#damonelliot

[filmosfera]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Beau Szumilas (@filmosfera_hollywood)

#Victoria'sVoice@, an evening to save lives presented by the Victoria Siegel Foundation and #GreenspoonMarder LLP. An evening filled with joy to convey the message of hope and fundraising for Victoria Siegel Foundation through Power Clubs which has given our youth and future generations the strength for a drug free life. Program participants include: Scott Stapp (the voice of Creed is performing in the program) Marc Mero (retired WWE Champion is speaking in the program), Teresa Guidice, Dionne Warwick, Steve Cedarquist (Flip or Flop HGTV), AnnaLynne McCord, Daniel Baldwin, Phaedra Parks, Dr. Ish (WE TV's Marriage Bootcamp), Gretchen Rossi, Lamar Odom, Jeremy London (Growing Pains) and many more. Westgate Las Vegas Resort & Casino, #BarryManilow …An evening to save lives. #DavidSeigal #JackieSeigal #DionneWarwick #MichaelLohan #PhaedraParks #JeremyMiller #SteveCederquist #DamonElliot #RebeccaHolden #DanielBaldwin #GabriellaVersace #MichaelLohan #KimberlyFriedmutter #VictoriaDennis #RichardSeigal #RapperAyeB #KenSeeley #BaileyPayne #DeannaWheeler #VictoriasVoice #AnEveningToSaveLives (at Westgate Las Vegas Resort & Casino) https://www.instagram.com/p/B4I_X80HjUu/?igshid=1sewvzsd1fit7

[melodyriffsmusic]

September 28. My Return To Paris, France.

Nights at the Hilton.

I stand at the airport. Gas bubbles rumbling through my tummy.

Two Arab men laughing about God-knows-what. One of them, with the mustard colored sweater around his neck keeps turning to look at me. What is it he is laughing at?

There are few things LESS amusing than not being in on a joke. The last time I remember was being at dinner with Jack, my new director “friend”...the blue-eyed, big lipped, home-wrecker, while two females laughed across the table, and I became aware of being “left-out”.

R. R and I spent the last 48-hours growing close again, reconciling, like a married couple that went through invisible counseling....riding around Burbank, seeing funny movies, eating out—sushi, yogurt. What could be better.

I didn't want to part at the airport. I wanted him to come. But now I am here, and I return to homeostatic strength. No R. Though he is my best friend. No John. That is clearly numbed to nothing. No....Jack..except the dilmena of whether I will meet him or not.

I have a day to make it to Paris.

And then two hours to make it to my hotel, change into gown, do hair, make-up, and make it to gig.

It's doable.

My computer refuses to charge for some reason...

People's iphones light up around me, and a Chinese man comes to check his Chinese text...

What is it? What is pressing in his life?

What is everyone waiting on?

Affairs? Mistresses? Job opportunities.

The big crisis of my life is currently trying to find a style that is “next”, trying to get this album out and have it kick a*s, trying to figure out the LIVE show, and trying to get some music videos done. All on my own.

Hmm.

And trying to....figure out....if R is the one. If this is it. Is he going to make a move—and ask the question? If so, I will have put to rest my rebellious free-bird spirit for good. HOW?

God?

And God.

God. How much do You want of me?

My hair and skin feel burnt out from alcohol, sun, cigarettes and stress.

I will get on an airplane to Paris.

R sends a text. “ We have so many great times ahead of us.”

We lay in the navy blue night yesterday. I remember feeling peaceful as the peach sun set through the blinds....and he held me.

We are waiting...trying to get things right with God...and sometimes I get so...frustrated I almost hyperventilate.

I felt close to him. And in love. And cozy. Why...when I leave...does he become the “enemy” trying to hold me down---when ALL he does is support and care for me.

I almost regretted that he hadn't proposed before I got on the plane to Paris. He was supposed to come with me.

But thank God he didn't or he wouldn't have been able to save me.