#delivery boy!shayne

[lilac-hecox]

flirting under fire/florist au. shaymien. B)

KRISSY this is difficult lmao

Sooo, immediate thoughts are that Damien owns the flower shop, he's the main florist. Shayne works at the shop, he is the delivery boy. The shop is decently busy, enough to stay afloat, but there are quiet times too when Damien and Shayne talk about video games, and TV shows and all this stuff, and so they are really good friends. Friends who might be crushing on each other, but, you know~

Anyways, the town the flower shop is in has been having a string of burglaries lately, and unfortunately, one quiet night before closing when Shayne and Damien are both there, the shop is broken into. Shayne notices first and instantly grabs Damien's wrist and tugs him into the bag room, locking the door. They both sit with their backs against the wall and listen to the robbers break shit and steal the cash from the register (it had been a slower day so there wasn't that much in the till and Damien is really good about keeping the bigger dollar amounts in a safe in the basement of the shop). Shayne covertly gets ahold of 911 and they just have to wait it out.

Damien is freaked out of course and Shayne maybe holds his hand and starts talking to him about all this stuff he likes, what anime they'll watch next after they finish co-watching the one they are working on now, and Damien holds his hand tightly and whispers back to him.

The cops come but the robbers get away before they arrive, and when it's safe to come out Shayne and Damien see some broken vases, some trampled flowers, and Shayne is like "I'm sorry about your shop, man." and Damien is like "As long as we're safe I don't care."

And he and Shayne clean up the shop together and maybe there are too many nerves to go home alone so Shayne stays over at Damien's place afterwards and they watch anime and sit together on the couch and Damien makes them both vanilla milk, and maaaaaybe Damien falls asleep with his head on Shayne's shoulder.

[okay-j-hannah]

Synonyms For Home

Smosh : Prompt

Damien x Reader

Word Count: 3486 

Warnings: Just the most relateable ish I’ve ever written... except for having THE actual Damien Haas in my life 😭 I heckin’ wish

Request: ““sometimes home has a heartbeat” First of all THANK YOU for writing damien haas because I can never find any inserts of him :( also I chose this dialogue because I really like it and can be used in a friend to lover thing? I’d like a angsty gone fluffy one? I often run away from potential relationships and I’d like something based around that. thank u for doing what ya do <3″ - @dancingpanda137

Prompt: 

31. “Sometimes, home has a heartbeat.”

Note: I completely understand running out of Damien Haas fics 😂 I have definitely read about 99.99% of the content out there! Also I totally feel your pain about running away from potential relationships... this was a lot of fun to write!

A/N: At one point you’re going to have to stop running away from every potential relationship; there’s more to life than just stressing about it

Part Two: Homeward Bound

(this gif... This Gif... THIS GIF... ThIS giF... What am I going TO DO WITH MYSELF?!)

(Y/N) was speeding down the office hallways, a satchel at her side along with multiple plastic bags on her arms and a large drink carrier in her hands. A pencil stuck awkwardly from behind her ear as she mumbled the checklist she'd made earlier that day.  

Sharply turning a corner without hesitation, she made it to the meeting room and gave a quiet, but swift knock. She opened it carefully and wiped her face of concentration to replace it with a wide grin.  

Ian paused his presentation of a fresh project by waving at (Y/N) and gazing excitedly at what she brought.

"Don't mind me," she whispered, the same thing she said every day when she made her deliveries.  

All the Smosh Pit cast were there, including the Squad, Tommy, Monica, Matt Raub, and Garrett. They were going over ideas for Smosh Winter Games, something that hasn't happened for a few years.  

But (Y/N) was more focused on getting her own job done, starting with the drinks and passing them to their corresponding owners. She did it in such a fluid motion that no one doubted their cup was exactly what they ordered.  

Next, she opened the plastic bags digging into her arms and handed out sandwiches and salads, as an added treat. She normally pitched in a few extra dollars to buy a better lunch for her coworkers, and she could see the speculating eye from Matt Raub as he accepted his deluxe.  

She put her best smile on and waved a hand, "Don't worry about it." And before she left, she reached into her satchel and extracted a small box of cookies, "For dessert."  

And before anyone could protest the homemade treat, she ran out of the room with a few more drinks and meals to pass out.  

This was such a frequent occurrence for (Y/N) and the Smosh Family. She had become kind of like the mother of Smosh, taking care of the numerous little things while still finding time to take care of the cast and crew with goodies and smiles.  

That didn't mean she never got stressed.  

Her step was quick again as she made her way back through the halls, waving at a few friends as she went. That checklist in her head never seemed to grow smaller:  

Get Damien his coffee

Give cookie box to Smosh Games

Find Sarah for guest star progress reports

Check to see if Damien actually ate his lunch

Write paper about that Tinder for Hotdogs idea

Give Tommy a hug and see how he's doing later

Invite Shayne to the hangout Damien came up with

Text Courtney about filming in her tiny car

Find Damien a date for...

