#describing a rabbit having a panic attack in someone else's body

[warlordfelwinter]

as terrifying as that entire sequence is for fiver, i'm thinking about how scary it must have been for g'raha too. like to start with, getting the tempered under control and realizing fiver's just Gone and no one saw him leave. then the relief of seeing him again which almost instantly crystallizes into fear again bc That's Not Fiver and then even knowing it isn't fiver in there, how terrifying must it have been to see the man he loves try to attack him and alisaie, or hear the words "upon this world i'll feast and death shall follow in my wake" come out of fiver's mouth with fiver's voice (assuming only fiver could briefly see himself as zenos there). or the moment of realization of seeing some desperate, frantic, wounded imperial tackle him, shouting at zenos to get away from them and knowing that's fiver. just the whole thing. and then fiver's first question when he wakes up in his own body being "is everyone all right" which absolutely translates to "did i hurt anyone" cause he may not have been in control but they still would have been his hands. i just.

[ino-takumas-baggy-sweater]

Third Times the Charm (Megumi Fushiguro x Reader)

so i was innocently scrolling through tumblr dialogue prompts and then i got sucker punched and my brain absolutely vomited this in like 2 hours flat, i hope you like it besties :) (reader's CT is described in the fic itself)

Warnings: just mild beginnings of a panic attack, unless of course you count Satoru Gojo Being A Little Shit™

Word count: 2.4k

Megumi Fushiguro. Both the brightest thing in your life, whilst simultaneously remaining effortlessly dark and brooding. An enigma, frustrating to the nth degree, but also one of the only constants that you could trust in this world. He would never leave you, he was selfless to the point of being selfish, always putting others before himself and making sure you were safe before he even considered what might happen to him.

It’s not like you were weak, you were no special grade but high second was respectable for someone your age, considering a Ten Shadows user and Ryomen Sukuna’s vessel were two of your three classmates. You’d grown up alongside Megumi at Jujutsu Tech, taken in by Principal Yaga and Satoru Gojo, being the only surviving member of your clan which had wiped itself out because of your grandfather’s self-destructive pride.

The L/n clan wasn’t a big clan, not like the Gojo clan or the Zenin clan, but your clan had passed down a pair of useful techniques that you had been lucky enough to inherit, making you a valued addition in the Jujutsu community. Your Misdirect technique allows you to leave a copy of yourself in your current location and move incredibly quickly and undetected to a second location, most commonly used for a quick escape, and limited to a maximum of 5 clones, six entities in total, each acting on their own will but all returning to the whole once killed or called back. Your second technique was something you hadn’t explored much, it’s a reverse cursed technique that allows you to specifically regrow limbs, organs, or chunks lost from the body for both yourself and others, known amongst your former clan as the Starfish technique.

Starfish is only limited by the person you are healing, because it requires you to tap into their energy and feed strings of their DNA information through your brain and back into their body. The process is gruesome, best witnessed on an empty stomach, and you thank whatever higher power you believe in that you haven’t had to use it yet.

Growing up alongside Megumi meant you were close, not quite siblings but nobody could refute the fact that you came as a pair. Wherever you could be heard, Megumi’s soft voice would follow, wherever your figure lit up a room Megumi would be your shadow, and conversely wherever Megumi needed to be, you had to go with him. You were the sunshine beside him, even if you were a bit shy around anyone that wasn’t Gojo or Yaga.

Even now, as he stood with his back to you in the chaos, he protected you from threats both imaginary and corporeal. The fight had gone a bit south as having something similar to your own technique wielded by a curse user and turned against you wasn’t something you had ever prepared for. You’d quickly become more of a liability than anything else, a danger to yourself and Megumi. Though the current situation was nothing he couldn’t handle, but Gojo had insisted on sending you along, and now you knew why. Even though the curse user had decided to take a break and seemingly lounge in the depths of Rabbit Escape, you were still lost in your mind, and Megumi drops to a knee beside your hunched form.

His thumbs link after he gives you a once-over, “Nue,” He grunts, and the bird manifests beside him, “Get her out of here, I can’t protect her and defeat that idiot,” The Shikigami turns to you, shaking out it’s feathers lightly before nudging you with its mask, cooing softly. You blink heavily, your tongue’s ability to function lost in your haze of panic as you grab handfuls of its feathers to pull yourself to your feet and eventually onto it’s back. Megumi only looks back to you for a moment as he dismisses the Rabbit Escape, but it’s enough that you catch a tinge of sadness in his gaze, “Be safe,” He mutters, brushing his hand over the top of your thigh before Nue leaps into the air, carrying you tirelessly back to Jujutsu Tech.

The sudden elevation did nothing to help your nausea and you buried your face against the softness of the space just between Nue’s wings until it finally came to a slightly awkward landing. “Y/n, where the hell is Megumi?” Gojo’s voice is the bare minimum of comfort you need in order to raise your head, Nue moving to preen itself as you slide from its back. “I’m just a fucking liability,” You grunt, refusing to look into that accursed blindfold. You can sense his disappointment, but he doesn’t falter when he reaches for you, pulling you into his chest, “You’re not a liability, I made a bad call sending you out without more information, now where is Megumi?”

You can hear Nue take off behind you and your fingers dig into his jacket, “H-he should be fine,” You murmur, “Now that I’m gone, he sent me away to protect me,” Gojo tilts his head and you can almost hear the gears turning in his head as he contemplates your shivering form. “Do you love him?” He suddenly asks. You must look like a fish the way your mouth opens and closes, searching for an answer. “O-of course I love him! We’re best friends, we grew up together, isn’t that a given?” He shrugs, “Just curious kiddo, no need to be defensive,” He steps back again, “I’ll let you know when he gets back, go get some sleep,”

The second time Gojo asks you a question about Megumi you’re even less prepared, riding off the terrifying adrenaline high of the Kyoto sister-school Goodwill Event. Admitted to Shoko’s medical wing alongside your fellow students, you find yourself gravitating towards Megumi as you always have, who is tentatively watching over an unconscious Inumaki leant against his side. You take note of the blood dripping lazily from Inumaki’s lips and you cringe, remembering the moment he used his technique to save his fellow students.

Megumi looks up only a moment later, reaching for you with his free hand, “C’mere,” He grunts, pulling you down onto the bench on his other side. Your thighs press together and he rests his cheek atop your head, “You've gotta stop scaring me like that,” You roll your eyes, “When has anything other than Gojo’s pure rage ever scared you? Come on,” You scoff. He frowns, looking down at you, “Seeing you in danger has always scared me,” He murmurs softly. He sounds hurt, you suppose you all are a little bit, but he sounds positively shattered, his eyes swimming with an emotion you now come to realise is pure terror.

It stuns you to silence, “I hate seeing you put yourself on the line like that, you gotta promise you won’t do that anymore, not for me,” He urges softly, nudging his nose against your forehead, “Got it?” You can only nod in reply, and a moment later Shoko’s voice shocks the pair of you from your bubble, asking Megumi to carry Inumaki to the examination room next door. Your heart hasn’t stopped pounding since the moment he grabbed you and at this rate it’ll take a lifetime to recover. “Y/n you’ve got that look again,” Or one interaction with Satoru Gojo. “Come on, you see the way he looks at you, what are you guys anyway?” He plops down beside you on the bench, lifting his blindfold and taking your hands to inspect the light lacerations on your skin and clothing left by that plant curse before Yuji and Todo tagged in.

Both adrenaline and fear were still flowing through your brain, you couldn’t find it in you to focus on anything let alone what Gojo had just asked you. You stayed silent, allowing him to just look at you, until he takes your chin between two fingers which forces you to look up into his eyes. You feel like a deer in headlights, trapped by his startlingly blue eyes, “You’re good kids,” He murmurs, “If you love him you should listen to him,” You just nod. You always nod, you’re a giver not a taker. “Y/n,” Megumi calls and you look to the side, seeing him leaning in the doorway, “You’re next, come on,” He holds out a hand for you to take and you’re drawn to him like he’s a singing siren.

His hand engulfs yours with a warmth you associate with love, the innocent kind of love that blossoms from shared knowledge and a bond stretching years into the past. You only look back at Gojo once before the door shuts between you, his blindfold repositioned over his eyes, but the signature smirk still plastered across his lips. Albeit just a little softer than it usually is.

The third time he asks is when it finally drives you crazy.

Things had been quiet in the aftermath of the exchange event, a fair few weeks had gone by and you’d only gotten closer to Megumi. His love language was not physical touch, not by a long shot, but he couldn’t seem to keep his hands off you if he was beside you. Whether his thigh was pressed up against yours at lunch, or he held your hand in public while Nobara held your other hand, or his head rested in your lap in the evenings as you watched movies with your fellow first years. He always seemed to seek some kind of physical connection with you, and this hadn’t gone unnoticed by Gojo. Nothing gets by his six eyes, not even his broody adopted son in all his attempts at subtlety.

You don’t even see him coming, so it makes you jump when he places a hand on your shoulder, shrieking lightly. “Jesus Gojo!” You hiss, smacking at him with the back of your hand. He’s evidently let his infinity down for a moment just to let you have the satisfaction of hitting him, “I could be Jesus yes, what an astute observation! This is why you’re my favourite student,” He nudges you with his elbow as the pair of you stand watching Yuji and Megumi sparring on the school field. Nobara left a few minutes ago to order takeout for dinner, the sun setting in the summer sky above, casting a soft orange glow on Megumi’s face. “Seriously, what is the deal with you and Megumi,” He asks bluntly, “Are you dating? Have you kissed? What’s going on?” Your eyes don’t stray from Megumi’s form as you reply, “Oh no, no way, we’re not going there today,” You declare, “We’re just friends and that’s all we’ll ever be,”

He angles his head down, shaking it as he leans into your space, “Now now, you and I both know that’s not true, why don’t you just try? You’ve got nothing to lose,” You take a step to the side, increasing the distance between your sensei and yourself as you let out a breath. Megumi and Yuji have finished sparring, the dying sunlight making them both look ethereal, but it’s always been Megumi at the centre of your attention. “Yuji! Can I talk to you for a second?” Gojo calls out and the boy nods eagerly, racing up and following your teacher as the taller man slings an arm over his shoulder. Traitor. You glare silently, but your anger dissipates quickly, turning to Megumi as he wipes his face with a towel, gulping from his bottle. “Yuji gets stronger every day, I’m glad he holds back when sparring,” He says, the soft rasp of his voice making you feel warm.

“Megumi can I ask you something?” You say, sitting down just to the side of where he rests his foot on the bench, retying his shoelaces. “Yeah, what’s on your mind?” He brushes his fingers past your thigh and you wonder for a moment if he’s doing it on purpose, before pushing through the distraction, “What are we?” He falls still for a moment, “What do you mean?”

You shift until you’re straddling the bench, bringing one foot up so you can rest your chin on your knee, “I don’t know, Gojo won’t stop pestering me, and he keeps asking if I love you,” He tilts his head, letting his foot drop to the ground before sitting on the bench himself, elbows rested on his knees. “Well, do you?” He asks quietly. You look down at the grass, breathing softly through your nose, “Well of course I do,” You murmur, “You’re one of my closest friends, I’ve always loved you,” He lets his head hang down, “Yes but do you love me, Y/n?” He presses, turning to face you and matching your bench straddle. You drop your knee in surprise and he places his hands heavy on your thighs, making your skin tingle as he grips you through your pants, “Does your heart race as mine does? Is there a place for me in your heart?” He murmurs.

You feel like a fish again, unable to reply with your mouth hanging open slightly, but you nod, swallowing nervously, “Megumi,” You sigh, “You’re everything to me,” You reach a trembling hand out and cup his cheek, stroking with your thumb, “I train as much as I can so I can be as strong as you one day and be able to protect you in the same way you’ve protected me,” He smiles softly, something you see so rarely you want to stay in this moment forever, “Oh Y/n, as long as you live my life has meaning,” He whispers, “There’s no need for you to stress yourself, I’ll always find my way back to you, even if that means I have to walk through hell,”

His lips are soft as they find yours, the sunlight finally surrendering to twilight, the time of day you most associate with Megumi. You lean into him, your free hand placed on the bench between you to prevent an awkward fall, legs spread as far as they’ll comfortably go to get closer to one another. The kiss is sweet, he tastes like the powdery candy Yuji bought earlier in the week and you tease his lips with your tongue and teeth eagerly. A soft chuckle as he brings his hand up to the back of your head, your mouths falling open and tongues exploring one another in tandem.

“FUSHIGURO! GET YOUR TONGUE OUT OF HER THROAT YOU PIG!” Nobara’s voice makes the pair of you break apart, cheeks flushed and lips tingling as the girl moves to close the distance, “I LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR TEN MINUTES!” You giggle softly as Megumi rubs the back of his neck, “Don’t act surprised, you knew this was coming,” He says, dropping his hand and linking his fingers with yours. He looks into your eyes and you know in that moment everything is as it should be, at least for a while.

Thanks for all the love on the last two fics I posted, I'm hopefully going to be writing one every few days, i've got a lot of free time on my hands right now and I'd love some requests or some random prompts if anybody is keen on sending me any :)

also I'm thinking of doing a '7 days until the new year' kind of series, with a different prompt for each day and maybe small blurbs, like one for every jjk character I write for and then all posted at once, but I'll see where I get to with the fics I'm currently working on

Post dividers from @cafekitsune

[luvutomoonandtosaturn]

Child of Blood and Salt - Chapter 5

Anya quickly turned to board the Staroverova with the other crows, but stopped short when she saw that Inej was still on the docks. As her warm eyes met the cold ones of Anya she suddenly realized the Wraith had witnessed the whole scene. Anya’s breath hitched and panic set in, a type of panic that only occurs when one's past is revealed, however slightly, to an unknown outsider. An unspoken glace was shared between the two women, they had to get moving anyways until someone else came after them. Dimiti lay on the docs, breathing hard and hardly moving but alive nonetheless. The weight of the Lanzov Emerald was heavier than ever as Anya boarded the ship and gave a look to Kaz that it was time to take sale. The rest of the crows seemed to be busy in their duties of preparing the ship for sale, and Anya prayed to the saints she didn’t believe that none of them beside Inej had witnessed her battle on the docks. All her thoughts after the panicked ones, of course, were occupied by Nikolai’s name. How much she loved him, how much he meant to her and the Ravka, how much she needed to find him. She tightened her pirate hat on her head at these thoughts and set to work securing ropes and sales. Anya learned quickly that her true home was the sea. It wasn’t the farm where she and Kaz had spent the early years of their life, Gryphon Castle where she had been trained, raised, and turned into a ruthless assassin and soldier, not even at the Little Palace where no matter how many friends she made she still felt like an outsider. She was skeptical at first to join Sturmholds crew; she had no experience on ships or being part of a crew. She was adamant not to go, though Tamar convinced her to. She would forever be grateful to her friend for that because it was on the Volkany where she finally felt at home. She learned quickly aboard the ship and quickly rose in rank, becoming a valuable asset to the Stormhold’s crew. Of course, she figured out his secret two days into her first journey on board. While she had not met Nikolai yet, she had her rumors about him as well as Sturmhold and by eavesdropping on a conversation between himself and Toyla, told her that her suspicions had been correct. She almost let her lips form a smile as she remembered when Nikolai had found out she had known all about his supposed well guarded secret. It was late at night at the Little Palace and she, other grisha, as well as Nikolai who had supposedly returned home from Ketterdam, had just finished dinner. Nikolai had offered to walk her to her rooms and they were walking in the dim lighting on the quarters at night. “My rooms are right around the connor.” Anya said look up at Nikolai with a curious look. Nikolai nodded his head. “I hope you sleep well, Lisichka.” And with those words Anya left Nikolai, eyes wide open, in the dark hallway. He was a fool, he realized then, that he thought the cold-eyed, observant, grisha, woun’dt figure his secret out. Their dynamic aboard the Volkany wouldn't be described by Nikolai as necessarily friendly. She constantly fought him on certain moves. She had found his cocky and flirtatious attitude to be an annoyance, which is where she came up with the nickname Lisichka, or little fox. His lips formed a smile as he stood still in shock looking at Anya’s closed door. “Well played Rietveld!” He shouted through the door and finally turned, shaking his head and laughing under his breath. Standing at the opposite side of her door, listening to Nikolai’s footsteps become more distant, Anastasia could never have predicted the things that would happen in her future.

