#damn. i WISH i had divine confirmation that there were bigger things than this
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essektheylyss · 3 months ago
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Here's the thing with Cassida: skill issue. Sorry babygirl but you've got the vibe of a bright but otherwise simplistic scientist who's an atheist purely because you cannot possibly conceive of portions of the universe beyond your ken. Just because a god knows no mercy that a mortal can comprehend doesn't mean that mercy means nothing. I am not the center of the universe and I do not presume that my existence is the end-all be-all of divine intent, nor that it should be. So yet again: skill issue.
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huenjin · 4 years ago
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don't wanna be friends.
pairing: hyunjin x reader | bff2l!au, pornstar!au
word count: 3.705 words
tw: pornstar!hyunjin, nsfw content — dick piercing!hyunjin, multiple orgasms, breast play, breath play, fingering, cunnilingus, marking, penetration, unprotected sex, dumbification, slight overstimulation, creampie, mentions of reader masturbating to hyunjin's porn and the porn explained in detail.
music rec: damage is done | devin hoffman.
note: this was an nsfw ask originally but it got way past the limit, so tada, made it into a oneshot. if anyone was wondering why it's in this format/theme. unedited, like every other work of mine.
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you gulp down the next shot under hyunjin's watchful supervision. you've lost count of the shots you have taken and hyunjin has lost count of how many times he has told you to stop, that you are drinking too much.
"he told me that i can't fuck right. that i should at least pretend to fake it to satiate him," you scoff, another tear rolling down from the brim of your eyes and hyunjin wraps his arms around you, pulling into him to comfort you. "i can't— jinnie, i just don't come when he fucks me. i— maybe something is wrong with me. maybe i just can't orgasm when someone—"
"hush," hyunjin slowly taps your back to keep your thoughts shut. "there's nothing wrong with you, minion. you're fine." he pushes your big round spectacles up, calling you by the name he's always teased you with.
you slam the shot glass down, eyes groggy and head woozy from all the drinks you've gulped down. you lean forward, eyes wide open, glasses sliding down as you look closely at your best friend.
hwang hyunjin is attractive. you've always known your best friend is attractive. his bright eyes that light up at the sight of his dog, kkami, running to him right after you cuddled kkami forever. or the way his face morphs into one of disgust when you threaten to put eggplants into his plate. or the way he'd cuddle you when the weather gets too cold. hyunjin is attractive, both in looks and behaviour.
beyond this, your best friend, hwang hyunjin, is insatiable in the eyes of many women and men, including yours. a pornstar by profession, he knows the ways around women, having them come undone in his hold in minutes — you refuse to believe it's orchestrated. you know how he is in bed or at least what the biz wants him to exhibit and that alone has you trembling.
and to make matters worse in your end, you've orgasmed only once your whole life and that was during the time when you played with yourself while stumbling upon his porn (you were randomly searching for one and the temptation to watch your best friend just exceeded everything).
you knew his profession for so long — hyunjin told it to you over a glass of wine that you spat onto his white shirt the minute he told you about it. the conversation was never spoken about after that.
until today.
"what are you doing, minion? damn," he chuckles, "you really look like a minion with those glasses."
you still once you close in on hyunjin. hands on his chest, eyes fixated on his, you lick your lips and hyunjin's eyes widen, eyes unknowingly trailing downwards till he has to tear his gaze away, reminding himself that it's you, that it's his best friend.
"do you want to fuck me?" liquid courage, indeed.
"you must be kidding me?"
"why? you do this regularly."
hyunjin shoves you away, pushing you back against the couch. his eyes narrows on your figure and you fold your arms. he huffs, eyes glaring at you before looking away. he stretches his arm to take a glass and pour himself a drink, gulping it down and feeling the much needed burn in his throat.
"why?" you whine. "jinnie, that's your job. fuck me. you don't mind it. i'll just be one of those girls."
"i do mind it," he raises his voice. "you're not just one of those girls. fuck, y/n, you're the only constant in my life. why would i fuck that up?"
you bite your lower lip, eyes watering at the rejection suddenly. your drunkenness is what stirs the emotional side in you and your heart is heavy. you just want to be able to fuck like everyone else, just want to feel the bliss your friends talk about, the euphoria they reach.
"wait, are you going to cry?"
"no," you bite your tongue from letting out the sob. "i won't cry. you're not the first guy to reject me. this is normal. no one wants to—"
"y/n."
"—fuck me. who would want to fuck the girl that can't orgasm, let alone fake one?" you let out a fake laugh, tears finally rolling down your eyes.
"oh goodness," hyunjin sighs. he pulls you into him for a hug, rubbing your back soothingly. "you're my best friend, y/n. i shouldn't—"
"i want you to," you look up at him. hyunjin heaves in a huge breath. it catches in his throat as he looks down at you. god, he loves you. he has loved you for years now but who would want to be in a relationship with a guy who fucks girls for a living? not anyone sane. you deserve better. fuck, you deserved so much better than him.
yet, his heart won't stay still. his mind won't stop racing with thoughts he shouldn't normally have about his best friend. heavens, you have hyunjin wrapped around your finger and you don't even know it.
"y/n, don't—"
hyunjin loses his last bit of control over your proposition the minute you place your lips over his. it's exactly as he has envisioned. soft, delicate and everything that kept him away from breaking. you capture his bottom lip, kissing him softly, hands trailing under his sweater. hyunjin feels the goosebumps rising up, your warmth seeping into his. it takes everything in hyunjin to keep his hands away.
you pull away, catching your lower lip with your teeth before letting go and looking away, "you won't even kiss me back. am i that worse? do i kiss bad? jinnie, i just want to be—"
hyunjin has his hands on your face, turning it for you to look at him before he has his lips crashing down on yours, taking your breath away. you heave, breath hitching and you gasp.
hyunjin is aphrodite. the very reincarnation of sin. he creeps into you just as you expected, crawling into your mind and captivating every single sense of yours. your hands are in his hair, tugging at the roots and moving against his body. his hand sprawls over your neck and his thumb presses into the neck, rubbing slow circles. he kisses the top of your lips, your hands tugging at his sweater and you are moaning into his mouth.
you pull away for a second, fingers digging into his clothes, tugging at it to be thrown away and hyunjin obliges. helping you out of yours too, the two of you face each other stark naked. you take him in for the divinity he is in your head, eyes trailing down to his slightly erect dick and you gasp.
it's true. the videos don't lie. he is bigger than you had seen, girth firmer than you had envisioned and the frenum piercing has you salivating. it shines under the lighting, your eyes unable to drift away from it, lips parted slightly and heavens, hyunjin can't take his eyes away from you either. was this what he was missing out all this while in the name of friendship?
his lips are back on yours, your breasts firm against his chest as his cock rubs against your inner thigh. it's messy, heavy and has you panting for breath, chasing after his tongue, wrapped around yours like they never want to let go.
quicksand. this is quicksand. you're falling in too quick; falling into everything hyunjin has to offer way too quickly. and you love it. your mind is rid of thoughts. just hyunjin, hyunjin, hwang hyunjin. he pushes back, still kissing you heavily, till your back hits the soft covers of the couch and he's hovering over you.
hyunjin's tongue licks your lower lip, causing you to moan and he's groaning at the sensation, pulling apart for air few minutes later. he cups your face, thumb brushing the side and you lean into his palm.
