#dean wichester x pregnant!reader

[jawritter]

You Deserve Better Than Me...

Requested By: @missafairy​

What do you think about a fic where older Dean (37 I think) finds out that the girl he's currently dating is pregnant. She is like... 23 maybe and he doesn't feel right about dating her in the first place because of age difference and the fact that he has a shady past, maybe drugs, and alcohol. He has stopped with drugs but booze is still a small problem and she is all cute and sweet and innocent but his feelings for her and his need for her is too much to just let her go. She obviously loves him too and is kinda happy with the baby, scared for sure and nervous but also maybe kinda like "oh well, okay" and she tells him, a bit anxious and he isn't too happy about it. He's scared and sad and a little lost and maybe makes this cute sad face like in the gif and basically... Maybe breaks up with her but kind of offers to support her financially even though he doesn't have much.

Warnings: Swearing probably, cause you know it’s me, Angst, Pregnant!Reader, Fluff, Depressed Dean, Self Loathing Dean, I think that’s about it for this one.

Word Count: 2636

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Pregnant!Reader

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*****MASTERLIST*****

Dean's POV:

Dean closed the door on Baby and stepped out into the cool night air. Walking through a graveyard at night wasn't something normal people did, but I was something Dean had done so often in life that it was more peaceful and natural to him than a walk in the park or a stroll down a dock in the early morning hours. 

The sun hadn't quite broken over the tree line that surrounded this little out of the way place. It was an older cemetery. Most of the people that were buried here had been buried since the late 1800s. The last readable headstone that Dean had found was one from 1903, so he assumed that Mr. Shumbler was the last man who was buried here at the ripe old age of 93, an age that Dean would probably never reach; not with his lifestyle and past anyway. 

He'd done so much wrong in life that it wasn't even going to a question of whether or not he'd done enough good deeds to pass through the pearly gates when he died. 

No his soul had been too marred. 

He'd destroy it. 

Destroy it with trying to do the right thing for everyone else, destroyed it with all the sacrifices he'd made on behalf of his family, friends, and even complete and total strangers, destroyed it when he spent 40 years in hell, destroyed it when he'd taken the Mark of Cain, and destroyed it even further when he'd become a Demon. 

If there even was much of a soul left, it was so twisted and dark that he didn't even think it possible that he was human, yet here he was. Pulling his jacket tighter to his body as he made his way through the garden of stone, listening to wind rustle through the trees above his head. 

His mind drifting to the one good thing that he had. 

Y/N.

She was younger than him, way younger, about 14 years younger. She was only 23 years old, he was 37. Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting the cold air burn deep in his chest before letting it out in a huff of fog as his warm breath met the cold air that was hanging heavy around him.

She was so innocent, trusting. She looked at him like he hung the damn moon! He didn't understand it. How she could see past all that was wrong with him and look at him like she was so madly in love with him that he could do no wrong in her eyes?

He'd even taken her innocents from her. He was her first. She'd never been with another man before him. He was probably gonna spend a special stint on the rack when he finally did get back to hell just for that. 

He could literally close his eyes and feel how tight she was that night as he slid himself into her, connecting their bodies in the most intimate way. The way she clung to him as he thrust himself in and out of her. The bliss that enveloped his body as he finally found his release inside of her. The peace that followed as she slept soundly on his chest, her arms wrapped around him, holding herself close as possible to him.

It was wrong. It shouldn't have been. He shouldn't feel this way. She was too good, too pure, she was perfect, he didn't deserve her, or the comfort that she offered him. He deserved the pain, and devastation for all that he'd done wrong in his life. 

Even though she'd helped him lay down the drugs, he still held tightly to the bottle, and she deserved more than some drunk, who had enough daddy issues to send Dr. Phil to back to school, that had committed crimes and seen things that would make your worst serial killers tremble and cry for their mommies. Hell, he couldn't even give her a damn home, not in this life. The most he could do was move her into the bunker and teach her how to use stolen credit cards and commit tax evasion. 

Is that what he really wanted? To take this pure, innocent, little slice of heaven on earth, and make her into some criminal, something to fit his twisted sick standards?

