jurian are the people he feels comfortable with, the people he trusts, and most importantly, the people who make him feel wanted. Wanted enough to literally live with them after all of his trauma, after being barred from his home in the Spring Court by Tamlin, a person he loved cherished more than anyone else. And Jurian and Vassa have also chosen him.

As someone who absolutely loves Lucien, THIS is what I want for him. For him to be with people he chose and who in turn chose him. I want what's best for him, and so far, the text has indicated that Jurian and Vassa are what's best for him. I mean come on, the three of them literally created a name for themselves, the Band Of Exiles. The one time we saw Lucien actually laugh in ACOWAR was when he was with Vassa at the end. He blushes at the mention of her and has a "spark" in his eyes when he talks about her. Let's also not forget about this part in ACOFAS:

Lucien says that he's not living with them, the manor belongs to all of them. And even Feyre remarks how he's more comfortable around them, two humans, than people of his own race. I feel like this part is so overlooked. To me, it really demonstrates that Lucien has indeed found a home with these people, a home that belongs to all of them, and that he feels he truly does belong with them.

Additionally, it bothers me when people imply that rejecting the mating bond automatically equals unhappiness while accepting it guarantees love and happiness. Elain and Lucien rejecting their mating bond does not mean that Lucien is doomed to be unhappy and in pain for the rest of his life. And accepting it does not mean they'll be happy, either. We literally have proof of this in the books, and it comes in the form of Rhysand's parents. Rhys says that his parents were wrong for each other, and that his mother eventually came to hate his father, only staying with him because she was grateful to him for saving her wings. That is not a happy relationship.

Also, something that is one of the biggest hints toward Elriel for me, is the fact that every single mated couple we see in the books that actually ended up together had feelings for each other BEFORE the mating bond snapped into place. Rhys had feelings for Feyre while they were under the mountain, and Feyre fell in love with Rhys before she knew they were mates. Nessian's mating bond also didn't snap into place until after they already loved each other. And we also have Kallias and Viviane, who were in love before they discovered they were mates. These relationships all had solid foundations before the mate bond came came into play. Romantic feelings were established before the bond. For Elucien, this was not the case. Their mate bond snapped into the place the day they met each other, which directly mirrors Rhys' parents, whose mate bond snapped into place the moment they met and who also weren't right for each other. (Coincidence? I think not.)

We also have to remember that we have never been inside Lucien's head, with the exception of that one scene where Feyre infiltrates his mind while he's talking to Elain. That one glimpse alone mainly deals with the feelings he has for Elain due to his instincts because of the mate bond. It's also where he says Elain had been thrown at him. We don't actually know the extent of what he feels or doesn't feel for Elain. We don't know if he has romantic feelings for her outside of his instincts because of the bond, which we know is important based on what we discussed above. Yes, Lucien gives her gifts and clearly wants to get to know her, but we don't know whether he's just doing this out of obligation because the bond is so important in fae culture. Which might also be the reason Elain hasn't formally rejected him yet.

I think that there is a decent chance that this is the case based on what we've seen in the books. I also get the feeling that Lucien might be pursuing Elain out of obligation because Elain hasn't given him the time of day, and they've had no meaningful moments/conversations up until now. He doesn't really know her. How can you have feelings for someone you don't know and haven't spent any real time with? There are also these scenes from ACOFAS and ACOSF:

In ACOFAS, Feyre says that Lucien doesn't seem to have a real interest in bridging gap between him and Elain. In ACOSF, Cassian says the words "my mate" drip with discomfort when Lucien says them. This indicates that he's not so comfortable with calling Elain his mate / having her as his mate.

I also think this part is important because the level of comfort the characters have with each other is a distinguishing factor of the ships. Lucien is more comfortable around Vassa than Elain, while Elain is more comfortable around Azriel than Lucien.

As I stated before, this is the only time we see Lucien laughing in ACOWAR. Additionally, his shoulders are loose, indicating that he is not only comfortable but also relaxed, which is a rare thing for Lucien in the recent books with all the shit he has going on. In contrast, there's always a tension underlying his and Elain's interactions. Based on the fact that Vassa is chatting with him "animatedly," I would say she's likely comfortable around him, too.

There are also these two passages from ACOMAF, which I'm sure every Elriel shipper already knows lol.