Someone crashed right into (Y/N), sending the last few cups of coffee into the air and all over her shirt. She jumped at the steaming hot liquid, pulling against the fabric to keep it from her skin.  

"Oh, damn, I'm sorry (Y/N)."

She winced and peered up to see Damien's sympathetic face, "It's... It's fine. I'll - I'll just bump a few things on my list and go get changed and grab more coffee."  

He immediately knelt down to pick up the remnants of the cups and carrier, "I'm guessing this one's mine? Serves me right not looking where I'm going."  

He gave her a smile, his eyes crinkling up as he did so. It made her heart skip a beat.  

"Don't worry about it. I'll just..." she was still holding away her sticky shirt, closing her eyes and thinking hard, "I'll figure something out."  

Damien sighed, "I just ruined your whole agenda, didn't I?" He picked up her pencil and quietly slid it to behind her ear, "Please don't stress out about it."  

She had to give herself a few seconds to process his last sentence before continuing, "Um... that's almost physically impossible at this point. With summer ending we've got to find a whole new season of things to do."  

He listened but contorted his brow at how uncomfortable she was standing there, "You know I have one of my Smosh sweatshirts in my office. You want to change into that? Get yourself out of brewing in your own shirt."  

When he laughed at his own jokes it made (Y/N) stutter so uncontrollably, "Uh... actually, that'd be really nice. Then I won't have to drive home when I run more errands."  

He led the way to his desk, smirking, "More errands? Do you just intentionally want to give yourself a busy schedule?" He extracted a colorful pastel sweatshirt and handed it to her.  

"Well, who's going to pick up the new Mario Party release?" she walked away to change in the nearby bathroom, "You have to film today."  

It only took a minute to change, but maybe two minutes to stare in the mirror and tell herself she was wearing Damien's sweatshirt. Not to mention smell his cologne from the collar.  

"And I know that if you get stressed out, I just stress out more and then there's this whole cycle of intense panic." She paused when she met him at his desk again - he was holding her satchel and a strange look was in his eye.  

"You look cute."  

She had to focus all her energy into not widening her eyes at his words, "I got to go, thanks for the sweatshirt! I promise I'll get you something else later today for that coffee fiasco." She was practically running out of the room by the end of her sentence.  

It always took a few minutes after a talk with Damien to convince herself that he only saw her as a friend. That he cares about her because he's her friend. That the possibility of getting so close to him was absolutely terrifying.  

But she had to push past it, always the one to run away from those potential relationships.  

She had to hurry back on her list if she had hopes to finish everything before the big hangout that night. And by big hangout, she meant Damien, Shayne, and Courtney. (Y/N) always considered scenarios where Damien was involved a big deal.  

Completing a majority of running errands and skipping her own lunch to do so, she ran over to Smosh Games to deliver cookies and catch up with Wes and Mari. Whenever she could, (Y/N) always tried to make time to talk to each of the cast and crew.  

It's always nice to know you have a friend at the office.  

"Guess what I brought?" she flashed a dazzling smile, opening her satchel.  

Wes practically flew as he turned in his chair and wheeled towards her - thankfully his headphones were Bluetooth and not attached to the monitor.  

"Suckers? Cupcakes? Oh! Please say it's..."

(Y/N) extracted her homemade box and shook it in front of him, "Chocolate chip cookies."  

Mari wheeled around too, "You're going to be the sole reason he's gonna have a sugar coma later."

He practically squealed, a large childish smile on his face, "You're too good to me, (Y/N)." He quickly pulled one out and took a bite, "Oh... you are way too good to me."  

She laughed, pulling Damien's empty chair from his gaming console to sit down, "Where is everyone?"  

Mari shrugged her shoulders, "Probably sneaking around to plan my reception."  

Wes paused in his munching and widened his eyes, "Hm? I - I thought they were..."  

"I know they left you here to keep me distracted," Mari smirked, "I also know that Peter left you guys in charge of ensuring I'm a happy bride - so don't lie to me."

Shaking a few crumbs from his fingers, Wes rolled his eyes, "Fine. They're coordinating who's decorating your car."  

"Which reminds me," Mari flashed her gaze back to (Y/N), who was fidgeting in her seat. "Have you found yourself a date for the wedding yet?"

Wes gasped and nodded enthusiastically, "I thought for sure he was going to ask you by now."  

"I'm not asking anyone out," (Y/N) stated adamantly, "You know I'm no good with... wait - did you say...?"  

"I thought you were just going to go with Damien," he paused before quickly adding, "As friends."

(Y/N) felt the heat residing in her face, panic building in her chest, "No, I was actually supposed to find Damien a date later this week. I didn't want him to go alone."  

"But you are?" Mari asked, leaning across the desks, pointedly raising an eyebrow towards Wes.

"I'm not the best at the whole dating - relationship thing. So, it's best if I just stay out of it."  

Wes mumbled, "With the amount of stress you handle every day at work you'd think going on a date was nothing for you."  