She thought back at the girl she was then, a year ago at the Little Place. Would that girl believe that in just a year she would be wearing what she is now, on a stolen ship sailing to free Nikolai from his power hungry brother? Anya finally pushed her nostalgic thoughts away as she stared out at the disappearing harbor. The winds were strong tonight, she thought, but if it ever slowed down she knew she may have to give it a little push even though she didn’t want to reveal too much about her unnatural power that she had gotten as a result of the experimentation she had endured at Gryphon. She also took this time to survey her ship, she had taken many item’s front of the captain's quarters like a sextant, map, ect. This ship was considerably smaller than her beloved Volkany, but it would just be fine for her purposes. Now all she and the crows could do was wait. They wouldn't be reaching Novia Zem in a few days time and Anya was already starting to get anxious. Usually being at sea would have a calming effect on her, but with Nikolai in harm's way she could hardly relax and enjoy the cold ocean breeze on her face. “There are rooms on the starboard side of the ship,” She explained, turning to Kaz and the others. “And dried food and water below deck. We’ll come up with a plan of attack tomorrow.” “Someone will have to keep watch though.” Inej reasoned. “I can take first watch.” Kaz said with a worried look at the bags under his sisters eyes, when was that last time she slept? He’d thought to himself. “Works for us.” Wylan said, stifling a yawn. “If there's any supplies for explosives, I can whip something up in the morning.” Anya nodded her head at this as Jesper and Wylan took their leave hand in hand. “I can take second watch then,” Inej said “Oh, no that's not necessary,” Anya said “You look exhausted,” Inej said, looking at Anya and remembering the scene she had witnessed at the docks. It was one of the reasons Anya hated using her enhanced powers, along with the memories it brought back up, it echaused her completely. “Get some rest Anya,” she said, laying a loving hand on her shoulder, “You got to be well rested don’t you?” Inej smiled at her, then she walked to her quarters as well. For a while after the three of them left Kaz and Anya stared out at the ocean for a few seconds listening to the small waves crashing up against the boat and they exited the harbor and into the True Sea. “She's right , you know.” Kaz said, cane in front of him. “I know.” Anya replied. So many unspoken things lingering in the silence, so many things she wanted to say. Did he want to say the same things? Had he heard what had transpired on the docks. Had he seen the hump of dead and bloodied bodies, her eyes glowing. And above all these thoughts there was Nikolai, Nikolai, Nikolai, Nikolai. She had to get to Nikoali, and she was so exhausted, and had a pounding headache. The Lantsov Emerald had never felt so hot and heavy agait her chest as she finally lay her down to sleep.

Anya could feel her hair plastered to her skin as she sat stark naked on an abandoned little row boat in the middle of the ocean. It was dark as she frantically looked around at her surroundings but there was no land in sight. She searched for oars, driftwood, anything to get the broken row boat moving. She closed her eyes and frantically searched for a sign of a heartbeat until she caught a slight one close to her. Squinting her eyes she saw the cause of the heart beat drifting in the icy ocean. There was no mistaking those blue eyes, and striking blonde hair. Anya frantically pulled Nikolai on to the row boat, hopelessly holding on to the umstead beat of his head. “Anastasia,” He whispered from his blue lips. His skin was ice cold. “Anya,” he repeated again, raising a cold hand to her cheek. “Anastasia, you have to help me. Help save me. Don’t let me die.” He croaked, tears spilling from his ocean blue eyes that were now a dark, cold, gray. “Please” he pleaded with Anya. “plese zolotse please don’t let me die.” “You won’t!” Anya yelled out, placing two hands over his chest. “You won’t die because I won’t let you.” Tears were now spilling down her face but she felt his heartbeat die down, like it was falling down a rabbit hole, like she was falling, and she couldn't get back to the surface. Lost forever. And just as he was about to be lost from her forever. His featured subtlety and disterbantly changed to ones of an old, sickly, balding man with bad teeth and a big moustache. “No,” She whispered. She was the one who was pleading now. “No, please, leave me alone,” She sobbed out. “You can never hide from me malen’kiy.” Markin Yaroslavovich whispered back. “You can never escape me because I created you, I made you who you are, Anastaisa.” “No!” Anya screamed out covering her head now rocking back and forth , but Yaroslavovich’s words were just as clear and crisp as he was physically inside her head. “You were nothing! Abandoned, a child, alone, helpless, burdened with a great power. I made you who you are, and you can never escape that truth. And who are you now, girl. A runaway, a mistress, a murderer?” “No, no, no” Anya repeated now, noticing how water was flooding into the little boat soaking her feet and legs. “A killer, an unnatural being in the world, and helpless all the same. And now you’ll die like the killer you are, alone, cold, afraid, and with blood on your hands.” That's when Anya finally looked up to find herself just that dreadfully alone, hopelessly afraid, and in an ocean of red blood. There was nothing left to do, but scream.

Anya awoke in a cold sweat and sat straight up with a gasp, hitting her head on the beam of the low ceiling in the captain’s quarters. “Shit.” She whispered to herself. Her heart was beating at a rapid pace and her clothes were soaked in sweat to her skin. She frantically discarded the covers off the bed and rested her head on the headboard, trying to steady herself. Her nightmare had seemed so real, so horrifying and she still remembered every detail. In her half-awake and frantic state she quickly looked at her hands and body making sure they weren't covered in blood, but then in a sense she thought to look at the palms of her hands, weren’t they? She pulled her knees to her chest and let her head rest there for a while. The movement seemed so innocent and so childlike and a single tear dripped from her eye as she hugged her knees closer to her body. Where was Nikolai now, in a cell in the same position as herself? Was he in pain, being tortured for information, or was he already dead? She shuddered at the thought of the bastard king laying dead in a cold dark cell. Against her better judgment she took the Lantov Emerald out from under her shirt. She gave a small laugh, it was the first time she had truly looked at the gigantic thing. It was beautiful tho, she couldn't deny that. After a few seconds she quickly stuff the chain back into her shirt, before she did something foolish like try the damn thing on. Finally coming to the realization that she won't be getting any more sleep tonight, she put on her boots and coat and decided to go see if she could relieve her brother from watch duty. If she was up, she might as well be doing something useful. When Anya finally emerged from the captain's chambers, hands in her pockets, she wasn’t greeted by Kaz, but Inej. She stopped short when she saw the Suli girl, but she had already spotted her locking her gaze with her beautiful and kind eyes. “Couldn't sleep?” She asked gensering to a seat beside her look out into the black ocean, Anya had to blink to make sure it wasn’t crimson. She took her seat beside Inej, who was looking out into the sea, a braid of dark brown hair on her right shoulder. “I guess you could say that.” Anya replied. “I get them too, you know.” Inej said still with a steady gaze towards the ocean. Anya tilted her head in confusion. “The nightmares.” Inej clarified, “I get them too. I guess most of us do on this ship.” She gave a small laugh at this. Anya could feel tears building up in her eyes as she was determined to keep looking at the ocean. “If you couldn't mention to Kaz, the, uh, events at the dock, he just doesn’t need anything more on his plate right now.” “I know what it’s like to be taken from your homeland, stripped of your innocence and childhood. And I know you do too. Your secrets are safe with me, no matter how many you end up having.” The two girls finally made eye contact at this and Inej shocked her head slightly. “You two look so alike, it’s amazing. And a little creepy to be honest.” Anya laughed. “My mother always said that we might as well be twins, we looked so alike as children. I remember she gave us both the same outrageously horrible haircut, we were indistinguishable.” “I can’t imagine what it must have been like to meet him. After all those years. ” Inej said her curiosity got the better of her. “I didn’t want to know him.” Anya confessed, swirling her thumbs. “I didn’t want to know him and I didn't want a relationship with him, he swore he wanted the same thing. We were going to go our separate ways. I was in a bad situation with some pirates from the north, a miscommunication, I’ll call it,” Anya winked at Inej. “He came back for me; saved my life really. He was the first person who, just, I don’t know, really cared. Of course he cared in an over protective, angry, self centered way, but, he cared.” Anya finished turning to Inej looking into her eyes. “Kaz Brekker doesn't really care for people that often. He cares for you Inej, more than anything in the world by the looks of it.” “We're going to find him, Anya.” Inej said,

noticing her frantic hand twirling. “We're going to break him out and bring him home.” “He’s never gotten himself into a situation like this. Been kidnaped many times of course, but nothing like this.” Anya said feeling Inej’s worried eyes on her. “I told him not to go, I told him it would be out of the way, but it was such a small mission none of us expected-” Inej reached out and clasped her hand in Anya’s squeezing tight. Anya took a deep breath and lit the ocean air into her lungs. “I’ve already been told he was dead once,” She said, “I can’t hear those words a second time.” “Kaz doesn’t know about you and-” Anya shook her head quickly. “It’s a complicated situation, no one at the palace really does, he’s the king of Ravka, and-” “Secret is safe.” Inej said, giving a slight smile. “Kaz would go ballistic anyways.” Anya smiled as she thought about how her over protective brother would react to her being involved with the King of Ravka. “Saints,” Anya said with a sigh, “I don’t even want to imagine. You should go to sleep Inej, saints know I won’t.” Inej started to protest but Anya raised her eyebrows in defiance. If she wasn’t going to sleep she may as well be useful. Inej finally gave up and took leave from her position to go back to her quarters, but before she left she gave Anya another look of worry and said “I would talk to your brother Anya, broken families don’t often get the gift of being reunited. You and Kaz have been given a gift, I would use it.” Anya laughed again. “Yes Kaz did warn me about your Suli proverbs.” “Your brother is wary of them,” Inej said “ but Saints do not discriminate against those who will not let them in.” “Let's hope they don’t then.” Anya replied as Inej took her leave.

Inej’s advice to talk to Kaz stayed glued in Anya’s head for the rest of the uneasy days of the journey. Anya and Kaz had been adamant, to Jesper’s dismay, to begin the process of planning to break Nikolai out of whatever fortrus or ship Vasily had him stored in. Unfortunately, without the help of Anya’s contacts in Novia Zem, the group of thieves had very little to go on, which did not falter Kaz and Anya’s insistence on creating some sort of plan. On one such afternoon, Inej sat straight up in chair cleaning and sharpening her precious knives as Wylan sat beside her on the deck working on his sketchbook with cautious eyes towards the proximity of him and Inej’s knives. Jesper sat opposite of them tapping with his foot insistently and running an anxious hand on the back of his head. Kaz was sitting at a round table, the whole group gathered around, rolling out maps of the True Sea and Novia Zem. Anya was the only one standing, seeing as she was more anxious than Jesper to sit. For the last two days she was trying to display a calm demeanor especially in front of her brother, whose lingering eyes did no comfort to her nerves. She was staring out a porthole chewing the tip of a quill she was using to pinpoint possible Nikolai locations on Kaz’s maps. “Anya. Anya!” Kaz was attempting to get his sister's attention. “Sorry,” Anya said, coming out of her worrisome thoughts which included a dead Nikolai and a burning Rakva, “what were you saying.” She caught another one of Kaz’s curious looks toward her as he studied her. “We were saying,” he said now annoyed, “could Vasily of stashed Nikolai in the Southern Colonies?” “If it would be a good hiding spot, an unexpected choice.” Wylan added. “No,” Anya said, now turning and setting the quill down, “David was adamant about him being kept on a ship. And it makes the most sense.” “Yes but the True Sea is thousands of miles,” Jesper added from his spot “How in saints are we supposed to find a single ship when we don’t have a location.” “That's where my contact comes in.” Anya said . “She lives in Novia Zem and knows which ships come or go and where. She ought to know something, from there we can search from a more precise location. “And dare I ask who this secret contact you have is?” Kaz said, turning his head to Anya. “She’ll give us the information we need, is that enough?” Anya retorted. Jesper was now casting worrisome eyes between the two siblings who both looked out for blood. He would still never understand how Anya is able to look right into Kaz’s murderous eyes and not flitch. “Well I hope for his majesty's sake that's true.” Kaz said, sitting up from the table. “This is the best plan we’ve got until we get more information,” he said while looking over his plans. “We’ll reach Novia Zem in about twenty four hours, until then review that plan and rest up, this journey won’t be easy.”

[sierracolorstheworldofwords]

if ur doing reqs still, could u maybe do one with dark and a gn!reader where they get panicked when people touch them for too long, but only dark knows that and maybe someone touches them for too long and they freak? (definitely not based on me, nope, not at all)

AN: Hey I hope you like this! And like, I tried my best to write for what you asked. And like I googled the fear of being touched and saw haphephobia, which is an anxiety disorder and researched a bit on that. Again, I hope this is okay and that you like it! 

Trigger warning: mentions of panic/ anxiety attacks, please be careful when you read!  You hated the hands on your skin. They burned like dried ice, felt like clammy, waxy palms and fingers, they didn't feel real. They made your skin reel as you froze,  heart pounding in your chest. It was too much. You hated the feeling. The disgust reeled in your throat, and sweat, hot and sticky, started to form on your head. You had to stay calm. Stay calm. It’s just a tape measure. Just fingertips barely touching you.

You wanted to run, no, you wanted to push her away-- no, you wanted to ask politely for her to stop touching you. No-- you wanted to yell and scream at her to stop touching you, but you knew how that would go. You would be called crazy, stupid, be told it was all in your head and you just HAD to get over it! You tried. You let people touch you, even though their caresses felt like slimy invasive eels crawling all over your skin. You hated being touched, not only because of the fear, but because of the way it felt. It felt wrong, it didn’t feel like how people described it. It felt.. Just.. wrong. 

No one except Dark knew. You’d been too afraid to tell anyone else, and when you did try, no one took you seriously. 

You had told him after your first date, when he offered to hold your hand. He was surprised of course, but he understood. He was the first one who didn’t call you crazy. Who didn’t get angry, or try to force you to like being touched by cuddling you. Instead, he showed his love in other ways, compliments and flowers, shopping trips, and other things. 

In fact, it was something he was doing right now, getting you a custom wardrobe, which was something you always wanted. You couldn’t help but feel guilty as he looked at you worriedly. 

Dark felt so stupid-- he didn’t think the tailor. Who had to measure you, would be so touchy. He could see you stiffening underneath the tape measure and her hands, he could see the sweat on your forehead, the shaking of your legs. The way they seemed ready to bolt at a moment’s notice. The tailor pulled away, writing down your measurements on a notepad, oblivious to the panic you were feeling, but he could see it all. Why did he think this was a good idea? He knew it was something you always wanted but..but he should’ve thought this through, should’ve protected you.

You stepped off the stool she put you on, briskly walking towards Dark. “Your outfits should be ready in a few months, I’ll keep you posted and call you when they’re all done.” 

Dark nodded his head, “Thank you, come on darling, let’s go.”

The two of you walked out of the backroom, before walking out of the shop. Your heart beat filled your ears like a roaring ocean. You felt the sweat building up on your palms, underneath your arms. Your throat felt dry. You felt like you were burning, like you could feel every handprint and fingerprint staining you in red blotches that set your skin on fire. Your breathing started to quicken as Dark snapped his fingers, landing the both of you in your cozy apartment. Your safe haven, your homestead, your sanctuary. You were away, everything was okay now. Right? 

You sat on the couch, curling up on the soft fabric, grabbing the throw blanket and wrapping it around yourself. Dark sat on the other end. He hated seeing you like this, it always worried him. But he knew, with you, he could show his love in different ways. Maybe one of those ways could be helping you to calm down? He just wanted to make up for everything.

“Darling..” he whispered, “Are you alright?” You whimpered as the tears started to come, and you started to hyperventilate. Your breath came out in short gasps and you rocked. Your chest felt like it was being stabbed over and over. Terror coursed through your veins as the attack overcame you. You shook, crying, sobbing. You didn’t answer him. Your voice was lost among the fire on your skin and the crackling flames in your head, drowned out by the noise inside you.

“I’m so, so sorry, darling. I wasn’t thinking.” You turned to him, “H-huh?” you whispered, barely able to reply, confusion ringing among anxiety, adding to the chaos in your head. “I didn’t think of the tailor, I-- I am so, so sorry.” 

Another whimper left you as you thought of the hands. The hands, the hands all over your body, touching, burning, spreading like a forest fire. You couldn’t say anything, all the emotions inside you collided, sparked, exploded, left you dazed, confused, disoriented-- if you had just been normal, this wouldn’t have happened. Instead, you were some kind of freak. Humans needed touch, but you couldn’t stand it. It caused you to either lash out, yell, or run-- or just freeze, like a rabbit cornered by a ravenous fox.

Dark looked at you, before asking, “Please breathe through your nose for me, please-- let me help you calm down.. please..”

You did as he said, taking in a breath through your nose. “Good! Now, out your mouth.” 

You did.

“Can you do it over again for me please?” He whispered, “ That’s right, just like that. You’re doing wonderful.” His voice reminded you of a warm blanket wrapping around you, of rooms filled with sunlight, of the candles he bought for you. 

As the fear faded, you felt guilt stabbing you. If you’d just been normal, if you weren’t some..some freak, then everything would be better. Dark wouldn’t have to worry, wouldn’t have to be careful, wouldn’t have to deal.. To deal with this. 

You calmed down, wiping away your tears, “I-I’m sorry, D-darky.. I didn’t mean to..to panic-- I’m sorry--”

“Shh, it’s alright,” he whispered, “It’s alright, I should’ve thought about this more. I’m awfully sorry darling, please forgive me.”

You blinked the tears out of your eyes, “But it’s not your fault! You.. you w-were trying to do something nice..and I ruined it!” 

“No, you didn’t. You didn’t ruin everything.”

“And like, I-I’m just being overdramatic and I’m so sorry--”

He looked you in the eyes, thinking for a moment, before snapping his fingers, making your favorite flowers appear. He reached over to you, setting them next to you. He gave you a smile, his eyes softly glowing as he said, “You’re not, darling, never apologize for being afraid, even if no one else is afraid of what you’re afraid of, that doesn’t mean that you aren’t afraid. You fear what you fear because of your experiences, and there’s nothing wrong with that.” he smiled at you, eyes brimming with love as he did. You sniffed, picking up the bouquet with a smile, sniffing the flowers, happy tears brimming in your eyes.

“Th-thank you, Dark.. I-I love you.”

His smile grew, “I love you too, my dove.” 

Love, you both learned, can be shown in so many ways. In the way you look someone in the eye, or blow them a kiss, or remembering to record someone’s favorite show on a Thursday, and that they loved a certain artist, or danced to the radio, but only when a certain song came on. Love is about learning, growing, and forming a new life together, and it can be shown in so many ways.