We can also see that Elain has been at least somewhat comfortable around Azriel from the start, even when she was afraid of the fae and engaged to a fae-hating man. She even engaged him in a genuine conversation about flying. These two excerpts also show that Elain is somewhat attuned to Azriel as well. She notes his body language and uses it to gauge the situation. This also indicates a certain level of trust in him. And this has only increased as the story progressed. He's content to just sit beside her in the garden, she tells him about her plans for the garden, and they stay up late talking to each other. Their interactions signify how at ease they are with each other, which I think is big thing for Azriel, who's always described as cold and filled with an icy rage. Rhys says it took Mor centuries to get Az to loosen up, but he eased up around Elain in a remarkably short amount of time for someone usually so closed-off.

So, the conclusion here is that Elucien is not the only ship that guarantees all characters' happiness as some people say. Lucien is completely capable of being happy and finding a home without Elain accepting the bond, and the evidence is in the books. The fact that Lucien actively chooses to live together with Jurian and Vassa, and that Elain has constantly chosen to be around Az while showing no interest in Lucien is the reason while I will always stan Vucien and Elriel over Elucien. It's all about choice for me, which is something that's also emphasized in the books and seems to be important for both Elain's and Lucien's arcs.

And all Elriel shippers absolutely don't hate Lucien. If I'm being honest, I actually like Lucien as a character more than Azriel. While I am a diehard Elriel stan and I adore Az, Lucien is a more interesting character to me. He was raised in the Autumn Court, lived in the Spring Court, and ended up becoming part of the Night Court, as well. Then we find out he's the heir to the Day Court, and now he lives in the human lands with Jurian and Vassa. He has connections to so many places, and yet struggles to belong. He was lost, and found a home with two other lost people. The Lost Queen Vassa, and a human who was resurrected in a world that moved on without him.

This is also why, in my opinion, Vucien / The Band of Exiles has so much more potential than Elucien. I don't want another story about mates ending up with each other. Give me the found family trope that is the Band of Exiles.

If you've made it through this whole thing, thank you. As always, I'd love to hear your opinions!

[novembertwentynine]

2021

"In retrospect, the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful."

This year I have accomplished... basically everything on my checklist that you are expected to accomplish in your 20s.

I passed the bar, I became a licensed attorney and started working full time as an attorney, I planned a wedding, got married, moved into a house with my husband, and we now have two dogs. I started Spanish lessons because I'm "bored". We traveled several times, to New York twice, Florida (Miami twice, Orlando once), and Nebraska twice. We party all the time... like all the time.

I spent my early 20s struggling to find a job that paid me a decent wage to afford rent close to that job, and suddenly I have married into a family where I can actually live in a house. Not even in an apartment, not a condo, but an actual house, just for my husband and myself (and mainly, our two dogs). I don't need a lot of space. I've been completely content with a twin bed, a quaint kitchen because I can't cook for shit, enough office space for my work and for reading, and enough floor space to do yoga. And now I have a house with so much room that I have my own office and library, and two guest bedrooms, and since it's just Husband and myself, we each have our own bathroom (and I get the bigger one!!!)

And the best part is that I am still close to my family. So I really do have everything.

On the surface, you would think this would be considered the happiest year of my life.

It isn't that I am unhappy with 2021. It's just that I can fondly remember being SO happy in previous years despite not having all of this room, despite being a poor, stressed out student, despite dealing with heartbreak, uncertainty of whether a certain boy will text me back...

Quite the contrary. This year, the happiest moments were my moments of reflection -- when I'd muster up moments to pause, reflecting that I even reached these goals and fortunate circumstances at all.

In fact, now that I am done with school, and working as a professional attorney, I am constantly fucking up every day and can't handle the workload even though it is nowhere near as overwhelming as anyone senior than mine. I am used to stress and workloads and there is something throwing me off that I cannot handle it like I used to.

When I was in school, I've always known I was a diligent student and a hard worker. And now I am just burnt out.

This year I have been questioning my self-worth. So much of my self-worth has been tied up in being a "good student" or "good worker" and now that I'm accomplished, I don't really know how to do this?

I've always been a hard worker and have been able to juggle everything and now I can't.

I'm ending this year completely defeated and burnt out, despite having accomplished everything. I'm tired.

[thiswreckageivebecome]

As Long As It Takes (“The End.” -Part 25) (Sebastian Stan x reader)

Description: “I’ll wait for as long as it takes, as long as I get you at the end" You meet Sebastian Stan on the street in New York. What starts off as a fan encounter stretches to an unexpected coffee date and before long you’re caught up in a whirlwind and left with an internal struggle of what to choose.

Word Count: 4108

Warnings: Language.