"i— we should—"
"no, please don't stop," you beg. "not now. please. we're in too deep to stop."
"but y/n—"
"please fuck me, jinnie. fuck me like you fucked soojin."
hyunjin's eyes widens and he pulls away from you. looking at you as if he's staring into your soul, he gulps. "how did you—" his cheeks redden. "wait—" you bite your lower lip. hyunjin pulls the rubber band that holds his hair up, causing the silver strands to fall forward. he runs his finger through it, pushing it back as he holds it tightly to focus. "you watched my porn."
you gulp, lips drying up and you nod, running your mouth quickly to justify yourself. "i did. it was supposed to be a one time thing but—" you look away. "—i touched myself to that. i fingered myself to you fucking soojin and it's the only time i came."
if hyunjin has been just losing it all this while, now, he has lost it completely. his eyes darken, a light growl leaving his lips as he holds your legs and pulls you closer into his kneeling self. you groan slightly in his grip.
"you want me to fuck you like i fucked soojin?"
"yes—"
"want me to fuck you like some doll, huh?" he bends forward, kissing your neck, sucking at the skin till they stain purple to his pleasure. hyunjin marks you all the way to your breasts, covering your skin with both dark and light marks as you repeatedly confirm, "yes, yes, yes."
hyunjin pulls away, staring at you almost tauntingly, licking his lips and running his hand through his hair. he drops the words like they are heavy. "tell me then. tell me what i did and i'll do the same to you, just like you wished."
"you fuck—"
"no," he shakes his head. "in detail. from the very first scene. you'll get only what you ask for. nothing more. nothing less. so, go on, doll. tell me."
the power you hold is insane. you do not know how to use it, however. having never been given this much power, you look at your best friend for a while before slowly telling him. the words seem foreign to you but if this is how it is going to be, and if this helps you come, you're doing it.
"y-you kissed her first." your voice is barely audible. like you're telling hyunjin a secret. hyunjin catches your lips yet again, tongue presses against your lower lip before he slips it in, tangling it with yours as he kisses you. you moan, eyes closing as your hand wrap around his axle, hands pressed on his back. your fingers plays with the few strands of his silver dyed hair at the nape. he pulls back, waiting for you to continue.
with a little more confidence and the huge amount of liquid courage in you, you demand, "you marked her up like you just did to me. i hate that you marked her up. i hated it so much but turned me on."
hyunjin sucks a hickey right above your breast, speaking into your skin, "you hated it, doll?"
"yes. wanted it to be me." hyunjin's teeth grazes your skin and you moan, "fuck." your fingers pull his hair lightly and hyunjin grunts, teeth biting into your skin, making a dark mark that has you arch your back and your thigh to rub against his cock.
"what else did you see me do, doll?" his mouth trails further down to your breast and you gasp.
"you sucked on her breasts. played with it harshly." hyunjin abides by it, sucking on your breasts, tongue lapping around your nipples and drawing out circles by it. "yes, yes— fuck, jinnie, oh my—" hyunjin finds it seductive as fuck that you never complete your sentences as you moan. and he wants you like that — barely being able to say words besides his name. that's all he needed to hear.
"you played with soojin's other breast at the same time like—" his hand is already on your right breast. it pinched the nipple, twisting it between his thumb and forefinger. the pain shoots up and it clouds your senses, causing you to grind on his cock. your arousal leaks through you, and you feel yourself grow wetter with every single flick of hyunjin's tongue.
his right hand is still on your breast, his lips trail downward. your breath hitches in your throat and you let out a shortened sigh as he breathes lowly against your skin, kissing it before landing right in front of your core, wet with want for the man before you.
"so fucking wet and what for, doll?"
"your cock, oh my god. jinnie, want your cock in me. please." you beg, writhing in his hold as he grabs your breast, fondling it in his hold.
"that's not what i did in that video. go on, continue." it's stern with command and has you spitting out the next in sequence instantly.
"you—" hyunjin is playing with your nipples as he waits for you to speak. his finger twist and turn your nipples and you're squeezing your thighs together in this intense pleasure. "fuck, can't think, jinnie. i don't know. i—"
"no, no," he hushes. kissing your pubic mound and licking small stripes, he mumbles, "you have to remember the only porno that had you come, right?"
"you—" you feel his warm breath all over your core and a gush of arousal oozes out. "you had your mouth on her pussy. you ate her out till she came, oh my god. you ate her out—"
"well done, doll." and his lips are on your wet ones. he licks at the lips, pushing it apart as he takes in your arousal, lapping in to take it all. it's merciless. and if you thought his porn was intense, you forgot all about how hyunjin himself was a walking pornography. the way his tongue licks your lips, tip teasing your entrance as he rubs your clit, slowly. he draws small circles over it, tapping at the engorged button till your toes curl in, knees lift up to bend for your feet to press down. your eyes are squeezed shut and your fingers pull at his hair every time you feel the knot tightening.
the room is filled with lewd noises and your moans, resonating through the whole area for you to hear it out in the silence. it's pornographic. the voices you make resemble those that you heard. hyunjin licks another stripe up your sodden lips before wrapping the plump pair around your clit and sucking on it, loud noise of suckle resonating and causing you to move your hips slightly.
his teeth grazes over your clit, nibbling slightly till you feel the knot clench in your stomach. it's a vortex forming deep within and from the one time experience you have, you know. it's coming. you're so close. hyunjin rubs your clit furiously, mouth moving back your lip as he eats you out. he pulls apart right when he knows you're soon to come and in a second, two of his fingers are deep within you, rubbing against your inner walls and you're crying out his name just like he wanted.
it's hyunjin, hyunjin, hyunjin. that's all he can hear — his name dripping in saccharine from your mouth, topped with all those insatiable moans that leave your lips and hyunjin quickens his pace. the two fingers thrust in and out of you, finding the spot and rubbing at the walls to elicit a particular reaction — hyunjin is searching. searching for that one spot that will have you ruined for him.
"fuck, oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, what—"
the minute he touches a particularly soft area, he has you grinding down on him, chanting his name like a mantra and he knows — hyunjin's found your spot. he rubs it as he curves his fingers, having you arch further into him. he sucks on your clit, fingers thrusting in you relentlessly.
and you come undone so easily that it's a surprise how your ex couldn't do this for you. you see the white under your eyelids as you come undone. hyunjin helps you ride it out. he removes his fingers and licks you clean, taking in every single drop of your orgasm.
"told you that you were perfect," he says, looking at you and smiling. he kisses your mound as he lifts your hips up. "you're the most perfect human being ever. so how in the world could anything be wrong with you?" he wipes away the tears rolling down your eyes, as an effect from the intensity of the orgasm you went through. "so, doll, now tell me what else did i do?"
your mind is blank. you can't think of anything. your mind is filled with just the man before you in all his naked glory and how you just want him. "want you, jinnie. please. i want your dick. please want that."
"that's not the answer to my question," he huffs. "did i not lift her legs up like this?" he lifts your legs and places it over his shoulders. his erect cock is angled right and he rubs the head all over your wetness. you hitch and whine, stuttering how much you want him. "did i fuck my doll dumb? did i fuck out all your brains, baby? oh no. should i fuck you more? can you answer that, doll?"
you nod, lips parting. "want jinnie's dick. want it. want it in me."
