#dash watching. Cryptid watch

[ghosthuntcr]

"Hmm... Well, it is my job to investigate these things! And you never know, sometimes even the most wild rumors can turn out to be true!"

[phoenix-flamed]

Okay. Tomorrow I will brainstorm stuff and things for worldbuilding purposes! I guess I could start tonight on my phone, but I'll save that as a last resort in case I can't sleep.

[soarrenbluejay]

Supervillains for a community. (Well, except those jerks over in Gotham, insular lot, but they’re they’re one problem) Of course they do- supervillains are a group defined by strong opinions and a willingness to see them through, often with a healthy dash of societal failures and trauma as a catalyst.

The fentons, while not active even on the online message boards, are well known and explosive when they do show up, full of fascinating insights and hours long rants on mad science on hair pin turns courtesy of that ADHD attention span. Bit of the cryptids you feel honored to bump into kind of deal. Besides, like a good quarter of the community as it aged, they’d settled down and had kids (not necessarily in that order) and taken it very seriously! Out in the middle of nowhere, where even the most fearsome government outpost members, the local branch of the IRS, quake before them in fear. Out of the way.

Reveal gone okay-ish, Danny moves to Gotham still to get some air bc now things are Akward and he landed that engineering scholarship which is loads better than any other college would give him with his track record. So- the mysterious Fenton children are finally crawling out of hiding! Everyone is psyched! And roll in to Gotham en masse to witness the fireworks!

Except Danny is Determined To Be Normal. He’s had enough of the throwing himself into harms way shit for a lifetime- he wants to be free to peacefully built Rube Goldberg machines and unintentional increasingly complex bombs to his hearts content. JAZZ, on the other hand- the coveted token Normal One, has finally snapped! She’s watched her baby brother she practically raised throw himself into danger over and over and could do nothing, and now that she’s exposed to this whole network of superheroes outside of small town Amnity, some of those uglier emotions are coming out. And boy is she pissed! And can’t afford to show it much while filing the paperwork to have Arkham legally razed to the ground!

See I love this idea of like, niches in superhero society. A villain the heroes know they can plop their kiddo down with for an exciting afternoon brawl while they take care of a particularly grisly case and come back to a few hours later ranting about some new life lesson and a new move they really want to try. A villain who has a functioning moral compass despite their somewhat batshit long term goal and you can contact to fuck with another villains’s plan so they can laugh at them and you can have an easy afternoon. One who pries up hostile architecture and fills in pot holes, idk man. Get creative here, there’s such potential!

So Jazz becomes a Training villain- someone the heroes know their sidekicks will walk away from in a fight 100% of the time, usually with some new lesson to ponder and only a couple of bruises. Sometimes even snacks!

She also absolutely ambushes mentors to check that they’re worth the kiddo, which they appreciate once they get over being jumped in a dark alley by a 7 foot Amazon trained force of nature. They are not used to being on that side of the jumping, it’s a little unnerving.

(Yes, she low key adopts Shazam upon checking in with him on cursory ‘is the main hero of this city and asshole’ checkin. Yes, the super clones get yoinked out from under Superman’s negligent thumb to go have a blast with Ellie. What about it?)

This however only encourages more assorted weirdos to crawl out of the woodwork. It’s not often one of their own forfeits their potential spot for the running of the coveted Most Normal I Swear prize, but when they do it’s bound to be good! But jazz is off hounding various heroes and punching the faces in of pedophiles and shit whenever there’s no cape within easy reach, and so is a mite bit harder to contact than Danny, who has innocently gotten an apprenticeship under a clockworker for access to their workshop and is gleefully going about doing nerdy shit with great abandon.

Plus this is Gotham. No one gives a shit if someone in the Mad Alchemist uniform and still smoking from their latest experiment pokes their head in a window to bother the local shrimp teen- none of the usual social rules apply, everyone’s crazy here! So everyone drops any and all attempts at masking and just acts their genuine unhinged selves, much to the alarm of the Bats and frustration of Danny.

Bc he cannot get these mfers to go. Away. Even liberal use of the creep stick has little effect when the interloper is calibrated for an opponent with super speed or laser vision or whatever, and he’s trying to maintain his guise as a Normal College Student Do No Investigate.

So he calls in the big guns. He’s not super active in the supervillain kids group chat ever since things in amnity calmed the fuck down post becoming King and then immediately using a loophole that says he will not take the throne until he is grown, as defined by finishing learning his trade a la the medieval standards Pariah set up. So he can just take his sweet ass time with his graduate degree and out of inter dimensional bull shit that much longer! Point is, he hasn’t taken the chance to rant over there in a while, so his Crazy friends are getting a lil worried.

The change to come over and shout at their batshit crazy but (mostly) well meaning parent AND see Danny? Score!

The bats, however, are getting awfully suspicious about this one kid that villains from all over the country are flocking to, especially young and upcoming ones as of recently! And he’s acting his engineering course- all the worst rogues are known to have flown through their PhD studies prior to Cracking. They seem to have a real problem on their hands with this Fenton guy.

[kyumisyumi]

Something something something eldritch Nikto something something something

I've sifted through so many ideas for this because I didn't wanna just pick a random eldritch creature from my box of horrors and slap Nikto's name on it. But also I don't feel like I have enough info about him(ironic, considering I write about him so much) to craft him into a creature. I watched some documentaries on eldritch horrors, dived into Russian cryptids and still drew blanks but here's what I managed

Rating: E for everyone who loves Nikto

Eldritch!Nikto x F!Reader

Word count: 1

Part 2

~Taking requests~

You weren't running from the consequences of your actions, more like briskly walking in the opposite directions. Looking forward all the way because backwards held the sounds of large dogs and angry men. Their boots cracking every twig and foliage along the way, voices interrupting the once peaceful ambiance of the woods. You could hardly tell whether the growling was from the hounds or the men. And really, who wouldn't want to run away from such a thing? Not run; walk. Quickly, very quickly. You were being smart, not cowardly.

No, never that.

You weren't cowardly when you snuck into that guardsman's post. You weren't cowardly when you tried to steal the gold he confiscated from the Miller's wife, the only woman that kept you fed while the streets were your home. You weren't cowardly when you defended yourself once he caught you. And you weren't cowardly when you accidentally bashed his head in with a clay pot. He should've worn a helmet, really. A guard should always have their helmet on! What was he thinking? Now look at you, running for your life and deluding yourself as if it would change the actions of the past.

Running.

You ran your mouth, ran your mind, but no matter how fast you moved, you couldn't outrun hunting dogs. Your fault, really, for trying to do so while wearing the long, ugly skirt you stole from someone's unattended clothesline. You should've maybe stolen the guard's old pants, you knew he had some because he mentioned wanting to give them to his nephew who was in combat training. Instead you dashed out the home the moment you realized he wasn't breathing, panicked by your first time taking a life. What were you thinking?