Authors Note: As noted in the title, this is the final part to this story. Thank you for sticking with me through all of this. It has meant more than you’ll ever know. ALSO, in the process of moving my computer screen was destroyed so I’m trying to post all of this via the mobile app and we all know what a bitch that can be. Therefore, I apologize for the formatting issues that are found here. If it’s too annoying, you can find the story on Wattpad and AO3.

———————————————————————-

The following eight months seemed to rush by, yet move as slowly as slime simultaneously. You worked on getting your things and your life, in many ways, packed up and ready to move into this new chapter of your life.

Sebastian had to assure you multiple times a week that everything would be okay. You knew it in your heart but starting over somewhere new brought you anxiety some days, not to mention that packing to move was the worst experience of your life. When Sebastian had free time, he came down to assist in packing. The majority of the time not much packing was done, but instead laying in bed binging television and just enjoying each other's company. There were some instances, however, when Sebastian did help. The two of you went through your things, things you had retained in your possession all the way back into middle and high school.

"I have hoarding tendencies if you couldn't tell by now," you told him one time after the two of you had spent the last three hours looking through one tub of letters and pictures from way back when. The memories had brought back happy tears to you and much laughter for both of you.

"I love you regardless and I will officially put into my vows that I'll never submit you for that hoarders show."

"Ha-ha," you said the words out stocatto-like, drenched in sarcasm. Soon enough, September was ending and Green Day was calling your name. You had just shipped the last few pieces of furniture to Sebastian's apartment, it still felt weird to say our apartment, when a honking horn was directed at you. You smiled when you saw your friends, Beth and Caroline driving up.  As you hopped in, Beth addressed you first, "ready to go drop some dollar bills!!!" You couldn't help but roll your eyes.

"Please, please, don't tell me you're actually taking me to a strip club for my bachelorette."

"You'll just have to wait and see," Caroline peeped in. The three of you headed to the airport to board your awaiting plane. When you landed, your friend Talley was waiting for you at the gate. You embraced as you hadn't seen each other in a year or so. You all headed out and to your awaiting vehicle which Sebastian has lined up for you. The limo took you to the hotel where you met Olivia who had flown in from LA to be a part of your wedding party. The five of you decided to nap before heading out for the evening. Sebastian knew you were off limits until the wedding Sunday but you still planned to facetime.

"Hey, babe," Sebastian practically hollered at you once the call connected. You had to rip your headphones out of your ears to avoid hearing damage. "Oh, shit, I'm sorry," he attempted to apologize, not thinking about the headphone not being back in your ears yet. You got the headphones positioned back in your ears and smiled at the screen while talking small.

"You're feeling good, huh?" You chuckled lightly. It was obvious the boys had already gotten started. Seb's eyes were glassy and he had that dorky, albeit very tipsy, smile you loved so much plastered on his face.

"Yeah! We're about to head back out. These dudes, I swear, (y/n), I love them so much." His face quickly sobered. "Not as much as I love you, of course!" His face lightened again.

You busted out laughing as quietly as you could so not to wake anyone already napping.

"Thanks for that. Make sure you tell every one I said hello." The next thing you knew your ears were hurting again before you could remove the headphones.

"GUYS! HEY GUYS!! (Y/n) SAYS HELLO!!" You just barely heard a chorus of "Hey, (y/n)!" in response.

"Babe, you're going to end up marrying a deaf woman if you keep it up."

"Shit. I'm sorry...again."

"It's okay. Well look, I'll let you guys go so you ca-"

"(Y/n), Chris wants to talk to you. Here he is." You heard the phone drop to the floor and the pickup amidst of "Damn, Sebastian. Hey, man. Why don't you go sit down for a minute. I'll bring you the phone when I'm done talking to (y/n) so you can say goodbye." You heard Seb agree before you heard Chris' voice.

"Hey, (y/n), how are you?"

"Oh, I'm good. Not quite as good as y'all are, though, it seems."

"Not as good as Sebastian and some of the other guys, you mean. I'm good. I've only had a beer or two thus far. Someone's gotta keep an eye on these fellas."

"Honestly, Chris, why am I not surprised?"

"At what exactly?"

"That you're taking it easy so that you can keep an eye out."

"Yeah, well. It seemed like the thing to do."

"Well, I appreciate it, Chris. I mean. It's still early and if they're already that tipsy, there's no telling how crazy the night is going to get." You paused, mind swirling as an unsettling thought crept in. Before you could stop yourself you said it aloud. "Sebastian must be getting really nervous about getting married."

"Hey, hold on just a second." You heard a door open and shut and a few more seconds of little sound.

"I wanted to step out where it's a little quieter so we can chat without distractions. Why do you say that? That Sebastian is getting nervous?"

