#damn you yoshi

[bruhstation]

Ok this is such a niche prompt but it entered my head and won't leave and I think you might enjoy it.

Which of the characters, Canon or Casa Tidmouth interpretations (your choice), do you think would best fit into the roles of the TF2 Mercenaries

Feel free to ignore btw this is an "I can't sleep" kind of random idea.

Also autocorrect almost made that Canada Tidmouth and I only just noticed before hitting send. Something something au where everything is the same but the story happens in Canada instead of England.

you think I might enjoy it? damn right‼️ took some days for me to think about this …..as a tf2 fan of 5 years I GOT TO answer…‼️

scout — thomas awdry billington himself. kind of a smartass, (one of) the youngest of the cast, is involved with much of the story’s surface while lots of other characters are working behind the scenes… also has the highest chance to get a misspelled tattoo of his favorite song

soldier — …..duck? soldier is a huge american nut and that could parallel casa tidmouth’s duck and his great western schtick. though duck’s much smarter than soldier and would read the manuals on how to use a rocket launcher at least eighty times and checking every nook and cranny before firing it. also imagine duck reciting soldier’s speech from his character video

pyro — as much as some of the characters are involved in denpa-esque situations and experience some level of delusion I don’t think there’s anyone that could match pyro’s. hurricane and frankie could fit because of their thing with heat and fire and them being crazy but that’s a bit stretching

demoman — donald and douglas? because they’re scottish and have a knack for jokes? lol ….. I think henry could fit too because both him and demoman gets involved with supernatural occurrences out of their will but they just laugh it off

heavy — maybeeeee gordon. his taunts like “run cowards” “tiny baby man” and them both being the tall big strong guys drew me to this connection. but heavy is more reserved, calculating, and doesn’t boast too much about himself while many of gordon’s accidents came from his own hubris

engineer — victor methinks….. both dell and victor have degrees in engineering and considered the smartest in the cast. also the more amicable ones yet has the ability to lose their patience once in a while. also I literally only drew him once. have to draw him again because he’s like if tf2 engineer is a cuban man and much more sane

medic — either lady or d10. both lady and medic share the same morbid curiosity towards humanity (though lady is milder and more of an observer rather than a doer) and are amicable and polite. both d10 and medic conduct body altering experiments that could put them in the national watchlist and have little to no regard for the safety of people around them. so diesel 10 it is the cheerful and friendly aspects of medic remind me of edward for some reason????? probably the glasses

sniper — cranky. just think about it. perched on something tall. thinks everyone around them is an idiot. just wants to get the job done but also cracks some morbid if not slightly sharp jokes

spy — I’ll say diesel because this comparison has layers upon layers of joke.

also your phone autocorrect 🤣 casa tidmouth but it’s set in canada? that’s scott pilgrim vs. the world stanza halifax

[k-arb]

You know, in hindsight the sml cease and dissist is reasonable, if not kind, considering the fact that one of the characters was quite literally the most racist caricature of a black man they could possibly condense into the visage of a yoshi.

And he wasnt even voiced by the one black guy on staff

[ilikeyoshi]

hiiii i'm frustrated about posts that state things like "you HAVE to drink water with nothing else in it" or "you HAVE to eat fruits/vegetables without putting them in 'bad' food" so. a post.

it is literally better to drink anything (juice, tea, coffee, sofa, milk, whatever) than not drink. if you can't tolerate water or won't reliably sip it throughout the day, it's better to make something you WILL drink than not drink at all.

veggies are the same way. 'bad' salad dressings or whatever else are still better if it means you can eat vegetables. these things don't "cancel out" if you add or do stuff to them. not enough to be worth your body rejecting the "correct" arrangement and not getting anything, at least.

i'm autistic. if i try to eat stuff i don't like or don't tolerate well, i throw up. friends can attest to this, as i've tried things in restaurants and instantly thrown up. i gag at the smell of pineapple or red doritos, without even tasting them. i'm also chronically ill with an autoimmune disease and do not have the energy nor luxury to 'teach' myself how to tolerate food better, or to make complicated, time consuming dishes that meet the criteria some of these posts set out.

when i tried to drink mostly water, i was literally MORE dehydrated. i could feel it in the elasticity of my skin, i could see it in the color of my urine. the fact is, there is no reality in which i can tolerate water enough to drink what i need of it. it has to be something else. sometimes i can make "good" choices in alternatives, like juice, but a lot of the time if i don't drink milk or soda, i don't drink. i can't. i will block it out or, worse, make an honest attempt and hurl my guts out due to intolerance.

look, fluids and vegetables are IMPORTANT. i'm not saying they're not. all i'm saying is if you need to consume them in an "unideal" way, that it's fine. you'll be fine. my auntie can't eat literally 90% of "healthy" foods because she is flat out allergic. it makes her feel worse. it makes her unhealthy.

i implore you to look up recipes that include a lot of fruits, veggies or water—assuming you don't have a literal allergic—that look EDIBLE, and specifically look GOOD. you will get a lot more use out of a "subpar" meal you LIKE than one you have to pick and grit your teeth through. a lot of people discover they like veggies made certain ways, so please experiment! if you find something "weird" but it's tasty to you, keep making that! keep looking for things that you WILL eat or drink, or CAN eat or drink.

i get the intention of posts like, "you need to drink more water, without anything in it," i do. i get that there are a huge number of people who can make it work. i also know i had the most debilitating constipation of my life when i was drinking "nothing but water", because i can't actually drink enough of it to do any good. my urine was so yellow and opaque my doctor, at a glance, thought i had a uti. i didn't.

if you can do it, great! but i don't want to see more people like me or my aunt feel like they're not "doing enough" if they can't do these things "correctly". anything is better than nothing, and "less overall useful things you can do reliably" are often better than "more useful things you can't do much or at all".

i'm not here to argue about it. i have tried to "eat healthier", to "drink more water", and i am still trying. i look for new ways to consume water and veggies all the time. i definitely encourage that! what's unhelpful to me are posts that make me feel bad for things that have literally helped me stay healthier and stronger. for anyone else with similar experiences, and/or the unwillingness or LITERAL INABILITY to do certain things with food and water, i want you to drink. i want you to eat. i don't care what it is as long as it's not nothing. please don't break yourselves over things that are unrealistic expectations for you. if you can't do it, find something you can do. eat. drink. experiment with what works best. i love you.

[dooxliss]

Super Mario Wonder Direct Spoilers under the cut

HELL YEAH

[milkybonya]

treasure 2023 welcoming collection preview images.

[mintglacier]

i like the blurbs of the 14 you get when you talk to emet at the beginning of "their greatest contribution"

[scyllnovus]

Not me insisting I'm sick of this dude for most of his existence AND THEN ENDING UP WEEPING VIOLENTLY

"My people. My brothers. …My friends. Stay strong. Keep the faith. At duty's end, we will meet again. We will. We will.”

[jenosbigtoe]

brother’s best friend!lee jeno x reader

minors dni

summary: your overprotective big brother's best friend is just too irresistible. too bad you have to keep your relationship a secret from him. established relationship au!

warnings: jeno is a freak lowkey, creampie, breeding kink, possessiveness, unprotected sex, size kink (if you squint), mating press, jeno fat cock, jeno is a simp, squirting, pussy eating, literally just pwp

wordcount: 2.4k

a/n: intentional lowercase (i hate autocaps) and not proofread so if you see any grammar mistakes lmk. IK THIS IS A WORN OUT TROPE BUT IDC BROTHERS BEST FRIEND JENO FTW this is just so self indulgent so if its ass um ☠️

pretty pink lip gloss, fresh set of french tip acrylics, short white mini skirt, strawberry scented lotion, and a pink lacy camisole. you, na y/n, were going to be the death of lee jeno.

