#dazai: burning isn't on my list of painless suicides

[that-one-raccoon]

Hell's Hounds Magic and Mystery Incorrect Quotes

because i said so and because Coil just updated

Dazai: What are you talking about Hermione? You love it here!  Hermione: I'm not sure I do, I think I've just developed Stockholm syndrome.

George: Dazai's first detention, I'm so proud.  Fred: Whoa, back up. Why did they get detention?  Ron: Because they're an idiot.  Hermione, terrified: They can do that??

Dazai: *coughs blood*  Fred: Don't die, Dazai!  Dazai: Don't tell me what to do! Draco: I made tea.  Ron: I don't want tea.  Draco: I didn't make you tea. This is my tea.  Ron: Then why did you tell me?  Draco: It's a conversation starter.  Ron: It's a horrible conversation starter.  Draco: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

Ron: Why aren't there friend pick up lines? Pick up lines to make friends like-  Ron, to Blaise: Hey, that's a cute outfit. You know where it would look better? On nobody else, because you're a beautiful individual.  Dazai, to Hermione: Be my friend or I'll set your entire family on fire.  Fred: There are two types of people.

Lockhart: You wanna fight?! You got one!  Dazai: Okay! *raises fists*  *Fred runs in, scoops Dazai up in their arms, and runs away carrying him*  Lockhart:  Lockhart: What?

George: You've been given a new job to do, but I'm worried it might make you angry.  Draco:  Just say it quick, like ripping off a band-aid.  George: You have to teach Dazai how to do magic.  Draco: ...put the band-aid back on.

Dazai: *gets set on fire and screams in agony*  Dazai: Nah, I’m just kidding. Fire does nothing to me.

Dazai: Arson? Oh, you mean "crime brûlée".

Dazai: I’m telling you, my dogs are competent.  Blaise, rushing in: Dazai! Fred tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!

George: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.

Fred: Dazai, wake up!  Dazai, half asleep: Five more minutes…  Fred: You’ve been in a coma for two years!  Dazai: …  Dazai: Okay, two more minutes…

Fred: I’ve only had Dazai for a day and a half but if anything happened to them I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.

George: Hey, can we stay in your dorm tonight?  Dazai: Why?  George: Fred fiddled with an ouija board and cursed ours.  Hermione: Ron doesn't know how to banish spirits, so he just threw salt at them and yelled "DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A HOTEL TO YOU?!"

Draco: What are you planning to do?  Fred: Hey, now.  "Planning"?!  Do you KNOW who you're talking to?!

Draco: Stop failing.  Dazai: Don’t tell me what to do! I'll fail right now!  Dazai: *Succeeds*  Dazai: Dang it!

Draco: How do you sleep at night knowing people don’t like you?  Dazai: With the fan on.