#despite my best efforts of messing about with resolutions when I record

[glazedcroissant]

Roar of the King

Speedpaint Here~

[colorseeingchick]

Oh Baby! A Series (Tsukishima x Fem!Reader)

Summary: You and Tsukishima have been together for years- and pranking each other the whole way through. But what happens when one prank on Tsukki turns out to be a prank on you? 

Warnings: Swearing, mentions of pregnancy, fluff 

Word Count: 2.9k

A/N: This is my first fic! I hope you guys like it :) 

“This was the best you could do? Really?” You watch in horror as Tsukishima Kei, your husband of 5 years, holds the positive pregnancy test in his hand, a smug expression plastered across his face. 

Fuck. 

“Babe, this is like the oldest trick in the book. I’m pretty offended that you thought that this would fool me, of all things.” He shakes his head slowly and puts the test back in the bathroom drawer where you (thought you) had hidden it away from his sight. 

You stand there, processing the scenario as it had just played out before you. But that clearly wasn’t enough to sort out how genuinely screwed (ha pun intended) you were.  

How exactly did you end up here again? 

Tsukki had been pranking and roasting you for 12 years now- 1 year as your classmate, 1 year as your friend, 5 years as your boyfriend, and 5 as your husband. Yeah, your high school sweetheart was this sarcastic four-eyes. You were simple to read and gave theatrical reactions which perpetually egged him on to keep messing with you, and eventually led to him developing feelings for you. Despite how annoyed you were by him at first as well, you soon found yourself loving his quick wit and taunting personality. Though the roasts were intense, the pranks were always light. Tsukki made an effort to never push serious or sensitive topics, and he would NEVER try to pull anything when you were in a bad mood. The pranks went both ways as well- and you never felt more accomplished than when you managed to catch your clever boyfriend off guard. Teasing was a staple of your relationship and both of you loved it. But the jokes sometimes had you both a bit too on guard. When Tsukki proposed to you, you thought he was just pulling a more elaborate prank than usual (which led to you initially rejecting him AND causing a hell of a lot of confusion/fear/panic for Tsukishima...until the jokes were clearly set aside. At that point you JOYOUSLY accepted the ring from him, but that’s a story for another day). Looking back on it, you always loved lecturing him on how it was his fault for always playing tricks on you, and that he can’t blame you for not believing him right away. 

But OH! How the tables have turned. 

5 years into your marriage, and the pranks haven’t gone anywhere. However, Tsukki made a “New Years Resolution” to make fun of you more than he had in previous years [Read: Tsukki thinks New Years Resolutions are FAKE NEWS and has made a dumb one to mock the concept]. But considering it was meant to be a parody, he was pretty doing a damn good job of teasing you more than you had ever experienced. Your favorite mug *magically* ended up in the highest cabinet possible on a frequent basis, pieces of your strawberry shortcake would disappear soon after being frosted, and there were plenty of jump scares (which Tsukki went through the effort of recording every time). By the time March rolled around, you were VERY riled up (mind you, at no point had you ever actually attempted to tell Tsukki to stop) and promised Tsukki that you were going to pull the GREATEST prank in the history of your relationship as your grand move of revenge. You made an effort to remind him on a daily basis after that point, and both of your competitive natures came out. 

It was about three weeks after your initial declaration of revenge that you realized your period was quite overdue and morning sickness was setting in. You logically decided to take a pregnancy test. Low and behold, the test came back positive! 

You had known that Tsukishima was ready for children for quite some time now, honestly. He had mentioned it a few times, but you hadn’t felt ready or prepared to be a mom just yet. The man could read you like a book, so seeing distress or discomfort come up when he mentioned it- he would never want to make you feel pressured to have a baby. But after seeing the test, thinking about it (for a good while), and reflecting on your relationship and where you were in life, you felt like you were properly ready to be a mom. All that was left was for you to tell the dad-to-be. But seeing as you two were in a pranking WAR, you figured the timing wasn’t quite ideal just yet. Which is why you decided to hide the test and tell him after April 1st, as to prevent him from assuming you were pulling your grand prank with the pregnancy test. 

Never did you expect him to FIND the test on April Fools itself. If he had found it the days before, it would have been better than him finding it today. The one event you were trying to avoid was the only event to occur. As of right now, the world is playing a big prank on you. Though you definitely weren’t laughing. 