(Y/N)'s breathing was hitching, her trying to hide her fidgeting hands at the subject, "Can we please talk about something else?"

"Is that sweatshirt new? I've never seen it before," Mari was smirking again; she knew full well whose sweatshirt it was.  

It took Wes only a few more seconds to realize it as well, "Did Damien give that to you?" He had the biggest fan boy eyes (Y/N) had ever seen.  

But she was consumed with her own overwhelming emotions. The thought of so many people rooting for Damien and her to get together sent her nerves to the maximum. Sure, they were really good friends, but only that.  

Any other possibility would melt her insides.

"Whatcha guys doing?"  

Damien came waltzing into the room, followed closely by Joven and Laser. His eyes fell immediately onto (Y/N) sitting stony in his chair - the sight made him smile, but he hesitated.  

"Are you okay, (Y/N)?" He was always the one that stepped in before she fell into a full state of panic, unbeknownst to him that he was normally the subject of the panic.  

"I... I just - I don't know."  

He walked over and outstretched his arms to her, giving her a sympathetic gaze to will her up to him.  

Joven snapped his fingers to grab the attention of the other SG members, crazily pointing to usher everyone out.  

(Y/N) sniffed and averted her gaze, finding her legs disobeying her to a standing position. And Damien wrapped his arms around her, holding her so tightly.  

She was consumed by his presence, feeling her heart drop into her stomach. Hugs from Damien weren't uncommon, but they were always nerve-wracking.  

"I told you not to stress out today." He rubbed a hand up and down her back, "But I definitely ordered your favorite food for tonight just in case. And we can play whatever game you like - even the scary games."  

"But Shayne hates the scary games," she mumbled, the pang in her chest resounding at his comfort.  

He laughed, "Shayne can hide behind the couch."  

She could feel his heartbeat against her head. It pounded until it resided into her mind. It was always that that calmed her down. It was the same feeling she got when she was safe at home after a long day.  

Was his heart beating a little fast?

"Feel better?" He pulled her back slightly to get a good look at her face.  

She wished his arms were still around her, "You know I always do when you're there."  

There was his laugh again that sent a shiver down her spine, "You look a little red in the face." He brushed a finger against her cheek to confirm his suspicion, "You're not sick, are you?"  

Lovesick?

"I gotta go. Thanks for the hug, I really needed it." She grabbed her bag and became completely oblivious to how Damien's shoulders sunk. "I'll see you later tonight."  

She rounded out of the Games room, smacking the side of her head as she put a hand to her temple. There was a pounding there that she was sure was going to grow into a headache.  

She closed her eyes, needing to focus:  

Bring treats for the editing room

Gather viewing statistics from Spencer

Not think about Damien

Help Monica with writing Tinder for Hotdogs

Confirm spot on the SmoshCast for next week's episode

Order dress for Mari's wedding

Not think about Damien's laugh  

Start notes for the Two Truths episode she was going to direct

Not think about Damien's smile

Meet with Ian about Winter Games

Not thinking about falling asleep on Damien's lap tonight

Buy more ingredients for Wes' cookies

Check that the makeup room is fully stocked

Not thinking about Damien pulling a blanket over her before he would leave

It was almost impossible to concentrate on anything else as (Y/N) entered the film studio for Smosh Pit. Shayne was immediately waving at her and raising his eyebrows in a questioning manner.  

She shrugged her shoulders, pointing towards her temple and mouthing, "headache," over the sound being tested through the mics.  

That pounding was still resounding in her head.

Shayne nodded and mouthed back a, “sorry,” before patting the spot next to him on the couch. She gave a short smile and walked over, taking a deep breath.  

“Having a day?” he whispered, the mics still being tested above them.  

She bit her bottom lip, “Just a little one.” Then she folded her arms and leaned her head against his shoulder.  

He started shaking with a laugh he was trying to hide, “You really are having a day. How many times to I get to see affectionate (Y/N)?”

She pouted, lightly smacking his leg, “I just got a Damien hug, of course I’m feeling affectionate.”  

“Ah, yes, the Damien hug,” he moved into a character voice, “I’ve seen many a traveler receive one of those and never return the same.”  

“Shayne!” Matt Raub could be heard behind the cameras, “I wasn’t kidding when I said we were checking sound.”  

Shayne waved an apology and lowered his voice more, “So, that’s two strikes for having a stressful day. One: a Damien hug, and two: snuggles.”  

(Y/N) turned her head to bury her face between Shayne’s arm and the couch, “I can’t help being busy at work.”  

“But we can help take a load off,” Shayne muttered leaning over and reaching for something near his feet, “Got you a little something.”  

She sat straight again, surprised at the gesture, “You got me something?”

“Don’t act surprised. Just because you give people treats all the time doesn’t mean they can’t give you something.” He handed over a medium sized box that was obviously just thrown together, “It was more Damien’s idea than mine, but we went during lunch.”  