"as you wish, doll," and he inserts it into you, pushing your walls apart with his fingers till he thrusts completely into you. his piercing underneath his shaft drags against your walls, the cold metal adding the extra sensation that tingles your nerves. his large hands hold your hips up, your ankles hitting his back bone everytime he thrusts into you. he uses his one hand to hold your wrists together above you as he hits your spot over and over again. the friction of his big cock and the frenum piercing is all too much right after one orgasm. the stimulation is over bearing and you know why the girl in the video has her eyes roll up, tongue out and lips swollen.
hyunjin plunges into you and you gush all over his cock, coating almost all of his length with your arousal. hyunjin is barely in but he is already hitting your spot, hot tip brushing against it vicariously and the frenum piercing cold against it. the friction is enough to have the knot tighten so fast and hard that you know this is going to overpower you. hyunjin lets go of you wrists but you hold them above you obediently. his hand trails to hold your breast, squeezing it and fondling with it; the other holding your legs up securely.
with every thrust, his piercing drags against your walls and his balls slap against your cheeks. tears spill down your face as you scream loudly, "jin-ah, fuck. jinnie, jinnie, jinnie. it's too much, oh my god. i can feel it. oh—"
"you're taking it like a good, good doll for me. you can take more. i know you can." he takes his cock out. he wraps his fingers around it and dragging it across your slit and your core, the frenum piercing rubbing against it and you're ready to snap again.
and without any warning, he enters into you again, this time harshly and with a quicker pace. it is fast and hard and has you gripping onto him for the life of yours, your hands moving to hold his biceps, fingers digging into it. hyunjin fucks you like he wants to take you to heaven and back. like he wants to show you everything you are missing out and that there's nothing wrong with you. it's the men. always the men.
"going to fuck you and show you how you should be fucked. how you should be getting it. going to fuck you dumb, doll and have you be mine."
he doesn't stop. hyunjin is grunting and huffing as he thrusts repeatedly in you, his pubic bone hitting your clit and causing short sorts of heightened sensations.
"jinnie! i'm coming. i'm coming. oh fuck, i'm—"
second one in a span of few hours. if you could think properly, you would be surprised at how you came twice. it's surprising that you've come thrice so far in your whole life and all three times were to be credited to hwang hyunjin, your best friend.
you come around his cock, the white flash spreading under your eyelids and you are weeping. you feel the rushing oxytocin clouding your brain as you clench tightly on his cock. hyunjin doesn't stop however, as he chases after his own high, thrusting even faster if it were possible and overstimulating you. in a few minutes, hyunjin is coming in you. hot white spurts of his cum coating your insides as he thrusts his orgasm out, only to pull it out eventually and have his white come and yours poze out and stain the couch.
your eyes are shut and you are panting heavily, chests rising and hyunjin brushes your hair away from your face, wiping the sweat that has accumulated by your forehead. he places your legs down and mumbles, "you okay, minion?"
"hm," you respond. that's all you can say. you were too fucked out to think or do anything. hyunjin chuckles and slowly getting off the couch, he carefully lifts you up into his arms. you snuggle into his chest, wrapping your arms around him. "where are we going?"
hyunjin barely hears you question with how soft it was. you repeat and it is the second time that he hears it perfectly.
"going to clean you up and rest you in bed. you need to sleep well now." you nod, snuggling further into his chest as he carries you into his bedroom.
hyunjin's wrong, though. when he wondered how in the world anything could be wrong with you, he clearly knew there is something wrong with you.
you are too dense to ever realise how deep his feelings are for you.
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homogrimoire-archive · 4 years ago
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A Long Battle
Steve learns lots of things in the 21st century, including things about himself. (AU that's pretty similar to canon, with some changes here and there. Goes up to post Winter Soldier, pre Infinity War.)
AO3 Link
Being in the 21st century meant Steve had lots to learn. It could be overwhelming at times, but was so interesting nonetheless. In all honesty, he kinda expected more. He remembers Howard's genius and his inventions, and felt like things would be more technologically advanced. That isn't too say he wasn't impressed with the advancements that had been made, because he was impressed with the advancements made during his ice induced slumber.
Not only did the technological advancements amaze him, but the social advancements astounded him. He did not think he'd live long enough to see the world reach such acceptance for people who were different. It filled him with warm joy to be able to see it, although he knows that the world could still be more accepting. He learned of the history that passed while he was gone, of social movements, of unfortunate events, of cowardice, and of bravery that made the world what it was. He knew that today won't be perfect, and neither will tomorrow, but he knew that with hope, effort, and action, tomorrow can at least be better.
He knew this all those years ago when he was still a scrawny, sickly kid from Brooklyn. It's why he always tried to help those in need, despite his afflictions, and it's why he still helped as he could. Racial equality, gender equality, sexual equality, if would help make the world a better place, he'd show his support.
His body may have been weak all those years ago, but he wouldn't allow his heart, soul, or mind to be weak. That strength was seen in him long ago, and still piloted him well after the serum, and we'll into a new world. And since, he had always managed to keep himself strong in every way he could. He was an inspiration, and had to remain strong to inspire and to keep the inspired, inspired.
But recently, something caused that eternal strength to falter, the same thing that caused it to falter once before: his friend. Bucky Barnes. His “death” caused him a great deal of pain that never truly subsided. And now Bucky would make him falter once again. He was alive, but unwell. Steve had to see his closest friend under the control of an enemy he thought he had destroyed. To add insult to injury, he had to see his friend kill innocent people. He had to fight and hurt his friend.
Every hit he took from Bucky pierced the core of his very being, causing it to recoil and shake in the agony of sadness. Every hit he threw at Bucky hurt every fiber of his body, like burning tears relentlessly striking his body and dragging him down into further despair. His eyes lacked the life they once held. They held an empty but violent disposition that, sometimes, would look confused and seemed to beg for help. He had always wished that Bucky had lived, and he got his wish. All he can do was hope and put all the fucking effort he fucking could into saving his god-damned best friend.
After the dust had settled, as much as it could anyway, after the schism of the Avengers, he began to regain some of his strength. In addition to worrying about Bucky's brainwashing, he began to think more about himself and more and more about Bucky and his relationship with him. He knew that they were friends and liked him as such, but he wondered liked Bucky as more than a friend.
Back then, he wouldn't have even considered this. Even if he would have liked to. Whether he would admit it or not, he was made to be a weapon. Enhanced to kill evil, and to protect and serve the good. He did it very well, but not even the merit of his heroic actions and status as Captain America would protect him from the backlash. Everyone is bound by the harsh rules of society, even super star super soldiers.
Fortunately, this was not the 1930/40’s. This was the 21st century and Steve was grateful for this future society and it's generally kinder rules.
But, he wondered if Bucky would or could even like him back in such a way. Steve eventually decided that his priority would be undoing HYDRA's brainwashing and conditioning. He could think about his feelings about Bucky later. Completing his his second priority would help with that anyways.
His second priority? Answering a question: 'Am I a homosexual?’ He thought about it long and hard during the free time he had since the last fight with Tony.
He wanted to blame Tony and call him irrational for his actions: the accord and wanting to hurt his friend. He didn't blame him entirely though. He was doing what he thought was right and best, same as him. And even if Bucky was brainwashed to kill Tony's parents and couldn't really be held accountable, he imagines it can't be easy to like the guy who killed you parents and let him walk free, even if said guy was brainwashed and a friend of Captain America. Tony associated Bucky with the direct murder of his parents. Steve associated Bucky with so many positive memories. Associations are the building blocks of the mind, and are hard to break, so Steve can't bring himself to be truly mad at Tony.