"I wasn't-" you spat a thick glob of blood out your mouth, it's red color staining the putrid black floor. Tears staining your vision and pain plaguing your mind. "I didn't mean to." You said it over and over again but it was little defense against men who'd lost a comrade because of you. A good man. A good man who stole from widows and bullied the elderly? It's weird how two people can look at the same person but see someone different. But that train of thought was halted by a kick to your stomach. And when one of the men took the final hit, the force of it sending you against the edge of the pit, you finally felt that feeling in your stomach. The one you hid away behind conversations with yourself. Locked away behind a naive expectation that things will either go your way or go away. Your first taste of true regret. Because you got a glimpse of where that attitude has lead you. That attitude that kept you going when your parents had left you. That attitude that kept you alive when your survival was in your own hands at an age where other children were being coddled and sung to. That attitude that protected you in the harsh village slum, now had you staring down into hell. 'The pit'; a giant hole defacing mother earth's perfect form. It's surface covered in black ichor, you couldn't tell whether the walls were moving or you'd been hit so hard your vision was thoroughly fucked. This was considered a punishment worse than death. Jokesters and troublemakers got a stern talking to. Thieves and crooks got jail time. Murders and adulterers got death. But the truly damned got the pit. The punishment didn't match the crime but judging by the hate filled glares of the men surrounding you, they didn't much care.

Or maybe they did care, they cared about you as much as you did yourself, these days.

That was a more comforting thought, maybe? Maybe not. Either way, thinking about it felt a whole lot better than thinking of the weightlessness you felt as you fell. Your vision quickly losing the greens and yellows of a gentle forest to being plunged into darkness. A darkness beyond description. One that surpassed what's seen when you close your eyes for the night. That surpassed the unconsciousness of sleep when dreams escaped you. A darkness that felt like death yet was somehow alive.

The walls were moving, they shifted uncomfortably as they felt the presence of another. Voices that whispered of uncertainty and conflict. Voices that yelled intruder and ones that yelled fodder. But one voice just hummed in curiosity at seeing the source of blood and spit and tears it tasted. He had consumed many of your kind but what little it had of you ignited interest rather than hunger. So it did not eat. Didn't wrap you in its tendrils and rip you apart into easily digestible pieces to be absorbed by its mass. The tendrils held you, confused by their many intentions and wants, before simply bringing you lower into the pit. To the very bottom that no other creature has ever seen. No other creature would ever be allowed near. Far too close to it's more vulnerable organs. But you wouldn't hurt it, would you? Wouldn't hurt them. Not with those blunt nails and teeth, not with those little limbs and severed ties to the natural order. You were weaker than it's weakest points yet you fought against his tendrils like you believed you could win. Struggled and resisted as if you had a fighting chance. 'Hush, little human.' It thought as it strangled you, only enough to render you unconscious. Give it enough time to build a prison home inside itself for you. Then build a form for himself more perceptible to your primitive eyes, he'd tried once before but the human face was so hard to mimic. There was so much anger inside you, more for yourself than for him. And Nikto couldn't understand it. There is only one 'you' inside that tiny, fleshy form. How can one be angry at their own/only self? That would be one of the first things he asked. He felt there was nothing a creature like you could teach him yet he had so much he wanted to ask regardless. Maybe once he had his answers he could finally consume you in peace. Maybe then the voices that called for him to spare you will quiet down. And the ones that screamed for him to bond with you will stop. Your body couldn't handle the things he desires... Could it?

Regardless, he has time. All the time in the world and beyond.

Silly human, getting yourself thrown down here, what were you thinking?

All in all, I didn't want to forget the eldritch and just make a monster.

[adhd-fandom-hyperfocus]

✧₊⁺ Gentle ✧₊⁺

Pairing: None

Arthur's Note: All the chatter about Primarchs and Astartes with babies got to me. Raserei was a father before he got locked in stasis and purged from the records. Before his home world and kingdom were destroyed. Father was the only title he held that he held deeply and cared about the most.

Summary: Some unassigned Primaris marines find an abandoned baby and look to the primarch leading them for help.

Warnings: General Grimdarkness. Proofread? Never heard of her

Tagging those who I saw all over my dash about this: @beckyninja @jaghatai-khock @cosmic-cryptid-from-beyond

★。------ ＼｜／------。★

The cry was shrill and like a desperate wail. The astartes quickly halted their move through the rubble and began to search for the small survivor who was desperately trying to make sure it was heard.

And thre under some rubble safe in it's mother's lasting embrace was a small babe, screaming for a mother who could no longer care for it as she gave herself to save them. There was a quiet, "oh no" from the Primaris who found the babe.

"Over here and don't be too loud." he said calmly.

His brothers made their way over and saw the answer for why they needed to be mindful of their voices. They didn't need to know anything about babies to understand that smaller often meant weaker. There was no telling what their booming voices could do to something so tiny. Throne it was so small.

"What...do we do? Emperor's mercy?" one asked.

The one who found the babe glared at his brother through his helm, "Are you insane, brother? Did you not hear what our lord with us did to a Black Templar for doing that? Rather fight Daemon Lords."

"Right, but how do we move it and stop it from crying? It's so tiny. Throne it can fit in my whole hand!" another said.

The founder of the babe sighed, "Do any of us here know how to pick up a child?"

They all looked around at each other bewildered, they knew many things when it came to violence and warfare, but how to pick a small baby up and not crush it? Well, it seemed the Codex Astartes didn't cover everything.

"How hard can it be? Just got to be gentle right?" the one who originally asked if they should end the babe's suffering figured.

"Longarson you are an idiot. How gentle, look at it! Throne what if crush it on accident, that would be worse."

"Can't be worse than screaming to death like it is now."

The three fell silent once again, before the finder spoke, "Emperor preserve us we are astartes! We got this, just need to bend down and do it. Easy."

"You got this Ulric." Longarson encouraged.

Ulric slowly knelt down and with care moved the mother's body away, the whole time uttering how small the baby was, and nothing should be this small. Why were human babies so small?! And over and over reminding himself to be gentle, and it wasn't going to be that hard.

The moment his cold gauntlet touched the babe, it wailed harder causing UIric to recoil and straighten up like he'd seen a ruinous god.

"Shit, I think I hurt it!"

"You barely touched it! If that hurt how do we move it?" the third asked now worried.

Before they could continue a massive gauntleted hand was on Ulric's shoulder, and the unmistakable aura of a primarch was upon them.

"Watch out, I got it." Raserei said calmly, allowing his adopted sons to move so he could kneel down.

The primarch smiled sadly at the babe, "Hey little one, I know you're scared and looking for momma," with ease and care he scooped the babe up and cradled it close, "I'm sorry momma can't be here, and my armor is so cold too." he spoke so softly to the little one.

How he made it look so easy, so natural. Was this the power all primarchs had? The babe was even slowly calming back down, being lulled by the cadence of Raserei's speaking and tone.

"Come we need to get back to our safe zone and the other survivors, maybe a woman there can help feed this one. They are tired and hungry." Raserei said, his gaze not leaving the babe in his arms.

It had been too long since he cradled a child. He missed it dearly. Holding his own children, cradling his nieces and nephews.

"We cannot feed them, My Lord?" Lonarson asked with clear confusion.

Raserei began to walk, snorting and holding in the bellowing laugh he wanted to let out, "Do you they really teach you Astartes nothing but war?" before they could answer he continued, "No, we do not have the means to in many ways. But in regards to which I speak now, none of us here have the...parts. Unless there is something they do to you I am not aware of."

His adopted sons looked at each other lost, and Raserei sighed, "I will explain back at the safe zone."

The Astartes keep looking at the babe as they move, still going on about how small they were and how easy Raserei made it look. Lamenting they couldn't hold the baby, and how holding one would make them look bigger, stronger even. Also would look good for the civilians.

"Lord, when we get back...can you show us?" Ulric asked.

Raserei had an idea of what he meant, it was such an innocent question to come from such a hulking figure. It pained him, but also brought him joy.

"I can, but the little one might want to sleep, and we do not want to overdo it with them, yes?" Raserei explained.

"They will need a place to rest then. They can stay with me." the third Astartes chimed in.

"Thorne it is. I will rest with me. I shall hold it with great care and guard it." Ulric snapped.

"Brother you couldn't even pick it up earlier." Longarson pointed out

"But I'm going to learn." he pointed out.

Longnar snorted, "Assuming after I learn I let either of you two hold them."

Raserei rolled his eyes under his helm and looked back down at the babe, "What are we going to do with them? Hm? Never thought I would be teaching grown men these things...guess I'm a father again after all."

[drawnfamiliarfaces]

As someone who has always loved siblings dynamics in fiction, I find it funny that almost every single member of the HoM team has siblings. Kim has two little brothers, Danny has an older sister, Jake has a little sister, Jenny has eight robot sisters, June has an older and a younger brother, Rex has an older brother, and Zak has three cryptid siblings. Ben and Randy are the only ones who are technically only children but Ben still at least has a cousin who he has a sibling dynamic with. I don't think Randy had anyone like that. (Although it's one of the few shows here that I didn't watch so feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.) Any way, now Only Child Cunningham is being treated like the little brother by all of these experienced siblings and has no clue what to do and I find that funny.

(P.s. sorry about the long comment. This thought wouldn't leave me alone so I thought i should share it)

(P.p.s I love your HoM au and your art. Thank you for sharing it!)

Please, don't be sorry, this is like, one of my favorite asks about HoMies I ever got! And also thank you for your kind words! <3<3<3

I also adore sibling dynamics in fiction! It's one of the main reasons I don't want to put much focus on ships in this AU, like I mentioned before, there would be like one canon couple with one of HoMies, but otherwise everyone are sort of floating in nebulous single area, so I could focus better on their complicated friendships with a dash of found family/siblings dynamics!

(And your ask reminded me of a fanart I did a long time ago about Randy being the only child in Secret Trio. xD same brain anon!)

Also one can argue that Howard, Randy's best friend, could be considered sort of like a brother to him (they became friends at a very young age), but I personally view them more as Bros. (does it make sense, lol?)

But even if we count Howard, their dynamic would be more equal in older-younger sibling scale, while Randy indeed would be mostly treated as a younger sibling amongst HoMies and it would probably drive him insane!

Being the youngest and newest in their friend circle, he is like a new baby brother or a co-worker/young kohai (ye, cringe wording but terminology vibe aint wrong! xD) that others are prepared to protect and help, impart their wisdom on, but also tease! (and perhaps learn something from him in return! )

But Randy Only Child Cunningham, as an already seasoned, if a bit overconfident, hero would hate (just a little bit) being considered as less experienced (even if he technically is) than others, no matter how much he absolutely adores being in presence of all those cool people! At times it would feel condescending, but in reality others just want to support him the more they learn about how he came to be the Ninja.

After all they know what it felt like being that young, having that responsibility trust upon your shoulders and going through so much. Especially considering that among them, Randy perhaps had the least stable support during his hero-ing career. Sure, all of them had to go through some things alone, but there were family and friends that were there to help when it came to it. And, no offense to Howard, who does sometimes manages to get through for Randy, he is not the best at being the type of support Randy needs at times. And, Ninjanomicon? While incredibly useful for teaching moral lessons and art of being Ninja - is not exactly the most er, physically able in supporting Randy at time of crisis, being an inanimate object and all that, lol.

So yes, Randy-Only Child-Lone Ninja Hero-Cunningham sometimes doesn't know what to do with all those people who appeared in his life and treat him like a little bro! But sometimes, he enjoys it. ;)

(a little bit of random rambling beneath, feel free to ignore! haha)

Also random, and its not very obvious at all, but there is slightest differences amongst HoMies on how they view/regard him and behave with/around him, depending on their own experiences:

Kim and Jake, as older siblings through and through, tend to see him as a younger bro, like their own siblings who can be a handful and overzealous little hellions at times.

Danny, Rex, Jenny and Zak are a bit complicated. They all have siblings that are older than them, but they are also kind of younger in some sense (or in Danny's case an adopted younger sibling).

Danny and Rex would tend to be overprotective a little bit, as people who didnt have a younger sibling before (I mean, Danny does but she is so independant! Danny doesnt get to exercise his overprotectiveness on Danielle xD) so its a bit new to them. But they are also kind of dicks, and thats just the younger siblings in them talking, lol.

Jenny and Zak on the other hand, both have siblings that are very confusing from the age bracket view.

All ofJenny's siblings are older than her BUT their prototype AI and bodies make them behave younger than her, so she tends to view them as younger siblings. There is a constant argument amongst them about who is older-younger, but its all in good fun! (She also sometimes misses being the only child. xD)

Zak's siblings are all cryptids, and two of them are older than him in age (Fisk and Zon are definitily full grown and possibly more long-lived than humans, I still have questions about Komodo, but he is probably older than Zak in age just by a little bit), but their behaviour, as.... well, i don't want to say animals, because they are not mindless animals, but let's just say - their disregard to human behaviours and norms, as cryptids, make them behave in a way that could be considered irresponsible, thus making Zak often behave like a responsible older sibling, despite being younger than them.

So, Jenny and Zak tend to be as snooty and in 'charge' as an older sibling would, but also be mischevous little shits that is younger (sorta only) child behaviour.

Ben and Jun are sort of like the previous four, but they tend to view Randy on a more equal footing rather than just vacilate between older-younger types of behaviour.

Ben, is a single child, but he grew up pretty close to Gwen, since they were born on the same day. Sort of growing up twins but not kinda situation. They also have an older cousin/brother Ken, and they both adore him, but it is obvious that primarly those two grew up together and are equally annoyed with that, lol.