[another-sonic-blog]

Stages: Amy’s Day

Stages: Intimate Friends Pt. 4: Amy’s Day (Chapter 17)

Synopsis so far: After Maria left Shadow, Amy finally came to the realization that she has stronger feelings than she expected for the black and red one. However, Shadow doesn’t seem to have the same feelings for her. After sharing an intimate moment together, Shadow is afraid that Amy might leave him as well. He avoids her but after almost losing Mia (a young hedgehog girl that reminds Shadow of the old Amy) in a mission, he has come to the realization that he can’t imagine his life without his best friend, Amy.

What would happen to the couple? Let’s find out. 

2k 400

Previous: https://another-sonic-blog.tumblr.com/post/190952362000/stages-shadows-day

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Amy was at her new job. She was accepted as a sewer assistant, the pay was better than on her previous job. However, it was way more exhausting.

Her hands had stitches in them and even when she was wearing her globes she could she red coming out from her open wounds.

Amy kept using her sewing machine, she was fixing an old G.U.N. jacket. A black wolf had come by and dropped it. She couldn't avoid it, her mind went directly towards Shadow.

It has been three weeks since they have talked. No text messages, no meetings, nothing.

Amy had tried. She had gone to G.U.N. headquarters but Shadow denied to see her, saying that 'he was too busy at the moment.' She texted him, but no answer.

She even saw him on the street from her way back home and waved at him.

But he only pretended not to see her and walked the other way.

She stopped trying after that and focused on her new job.

Amy paid attention to the old black jacket. It wasn't like the other G.U.N jackets she had seen before. This one looked old, the leather was worn and it was bigger in the shoulder area. This jacket wasn't made for Mobians but humans. Nowadays, it was strange to see humans around, but there were some. Most of them were for here for political reasons.

Main example, G.U.N's top Commander.

Amy's mind began to drift towards Shadow again. What was he doing? Was he alright? Was he eating well?

Amy sighed, maybe it was better this way.

She wanted to stop loving him, and maybe the best way to do that is to have a break.

A lot was going around outside. Music, people laughing and parade carts going by the Main Street of Central City.

Of course, there were a lot of people. Princess Sally of Acorn Kingdom was here for the Star Festival.

Amy really admired her. The Princess led a revolution when she was only 15 and has led her kingdom to greatness since then. Even Sonic had admitted to having a crush on the young princess a long time ago, although he had only met her once.

Amy really wished she could see her. However, her job was tying her down. Not like she minds too much.

Ms. Lucy, her boss was kind. She had arthritis and due to it, she stopped sewing. She could only design clothes and Amy will make them. Ms. Lucy was an old grey rabbit, blue eyes and small. Really adorable. She owned the sewing store that focused on clothing reparations but the shop was also known for her clothing designs.  

Amy looked outside the store's window, hoping that someone way or another she could be able to see beyond the people who were blocking her sight.

She paid attention to the jacket again as she finished giving the final touches.

A beautiful jacket indeed.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Amy stood up quickly from her seat. She recognized that sound anywhere. Gunshots.

People began to panic. It was only three shots and that was all it took. Ms. Lucy wasn't in the shop for the day and Amy had the responsibility to look after it.

Amy put all of her things away. Dresses, sewing machines, treats, and everything at a high cost.

BOOM!

BOOM!

BOOM!

For a moment, Amy had forgotten where she was. She opened her eyes and it was all dust and falling boulders. Amy could the outside of the shop now. Half of the store was completely destroyed. The bomb was a strong one and Amy flew to the wall, her back impacting on it. The moment she fell down, she had passed out.

She was lucky, she didn't break anything but she definitely had wounds and scratches. Amy had dust all over her and her clothes were teared up but she didn't care at the moment. She slowly stood up, her right ankle failing her.

She had probably sprained it.

Amy cough up multiple times before finally being able to get out to Main Street.

She got to work. Amy tried to help as much as she could. People were still panicking. They were running and kids were crying. She helped them find their mothers. Amy used her hammer to destroyed some boulders to free people that were trapped in the buildings that were bombed.

She coughs up again, this time stronger and louder. Her lungs could only take so much.

After making sure that there weren't more people in trouble, she went back to the sewing shop.

She entered the half-destroyed building and looked for the client's clothes that they left for repair. Amy looked behind the counter, the clothes were dirty and some of them were torn apart.

Ah, more work.

Amy grabbed as many garments as she could. She was about to walk out when suddenly, boulders fell from the top of the building. Although she wasn't as hurt as she expected to be. She was trapped. Rocks surrender her and normally she would be able to use her strength to move them. However, she was extremely weak now. She was wounded and it was a tight space and Amy began to panic.

She was getting out of breath, she felt her muscles tense and she couldn't see anything.

Everything was dark.

And she began to scream.

"Is this how I am going to die?"

She thought, and she begged for help until her last breath.

.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

Amy slowly opened her eyes. She recognized the smell.

Hospital smell.

It was dark outside and Amy looked to her right side. An oxygen tank next to her and a small standing screen showing her heartbeats.

Oh, Chaos, how much is this going to cost?

"Finally awake sleepy head?"

Amy turned her left and there was her hero.

Sonic the Hedgehog.

"You saved me?" She asked, giving him a weak smile.

"Of course, who else?" Sonic smiled, he was seating on a chair next to Amy's bed. Amy immediately knew that there was something that Sonic was hiding from her. He was holding his hands, fingers intertwined and he tapped his right foot impatiently.

"Just tell me what it is already," said Amy.  

Sonic hesitated, he knew Amy was strong. However, he also knew that what he was about to tell Amy was something that might break her.

But it will be worse if she finds out in another way.

"To start ... no one was in the building, so there were no casualties." Sonic added, "I am so sorry Amy ..."

Sonic made a pause, still doubting himself. Amy at watching that there was no reaction coming from him, spoke up.

"What happened? You are scaring me just tell me."

"The Resistance ...There was a fire ... and it burned down."

.

Sonic thought Amy had taken the news very well. However, he should have known better than to keep an eye on her the moment she asked him to bring her a glass of water.

When he came back with it, she was gone.

And now, he was running to the Resistance's HQ. He got there fast and was surprised to see how quickly Amy got there as well.

There was nothing left of the Resistance. Only ashes, black dark ashes.

And the pink one in the middle of them.

Sonic was never a big fan of the Resistance. However, he appreciated and admired every member who was or is a part of it. Only a few things reminded. a few furniture and walls that luckily reminded.

He kept the details for himself. He didn't want to tell Amy that this wasn't an accident. Amy was always precautions and something like 'leaving the stove on' type of accident didn't exist for her.

Someone did this. Someone who was able to get inside the Resistance without the alarms going on. A smart person who fooled the few agents that were inside and one way or another made them get out of the building.

Did Amy had enemies? And if she did ... why attack now?

Sonic walked up to her. No word could describe his feelings at the moment. His heartaches and it was difficult for him to breathe. Sonic bent down as he touched Amy's shoulder but she immediately shrugs him off.

Sonic tried again.

"It's not safe here ... we should -"

Amy turned her head and looked at him. She was still covered in dust from the bombing, her hair a mess, her eyes red from crying.

Strong winds were coming from all sides making the ashes revolve around them.

"Stop pretending that you care ... just leave."

Hurt, pain, disappointment, anger, sorrow, regret. So many feelings but one overtook Sonic.

Helplessness.

"Amy ... I do care."

"YOU FUCKING LEFT ME! YOU AND TAILS, KNUCKLES AND CREAM! EVERYONE WANTED TO ME TO LEAVE THIS PLACE, TO GIVE UP ON IT! YOU MUST BE HAPPY THAT IT'S FINALLY GONE!" Amy turned her whole body as she pointed at Sonic with her finger. Accusing him as if all of this was his fault. Tears rolled down her eyes, remembering how every one of her friends left.

Sonic quickly grabbed her hand. Letting his feelings show, just for a moment.

"YES! I FUCKING AM, AMY! I HATE THIS PLACE SO MUCH BECAUSE IT REMINDED ME OF THE PEOPLE I COULDN'T SAVE! OF THE PEOPLE WHO DEPENDED ON ME AND I FAILED! IT'S FUCKING TORTURE FOR ME!"

They stood quiet for a few seconds, green eyes intensely looking at each other. Amy was so entranced in her world that she had forgotten how much Sonic and her friends had gone through.

Sonic was tortured for six months but she was sure that that didn't compare to the deaths he caused due to his absence.

Of course, Amy will never think like that ... but Sonic will think the worse of himself.

The Resistance was a place of many good memories and ... terrible ones. Members of the Resistance died there, and must of them had a big appreciation for Sonic. He was there for each of them but it wasn't enough.

And for each one of them ... Sonic blamed himself and more.

"Don't you think ... don't you think it tortures me too? That's why I want the Resistance so much." Amy whispered as her voice broke. " ... Because that way their memory will keep on. It's the only way to prove ... that they didn't die in vain."

Sonic expression softens, he knew that perfectly well and her feelings were valid. He grabbed her hand softly this time, caressing it.

"They died so people could have a better future ... If you are happy, they didn't die in vain."

Sonic saw Amy's face turn into grief. She cried disconsolately and Sonic hugged her, giving her comfort.

"It's time to move on ..." He whispered.

A few minutes passed, and Sonic watched Amy let out her feelings.

He knew that it wasn't the right moment. But his heart was telling him otherwise. He didn't need a response, he just needed to put it out, so his heart and soul can be at ease.

"I love you."

Sonic said and it came out almost like a whisper.

However, Amy heart every single letter of it.

"You don't have to say anything. I can wait. But I just wanted to let you know." said Sonic.

Sonic still held her tight, afraid that if he lets go, she would lose her.

But he knew that he had lost her a long time ago.

"I know that you like Shadow ... love him even." Sonic felt Amy tense up by that but he moved her away just a little to be able to make eye contact.

"Sonic, I-" Amy began but he interrupted her.

"You don't have to say anything. The way you look at him ... It was the same way you used to look at me." Sonic added with a sour smile. "It hurts actually, hehe."

"I am sorry ... believe me, I don't want to love him." Amy held his face with her hands as if pleading for forgiveness. "I want my heart to stop but I can't. I would do anything ... anything to love you again."

"Then ... use me."

Amy gulped, as she slowly puts her hands away from his face but Sonic was quick to grab her left hand and place it back on his cheek, missing her touch.

"I don't care if you use me to forget Shadow," said Sonic. "I messed up a lot with you ... and if you give me the honor to be with you ... I will try my best every day to make you fall in love with me again."

There were many things Amy was unsure of. But there was one thing she knew for sure.

Sonic was here now ... and Shadow wasn't.

"Even if it hurts you?" Amy asked.

"Yes," Sonic responded.

"Even if I decide to keep on loving him?"

"Yes."

"Even if I can't love you anymore?"

"Even if you can't love me anymore. Even if you decide to be with someone else." Sonic softly kissed her hand and looked at her in the eyes. "Because I know that I am not worthy of you ... I'll be happy as long as you are happy."

The moonlight shone in Amy's green emerald eyes and Sonic got lost in them again. Her crying made her nose and cheeks have a red tint, making her almost look ethereal.

She was a fallen angel in Sonic's eyes. With all of her imperfections, with all of her quirks ... Sonic loved each one of them.

"If you do that much then ..." Amy took a deep breath and sighed. "I promise that I will try my best to love again."

Sonic smiled, his heart was warm. That was more than what he could ask for.

And in the ashes of destruction, a new love was blooming.

Sonic gave her a small kiss on her forehead, letting his feelings be known.

"And I promise to keep on loving you no matter what."

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

A/N: It's 3:21 AM. Sonic and Amy are together now, how will Shadow react to the news? Who is this villain? We will find out next year. Goodbye.

Next: https://another-sonic-blog.tumblr.com/post/611417758901714944/stages-what-is-it

[oneyeartoparty]

Meeting At Long Last - Chapter 1

I LOVE soulmate AU’s so I decided to write my own. Should be able to post another chapter of this within the next week. Apologies for bad grammar. I’m still learning. Enjoy and know I’m sending the good vibes your way <3

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24753607/chapters/59847541

This is a message from Crossing Island! Please help us! We’re under attack from pirates! Please send someone to assist! Repeating message.

When the message started blaring through her Den Den Mushi, interrupting her much needed sleep, she knew she had to respond. She had only entered the New World a day ago, and already she was going on her first hunt. Given how few made it past Fishman Island, she was surprised it had happened so soon. She had been hoping for a break after almost being eaten by a Sea King during her ascent.

I guess getting some time off was overly optimistic she thought as she gazed at the destruction below.

Her hilltop vantage point gave her a good view of the destroyed town and the forest beyond it. The once proud town was now ablaze; flames sprouted out of the roofs of buildings while others had already been turned to ash and dust. Still remnants of the missing residents remained. She could see a burning home with daisies in the windowsill and well-tended ivy climbing its walls. Close to it was a child’s chalk drawing of a cat on the cobblestone path. This town was once home to peaceful people going about their lives, and now it was a burning husk.

Anger scratched in her chest. These scenes were not uncommon in the Grand Line, and each one added to her hatred of those who would so readily harm others for gain or entertainment. Fortunately, there wouldn’t be a long search for the culprit. After all, the lumbering figure wondering between burning buildings couldn’t be missed.

He was Mozo the Mad, a man with a 50 million bounty gained from raiding villages and towns. He was tall, easily three metres in height with a body and limbs as thick as a tree trunk. The clothes he wore were the same as those in his bounty poster; a grey suit and bowler hat that were far too small. As she watched him now, she saw the clothing nearly bursting at the seams with every movement he made.

Why wear such ill-fitting clothing? And why no shoes? She pondered his odd choice in apparel as he entered another building.

Maybe he is another idiot who thinks having a gimmick makes him intimidating.

Still his clothes weren’t his most stand out feature. That honour went to his face, which had two prominent features he was well-known for. The first was his smile. He was said to always be smiling, showing of his rotting, serrated teeth that were rumoured to give off an intense, foul odour of decay. The second was the deep scars that surrounded his thin lips, gained from his habit of absentmindedly chewing them.

She had tried to catch him while still in Paradise, but he disappeared before she could find him. It seems she had found where he disappeared to.

She had to capture him here, but she would have to plan this well. The small, flickering lights coming from the forest that surrounded most of the town told her the villagers were still nearby. If he ran in that direction, he wouldn’t hesitate to use them as shields.

The flames danced and Mozo continued to rummage through the destruction. Finally, she stood and stretched.

She was ready to begin. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Blood and ash stained hands ripped up the floorboards of a now abandoned home. Mozo craved his well-earned treasure and so he searched the town. Beneath beds, inside mattresses and under floorboards. He teared into every space that could be used as a hiding spot.

So far, his search had netted him little. A few hundred thousand beli and a gold necklace was all the loot he’d found. Still he continued the search. The town had been built quickly with quality materials and expert hands. That doesn’t happen without money.

Wondering out of another home with no new loot, Mozo felt his frustration peak.

“Dammit!” he shouted into the empty town. He needed a new plan. Searching like this was getting him nowhere and as the flames spread the risk grew that they’d consume any loot before he reached it.

He considered finding the villagers that had escaped into the nearby forest. It wouldn’t take much to get them to talk.

Impatience took over, and he begrudgingly took a step in the direction of the forest when he felt it. A stabbing pain in his left leg that caused him to look down. Blood slowly trickled from a new wound on his shin, yet he couldn’t see a source.

He leaned in closer to inspect the wound. Had he injured himself in his search? It wouldn’t be the first time.

His inspection was halted by a sudden flood of light that illuminated the world around him. Looking up, he saw he was now surrounded by a circle of flame that towered into the night sky.

Unfazed by the odd occurrence, Mozo let out a booming laugh.

“Do you villagers think some flames will scare me off? No, this is just a minor annoyance.”

No response came. He searched for any movement or sign of life, but there was nothing. Even as sweat gathered on his body and smoke tickled his throat there were no perpetrators to aim his fury at.

“Hello Mozo.”

The female voice came from behind. It was barely above a whisper, so they had to be close. Hoping to capitalise on their mistake he moved to punch behind him. Yet as he spun all he felt was air. Stopping his swing, he looked forward, seeing the source of the voice.

His first though was that a rabbit mink stood before him, but soon he realised that wasn’t the case.

The figure before him was a freak in a pink and white rabbit mask.

Their attire was simple brown leather armour and boots. A small rectangular shield ran the length of their lower left arm, and an unsheathed sword glinted in her right hand.

It was obvious to Mozo that this person was his enemy, even an idiot could figure that out. Yet they appeared to be alone. The docks were some distance behind the figure, but he couldn’t see them past the wall of flames that entrapped them both.

Deciding not to wait to find out if this person was a threat, he smiled his most intimidating smile and pointed both his index fingers at his opponent.

“Spike Bullet!”

In an instant, two steel spikes emerged from his fingertips, aimed squarely at his opponent’s head.

The figure moved swiftly, easily dodging the projectiles.

There was no doubt that they were using observation haki. Even though he had yet to unlock it himself he still knew what it looked like.

Undeterred, he continued firing, failing to land a shot. Yet his opponent didn’t move, instead just dodging his attacks.

He realised their observation haki must be too powerful for his regular attack. He would need to use something stronger to get the upper hand.

‘Spike Barrage!”

