#desert warthog

[nocternalrandomness]

A Warthog seen in its natural habitat

[dronescapesvideos]

Munitions specialists load 30mm rounds of ammunition into an A-10A Thunderbolt II attack aircraft for its GAU-8/A Avenger cannon prior to a sortie in support of Operation Desert Storm

VIDEO ➤➤ https://youtu.be/DPPHZBvMzvc

[antiqueanimals]

Phacochoerus aethiopicus. Struik Pocket Guides for South Africa: Mammals. Written by John Skinner. Illustrated by Penny Meakin. 1988.

Internet Archive

[fancykraken]

random screencaps I took from the Namib and Kalahari Desert live streams because I have nothing better to do with my life atm

[autisdicksimmons]

Everyone says Grif and Simmons were hooking up in the warthog or that they weren’t, but what about the secret third option where they were going to hook up and Simmons was like, “hey, we may be in the middle of nowhere but we’re still outside, maybe we shouldn’t take our clothes off??” And Grif’s like “dude. No one is looking.” And Simmons is like “BUT THEY COULD BE” and they just bickered back and forth about if you could be added to the sex offender registry for fucking in the shade in the middle of a desert away from all the other people in the area and THATS why Grif is like “well, I can tell you what we weren’t doing” and Simmons rolls his fucking eyes but honestly the whole thing is just funny to them both bc it stopped being about actually fucking so quickly and just devolved into their normal sitting around and talking

[kuueater]

STREAM TONIGHT @ 6PM EST

DESERT WARTHOG MEDIA SHARE

[devilsrecreation]

thoughts on the tlk movies?

B E T

Legit my favorite Disney movies of all time. The original is actually perfect in every way, from the Hamlet-based storyline to the characters to the songs (✨chef’s kiss✨)….PERFECTION.

I LOVE how the deleted Scar and Nala scene was actually put into the musical instead of forgotten like the other deleted songs like “To Be King” and “Warthog Rhapsody”. Those are pretty good, but have nothing on “Hakuna Matata”. Although the scrapped version of Timon and Pumbaa mockingly singing “Can you feel the love tonight” will never NOT be funny

TLK2 was amazing as well! Definitely one of the better disney movie sequels out there, plus Zira ROCKED as a villain! Nice how we got some depth on Simba where he obviously isn’t perfect, but he means well and eventually comes around yk?

I’ll admit I haven’t seen TLK 1 1/2 from start to finish, but I’ve seen most of it and it’s ICONIC. We get to dive into Timon’s backstory and how he met Pumbaa AND THERE’S HYENA CONTENT? Like HELL YEAH. Also love the direction they went in story-wise. They COULD have had nothing to do with the OG movie until they met Simba but nah, they canonically were always there, we just never saw them until Simba was unconscious in the desert. Like they were there during “Be Prepared” watching the hyenas and also happened to be in the gorge running from the stampede

“Shall we run for our lives?”

“Oh yes, let’s.”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH”

😭

Although my favorite part has to be where Timon “proposes” to Shenzi as a distraction and she’s just there DUMBFOUNDED bfhfhrhrtf

Also Digguh Tunnuh fucking SLAPS and you cannot tell me otherwise

[uncharismatic-fauna]

Say Hi to the Spotted Hyena

The spotted hyena is also known, perhaps most famously, as the laughing hyena (Crocuta crocuta). This species once ranged throughout Eurasia, but following the end of the Ice Age was restricted to sub-Saharan Africa. Today they can be found in many types of dry, open habitat, including savannah, semi-desert, and mountain forests. At times, the spotted hyena may also enter urban areas in search of food.

Unlike other hyenas, Crocuta crotuta is a predator, not a scavenger. They most commonly prey on wildebeast, but they may also hunt zebra, gazelles, Cape buffalo, and warthog. In addition, desperate times may cause packs to hunt on more dangerous prey such as young hippopotamus, giraffe, and rhinoceros. Spotted hyenas have incredible endurance, reaching speeds of 60 km/hr (37 mph); a single chase can last over 24 km (14 miles). When live prey is scarce, the laughing hyena can also turn to carrion, as well as snakes and ostrich eggs. In turn, this species may be killed by lions, though this may be motivated more by competition than prey drive.