And I was ACTUALLY going to do the prank today, too! Ughh. You slide down your bathroom wall, contemplating where to even go with this. You could go through with your real prank, but at this point it felt excessively stupid in comparison to everything else going on. Right now, the priority was telling Tsukki the truth. You get up and rush downstairs, to where Tsukki was sitting on the couch, book in hand. 

“Kei, we need to talk.” You plop down next to him, casually placing one of your legs on top of his lap. 

He closes the book and tosses you one of his classic smirks, side eye and all. “Yes, Y/N?”

“Kei... I’m…” You grab his hand, “I’m actually pregnant.” 

He stares into your eyes, expression neutral. Meanwhile, your eyes dig daggers into him, as to say “I’m being DEAD serious you have to believe me or else.” 

He blinks a couple of times, smiles, and then raises the hand you put on top of his, sweetly kissing right below your knuckles. 

“I commend you for trying to rescue your prank, but you’re not gonna fool me like that.” He squeezes your hand before getting up and walking away to the kitchen, leaving you in absolute shock on the couch. He doesn’t believe me. Not even a little bit. 

Fuck. 

As the day goes on, you get more and more desperate to try and convince him of how you actually were now carrying his baby. And the more you try, the more he rejects the idea. Your last ditch effort is during dinner, when you make pancakes (breakfast for dinner was a Saturday specialty for you two) and you spell out “I have your CHILD” with chocolate chips on top of his stack. 

“You realize how out of context, this could be read a VERY different way, right?” He would have been fed up with how persistent you were being, if it wasn’t for how creative you were being about it. So instead, he was just thoroughly amused. 

You, on the other hand, are far from amused. Desperate, hopeless, and VERY irritated at the blond beanpole you called your husband, you aggressively stab your pancakes and eat in silence. 

I definitely set myself up for this, I’m not gonna lie. 

But there is only one way out, and that’s with fresh evidence. Right after finishing dinner, you leave the house and head to your local shop without saying a word to Tsukki. 

...She’s really sticking to it huh. Does she know that this isn’t as funny as she thinks it is? He thinks to himself as he sips on some warm milk while listening to some music and reading on the couch.

[Trust me Tsukki. She doesn’t think this is funny at all.]

Though you weren’t at the store for all that long, your husband managed to pass out on the couch (the milk made him sleepy). You sigh, shaking him into slight consciousness and dragging him up the stairs to your bedroom. As you push him onto the bed, he grabs your waist and tries to pull you onto him. He manages to get you close to his chest, and he nuzzles his nose into your neck, mostly asleep and searching for cuddles. For how irritating, snarky, and teasing your husband was, he was awfully affectionate and overwhelmingly sweet in moments like these. 

“Not yet, baby,” you whisper to his unconscious head, pulling his glasses off his face. “I have to prove how much of an idiot you are for not believing me. Then you get cuddles.” You wriggle yourself out of his grasp and head to the bathroom, taking another test to confirm what you already knew to be true. 

Sighing upon the sight of the two lines, you place this test in the drawer with the other one. “I’ll show him tomorrow when he’s awake and ready to face my wrath.” You smile mischievously while shutting the drawer.

You take care of some unfinished business in your house as it slowly hits 1 am. Exhausted, you eventually find yourself crawling into bed and under Tsukki’s arms, nuzzling into his chest as his arms instinctively encase you, your face tucking into the crook of his neck. 

How badly you wanted to stay upset at him. But it felt virtually impossible when he showered you with so much love. Being wrapped up in the warmth of his arms  quickly helped you drift off to sleep. 

---

You stirred back into consciousness at around 7 am,when the warmth that had wrapped around your body had disappeared, your husband not in sight. He usually woke up early on weekends to go run, so his absence wasn't surprising. Too groggy to worry or think straight, you instinctively get out of bed to go use the restroom as nausea shifts your stomach. However, when you approach the door frame of your master bathroom, you see Tsukki staring into the drawer, looking stiff as a statue. His face hidden, you could tell he’s deeply lost in thought. 

“Kei?” You ask softly, “ Love, is everything alri-”

He twists his body to face you, an unreadable expression adorning his strong and normally smug features. It scared you a little. 

“...Kei?” 

He reveals the two tests in his hands as he strides towards you, holding them directly in front of your line of sight. 

“Y/N, all jokes aside. Okay?”