He quickly shifted his hands, facing his palm toward them. With incredible speed, hundreds of spikes began emerging from palms. Using the full power of his devil fruit, he made the spikes morph between different materials and sizes. Ice, fire, wood, and steel spikes all appeared, some the size of his head and others smaller than a needle.

A streak of confidence took over him. There was no way they could beat this attack. No one else he had ever face had survived it. Unable to see through the barrage of spikes, he slowed it, confident he would see a corpse before him.

His confidence quickly faded however, when he saw his opponent standing in exact same spot. The only difference was the damage caused by the spikes to the area that surrounded them.

Impossible! He thought in a panic. I fired hundreds of spikes at em and they dodged them all? They must have a devil fruit. It’s the only explanation. A logia maybe? Every hotshot with a logia thinks they can beat me.

Mozo wouldn’t get the answer to his question. Instead all that he would see was black after the same figure standing before him crept up behind him and knocked him out with a swift, well-aimed punch to the back of his head. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The click of the sea stone shackles as they enclosed Mozo’s wrists and ankles bought her a small sense of satisfaction. His capture would not make the New World any safer, but one less scumbag was a good thing.

Detaching the chain from the back of her belt, she attached the hooked end to the chain between Mozo’s wrists. He was too heavy to carry, so dragging him was her only option. 

Letting out a sigh, she began dragging her captive toward her ship.

My muscles are going to hate me for this.

She walked in silence as she made her way forward. The only sounds were the crackling of the remaining flames and the crunch of soil and the clinking of the chains as she dragged her quarry to the edge of town. As she walked past the broken town sign, the wind picked up, dust and leaves floated past her.

This was no ordinary wind. The trees far ahead of her weren’t moving and the clear sky signalled that there was no incoming storm. Something was coming toward the island, and she doubted it would be pleasant.

Then it hit her, just like the wind had. There was a powerful force heading toward the island. If she had less skill in observation haki, she would have said it was one being of immense power, but she could sense a large group. One stood out though, like a tsunami against a wave. Whoever or whatever they were, they were not to be trifled with by someone of her strength.

Her gaze turned to the town’s dock and the horizon beyond. There she could see the source of what she had sensed. A ship was sailing toward the island, the whales head that made up the vessels bow the its three tall masts poked at her memory. She knew them but didn’t remember where from.

She thought at first to describe the ship as massive, but somehow the word felt like a disservice. As it drew closer its size seemed to only increase, a testament, she felt, to the strength of those who dwelt onboard.

A fluttering to her side drew her attention. It was a singed flag that was stuck under some rubble. It was the Jolly Roger of the Whitebeard Pirates.

“Oh”.

[aion-rsa]

The Sons of Sam: A Descent into Darkness Review – Exhaustive Look Is Long Overdue

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

Netflix‘s new docuseries The Sons of Sam: A Descent into Darkness aims to restructure a deeply ingrained story. New York City’s most notorious serial murderer wasn’t a serial murderer after all. If David Berkowitz was part of a team of street level satanic power brokers, the entire story is a false narrative.

The Sons of Sam: A Descent into Darkness is an impressive entry in the true crime documentary premiere run at Netflix. It focuses on the work of journalist Maury Terry, whose investigation into the Son of Sam case was criminally sidelined. Terry was convinced that convicted lone serial killer David Berkowitz was part of “a highly motivated and well-organized cult group whose various criminal enterprises included the .44 homicide.”

Terry’s 1987 book The Ultimate Evil: An Investigation of America’s Most Dangerous Satanic Cult, is a must read. But it got lost in the Satanic Panic, and Terry got sucked up into the world of the tabloid press. If Geraldo Rivera couldn’t survive The Geraldo Show with his journalistic reputation intact, how could Maury Terry? A wall of authority was built by a seeming Satanic cabal to shut out any idea the infamous murders could have been by anyone but a singular “Son of Sam.”

The “Son of Sam” spree captivated the world in the late 1970s. The chase for the killer was legendary, it made household names of investigators and district attorneys, careers and reputations were assured by it. All of New York City clung to its every detail. Berkowitz pled guilty to eight shootings in 1977, and the case was closed. Nobody else was charged with any crimes related to the shootings. The arrest and conviction of Berkowitz made people believe they were safe to go back out on the streets.

The documentary does a fantastic job showing how the police, press and the public all came together to create the lone gunman mythology. Berkowitz christened himself “The Son of Sam” in a letter designed to taunt police, and the documentary makes it seem like they never forgave him for it. He wrote to Jimmy Breslin, the recognizable “face” of The New York Daily News, name-dropping Beelzebub before promising to return. “Yours in murder, Mr. Monster,” he signed the letters, but the demonic names meant nothing more than lurid prose to the police.

The press fed the beast. The documentary vividly captures the mania which fell on New York City, as women cut or tied up their hair, because the roving gunman was targeting long-haired women, and stayed home anyway. Discos emptied. Neighbors followed neighbors. The documentary mirrors the rabid and rising hunt for the killer with Terry’s increasing obsession. The cops closed out the Summer of Sam by accident. A lucky coincidence linked a witness with a ticketed car. Berkowitz was arrested in front of his apartment complex on August 10, 1977.  

Filmmaker Joshua Zeman (Murder Mountain) expertly incorporates archival news footage, and damning snippets of conversations. Terry’s own words and case files are thoughtfully read by Paul Giamatti. The director had already found a Son of Sam connection with his 2009 documentary Cropsey, about missing kids on Staten Island, and had contact with the author during research. The Sons of Sam: A Descent into Darkness opens with the director receiving boxes of files, including interviews, and correspondences with Berkowitz from Terry’s personal investigation. Among them is a letter the journalist received from the convicted killer in 1981, postmarked Attica Correctional Facility. “I am guilty of these crimes,” Berkowitz wrote, “But I didn’t do it all.”

The documentary shows how, while some authorities hinted claims about ritual murders might be credible, a thin blue line forms behind the “my dog told me to do it” story to stifle the fear, rushing the case to a close. New York Mayor Abraham Beame was up for reelection and the story was fast-tracked, almost in advance. This speedy wrap-up never fooled Neysa and Jerry Moskowitz, the parents of the victim Stacy. Queens District Attorney John Santucci, whose jurisdiction included five of the Son of Sam attacks, was mocked by cops like Joe Coffey for even reading Terry’s book. Carl Denaro, a surviving victim, was so enraged he joined Terry’s investigative team. Though he would later have to remind the journalist he got shot in the head for the case.

Maury Terry is more relatable than the documentary seems to realize. Friends and colleagues bring up how he goes from a drinking buddy to a drinking baddie, but every personal revelation ultimately gets tied to his descent into obsession. Terry really is the ultimate representation of a New Yorker who lived through the Summer of Sam. He has good instincts, but he’s stuck at the wrong job. Who wants to write about the newest laser printer when his gut tells him there’s more to another story in his own neighborhood?

The press claimed Berkowitz got the name “Son of Sam” because he was acting on orders of his neighbor’s dog. He reportedly believed the dog was possessed by the soul of a 6,000-year-old man named Sam. In 1979, The New York Times reported Berkowitz made it up, but Terry, breaks the code which led to the codified .44 caliber myth. There is a real Sam, he’s got real kids, they got real problems and he’s along for the ride. Sam Carr and his sons lived in the house behind Berkowitz. The Carr family owned the Labrador retriever Berkowitz hailed as the high demon.

The high point of the series is the interview at the Sullivan Correctional Facility recorded for Inside Edition. The co-producer of the installment, Wayne Darwen, succinctly sums up the emotion by describing the meeting as Sherlock Holmes meeting Moriarty and Ahab harpooning the great whale. Berkowitz says it doesn’t matter how involved he was in the crimes, he should be imprisoned for the rest of his life just for being there.

The documentary excerpts Berkowitz’s story. He joined the cult in 1975, after meeting Michael Carr at a party on Barnes Avenue in the Bronx. Berkowitz says he “was intrigued by the occult,” which was presented in a harmless way, “just witchcraft and seances. I never dreamed I’d eventually become a murderer.” Berkowitz describes late-night meetings in the woods of Van Cortlandt Park in the Bronx, and Untermyer Park in his own backyard, which was Pine Street in Yonkers. This inspires the name of Terry’s investigative team, The Pine Street Irregulars. Another tip of the hat to Sherlock Holmes. The description matched the “Twenty-Two Disciples of Hell” taunts in letters to Jimmy Breslin.

The convicted killer also describes his initiation at Untermyer Park. “I recited a prayer to Lucifer and then pricked my finger to draw a little blood. I also gave information about my family.” He names John “Wheaties” Carr. This points back to the letters “Son of Sam” wrote to Breslin.

Berkowitz admits he was present at each of the eight murder scenes. But wasn’t the triggerman at all of them. In the book, Ultimate Evil, Berkowitz says one of three women in the group shot Carl Denaro. Berkowitz also said “a Yonkers police officer who belonged to the group.” On camera for Inside Edition, he admits to shooting Donna Lauria and her girlfriend Jody Valente. He says there were three other accomplices at the scene, two men “in a tan car,” and Michael Carr, whom Berkowitz claims is the shooter in the Queens disco shooting. He says John Carr killed Joanne Lomino and Donna DeMasi. Earlier in the documentary, Terry says he thinks John Carr looks more like a likeness in a police sketch than Berkowitz.

The documentary sets up the segment brilliantly. We believe we have seen Terry’s vindication. Berkowitz confirms and expands on every aspect of the story he has laid out. The highlights were broadcast nationally on Inside Edition. The documentary then puts Terry’s questions about Arlis Perry, a 19-year-old student who had been murdered at Stanford University on October 12, 1974 under a magnifying glass. Was Terry leading? His follow-up interview is sad to watch, almost as infuriating for the viewer as it must have been for everyone in the room at the time.

The documentary shows how Terry chased some dubious leads to bad conclusions, from desolate small towns to the heart of Hollywood. Roy Radin was a producer on the 1984 movie The Cotton Club. His body was found on Friday, May 13, 1983, at a deserted site in northern Los Angeles County. He had been shot in the head 13 times. After the police scoured the crime scene, Terry, along with private investigators, found a Bible in a tree near the murder scene, opened to a passage which can be interpreted as pointing to a Satanic connection.

Terry lumps too much satanic activity together. He sees satanic symbols everywhere. He sees codes in everything. He hits on the Process Church of the Final Judgement in the book The Family by Ed Sanders. Terry speculates the murders could be connected to Charles Manson, but the Process Church has always downplayed anything having to do with the man who killed the sixties. He published an article in their magazine, probably got high with them, but the Process Church had a history of suing anyone who suggests a connection. The four-part documentary series skirts this by avoiding some of the more problematic claims of Terry’s book, which also describes a mysterious figure called Manson 2, who was apparently being groomed for mystical mayhem.

The other story being told in The Sons of Sam: A Descent into Darkness is the rabbit hole Maury Terry gets lost in. The arc of someone ignoring family, relationships, health, and ultimately life. The theories never move into QAnon ridiculousness. Terry’s initial investigation is well-researched and investigated. The evidence strongly suggests Berkowitz did not act alone. The segments where Terry puts together all the pieces could have been longer, because so many esoteric clues fly by so fast, the audience doesn’t get the chance to luxuriate in the spidery webs which connect everything. It is fun to go down this rabbit hole and make all these connections. It fills a similar need to crossword puzzles. True crime obsession is a fascinating topic.

The focus of the series is as much Terry as it is the Son of Sam killings. Terry is also his ultimate victim, dying in 2015, and still yelling orders on who to call to follow up a lead. It is a cautionary tale about the dangers of true-crime obsession. Terry is a fascinating character. His obsessions with Satanism, snuff films, and cash are compulsively watchable. But the coincidences which frustrate him are as damnably indictable as they are effectively inadmissible. John Carr was killed in February of 1978 in a shooting in Minot, North Dakota. Michael Carr was killed in a suspicious traffic accident in October 1979. His car was apparently run off the road on the West Side Highway.

The intrepid journalist isn’t even the smartest guy in the room. It’s the serial killer. If Berkowitz acted alone, he’s got defenders fighting the police narrative, the press narrative and the public’s fear. If Berkowitz did act on orders, he’s managed to keep himself alive while even his superiors wound up dead. Ultimately, Maury Terry only has two goals. He wants the police to apologize, and he wants to make sure the victims knew who shot them. Berkowitz knew far in advance he’d never get either.

“Maury, the public will never, ever truly believe you, no matter how well your evidence is presented,” Berkowitz tells Terry at the end of their first meeting. No matter how much evidence Terry compiled, no one was prepared to take him seriously.

The Berkowitz case is responsible for creating the Son of Sam law, which says no criminal can profit from the publicity of their crimes. The state can take any money earned and donate it to the victim’s families. New York should have jumped on it, milking Berkowitz dry, and paying for an investigation. The Sons of Sam: A Descent into Darkness is compelling, exquisitely inconclusive, and long overdue.

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The Sons of Sam: A Descent into Darkness is available to stream on Netflix now. 

The post The Sons of Sam: A Descent into Darkness Review – Exhaustive Look Is Long Overdue appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3xP4e2I

[sgt-peppersmanager]

