#dbtblogging

[lordelmelloi2]

its actually extremely important to take care of yourself on the days you have therapy because while its tempting to unload a bunch of traumas almost all at once the problem is that the act of doing that, the act of actually talking about your traumas with a therapist is going to trigger your PTSD. like thats kind of explicitly how it works. this is why trauma therapists undergo more training than normal Cognitive Behavioral therapists because the act of having someone speak on their traumas Opens Up that box that contains them and sometimes can be overflowing and spilling out and you need to know how to train patients to take a step back from it

with that being said as a PATIENT here are some things i have noticed to try to control the onset of PTSD symptoms during and post-session

set boundaries with your therapist. this means acknowledging that a topic is triggering for you and that you'll have limited functioning ability if you go into depth about it. therapists typically understand, respect and honor this.

come up with a self-care plan in the event of acute PTSD responses. this should be grounding techniques for the most part as well as making sure you don't spend all the rest of the day in your pajamas in bed tired.

recognize when you're spiraling in-session and pause your train of thought. this can be hard to do but over the years ive trained myself to recognize that when i'm non-stop babbling about some psychological history i've had, that i've been triggered. traumas can be connected especially in the case of complex PTSD and/or dissociative disorders. any ongoing set of traumas can lead to you attempting to segway and talk about other similar traumatic events - if you catch yourself, take a deep breath and close your eyes, and check in with the therapist while acknowledging that you may be exhibiting symptoms of being emotionally overwhelmed.

next comes the coping with the emotional overwhelming during therapy --- this i don't have a perfect plan for. im really still working on this myself from a preventative standpoint. but what i like to do after an emotionally exhausting therapy session is basically, like, get myself one small, inexpensive thing that makes me feel happy? like fast food, a coffee/tea, a pastry etc... or if i'm broke i make a point of making myself a special brunch/lunch/snack or dinner.

during a session i have dissociated before and had amnesia. i usually ask what went on. i ground myself by using a spray bottle of an herbal spray from like, bath & body works because the wet mist + smell can quickly shock me back into control. if dissociation + amnesia is a problem for you finding a "grounding object" can help greatly.

dissociating w/o amnesia and facing PTSD thoughts can be tough because you may be panicking and unable to express it. during these times i usually attempt to use a method of backtracking my thoughts into a core concern by repeatedly asking myself 'why do i feel this way?'. most of the time i personally can tell because i'll begin crying, the crying response will ground me, and i'll be able to move my body/respond again. during non-amnesiac dissociation episodes, try to focus your thoughts by asking 'why' so that the emotional overload that caused the jam in your brain's functions in the first place can be processed slowly and then steadily. its like unjamming a printer sometimes.

these aren't therapist sanctioned tips, but they're ones that i'm employing and they're working for me. if they work for you, that's excellent and you should keep using them. if they don't work for you, it's okay -- types of trauma and brains and brain's reactions to trauma are all different, so not everything has a 100% guarantee on it.

[only-if-you-say-so]

Group 1 & 2 went ok. Currently typing from the bathroom. #noshame right? The second group was WAY bigger and we're going to be just as big for group 3. There's hardly any room to breathe let alone do "vision boards". We'll see how this goes. I am so anxious. My stomach is twisted. Also, group 2's staff leader just came in the bathroom. And now another girl. God, I hope they're not judging me. My stomach is just not handling this. Feet up so they don't recognize my shoes. May as well stay in here until they leave. Dead god my stomach is so upset. SEND RESCUE.

[lordelmelloi2]

you have to stop lying to yourself and you have to remember that you were TAUGHT to hate yourself. you are not inherently worth hate! that is a false message coming from god knows all angles of society that wants to push you down so all the people who were lucky to not be taught to hate themselves can rise up. if you can recognize this you can start the process of stopping yourself when you start to repeat these taught lies to yourself. use the opposite words, actions, ideas - fight back. be gentle on yourself when you make small mistakes and fight back.