"dude stop looking at my little sister like that you freak," jaemin threw a dirty sock laying around at his best friend's face as jeno stared at your plump ass like a piece of meat while you were in the kitchen making yourself a snack.

"shut the fuck up man," jeno grumbled as he proceeded to knock jaemin off course in moo moo meadows in mario kart.

you smirked knowingly with your back turned. you knew exactly what you were doing. it was 10 pm on a friday night, meaning jeno and jaemin were having their weekly guys night and would crash in the living room, playing video games, drinking beer, and eating pizza.

and it also meant you would get to dangle yourself like a piece of meat in front of your boyfriend and oblivious brother as you watch your hungry boyfriend try to behave himself.

"jaem let me have a turn," you whined, inviting yourself into the living room, and sat between the two boys on the verge of beating the shit out of each other over mario kart.

"y/n you know damn well you're shit at these types of games now why would i let you play when im about to rock jeno's shit," jaemin didn't even look over at you and continued to focus on the screen. "FUCKKKK JENO THOSE GODDAMN SHELLS. FUCK YOU DICKFACE”

jeno on the other hand glanced over at you, eyes never looking once at yours and instead focused straight on your plump titties popping right out of your push up bra. and he drove right off course, leaving jaemin to yelp in victory as he finished in 1st place.

"fuck you jaemin. here y/n you can play on my controller," jeno rolled his eyes and passed his controller to you. his character was already pink yoshi, making your heart melt because he knew that was your go to.

“thank you, jeno. at least some people are actually nice and considerate,” you rolled your eyes at your older brother.

"well okay you asked for it. prepare to get your ass kicked like our dear jen over there, y/n," jaemin said with an evil glint in his eyes.

as the game was about to start, you suddenly had an idea and paused the game. "wait jaem, i don't really know how to play. can you go easy on me?"

"hell no. you wanted to play with the big boys so now you gotta face the consequences."

you turned to look at jeno, who was very obviously just staring at your tits the entire time. "jeno, jaemin is being a bitch to me. can you teach me how to play since he doesn't want to go easy on me?" you tilted your head and pouted your lip in a way that you knew he liked.

you knew damn well how to play and beat the shit out of jaemin at mario kart but you also knew how good you looked right now and how this would be the perfect opportunity to tease your sexy boyfriend.

"aw hell no that's cheating, y/n," jaemin whined.

“too bad. it ain’t up to you, sore loser.” you gave jeno a smirk with a knowing look in your eyes.

"well i don't mind. plus you won the last round anyways, jaem," jeno spoke up, shifting around and subtlely fixing his sweatpants. you were teasing him so bad and it was going straight to his cock.

jaemin looked at jeno, then you, then right back at jeno, narrowing his eyes a bit. "hey since when did you two get so chummy?"

"jaemin stop being a bitch and let's just play. i don't even know how to play and jeno helping me isn't going to suddenly make me become a mario kart god."

jaemin rolled his eyes. "whatever man."

jaemin unpaused the game and the race started. you pretended to freak out, not knowing where to go as jaemin left you in the dust.

jaemin started laughing his ass off as he quickly climbed the ranks as you were left in dead last. "kiss my ass, y/n."

jeno leaned over to show you the controls but you took this opportunity to yank him to sit behind you, causing you almost be sitting in his lap as his arms wrapped you. "now show me the controls," you grinned evilly and shifted around so your ass rubbed against his dick.

jeno was stunned. doing this literally right in front of your brother? who forbade you two from ever seeing each other? he could just smell your sweet strawberry perfume, which had him wanting to just gobble you up. and your cute little outfit, god he just wanted to rip it right off of you and mark your body up, claim you as his. and not gonna lie, the thrill of being right next to your brother and his best friend had his heart pumping blood straight to his boner.

you both were lucky jaemin had tunnel vision when it came to video games, his face literally glued to the screen. otherwise he would've seen how your little white skirt rode up your thighs and your panties were literally grinding against his best friend's cock.

you let jeno take the controller and pretended to still be the one playing, occasionally screaming out curses at your brother and let out cheers when you hit him with shells. meanwhile you were really just shifting around on jeno's cock through his sweat pants as you ran your manicured nails up and down his veiny arms that were wrapped around you. his hands just looked so big and meaty on that controller, had you fantasizing about what they would be doing to you tonight.

as you neared the final lap, you in 6th place and jaemin in 2nd, you suddenly grabbed the controller out of jeno's hands and shoved him back beside you. he let out a loud grunt as he fell to the ground. jaemin suddenly took 1st place and finished the round. you were 8th. you gave jeno a fake apologetic look as he glared at you.

“oops,” you whispered, sticking your tongue out.

jaemin looked over at you and gave you a triumphant look. "now what did i tell you?"

you rolled your eyes and stood, your skirt rode up almost all the way and on the verge of exposing the little cream panties with red hearts on them that you knew jeno loved. the way jeno was sitting, you standing up gave him the perfect view of the way your puffy pussy fit in your little panties, making him even harder than before.

"whatever loser i'm heading back to my room. have fun being bitchless on a friday night." jaemin threw a pillow at your turned back. you sauntered back to your room, making careful sure to sway your hips as you knew jeno's eyes were trained straight on your ass.

it was 1 am and you were still up, bored out of your mind and scrolling through your phone. he should've been here by now, you pouted. you got frustrated and started ripping your clothes off, leaving you in just your push-up bra and panties when a voice from behind startled you.

"baby, you already starting without me? i'm hurt," jeno wrapped his arms around you, pressing his body against yours, and whispered softly in your ear, causing you to shiver.

you puffed out your cheeks. "waited for so long. was about to go to sleep because my shithead boyfriend left me needy over here."

jeno started groping at your body, squeezing your juicy tits and lightly grinding his erection against your barely clothed ass. "sorry sweet girl. jaem wouldn't fall asleep because that girl from his econ class finally texted him back, corny ass." he left a trail of kisses down your neck and sucked at a particular spot on your collar bone that had your knees weak.

you smiled to yourself. you couldn't pretend to be mad at him for long, not when you're so whipped for him. you turned around and looked up at him, admiring your sexy boyfriend. he finally listened to you and dyed his hair back to black, leaving it long and messy just how you like it. he was wearing a black compression shirt and grey sweatpants with the simple gold chain you bought him for his birthday. he knew just how you like it. what a fucking manwhore. you were ready to devour him whole.

you smashed your lips on his, messy and hot, tongue everywhere and spit dripping down your connected mouths. suddenly, you pushed him down on your bed and started straddling him, grinding your pussy directly on his cock through his sweatpants, causing him to groan into your mouth. one hand gripped at your hair and the other groped your ass.

"baby i need you. i missed you so much," you whispered, looking into his eyes.

he connected his lips to yours with a renewed fervor. clothes started flying off as you kissed each other passionately. he reached for a condom in your nightstand but you stopped him.

"raw baby. i need you in me right now." you grinned at him.

he cursed, flipped you over on your back and used his weight to press you against the mattress. his thick, muscular body pressing you to the mattress had you breathless and in need for more. "is my baby needy? is my baby needy for this cock?"

he reached down and began to lightly caress your pussy, gathering your leaking juices and spreading it around. his fingers teased your hole, rubbing circles around it and occasionally deciding to stick one in for one pump before going back to rubbing and teasing.

