#delicious little clown twink

[lepidjester]

[points at my friend] PUT THAT BITCH IN THE COOKIE MACHINE

[cyclogenesis]

✨ per @some-stars request, the F. Scott Fitzgerald part of my review of Ernest Hemingway's A Moveable Feast:

After chapter upon chapter of events ranging from "I went to the cafe to write and an annoying guy talked to me" to "I was hanging out with this famous writer and he was such a dweeb lol, believe me I'm a normal guy myself and very qualified to judge everyone I meet" to "I went to the cafe to write but then got drunk. Crazy that I'm so broke" we eventually got to my favorite part, where Hemingway meets F. Scott Fitzgerald and gets so mad at himself for having the gayest possible feelings a man can have that he just has to be a passive-aggressive bitch about it for several thousand words.

TO BE FAIR: F. Scott Fitzgerald is a manic pixie nightmare girl. He's Kylie Jenner writing the Great American Novel. He's my personal series of exciting-but-horrible Aries situationships/girlfriends that I chased throughout my teens and twenties. He and Zelda saw you from across the speakeasy and they like your vibe. Do you want to have the most bad idea threesome imaginable? It involves a magnum of champagne and screaming at each other until you pass out. That's how they fuck. Yes he just asked if you had sex with your wife before marriage. That was his pick-up line. He is a lunatic. He is Zelda's disagreeable wife. You wish that Scott was your OWN disagreeable wife. He has undiagnosed ADHD and a drinking problem (related?). You are never bored with him. God, you wish sometimes you could just be bored with him. He's asking you to rate his dick. You, Ernest Hemingway, take a look at his dick and give him a fair rating (7.5?). You take him to the Louvre to look at statues of naked Greek and Roman twinks and you're literally like, "maybe you're a grower, not a show-er." You tell him his wife sucks. Ernest you old queen. You butch little TEASE.

F! Scott! Fitzgerald! Sorry, this is all because I'm jealous that Hemingway got to hate himself while flirting with My Most Horrible Boy. And it's here that the book comes most ALIVE, that it becomes ABOUT something other than a broke guy in Paris trying to write a book. Finally, instead of just being about ol' Hem secretly disdaining every person that tries to have a conversation with him, we get Hemingway wanting somebody, wanting their attention and regard and time, and it's a delicious disaster. Scott's a wreck, a disappointment, a drunk; Scott's gorgeous, dazzling, and so full of talent Ernest is SEETHING ABOUT IT. They chase each other like carousel horses. It's a clown show. Scott lovebombs him when he's not too drunk to forget to, and whines about missing Zelda when Ernest won't take the hint and kiss him already.

Something very funny about all this is that at the time Ernest was about 25 years old, and Scott - who Ernest thought of, at the time, as "an older writer" - was all of 28. So it makes sense to me that much of this section reads like an @ Zola-esque Twitter thread combined with a Tana Mongeau YouTube storytime video: Romantic Road Trip with F. SCOTT FITZGERALD?! (The Beautiful and DRUNK! not clickbait!) "Hi guys, welcome to my memoir or welcome BACK to my memoir. Before we get into it, don't forget to like and subscribe, and comment down below to let me know if you'd like more storytimes about me being a deeply repressed bisexual, OR if you want me to vlog the next time I go on a bender with Scott and we DON'T hook up, at least not as far as I can remember. So anyway, I was heterosexually at work on my next adjective-less short story..."

Sorry, I'll stop. Five stars for that entire section of the book, minus one star for the rest of it. Now can someone make a deeply homoerotic film about their relationship, PLEASE.

[artificialqueens]

Just A Little Crush (Nicky/Crystal) - Mac

AN: If you know me at all you know I love this pairing and I think it needs to be talked about more. So I’m talking about it more. Thanks a million to Meggie for beta-ing and being an angel! Love u!

Summary: “Who would have thought beneath all this clown makeup was this such cute twink.” - Nicky Doll

Or: It starts off as a joke. Crystal thinks Nicky is hot. Who doesn’t? But when Nicky gets word of this little crush, she starts to have a bit of fun with a very easily flustered Crystal. But the teasing can only go on for so long until Crystal snaps. And she’s right on the edge…

It started off as a joke.

Nicky and Widow were assigning themselves roles while Crystal flipped through the packet they were given. Her brain was too preoccupied with the ‘holy fuck I made it’ thoughts to concentrate on what all was being said.

“We should play to our strengths, yeah.”

“So you would be the drunk, and I would be the sexy,” Nicky said jokingly to Widow, who threw her head back in a laugh.

Crystal nodded, mind elsewhere.