Spotted hyena females are typically larger than males, weighing 44.5–67.6 kg (98–149 lb) to the males' 40.5–69.2 kg (89.3–153 lb). The height range for both sexes lies between 70–91.5 cm (27.6–36.0 in). In addition, female laughing hyena are somewhat famous for their masculinated genetalia; the clitoris is enlarged, resembling a penis, and is accompanied by sacs filled with fibrous tissue that resemble a scrotum. As the name implies, the coat is light brown with darker spots over most of the body. Because the species has such a wide diet, it has was is considered to be the strongest in relation to size of any mammal. The bite force is stronger than that of a brown bear, and can exert a force of 4,500 newtons-- enough to crush bone.

The laughing hyena is a highly social animal, and individuals live in communities up to 80 strong; size largely depends on prey availability and whether or not the group migrates. A clan territory can be anywhere from 40 km (24 mi) to 1000 (621mi) squared. Females dominate the males, and a pack is usually led by a matriarch. Hierarchies are strictly enforced, and positions are primarily inherited through birth and transferred through death. In addition, one's rank is maintained and recognized through social alliances and their contributions to the clan rather than size or dominance displays. The entirety of the clan comes together most often when defending a territory, gathering at the communal den, or at a kill; however, these kills are more commonly produced from smaller offshoots of the clan.

Crocuta crotuta can breed year-round, though mating is at its peak during the wet season from April to June. Members of both sexes pair indiscriminately with multiple mates, both within their clan and without. To offer himself, the male performs a mating ritual in which he lowers himself to the ground before the female, and retreats if any aggression is shown. Once impregnated, the female carries for about 110 days before giving birth to two cubs-- three is fairly rare. Weaning takes another 14 to 18 months, during which time cubs learn to hunt and defend the clan, as well as establish their place in the social hierarchy. Sootted hyenas reach maturity at about 3 years old, and can live an average of 12 years in the wild, though individuals as old as 25 have been recorded.

Conservation status: The spotted hyena has been determined Least Concern by the IUCN. However, outside protected areas the population is declining due to deforestation and hunting as a nuisance species.

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Photos

Augusto Bila

Elise Pianegonda

Evie Davidian

Art Wolfe

[silverhart-makes-art]

If this week's Bestiary Posting is the creature I think it is, I will be very happy, because it reminded me of a sweet little fairy tale I wrote and illustrated about this critter when I was very young. Even if my guess is wrong, it still made me smile. Gonna do my best to not draw that critter, much as I might want to though.

The Dirubael is described as having horns it uses in fights, and any chance I get to draw an ungulate I will gladly take, so an ungulate it must be. I decided to go with a sable antelope as the base for this critter, partially because it's described as black, but mainly because they're my favorite antelope to draw - I just love their unique proportions. The main trait about the Dirubael is it's horns, which it can move, and I decided to get a bit creative, because when I think of 'movable horns' I think of eye-stalks, like on a slug. So that's what I gave this fellow; movable eye-stalks from which the horns grow. I don't know what the skull of such a creature would look like, but I bet it's insane. I also decided to give them a second pair of horns that grows behind the first, because if these beasts are losing their horns often enough for it to be remarked on, it makes sense to have a couple more backups. Bonus feature, when the first point is damaged, it can move it's second into the position of the old one, just in case it needs to lock horns with another dirubael.

It's jaws are said to be that of a boar's, which probably implies tusks, but I decided to interpret it as the literal jaw of a boar - a big, robust jaw, able to crush tough fruits, tubers and even bone. I also decided to make the neck and body considerably thicker and more swine-like, sort of a boar-antelope hybrid. I was bit worried using boar and antelope might make it look too much like the Dikebael from a previous entry, so I looked at the babirusa for inspiration, rather then a warthog or Eurasian boar, exaggerating the head shape a bit, just to make it even more strange looking (also curious if maybe 'Dikebael' and 'Dirubael' names come from a common root word in this crazy hypothetical world. Maybe 'bael' means something like 'pig' or 'beast' so Dirubael means 'antelope-pig' or 'antelope-beast', and Dikebael means 'desert-pig' or 'desert-beast'. Did not set out to do that, but I kind of dig it now that I've thought of it.) Elephant tail is easy enough to add, but gotta make it a little fluffier for fun.