You had a strong indication as to where this was going. “Okay.” 

“Are you really pregnant?” 

You paused for a second. Although the answer to the question was easy, there was a sudden fear that rose in your stomach upon hearing his tone. What if he was in denial because he didn’t want the baby? Would he be angry if he found out you were serious? But you were almost certain he would be as excited as you for the baby. 

Your pause of insecurity was accompanied by a blank expression that had Tsukki’s anticipation skyrocketing. He really wasn’t one to overthink. Thinking just the right amount was his specialty. He’s a rational guy. But you always managed to push that a little, and became the exception. 

“Y/N??” His hands grab your shoulders with a slight squeeze.

You jump back into reality as he calls your name. No matter what his reaction was, he would need to know the truth. You could do damage control after. 

“Yes. I really am pregnant, Kei. But if you don’t think we’re rea-”

“Is it mine?”

At this, you got pissed real fast. 

“The hell? Of course it’s yours, who else’s kid would it be what the hell do you thi-”

He engulfs you in a tight, crushing hug, pulling you against him entirely with his face nuzzled into the crook of your neck. He lets out a shaky breath as he sways you side to side in his embrace. 

“Oh my gosh, I’m gonna be a dad.” Relief radiates off of him, and you could feel a genuine and innocent smile pressed against your skin. 

Now you felt like an idiot for even worrying about telling him the truth. 

You gently pull away from his body to look him in the eyes, his arms still draped around you. “Kei, why didn’t you believe me when I told you yesterday?” 

He looked away from you, eyes on the ground. “Whenever I tried to bring it up in the past, you seemed uncomfortable, and you’ve told me before that you aren’t sure if you were ready to be a mom… I thought that I was the only one who wanted a baby... So when you promised a grand prank for days on end, and I found a positive pregnancy test... I just assumed it was an intense prank and didn’t wanna get my hopes up.” Despite everything, Tsukki had never been the best at direct confrontation. You both were advocates of clear communication and drawing lines, yes, but sometimes, for your sake, he tried to accommodate. It warmed your heart and broke it at the same time to see him all soft and vulnerable, compared to his usual tough guy act. 

“Baka.” You pulled his face down to yours so your foreheads touched, his eyes having no option but to lock with yours. “I would never lie about something like this. We’ve always been good about keeping serious stuff serious, yeah?” 

He murmured in agreement as he slowly closed his eyes. 

You giggle. “You know me too well, though. For a long time I didn’t think I was ready. Even when I took the first test I had doubt in myself. But I thought about everything and… I think I’m ready to have this baby. If it's with you then, yeah. I’m ready.” 

He opens his eyes again just to stare at you for a long moment before saying, “You’re gonna be as weird a mom as you are a wife.” 

You smack his arm and scowl at him. He breaks out and laughs, “Don’t worry, our baby will probably be as weird as you, so it will be great.” Your scowl deepened. It’s his turn to grab your face and kiss your nose, staring at you with all the love in the world. “It's because you’re so weird that I love you so much. Who else would be able to throw back what I dish out AND amuse me at the same time?” He quirks an eyebrow at you. 

You sigh, effectively flustered by his wacky compliment. “Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” His infamous smirk makes a reappearance and damn, are you a sucker for that smirk. 

“But-” you continue, “we really have set some ground rules from here on out. I thought your proposal would be the greatest mix-up in our relationship, but this is too close of a second.”

“Agreed.”

“And throughout this pregnancy you sure as hell better lay off on the teasing and pranks because I swear I will-” 

“I promise. I’ll be nice to you while you’re carrying our baby. I know- how absolutely uncharacteristic of me.” 

You roll your eyes, a smile sneaking onto your face. “Be careful, I might get used to it.” 

He rolls his eyes back, smiling as well. “So, truce?” 

“Truce.” 

He finally pulls away from you and walks as to exit your bedroom. “We’ll talk more about this later, I’m gonna go on my run for now. Do you know where my water bottle is by the way?” 

You lean against the door frame once again. “It should be in the office.” 

“Alright, I’ll let you know when I get back.”

You smiled to yourself, your stomach bubbling from nausea, yes, but also from happiness. How did you get so lucky with such a snarky beanpole? You had yet to figure it out. 

“OI Y/N!” You broke out of your thoughts again as Tsukki sprints up the stairs and essentially throws himself into your bedroom. 

“Yes?”