“Of course it was him,” she smiled, pulling back the lid and finding a few spa day essentials, goodies, and a couple new games for her PlayStation. “How did you know I wanted these games!”  

His eyes widened at seeing hers light up, “You always talk about them, of course we knew you wanted them. And we got you some weird bath bomb-lotion-spray-flower stuff.” He threw his hands around as he talked, trying to amp up the quality of the present, “Just... we want you to relax every once in a while.”  

A pair of hands came down on (Y/N)’s shoulders, causing her to jump at first, “We knew that one was your favorite scent.”  

It was Damien again, hovering near her head as he leaned over the couch. (Y/N) cursed her mind, thinking that she would’ve been able to get away from his perfect eyes in the Squad room.

“Um... we called Courtney to figure that out,” Shayne stated with squinted eyes but a smile nonetheless, “She also was the one who told us where to find it.”  

“I like to think I know what (Y/N) likes,” Damien retorted, hands still on her shoulders. “We thought maybe you should get a gift for a change.”  

She didn’t know what to say, setting the box down and pulling away from Damien. His hands left a lingering touch on her shoulders.  

“That’s really kind of you guys. I – I guess I’m not used to accepting presents,” she watched the strange exchange move from Shayne to Damien. They were looking at her with puzzlement, but she continued, “I thought you had filming to do, Damien?”

He looked slightly downtrodden, “I do – here. I’m shooting a Smosh Pit Weekly.” 

A sigh left her lips, but she plastered on a smile, “Oh, I must have my schedule mixed up. You know what that means – I have to go straighten it out. I’ll see you guys, thanks for the...”  

“(Y/N), are you avoiding me?”  

Shayne whipped his head between his two friends, disbelief hanging in his gaze. He wasn’t sure this conversation was ever going to be brought up. Therefore, he practically skidded out of the studio, rolling off the couch.  

(Y/N) could feel that panic filling up her chest, the pounding in her head. The redness was hitting her face again and the oversized sweatshirt was feeling strangely restricting.  

“You’re getting red again. (Y/N) what’s wrong? What are you stressing about?” Damien walked around the coffee table and stopped when she took a step away from him.  

“I only ever stress out about one thing.”  

He heavily sighed, “I’m gonna need you to give me a little more than that.”  

As he inched closer, she felt the panic manifesting itself in shaky hands and stutters, “We-We’re friends, right?”  

She thought she saw his face dip a little, “Yes? What’s this about?”  

“I - I only seem to feel overwhelmed when-whenever y-you're there.”  

He paused, immediate hurt on his face, “Oh, I didn’t realize... I thought... I’m sorry that I...”  

“But I also never feel better until you are there,” she gazed at the ground. “It’s very conflicting.”  

“(Y/N), I think it’s about time we just get a few things off our chests,” he stated, a bit of redness hitting his own cheeks this time. “I’ve wanted to ask you something for a while.”  

She finally peeked at him, “I always run away when I think I’m getting too close to a guy. I don't know why, but the thought of being that close to someone really scares me. But it’s also the only thing I can think about.” She watched his face go through a range of emotions as she held her breath in anticipation.  

It was his smirk that got to her first, “I’ve been wanting to ask you to be my date to Mari and Peter’s wedding, but you keep running away every time I think I can start talking to you about it.”  

Her breathing literally stopped, “Your date?”

“So, you run away from me because you want to be with me?” He was taking a few more steps towards her, practically right in front of her now. But she couldn’t move.  

“That sounds complicated,” she whispered, eyes flickering all around his face.  

He gave her a momentary cautious gaze, “Do you want to run away now?”  

She eyed the close proximity of his face, “Only because you’re stressing me out. But I know I won’t feel better unless I stay with you.”

“Then this is okay?” he was wrapping her into one of his hugs, “I don’t like that I make you scared like this.”

She let out a breath that she felt like she was holding for hours, “I’m only scared about what’s going to happen next.”  

She pulled away just enough to see his face, their arms still wrapped around each other. He leaned his forehead down against hers and gazed into her eyes. She swallowed hard, finding her hands moving – one sliding down to his chest and the other to the side of his face, feeling his jawline.  

She realized that the pounding in her head had stopped. It was replaced with a pounding happening against her hand.  

It was Damien’s heartbeat. The thing that’s been bombarding her all day.  

Flickering her eyes back into his, she found Damien giving a slight smile as he peered down towards her lips. She gave a small smile back and before she knew it Damien was leaning all the way to meet her kiss.  

It was instant fireworks exploding in her chest. Those spouts of panic fueled the butterflies in her stomach. Wrapping her hand to the back of his head, she tangled her fingers into Damien’s hair.  

She could feel him smile into the kiss.  

And as quickly as it began, they broke apart. Though they didn’t pull away from their embrace, still touching foreheads.  

“I’m not going to let you run away this time,” Damien muttered, keeping a grip on her waist.  

“I think I’m here to stay.”  