Tony Stark aside, Steve spent a lot of nights thinking about himself being gay. He grew up being taught that boys end up with girls, and that girls and up with boys, as most people were. Anything else would be wrong. He knew better now and didn’t apply this cruel and unfortunate concept to others, but it was still hard to abandon applying this to himself.
Other concepts were easy to take up in the kinder world since had experience from the past he could apply to them, like Peggy and the Howling Commandos, and he didn't have to consider himself for those those topics.
But thinking about himself being a homosexual meant he had to consider himself. He had heard stories of older people realizing that they weren't what they thought they were and went to live a happier life knowing more about themselves. He was technically and older person, so he knows that him being gay is a real possibility and is alright, but he still couldn't shake the odd feeling.
Eventually, he remembers a concept called internalized homophobia. He remembered the gist of it and figured it applied to him since he hit most the marks. His feelings about Bucky and the thoughts he had about guys in general also made more sense considering he was gay. Guess he liked drawing hot guys more than hot dames because he wanted to look like them. The thoughts Thor made him think with his literally divine body made him want to get on his knees. To pray, of course. And if it weren't for his anxiety and the Hulk situation, he'd wonder why Bruce was still single. The guy was absolute boyfriend material. Those thoughts should've been dead giveaways, since no straight guy would think about what kissing another guy's lips would feel like, or daydream about them like a schoolgirl with her first crush. Clint was taken, ‘undoubtedly sexy,’ as Steve thought at one point, but taken. Sam's kindness and devotion always gave him a warm feeling. And the guilt behind some of those nights with the Commandos also began to make sense. Like those not so brotherly feelings he got the time they drunkenly played spin the bottle and dragged poor ol’ sober Stevie to play. Now that he thinks about it, half of 'em probably weren't straight either. Shame they probably never figured that out. So. That settled that for him. He decided he was into guys. A lot more than he thought. The confirmation felt liberating, and constricting.
Coincidentally, he made that discovery the night he and Bucky had to share a bed. Not unusual or new for them. Times were tough back in the day, so sharing a bed was not uncommon. Steve, on his back and on the verge of sleep, realized that Bucky was clinging to his arm and using his biceps like a pillow. He always figured that having a bigger body would be nice.
Bucky looked at peace. Steve was glad that he was able to bring him some comfort in kinder world that managed to be as harsh, maybe even harsher, than ever. He also found it adorable that Bucky fell asleep on his arm. He tried to enjoy these gay thoughts. It felt nice, but guilt still lingered like the ringing of a bell that penetrated your bones, leaving the residue of its reverberations within.
‘So much for thinking about my love for him later.’ he reprimanded to himself.
For a bit of time, Steve was content with this knowledge, but eventually began to wonder what this meant about him and women. He knew he could like guys and gals, but he pondered if he really did. He considered Peggy. He knew he cared for her, but was it the product of love love, or something akin to companionship. Compulsory Heterosexuality was the term he was looking for, but didn't remember it until a few days later. It made sense, but he still couldn't really be sure. It's not like he had much experience with the ladies.
As a result, he decided that he didn't have enough experience to decide if he could love a woman like that. After all, even if Bucky don't swing his way, he's content enough basking in his presence on his good days, and content enough to be there for him on his bad days, knowing he's helping his best friend.
So naturally, he was eternally grateful when Wakanda offered amnesty and an offer to help cure Bucky. It pained him a little, but he and Bucky split ways. Steve couldn't leave his friends high and dry, and knew Bucky was in good hands. Wakanda is what he imagined the future would be like, and had seen the Black Panther in action, so he doesn't doubt that they can help Bucky where he couldn't. “They're truly kind people.” he had told Bucky before they went their separate ways.
During their separation, Steve realized he wasn't into women. All those kisses he received from the ladies on his trips to sell bonds didn't make him feel much, despite having wanted them at one point. And he never went too out of his way to kiss a dame. He remembers the time Peggy caught that secretary kissing him, and boy did she get mad. He can't say he enjoyed kissing that secretary. But, he was glad that Peggy moved on from him. He then realized that it wasn't that he wanted her to marry her and stuff, it's that he wanted a friend, but since society had told him boys and girls end up together, he latched onto the first gal that respected him and gave him some of her time. He couldn't have known better when he kissed her and didn't notice that it didn't feel different from any of the other kisses from women he had gotten before. He does notice how he doesn't feel much when he gets that kiss in front of Bucky and Sam. Just thinking about holding hands with a guy made him feel more, even if what he felt wasn't always entirely good.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and god did Steve's heart grow fonder. It was also during this separation that Steve fully realized how much he loved and cared for Bucky. He cherished those nights they spent alone together in their apartment back then. He realized that Bucky was the only one to ever truly weaken him. When he thought Bucky died on that mountain, it hit him like nothing he ever felt or would ever feel. It created a void in him that emanated emptiness through his body. And that only began to slightly heal a while after he awoke from being on ice.
Seeing him suffer at the hands of HYDRA broke him in ways he didn't think one could break. He realized that Bucky caused him to do some crazy things too. The mere chance of him being alive swayed him to storm a HYDRA base essentially alone. He caused him to go against entire governments for his safety. Needless to say, he'd move mountains for Bucky through sheer willpower and love if he needed to. So by all means, he was in love with Bucky. This acceptance of his feelings for Bucky both terrified, and invigorated him
-
During his winter soldier episodes, the sight of Steve would trigger immense confusion and dissonance. HYDRA's programming told him to fight and kill this enemy, but something in him told him “No.” That voice only had enough strength to break through for only mere seconds at a time.
Even once he managed to loosen HYDRA's grip on him, his memories of the past we're still jumbled up, only appearing in snapshots, blurred like a static fuzz, and only sometimes came with sound. Even then the sound was often distorted. Despite this, he felt that he could trust Steve. The more time he spent around him, the clearer his memories would become. Steve was able to help him jog his memory and remembered more about his past prior to his capture. He appreciated Steve not holding back and telling him about the not so fond memories as well.
Eventually, he regained most of his prior memories, but the memories of the Winter Soldier and the torture he endured seemed to haunt him in every hour of the day. They attacked him in his sleep with their innocent screams shooting through his soul, and their useless struggling clinging to him like inescapable tendrils, creating a fear inducing vice. They sought him out in quiet moments, dragging him down with overwhelming sadness and heavy guilt that could bring him to tears, trembling on his knees on the worst occasions. As time progressed, things became a little easier.
To help pass the time, he also got Steve to tell him more about the grand world they now lived in. He learned more or less what Steve learned: this place was at least better than the past. Kinder. However, there was one thing that caught his attention. When Steve mentioned that being gay was more acceptable, he noticed a shift in him. His face suggested contemplation, and quickly tried to hide it, but by that point, nothing about little old Stevie would get past him. He decided to ask more about it to see if he could get more information out of him. It wouldn't be the the first time he asked more questions, so it wouldn't seem suspicious. He concluded that Steve was definitely into guys. He could read the poor guy like an open book, though Bucky wouldn't confront him about it. He figured Steve would tell him in due time.
But Steve's words got him thinking: was he into guys? He knew he was into ladies. Liked the way they walked, some swaying their hips side to side, some filling each step with precise purpose, liked the way they talked, some quiet and soft, some lively and bubbly, and liked the way they sometimes made him feel warm in his heart. He remembers that feeling from his steadier relationships.