Do 1-102 😎😎😎 also you're a super cool human being just thought I'd let you know

OMG! Thank you anon!!💙💙💙

1.) what’s a song you depict with your childhood?• Come on Eileen by Dexy Midnight Runners. My aunt played a lot of 80s music for me when I was a kid, and she would sit down and show me music videos from when she was teenager.
2.) did you have a memorable childhood pet? • Yes! Two beagles. Donkey (the name kills me) and Loki. They were brothers.
3.) have you ever been drunk?• Yes, many times. My tolerance is top notch now tho 
4.) have you ever tried drugs?• No actually. 
5.) have you ever completely regretted what you’ve said?• Yes almost everyday.
6.) have you ever made someone cry?• I don’t know if I have actually. 
7.) has someone ever made you cry?• Oh my goodness yes.
8.) have you ever been in love? if so, describe the moment you knew it. • Yes, sadly. Well we were on a sofa in my basement, I was cuddled up in his arms, and we had a Beatles album playing on my record player. The song was And I Love Her, and I honestly can’t remember exactly what he said (funny how things change because I said I would never forget) but it was something along the lines of “haha man this song is how I feel.” Which I kinda ignored cause I figured he didn’t mean that but he said he loved me, I looked at him and said “do you mean that?” And he said “if what I feel for you when I’m with you isn’t love, then I don’t know what is.” And it was that moment where I kinda hit me that I loved that boy all along. Now I hate his guts, again funny how things change. 
9.) which came first the chicken or the egg?• Ted Allen. 
10.) are you part of the lgbtq+ community? do you support them?• Yes! People should be allowed to marry and love who they want regardless of your personal belief! Plus I’m bisexual. 😎
11.) how many siblings do you have?• One older sister and I hate her. 😊
12.) have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t love?• Yes? Maybe? Idk. 
13.) are you a good cook?•Yes I’ve been cooking since I was 6. 
14.) what is your favorite tv show?• Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I’m trying to find another show though. Always accepting recommendations 👀
15.) what is the last movie you cried during?• Dead Poet’s Society 
16.) what are songs you’ve cried to when you first heard them? (if any)• School Days by The Kinks, Captain Jack by Billy Joel, and High Enough by Damn Yankees cause I’m a fucking dork who heard it after I got my heart broke. 
17.) do you have a middle name?• Elizabeth. Don’t forget the Z, they always forget the z. 
18.) have you been out of your country?• Nope.
19.) are you a chocolate fan or not?• Yes I love dark chocolate and any vegan chocolate. 
20.) how many people have you kissed?• one. 
21.) what is your favorite album?• America’s Least Wanted by Ugly Kid Joe probably. 
22.) what is your dream car?• I always feel so judged when I say what cars I want around my friends, because I know a lot of car enthusiasts. All honesty though I want either an old Chevy camper van because shagwagon amiright, or a hearse like in the Warriors 😂
23.) what is your lucky/favorite number?• 25 or 8
24.) what is your favorite flower?• Roses!!!
25.) books or movies, why?• I love both but I’ll pick movies because I have trouble getting my mind to focus when I read, I’m trying to help myself with that though. 
26.) have you ever been on a blind date?• Nope. 
27.) has one of your friends ever backstabbed you?• Yes. 
28.) have you ever backstabbed one of your friends?• Ugh yes. Never again. 
29.) what thing do you symbolize love with?• Death. Eventually its gotta end one way or another. 
30.) do you have neat handwriting? • Nooooo but my cursive is pretty. Not many people know how to read it so I don’t get to use it much 😢
31.) do you have a friend with benefits?• Nope. 
32.) do you want a friend with benefits?• Eh. Depends on the person. 
33.) if you could be anything in the world, what would you be?• Someone who actually makes a decent living lol 
34.) have you ever been blackout drunk?
• No actually. 35.) have you ever met someone famous?• Nope. 
36.) how many concerts have you been to?• 1, technically 2
37.) which concerts have you been to?• White Reaper. I’ve been to local punk stuff downtown if you want to count that. 
38.) do you have a hidden talent?• Not really. None that I know of. 
39.) what do you do when you’re stressed?• usually lay on my floor and wait for panic attacks to stop and listen to music. 
40.) do you think money can buy love?• well 🎶I don’t care too much for money cause money can’t buy me love 🎵
41.) how old would you date?Well right now the oldest I’ll date is 20 because I’m 17. But when I turn 18 probably date anyone within 10 years of my age, I guess it depends on who it is. 
42.) have you ever done something illegal?• No. i am a perfect innocent little child 😏(lol I’m so full of shit)
43.) what is your biggest fear?• big bodies of water and never escaping my family. 
44.) what is an unusual fear you have?• big bodies of water lol
45.) can you drive?• mhm! 
46.) do you believe in supernatural creatures?• yes!
47.) do you believe in karma?• sometimes????
48.) what is one quality you need in your partner?• sense of humor. 
49.) do looks matter?• eh it’s hard to say because only do you know what you think is “ugly” and what’s “beautiful.” Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 
50.) does size matter?• 👀
51.) who is the last person you forgave?• Gabe
52.) what is your favorite ice cream flavor?• Superman, mint chocolate chip, or cookies and cream. But I haven’t found any good vegan substitutes for them 😢
53.) what languages can you speak besides english? • none. 
54.) ever been on a plane?• Yup! 
55.) ever been on a boat? • Yup!
56.) is there anyone you’ve lost touch with that you wish you hadn’t? • of course. 
57.) are there any friendships you regret?• YES. 
58.) are there any friendships you wish you could make?• Yesssssssss 
59.) have you ever stayed awake for 24 (+) hours?• Yup…
60.) have you ever walked outside after 12 am?• Yup!!!
61.) have you ever seen a sunrise completely through?• Yes I have. I get sorta sick a lot (hard to explain) and some nights I only sleep 2 hours so I’ve seen a lot of sunrises. 
62.) are you scared of rollercoasters? • depends on the rollercoaster 
63.) on a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you usually?• 9.5 
64.) do you have any plans this weekend?• Sitting in my room working on an art project and hopefully playing guitar and finishing up homework
65.) do you miss anyone right now?• Yes. 
66.) who do you wish you were talking to right now?• Lots of people.
67.) if you could have any superpower, what would it be?• Invisibility or mind reading. 
68.) who is your favorite superhero?• Quicksilver, Spider-Man, or Deadpool. Comics are kewl. 
69.) are you dirty minded?• Lol yes. I’m an immature asshole. 
70.) what is your favorite song from every decade starting at that 80’s?• 80s - Pretty in Pink by Psychedelic Furs • 90s- Santeria by Sublime or Ironic by Alanis Morissette • 00s - Blue Orchid by The White Stripes 
• 10s - I mean the decade isn’t over yet but digging Judy French by White Reaper a lot. 😎71.) how many kids, if any, do you want?• AGHHHH uhhhh people are gonna freak when I say 3 or 5 but yup. I want a lot. I guess I just wanna have a big happy family for once. 
72.) who is your biggest OTP?• Anastasia and Dimitri
73.) what is your favorite food?• Guacamole 
74.) do you want to be married one day?• Yes. 
75.) dogs or cats?• Both. 
76.) do you drink enough water daily?• 100 oz every damn day baby
77.) have you ever seen a shooting star?• yes only once. 
78.) if you had the opportunity to go to the moon, would you?• I would but not alone. 
79.) how many best friends do you have?• idk really. 
80.) when was the last time you cried?
• few minutes ago lol 81.) have you ever laughed so hard you peed yourself?•no actually. 
82.) have you ever made anyone laugh so hard they peed?• yes. 
83.) if you could travel any where in the world, where would you go?• Europe. 
84.) what are 3 words you would use to describe yourself?• Total Fuck Up. 
85.) do you consider yourself a loyal person?• yes. I usually don’t leave unless you’re a shitty person to me or someone else. 
86.) what is your favorite season and why?• Fall and Winter cause sweaters, hot food, warm drinks, cuddles 
87.) have you ever told anyone you loved them, and didn’t mean it?• Yes but not in a romantic sense. I say it to my family all the time. 
88.) do you know how to play any instruments?• yes! Guitar. 
89.) do you like falling asleep to music or not?• Depends on the night I’m having, but usually yes. 
90.) what are you allergic to?• Cats, I have seasonal allergies, and rabbits
91.) have you ever wanted to be someone else for a day just so you could see what there life is like?• Yes. 
92.) if you could be any character from your favorite tv show would you, and if so, who would you be?• Probably Charlie from Always Sunny because it just seems like an adventure. Lol
93.) if you could be best friends with any celebrity who would it be and why?• Nick Cave because we both have similar artistic visions and mind sets. 
94.) are you outgoing?• sometimes! 
95.) have you ever wanted to kiss someone, but weren’t brave enough to?• Ugh yes. 
96.) are you a good flirt?• I’ve been told I am by many, but I don’t think so. 
97.) have you ever been turned down, or have you ever turned anyone down?• Yes to both. 
98.) which planet is your favorite?
• Neptune or Saturn. 99.) are you superstitious?• Yes. 
100.) are you a good listener? • I like to think so! I don’t always have good advice but I try my best to be there and help. 
101.) are you a good kisser• I’ve been told I “make it difficult to walk after"👀 I honestly don’t know if that’s good or not. So yes???? I guess???? I can’t really kiss myself. 
102.) would you kiss any of your friends?• Sure. Almost kissed a few actually, and I always tell them when I almost do and why I almost did because I feel the need to lol.

[amyddaniels]

Inside the ASMR Meditation People Are Calling a Brain Orgasm

One Yoga Journal editor replaced her daily meditation practice with ASMR YouTube videos for a week. Here’s what happened.

Curious about the ASMR meditation technique some people are calling an orgasm for your brain? We were, too, so we had one of our editors try it. Here’s her story. 

“O.K., I have to give you a shot; but it’ll only hurt for a second,” my little sister says to me as I lie completely still on her bed. We’re ages 4 and 6, and playing “doctor” is one of our favorite games. In a few months, she’ll decide on a career in dentistry (she’s since changed her mind), and our mock physicals will quickly morph into make-believe oral procedures. I’ll open wide in our cotton-candy-blue bathtub (“the dentist’s chair”) and she’ll count my teeth thoughtfully one by one.

Rarely would you find me on the other side of the table, so to speak. Being the administrator of mythological medicine never interested me. Yet being still and quiet while my sister “fixed” my feigned ailments relaxed me in a way I could never describe. It was just like the feeling I’d get when we’d sneak into our mom’s bathroom and steal her makeup brushes, taking turns whisking the soft bristles across each other’s faces: gentle tingles running up and down my spine, dancing around my scalp—like tummy butterflies for the spinal cord. But no one else I knew ever mentioned butterflies of the brain; no one talked about it on TV. So, I figured it was just me.

See also How to Meditate Daily 

What is ASMR Meditation?

Two-and-a-half decades later, and the euphoria I felt from getting fake fillings has a cult following to rival Game of Thrones. Dubbed ASMR (short for autonomous sensory meridian response) in 2010, it’s a highly relaxing, pleasurable tingling that’s felt on the skin and scalp after certain stimuli. The phenomenon gained a huge online following after someone asked the internet about “head orgasms” back in 2007. All of a sudden, people like me were realizing they weren’t alone in their tingling—and wanted to know more about what made them feel great.

Fans quickly took to YouTube, posting videos of mock physicals, face massages, and even crinkling potato chip bags—all intended to trigger the zombie-like relaxation that comes with what became known as ASMR. While the sensation itself is still clouded in mystery (no one knows why some people are triggered and some aren’t), experts now say that for those who experience it, it can be as powerful a tool as meditation. To wit: New research from Sheffield University, published in June in the journal PLOS One, found that ASMR was associated with reduced heart rate and increased skin conductance levels (a fancy term for physical arousal that’s linked with better attention and memory). The researchers determined that ASMR is, in fact, a physiological experience that could have therapeutic benefits for mental and physical health—with the potential to minimize depression, anxiety, insomnia, and chronic pain.

Unfashionably late to this particular party, I first read about ASMR in a Sunday New York Times this past February. In an article titled “The Currency of a Relaxing Sound or Tingle,” reporter Andrea Marks described a therapeutic, interactive theatrical experience where participants played passive roles in scenes including “sitting at a table while someone crinkles paper in your ears, visiting a ‘doctor’s office,’ having your face stroked with makeup brushes, and a hair-brushing encounter.” (Insert brain-exploding emoji here.) The Brooklyn pop-up performance was orchestrated by San Francisco's Whisperlodge—an immersive traveling show that curates intimate, one-on-one ASMR experiences for audiences that usually emerge from the quiet cocoon in a zen-like haze.

“There’s a tangible benefit you can feel in your body after you exit our performance, but we haven’t been able to back it up with science until now,” Whisperlodge co-creator Melinda Lauw says of the University of Sheffield findings. It’s similar to meditation, she says, because “it’s about paying attention—to small sounds and sensations. You become super quiet and aware.”

See also Rx Meditation: Headspace's New Prescription Strategy Could Change the Way We All Meditate

Down the ASMR Meditation Rabbit Hole

As someone who’s struggled diligently for years to achieve euphoria through meditation, I wanted to see what would happen if I subbed a daily ASMR YouTube video for my regular meditation practice. The first one I launched was called “Taps for Your Naps,” created by ASMR darling Maria (she prefers not to reveal her last name), the personality behind popular YouTube channel Gentle Whispering ASMR.

After you skip an advertisement, tourmaline-looking gemstones fill the screen. They line a plastic sheet of paper like stars on an American flag, and a pink-and-white manicure atop ten flittering fingers tenderly strokes each row, producing tingle-inducing little tapping sounds with each stroke. There it is. That inexplicably warm, all-encompassing feeling engulfs my skull like a massage shampoo. My limbs sink a little deeper into my couch cushions as I slowly exhaust the “Up Next” queue.

Your Brain on ASMR

But what is it about soft sounds and borderline-creepy caregiver videos that make some of us—an estimated 20 percent of the population—melt into our mattresses? More neurological research is needed to know for sure, but biopharmaceutical sciences professor Craig Richard, PhD, author of the forthcoming book Brain Tingles: the Secret to Triggering Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response for Improved Sleep, Stress Relief, and Head-to-Toe Euphoria and co-founder of the ASMR Research Project, thinks it’s a genetic response that’s designed to help us feel relaxed, mitigating stress hormones and promoting overall health in the process. “Almost all of our biological functions and reactions are to our benefit,” he says. “So why have we evolved? Why might this be?”

The answer may be in the basic way primates soothe their offspring, he says. How a mother coos and nurtures her fussy babe: She hushes her tone, offers a caring gaze and a gentle touch, conveying with every molecule that It’s alright. You’re OK. “That’s what these videos are doing,” says Richard. “They’re sending a signal to viewers that they’re safe and cared for in a non-threatening way. When a child scrapes his knee, it’s hugging; it’s lowering your voice; it’s focused personal attention. Our brains are hardwired for patterned recognition of those stimuli.” Most likely, certain brain chemicals are at play, Richard says. Research has shown that when a parent soothes an infant, or a teacher comforts an unhappy child, a “brain cocktail” of endorphins, oxytocin (love hormone), dopamine, serotonin (happiness hormone), GABA (relaxation and sleepiness stimulator), and melatonin (sleep hormone) are released, which probably work together to evoke ASMR.

If our brains are primed to feel good when we’re pampered, why is it that we all don’t bliss-out watching Bob Ross paint on PBS (a common ASMR trigger)? It’s likely that a genetic mutation is responsible, says Richard.

We can think of ASMR like the mirror image of a panic attack, he says—an extreme negative reaction to an event or experience. Most of us might get agitated on a crowded subway platform, but fewer of us are apt to feel faint. “We know about phobias and anxiety,” he says, (genetics play a role in both). “But there was no word for the opposite—the other extreme, where people are highly relaxed by certain stimuli.” That is, of course, until ASMR earned its title.

It’s still a new frontier. Richard and Lauw hope forthcoming studies will prove ASMR’s potential health benefits by comparing blood pressure, cortisol levels, and brain scans of people experiencing ASMR against control groups. Anecdotally, devotees already claim that ASMR has helped them overcome anxiety, insomnia, drug addiction, and PTSD.

See also 5 Yoga Teachers Who Overcame Addiction

You can access ASMR on YouTube in the comfort of your own home.

ASMR and yoga—and me

On a Friday afternoon, a week into my ASMR experiment, I propped up on my sunroom sofa to try out a new (to me) YouTube ASMRtist. I had plans to meet a friend at 5 o’clock. But at 4:47, there I remained, limp-limbed on the couch while a 40-something redhead performed “skin treatments” into the camera—wafting essential oils in front of “my nose” and encouraging me, in a British accent, to “take deep, slow breaths.” I couldn’t move—let alone call a Lyft. Like sinking deep into Savasana (Corpse Pose) at the end of a restorative yoga class, all desire to re-enter the so-called real world had diminished. In this moment, it dawned on me that I’d been experiencing ASMR in my favorite yoga classes all along.

Richard says that yoga classes that incorporate ASMR are a no-brainer, although as founder of ASMRUniversity.com, he may be biased. Not unlike the intimate in-person experiences curated by Whisper Lodge, he says, yoga classes try to foster safe environments where one can relax and make room for self-nurturing. To this end, Kim, a New Zealand yogi and ASMRtist (who goes by the moniker Miss Synchronicity and like most ASMRtists, chooses to keep her last name private), has integrated yoga into some of her ASMR videos, and her audience loves it. She’s not alone: More and more instructional yoga videos are popping up on YouTube that incorporate ASMR triggers like whispering, tapping sounds, and pretend pampering. “Just like ASMR, yoga brings together the body and mind, expressing relaxation and mindfulness through the breath,” she says.

I can vouch for this. After my daily ASMR sessions, I find myself breathing deeper, moving slower, staying more in the moment, and feeling less attached to future results and outcomes. This new-found chill can last from 30 minutes to a couple of hours.

And the best part for me? Unlike my oft-failed attempts at getting present through meditation, ASMR works every time.

See also A One-Strap Restorative Yoga Sequence for Self-Care

About the Author Lindsay Tucker is a senior editor at Yoga Journal.

[cedarrrun]

One Yoga Journal editor replaced her daily meditation practice with ASMR YouTube videos for a week. Here’s what happened.

Curious about the ASMR meditation technique some people are calling an orgasm for your brain? We were, too, so we had one of our editors try it. Here’s her story. 

“O.K., I have to give you a shot; but it’ll only hurt for a second,” my little sister says to me as I lie completely still on her bed. We’re ages 4 and 6, and playing “doctor” is one of our favorite games. In a few months, she’ll decide on a career in dentistry (she’s since changed her mind), and our mock physicals will quickly morph into make-believe oral procedures. I’ll open wide in our cotton-candy-blue bathtub (“the dentist’s chair”) and she’ll count my teeth thoughtfully one by one.

Rarely would you find me on the other side of the table, so to speak. Being the administrator of mythological medicine never interested me. Yet being still and quiet while my sister “fixed” my feigned ailments relaxed me in a way I could never describe. It was just like the feeling I’d get when we’d sneak into our mom’s bathroom and steal her makeup brushes, taking turns whisking the soft bristles across each other’s faces: gentle tingles running up and down my spine, dancing around my scalp—like tummy butterflies for the spinal cord. But no one else I knew ever mentioned butterflies of the brain; no one talked about it on TV. So, I figured it was just me.

See also How to Meditate Daily 

What is ASMR Meditation?

Two-and-a-half decades later, and the euphoria I felt from getting fake fillings has a cult following to rival Game of Thrones. Dubbed ASMR (short for autonomous sensory meridian response) in 2010, it’s a highly relaxing, pleasurable tingling that’s felt on the skin and scalp after certain stimuli. The phenomenon gained a huge online following after someone asked the internet about “head orgasms” back in 2007. All of a sudden, people like me were realizing they weren’t alone in their tingling—and wanted to know more about what made them feel great.

Fans quickly took to YouTube, posting videos of mock physicals, face massages, and even crinkling potato chip bags—all intended to trigger the zombie-like relaxation that comes with what became known as ASMR. While the sensation itself is still clouded in mystery (no one knows why some people are triggered and some aren’t), experts now say that for those who experience it, it can be as powerful a tool as meditation. To wit: New research from Sheffield University, published in June in the journal PLOS One, found that ASMR was associated with reduced heart rate and increased skin conductance levels (a fancy term for physical arousal that’s linked with better attention and memory). The researchers determined that ASMR is, in fact, a physiological experience that could have therapeutic benefits for mental and physical health—with the potential to minimize depression, anxiety, insomnia, and chronic pain.

Unfashionably late to this particular party, I first read about ASMR in a Sunday New York Times this past February. In an article titled “The Currency of a Relaxing Sound or Tingle,” reporter Andrea Marks described a therapeutic, interactive theatrical experience where participants played passive roles in scenes including “sitting at a table while someone crinkles paper in your ears, visiting a ‘doctor’s office,’ having your face stroked with makeup brushes, and a hair-brushing encounter.” (Insert brain-exploding emoji here.) The Brooklyn pop-up performance was orchestrated by San Francisco's Whisperlodge—an immersive traveling show that curates intimate, one-on-one ASMR experiences for audiences that usually emerge from the quiet cocoon in a zen-like haze.

“There’s a tangible benefit you can feel in your body after you exit our performance, but we haven’t been able to back it up with science until now,” Whisperlodge co-creator Melinda Lauw says of the University of Sheffield findings. It’s similar to meditation, she says, because “it’s about paying attention—to small sounds and sensations. You become super quiet and aware.”