Jun is a middle child. (I kind of dont want to say anything else, because i feel like it explains everything. xD but-) She is independant, and is equally exasparated with her snooty older brother and her hellion of a younger brother. So, really, she just tends to be the most normal towards Randy in the end???

so, ye, of course in the end they treat him as just a new friend, this was just more of me trying to look into inner mind of sibling dynamics in a weird way haha

sorry about it, but if you got this far, hope you had an entertaining read! ;D

[lingerina]

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀KINKTOBER⠀//⠀day three

➤ PROMPT degradation ➤ 947 words ➤ vampire!taeyeon x fem!reader ➤ brief mentions of blood, spanking, squirting ➤ exploring abandoned properties can reap severe orgasms consequences.

Goosebumps prick your skin as you cautiously make your way through the dark, massive castle. Your fight or flight senses are on high alert, just like they would be at any severely aged building that’s standing on its last hinges. It’s not because you’re concerned about ghosts like the locals are. You’re more concerned about possible wildlife and random dwellers that may emerge from around the corner.

More logical explanations for the little noises.

You dance the fine line between fascination and delusion. While you’re intrigued by urban legends and run-down places that are off the grid, you wouldn’t definitively say ghosts and cryptids are real.

You would love to believe in them the way locals do because they seem to get an inexplicable high whenever they think they captured evidence of a mythical creature. You want to experience that level of euphoria too, but logic keeps you grounded. Unless you actually come face to face with these “legends”, you will always find a logical reason for what you see. 

But just because you’re logical doesn’t mean you’re fearless.

You’ve heard talks about a haunted castle somewhere past the train tracks. The city has allegedly attempted to restore the abandoned property to its original glory, but never completed the project because reports of shadow figures and eerie noises forced the construction workers to flee. It wasn’t enough to keep them away forever because they would return on multiple occasions to finish remodeling.

That is until a fateful encounter would leave the restoration in ruins, and the workers vowing to never return.

Every little noise draws you to a pause. You would stop in your tracks to scan your surroundings, shining your flashlight in the general direction of the disruption. Every time, you are met with an empty corner occupied by cobwebs and spiders.

The hair on your nape suddenly stands, followed by a chill running down your spine when you reach the third floor. You can only equate the sensation to feeling like someone is watching you from afar. You grip your flashlight tighter and shine it all around you, spinning in erratic circles in one spot to cover all your ground and confirm that you’re alone.

You take a deep breath to ease your racing heart, mildly relieved to see nothing else lurking in the distance. 

That is, until you turn around to continue forward and come face-to-face with a woman standing just a mere foot in front of you, a maniacal grin flashing some fangs and marring her pretty but deathly pale face.

“You humans always underestimate us.”

Catching your breath is difficult when your chest is pressed against the wall and her hand is squeezing your nape. She had torn through your panties, half of the garment draping over your hip in tatters, and worked her fingers into your dripping cunt. Your adrenaline rush only got you so far because despite the head start in your race towards the door, the pretty woman–Taeyeon–seemed to have dashed behind you with inhuman speed.

And now here she is, flexing her impenetrable strength as she fucks you with her fingers. She swears up and down that she’s a 400-year-old vampire who rarely emerges from her dark quarters but you instantly dismiss it. Vampires are not real. She just happens to run at the speed of light, is as pale as a sickly Victorian child who has never seen sunlight, and has the most prominent fangs you have ever seen on a person.

Vampires are not real.

Your moans echo through the abandoned estate as your dripping cunt is at the mercy of her brisk pace, her knuckles brushing past your slick folds with each thrust. Your knees are buckling from the pleasure as you feel her so deep inside you. What began as one of your usual adventures to appease your curiosity took a turn, and the warmth in the pit of your stomach morphed your fear and concerns into a burning need for this “vampire” to bring you to ecstasy.

“Can’t escape now, huh?”

Taeyeon suddenly shoves her fingers in deep. Her laugh rings through your ears, engraving into your memory while the abrupt pause haunts you.

“This should teach you a lesson.”

You yelp after she spanks you. The swats that continue to follow after merges your cries and moans. You can barely focus on her words as she reprimands you through pleasurably painful means.

“You curious humans are a plague,” she hisses, bringing a hand down to your buttock and squeezing it harshly. “Stupid enough to explore these places with no sense of danger. You just can’t leave things alone, can you?”

Your eyes roll back as she forces her way back into you, dainty digits thrusting so quickly and preventing you from adjusting to the intrusion again. You’re relieved to have the wall act as balance because you’d be sinking to your knees right now.

Taeyeon scoffs. “Dumb and a whore. If only you could see how this pretty little cunt is swallowing me up right now.”

“T-Taeyeon.”

“Silence,” she snaps. “You’ve caused me enough trouble. You will pay for your consequences.”

Ecstasy ripples through you in turbulent waves, breaking the dam and forcing you to squirt all over her hand and the wall. One second, you feel light as a cloud. The next, a sharp pinch at the junction of your neck brings you back down to earth, breaking skin and leaving you lightheaded as she suckles on you.

When she’s finished with you, she turns you around to face her. The last thing you see before sinking to the floor is the same maniacal grin, now stained with blood.

Your blood.

[thelaurenshippen]

Out of every film that exists, give one to each of your podcasts. I wanna see what vibes you think, cause I rlly wanna listen to some!

ooooooh GREAT question. this has me fully stumped, because I really don't watch a ton of movies? I'm much more of a TV person. but I'll do my best.

The Bright Sessions - depending on the season, this could really change. but, at its core, TBS is an emotional sci-fi story that's super queer, so...Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind meets Love, Simon meets...like, the non-saving-the-world parts of The Incredibles or...idk, Matilda.

Breaker Whiskey - Another Earth meets Portrait of a Lady on Fire.

Bridgewater - Hereditary is a horror movie about family trauma, right? So that, but not as scary or sad, plus cryptids.

Maxine Miles - Harriet the Spy meets The Goonies, but with environmental anxiety.

New Year’s Day - take The Prestige and The Illusionist, shake, add a dash of The Greatest Showman and then make it gay.

Surviving Hawkins - I mean, obviously, the TV show this is most like is, uh, Stranger Things (this was the official ST podcast I wrote lol), but actually it's closer to Dead Poet's Society or The History Boys, especially since there's no Upside Down business.

Passenger List - I really just want to say that Idris Elba Apple TV show about a plan hijacking but I'm committed to the movie thing--there's an element of Girl with the Dragon Tattoo in here, plus maybe Flight Plan or...Shutter Island even?

and, honorable mentions (shows I produced but didn't write):

In Strange Woods - this is tricky because it's a musical but...Into the Wild meets Spotlight (but not sad in the same way) meets....a musical.

Life With LEO(h) - Her but, like, fun and actually romantic. Her + Pride & Prejudice + Nora Ephron movies.

Look Up - I have never seen it, but Briggon loves the movie Handsome Devil so I'm putting that here along with, like, the tiniest little sprinkling of Moonlight.

Greenhouse - jesus, there are not enough fun sapphic romance movies. Imagine Me & You meets You've Got Mail.

but I'd LOVE to hear all your thoughts, listeners!!

