#desperately tried to get colour into her skin and i think i went overboard

[themoon-andtosaturn]

london n6

[softsichenghours]

metanoia {m.l}

summary: after a painful breakup, you set out on a journey to live your life, never thinking the boy at the gas station would bring the most meaning into it. 

word count: 11.2k (i went a little overboard) 

category: fluff, a little bit of angst, soulmates au

warnings: mentions of alcohol, swearing, mentions of religion, a tad bit suggestive, death

a/n: yukhei, johnny, and donghyuck are side characters, the song mentioned is slow it down by the lumineers, props to you if you can find the quote from the end of the f****** world, heavily inspired by the world is ending and i’m with you by @jaeminlore​ so pls check that out too

you and your soulmate have matching tattoos that become clear once you meet.

metanoia: the journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self, or way of life. 

you had a secret. a secret you could tell nobody. not your friends, not your family, not your boyfriend. well, you couldn't tell him because it was about him. well, your relationship with him. that sounds terrible. the secret about your relationship that you kept hidden away from your boyfriend wasn't a bad secret. yes it was. it wasn't a secret like you were cheating on him or you knew something bad that he didn't, but you knew it could hurt you both in many ways. 

your boyfriend yukhei was wonderful. he was the light of your life, always creating sunshine wherever he went. he could help you out of your bad moods in an instant and he dealt with your nihilistic views on the world, despite his opposite beliefs. he was a smooth talking flirt, which was what first pulled you in to him a year ago. 

the concept of soulmates was something so cherished in your society. when you met your soulmate, your matching tattoos appeared on your body. for years you watched as your friends in middle school and high school got their tattoos with their high school sweethearts. you were convinced you were never going to get yours, although you were still very young.

it was a cold winter's day when you met yukhei. you and your friend were walking into a café, as yukhei and his friend were walking out. had either of you been delayed by even ten seconds, you wouldn’t have met. yukhei called it fate, you called it coincidence (you were never one to indulge in such foolish concepts such as fate, magic, destiny, etc.) you wore your brand new cream coloured knit turtleneck and yukhei spilled his hot coffee all over it while running into you. he must've apologized ten times over but you shrugged it off, more annoyed that the coffee was basically scalding your skin. you offered to buy him another, but he denied. instead, yukhei bought you and your friend your drinks and even tried to compensate you for the price of your sweater (which you wouldn't take. it was just a shirt). 

once the two boys had left the café, your friend started babbling about how she thought one of them was her soulmate. she said she felt a tingling on her skin, never mentioning where, but saying that her older sister told her that's what the tattoo felt like when it appeared. she said she had a suspicion that it was yukhei’s friend.

within ten minutes, the boys were back in the café. you watched them discuss something on the snowy sidewalk before entering the tiny shop again, the christmas chimes clattering. your friend held her breath when they made their way back over. 

“uh, hey again.” yukhei smiled sheepishly, snowflakes dusting his hair and shoulders. “it seems that i've lost my number.”

“huh?” you chuckled in response, sipping your hot cocoa.

“i lost my number. can i have yours?” 

that's how smooth wong yukhei was. that's how you ended up falling in love with him. 

but you had a secret. yukhei was not your soulmate. 

yukhei got his tattoo. a little sun right on the inside of his wrist. you were falling for him and although you knew it was wrong and useless to be in a relationship with him if you weren't soulmates, you didn't want to let him go. 

so you lied. you said that your sun tattoo had shown up on a part of your body that was too personal to show him. but a year into your relationship and it was still too personal to show when he asked. because you didn't have it.

you cursed the gods or whatever had created soulmates. you knew of people who hated their soulmate when they first met. you knew of people who's soulmates had died and then they were alone forever. but you cursed them because you loved yukhei and he wasn't yours.

your secret was about to be revealed.

you and yukhei had been fighting a lot recently. over stupid things that every couple fought over. you wanted to get a new apartment away from the noisy city, he didn't. he wanted to get a pet, you didn't. neither of you did the dishes and now they were piling up in the sink. every couple fought about these things, but soulmates were able to resolve them easily. you hated to admit it, but your feelings for yukhei were fading. it was because he wasn't your soulmate. 

you tossed and turned in your shared bed, not being able to sleep because of the noise outside your window. your apartment with yukhei was right in the middle of the city, where it was loud day and night. 

after hearing a particularly loud and aggressive honk from a car horn, you sat up in bed, rubbing your temples and praying for yukhei to change his mind about moving. 

“why are you awake?” he mumbled, turning to face you, his eyes still half shut with sleep. 

“how are you asleep?” you sighed, wondering how he could sleep with all the noise. 

“just ignore it.” he suggested, like it was a world changing idea. you rolled your eyes and got out of bed, hoping the couch would provide more comfort to your ears. 

“i can't “just ignore” it.” you mocked his voice as you trailed out of the room. 

“seriously?” yukhei groaned, getting up to follow you. you didn't want to argue right then, in the middle of the night. 

you walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water first. yukhei followed and leaned against the counter, watching you intently, like a detective interrogating a criminal in a movie.

“what is it, xuxi?” you asked, clearly agitated, using his mandarin name. 

“why do we always have to fight? soulmates don't fight like this.” soulmates. your secret had become heavier and heavier to bare lately. 

“i don't know.” you said bluntly. “maybe we just want different things, yukhei. i want to have a good nights sleep for once, but you don't want to move so that can happen.” you snapped. this was so stupid, and you both knew it was. you put your cup in the sink after taking only two sips, and tried to walk away from him. 

“but soulmates don't want different things–”

“we’re not even soulmates, xuxi.” you let your biggest secret slip out of your mouth. just like that. the cat was out of the bag. 

yukhei was silent for a moment. “w-what?” he asked, even lightly chuckling as if he thought you were joking. when you turned around to look at him, you knew he was connecting the dots. 

“that’s why you never wanted to show me your tattoo. because–because…” he couldn't finish his sentence. 

“because i don't have it.” you finished for him. an uncomfortable silence settled over the dark room, both of you truly realizing that you weren't soulmates. 

“i'm sorry, yuk–”

“you knew all this time and you didn't tell me? then who's my soulmate?!” he exasperated in disbelief, throwing his hands in the air. 

“it must be someone else you met that day…” you said in a quiet voice. it was silent again. 

“you lied to me for a year?” he spoke into the dark silence, tears collecting in his usually sparkling eyes. you didn't mean to make him cry. you didn't want him to cry. his watery eyes caused yours to fill up. 

“i didn't lie, i just–” you didn't know what to say. “i love you, yukhei.” you stepped closer to him, your fingers wrapping around his slender wrist. but you knew it was too late. he pulled away from you and turned his head to look at the floor as his tears fell. you shouldn't have said anything.  

“i thought only soulmates could truly love each other.” he scoffed, wiping at his eyes ashamedly. you realized something. 

“so you only loved me because you thought i was your soulmate?” you questioned, your eyebrows furrowing and your eyes burning into the man standing in front of you. your tears started to fall. “i loved you even though i knew you weren't mine.” 

yukhei took one fleeting look at you, and from the expression written all over his face, you knew it was over.

if there was one thing your parents taught you, it was that you had to live your life the way you wanted to. you couldn't let other people boss you around or tell you what to do. your life was your story, and you had to write it word for word.

that's how you ended up in your van that must've been over ten years old, aimlessly driving down the highway. you knew you had to get away from your life. your break up with yukhei was your reality hit. everything was meaningless anyway, so why not? you wanted to see as much of the world as you could and what could be a better time than during heartbreak? 

so you took your savings, shoved a mattress onto a wood palette in the back of your van, and hit the road. you didn't know where you were going, but you had been driving for a few hours now. you kept going, despite the tears blurring your vision that you tried to desperately blink away, despite the sun setting and darkness setting in, despite the rain furiously slapping against your windshield. wait, when had it started raining? you were so consumed in your own thoughts that you hadn't even realized the change it the weather. maybe it was time to take a break.

you stopped at a gas station in the nearest small town. the roads seemed too quiet, but maybe it was because it was after dark. you stepped out into the pouring rain, getting drenched almost as soon as your foot hit the ground. you ran inside, not noticing a pair of eyes watching you from inside the store. 

“is that everything…?” the boy behind the counter asked hesitantly, his fingers tapping the edge of the surface out of habit. you both glanced down at your array of foods you had dropped from your arms; chips, those rotated hotdogs that definitely weren't real meat, beef jerky, a box of tissues, and three cans of redbull. 

“yes.” you replied dryly, a slight chuckle escaping your lips. 

“roadtrip?” he questioned as he scanned the items. 

“you could say that.” 

it was silent for another moment. all you could hear was the low hum of the electric open sign, the deep buzz of the freezers, and the crinkle of the plastic bag he was putting your food into.

you finally looked up, grabbing your wallet from your pocket, letting your eyes examine the boy in front of you. he looked young, your age or younger. you couldn't deny that he was cute—high, sculpted cheekbones, smooth, fair skin, wide doe eyes. 

his eyes were what attracted you to him the most. when they finally met yours, you noticed that they sparkled, almost. you couldn't look away from them. you felt an itching sensation on your chest near your shoulder, almost like a tingle that you couldn't describe. 

you paid for your stuff and exited the store, stepping back into the rain. but you stopped in your tracks, something coming to your mind. something that had been described to you before. you turned your head in either direction to make sure no one was watching you before pulling the front of your shirt out and glancing down at your chest. and there it was, right above your heart. a single music note tattoo. you were sure that hadn't been there before. 

you were on this journey to find yourself and find happiness in this dreary world, and that's how you found yourself going back into the gas station. the boy watched as you marched up to the front counter. you noticed how he rubbed his left hand against the edge of the surface, almost as if he was relieving an itch. 

“hi again.” you breathed out, not believing you were doing this.

“hi…?” he said hesitantly, rocking on the heels of his feet lightly.  

“i know this is going to sound insane–” you eyed his name tag, “mark, but i think you're my soulmate.” 

he was silent. you were silent. the whole damn store was silent. maybe the world was silent. 

you released your breath when he didn't say anything after what seemed like an eternity. he just stood there, wide eyed, his mouth pursed in an “O” shape. 

“okay then, never trying that again.” you mumbled, taking a step back from the counter, turning on your heel to leave. maybe this whole soulmate thing was rigged and your tattoo was bullshit. 