[lordelmelloi2]

i learned some things abt myself that are crucial to my recovery last night & are things i am gonna do more research on bc theyre so important

you have to genuinely love yourself for stuff

like you cant just do things and say its self love, you can't just indulge and say its self love. you can't say you love yourself and respect yourself if its not genuine and you're still wanting things from others. like straight up. if your core desires are validation & comfort & sympathy& attention from others, you don't genuinely love yourself or don't love yourself enough.

and here's the thing... i forgot at some point that i loved myself at all. probably because there were some reasonably traumatizing things happening in my life last fall. and the thing is when you stop genuinely loving yourself you stop wanting to help yourself and you start putting this idea in your head that its others fault for not helping you, others fault for ignoring you, others should reach out to you and you should get attention and sympathy and validation for your suffering. and that's just not how it works. it starts with you. it genuinely starts with you loving yourself.

and it has to be genuine. like 100% genuine and you'll KNOW when its genuine because when you're as down in the pits as any typical depressed person, once you find the first thing you love yourself truly and genuinely for, it feels liberating. it feels like you've unlocked something in yourself. you might even cry. I know I certainly did hhdfj

so for me, even though i don't have a full list like the DBT skill S.A.C.R.E.D. says (5 things), there are things i love myself for. i love myself for trying to be a good person. note how i didn't make this a b/w thing- for trying my damned hardest to be a good person, i genuinely love, am proud of, and respect myself. none of you have known me for years, but i did not use to be as open minded or even partial towards trying to be at all. a lot of longtime friends of mine (10+ years) know ive made a lot of progress and ive become really a very understanding person and i will continue to try to do so. and i love myself for that!

the other thing i identified was my skills. i am a very, very fucking skilled person, to the point where i have trouble organizing my resume because of it. i have skills and experience and especially in creative arts - and that is something i respect about myself. i have a lot of creative power. and i absolutely fucking love myself for that.

i have a lot of self insight! ive been complimented on this in the past a lot. it contributed to my ability to self reflect and become a better person over the years. this is a very respectable and admirable trait to have. i have excellent critical thinking skills and i enjoy working and critically thinking on projects i am genuinely involved with. i am proud of myself and love myself for that.

and just to wrap up, but i am actually even skilled in most of the things that, as a child, i dreamed of becoming - i may not be a full renaissance man but i am dangerously close to becoming an artistic jack of all trades. as a child that was my ultimate dream and im realizing that this whole time i never gave that up. im proud of myself for my creativity. i love my creative self, they're so fucking fun, their ideas are fun, they can come up with GREAT concepts that a lot of people are interested in and that's impressive and good.

im sure i could find a 5th one and complete the list, and it's probably dangling in front of my nose, and ideally im supposed to have 10, but these are just 4 things that i found out that i genuinely loved myself for.

and that's the kind of thinking you need to start with to get better. that's how you build self esteem. that's how you start finding REASONS to do actions that genuinely are self love - like organizing your life, getting that new job, moving out, going back to college, going to therapy.

recovery.... isn't about sitting there and saying "i'm suffering" and calling it a day. it's about looking at YOU -- YOU ON THE INSIDE -- and saying softly and caringly that you LOVE yourself. even if you hurt yourself or attempted to end yourself in the past, it's about forgiving yourself and saying "i love myself and i love who i am and i love myself so much that dying is not what i want. i don't want to hurt myself anymore. i don't deserve it! i deserve to be loved by myself! and that's because *I* love myself!"

that's what i learned and that's what i intend on thinking about for a long time until it isn't even a question of whether i do or not. it's that i do love myself - and for me? honestly? i probably love myself a lot more unconditionally than i am aware of because of how many days and nights i decided to CHOOSE to stay alive. how many crises i ended with reaching out for help. how many times i calmed myself down and used coping skills. that was a lot of times and it lead to me being alive to write this and come to this conclusion. so really obviously, i love myself. I love myself! I am deserving of my own intense self love!!!!

[lordelmelloi2]

self love helps clear brain fog, self love can be euphoric. self love in its genuine form feels like heavenly hands fixing your brain.