Though he knew he wasn't getting back into the dating scene anytime soon, the question was a fun one to entertain and would kill some time. He wondered, did he like they ways guys talked, the way they talked, and the way they would make him feel at times?
He remembers enlisting and seeing the guys march with the backs straight, chest out, and shoulders back. He found himself staring more times than he'd like to admit. He thanked god shorts weren't part of any of the uniforms. A guy's thick thighs would have been too irresistible to not stare at, and he surely would have been caught staring too intently then.
He remembers listening to guys speaking while he was smoking and getting lost in their deep voice sometimes. Women’s voices had their charms that made him wish he had a wife so he could come home to hear her voice everyday. But men had a different charm. Their often deeper melodies made him melt. The guys with softer voices would fill his body with a warm, calm feeling. It was easy for him to get lost in a guy's voice. Point is, he likes voices. A lot.
Then he remembers the way men could make him feel. A genuine bout of appreciation from a buddy of his, usually Steve, also always made his heart sing a little. Being bossed around in the army made him feel some things he'd never speak of out loud. Ok so maybe he was into guys too. Bisexual, Steve had mentioned in one of their learning lessons. Bisexual is what he decided he was, and he wasn't going to feel guilty or ashamed about it. He already had enough shame and guilt, and wasn't going to feel any more of it if he could help it.
It was at this point that he began to think of Steve a lot more in many different ways. That scrawny, asthmatic punk had a tighter grip on him than he had realized. He remembers his concern when he had to help Steve's punk ass out of a fight. It was a level of concern that seemed to be reserved exclusively for Steve. He remembers staring at Steve for hours while he drew, and feeling content watching him, and sometimes gleefully agreeing to model for him. His voice made him feel warmer than a perfect summer day. He remembers wishing so desperately that he could stop Steve's pain when his mother died. He would've done anything if it meant Steve wouldn't have to hurt.
Absence can also make the heart forgetful, and during his time enlisted away from Steve, Bucky forgot how much he needed him. He wanted to hear his voice, wanted to be able to watch him draw, and wanted to feel the warmth his presence gave him. Even during his fall on that mountain, Steve was on his mind. He was happy the last face he saw would be Steve's, and only regretted not being able to spend more time with him and see him happier. He thought about the things he'd miss. He'd miss being the best man at Steve's wedding, miss having kids that would grow up with Steve's kids and be best friends like him and Steve, miss way Steve made him feel. God he was so in love with Steve then and didn't even realize it. He didn't want to be Steve's best man, he to be the one to marry Steve. He wanted to raise kids with Steve that would be their kids. He wanted to be the one that Steve would give a warm, fuzzy feeling, and wanted to be the one that would give Steve that warm, fuzzy feeling.
Those realizations came to him one night when he woke up, unable to stay asleep. He found himself resting on Steve's arm, using his biceps as a pillow. Despite how uncomfortable it might have been, he looked calm and soft asleep in the moonlight filtering in. Besides, he smelled nice and didn't want to stir Steve up with his movement. It almost felt like a dream to be able to be so close to him. He wondered what his lips would feel like, and had half a mind to kiss him on his punk lips then and there. It was that thought that sent forth the avalanche of realizations: that he is in love with Steve.
Temporarily parting ways in Wakanda pained him a little, but Bucky knew it would be for the best. He could get a new arm and fully undo HYDRA's brainwashing. Wakanda was unlike anywhere else on Earth. It's unique and beautiful architecture was like a painting he could stare at in awe forever. And there was something special about the sun's rays there. They felt warmer and reinvigorating. They weren't lying about the sunset either. Bucky had no words to describe its beauty. He could only admire it in a peaceful quiet.
For sometime, he stayed and helped take care of some ofthe goats. He had spent so much time taking life away, so actually nurturing life for once made him feel like there was more to the world than killing an enemy. As much as he loved Steve, he knew he would need more in his life than him to heal and grow. He felt that Wakanda and its people were too kind to him.
Shuri was a kind girl, smarter than he could very hope to be. Calling her the most intelligent person to have ever lived would not be an understatement, which is why, despite his stoicism, he couldn't hide the fact that he was in love with Steve from her. She caught him in the middle of some deep thinking one day, and asked what was on his mind. He trusted her, so he told her, “Love.”
“Let me guess,” she said looking up quizzically, “Steve Rogers.” Her quick and confident response surprised him. “Maybe…” he replied rather embarrassed. “Yes,” he admitted to her, “but I just… don't know how to tell him. I'm pretty sure he's into guys too, but I don't want to ruin what we have. After so much trouble, we're finally back to being friends like old times. I don't want either me or him to lose this closeness we have over my selfish feelings. I know there is more to the world than just falling in love, but my love for him means the world to me.”
“You've got it pretty bad old man. And here I thought I could come here and escape having to listening to someone's tooth rottenly sweet love life.” she joked with a small laugh. “But listen, we all live such short lives, which is why we must live them to the fullest. It's why I'm here. I wanted to learn so much so I could help my brother and my country, and soon I will even help the world. But that isn't all. I expanded my knowledge even more because I wanted to learn more. Learning how this world works and applying this knowledge fills me with such joy. And you must do what will allow you to live you life to the fullest, with as much joy as possible.”
He realized she was right. “Thank you. I think I'll know what I'll do when I see him again.” He really couldn't thank the young genius enough.
-
In truth, Steve never really got used to having so much attention, so having everyone tell him to confess to Bucky after escaping the Raft made him feel pretty awkward. “Do it! Do it! Do it!” They all chanted in chorus as he lowered his head in embarrassment.
“Think about it. Worst case scenario, things just get a little awkward between you to and kinda drift away from each other. Best case scenario, you two end up hitched and live happy ever after!”, Scott told him. That didn't really help.
“Steve, you've loved the dude forever, and chances are, he's loved you forever too. You've seen the way he gets around you and the way you make him feel. And even if he doesn't like you like that, I'm sure he'll still respect you and care about you just the same.” Sam's words helped a little.
“Yeah. It doesn't take a psychic to see how close you two are. I'm sure things will end well if you tell him.” Wanda's words made him feel a bit more confident.
“And besides, you're, like, what, 35 ish? You could stand to lose your virginity.” Clint's words killed him upon hearing them..
“Oh my god…” he said quietly as he lowered his head in embarrassment, covering his blushing face with his hands.
“Hold up, hold up, hold up. You mean to tell me that this fucker, Captain fucking America, is a virgin???” Steve began to wonder why he went to save them.
“Yup. And don't call Captain America a fucker. It's inaccurate. Show some respect.” Clint said with a sly smile. Steve was beginning to question his life choices. He pondered what would have happened if he just left Clint on the Raft.
“How do you even know?” To say he was grateful for Wanda and her curiosity would be a lie. He wish he signed those Sokovia Accords when he had the chance so that the conversation wouldn't be happening.
“Me and Natasha we're having a conversation, one thing led to another, and I found out he really is a perfect little boy scout. Nat knows all sorts of things.” If she was caught, he knew he wasn't going to risk breaking her out.
“Hey it's no big deal that he hasn't gotten laid. Life happens.” He was grateful for Sam though.
“I should have left all of you on that island... Except for you Sam.”