“w-wait!” he called nervously. you looked at him again, waiting for him to say more. “i think you're right.” he laughed. 

“i'm right?” you repeated, like you weren't sure what he had said. but you heard him correctly. he lifted up his hand, displaying the music note tattoo in the middle of his palm, identical to yours. 

“can i see yours?” he asked quietly, his sparkling eyes even wider than before. “i mean, if it's–y'know.”

you nodded and pulled down the edge of your shirt ever so slightly, just enough to reveal your tattoo. 

“woah…” he muttered, his eyes darting from your tattoo to his, back to yours. he reached out as to place his palm on your chest, but you jolted back, letting your shirt go back into place. 

“sorry.” mark stuttered out, drawing back his arm. it was quiet again, both of you just looking at each other. how weird was it that you had found your soulmate so fast? and where did you go from there? 

for the first time in a long time, you found your heart speaking instead of your mind. 

“come with me, mark.” you didn't just say that.

mark laughed, looking down and shaking his head subtly. “i don't even know your name.”

“i’m y/n. now you do.” you blurted out, not being able to take your eyes off him. 

“how do i know you're not going to kill me?”

“i mean, you don't. but we’re soulmates, i think you should take my word for it when i say i won't murder you.” 

he hesitated again. “i'm off in,” he checked his watch. “ten minutes. but i have responsibilities.”

mark lee’s (you learned his full name on the drive to his apartment. he talked a lot) apartment was just like him from what you observed; somewhat tidy, somewhat all over the place. he had clothes on chairs in the kitchen, but there were no dishes in the sink. there was a half eaten apple on the counter, but he had instructed you to take your shoes off before you came in. you were surprised he was even going with you. 

“so, what are those responsibilities you were talking about?” you asked, looking around his place. 

“well, i have to pack a bag, make sure the tv and lights are off…” he trailed off as he walked down the hallway, presumably to his room. “oh and–” he stopped and crouched down, tapping his fingertips on the floor. “jellybean!” 

what the hell was he doing? you opened your mouth to ask if he was okay in the head, but then you saw it. a tiny ball of orange fluff running out of his room. 

“mark, what is that?”

he scooped the kitten into his arms. “this is jellybean.” he looked at you and smiled, his eyes sparkling once again. you merely blinked at him. 

“don't tell me you're allergic?” he whined, his face dropping. 

“i'm not allergic, but where will we keep it? where will it piss?” you questioned, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“i don't know, but– jelly is all i have,” he said quietly, petting the creature in his arms. “it's me and her, or neither of us.” 

“mark, get your feet off my dash.” you sighed, glancing over at the boy who was now in your passenger seat. 

“why?” he questioned, just to be defiant. 

“because it’s distracting.”

“more distracting than the cat trying to jump into your lap every two minutes?” he giggled, grabbing jellybean before she could prance over the middle console again. you merely nodded and smiled, keeping your eyes on the dark road. you were trying to find a spot to pull over and park for the night, without getting killed in your sleep. it was getting late, and you were getting drowsy.

finally, you found a clearing on the empty highway and pulled over, parking the van and looking over at mark. his eyes were closed and his chest rose and fell gently. you couldn't deny that he was breathtaking while he slept. if he was going to sleep right there, keeping that pest of a cat away from you, you weren't going to fight it. 

it was dark enough that you could barely see anything in the back of the van. the only light provided was from the moon and the stars coming through your tinted windows. you felt around for your bag, quiet as to not wake mark. you picked out a sweater and shorts from your bag, and figuring it was dark enough, changed right there. 

and mark would've gotten away with watching you, if jellybean hadn’t meowed into the silence, making you jump. you quickly pulled the sweater over your head, before turning to face mark, whose face was red as a fire truck. 

“i-i wasn't looking, i swear!” he stuttered. he wasn't meaning to look in a sexual way, but the way the shadows cast by the moon fell over your bare shoulders and back entranced him to you. 

“don't do it again.” you huffed, pulling your hair back into a ponytail. it was awkwardly silent until mark glanced out the window and thought of something. 

“let's look at the stars.” he suggested, placing his cat in the back with you and opening the passenger seat door, stepping out into the brisk night air. you were too tired to protest it, so you opened the back doors of the van and stepped out, now right next to him. he was already craning his neck up towards the night sky. you thought he was crazy when he stepped onto the floor of the van and hoisted himself onto the roof. 

“what are you doing?” you questioned, looking up at the boy. 

“view’s better up here. come on up.” he smiled, reaching his hand out to help you up. you had nothing else to lose. 

“well, lying on the roof of my van with a stranger hasn't been the weirdest thing that has happened today.” you chuckled, turning your head to look at mark. 

“hey, i'm not a stranger,” he defended himself with a smile. “you know my name, you've been in my apartment, and you've pet my cat. i think we’re well acquainted by now.” 

“i think you're crazy.” you shook your head jokingly and looked back at the sky full of stars. 

“well i think you're crazy.” he fired back. 

“i am crazy, mark lee.” you said, nudging his shoulder with yours. 

“i can't believe you're my soulmate.” he sighed contently, wriggling closer to you. 

“why? were you expecting someone else?” you questioned. 

“no, it's just– i've worked the night shift at that gas station for a year. no one interesting has ever come in there before while i was working. and then the first person who looks like she's got a good story comes along, and she's my soulmate.” he explained. 

“i look like i have a good story?” you glanced over at him again. he looked like he was deep in thought, silent again for a moment.

“what are you running away from? nobody gets up and leaves like that for no reason.” he turned his head so that his eyes met yours, sending a chill down your spine. 

“it's silly.” you shrugged it off, not sure if you could talk about yukhei without bursting into tears.

“it's not silly.” he reassured in a quiet voice.

“would you believe me if i said i was running away from a relationship?” 

“really? but…” 

“yeah, i know,” you sighed. “i know you're my soulmate and all but…he believed that i was his soulmate, but it must have been someone else he met that day. i guess just couldn't keep the secret anymore.” 

“you knew you weren't soulmates but you didn't tell him?” mark questioned, propping himself up on one elbow to look down at you. 

“don't get me wrong, i really loved him. i didn't just do it to play with his emotions, i’m not that much of a bitch.” you laughed, making mark smile at your word choice. “i mean, i don't know if romantic love can truly exist with someone who isn't your soulmate, but whatever i felt for him, it was real.” you looked away from the boy, not even noticing the tears in your eyes. but he did.

“oh shit…i'm sorry, y/n.” 

you sat up, still looking away from him. even though he was who you were supposed to spend the rest of your life with, you didn't want him to see you cry. not when you’d only known him for a few hours. 

“hey, are you okay?” he asked quietly, moving closer to you, rubbing his hand soothingly up and down your back. it felt like your body jolted with electricity at his touch. 

“yeah, i'm fine, i just–it's hard to get over him when we were dating for a year and i know i broke his heart and as soon as i leave him i find my soulmate and—” you stopped yourself, not wanting to break down in sobs.

“well, we don't have to be soulmates like that yet.” he offered. “we can be…best friends.”  

you couldn’t help but laugh at how pure he was. he brought his other hand up to your face, wiping the tears off your cheeks gently. 

“okay, okay, we can be best friends.” you agreed, looking into his eyes, your stomach plunging to your feet. he was so breathtaking. god, you’d only known him for four hours.

 waking up next to mark lee definitely startled you at first. the mattress in the back of your van was barely big enough for two people, but thankfully you both managed to keep your hands to yourselves throughout the night. 

you woke up before him, and quietly exited the van to get a breath of fresh air. you huddled down into your sweater, the chilly morning air making your teeth chatter. you thought it was funny how you still reached for something that wasn’t there, a dirty habit that you had quit months ago. 

you nearly jumped out of your skin when you felt something furry rub against your bare ankles. 

“jesus…” you muttered, glancing down at the cat that must’ve escaped the van when you did. you noticed how jellybean had slept peacefully in mark’s arms the entire night. now she sat at your feet and looked up at you, meowing for attention. 

“i’m not picking you up. i don’t like cats.” you said, like it would hurt her feelings. why were you even talking to a cat? you were sure you had lost your mind. jellybean pranced around your feet in circles, her meows sounding more like a baby crying. 

“okay, okay,” you gave in, scooping her into your arms just so she’d shut up. she immediately nuzzled into your chest, purring with delight. you felt yourself smile. “maybe you’re not so bad…”

 how mark lee had convinced you to go to the beach, you didn’t know, but there you were, lying on a towel on the sand, watching your soulmate try to build a sandcastle. 

“you’re such a child.” you joked, taking your sunglasses off to see him more clearly. his sandcastle wouldn’t stick together because there was no water. you didn’t know if he knew this or not.

“i am not!” he laughed. “you’re just jealous of my sandcastle.” as he said that, the sand crumbled in his hands again. “shit.”

“you need water for it to stick.” you mentioned. 

“oh. yeah. but i don’t have anything to transport the water in.” he said as he looked around for something. he finally eyed your water bottle, which you let him use. finally, he seemed content building his sandcastle. 

you put your sunglasses back on and lid on your back, trying to relax and absorb the sun. it lasted for around two minutes before the sun was blocked out by a shadow. you opened one eye, looking up at mark’s form hovering over you. 

“yes?”

“come swimming with me.”

“don’t want to.”

“please?”

“no.”

“okay…” he pouted and moved out of the way. 

it wasn’t even a minute later and mark tugged on your arm.

“pleaseee?” he whined, his hand latched onto yours. you sighed and sat up, hoping that if you got in the water with him, he’d leave you alone to rest. 

“the water is too cold.” you complained with a giggle, watching mark splash around delightfully. 

“i know, but you’re supposed to swim at the beach, not sleep.” he teased.

“i was not sleeping!” you protested, laughing at how silly your arguments were already. you would only get in the water up to your thighs, your skin already numb from the frigid water. you wondered how mark could submerge himself completely. oh yeah, he had mentioned that he was from canada, it was always cold there, right?

you dragged mark out of the water a few minutes later, not wanting either of you to die from hypothermia. as you sat on your towel again, you watched as mark’s teeth chattered, water dripping from his hair onto his face. you wanted to tell him i told you so, but you actually felt bad for him.

“hey, uh, i forgot my towel back in the van...i’m gonna run back and get it.” he said. you noticed the goosebumps covering his arms and the slight shiver in his body, and the van took a few minutes to walk to. 

