#dear lorz

[ratatatastic]

"smart fight by ekblad" and then zooming in on ekky in the box to forsy on the bench and going "forsys gonna be okay" oh we are fujoing out on main huh

[dancinginfreedom]

Quarantine Reflection Series by Lorz: A Question A Day ✨

Ep 2: Did you ever wonder what I wonder? 🤔🥺🌿

“You know you want something tremendously when you still choose to pursue it despite your heart complaining”.

I suddenly halted when I read that. I felt that. I paused and wondered, somehow confused.

A part of my heart is confused after reading that while having my devotion. In my heart, I continued the sentence: ..despite my heart always complaining “Lord, again, today, I don’t feel like doing it”.

How does someone cope up with nothing to look forward to the moment he/she wakes up? Aside from the mere reason that you need to — if you don’t ever wanna lose your job which is the source of your daily survival.

Have you ever wondered what kept you working all this time? Doing the same bunch of tasks every day?

Have you ever been so confused in your life? Asking yourself whether you’re just lazy enough to not feel like doing those workload but your heart still wants it? That’s why despite showing up late everyday at your workplace, you’re still there. Even when it seems like — “i’m not sure if u know but i’m barely hanging here, dear” you say.

But WHAT IF.. the mere fact that you don’t feel like doing it each day signals you to stop — right where you are?

WHAT IF that place isn’t where God has really put you?

Have you ever wondered if you’re just wasting the precious time God has given to you to do things that are far more valuable than what you are doing right now?

I wonder if you wonder about these things.. like I did.. and still does — from time to time. 🙃

[dancinginfreedom]

I FIND MY JOY IN WHO YOU SAY I AM

Lorz’ diary excerpt: 2020Jan30

Dear God,

Thank You for mornings like this I could talk to You face to face. Thank You for hearing my heart out. Thank You that I am more than my actions and that You see me not by my mistakes nor my achievements but merely by who You truly are — the One who created me. I know that even in the future, one way or another, I will continue to have regrets for some decisions I have made in the past — and yet here You are — still calling me “you are worth my time and effort, My child” coz You keep no records of my past but at the same time letting me know it doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be doing my very best right now. I thank You for right now. Right now I am here before You in Kota Kinabalu. What a delight to be here and witness the sunrise that felt like wrapping me in peace, telling me “new beginnings are coming your way; I, Your God will make it all happen”.

Thank You God for Your truth. May I continue to rejoice in the truth that I am Your chosen and a royal priesthood of Your Kingdom. The calling You have for me may not be the very path I am walking right now, at this very season — but the security I can only find in You assures me I am being held and embraced by the One who knows it all — above all, by the One who loves me the most.

[dancinginfreedom]

Abide in God

Honest tears. Joyful declarations.

First thing that popped up in my mind with its first sentence -- “I wonder what triggered my faith to lose in Him?” I can’t recall being offended by my leaders but I do remember how judgeful there eyes were on me when I started lying low in church activities that often people see as a factor of how faithful and close your relationship is with the Lord. Or maybe it was the fact that I received a calling of mission and a  gift of intercession and I didn’t see myself fit for the role that I started loosening my faith in God. (Side note: who am I to judge myself whether God had a mistake giving me those roles. *laughs* oh really, God does mistakes? you’re kidding me, Lorz) Or lastly, was it the fact that it was so hard for me to forgive the unforgivable in my friends that are very dear to me? I bet, all of the above are correct.

“We can’t anchor our faith to people and declare that we follow Jesus”.

This hits to the core. So maybe, possibly, when I slowly loosened my grip on God, I unconsciously put my anchorage to the people around me and on the things that I could experience from which people at my age don’t normally experience. And from those experiences, I started anchoring my value and significance to it.

How often do I find myself being such a disappointment when hit with these realities? How often do I need to be pruned?

But this I know, PRUNING means there is a room for growth. God prunes whatever is dying and unhealthy. Even though outwardly I see how failure I am, I choose to abide in God and be connected to the Source who gives me life. So above everything, despite me, thank You Lord for bringing me HERE and NOW. You’ve brought me THIS FAR and THIS IS ALL BECAUSE YOU ARE WITH ME.