#dawg i am so low on contracts right now | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

orindasfinest · 5 years ago

Text

TDFL PR W#3

To admit to a thing that everyone already knows like Bill Clinton will someday when the antifa firing squad has him wetting his senile pants at gunpoint stammering about how Epstein was onto something with the tightness of 15-year-old box: yes, I missed last week. I shockingly have a girlfriend AND aspirations of being something other than a water babysitter for the rest of my life and the two combined to stop me from shitposting about fantasy football. I have now concluded with my significant other and with my job applications, filling both with rich cum, and will thereby turn my attention to the band of misfits I decided to assemble in hopes of winning a fantasy league for once in my fucking life, which in this instance would basically be like beating ‘Through the Fire and the Flames’ on Guitar Hero in easy difficulty. At least the Eagles officially suck so nobody can feel good about real-life accomplishments except for me and my lovable group of New Englanders who use HGH as lube when waxing their shaven carrots to lithographs of Jock Sutherland’s single-wing play designs. That is a real reference and I am so gratified that I got to waste seconds of your life making you try and process such a string of words – much like you will continue to do if you keep reading! Let’s begin.

10. Leaguema Balls (Mike)

Record: 0-3 | PF: 305.1 | PA: 425.3 | Streak: L3 | Last Week (I actually wrote out a rankings but then just never added the roasts, so they were worthless, but trust me) 10

Plays Next: Sean’s Hard Mangos (Sean)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Continuing to draw breath

It’s comforting to know that I can leave my sweet foundling rankings alone for a week and still have the unmoving anchor way at the bottom to keep it grounded and sturdy. You would have thought that assembling a competent fantasy football roster was Rogaine given Michael’s lack of familiarity with the concept. If you want, Dirt, you can think up an AIM away message to leave in this slot to save me the work for the next 13 weeks and so this entry has some consistency besides sucking more than spilling soup down your shirt in a meeting. (I know that wasn’t you but this guy deserves some of your grilling space.) Marquise Brown is going to blow out a lung trying to run under Lamar’s 102-yard touch passes on Sunday and turn back into Steve Breaston with a dumber nickname.

9. Sean’s Hard Mangos (Sean)

Record: 0-3 | PF: 374.4 | PA: 401.2 | Streak: L3 | Last Week: 8

Plays Next: Oh dear christ not my repeaters again

Questionable Decision of the Week: Dick amputation by tendon fatigue

Just as I take solace in Mike’s cellar-dwelling ways, I can relax about the other two Philly league members having decent squads just by looking at Sean’s merry band of sap-sucking stupidheads. You’d find more consistent direction from Sean behind the wheel of a car than you would from a team led by Derrick Henry and James Conner. And here I thought you were done with uninterested, underperforming ball-grabbers when you broke up with Hannah. Word of advice, dawg! You’re gonna get your first win this week because the algorithm isn’t yet advanced enough to throw up in both of your faces instead of assigning a victor between you and Michael, so act like you’ve been there before, or at least act like you know how to run a palatable social media account after three fucking years of trying and failing.

8. James White is Right (Tori)

Record: 0-3 | PF: 372.7 | PA: 439.7 | Streak: L3 | Last Week: 9

Plays Next: Cartoon Colt Copulation (Hahahahaha)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Acting like her dirt star is the brightest light in the sky when in reality it’s Proxima Centauri from Event Horizon

Much like capitalism, the league has created a placated and clueless middle class, consolidated wealth in the top 1%, and left the lower half of the populace to shiver and die like Austin Ekeler on the sidelines now that Melvin Gordon is back. Of course, knowing Tori’s family, they’d just bray about how the economy is thunderously good before unironically sharing deep-fried boomer memes while she gently chides them through comments, pretending there’s not a little racist in her team name. And in her soul. James White is back, though, having just watched his wife give birth, knowing that whole time that the tearing and screeching he was witnessing would pale in comparison to Tori trying to fit a toothpick up her half-thimble rear entrance.

7. Mark Ruffalo’s Ruffalo Bills (Aidan)

Record: 2-1 | PF: 410.5 | PA: 408.8 | Streak: L1 | Last Week: 3

Plays Next: The Queen’s Booty Lickers (Liv)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Using his asshole around women and not expecting repercussions

Benefiting from a more questionable handout than the insurance settlement that gives him money for having headaches sometimes, Aidan rode high on the back of a free Mahomes the first two weeks of the season. That all came crashing down when Lauren put him in a dumpster in this past matchup, which was probably an upgrade from his place in Chicago. Aidan has a picture of the Blues Brothers’ trainside apartment on his vision board in the hopes that someday he can move somewhere that high-class. Expect further regression as Josh Jacobs and Leonard Fournette continue to suffer from some sort of Power 5 running back glaucoma which makes them barrel directly into their linemen’s asses on every handoff instead of bouncing to the acres of green space just outside the tackles. This is much like how Aidan rushes for beans on toast instead of attempting to taste flavor.