"had me thinking about this pussy all night. fuck. love you so much baby. you're so sexy and you get me so hard. no one does it for me like you. you looked so cute today, just wanted to eat you up. didn't care if that shithead was there, just wanted to love on my girl." he continued to tease your little pussy and alternate between fingering and rubbing you.

then he crawled down until he was facing your wet pussy directly. staring at your pussy like a piece of meat in front of starved lion, he gave one long lick all the way up your cunt and started sucking, making sure to make lewd noises. your legs were shaking with need as you gripped his hair.

"fuck you taste so good. all wet just for me. this pussy is mine," he groaned into your cunt.

at this point, your pussy was gushing so much you felt a puddle beneath you. his fingers and lips felt so so good on your pussy but you were tired of his teasing. you got up and suddenly looked down at him seriously. "jen if your cock isn't in me in the next 5 seconds i'm seriously going to break up with you and fuck haechan or something."

this lit a fire within jeno, whose eyes darkened. he lifted his body and gave his impossibly hard cock a few pumps, rubbing your juices all over his massive cock. he grabbed your thighs, lifted your legs over his shoulders, and shoved his cock into your little pussy with one big thrust.

you both moaned out, your pussy leaking happily as he bottomed out, balls deep. he set out on a fast past immediately, pounding your pussy deeper and harder with each thrust. you could feel his heavy balls slap against your ass.

"yes, jen yes yes yes! oh god more more! love you so much baby," you grabbed at his hair as he pounded your pussy into oblivion. in the deep mating press he had you in, you could feel the tip of his cock kissing your cervix with each thrust. his cock was just so so big, you could never get enough of it.

you could see the veins pop out of his neck and his beefy arms were pinning your hips down as his hips were pounding you with each powerful thrust. he looked so so so sexy and he was all yours.

"god baby your pussy was made for me. love you so so much. mine. all mine. everything about you all mine, just for me," jeno kissed you passionately, both moaning into each other mouths.

he used one of his hands to press down on your lower belly, making your pussy leak and throb around him. "you feel that, princess? you feel me deep in your tummy? only i can do that to you, only me."

your mind was blank at this point, body completely numb to everything except the pleasure he was giving you. you could feel yourself about to get sent over the edge, your pussy spasming and clenching hard around every vein on his cock.

"bout to cum baby don't stop don't stop!!" you orgasmed with a loud scream, pussy squirting all over his stomach.

jeno continued fucking you through your orgasm, grunting at the feeling of your little pussy spasming all over his cock. "baby m close too, fuckkk."

fat tears rolled down your face at the overstimulation of pleasure. "jen please cum inside please."

jeno groaned, thrusting every harder and deeper than before. "such a slut. you like that huh? you want your boyfriend to knock you up? you want to have a baby with your brother's best friend? fuck. how about you just get pregnant? he wouldn't be able to disapprove of us when you're already round and waddling around with my baby."

with one loud groan, he bottomed out inside of you and let out his thick load. he collapsed on top of you, cock still balls deep inside, crushing you under all his weight with your face pressed against his sweaty chest.

you stayed like that for a few seconds before you tapped on his back, signaling that you couldn't breathe. still keeping his cock deep inside your leaking pussy, he flipped you over on your side and cuddled your back, wrapping one arm around your waist and the other pushing your hair out of your face. you panted, eyes closed in bliss. jeno drew circles on your arms and left kisses up and down your jaw and neck.

"just saying, you would look sexy as fuck pregnant with our baby." jeno whispered.

you opened your eyes to turn back and swat at his chest but what you saw made your blood run cold in horror.

it was your brother standing right in the open doorway staring at your naked bodies with a look of fury, surprise, horror, and shock that you had never seen before.

the three of you screamed at the sight of each other in unison.

a/n: i intentionally wrote the ending like that because i'm unsure if anyone would even want to continue reading this lmaooo so lmk what you think

[lonelypep]

every smash bros character ranked by how good of a cook i think they’d be.

82: piranha plant

eating this dish will kill you instantly. turns out he spit some poison in there while no one was looking. and yeah, that sucks, but if you even accepted a meal from this guy i think you have bigger problems

81: ridley.

let’s be real, if you let this guy into the kitchen, you made a huge mistake. it’s like john mulaney’s horse in a hospital sketch: you never know what he’s gonna do next. you’re too focused on getting him out.

80: king k rool.

king k rool is many things. a king, a pirate, a scientist. but he is not a cook. he’ll try, but he has literally no clue what he’s even doing in the kitchen.

79: yoshi

yoshi will give you a dish and you’ll be like “what the fuck is this” and he’ll talk about how it was made from the finest newborns of his home planet. i’m deciding to ignore it but it’s really nagging at me.

78: sonic

sonic shouldn’t be on this list. because he wouldn’t make you any food. he’ll go to the local sonic and get a burger in about 3 minutes. it sucks. disqualified.

77: pac man

what can i say. it tastes like literal plastic. i don’t even wanna know how he made it. i’ll give it back to him but the nice thing about pac man is he wouldn’t give a shit.

76: bowser jr.

fuck this guy. he rage quit at making a grilled cheese. now there’s a literal canonball in the stove. now no one else can use it!! this is what happens when you spoil kids.

75: pikachu/pichu

these two are in the same category since they’d make the same thing. they’d get store bought french fries and fry them with lighting outside. it’s consistent, it works, just not really filling. and they don’t know how to make anything else.

74. wario

don’t get me wrong: he knows what he’s doing. he’s the burger king of smash. he’s this low because the burger is the most unhealthy shit you’ll ever have. eating it gave you chronic diarrhea, gastrointestinal issues, and permanently damaged your taste buds. but god fucking damn was it a good burger.

73. hero

he gave you a single piece of bread with butter on it. it’s not bad but…really dude?

72: olimar

he didn’t make you a bad meal, in fact it was one of the best here. but that’s because he didn’t make you something. it was the pikmin and he’s trying to pass it off as his own and the pikmin don’t know because they don’t speak english. 0/10: not fucking cool dude.

71: kazuya

honestly? i don’t trust this guy. i was too intimidated to even ask his name. from what i can gather no one even invited him to the party he just showed up and made a mediocre meal. what’s weird: someone came into the kitchen and claimed this guy killed their whole family. we never saw that guy again. needless to say, kazuya wasn’t invited to the afterparty.

70: link (botw)

don’t get me wrong here, link is a five star chef. he’s just really unsanitary. apparently he cut the meat and vegetables with the same sword he killed calamity ganon with. i don’t wanna taste that guy!! have you seen him?? not to mention he pulled the meal out of his pants. i don’t even know how it fit in there.

69: inkling

she made a pancake and i thought it was good! but i absolutely can’t condone this. inkling left so much fucking weird slime and shit all over my house. and got really competitive when she heard i was getting meals from everyone else. i hope they’re all ok.

68: ROB

it was so processed. the most processed food i’ve ever had in my entire life. it’s not his fault, rob is a great guy. but this tasted like literally nothing.

67: ice climbers

when they told me they were making dessert, i trusted them. but i let someone else taste test first. my best friend was sent to the hospital because of tongue frostbite. didn’t even know that was a thing. i made the ice climbers pay for it (they’re fucking loaded)

66: villager

he made isabelle do it. and she made something great! but i’m not giving this cretin credit for having the money to afford a five star chef. you don’t deserve it because you sold a shit ton of tarantulas villager!!

65: lucario.

dude got really mad and destroyed my kitchen. he’s REALLY lucky he got the burger PERFECTLY cooked.

64: male byleth.

like this dude knows how to cook. he can barely make chicken nuggets. he has to eat in the school cafeteria simply because he never learned how to cook a simple meal. but he’s a really nice guy. total himbo. love him.