See also Rx Meditation: Headspace's New Prescription Strategy Could Change the Way We All Meditate

Down the ASMR Meditation Rabbit Hole

As someone who’s struggled diligently for years to achieve euphoria through meditation, I wanted to see what would happen if I subbed a daily ASMR YouTube video for my regular meditation practice. The first one I launched was called “Taps for Your Naps,” created by ASMR darling Maria (she prefers not to reveal her last name), the personality behind popular YouTube channel Gentle Whispering ASMR.

After you skip an advertisement, tourmaline-looking gemstones fill the screen. They line a plastic sheet of paper like stars on an American flag, and a pink-and-white manicure atop ten flittering fingers tenderly strokes each row, producing tingle-inducing little tapping sounds with each stroke. There it is. That inexplicably warm, all-encompassing feeling engulfs my skull like a massage shampoo. My limbs sink a little deeper into my couch cushions as I slowly exhaust the “Up Next” queue.

Your Brain on ASMR

But what is it about soft sounds and borderline-creepy caregiver videos that make some of us—an estimated 20 percent of the population—melt into our mattresses? More neurological research is needed to know for sure, but biopharmaceutical sciences professor Craig Richard, PhD, author of the forthcoming book Brain Tingles: the Secret to Triggering Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response for Improved Sleep, Stress Relief, and Head-to-Toe Euphoria and co-founder of the ASMR Research Project, thinks it’s a genetic response that’s designed to help us feel relaxed, mitigating stress hormones and promoting overall health in the process. “Almost all of our biological functions and reactions are to our benefit,” he says. “So why have we evolved? Why might this be?”

The answer may be in the basic way primates soothe their offspring, he says. How a mother coos and nurtures her fussy babe: She hushes her tone, offers a caring gaze and a gentle touch, conveying with every molecule that It’s alright. You’re OK. “That’s what these videos are doing,” says Richard. “They’re sending a signal to viewers that they’re safe and cared for in a non-threatening way. When a child scrapes his knee, it’s hugging; it’s lowering your voice; it’s focused personal attention. Our brains are hardwired for patterned recognition of those stimuli.” Most likely, certain brain chemicals are at play, Richard says. Research has shown that when a parent soothes an infant, or a teacher comforts an unhappy child, a “brain cocktail” of endorphins, oxytocin (love hormone), dopamine, serotonin (happiness hormone), GABA (relaxation and sleepiness stimulator), and melatonin (sleep hormone) are released, which probably work together to evoke ASMR.

If our brains are primed to feel good when we’re pampered, why is it that we all don’t bliss-out watching Bob Ross paint on PBS (a common ASMR trigger)? It’s likely that a genetic mutation is responsible, says Richard.

We can think of ASMR like the mirror image of a panic attack, he says—an extreme negative reaction to an event or experience. Most of us might get agitated on a crowded subway platform, but fewer of us are apt to feel faint. “We know about phobias and anxiety,” he says, (genetics play a role in both). “But there was no word for the opposite—the other extreme, where people are highly relaxed by certain stimuli.” That is, of course, until ASMR earned its title.

It’s still a new frontier. Richard and Lauw hope forthcoming studies will prove ASMR’s potential health benefits by comparing blood pressure, cortisol levels, and brain scans of people experiencing ASMR against control groups. Anecdotally, devotees already claim that ASMR has helped them overcome anxiety, insomnia, drug addiction, and PTSD.

See also 5 Yoga Teachers Who Overcame Addiction

You can access ASMR on YouTube in the comfort of your own home.

ASMR and yoga—and me

On a Friday afternoon, a week into my ASMR experiment, I propped up on my sunroom sofa to try out a new (to me) YouTube ASMRtist. I had plans to meet a friend at 5 o’clock. But at 4:47, there I remained, limp-limbed on the couch while a 40-something redhead performed “skin treatments” into the camera—wafting essential oils in front of “my nose” and encouraging me, in a British accent, to “take deep, slow breaths.” I couldn’t move—let alone call a Lyft. Like sinking deep into Savasana (Corpse Pose) at the end of a restorative yoga class, all desire to re-enter the so-called real world had diminished. In this moment, it dawned on me that I’d been experiencing ASMR in my favorite yoga classes all along.

Richard says that yoga classes that incorporate ASMR are a no-brainer, although as founder of ASMRUniversity.com, he may be biased. Not unlike the intimate in-person experiences curated by Whisper Lodge, he says, yoga classes try to foster safe environments where one can relax and make room for self-nurturing. To this end, Kim, a New Zealand yogi and ASMRtist (who goes by the moniker Miss Synchronicity and like most ASMRtists, chooses to keep her last name private), has integrated yoga into some of her ASMR videos, and her audience loves it. She’s not alone: More and more instructional yoga videos are popping up on YouTube that incorporate ASMR triggers like whispering, tapping sounds, and pretend pampering. “Just like ASMR, yoga brings together the body and mind, expressing relaxation and mindfulness through the breath,” she says.

I can vouch for this. After my daily ASMR sessions, I find myself breathing deeper, moving slower, staying more in the moment, and feeling less attached to future results and outcomes. This new-found chill can last from 30 minutes to a couple of hours.

And the best part for me? Unlike my oft-failed attempts at getting present through meditation, ASMR works every time.

See also A One-Strap Restorative Yoga Sequence for Self-Care

About the Author Lindsay Tucker is a senior editor at Yoga Journal.

[remedialmassage]

Inside the ASMR Meditation People Are Calling a Brain Orgasm

One Yoga Journal editor replaced her daily meditation practice with ASMR YouTube videos for a week. Here’s what happened.

Curious about the ASMR meditation technique some people are calling an orgasm for your brain? We were, too, so we had one of our editors try it. Here’s her story. 

“O.K., I have to give you a shot; but it’ll only hurt for a second,” my little sister says to me as I lie completely still on her bed. We’re ages 4 and 6, and playing “doctor” is one of our favorite games. In a few months, she’ll decide on a career in dentistry (she’s since changed her mind), and our mock physicals will quickly morph into make-believe oral procedures. I’ll open wide in our cotton-candy-blue bathtub (“the dentist’s chair”) and she’ll count my teeth thoughtfully one by one.

Rarely would you find me on the other side of the table, so to speak. Being the administrator of mythological medicine never interested me. Yet being still and quiet while my sister “fixed” my feigned ailments relaxed me in a way I could never describe. It was just like the feeling I’d get when we’d sneak into our mom’s bathroom and steal her makeup brushes, taking turns whisking the soft bristles across each other’s faces: gentle tingles running up and down my spine, dancing around my scalp—like tummy butterflies for the spinal cord. But no one else I knew ever mentioned butterflies of the brain; no one talked about it on TV. So, I figured it was just me.

See also How to Meditate Daily 

What is ASMR Meditation?

Two-and-a-half decades later, and the euphoria I felt from getting fake fillings has a cult following to rival Game of Thrones. Dubbed ASMR (short for autonomous sensory meridian response) in 2010, it’s a highly relaxing, pleasurable tingling that’s felt on the skin and scalp after certain stimuli. The phenomenon gained a huge online following after someone asked the internet about “head orgasms” back in 2007. All of a sudden, people like me were realizing they weren’t alone in their tingling—and wanted to know more about what made them feel great.

Fans quickly took to YouTube, posting videos of mock physicals, face massages, and even crinkling potato chip bags—all intended to trigger the zombie-like relaxation that comes with what became known as ASMR. While the sensation itself is still clouded in mystery (no one knows why some people are triggered and some aren’t), experts now say that for those who experience it, it can be as powerful a tool as meditation. To wit: New research from Sheffield University, published in June in the journal PLOS One, found that ASMR was associated with reduced heart rate and increased skin conductance levels (a fancy term for physical arousal that’s linked with better attention and memory). The researchers determined that ASMR is, in fact, a physiological experience that could have therapeutic benefits for mental and physical health—with the potential to minimize depression, anxiety, insomnia, and chronic pain.

Unfashionably late to this particular party, I first read about ASMR in a Sunday New York Times this past February. In an article titled “The Currency of a Relaxing Sound or Tingle,” reporter Andrea Marks described a therapeutic, interactive theatrical experience where participants played passive roles in scenes including “sitting at a table while someone crinkles paper in your ears, visiting a ‘doctor’s office,’ having your face stroked with makeup brushes, and a hair-brushing encounter.” (Insert brain-exploding emoji here.) The Brooklyn pop-up performance was orchestrated by San Francisco's Whisperlodge—an immersive traveling show that curates intimate, one-on-one ASMR experiences for audiences that usually emerge from the quiet cocoon in a zen-like haze.

“There’s a tangible benefit you can feel in your body after you exit our performance, but we haven’t been able to back it up with science until now,” Whisperlodge co-creator Melinda Lauw says of the University of Sheffield findings. It’s similar to meditation, she says, because “it’s about paying attention—to small sounds and sensations. You become super quiet and aware.”

See also Rx Meditation: Headspace's New Prescription Strategy Could Change the Way We All Meditate

Down the ASMR Meditation Rabbit Hole

As someone who’s struggled diligently for years to achieve euphoria through meditation, I wanted to see what would happen if I subbed a daily ASMR YouTube video for my regular meditation practice. The first one I launched was called “Taps for Your Naps,” created by ASMR darling Maria (she prefers not to reveal her last name), the personality behind popular YouTube channel Gentle Whispering ASMR.

After you skip an advertisement, tourmaline-looking gemstones fill the screen. They line a plastic sheet of paper like stars on an American flag, and a pink-and-white manicure atop ten flittering fingers tenderly strokes each row, producing tingle-inducing little tapping sounds with each stroke. There it is. That inexplicably warm, all-encompassing feeling engulfs my skull like a massage shampoo. My limbs sink a little deeper into my couch cushions as I slowly exhaust the “Up Next” queue.

Your Brain on ASMR

But what is it about soft sounds and borderline-creepy caregiver videos that make some of us—an estimated 20 percent of the population—melt into our mattresses? More neurological research is needed to know for sure, but biopharmaceutical sciences professor Craig Richard, PhD, author of the forthcoming book Brain Tingles: the Secret to Triggering Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response for Improved Sleep, Stress Relief, and Head-to-Toe Euphoria and co-founder of the ASMR Research Project, thinks it’s a genetic response that’s designed to help us feel relaxed, mitigating stress hormones and promoting overall health in the process. “Almost all of our biological functions and reactions are to our benefit,” he says. “So why have we evolved? Why might this be?”

The answer may be in the basic way primates soothe their offspring, he says. How a mother coos and nurtures her fussy babe: She hushes her tone, offers a caring gaze and a gentle touch, conveying with every molecule that It’s alright. You’re OK. “That’s what these videos are doing,” says Richard. “They’re sending a signal to viewers that they’re safe and cared for in a non-threatening way. When a child scrapes his knee, it’s hugging; it’s lowering your voice; it’s focused personal attention. Our brains are hardwired for patterned recognition of those stimuli.” Most likely, certain brain chemicals are at play, Richard says. Research has shown that when a parent soothes an infant, or a teacher comforts an unhappy child, a “brain cocktail” of endorphins, oxytocin (love hormone), dopamine, serotonin (happiness hormone), GABA (relaxation and sleepiness stimulator), and melatonin (sleep hormone) are released, which probably work together to evoke ASMR.

If our brains are primed to feel good when we’re pampered, why is it that we all don’t bliss-out watching Bob Ross paint on PBS (a common ASMR trigger)? It’s likely that a genetic mutation is responsible, says Richard.

We can think of ASMR like the mirror image of a panic attack, he says—an extreme negative reaction to an event or experience. Most of us might get agitated on a crowded subway platform, but fewer of us are apt to feel faint. “We know about phobias and anxiety,” he says, (genetics play a role in both). “But there was no word for the opposite—the other extreme, where people are highly relaxed by certain stimuli.” That is, of course, until ASMR earned its title.

It’s still a new frontier. Richard and Lauw hope forthcoming studies will prove ASMR’s potential health benefits by comparing blood pressure, cortisol levels, and brain scans of people experiencing ASMR against control groups. Anecdotally, devotees already claim that ASMR has helped them overcome anxiety, insomnia, drug addiction, and PTSD.

See also 5 Yoga Teachers Who Overcame Addiction

You can access ASMR on YouTube in the comfort of your own home.

ASMR and yoga—and me

On a Friday afternoon, a week into my ASMR experiment, I propped up on my sunroom sofa to try out a new (to me) YouTube ASMRtist. I had plans to meet a friend at 5 o’clock. But at 4:47, there I remained, limp-limbed on the couch while a 40-something redhead performed “skin treatments” into the camera—wafting essential oils in front of “my nose” and encouraging me, in a British accent, to “take deep, slow breaths.” I couldn’t move—let alone call a Lyft. Like sinking deep into Savasana (Corpse Pose) at the end of a restorative yoga class, all desire to re-enter the so-called real world had diminished. In this moment, it dawned on me that I’d been experiencing ASMR in my favorite yoga classes all along.

Richard says that yoga classes that incorporate ASMR are a no-brainer, although as founder of ASMRUniversity.com, he may be biased. Not unlike the intimate in-person experiences curated by Whisper Lodge, he says, yoga classes try to foster safe environments where one can relax and make room for self-nurturing. To this end, Kim, a New Zealand yogi and ASMRtist (who goes by the moniker Miss Synchronicity and like most ASMRtists, chooses to keep her last name private), has integrated yoga into some of her ASMR videos, and her audience loves it. She’s not alone: More and more instructional yoga videos are popping up on YouTube that incorporate ASMR triggers like whispering, tapping sounds, and pretend pampering. “Just like ASMR, yoga brings together the body and mind, expressing relaxation and mindfulness through the breath,” she says.

I can vouch for this. After my daily ASMR sessions, I find myself breathing deeper, moving slower, staying more in the moment, and feeling less attached to future results and outcomes. This new-found chill can last from 30 minutes to a couple of hours.

And the best part for me? Unlike my oft-failed attempts at getting present through meditation, ASMR works every time.

See also A One-Strap Restorative Yoga Sequence for Self-Care

About the Author Lindsay Tucker is a senior editor at Yoga Journal.

from Yoga Journal https://ift.tt/2PJDKcJ

[krisiunicornio]

One Yoga Journal editor replaced her daily meditation practice with ASMR YouTube videos for a week. Here’s what happened.

Curious about the ASMR meditation technique some people are calling an orgasm for your brain? We were, too, so we had one of our editors try it. Here’s her story. 

“O.K., I have to give you a shot; but it’ll only hurt for a second,” my little sister says to me as I lie completely still on her bed. We’re ages 4 and 6, and playing “doctor” is one of our favorite games. In a few months, she’ll decide on a career in dentistry (she’s since changed her mind), and our mock physicals will quickly morph into make-believe oral procedures. I’ll open wide in our cotton-candy-blue bathtub (“the dentist’s chair”) and she’ll count my teeth thoughtfully one by one.

Rarely would you find me on the other side of the table, so to speak. Being the administrator of mythological medicine never interested me. Yet being still and quiet while my sister “fixed” my feigned ailments relaxed me in a way I could never describe. It was just like the feeling I’d get when we’d sneak into our mom’s bathroom and steal her makeup brushes, taking turns whisking the soft bristles across each other’s faces: gentle tingles running up and down my spine, dancing around my scalp—like tummy butterflies for the spinal cord. But no one else I knew ever mentioned butterflies of the brain; no one talked about it on TV. So, I figured it was just me.

See also How to Meditate Daily 

What is ASMR Meditation?

Two-and-a-half decades later, and the euphoria I felt from getting fake fillings has a cult following to rival Game of Thrones. Dubbed ASMR (short for autonomous sensory meridian response) in 2010, it’s a highly relaxing, pleasurable tingling that’s felt on the skin and scalp after certain stimuli. The phenomenon gained a huge online following after someone asked the internet about “head orgasms” back in 2007. All of a sudden, people like me were realizing they weren’t alone in their tingling—and wanted to know more about what made them feel great.

Fans quickly took to YouTube, posting videos of mock physicals, face massages, and even crinkling potato chip bags—all intended to trigger the zombie-like relaxation that comes with what became known as ASMR. While the sensation itself is still clouded in mystery (no one knows why some people are triggered and some aren’t), experts now say that for those who experience it, it can be as powerful a tool as meditation. To wit: New research from Sheffield University, published in June in the journal PLOS One, found that ASMR was associated with reduced heart rate and increased skin conductance levels (a fancy term for physical arousal that’s linked with better attention and memory). The researchers determined that ASMR is, in fact, a physiological experience that could have therapeutic benefits for mental and physical health—with the potential to minimize depression, anxiety, insomnia, and chronic pain.

Unfashionably late to this particular party, I first read about ASMR in a Sunday New York Times this past February. In an article titled “The Currency of a Relaxing Sound or Tingle,” reporter Andrea Marks described a therapeutic, interactive theatrical experience where participants played passive roles in scenes including “sitting at a table while someone crinkles paper in your ears, visiting a ‘doctor’s office,’ having your face stroked with makeup brushes, and a hair-brushing encounter.” (Insert brain-exploding emoji here.) The Brooklyn pop-up performance was orchestrated by San Francisco's Whisperlodge—an immersive traveling show that curates intimate, one-on-one ASMR experiences for audiences that usually emerge from the quiet cocoon in a zen-like haze.

“There’s a tangible benefit you can feel in your body after you exit our performance, but we haven’t been able to back it up with science until now,” Whisperlodge co-creator Melinda Lauw says of the University of Sheffield findings. It’s similar to meditation, she says, because “it’s about paying attention—to small sounds and sensations. You become super quiet and aware.”

