#debated about putting magicarp in its own little too dumb to live category for obvious reasons

[spoonyglitteraunt]

I have built up an entirely new classification system for pokemons since starting to play this game. No longer shall they be sorted into types, nah too easy, too boring, too predictable. From now on this shall be known as the Arceus scale of oh crap I’m fucked.

Gaze upon my sorting and weep (whether in joy or frustration is of your own choosing). - Friend shaped also known as the curious buggers that should perhaps learn some survival skills. Example: Aipom, Petilil, Magicarp If you get near them they will come see what you are doing, crowd around you and won’t even bugger off if you catch one of them, because they are just so damn curious. May in fact be so curious they get in your way. Cute to feed though.

- What do I see upon yonder- oh it’s gone. Or the I see your stealth, player, and raise you a very run away. Examples in this category are: Starly, Abra, and all the baby pre evolutions (which fair, I’d run away too if I was a harmless little babe) They will spot you the second you land in the area. Often before you spot them and make like a tree and leave. In a hurry. Good luck getting even near enough to throw one of the feather balls.

- Couldn’t care less. Examples: Shellos, Gastrodon These guys are perfectly happy to ignore you and let you go on your merry little way. If you attack or catch them they may react, but otherwise, have fun little player. You do you.

- Gotta catch them all. Examples: bloody freaking Cherrim You will have to catch them. You will curse your existence. They have better hiding skills than any superhero with invisibility powers. And they may or may not prove uncatchable even if you do track one down. Have fun playing the what am I doing with my life existential crisis roulette.

- Ready to throw down and start shit. Examples: Parras, Shinks These buggers will spot you the second you get near and when they do they are instantly ready to throw down. They are surprisingly nimble and will keep tracking you for quite a ways. Murder hornets having nothing on these babies. They will try to fuck you up. Even if you are beyond a doubt way out of their league. Honey badger may not care, but these guys certainly do. About your annihilation.

- Can you bloody not? Also the, oh it’s you again, category. Examples: Geodude, Zubat Any experienced pokemon player has at one point in time cursed these babies. Especially those who played the earlier gens where you had caves filled with them and every two steps was “SURPRISE, BABY!” They are much the same in this game. Bonus ugh points if it’s night time and they both exist in the same area. They will notice you, they will make a nuisance of themselves and you WILL curse their existence before long. Only saving grace is that they tend to be easy to walk away from even when spotted.

- Danger noodles and other malicious pasta Examples: gyrados, machamp, scyther They are a danger, but they are also noodly (in spirit not always shape), which means they are fairly easy to walk around if taken proper care. Not too bad in the grand scheme of things. Unless you run full on into them by accident, in which case hope you got a type advantage on you.

- Danger will Robinson. Also known as RUN AWAY!! Examples being: anything alpha really and some of the final evolutions It big, it stronk and it knows it. Ready to kick you into next week if you are foolish enough to come near. It doesn’t even wait for you to introduce yourself, it will let the energy wave blast thingy do the talking for it. You better sneak up on it and have a type advantage on your side. Only saving grace is that they don’t wander far, so running away is feasible. We suggest you learn the art of retreating quickly.

- And finally the best category of all The Himbo! Population: Bidoof. Too pure for this world, too dumb to care you may be a threat and will cheerfully and respectfully come see what you are doing. We truly do not deserve them.