#deleting all connections with that post and the others i felt was influenced by it

[elicypher]

thank you to the people who sent the sweet asks, i'm alright 👍 i won't be responding to them because idk i don't want to think about that but i really appreciate everything you wrote for me :)

[ophernelia]

big simblr vs small simblr anon, you've been blocked. not interested in disingenuous questions about the same grating ass conversation. people reblog what they like. idc if it has a thousand notes or two, if i like it then i reblog it. i'll see posts with low notes and be surprised they don't have more for sure. it's just the luck of hitting the algorithm or not. so again- if i like it then i reblog it. some of us are here for the community, to just genuinely have fun, and to interact with the friends we've made in the community be it big or small. the notes and attention aren't the sole focus. whining about not having access to someone else's platform just so you can grow your own is so goddamn entitled. we have access to the same audience. curate your content, use good seo, utilize other social networks if you're seeking growth. i started all my stuff at literally 0. celebrated when i got 10 subscribers on youtube. was grateful when i had 20 followers on tumblr. majority of my growth came from my own merits, not larger accounts or attention seeking. just like so many of the other folks here- we were not handed a platform. i was talking about lykaia to a wall for the longest and eventually other people came to listen too. y'all hate the aesthetic girls down for their semblance to traditional influencers, but then exhibit similar behavior as said group. regardless of your follower count, you're still a valid part of the community. focus on that more.

and the meanest thing i'll say about this is: sending this to a black creator, especially one that uses alpha cc, knowing damn well how hard it is for black creators to grow an audience in general is outright crazy. not to mention- my shit is fantasy based so my niche is real fucking niche. starting out i have had to delete so many comments and block so many people who felt the need to tell me they were repulsed about how i choose to do shit. it wasn't just a lack of engagement, it was negative and hateful engagement. and despite that, i've been able to find and connect with other people. get a fucking grip.

[hypermascbishounen]

I honestly keep forgetting about N!Juste bc he's such a travesty, so wnv I get reminded of him I'm just as angry as day one, lol. I just mentally delete N!Juste every time I see him, like dragging a corrupted file to the recycle bin. Tbf he's easy to forget, bc he's also boring and the least of Nocturne's problems so far, but obv I'm going to dislike it a lot as fan of HoD.

What gets me most I think, is how most ideas I've seen of a post game Juste, have him in a mentor or at least respected ancestor role to Richter(if not just outright his dad, lol). Even with bad end Juste - in fact *especially* with bad end Juste - it's hard to imagine Juste being so checked out on his descendants. If anything, Juste having a controlling/overprotective streak, seems to be a possible thing with him, which you would think sudden catastrophic loss would actually make worse.

(imo a bad end Juste would react to Richter like Marlin in Finding Nemo, but forced to train him excessively instead of being able to shelter him. Especially when Richter *is so similar to Maxim, who he lost.* I think he would have every motive to try and ensure Richter has the best odds possible against anything.)

And this idea doesn't come from nowhere - A lot of elements of Juste (and Maxim) as characters, right down to gameplay, is backshadowing SoTN and Richter in particular. It's very much an implication that Richter inherits traits from the both of them, whether by blood, fate, or literally being trained by them, or relatives that already had been. Juste's connection to Richter in this way, was the only reason to even bring him into a Richter storyline in the first place.

And the Juste we know from HoD has an incredibly strong and distinctive personality. "Ooc" doesn't even really begin to describe how off N!Juste is. He's basically a reused stock archetype. He's the cookie cutter they used to make N!Trevor, thrown on the tray after they ran out of dough.

And tbh they didn't even need to do this, so it's baffling why they chose to. I can't claim to see into the genius peak minds behind nfcv, but my nearest guess is that not only do they not see No Legacy as a narrative problem for Richter, they see Legacy itself as an active threat. Bc Juste was genuinely their last Get Out of Jail Free card to give Richter a legacy and they wasted it, specifically to reinforce Belmont's as Useless. They actually could have had him just be a mentor to Richter that influenced him from a relatively safe distance in the script, while changing not a whole lot, imo.

The only other explanation is that they were just too scared have anyone as cool as game Juste or his friends anywhere near their watery product, lol. He is just full of too much prettyboy protagonist style while also being loaded to the balls full of magic power and having real Belmont swag. They could not have even a backstory version of this man that wouldn't threaten to upstage their constantly berated Richter, or their precious fanservice Alucard they just redesigned. He is too powerful.

Regardless, they felt the need to literally take away everything that makes Juste recognizable - his outfit, his powers, his friends, even his face!(that beard really is horrendous, it actually feels like it is there to hide his face istg). He can't even have his character flaws, they had to be replaced with ones that make him more suitably disaffected. All for the completely 0 pay off of another Useless Belmont.

[bunkernine]

hi pls ignore this if i have mistaken you for someone else and am making a fool out of myself but are you the person who wrote isosceles?? because that fic altered my brain on an abnormal and chemical level way back when and i just remembered it the other day and binged it all again and i feel like i remember there being a few other fics in that universe (one from travis’s pov iirc) and i wanted to know where they are. of course if you are not the person who wrote isosceles i am a fool and feel free to ignore this ❤️

I did, yeah.

I wrote it when i was 14 so at a certain point i didn't want to be associated with it because it didn't reflect me as much anymore. It was my big baby at the time!!! But i divorced from that a few years ago. As for the other universe fics, if i remember correctly: connor, drew, a vers where jason admits to liking him back (some point isos implied that jason DID like leo back but was too confused to do anything).... But i deleted those first because they just weren't as fun, and my own friend group was falling apart so it felt too close.

But yes, you have found me LOLOL. Isos is orphaned, but unfortunately the other fics are deleted fr. Sorry :( but thanks for enjoying it!!! 💖

(ramblings under the cut)

The reason why i didnt delete isos too was because so many people were saying what you are now. If i could, id rewrite it (both with style and plot differences) and do a whole new remastered version. Im not sure why i decided to write his senior year when i was a freshman/sophomore LOL so I always figured I would've came back to it when I was older.... Clearly I did not.

I WAS miserable in high school, at least socially. So Leo was a little TOO personal and it made me mad when i basically did what he did towards the end. I spent some time just doing some random apolleo fics. Capolleo series, so my name should've been capolleon by then? LOLOLOL i had been majorly influenced by some now-deleted fic which is why apollo is even there 💀 but now im apollos age in the fic and im like 'hmm. Yeah maybe not...'

Then there was a fic that was coming out towards the end of isos that i felt was copying me 😭😭😭 ← 14/15 yr old feelings. Who cares! But i would update and then they would update and i was so paranoid 😭😭😭 honestly, the vibe in general for valgrace in 2018 is much different than right now, and it was much more open and varied in topics. This is not to discredit the current valgrace leaders or whatever the fuck, but the vibe is just ... Pretty different.

But yeah. Im sort of using this ask as an excuse to talk about it, but isos was SO big and what i was known for within the small vg circle (outside of the text fic at the same time 💀) so i was constantly reminded of it. And dont get me wrong, i ADORED that fic when i was writing it. I was upset whenever my life was too messy for me to drop the chapter of the month. Double updates felt so ... Um. Mature and awesome, like i was a professional 💀 i wrote leo as bisexual but he had a pretty strong inclination to men because i was figuring I'm out that I wasn't bisexual but a lesbian, but I couldn't really articulate that, especially as I was dating a guy through that fic. That was some cute little endpoint i was gonna have but its reality frightened me so it was dropped... The complexities of piperleojason were insane to think about when i was like, crying at lunch in my bf's car 😭 When it was posting, i left some really crazy A/N's showing how volatile i was at the time, that i eventually deleted. But i was so proud of it and it was a comfort to write. I think the drafts were a lot more raw but people loved it anyway.

Anyway. It's been a while since I've been able to talk about this fic. People have left the most loving comments in the world and it connected with a lot of readers. Its also my only fic that had fanart and playlists and such made for it! I was so proud of that! I dont think people understand how incredible that is and it truly is the dream for fic writers!!! I have other fics that inspired ppl, but isos was the one ppl constantly flocked to or appreciated :)

I used to cry writing some parts of it and now it just feels like an old diary entry. I haven't read it in a while and thought about remaking it (probs... As college kids though) but haven't bothered. Technical-wise, theres so many things that are dropped or forgotten or are just clumsy but thats really just a maturity thing.

Anyway THANK YOU FOR ASKING!!!!!!!!! Ppl dont ask me about my fics like they used to which was the whole reason why i made this account :(((( among other things, lack of interactions in fandom have decreased so much :((((

Love love love uuuuuuuuu

[djhamaradio]

I do not have a brand because I am not a corporation.