She didn't deserve that. She deserves someone who could give her a family. A home, a normal life. One not filled with monsters, the biggest of all himself. 

Dean made his way with a heavy heart back to his Baby, his constant... his only real home. 

He knew what he had to do, but that didn't make it any easier. 

She was young. She would recover. Find someone to love her. Someone better than him. 

Him? Well, he'd die alone, cold, twisted, on the end of a blade, gun, or some monster’s snack. That's the life he'd chosen. That's what he deserved.

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Your POV:

Sitting on the side of your tub you stare down at the little white pregnancy test that is showing two very bold pink lines like if you look at it hard enough, it will disappear, or you'd wake up, and this would all be some sort of strange dream.

That wasn't going to happen, that test was very real, and you were very pregnant. The constant headaches, morning/all day sickness, and mood swings told you that the test was indeed accurate. That and the nonexistent period. 

You weren't ready to be a mom, but you also had no desire to change the fact that you were about to be one. It is what it is. Even though you were terrified, this was Dean's child. That means it was part Dean, and part you, the best of the both of you, how could you not love it?

Standing up you made your way with the test in your hands to the kitchen, still staring at it, trying to make it feel real. There was a little life growing inside of you now, and that made you smile. The fact that this little life was part Dean made your heart swell even more. You would have a piece of him with you always, no matter what happens. 

The sound of a pounding on your door made you jump where you were standing. You didn't have a chance to move before you saw the light flood the living room and Dean's voice boomed through the house in his usual deep rumble.

"Y/N? You home?" 

The man never waited on a door to open and you couldn't help but smile at his impatiens. 

"In here!" you yelled just as soon as he rounded the corner. 

You didn't waste any time running to him and throwing your arms around his neck, breathing him in deeply.

"Dean I got good news!" you squeal. 

Dean pulls back from you, his eyes looked tired as he waited for you to say whatever it was that you had to say.

"What?" he asked, almost like he was a little bit afraid to ask.

"You're going to be a daddy!!" you said, beaming, handing him the test that was still in your hand.

The color drained Dean's face as he took the test from you, looking at it closing his eyes for a moment before biting down on his lip and looking at you sadly. This was not the reaction you were expecting from him, and your heart fell to your feet. 

"Y/N," Dean took a deep breath steadying himself. "I came over to tell you that it might be best if we don't see each other anymore... I didn't expect... I don't have much, but I'll do what I can to help support you with this baby if you want to keep it."

You couldn't believe what you were hearing. You stood there dumbfounded. Tears running down your face as your heart shattering into a thousand tiny little pieces on the floor. 

"Dean... Why? I thought? You ...." 

Biting on your lip you turn your back on him. How could he have told you that he loved you, taken your virginity, got you pregnant, and now is standing here telling you that you should go your separate ways? It didn't make sense. You felt used, betrayed.

"Y/N, You're so young. You will find someone a lot better than me I promise you that. You don't need me. I'm a burden to you. Hell, by the time you're just getting going in your life I'll be in my 60's If I even live that damn long. You need someone closer to your age, someone, who can provide a home for you. Someone who can give you more than me. This is wrong. I should have never started dating you. Now I've gone and knocked you up, fucked up your life even more." 

You couldn't look at him. You felt like the breath had been knocked slap out of your chest. Like your heart had absolutely stopped breathing. 

Dean said nothing else, he just turned and left you standing there, letting himself out; not even tell you goodbye. 

Now here you were stuck with a baby, that was part of the man you loved more than life itself, but for some reason, he didn't love you enough to stay. Even after you told him you were going to have his child. 

You didn't know what to do or where to go from here. You didn't even know if you were going to be able to pick yourself up off this floor, because if it wasn't for this baby, if there were no Dean, there was no reason for you to get up and carry on. 

It felt like your whole world had just begun, and then quickly came to an end all in one go. It was almost more than anyone could take. How were you expected to go on from this? Why did he do this to you? More importantly, why if he turned around right now and walked back through that door you would take him back without question?

The thing of it though was Dean didn't come back. 