[lordelmelloi2]

I stopped meeting the criteria for BPD in 2017 after my first DBT course completion, but that doesn't mean I can stop fighting everything else that's going on. I know my problems and pain are consistent with traumatic experiences, and I need to continue on forward in order to stop more of these cycles of pain.

Even still, last year was the year I stopped being suicidal as a default state and started putting my foot down regarding normalizing it. I started understanding deeper that I have a degree of control over my own life and my interactions with people and that I am not forced to be around anybody who opens those wounds. I can choose who I am around and I have options. It may seem like a nightmare, but it isn't inescapable. There are options. There are plans that can better my life. I believe that one day I will be at a point where it doesn't hurt as bad anymore. Things can change, and things will change.

[lordelmelloi2]

Over the years especially on tumblr the word valid got turned into a black and white term which basically amounted to valid = good and invalid = bad. the thing is the fact that in the context of mental health and emotions, which is where a majority of this polarizing came from, "valid" is actually a grey term. your emotions aren't necessarily a valid thing, they just Are.

the way that validation is supposed to work isn't "You're valid for being/doing (x)", it's supposed to be a more genuine context depending on the situation. if someone is scared because they've experienced genuine danger and are scared again, to validate them would be to say "It must be really hard to deal with all of this fear right now, and I understand that you feel out of control, which must be horrifying". that's how validation is supposed to work. the context is legitimate, the reaction to the context matches what one is supposed to feel (danger = fear), and the response reinforces that it is difficult to deal with the fear that's occuring. it isn't saying the emotions are right or wrong (even if in this situation they're right because they check the facts), it's saying that they are, and that they are difficult. those are validating statements.

this is basically how you would have panic responses validated on just an emotional level. of course validation won't do much if someone is in immediate danger, but if you can't do much but give emotional support, validation by discussing how the situation is taxing, difficult, and also giving hope would be best. grounding people and reminding them of mindfulness skills like deep breathing, using the 5 senses, and peaceful visualization can help.

when it comes to validation, you can't validate the invalid. i.e. if someone is lashing out angrily during an argument. Yes, their feelings may make sense to them, and you may be tempted to say "you're right" to diffuse the situation, but their actions are what makes the problem. in this situation you might feel scared and/or angrier than them, or sad because they are directing their anger towards you. those feelings match the facts (experiencing an outburst of someone's anger = sad, angry, scared, which sometimes manifest as more complex emotions) but diffusing the situation is difficult. if someone's response to anger is to take it out on others, that is a harmful response to anger, and should not be validated. in this situation it may be best to put distance between you and the other person until they can recognize that they did something wrong. in this situation, it becomes a grey area. if their own anger checks the facts (you did something that, as clearly communicated previously, was a breaking of their emotional boundaries = anger) then you should validate their anger, but not their actions, and communicate that you had been hurt by their actions and discuss them learning to manage their anger better. if their anger was due to something that doesn't check the facts (you gave them coffee when they wanted tea but they didn't tell you about that fact = anger, but at trivial, uncommunicated things) you do not have to validate their anger.

your perception, mind you, has to remain grounded in reality the entire time. your feelings themselves exist, that is right, but they are not facts. Immediately saying "Well, I hurt you because I was emotional" is not a valid statement. "I was emotional and handled it poorly, and in doing that, I hurt you. It must have been scary and upsetting when I lashed out at you. I feel remorseful because I do not want to hurt you. I recognize that hurting you was a mistake. I will work harder on controlling my emotions so they do not manifest in harmful ways" is a statement that states the emotions and the facts of the situation, validates the other person's feelings, and gives promise to rehabilitate the relationship afterwards.

validation is a lot more nuanced and important in interpersonal relationships than tumblr had turned it into. please remember not to genuinely believe that "valid" as a term means or "good". and also please remember to break down situations into the facts before going forward with your emotional responses. communicate your emotions in a way that doesn't harm others or yourself. communicate consistently in general. don't fall for posts that say "people who (harmful activity) are valid!". Validation as a skill doesn't work like that.