6. Airstrip One Ezekiels Engels (Derv)

Record: 2-1 | PF: 404.7 | PA: 387.8 | Streak: W2 | Last Week: 7

Plays Next: TEAM DUMPSTER BEARS (Lauren)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Fookin ‘ell ‘ard ta pick one innit luv xx

After a less auspicious start than the Easter Rebellion, Derv has rebounded from a sheer fleecing to fashion herself into something of a competent franchise owner. Knowing the strength of her impostor syndrome, though, she’s liable to swap Zeke for a scalding slap in the face *battered whisper* because that’s the type of team that she deserves. I would say this ranking of 6 will be the highest you will ever get but I think if you’re a good enough girl this year, around Thanksgiving your dad will finally put you on his shoulders so you can see the inflatable turkeys parading down the garbage metropolis a mere three hours from you upstate hovel. Otherwise it’ll be another long outing of sinking further down the standings and standing so low at 4’8 you look like you’re dissolving into a sinkhole.

5. The Queen’s Booty Lickers (Liv)

Record: 2-1 | PF: 399.7 | PA: 394.3 | Streak: L1 | Last Week: 1

Plays Next: Mark Ruffalo’s Still Not a Funny Name (Aidan)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Taking dick so long it got mistaken for the amount of time she spends on the toilet

How the mighty have fallen! One minute, you look like an infallible cock destroyer, and then BANG! You get run over. But I won’t bring up your car accident too much. I’m seeing more hopeless tears from your Johnson & Johnson RB corps than from babies piteously afflicted by their cornea-searing shampoo. It’s fitting that such an intermittent contributor would have a roster full of people that basically decide whether or not they want to do a football on a play-by-play basis. “How about an out route, Amari?” “How about you sit in a room for 10 minutes with Liv’s roommate, coach?” This team could light the league on fire but it’ll settle for searing its own britches at completely unpredictable hours. Again, just like Liv.

4. The Birds Have Arrived (John)

Record: 2-1 | PF: 402.1 | PA: 391.4 | Streak: W1 | Last Week: 4

Plays Next: Poo Poo Point Diarrheas (Griffin)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Sending Snickers to hell. She was a good cat john.

The man with the worst opinions in the league dropped Antonio Brown for some reason even though he was clearly a kindred spirit in that regard. There’s no difference between what AB did and what John said about candy, except for the fact that I’d be more comfortable with jizz on my back than I would listening to more of his sweets-based takes. (Come to think of it, I’d just be more comfortable with jizz on my back.) As alluded to before, Melvin Gordon is returning to action, which means John can stop pretending that Miles Sanders will be any kind of valuable contributor, about 4 years and one hair-tearingly bad contract extension before the Eagles do the same. While you’re on the road with the VengaBus, Oakman, see if you can pick up a kicker who realizes that people with apostrophes in their names belong on the defensive line and who can actually put the ball through the fucking uprights.

3. Cartoon Colt Copulation (Gabe)

Record: 2-1 | PF: 422.5 | PA: 333 | Streak: W2 | Last Week: 2

Plays Next: James White is Right (Delicious)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Looking past all the signs that Lauren sabotages air travel just to spend extra time with me and trying to aim my blasts to curve around her IUD anyway

I would just like to immediately point out that my points for is second highest in the league and therefore I righteously deserve my place near the top of the rankings AND could even go for higher. I would also like to admit that I have by far the lowest points against. So even when I excel, I do it in arenas that are specifically set up for me to succeed, which feels appropriate for me as a white man. I’m swinging my dick on an unlevel playing field like Steve-O on a teeter-totter with a scorpion. Saquon’s injury is all I need to have the pinchers come rocketing towards my little glistening head and put the clamps on my high-falutin’ status. BUT FOR NOW FUCK YOU JACOBY BRISSETT IS GOD which is only right and fair in the name of equality

2. TEAM DUMPSTER BEARS (Lauren)

Record: 2-1 | PF: 426 | PA: 363 | Streak: W1 | Last Week: 6

Plays Next: Airstrip One Historical Reference Yawn (Derv)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Do I really have to spell it out? After she spent a whole weekend plus in my bed? Come on, guys. Going back to Buzz City and pretending low rent is a fair tradeoff for having about as much culture as spoiled yogurt