She felt his heartbeat again, fast and strong against her hand. The one thing that’s always been able to comfort her.  

And recognition had finally settled into her mind.  

Sometimes home has a heartbeat. And home was where she was going to stay.

~~~

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[writingfortoomanyfandoms]

How about a blurb with Shayne and his wife in the delivery room after birth and after everyone else has come to see them and it’s just the two of them talking while their baby sleeps ?

I’m soft tbh guys

-------------------------------------------------------------------

“You feeling okay?” Shayne asked as he set the baby down gently in their crib, turning to face his wife who looked at him utterly exhausted but with a content, warm smile on her face.

“Better than the last nine months,” she promised and Shayne chuckled, joining her on the hospital bed, holding his arm up for her to cuddle into him. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head before resting his chin on her hair.

“You’re amazing,” he sighed. “I can’t believe you brought our baby into the world,” his voice was thick with emotion and Y/N chuckled lightly.

“How many times have you cried today?” She teased.

“Stop shaming me,” Shayne groaned, tightening his grip on her for a moment before letting her go, the two of them laughing quietly.

“I think the only person who cried more than you today was Damien when we asked him to be Godfather.”

“Man... he just... he didn’t know what to do,” Shayne chuckled, thinking back to his best friend’s reaction from earlier that day when Y/N and Shayne had sprung the question of him.

They hadn’t meant to do it then. They had wanted to wait for a little while before asking but Shayne had been so excited the entire day. The birth of their son had been a long, exhausting process and Shayne was so hyped up on coffee by the time he had been born and visitors had been allowed in that the moment he saw Damien holding his son he had to ask him.

Damien had burst into tears then and there, handing the baby boy to Courtney before crossing the hospital room to embrace Shayne in a tight, bone breaking hug that had resulted in both men sobbing.

“We still need a name for him though,” Y/N pointed out, looking up at her husband. 

Shayne pecked her lips and shrugged.

“Any name will be perfect,” he decided and Y/N smiled exhaustedly at him.

“What were the suggestions again?”

“My mum said Sam, Courtney and Damien like Morgan, Joven suggested Josh, and Ian said Sebastian,” Shayne recited. “There were others but those were the four I liked best.”

“We can’t name our baby after Joven - as much as I love him, we’d end up calling all our kids after the Smosh Fam and... those are some names to live up to,” Y/N declined Shayne, putting Josh off the table. Shayne pecked her lips again in silent agreement.

“I like Morgan,” he admitted.

“Morgan’s good,” Y/N agreed, looking across the room to the cot that their baby was asleep in. “I like Morgan too,” she whispered.

“What about a middle name?”

“Robert?” Y/N suggested and Shayne looked down at her quickly, a small smile of wonder on his face.

“Really?”

“Yeah,” she agreed easily, knowing how much it would mean to him.

“I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you too - but no swearing in front of Morgan!”

Fatherhood Friday!!

[silent-era-of-cinema]

Richard Arlen (born Sylvanus Richard Mattimore, September 1, 1899 – March 28, 1976) was an American actor of film and television.

Born in St. Paul, Minnesota, Arlen attended the University of Pennsylvania. He served in Canada as a pilot in the Royal Flying Corps during World War I. After the war, he went to the oilfields of Texas and Oklahoma and found work as a tool boy. He was thereafter a messenger and sporting editor of a newspaper before going to Los Angeles to act in films, but no producer wanted him. He was a delivery boy for a film laboratory when the motorcycle which he was riding landed him a broken leg outside the Paramount Pictures lot.[citation needed] A sympathetic film director gave him his start as an extra. He appeared at first in silent films before making the transition to talkies. His first important film role was in Vengeance of the Deep (1923).

He took time out from his Hollywood career to teach as a United States Army Air Forces flight instructor in World War II.

Arlen is best known for his role as a pilot in the Academy Award-winning Wings (1927) with Clara Bow, Charles 'Buddy' Rogers, Gary Cooper, El Brendel, and his second wife, Jobyna Ralston, whom he married in 1927. He was among the more famous residents of the celebrity enclave, Toluca Lake, California. He married New York socialite, Margaret Kinsella, in 1946.

In 1939, Universal teamed him with Andy Devine for a series of 14 B-pictures, mostly action-comedies with heavy reliance on stock footage from larger-scale films. They are informally known as the "Aces of Action" series, which is how the stars were billed in the trailers. When Arlen left the studio in 1941, the series continued with Devine teamed with a variety of other actors.

In the 1950s and early 1960s, Arlen was active in television, having guest starred in several anthology series, including Playhouse 90, The Loretta Young Show, The 20th Century Fox Hour, and in three episodes of the series about clergymen, Crossroads.

In 1960, Arlen was inducted into the Hollywood Walk of Fame with a motion pictures star at 6755 Hollywood Boulevard for his contributions to the film industry.

