#deoxyriibose

[queenofbaws]

Since the Hotel Cecil is in LA, would Josh ever be insistent about the Almosts going?

oh good sweet lord above, the noise i made when i read this kdfjlskdf

the short answer is YES, there is no way on god's green earth josh would be able to resist the siren song of visiting the cecil

HOWEVER

while i think he'd have an easy enough time convincing chris, i don't think hell or high water would be able to move ashley or sam on that one. nononono. no. that can absolutely be a boy's weekend, and they can do whatever they WANT, but the chances of getting the girls to stay???????? slim and none, baby, slim. and. none.

(they would, however, watch youtube documentaries and shake their heads, ashley anxiously texting chris with each new dramatic audio stinger/documentary revelation, trying to convince him that they need to leave)

[queenofbaws]

Can I get Ashley trying to tell Chris she’s pregnant but being the himbo he is he just....does not get it lmao

“It’s, y’know, a bun,” she tried to explain, “In the oven?” There was a moment where she thought she could see something like understanding dawn in his eyes, and she braced herself, biting down hard on her lip to try and hold back some of the goofy, cheesy grin threatening to spill out of her, and...

“Oh, so like, are we doing sliders for dinner then?”

...okay, maybe that wasn’t understanding she’d seen dawning in his eyes, maybe it had just been gas.

Something must’ve shown on her face, though, because Chris closed the oven door and shrugged, sounding almost defensive as he asked, “What - so sandwiches, then?”

Ashley hooked one of the kitchen chairs with her foot and dropped herself down into it, setting her head on the table and just staring at him, unsure whether she wanted to laugh or start throwing balled-up napkins at him as he continued, “I don’t know any other bun-based dishes, Ash!”

six sentence sat(or)sunday!!!

[queenofbaws]

I saw this one TikTok where this lady’s husband kept pretending to propose to her in Disney World to mess with her bc she hates being the center of attention, and that has MASSIVE Chrashley energy so can I get some Chris messing with Ashley?

-

Considering it was the third time - tonight! - that this had happened, she was genuinely a little disappointed in herself that she was still turning the color of an overripe cherry tomato. “Oh my God,” she said under her breath, and just kept saying under her breath as the familiar pattern reemerged, Josh ‘pretending’ to covertly tape them on his phone from the other side of the table as Chris pulled out what she knew good and well was an empty box. It had become a mantra...or a prayer...or maybe even (and this was the one she was coming to feel the most in her heart of hearts over the past few minutes) a veiled plea to be struck down by whatever higher power was listening to her so she could finally be set free of all the people staring and whispering around them.

She pressed her mouth to her hand and nodded, and that must’ve looked pretty convincing to the rest of the restaurant’s patrons because the place absolutely erupted in cheers and applause and even a couple wolf whistles (just like the other two places had), but really she was just trying to hide the ugly shape her mouth had taken on; it was a ruse she got to drop the moment she went in to hug Chris, hissing where only he could hear it, “This is the last time!!!”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I know,” he said, laughing as he pretended to help the nonexistent ring onto her finger, “Don’t worry Ash, we got that alllllll figured out.”

“Sure do,” Josh grinned, lowering his phone at just about the same time he saw the waitstaff muttering amongst themselves, another familiar sight that tonight had taught her meant there would be a free dessert coming any minute now, “Next time I’m gonna be proposing to Cochise, so enjoy your time together while you can, lovebirds.”

six sentence sat(or)sunday!!!

[queenofbaws]

can I get chrashley but one of them is a ghost visiting the other?

Being a ghost wasn’t half bad, once you got used to it...not that she’d gotten used to it, of course, but in a lot of ways, Ashley thought it was still very much like being a person - sure you were a little lighter, a little quieter, and the whole walking through walls things was admittedly pretty neat, but for the most part, things hadn’t changed too much.

For example: Dealing with Chris was still...dealing with Chris.

“Aw man, I miss you Ash,” he said in that ridiculously melodramatic tone he always seemed to take on when she stopped by, pretending as though he couldn’t see or hear her despite her knowing full well he could, “One of these days, I’m gonna get me a Ouija board and tell you all the things I wish I’d had the guts to say when you were alive...”

“Chris,” she sighed, “Is it really so much to ask that you, I dunno, grieve a little bit?”

“Sometimes I swear I can still hear your voice on the very wind itself...calling to me...”

Oh, two could very easily play at that game - with nothing more than a narrowing of her eyes and a flick of her wrist, Ashley plunged the room into perfect, inky darkness by forcing all the lights to fail at once.

six sentence sat(or)sunday!!!

