#deretm

[merotm-a]

@deretm asked: “how could you do this to me?” | you just know which one this is.

  Against her predictions, the inside of her chest doesn’t cage a wildly beating heart. He’s distorted behind the cell bars, the metal concealing parts of him and the dim light speckling his figure in shadow. She thinks that this is how he has truly become to her - unrecognizable and veiled in a darkness that puts her on edge. Perhaps the woman she had been a week ago would have flinched away from the accusatory question, solemnly lowering her head and hushing her voice. But the woman that stands before him, equally as unrecognizable and changed beyond his comprehension, has grown a spine and straightened herself out after running herself around and around in her mind.

  “ You don’t have to believe me, but I did it for you, ” Yuika responds, taking a deep breath. The air in jail is both damp and suffocating; she feels she might drown if she stays down here too long with him. 

  What she speaks is not a lie, though. Even in the low glow of her anger and anguish, Yuika will never abandon him all the way, holding onto him by the final thread on his jacket if he extends nothing else to her. She’s a crossed a boundary somewhere, no matter how honorable her intentions were in trampling on it. They have been so close so many times, and she, in a willfully ignorant dizziness, had thought it was just a matter of being able to see each other more clearly. Finally, it dawns on her that they have been gazing at one another perfectly - without any distortions or tricks. They are as they have been for a long while now, but Yuika has decided to stop overlaying him with a rose-tinted filter. 

  It steals all the warmth in her blood in an instant, but she still feels the same rage she has felt for the past 5 years. She is a soldier; she fights; she rages. 

  “ What you’re doing is dangerous. I told you that. Why don’t you listen to me ? ”

  It’s becoming about more than whispering in Hange’s ear about the happenings of her ... comrade and his conspirators. ( Are they even able to return to being what they used to ? Or has that already been pulverized and chewed up much like other precious things that had once been in her life ? ) 

  “ You don’t even bother to listen to me or understand me at all. Not now. Not before. ”

  There’s an ache in her arms. The presence of her nails digging into her palms registers sluggishly, utterly contrasting the way her voice keeps spilling out like the crushing waves of the sea surrounding this island. For the first time, Yuika wishes to lay waste like the tides have stranded countless wanderers and invaders to this home of theirs. 

  “ Stop thinking we are the same on everything. We’re not ! ” 

  The manner in which her breath leaves her mouth resembles a panting animals, desperately fighting off the bubbling heat inside of them. Each gasp used to be a reminder that they were alive, but the dampness of this place sinks into her lungs more and more. She might truly pull the two of them under, continuing on like this - undeterred in her speech and unrestrained in her emotions.

  “ I could never cheer and rejoice after what happened in Liberio. We killed so many people who were not fighters, who were able to do nothing but run screaming in fear. All of their lives stopped because our hands were forced by someone. And you want to defend him !? ”

  It’s absurd. Everything about him has become maddening to her in this moment. His beliefs wash on her like acid. She jerks away from them, reddened and burned. His coldness towards her damages her soul unseen, and, still, she had thrown herself completely into trying to understand him. She wishes that holding his hands in hers and smiling had been enough. Yuika had felt herself almost delegate her place to one of a sinner, on her knees and fervently seeking guidance from something above her. 

  The world had gotten too large for all of them. But it hadn’t become too vast for her heart to reach.

  “ I don’t care if they hated me or would come to hate me in the future ! I felt sick to my stomach, and I wanted to throw up throughout the entire thing ! It’s not pleasurable to kill people like that ! It’s disgusting and it’s wrong ! ”

  Stop. Stop. Her voice echoes hostile against the stone walls. 

  “ I don’t care if we want the same thing at the end of the day. I won’t let you do something that might repeat that again. I ... will not ... sacrifice so many people to make sure I stay alive again. ”

  Everything stills for second. It’s the same kind of silence a crowd of mourners gives when the coffin is being lowered into the ground. She opens her mouth for a final time, steeling herself to nail the coffin shut once and for all. Something in her softens and her exterior loses all of its fight. An open hand comes up to place it over where she can feel her heart beat in her chest. It’s the only balance that she can afford herself before him. 

  “ You know what, Floch ? I-I’m really scared right now. Of what is going to happen. Of what you’re going to do. So, please just stop whatever it is that you’re doing because I don’t -- ” She swallows. “ I don’t want to have to see you on the other side of a gun barrel. Because I really will hesitate ... and I know it would be the death of me. ” 

  With that, Yuika musters up the last shreds of courage and turns on her heel to leave him. It’s not enough to reach him, but at least if she were to drop dead soon, the thought of having at least tried would lull her comfortably into the darkness of the other side. 

[captivemuses]

plotted starter || @deretm​

        Yuzuha had settled in for the morning looking at apartments for herself and Mitsuya, cup of tea and chips nearby to drink and eat. Hakkai was at school until the afternoon, and she expected to hear from Mitsuya at lunchtime when he typically texted her to say hello. 

         The house was totally quiet save for any noise Yuzuha herself made, and at times it was nice to enjoy, but at times too the silence was deafening and being completely alone in the house felt like too much as well. So Yuzuha was grateful to have something exciting to work on.

[merotm-a]

@deretm

he's a fucked up, horrible, living nightmare. i desire him carnally

[merotm-a]

@deretm​ // continued. 

  Despite herself, a smile appears on her face. It works to fade away the weariness inside her eyes. The exhaustion has engraved into her skin too deep that not even sleep can make her look fully alive again, but Floch alone almost resurrects her in ways that other comforts just can’t. He doesn’t need to become anything mythical to be appreciated by her. As long as he can still recall those times from before, then she can convince herself that will be enough for the both of them. She can fix this. 