“I’m the sexy one,” Nicky said to herself.

“Obviously.” Crystal mumbled under her breath, absentmindedly.

Apparently, her mumbling wasn’t as quiet as she thought because, in a split second, Nicky was turning around, focusing her sharp gaze directly on the younger queen.“Oh, obviously, is it? Was that some flirting, Miss Crystal?”

Crystal was so thrown by the intimidating fact of being under Nicky’s scrutiny that she couldn’t even remember what she had said. “What? No, I-”

“Sounded like it to me,” Widow chimed in, an amused expression forming at the sight of her sister so flummoxed.

Crystal tried once more to defend herself, face heating up the longer Nicky kept her eyes on her. “I wasn’t-”

But Nicky cut her off again, “Don’t worry about it, mon chéri. I know I’m stunning.” Nicky tilted her head a bit to the side, and Crystal couldn’t help but notice the way her jawline was so perfectly sculpted. “I don’t blame you for noticing.” Nicky gave a particularly salacious wink, and Crystal scrambled for words.

“I didn’t mean it like-”

“Mhmm, sure you didn’t, Mary.” Widow laughed, then turned back to her paper.

But Nicky was still looking at Crystal with that same curious expression. She looked like she was almost… sizing her up. Crystal, who was still flushed from the sudden attention, wouldn’t meet her eye. Nicky looked her up and down once, twice, and then gave a knowing smirk before turning back to her character sheet in front of her.

Crystal’s brain took a minute to get back online.

Since she had met Nicky, Crystal had been… intrigued. Yes. Intrigued was the right word. She had been intrigued by the self-proclaimed fashion queen’s dry, biting humor and delicious accent.

Not delicious.

That sounded weird.

Her enchanting accent.

Yes.

That was better.

Nicky was… French. She was posh and quick-witted and incredibly talented. And there was so much more to her, Crystal just knew it. The quick chats they had in the Werq Room thus far had shown her as much. Nicky didn’t share a lot, whereas Crystal was about one hair short of telling you her entire life story at any given moment. Nicky was calm, cool, and collected, where Crystal often felt like a meteor tied to a string. They were very different people. So, of course, Crystal was intrigued. It had nothing to do with the French queen’s impeccable jawline and irresistible-

“-and Crystal can talk about the nut butter.”

“What?” Crystal shook her head to clear it and found two pairs of eyes looking at her expectantly.

Widow smiled, that maternal one that Crystal was used to seeing by now. It was both knowing and judging at once. “Earth to Crystal. We got a challenge to win.”

Crystal shook her head once more. “Yeah. Yeah, sorry, just spaced out a second.”

“Well, pull it together, sis. We Missouri queens gotta bring home the crown this season.”

Crystal gave an appreciative smile to Widow. Her kinship with the older queen was growing every day on set, and she felt grateful to have someone on her side.

Nicky was just staring at her with that same wicked glint in her eye. Crystal could feel her face flushing already and had to look away.

The rest of the rehearsal passed relatively uneventfully, with Crystal absorbed in studying her character. She only really noticed something was different when she glanced up halfway through her makeup to make eye contact through the mirror with a familiar face.

“Wh-What are you doing over here?”

“Is it okay if I get ready here?” Nicky asked.

“Yeah, course, I just thought you liked to get ready with Gigi.”

Nicky smirked.“Ooh, are you jealous already? There’s plenty of me to go around.” Nicky ran a hand over her bare chest dramatically, and Crystal couldn’t stop her eyes from traveling along the path she made.

“I’m not- I’m not jealous!”

Crystal cursed her voice for going up an octave.

“Don’t worry, mon amor.” Nicky winked. “It’s sexy.”

Crystal flushed impossibly redder and stared open-mouthed as Nicky went back to applying her makeup.

…

It started as an off-handed comment, but it soon grew to be much more when the rest of the girls overheard their flirting. Well, Nicky’s flirting.

The queens were all gathered around the table in the Werq Room, waiting for the cameras to finish setting up, and someone threw out the brilliant idea of playing fuck, marry, kill. Crystal put air quotes around the brilliant idea part.

They took turns going around the table, scream laughing at Heidi insisting she was a dom top, and how if there weren’t cameras around, she would bend Jan over the table. Only if she had her boy brows, though.

It finally came to be Crystal’s turn, and she smiled sheepishly as her sisters’ attention focused in on her.

After a beat of silence, Gigi just chuckled, “Honestly, I can’t think of anyone for you, cause you’d obviously do all three to Nicky.”