I lost my job recently and had to log back into my LinkedIn account. The whole thing felt forced and weird because I never use the app and I never post anything and suddenly I posted an alert showing I was open for work. The whole process felt weird because everyone in my network seemed to be confused because everyone on there is an ace at networking and using their personal brands to show people what they have going on in their work lives and I felt like a faker. Same way I feel when I am told I am not effectively branding my radio show and my escapades in the record digging world to become a vinyl influencer (not sure if that exists). The whole thing has me depressed because I get the feeling my inactivity is not helping with my job prospects. And no matter what advice I read on Forbes or whatever blog about personal marketing I’m never going to be good at it. I lack the brand consistency or whatever it’s called because ultimately I am not that committed to this world of personal branding. The article above from the wonderful folks at Vox reminds me that this is one of the legacies of late market capitalism everyone is merely a sellout but we don’t have interests or passions anymore everything we do or say has to be leveraged for likes and followers. The thing I find most intriguing about this world is the pervasisveness of hucksterism, and just pure fakery. I find people employing awful vague corporte phrases like maximizing productivity to describe their day to day lives.I find people posting shit about how one can leverage their brand to build a following that will lead them to make a living off social media. it is all disgusting but more than anything speaks to just how much consumerism, and capitlism in general has infected every sacred facet of human life. We have all become brands, and as brands your ultimate goal is to sell, sell and sell. Sell agressively, sell even if it means lying and sell with your consumer in mind. I look at myself I truly joined social media to connect with friends, at some point I left Facebook because my conservative family had joined and thewas now on they had an issue with my Halloween costume (Me dressed as a member of De La Soul and my girlfriend at the time in. slutty Nun costume), so I deleted the account and stuck with IG. On IG aI liked sharing music banter, odd ball humour and rap references with my small cast of friends who get it, and I use it to let people know when my radio show is on. My show is decently popular and I dont make a living doing it, I do DJ gigs on the side and I make decent guap doing it but would absolutely never do that for a living. The DJ gig funds the record collecting, and the radio show is a creative outlet that is all it is. I dont give a shit about branding, even though in a sense I am acting like a brand but I am not selling you anything. I put myself out there simply to say hey check out what I am doing and let me know if you fuck with it other than that no biggie. I aint out here saying if you listen to my radioshow your dick will grow bigger, all the chicks will like you and I am offering somekind of solution to one of lifes ills. My purpose is simply to say hey dont know what you doing but tune into my non-commercial uninterrupted absolutley amteurish radio show where you get to hear me play funk, soul, jazz and african music, for its on sake and not to sell but plugs or lawn mowers. The branding shit is particularly insidious because it makes us forget that there was a time when people congregated because they shared deep interests outside of the capitalist objective, think about stamp collectors, book clubs, bowling leagues and in my case a group of guys who drive around the midwest frequenting record stores spending huge amounts of hours scouring dollar record bins for prized records (This is also a dying art but I digress). I think at the heart of it social media has democratized aspects of the creative world. I just want to live in a world where I am not a brand.

[neverwritewhatyouknow]

I’ve been wanting to make this post for a while now, but I decided to make it my last RWRB related post. It’s clear the production will never give a statement about why they changed Nora’s character from Jewish to not, and there’s other shows and movies and productions I need to focus on. But before I switch gears, this needs to be said.

I was wrong about something and I need to just make it very clear how sorry I am to Rachel Hilson for involving her in the discourse around the movie to the degree that I did.

When I first started this blog the day the cast was revealed (over a year ago), I had no more information than anyone else. The only thing I knew about Nora that she was a Jewish character (along with everything else obvi) (book) and that Rachel was rumored to be Jewish (TikTok). In my quest to point out the antisemitism in Hollywood (a very true thing), I allowed logical thinking to guide me down an incorrect path.

That path was thinking that since Nora was Jewish in the book that of course she had to be in the movie too. It wasn’t an insane assumption, since the two options were A: A non-Jewish actress playing a Jewish role, or B: totally erasing Nora’s ethnicity. For some reason, the second option felt impossible for the longest time because to me Nora being Jewish was a part of who she was and for a good chunk of time I didn’t consider that they could separate it, plus the first happens literally sooooo much (especially on Amazon) that I was certain it was happening again.

But I was wrong. Nora’s canon Jewishness was erased very early on in the adaption and Rachel was at fault for none of it. She did an amazing job (like I knew she would), but I need to apologize for what I’ve posted. In my attempt to call out Hollywood for once again casting a non-Jewish actress for a Jewish role, as they do all the time, Rachel got caught in the cross fire and that’s not fair to her. It’s the fault of the movie’s creative team, not her. I always knew that, but I’m human, I make mistakes, and I own up to them when I do. I let the emotional impact of seeing Jewish roles played by non-Jewish actors again and again influence my posting here, and while nothing I said was incorrect regarding Hollywood’s constant erasure of Jews and even the erasure of Nora’s own Jewishness, I was wrong to loop Rachel into that the way I did. I wanted to settle the rumors that she was Jewish, and I did that, but I wish I had known that Nora was just not going to be Jewish period from the start. I should’ve focused more on option B for this movie and not A, but how was I to know when it all started? Regardless, I’m going to be going through my account this weekend and deleting anything that’s directly tied to Rachel, but it’ll take a few days.

So, to Rachel: I doubt you have tumblr, you’re an extremely busy actress and this place is a time wasting hellhole, but I know you or your team knows this account exists. If you see this or hear about this, I want you to know that I really am sorry. You don’t have to forgive me, but you deserve an apology. To anyone connected to Rachel who also feels as though they were caught up in this too, I also apologize to any and all of you.

I don’t use Instagram anymore, but I know Rachel does. If anyone DMs her this apology post, this is the disclaimer that the sender didn’t write this. She’s owed an apology and I just hope she sees it somehow.

Was my calling out of RWRB’s Jew-erasure wrong? No. Was the way I did it wrong? Yeah. I focused on the wrong things based off prior knowledge and assumptions. Truly my only regret is involving Rachel, I wish I hadn’t done that. At the time it all made sense, but even then I should’ve had the restraint and waited until I knew more. So anyway, I’m sorry about that. Hopefully Rachel will someday, somehow, someway hear about my apology and understand that I was upset about the circumstances in this movie and how often it always happens, and that she just honestly was in the wrong place at the wrong time. And for that, I’m immensely sorry.

This is my last RWRB post. Unless something crazy happens. So keep following me if you wanna hear more about antisemitism and Jew-erasure in Hollywood, but I think I’ve exhausted all the things I can say. Thanks to anyone who’s supported me calling out the movie about their erasure, what they did wasn’t okay, but I’m ready to move on unless they say anything else about it.

[ladala99]

Another Primal cub! This time from an established line - Eclipse.

Though if he becomes king, I probably won't keep his looks - I'll probably use Destiny as a looks replacer.

Other story stuff below the cut:

Some things that are now canon but I didn't/may not have time to write (or did write but felt it was too repetitive from what I already have posted and deleted it. Sorry for any fans of the mind-control descriptions.):

Sunrise got her memory wiped by Ilere while she was still around. Wisdom had no problem with it after his priorities were altered.

Destiny has infatuated every lioness of his generation and routinely picks out one to hang out with and mind-control. They're all into it due to his power.

Destiny prefers lionesses with interesting eyes.

Lightning has the power to connect a lion's power to a physical object, allowing it to be passed to a different lion without Ilere being involved. These powers can only go to lions/lionesses in the same line. Desert's power is being held this way. This is the power she got from Ilere, but she can only enchant objects during November and possibly July.

Sandy wanted to keep Burnout on permanent mind-control following Desert's defeat, but Wisdom put a stop to it. She still used her infatuation power on him to try to get him to do her will, but his sense of self-preservation overcame his renewed intense feelings for her.

And as for going forward looking at this Primal cub of Eclipse's line, I think we have another not-necessarily-evil character! As a refresher, Eclipse had her will quashed/mind wiped due to her scientific curiosity, and that curse did not pass to this cub. He will be incredibly curious with scientific tendencies, and especially from Wisdom's line, he'll be very smart.

He's growing up in November and into December, meaning he's first being surrounded by ancestral influence from lions from before the demonic takeover, followed by NPCs from all over the event cycle appearing in December, leading him to learn about it and its ever-repeating ways. He'll likely be very interested in the event cycle to try to predict and use it to his advantage.

He's going to be favored over Destiny given Primal of a huntress line>non-Primal, but he is of the lineage that is dead last in priority, so if another huntress-line Primal boy is born, he'll be replaced.

[thegendercocktail]

Posting old notes to myself - 18th Sept 22

So today, I was going through my google drive, looking for stuff to delete and make space when I come across old documents I wrote for myself as sorta journal like entries over the time I’ve been questioning my gender. But now that I’ve got this tumblr page as a way to document it, I figured it would be appropriate to share those documents to here. I’ll be posting them as I find them in the google drive. This first one is from 18th September 2022

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gender is seen from multiple perspectives. From a scientific standpoint, it’s the physical attributes a person displays at birth, but for many in the world, gender is seen as a spectrum upon which where we are placed is dependent on how we feel as individuals. 

From birth, I was labelled as a Male, making me an AMAB person. Based upon this label from doctors, the influences I experienced growing up were majorly masculine: being placed in the boys changing rooms, wearing jeans and t shirts and being directed towards masculine oriented activities such as sports and FPS video games for examples.

For all my life, I’ve been seen and identified as a male by everyone around me and I don’t have an issue with that…At least, I didn’t have an issue until recently. When I was in late secondary school, I discovered that there are people who identify with genders that don’t correlate with their birth genders and that they were referred to as transgender.

Before I learned of the term, I thought the idea of transitioning genders was a fantasy, something that could only be imagined or something from a dream. There were times where I saw people present in clothes associated with the opposite sex but tv and film had labelled them as ‘crossdressers’ and ‘perverts’, displaying it as some sort of fetish.

When I learned of the term though, my curiosity led me to search it up online and from there, I was blown away to learn that the world of gender, something which many regard as one of the smaller, basic details of an individual’s life, is vast and more expanded than I realise. Instead of two polar opposites between male and female, there was a whole line connecting the two with multiple identities such as non-binary, bigender, agender and so on.

It was fascinating for me to learn that we didn’t have to restrict ourselves because of the body parts we had or what society expects of us, but that we could decide how we wanted to present and how we want to identify.

That was my introduction to the term and the knowledge, but I hadn’t actually met a trans person in real life, not until Year 11.

In Year 11, I was struggling with my sexuality, at the time identifying as homosexual. My mum suggested to me an LGBTQ+ group in the city centre that met every Monday so that I could talk with others in the community and learn more.

My first session, I was awkward and shy but everyone was incredibly friendly and supportive. It was also there, though, that I first met members of the trans community in real life. Trans women, trans men and non-binary people were all in the same room and for me, the best word I could use to describe them was interesting. They talked about how they were doing as well as talking about their progress with their transitions. I didn’t know why at the time but I was intrigued to hear more.

Over time, as I learned and communicated more about the idea of gender, I began to find myself questioning certain aspects of myself. Memories resurfaced from childhood with the potential for deeper meaning. I’d remember times where I dressed up in princess costumes and twirled and danced in them, I remember taking photos for Instagram and thinking about how happy I felt cause of the softness of my face but also I remembered going through puberty and the difficulties I had facing it.

When I was a child in primary school, one of my favourite parts was when we sung hymns (yes, I went to a Church of England school, hymns were the only thing we sung). I didn’t like it because of the lyrics or the melodies, but because of how I’d always sing the high notes. I love to sing, especially in primary school cause of how high my voice would go. I felt like I was singing like one of heaven’s angels (I know, dramatic). I thought it would never end but then puberty came.

As I grew older, I found my voice cracking more and more the higher I tried to sing and I hated it so much. My voice kept getting lower and I begged it to stop, even though I knew it was futile. In the end, there was no choice for me but to accept the existence of an adam’s apple in my throat dragging my notes down an octave down or two. Ever since then, I had to spend years to adjust to my new singing voice but I still wish I could sing those higher notes again every once in a while. After all this time, a part of me is starting to think that my voice getting lower possibly triggered a sense of gender dysphoria within me.

It wasn’t just my voice either. From time to time, I kept having certain thoughts and I thought I was crazy or weird for even thinking them. I kept imagining myself pregnant, as in carrying an actual child in my tummy and caring for them as they grew inside. At one point, I listened to an RP of a pregnant listener and I shed a tear as I immersed myself in it only to realise that that will never be possible. If I knew then what I knew now about dysphoria, perhaps I could’ve been open about it and maybe discussed it with a professional like a therapist.

The signs of dysphoria don’t just stop there, they had also impacted me during my sexual encounters with partners. When I began a relationship with a trans man named Axel, it was during a period time before he was able to have surgery or start HRT (hormone replacement therapy) with testestorene. His body still had the physical attributes of his birth sex as female. I loved him and I was happy for them to express who they were but whenever we had sex, I kept thinking about how jealous I was of him for having boobs and a vagina. I know that it sounds awful but unfortunately it’s true. I kept thinking about why I couldn’t have those physical attributes and be on the other end, experiencing those feelings. 

During my sexual encounters, it’s usually proved a challenge to finish, I thought maybe it was because my head was out of it, or I wasn’t communicating properly what I needed, but now I wonder if maybe it’s because of my gender and how it’s affect on my sense of self. 

As I contemplate all of this, a part of me thinks that perhaps after all of this time, maybe I’m actually a girl and I need to transition to finally help my body connect with me. I bet that’s what you’re thinking reading this, that that should be what I should do. I wish it was that easy but unfortunately, it’s not.

To transition is a big change, and is rather permanent. If I want to transition, I have to be sure and right now, I’m not. There are times where I feel like my chest is missing something or that my genitalia feels uncomfortable when it shifts beneath clothing but at other times, I feel like that’s all gone away, like it was never there in the first place. It creates a sense of uncertainty that tears me in two and I think has been having an emotional toll on me.

I have all these doubts inside of me that make me worry that if I go down the road of transitioning, I’ll at some point change my mind and it’ll be too late. Everyone would think of me as a liar, as a fraud and call me an attention seeking asshole and that terrifies me so much. I don’t want to be a liar, I just want to be me.

Ever since I’ve started this journey of exploring my own gender though, my pronouns of he/him have started to feel uncomfortable. Being referred to as a gentleman, a man or a son have started to feel weird or maybe they were always weird and I’ve just started noticing. I can’t tell and I don’t know how to tell from my own perspective.

For now, I identify as genderfluid, meaning I currently don’t have a fixed gender, I fluctuate across the spectrum. This label has worked and helped me fit a little better but when the dysphoria returns and I feel wrong, it hits so hard like the Incredible Hulk giving you a gut punch. 

Even now as I type, I feel like my body is wrong and I want to change it so bad, but when I wake up in the morning, will I feel the same way, or will it feel like it was never there to begin with. That’s the struggle I’m facing with finding a correct gender identity. If you were to ask me what gender was, I’d say…

Gender is frightening but beautiful.

Gender will hurt but it will also bring joy.

Gender is who you are but it will not define you.

[yamahex]

Playboy Image Pt. 2

Contains 17+ Smut

A/N: Shit. Here y’all go I hope you like this more, the beginning is the same as the first one but we ball. I might have went too far at the end, oh well💀

A couple days passed after the argument and Jack still hadn’t called you. Deep down you knew he wasn’t serious about the relationship but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

You rolled over on your bed towards the sound of your phone and your eyes widened at the notification.

champagnepapi:

Aye you should come to this party tonight

(Random Address) @ 10

Hope to see you there

Even without Jack you were known in the social stance, having been a radio host/ influencer. But you never thought that Drake would invite you to a party. You and him had briefly spoken before to set up a interview and he seemed to take a liking to you afterwards.

“Fuck it.”

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself in your house why not feel sorry at a party? Clicking from your keyboard rang out.

I’ll be there

Your eyes glanced at the corner of your phone and saw you only had two hours left to get ready. Then you got off the bed and made your way to the bathroom to shower.

After your shower you did a simple but classy makeup look and put on one of your best dresses. Obviously Jack would be there with it being Drake’s party, so you had to show off. You decided to delete all the pictures of you and Jack off your page before leaving.

The two hours went by fast and soon enough you were pulling up to the address. The valet opened your car door and you marveled at the extravagant house. Your heels clacked against the concrete steps as you walked up to the entrance alongside a bunch of other people.

Immediately you felt out of place, you had connects but this was technically a high profile event. While looking around your eyes fell upon Drake standing next to Jack. Both of their eyes widened and Drake excused himself to walk over to you. Jack’s eyes lingered on your figure, then on the interaction.

“I’m glad you came, you look amazing.” He leaned down to give you a hug, which you accepted.

“Thank you for inviting me! This was very much needed.” His arm wrapped around your shoulder.

“Shit let’s enjoy ourselves then.”