[queenofbaws]

Chris and Josh cooking with sex toys (a la unnus annus) and Ashley is behind the camera questioning her life choices

“There’s no way any part of this is sanitary, I desperately, desperately hope you guys know that,” Ashley said from behind the camera, her eyebrows drawn tightly together as she watched them (try to) make breakfast using a startling array of sex toys instead of cooking utensils, “I also desperately hope one of you is planning on putting in a disclaimer about like...not doing this at home, because oh my God - ”

“Everything’s fresh outta the pack, Ash, we are sanitized - ”

“Where did you guys even...get all this crap?”

Josh met her eyes and mouthed, “You don’t want to know,” before dropping a wink she absolutely did not enjoy.

“You know, when most people try to get views, they make like...slime or, or weird bath bombs, or - ” Ashley paused and narrowed her eyes as she watched Josh prepare to flip one of the unholy pancakes, “ - okay that’s...that’s just a literal spatula from the drawer...I thought the point was cooking with like...sex toys?”

Pointing said spatula at her, Josh managed to somehow take the whole morning from bad to abysmal, saying cool as could be, “Lesson number one, my darling: Anything can be a sex toy if you’re not a coward.”

six sentence sat(or)sunday!!!

[queenofbaws]

Can I get a snippet of the almosts’ thoughts after everyone has smoked a fat blunt?

The conversation had either been going on for ten minutes or ten goddamn years, and if there’d been a gun to her head Sam really didn’t think she was in any sort of place to voice a strong opinion on which she was feeling.

“You’re not seriously looking me in the face and telling me there’s any part of you that believes Freud had good ideas about anything,” Ashley continued, or at least said as though she was continuing, even though the last time Sam had really focused in on her she’d been talking about...Josh’s movie? Could that be right?

“Not about the dick stuff, no - not about the dick stuff - it’s like you’re not even hearing me: You refusing to admit the id is a fucking thing when I have seen you burn your mouth because you had to get a pizza roll inside you immediately is legit embarrassing, so - ”

She had to tune back out, she had to, she didn’t know where that was going nor did she want to; instead she looked up from the floor towards Chris, half-melted on the couch, and sighed, “So there’s literally nothing that chills them out, is that it?”

“Nooope,” he said without missing a beat, shaking the mostly empty popcorn bowl in her direction as he continued to watch them, looking strangely enough like someone following an especially boring game of ping-pong, “Pretty sure you could give those two elephant-grade tranqs and they’d still do that shit.”

six sentence sat(or)sunday!!!

[queenofbaws]

What’s your favorite bad movie and do you have a list of bad movies you recommend?

OOOOOOH LORD

look, i am but a basic bitch at the end of the day, so i do have to admit it’s very, VERY hard to beat the room for me - i think there’s so much going on with the room that nothing will EVER really surpass it for me, BUT in terms of others............

-repo! the genetic opera: i cannot stress how much i love this movie. is it what you might call “good?” that’s up for debate. i think so, but i unironically enjoy still being a 2009-era edgelord in this the year 2021, so take what i say with a grain of salt. i own the soundtrack. yes i can sing all the parts on my own. love this film.

-samurai cop: this is a personal favorites of mine and my friends - to the point that we have LITERALLY made it our duty to force all of our friends to watch it. we’ve turned it into the ring: in order to purge ourselves of the dark knowledge we obtained by watching this film (namely that katana means japanese sword), we must pass it on to as many others as possible. there is LITERALLY no way for me to describe this movie other than to say he’s a samurai. he’s a cop. he wears a speedo. it’s samurai cop.

-birdemic: shock and terror: ah. yes. true cinema at its finest. this is a movie that you HAVE to watch with other people, much like the room. watching it by yourself is, i have to imagine, a form of torture. the cgi birds? *chefs kiss* the needless romantic subplot? *chefs kiss* the weird old hippie who lives in the woods? *chefs kiss*

-rubber: a telepathic car tire goes on a murderous rampage. do you need me to say more? okay, it also falls in love with a woman. there. you’ve made me say it. my friends and i watched this whole movie with our mouths hanging open and our eyeballs bulging out of our heads. it’s something to be experienced.

-manos: the hands of fate: i’mma be real with you guys. i’ve watched this movie like three times and i’m still not sure i can sum it up in an effective manner. a family on vacation accidentally stumbles across a...cult? a cult that’s really just sort of...mostly one dude? it’s...it’s debateably a movie.

-the last vampire on earth: okay, my vtm group and i watched this baby last night and it is. ROUGH. we laughed...so hard. but we also spent a very good amount of time going “WHAT?! WHY?!” you can only understand what the actors are saying like 30% of the time. a girl decides her weird bf is a vampire after he tells her his entire family is dead, and that’s like...apparently all it takes. a man named wayne illegally sells GALLON JUGS of blood out of his suv in plain daylight. it changed us. not for the better.