“here, have mine.” you offered, standing up and shaking out your towel before handing it to him. 

“you sure?”

“yeah, i’m fine.” you smiled, pushing it into his chest. “take it, mark.”

he grasped it hesitantly, a small grin forming on his lips. “well, here, take my sweater so you don’t get cold.” it was his turn to push the blue garment into your hands. you didn't protest, feeling the chilly wind picking up. instead you pulled the sweater over your head, suddenly engulfed in mark’s scent. 

you didn't want to admit it, but you were growing a liking for mark lee.

you felt nervous as you drove down the small town road, your mind swarming with thoughts. you had known mark lee for a week and he wanted you to meet his friends. he had told you that his friends opinions of you mattered more than his parents, which made your stomach churn. would mark’s friends like you? yeah, sure, you were his soulmate, but what if he was easily influenced by his friends? but they wanted to meet you, too. you could only hope for the best. 

you parked the van on the street beside the lonely bar, taking a deep breath and pulling down the visor. you could feel mark’s excitement radiating off of him from the passenger seat. you brushed through your hair with your fingers and applied lip gloss in the tiny mirror. you could feel his eyes on you. 

“you look pretty, you know.” he spoke up. you were almost startled by his compliment. you weren’t used to receiving them. 

“thank you…” you glanced at him and back at yourself in the mirror. he could tell you were nervous.

“they’ll like you, don’t worry.” he said, grabbing your hand. you were sure that startled you more. he rubbed his thumb across the back of your hand comfortingly, smiling softly. “they’re really chill.”

“or are they weird like you?” you joked, focusing your attention on him. his eyes seemed to sparkle even more that night. 

“yeah, they are.” his smile only grew.

you didn’t intend on drinking but once mark’s friend johnny announced that he would be the designated driver back to his place (where you and mark were going to crash for the night), you decided a few drinks wouldn’t hurt. you learned that mark was a total lightweight. after a few beers he was drunk, and then you learned another thing about him. he was clingy when he was drunk. mark lee was clingy and giggly and touchy. 

so when he put his arm around you and laid his head on your shoulder for the fifth time that night, his friends started to question your relationship. he had explained to them that you were just friends. well, as friends as soulmates could get. they were all so happy for mark, and you were happy he had a group of people who could really understand him. 

mark lee was sneaky. every time he clung to you in his drunken state, he added something else to make your heart race. it started off as just his arm around your shoulder or your waist, then he would lean his head on your shoulder, then he got really bold and intertwined his fingers with yours under the table. maybe it was your drunken state, but you felt flustered and your heart jumped to your throat. you hoped the other boys wouldn’t notice just how red you were. 

johnny proposed that you called it a night when the clock struck midnight and mark was asleep, his body limp against your side. you agreed and attempted to wake the boy. 

“mark, we’re leaving.” you whispered, poking his cheek. he hushed you and didn’t move. 

“come on, marky.” you giggled, trying to push him off you. he finally sat straight, a quiet laugh escaping his lips. 

you got your bags (and jellybean) from the van and sat in the back of johnny’s car, where mark had managed to sober up enough to not fall asleep on the ride to johnny’s place. you laughed and sang along drunkenly to the radio the entire ride, johnny glancing at you through his mirror, rolling his eyes jokingly. you had never felt more alive than you did in that moment. 

mark collapsed on the bed in johnny’s guest bedroom, his tiredness (and drunkenness) taking over. you dropped your bags on the floor and set jellybean down before making your way over to him. 

“at least put on pyjamas, silly.” you said, grabbing his arm and attempting to make him sit up. he merely muttered nonsense to you, his eyes remaining closed. 

“mark…” you dragged out his name and laughed, your mind still cloudy. you let your grip on his arm go loose and before you knew it, he pulled you down on top of him, making you laugh out loud. 

“come on, seriously?” 

“why are you so pretty, y/n?” he questioned, his eyes now open and peering at you. 

“why are you so cheesy?” you fired back, ignoring your heart about to beat out of your chest. he didn’t answer, instead he tucked your hair behind your ear and let his hand linger on the side of your face. a few seconds felt like a million years with him. you moved one hand up his chest and booped his nose before standing up like nothing happened. 

“hey!”

“change, smelly.” you joked, grabbing a pair of his pyjama pants and a clean t shirt and throwing it at him. 

“but i don’t want to go to the bathroom to change. i’m tired.” he whined. 

“you don’t have to. i won’t look. i have to change, too.” you replied, lifting your shirt over your head. you knew mark’s eyes were on you, but you didn’t mind it. he was going to see it sooner or later, right? 

“o-okay…” he muttered. you changed quicker than him, because of his sleepy, slow movements, and you were quick to jump into bed and huddle down into the blankets. 

you watched mark hop into his plaid flannel pyjama pants and sit back down on the edge of the bed. 

“do you mind if i sleep shirtless?” he chuckled, balling up his dirty t shirt and throwing it so it landed on his bag. 

“i don’t mind.” you said, watching as he lid down beside you. maybe it was your hazy state of mind, but you thought he was so handsome in the dim light. you couldn’t stop yourself from gazing at his lips. you wondered if mark lee had ever kissed a girl. you wondered if mark lee ever thought about kissing you, like you thought about kissing him. 

“kiss me, mark.” you whispered as he filled the gap between your bodies. it felt like your whole being was on fire as mark’s lips landed on yours. maybe it was because of him being your soulmate, but kissing him felt more right than anything else. 

that night you fell asleep in mark’s arms, your mind dancing with visions of him.

mark always slept later than you, so it was no surprise that he was just waking up as you came into the room after your shower the next morning. 

“morning.” he murmured, his voice raspy from just waking up. 

“good morning.” you smiled, the memories of the night before being stuck in your mind since your eyes had opened earlier. you wondered if he remembered the kiss you had shared in your drunken state. you decided you wouldn’t mention it. 

“hey, um, quick question…” he spoke up, running a hand through his messy, jet black hair. 

“yeah?” you glanced over at him. 

“about last night…” you felt yourself blush, “did we, um–y’know?” he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. you hesitated, shifting your weight from one foot to the other.

“uh, yeah. we did.” 

his silence reminded you of the night you met him, how awkwardly silent it was when you told him you were soulmates. 

“did we at least, how do i word this…use protection…?” 

your eyes widened. “no, we didn't have sex!” you laughed. 

“o-oh! good. yeah, good.” he chuckled, embarrassment staining his cheeks.

“we just kissed, that’s all. just once.”

“okay, i can live with that.” he let out a short laugh, turning his attention to the sudden knock that came at the door. johnny poked his head in the doorway, a smirk on his face. 

“good morning lovebirds.” he teased, raising his eyebrows. “how did you sleep? or was there any sleeping going on?” 

“go away, johnny!” mark whined, like a child would to his older brother. you just laughed at their banter. 

“okay, my bad. are you joining me for breakfast?” he asked, looking from mark to you. 

“yeah, i'll help, actually.” you smiled, glancing at mark. “you, get a shower first.”

 mark insisted on hitting the road again, so within a few hours, you were taking a specific route to the mountains. you were feeling good, you had heard johnny mutter “she’s a keeper” after you helped him make breakfast and clean up. 

mark had offered to drive, and apparently he knew of a camping spot where you would be able to see the mountains, where he used to go with his family. you sat in the passenger seat and held jellybean in your lap, petting the creature lovingly. 

“and to think you didn’t like cats just a week ago.” mark said, smiling at the way you and jellybean had grown a liking for each other. the most important girls in his life, he thought. 

“to think it’s only been a week,” you looked at him. “it feels like it’s been an eternity with your annoying ass.” 

“hey!” he exclaimed, “you’re lucky i’m putting up with you.” 

“we both know that if you didn’t come with me, you’d probably work at that gas station and be single forever.” you said. 

“okay, okay, kind of hurtful, but you’re right.” he shook his head with a grin plastered on his face. “i’m happy we found each other.” 

you felt your heart swell at his words. 

when you finally got to your rented camping spot, you sat on the edge of the van with the back door open, admiring the view out over the mountains. it was breaktaking, a once in a lifetime view. 

while you were admiring nature’s beauty, mark was having a very difficult time starting a fire. you watched as he crouched next to the makeshift fire pit that was left by the last campers, trying his hardest to start it with just a lighter and a few pieces of wood. 

“need some help?” you called out. looking over your shoulder at him.

“no, i got it!” 

you hopped down from the van and made your way over, observing his attempts. “you need paper. and some dry wood.”

“well i don’t have paper or dry wood.” he muttered with a sigh in a defensive tone. you could tell he wanted to impress you with his skills, and was frustrated that he couldn’t get it. you opened the drivers side door of the van and leaned over to the glove box, pulling out a handful of old newspapers. paper was always good to have on hand, and for this reason. you walked back over to the boy and passed them to him over his shoulder. he mumbled a thank you and went back to trying to light a fire. 

you crouched down and put your arms around his slumped shoulders, placing a gentle kiss to his cheek. “you’re cute, you know?” 

mark gulped and you noticed how he got red, but kept his eyes focused on what he was doing. he wouldn’t admit it this early, but mark lee was starting to catch feelings for you. and he knew he was in too deep already. 

that night after you ate leftover pizza from lunch and talked around the fire, you settled in the van for the night. you kept the back door open, watching how the sky painted itself numerous shades of oranges and yellows as the sun set. mark hummed a soft tune and you were reminded of your matching soulmate tattoos. a music note because you were both music lovers. well, you were, you weren’t sure if mark was. 

“hey,” you spoke into the comfortable silence, turning your head to look at him lying next to you. “do you play any instruments?” 

“i play the guitar.” he replied in an instant. 

“really?” you smiled, your eyes widening. “me too.” 

“i guess god made us soulmates for that reason.” he laughed, putting down his phone to focus his attention on you. 

“god?” you raised an eyebrow. you were never really a believer of anything like that. 

“yeah. i don’t know, i believe in god and that he made everyone for a certain reason…” he chuckled, almost like he was embarrassed in his beliefs. “makes life feel important i guess…”

“don’t be embarrassed. i respect it.” you assured. “maybe it’s just because i’m a nihilist and i grew up thinking like it, but i think everything is meaningless.” 

“you’re kidding. you don’t think everything and everyone has a purpose?”

“not really. why would it be important if we’re all just going to die anyway?”

he fell silent. had you scared him or made him think you were a total weirdo? 