His face is completely awestruck, stuck in a state of shock and disbelief. 

“You wanna tell me why there are dinosaur stickers covering literally everything in my office?”

A mischievous grin slowly crawls across your face. 

His desk, chair, lamp, laptop, printer, and walls were plastered with dinosaur stickers. A flag with a dinosaur was hung behind his desk as well. (The visit to the shop the night before was the last of 5 trips you had made- you had gone to all sorts of stores to find jumbo stickers over the course of the past few weeks, because Tsukki would have seen packages if you ordered stickers online). 

“You couldn’t even spare my water bottle?” He lifts it, as to express his exasperation. 

The water bottle looked excessively stupid, as its usual blue service was covered with green baby dinos. 

“What happened to the truce?” He asks, still shocked. 

“I told you I would get my revenge.” The sass and pride was tangible in your voice. 

“Happy belated April Fool’s, Kei.”

[impartofthesolution]

This post is neither love nor hate for CD Projekt Red’s Cyberpunk 2077.  No matter your opinion, you have to admit their End User License Agreement is flippin’ hilarious: 1 ABOUT THIS AGREEMENT Alright, so this load of corpo talk on the left is actually pretty simple. It’s kinda like a safety manual for a new piece of cyberware (like anyone reads those, right?). So I’m here to make it real easy to understand. But ‘member, that long version over on the left, that stuff is legally binding. My version; well, I’m just here to help. The whole Agreement only counts for Cyberpunk 2077. For rules covering other games from the same company, ya gotta check out the specific legal-speak written for them. And hey, if ya like reading so much, they’re askin’ ya to check out the Fan Content Guidelines, the CD PROJEKT RED User Agreement, and CD PROJEKT RED Privacy Policy. So go ahead, knock yourself out. 2 AGE RESTRICTIONS AND CONTENT WARNING This is cute. So, the game’s got this ‘minimum age rating’ okay? So if ya wanna get into Night City — I’m tryna keep a straight face here — you gotta be above that rating. Usually, it’s 18+, but if, say, ya live somewhere that says 17+, and you’re only 17, then you gotta ask a parent for supervision. Seriously. Ya can’t make this up! Oh yeah, and there’s a warning here that Cyberpunk 2077 has some ‘pretty gruesome and disturbing stuff going on’. Now we’re talkin. 3 USING CYBERPUNK 2077 You bought this game so you’ve got the right to play it on whatever system/device/platform ya bought it for — and only on that system/device/platform. Simple. ‘Nother warning here, an’ it’s an important one, too! If you or someone you live with suffers from an epileptic condition, talk to your doctor before jackin’ into Cyberpunk 2077. 4 MINIMUM REQUIREMENTS AND MONITORING First rule of the streets: walk before you can run. Cyberpunk 2077 has minimum requirements depending on the system/device/platform you’re playing it on. So keep that in mind before you put your eddies down, alright? Okay, so they’re sayin’ that they might need to implement some background tools/software to monitor the game and make sure Cyberpunk 2077 is always kept in preem condition. When these are optional, they only run when you agree to it. You give the go ahead. When they’re mandatory, well, they’ll be upfront about it and let ya know in advance. They ain’t gonna just start ‘spying’ on ya or somethin’ like that. 5 PATCHES, UPDATES AND CHANGES Even the slickest cyberware needs some attention every now and then. There’ll be patches and updates for Cyberpunk 2077, and these’ll help make it run better. You want that, right? 6 OWNERSHIP AND INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY RIGHTS Just a reminder that Cyberpunk 2077 is owned/licensed by CD PROJEKT RED. Sure, you get to run wild on the streets of Night City, but if ya wanna start usin’ elements from the game outside of that — ya gotta listen to the rules laid out by the corpo in this an’ other documents, alright? 7 RULES FOR USING CYBERPUNK 2077 Just like jackin’ into a preem braindance recording, Cyberpunk 2077 is for your own personal pleasure. Don’t be a gonk and ruin the fun by messing up the rules in the corpo text opposite. 8 FAN CONTENT Wanna make cool stuff inspired by Cyberpunk 2077? Don’t go in blind. Read up on the Fan Content Guidelines so you know the score. 