63: ryu

i asked this guy what he likes to eat. big mistake. he then went on to say that his training regiment doesn’t condone copious indulgence (his words) and he lives off of nothing but protein shakes. you do you i guess.

62-61: fox/falco

these two went into the kitchen and came out with weird alien food. i didn’t eat it but everyone else seemed to enjoy it

60: greninja

when he first came out i was so excited. he came out with the most finely sliced food i had ever seen in my entire life. but it was soooo watered down. everything tasted like celery. how do you make crab taste like celery?? how??!

59-58: simon/richter

these guys both made the same exact fish recipe, came out at the same time, and proceeded to fight each other. i didn’t get to try any 😭

57-49: every fire emblem character.

genuinely, i can’t tell these guys apart. or their food choices. honestly, my bad. i’m sure they’re good. but where do i even start.

48: sheik

she doesn’t know how to cook. she kidnapped someone else. normally i wouldn’t put someone like that this high but a. i have gender envy b. it’s for the greater good (or so she said)

47: cloud

dude made a great sandwich but he kept screaming random noises while he did. personally, i’m just glad he managed not to destroy the kitchen. that’s a first here.

46: captain falcon

he promised he’d pick up some pizza but got into a car crash on the way there. eventually he got there after the car crash was all sorted out, but got into ANOTHER on the way back. i’m honestly kind of impressed

45: steve

steve could cook an absolutely fucking KILLER meal. he’ll even offer to do it for free. but you shouldn’t let him under any circumstances. he took 13 hours gathering materials and while the wait was, arguably, worth it, i never want to experience it again. (side note: we asked captain falcon to get some pizza while waiting which led to the aforementioned entry)

44: sora

sora doesn’t know how to cook but he’s by far the biggest name at this party. everyone fucking loves him. he’s friends with GOOFY. this dude hangs out with GOOFY. this guys has hung out with GOOFY AND jack sparrow. bad food but i could listen to this guy talk for hours about his story. i’m sure i’ll understand it all.

43-40: pokémon trainer

this guys organization is fucking atrocious. if he can actually get his shit together he’ll cook up some nice vegetarian meals, but that’s a big if.

HONORABLE MENTION: sans mii gunner

sans undertale is a world renowned, famous chef. his recipes are simple, but cooked with such love, care, and finess it turns a simple cheeseburger into a masterpiece. sans undertale would easily top this list. sans mii gunner is not sans undertale. he bought the real sans’ cookbook and thinks he’s some kind of cooking genius. and sure he’s got the recipes but none of the skill to actually make it.

39-38: samus/zero suit samus

hooray! we’re out of bad cook options now. samus is a great cook, but she’s so used to her alien delicacies she doesn’t know how to cook on earth anymore. shame, but i trust her to produce something edible.

37: shulk

he is really good at the grill. unfortunately, he refused to put a shirt on and made everyone a little uncomfy. that being said, he showed me the beach boys and i had never listened to them before. so he gets points.

36-35: pit/dark pit

these guys don’t know how to cook but the flew into the sky and killed some mythical bird for everyone to eat. i couldn’t have any, i’m pescatarian, but everyone else loved it.

34: bayonnetta

she opened a portal to a waffle house and a bunch of demons came flying out. she didn’t make anything, but honestly, absolutely legendary experience that was.

33: duck hunt

you’d think a dog wouldn’t bring anything meaningful. this would be false. that is the freshest duck i’ve ever seen in my entire life. (didn’t eat it: pescatarian)

32: king dedede

he made his legendary homemade mashed potatoes. everyone loved them. so creamy… weirdly perfect. too bad i hate the monarchy. sorry bud.

31: meta knight

meta knight is a great cook and should be higher. but i don’t want him to be. because he’s so fucking pretentious. he sliced all the food in front of everyone and wouldn’t shut up about radiohead. hate this guy.

30-29: daisy/peach

these two put all their private chefs together to make something for everyone. great catering, great food, but they didn’t technically make it. love them.

28: mewtwo

as if mewtwo wouldn’t just read someone’s mind and cook something. but it’s not mewtwo’s food…so…. sorry dude you cheated.

27: dark samus

she really surprised me here. she cooked up the most exquisite alien delicacies i’ve ever tasted in my entire life. should be higher. but unfortunately, i had to get a space parasite removed from my system by regular samus. honestly though… it was worth it.

26: ganon

he was rude to everyone about his cooking skills and wouldn’t stop bragging. asshole am i right? but surprised everyone by grilling his god damn heart out. he’s a bad try hard but like go off i guess.

25: isabelle

she’s trying her absolute fucking best and she deserves the world here. amazing cook, we need to save her from the island.

24: little mac

dude went so hard. brought new york pizza ALL THE WAY FROM NEW YORK. ok, not literally, but he made a damn good pizza

23: snake

full disclosure: snake doesn’t know how to cook. also no one knows he’s an agent. but he has to cook to blend in so you BEST BELIEVE this man is going to COOK like his life depends on it.

22-20: young link, ness, and lucas

all these guys are incredibly mature for their age. surprised everyone at this party. i had deep and philosophical conversations with all of them about appreciating life. i fucking cried. oh and they made everyone sandwiches, and even took my pescatarianism into account.

19: rosalina

she brought weird space ice cream and i felt my mind expanding as i ate it. love her.

18: mr game and watch

he feels like everyone’s dad! and he’s one of those cooks who cooks in front of everyone. dude flung his meals onto everyone’s plates expertly. love him.

17: joker

originally much lower on this list, joker showed up at my house and attempted to make a grilled cheese and made the worst thing i’ve ever taste. then he said something about gru from despicable me and stood in the corner for an hour. originally i had him towards the bottom but then he doordashed five gigantic burgers, ate all of them in one sitting, and then made me an expensive curry that tasted fantastic. dude went hard.

it was at this point i realized i made a mistake with the numbers. like hell if i’m going to fix the whole thing.

22: zelda

she made some weird food but damn was it pretty to look at! crystals, magic power, i mean good vibes all around here.

21-20: pyra and mythra

i feel like i should put them here since they’re confirmed to be good cooks in the game. but between you and me, i didn’t invite them. i’d consider some entries before this to be better cooks but at this point i’ve been working on this list for 8 hours i do not wanna go back and fix things please i mean this whole list is a joke no one should take this seriously

19: banjo and kazooie

these guys can fucking cook. they’ve been living on their own for a while so it makes sense but it still surprises me. they made a really big stew and even brought free puzzle games.

18: wolf

GRILL MASTER. dude knows what he’s doing on that thing. i’ve never seen better spatula work. holy shit.

17: kirby

kirby came in with some weird blonde hair and made some FANTASTIC ribs (that i didn’t have bc i’m pescatarian). weirdly, gordon ramsey went missing the same day…. i’m sure it means nothing.

16: mario

dude made some absolutely spectacular spaghetti. but he kept talking about how great he is and it really off put some people. kinda weird dude.

15: dr mario. dude brought 50 apples to the potluck. guess he doesn’t wanna see anyone in the office. and he didn’t because we ate them all. take that.

14: min min

she brought some soup dumplings which a lot of people hadn’t had! love her. literally fantastic. she had a whole arm for cooking. that’s what we call efficient.

13: ken

he’s kenough. he is amazing at barbecue. he can cook things with his hands, juggle, also he’s just a fun presence. (i made him make fake meat burgers for me)

12: jigglypuff

she showed up with so many pastries. like so many. not only that, but they were decorative!! she put so much work into that. love her.