[helix-enterprises117]

Halo Reloaded: Advice... Again

Fred-104 was sprawled on a moth-eaten couch that had seen better days, probably around the time the Covenant thought humans were an easy target. He was idly flipping through a digital magazine, "Cuisine for the Super-Soldier Soul," a title so absurd it had to be military issue.

Kelly-087 was beside him, her legs thrown over his lap in a casual display of affection, her attention on a holoscreen displaying a list of 'Top 10 Quiet Getaways for the War-Weary Soldier.'

"Look at this," Kelly said, pointing at a blip on the screen. "There's a place that serves a dish called 'The Master Chief.' It's essentially a steak so tender it sneaks up on your taste buds."

Fred chuckled, the sound gruff but warm. "Sounds like something John would accidentally invent and never realize it's named after him."

Their banter was abruptly interrupted by a sound resembling a Warthog crashing through a supply depot. Except this depot was their living room window. Glass sprayed across the room, a makeshift reminder that peace was always temporary.

John-117, the epitome of Spartan stoicism and the most unlikely window-smasher, lay amid the chaos he'd created, looking momentarily perplexed by his own entrance. Fred and Kelly, veterans of countless battles, could only stare.

"John, ever heard of knocking?" Fred finally said, his tone dry enough to make a desert jealous.

Kelly, ever the pragmatist, was already calculating the cost of replacing the window. Again. "Or, you know, using the door like a normal person?"

John rose, shaking off glass like a dog shedding water. "Apologies for the dramatic entrance. I require... assistance."

Fred raised an eyebrow, a smirk playing on his lips. "Did you run out of doors to knock on?"John's gaze was serious, a storm brewing over an ocean of uncertainty. "It's Linda. I need to ask her out. On a date."

Silence enveloped the room, punctuated only by the distant hum of the station's life support systems. Kelly and Fred exchanged a look, a silent conversation passing between them.

"You flew through our window... for dating advice?" Kelly's voice was a mix of incredulity and amusement.

John, unfazed by the absurdity of his actions, nodded. "Yes."

Fred stood, adopting the stance of a mentor about to impart wisdom upon a wayward student. "Well, step one: don't start by breaking her personal belongings. It tends to set the wrong tone."

Kelly, finding her voice again, added, "And maybe try using words. 'Linda, I value our time together both in and out of combat. Would you be interested in exploring a more... personal mission with me?' See? Easy."

John considered this, his brow furrowed in concentration. "No tactical overlay? No mission brief?"

"Definitely not," Fred deadpanned. "Try to sound less like you're planning an assault on a Covenant stronghold and more like you're, you know, human."

A moment passed, then John nodded, a determined glint in his eye. He turned, assessing the room with a tactical eye that unfortunately included the remaining intact window.

"Not again," Kelly sighed, already knowing what was coming.With the grace of a Spartan (which, in domestic settings, translated to 'bull in a china shop'), John made his dramatic exit through the second window, leaving a trail of destruction in his wake.

Fred and Kelly, now facing the prospect of explaining to UNSC property management why two windows needed replacing due to 'Spartan relationship advice,' couldn't help but laugh.

"Dinner and window shopping, then?" Fred quipped, offering his hand to Kelly to pull her up from the couch.

"Let's just hope the restaurant has a discount for heroes," Kelly replied, accepting his hand with a smile. "Because at this rate, we're going to need it."

[maniculum]

Bestiaryposting Results: Dikebael

This animal's name is, admittedly, a bit of a "Tirion upon Túna (upon Rye)" situation in that I did not process that there was anything unusual about the name until, shortly after the entry went up, it got a "heh. Dick-ball" reply. (And they weren't alone; at least one of the art posts that's gone up has acknowledged the unfortunate name.) It probably doesn't help that this entry references the animal's testicles.

I can't even go, "well, it's not pronounced like that," because by the orthographical rules of the conlang I used to generate these names, it would be pronounced /dɪ·kɛ·bæ·ɛl/, so the start still pretty much sounds like "dick". I'd say I'll be more careful about that in future, but I scheduled all of these ahead of time and I'm not sure it's worth digging through the queue, so we'll just have to see.

