#dear god i hope my therapist doesnt see this post

[eidolons-stuff]

it has been perhaps 2 weeks since i first watched Wednesday. In those 2 weeks, i have finished the series 4 times, changed my entire tiktok fyp to be of wenclair, consumed nothing but bts of the making of wednesday and almost had a breakdown when i read somewhere that s2 might not be done until 2024/25. I have also successfully gotten one of my friends obsessed with wenclair and wish to create a cult of wenclair obsessed, mentally ill teens. Just regular obsession things

[theroadtohappyness-blog1]

Just LOL-ing at my life

6/23/2019 just realized I have to start dating my notes because i cant see when i write them. Well ok isnt it so fucking hilarious how my last post of 2017 had to do with Jose screwing me over and how much I hate him and never want to speak to or see him again. Well LOL Jennifer. God is still playing tricks on you. well this morning I just got back from a 4 day vacation to Seattle for a conference with none other than the great Jose himself. Lol i DECIDED TO INVITE HIM AFTER BEIG DRUNK AND MISSING HIM AND OMG WORST MISTAKE EVER. We argued the WHOLE time with no break. I cried for so many hours straight. and can you believe he told HE IS GOING TO HAVE A BABY WITH A GIRL HE MET ON BUMBLE. like he literally fucked her twice and shes pregnant lol. idk why, but my heart is completely destroyed. i was so fucking in love with him. I still am in love with him which is why i spent so much of my flight home crying. Fuck dude. Our friendship is completely over. I blocked him on everything but only unfollowed him on IG and did not block him on my phone. so technically im a little bitch and really didnt do shit because I want him to text me,but idk if thats going to happen. Also we fucked for three of the nights and I found out he doesnt use condoms with the girls hes been fucking so yay I have to go get tested for STDs in about 3 weeks. His baby momma also has cervical cancer due to HPV so lets hope that I dont contract that strain too. Ya know, Ive been really scared about having HPV for the past two years and having all these pap smears, and I finally told him about it. He said he felt bad but I think hes mad I never told him. Oh well.. But whatever,. In conclusion seattle sucked so fucking much because he was there and everything he told me. he officially told me he has no feelings for me and us hooking up/kissing/fucking didnt mean anything to him. So ok cool. but whatever. I mean what the fuck am Igoing to do? I cant keep crying anymore about this because its pathetic and a moot point. I need to clean my fucking room and get going with all the shit I need to do because damn jenget the fuck over all these sad things. You deserve so much more than this and you need to HELP YOURSELF. stop making everyone feel pity for you. Youre fucking pathetic and need to just stop. If only I could justget out of bed. It’s so hard. I feel like my life is crumbling. I think Im going to start on wellbutrin again and make an appointmet with my psychiatrist and therapist. I think I need someone else to help me. Im incapable of doing it for myself. Im trying to be nice to myself, but its so hard. Everything is so hard. Why am I like this? Why do I get so depressed over guys all the time. This is so dumb. Why do I feel so lonely when im alone in my room. Cant I just relax without feeling anxiety and sadness. I just dont know. I pray to god for guidance and help, but my prayers are never answered, Its ridiculous, Everyone else around me is happy, in relationships, making great money, beig successful. and all im doing is getting increasingly fat and depressed. DEAR GOD WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN?!