11: luigi

he tried to make spaghetti like his brother but a literal fucking meteor slammed into his pot and cracked it. tough luck. then he offered to pay and i refused, but went out and got me some really expensive spaghetti anyways! he’s such a nice guy!! shouldn’t be this high… but i love this guy so much. he’s trying his hardest and i respect that.

10: toon link

toon link didn’t actually make anything. but his mom came and made everyone a salad. and honestly! his mom is some great company. she had so many interesting stories about his childhood. honestly she added so much to the function

9: terry

he is the BARBECUE MASTER!!!! literally what the hell how is he so good! everyone at the party kinda stereotyped him but he’s really really progressive with his views which you wouldn’t think for a big barbecue muscle guy in a baseball cap but everyone loved this guy.

8: mega man

the MASTER CHEF!! literally. he was on master chef. he uses thin round blades to slice vegetables, heats things perfectly, has an instance knowledge of spices, just damn. this guy knows what he’s doing.

7-6: bowser and donkey kong

common misconception: everyone thinks these two would have no idea how to cook. but these are FAMILY GUYS HERE!! they’re providing for absolutely gigantic families, these fuckers know how to make a sandwich and they did. initially they started off making separate sandwiches but they have a really similar recipe and decided to work together. and i really respect that. also turns out peach is just bowser’s kids’ babysitter.

5: palutena.

everyone expected her to show up with some absolutely mystical food. naturally, she showed up with the literal ambrosia of the gods. holy shit. unfortunately, she didn’t put as much effort into it as she could’ve.

4: sephiroth.

ok this guy didn’t really cook anything amazing. but his sheer fucking commitment to the vibe is literally legendary. this man has a long as sword he cut 10 veggies at a time with. he heat them with magic world ending fire. when he was done in the kitchen he surrounded himself with fire and gazed menacingly at me. his sheer commitment to the edge lord aesthetic is truly exemplary.

3: incineroar.

THE GRILLING GOAT!! this man is a grill master. he was prepared to grill ANYTHING. and i mean anything. fish, veggies, meat, fucking grilled cheese. love this guy.

2: wii fit trainer

she made the most well balanced and healthy salad i’ve ever had. and she made it taste extraordinary. she can be a little intense about fitness but i’ve never had a healthier meal in my life. it immediately lowered my extremely high cholesterol.

1. diddy kong

he’s about ten. he made you a pb&j. he had homework to do, but he made you a pb&j. he didn’t have to. he wasn’t asked to. he just wanted to make you a pb&j. he could’ve done anything else but he made you a pb&j. what heartless monster wouldn’t accept it.

[game-boy-pocket]

Maybe i'm just hanging out around the wrong places where the new Donkey Kong design is being discussed, but Donkey Kong fans sound a lot like what people say Sonic fans sound like right now, and they're being very alarmist about the future of Donkey Kong. I've heard really shitty things being said. Things like "Nintendo is doing this because they hate Rare, they're trying to spite them! They want to erase Rare's Donkey Kong!" and "This is the end of DK as we know it, this art style is prepping him to be swallowed up as a permanent Mario character now. We'll never get a solo DK game again!"

It's nonsense. I understand not liking the new design, but giving him a new design at all can only be seen as a sign that Nintendo has big plans for the franchise in my book.

Let me go over all the evidence to suggest that Donkey Kong is going to become a huge IP in the near future, and not merely a bit player in the Mario spinoffs.

Donkey Kong had a huge presence in the Mario movie, there was more Rare references in the movie than we've seen in a long time, and DK himself was probably more active in the movie than even Luigi. Why would they portray DK the way they did instead of being an escaped zoo animal kidnapping mayor Pauline if their plans for him were to absorb him into the Mario franchise forever? Miyamoto also chose to address the design very directly, which he didn't do for other characters. He had a hand in the design, this is not "Illumination Donkey Kong" this is Donkey Kong, as updated by his own creator. So you might as well divorce this design from Seth Rogan in your brain, it's still gonna be the voice of Ganondorf coming out of this ape ( most likely. I still miss Grant Kirkhope peresonally )

Super Mario Odyssey's New Donk City was obviously an homage to Arcade Donkey Kong, except it wasn't JUST an homage to the arcade era. There were more Rare easter eggs than you could shake a stick at, every street sign was named after something from Donkey Kong Country including Animal Buddies Kremlings and Kongs not yet present in the Retro Studios games, you can see the full list [here].

After years of selling Donkey Kong toys and other merchandise with "Super Mario" logos, they stopped doing that a few years back. Now, Donkey Kong merch is using actual Donkey Kong Branding. Again, this is not something they would do if they wanted Donkey Kong to be swallowed up by Mario.

Donkey Kong got it's own lego set, which includes Funky, Dixie, and Cranky, yes they were in tropical freeze, but they wouldn't be using those characters at all in new merchandise if their plan was to dissolve DK into Mario.

www.donkeykong.com used to redirect to the Nintendo home page. Now it leads to a portal for all things Donkey Kong. If you test a number of other Nintendo IP, Star Fox, F-Zero, Warioware, Yoshi's Island, what do you see, you either get redirected to Nintendo's front page ( currently advertising Donkey Kong Country Returns HD ) or a picture of Wario saying "nope, doesn't exist."

Nintendo always seems to add Donkey Kong stuff in batches to NSO and Nintendo music. This hasn't happened for other franchises, but they always make Donkey Kong stuff a big deal.

King K. Rool did so well in the Smash Ballot, that, while he was not realizable at the time ( because secretly the Smash Ballot was never about Smash 4 ), they added a Mii costume into Smash 4 to throw fans a bone. DK Vine has an insider reporting that Nintendo was stunned by his popularity, they were unaware he had so much support. Retro Studios wanted to add him into the Switch port of Tropical Freeze, but it was decided Smash Bros would be the more meaningful re-introduction for the character. That's all rumor, but the fact is, they chose King K. Rool for Smash Ultimate.

THEY OPENED A GOD DAMNED THEME PARK. Does Star Fox have a theme park? Does Kirby have a theme park? Is there an F-Zero ride at Super Nintendo World? Did Pikmin get anything other than minor appearances in the Mario lobby? DOES ZELDA HAVE A THEME PARK?? No to all of these... Donkey Kong has a theme park, it's modeled after his IP, and while it's main influence is Donkey Kong Country Returns and Tropical Freeze, the theme park was in the works so long ago that those were the most current games at the time. They might not have much merch outside of DK and Diddy but it's not like the Mario park has the most diverse merchandise either. I didn't see a single piece of Wario merch while I was there. I'm sure as the years go on, more merchandise will come to these parks. I doubt they'll be selling the same things forever.

Donkey Kong has new key art made for a calendar for 2026. And yes, Diddy will be in the calander too. No word on other characters but K. Rool was in a 2020 Donkey Kong Calendar. Why would they be making DK merch for TWENTY TWENTY SIX if they want to kill his franchise and absorb it into Mario??

And finally the big rumor, again, from a DK vine insider. A 3D Donkey Kong game was reportedly in development from Vicarious Visions before Activision pulled the plug because they didn't want to develop single player games anymore after Skylanders sold poorly. DK being a guest in Skylanders just makes this rumor seem even more likely. Rumors say that Nintendo finally decided to make Donkey Kong a series they would develop internally like Mario, and bring him home to Japanese devs, instead of always relying on partners to develop Donkey Kong.

The Mario Kart redesign further supports this, as it heavily resembles the way Japanese artists have been drawing Donkey Kong for years, if you look at his gallery in the Mario Wiki, you'll notice the resemblances long before the movie design was revealed.