Team Clemson had a TAMU product to thank for their banana sandwich performance in matchday number three as Mike Evans put up FORTY FIVE FUCKING BIG ONES in, of course, a losing effort for his real-life Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Scoring points but losing everything of consequence is nothing new to Lauren after her latest tussles with Catan. But the soaring to improbable heights is taking on gorgeous new wrinkles as different folks step up week after week to put up the performances of their lives, only to be invariably out of gas week nine, leaving her roster a withered, gaping husk with bitter glances back towards what once was as she tries to wring some sort of enjoyment from the remnants. Welcome to childbirth, honey!

1. Poo Poo Point Diarrheas (Griffin)

Record: 3-0 | PF: 396.5 | PA: 342.7 | Streak: W3 | Last Week: 5

Plays Next: The Birds Have Arrived (John)

Questionable Decision of the Week: Getting tested for STDs. Next you’re gonna tell Sean not to drunk drive. Narc

Griffin has the 4th-lowest point total out of all of us, yet he is the sole occupant of first place as of press time. The last time I saw a fatty get this much undeserved shine, my ex-girlfriend made me watch an entire episode of This Is Us. You’re rocking Mitchy Trubes at quarterback, whose play style must be similar to your lovemaking technique: going long a lot, but never looking like you have any idea what you’re doing. I am so happy about your brief stay at the top of the mountain and I hope you can brag about it at show choir or whatever. Just remember that the #1 spot in these rankings is not like having abandonment issues. You don’t need to get used to it.

0 notes

junker-town · 6 years ago

Text

The 9.5 most overreacted-to Week 1 games since 2000, ranked

Have opinions about Week 1 games at your own risk.

College football’s early season lends itself to overreaction. Every team is just a large group of teenagers and 21-year-olds that may or may not disappoint everyone who cares about it. But unlike other sports, this one has preseason rankings that people take seriously.

There’s no time in any sport more ripe for getting too high or too low than Week 1 in college football. So I submit this ranking of the most overreacted-to opening-week games since 2000, based on how rankings changed and how people responded at the time:

Honorable mention: Any opener in 2007 that made you feel any way in particular about any team, because you surely turned out to be wrong.

It was that kind of year.

9. 2011: No. 4 LSU 40, No. 3 Oregon 27

A slight but notable overreaction for how the losers were treated. The Ducks fell to No. 13 after getting beaten soundly by one of the most talented teams in recent memory, the Patrick Peterson/Tyrann Mathieu Tigers, who also had Odell Beckham Jr. and other future stars. The only team that had a game with a better scoring margin against LSU was Alabama, which beat the Tigers on the second of two tries in the BCS title game.

Oregon later drubbed No. 3 Stanford and went on to win the Rose Bowl, suggesting that it shouldn’t have fallen all that far for a relatively strong showing against LSU.

8: 2013: No. 6 South Carolina 27, North Carolina 10

Jadeveon Clowney sat out a bunch of the Gamecocks’ defensive snaps, and he only had three tackles (none for loss). People acted like it was some sort of disappointment that Steve Spurrier’s vaunted defense gave up a whole 10 points to what turned out to be a top-50 scoring offense that year. There were all kinds of worries about Clowney’s conditioning.

Clowney later said he had a stomach virus, but even if he didn’t, it shouldn’t have been worried that he took some time off in 93-degree South Carolinian heat. He was the most hyped player in the country heading into that season, the year after he’d put that hit on a Michigan running back at the Outback Bowl. Clowney put up far smaller numbers that year, probably because he was chilling out a bit in advance of being the No. 1 NFL pick in 2014.

His team went 11-2 anyway.

7. 2006: No. 11 Florida State 13, No. 12 Miami 10

Two bitter rivals

A couple of high preseason rankings

Primetime ABC game on Labor Day at the Orange Bowl

Both teams go 7-6.

6. 2016: No. 15 Houston 33, No. 3 Oklahoma 23

The Cougars vaulted to No. 6 in the AP Poll. Despite what we’ve since learned is the Playoff’s total objection to including mid-majors, a lot of people had the Cougars projected to go undefeated and make the field. The Sooners suddenly looked like Pumpkins. That loss and another one to Ohio State did keep the Sooners out of the Playoff, though they still won the Sugar Bowl. But the main thing here was Houston, which flamed out with losses to Navy, SMU, and Memphis in the AAC.