“then i have a new goal.” he smiled smugly. “to make you believe that life is meaningful.”

you laughed. “good luck, marky.” you shook your head and sat up, remembering what sparked the conversation. you quickly hopped out of the van and grabbed the case that was underneath the palette your mattress was set on. you sat next to him again, placing the case in his hands. 

“play for me.”

“oh.” he opened the clasps and gently took out the old acoustic, strumming the strings a few times. “i don’t know…what should i play?”

“think of me and play something based on your thoughts.” you challenged, leaning forward, resting your head on your fist, watching him intently. 

“oh gosh,” he laughed, plucking a soft tune. “do you know the song slow it down?”

you didn’t, but you were curious to see what made him think of you. 

he started singing, and even though he was a little rusty at first, his voice was beautiful. it was ragged and raspy, all while being delicate. to you, his voice sounded like hope. hope for a new beginning. hope for a better future. hope for all your days to be spent with him.

was this what it felt like to fall in love the right way?

you didn't even know what you were yelling for anymore. the conversation had started in a civil way, talking about what the future held for you and mark. if you were being honest, you were terrified. you didn't know what you were doing or where you were going, and money was becoming an issue. money was at the base of your fight with mark.

“you're not even listening to me!” you huffed, your eyes trying to stay focused on the dark road ahead, your windshield wipers slapping furiously against the harsh rain. 

“it's hard to listen to you when everything you're saying is bullshit!” mark fired back, throwing his hands up in frustration. 

“what do you mean?” you whipped your head over, glaring through him.

“we can't just keep driving around in your van, like the world doesn't exist! we need money, we need jobs and a place to live! you have your fucking head in the clouds, y/n!” he raised his voice. you knew you needed to pull over soon, as you wouldn't be able to see the road through your rage. 

“you’re an asshole.” you mumbled. 

“what did you say?”

“i said you’re a fucking asshole!” you shook your head and pulled into the parking lot of a gas station, coming to an abrupt stop. 

“well you're a bitch.” mark clenched his jaw and quickly got out, slamming the door so hard that the van shook. 

you were never one to apologize first, and all you could see was red. you were sure you hated him in that moment. maybe you should've just stayed with yukhei and kept living a lie.

when he didn't get back in the van, you opened your door and got out, looking at him with the vehicle between you. 

“what?” he spit, his eyes like daggers. 

“are you going to apologize?”

“for what? i didn't do anything wrong, y/n.” he leaned an arm on the roof and avoided your gaze. 

“for starting this fucking argument?!”

“god must've made a mistake when he made us soulmates. i don't think i could ever get along with you well enough to actually love you.” 

unlovable. it wasn't the first time that term had been used to describe you. you tried to keep up your facade of being angry and careless, but his comment had stabbed you right in the heart. 

“maybe i should just leave you here, huh?” you challenged, hoping he'd come to his senses.

“fine!” he shrugged, stepping away from the van. he swung back the side door and grabbed his bag and jellybean, before slamming it and proceeding to walk away. 

he was actually leaving. well, you could too.

you tried not to glance back at him in your mirror as you drove out of the parking lot and back onto the highway. your anger was all that you could think about, you weren't being rational. 

you drove and drove, tears streaming down your face, tears you didn't even realize had collected in your eyes. sometimes, mark felt like a boy you could love. then, other times, he felt like a total fucking stranger. it felt like the night you left yukhei all over again. even though it was only a little over two weeks before, it felt like an eternity with mark.

mark. what was he doing right now? was he already calling someone to pick him up? was he cursing your name and wishing you crashed? was he regretting what he said? because you were. 

you finally had to pull over on the side of the highway, leaning your arms and head on the steering wheel, breaking down in sobs. mark was your soulmate, the only person in the world you were meant to be with, and you had ruined it. your stupid pride had ruined it. was it too late to go back? 

you drove and drove, back to the gas station. you weren't letting him go that easily. your shoulders shuddered with another sob when you saw him leaned against the brick wall outside, soaked with rain, trying to keep jellybean warm in his jacket. your heart ached. you were the shittiest person alive, you were sure. 

mark watched with wide eyes as your van arrived in front of him. you got out quickly, before going right up to him. he was confused. he thought he had screwed everything up and that you were gone forever. 

it took all your courage and pride to walk up to him, but once you were there, your hands shaking, you felt like breaking down all over again. you hugged him tightly, burying your face in the crook of his neck, your warm tears heating up his skin. 

“i’m sorry.” you mumbled, your voice cracking with emotion. mark wrapped his arms around you, and you could tell by his sniffles that he had been crying too.

“me too.” he whispered, tightening his grip on you, like you'd disappear soon. 

“i like you so much, mark, and i don't want to ruin this.” you sighed, your voice weak and muffled.

“i shouldn't have said anything that i said. i was really afraid for a moment.” 

you stayed silent, not wanting to cry even more. mark swayed you gently in his arms, so thankful you came back for him. he couldn't lose you. not now, not after everything. 

 when you pulled your face away from him, you looked away subconsciously, not wanting him to see you in such an unruly state. but he put a finger under your chin, tilting your face up to meet his. you became insecure, wondering what you looked like in the eyes of your soulmate. you were brought back to his eyes, the first feature of his that you fell in love with. 

he kissed you with reckless abandon, his hands cupping each side of your face, his warmth spreading through your whole body. you couldn't get enough of him. 

“i love you.” he muttered in between kisses. the whole world went silent. 

“i love you too.” there went your heart again, speaking for you. from the beginning, you knew it would be impossible to be just friends with mark lee. you couldn't help but crack a smile when your eyes fluttered open and met his. 

“you do?” he grinned.

“of course i do.” you said, your voice almost disappearing with the rain. 

“i love you.” he repeated, kissing you again. “i love you, i love you, i love you.” 

“say it too much and it loses meaning.” you teased, noticing the rain dripping onto his forehead. 

“you believe that?” he chuckled.

“i believe–” 

“stop loitering on my property, you damn kids!” a voice called out from the doorway. 

“oh shit.” you giggled, grabbing mark’s arm and running towards the van. when you came to a stop, he caged your body between his and the side of the van, dipping down to kiss you again. 

“i love you.” 

“i love you, mark lee.”

you couldn't sleep. you were grateful to be sleeping on a couch for the night instead of in the van, but as you stared at the ceiling of mark’s bestfriends basement, sleep just wouldn't hit you. mark was sleeping on the couch in the living room upstairs, as donghyuck still lived with his parents. you didn't mind the couch though, it was quite comfy. 

you liked donghyuck, and you were pretty sure he liked you too. he seemed like a sarcastic asshole at first, but once him and mark got to talking, you saw how kind and cute he could be. the way mark lit up like a christmas tree when he saw donghyuck proved how close they were as friends. he said they had been bestfriend’s since they were twelve, and it showed in the way they bickered with each other in a heartfelt way. 

you couldn't remember when you entered dreamland, but you woke up in the middle of the night to your arm falling off the couch and your fingers messily tangled with someone else’s. you thought your tired eyes were playing tricks on you when you peered over the edge and saw mark lying on the floor next to the couch, his eyes closed, his chest moving up and down slowly, and his fingers holding onto yours. 

you didn't even think to question why he was there at first, as you were too drawn into the way he looked so peaceful while sleeping. his eyelashes lightly brushed against his skin while his eyes were closed, and his lips were parted ever so slightly. his skin seemed to glow even in the dark. 

“mark, what are you doing?” you questioned in a quiet voice, once it hit you that he was sleeping on the floor, after all. his eyes fluttered open, him being the ever so light sleeper. he smiled softly almost immediately. 

“just couldn't sleep…i guess i'm used to you being next to me now.” he chuckled sleepily, his voice raspy and rough. he glanced at your hands and back up at you. “i needed to be next to you.” 

you were thankful it was dark, because you felt yourself blush with his words. knowing you both couldn't fit on the couch, you came up with a quick plan. 

“here,” you said, getting off the couch and grabbing a few cushions.

“what are you doing?” mark questioned, propping himself up on his elbows. 

“shhh,” you hushed him, laying down the couch cushions on the floor and motioning for him to move onto them. he complied, and you took a blanket donghyuck had supplied you with, and draped it over his body. then, you took the other one and lay down next to him on the cushions, covering yourself as well with the warm blanket. 

“there.” you sighed with an air of contentedness as you faced him. it was a tight squeeze, and not the most comfortable of arrangements, but it was perfect in the moment. 

“this is perfect.” mark uttered, his thoughts matching yours. “well, not perfect, but you get what i mean.” 

you inched closer to him until mark put his arm around you and closed the gap between your bodies. 

“okay, let’s get some sleep now.” he murmured, closing his eyes. “i love you.” ever since the night he first confessed it, mark couldn't stop telling you that he loved you. the first night he told you, you had said it back, but you weren't sure if you meant it. you were full of emotions from your fight and it just felt like the right thing to say to him, maybe to comfort him. 

but as you lay in the dark on the small, uncomfortable, makeshift bed, with his protective arms around you and his heartbeat beating in your ears, you were sure you loved him. and you were sure that love was the only thing you ever wanted to feel.

the dim lights in the bar made mark look even more handsome, a gentle shadow cascading down his nose and smile as he sat across from you. 

“ten bucks says you can’t get someone to buy you a drink.” he smirked, challenging you.

“alright. ten bucks is ten bucks.” you laughed, leaning forward.

“seriously?”

“you know what you can get with ten bucks? lots of things, mark.” you were about to get out of your seat, taking him up on his offer. he grabbed your hand and urged you to stay.

“okay, okay. the thing is, i know you can get any of these guys to buy you a drink,” he chuckled, a hint of jealousy in his voice. he clasped his hand over yours on the table and smiled at you. “i’d rather buy my girl a drink than any of these pervs.”

you felt your cheeks heat up at what he had called you. you opened your mouth to hush him jokingly, but then your eyes caught something in the distance. not something, someone. what was he doing there? you tried your best to keep your head down without mark noticing that you were making yourself smaller, but then his eyes locked with yours. you felt your stomach plummet to the soles of your feet. and then he was walking over. you couldn’t just up and flee, not with him that close and not without telling mark. please, pass by the table, you prayed. but you weren’t so lucky. 