Anyway, for anyone who's not sure what this whole "bestiaryposting" thing is, you can find an explanation and previous posts here: https://maniculum.tumblr.com/bestiaryposting. The entry that people are working from this time is here:

(Also, I just want to remind anyone reading that you're free to join in -- this is not a closed thing, just check out the "maniculum bestiaryposting" tag and sort by latest to see what the current beast is. Felt I should say that since we've had the same group of people for a while and I don't want anyone seeing the same set of usernames each time and thinking this is an exclusive club.)

Anyway, art below the cut in roughly chronological order.

@sweetlyfez (link to post here), acknowledging the lack of physical description in the entry, has opted to just have fun with it and put together this strange chimerical creature. I think the flat little horns on top of its snout are really interesting -- the linked post describes them as functioning like a stone circle to make sure it has the right date for its annual announcements. I have no idea if that would work at all, but it seems like it fits the general logic of the bestiary, and I like it.

@silverhart-makes-art (link to post here) has an interesting explanation in the linked post about how they decided to combine features of various desert-dwelling animals with the basic body plan of a peccary (which is apparently the same animal I know as a "javelina" -- I learn a lot looking stuff up while I write these posts). They then acknowledge that, without the context of all the things they're working in here, it kind of just looks like they've drawn a very large warthog. It's a very good hog, though. Something neat that you might miss if you're just looking at the drawing without the context of the post, for instance, is that it has the same fat-storing tail as a fat-tailed sheep. For more little bonuses like that, check out the linked post.

@cheapsweets (link to post here) has given us a whole herd of critters here. They've also hooked onto the "desert" thing due to the lack of physical description, collected traits from real-world animals that make them successful in a desert biome, and combined them into a new creature. They make me think of jackals, which aren't mentioned in the linked post, and also make me think of donkeys, which (kind of) are. Let's all take a moment to note the baby hiding behind a pile of rocks to the right, watching a smaller animal of some sort. I think it's cute.

CheapSweets also wonders about the significance of March 25th, and I have to say so do I. It's not explained in the text. The symbolism bit does say they call the same number of times during the day and night to represent the devil wanting to make day and night the same, which... what?

@pomrania (link to post here) clarifies that this is a grayscale rendering and that the animal would actually be a sort of dusty tan in a color version. They also went the direction of "this animal lives in the desert, so let's focus on desert adaptations." So we've got the split hooves and nostrils that can close to keep out sand. I particularly like the overhanging lip; it adds a certain charm, I think.

@coolest-capybara (link to post here) has decided that this is an excellent excuse to draw an elephant, since we're short on specific description beyond them living in Africa and being able to make loud noises. As a bonus, this means that the young Dikebael can be conveniently hidden behind the mother's large ears. The other aspects of this illustration relate to Coolest-Capybara having a pretty solid theory as to "why March 25th" -- apparently that's the Feast of the Annunciation, which of course the medieval author would have known. So here we have the Archelephant Gabriel trumpeting at Mary. (Actually it seems like the baby is doing the trumpeting, and it looks adorable doing it.) The linked post describes the medieval artworks that are being referenced in the illustration, so I recommend checking that out.

Anyway, time to check the Aberdeen Bestiary...

... well, we can't, actually. The Aberdeen Bestiary is missing a few folios, and this is on one of those. I got the text from MS Bodley 764, since I have a print translation of that one and it's fairly similar. For the illumination, we're going to go to the digitized Ashmole Bestiary, which is even more similar but I don't have a translation of it.

So this is the onager or wild ass.

Interestingly, it looks pretty much identical to the image of the tame ass on the same page, but to be fair, I don't think I'd be able to distinguish between an onager and a donkey with any reliability. Makes one wonder why they have separate illustrations, though.

And yeah, I have no additional explanation for why... any of the stuff in the entry.

[bloodmoon24]

do you know any cool zoology facts?