In 1968, he appeared on Petticoat Junction playing himself. The episode was called "Wings" and it was in direct reference to the 1927 silent movie Wings.

Arlen appeared in westerns, such as Lawman, Branded, Bat Masterson, Wanted: Dead or Alive, Wagon Train, and Yancy Derringer, and in such drama/adventure programs as Ripcord, Whirlybirds, Perry Mason, The New Breed, Coronado 9, and Michael Shayne.

[justperu]

120 volt water well blade deskconnect

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[putaloadintrucks]

After the events

The Inline Fuel and Café was quiet, more so as the solemn mode hung over the group of vehicles there. The recent events having taken their toll on the group, bringing down most of their spirits as they sat around the pumps. The softly sipped at their drinks, soft mumbles coming from the group as the other regulars sat away from the group, not wanting to upset them any further than they were already. The mood around them did not help them either, as it was an over casted cool day, the sun hidden by the clouds over them, casting the ground in cool grayness.

“Anyone word on when those two will be able to work Rodger?” asked one of the group, A large faded black and silver Semi. One of the group shook their hood, sighing softly in the process.

“No we don’t Ryan; they are on leave until they are cleared to be able to work. It could be a week from now, or a year. We have no idea and it’s starting to bring them down knowing they’re stuck in traction for the future” grumbled the car, an older model Caprice. The other vehicle of the group whined softly, sinking down to its frame as he held the can of Apple oil in front of it.

“I miss Jaslo” he said softly, Rodger giving the smaller vehicle a soft nuzzle as the kid stared at his drink.

“We all do Shayne, Don’t worry. She’ll be back soon. She promised, and after the shit show with her boss, I am pretty sure they will listen to any demands she gives. Who knows huh, maybe she’ll be stationed up it permanently. Wouldn’t that be good?”” Rodger stated, earning a soft whine from the Mustang, all the while Ryan rolled his eyes.

“Don’t get his hopes up Rodger like that; big cities like hers like to fuck over anyone they can. They won’t just bend to what she wants sadly. If we do see her, I’ll be surprised” he grumped, earning a sigh from the Caprice as he sipped some of his drink.

“I know, I can be hopeful right though?” he said softly, sighing. He felt an antenna roll across his hood, softly patting it. He looked up, seeing Ryan give a soft smile as his CB antenna came back into original position.

“It’s alright man, Y’all will pull through this. This valley has seen worse, and you guys will recover from this and be better for it alright?” he stated sharply, earning a nod from the Caprice.

“Thanks Ryan, I appreciate it” Rodger replied, earning a smile from the Semi before he turned his attention to the smaller Mustang.

“How’s the kid doing? I’ve heard from the local rumor mill that he was getting kind of close to the Blazer” he said, a soft whine escaping from Shayne at the mention of Jaslo. Rodger gave him another nuzzle, smiling softly before turning his attention back to Ryan.

“Depends on how the rumor mill is spinning it I suppose, though knowing them it’s a lot more sexual than what was actually happening” he said chuckling as Ryan gave a huff and rolled his eyes.

“Of course it is, they spin anything and make it sexual. For fucks sake they tried to say Vic and Jaslo were fucking. They just blab and blab and cars eat right up as if it’s the god damn fucking truth” he growled, earning a smirk from Rodger.

“I’m not surprised honestly. But Shayne and Jaslo relationship wasn’t anything sexual in nature, if anything I think the kid was starting to see Jaslo as a mom” he started to say, a louder whimper coming from the Mustang next to him. Rodger gave Shayne another nuzzle, purring his engine softly at him to calm the kid back down as tears started to form in his eyes. “It’s gonna be okay Shayne, She’ll be back soon. I promise you that” he softly said, as Shayne sniffled, softly nodding as he tried to hold the tears back. Ryan gave a soft chuckle at the scene, smiling widely as Rodger continue to keep Shayne calm.

“Kid needs it than, Glad Jaslo could be a positive influence on him. Especially with all you deviants at the station” he said smirking as Rodger gave a huff, returning to his drink as Shayne softly sipped his, finally starting to calm back down.

“We ain’t all bad” he mumbled, earning a bark of laughter from the semi.

“ Don’t you lie, The only one I would trust in a dark alley is Vic, I swear you and your brother would jump my chassis if given a chance, and I rather not bash your frames in for that” he smirked, earning a huff from the Caprice.

“You’ll attractive I’ll give you that” he mumbled, yelping as he felt a antenna smack across his hood.

“I appreciate the comment, but I already told ya I don’t swing that way little car. Sorry to disappoint the fantasies again” he stated with a chuckle, Rodger groaning as he focused on his drink, a blush across his hood.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don’t remind me you asshole” he grumbled, Ryan chuckling softly as the cop continued to drink, quite easily embarrassed as he did so.

“So with Vic down than, You the sheriff?” asked Ryan, Rodger sighing in response and Shayne softly shaking his hood.

“No, the county said I was not qualified enough” he grumbled softly as he took a large slurp from the can in front of him.