Throughout the night you mingled, drank and danced. It was a much needed relief from your emotions. But every so often you felt eyes on you. And you knew exactly who those eyes belonged to.

He hadn’t stopped looking at you since you entered the party.

“Aye let’s take a pic real quick!” You were pulled out of your thoughts by Drake. A smile appeared on your face as you looked at the camera. You wrapped your arm around his neck and he wrapped his around your waist.

You decided to plant a kiss on his cheek for the picture which Drake absolutely loved.

Jack watched with dark eyes.

After the picture was taken he showed you to get your approval. Your head nodded and he instantly posted it to Instagram and tagged you with the caption:

“WCE”

His arm lingered on your waist and you turned to look at him. You took in his features, suddenly feeling tension build. His eyes raked down your body then connected with yours. He titled his head towards the direction of the stairs and without thinking you nodded.

You took a deep breath as he grabbed your hand and led you up the stairs. Your eyes briefly connected with Jack’s and his expression was filled with utter shock.

The next few moments went by in a flash. All the sudden you were bouncing on top of Drake with your head tossed back in ecstasy. Your moans rang out through the room. Both of your orgasms ripped through your body as you felt his cum spurt inside you.

Jack’s eyes widened with his ear pressed against the door. Were you really fucking Drake right now?? His mind was blank and his heart was racing. His next moves were made off impulse.

The sound of the door swinging open startled you and Drake. Jack walked up to you and pulled you off of him making you feel his semen run down your thighs. You shook yourself out of his grasp and covered yourself with a sheet.

It looked as if steam was coming out of his ears.

“What the fuck Jack, what’s your issue?”

“You’re fucking my girl bro.”

Drakes eyes widened and you turned to look at him.

“I’m single, just like Jack.”

“You’ve gone too far, all this because I won’t post your ass??!”

“This had nothing to do with that Jack, god you’re so selfish. I did this cause I wanted to. Him being your idol just happened to be a extra bonus. Maybe you should think about that next time you try to play someone.” You smirked at him and his eyebrows furrowed in anger. He turned to walk out of the room.

“Hey Jack.” He turned around to look at you. The smirk was still evident as you moved the sheet and allowed him to see the cum running down your legs.

“How’s that for your playboy image?”

[keepingupwithfundies]

we’ve decided to close down the blog

Phew. After nearly five and a half years, I can’t believe I am actually writing this post. But here it is. For the past few months, we’d been discussing officially closing the Keeping Up With Fundies (KUWF) inbox for good. The combination of the increasingly busy lives of the admins with Josh’s conviction for possession of CSAM has led each member of the admin team separately to realize that it was time to close the inbox one last time. 

So, here it is. We’re going to permanently close the inbox on April 17th, in the evening. After that point, we won’t be posting on this blog any longer. This is slightly anti-climatic, due to the lack of posts recently, but we decided we still wanted to take a moment to close this down rather than simply fading away quietly. 

To be clear, though, we aren’t deleting the blog, or the blogspot or anything. We’re going to leave it all up. But there won’t be any new posts and you will no longer be able to send in asks. 

Ok, end of announcement. I’m going to take a second just to share my own thoughts. 

In some ways, this is bittersweet. This blog really has meant a lot to me over the years - especially due to the connections I’ve made with the other admins and other bloggers here on tumblr. The nights spent chatting on the discord, waiting for an announcement. The polls I worked hard on to entertain people throughout the early pandemic. Typing up recaps in between law school classes. Those early days on Skype with Annie, talking through how we wanted the blog to look. I have some really fond memories of my time as an admin.  

However, ultimately, this decision feels very right. First, my life has changed pretty drastically.  I was an undergrad when I joined the blog, and now I’m a practicing lawyer. And second, things for the fundies have also changed very drastically. I feel like 2016, when I joined the blog, felt like the beginning of the fundie influencer era with Jinger’s wedding, and now they’ve all got a vitamin or hair tool to sell you. The shows have come and gone. And Josh’s conviction has made it really difficult at times to follow these families. It is time to shut this door. 

So, thank you for following along with us throughout the years. Even though it feels strange to say given the subject matter, this blog really truly was something special for a while there. 

Below, each admin is going to share their own little piece about their time on the blog. Mary was unable to write an addition to this post, but sends her best wishes to all going forward. And if you’re looking for me, I’ll still be hanging out on tumblr at @keepingupwitht. But my season of life with KUWF is coming to an end, and it was really neat. 

-T 

From Em: 

Thank you to the whole Fundie Tumblr community - collectively we’ve created a really cool place online where we can make friends while safely and kindly deconstruct toxic belief systems around us, be it in our own lives or in our media outlets. That’s super super cool. Thank you for letting me be part of that over the last few years, but most of all, thank you for being my friend. As the last year has unfolded with news from the Duggar (and the Bates) family, I’ve felt a sense of needing space to step out having to watch them so closely. To be able to shift my internal energy, as those families show themselves as a darker force. 

I've been spending my time doing environmental work, nurturing my creativity, volunteering, and rescuing hospice shelter cats - all callings I need to follow. 

I’ll be around here and there on my personal fundie blog @fundietrash and scrolling through fundie news every so often, but I’ll always be grateful for this super unique and wonderful experience ❤️ 

From Suz: 

I am so thankful to have been a part of KUWF and to have worked with my wonderful co-admins. I'm thankful to the Fundie Tumblr community for the insightful discussions, mutual support, and compassion we've maintained for people in spiritually ab*sive situations. In the time that I've been a part of this blog, I've graduated from college and began a lifelong journey of land stewardship and farming. Social commentary on religious fundamentalism will always remain a part of my life, and I will surely carry my experiences from this blog with me. My mom used to lurk in Fundie discourse communities. She has since passed, so I've also been thankful to feel close to her through this process. 

Many of us know the harms of religious extremism and were compelled to discuss these groups and families because of it. As the darker aspects of the families became more apparent, it became more difficult to analyze the reality of their lives and their actions. The hypocrisy, political extremism and ab*se became too dark to comfortably discuss. 

There is hope for the children and adults who are stuck in spiritually ab*sive situations, and there is hope for all of us who have stumbled across this blog during our own religious deconstructions. I hope that this community and the relic of this blog will remain a safe space for people seeking solace in exvangelicalism. I will be around on my personal blog @echoesofthequiver and will remain a part of this community, although in a different capacity. Thank you everyone. 

-Suz

[the-light-of-stars]

idk i'll just write it down, no read more this time cause i don't want this to get deleted like the other one because i dont wanna type it out multiple times. like mentioned for the other post - take this with a grain of salt, as you should everyone's personal opinion, cause erring is human etc etc (kind of wanna make a post about that too):

so the thing about "death of the author" is that it seems like it sometimes gets misinterpreted as meaning "the author sucks and we should treat their work as a separate entity unrelated to them so that we can enjoy it in peace without having to think about the author's bigotry or shortcomings" - an argument i've seen especially often in regards to the Harry Potter books on here but applies to other works and authors as well - and also a dangerous sentiment imo because treating the work as separate from the author isnt suddenly gonna get rid of the bigotry that has already seeped into every line and every fibre of their work, in some obvious and some less obvious ways, but rather what this mindset will achieve is allowing teh reader to ignore these influences of bigotry because 'its ok if i see it as separate from the author and without their influence'. An authors influence is woven through all of their work, even of authors that are trying not to let their own personhood influence their creation (like for example some surrealists claimed to do) , so completelyseparating a work from its authors opinions, experiences and socio-economic circumstances is - imo - impossible.

that said, separating a work from its author in this way is not what "death of the author" is actually about. I am sure others on here have already put it more succinctly but basically "death of the author" means that as a reader you have to rely on your own analysis for interpretation of a work since you (usually) can't just go and ask the author what their intentions for their work were, a circumstance that essentially makes it irrelevant to a reader wether the author is still alive or not, because either way they will not be there to explain their every thought and intention behind each symbolism and metaphor in their work to you.