5. 2009: No. 9 Oklahoma State 24, No. 13 Georgia 10

The Cowboys’ preseason No. 9 AP ranking was their highest ever. Then they went out and put a pretty hearty beating on the Dawgs, who’d won 21 games the previous two years.

OSU rose to No. 5 in the poll the next week, its highest mark since touching No. 3 in 1984. Then the Pokes lost at home to Conference USA’s Houston the next week, 45-35. Oklahoma later shut them out in Bedlam, 27-0. They lost by two touchdowns to Ole Miss in the Cotton Bowl, going 9-4 and scoring a combined seven points in their final two games.

For UGA’s part, the Dawgs finished 8-5 with losses to unranked Kentucky and Tennessee.

4 2009: No. 14 Boise State 19, No. 16 Oregon 8

After Boise State crushed Oregon in Chip Kelly's first game as head coach I posted something like Kelly is in way over his head. https://t.co/0OAdrwDEL5

— Matt Hinton (@MattRHinton) August 24, 2018

Chip Kelly’s first game at Oregon was a loss at Boise State, which was already amazing and would go 14-0 that season. The Ducks dropped out of the AP Poll and didn’t get back in until they beat two ranked teams at the end of September. The second of those wins was a 42-3 romp against then-No. 6 Cal, and it only got the Ducks to 16th in the ranking.

Was it really that much of a disgrace that the Ducks lost to a Boise State team that was in the midst of a 50-3 run across four seasons? They got over-punished for that, or maybe for LeGarrette Blount punching a dude in the face right after the game.

youtube

3. 2017: No. 1 Alabama 24, No. 3 Florida State 7

More of an over pre-action, but it deserves a spot anyway. The Tide were ranked No. 1 coming in, the Noles No. 3. By that metric and plenty of other subplots, it was the biggest season opener ever. Then the Tide knocked out FSU’s quarterback for the season late in a blowout, and FSU had to beat the likes of ULM and Delaware State (and get a friendly treatment from the NCAA) to even become bowl-eligible.

2.5. 2017: Texas A&M 38, UCLA 10 (first half only)

This was Texas A&M in the first half:

And this was a Texas A&M booster hours later, after UCLA came back to win:

I’m sure I may be criticized for this post but I honestly don’t care. I’ve been on the Board of Regents for the A&M System for almost seven years. During that time, I’ve not once commented on Kevin Sumlin and his performance during his tenure at our school. I never said a word when he and his agent manipulated a much bigger and longer contract. I said nothing about his arrogance and his mishandling of multiple player controversies. I said nothing when we had multiple awesome recruiting classes, only to see key players leave our school or underperform. But tonight I am very disappointed and I have to say this. Kevin Sumlin was out-coached tonight, which isn’t new. He recruits well, but can’t coach the big games, or the close games. Our players were better tonight. Our players were more talented tonight. But our coaches were dominated on national TV, yet again. I’m only one vote on the Board of Regents but when the time comes my vote will be that Kevin Sumlin needs to GO. In my view he should go now. We owe it to our school and our players. We can do better.

Share this as you see fit.

(The latter part was arguably not an overreaction.)

2. 2014: No. 21 Texas A&M 52, No. 9 South Carolina 28

Texas A&M rolled into Columbia with new quarterback Kenny Hill and lit the Gamecocks all the way up. Hill’s 511-yard passing day had the sport salivating over TAMU’s new Johnny Football. The Aggies jumped to No. 9 in the next AP Poll. They finished 8-5 and unranked, while South Carolina turned out to be a 7-6 mediocrity.

But this was fun while it lasted! Bun B was out here giving Hill the nickname “Kenny Trill,” which stuck even after he faded at A&M and finished his career at TCU.

Like the idea of "Kenny Trill" but I think @coachsumlin would agree one good game alone doesn't make you trill. He's on his way though!

— Bun B (@BunBTrillOG) September 2, 2014

1. 2016: Texas 50, No. 10 Notre Dame 47 (OT)

The Longhorns were coming off two sub-.500 seasons under Charlie Strong. They were playing the No. 10 Irish. When Tyrone Swoopes dove into the end zone for the winning score in overtime, the play-by-plan man’s call reverberated around the country:

"TEXAS IS BACK, FOLKS!" pic.twitter.com/5B0tgia5n5

— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) September 5, 2016

The Horns went from unranked to taking the Irish’s No. 10 spot.

Texas finished 5-7, including a loss to Kansas. Strong got fired. TEXAS IS BACK became a meme that hasn’t died yet and might live forever. And Notre Dame went 4-8, making it unimpressive that Texas needed overtime to win this one in the first place.