  “ I’m glad you remember all of that. We should go out together too when we both have time, okay ? ”

  Just like that, however, he plucks the buds of happiness like he’d mistaken them for weeds. It’s not malicious - at least, she perceives it that way. A dormant rage threatens to burst her chest and throat wide open. The screams would echo out: “ No !  It was no victory ! We killed innocents ! We are monsters ! I shouldn’t have congratulated you that day ! I killed you that day ! ” 

 Instead, she meets his enthusiasm with silence and tight jaw muscles because if she doesn’t she might accidentally give into the darkness eating away at her and sob into his shoulder. He wouldn’t understand her tears even if he holds her and pats her head, even if watches over her like he does. There is a division between that keeps growing, but she tries to cross it anyway despite the risk of the fall. Yuika is trying to understand him so much, rolling around his thoughts and feelings in her head when she should be resting. Perhaps the more she savors it, she will understand it, but right now, she doesn’t. She can’t. 

  “ Floch, ” Yuika says, shakily grabbing onto his hand that accepted her gift with both of her own. The expression that had bloomed so merrily on her face has turned somewhat desperate. “ It’s dangerous to say that. I know that Eren has done so much for everyone on Paradis, but -- ” Her grip tightens slightly - not enough to harm, never to harm. “ He did act on his own, and we ended up having to kill civilians because of it. We just have to talk to him about it. I’m sure once everything is talked through, it’ll be fine. So, don’t do anything that could get you in trouble, please ? ”  

  It’s a plea from someone who cares, a banging knock on the door. She wants him to open it up and truly see her for once. 

  “ Let’s go for a walk. I think you need to clear your mind a bit. ”

  But she does what she always does, feigns ignorance and tries to divert attention away from the beating heart of the problem. She refuses to stare into the cavity where it is pumping because she is afraid that she might be forced to kill that heart and end it once and for all. 

[merotm-a]

@deretm / s.c

  An annoyed expression makes its way onto her face -- any mention of Kisaki does that to her. The recent reunion had given both of them their fill of each other, especially enough passive aggressive quips from her. Hanma remained neutral in the corner of her eye throughout the whole exchange, but she knows him by now -- the whole event must have been such a show to him. 

  “ Was last time not enough for you ? ” Though the irritation bleeds into her tone, it’s not as if she was being purposely hostile. “ We don’t like each other -- ”

  A massive understatement. 

  “ Whatever I have to say about him, it’s not as if it’s coming from a childhood friend or anything. Why not just ask him yourself if you really want to know ? I don’t have anything nice to say. ”

[merotm-a]

@deretm​

  Yuuna doesn’t confess about pain in any capacity, especially not her own pain. And certainly not about the pulsating, dull ache that runs through the marrow of her leg bones. Sparing herself in recalling the details of the near death incident, she sets her focus on sweeping off the layer of dust that coats the upper parts of the window. She sucks in a gust of air and holds her lungs full of it, lifting herself up on the tips of her toes, as the pain hits again. The exhale comes out more audible than she intends once her task is complete and she can set her heels back down. 

  “ Captain, I’m done, ” she says, turning her attention towards her squad leader. 

  In the midst of all of the sullen realities of the situation, Yuuna can find some comfort in cleaning together with Levi ( as strange as it all sounds to anyone but them ). 

   “ Should we move on to another room or do you want a break ? ” 

  A break would be good for her, but she’s not invested in that. When all is said and done, she is a soldier rendered utterly pathetic in span of a couple moments, much to her own harsh dismay and self-loathing. Who cares about being alive if she can’t be of use somehow ?

[merotm-a]

tokyo revengers verse ;; yuuna

* Note: I recommend reading Yuuna’s main bio as a lot of her original lore / backstory is the basis for this verse as well as other verses. 

Biological Information

Age: 26 ( 2017 ), 17 ( 2008 ), 14 ( 2005 )  Birthday: Sept. 7, 1991 Height: 147cm ( 2005 ), 155 cm ( 2008 ), 162 cm ( 2017 ) Blood Type: AB Hair Colour: Blonde Eye Colour: Green Occupation: Student, Student Council President, Housekeeper / Domestic helper ( 2005 - 2008 ) ; University professor for political science ( 2017 )

Relationships: Hinata ( @deretm​ ) - Childhood / Best Friends Kisaki ( @deretm​ ) - Antagonistic relationship Hanma ( @deretm​​ ) - Don’t talk to her about it Mother and father - Deceased Legal guardian - Who also functions as her employer Childhood friend - As the biological son of her legal guardian, they are forced to be together against her will; it’s unpleasant since he seems obsessed with her 

Verse Summary

  Childhood friend of Tachibana Hinata. She attends the same school as Hinata and Takemichi, acting as the ever responsible student council president and an all around model student. Previously, she also attended the same elementary school as Hinata and Kisaki. While she became close friends with the former, the latter has made her uneasy as time passed, and she becomes protective over Hinata when Kisaki is involved. Though she presents as a perfect girl, there are many unresolved and unspoken issues / trauma that she covers up with this persona. Yuuna is not someone to get directly involved in the affairs of gangs due to prioritizing her reputation but that’s not say she can’t be somewhere in the periphery, especially if people she cares about are involved. 

Physical Appearance ( Under the cut ) 

c. 2005: 

c. 2008: 

c. 2017: