#deleted bumble and hinge lmao

[the-winds-of-destiny-xxx]

.

[xcvdfgh]

still unsure which platform/app the frequent once i get back into online dating. like tinder is very superficial, obviously, which has its pros and cons (not having to put any effort into my profile, all fun and games vs. just... very superficial, people just wanna fuck, which is fair, but not something i feel i can do). bumble just feels too pretentious and performative somehow. hinge is fun cuz it feels like a game with the prompts etc but even though it says it’s an app meant to be deleted (bc you found your soulmate or whatever) i had the impression that most guys still just want to smash. that only leaves okcupid but okcupid heavilyyyy relies on having a personality/thoughts/opinions and presenting these online and it’s just so much effort. no fun, just earnest which i suppose is important if you’re looking for a more permanent relationship but i just loathe the process of filling out questions and trying to.... showcase my personality i guess. also last time i checked on the men on okcupid they’re either uglies and/or insane cuz they couldn’t find anyone to fuck on the aforementioned apps so now they’re stuck pretending to look for real love just bc they got blue balls lmao

[inaworldlikethis52]

I obviously cannot get upset that’s he’s on the apps as well lol. But I haven’t seen him on tinder or hinge which are the hook up apps. Maybe he’s on bumble bc he’s bored? Though like. You could text me lol. It’s another convo I prob need to have. If we are only going to see each other or if this is more of a casual thing. I like him though. I don’t want him on these apps lmao and I’ll 100 percent delete my apps too 😭😭 The guys I match with I don’t plan on meeting. Idk if he’s in the same boat or maybe he has already met other girls. I’ll find out tomorrow maybe unless “I’m working today” 😭😭

[the-winds-of-destiny-xxx]

Gonna start being a brave girl and logging what happened during my day (when I feel like it) as text posts rather than tags so here goes 😭.

Work

Work wasn’t too bad today. Only did a half day so it wasn’t nearly as tiring as the 12 hour shifts. Was assigned a 1.1 today which means I was in a patient’s room with them all day monitoring their pulse, tidal vols and oxygen levels and making two sets of notes. The more detailed set was taken every 30 mins and the less detailed set every hour. They are fairly easy to take care of. Unfortunately they’re mostly bed bound but they like music so I put on lots of songs for them throughout the day to keep them entertained. They usually wave their hands in the air and shake their head when they hear a song they enjoy which I find quite sweet. Also I make sure to keep their hair brushed and skin moisturised throughout the day.

Whenever I’m assigned to that patient my work crush tends to pass by their room a lot and then we’ll make awkward eye contact with the odd smile lmao. Sometimes light convo if he’s feeling brave that day 😭.

Uni

Still haven’t got a reply from my personal tutor regarding the exams I messed up. I’m hoping they don’t fuck up my ability to pass the course overall. Dad has said that I shouldn’t worry and that if I have to repeat the year he’ll pay my tuition but I don’t want to have to repeat the year. I just feel so shit because it was poor mental health that made me fuck those exams up. I was in a really bad place, doubting my capability and didn’t bother submitting an MCF because I thought my mental health wouldn’t be taken seriously as the people in charge of it seem reluctant to give out extensions, allow you to defer etc but we’ll see how it goes.

Kinda scared for this essay coming up but I’ve been working hard to make sure I do detailed analyses of the papers supporting my arguments so I’m hoping it goes well.

Mood

Feeling so weird rn. My mood is shifting from anxious and depressed to emptiness. I can be hard on myself sometimes but it’s because I’m constantly thinking about where I’m from (3rd world country where most are unable to continue their education past college due to finance issues) and where I want to be (neuropsychologist or something similar). Most people in that field don’t even look like me and the odds never feel like they’re in my favour so it stresses me out but I don’t want to give up.

I’ve also deleted hinge and bumble lmao. I always say it will be the last time but I think this time it actually is. I think if I meet someone it’s gonna have to be organically. Not gonna put any pressure on it. It will happen when it happens.

[the-winds-of-destiny-xxx]

uni

started working on essay two (making notes on papers). Made a plan now all I need are references. I know how many I want per section so just gotta find the info. Feel like this question will be easier to answer than the last because it’s with reference to a case and the programme lead made the question v specific.

Energy drinks helped me focus with the last essay but noticed they’re giving me heart palpitations so gonna have to stop 😭

Sat with some of my course friends last class and actually felt v left out of the convos so gonna go back to sitting on my own. Idk I don’t like feeling left out/overlooked in group settings. Ik no one does but it’s worse for me because my brain over analyses it and then I feel very low.

went out for drinks with A + A (they weren’t the ones who I felt left out with they were sat elsewhere) after class at this place that A recommended. The food was so good and loved the vibe of the place. We ordered a few rounds of drinks and had a good time.

(didn’t sit with them in class because A was v late 😭 (came for the last class) and the other A was sat next to T). T still makes me nervous.

work

working tomorrow and the day after. 12 hour shifts. Not looking forward to it at all but it is what it is.

gym/health

managed to go gym 3 times last week 🥳. Been eating healthier too with the odd unhealthy snack here and there 🌚. Hopefully I can go gym 3x this week as well.

dating

deleted the LGBTQ+ dating app + refuse to try hinge and bumble again so it’s back to me waiting to meet someone organically.

Nothing on the horizon tho. Don’t expect anything will be for a while.

was lurking on W’s insta earlier lmao. He posted the most adorable vid. Don’t care about showing up in the views because Ik he won’t do anything about it

mood

I’m okay. Mood is kind of low at the moment. I’ve been taking my meds tho and vitamin D supplements to help with mood and joint pain.