[ye-olde-tardis]

I have a local cryptid that I've seen about twice. Nobody who believes me can understand what it looks like, and everyone else just thinks I'm crazy.

Before you get super excited, I want to let you know that it's some sort of bug or animal. It's not extra terrestrial or monster-esc, it's just a really weird bug.

TW for vague descriptions of dead animals

Several things to get out of the way before I can describe it to you.... I live in Michigan, so anything that doesn't live around here is out of the question... and I collect bones from dead animals.

Ok, now the describing. About a year ago I was out tending to my maceration station (the place I keep my roadkill so that the bugs can eat away the bits and I can collect the bones once they're done) when I spotted this.... thing.

It was about four inches long, two inches wide. It had wings, and was flying like how a humming bird would do. Sort of hovering and dashing around. It's abdomin had two bright yellow lines and the shape of it reminded me of a wasp. It's face looked like a butterfly's face, with a probiscus and those weird shaped eyes. It had six legs, but when it landed the wings didn't stop flapping. The wings themselves were short and I couldn't get a good look at them because they never stopped moving, but they could have been a different color than the rest of it. I think it's main color was black but I can't quite remember.

I ran inside to grab a jar to catch it, but it was gone when I came back. I remember researching bugs, butterflies, humming bird moths, beetles.... none of them matched what I saw. And if they came close, none of them ate dead things.

That's right. It eats dead things. Today, I saw it again. I didn't have my phone (a mistake I'll try not to make again. I need a picture of this thing.) I watched it scout out the best place to land, and when it finally did, it unfurled its probiscus and started drinking.

I had a jar this time... (I wanted to catch some American carrion beetles to pin) but I was kinda scared of it. When it saw me trying to catch it, it CAME TWARD ME and started loudly buzzing. When I backed off of it, it flew away.

I'll update with pictures if I ever manage to get some. But it could be a year before I ever see the thing again.

[aikoiya]

Hello there, I love your post and I like your idea about Danny being affected by hamon but now not the time for dp x jjba and i have a long post idea that I would be understanding that it takes you days to research and post your idea.

Danny Phantom (phantom planet not happen in this au idea) x hunter: the parenting and by extension the world of darkness.

A few months before the event of Adorable Family Trip, the D family went to Amity Park for a month to visit one of Big-D ex, Jack Fenton, and while at Amity Park Kitten decided to look into Amity Park folklore. I want to know what 3 folklore that Amity Park has and what Kitten and Big-D thought about it, also bonus point if one of them is not about ghosts.

Also I have fun idea that the D family shenanigans while in Amity Park like Kitten learning about ecto ghost from Maddie ( who has extreme bias), Jack ( who is still learning about ecto ghost), and Big-D ( who usually keeps info until it's relevant), Marckus telling Danny and Dash about his experience with bully and tell them about how Brok Blacklaw eat Marckus book, gross Danny and Dash out, Door and Boy waiting in line at Nasty Burger for the meatiest burger for Boy and telling Jazz about his old 'mining day' unintentionally misled Jazz into thinking he was a miner and not a EOD specialist that he actually is, and Big-D and Jack have a journey and talk about why Big-D broke up with Jack as while Jack is good against ghost, he is not prepared for Big-D reckoning against the various supernatural.

Also for the funny Big-D know Danny Fenton is Danny Phantom when first met and didn't tell his family until on the plane back to Norfolk UK and his reasoning is that "it is obvious".

Holy cow! Honestly, I was confused for a bit. But the further down I got, the more I recognized. Like, Big-D was my first tip off, but it wasn’t until I read Markus, Door, & Boy that it clicked.

Now, I know what we’re talking about. I was afraid this was about Monster Hunter or Hunter x Hunter because I know practically nothing about either of those except dragons & that they are an absolute infestation in Monster Hunter.

You have no idea how lucky you are that my brother got me to watch the animated adaptation on YouTube or I would be completely lost! XD

So, congratulations, I can ramble about this subject!

However, I have only seen the animated adaptation up to Big-D's guide to avoiding arrest & am actually currently watching it as I type because I asked my brother a question about the show & he later said he'd rather watch more of it rather than continue with Lupin III. So, thanks for that. (Jk.)

Brok literally just appeared for the first time. His crew certainly seems to possess quite the motley assortment of very unfortunate faces, don't they?

But, yeah, I haven't seen any of the actual sessions, so my knowledge about how that world works is limited to that.

First off, I love, love, love all the supernatural lore in it. I was literally taking down notes.

Anyway, hmm… Well, I just looked at a list of Michigan cryptids & it talked about Michigan Mermen, though evidently, it's “bad luck to threaten one.” Though, the legend specifically says it's in Lake Superior. At the same time, the 2 lakes are connected by Whitefish Bay, so I wouldn't understand why they wouldn't also appear in Lake Michigan unless it was specifically inhabited by a predator of theirs. There's also apparently the Chicago Mothman, which according to a really cool map someone made from doing a bunch of research (Amity Park Location & Map), is most likely not even a full day's travel from Amity. Then there's the Lake Michigan Sea Serpent, which is, like, right there.

Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if it lived in Lake Eerie. Maybe even just a short walk away from Amity itself.

Though, I do also have something a bit more benign that I made up myself. It's not really a creature. It's just a jukebox that plays creepily accurate music. → The Haunted Jukebox

It's really not much, but I figure that it'd be nice to investigate something that wouldn't try to do unspeakable things to them for once, ya know?

And I do have to say that I very much don't see Jack as the type who'd be into Big-D. In fact, I think the only dude that Jack might have a chance of being into is Vlad, who was never interested & will never be interested. And I don't even know if Jack would be aware of his own interest or if it's ever even crossed his mind.

However, I do have an alternate suggestion. What if Jack & Big-D… were brothers or cousins?

Now, I have a lot of thoughts on not only the Fenton Family’s lineage, but several others too, so here's a link so that I don't have to put it all here. → DP AU - Family Legacy

For that matter, I also hc that Warden Walker is Maddie's dad (but neither are aware). Seriously, go read Grandpappy Walker on Fanfiction.com. It’s an interesting read. However, it never finished. I have other hcs involving her family here, too. → The Walker Family

Now, moving on. This could absolutely work because my theories regarding both the Fenton family & Big-D actually align very well.

Mainly in that I hc that the Fentons are descended from a Lugat, thus making everyone descended from him dhampirs after a fashion.

Now, if we go this route, my suggestion is that Jack was the black sheep of the family… but Big-D was the bedazzled, feral sheep that kept biting everyone. Brilliant & the star of the Fenton family with a brain like a supernatural encyclopedia, but obviously has something very wrong in his head.

In my mind, Jack was never good at learning other languages (which was very important for research) or the apotropaic magics of his family because he could never really wrap his head around the mechanics of how it all worked, so he became frustrated with it all, called it a load of hooey & became determined to prove himself a hunter through the medium he did understand: SCIENCE!!!