“What-”

Widow cut Crystal off with a laugh, “Girl, don’t get me started. That acting challenge, Miss Crystal couldn’t focus. She was so busy starin’ at Nicky’s ass.”

“I was not!” Crystal tried to defend herself.

It was no use.

The rest of the girls were having a fit. Of course, the quote-unquote weird girl of the season would fall for the fashion model.

Nicky only watched in amusement and shot Crystal a wink when they made eye contact.

Finally, Ru’s voice called to them through the television screen, and the girls made their way over. Crystal was saved for the moment.

But only for the moment.

Every chance they got, her fellow season 12 sisters would poke fun at her little crush on Nicky.

Not crush.

It wasn’t a crush.

It was just an attraction.

That’s all.

And who could really blame her? When Nicky looked like that and sounded like that and dressed like that and smiled like that and laughed like that and-

And maybe it was a crush.

A little one.

“-for your look?”

Crystal suddenly realized Nicky was standing in front of her and had apparently asked her a question.

“Umm, what?”

“Maybe if you stopped checkin’ out Nicky’s ass, you’d have heard her,” Widow hollered from across the room. The girls fell into another bout of laughter, and Crystal just ducked her head.

She looked back up to see Nicky waiting for her expectantly. Crystal pulled her notebook over and flipped through the first pages of her outline. Nicky leaned in close, so her chin was nearly resting on Crystal’s shoulder. The younger queen tried to ignore the appreciative hums Nicky was making so close to her ear.

“That looks stunning.” Nicky’s voice dropped, and she spoke in a whisper that brushed the shell of Crystal’s ear.

She knew what she was doing.

That thought struck a chord in Crystal.

Up until now, she had been playing right into Nicky’s hands. Acting like a damn teenager in lust. Nicky was winding her up. Teasing her to get a reaction.

If it were anybody else, Crystal would be pissed as hell. But something about the way Nicky’s eyes slid down her face made Crystal sure that the attraction wasn’t one-sided.

“Not as stunning as you though,” Crystal shot back before she could lose her nerve.

Nicky clearly was not expecting this answer, but she didn’t let it read on her face. She just gave Crystal that damn smirk again. “Oh, really?”

Crystal only nodded.

Nicky looked back at the sketchpad and reached out to trace along the headpiece, purposefully brushing her arm against Crystal’s. “I really like this bit here.”

Crystal couldn’t stop her eyes from sliding closed. Nicky being up in her personal space was making her head a bit fuzzy.

“Nicky?” Crystal nearly whispered.

“Yeah?”

Crystal opened her eyes, “What are you doing?”

Nicky shrugged. “You’ve been checking me out the whole time, thought I’d repay the favor.”

Crystal chuckled lightly. “Oh, and what’s the verdict?”

Nicky looked Crystal up and down, practically undressing her with her eyes. “Inconclusive.”

“Really?”

Nicky leaned in ever so slightly, so her breath would hit Crystal’s lips. “I need more data.”

Crystal flushed a deep red.

So much for not being a bumbling idiot.

…

It had started as a joke. But now Crystal couldn’t get her makeup done without Nicky by her side. The two of them had made a little corner for themselves, separated, as much as possible considering, from the rest of the girls. It almost felt like their own little refuge.

As time had gone on, their flirting, well, Nicky’s flirting had simmered down a bit. She still looked at Crystal like she would devour her if she got too close, but she also was giggling more, letting loose.

And there was this new thing. This tension. It cracked and fizzed in the air around them. Crystal couldn’t pinpoint when it started, only that when Nicky reached over to move a piece of hair away from her face, Crystal may have stopped breathing.

Nicky leaned back and smiled proudly to herself. “Better. Now we can see your hair in all its glory.”

“Now you’re messing with me.” Crystal blushed and ducked her head.

“No, I like it! It’s sexy,” Nicky insisted.

“You’re into mullets? Wouldn’t have pegged you the type.” Crystal chuckled lightly.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Well, you look like- like that,” Crystal gestured to the whole of Nicky. “I just thought you were into… I dunno. Something prettier.”

“You are pretty.”

Crystal looked up to meet Nicky’s eyes. It was a genuine compliment. The first words not laced with innuendo or with the sole purpose of getting under Crystal’s skin.

“Not as pretty as me though, obviously,” Nicky said, suddenly looking away and licking her lips nervously.

Nervously. Huh. Nicky was nervous. Maybe all this time that she had spent winding up Crystal was affecting her too.

When Crystal didn’t respond immediately with her usual wit, Nicky looked up at her again. Crystal knew she still looked a bit dumbfounded, maybe that’s why Nicky looked away and licked her lips again.

“Stop doing that.” Crystal blurted out.