"Just forget it. I honestly didn't mean to. It just appeared in my mind and transitioned to my mouth."

"Well, it clearly bothers you so I think I shouldn't forget it until we talk about it or you talk about it with someone. I would put Sebastian on the phone but honestly, I don't know how much good it would be with his alcohol-filled headspace right now."

"Chris, I really don't think I want to talk about it," you replied even quieter than before.

"You may not want to, but I really think you need to."

"Look, the thought literally just came out of nowhere because of him being so wasted so early. It just seems like a lot of alcohol very early in the evening. I know sometimes he tends to drown out his concerns with alcohol, not always, but sometimes. God, I make him sound like an alcoholic. He's not, Chris, and that's not how I meant it."

"I know, (y/n), I know."

"Maybe I'm the one that's nervous about getting married."

"No, I don't think you are. I feel like you've never been more sure of anything." His response couldn't help but make you giggle.

"You're right, actually."

"I thought so."

"For what it's worth, I think Sebastian feels the same way. I know I've told you before but I've never seen him this happy in my years of knowing him. I think he just is happy to be back together with his buddies he hasn't seen in a while and they were wanting to drink so he joined can.” He paused. "Man, I make him sound like a peer pressured teen." He started laughing and you joined him.

"You really did to be honest. Awww, teenage Seb. I wish I had known him then."

"Has Georgeta shown you the photo albums yet?"

"We've made it through his second year. That's it, though." He guffawed at this info.

"Well, the good news is, after Sunday, you'll have the rest of your lives to look through them."

"It'll probably take that long too," you giggled. A moment passed. "Thanks for talking with me about the irrational fear that creeped in for a moment. Everyone here is napping so I'd have no one else to talk to about it."

"Of course, (y/n), you're one of my best friends. That means we're here for each other. If you need to chat at anytime all you have to do is pick up the phone. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I suppose I do, despite that I never really think to do so, honestly. That goes both ways. You know that, don't you?"

"I do. Oh God, I hope Sebastian doesn't hear because you realize we just both said 'I do''s, don't you?"

"Oh hell, we did didn't we?"

"Yeah, but I'll keep it on the down low." You laughed.

"Thanks, Chris. I was so worried you were going to show up and try to move in with me," you said sarcastically. "Granted, I'm unsure where you'd move into since I currently an homeless." You could practically hear his eyes rolling in his head.

"You're not homeless, dramatic."

"Well, technically I am still in transition. I'm just saying."

"In transition my ass. All of your shit is here and unpacked."

"No, it's not."

"The stuff you have in your suitcase doesn't count."

"No, but the majority of my stuff is still in boxes spread throughout Sebastian's apartment." He took a moment before answering.

"(Y/n), it's not, I swear to you. I have yet to see a box and I've been here all afternoon." You began to think and wonder because you had literally FaceTimed Seb before the girls picked you up and the only things you had shipped were furniture pieces so all boxes had already made it up there. In fact, Sebastian had tripped over a box of your things while you had been on the call.

"I don't understand." How in the world would he have gotten rid of all of the boxes.

"Hold on a sec." You heard rusting on Chris' end of the line. "Oh shit," you heard him say quietly and you could almost see him looking down in frustration. "(Y/n), I'm so sorry. I think I just ruined a surprise."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I think Sebastian unpacked everything for you and had already put it around the apartment. I bet he wanted you to feel right at home and wanted to surprise you by having everything unpacked when you guys got back. He's already separated his closet and one side is all of your clothes. Shit, (y/n), I'm so sorry."

Your eyes began to tear up, touched by how thoughtful and time consuming this gesture had to have been. He must have only had a few boxes left when you had FaceTimed.

"Oh, Chris. It's okay." You sniffled.

"Oh, God, please don't cry. I feel like shit already."

"No!! No, it's not that. I'm not upset. I'm just touched by his gesture."

"Oh, thank God. I was worried for a minute there."

"Well, look, I need to get off of here and take a nap. Thank you for keeping an eye on him, all of them, tonight. I really appreciate it, Chris. You have no idea how much I do. I know we're not supposed to see each other before Sunday but will you please let me know if anything happens and I need to be there? Or if you need backup because I feel like it's gonna get pretty rowdy."

"Well, you may be right about that, but I can handle it."

"Chris. You have Seb, Mackie, Chase, and Chu. Just those alone are enough to cause concern. Let alone the other four.” Chris busted out laughing in response.

"That is very true. Okay, I'll call if I need backup, I promise."