It means that as soon as it becomes distributed a work becomes separated from its author in the way that it is now open for interpretation for anyone that looks at it, that the author's intent is not the end all be all anymore since individual readers won't be able to always correctly gauge what the intent was anyways (unless an author includes a guide listing every intention and thought behind every single ever so small part of their work with it), that the reader's individual interpretation is subjectively valid and just as valid as the interpretation of every other reader. (although while all readers interpretations are subjectively valid , as they are the only interpretation the reader comes up with in the moment at least and that is something that holds merit, i would argue that there are interpetations that are more objectively true or succinct than others. its the same as with paintings - e.g. one person that doesnt know about the circumstances of the painting's creation might interpret Picasso's Guernica as a representation of depression or inner struggle, which is subjectively a valid interpretation for them as a viewer since it is what they felt when seeing the image and there is intrinsic truth to that connection as far as this individual viewer goes, but objectively this is a painting with a specific historical context intended to portray a specific historical event so the interpretation of it as such is the more "objectively true" one. But still each individual interpretation still is true and valid at the very least as a direct result of the individual viewer or reader's experience)

A book is an orphan in this way - it bears the name of its parent and creator but does not and can not explain the reasoning behind every one of their actions. An author may include a scene or description that may or may not be intended as something carrying symbolism, but wether or not it holds an intention like that is something the reader will never be able to tell with absolute certainty unless they somehow have the opportunity to ask the author about it, which most readers will not have.

Take the infamous "the curtains are blue" for an example: when you as a reader see this description of blue curtains you will not without a doubt know wether this description was meant to hold any symbolic meaning or wether the author added it for as simple a reason as enjoying the color blue and, if it does hold a symbic meaning, you will not without doubt know what the exact meaning the author intended was. You can guess and make logical conclusions based on context of the story, based on its historical and socio-economic background and based on the author's biographical data and their known opinions on things - all of this being part of literary analysis (although ofc you dont necessarily have to know all the context to analyse a work, there's even academic schools that insist you dont need that kind of context at all) - but even the writer of the best most detailed analysis of a work can never be completely certain that their interpretation lines up perfectly with the author's original intent, because in most cases said original intent can't be referenced exactly anymore.

so in conclusion: "death of the author" has to do with literary analysis and isn't a free pass for 'reclaiming' a work by a shitty creator, in fact the creators shittyness cannot be fully separated from their work cause it will have influenced their writing and should be kept in mind while reading and analyzing.

[tsukuyomiland]

Someone:

-Abuse my affection by making me an emotional slave that had to be ready to talk to them at the time they said or otherwise get guilt-tripped ("I feel so alone" "you said you would be here").

-I had to be ready to comfort them at any time, with situations like me having my baby niece crying in my arms and they DEMANDING my total attention even knowing it, or demanding drawings to make them feel better.

-Lies to me. Blatantly.

-Makes me feel miserable filling my life with constant negativity. I wasn't allowed to express any kind of personal happiness publicly because it "hurt their feelings". Me drawing better than them also hurt them, I felt compelled to pretend I was less skilled.

-Contacts IRL friends of mine and tell them my now husband is "manipulating me". (He was in fact saving me of their toxic influence).

-Steals my art. Lies to me when I demand my art to be removed. Sends me a broken link to a blog. Later I find out they only changed the username and I find my art again used without my permission.

-Steals concepts and characters I created. Lies blatantly about their creation to erase my contribution and real origin.

-Erases my name from collabs.

-Writes a journal on Deviant Art full of blatant lies. When I call out, they say my screenshots are fake.

-Copies drawings from me (and other artists). They get comments like "nice pose", they only say thank you without mention it was referenced-copied.

-I demand those drawings to be deleted or at least, get credited. I'm ignored. The drawings are still there.

-Impersonates me, takes my username and posts stuff with the intention of discredit me. Some allude to things like "how to make fake screenshots" showing that they were aware of their activity and were ready to use that argument against me even knowing it would be false, showing their bad faith.

-Sends me repeated insults, some as tasteless as calling my newborn son "broken condom". Allusions to the fascist dictatorship my country suffered. Calling me lazy for not drawing my comic... The day after I gave birth. And much more. I have screenshots of all of them, so I have proof.

-Accusations of plagiarism. I only took the characters I made and put them in a completely different context. Telling my story is a copy of theirs is like saying Gone with the Wind is a copy of Jurassic Park.

-Accused me of being friends with a person with who I exchanged barely a couple conversations and with which I have no connection at all.

Me:

-Decided to cut a friendship after months of emotional suffering that was affecting my relationship with my husband, my mood, my skills, after I found a "secret blog" full of stuff I feel unable to support, after they told me a thing that was the final red flag I was able to put up after a history of ignoring red flags.

-I decided to choose my own happiness.

-I decided to choose mental health.

-I never insulted.

-I never lied.

-I felt manipulated, with the feeling my only value to them was my drawing skills to be used for their project and my relative popularity in a fandom to help them to get noticed themselves. I had the feeling the only reason they clinged to my friendship was that they would lose the use of my skills. The episode of the stolen drawings confirmed it to me.

-I only asked my stuff to get removed, ready to move on and hoping my characters and concepts won't be used never again. After they lied to me, I decided I earned my right to recover and use what was mine. I even surrendered one of those characters completely as a gesture of good will because they had an attachment to said character.

-I've shown repeatedly actions of good will and hopes of stable terms.

-I deleted my Deviant Art account, that they helped to boost in watchers, in order to not be accused of 'taking advantage' of their action. I haven't had an account on dA ever since.

-I've sent private emails to manage our problems directly. Ignored by them.

-There is no one left on their side who was a witness of our friendship, relationship and exchanges at the time, because I was the only friend they had then -another lie: they said once that I wanted to isolate them so I could be their only friend, totally false because I always encouraged they could search new friends in their area and even helped them actively to set the accomodations for an Erasmus trip. In the opposite, they are who made actions to get me afar from my irl friends and husband so I could focus only on them. They can say whatever they want to the people surrounding them now and be believed because they don't know me at all, never worried about knowing my side, and I don't expect it. My image is at their mercy, and they don't hesitate in using lies. There is nothing I can do against it that doesn't require legal action.

But I guess I'm the baddie, huh.

[scottymcgeesterwrites]

Ambiguous

There has been something I need to write about and shout into the void. It has been tearing me apart, and I don’t know how people will react elsewhere, so I figured this was the safest place. This will be the soft reveal before even speaking about it to my friends. Or maybe I will never speak about it ever again. Maybe I will feel fine after writing it this way.  For my entire life, people have mistaken me for being Indian, to the point where actual Indians walk up to me and start speaking in their dialect. My mile-long blank stare makes them realize that I am not Indian, and one of two things happen - they either apologize and explain they mistook me for Indian, or they exclaim, “You’re NOT Indian?”

I’m Cuban and Colombian. I grew up in New Jersey. I am an American citizen but it gets confusing when you take into account that my mother flew to Santiago, Chile to have me there because of a clinic that specialized in geriatric pregnancy at the time, so my “birthplace” reads Chile on my passport. That’s always a mouthful to have to explain and it further confuses people, so I end up saying, “I was born in New Jersey”.  My skin tone is best described as ambiguous. I could be many things. I’ve gotten Middle Eastern, Indian, and specifically “Egyptian”. I have no idea why “Egyptian” but. Whatever.  I have always lived in some liminal space where people ask the dreaded question, “What are you?” Now here’s the most frustrating thing of all - not everyone who has asked me that was white. Growing up, I thought that I could relate to someone who wasn’t white to understand how I feel. Black people have asked me that. Indian people have asked me that. Middle Eastern people have asked me that. Cubans and Colombians have asked me that.  Throughout my youth, I was paranoid that maybe I was adopted or something, given how people didn’t seem to connect me with my parents. I was told that my Cuban side hails from Spain, but my Colombian side is shrouded in mystery. My dad never liked to talk about my family. I never knew anyone past my grandparents. Well, I did meet my great-grandmother once when I was seven, but she had practically turned back into a baby at that point, banging on the table demanding food and needing to be spoon-fed. My own people don’t recognize me, and they often say things like, “You don’t LOOK Latino!” or “What? You’re LATINO?” and the best one yet “You don’t SOUND Spanish!” The worst offenders, however, would laugh and say, “¡Pareces Hindu!” which means “You look Hindu!” Hindu is the religion, dumbass. Anyone, and I mean anyone, can be racist and slip some “micro-aggression”. I am not fluent in Spanish, but I can write and understand every word in Spanish. I often inadvertently offend Spanish-speaking people when I reply to them in English when they thought they were being sneaky by talking in Spanish around me.  The reason I don’t speak Spanish as fast as my peers is because of two reasons:  1. My parents at the time when I grew up believed in the misconception and pseudoscientific belief that children will be “confused” if two or more languages are spoken in the house.  2. Central New Jersey, where I grew up, hadn’t yet seen many Hispanic people, so locals at the time often leered at people who spoke Spanish in public.  When my mother took me to our local Gymboree, I spotted a butterfly and shouted in Spanish, “¡Mariposa! ¡Mariposa!”. The other mothers kept staring at me, and then distanced themselves from us.  The weirdest thing ever was experiencing white people who studied the Spanish language better than me and making fun of me for actually being Spanish but being unable to speak it fluently. I had a crush on this girl whom I’ll call “Anjy” in freshman year of college. It took me until now to realize that I think she had a Latino fetish. Anjy only exclusively went out with Latino men, but never seemed to openly admit it. The only thing she did admit was that, “I can only be with a man who speaks Spanish. It’s so important to me.” So obviously I wasn’t a contender, despite being Latino. Anjy doesn’t have an ounce of Spanish in her. None. But she studied it since high school and fell in love with it and became Spanish’s #1 fan. I was so jealous of how fluent she was. She could roll her r’s and speak it beautifully. Since we became friends, I said to her, “Oh, I can finally practice my Spanish with someone!” We tried, but she laughed at me and said, “I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore. You sound like a gringo.” It’s a very topsy-turvy world where some white girl uses a derogatory term on me, a derogatory term from my culture that describes an outsider, used to describe me. She went to Costa Rica after we graduated, lived there for a few years, and came back home with a husband.  (That’s when I fully realized just how much she fetishized us.) A few years ago, my now-fiancée gifted me a DNA test for my birthday. That came out of left field for me, and opened up a range of emotions that I wasn’t ready for. She said she remembered how I wondered aloud why I looked the way I looked and about my ancestry.  I sat on the DNA test for a while. 