9 FEEDBACK AND CRASH REPORTS Hey, a corp that listens. Ain’t that somethin’? They wanna hear your feedback about Cyberpunk 2077, but it ain’t a guarantee that what you say will be acted on. Don’t feel too bad, though, sometimes it just ain’t meant to be. If anything happens to go south with Cyberpunk 2077 (like a Voodoo Boys netrunner crashing the system, or something crazy like that) feel free to ping an optional crash report over. It’ll be put to good use. 10 THIRD PARTY CONTENT AND EXTERNAL SERVICES The Net is a pretty massive place. Even master netrunners get caught out by some of the stuff you find out there. So keep this in your head: clicking a link that takes you outside of the world of the dark future — well, even the power of the corpo can’t look after you. So stay safe, cyberpunk. 11 WARRANTIES Second rule of the streets: A deal’s a deal. This part says that they make a ‘binding agreement’ about Cyberpunk 2077 with ya. They won’t leave ya hanging, and they’ll take ‘reasonable care’ regarding your use of the game. How sweet — ‘scuse me while I dry my eyes over here. 12 LIABILITY This part’s all about legal responsibility between you and the corp. Gotta know where ya both stand, right? Despite best efforts, sometimes a piece of preem tech like this doesn’t always work like you want it to — even after testing and all that good stuff. The corpo’s pretty clear that it ain’t responsible to you for how Cyberpunk 2077 works, and it ain’t making any legally binding promises to you about this sort of thing in general. But if things get *really* screwed up and you’re at fault for a real serious breach in this Agreement, then you’ll be asked to “indemnify” them. Fancy corpo word meanin’ you’ll be asked to compensate them financially in case somethin’ big goes down. So try not to breach anything, is my advice. Okay, got some extra info here: these provisions don’t apply to people living in the EU or other applicable countries. 13 TERMINATION Wanna end the Agreement for good? Easy, just stop playing Cyberpunk 2077. From my experience, corpos never usually let ya just walk away clean, so this is a pretty preem deal if you ask me. If you go acting like a gonk and seriously breach this Agreement, then you can say goodbye to your access to Cyberpunk 2077 (temporarily or permanently). That’d suck, so just play it smart and keep it clean. This probably won’t happen, but just in case it does and Cyberpunk 2077 stops working for good, then you’ll be told before it happens. 14 FORCE MAJEURE Third rule of the streets: S**t happens. It’s an unpredictable world out there. Anything crazy and unexpected happens, (war, earthquake, flood, rogue AIs overthrowing the human race an’ subjugating us all etc. — okay that last one’s a joke... I hope…) then neither you nor the corpo will be held accountable when these obligations can’t be performed. Like I said; s**t happens. 15 GOVERNING LAW Legally, any questions/complaints or claims you have about this Agreement fall under Polish law. That goes for everyone on the planet — unless you live in the United States of America, that is. If that’s you, then you fall under California law instead. Ain’t you special? 16 DISPUTE RESOLUTION AND BINDING ARBITRATION Got any concerns or issues? Talk to Cyberpunk 2077 support. They’ll talk it out with you and, ideally, resolve the issue without having to resort to a legal pursuit. Y’know, I wish we had this type of option in Night City… Oh, and here’s their address: https://support.cdprojektred.com/en/ IMPORTANT: Another country-specific wrinkle. If ya live in the United States of America, this section involves you and the company agreeing to ‘mandatory arbitration’ — so settling things without involving the courts. If ya live in any other country, then this arbitration process flips from ‘mandatory’ to ‘optional’. Depending on where you live, you and the corpo agree not to bring class action, or other collective legal action with your choombas, against each other. Legal issues will be handled by following the process written in the corpo text opposite. 17 OTHER LEGAL STUFF Okay, pretty simple stuff here. This whole section’s talkin’ ‘bout some more rules for the Agreement. Nothin’ to get excited about, just some extra self-explanatory info some suits wanted to put in. They always gotta add somethin’, right? 18 CHANGES TO THIS AGREEMENT Fourth rule of the streets: everything changes. This Agreement might change somewhere down the line, but if it does, the updated version will be put on the Net for all to see. The changes will come into force not long after they tell you about ‘em. Ya ain’t gonna get taken by surprise, ‘kay? If ya got somethin’ ya wanna ask about these changes, go ahead and contact legal@cdprojektred.com — they love to hear about that sorta stuff. Important: please remember that the full text version is what’s legally binding – the quick summary on the right is just to help you understand the legally binding version better. Have a blast in Night City, choomba.