You might wanna sit down and have a snack for this

• That in lemur society, female lemurs are always the boss of the family (girl power)

• Red pandas aren’t related to anybody. They’re in their own family (and to anyone who says that red pandas are related to the giant pandas, they’re not related. Just because they have “panda” in the name, doesn’t mean that they’re related)

• In some birds, like a hummingbird, males are always a brighter color to attract mates, while the females are duller so that they can camouflage themselves to protect their nests

• There’s a cool lemur called an aye-aye that has a special long and skinny finger that they use to knock on wood on branches for echolocating any prey like maggots or other grub (try getting flipped off by them)

• A woodpecker’s tongue is SO long, it wraps around their skull (look it up. I’m not joking)

• A warthog and use their face as a shield to block off an entrance of their borrow, so that predators like lions can’t get through

• There’s a jellyfish called the immortal jellyfish that can live forever by turning itself back into a baby and repeats its whole life cycle

• As far as most people know, lions are the only wild cats that lives in a big social group

• Coyotes are very adaptable. They can adapt in any environment likes cities, the desert, the arctic, and in the forest

• Crocs, gators, and king cobras are cannibals

• Like with the lemurs (kinda), female praying mantis are VERY larger than the males, and since they’re bigger, they’re way too heavy and the males have the ability to fly. And they both eat their prey head first. Same goes to the females after they mated with the males

• To anybody that didn’t know, a narwhal’s horn is actually a tusk, like an elephant or a warthog

• All raptors are closely related to the dinosaurs

* Gars specifically have been around since the dinosaurs

And that’s all the zoology facts that I have for you. I’ll let you know if I have some more awesome and cool facts about animals

[threshergm]

My Halo: The Series pitch The Silver Timeline 2.0 Character Notes

I was generally pretty satisfied with what we got in season 2, but after a lifetime of watching sci-fi television, I know it could have been so much better. So I decided to take a crack at writing Halo: The Series my own self.

I had three goals in writing this.

Preserve as many of the actors and characters from the OG Silver Timeline as possible.

More closely adhere to the story elements of the core canon than the OG Silver Timeline did.

Make the Halo universe accessible to people who have never picked up a video game controller in their lives, while also not pissing off the long-time fans.

A point that I disagree with from many longtime fans of Halo is that they ought to be the "main audience" of any Halo adaptation for TV. But I disagree with that. Any "main audience" for a successful TV series has to be the average TV viewer. We therefore need to make the story of Halo accessible to the average viewer.

What I came up with was something of a cross between Halo, Stargate: SG-1, and the 2003 Battlestar Galactic reboot; and I think it satisfies all three of my goals above.

The biggest single change to my characters is that THERE ARE NO STUPID PELLETS IN THIS UNIVERSE. The Spartans are still going to be confronted with their humanity, but the narrative mechanism driving this will be something that actually happens in the core lore: the Spartan program being made public later in the war for morale reasons.

Silver Team

The Master Chief [Pablo Schreiber] - He's an amalgamation of the John we see in OG Silver Timeline season 2, plus a heavy leavening of the books. He's laconic, but not the silent protagonist of the games. Like most Spartans, he struggles to socialize with anyone outside the immediate sphere of their operations. But due to his exploits and leadership, he's looked up to and we see him become the legend he's regarded as by the rest of humanity.

PO3 Kai-125 [Kate Kennedy] - She's Kelly's personality, Linda's job, and Kurt's amiable gregariousness. She's Silver's sniper and secondary medic. Definitely the most human of the Spartans of Silver Team. Silver will wordlessly drop into a trench filled with beleaguered Marines, while Kai will grin behind her helmet and shout, "Morning, boys!" We'll see her lifting Warthogs on a bet, playing knife games with Marines, and even flirting playfully. We'll also see her crying quietly in a deserted compartment, after those Marines are killed on a mission. "If we can't protect them, what good are we?"

LTJG Vannak-134 [Bentley Kalu] - He's basically Fred. Dry and acerbic wit, but frequently unintentionally charming. Silver's deputy leader. The most Spartan-like of the Spartans, but with a very soft spot for kids. Team demolitions and heavy weapons expert. Giving him Jorge's backstory here; he's from Reach and speaks Hungarian. He'll have Jorge's death, too. There should be a subtle-but-obvious something going on between him and Riz. Lots of meaningful glances and lingering touches.

WO2 Riz-028 [Natasha Culzac] - Linda's personality and Kelly's job. She's the intelligence and communications specialist for Silver Team and primary medic. She's the most socially awkward of the Spartans, but probably the most hungry for human interaction; she just doesn't know how to be around non-Spartans. Has her little quasi-relationship with Vannak and shares his soft spot for kids.