I stared at it. 

I held the kit in my hands. 

I opened it and closed it.  What if I really was Indian? What if I found out something that made me feel so much worse? But how bad could it be? I was also wary about the company keeping my DNA for nefarious reasons. However, luckily enough, my fiancée had bought the kit from AncestryDNA - the one DNA company that has responded to people saying they would delete their DNA at their request. I bit the bullet and sent my sample.  When the test came back, I opened it up and everything made sense. It made so much sense that I laughed out loud. It’s so funny how nobody has guessed the only other possibility for my skin tone that is what I actually am.  I am pretty much half native to the Americas.  I’m not sure what that’s called. Native American seems to be associated exclusively to North America. So Native South American? Native to the Americas? Native American (et al)? The Colombian side can be traced through turmoil in South America, up through Mesoamerica, and into North America. So many spots lit up all over the Americas. And like the Cuban side said, I was indeed from Spain as well.  I was split right down the middle. 50/50. The native side and the European side were practically screaming at each other in my genes. I felt as though a great weight had been lifted from me that I didn’t even know was there. I knew for a fact that I was my parents’ son. I had an explanation for why I look the way I look, and it made sense and it was obvious. It didn’t end there though.  I didn’t feel Native American. I had no cultural connection to anything “native”. I tried thinking in terms of my personality though. I always had a strong belief in saving the land and respecting the dead. I did vandalize a construction site back in my high school days to preserve farmland. My family did like to decorate the house with Aztec and Mayan statues. Aside from that though, I had about as much personal connection to native culture as Olive Garden does to Italy. The thing about my parents being from Cuba and Colombia is that those were two very violent and turbulent places in the past century. After I tell people where my families hail from, they always asked me with wide-eyes, “Oh have you been there???” Well, I dunno man. If you have any inkling of what’s going on the world you would know the awkward relationship that the United States has had with Cuba, and what it means to be a fucking exile. And the fact that Colombia has seen gang wars for the entirety of my life. So no. I haven’t. When I was a little boy I asked my parents if we would ever visit Colombia or Cuba, but they told me we shouldn’t go back. Colombia was violent, and Cuba’s government watched everyone. My mother was afraid of what would happen if she tried going back. Maybe they wouldn’t let her, or us. Maybe they’d let us through but I wouldn’t even be allowed to return if they knew I was the son of an exile. Worse yet, they might detain my mother. You never know when your family had beef with the government and was told to leave.  And what really drives a knife in my heart is hearing people ask that really annoying question. “Have you visited???” As if they were hot and exotic touristy locales. No. Because my parents were forced to flee, because they needed a better life.  “Wouldn’t your mom love it if you got married in Cuba? She would get to visit her home!”  You don’t get the trauma she has. You don’t understand how much of a toll it would take on her to return home and see all the things she once knew and love gone or tarnished. She received word recently that the farmhouse she grew up in now became a restaurant. The house that my grandfather built by hand. Strangers now sit and eat there. Maybe tourists. The hotel that my great-grandfather used to own now doesn’t belong to us anymore - the government said it was theirs. There is nothing for her to go back to but loss.  I felt distraught when I saw a former college classmate who has become an Instagram influencer immediately visit Cuba once travel restrictions were eased. She posted all about it and acted as if she were an expert about it. She used to be a lawyer in Washington D.C. until she decided to “take hold of her life” and “follow her dream” and go to Bali and now lives everyday in tropical paradise. It seemed like some people were pointing out the hypocrisy in her posts about life given the lifestyle she leads, since she felt the need to say something about it. She made a video where she tried to relate to her followers. She said how “it’s still hard” for her, that she “has to work every day”, and meanwhile literally the next fucking day she posts a picture of her having lunch by a waterfall, or napping in her hammock by the beach. But when she visited Cuba, and took pictures and wrote a long post about the country, I just lost it. She met up with some other white Instagram influencer friend, and they took selfies at a café and lectured about the region and--- That’s supposed to be my country, my culture. I’m supposed to feel that way about my people, not you. I went to a wedding recently in July. This black man slapped me on the back after I cracked a joke and said, “Hey, where you from?”

“New Jersey.” He laughed. “No, but really though. Where are you from?” “New Jersey.” “I mean originally. Your background. What are you?” It was the first time I had been asked that question since I got back my DNA test results, and for some reason it hit me so much differently.

I really wanted to say, “I don’t know.” It’s ironic how knowing what I am made me feel more confused, more alone and more isolated than ever before. I am bad at speaking Spanish, and when I try to practice with other Spanish-speaking people they laugh at me and say, “You sound like a gringo” and say they can’t bear to practice with me. I don’t look Latino. I might look Indian or I might look Middle Eastern. With me, everyone assumes things about me, no matter what they are. Some people have the luxury of automatic and unspoken assumptions about their background. Then there’s me. Not quite tan, not quite white. I don’t raise enough suspicion at the airport to warrant a search but at the same time I have to jump over one extra hurdle when they ask me one extra question: “Where are you from?” or “How long are you staying here?” or “What are you here for?” It’s very subtle and deceptively innocent. Nobody else who is pasty white gets asked any questions. They just stamp their passport and wave them away. I’m just ambiguous enough to warrant that extra step - just in case, you know? I envy people so much who can have a clear culture and place to point and say, “I’ve been there. I’ve been where I come from.” I envy people who can recognize all the idiosyncrasies of their family’s region. I don’t belong to any country or culture or identity. There are only a few scant pieces of culture that my parents passed on to me. “Oh, on Christmas we do this” or “We say this once and a while. That was a common expression there.” I envy people with huge families who have not been estranged by government and bloodshed or lost to time. I envy people who can trace their families back to their grandfathers and great-grandfathers and great-great-grandmothers. As a kid I wish I was able to say something like, “My great-granddaddy fought Nazis in the war!” I will never know anyone beyond that one old great-grandmother who no longer recognized anyone’s face. Everyone else is a name on a tombstone, or a whisper in vague oral history. I envy people who can firmly say, “I am *insert nationality here*” Because I always mumble at that phrase.  I am. . .a. . . I am from. . . . uh I am. . .  I am. 

[nightswithkookmin]

MONDAY, JANUARY 18TH: GOLDY'S LOG

I miss Suga. Scratch that. I miss Agust D. My spirit animal.

I've been thinking about him a lot lately, wondering if his injury isn't an exemption to military service. I wonder if he qualifies, in light of his injury, as an able body. I wonder what their law defines as able body.

I wonder if he passed the legal physical exam and health assessment test when he turned 19, since he's had that injury way before debut. Or if BTS have undergone that mandatory military service assessment since they are all past 19 and what their results are.

Jimin has chronic back pain too. That should qualify him for an exemption to military duty. He can still do desk work if it's that serious.

I should talk to ***** and look into South Korea's law on exemptions to military service.

Moon values the arts and culture industry. There's already been an extension for conscription for the benefit of BTS. Their success and longevity in the spot light perhaps influenced this decision. Should BTS maintain this momentum, an exemption would be inevitable I feel.

I miss them. They've been gone for too long. I'm worried about the impact this is going to have on their popularity if they disconnect from fans for so long or be mechanical about the way they connect with their fans.

I hate the limited access to them. But Scarcity increases the value of a product and it's not surprising if this is the approach BigHit is adopting in the wake of the pandemic.