For six months you went to doctors' appointments, worked, and did everything alone. The only thing you saw of Dean was a scanty check in the mail once a month. The amount varied, but you knew it was all he had. You were surprised he kept his word that far. 

Even all these months you never stopped loving him. 

You found out that you were going to have a little boy, and you decided to name him John because you knew that's what Dean would have wanted. If he would have wanted you...

You left voicemails on his phone after every appointment, giving him updates and things about the baby, and when you found that the baby was going to be a boy, you left the name for his son on the voicemail, hoping that it would draw him out, make him at least talk to you, you wanted more than anything to hear his voice. Just hear him.

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Three days after leaving the voicemail about baby John on Dean's voicemail you were sitting at your bar in the kitchen with the laptop in front of you, looking at baby cribs online, and trying to figure out how the hell you were going to pay for everything you needed for this baby when you heard a knock on your door.

You didn't know who the hell it could have been, because it was ridiculously late, but something drew you to the door. Curiosity? Stupidity? You didn't know, but it was like some strange pull was making you get off your butt and go to the front door. 

You cracked it just enough to see who it was, and when those mossy green eyes that had been haunting your dreams ever since the day he left you met yours, you almost feel flat of your ass.

"Dean!" you said, jerking the door open wider, stepping back for him to come in. 

Cautiously Dean made his way into the house. For a moment you both just stood there, staring at each other. Dean looked thinner, tired, and more worn down than he did even the day that he'd left you, His eyes glued to the baby bump that was strained against your nightshirt, swallowing hard like he was trying to swallow a lump that was stuck in his throat. 

"Dean, what are you doing here?" you finally asked him, starting to get a little worried about his mental state. He looked like he'd been through hell and back. 

"I uh... I don't know where to start," he said, running his hand through his tousled hair. From the looks of it, he'd been doing that a lot tonight.

"I can't stay away from you anymore. I miss you Y/N. I know that you have every right to tell me to go fuck off. You told me we were having a baby, and I.. I just walked away like a total and complete Jackass. I didn't even," Dean took a ragged breath like he was trying to keep the title wave of emotions at bay that was threatening to flow over the walls that were built up so high around him.

"Y/N I love you, I never stopped loving you, I left because I thought I was doing you a favor, I thought that you would be able to find someone to take care of you, someone better than me, but Baby I'm selfish, and I just can't let you go. I need you."

He made a cautious step towards you, then another when he saw that you weren't going to slap him or tell him to leave. He closed the distance between you, placing his lips to yours in a desperate kiss, putting all he had in it, trying to convey every unspoken word, every feeling that he couldn't say, every I'm sorry all in one long, tender kiss; finally breaking away when you both had to breath.

You blinked for a moment and tried to clear your thoughts. This was the moment that you'd been waiting for, praying for, now here it was, and you wanted to pinch yourself. Reaching up you placed your hand on the side of Dean's face and he leaned into your touch, closing his eyes a single tear slipping down his cheek and you wiped it away with your thumb.

"Dean, I love you too. I never stopped either. I'm so glad your home. I've waited for you all this time hoping and praying that you'd see how much I loved you and come home. I don't care that you have a bad past. I don't care that you can't give me all those things that you think that I want, because the house and picket fence isn't what I see when I look at the future. All I see is you, and if we have to live in a cardboard box under a bridge, that's okay, cause I have you, you're all I ever wanted. Period. Nothing else. You and our son. He needs his daddy to Dean.”

Dean brushed his lips over yours again. Burying his face in your neck. 

"How do we start over from here?" Dean asked.  

You both knew that there was so much scares and hurt on the both of you that you were going to take time to get back were you, but you were willing to take as long as it takes. Just as long as he kept his arms wrapped around you like they were right now.

"Let's just start at the beginning, take our time, and one step at a time we will figure this out together." 

Because that's all that mattered, as long as you, Dean, and this baby, that's all you'd ever need. 

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Tag List:

@deanwanddamons​​ @imabitch4jensen​​ @rvgrsbrns​​ @bi-danvers0​​ @onethirstyunicorn​​ @i-love-superhero​​ @akshi8278​ @alanegaming​