Last thing, they chose to close out the Nintendo Switch's life with remakes of Mario vs Donkey Kong, and Donkey Kong Country Returns. They could have remade anything, but they think Donkey Kong is valuable enough that people would want to play it. Yeah, it's fully priced, which sucks, but just take it as a sign that Nintendo sees Donkey Kong as a premium brand.

Donkey Kong fans have been dooming about the state and future state of the IP for so long that they're ignoring all the signs right in front of their noses that the IP is very healthy, and I don't think there's a reality in which we don't see a new Donkey Kong game in the first few years of the Switch 2's life, and it's not going to involve Mario. I will say I can't guarantee they'll bring back every Animal Buddy, Kong, and Kremling the fans have been missing, but it would be extremely weird and dumb to dump all that after... well *gestures to the bulleted list above*

Donkey Kong is going to be just fine.

[redsrooftopprincess]

Kintsugi

200 Followers Thank You Fic!

Winning prompt: “Christ on a fucking bike, I could kiss you right now.”

Raphael x GN!Reader

No warnings

"Kintsugi (golden joinery) is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted or mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum, a method similar to the maki-e technique. As a philosophy, it treats breakage and repair as part of the history of an object, rather than something to disguise. Lacquerware is a longstanding tradition in Japan, at some point it may have been combined with maki-e as a replacement for other ceramic repair techniques."

— Christy Bartlett, Flickwerk: The Aesthetics of Mended Japanese Ceramics

"Shit!"

The sound of ceramic hitting cement rang through the lair like discordant bells.

"Fuck! No! Damn it!"

You make your way out of the lab where you'd been helping Donnie with one of his latest projects.

You'd excused yourself when you heard his exclamation ricochet against the cement in the open space, and follow the now near constant stream of expletives to the kitchen, where you find the biggest of the Hamato brothers on hands and knees, gathering the shattered pieces of what was once his father's favorite teapot.

Black pottery with white calligraphy and white and pink cherry blossom boughs. It belonged to Yoshi, and is one of the few remaining pieces of his Master's old life.

Raphael hisses and rips his hand from the floor. "Fuck! Damn it!" his voice is thick with barely leashed emotion. Crossing the kitchen quietly, you snatch a paper towel off the roll on the kitchen table, and make your way to him. You crouch down in front of him, grateful that you started the evening in the lab, and are currently wearing thick jeans and boots.

He's maneuvered himself to sitting, and is pulling a triangular piece of the lid from his palm. He stares at the piece for a moment, jaw tight. This means so much more to Splinter than just tea. It isn't usually even kept in the kitchen, but the calligraphy had chipped, and Splinter had taken great care to repair it. The kitchen is the room with the best light, second only to Donnie's lab, and the constant buzzing of electronics gives the old rat a headache.

Raphael bumped the table with his shell, that's all. He swallows hard, clenching his teeth. He's too big even for his own damn home. How the hell is he going to tell his dad?

A sting in his palm brings him back to himself, and he looks up at you ashamed and at a loss. You're pressing the paper towel to his palm, looking down at it, unseeing. He can see the crease in between your eyebrows which usually means the gears are turning. And he's never been more grateful you were so much like Donnie.

You're running through options in your head. It'll have to be repaired and there are a number of ways that would still keep it food safe. Then you think about Master Splinter, and what he will think when he finds out about the mishap.

Hope blossoms in his eyes when he sees your look of concentration soften into a smile and you pull the bloody paper towel away from the now closed wound. You're glad it wasn't too bad, but gripping his sai will be uncomfortable for a few days.

You squeeze his good hand, "We can fix it."

....

You never had a dad, but if you did, you'd want him to be like Splinter. Patient, kind, and always ready with a pricked ear and a warm cup of tea to talk through your bullshit, especially when you don't want to. He has a way of pulling those pesky truths out of people, and probably knows more about you now than anyone else on the planet.

He also has a habit of taking in strays. Yourself included. Of finding the scattered and the broken and bringing them together into this beautiful amalgamation of functional chaos.

Kintsugi, was really the only option.

The traditional method would take too long, the breakage was complex and you didn't have a year to complete the project. But you managed to find a food safe alternative using modern materials.

You take your time setting out the powders and epoxies you'd spent the morning gathering, and pull up a tutorial video on Raph's tablet. It's the middle of the day and Splinter is asleep, which gives the two of you the perfect opportunity to put the teapot back together.

It takes hours, there are so many pieces, and Raphael is meticulous. At one point going back into the kitchen to spend twenty minutes searching for a missing piece no more than 3mm wide, eventually finding it under the fridge.

When you are finished, you both take a step back to look at your work. He's nervous. It's a big change to something that's been the same for as long as he can remember. It looks like it's made of lightning or leaves, veins of flashing gold, as thin as stands of hair, spiderweb through matte black and gloss white, seeming to make the blossoms on the sakura branch glow.

No going back now.

...

Every evening, after waking up, Raphael has coffee with his dad before starting the "day." Most nights, Splinter starts the kettle, so he's surprised to smell coffee before even opening his eyes.

When he makes his way to the kitchen, Raphael is already waiting for him, holding the teapot in his hands. You're at his elbow for support.

"Dad..." He starts, before pausing to take a deep breath as his father crosses the kitchen toward him, "I broke it... I'm sorry. I hit the table and it just fell off. I tried to fix it..." he trails off when Splinter holds out his hands to receive the heirloom.

The old rat's eyes look over his Master's teapot. It was old, possibly older even than Yoshi, and had survived so much. He runs his fingers over the smooth surface, tracing the veins of gold, bright and warm against the cold black, and tears sting his eyes.

A beloved relic broken by fate or circumstance, put back together with time and care by his progeny, to continue it's new life, shining.

His father's wet eyes catch the light and Raph panics, "I know it's not exactly like it was. I'm sorry, I tried to-" he quiets when Splinter holds up a hand.

"My son, it's perfect, and more lovely than ever. Thank you, Raphael," he says, His voice warm with gratitude for this and so much more, "Please join me for tea. Both of you."

You spend the evening learning about the history of the Hamato clan, and listening to stories of life in Japan. He tells you about Tang Shen, his Master, Yoshi, and the love they shared. You can't help glancing at Raphael when he's not looking, and he can't resist doing the same. You miss each other by seconds. His father doesn't.

Once the teapot runs dry, Master Splinter excuses himself for meditation and you and Raph make your way to the living room.

Once the door latches, Raphael's knees almost give out with the rush of relief.

“Christ on a fucking bike, I could kiss you right now.” he laughs, gratefully, before it occurs to him what he said, and then it's a very different kind of laughter, "I, uh... I mean..."

You laugh, you hope casually, as roses bloom in your cheeks. "Hey, no problem," you say, "I'm just glad it worked."

His heart is pounding, as he chuckles uncomfortably, and looks in your eyes. It was a slip up. Just a turn of phrase, but he glances down at your mouth for just a second anyway, and there's a moment that feels heavy with... something.

You'd spent the day working closely beside each other, and the evening drinking tea and hearing stories about a love whose ripples are still moving through time, and as his eyes meet yours again, you can't help but feel the itch of empty hands wanting to pull him closer.

But then he's called away by Leo to his nightly duties, and the moment is over. You're left in the warm comfort of the lair and eventually fall asleep on the couch waiting for the boys to get back.

He finds you there upon his return, and stops for a moment just to look at you. *Really* look at you. Something he wouldn't even attempt if you were awake to ask him why he's acting like a fucking creep.

The whole time his father was talking about his Master's love story, the persistent what if's that tend to follow in your wake were whispering false hopes. He was still trying desperately to ignore them, but some of the gold powder had ended up in your hair, and it sparkles in the colored lights, making you look ethereal. He brushes some of your hair from your cheek, and the dust wisps into the air like starlight.