"Thank you. Also, don't take this the wrong way because I love all of them, but for God's sake don't let Seb promise anyone another spot on the groomsmen team. Please promise me that."

"I got you, (y/n). I'll keep them in line and out of the groomsmen line," he said chuckling.

"Thank you, Chris. Seriously, all joking aside, thank you. I forever owe you for all of this."

"Don't mention it."

"Don't mention what?" You teased.

"Oh okay, smartass. Let me go tell Mackie you added him to the wedding party."

"Shit. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." You both began to laugh again.

"Alright, well I'll let you go so you can nap and I can check on the boys. It's awful quiet out there."

"Yeah, you better go, then. I’ll talk to you later and thanks again."

"Anytime, see ya."

You quickly fell asleep. The next thing you knew, you were being awoken by Caroline and Beth jumping up and down on your bed.

"Damn, you guys." You tried to remain serious but couldn't stop yourself from grinning.

"Let's party!!!" They dragged you out of bed and quickly into an almost endless night of fun. After brunch you all finally headed back to the hotel to rest. Vegging out with plenty of laughs, catching up, and chick flicks were all in order on the night before you married the man of your dreams. Sunday came and the wedding went off without a hitch, surprisingly. You all danced the evening away before Sebastian and you headed out for your two-week honeymoon on a 2am flight.

Your honeymoon was spent traveling through Italy, Romania, and the Philippines. Before you both knew it, it was time to return to your home in NY. Sebastian still had a few weeks off of work so you two spent practically every moment together. Once he was down in Atlanta, you decided that you'd begin a job hunt, looking for something part-time. It worked out that Sasha happened to need some extra help around the shop so you stepped in. Since Sasha knew the inner-workings of you and Sebastian's relationship, the job at the shop gave you something to do and some income while he was away yet the freedom to visit him when it was convenient for the both of you. About a year and a half after you were married, you surprised Sebastian on set in Greece.

"Babe!!!" He exclaimed entering his trailer, running to you, picking you up, and spinning you.

"Sebastian," you squeezed his neck, "oh, I've missed you...so fucking much." You kissed him as he released you back to the floor.

"Oh, that goes both ways," he quietly replied after your lips parted. You both smiled softly but only for a moment. "So, babe! What are you doing here? Why didn't you tell me you were coming?"

"Ahm, Sebastian, babe. It's called a surprise," you responded sarcastically.

"Oh, thanks for the info. I had no clue." He rolled his eyes back at you.

"I just missed you!"

"Well, I'm so fucking psyched you're here. How long are you here for or is that a surprise too?" Now it was your turn to roll your eyes.

"No, that's not a surprise. I'm only here a couple of days. I have to be back to work on Monday." Seb's face dropped a little bit. "Sure I can't call Sasha and work something out?"

"Don't call her. She doesn't know I'm here."

"What?" His eyes grew in size. "You didn't tell Sasha something? Since when?"

"Oh, hush!"

"I'm serious!! You told her about that one night that I had to go to the doctor the next day after what we did. It was like you couldn't wait to laugh at me behind my back. Actually I take that back, you laughed in my face. It was like you couldn't wait to have other people laugh with you." You attempted not to bust out laughing in his face once again. "Go ahead, laugh. I can tell you want to. Your face is about to turn purple from you holding it in." You complied and had to bend over as you couldn't stop laughing. He took your arm to keep you from tumbling over. Once you caught your breath again, you leaned back up, thanking him for the laugh and for steadying you.

"Okay, so a little bird told me you get off around seven tonight?"

"Who've you been talking to?"

"A little bird. I just said that."

"Well, you're right so you must have been talking to someone important or at the least, correct," he laughed.

"So dinner tonight?"

"Of course. Then a little dessert?" He winked seductively. "Actually, how about a lot of dessert? Maybe a couple of dessert trips?" He waggled his eyebrows at you. You slapped his chest.

"Stop, Seb. I get it, okay."

"I mean, it's been a month."

"Seb, I get it!" He pulled you by the hips to him, your face flushing.

"Okay, I'll stop...talking about it. But is it a possibility?"

"Dessert is a possibility."

"Wait. Just to be clear...dessert or," his voice dropped to a gruff tone, "dessert?"

"It'll be a surprise." He smiled, reading your mind. No surprise would be had that night. The next morning, however, Sebastian had a big, slightly prankish, surprise waiting for him. He had left you asleep in the hotel suite and headed to work. He stepped up to his trailer on set to go in and get ready, or so he thought. When he opened the door, about 30 pink plastic bodies slid out of the trailer. He was shocked but then he realized what the pink plastic bodies were. He couldn't see anything but plastic bodies inside his trailer.