And engineering. However, because he'd felt like an outcast due to being unable to understand the magical side of things, he'd begun to reject a lot of the old, tried & true hunter methods, relegating them to the domain of superstition even though a part of him knew that it was all true. He was bitter, okay?

Despite this, he's actually surprisingly honest with himself, considering how full of himself he can be. As such, if he's ever shown concrete evidence that he's wrong, he's actually very quick to adapt & accept that fact.

Then, promptly make amends.

Maddie, however, is ridiculously secular & stubborn. As such, she would be ridiculously difficult to convince regarding subjects involving the supernatural that couldn't be explained using science.

Interestingly, despite being so very different, Big-D was actually one of the only ones in their family who actually heard out Jack’s theories.

At the same time, though Big-D thought that the possibility of this “Ghost Zone” was, indeed, possible, he'd never thought that Jack would not only be able to reach it, consistently of all things, but then prove it!

Personally, I love it when experts of the supernatural are entirely blindsided by something that completely shatters their understanding of the world around them. Like, science is making new discoveries all the time. Why can't the supernatural hunter field also be doing the same?

I'm saying that I think it would be fun if the entirety of Big-D's knowledge of this new plane of existence completely consisted of whatever theories Jack had spoken to him about regarding it.

On the one hand, he's so ridiculously PROUD of Jackie-Boy!!

On the other, Big-D is absolutely shitting his short shorts as it slowly dawns on him the implications of all this.

I mean… this… this is the fucking trans-universal thanatonexus!! Literal proof of alternate & parallel universes!!!

The universe between universes & the moment between times!!!

….

….

Big-D needs to sit down before he passes out…

Which, my guy. I have a full freaking masterlist of hcs regarding how the Infinite Realms work, how it interacts with the Living Realms, how ectoplasm is made. As well as hcs about Clockwork & Nocturn. → DP Ghost Zone Masterlist

Clockwork - The Origin of Clockwork - Clockwork Through the Multiverse - Nocturn (My Style)

Peruse at your leisure.

Seriously, I might have a problem…

I mean, if you really think about it, how would Big-D know much of anything about ecto-ghosts? The only people shown to possess portals are the Fentons & Vlad & the only other portals are natural portals which open randomly & very rarely. Like, maybe he's heard stories about powerful beings that could fly & shoot lasers, but I don’t think he’d know anything truly concrete.

But I definitely think he's aware of Danny's time traveling shenanigans, though only from the perspective of having seen imagery of Phantom & Plasmius scattered through time. But not that it’s Danny & the mayor of Amity (at least initially).

Which, I honestly think that they'd legitimately despise each other. D & Vlad, that is.

Which, perhaps Big-D's actual reason for visiting could partially be because of that? Maybe he saw a picture in a supernatural tabloid about a little town in Illinois that was a tourist trap centering around ghosts? And the picture used was of one of Danny & Vlad's fights?

Maybe it was Kitten who was reading it & Big-D was just sort of sipping his drink at breakfast, was chatting with Kitten, & glanced down only to choke on his drink as he recognized the figures from one of the single greatest mysteries in all of hunter history. He gasps & wheezes rather comically as he tries to catch his breath. Kitten is concerned, but the second D caught his breath, he declared that they were headed to Amity Park to visit family.

The terrifying thing is that I actually think that the Fentons of Amity might be the most well-adjusted members of the current Fentons in the family… This realization haunts me…

Holy fudge, I think Jack would end up being the responsible & rational one between him & D…

Like, I can just see Jack looking D dead in the eye & telling him that drugs, psychedelics, alcohol any purer than near beer, & especially sacrifices were not allowed within 5 yards of the perimeter of Fenton Works & neither were D's sexual indiscretions.

If he brings that shit anywhere near his family, no one will find the pieces. And if he gets caught with that sort of thing here, then Jack's never met the man.

Like, the supernatural stuff is fine, whatever.

Typical Fenton clan brouhaha, but Jack raised a couple of wonderful, talented, genius kids.

(Even if Danny was having a rough time keeping his grades up at the moment, he could still reverse engineer any one of their inventions practically on autopilot & sometimes could even surpass Jack himself in terms of guerilla science & ingenuity, but that's not the point!)

His kids were brilliant & they don't do drugs or commit crimes or go out drinking, & he's not about to have one Bignaceous Ditryck T. Fenton walking in & screwing up the 2 (3 if they’ve adopted Ellie) most sane, well-adjusted children born into the Fenton clan in 5 generations just because he couldn't behave like an adult for a week! Like, he loves D, but “Seriously, D, you need serious help.”

Which would probably start a bit of a dismissive handwaving about how, of course, he’d never dream of it! But Jack just narrowed his eyes at the other man’s insane smile before sighing with a slump of his shoulders before letting them in reluctantly.

Anyway, I'd very much appreciate Amethyst Ocean to be a thing here. This is the DP ship that I've been shipping since I first watched the show. And it was made canon.

Of course, in the end, it's your choice. Not mine.

Also, keep in mind that if Phantom Planet isn't canon, then neither is A Glitch In Time. Just something to remember.

[okayto]

Mini-Review: Polygon Unraveled

A video series that explores the dangers of taking video game lore and logic too seriously.

Or as others online put it:

A series of viral videos for the gaming website Polygon in which he slowly goes insane while talking about video games.

Brian David Gilbert tries to unravel game lore without losing his grip on reality.

Several years ago, this guy who somehow managed to exude cryptid vibes despite appearing to be the walking embodiment of an excel spreadsheet kept coming across my dash. I gleaned enough info to determine he was a YouTuber and promptly scrolled on.

A couple years later...I'll be honest, I have no idea how I actually came to watch any of this. At some point, someone on tumblr tricked me into watching a completely different channel, which showed me that there is, in fact, entertaining content on YT despite a preponderance of talking heads and intensely parasocial fandoms, and the Almighty Algorithm recommended me a a video with a title I couldn't ignore, probably The Perfect PokéRap.

Host Brian David Gilbert is to all appearances an unassuming besuited nerd with high charisma and an even higher ability to subject himself to mental torments in the form of reading in real life all 333 books in the video game Skyrim, calculating how much money in OSHA fines Mario would owe, and interviewing his mother as part of a mathematical process to determine the Game of the Year...during which she kindly says, "This is a lot of research into things that really have very little meaning."

"A lot of research into things that really have very little meaning" would be a great and accurate tagline. Unraveled tricks you into thinking it's about video game-associated nerdery, but actually refers to Gilbert's mental state.

At any rate, it's easy to see why this garnered attention: it's funny and full of the specific pedantry that fandoms enjoy, taking canon details seriously to their ridiculous conclusions.

The subject is video games, but I haven't play the majority of titles/series/franchises featured and enjoyed it all, so it should be accessible and enjoyable to people who similarly haven't. Clips and brief descriptions of games/gameplay/stories are included when necessary, which for me gave all the context I needed.

