#depression choosingme keepfighting voices

[riggskitten96]

Headspace in slam poetry form, finally writing...ish (think similar to the im a slut poem that went around for a while...thats how its read in my head)

I’m sorry that i let you down.

But i’m on the edge right now

I just keep looking down

These voices getting louder

This ache is growing stronger

I wanna shut it all out

Break all these walls down

All I do is disappoint you

Hurt and destroy you

I just keep pulling away from you

Doing everything I can

Still just feel annoying

But i still keep going

Paranoia

What did i do

All i do is hurt you

But what can I do

I’m hurting too

Fracturing into so many more than two

I’m on the edge now

Looking down now

My hands are full

This ache won’t dull

I feel this hole

I cared for you

But now all i do is destroy you

I can’t hold onto you

I just keep disappointing you

I can’t be there for you

I can’t fix you cause i can’t fix me

Cause these voices they hate me

Bite and claw away at me

Trying to break free

Devour me

Break me

They don’t see the hurt that it causes me

It’s all internally

This shaking

I guess it’s me

I just wanna be free

But this poison just keeps eating away at me

But you can’t see

Cause this bleedings inside of me

I have to leave

Dont come after me

You can hate me if need be

Cause this hurt and this anger is all that’s inside of me

This demon inside me

It just keeps fighting me

But that’s what they always do

Maybe the drinks will drown you

I wanna drown too

Maybe this pain will end soon

I just want to make you proud

But all i feel like is a let down

Me and these voices

Just keep going rounds

So i put this mask on and pretend again now

Trying to find the right reactions

To take the correct actions

But i’m standing on this edge

Looking down again

I’ve come so far

But i can’t shut them out

These voices, so loud

I don’t know if i can win

This game that i’m stuck in

I’m trying

Keep fighting

But this skin i’m in keeps crawling

I keep searching

These pages keep turning

But i think i’m short circuiting

I fight everyday

Can’t you see

I’m barely breathing

I just keep standing on this edge

Looking down

I can’t see the bottom

so easy to fall

But i keep hoping

Keep holding on

I’m trying

But i can’t stop crying

Looking back at my history

I think my sanity’s a mystery

I should stay strong

But i want to be weak

Just to let the tears streak

Let this pain leak

I keep standing on the edge

Sometimes it’s confusing

Why I keep waiting

Not disappearing

I keep standing

I think i’m unravelling

It leaves me trembling

But I keep trying

But i just keep feeling

Everything is twisted

I’m losing control

There’s scars on my soul

I can’t do this on my own

Can’t you see

I keep pretending

I’m still hurting

I’ll admit

I’m still learning

But at least i’m trying

Not to be the old me

But i’m still hiding

But it’s been so long

This is deafening

I think too much

I hate it

I’m tired

I’ve been quiet too long

I need to know

I’m standing on this edge

Staring blankly at the darkness below me

If you want the truth

I feel incomplete

I can’t feel my heart beat

I need to know

Will you hold me tight and not let go

It’s all too much

This feeling

When you’re gone

The voices eat away at me

If you want the truth

I need you to hold me

Say that you love me

Make me crazy

Look me in the eyes and fight for me

Make it clear

That you’ll still be here

When the smokes clear

Help me refind my light

Cause this monster is running wild inside me

Set my heart on fire

Pull me away from this dark sea

My hearts so damaged

It’s so confusing

Can’t you see

Cause all i want

Is you still beside me

We work

And i don’t even know why

You see my monsters

You see my pain

Almost like a drowning rain

These demons

They think they’ve got it made

Pulling me under the weight of the world

No more twiddling these thumbs

I want to start again

Cant listen to what i hear

These demons just want to bring fear

Please

Promise you’ll be here

Smell the smoke

See this wild fire

Feel this heat

Cause i’m burning down

I need a firefighter

Feeling like scattered ashes

These feelings

They’re burning

Put this fire out

I’m a burning building

But i’m getting colder

Help me stand my ground

I wanna keep fighting

I want to beat this feeling

Destroy these demons inside me

I want to feel this heat

And keep trying

Can you hear me

Please

Help save me

Fight these nightmares within me

I’m afraid

But i think its ok

Cause you help scare the demons away..

Please..stay..

I don’t want you to walk away

..i think..

It’ll eventually be ok