“hey, how are you?” he smiled, a hint of passive aggressiveness in his voice as he set his hands on the table and leaned down. his eyes wandered to mark, who’s eyes were stuck on you with a look that said ‘who is this?’ 

you cleared your throat, not realizing how dry your mouth had become, before gathering sudden courage to speak to him. “i’m- i’m great, how’re you?” 

“good, good…” he muttered, glancing at mark again before looking back at you. 

“oh! mark, this is yukhei,” you smiled forcibly, hoping he remembered the name. his eyebrows raised in realization. “yukhei, this is mark...my soulmate.” you inhaled sharply. you noticed mark’s grip tighten on your hand. he was definitely getting protective, and you didn’t know how this scene would play out.

“nice to meet you, man.” mark nodded, offering his other hand to yukhei. he shook it hesitantly, but didn’t say anything back. you could read him like a book too, and you knew by the look in his eyes that he was jealous. please stay civil, you thought.

“i’m glad you met your real soulmate. must feel nice, right?” he retorted, casting his gaze down at you. 

“what are you even doing here?” you sighed, trying to keep the peace. 

“just doing the same as you are. trying to find my soulmate, but it’s kind of hard considering i’ve already met her and now she could be anywhere–”

“don’t do this here, yuk.” you warned, your voice low and your cheeks now darkening in embarrassment. 

“no, i think he deserves to know what you did to me. how you led me on and lied to me for a whole year. was it all some sort of game to you?” he spit out.

“you’re causing a scene.” you whispered, looking around at the glances and glares you were getting because of yukhei’s temper. you could tell that mark wanted to speak up and say something, but you weren’t letting that happen. that would be like adding fuel to the fire. 

“you broke my heart, y/n!” he declared. with that, mark stood up and your eyes widened. 

“come on, we’re going.” he muttered, his gentle eyes meeting yours. even in the situation you were in, you found comfort in his eyes. you got up, trying to ignore yukhei. mark was quick to ease your jacket over your shoulders and put his hand on the small of your back to lead you out of the bar, glaring daggers at yukhei the whole time. 

once you were in the passenger seat of the van, you felt like breaking down all over again. you felt terrible for what you did to yukhei. but you loved him. you really, truly loved him. but that was the past. 

“hey,” mark spoke softly, placing a gentle hand on your thigh. you snapped out of your thoughts and looked over, the moonlight casting shadows on his face. “you okay?”

“i’m okay.” you sighed, looking down again. your eyes fixating on his thumb rubbing tiny patterns into your jeans in an attempt to comfort you. 

“y/n. talk to me, please.” 

“i’m not a bad person, mark.” you said in a timid voice.

“i know you’re not.”

“but i feel bad.” you admitted. “i feel like the shittiest person alive. i broke his heart. i didn’t deserve him.” 

you were both silent for a moment as you collected your thoughts. 

“and i definitely don’t deserve you.” you uttered out, leaning your head back on the seat and staring at the ceiling of the van. 

“don’t say that.” mark said. “you have been so amazing to me. i didn’t even know this feeling existed,” he stopped to chuckle, “we found each other when we needed each other the most, y/n. we deserve each other.”

 you cast your eyes on him once again, a feeling of contentment settling over your heart. now that you thought about it, what you felt for your past lover was nothing compared to what you felt for mark. soulmate love was a different kind of love. it was an everything and anything kind of love, a sacrifice kind of love, a commitment kind of love. you could see it in the way mark always offered you the last of his french fries, the way he talked to you in a calm voice when you wanted to curl up and die, the way he offered to drive when he knew you were tired, the way he always gave you more of the blankets, the way he left his whole life for you and dove into your relationship with no cares in the world. you knew he was the only one who would ever love you like that. and you were damned if you ever let him go. 

an hour later as mark drove down the highway humming a soft tune, he was thinking all the same things. he smiled when he glanced over at you asleep against his arm, your hands wrapped around his. he was sad that he could only admire your peaceful face for seconds at a time before turning his attention back to the road, but his thoughts stayed on you. he loved you more than he had ever loved anything else before, he was sure of it. and he’d be damned if he ever let you go.

you rolled up your map and shoved it in the glove box before sitting back down on the mattress. you were more relaxed now that you and mark had done a little bit of planning for what lay ahead. you had picked a quiet, cozy town to settle down in, and mark had already looked into an apartment. it was a small, one-bedroom apartment, but it was away from any noise and had mostly elderly neighbours. you both were looking at jobs to get you back on your feet and to earn a little more money than your combined savings, which were running out. you were ecstatic to start your new life with mark, and you could tell he felt the same.

“wanna hit the hay?” mark questioned, closing the back door and putting jellybean on the bed.

“yeah, i’m a bit tired.” you nodded, pulling his sweater over your head to provide a little warmth, although you knew he would be soon enough. you smoothed down your messy hair and took jellybean into your arms. you hated mark’s cat at first, but you got used to her in no time. 

“you’re so pretty, y/n.” mark uttered, his eyes stuck on you, his lips slightly apart. you understood his bluntness when he was drunk, but it was weird for him to be this straightforward. 

“you’re prettier.” you smiled, continuing to pet the ball of fur in your arms that was meowing at you. mark just laughed and moved next to you, his gaze focused like a child. he lay down and brought his hand up to your shoulder, nudging you to join him. 

once you were comfortably situated in bed, you found it hard to stay awake. you watched as mark cooed at jellybean, and felt your eyelids get heavy. you let your eyes flutter closed, but opened them suddenly when mark’s hand touched your cheek. 

“hmm?” you hummed, raising your eyebrows and soaking in his warmth. 

“stay awake for a little while longer. i wanna talk.” he said softly, like you were a delicate thing in front of him. 

“about what?” you questioned, nestling closer to him. 

“that night that we fought, what did you feel?”

“huh?”

“what went through your head? what were your emotions?” he pressed.

“...i don’t know. a lot, i guess? i was angry at you. but i was mostly just sad.”

“why?”

“are you just being cocky, mark lee?” you chuckled.

“no, just–why were you sad?”

you sighed. “because you mean a lot to me and i didn’t want to lose you?”

he smiled, like he was satisfied with your answer. “i mean something to you?”

you shoved his shoulder in a playful manner while rolling your eyes. “of course you do, you know this.”

“i know, i know, but the word. mean, meaning. meaningful. at least one thing in your life means something to you.”

“okay?” you laughed, leaning on your hand and shaking your head. 

“and–and when we first met, you never wore your seatbelt.” he stated like it was a fact.

“and…?”

“and now you always wear it.”

“because you nagged me so much to wear it.” you chuckled, remembering how he used to say ‘seatbelt!’ before allowing you to drive.

“that just shows that you don’t want to die if we get into an accident. you care more about your life and safety now.” 

“that shows nothing.”

“and that one night when we were tipsy in the back of johnny’s car and singing at the top of our lungs, you looked so happy.”

“because i was.” you said, your insides warming up while remembering how alive you felt in that moment.

“you know what all of this means, y/n?”

“what does it mean, mark?” you replied, going along with it. 

“it means you’re starting to believe in meaning. you’re starting to believe that life is meaningful.” he smiled, running his hand through your hair gently. 

despite how much you’d argue against it, he was right. mark had opened your eyes to how precious life was.

“hey, can i try something?” mark spoke into the darkness a few nights later. you were still awake, worries filling your head as usual, but you thought mark had fallen asleep. you could tell there was a lot on his mind that night, too. 

you looked at him and raised your eyebrows. “what is it?” 

“um, you need to take off your shirt–or, uh–” he was a mess when he was embarrassed, “i just need to see your tattoo.” 

“oh,” you replied to his odd request. you hadn't given your matching tattoos much thought, also they were what made you soulmates in the first place. “sure.” 

you sat up a bit straighter and leaned against your pillow before pulling your sweater over your head, leaving you in only a thin tank top. you didn't feel insecure around mark. you glanced down at the eighth note magically inked into your skin. 

you watched mark look at his tattoo in his left palm and then at yours again. ever so gently, like you were glass that would break under his touch, he pressed his palm to your chest. you remembered that he tried to do it the night you met, but you had retracted from his touch. 

your body felt like it was full of electricity, his fingertips grazing the skin that had been barely touched by anyone else, the warmth of his palm seeping into you. his sparkling doe eyes met yours, and your stomach leapt with a feeling you couldn't describe. 

“i wanted to do that since i met you. i don't know, guess it was just a temptation.” he shrugged, pulling his hand back to his body, his eyes staying glued to yours. slowly, you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him down to you, placing a soft kiss to his lips. then another, and another. until all you could feel was the shape of mark’s lips on yours. until that's all you ever wanted to feel. and then his lips on your cheek and jaw and neck and collarbone and chest. everywhere all at once. your body and mind on fire. when you closed your eyes, all you could see was mark. all you could feel was mark. you were his, and he was yours.

you watched as the sun lit up the sky a million hues of pink and orange in the morning. your heart soared with excitement as today was the day you'd move into your new apartment with mark. you had gotten up at the crack of dawn to get on the road, and the sunrise was a major bonus. you were unfamiliar with your surroundings, especially the road, but your gps had your back surely. 

mark turned the radio to a station playing rock music, the upbeat tune matching his mood. when he was sure you weren't looking, he felt around in his pocket. the tiny, felt box was still there. phew. he had snuck into a jewelry store when you were shopping a few days before, and bought the ring. he was sure of this. he didn't know when he would propose, but he knew he wanted to. the sooner you were his forever, the better. 

it was a silent drive, both of you thinking about your journey together and now, your future together. your mind couldn't help but wander while you were driving. mark meant so much to you. a mere month and a half before, mark had just been the boy at the gas station who seemed to understand your broken heart. 

now, he had made you believe in what you hadn't believed in in a very long time. life. happiness. love. meaning. mark had brought the most meaning into your shitty life. he was your happy pill. your sunshine. the love of your life. you glanced over at him, taking in everything about him. you were so happy to finally be at peace with yourself, with the help of mark. you wanted to thank him for being so good to you, for making everything shine with meaning. 

maybe you should've studied the maps more, kept your eyes on the road. because you didn't see the transport truck going over the speed limit that had skipped a stop sign. you didn't even feel it. you didn't feel anything.

[cruisercrusher]

Dicktiger week day 7- Free Day/Au (prince of sea, prince of shore)

Tiger scoffed as he watched the merchant’s crew surrender before the fight could even really get going. He held his sword to the neck of the merchant who owned the ship, trembling on his knees before Tiger. The Tiger of Kandahar, though he was not the captain of the infamous pirate ship Spyral, only quartermaster to Captain Black-Eyed Bertellini— his reputation as a fearsome and merciless pirate still preceded him. The disgraced knight, the great warrior— no matter what people thought of him as, sailors all over the seas had nightmares about the cruel swing of his blade.

They hadn’t even put up a fight. It was disappointing.

Helena smirked down at the quivering merchant as she strolled over to them, her heavy buckled boots stomping on the deck of the great galleon they’d just captured.

“Everything on this ship, everything you own, now belongs to me.” She declared, looking down her nose at the merchant. “All your treasures, your life and the lives of your crew— mine to do with as I see fit.”

The merchant said nothing, fear seized his tongue. Helena sneered at him.

“Tiger,” she ordered, “Throw this wet bellied pig overboard.”

Then she walked off to the hold to review their plunder, and Tiger grabbed the merchant by his ruffled collar and dragged him to the edge of the ship.

“Wait, wait!” He cried, suddenly finding his voice. “Please don’t— spare me! Have mercy!”

Tiger lifted the man up with ease, dangling him over the swirling inky waters below. The merchant continued to babble, scrabbling at Tiger’s arm, trying to hold on.

“I’ll make you a trade! Please, I’m begging you— my greatest treasure, my most valuable possession, I spent a fortune on it, it’s beautiful, mesmerizing even— it’s yours, all yours, if you let me live.”

Tiger raised an eyebrow at him. “And where is this treasure?”

“Locked away in my cabin. Only I have the key. I’ll give it to you if you let me go.”

“Fool.” Tiger smirked. “It will be mine regardless.”

And with that he let go, dropping the screaming merchant down into the sea. He fell in the water with a splash, his head re-appearing above the surface once, twice, before he bobbed down and did not come back up.

Not one thread of remorse tugged at Tiger’s heart as he walked to the captain’s cabin, whistling a little on his way down the stairs. This sort of thing was normal for him. Killing, stealing... that was simply what his life had become. He did not regret it-- he couldn't.

If Tiger ever let himself regret, he knew it would consume him. His mistakes were irreparable.

The door was locked, as the merchant said it would be, but Tiger was far from discouraged. He aimed a mighty kick at the door and it collapsed with a bang, falling into the room in splintered pieces. He walked into the room, feeling quite satisfied with himself. He only made it maybe about two steps before he stopped dead and the feeling dropped, as he spotted what could have only been what the merchant meant as his greatest treasure.

In the middle of the room sat a small glass box, with no top and filled with water. Sitting inside, scrunched up and visibly uncomfortable in his confines, was a merman.

Tiger could do nothing but stare. The merman was looking at him with wide, shocked eyes, eyes that were an unnaturally bright shade of blue, shining even in the dim light of the captain’s cabin. The top of the glass box came up to just under his arms, which were draped over and holding on to the edge of the case. His hair was sleek and black like coal and curled around the base of his skull and his pointed ears, which looked as though they’d at one point had many piercings in them, though the merman wore no jewelry.

He was also covered in bruises, cuts, and scrapes along the back of his arms, his torso and gilled neck. Two nasty looking bruises marred his face at the right corner of his mouth and just underneath his left eye. What looked like rope burns criss-crossed his otherwise smooth, cinnamon-brown skin, and there were places on his tail, curled up and stuffed in the box as it was, where it looked like some of his scales had been torn off, leaving patches of swollen red muscle exposed. That, and the pain clear in the merman’s eyes, made it all a terrible sight, and Tiger felt sick to think that the merchant’s most valuable possession was a sentient, living being obviously kept here against his will.

He was glad he’d killed him.

Suddenly the merman extended a hand to him, reaching out as far as he could from the glass case, and Tiger nearly jumped back in surprise.

“Can you help me?” said the merman, and Tiger was taken aback by how clear and strong his voice was, contrary to his posture. “Please, help me.”

Tiger stood frozen in place. The merman leaned out of the case, reaching harder towards him, extending his arm as far as it could go. “Please.” There was an almost desperate edge to the word. Something in the merman’s eyes drew Tiger forward, as if in a trance. He approached the case, and the merman grabbed him by the hand, tugging him closer. Tiger was pretty sure he himself was still in a state of shock as he was pulled down to his knees on the floor next to the merman.

Of course, he knew, in theory, that merpeople existed, but he had never seen one before, even in all his years at sea. They hardly ever came up to the surface. Rare, elusive creatures, merpeople were.

“How did you get here?” Tiger asked. The merman looked away as if in shame.

“I... was exploring, too close to the shore. I got caught in a fisherman’s net and I tried to get away but-- then the fisherman brought me onto land and sold me to the man who owns this ship. And now I’m so far from home, and I don’t know how to get back, I don’t think I could make the trip on my own anyway, injured as I am…” The merman looked at him again imploringly. “Please, help me get back to my family. I can promise you a great reward if you do.”

Tiger regarded the merman curiously. “What kind of reward?”

“Riches beyond your wildest dreams,” Said the merman, looking Tiger in the eye, in such a way that Tiger couldn’t help but believe him. “My father is a king, and I am his eldest son. He will pay you so handsomely if you were to bring me home.”

Tiger’s eyebrows raised. This merman was a prince? Then helping him really would be in Tiger’s best interest.

“Alright, I will help you.” He said, and the merman’s face lit up with a smile. “Where is your home?”

“West, very far west.” The merman squeezed Tiger’s hand. “It is quite the journey. Thank you.”

Tiger frowned at his expression of gratitude. “I have not helped you yet.”

The merman smiled at him. “True.” He said. “Why don’t you start by getting me out of this damn box?”

He lifted his arms up in a way that made Tiger think of a small child demanding to be carried. He huffed, grabbing the merman under his arms and lifting him up into the air. Tiger let out an involuntary wheeze. The merman was far heavier than he had expected him to be— and he even had the audacity to snicker at Tiger’s struggle.

“What’s your name?” The merman said, unbothered as he flopped about while Tiger struggled to lift and get a proper hold on him-- not only was he heavy, he was slippery too. He wrapped his arms around Tiger’s neck.

“Tiger.” Tiger grunted. The merman smiled.

“My name is Dick.”

Tiger hefted Dick up so the merman’s torso was draped over his shoulders like a fine scarf, his tail looped loosely around his arm and hanging down towards the floor, but not dragging. He mumbled an apology when Dick hissed in pain at the sudden pressure on his bruised ribs.

He started walking towards the door now that he was balanced properly, but Dick stopped him.

“Wait,” he said, pointing at an ornate coffer on the desk. “My crown.”

Tiger redirected his steps to the desk. He clicked the coffer open, and Dick reached down to retrieve it contents.

First he pulled out a pair of earrings— three fat, shimmering blue pearls (Tiger didn’t know pearls could be that colour, or size, but maybe it was a bottom-of-the-ocean thing) on a sharp hook that he put carefully through the holes in his earlobes.

Next was a long, complicated, looping strand of pearls that matched the earrings. Tiger didn’t find out what they were for, because instead of putting them on Dick handed the tangled strand to Tiger, who shoved it in his pocket.

Last was a crown unlike any Tiger had seen or heard of before. It looked like thin, twining vines made of pure gold, decorated in some of the empty spaces between with smaller versions of the rest of the merman’s pearls. It was magnificent, and Tiger was sure, then, that Dick would make good on his promise of a reward.

They left that evening. Tiger told Helena what he had to do, and she gave him her blessing to go on the journey with a twinkle in her eye that Tiger could not explain if he tried. Unfortunately Helena-- and her ship-- were going in the opposite direction Dick and Tiger wanted, so Tiger placed the merman in a lifeboat, poured only just enough water into the bottom to keep Dick from drying out, and off they went.

Dick could not simply swim across the ocean, just as Tiger could not simply walk across Asia, especially not injured. So Tiger planned to make their way to the coast, claim a ship for their own by whatever means they deemed fit, one large enough to safely sail across the Atlantic, and get to Dick’s home that way.

“Does the salt not hurt you?” Tiger asked in the middle of his rowing (he would have made Dick row as well, so he wouldn’t have to do all the work himself, if not for the fact that Dick did not have the limbs necessary to brace himself in the boat to do so). Dick looked up from where he was trailing his arm along in the water, feeling the current as their little lifeboat moved through the blessedly calm waves.

“What do you mean?” He said.

“The salt of the water, in your cuts. Doesn’t it hurt?”

Dick frowned at him. “No? Why? Does salt hurt humans?”

“Of course. It stings wickedly, when it gets in an open wound.”

Dick hummed, considering this. “Humans are very strange.”

Tiger scoffed. Perhaps that was true, and the human body was, in fact, quite strange, but Tiger didn’t think it could be any stranger than that of a merperson. He did not voice that thought, though, only continued to row through the small waves. Dick turned his attention back down to the water, watching it ripple around his arm. He leaned down to rest his chin on the back of his hand on the edge of the boat. He had a serene look on his face, like all his troubles had disappeared with his newfound proximity to the ocean.

Tiger was not as happy about it. He’d discovered within seconds that the water they’d placed in the bottom of the boat would very quickly soak through his boots, and so he was barefoot, feet wet. At least this lifeboat had seats, so he was not soaking his pants as well.

It was while the sun was starting to set and he was starting to feel the ache in his arms that it fully struck Tiger just how much he was doing for this strange creature he’d just met.

The thought came to him along with a strong sense of unease. While Tiger had never met a merperson before that day, he had heard plenty, including stories of merpeople putting sailors under spells, luring them to a watery death with their sweet voices and wicked smiles. Could this merman have put Tiger under his will?

But no, Tiger shook the notion away almost as soon as it occurred to him. He was just being paranoid.

If Dick had wanted to drown him, he’d had ample time to do it already.

But still, Tiger thought as he eyed the curve of Dick’s spine and the way his full, soft-looking lips parted slightly around a quiet sigh, maybe there was another reason he was so eager to help him. Aside from the promise of a reward, that is. He felt his gaze wander as if of its own accord across the merman’s figure, lingering, examining the way the setting sun reflected off Dick’s eyes, and glinted on the pearls draped over his body. (He found out what that other mess of pearls was for-- it was almost like a necklace, with strands that hung around his neck, shoulders and torso, and connected at various places, including over his sternum, the nape of his neck, and the small of his back.)

Tiger would have to be completely blind not to notice Dick’s beauty, regardless of his injuries. He could almost understand why the merchant had wanted to put him on display-- but as soon as the thought occurred to him he banished it, a dark feeling coiling in his gut at the prospect of relating on any level to the scum that had kept this person, prefix of mer irrelevant, captive. He redoubled his rowing efforts as if he could run from the shame, and kept his eyes from then on fixed on the horizon.

He thought of Dick’s injuries-- and did not look-- and felt sick at the idea of objectifying him like the ones who had done that to him had.

Though if he had looked, he would have noticed Dick’s expression change, so his smile was no longer directed at the waters below him but somewhere farther than that, his focus on the man in the boat with him, and a delighted little dusting of a blush appearing on his cheeks.

[creviewsthings]

Everyone does this blog once, right? If you have an interest in makeup, that is. I thought I’d go through my current favourite products that I use on an everyday basis! (considering I’m wearing it that day…).

Foundation: Revolution Conceal & Define in ‘F4’

I’m currently loving the Revolution Conceal & Define Foundation! It has a doe foot applicator, which I know is a no-go for some people out there, but for me, I find it helps me to apply the foundation precisely where I need it more conveniently. This foundation is the best everyday one that I own, due to, simply how quickly I can get it on my face. You can read my review on this foundation here.

  Concealer: Collection Lasting Perfection in ‘Extra Fair’

A cult favourite and a staple in any person’s go-to products, I’m sure. I’ve used this concealer for as long as I can remember now. I flit between this and the Revolution Conceal & Define in ‘C1’, but I find that due to having more product in this one, I use this one slightly more often. I used to use the shade ‘Fair’, but I find that this new, lighter shade is perfect for brightening my under eyes (which is much needed, trust me). I still use ‘fair’ for blemishes if I feel like I need extra coverage!

  Powder: Revolution Baking Powder in ‘Lace’

This is a recent discovery for me, and I’ve been loving it. Before this, I was using Rimmel’s Stay Matte in ‘Translucent’, and I still love that for days where I need a little less. But this little guy is perfect at smoothing everything out, and I find that it helps with my oily skin. I bake my under eyes using my Real Techniques sponge, then use whatever’s left in the lid to dust over the rest of my face with a fluffy brush.

  Contour: Seventeen Define & Conquer

For some reason, this kit doesn’t have a shade name on it, and I can’t for the life of me remember what it was but I’m gonna’ say either ‘light’ or ‘fair’? I probably wouldn’t have bought it in anything darker! I love this little nifty set, it’s such a shame that Seventeen doesn’t exist as a brand anymore! I was a latecomer to this and it’s the perfect colour to use as a bronzer/contour combo, which I love on days where I can’t be bothered to do both (which, let’s be honest, is every day). Inside there are a setting/highlight-y powder thing and a darker shade, and I just adore using it to create definition. I use the paler shade less often, to be honest, as it’s a little too powdery and can emphasise dry patches, but I occasionally dabble.

  Brows: Revolution brow pomade in ‘Dark Brown’

You’re probably sensing a theme here with my favourite products… I can’t deny it, I just swear by and genuinely do use this Revolution stuff every day! This pomade is smooth, pigmented, and the perfect colour to fill in my brows. My only complaint is that because it lasts me so long, it tends to dry up! I once tried adding a drop of baby oil (after a desperate google search) and that seemed to work a treat, but the perfect product would be one where I didn’t have to do this, and I am open to suggestions, so make sure to comment below.

  Blush: MUA Pixel Perfect Multi-Blush in ‘Coral Spice’

This little guy is so cute! I love the packaging, for a start, it’s so pretty to look at. This blush is perfect for me as it is not very pigmented. You might be thinking, Chlo, isn’t that a bad thing? But it builds up so nicely so you can apply as much or as little as you like without looking like a pot doll. I’ve never been a bright coloured blush fan, therefore this is ideal for little old me. MUA is such an affordable brand too! Shoutout to their Undress Your Skin highlighters, that stuff is BLINDING.

  Highlight: W7 Glowcomotion

I’ve repurchased this highlighter twice because I hit pan so quickly on it. I absolutely adore this highlighter and I have not yet found one as affordable that compares. It’s the perfect, champagne gold that just gives your skin that perfect glow on your high points. Also, a bonus, it’s a complete dupe for The Balm’s Mary-Lou Manizer, for a fraction of the price!

  Eyeshadow: Revolution X Soph palette

I adore SophDoesNails’ YouTube channel, so when she announced she was collaborating on a palette for my favourite drugstore brand, I immediately put it in my basket! This shade range has a little bit of everything; cool tones, warm tones, pops of colour, neutrals, shimmers, mattes… the list goes on. I have a few palettes now and I find that I just reach for this one all the time. I’m yet to try her Extra Spice palette, which also looks amazing, so maybe that will be a future favourite?…

  Liner: NYX Epic Ink Liner

I’ve had a love/hate relationship with this liner if I’m honest. When I first bought it, I wore it every single day and adored it. It’s also meant to be a dupe of Kat Von D’s tattoo liner, which is what attracted me to it in the first place. I went through a phase of this liner bleeding like crazy on me, and I wasn’t really sure why and still don’t know to this day. It’s stopped doing it now, therefore I guess it will remain a mystery. It glides on like a dream; super pigmented and precise for wings that could cut you into pieces.

  Mascara: Collection Lash Surge

I bought this after seeing many a beauty guru swear by it, and I was not in any way disappointed. I’ve been asked a few times if I’m wearing false lashes when I wear this, so that’s good enough for me! It builds volume, length, and looks bomb. One complaint, if I go a bit overboard it can look slightly clumpy, but that’s completely my own fault. Ride or die product.

  Lips: Revolution X Soph in ‘Fudge’

This lipstick! The formula, the colour pay off, everything! I just adore it. It’s the perfect brown/orange toned nude. It’s got a slight shine to it, so if you prefer matte finishes I’d suggest blotting it with some powder. One day maybe I’ll branch out from Revolution products… but if they’re so good, why should I?

  Setting Spray: Revolution Sport Fix

For keeping my make up in place, I have to admit that my ride or die is Urban Decay’s de-slick. But let’s be real, that stuff is so pricey! Therefore, I go to this one for everyday use. It’s not quite as good, but at only £5 a bottle I’ll take it.

  There we have it! My everyday products all listed. I hope you enjoyed snooping into what I like to use, and maybe got some inspiration. What are your go-to makeup products? Comment below!

  chlomarie xx 

What’s in my make up bag? MY EVERYDAY GO-TO PRODUCTS Everyone does this blog once, right? If you have an interest in makeup, that is. I thought I'd go through my current favourite products that I use on an everyday basis!

[readbookywooks]