What do you think?

Most people who answered this question ...

What was the CFB world's biggest-ever overreaction to a Week 1 game result?

— College Football by SB Nation (@SBNationCFB) August 24, 2018

... went with either No. 1 or 2 on the list above, but there are surely many options.

0 notes

yahoo-puck-daddy-blog · 7 years ago

Text

What We Learned: Why you should stop freaking out about the Canadiens

It’s been a frustrating start to the season for Carey Price and the Montreal Canadiens. (Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images)

Montreal is a tough market even when times are good. And for the Canadiens right now, times are quite the opposite of good.

They have one win in six games and even that was in a shootout, so their opponents have taken 15 of a possible 16 points against them. This was a team many considered to be one of the best in the East, and instead they’re dead last in the conference, by a decent margin.

On the surface, the problem is easy to diagnose: They’re shooting 4 percent and getting .877 goaltending. That’ll lose you a lot of games. Pretty simple, right?

Because like any Claude Julien team, they’re very good at taking more shots than their opponents, and things just aren’t going well for them in terms of the outcomes of those shots. But if you watch a Canadiens game, you see that they’re doing things a little like the Kings used to: They’re just taking a lot of attempts, and they aren’t particularly picky about where those shots come from.

Some people — usually, the chronically wrong kind — call this “gaming corsi” and say coaches do it to make their underlying numbers look better than they actually are. That, in turn, gives them plausible deniability if the team sucks, which, hey, the Canadiens sure seem to right now. At 5-on-5, the Habs take the third-most attempts per 60 of any team in the league, but are only eighth in expected goals, meaning that the quality of those shots isn’t quite consistent with the rate at which they happen. Both numbers are elite, however.

Meanwhile, the revamped Habs defense is submediocre, conceding the 19th-most shots per hour and giving up some high-quality looks, to the tune of the sixth-worst xGA/60 in the league.

Certainly these are issues to work on, but they don’t lead to anything resembling the results the Canadiens have gotten to this point. In terms of expected-goal plus-minus, they’re minus-0.03 at 5-on-5 and minus-1.4 overall. That means they “should have” given up about a goal and a half more than they’ve scored, which should put them at roughly .500 for the season, instead of being off to the second-worst start in the league and already being minus-21 in goals. That is to say, they’ve allowed about 19 more goals than they should have. Which is a lot.

I’m not going to sit here and try to relitigate for the millionth time whether a particular team is going to have a PDO that starts with “91” or even “95” all season. They are self-evidently much better than this. You can think what you want about the long-term prospects for Carey Price’s brand new contract, but you don’t typically see a guy’s talents diminish to the point that you lose 50 points of save percentage in a single summer. Pretty sure that’s not how aging curves work.

Likewise, the Canadiens were likely to struggle a bit more offensively this season than last, simply because of some of the talent they lost, and Jonathan Drouin wasn’t going to paper over everything. But Max Pacioretty, who’s fourth in the league in goals and 21st in points since the start of 2013-14 didn’t suddenly become a guy who can only score one goal and no assists in eight games.

It is worth asking if, given how things went for the Bruins last season, a Claude Julien system ends up being a lot like a Darryl Sutter system in the modern NHL, where you control a big chunk of the possession but have a lot more trouble converting than the average team. Much like everything went wrong offensively for the Kings and Bruins for much of last season, maybe this is symptomatic. But as was the argument with Sutter before he got canned, all you can do is put your team in a position to succeed as much as possible.

You cannot understate the role Marc Bergevin has played in making the Canadiens worse over the last few years, and anyway, it’s not like Julien is coaching for his job. He just signed a five-year deal, so he’s doing what any coach should do: Putting his team in the best position to win. Whether guys have the talent and luck to execute is another story entirely.

The other thing to keep in mind here is that these are the worst games of Price’s career since an 11-game stretch in the lockout-shortened season, when he went .865 over nine games right before the playoffs started. The next season he went .927 and the one after that he was the MVP. The point is, yeah, Price is in a slump right now and no one can score, but how long can you reasonably expect either of those conditions to last? You have Price, who, granted, is 30 at this point, playing his worst hockey in almost five years sandwiching the best 200 or so games any goalie has had in modern hockey (.928 from 2013-14 to 2016-17).

That’s the issue about that expected-goals number, too. Price isn’t a league-average goalie or really anything close, so he should consistently outperform his team’s xGA number. So why are we assuming this is going to last, unless we’re actively choosing to be disingenuous.