“Aww come on, you know you like us all.” Scott said as he put his hand on Steve's shoulder, only to meet the meanest look he's ever gotten and feel a fear he had never felt before. Seeing the look on his face made him chuckle a little. “Yeah, I do.” He said as he exhaled, shaking his head with a little smile on his face.
Against all odds, he felt that this conversation is what he needed. He needed to be reminded that life is more than just fighting to protect, that it's also about living to have some fun and having dumb and silly moments with people you care about, even if it's at your own expense. So that settled it for him. Once they arrived in Wakanda, he would tell Bucky he loves him and they'd have some fun and have some dumb and silly moments and live in the now from time to time.
-
After a warm welcome from T'Challa, he went to go find Bucky while his friends were given a grand tour of Wakanda during it's beautiful sunset. After being given some directions, he found him in one of Shuri's labs, helping her test some training bots and their AI. She figured getting direct data from a fighting style that wasn't any of the usual Wakandan styles would be beneficial. Bucky was glad to help, and didn't want to get rusty anyways. It would also help him grow more accustomed to his new arm.
He noticed Steve, sporting the facial hair of a beard that was beginning to grow, just after he finished a round with a bot. Bucky felt hot enough as is, and the seeing the sexy facial hair on Steve wasn't helping that go down anytime soon. Those bots were tough though. He went in with a perfectly dry shirt, but after the first few rounds, it was dripping with sweat and clung to him like it was holding on for dear life. And god did Steve think he looked hot. He could feel a blush creeping across his face.
“I'd pull you in for a hug punk, but I'm sure you don't want your clothes full of sweat, or your fancy facial hair. I believe that goes against the dress code soldier.”
“C’mere jerk. I've been through worse.” he said as he went in for a hug. It felt nice to be so close to him again, but that sweat was no joke. He'd need a change of clothes since the ones he had on we're definitely soiled now. As they parted, he saw a smile on his face that warmed his heart. God he was in love with Bucky. “You look good.” was all he could manage to say. “You sayin I looked ugly before punk? I'll have you know that James Buchanan Barnes doesn't do ugly.” He said with a light hearted tone and a smile on his face. Steve replied with a laugh. “I don't know, there was that one haircut you got in high school... I'm joking,” he said with a laugh, “you've always looked good. But you do look happier and more at peace.”
“Thanks. I didn't do it alone though. I got some goats and the smart scientist in the world to thank.”
“Goats?”
“Yes, goats. Mr. Barnes has been helping raise some of the goats here. He's told me he finds it therapeutic.”
“It is. It feels refreshing to something nurturing for once. I could show you them sometime. You'd probably like it too. I even got to name one of them! I named him ‘Punk’, after you.”
As he was talking, Steve noticed Bucky's expression soften, and saw him smile a smile warm with enthusiasm. He found it cute, but more importantly, he was happy that Bucky was able to find something that made his life happy like that. He wanted to be a part of that happiness more than ever.
“I'd love to.” he said softly. That softness made Bucky's heart melt.
“But before you two go, I was wondering if you too could help me test for one more round. I'd like to see how it would do in a two-on-one against your fighting styles.” Naturally, the both agreed. They were gonna need a shower anyways and one round wouldn't hurt.
It did hurt when he was booty bumped, of all things mid flip and ended up landing on his ass. He heard Shuri giggle. He admits, watching Captain America get booty bumped to the floor onto his ass with a yelp would be a funny sight. It stopped being funny to him when Bucky, caught off guard by the hilarious sight, was then thrown at him, causing Bucky to land on him. Bucky ended up right on top of him. They laid on the floor hip to hip, chest to chest, face to face with mere inches apart, incredibly and eroticly close, staring into each other's eyes.
“Training over!” she said barely containing her laughter. The irony almost was too much to bear. They didn't notice her struggle to keep herself together as they got up, faces red from embarrassment rather than training. “I'll treat you two and your friends to dinner tonight as thanks. And Mr. Rogers, before you go, I'd like to speak with you real quick.”
“Sure. Whatever you need.” he said as she was telling Bucky, on his way out to a shower, where to meet up.
As she turned around to face him, she said, “You have got it sooooo bad”
“That obvious huh…” He was hoping Bucky didn't notice. He didn't want to ruin their friendship. Part of him still made him feel guilty about these feelings, causing him to not want to deal with them at all.
“Mr. Rogers I can tell that he loves you just the same. He hasn't told me, but I can tell.” She wasn't going to tell him that he told her he loved him of course. She didn't want to spoil the surprise. “I saw how his face lit up when he talked about you, and now that I see him here with you, I know that that man loves you more than anything. And I have the suspicion that there will be an error in the AI that will require me and your friends to skip dinner tonight.” She said with a smirk.
“Thank you, Princess Shuri.” Tonight would be the night.
“You're welcome.” she replied. As he went out the door, she erupted in laughter. That scene earlier was too good! The irony! The undeniable tension! Oh those poor, old fools.
-
After getting dressed after his shower and on his way to dinner, Bucky ran into Sam and Clint in the hall. He remembers them from their little adventure.
“Nice to see you two alive and well.”
“Nice to see you alive and kicking too. You look better.” Clint told him.
“Sayin I was ugly before?”
“W-well no I-it was just-”
Bucky laughed. “Steve told me the same thing earlier. I told him the same thing.”
“Speaking of Steve,” Sam began, “what was he like in the past, you know, before all this? Was he any different?”
“Ha! He hasn't changed much. He was a little punk before he the serum, and still is. I remember how his scrawny, little, asthmatic ass would always get into so many fights. He was too kind to let people do bad things and just stand there while it happened. We would patch each other up after I had to jump in and help him end the fight. Thing was too scared to talk to a dame but would start a fight in a heartbeat and fake his information on the papers for the enlistment four times without a second thought. He stormed a HYDRA base alone to save me and the other prisoners. He stormed the Raft just to get you all out. We've done a lot for each other. But as you can see, he hasn't changed much.”
“Wow. I'd ask if you miss the old him, but it looks like he never left. Must be nice to have someone who understands you so well.” Clint said.
“It's what friends are for.”
“But aren't you two more than friends?” Sam questioned.
“W-what?!? No! I mean we're close and all, but it's not like that!”
“Bucky, we know we all know you two have it bad for each other. It's in every word and every look you two give each other. Listen, a certain Wakandan princess told a little birdie to tell you that it's just gonna be you and Steve at that dinner tonight. Now is your chance man! Tell him under the Wakandan night sky and be free!” Sam was getting him pumped up now!
“And if I were you, I wouldn't be worried. That man obviously loves you. You two have been through thick and thin, and always will. Make the first move too. He'll love that. Tell him you love him first, so you can tell him how much you love him! Hell! Kiss him first! You know you've wanted to do it for so long, and think about how happy it’ll make Steve that his 'best friend’ loves him back and kissed him first!” He knew that Clint was making some goooood points and, and was getting more pumped up.
“You know what? You guys are right! I'm gonna tell that punk I love him and kiss him then and there!” Bucky said as he stood up.
“YEAH!!! GET YOUR MAN!!!” Sam and Clint shouted in unison as he walked to his “date.”
“We are soooo winning this bet.” Sam said once Bucky was out of earshot.
“Definitely.”
“Come on, let's go meet up with the others.”