His guardian fucking angel. Not only did you save his ass, but his father actually seemed more pleased with the result than he was upset that the teapot broke in the first place. Somehow, you have a way of always fixing things and making them so much better. Even him. Especially him.

Somehow, you have a way of always knowing exactly how to put him back together.

.....

A/N:

Currently putting myself back together. Thank you, everyone, for all the love and validation that is helping me so much with that. ❤️

.....

Tag list

@thelaundrybitch @the-cauldron-witch @fyreball66 @ninnosaurus @tmntngl @thegirlwiththeninjaturtletattoos @zagreustomb @ramielll @silverwatergalaxy @gornackeaterofworlds @daedric-sorceress @sophiacloud28 @iridescentflamingo @milykins

[ilikeyoshi]

it's still over a month away but i'm SO glad i get to talk to a trans-friendly and trans-educated obgyn in march. need these reproductive organs GONE. pmdd ruining my damn life.

[mchsm07]

TREASURE MEMBER AS KINKS (legal line)

Since i got warning bc of the sexual content to the post i try it again without pictures lol

HYUNSUK

Descipline

Punishment and recompense

Hyunsuk as a dom he wants to you know you that you are his. Like to teach you to do what he says. As a reward, he presents you with so many orgasms that you can already see stars. He asks you what and how you want, he wants to give you everything. But if you act like a brat? Or if you make him jealous? Get ready for spanking that will turn your ass tomato red, then to the cruel stimulation, after which you cry and beg to finally cum. " Oh my babygirl want to cum? well, for that you have to be a good girl and not make me jealous, don't you think?"

JIHOON

Degradation

Verbal and se×ual humiliation

Jihoon is the dom who always likes to express with his words and acts that you are his property. Kindly or obscenely? It depends on his moods and the quality of the se×. Since you are his personal slut he likes to nicknames you like d!rty b!tch while he intensively fu¢king your mouth till you gag and your tears also flow out. " Did you know you fu¢kin slut that you are the most beautiful when my co¢k is fully in your mouth?"

YOSHI

Orgasm denial

Intense stimulation without climax

Yoshi looks like an innocent prince but not everything is what it seems. He controls you in many ways. He takes you so easily to the near the orgasm state but unfortunately he doesnt allow you to cum till he says so. Your legs are shaking, crying whine as he ruin rough your core from behind then pulls himself out immediately then just tease you " Oh the kitten wants to cum? Do you want me to allow it?"

JUNKYU

Blindfold

Give and receive

His excitement peaks when you deprive him of his sight, he is eagerly waiting for your act. His vocal turns into angelic moans as you ride him intensive. To give he likes to tease you, maping your body. Since he has got switch vibe he can be also a light dom so if he resent you for something? He can punish you with this too. "Is that fair if i take your sight while i fu¢k you rough all night because you were a brat, don't you think?"

ASAHI

Sensational play

Ice/feather/ light biting without pain

Seeing your body twitch as he smooths over you with an ice cube or a smooth feather is an experience for him. Also if he receive his silky moans are the most beautiful melody to your ears. After all, it can't end without sensual se×. Thrusting deep into you slowly from behind while he softly kisses your neck all the way to your ears, than he bites smoothly and whisper it. "Keep moaning babe! Let me hear how much you enjoy my co¢k!"

JAEHYUK

Choking

Breath play without pain

Jaehyuk veiny hands is one of the most beautiful thing in the world, but it's even more beautiful when it's squeezing your throat. His favorite when he thrust you so deep and strong from the front during he holds you in place by your throat tightly. Just a little smooth pressure but he so loves to feel your thin skin under his palm so much, especially when he fu¢ks your mouth lying on your back. " Thats it baby, take it all! You're doing damn well."

DOYOUNG

Cunningulus

Pʋssy worship and eating

Since he is the number one pussy eater of the group he knows that you like if he uses his tongue. And he knows that he uses his tongue perfectly. He can pamper you for long minutes or even hours without stopping until your eyes could roll up. Slowly and sensually or powerfully and wildly. Its depend fully on his mood. Your juices taste turn him on as he dips the tip of his tongue into your sloppy hole. "You are so fu¢king delicious princess. Cum for me one more time!"

[hadesforpreswrites]

dirty laundry, pt. 5

a/n: here's part 5! finally! i think i'm going to make this the final in this series. i have a couple side stories for them i want to write though! as always, i hope you enjoy and please: like and reblog! comments are also nice (more than nice, they make me so happy).

pairing: noah sebastian x reader

genre: idiots-to-lovers

warnings: oral (fem receiving), fingering, unprotected (oops) sexual intercourse, they're so cute

word count: 2,756

summary: let's end this birthday with a bang

part one part two part three part four

it took them all of ten minutes to reach the bowling alley. and they were met with various looks from their friends when they pull into the parking lot. scarlett was smirking but trying to hide it with a painted on scowl. the others were blatantly smirking at noah. 

y/n’s face lit up when she saw two more of their friends joining them. without waiting for noah to open her door, knowing that it would likely earn her a lecture later, and rushed toward juliet with arms open wide.

“i’m so sorry we couldn’t make it to dinner!” juliet apologized as she squeezed the other woman.

“couldn’t miss bowling though!” andy said, wrapping his arms around the two. 

“that’s okay! i’m glad you’re here!” she said.

noah walked toward their group of friends with a smile on his face and threw his arm around y/n’s shoulders when she stepped back from andy and juliet. 

“what took you so long?” andy asked noah as the group made their way into the building.

“dessert,” was all he said, earning him a smack from y/n, as they walked up to the counter and he got their shoes and two games paid for. since there were so many of them, they needed a couple of lanes but that’s how it was every year.

noah was pretty good at the game but y/n was not. after her fourth-in-a-row gutter ball, she walked back laughing and said, “i said it was fun not that i was good at it.”

“well, can’t be good at everything,” noah said, kissing her forehead as she sat next to him.

“there’s plenty i’m not good at,” she shot back with a smile on her face.

“name one. that’s not bowling.”

“mini golf. never played regular golf but i’m sure i’d suck at it too. and bonus answer: chemistry. i’m very bad at chemistry.”

“fair enough,” he said, standing up to bowl his turn. he earned a strike, causing everyone at their lane to groan as he strutted back to the seat. 

“next time we play teams,” nick said. “y/n can level him out.”

“rude,” she said, laughing. 

the games continued on for a couple of hours before y/n started walking back shaking her wrist.

“you okay?” noah asked, worried.

“yeah. wrist is starting to give out on me though. we’re almost done, i can make it.”

“if you’re sure.”

the last to bowl was jolly, who earned himself a strike and ended the game in second place. noah was in first. y/n, tragically, in last.

“that’s fine,” she said. “i’ll kick his ass in mario kart though.”

“you’ll kick my ass?” noah confirmed with a smirk.

“damn straight.”

“you’re on, doll.”

the group walked to the arcade side of the building after dropping their shoes off at the counter. y/n chose yoshi and noah chose his driver and off they went on rainbow road.

“oh shit, i think she’s got you,” nicholas said, laughing.

“you’re supposed to be on my team,” noah said through gritted teeth as he took a shell. 

“just stating facts, man.”

scarlett and juliet cheered as y/n passed the finish line in first place. 

“told you,” she said smugly to noah next to her, who took second. 

“yeah, yeah,” he said, smiling at her.

“okay, someone win me a stuffie from that machine,” scarlett announced, moving the group along. 