Because listen: you do not need to be familiar with any Legend of Zelda games to enjoy the hilarity of Gilbert and a non-gamer coworker trying to recreate 78 recipes from Breath of the Wild using only ingredients listed in the game (that is: very few ingredients). I don't need to know anything about Hideo Kojima or the games he creates (and to this day, I do not) to understand the humor of his character names, because Gilbert explains that particular brand of peculiarity in the course of generating an 11-page form that will help him generate his own similarly-kooky names. There are a minimum of three different song/musical interludes throughout this series that are enjoyable and impressive.

Final comments: Highly recommend. It's accessible and fun even with a very small amount of video game knowledge (the small amount I have via pop culture osmosis) and witty; Gilbert has a talent for spouting great one-liners that contribute to the preponderance of gifs on this website.

Subtitle availability: English captions (not auto-generated) are available!

Where to watch (USA, as of May 2024): A playlist (X) on Polygon's (@Polygon) Youtube channel contains all episodes. Polygon's channel contains literally thousands of other videos, so I recommend using the playlist regardless of whether you watch them all or just a few.

Start watching with: My best recommendation is starting from the beginning using the playlist, with Solving the Zelda Timeline in 15 Minutes, because individual videos are great but it's also fun to watch Gilbert increasingly, well, unravel. But if you want a few videos to sample, I'd start with any of these:

Every Sonic game is blasphemous

The Perfect PokeRap (live convention panel; trust me it's worth watching instead of the PokeRap-only video)

We made all 78 Breath of the Wild recipes in one day

Calculate your pet's HP with my 100% legitimate formula

I used The Sims to perfect my apartment

Status/Frequency: There are 28 videos total, most of which are 15-20 minutes long with only a handful of outliers. The series was released from 2018 to the end of 2020, when he left the company to pursue other projects.

Click my “reviews” tag below or search “mini review” on my blog to find more!

[ghosthuntcr]

Steph snaps to attention. He can feel something shift in the universe. Someone needs to be approached with a positive attitude? He loves spreading positivity!!

[vanilladrpepper]

happy wip and ww wednesday. have some more of the cryptid 80s au

“Don’t be hasty, here. There’s forces at play that I can’t talk about all willy nilly.” Her accent’s almost as clean as can be – stripped of everything that makes an accent recognizable – but he can tell a small note of something that he only really hears when people from the northeast call him, telling him about his shifts while drinking down coffee. 

“Give me a good reason to believe you.” He throws her a bone, a small mercy. He can see where he nicked her, her shoulder bleeding from the grazed bullet. It won’t be lethal – but it’ll be nasty if she doesn’t clean it out soon. 

She smiles bitterly, as if accepting the inevitable. “I don’t have one – but trust me, you don’t want to do this. You can’t– do you truly want to kill me? I’ve done nothing to you.” Her voice cracks, but she stays standing as strong as ever, staring down the barrel of a gun. 

“If I gotta, I gotta. Sorry ma’am, I wasn’t raised to be some savior – I was raised to shoot first and ask questions later, so you’ve made it farther than usual already.” He steadies his arm, watching as her expression curls up in an odd mix of what he can only describe as discontent. Despair. Pity. His grip on his gun tightens, trigger finger curling where it sits, readying for the pop. “Any last words?” 

She sighs, but keeps herself from straying off her stance. Her gun stays forgotten on the ground, rotting into the very Earth. “I really can’t convince you to trust me?” 

“No, ma’am.” 

“Alright. Alright.” She repeats, almost whispering to herself, eyes closing for a moment as she takes a deep breath before she meets his eyes again, facing him head on. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.” The words give him pause, make his nerves falter – all his training yelling for him to just take the shot. She’s stern in her position, unyielding. He’s used to desperate movements, begging, mad dashes met with a single shot and then silence. 

“I am too, ma’am.” 

And he shoots.

[connectparanormal]

Paranormal Great Bear Rainforest

Situated on the central coast of British Columbia, Canada, the Great Bear Rainforest is a location of unmatched natural beauty. One of the world's largest temperate rainforests, covering an area of over 6.4 million hectares, is home to tall cedars, lush ferns, and a variety of fauna, including the uncommon white-furred Kermode bear, also known as the spirit bear. Known for its stunning scenery and ecological significance, the rainforest also envelops itself in myth and mystery. Both Indigenous tribes and tourists have passed down stories of uncanny events and mysterious happenings, which some believe to be supernatural, over the centuries. For thousands of years, numerous Indigenous communities, like the Heiltsuk and Kitasoo/Xai’xais Nations, have coexisted peacefully with the Great Bear Rainforest. According to their oral histories, there are creatures that are beyond human comprehension, guardians who watch over the forest's sacred areas, and spirits who live there. Their cultural values and reverence for the natural world intricately link these tales, making them more than just folklore.

The Spirit Bear itself is the subject of one of the best-known stories.  Despite its scientific classification as a subspecies of the black bear with a unique genetic characteristic that gives it its white fur, many Indigenous people revere the bear as a sacred creature, a symbol of balance, and a remembrance of the ice-covered earth. Those who have had the good fortune to see a spirit bear report experiencing an unexplainable sense of peace and a sense of belonging to something much bigger than themselves. In addition to the spirit bear, several people who have visited the rainforest have reported experiencing paranormal activity. Even in the absence of other people, hikers and researchers have reported hearing weird, disembodied voices resonating through the thick forest. No matter how far they venture into the forest, others experience the unsettling sensation of constant surveillance. Others report seeing shadowy shapes that are too big and nimble to be any recognized animal dashing between the trees. There is frequently a spooky silence during these sightings, as though the forest is holding its breath. There are also claims of frequent cryptid sightings in the Great Bear Rainforest. The Pacific Northwest folklore ingrains the Sasquatch, often known as Bigfoot, as one of these creatures. According to indigenous mythology, the Sasquatch is a woodland protector who resides in a transitional realm between the material and spiritual realms. Reports from campers and adventurers today include finding enormous tracks in the mud and seeing gigantic, ape-like beings moving softly through the trees. Firsthand witnesses frequently speak with conviction, saying that what they witnessed defies any logical explanation, while skeptics reject these claims as hoaxes or misidentifications.

Another unexplained event associated with the Great Bear Rainforest is the appearance of strange lights in the sky. People frequently refer to these luminous orbs as ghost lights or earth lights, believing them to dance along the beach or hover over the treetops. Those who have seen the lights up close are not satisfied with the natural explanations put out by scientists, such as bioluminescence, swamp gas, or electromagnetic disturbances. Many claim that they are clever and seem to react to sound or movement. While some attribute these lights to alien activities, others view them as a manifestation of the forest's spirits. The natural and the supernatural appear to blend together in the Great Bear Rainforest, a region of immense mystery. There is no doubting the sense of wonder and awe the forest evokes, regardless of whether one believes the bizarre happenings are the result of human imagination, cryptids, or spirits. It serves as both a reminder of how little we actually understand about the world and evidence of nature's timeless ability to enthrall and enigmatize. Through its breathtaking beauty or hints of the unknown, the Great Bear Rainforest is more than just a place to visit; it moves the soul.