You can maybe think the Canadiens were overhyped going into the season and you can think they’re gonna struggle to score all year. But if you think this is one of the two worst teams in the league, and think using only The Eye Test from less than 10 percent of the season to make these determinations, you’re kidding yourself.

That thing about Montreal being a tough market? A stretch like this would make it a nightmare to deal with the media and fans in January. But the fact that it’s happening now, in the first eight games to start off the year, is cranking things to their current absurd, unrealistic level. It would be overblown then, just as it’s overblown now.

This is still realistically a playoff team, especially in a division with this many weak clubs, and a comfortable one at that (and by the by, anyone who thought the Bruins were right to fire Julien might want to check out their performance so far this year). They’re probably not going to clear 100 points like many expected, but by the end of the season, I hate to tell you, their PDO is gonna be back in the 98, 99 range and gee whiz they’ll probably still have like 97 points.

People are literally only freaking out about this because it’s Oct. 23 and they have just three points. Understandable to an extent, but people also forget that they also have 74 games left on the schedule.

That, actually, is a lot of time to make up their current six point deficit against the … Red Wings? Man, I guess it really is early.

What We Learned

Anaheim Ducks: Cam Fowler get well soon we miss you!

Arizona Coyotes: The Canadiens being bad is stealing from us the joy of marveling over how the Coyotes are much, much worse.

Boston Bruins: This might be the most humiliating thing that ever happened to the Bruins. And I’ve seen the Behind the B episode about trading Seguin.

Buffalo Sabres: I bet Eichel is feeling great about that extension now.

Calgary Flames: Don’t take Jagr. Take me instead!

Carolina Hurricanes: Despite this most recent loss, the ‘Canes look pretty good so far!

Chicago Blackhawks: I, too, love to trade a veteran defenseman for an expensive project and then healthy-scratch him repeatedly.

Colorado Avalanche: When it rains it pours for like five years in a row.

Columbus Blue Jackets: Fun one against the Kings, but Bobrovsky has to be better than this.

Dallas Stars: Weird how a good coach makes a team with a lot of talent good.

Detroit Red Wings: I love the implications HYPERLINK “http://www.freep.com/story/sports/nhl/red-wings/2017/10/22/riley-sheahan-pittsburgh-penguins-detroit-red-wings/788588001/”behind this headline.

Edmonton Oilers: Man, when you can’t even win with Connor McDavid…

Florida Panthers: James Reimer, pretty good goalie. Wonder when people start to act like that’s been the case for some time now.

Los Angeles Kings: All those goals Anze Kopitar didn’t score last year? He’s scoring them now.

Minnesota Wild: Nice little third period for the Wild. But they still only have six points.

Montreal Canadiens: I actually heard it’s really important for them to panic now, a week before Halloween.

Nashville Predators: “Is that a lot?”

New Jersey Devils: Well, that’s wonderful news.

New York Islanders: Hey, if a guy worth nine figures rides the train with you as a publicity stunt, it’s actually fine that he is not a good owner.

New York Rangers: Man, this is a capital-T Take.

Ottawa Senators: Let’s not go nuts.

Philadelphia Flyers: Oh my god: “While we’ve appropriately focused on the Flyers team speed in their own spirited start to the season, it’s a little sobering to see them outhit, at home, over the last three games.” Guess which team won this game.

Pittsburgh Penguins: Due to the Penguins’ necessity, people are going to act like Riley Sheahan is a No. 3 center. He absolutely is not.

San Jose Sharks: Okay but who fills the Hertl void?

St. Louis Blues: This is one of those things that sounds good but isn’t that good.

Tampa Bay Lightning: What if, even though they missed the playoffs last year, the Lightning are good?

Toronto Maple Leafs: One thing I think we’re overlooking with the Sens these days is that Erik Karlsson has six points in three games on an ankle that’s partly missing.

Vancouver Canucks: Sorry but there’s no good choice.

Vegas Golden Knights: Oh, maybe this is why you get more than two goalies.

Washington Capitals: (A million thinking guy emoji.) (The plural of emoji is emoji and this is a hill I am 100000 percent willing to die on.)

Winnipeg Jets: My big son.

Play of the weekend

Ryan O’Reilly makes like four low-key incredible plays in this sequence. C’mon dawg!

Gold Star Award

Erik Karlsson made what was no joke a 100-foot indirect pass on this Derick Brassard goal and it’s honestly the best secondary assist I have ever seen in my entire dumb life.

Minus of the Weekend

It is with a heavy heart that I must announce, Kris Russell is at it again.