See also Rx Meditation: Headspace's New Prescription Strategy Could Change the Way We All Meditate

Down the ASMR Meditation Rabbit Hole

As someone who’s struggled diligently for years to achieve euphoria through meditation, I wanted to see what would happen if I subbed a daily ASMR YouTube video for my regular meditation practice. The first one I launched was called “Taps for Your Naps,” created by ASMR darling Maria (she prefers not to reveal her last name), the personality behind popular YouTube channel Gentle Whispering ASMR.

After you skip an advertisement, tourmaline-looking gemstones fill the screen. They line a plastic sheet of paper like stars on an American flag, and a pink-and-white manicure atop ten flittering fingers tenderly strokes each row, producing tingle-inducing little tapping sounds with each stroke. There it is. That inexplicably warm, all-encompassing feeling engulfs my skull like a message shampoo. My limbs sink a little deeper into my couch cushions as I slowly exhaust the “Up Next” queue.

Your Brain on ASMR

But what is it about soft sounds and borderline-creepy caregiver videos that make some of us—an estimated 20 percent of the population—melt into our mattresses? More neurological research is needed to know for sure, but biopharmaceutical sciences professor Craig Richard, PhD, author of the forthcoming book Brain Tingles: the Secret to Triggering Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response for Improved Sleep, Stress Relief, and Head-to-Toe Euphoria and co-founder of the ASMR Research Project, thinks it’s a genetic response that’s designed to help us feel relaxed, mitigating stress hormones and promoting overall health in the process. “Almost all of our biological functions and reactions are to our benefit,” he says. “So why have we evolved? Why might this be?”

The answer may be in the basic way primates soothe their offspring, he says. How a mother coos and nurtures her fussy babe: She hushes her tone, offers a caring gaze and a gentle touch, conveying with every molecule that It’s alright. You’re OK. “That’s what these videos are doing,” says Richard. “They’re sending a signal to viewers that they’re safe and cared for in a non-threatening way. When a child scrapes his knee, it’s hugging; it’s lowering your voice; it’s focused personal attention. Our brains are hardwired for patterned recognition of those stimuli.” Most likely, certain brain chemicals are at play, Richard says. Research has shown that when a parent soothes an infant, or a teacher comforts an unhappy child, a “brain cocktail” of endorphins, oxytocin (love hormone), dopamine, serotonin (happiness hormone), GABA (relaxation and sleepiness stimulator), and melatonin (sleep hormone) are released, which probably work together to evoke ASMR.

If our brains are primed to feel good when we’re pampered, why is it that we all don’t bliss-out watching Bob Ross paint on PBS (a common ASMR trigger)? It’s likely that a genetic mutation is responsible, says Richard.

We can think of ASMR like the mirror image of a panic attack, he says—an extreme negative reaction to an event or experience. Most of us might get agitated on a crowded subway platform, but fewer of us are apt to feel faint. “We know about phobias and anxiety,” he says, (genetics play a role in both). “But there was no word for the opposite—the other extreme, where people are highly relaxed by certain stimuli.” That is, of course, until ASMR earned its title.

It’s still a new frontier. Richard and Lauw hope forthcoming studies will prove ASMR’s potential health benefits by comparing blood pressure, cortisol levels, and brain scans of people experiencing ASMR against control groups. Anecdotally, devotees already claim that ASMR has helped them overcome anxiety, insomnia, drug addiction, and PTSD.

See also 5 Yoga Teachers Who Overcame Addiction

You can access ASMR on YouTube in the comfort of your own home.

ASMR and yoga—and me

On a Friday afternoon, a week into my ASMR experiment, I propped up on my sunroom sofa to try out a new (to me) YouTube ASMRtist. I had plans to meet a friend at 5 o’clock. But at 4:47, there I remained, limp-limbed on the couch while a 40-something redhead performed “skin treatments” into the camera—wafting essential oils in front of “my nose” and encouraging me, in a British accent, to “take deep, slow breaths.” I couldn’t move—let alone call a Lyft. Like sinking deep into Savasana (Corpse Pose) at the end of a restorative yoga class, all desire to re-enter the so-called real world had diminished. In this moment, it dawned on me that I’d been experiencing ASMR in my favorite yoga classes all along.

Richard says that yoga classes that incorporate ASMR are a no-brainer, although as founder of ASMRUniversity.com, he may be biased. Not unlike the intimate in-person experiences curated by Whisper Lodge, he says, yoga classes try to foster safe environments where one can relax and make room for self-nurturing. To this end, Kim, a New Zealand yogi and ASMRtist (who goes by the moniker Miss Synchronicity and like most ASMRtists, chooses to keep her last name private), has integrated yoga into some of her ASMR videos, and her audience loves it. She’s not alone: More and more instructional yoga videos are popping up on YouTube that incorporate ASMR triggers like whispering, tapping sounds, and pretend pampering. “Just like ASMR, yoga brings together the body and mind, expressing relaxation and mindfulness through the breath,” she says.

I can vouch for this. After my daily ASMR sessions, I find myself breathing deeper, moving slower, staying more in the moment, and feeling less attached to future results and outcomes. This new-found chill can last from 30 minutes to a couple of hours.

And the best part for me? Unlike my oft-failed attempts at getting present through meditation, ASMR works every time.

See also A One-Strap Restorative Yoga Sequence for Self-Care

About the Author Lindsay Tucker is a senior editor at Yoga Journal.

[ludos-posts]

Post #2 - Horses for courses

12.00am

So.......

This last month has probably seen some of the biggest shifts in my adult life; getting on the housing ladder, a prolonged period without work (as a freelancer) and changing medication for the first time in approximately ten years. Most of us would agree that all three could be incredibly stressful, it's the latter in this trio that has been the hardest. No doubt.

Getting a mortgage in the UK as a relatively young person (32) on top of being self employed is tough to say the least. The news is constantly reporting on the difficulty our youth face as they fight to get on that hallowed ladder. I can honestly say, hand on heart, that the process from start to finish has been horrid. Add into the mix the fact that I am self employed, and you have a recipe for sleepless nights and frustration; and I haven't even got to the fact I suffer with anxiety and depression.

It would be easy to assume that the root of my latest meltdowns have come from not working and being in a continual battle with underwriters of mortgages; not true, just purely coincidence. Either way, I don't care, they are but irritations compared to the threat from my worst demons. 2017 hadn't began as I had hoped; the dream of my first home, surrounded by friends, working and living in a vibrant city were swiftly replaced by thoughts of self harm, weeks of surviving on a banana and cup of tea each day; this wasn't what I had planned. It felt like 2002 again, chaperoned by my parents, panic attacks, intrusive thoughts all while watching the clock click ever slower. That was it, I had no choice but to make that phone call to the doctors.

It has been said, and probably proved that the long term use of any drug will result in its reduced effectiveness. I wasn't sure whether that was the case here but the thought of weaning off an anti-depressant at a time like this wasn't what I wanted, but like it or not, I didn't really have a choice. Deep down, I knew citalopram was my comfy blanket; a transitional object that had appeared to have lost it's potency. God only knows what the withdrawal symptoms are going to be like, I didn't dare look on the internet.

I came out of the surgery with a new prescription and a lower dose of citalopram for a week before making the switch to a new medicine. Fingers crossed.......

The week on a lowered dose of citalopram was surprisingly comfortable; I didn't feel like scratching my eyes out and my appetite was allowing me to add boiled rice to that obligatory banana. Things were looking up, and that was more than okay for me. One of the things I have learned in the past 15 years is to take those little victories, a few spoonful's of plain rice today might not seem like much to someone else, but to me it meant my brain was beginning to uncurl, if only just a little bit. Who cares, yesterday I was retching at the thought of eating anything besides a banana.

.....The new meds weren't the saviour my brain had hoped for. For a while, I quite liked their sedative properties; I was asleep before my head hit the pillow. However, I didn't exactly wake up with a spring in my step, more a laboured shuffle. The days felt as though I was in that state between sober and drunk, just without the warm fuzzy feeling. There was no way I could drive and I was too tired to walk anywhere; everything was in slow motion; I was also becoming aware of a new symptom. The best way to describe it was like my brain was being shocked by static every so often. It began in the background but in a few days it had rushed to the forefront of my attention. The tinnitus in my ears was unbearable and my head fizzled with that static-like sensation. A quick search on the internet and I had found a word for word description of what was going on......Brain zaps. More commonly known as anti-depressant discontinuation syndrome. My body was beginning to withdraw and I was in no doubt that it wasn't happy.

It took six days for my resolve to finally capitulate. Like a switch in my subconscious, I was slipping down that all too familiar rabbit hole and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. That half bowl of boiled rice was an awful long way away now.

[remedialmassage]

Inside the ASMR Meditation People Are Calling a Brain Orgasm

One Yoga Journal editor replaced her daily meditation practice with ASMR YouTube videos for a week. Here’s what happened.

Curious about the ASMR meditation technique some people are calling an orgasm for your brain? We were, too, so we had one of our editors try it. Here’s her story. 

“O.K., I have to give you a shot; but it’ll only hurt for a second,” my little sister says to me as I lie completely still on her bed. We’re ages 4 and 6, and playing “doctor” is one of our favorite games. In a few months, she’ll decide on a career in dentistry (she’s since changed her mind), and our mock physicals will quickly morph into make-believe oral procedures. I’ll open wide in our cotton-candy-blue bathtub (“the dentist’s chair”) and she’ll count my teeth thoughtfully one by one.

Rarely would you find me on the other side of the table, so to speak. Being the administrator of mythological medicine never interested me. Yet being still and quiet while my sister “fixed” my feigned ailments relaxed me in a way I could never describe. It was just like the feeling I’d get when we’d sneak into our mom’s bathroom and steal her makeup brushes, taking turns whisking the soft bristles across each other’s faces: gentle tingles running up and down my spine, dancing around my scalp—like tummy butterflies for the spinal cord. But no one else I knew ever mentioned butterflies of the brain; no one talked about it on TV. So, I figured it was just me.

See also How to Meditate Daily 

What is ASMR Meditation?

Two-and-a-half decades later, and the euphoria I felt from getting fake fillings has a cult following to rival Game of Thrones. Dubbed ASMR (short for autonomous sensory meridian response) in 2010, it’s a highly relaxing, pleasurable tingling that’s felt on the skin and scalp after certain stimuli. The phenomenon gained a huge online following after someone asked the internet about “head orgasms” back in 2007. All of a sudden, people like me were realizing they weren’t alone in their tingling—and wanted to know more about what made them feel great.

Fans quickly took to YouTube, posting videos of mock physicals, face massages, and even crinkling potato chip bags—all intended to trigger the zombie-like relaxation that comes with what became known as ASMR. While the sensation itself is still clouded in mystery (no one knows why some people are triggered and some aren’t), experts now say that for those who experience it, it can be as powerful a tool as meditation. To wit: New research from Sheffield University, published in June in the journal PLOS One, found that ASMR was associated with reduced heart rate and increased skin conductance levels (a fancy term for physical arousal that’s linked with better attention and memory). The researchers determined that ASMR is, in fact, a physiological experience that could have therapeutic benefits for mental and physical health—with the potential to minimize depression, anxiety, insomnia, and chronic pain.

Unfashionably late to this particular party, I first read about ASMR in a Sunday New York Times this past February. In an article titled “The Currency of a Relaxing Sound or Tingle,” reporter Andrea Marks described a therapeutic, interactive theatrical experience where participants played passive roles in scenes including “sitting at a table while someone crinkles paper in your ears, visiting a ‘doctor’s office,’ having your face stroked with makeup brushes, and a hair-brushing encounter.” (Insert brain-exploding emoji here.) The Brooklyn pop-up performance was orchestrated by San Francisco's Whisperlodge—an immersive traveling show that curates intimate, one-on-one ASMR experiences for audiences that usually emerge from the quiet cocoon in a zen-like haze.

“There’s a tangible benefit you can feel in your body after you exit our performance, but we haven’t been able to back it up with science until now,” Whisperlodge co-creator Melinda Lauw says of the University of Sheffield findings. It’s similar to meditation, she says, because “it’s about paying attention—to small sounds and sensations. You become super quiet and aware.”

See also Rx Meditation: Headspace's New Prescription Strategy Could Change the Way We All Meditate

Down the ASMR Meditation Rabbit Hole

As someone who’s struggled diligently for years to achieve euphoria through meditation, I wanted to see what would happen if I subbed a daily ASMR YouTube video for my regular meditation practice. The first one I launched was called “Taps for Your Naps,” created by ASMR darling Maria (she prefers not to reveal her last name), the personality behind popular YouTube channel Gentle Whispering ASMR.

After you skip an advertisement, tourmaline-looking gemstones fill the screen. They line a plastic sheet of paper like stars on an American flag, and a pink-and-white manicure atop ten flittering fingers tenderly strokes each row, producing tingle-inducing little tapping sounds with each stroke. There it is. That inexplicably warm, all-encompassing feeling engulfs my skull like a message shampoo. My limbs sink a little deeper into my couch cushions as I slowly exhaust the “Up Next” queue.

Your Brain on ASMR

But what is it about soft sounds and borderline-creepy caregiver videos that make some of us—an estimated 20 percent of the population—melt into our mattresses? More neurological research is needed to know for sure, but biopharmaceutical sciences professor Craig Richard, PhD, author of the forthcoming book Brain Tingles: the Secret to Triggering Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response for Improved Sleep, Stress Relief, and Head-to-Toe Euphoria and co-founder of the ASMR Research Project, thinks it’s a genetic response that’s designed to help us feel relaxed, mitigating stress hormones and promoting overall health in the process. “Almost all of our biological functions and reactions are to our benefit,” he says. “So why have we evolved? Why might this be?”

The answer may be in the basic way primates soothe their offspring, he says. How a mother coos and nurtures her fussy babe: She hushes her tone, offers a caring gaze and a gentle touch, conveying with every molecule that It’s alright. You’re OK. “That’s what these videos are doing,” says Richard. “They’re sending a signal to viewers that they’re safe and cared for in a non-threatening way. When a child scrapes his knee, it’s hugging; it’s lowering your voice; it’s focused personal attention. Our brains are hardwired for patterned recognition of those stimuli.” Most likely, certain brain chemicals are at play, Richard says. Research has shown that when a parent soothes an infant, or a teacher comforts an unhappy child, a “brain cocktail” of endorphins, oxytocin (love hormone), dopamine, serotonin (happiness hormone), GABA (relaxation and sleepiness stimulator), and melatonin (sleep hormone) are released, which probably work together to evoke ASMR.

If our brains are primed to feel good when we’re pampered, why is it that we all don’t bliss-out watching Bob Ross paint on PBS (a common ASMR trigger)? It’s likely that a genetic mutation is responsible, says Richard.

We can think of ASMR like the mirror image of a panic attack, he says—an extreme negative reaction to an event or experience. Most of us might get agitated on a crowded subway platform, but fewer of us are apt to feel faint. “We know about phobias and anxiety,” he says, (genetics play a role in both). “But there was no word for the opposite—the other extreme, where people are highly relaxed by certain stimuli.” That is, of course, until ASMR earned its title.

It’s still a new frontier. Richard and Lauw hope forthcoming studies will prove ASMR’s potential health benefits by comparing blood pressure, cortisol levels, and brain scans of people experiencing ASMR against control groups. Anecdotally, devotees already claim that ASMR has helped them overcome anxiety, insomnia, drug addiction, and PTSD.

See also 5 Yoga Teachers Who Overcame Addiction

You can access ASMR on YouTube in the comfort of your own home.

ASMR and yoga—and me

On a Friday afternoon, a week into my ASMR experiment, I propped up on my sunroom sofa to try out a new (to me) YouTube ASMRtist. I had plans to meet a friend at 5 o’clock. But at 4:47, there I remained, limp-limbed on the couch while a 40-something redhead performed “skin treatments” into the camera—wafting essential oils in front of “my nose” and encouraging me, in a British accent, to “take deep, slow breaths.” I couldn’t move—let alone call a Lyft. Like sinking deep into Savasana (Corpse Pose) at the end of a restorative yoga class, all desire to re-enter the so-called real world had diminished. In this moment, it dawned on me that I’d been experiencing ASMR in my favorite yoga classes all along.

Richard says that yoga classes that incorporate ASMR are a no-brainer, although as founder of ASMRUniversity.com, he may be biased. Not unlike the intimate in-person experiences curated by Whisper Lodge, he says, yoga classes try to foster safe environments where one can relax and make room for self-nurturing. To this end, Kim, a New Zealand yogi and ASMRtist (who goes by the moniker Miss Synchronicity and like most ASMRtists, chooses to keep her last name private), has integrated yoga into some of her ASMR videos, and her audience loves it. She’s not alone: More and more instructional yoga videos are popping up on YouTube that incorporate ASMR triggers like whispering, tapping sounds, and pretend pampering. “Just like ASMR, yoga brings together the body and mind, expressing relaxation and mindfulness through the breath,” she says.

I can vouch for this. After my daily ASMR sessions, I find myself breathing deeper, moving slower, staying more in the moment, and feeling less attached to future results and outcomes. This new-found chill can last from 30 minutes to a couple of hours.

And the best part for me? Unlike my oft-failed attempts at getting present through meditation, ASMR works every time.

See also A One-Strap Restorative Yoga Sequence for Self-Care

About the Author Lindsay Tucker is a senior editor at Yoga Journal.

from Yoga Journal https://ift.tt/2NapmbL

[cedarrrun]

One Yoga Journal editor replaced her daily meditation practice with ASMR YouTube videos for a week. Here’s what happened.