"Surprise!!!" You shouted behind him about 10 feet off. He spun around quickly, jaw dropped in shock.

"Wait. What??" He said as a ponderous smile began to spread across his face and his eyes ignited with joy. "Are you saying???"

You simply nodded with a painful cheeky grin. He ran to you, picking you up into a bear hug lifting you off the ground in the process.

"We're going to be parents!!!" He shouted for anyone in earshot to hear. Little did he know most everyone on set already knew as you had roped them into helping you with the surprise. Everyone came out of the woodwork, or rather, from behind trailers, props, and inside the building, clapping and cheering, passing on their congratulations.

Later that evening after Sebastian got off of work, he rushed back to the hotel but when he walked in you were asleep. He fixed himself some breakfast for dinner. As he turned around to plate the food, he saw you standing next to the island.

"Shit. Did I wake you up? I'm so sorry."

"Sebastian, it's okay. I didn't mean to fall asleep, it just happened. I wanted to be awake when you got back."

"Are you hungry?? I'll fix some food real quick...for both of you." You smiled and walked leisurely to him, putting your arms around his back and interlocking your fingers behind him.

"I think we're fine for now. We ate a lot earlier. Thank you, though. We both appreciate it."

Sebastian lowered himself to one knee and placed his hand on your stomach despite that no one could really tell you were pregnant yet.

"I can't believe you're here, little one," he said caressing your stomach. You ran your fingers through his hair as he continued to speak softly to the baby and sneaking butterfly kisses here and there.

"You're going to make a great dad, you know."

"You're going to make an even better mom."

"We shall see. I have said for about seven years now that the only way I'd have kids was if they were yours. I couldn't deprive the world of little Sebastians running around."

"I can't wait to meet her."

"You want a girl," you asked incredulously. He stood up to his full height and pulled you close.

"Yeah, I want the world to have a little you running around." You shook your head and chuckled lightly into his chest.

"I love you, Sebastian." After a moment, his hands moving to your arms and leaning you back quickly he exclaimed,

"Wait! So you're telling me, you knew you were pregnant...and we did ....what we did last night!?" You burst out laughing.

"Seb, you can have se-" his hand flew over your mouth stopping your sentence short.

"Shhh!! She doesn't need to know about," he whispered and then softened his whisper even more to finish, " s-e-x yet." You couldn't help but giggle at how silly he was being and he removed his hand.

"Seb. Babe. Stop." You continued laughing. "You're being ridiculous."

"How long have you known?"

"A couple of weeks."

"So...you mean the last time we...before last night, of course."

"A month and a day ago, yes." You grinned.

"I just can't believe this. I'm as happy as I've ever been."

"Me too, babe. Me too."

You went back home. After another couple of months, Seb was home and on hiatus from work for the following two years. In the meantime, he didn't miss a moment of your pregnancy, the child, Sophia Faye Stan coming into this world, or her first year of life. After Sophia had passed the age of three, Sebastian and you began trying again and it wasn't long before soon you were pregnant again. This time you got the little Sebastian you had been hoping for. Mihail Stan was born in May two months to the day before his sister's fourth birthday. Sebastian continued to work but it was less frequent typically only working a couple of months a year and limiting PR so that he could spend time with you and the kids. Your little family purchased two homes, both near enough to either side of the family so that the kids could know their grandparents better. Your family spent three-fourths of the year in NY as it had become your home since moving and the remainder of the time in NC with trips down in between visits. After Mihail had gotten to the age of two it worked out that a new child came into the family but by adoption this time. Rosamie Sampaguita Stan came into your lives on December 22nd. Adopted from an orphanage in the Philippines, Rosamie was dropped off at the orphanage and no one had been able to track down her parents for the past year of her life. She brought so much joy and a feeling of wholeness to your little family.

By the time the kids got to high school, Sebastian decided to limit his work even more. He stuck to jobs that would be local and didn't require travel. You continued your photography business you started after Rosamie turned six. Sophia pursued acting, like her father, but studied at Syracuse. Mihail grew up loving animals and became a veterinarian, moving to North Carolina to attend vet school at NC State. He graduated with honors and moved to Boone to open his own practice. Rosamie remained close to you. She loved to dance and after studying dance at Juilliard, she opened up her own studio downtown, purchasing a home just a few blocks from the quaint two bedroom home you and Seb downsized to after she graduated college.

The remainder of your days were spent with joy and love. You welcomed the sons-in law and daughter-in-law and adored the grandchildren you were blessed with. It was a beautiful 45 years of wedded bliss.