Perfect HFBoards Trade Proposal of the Year

User “russ4king” has his head on straight.

Who says no?   Draisaitl for ROR straight up?

Signoff

If this is anyone other than Steve Allen you’re stealing my bit.

Ryan Lambert is a Puck Daddy columnist. His email is here and his Twitter is here. (All stats via Corsica unless otherwise noted.)

#_uuid:e57a2368-d43a-3ea9-bcf3-5819635ab425 #_revsp:21d636bb-8aa8-4731-9147-93a932d2b27a #_lmsid:a077000000CFoGyAAL #_author:Ryan Lambert

0 notes

endorsereviews · 7 years ago

Text

Stephanie Joanne – Stand Out Brand

DOES YOUR visual brand scream “go ahead google me” NO? keep reading. TELL ME IF THIS SOUNDS FAMILIAR… ✔ You have no shortage of ideas but you’re still struggling to get your online business of the ground. ✔ You know what you want, you just don’t how the heck to get it or where on earth to start. ✔ You know how important your online visibility is to your success but the only visible thing right now is your list of people you are brand crushing on ✔ In your crowded industry, are you struggling to establish an identity for yourself that enables you to stand out from everyone else ✔Your online branding and your brand messaging is unclear and incomplete even to you – so you already know you’re leaving people confused as to what the heck you do IF NO ONE KNOWS WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU DO… THEY CAN’T BUY FROM YOU. (NOW, READ THAT AGAIN) Hi There Visionary/Entrepreneur/Expert/Coach, I know you already feel like there are literally thousands of people doing exactly what you’re doing online and offering exactly what you’re offering… TRUTH IS… YOU ARE RIGHT. Then why is it that when I ask you who the top dawgs in your industry, only a handful come to mind? These are the ones who have “made it”, right? These are the ones that clearly STAND OUT, right? These people seem to be everywhere! And there is just something so… Shiny and polished about them- am-I-right?! Something that makes you think to yourself, “that’s what a REAL professional looks like” No seriously… HOW?! You can continue to waste your precious time trying to guess what the “magic formula” is. Or you can learn the secret for yourself! THE SECRET??? NOTHING WILL ACCELERATE THE GROWTH OF YOUR BUSINESS MORE THAN POSITIONING YOURSELF AS A STAND OUT BRAND. BEFORE I TELL YOU HOW YOU ARE GOING TO BECOME A STAND OUT BRAND, i need you to understand something about me… I don’t wanna hear about how many “others” are already in your crowded industry and how theres no room for you to stand out… Because heres the thing… While the top 5 percent are doing it right and living badass lifestyles & taking profits to the bank… The 95% are struggling to stand out. Stand out brands set their eyes on what the 5% are doing, and when you begin to analyze these brands – across all industries, what you will see is pretty freakin’ clear…

(doesn’t matter how many others because most are not doing it right)

STAND OUT BRANDS strategically became the leading authorities and trusted go-to experts in their industries. They didn’t sit around wondering maybe. They didn’t leave it up to luck or chance. They took control and they mastered the strategy behind becoming a STAND OUT BRAND.

They figured out exactly what needed to be done.

And then THEY DID IT.

And so can YOU. (pssst, did you hear that, S-T-R-A-T-E-G-Y…more on this soon) When you POSITION YOURSELF AS A STAND OUT BRAND, YOU CAN leverage your DEMAND for virtually anything you want… IF YOU WANT TO:

✔ Build your online business and sell out your offers ✔ Have highly engaged followers ✔ Book more high end clients ✔ Network with other influences and explore joint venture / affiliate opportunities ✔ Book live events and podcasts ✔ Be featured in the media & press ✔ Book paid appearances and speaking gigs ✔ Have a waiting list of dream clients who are ready to support your brand and business ✔ Represent products as a spokesperson ✔ Land paid sponsorships and endorsement contracts ✔ Do every damned thing that you see the other rockstars doing. Because YOU will be a rockstar in your own right.

Oh… and BY THE WAY… the DECISION YOU are about to make is to become a STAND OUT BRAND yourself…. If it sounds like a lot of work. Thats because it usually is, believe me! But I have the ability to help you fast track your status to this level. I have removed the guesswork so that the task is no longer overwhelming, and I have simplified the process so that all the work is literally done for you. You just need to follow my instructions.