“They s-said he wasn’t qua-alified enough” mumbled Shayne as he also continued to sip, the sound of a drink almost gone becoming more evident from the boys direction. Ryan tilted softly, a puzzled expression stretched across his eyes and bumper as he looked at Ryan.

“Then who the fuck is the sheriff than, you can’t run a county on one cop around here nowadays. There’s to much traffic around the parts for you to be everywhere Rodger, and your Brother is stuck in traction for at least another month if what you told me is correct” Ryan stated, earning a nod from the Caprice as he frowned.

“That’s why according to them, they will be bringing a temporary replacement from up north of the pass. Some older Ram called Oliver. He’s apparently a new Sheriff in the town up ahead of us here and since they have more than enough cops to patrol the top of the peak, He’s coming down here and helping us for a bit while one of his cops runs his department” Rodger grumbled, earning a long drawn out angry sigh from the Semi.

“Great, a fucking pencil pusher probably. Last thing we need in this valley is someone who has their pipes so far up their own ass they can taste it” he growled, earning a chuckle from Rodger and a soft smile from Ryan.

“Well if he tries and change the things around here, I can guarantee it will not end well. Probably with him dragged into the forest. People around here really like how things are, and the last thing anyone wants is some hotshot trying to change things” replied Rodger, earning a nod from Ryan.

“Oh yeah, Last thing I want is to bust some frames because someone decided the new guy needs to be taught the lesson. Last thing I’m gonna have is someone hurt in my town, especially if it’s Tony from my yard.” barked Ryan, stomping a tire on the ground for emphasis as other cars at the café.

“I know what you mean, I’m not gonna allow people to hurt the new guy, unless he’s a damn asshole. Last thing we need mixed up in all the sexual deviance here is for violence to occur” replied Rodger, earning a nod from Shayne.

“ I do-on’t want any-yone else hurt” he said softly, earning a sigh from both of the larger vehicles, and another nuzzle from the cop as a result.

“Exactly. Last thing anyone else needs is someone to go to jail cause of their stupidity” growled Ryan.

“I agree with you Ryan. I am going to do my best to make sure everything stays right as peaches here in town. I swore on my oath I would do so and I will be damned if anything here tries and change that” Rodger stated, his eyes narrowed in determination. Ryan chuckled, a soft rumble of his engine as he looked at the Caprice.

“Good, we are gonna need that type of attitude here with all the idiots around here” he said sharply.

“Yeah, well anyway I rather not be thinking about that right now. He’s supposed to be here any day now anyway so we’ll see when he gets here” he mumbled, pushing his now empty can of fuel away from him. “How’s the kid doing anyway Ryan, That van that moved here recently? I heard he has been making deliveries all over this mountain”

“ Kids a fucking speed demon that’s what. You order a part and within the hour, no matter where you have it. I’ve heard from some of the loggers further up the pass, way away from any actual roads that the kid has gotten them the part quick as all fucking heck. He is not afraid to bust ass on those trails, and he seems to get a kick outta doing it. Cade is a hard worker, we need more like him around here, instead of all the lazy fuckers that we seem to get nowadays” he replied, pushing his now empty can away as well.

“Well good, if he seems happy that I see no reason to try and stop that. Vic seems to have taken an interest in the kid, also so has Christine if I can remember. They treat him like a member of the family, even though he can’t be that much younger than Christine” quipped Rodger, earning a nod from the truck.

“ It’s a little strange how quick they took to him, but who am I to judge. Kid seems to have an innocence about him anyway, like he’s looking through the world through tinted glasses or something. At the end of the day, as long as he is happy and does his job, I could care less what he is doing” Ryan replied, Rodger shrugging before tossing his and Shayne’s can in the trash.

“I suppose that’s true. Me and Shayne need to head out, gonna have to help those two idiots at the station now fall on themselves. They have been pushing themselves way to hard it seems lately and they are going to reopen their wounds if they don’t stop. Come on Shayne, we need to head out” Rodger stated, Shayne softly nodding following after the Caprice, both turning and rejoining the road upwards to the station. Ryan mused softly, turning his attention to the clock at the café before looking down at the waitress.

“Eh, I have one more drink I guess” he said softly before slowly rumbling over to her to grab another cold drink. Overhead, the clouds began to slowly part, the sun slowly peeking out of the cloud cover, shining areas in the valley with its golden rays.

Like Ryan had said, the valley had experienced worse and had always rebounded back. This valley could and would recover back from this incident, and as a result would shine brighter in the basin.

The sun continued to shine, albit a bit brighter than usual for the residents

[abbydraper]

Who Will Pop Colton’s Cherry?

The Bachelor bio’s have been published and I couldn’t help myself. Sadly, the bio’s are not what they once were (a rambling of responses to at least 8 of the questions asked during the audition process) and I’ve been forced to make judgements based on one or two terrible sentences. I have stayed true to only going off of what ABC gives me and haven’t stalked these women on IG yet but, alas -- here is this season’s Bachelor bio breakdown.  