[lordelmelloi2]

N you know what else??? I'm hearing a lot abt echo chamber negative relationships that ppl have where their friends don't try to be real with each other & I definitely feel like that arose from sections of that t*mblr nd community "you're valid!!" stuff.

Like when you enter DBT you learn what validation actually is. And like comparing it to the way people refer to it on this website is just.... I literally can hardly use the word anymore even in a context appropriate situation because it's lost all meaning.

Like... there are things you learn in DBT that tell you to differentiate between your emotional mind and your rational mind and to balance it out into a Wise Mind.

You learn that you should only validate what is valid, and that validation doesn't mean you agree with them or how they're behaving, just that it makes sense because their actions have causes. But you absolutely can not validate the invalid.

Mindsets like "all my emotions are valid" aren't actually true because statements like that are basically saying "My emotions are the truth" rather than being able to say "My emotions just are. They're valid depending on the situation".

There's literal checklists of scenarios in which your emotions are and are not matching the facts of a situation and when you should experience an emotion versus use an opposite action to stop experiencing the emotion. Literally near-to-none of the emotional problem talk that I've seen from Nd tumvlrjrr acknowledges that emotions don't always make sense and that you aren't always right by trusting them and them alone.

And like.... you can't responsibly spread this kind of mindset! It's unhealthy and holds people back during therapy. You can't stay in friendships where you're only told "you're valid" even when you do something wrong. You have to start seeing the grey areas thru things. You have to start letting go of extreme thinking & realizing that most people are very ambivalent when expressing themselves normally. You have to confront your own sense of oversensitivity and tell it to calm down and to not villainize everyone you have problems with.

So don't surround yourself with people intentionally who don't have any intention to recover actively. It's a constant process. Don't get wrapped up in the temporary high that constant validation for all your actions gives you - think critically about yourself. Acknowledge that you have faults. Don't slip into the "im bad and i should die" mindset, because that's not pro-recovery. Fight your black & white thinking. Don't guilt other people for not supporting you when you're not acting wisely. Make new friends if you have to. Make friends with people who will support your recovery and also be real with you and let you know when you're out of it but who won't demean you for it.

When you let go of those mindsets you will feel more free and less controlled by your mental illness. I guarantee you. You have the power to radically change yourself and your surroundings. When you manage to do that, you might find recovery a lot easier of a wall to climb. "Don't surround yourself with negativity" is such an important step to make.

[lordelmelloi2]

I realize now that I love myself a lot and I do love myself so dearly but I feel like because of that immense self-love that actually that’s kind of why I’m miserable. Because I feel so innately that I deserve so much better and I deserve to be happy and to be soaring and to be thriving and doing so well and like. I can’t have any of it. I can’t make myself have any of it either. I want myself to be able to have these things but I can neither give them to myself nor can I have somebody give them to me. It’s kind of insane to be in this place actually. I love myself so much but I can’t give myself what I really truly deserve. This is how also tied to experiencing poverty as outright violence tbh like... it wouldn’t be so bad like this if I wasn’t poor. 

[lordelmelloi2]

I have some new followers so I should do a sort of... introduction of some sort since nobody reads my pinned ever

I'm Rose he/him this is an animanga sideblog

Im intersex intergender femme """man""" I don't let others call me a woman/girl etc. but I may do it in passing. I advocate for complex gender narratives on the side

18+ only please for the sake of my sanity... please don't follow me if you're a minor bc I have a lot of adult topics on this blog

this blog is mostly about Waver content and the Case Files series by Makoto Sanda as well as character analysis/meta about that but I also like FGO too

I've been into FGO since pre-launch on the JP server

I've been a Nasuverse fan for a longish time and I'm tired 😭

I do mastersona self-shipping with Waver and I write a lot about the personal relationship I have to this character as well as discussing the ways that media reflects our narratives back at ourselves and we recognize ourselves in it, and learn and grow from it -- I.e. I self-ship to cope but I'm genuinely interested in the use of self-shipping and media engagement as a form of expressive therapy

That being said. I do not condone ""pro shipping"" or whump or """""dark fiction"""""" and I have personal reasons to be outspoken against fetishization of abuse in media & I do not consent for people in these communities to interact with my content

And so as such I have a ptsdblogging tag and a recoveryblogging tag and a dbtblogging tag where I discuss things I've learned

If you enjoy my work, please drop me a message or something supporting me. I don't need money right now thankfully but kind words are in short supply, so any time you read through something, if you take anything away from it, I'd appreciate to hear about it and to hear your thoughts. I genuinely value engagement with my posts and work.