Limited access not only raises value, it creates demand. Bang PD is a bigbrain marketing genius- I hate it.

They are taking a huge risk with this new marketing strategy. Personally, I'd stick to what works but then I am no marketing guru. Just a consumer who likes to play it safe. I guess I won't be getting hired anytime soon. Fuck.

It's all very fascinating.

What's equally fascinating is the shippers out here on these streets. The Jokers.

I... they confuse the hell out of me sometimes.

How are they going to question my rationality when I talk about moments I feel Jikook are having issues in their relationship or had broken up etc but then have no problem with and even applaud that same rationality when I talk about moments that has led me to believe there is lack of depth in Tae Kook's dynamics or that they are not real by any standard or that another ship in BTS isn't real.

Do I have two minds? Or are they more inclined to be selective in their beliefs based on their biases towards Jikook and against other ships? It's weird.

By the same lens I define Jikook as real, I define Tae Kook or any other ship that includes JK and Jimin as not real. And by that same lens if I feel Jikook aren't together then I'm wrong and irrational?

It really confounds me.

Not sure if they expect me to apply double standards to Jikook in those instances.

I don't think there is right and wrong opinions or perspective when it comes to shipping, but I think if they are right about me being wrong about my perspective on Jikook then I must be wrong about my perspective on any other ship in BTS as well.

I can't be right about one and wrong about another. I'm either right about all or wrong about all.

I can't be 'right' about Tae Kook having 'issues' in their bond in such a way I think it often bars them from fully nurturing their bond and developing depth to it but then be 'wrong' about Jikook also having issues that mess with their bond from time to time when it's the same measurement I use in accessing the depth of bond of both ships.

I really don't understand their way of thinking.

What is right and what is wrong and who decides on that?

I think we ought to substitute right and wrong with 'believe and believable.' The approach to such discourse should be about what one is willing to believe or not believe about certain discussions: I believe this. I don't believe that. Because believes stem from our personal biases towards a subject.

And the people that come running to me with 'look, Jikook smiled at each other in On era so change your mind'

I would except I hear this debate all the time. I wonder if they realize they sound exactly like the Tuktukkers in my DMs trying to convince me Tae Kook is real.

'Look Tae sat on JK's laps! How can you say there is no depth to Tae kook' ' He squished JK's cheeks' 'Jk said he wants to ride with Tae, if there was no depth why did he say he wanted to ride with him'

I have a feeling Soft Koo is back. The days of Terminator JK might be over. Too bad, I liked terminator JK. He was a bad ass.

I like that he is experimenting with his looks. But I'm glad his Ravi-esque phase is over. I wonder who he is drawing inspiration from this time. He reminds me of Jimin though. There is something peaceful and serene about his looks.

Can't really tell much because Bighit is sitting on tons of footages. I think I need to send a truck to Bang PD HQ.

I don't like that Jimin posted a Vhopemin photo for Tae's birthday. It was cute and all but I don't like it. That shit felt passive aggressive as fuxk. Lmho. What, he didn't have a V or Vmin photo in his gallery? Sounds like someone didn't put much effort in their VMin agenda for this post.

I wonder if he will keep the same energy come JK's birthday. I mean both him and Tae didn't post for him💀

May be I'm reaching on this one. But a single post where V was not even the focus of the post... I think his birthday means a lot to him and he enjoys when people shower him with love and attention and I don't think his birthday is an exception.

And he kept reiterating after such said birthday how he recently discovered he loves to be loved and how he does most of the things he does in order to be loved by his fans, friends and family.

And it breaks my heart that, the headlines read BTS shower X, Y with love on his birthday but the two people close to him were missing from that list this time. The media talks about BTS posting for eachother as them showering eachother with love. Certainly they all know this.

And the fact Jin posted for Tae after Tae's birthday says a lot about Tae and JK. Tae had no intention of posting perhaps because he left JM a message on the packages. With Jin I feel he was overcompensating for not posting for him on his birthday...

JK gets a pass. If JM wasn't happy about him not posting for his birthday, he would have pulled a Jin.

Jimin talking about coming to the realization he loves to be loved makes me think JK withholding his affections openly made him come to the realization he loves to be loved. Just a hunch. And the only reason JK would withhold his affections is if Jimin himself estopps him. Those two give me headaches.

I think I got the closure I needed from this.

LESSON: dont get on JM's bad side and bloody post for his birthday 💀

Tae been releasing photos of Jimin and Jhope a lot lately. Not sure how that makes me feel either. I think it's beautiful. But when I think about all these beautiful photos he has of Jimin on his phone and how generous he is with them- I think they would have been more meaningful had he released it on JM's birthday. The snow photo he posted still sits in my Vmin heart somewhere.

I really don't like this not posting for each other's birthday business. It's 2021. They need to cut it out.

I feel JK set a bad precedent but personal happiness first so good for him.

This moment haunts me for some reason.

What was going through V's head. I want to know. RM looks done. Lol.

Jimin is really beautiful. I love his eyes when he smiles and the thing he does with his shoulders.

Some people complain I write a lot. Some say I don't write enough. Ayayayai!!!!!!

What to do.

I think I accidentally deleted a post.

I'm looking forward to JKK1. Stay Gold, Still with you, Your eyes tell... I hope he hasn't given his best away cos those were bops.

PJM1... oh God I'm nervous. I'm excited for it but nervous. I think Serendipity is a classic. The Christmas song was equally great and frankly the only good Christmas Ive heard so far and I don't even like Christmas- nothing against Baby Jesus I just think it sucks. That bridge in Dis-ease is something.

I want to read his thoughts. His spotify playlist is insightful but I want to confirm if he really sees himself as a mess who is always causing his lover grief.

I mean he did say he has realized he needs to be considerate towards those that love him. Not sure yet the connection there.

I want to read his thoughts.

PJM1....

I love JHOPE. I think his ship with Jimin is beautiful and healing. They make my insides warm. Not sure if their shippers think they are real. Do they? That would be awkward.

I think RM and Jimin need to spend time together... it would be good for them.

Jimin and Sungwoon shippers are alleging Jimin has been staying with Sungwoon all this while. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

But the bit about him living with Sungwoon before the start of Bon V 4 has me🤔

Around that period, I don't believe JM was at the dorms and Jikook were not together then too. He must have been staying somewhere...

I'll let them have that.

But around November 2019 when he was having issues with JK he was staying with Tae too so no I don't think that means Sungwoon is queer or that Jimin is sleeping with him💀

They need to get out of their imaginations.

I think Jikook will drive me crazy one day.

I can feel my cranium swelling.

JiRose shippers need to pack it up. They really think Jimin is straight? 💀

It's the bad editing for me.

That doesn't look like a straight face to me. Unless his butt was on fire and he was uncomfortable looking at that black interviewer, I think that's his flirting face.

Lately I've been thinking about what ifs.

What if Jikook is not real?

I wish I believed that.

[helena-thessa]

Author’s Note

Heyy 🥰

I wanted to take a minute to thank everyone who’s following me here because of my writing, specifically Beyond the Walls. To not distract from the flow of the story, I tried to limit my author’s note on the final chapter and wanted to write a full acknowledgment note here. 🖤

No, I couldn’t. A pregnant pause, but not from hesitation. You could say I took a gamble.

Levi almost flinches. Erwin’s most recent gamble is the reason he sits alone on the shoreline holding a conversation with a fucking Ghost. Bitterness chokes out even the possibility of speaking aloud.

Too late now, but Levi reminds Erwin all the same. Sometimes the stakes are too high to take risks.

No, Levi. Words hardened by resolve. When the stakes are too high, all you can do is take the risk.

My initial plan was to go through and individually name the incredible people who consistently left comments, or shared really thoughtful insight, or added analysis of canon/my story that brought clarity and encouragement, or sent me ridiculously kind tumblr messages. But I’m really fucking blessed because there are so many of you. Please know, I genuinely struggle to read kind comments and receive compliments, I have to peel my hands off my eyes and coach myself through it lmao, but they seriously mean the world to me. Thank you.

I actually love that I’m embarrassed at how many mistakes I made in the beginning and along the way. I’ve learned so much! Please, no one be shy with your constructive feedback. I am on here to have fun, but also to improve as a writer. 

I’ll be posting an epilogue. The story concludes that Mikasa hasn’t found her purpose, but trusts that she will. I wanted to explore that and show it, though.