“What?”

“Licking your lips.” Crystal couldn’t stop herself now, intent on seeing how far she could push the older queen now that she had her off-kilter.

Nicky smirked, a bit of her cockiness returned, and she met Crystal’s eyes again. In one graceful movement, she leaned over into Crystal’s personal space. “Why, is it tempting you?” Her voice was low and husky, and Crystal could feel the air on the ends of Nicky’s words brush against her face.

“Yes,” Crystal answered, honestly.

Nicky froze like she hadn’t expected that answer. Like she hadn’t expected that after all this time of teasing Crystal that she would have the balls to actually say something.

“W-well, why don’t you do something about it then?”

The hint of a tremble in Nicky’s voice, the first crack in her pristine facade, made Crystal press on.

“Maybe, I will.”

Crystal shocked herself with how brazen she was being, but she didn’t have time to second guess herself. Crystal inched even closer.

Suddenly, the space between them multiplied. Nicky had stepped back and was now holding out her hand. “Karl,” Nicky blurted.

“What?”

“My-my name. Karl Sanchez.”

After a moment of processing on Crystal’s part, and an impatient shaking of Nicky’s hand in the air, Crystal finally took the hint and Nicky’s hand.

“Cody.”

“Nice to meet you, Cody.”

Nicky smiled, and the twinkle was still there, albeit a bit dimmer this time.

“Likewise.”

…

It started off as a joke.

Somehow it ended up being a thing. And now here Crystal was. With this unbearable crush on this unbearable boy who was hell-bent on making her fall head over heels.

The whole tension thing has only ratcheted up more and more as time had gone on. Each brush of their hands or stolen glance made Crystal’s stomach flip. She wanted to beat herself up about it, but she couldn’t find the willpower. This thing. This tension. It wasn’t just her. She was sure of it.

She was sure of it because she followed Nicky out on one of her smoke breaks.

The French beauty smiled at the sight of her, blowing out a puff of smoke before walking closer.

Crystal didn’t know what she expected coming out here. Only that it had been weeks. Weeks of this tension and she was going mad. They had been dancing around each other. They both knew the tension existed. They both knew it had an end.

Crystal was more sure of herself now. But as Nicky approached, she scrambled for words.

“Karl,” Crystal said it like a warning. Maybe it was.

Nicky didn’t listen. “What? You’re going to tell me you don’t want me?” She sauntered even closer, flicking her cigarette away before wrapping her arms around Crystal’s shoulders. “That you don’t want to fuck me?”

“Karl,” Crystal said it like a warning. This time it was.

She could feel her control slipping. Every inch of her body alight and on fire.

Nicky pressed their foreheads together lightly, “I don’t believe you.”

Crystal snapped.

Her hands worked of their own accord and pulled Nicky in by the hips, pressing their bodies impossibly close.

Crystal’s mouth started moving before she could stop and overthink, “You’re right. I do want to fuck you. Because you’re fucking hot. You walk around like my goddamn wet dream with your fucking voice, and you make me crazy.” Crystal was breathing heavily and using every ounce of restraint to keep from biting Nicky’s lip her damn self.

Nicky, for her part, opened her mouth, but no words came out.

“But I know I do the same to you.” Crystal smirked.

Nicky’s nose scrunched up, and Crystal could see her about to argue, so she inched even that much closer. And Nicky’s eyes nearly glazed over.

Nicky fumbled her words, “W-Well I-”

Crystal cut her off. “Tell me I’m wrong.”

If it were anyone else, Crystal would have sworn she heard Nicky whimper.

“Tell me I’m wrong, and I’ll go away. I’ll stop,” Crystal repeated.

Nicky opened and closed her mouth once, twice, and a third time before finally swallowing. “You’re not wrong,” she whispered, and Crystal could feel the exhale on her lips.

“Then kiss me.”

“You first.”

Crystal didn’t wait a second longer before leaning in to finally, finally close the distance between them. The kiss wasn’t as frantic as she expected. It was passionate while still being cautious. They were still testing the waters out. Of course, Nicky tried to shove her tongue down Crystal’s throat after about thirty seconds, but Crystal wouldn’t let her, content to make this one last.

When she finally pulled away, Nicky looked every bit the blushing idiot she had made Crystal into over the past few weeks. The younger queen tried to muster a smug smile, but all that came about was a contented one.

Nicky blushed even deeper at the lack of teasing and ducked her head in an attempt to break eye contact.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Nicky said.

Crystal grabbed her waist more firmly and pulled the older queen closer, the action nearly making Nicky fall into her arms and forcing their eyes to meet.

“You first.”