[wickedsrest-rp]

Welcome to our WRW! We do these weekly to provide plot drops, challenges, and highlight starters. Anyone is welcome to use these bullet points. Let us know if you want us to include one of your setting-related plots in here for next week by sending us a bullet point!

The finale POTW is here! The bird demon probably has to go. But what are the consequences to getting rid of it? And is that even possible? Things to ponder as you’re fighting off the small demons and trying to track down the sigils spread across town.

Our fall event has arrived! Celebrate the best season of the year with apples, apples, cursed Halloween customs, apples, ancient evil, mushrooms, apples, and apples.

Groups of people are picketing around the legs, because there has been talk about somehow taking them down. The legs are featured on post cards now! They have to stay.

On the other hand (or leg), phobids, bugbears, and mares have taken advantage of all the leg controversy. Due to their influence, some people are afraid of legs. All legs.

Some charming tree worms have mutated. Now they're shaped like -- you guessed it -- legs.

Complete challenges and claim prizes!. You can read more about how they work and what prizes are available here. Bonus challenges are an opportunity to earn an extra point per week but are harder or weirder.

This week’s challenge:

Have a dash interaction with 3 characters yours hasn't interacted with at all/very much (new characters count!).

Bonus challenge:

Make a meme!

Rosemary isn't quite feeling herself and needs to cancel a few outings. Girl, you good?

Who stole Vera's soup? Not very demure, not very mindful. Maybe watch your back?

Maggie has a fool proof plan to spot a cryptid but she needs your help. And your mulled wine.

Someone save Satine from becoming Scrooge, please.

[lemon-snake]

Jumping to Conclusions

@minnowmarsh HI! You were my holiday truce giftee! I used the first prompt, “cryptid Danny” and I hope I made him cryptidy enough for you. There aren’t really any warnings, except for bullying I guess. Happy Holiday Truce!

Dash Baxter is not a smart kid, he can admit that. His chances for college basically ride on his football scholarship. And even though he tells everyone he’s only letting Jazz Fenton tutor him because she has a crush on him and he’s leading her on, it’s blatantly false. If it wasn’t for Jazz, and forcing nerds to do his homework, he would be failing.

But the thing is, Dash doesn’t need to be smart to know that there is something seriously wrong with Danny Fenton. It’s not like he’s paying attention on purpose or anything, that makes it sound like he cares about the loser. But y’know, he pays attention enough to shove him into lockers and beat him up after gym class. And that’s enough to notice things.

See, Danny Fenton had always been a weird little freak, that’s why he got bullied by guys like Dash. But by the time freshman year of high school started, Danny had just gotten weirder. Like, super weird.

And sure, life had gotten super weird freshman year of high school, what with all the ghosts and shit. But Danny was weirder than that. Or maybe he was weird in the same way as that, and that’s why it was so fucking creepy.

The kid was like a ghost. There was no other way to explain it. Not “was a ghost”, Dash is pretty sure he would know if he tried to punch a ghost, but he was like a ghost.

He never made any sound anymore when he walked. Dash has lost count of how many times he’s turned around and suddenly Danny is just standing there behind him. It’s creepy. Even when Dash can see him, there’s no sound. It’s like he wrapped cotton around his shoes, except he obviously didn’t.

And it’s like he could get out of any of the lockers Dash shoved him in. Even the shitty broken one in the boy’s locker room that required a janitor to open if you locked it on accident. One time, Dash had waited around the entire passing period just to watch the locker. Nothing. He’d been late to Algebra, but somehow Danny had gotten there first. There was just no way that was possible! Dash had beat him up after class for making him late, and he’d had the fucking audacity to look bored. He’d even yawned! While Dash was punching him!

Dash had wanted to steal his homework for that, but when Dash had told him to hand it over, Danny had looked surprised that they even had homework. That was another weird thing. Danny wasn’t a genius like his sister, or his parents, but he was certainly smarter than Dash and he got good grades. He never shut up about wanting to be an astronaut when they were younger. It was super annoying. But now he slept through most of the school day and teachers are lucky if they get anything from him. If the homework he does turn in doesn’t have mysterious stains on it, it’s basically a miracle. He skipped class all the time now too. It wasn’t just his magic bladder and running like a fraidy cat from ghost attacks, but he rarely showed back up. Sometimes he didn’t show up to school at all. Lancer was basically the only teacher who expected anything of him anymore. All the others had just told him not to handle anything fragile and basically gave up, besides assigning detentions. Dash had heard from Paulina, who heard from Kwan, that Danny barely showed up for those either.

He was a total klutz now too. It seemed like every time anyone turned around, he was tripping, or breaking something in a way that shouldn’t have been possible. Dash never told anyone, but one time, he saw Danny fall down an entire flight of stairs by tripping over air and had gotten back up like it was nothing. Again, this kid was dedicated to being an astronaut. He hadn’t been a fucking ballerina, but it was certainly better than this.

One time, the power had gone out due to a ghost attack, and Mr. Walter, the Algebra teacher, had refused to let Danny go to the bathroom. Danny’s eyes had glowed in the _dark._ He’d mumbled something about his parents, and cross contamination, and most people accepted that. But not Dash. He knows the truth. Danny Fenton is a fucking alien.

He’s pretty sure he got body snatched at some point over the summer. With all his space junk, it’s practically asking for aliens to come and snatch him. The Doctors Fenton wouldn’t notice, especially after all the ghosts started attacking. The alien pretending to be Danny Fenton probably has some kind of teleportation tech. That’s how he’s getting out of all the lockers, even the shitty one. Stealth tech too, for stalking innocent human quarterback prey, like Dash. That’s why Dash can never hear him coming. It’s probably trying to gain flesh bodies for all its alien friends, like in horror movies.

And the alien probably has no idea how to be a normal human teen. Dash wonders if the alien would be willing to let Dash teach it how to be a normal teenager in exchange for not sending a slug into his brain and taking over his body. He hopes so. Dash really doesn’t want to be a slug zombie.

He’s pretty sure the new mayor, Vlad Masters, is also an alien. But a different alien than the kind of alien that’s pretending to be Danny Fenton. They’re enemy aliens. That’s why Danny hates him so much. Because he fixed the totally lame shit with the Nasty Burger, so really there’s no reason for Danny to attempt to fist fight him in the Kroger parking lot.

No reason unless they’re both aliens from rival civilizations who are both trying to take over the earth. Their fights sound really personal. Dash wonders if there’s some sort of history there. Like, maybe Danny was supposed to be leading a fleet of spaceships to conquer earth, but they’d run into Masters’ fleet of enemy spaceships and there was a huge space battle and then the two commanders were the only survivors. They both fell to earth and took over the bodies of the nearest human. Dash thinks the alien inside Masters has it better. That guy is a billionaire. Danny Fenton is just a weird nerd from a weird family.

Dash Baxter isn’t that smart, but he’s seen enough horror movies to recognize an alien infiltration when he sees one.