The Pillar of Autumn Crew

Captain Jacob Keyes [Danny Sapani] - CO of the converted colony ship the Pillar of Autumn. In his 50s and should be an admiral by now, but an unspecified scandal early in his career has kept him sidelined to backwater postings throughout the war. But he has his friends and allies still, not least of whom is his estranged wife Doctor Halsey. His daughter is his shipboard science officer, but that relationship is concealed from the audience for a while.

Commander Tom Lasky [Actor TBD] - Rescued by the Master Chief from the ruins of the Corbulo Academy of Military Sciences in the opening days of the war; represents those who grew up with the war, having never known service before the Covenant. He has absolute faith in the Master Chief. He's married to another UNSC officer, a Chyler Silva, serving at FLEETCOM on Reach.

LCDR Miranda Keyes [Olive Gray] - Science officer aboard the Pillar of Autumn and only child of Captain Keyes and Doctor Halsey. Goes by the last name of Keyes, but can sometimes have a strained relationship working under her father. Torn between her innate aptitude for science and the desire to be a serving line officer and command warships like her father.

Cortana [Jen Taylor] - Ostensibly a gift from Doctor Halsey to look after her estranged husband and daughter, Cortana's real mission is to find evidence in the Outer Colonies of Halsey's hoped-for "latchkey discovery" that can turn the tide against the Covenant. Initially willing to sacrifice anything and anyone to obtain leads or the thing itself, she quickly learns to value her crew and humanity at large, and isn't willing to spend lives unless absolutely necessary.

Marines and ODSTs

Sergeant Major Avery Johnson [Bokeem Woodbine] - Senior NCO for the regular Marine battalion we see deployed groundside in the pilot episode; he takes on the same job for the scratch combined Marine/ODST force aboard the Pillar of Autumn after the evacuation from. Brash, boisterous, and always joking; he's pretty much game and book Johnson. Often comic relief and always quick with a one-liner.

Corporal Talia Perez [Cristina Rodlo] - The everyman character meant to be the audience viewpoint and represent the lower enlisted ranks. A wide-eyed draftee private when we first meet her, she spends a lot of time as a fire team leader and we watch her grow into a hardened Marine. A devout Catholic and extremely virtuous; everyone's little sister and her fellow Marines are extremely protective of her. Absolutely going to be the one we torment the most, mostly to take advantage of Rodlo's acting range.

Major Antonio Silva [Anson Mount] - Commanding Officer of an ODST company, absolutely hates the Spartans due to a fatal incident between some of his men early in his career and a teenage John-117. Old buddy of Ackerson, but possibly an asset of Parangosky. Playing both sides. Definitely not a white hat, but he has his reasons.

WO Carol Rawley aka "Foehammer" [Actor TBD] - Dropship pilot of Pelican Echo-419. NEEDS FURTHER DEVELOPMENT.

The Covenant

Makee aka "The Reclaimer" [Charlie Murphy] - Abducted early in the war (probably from Harvest) at the age of 6, she was raised up in the Covenant religion and is a true believer. As such, she hates her humanity, and her arms and thighs are covered with cutting scars. To the Covenant, she's a "Reclaimer" or "Blessed One," told that she alone can activate Forerunner technology. It's a lie, meant to allow the Prophets to make use of her in the least politically and theologically damaging way possible. Her one friend is Fleetmaster Var 'Gatanai, whom is responsible for her.

Fleetmaster Var 'Gatanai [Actor TBD] - Commander of the Fleet of Solemn Accord, primary artifact hunters for the Covenant. Is a respected leader amongst the Covenant and one rung below the High Council. Commands over 100 ships and thousands of troops. Often personally leads ground troops in the field. Is rare among high-ranking Sangheili in that he has only one wife. Honorable warrior, and a believer in the Great Journey, but not a vicious fanatic. Has a daddy-daughter relationship with Makee.

Commander Rtas 'Vadumee aka "Half-Jaw" [Actor TBD] - Fleetmaster Gatanai's right-hand Elite and all around bad-ass. Commands special operations troops. Lost half his mandibles to a bare-miss by a Spartan sniper some years ago. Doesn't hold a grudge.

Prophet Truth [Actor TBD] - Complete cynic, master politician, and absolute asshole.