THE STORM AND WHAT CAME OF IT

IT was nearly three weeks after their landing that the Dawn Treader was towed out of Narrowhaven harbour. Very solemn farewells had been spoken and a great crowd had assembled to see her departure. There had been cheers, and tears too, when Caspian made his last speech to the Lone Islanders and parted from the Duke and his family, but as the ship, her purple sail still flapping idly, drew further from the shore, and the sound of Caspian's trumpet from the poop came fainter across the water, everyone became silent. Then she came into the wind. The sail swelled out, the tug cast off and began rowing back, the first real wave ran up under the Dawn Treader's prow, and she was a live ship again. The men off duty went below, Drinian took the first watch on the poop, and she turned her head eastward round the south of Avra. The next few days were delightful. Lucy thought she was the most fortunate girl in the world; as she woke each morning to see the reflections of the sunlit water dancing on the ceiling of her cabin and looked round on all the nice new things she had got in the Lone Islands - seaboots and buskins and cloaks and jerkins and scarves. And then she would go on deck and take a look from the forecastle at a sea which was a brighter blue each morning and drink in an air that was a little warmer day by day. After that came breakfast and such an appetite as one only has at sea. She spent a good deal of time sitting on the little bench in the stern playing chess with Reepicheep. It was amusing to see him lifting the pieces, which were far too big for him, with both paws and standing on tiptoes if he made a move near the centre of the board. He was a good player and when he remembered what he was doing he usually won. But every now and then Lucy won because the Mouse did something quite ridiculous like sending a knight into the danger of a queen and castle combined. This happened because he had momentarily forgotten it was a game of chess and was thinking of a real battle and making the knight do what he would certainly have done in its place. For his mind was full of forlorn hopes, death-or-glory charges, and last stands. But this pleasant time did not last. There came an evening when Lucy, gazing idly astern at the long furrow or wake they were leaving behind them, saw a great rack of clouds building itself up in the west with amazing speed. Then a gap was torn in it and a yellow sunset poured through the gap. All the waves behind them seemed to take on unusual shapes and the sea was a drab or yellowish colour like dirty canvas. The air grew cold. The ship seemed to move uneasily as if she felt danger behind he The sail would be flat and limp one minute and wildly the next. While she was noting these things and wondering at a sinister change which had come over the very noise the wind, Drinian cried, "All hands on deck." In a moment everyone became frantically busy. The hatches wet battened down, the galley fire was put out, men went aloft to reef the sail. Before they had finished the storm struck them. It seemed to Lucy that a great valley in the sea opened just before their bows, and they rushed down in it, deeper down than she would have believed possible. A great grey hill of water, far higher than the mast, rushed to meet them; it looked certain death but they were tossed to the top of it. Then the ship seemed to spin round. A cataract of water poured over the deck; the poop and forecastle were like two islands with a fierce sea between them. aloft the sailors were lying out along the yard desperate trying to get control of the sail. A broken rope stood out sideways in the wind as straight and stiff as if it was poker. "Get below, Ma'am," bawled Drinian. And Lucy knowing that landsmen - and landswomen - are a nuisance to the crew, began to obey. It was not easy. The Dawn Treader was listing terribly to starboard and the deck sloped like the roof of a house. She had to clamber round to the top of the ladder, holding on to the rail, and the stand by while two men climbed up it, and then get down as best she could. It was well she was already holding tight for at the foot of the ladder another wave roar across the deck, up to her shoulders. She was already almost wet through with spray and rain but this was colder. Then she made a dash for the cabin door and got in and shut out for a moment the appalling sight of the speed with which they were rushing into the dark, but not of course the horrible confusion of creakings, groanings, snappings, clatterings, roarings and boomings which only sounded more alarming below than they had done on the poop. And all next day and all the next it went on. It went on till one could hardly even remember a time before it had begun. And there always had to be three men at the tiller and it was as much as three could do to keep any kind of a course. And there always had to be men at the pump. And there was hardly any rest for anyone, and nothing could be cooked and nothing could be dried, and one man was lost overboard, and they never saw the sun. When it was over Eustace made the following entry in his diary. "3 September. The first day for ages when I have been able to write. We had been driven before a hurricane for thirteen days and nights. I know that because I kept a careful count, though the others all say it was only twelve. Pleasant to be embarked on a dangerous voyage with people who can't even count right! I have had a ghastly time, up and down enormous waves hour after hour, usually wet to the skin, and not even an attempt at giving us proper meals. Needless to say there's no wireless or even a rocket, so no chance of signalling anyone for help. It all proves what I keep on telling them, the madness of setting out in a rotten little tub like this. It would be bad enough even if one was with decent people instead of fiends in human form. Caspian and Edmund are simply brutal to me. The night we lost our mast (there's only a stump left now), though I was not at all well, they forced me to come on deck and work like a slave. Lucy shoved her oar in by saying that Reepicheep was longing to go only he was too small. I wonder she doesn't see that everything that little beast does is all for the sake of showing off. Even at her age she ought to have that amount of sense. Today the beastly boat is level at last and the sun's out and we have all been jawing about what to do. We have food enough, pretty beastly stuff most of it, to last for sixteen days. (The poultry were all washed overboard. Even if they hadn't been, the storm would have stopped them laying.) The real trouble is water. Two casks seem to have got a leak knocked in them and are empty. (Narnian efficiency again.) On short rations, half a pint a day each, we've got enough for twelve days. (There's still lots of rum and wine but even they realize that would only make them thirstier.) "If we could, of course, the sensible thing would be to turn west at once and make for the Lone Islands. But it took us eighteen days to get where we are, running like mad with a gale behind us. Even if we got an east wind it might take us far longer to get back. And at present there's no sign of an east wind - in fact there's no wind at all. As for rowing back, it would take far too long and Caspian says the men couldn't row on half a pint of water a day. I'm pretty sure this is wrong. I tried to explain that perspiration really cools people down, so the men would need less water if they were working. He didn't take any notice of this, which is always his way when he can't think of an answer. The others all voted for going on in the hope of finding land. I felt it my duty to point out that we didn't know there was any land ahead and tried to get them to see the dangers of wishful thinking. Instead of producing a better plan they had the cheek to ask me what I proposed. So I just explained coolly and quietly that I had been kidnapped and brought away on this idiotic voyage without my consent, and it was hardly my business to get them out of their scrape. "4 September. Still becalmed. Very short rations for dinner and I got less than anyone. Caspian is very clever at helping and thinks I don't see! Lucy for some reason tried to make up to me by offering me some of hers but that interfering prig Edmund wouldn't let her. Pretty hot sun. Terribly thirsty all evening. "5 September. Still becalmed and very hot. Feeling rotten all day and am sure I've got a temperature. Of course they haven't the sense to keep a thermometer on board. "6 September. A horrible day. Woke up in the night knowing I was feverish and must have a drink of water. Any doctor would have said so. Heaven knows I'm the last person to try to get any unfair advantage but I never dreamed that this water-rationing would be meant to apply to a sick man. In fact I would have woken the others up and asked for some only I thought it would be selfish to wake them. So I got up and took my cup and tiptoed out of the Black Hole we slept in, taking great care not to disturb Caspian and Edmund, for they've been sleeping badly since the heat and the short water began. I always try to consider others whether they are nice to me or not. I got out all right into the big room, if you can call it a room, where the rowing benches and the luggage are. The thing of water is at this end. All was going beautifully, but before I'd drawn a cupful who should catch me but that little spy Reep. I tried to explain that I was going on deck for a breath of air (the business about the water had nothing to do with him) and he asked me why I had a cup. He made such a noise that the whole ship was roused. They treated me scandalously. I asked, as I think anyone would have, why Reepicheep was sneaking about the water cask in the middle of the night. He said that as he was too small to be any use on deck, he did sentry over the water every night so that one more man could go to sleep. Now comes their rotten unfairness: they all believed him. Can you beat it? "I had to apologize or the dangerous little brute would have been at me with his sword. And then Caspian showed up in his true colours as a brutal tyrant and said out loud for everyone to hear that anyone found "stealing" water in future would "get two dozen". I didn't know what this meant till Edmund explained to me. It comes in the sort of books those Pevensie kids read. "After this cowardly threat Caspian changed his tune and started being patronizing. Said he was sorry for me and that everyone felt just as feverish as I did and we must all make the best of it, etc., etc. Odious stuck-up prig. Stayed in bed all day today. "7 September. A little wind today but still from the west. Made a few miles eastward with part of the sail, set on what Drinian calls the jury-mast-that means the bowsprit set upright and tied (they call it "lashed") to the stump of the real mast. Still terribly thirsty. "8 September. Still sailing east. I stay in my bunk all day now and see no one except Lucy till the two fiends come to bed. Lucy gives me a little of her water ration. She says girls don't get as thirsty as boys. I had often thought this but it ought to be more generally known at sea. "9 September. Land in sight; a very high mountain a long way off to the south-east. "10 September. The mountain is bigger and clearer but still a long way off. Gulls again today for the first time since I don't know how long. "11 September. Caught some fish and had them for dinner. Dropped anchor at about 7 p.m. in three fathoms of water in a bay of this mountainous island. That idiot Caspian wouldn't let us go ashore because it was getting dark and he was afraid of savages and wild beasts. Extra water ration tonight." What awaited them on this island was going to concern Eustace more than anyone else, but it cannot be told in his words because after September 11 he forgot about keeping his diary for a long time. When morning came, with a low, grey sky but very hot, the adventurers found they were in a bay encircled by such cliffs and crags that it was like a Norwegian fjord. In front of them, at the head of the bay, there was some level land heavily overgrown with trees that appeared to be cedars, through which a rapid stream came out. Beyond that was a steep ascent ending in a jagged ridge and behind that a vague darkness of mountains which ran into dull-coloured clouds so that you could not see their tops. The nearer cliffs, at each side of the bay, were streaked here and there with lines of white which everyone knew to be waterfalls, though at that distance they did not show any movement or make any noise. Indeed the whole place was very silent and the water of the bay as smooth as glass. It reflected every detail of the cliffs. The scene would have been pretty in a picture but was rather oppressive in real life. It was not a country that welcomed visitors. The whole ship's company went ashore in two boatloads and everyone drank and washed deliciously in the river and had a meal and a rest before Caspian sent four men back to keep the ship, and the day's work began. There was everything to be done. The casks must be brought ashore and the faulty ones mended if possible and all refilled; a tree - a pine if they could get it - must be felled and made into a new mast; sails must be repaired; a hunting party organized to shoot any game the land might yield; clothes to be washed and mended; and countless small breakages on board to be set right. For the Dawn Treader herself - and this was more obvious now that they saw her at a distance - could hardly be recognized as the same gallant ship which had left Narrowhaven. She looked a crippled, discoloured hulk which anyone might have taken for a wreck. And her officers and crew were no better - lean, pale, red-eyed from lack of sleep, and dressed in rags. As Eustace lay under a tree and heard all these plans being discussed his heart sank. Was there going to be no rest? It looked as if their first day on the longed-for land was going to be quite as hard work as a day at sea. Then a delightful idea occurred to him. Nobody was looking they were all chattering about their ship as if they actually liked the beastly thing. Why shouldn't he simply slip away? He would take a stroll inland, find a cool, airy place up in the mountains, have a good long sleep, and not rejoin the others till the day's work was over. He felt it would do him good. But he would take great care to keep the bay and the ship in sight so as to be sure of his way back. He wouldn't like to be left behind in this country. He at once put his plan into action. He rose quietly from his place and walked away among the trees, taking care to go slowly and in an aimless manner so that anyone who saw him would think he was merely stretching his legs. He was surprised to find how quickly the noise of conversation died away behind hiin and how very silent and warm and dark green the wood became. Soon he felt he could venture on a quicker and more determined stride. This soon brought him out of the wood. The ground began sloping steeply up in front of him. The grass was dry and slippery but manageable if he used his hands as well as his feet, and though he panted and mopped his forehead a good deal, he plugged away steadily. This showed, by the way, that his new life, little as he suspected it, had already done him some good; the old Eustace, Harold and Alberta's Eustace, would have given up the climb after about ten minutes. Slowly, and with several rests, he reached the ridge. Here he had expected to have a view into the heart of the island, but the clouds had now come lower and nearer and a sea of fog was rolling to meet him. He sat down and looked back. He was now so high that the bay looked small beneath him and miles of sea were visible. Then the fog from the mountains closed in all round him, thick but not cold, and he lay down and turned this way and that to find the most comfortable position to enjoy himself. But he didn't enjoy himself, or not for very long. He began, almost for the first time in his life, to feel lonely. At first this feeling grew very gradually. And then he began to worry about the time. There was not the slightest sound. Suddenly it occurred to him that he might have been lying there for hours. Perhaps the others had gone! Perhaps they had let him wander away on purpose simply in order to leave him behind! He leaped up in a panic and began the descent. At first he tried to do it too quickly, slipped on the steep grass, and slid for several feet. Then he thought this had carried him too far to the left - and as he came up he had seen precipices on that side. So he clambered up again, as near as he could guess to the place he had started from, and began the descent afresh, bearing to his right. After that things seemed to be going better. He went very cautiously, for he could not see more than a yard ahead, and there was still perfect silence all around him. It is very unpleasant to have to go cautiously when there is a voice inside you saying all the time, "Hurry, hurry, hurry." For every moment the terrible idea of being left behind grew stronger. If he had understood Caspian and the Pevensies at all he would have known, of course, that there was not the least chance of their doing any such thing. But he had persuaded himself that they were all fiends in human form. "At last!" said Eustace as he came slithering down a slide of loose stones (scree, they call it) and found himself on the level. "And now, where are those trees? There is something dark ahead. Why, I do believe the fog is clearing." It was. The light increased every moment and made him blink. The fog lifted. He was in an utterly unknown valley and the sea was nowhere in sight.