-
Steve arrived to find Bucky sitting at one of the outdoor tables. It was a good choice. The stars were beautiful and the air was refreshingly cool. Steve felt like it would be the perfect place to tell him. He and Bucky would be the only ones in the outside dining area, so it'd be quiet and romantic. Before entering the building, he took a deep breath. “No time like the present..” he said putting his game face on. He followed Shuri's instructions for the reservation and sat across from Bucky. The table seemed kind of small, but hey, a table's a table. It would suffice
“Hey cutie, looks like it'll be just us two huh?” Cutie? Steve knew he was getting brave with that. Real brave. But it felt good. Exhilarating. Right, even.
Steve? Calling him a cutie? Hearing those words come out of his mouth made Bucky's heart flutter. But two could play that game. “Sure is just us two, handsome.” he said rather seductively. “Sam called me earlier and told me that something was up with the training bots and got Sam, Wanda, Clint, and Scott to help. Said that Shuri figured we'd be beat from earlier.
Bucky calling him handsome in that tone should've been classified as a weapon. The words struck him through his heart, making it skip a beat and his face flush with embarrassment. God what he wouldn't give for Bucky to do that again though. “Yeah, that's what she told me before I got here. She said it would be a good chance to collect data on them anyways. So, how have things been here?”, he said just as the waiter came to greet them and take their order.
“Things have been wonderful, as you can tell. New arm, no hydra brainwashing, and a good dinner coming up with my favorite guy in the world. And the last problem was solved pretty recently.”
“And what was the problem?”
“Me missing you.”
‘Is he trying to kill me?’ Steve thought.
“Your dinner.”, the waiter said, placing down their food and drinks.
“ThAnK You.” He said as the waiter walked away. 'Did my voice just fucking crack?’ he thought as he quickly covered his mouth with his hands as the blush spread across his face again.
Once the waiter went back inside Bucky was laughing his ass off so hard he had tears forming in the corners of his eyes! He hadn't heard Steve's voice crack so bad since he hit puberty! It was funny when he was a stick of a figure kid, and was even funnier now that he was a beefy, grown man. He was never gonna let Steve live this down.
But Steve looked at Bucky, realized he hadn't seen Bucky laugh so hard or smile so big in such a long time. Hearing this laugh and seeing this smile again filled him with such bliss that he forgot about his own embarrassment.
“Because..”, he started as Bucky's laugh died down. ‘It’s now or never Rogers.’ “Because I love you.”
-
Meanwhile, after Steve and Bucky left the restaurant, Shuri, Scott, and Wanda were celebrating their victory, with Scott and Wanda rubbing it in Clint and Sam's faces. Getting to take Sam and Clint's dessert for a month would be hell for the two losers, but heaven for Scott and Wanda. Sam and Clint only owed Shuri a favor. They would help her regardless, but it was the principle that mattered.
“Yeah we get it you, three won.” Sam said with a pout as he turned off the screen. They had seen all they needed to see anyways.
“I'm gonna miss that dessert.” Sam said sadly.
“Me to pal. Me too.” They walked out, with Clint patting Sam on the shoulder. Victory or defeat, they were all happy for the two love birds.
-
“Because.. Because I love you!”
‘Did I hear that right? He loves me back?’ Bucky wondered. His eyes widened with surprise. He didn't expect him to fess up first. A million more thoughts raced through his mind in a instant. 'Maybe he's joking. It didn't sound like he was joking. He wasn't joking. He isn't they type to joke like this. When did he fall in love with me? Why would he tell me now? Why wouldn't he?’
Meanwhile, Steve only had one main, repeating thought on his mind: 'I fucked up.’ In hearing Bucky's silence and seeing his expression change from joyous to what Steve interpreted as discomfort, he felt like he ruined everything. He put his head down in shame. Part of him felt that he deserved this though, like it was for the best. And worse, he imagined that after this awkward dinner, him and Bucky drifting apart, slowly and slowly, eventually eventually becoming irrelevant to Bucky's life, and left alone in the crushing gravity of unrequited love. This love, like a rose, would invoke a appreciation and admiration through the sole virtue of its mere existence, and would simultaneously stab and impale with its thorns, leaving him with a euphoric pain born from cruel beauty that would mercilessly strangle his heart like a constricting snake and joyously mend it so that it could be suffocated once more. Living life with that kind of emotion forever is the life Steve imagined. And then,
“I love you too.”
Hearing those words come from Bucky nearly made him cry from happiness. He picked his head up to look at him. He saw a Bucky as shy and embarrassed as him, though he tried to play it cool.
“And since you got to say ‘I love you’ first, how about I get the first kiss.”, he asked, still trying to play it cool despite the obvious. He moved a little closer to Steve, and felt the butterflies in his stomach.
“I think that can be arranged.” He moved a little closer too. He too, felt those uncontrollable butterflies in his stomach fluttering about.
Steve tilted his head, let Bucky lean in, and kiss him. It was the greatest euphoria he had ever felt, greater than walking out of that serum injector, cured of his ailments.He brought his hand up to Bucky's cheek and gently caressed it with his thumb, which brought a moan out of bucky. This intimate moment, once only dreamt of, was a catharsis that put decades of seemingly unrequited longing, fear, and guilt to rest, and brought forth a wave of warm and soft love mixed with a bit of pure and lustful ecstasy that washed over him. Though it only lasted seconds, it took his breath away, leaving him hungry for another kiss. He wanted to feel Bucky's lips against his again and again to feel that warmth and feel the intimate soft love and feel vulnerable for one in his life.
When Bucky leaned in to kiss Steve, he almost couldn't believe that it was happening. But that kiss was very real, and Bucky was very glad for that. It was the best thing he ever felt. Steve's lips against his was everything he wanted, imagined, and more. They didn't have the softness that a dame's lips had, but the slight roughness of Steve's lips and the feeling of the growing beard against his face made for a nice, intimate edge yearn for more contact like an adrenaline junky looking for their next rush. And boy oh boy did Steve deliver. He moaned when Steve brought his hand up to his cheek to stroke it with his thumb. Bucky could felt like he could die a very happy man in that moment. He hadn't felt such intimacy in such a long time, and this level of intimacy was on a whole other level, so if moaned, he moaned.
He was so ready for more that he was about to wrap his arms around Steve and maybe get in some tongue action when Steve pulled away. The surprising lack of touch startled his eyes open. He was tempted ask Steve to kiss him again so he could feel that closeness again, but decided against it. It'd be embarrassing if someone were to walk by and catch them with their tongues in each other's mouths. Besides, he got to see Steve's pretty face in its entirety as he pulled away, and they'd have lots of time to have more fun and closely intimate moments later anyways. 'God I love this man.’
As Steve pulled away and opened his eyes, he found Bucky staring at him so intently and lovingly, it felt as if cupid shot another arrow into his heart with Bucky's name written all over it, leaving his love and lust for Bucky to spread through his body in greater magnitude.
“So, when did you find out that you love me?”, Bucky asked as be began to eat some of his food.
“I truly realized that some time after we split up from Wakanda, it crossed my mind when I found you sleeping on my arm one time, which was cute, and I was probably in love with you long before that.”
“God, you saw that? Me on your arm?”
“How could I forget? The guy I liked was sleeping adorably on my arm. Wouldn't trade the memory for the world.” Softness filled Steve's voice.
“You sap,” Bucky said embarrassed with a wide smile on his face. 'He thought I was cute!’ “Well you looked adorable when I was on your arm too! It could've been the same nap as you, but I really realized I loved you when I woke up one night and was using your arm as a pillow. You were asleep, and you looked so nice that I wanted to kiss you.”