-deep blue sea: i have probably watched this masterpiece upwards of 10 times. it artfully combines the shark panic jaws instilled in all of us with the shlock of action movies, acting on par with the scary movie series, and some pretty terrible cgi to just create...art. a shark is set on fire. in water. the ending credits have an ll cool j song playing over it. one of the lyrics is “deepest, bluest, my hat is like a shark’s fin.” truly something to behold.

-a talking cat?!: it uses ‘?!’ in the actual title. that tells you literally everything you need to know. even the movie is incredulous that it exists.

an important note i’ll tack on here at the end though: these movies are, uh, QUESTIONABLE for a lot of reasons, so if you’re interested in watching any of them, i do REALLY need to say hey, be sure to check doesthedogdie.com or another trigger warning site, just because like...woof. example, repo! is UNBELIEVABLY gorey, there’s a LOT of questionable shit going on in samurai cop...just as with any other movie, if there are topics that you know are going to upset you, don’t go into them blind! they’re BAD movies for a reason, after all. be safe!!!

[queenofbaws]

I had a horrible thought come to me - what if instead of the guy with no neck, the Curator and his dumptruck were narrating The Rocky Horror Picture Show?

slkdfjldskjaf;skdjf

now see, YOU say "horrible thought," but all i'm reading is "innovative and fresh way to zhuzh up those midnight movie experiences"

i think the REAL important question here is simply this: who do we have to pay to get this to happen????????????

[queenofbaws]

The little boy from Untitled Goose Game looks like Chris and I can’t stop thinking about it so maybe Chris getting his glasses stolen by a horrible goose

It’s a beautiful night in Blackwood Pines, and you are a horrible goose.

You waddle your way through the snow, the pitter-pat of your webbed feet against the ground echoing flatly in the trees, and just as you find yourself wondering why the snow feels so wet if it’s freshly fallen, you spot them: the glasses.

You quicken your pace and with a quick flap of your majestic wings, tuck yourself behind a bush to wait out the danger keeping you from that glimmer; when all’s clear again and the clearing’s gone silent, you poke your beak out from behind the bush and the rest of you follows suit. Moving carefully as you can, you grab the glittering glasses in your beak, tugging them away from what they’re stuck to before hurriedly scurrying away again.

It’s only once the moon pokes out from behind the clouds in the sky that you realize the ground isn’t quite the color you’d thought it was - huh, that’s strange!

You continue on your merry way, proudly carrying your new prize aloft as you scamper back towards the pond, entirely unaware of the dark footprints you leave in your wake.

six sentence sat(or)sunday!!!

[queenofbaws]

This is a hot take but Ashley Brown walked so Dani Ardor could run.

oh man, a hot take it may be, but a hot take i will stand with you on!!!! there IS something very “stands there and doesn’t open the door” about dani’s whole arc - i FEEL it!!! (and like the crying, obvs obvs obvs)

of course, when i see ANYTHING florence pugh is in, my VERY first thought is “THAT IS SAMANTHA GIDDINGS” just from a looks perspective, but this??? this i could get behind.

[queenofbaws]

Ashley getting really drunk and fully, unironically saying “I feel god in this Chili’s tonight”

For someone so tiny, Ashley sure knew how to put them away when she wanted to. “I can’t believe they published it, though,” she said for what felt like the sixtieth time that night, finishing what was left of her over-sized, over-priced, over-food-dyed drink and pushing the glass off to the side of their table, “The fact that they like...read it...and then like, decided ‘Hey, know what, people should be reading this’ is just like...it’s like...y’know?”

“Yeeeup, who woulda thunk it,” Josh snickered, meeting Chris’s eyes and raising his eyebrows once in a wordless gesture.

“Super unbelievable, Ash,” Chris added once he’d raised his own eyebrows in understanding, subtly waving his hand a couple times in a pantomime of lifting a cup to his lips when she wasn’t looking.

“It’s just like...it’s...I never thought any of my stuff, especially not something that horrible, would ever, ever, ever get published!” She dropped her chin into her hands and stared at the table as though she’d never seen one in her life before, shaking her head as she muttered (way too loudly to just be a private thought), “I feel God in this Chili’s tonight...” and that was right around the moment they realized just how bad her hangover was going to be.

six sentence sat(or)sunday!!!

[queenofbaws]

How about Ashley’s first meeting with Chris and Josh?

To be fair, Chris was pretttttty used to Josh pulling shit - it seemed like every time they hung out there was something he’d cooked up in the meantime, and usually something stupid, at that - but, uh, yeah nothing had really prepared him to walk in and see him talking to a girl.

A girl who wasn’t one of his sisters.