BEFORE I FORGET, LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF… My name is Stephanie Joanne and as a business mentor I work with modern day entrepreneurs just like you! The only problem is that they struggle with online visibility and aren’t being seen as the expert that they want to be seen as. Together we develop a brand strategy that inspires the “hell ya” out of their audience! In 2011 I said to my corporate job and ventured down my ever so terrifying journey of entrepreneurship. I decided in that moment that leveraging my passion for profit was going to be my only option. After 200 media appearances and becoming known as one of the most publicized experts in my industry and a multi 6 figure income by my second year of true entrepreneurship – I was hooked. In 2014 I launched my online business (without a mega social media following or being the least bit “techy” I may add) and went from $0 to 1 MILLION in online sales within my first 18 months. Today I work with ambitious coaches, experts, professionals and entrepreneurs who are ready to do the same. IM JUST A GIRL FROM TORONTO WITH A DREAM A MISSION & SOME WIFI #ESSENTIALS

I have reverse engineered the exact step by step method that I personally used. The system that I used to take me from having a dream, to creating a PROFITABLE, SUSTAINABLE business online and offline. This is about taking a direct route to monetization. I’ve finally put all the exact strategies, systems, tactics, templates and tools that you need in this STAND OUT BRAND program. I decided to package everything I know about becoming building my personal brand into one program and STAND OUT BRAND was born. If you’re still with me, then I’m SUPER excited to pull back the curtain and introduce to you…

An online step by step implementation program for coaches and online entrepreneurs who are ready to GET KNOWN & GET NOTICED. The program walks you through the process of standing out in todays competitive and crowded digital landscape. Templates, emails, scripts, marketing tools, PR pitches, media strategies. You name it. All DONE-FOR-YOU.

4 COURSE MODULES INCLUDING 32 VIDEO LESSONS

TEMPLATES & SCRIPTS

WALK-THROUGH VIDEO TUTORIALS

RESOURCE VAULT worksheets & printableS WANNA SEE HOW THE STAND OUT BRAND PROGRAM IS BROKEN DOWN?

MODULE 1: THE BUSINESS OF BECOMING A STAND OUT BRAND ✔Discover the no BS truth to why influencers become influencers in today’s ever-changing, digital world ✔ Hone in on your unique personal brand and create a personal blueprint that will literally eliminate the competition (and you’ll never have to wonder “how am I going to stand out from everyone else who’s doing exactly what I’m doing” ever again) ✔ The strategic process of purposefully creating DEMAND, getting known & becoming a recognized expert in your field in record time ✔ Develop a strategically sound brand that authentically represents you, your business, and what you do for your clients–a brand that only you can own MODULE 2: THE OPTICS OF BECOMING A STAND OUT BRAND ✔ Brand Identity Breakthrough – The key to attracting your audience and selling more (at higher prices) is a visual brand that screams STAND OUT BRAND

✔ See the value of your brand, business and services from the eyes of your ideal client to create a brand that STANDS OUT to your ideal clients ✔ Find out how to use free and low-cost resources so you can create incredible graphics, copy that converts and a website & brand that reflects you without breaking the bank ✔Get my 31 point checklist of a STAND OUT BRAND …what people see when they look you up matches how passionate (and badass) you are about what you do

MODULE 3:THE EXPOSURE STRATEGY OF BECOMING A STAND OUT BRAND ✔ STAND OUT BRAND Exposure Action Plan- Stop hoping that things will happen in an organic way and make them happen with your own (even if you are brand spanking new and just getting started)

✔ Gain credibility and become trusted by your ideal client (even if you are not confident in your brand yet and you’re not even sure why anyone should/would listen to you….Pssst..that’s what this course is all about) ✔ Leverage influencers and media exposure to get known as you build your credibility, authority & stand out from the pack ✔ Get the from START to STAND OUT BRAND roadmap – Getting known and creating that “WOW” factor does not happen by chance MODULE 4: THE MONEY OF BECOMING A STAND OUT BRAND ✔ Leverage your personal brand for business opportunities such as speaking engagement (Yes, paid!), joint ventures, brand endorsement/sponsorship opportunities and anything else you’re already thinking you want to do (if you just knew how to get out there and get people’s attention …wink wink) ✔ The exact step-by-step weekly and monthly to-dos to use your authority in your niche to become fully booked with clients ✔ Know what to charge for your services and for various opportunities whether you are just starting out or you’ve been in business for a while. ✔ Discover the endless opportunities and revenue streams available to you as you monetize your influence ✔ Learn how to quantify your impressions so that you can powerfully pitch yourself with tangible and accurate numbers that show people why YOU (….and YES, this is necessary even when you are just getting started)

Stephanie Joanne – Stand Out Brand posted first on premiumwarezstore.blogspot.com

0 notes