If you have a critique I appreciate those even moreso. I'm not unable to take a backseat and listen when someone has something to say about what I'm writing; I try my best but I have my limits, so if you have information that I don't that recontextualizes something I'm writing about I really really would appreciate if you came to me about it rather than assuming I know. this can apply to anything from cultural analysis of Alexander the Great to writing about fashion trends

If you have any questions or topics you want me to write about you can send an ask but also please note that I have a backlog so I may not get to it even within a month 😭 I am disabled as fuck

Waver is my best friend if you're mean to him for no good reason I'll beat you up

[lordelmelloi2]

I’m sorry for suddenly PTSDblogging after saying I’d be DBTblogging mainly from the past 2 weeks. I just have a lot of things I need to get off my chest and onto a visible form because I’m not internalizing these ideas well enough. 

[lordelmelloi2]

I'm going to try doing a lot less PTSDblogging and more DBTblogging from now on

[only-if-you-say-so]

I am shakiness in one wobbling entity. Got to DBT and no one I know is here right now and I'm regretting coloring my hair cuz I'm scared someone's going to judge it. My hands are shaking so much I can barely even type right now. Also, why did I wear ripped jeans with a rip this big? I should either throw them out or sew in a patch under it. This is ridiculous. I am so anxious omfggggggggggggggggg.

[only-if-you-say-so]

I stopped the entire group to kill a spider

I watched it through the first group and when we talked about being present and aware of our bodies and practicing “observe” I mentioned it was hard to focus because a spider or bug kept running across the floor. Later on I saw it run up the wall next to the window and I impulsively interrupted and mentioned it and so I tried to kill it, it jumped down to the floor and ran behind the bookcase at which point Melissa saw how big it was and suggested we move the bookcase to kill it because tbh it was pretty big. So another girl, Kelly helped me move the bookcase and she killed it. Immediately after I felt guilty I had interrupted the entire group. After, Kelly, who helped me move the bookcase was nice enough to give me a little tour of the floor and lead me to the coffee and graham crackers. There’s less than an hour left so I’ll just wait to eat and ask Poppa to take me through the drive through or something or just eat when I get back to Rj’s parents house.

But yeah. That happened. Also, I was voted designated reader bc apparently I have a soothing voice to listen to while I read and was called a good reader (I try not to read too fast when it’s not my own writing and put emotion on things).

So uh, yeah. Group 3 soon and then I can go home!

[only-if-you-say-so]

There are so many inspirational quotes all over the place. Everywhere I look I can see one ESPECIALLY in the group rooms. I accidentally chuckled and cracked a smile while someone was talking about something serious because I decided to make a game out of how often the therapist Nikki says “mhm” or “ok”. She legit says it after just about every word someone says. It reminds me of the goose from Babe that would repeat words twice and also Ducky from Land Before Time “Yupp Yupp Yupp!”

I’m sure it’s to let us know she’s actively listening but it’s so overboard if I don’t playa game by counting it then I’ll probably get really annoyed and go nuts in my own head.

Also, she didn’t ask how I wanted to be introduced and so she calls me “TrishA” and I fucking hate the “a” at the end of my name. I’d much rather people call me Trish. Only my brother calls me Trisha and occasionally my mom. Even she calls me Trish or Cricket.

I’m a whiny baby. It’s our first break out of two between 3 groups. It’s 10:07am and I am so overwhelmed. No one invited me to join them during break so I’m pretty sure no one likes me or I come off as weird or off putting. I shouldn’t have worn purple lipstick.