Curious about the ASMR meditation technique some people are calling an orgasm for your brain? We were, too, so we had one of our editors try it. Here’s her story. 

“O.K., I have to give you a shot; but it’ll only hurt for a second,” my little sister says to me as I lie completely still on her bed. We’re ages 4 and 6, and playing “doctor” is one of our favorite games. In a few months, she’ll decide on a career in dentistry (she’s since changed her mind), and our mock physicals will quickly morph into make-believe oral procedures. I’ll open wide in our cotton-candy-blue bathtub (“the dentist’s chair”) and she’ll count my teeth thoughtfully one by one.

Rarely would you find me on the other side of the table, so to speak. Being the administrator of mythological medicine never interested me. Yet being still and quiet while my sister “fixed” my feigned ailments relaxed me in a way I could never describe. It was just like the feeling I’d get when we’d sneak into our mom’s bathroom and steal her makeup brushes, taking turns whisking the soft bristles across each other’s faces: gentle tingles running up and down my spine, dancing around my scalp—like tummy butterflies for the spinal cord. But no one else I knew ever mentioned butterflies of the brain; no one talked about it on TV. So, I figured it was just me.

See also How to Meditate Daily 

What is ASMR Meditation?

Two-and-a-half decades later, and the euphoria I felt from getting fake fillings has a cult following to rival Game of Thrones. Dubbed ASMR (short for autonomous sensory meridian response) in 2010, it’s a highly relaxing, pleasurable tingling that’s felt on the skin and scalp after certain stimuli. The phenomenon gained a huge online following after someone asked the internet about “head orgasms” back in 2007. All of a sudden, people like me were realizing they weren’t alone in their tingling—and wanted to know more about what made them feel great.

Fans quickly took to YouTube, posting videos of mock physicals, face massages, and even crinkling potato chip bags—all intended to trigger the zombie-like relaxation that comes with what became known as ASMR. While the sensation itself is still clouded in mystery (no one knows why some people are triggered and some aren’t), experts now say that for those who experience it, it can be as powerful a tool as meditation. To wit: New research from Sheffield University, published in June in the journal PLOS One, found that ASMR was associated with reduced heart rate and increased skin conductance levels (a fancy term for physical arousal that’s linked with better attention and memory). The researchers determined that ASMR is, in fact, a physiological experience that could have therapeutic benefits for mental and physical health—with the potential to minimize depression, anxiety, insomnia, and chronic pain.

Unfashionably late to this particular party, I first read about ASMR in a Sunday New York Times this past February. In an article titled “The Currency of a Relaxing Sound or Tingle,” reporter Andrea Marks described a therapeutic, interactive theatrical experience where participants played passive roles in scenes including “sitting at a table while someone crinkles paper in your ears, visiting a ‘doctor’s office,’ having your face stroked with makeup brushes, and a hair-brushing encounter.” (Insert brain-exploding emoji here.) The Brooklyn pop-up performance was orchestrated by San Francisco's Whisperlodge—an immersive traveling show that curates intimate, one-on-one ASMR experiences for audiences that usually emerge from the quiet cocoon in a zen-like haze.

“There’s a tangible benefit you can feel in your body after you exit our performance, but we haven’t been able to back it up with science until now,” Whisperlodge co-creator Melinda Lauw says of the University of Sheffield findings. It’s similar to meditation, she says, because “it’s about paying attention—to small sounds and sensations. You become super quiet and aware.”

See also Rx Meditation: Headspace's New Prescription Strategy Could Change the Way We All Meditate

Down the ASMR Meditation Rabbit Hole

As someone who’s struggled diligently for years to achieve euphoria through meditation, I wanted to see what would happen if I subbed a daily ASMR YouTube video for my regular meditation practice. The first one I launched was called “Taps for Your Naps,” created by ASMR darling Maria (she prefers not to reveal her last name), the personality behind popular YouTube channel Gentle Whispering ASMR.

After you skip an advertisement, tourmaline-looking gemstones fill the screen. They line a plastic sheet of paper like stars on an American flag, and a pink-and-white manicure atop ten flittering fingers tenderly strokes each row, producing tingle-inducing little tapping sounds with each stroke. There it is. That inexplicably warm, all-encompassing feeling engulfs my skull like a message shampoo. My limbs sink a little deeper into my couch cushions as I slowly exhaust the “Up Next” queue.

Your Brain on ASMR

But what is it about soft sounds and borderline-creepy caregiver videos that make some of us—an estimated 20 percent of the population—melt into our mattresses? More neurological research is needed to know for sure, but biopharmaceutical sciences professor Craig Richard, PhD, author of the forthcoming book Brain Tingles: the Secret to Triggering Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response for Improved Sleep, Stress Relief, and Head-to-Toe Euphoria and co-founder of the ASMR Research Project, thinks it’s a genetic response that’s designed to help us feel relaxed, mitigating stress hormones and promoting overall health in the process. “Almost all of our biological functions and reactions are to our benefit,” he says. “So why have we evolved? Why might this be?”

The answer may be in the basic way primates soothe their offspring, he says. How a mother coos and nurtures her fussy babe: She hushes her tone, offers a caring gaze and a gentle touch, conveying with every molecule that It’s alright. You’re OK. “That’s what these videos are doing,” says Richard. “They’re sending a signal to viewers that they’re safe and cared for in a non-threatening way. When a child scrapes his knee, it’s hugging; it’s lowering your voice; it’s focused personal attention. Our brains are hardwired for patterned recognition of those stimuli.” Most likely, certain brain chemicals are at play, Richard says. Research has shown that when a parent soothes an infant, or a teacher comforts an unhappy child, a “brain cocktail” of endorphins, oxytocin (love hormone), dopamine, serotonin (happiness hormone), GABA (relaxation and sleepiness stimulator), and melatonin (sleep hormone) are released, which probably work together to evoke ASMR.

If our brains are primed to feel good when we’re pampered, why is it that we all don’t bliss-out watching Bob Ross paint on PBS (a common ASMR trigger)? It’s likely that a genetic mutation is responsible, says Richard.

We can think of ASMR like the mirror image of a panic attack, he says—an extreme negative reaction to an event or experience. Most of us might get agitated on a crowded subway platform, but fewer of us are apt to feel faint. “We know about phobias and anxiety,” he says, (genetics play a role in both). “But there was no word for the opposite—the other extreme, where people are highly relaxed by certain stimuli.” That is, of course, until ASMR earned its title.

It’s still a new frontier. Richard and Lauw hope forthcoming studies will prove ASMR’s potential health benefits by comparing blood pressure, cortisol levels, and brain scans of people experiencing ASMR against control groups. Anecdotally, devotees already claim that ASMR has helped them overcome anxiety, insomnia, drug addiction, and PTSD.

See also 5 Yoga Teachers Who Overcame Addiction

You can access ASMR on YouTube in the comfort of your own home.

ASMR and yoga—and me

On a Friday afternoon, a week into my ASMR experiment, I propped up on my sunroom sofa to try out a new (to me) YouTube ASMRtist. I had plans to meet a friend at 5 o’clock. But at 4:47, there I remained, limp-limbed on the couch while a 40-something redhead performed “skin treatments” into the camera—wafting essential oils in front of “my nose” and encouraging me, in a British accent, to “take deep, slow breaths.” I couldn’t move—let alone call a Lyft. Like sinking deep into Savasana (Corpse Pose) at the end of a restorative yoga class, all desire to re-enter the so-called real world had diminished. In this moment, it dawned on me that I’d been experiencing ASMR in my favorite yoga classes all along.

Richard says that yoga classes that incorporate ASMR are a no-brainer, although as founder of ASMRUniversity.com, he may be biased. Not unlike the intimate in-person experiences curated by Whisper Lodge, he says, yoga classes try to foster safe environments where one can relax and make room for self-nurturing. To this end, Kim, a New Zealand yogi and ASMRtist (who goes by the moniker Miss Synchronicity and like most ASMRtists, chooses to keep her last name private), has integrated yoga into some of her ASMR videos, and her audience loves it. She’s not alone: More and more instructional yoga videos are popping up on YouTube that incorporate ASMR triggers like whispering, tapping sounds, and pretend pampering. “Just like ASMR, yoga brings together the body and mind, expressing relaxation and mindfulness through the breath,” she says.

I can vouch for this. After my daily ASMR sessions, I find myself breathing deeper, moving slower, staying more in the moment, and feeling less attached to future results and outcomes. This new-found chill can last from 30 minutes to a couple of hours.

And the best part for me? Unlike my oft-failed attempts at getting present through meditation, ASMR works every time.

See also A One-Strap Restorative Yoga Sequence for Self-Care

About the Author Lindsay Tucker is a senior editor at Yoga Journal.

[amyddaniels]

Inside the ASMR Meditation People Are Calling a Brain Orgasm

One Yoga Journal editor replaced her daily meditation practice with ASMR YouTube videos for a week. Here’s what happened.

Curious about the ASMR meditation technique some people are calling an orgasm for your brain? We were, too, so we had one of our editors try it. Here’s her story. 

“O.K., I have to give you a shot; but it’ll only hurt for a second,” my little sister says to me as I lie completely still on her bed. We’re ages 4 and 6, and playing “doctor” is one of our favorite games. In a few months, she’ll decide on a career in dentistry (she’s since changed her mind), and our mock physicals will quickly morph into make-believe oral procedures. I’ll open wide in our cotton-candy-blue bathtub (“the dentist’s chair”) and she’ll count my teeth thoughtfully one by one.

Rarely would you find me on the other side of the table, so to speak. Being the administrator of mythological medicine never interested me. Yet being still and quiet while my sister “fixed” my feigned ailments relaxed me in a way I could never describe. It was just like the feeling I’d get when we’d sneak into our mom’s bathroom and steal her makeup brushes, taking turns whisking the soft bristles across each other’s faces: gentle tingles running up and down my spine, dancing around my scalp—like tummy butterflies for the spinal cord. But no one else I knew ever mentioned butterflies of the brain; no one talked about it on TV. So, I figured it was just me.

See also How to Meditate Daily 

What is ASMR Meditation?

Two-and-a-half decades later, and the euphoria I felt from getting fake fillings has a cult following to rival Game of Thrones. Dubbed ASMR (short for autonomous sensory meridian response) in 2010, it’s a highly relaxing, pleasurable tingling that’s felt on the skin and scalp after certain stimuli. The phenomenon gained a huge online following after someone asked the internet about “head orgasms” back in 2007. All of a sudden, people like me were realizing they weren’t alone in their tingling—and wanted to know more about what made them feel great.

Fans quickly took to YouTube, posting videos of mock physicals, face massages, and even crinkling potato chip bags—all intended to trigger the zombie-like relaxation that comes with what became known as ASMR. While the sensation itself is still clouded in mystery (no one knows why some people are triggered and some aren’t), experts now say that for those who experience it, it can be as powerful a tool as meditation. To wit: New research from Sheffield University, published in June in the journal PLOS One, found that ASMR was associated with reduced heart rate and increased skin conductance levels (a fancy term for physical arousal that’s linked with better attention and memory). The researchers determined that ASMR is, in fact, a physiological experience that could have therapeutic benefits for mental and physical health—with the potential to minimize depression, anxiety, insomnia, and chronic pain.

Unfashionably late to this particular party, I first read about ASMR in a Sunday New York Times this past February. In an article titled “The Currency of a Relaxing Sound or Tingle,” reporter Andrea Marks described a therapeutic, interactive theatrical experience where participants played passive roles in scenes including “sitting at a table while someone crinkles paper in your ears, visiting a ‘doctor’s office,’ having your face stroked with makeup brushes, and a hair-brushing encounter.” (Insert brain-exploding emoji here.) The Brooklyn pop-up performance was orchestrated by San Francisco's Whisperlodge—an immersive traveling show that curates intimate, one-on-one ASMR experiences for audiences that usually emerge from the quiet cocoon in a zen-like haze.

“There’s a tangible benefit you can feel in your body after you exit our performance, but we haven’t been able to back it up with science until now,” Whisperlodge co-creator Melinda Lauw says of the University of Sheffield findings. It’s similar to meditation, she says, because “it’s about paying attention—to small sounds and sensations. You become super quiet and aware.”

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Down the ASMR Meditation Rabbit Hole

As someone who’s struggled diligently for years to achieve euphoria through meditation, I wanted to see what would happen if I subbed a daily ASMR YouTube video for my regular meditation practice. The first one I launched was called “Taps for Your Naps,” created by ASMR darling Maria (she prefers not to reveal her last name), the personality behind popular YouTube channel Gentle Whispering ASMR.

After you skip an advertisement, tourmaline-looking gemstones fill the screen. They line a plastic sheet of paper like stars on an American flag, and a pink-and-white manicure atop ten flittering fingers tenderly strokes each row, producing tingle-inducing little tapping sounds with each stroke. There it is. That inexplicably warm, all-encompassing feeling engulfs my skull like a message shampoo. My limbs sink a little deeper into my couch cushions as I slowly exhaust the “Up Next” queue.

Your Brain on ASMR

But what is it about soft sounds and borderline-creepy caregiver videos that make some of us—an estimated 20 percent of the population—melt into our mattresses? More neurological research is needed to know for sure, but biopharmaceutical sciences professor Craig Richard, PhD, author of the forthcoming book Brain Tingles: the Secret to Triggering Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response for Improved Sleep, Stress Relief, and Head-to-Toe Euphoria and co-founder of the ASMR Research Project, thinks it’s a genetic response that’s designed to help us feel relaxed, mitigating stress hormones and promoting overall health in the process. “Almost all of our biological functions and reactions are to our benefit,” he says. “So why have we evolved? Why might this be?”

The answer may be in the basic way primates soothe their offspring, he says. How a mother coos and nurtures her fussy babe: She hushes her tone, offers a caring gaze and a gentle touch, conveying with every molecule that It’s alright. You’re OK. “That’s what these videos are doing,” says Richard. “They’re sending a signal to viewers that they’re safe and cared for in a non-threatening way. When a child scrapes his knee, it’s hugging; it’s lowering your voice; it’s focused personal attention. Our brains are hardwired for patterned recognition of those stimuli.” Most likely, certain brain chemicals are at play, Richard says. Research has shown that when a parent soothes an infant, or a teacher comforts an unhappy child, a “brain cocktail” of endorphins, oxytocin (love hormone), dopamine, serotonin (happiness hormone), GABA (relaxation and sleepiness stimulator), and melatonin (sleep hormone) are released, which probably work together to evoke ASMR.

If our brains are primed to feel good when we’re pampered, why is it that we all don’t bliss-out watching Bob Ross paint on PBS (a common ASMR trigger)? It’s likely that a genetic mutation is responsible, says Richard.

We can think of ASMR like the mirror image of a panic attack, he says—an extreme negative reaction to an event or experience. Most of us might get agitated on a crowded subway platform, but fewer of us are apt to feel faint. “We know about phobias and anxiety,” he says, (genetics play a role in both). “But there was no word for the opposite—the other extreme, where people are highly relaxed by certain stimuli.” That is, of course, until ASMR earned its title.

It’s still a new frontier. Richard and Lauw hope forthcoming studies will prove ASMR’s potential health benefits by comparing blood pressure, cortisol levels, and brain scans of people experiencing ASMR against control groups. Anecdotally, devotees already claim that ASMR has helped them overcome anxiety, insomnia, drug addiction, and PTSD.

See also 5 Yoga Teachers Who Overcame Addiction

You can access ASMR on YouTube in the comfort of your own home.

ASMR and yoga—and me

On a Friday afternoon, a week into my ASMR experiment, I propped up on my sunroom sofa to try out a new (to me) YouTube ASMRtist. I had plans to meet a friend at 5 o’clock. But at 4:47, there I remained, limp-limbed on the couch while a 40-something redhead performed “skin treatments” into the camera—wafting essential oils in front of “my nose” and encouraging me, in a British accent, to “take deep, slow breaths.” I couldn’t move—let alone call a Lyft. Like sinking deep into Savasana (Corpse Pose) at the end of a restorative yoga class, all desire to re-enter the so-called real world had diminished. In this moment, it dawned on me that I’d been experiencing ASMR in my favorite yoga classes all along.

Richard says that yoga classes that incorporate ASMR are a no-brainer, although as founder of ASMRUniversity.com, he may be biased. Not unlike the intimate in-person experiences curated by Whisper Lodge, he says, yoga classes try to foster safe environments where one can relax and make room for self-nurturing. To this end, Kim, a New Zealand yogi and ASMRtist (who goes by the moniker Miss Synchronicity and like most ASMRtists, chooses to keep her last name private), has integrated yoga into some of her ASMR videos, and her audience loves it. She’s not alone: More and more instructional yoga videos are popping up on YouTube that incorporate ASMR triggers like whispering, tapping sounds, and pretend pampering. “Just like ASMR, yoga brings together the body and mind, expressing relaxation and mindfulness through the breath,” she says.

I can vouch for this. After my daily ASMR sessions, I find myself breathing deeper, moving slower, staying more in the moment, and feeling less attached to future results and outcomes. This new-found chill can last from 30 minutes to a couple of hours.

And the best part for me? Unlike my oft-failed attempts at getting present through meditation, ASMR works every time.

See also A One-Strap Restorative Yoga Sequence for Self-Care

About the Author Lindsay Tucker is a senior editor at Yoga Journal.