Hitching his bag further up on his shoulder, he made his way through the rows of seats set up in the little room the school used as a makeshift theatre whenever there were skits or shows to put on, making sure to pointedly avoid the notice of any of the surlier teachers who might point out he wasn’t technically a member of the drama club and technically didn’t belong there...technically.

“‘Ey Cochise,” Josh said in the usual bored drone that came over him roundabouts this time of day, “Meet the new kid, uh - ” he glanced to her as though only just then realizing he didn’t know her name.

“Ashley,” she finished for him, looking up from the set they’d been painting to offer him a small, shy smile and a half-wave with a green-splattered hand, “Hi.”

“Hi,” Chris managed, wincing at the way his voice cracked there at the end because oh God, oh fuck Josh...she was cute.

six sentence sat(or)sunday!!!

[queenofbaws]

One of the squad finds Ashley’s ao3

“You are never going to believe this...” Beth didn’t even give her a shot to respond, she just threw herself onto Hannah’s bed, grinning, and shoved her phone up into her face.

“Beth, I - augh!” she managed to get out before the phone’s screen clunked off the side of her glasses frames and she yelled out, trying (in vain) to shove her sister away.

“Okay, so get this - the dorks were downstairs, right, and they go to get their food or whatever, all their stuff’s just there, unguarded...”

Hannah rolled her eyes, smiling despite herself as she groaned, “You did not go through their stuff!”

“I glanced at what wasn’t hidden,” Beth continued, jiggling the phone in front of Hannah’s face again, “And Ashley was signed into this.”

Knowing it was what she wanted, she finally gave in and took the phone from Beth, rolling her eyes until she saw the familiar red and white banner...and felt her eyes widen and face go red as she realized...she knew that username.

six sentence sat(or)sunday!!!

[queenofbaws]

Chris accidentally scaring the shit out of Ashley

He was tempted to say that him scaring her the day after Halloween had to be some sort of irony, but...honestly he didn’t trust his grasp of the word’s definition quite enough to go around flaunting it like that in front of Ashley.

The iced coffee soaking itself into his very soul (and worse, his socks) didn’t help.

“Oh my God, why did you - I mean I’m sorry, but like...why did you have to do that?!” Ash asked, a very empty plastic cup in one hand, the other pressed flat to her chest like she was trying to keep her heart from leaping out of her ribs. “That was so not funny, I was just...oh my God.”

Genuinely, he couldn’t decide whether he wanted to laugh or not; instead of choosing, he plucked his glasses off of his face, flinging away as much of the coffee as he could while shaking his head and muttering, “I opened the door...and said...hello.” Something about the way she sputtered her answer (“I - you opened it really, really fast, though!!!”) made the decision for him: he laughed until it physically hurt...and then he went to change his clothes, making a point to walk away from her so slowly it bordered on cartoonish.

six sentence sat(or)sunday!!!

[queenofbaws]

Can I get more of the twins bullying Josh through the ouija board?

“If you don’t start giving us some straight answers about what’s going on here, Beth,” Josh said in terse, clipped syllables, carefully watching the spirit board’s planchette continue to spin dizzyingly so he wouldn’t have to see the panicked faces of the other CREEPs, “I swear to Christ I’ll throw this stupid thing in the fireplace and it’ll be kindling.”

As though alive, the planchette stopped on a dime, its pointer bobbling in Josh’s direction for a moment - the effect wasn’t entirely unlike being stared down by a stray cat, somehow. Then it began to zoom its way across the board, making jerky pauses over a few letters to spell out a less-than-welcome reply: U-W-O-N-T.

He drummed his fingers against the floor for a moment, and then made to stand up. “All right, that’s it...” he said, grabbing for the board, “I hope you’re fucking pleased with yourself - mourning time is over, burning time is now - ”

But then one of them grabbed his sleeve and yanked him back onto the floor, Ashley hissing something about not breaking the circle under her breath as the planchette spun and spun and spun...and then began spelling out another message: G-E-T-F-U-C-K-E-D-J-O-S-H.

six sentence sat(or)sunday!!!

[queenofbaws]

I also just thought of this other really sad Charlie prompt and I’m so sorry - Charlie wondering where Ashley is and why she hasn’t come back home

The door slammed and he stood up from his bed, looked around, and trotted into the kitchen expecting a pat.

But there was no pat, only people making strange noises around the table, so he went back to sleep.

He woke up to a crack of thunder and scampered off towards the room in the back, scratching at the bedpost expecting to be picked up and tucked underneath the covers.

But no one was in the bed to pick him up, so there was nothing he could do but curl up on the floor and cry.

The apartment had been so quiet for so long, which meant she had to be coming home soon, because she never stayed away for this long, so he laid himself down in front of the door and waited.

But Ashley didn’t come home.

six sentence sat(or)sunday!!!