#dearjackie

[stadiumbound]

Jackie Robinson was born 100 years ago today 🙏 #JR100 #Legend #Dodgers #BleedBlue @jrfoundation #DearJackie https://www.instagram.com/p/BtUD4D_FZsP/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1r1q169eqq9gt

[clingyvibes]

I've been.

I've been asking myself so many "Whys and Should I" questions for the past few days. 'Cause all I feel right now is that I'm lost and I don't know what to do anymore and why do it. I've been asking myself what do I really want, but I seem to can't answer the question until now. Yes, I am lost.

I've been trying to understand myself so that others can understand me. I've been trying to understand the lessons so that I can get the grades that I want. I've been trying to understand the people around me so that I can see why they are like that. I've been trying to understand the people who are closest to my heart because I love them. I've been trying to understand you because you're the worst pain in the ass and I can't get you out of my mind.

-

I've been asking myself why are you acting that way. I should know you and I should know why you're like that but I don't want to assume and break my heart for the nth time. You told me to stop, I did, but now that I've been living the life my history took away from me, you do your thing, hinder me from the things I need.

I need time for myself, to be loved not by the people who tell love me and then leave me shattered. I need to be free, free from you, free from the people who have hurt me and somehow made me stronger.

I should be happy but then the bitterness you show affects me and makes me ask myself, why? I thought this is what you wanted for me? I don't know what to feel about you, about us. I've been bothered by the way you make me feel. You make me want to regret. I'm just bothered by you being unhappy. I love you, not the way I did before, but I still do and no one or nothing can ever change that. I know you're in pain. I used to be your sanctuary, you used to be mine. Please. Let me help, don't hate me and go bitter. Just let us fix things together. Or if you don't want me to help you, just don't make me feel guilty about it.

Just so you know, I still hope it is you in the end. I know I have accepted that we're over, not expecting but I am hoping. I know it's crazy for anyone to understand but let's just work together as brothers and sisters at the least.

Let me know if you need me.