“You should have, would've saved us a lot of time.”
“Ha! Yeah. But wanting to kiss you made me realize how much I wanted to be a part of your life, and for you to be a part of mine.”
Straight for the heart again. “I do want to be a part of your life, and I want you to be a part of my life. ‘Til the end of the line.’, remember?” Steve leaned in a little closer to Bucky.
“‘Til the end of the line.” Bucky leaned in to kiss Steve one more time.
A ended a bit quicker than the last, but that didn't matter. What mattered to them was that they finally could be so close and intimate to each other. They didn't have to dance around each other's feelings anymore, or be stuck in limbo with not knowing whether the other loved him like he did. It was freeing.
“I don't think I'll ever get tired of that.”
“I don't think I will either.”
They continued their conversation, steering I to other topics such as what they'd do in Wakanda while they were there, what do do after Wakanda maybe, how Scott, Wanda, Clint, and Sam were holding up, Bucky's goats, and more. They eventually finished their dinner, thanked their waiter, and proceeded to start their walk back to their living quarters and restart their conversation..
Eventually, their walk back took them through a park, where Bucky decided to ask the fun question: “Steve, does all this mean that we're boyfriends?”
Steve's stride faltered for a moment and his eyes widened in surprise and realization. He hadn't thought this far ahead, which was strange considering how he gay thoughts he had. He could say with confidence that they were boyfriends, but the thought that he has a boyfriend didn't cross his mind. He regained his composure and, he, unable to look at Bucky, shyly replied, “Yes, I suppose it does.”
“Good. I think I'm gonna like being your boyfriend.” Bucky, with a smile on his face, moved right next to Steve and laid his head on his shoulder, grabbing his hand to hold. He remembers how nice it was when a dame leaned on him like that, and figured Steve would appreciate the intimate gesture as well. He could see why they did it too. It felt calming.
Steve, meanwhile, nearly short-circuited. He could feel his face immediately reddened with a blush and if it weren't for the serum, his knees probably would have given out. This man was trying so hard to kill him with love. But hearing Bucky call him his boyfriend sent him over the moon with joy.
“I'm gonna like being your boyfriend too.”
He looked down to Bucky at his side to see him staring at him lovingly, erasing and feelings of shyness, embarrassment, and guilt, and decided to kiss him. A quick peck on the lips that still meant the world to the both of them. They continued the rest of their walk home in silence, enjoying each other's quiet presence.
“After you.” Steve said as he held the door open for Bucky, and gave him a quick peck on the cheek as he passed. ‘I can definitely get used to this.’ he thought smugly as he caught up to Bucky to find him blushing. And also find Scott, Wanda, Clint, and Sam in the living room, having just witnessed the little kiss. Now they were both blushing with embarrassment.
“I can explain!” Steve said trying to do some damage control.
“Steve, Steve, it's alright. We all know you two love each other.” Sam told him calmly. It did help.
“Yeah. We all know. I don't think there was anyone who didn't know but you two.” Wanda was right, and Steve and Bucky knew it.
“Ok, we might have been very obvious and very oblivious, but hey! We're boyfriends now!” Bucky's shout of affirmation was followed by the hoots of their friends. Steve was clapping, though he wasn't sure why. They decided that it was nice to have friends again.
“Soooo, tell us the details! Who confessed?”, Scott asked excitedly.
“Me. I told him I loved him, and I kissed him, and now he's my boyfriend.” Steve replied confidently. It felt so good to say call Bucky his boyfriend in front of others. Though he noticed a bit of disappointment in Sam and Clint's faces, and then heard Wanda and Scott chanting “We won! We won!”, while dancing victoriously.
“You guys placed a bet on us?!”
“I'm gonna miss that dessert.” Clint looked rather depressed as he said this.
“Me too.” Sam looked as equally depressed. Wakandan desserts were like a gift from the heavens, as they learned during their tour.
“Sam! You didn't vote for me? I thought we were friends?” Steve said jokingly, making and overdramatically hurt expression. It felt nice to have that kind of fun. It felt normal.
“Well, Princess Shuri, who betted on you too, actually requires our assistance, except for you two. She said you've helped her enough for today and thanks you.”
“Tell her that we said thanks, for everything.” Bucky called out as they walked out, with Wanda and Scott rubbing their victory in, and Sam and Clint still moping. How nice it felt to have some normalcy after so long.
“They all really bet on us, huh?” Steve asked in a bit of shock.
“Should I feel bad that only two of the five people voted for me?”, Bucky asked as he grabbed a drink for himself and Steve.
“Nah. If it's any consolation though, I would have voted for you.”
“You know, I was planning to ask first.”
“Don't worry, there will be plenty more first.” That devilish tone could end Bucky any day, and he'd be happy with that.
“What kind of first you thinkin’ about Captain?” Bucky tried to sound a bit seductive. Steve would say he succeeded.
“I don't know, how long do you think they'll be out?”
“Hmm.. About a couple hours maybe.”
“I'd say that's enough time to have a little fun and get you to do some firsts.”, Steve replied very seductively, pumped up on cockiness and desire. He pulled Bucky in a little closer, a lot closer really. Their bodies were pressed together, their faces inches apart, staring adoringly at each other.
“I’d say so too.” Bucky then went in for the kiss. This kiss was much more lustful than the previous, much more. He let his hands wander Steve's body, feeling every erotic inch he could find. And he had to say, Steve's ass certainly felt nicer than it looked. The moan that then came out of Steve's mouth was even nicer.
Steve, meanwhile was loving every moment of it. It was his first time doing something of this caliber. Every touch sparked a powerful feeling in him. And Bucky grabbing his ass sent him over the edge. Steve broke apart the kiss to ask, “How about we continue this in your room where you can show your captain what you're really made of?”
The absolutely sensual tone made Bucky's temperature rise even more.
“Sir yes sir.”, he replied enthusiastically. He led Steve into his room, and closed the door behind him.
-
Bucky was the first to wake up. He missed small Steve, but big Steve had his perks. For example, big Steve was a very nice big spoon, able to engulf his body in his warmth. The clock on his bed stand read 9:23, so he felt like he should have gotten up, but he felt too comfortable and didn't want to wake Steve, so just went back to sleep with a small smile and happy heart.
He woke up a little later. The clock read 10:47. He got up and tried to wake Steve up.
“Hey, sleepyhead, wake up it's 10:47.”
“Ten more minutes.”, he replied sleepily. Bucky thought he looked too cute, sprawled out on the bed now that they weren't cuddling, and couldn't deny his request.
“And come back to bed with me.” The bed did look comfortable, so Bucky rejoined him, laying down so he could face him. He couldn't go back to sleep, so he opted to stare at Steve's pretty face. He felt content, seeing his love resting peacefully. He thought about all the things he loved about Steve. His hair, his smile, his bravery, kindness, tenacity, how he was always there for him, his ass… and his determination too. Of course there was more he could think of, but by then, Steve shifted awake and turned to face him.
“I could tell that you were looking at me. So what were you thinking about?”
“About how much I love you.”
“Sap.”
“Punk.”
“Jerk.”
They both gave out a small laugh.
“You know Bucky, thanks, for being there for me and all that. And for loving me.”
“Then thanks, for doing the same for me. It was a long battle to get to this point, but at least we have each other now, closer than ever.”
“I love you, Steve.”
“I love you too, Bucky.”
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