———————————————————

I can't believe it's finally over. A part of me has died as I have enjoyed writing this story so much. Thank you to all of those who read and enjoyed. I'm eternally grateful for your kind words and eyes. I want to quote "Chuck Shurley/a prophet/ God" in Supernatural to finish everything out:

"Endings are hard. Any chapped-ass monkey with a keyboard can poop out a beginning but endings are impossible. You try to tie up every loose end, but you never can. The fans are always gonna bitch. There's always going to be holes. And since it's the ending, it's all supposed to add up to something. I'm telling you they're a raging pain in the ass...So what's it all add up to? It's hard to say...No doubt, endings are hard. But then again, nothing ever really ends, does it?"

@pari0924 @yesixoxo @a-d-v-e-n-t-u-r-e-s @verymuchso-youknow@moniquefitzgerald@chmereaustin@rayonship07@buckyband@wydari@parisispretty@mylexlife@ivoryfoxfigliadeifiori@pepperspraymeiwillpeppersprayyou @crownie-sr@sebstan01@awinterloveuniverse@linksforlaylor@layoutmellet@theliarone@rebekastan98@discophony@inthenameofrock@glitterintheairblog@millie-saurus-rex@celinejfong@camerica96@emilyinbuffalo@seargantbcky@sebbysebbastan@iamwarrenspeace@jeelicious78@valentinachr@badassbaker  @sebbystanlover-vk@mummastace @ssweet-empowerment @void-imaginations @ilovebeingjoyful @superwholockian5ever @mashed-fandom-imagines @the-nonsenseblog

[brokemultidotexe]

Unexpected 14.5

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Summary: You never expected your trip to Seoul to end up like it does. You didn’t expect to step off the plane and have coffee pour down your shirt. You also didn’t expect the guy to offer to show you around the city. You notice things about him that don’t quite make sense, like how he shows interest but will only see you when he has the time which is at random hours during the day and night. Who knew your only friend in Seoul would turn out to be an international star and just how difficult things could get.

Word Count: 4k

Warning: None

Genre: Romance/Friendship

Part: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 6.5 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 10.5 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 14.5 | 15 |

Jungkook was sitting in his room leaning back in his computer chair to stare at the ceiling. He had been sitting like this for the past two hours trying to process the information that was given today. Had this happened months ago he would probably be more excited than he was right now. He felt bad because he knew he should be more excited but other thoughts plagued his mind. He heard a knock at the door but the person on the other side didn’t wait to be invited in.

“You’re going to have to stop sulking Jungkookie. It’s not the end of the world.” Jimin leaned against the door frame.

“I know it’s not, but going on tour for months doesn’t sound as appealing as it used to. Plus that leaves her here wi-”

“With Jackson?” Jimin interrupted and got a glare in response.

“That’s not what I was going to say.”

“Doesn’t make it any less true.” he shrugged.

“Did you come here to make me feel better or piss me off? I’m just curious.” Jungkook was now sitting up in the chair fully facing his best friend.

“Technically neither. Look all I was going to say is that maybe you should just talk to her.” Jimin hated seeing Jungkook struggle as much as he was, especially since he’d never seen him be this way about any girl before.

Jungkook groaned, “I just got her back. I don’t want to risk her cutting me out again.”

Jimin rolled his eyes, “Wow for knowing her so well you don’t give her much credit. Even I know she wouldn’t do that, so what’s this really about?”

He chewed on his lip debating on whether to truly open up about everything because he still hadn’t figured it out himself. “Like I said, I just got her back but my worry isn’t her cutting me out. It’s my life cutting her out that I'm worried about. I never really gave any of it much thought before because I didn’t have to worry about anyone else. Now everything I do I'm thinking about how it would affect her or what she would want to do. The thought of being away for months and not seeing her just gives me this awful feeling in my chest.” his hand subconsciously started rubbing against his sternum.

Jimin felt for him because everyone’s first love was always the hardest and Jungkook was having to go through it during the rise of his career. “I’m sure Bang would let her come visit us on tour or something.”

He shook his head, “No he’s already said he’s taking a risk.”

“But did you ask this specific question? I mean he’s letting her go with you when we’re filming for the Run episodes. He’s allowed her to go to smaller appearances, but if you want even a chance of you getting to see her on tour then ask. The worse he can say is no.” he watched Jungkook nod with his eyes cast down. Jimin knew this probably wasn’t the time to ask but he needed to know where the youngest members head was at. “What are you going to do when she has to go back home?”