ALEX B.

it is really hard to decide what feature on her face is the most shockingly large so I’m not sure what her bio even says. Tough start. 

ALEX D. 

A female Boston sports fan that talks fast is my actual worst nightmare. It also says she’s a “sloth” and that must be a new term for 23-year-olds because it doesn’t make sense. 

ANGELIQUE

If Angelique is 28, I’m Kendall Jenner.

ANNIE

Annie is going to have a thick southern accent and I don’t know which is more difficult to listen to -- a thick southern accent or a fast paced Boston accent. 

BRI

Bri is a “model from SoCal”, so what her bio actually means is: Her Instagram feed contains countless pictures of her probably in a bikini, pouting; she “hikes” Runyon for the perfect photo to filter and she expects to be taken to Big Bear. Aspen for the holidays. But, she’s totally down to earth because she admits she farts. 

CAELYNN

Why is her name spelled this way? A former beauty queen who they claim isn’t your typical beauty queen because she flew to Japan for a first date. Not sure having a sugar daddy makes you any different than other beauty queens, but what do I know? 

CAITLIN

There are a lot of women from Canada this season. Her bio is as boring as that observation.  

CASSIE

She’s blonde, lives at the beach and surfs. Such a rare find, I’d be wiling to bet she posts motivational quotes to the Internet on the reg. 

CATHERINE

When I first saw her photo, I thought, “What in the actual fuck?” and then I read she’s from Florida and it all made sense. Real estate agent by day, aspiring DJ by night. Could she be any more Floridian? With a face like that, the answer is no. 

COURTNEY

According to her bio, she creates healthy meal plans for athletes in Atlanta. I’m guessing this translates into her pushing a vegan delivery service on her separate “foodie” Instagram account while working a day job in sporting event ticket sales. 

DEMI

She is absolutely one of those girls who is very proud to claim, over and over, that she has more male friends than female friends because she, “gets along better with guys”.

 DEVIN

Devin looks like she really over annunciates her words. Especially those that start with “S”. 

ELYSE

She says that she enjoys good food and good wine and I can’t tell if she’s the kind of girl that knows what good food and wine is or if she makes reservations at Logan’s Steakhouse three weeks ahead and proudly orders a bottle of house Riesling. 

ERIKA

“Erika boasts that one of her talents is to eat whatever she wants without gaining weight.” Hey Erika... Fuck off. 

ERIN

Erin loves pumpkin spiced lattes so much that she felt the need to include it in her Bachelor bio. Enough said. 

HANNAH

Hannah looks like the main character in a Lifetime movie where she plays the mom of a high school cheerleader in Texas that kidnaps her daughters arch nemesis right before a big competition and locks her in the basement. 

HANNAH G. 

She is both the photographer and the model for her burgeoning social media business. So, she is a self-proclaimed Instagram model who is here for the inevitable “Fab, Fit, Fun” contract when she leaves the show. She also looks like she could be the other Hannah’s daughter in the Lifetime cheerleader movie.  

HEATHER

She’s 22, never kissed a boy and wears a cross necklace. Colton’s a virgin. Their conversations are sure to be the reason all viewers want to have sex immediately after watching.  

ADRIANNE “JANE”

I’m confused as to what this woman's name is. 

KATIE

Katie lives in the Valley and enjoys yoga and sushi. The only two things to do in the Valley. 

KIRPA

I’m sorry, what? Also, did you ever watch “Second Wives Club”? This girl looks like Shawna, the wife of Lorenzo Lamas whose daughter Shayne “won” the twelfth season of The Bachelor. I’m kind of convinced this is all a set up. 

LAURA

What does the term, “girl next door” even mean? I don’t think it works for women with enormous fake boobs, but it looks like ABC disagrees. 

NICOLE

“Coordinator” basically means glorified intern and she lives at home with her mama. Is she old enough for this ride? 

NINA

Well, we know who will have the strangest sob story this season. Good God. 

ONYEKA

She is the contestant that will over share about her parents being engaged after two weeks because it “means” that she believes in the process of The Bachelor.

REVIAN

She absolutely changed her name when she became an esthetician in LA to sound like she’s really up-to-date on high end beauty products when actually she passes out brochures on the promenade for a free first time facial.  

SYDNEY

She’s a professional NBA dancer that is going on national TV to fall in love. Maybe my stereotypes are off but that doesn’t seem legit.

TAHZJUAN

She quite literally, (correct definition of the word) has a tattoo that says, “I love bad ideas” so we know she’s honest... she is on The Bachelor. 

TAYSHIA

These women have to fill out pages upon pages of questionnaires to be selected for this show and the most exciting and original thing they could come up with is that she’s a woman in her twenties that enjoys wine tasting. 

TRACY

She moved from New York to be a celebrity stylist. Is she here for love or for a gig at E! when this is over? 

Alright. There it is. Who do we think “wins” if that’s what you call it. Not sure I can watch another season about a virgin looking for love but you never know.