In the future, I’ll post some behind the scene thoughts on any hidden gems or unnoticed Easter eggs 😏 and also some deleted scenes. Everything in my blog related to Beyond the Walls is tagged like this post. 

content warning !! mention of abuse and trauma

My intellectual and creative goal was to realistically portray Mikasa and Levi as shown in canon, while expanding on how trauma, for lack of a better phrase, fucks things up. That said, my characterization for Levi was also heavily influenced by Z, my younger brother. I have one biological brother, four adopted sisters, and one adopted brother, Z. Z was three and I was sixteen when he was brought to our home. I remember he kept digging garbage-food out of our kitchen trashcan even though he’d already ate, even though there was food in the fridge and pantry he was allowed to have, even though we promised him he could eat again when he was hungry. I was only a kid myself then, but it was the start of my understanding to that sort of trauma. When you have nothing and have always had nothing, you don’t know that you can ask and you don’t expect more. You only accept what is given to you and you take what you need to survive. How that looked at three and how that’s developed in the decade since for Z, I won’t go into other than what you read with Levi in this story, but I still felt it was important to acknowledge him. 

Lastly on the note of trauma. Joanofsnark commented on Chapter 6: “... you gesture toward a long history of grief, suffering, and missed opportunities for connection”, and I felt like the story was so seen. As the final chapter reveals, none of the story would have happened if Levi and Mikasa hadn’t missed such an opportunity for connection in Chapter 1. This isn’t a sci-fi fic, but the concept is similar: Beyond the Walls is an ‘alternate reality’ that existed because of trauma and that missed opportunity. I don’t know, I’m meditating on that myself still, but I guess what I want to say is that I hope in real life, we can all be bravely vulnerable, believe in second andthirdandfourthandfifth chances, and seek connection even when it’s so hard. 

Okay, I’ve rambled enough. Now, I’m looking forward to causing fun and mayhem in the fandom fuck yeah rivamika smut challenge bby!! and finally reading other rivamika works. Again, seriously, thank you, thank you. 

Don’t be a stranger. 🥰🖤

xo, Lena 

[trishvaylar]

Maybe I just got lucky or maybe not, but I had a post in my drafts, a long one, written in two parts, about Rederina, I finished writing it, posted it but...it just got deleted, with no way for me to get it back unless I am to write it again right now. Well, seeing as there are only a few hours left until the Blacklist return with season 8, episode 03, and I am emotionally very uplifted right now (I was granted someone I love more then life, and that is inspiring, so much so writing a post I just spent over an hour finishing, from scratch, is not an ordeal at all, at least does not look like it anyway🤗) -I shall just do it again!

So, this Rederina post will contain two parts, the first about all the wrong reasons antis hate Rederina and the second about the sheer logic and inner magic and beauty of Rederina!

Shall we begin?

So, the first and foremost reason why there are Rederina-antis is that James Spader is a Man! Oh, of cause, he IS a man, there is no doubt in my mind about this and he has a great sex appeal, which we, women all around the world, feel very acutely. Yes, he is a man, but apart from that, he is although a great actor, whose gift comes from God! He could perfectly play a man who used to be a woman, no questions asked. Why would anyone object to that, if, when James'characters kissed a man in screen in Crash and in TV in the Office, I heard absolutely no objections to his chatacters' bisexualism. I see this as hypocricy and huge double standarts. I could also include an anti reason here that Rederina is anti-transgender. That is just stupid as fuck, because this is about love (Katarina's real reasons for changing her identity, which comes first, and gender switch comes in second, but I would elaborate on this in the second part of the post), not transgender rights I hugely respect.

So, I believe we are done with this reason, lets explore the others. And the top after mentioned above is the Daddygaters' reason. They believe Red is actually the real Reddington, Liz' Father. They create alaborate proofs of their theory, to explain why would Red make Liz believe she murdered her Father by shooting him when she was 4, why his remains were burried then dug up and then burned, if he, Red, was her Father all along. What Daddygaters do not recognize is that their elaborate explanations not only take the sound logic out of the show, but also make Red someone towards Liz he never was - a monster!

I really think this is enough talk about Daddygaters hating on Rederina.

The other reason for the antis is that we had The Witch listed as Katarina Rostova, number 3, on the blacklist. Oh well, this one is a piece of cake. It is a writing ruse used by many writers, ours just used this trick too. The moment I knew Red was an imposter, I knew we had to have an imposter Katarina, making her the name on the blacklist, very high up.

There is another reason, closely connected with the previous one: that Red and Katarina could not be one person, they have to be two people. I think this is very simple - The Witch is not Katarina, because WE KNOW KATARINA LOVES MASHA MORE THEN HER OWN LIFE! The Witch only cared for herself and her own survival, not about Liz. Mothers do not change like this, ever! Who else on the show loves Liz like this? Red, no one else. By that logic Red could ONLY be Katarina, Katarina could ONLY be our Red.

There are other, emotional, or plot-wise reasons for the antis to list, but they are minor and boring, we just talked about everything of any importance at all.

So we could light-heartedly pass to the second part of the post - the logic and inner beauty and magic of Rederina canon.

First and foremost Rederina is beautiful and logical because it tells the story of the greatest love of all, the Mother's love for her child. Look at what Katarina did in order to ensure her Daughter's safety - she forfeited her own identity, her personality, her self, not mentioning her Father, who never accepted the change and saw it as murder of who his daughter was, of her gender, her right to be Masha's Mother, to be with her. She entrusted Masha/Liz to Sam, who would ensure that Liz grew up emotionally safe, well protected, loved, taken care of, growing in the normal, non-criminal environment, with plenty of advise, money, guidince, smoothing the path done by Rederina. Because Katarina never planned to fully dissapear out of Liz' life. As Red (she chose to become Reddington for a few reasons - Reddington already existed, was dead, she knew everything about him, he was the Father of her only Daughter she literally adores, he was a man, by becoming him she could build that criminal Empire to counter any threat to Liz and to keep her, that is, Red, free and a very formidable enemy even in the eyes of the Cabal or anyone ever to try to topple Red or to trace Liz) she still influenced Liz' life, all aspects of it, but to Liz Red was only a notorious criminal, an he had to start from scratch in his relationship with the Daughter. When, in the end of season 7, Red answeres Liz' question by saying "you are the Daughter of Katarina Rostova", that sealed it for me. Liz inherits the Empire as the Daughter of the Mother, not as the Daughter of the Father, because, yes, Red has his name and face, but the soul is the Mother's!

In Cape May, where Katarina went alone 25 years ago, she tried to decide how to protect Masha. She was there alone. After "loosing" Liz Red goes to Cape May to try and find the spirit of the Woman, to ask one question - had his becoming Red to protect Liz failed to keep her from dying. His inner self, Katarina, could not answer that question, so Red goes to Dom, to THE PARENT, to try and get that answer. Eventually Dom and Aram lead Red to a belief Liz did not die as the result of that faithful choice.

We know Liz did not die, she tried to protect her own Daughter - Red understood, forgave without any discussion (but he did not forgive Mr Kaplan for hurting the Mother's heart), just stopped calling her Lizzy, for she is trully an adult in his eyes now. Red keeps forgiving, understanding, accepting Liz as only a Parent would. Those who wish Red to emotionally abandone Liz, they would never have their way.

I decided not to mention the romantic anti-rederina reason because that is soooo perverted in my mind I just can not bring myself to counter that with serious arguments. Romantic love is keen2 on the show, with the potential keenler, but romance between parent and child? No thank you! But having started the thread of emotional abandonement, I had to mention this one moment too.

So, Red seeks emotional support and advice from KATARINA'S FATHER? When it is a Parent Red needs? I mean, how more obvious could this get?

Then there is the fact that everything Liz ever finds out about her Mother, comes from Red. He tells Liz about what Katarina feared, how she loved Liz' Father, what she felt while being pregnant, what she felt after Masha was born, the photograph, of her and Masha, that her Mother is in her, even the diary and the time machine Liz got from Kirk - Kirk only came back into Liz' life thanks to seeing Liz and Red on TV together while they were on the run. The way Kirk and Red talk about Katarina is also very telling - Kirk tells what he remembers, and Red just adds personal details to what Katarina did, things only Katarina would really know. And Kirk would only accept help, the cure, from Katarina, for he knows - in her own way she cared...she cares still. That was one huge clue for me as to Rederina canon; Cape May was another; Dom was the next; even The Witch was just another clue.

Liz will know, eventually, who Red really is, and I hope she will hear it from him and all of us will:

I AM YOUR MOTHER!

That would be the most epic moment in the history of all the TV-shows in the last thirty years. Because that would prove the existance of the greatest love of all - the transending, unconditional, sucrificial, all-encompassing love ever existing in the world! The Blacklist, the show which is an ode to what makes our world worth living in: this kind of love which makes us human!

@katarinas-redemption with love and gratitude