Back on Reach

Colonel James Ackerson [Joseph Morgan] - A career soldier who went intelligence later in the war after leading Ranger units against both Insurrection and Covenant. A dick, but not without a heart, and certainly not a coward. He genuinely believes that humanity can fight the Covenant to a standstill - if they use the right tools in the right way. He sees Halsey's Spartan-2s as a waste of resources; techno-saviors too precious to risk, when humanity needs effective soldiers it can spend. Hence his Spartan-IIIs [which are teenage volunteers, not children].

Doctor Catherine Halsey [Natascha McElhone] - The self-loathing genius polymath who oversaw the creation of the Spartan-2s because she saw no other option. ONI was going to have its super-soldiers one way or another, and wanted automatons at that. At least she was able to fight for them and help them retain some of their humanity. Lingering guilt over this is probably why she treats the Spartans like they're her children - and why she's estranged from her actual daughter Miranda and husband Jacob. Politically, Halsey knows that the Covenant can't be beaten in the traditional sense of the term, and that humanity's only hope is a so-called Latchkey Discovery - something out there in the black that will change the game and give us the edge. She believes that Halo is that very thing, and that we have to find it first or else all is lost. And she's right.

Admiral Parangosky [Shabana Azmi] - She's the unaccountable, power mad spook; the very personification of the State run amok. Charming, quiet, almost grandmotherly - and utterly amoral in her pursuit of power for herself and ONI. It is not at all clear if she cares whether or not humanity survives the process. But at the same time, not ineffective in Humanity's defense.

Admiral Hood [Keir Dullea] - The poor bastard at the top of the heap, overseeing a losing war, and trying to keep all the plates spinning. A professional Navy man to the core, he's just trying to keep humanity alive. Wherever he throws his weight behind is the faction in the Reach/Earth political dog fight that will win.

[blood-gulch]

grace blood-gulch's s14 episode ranking list because i am so special and have lots of thoughts on every episode ever :)

Tier 1 - legitimately good quality content i recommend viewing

Room Zero - as someone who was personally Waiting those multiple years to see that rvb animated episode be finished i was so excited by this one. also i just love the animation + attention to character details in the og one. even though it doesnt really add much to that original base, newer fans should watch it to appreciate the animation cuz its cute. especially fond of every character detail moment like church running backward and using his hand to slide or the earliest iteration of grif being canonically animated as fat. idk i love it a lot and i think its p cute and well worth the watch. it's also the first episodically which is neat. good opener for s14.

The Brick Gulch Chronicles - look its stop motion lego and its cute as fuuuuuuck. the plot being sarges bday is adorable. literally awesome.

Fight the Good Fight - okay i just find it cute and quirky and generally enjoyed watching it quite a bit :) it made me laugh. the [Red] team gag was good. it reminded me of the similar gag from the simpsons in the kamp krusty episode. my dad always makes jokes about that specific gag so ahh. definitely worth the watch but understandable to skip.

Caboose's Guide to Making Friends - its just really fucking cute idfk

Head Cannon - This one's just really funny and also adds on to a scene that already was fun in a good way. Enjoyable. Highly recommended.

Get Bent - I wish sarge was still an old woman but dykenut and church bisexuality balances it out. i also wish we had female tucker. it makes me sad we didnt get female tucker.

Red vs. Blue the Musical - The reds' song is about weapons and the blues' song is about church killing himself. 10/10. no notes. perfect summation of rvb in like 10 minutes.

Mr. Red vs Mr. Blue - genuinely delightful like a distilled everything i like about tucker. he's really fun here. also sister is fun here.

The Triplets & The "Mission" - The triplets own hard. the scene with wash connie and south at the end always makes me smile. ohio girl youre fucking crazy but youre everything. I love you.

Tier 2 - Decent content. You can skip but still somewhat worth ur time.

From Stumbled Beginnings and Why They're Here - Mostly fun. Asterisk mostly. There's an episode between these two that's technically an episode trilogy you should skip. Otherwise is pretty fun.

The #1 Movie in the Galaxy: 3 - This is silly and fun. I enjoyed it. It's also short.

Meta vs Carolina: Dawn of Awesome - look man its a death battle. if you like death battle youll have fun. if you hate death battle you can skip it. shoutout sarge deadbeat dad implications though. i cant even be mad its just not the character id expect them to do that to...

Grey vs Gray - i found it fun :) nothing stand out tho. skippable but not egregiously bad.