Jungkook’s eyes quickly met his and Jimin could see the worry in his eyes, “I try not to think about it. I want to talk about it with her but every time it’s come up I quickly change the subject because I'm scared to hear what she’s gonna say. I know she can’t stay here forever but I don’t want an ocean between us. I don’t even like when there’s a room between us, and yes I know how pathetic that sounds.”

Jimin walked into his room and closed the door behind him and moved some things around so he could sit down because he was sure this conversation may last a while. “I know you think long distance relationships are doomed to fail, but not every relationship is the same.”

“I’m pretty sure this is different than most long-distance relationships.”

He nodded, “You’re right, it is. But I know you don’t like to lose so I'm sure you’d do anything you could to make it last. If not, there will be others later on that live in the same country as you do.”

“I don’t want anyone here, I want her.”

“Then tell her that. ” Jimin huffed, “The both of you are skirting around each other it’s driving us all insane. We know you like each other, even a blind person would be able to tell. You’re practically dating, the only thing your lacking is a title. At this point, we’re all waiting to walk in on you two, which if you do decide to do anything of the sort please shoot us a message to let us know not to come home.”

“It’s not that simple, we’ve had this conversation.”

“The last time we had it she didn’t know who you were and now she does.”

“We’re about to go on tour, I’d be a dick if I asked her to be my girlfriend and then flew around the globe for months without seeing her.” Jungkook felt like he was going in the same circle with Jimin and he just wasn’t understanding that it wasn’t as black and white as Jimin was trying to portray.

“Look, just try and talk to Bang. It can’t hurt to ask Jungkookie, because what if you never asked but he would have said it was fine. You’ll be kicking yourself later if you don’t at least ask.” Jungkook nodded, “Look we all like her, she’s great and I've never seen someone mesh so well with you like she does. She brings out a side of you we never got to see and you look happy, so don’t let this pass by just because you won’t ask a simple question.”

“Okay I'll ask.” he finally relented because Jimin had a point even though he wouldn’t admit it. “But I still don’t know how to tell her about the tour.”

“Don’t worry about that now. Just spend the time you can with her because it doesn’t matter how it turns out as long as you’ve spent today with her. We’ve been in meetings all day and had practice for part of it. So go see her because honestly, you’re depressing me with your mopey demeanor.” Jimin grabbed a jacket hanging off to the side and tossed it into his lap, “Now go, just remember we have an early practice so if you don’t come home at least set an alarm.”

“Really hyung?” Jungkook couldn’t help but laugh.

“Hey, you’ve done it before. Seriously, go see your girl.” he stood up and opened the door and left.

Jungkook sat in his chair debating if he should follow Jimin’s advice or not. He really did want to see Y/N because he hadn’t talked to her much since he had been in meetings for most of the day. After they were told they would be getting ready to go on tour he hadn’t looked at his phone because he was still trying to process the fact that he may not see her for months. He didn’t know how he was ever going survive if she moved back to America. He was in too deep with her and the thought of not getting to see her every day upset him more than he thought it would.

It wasn’t news to him that he was in love with her, but sometimes it still surprised him by just how much he did. It made him nervous because he’d never felt this vulnerable with anyone before but he couldn’t help but feel the way he did towards her. He tried so long to fight it and at some point, he couldn’t anymore, not when he kept getting insanely jealous every time he would call her and she was with Jackson. He didn’t have issues with Jackson, not really, but he envied that Jackson could be with her without any restrictions.

Jungkook grabbed his jacket and slipped it on. He grabbed his keys and turned off the light before heading towards the front door. When he came out into the living room he saw Jimin and Tae sitting there with a movie going. Jimin had a huge smile on his face and held his hand out in front of Tae.

“I don’t have cash on me now so you’ll have to wait.”

“You guys are betting on me again? Seriously?” it seemed to be a common occurrence now that he hung out with Y/N so much and they enjoyed teasing him way too much.

“I’m saving us all from Tae buying anymore Gucci.” Jungkook laughed and walked away when the two started arguing. He closed the door and walked towards the elevator. Despite not knowing how to tell Y/N about the tour he was going to take his hyung’s advice and just enjoy today with her because it was the one thing he was promised.

AN: Okay i won’t beat around the bush this chapter is shit, but i haven’t finished 15 and i didn’t want to leave you hanging even more so i figured giving an insight to JK again would work out pretty well. For the ones that have still stayed with me after this long pause I thank you. I really am sorry if you find this chapter as shitty as i do but it’s been crazy so far and i’ve been having to work through my lunch and that has made it hard to write as much as i have been because that was my main time to write.