#darsy’s cinematic life

[darsynia]

ER again—husband this time. Kidney stone.

[darsynia]

Man if I'd read this at 2 AM last night when I was doing this I would have been SO AFFRONTED

Bitches be like ‘I’m so tired and sleepy’ and then stay up doing hyperfixtation shit for the next 5 hours

[darsynia]

Saffron loves pizza, sooooo

[darsynia]

The joke's on YOU, clothing sites. I am not shopping for me, I'm shopping for my CHARACTERS, and every time you remind me of an outfit I looked at and didn't buy once, you're reminding me of the scene I wrote featuring it.

[darsynia]

Presented without comment:

[darsynia]

Me, sending this to my husband on vacation with 1 kiddo at his in-laws: We're doing fine without you, see?

Him: Are you???

Important Info

[vyna78118-blog]

Read / Download Multiversum (Multiversum, #1) by Leonardo Patrignani Ebook in PDF or Epub

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[darsynia]

Ok finished sprucing up everything, hecks yes! Now I can WRITE SOMETHING.

Brain I swear to god if you decide to crap out on me now...

My keyboard: lma bitch y u TH UGHT

Me: GDI

(ok it's not as bad as every time I hit a letter but it's... tricksy)

[darsynia]

Me: trying to fucking sleep

My brain: Here’s their first kiss

Also my brain: you’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t write it down

Me:

(I wrote it down. OMG.)

[darsynia]

I am the most bizarre combination of very confident and incredibly insecure, make it stoppppp. I’ll spend all day reading and enjoying fic, leaving comments, writing stuff I love, and then agonize, like, with no purpose or direct concern: was this annoying?? Will people think I have an ulterior motive????

Depression is so wild, because as the recipient of that behavior I’m offering to sacrifice my firstborn in their honor and yet when perpetrating it I am convinced I am an asshole. Nothing anyone did has prompted this, I am just effed up.

[darsynia]

Welp.

Had an anxiety thing (unrelated to:), and now our mouse problem has escalated to the point where I am going to sleep with the light on.

I really think the endgame is going to be finding out one of the kids has been feeding them or something. The whole street has this problem (old-ass houses), but I am freaked. Not scared of mice but don’t want to cohabitate.

I just want to sleep and get better, arghhhhh

[darsynia]

Took a nap and when I woke up I looked up something for my Animate Objects series and holy crap things just got AMAZING.

And I just want to say that reading some seriously inventive and thought-provoking plots over the past few days inspired me to get more creative. So thank you for that!

[darsynia]

At the ER with suspected retinal detachment. Things are going cinematically.

Waiting room completely full when I got here, is empty now since possible blindness is not anywhere near as urgent as everything else (including 4 people who arrived after). Not upset over that, mind you. I joked to the receptionist that they're going to trawl the neighborhood looking to see if anyone else needs something before calling me back, lol

Same lovely receptionist offered me a snack, came back with stuff and then went to check in case they need me to fast.

They said I do.

...

So now I have three delicious things here that I can't eat and she can't put back and I know she feels bad about it and I can't fix this!

Note: diabetes I guess is a possible cause of this--so to rule it out they have me fasting in here just in case without examining me first

I am dumb--fasting is from chance I need surgery

[darsynia]

I hate doing this because I feel like it's needy but I need some virtual hugs/encouragement right now, of any sort.

In 2021, my middle daughter Saffron threw up and passed out onto the floor at school in the back private room of the nurse's office and wasn't discovered for many minutes. I took her home, scheduled a doctor's appointment, and took her in. While at the appointment, while on my LAP, she had a mini seizure, fell to the floor (I couldn't catch her), passed out, and threw up. We took an ambulance to the ER. No conclusions.

18 months later, she had another seizure/threw up in my arms after feeling unwell and staying home from school. Watching that was my worst moment. ER again. No conclusions.

Today, my oldest daughter passed out at school after asking to use the restroom so she could throw up. I am about 90 minutes from taking her to the same doctor to have her checked out. We don't know if she had a seizure.

Fam, I am an emotional wreck. All I can see is my Saffron falling away from me mid-seizure and my useless hands couldn't stop her. I can't... that can't happen again, but I also need to not be a complete wreck in the process. It's also raining, and it's hard to drive in the rain with my eye issues, so I'm really hoping I can power through that so my oldest doesn't feel like she's a burden!

Not to be outdone, youngest kid apparently broke something expensive at a friend's house that brought the owner to our door to request compensation. We just got done spending over ten thousand dollars on house work to prevent part of the structure from caving in (old, heavy greenhouse on back porch).

I don't even know what I'm asking for (gifs? a blurb? memes?). A few of you have left nice comments on previous posts that I treasured but didn't respond to, and I feel ungrateful. Please know your kind words are very valuable to me! ((Obviously I love my kids desperately and I'm quite worried about them, left that out, but hopefully it's implied))

I tried to cheer Oldest up this morning, she said it was a masterpiece:

[darsynia]

Eye surgery on November 22nd!!!

ironically the 22nd is my family's 'bad things happen' date #, including catastrophically breaking my leg on 11/22/16 and two different kids in the hospital on 22nds of months (one of them with head staples) so this should be interesting

edit: LOL and yes, my husband was born on the 22nd

[darsynia]

Ok I was actually going to do this in tags but it was way too long. PLEASE CLICK THE USERNAME OF THE POLL PERSON TO REBLOG FROM ME they don't want my weird personal story in their reblogs lol, but:

I'm a secret 9th option??

I wore glasses from age 21-41, but around then I developed a weird eye condition called vitreous detachment which is where the goo in your eye which is anchored to the walls of the inside of your eyeball can come detached on one side. It has, awfully, the same symptom set as retinal detachment (color flashes in the dark even with your eyes closed, grey splotches of no eyesight, tons of floaters, etc.) but is incurable and not eyesight-threatening. Ever since I started suffering from this I have tested well enough on eyesight tests to not need my glasses (theory is my eyes work harder to see 'past' the debris in there), but I guess also middle-aged women/women starting menopause can also stop needing glasses?? IDK.

The drawback is that the goo that's come detached... I can see it? It's a floating circle in my vision, because I can basically see the edges of it, like a cut-off bendy cheese stick or something, lol.

It's been there for almost 3 years (and only recently am I finally, FINALLY not seeing it constantly). It looks like a coffee mug ring at 20% opacity. The floaters can coalesce and stack so the first time I noticed something it was like someone put a black magic marker dot on my eyesight, but it was *always* visible, and it would move when my eyes moved, so I thought it was bugs.

Anyway the 'healing' part of this is that my brain has to account for the always-visible thing in there and tell my brain it's not there anymore, even though it is. Except it moved around so much it took YEARS for my brain to do that, but it did it!

So I thought you'd like to know a little bit about weird eyesight stuff, heh. Most importantly: if you start seeing flashing lights that aren't there, if you get an influx of floaters, and/or if you start noticing a grey fuzzy section of your vision, get it checked out! It could be nothing, it could be vitreous detachment, but it could be a retinal tear, or a retinal detachment, and that is an EMERGENCY. You will lose your eyesight if you let that go untreated. And yes, it can happen to younger people (hilariously, I'm a Fandom Old here but at the eye place I'm easily 30+ years younger than everyone else).

reblog not for a “bigger sample size” but because polls like this are a fun way to help people reinforce their own self-concept and passing it along so that other people can also have the opportunity to strengthen their sense of self by pressing a button is a cool and nice thing to do