Immersion: The Warthog Flip - Look if you Like seeing science stuff yeah its a good watch. if you dont like that you can skip it. I like the math and science though. you don't lose anything in skipping though.

Tier 3 - Meh

Orange is the New Red & Invaders from Another Mother - theyre not bad but aged... poorly. i thought they were funny when i was younger but i watched funhaus actively then. i dont know how this would fare to a non-FH fan. Desert Dance [Spins]

Red vs. Blue vs. Roosterteeth - I KNOWWWWW THERES A LOT OF NOSTALGIA its just .... not very funny. its creators meeting their characters but its also odd in a strange way. you can watch it if youre curious enough. i liked the end voice over of s14 a lot tho so like maybe watch it and if youre bored skip to the end lol

Tier 4 - Drink a lot or watch with friends to experience enjoyment

Club, Call, & Consequences - look man the only way youre enjoying this is if you are a hardcore lolix guy or you are wasted out of your mindddd. im sorry who the fuck is siris. i honest to god thought siris was a bit as a joke on the whole thing of "grif simmons and hammer" from earlier. they never even mention siris again. who the fuck is siris. i felt like i was like lied to or something . sorry siris is so fucking funny. well he didnt have a personality but thats ok. i dont know if he actually exists.

RvB Throwdown - Get Miles Luna out of the booth. never let him rap again.

Tier 5 - Bad. Skip it.

Fifty Shades of Red - Fifty Shades of Red has possibly one of the worst jokes in the series that immediately assassinates Tucker into a pretty fucking awful light and retroactively ruins his character for the preceding 13 seasons. I honestly recommend skipping Fifty Shades of Red to avoid that one tucker joke. its not necessary and contributes nothing. The rest of the episode is fine and on the level of stumbled beginnings & why theyre here. but god that one joke is so bad i can't in good faith recommend it. it just leaves me fuming LOL i could write an essay as it being the origin point of post s13 writers room tucker hate where they start trying to make him an irredeemable asshole & dont understand his whole deal for the rest of the series.

[submalevolentgrace]

me: hey youtube, i'm really into gunpla lately, i like watching videos about gunpla kits. i have no privacy from you, you know all this already. so what's...

youtube: vinyl anime girl figurines in bikinis, you wanted?

me: no, that's not... gunpla. i like gundam plastic model kits. i wanna admire all the little detail in kits i don't have and learn some modelling techniques to apply to the ones i do.

youtube: ahh, gotcha. here's ww2 nazi germany panzer tank model kit reviews.

me: no! gundams! model kits of fictional giant robots! tiny 1/144 scale model kits of fictional giant 20m tall robots with laser swords they hold in their hands and put in cool poses! fictional. robot. kits.

youtube: this nazi half-track truck is considered one of the best 1/32 scale model kits for beginners, it comes with a full mechanised infantry support unit to paint, with accurate uniforms.

me: no.

youtube: best imperial japanese army fighter aircraft model kit 2023?

me: robots! fictional. robots.

youtube: ahh, best imperial japanese navy battleship model kit 2023.

me: listen, you...

youtube: a-10 warthog desert storm camouflage custom painted model kit!

me: STOP! i don't want vehicles of war! look i get it, gundam is a franchise about the horrors of war and we all missed the point in favour of 'wow cool robot' or lately 'omg cool yuri private school romance' or whatever, but it's not real. they're not real machines. it's not a real war, it's fiction. i can build these little guys as a distraction from the impending war here, from the existing wars, from the horrors of wars burned into my brain by live television news, i can love the zaku and zgok without conflating the republic of zeon with real world military superpowers seeking to dominate the globe and becoming a fascist fetishist because of anime robots.... i don't want to watch creepy old men salivate over scale model sculpted detail in planes with gattling guns that mowed down civilians, real human civilians, in real life wars. i want to watch energetic irish homosexuals rank the single-joined elbow posability of a bright red mech with a laser axe that'd be larger than a building, if it were real, which it is not, because these are toys for playing with, not historically accurate recreations of actually extant machines of horror and death. there is a difference! surely there is some confluence of keywords and user engagement metrics that can elicit an echo of understanding the difference in your unthinking algorithmic fever dream of signals????

youtube: ...

me: *panting with rage*

youtube: .....balloon titty anime bikini girl with the sculpted face of a scared crying child? it's a model kit!