“those things are rigged, scar. it’s a futile mission,” y/n called after her, standing up from the mario kart game, pulling noah with her. 

he watched as she took in their surroundings, trying to decide what to do next. he saw her demeanor drop ever so slightly before she turned to him.

“you okay, doll?”

“social battery’s low,” she mumbled.

“do you wanna head to the hotel?”

she nodded. 

“okay, we can do that. let’s go let them know,” he held out his hand for her to latch on to before pulling her toward one of the groups of their friends, gathered by a claw machine in an attempt to win scarlett a stuffed avocado.

still holding his hand, y/n embraced scarlett and mumbled something in her ear, earning her a kiss on the forehead and a nudge. they made their rounds saying goodbye to everyone, most would follow suit shortly after the couple departed anyway. 

once out at the car, noah held the passenger door open and allowed her to get comfortable in the seat before he settled himself behind the wheel. he pulled out of the parking lot and onto the street before placing his hand on y/n’s thigh, squeezing it in reassurance. she traced the tattoos that adorned the skin as the two of them rode in a comfortable silence toward the hotel he had booked. 

once they were there, he grabbed their bags from the backseat before opening the passenger door for her to exit. he carried both bags in one hand and threw the other around her shoulders and pulled her tight to him as they walked into the lobby. it was calm and quaint when they entered the building, greeted sweetly by a kind concierge person behind the counter. 

noah greeted them back and explained that he had booked a room a couple days previous and gave his information to the person.

once he had the key cards in hand, he steered them both toward the elevators and pushed the up button. when they reached their floor, they walked down the hall toward their room. after he unlocked the door, he motioned for her to enter in front of him. he shut and locked the door with both locks after placing the “do not disturb” placard on the door knob. 

he sat their bags down on the bed as he watched y/n quietly take it all in. she stopped by the windows and looked out at the horizon and all the lights of the city below them. he took out his phone and snapped a picture of her in the low light of the room. he smiled to himself as he threw his phone on the bed and walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her middle. 

“what are you thinking about?” he asked, pressing a kiss to her shoulder. 

“just everything.”

“you do that a lot.”

“it’s a personality fault.”

“nah,” he said. “i don’t think it’s a fault to think about everything. i think it’s a strength.”

“you would say that,” she smiled as she turned to face him, back against the glass of the window.

“i mean think about it. you see different perspectives and are able to choose one that makes the most sense to you after you examine those differences. that’s pretty neat.”

“you’re pretty neat.”

“y/n, are you flirting with me?”

“i mean, you’re pretty hot when you get all philosophical. it’s hard not to. especially when you’re all dressed up.”

“oh, she’s bold tonight.”

“she is,” she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

he wrapped his arms around her frame and held her tight as his lips moved with hers. he let his hands wander down her back before they found themselves gripping her ass, a silent plea for more. 

continuing her bold streak, y/n pushed him with her body to move them toward the bed. when his knees hit the bed, he sat, pulling her with him. her hands cupped his cheeks as she straddled him. his hands were still gripping her wherever he could. 

her hands began to wander down to the buttons on his black dress shirt. slowly, she started to unbutton the garment.

“you know, if you want me naked, you just have to ask,” he joked as he pulled back from her for air.

“noah,” she started.

“yes, doll?” he answered with a smirk.

“please help me take this shirt off of you.”

“anything for the birthday girl,” he said as he finished unbuttoning the shirt and pulled it off his shoulders.

“anything?” she asked, her boldness starting to wear off.

his eyebrows raised.”what’d you have in mind?”

a blush crept up her neck and landed on her cheeks as she mumbled something he couldn’t make out.

“what was that?”

“nevermind, let’s just watch a movie or something,” she said quickly, trying to cover up her embarrassment as she moved to get off his lap.

his hands gripped her hips tightly. “oh, no you don’t. what is it you want, baby?”

“you,” she said, quietly.

“you have me,” he said, not quite understanding.

she huffed in frustration, mostly at herself. “i want you,” she repeated.

“doll, baby, you have me. always.”

unable to get herself to speak the words outright, she opted to roll her hips against him. the movement caused him to throw his head back and moan. 

“we really gotta work on your ability to say what you want, baby.”

she rolled her eyes. he chuckled darkly and turned to throw her on the bed on her back. he kicked off his shoes and threw hers off as well before settling between her legs on his stomach.

“c’mon, say it.”

she shook her head.

“baby, please,” he pleaded.

“i can’t,” she whispered.

“why not?”

“i don’t know.”

“you’re adorable,” he said, causing her to groan.

“i’m not trying to be cute, noah.”

“i know that, doll. but i can’t give you something if i don’t know what it is.”

“i think you do know and you’re torturing me.”

“i would never,” he propped his head on his hands that were folded on her stomach. she ran her fingers through his hair, causing his eyes to close at the contact.

“i want you to make love to me, noah.” his eyes shot open. “make me forget, if even for a moment, about that one experience.”

“i’m only going to if you’re truly ready, doll.”

“i am. i’ve been thinking about it for a while.”

“are you sure it’s not my birthday?”

“at this rate it will be.”

“she got jokes,” he said as kissed down her clothed stomach. he pushed the hem of her dress up her thighs, exposing her. he licked his lips before pressing a kiss to her covered center, causing her to let out a sigh. 

for the second time that night, noah pulled her underwear down her legs and hooked one over his shoulder, spreading her. greedily, he ran his tongue up her slit. when he reached her clit, he pulled it into his mouth with a suck. he continued to lick her until he started to pull loud moans from her. her fingers were pulling at his hair as her breathing came out in bursts. 

“noah,” she sighed as his tongue worked her through the second climax of the night.

he placed a kiss to her inner thigh before putting her leg back down and sliding up her body to her face. her eyes were closed as she came down. he held himself up on an elbow and stroked her hair as he kissed her face. 

he tugged at the hem of her shirt causing her to sit up so it could be taken off and discarded with his on the floor. he skillfully unhooked her bra and tossed it aside before lowering her back to the bed. his lips found hers quickly and he moaned into her mouth as he felt her hands slide down his bare torso to his belted pants. she made quick work of the buckle and had one of her hands on his member just as quickly. he didn’t let her touch him for long before he pulled her hand away from him, causing her to let out a whine.

“so impatient,” he tsked as he stood up from the bed to pull his pants and underwear down in one fluid motion. he stood with his hands on his hips, cock standing at attention, and looked down at her. her breathing was starting to even out as he watched her. “there’s just one thing that needs to change about this moment, doll,” he pointed to her skirt that was still on. 

she lifted her hips and began to pull the fabric off of her form and kicked it off the bed.

“perfect,” he breathed. 

“noah,” she held her arms out to him.

he knelt on the bed and crawled over her. he pushed his lips to hers again as he let his hand travel down her body and to the apex of her thighs. he gathered the slick that had accumulated and used it to push one of his fingers inside her. after a couple of moments, he pushed a second finger inside her and let her adjust before scissoring them and using his thumb to rub figure eights on her clit.

“noah,” she breathed out after he released her lips. 

“think you can give me another one before i give you my cock, doll?” he said between breaths in her ear.

“yes,” she moaned.

“good girl,” he said, feeling her clench around his fingers. he hooked his fingers in her, hitting that spot deep inside her causing her to cry out. “fuck,” he moaned. “can’t wait to feel you wrapped around me. see what noises you make then.”

she was pushed over the edge at his words and came with a loud moan. she whined as he pulled his fingers out of her, missing the feeling. “don’t worry, you’ll feel even more full in a moment, baby.”

“noah, please.”

“so polite,” he muttered as he lined himself up with her.

he slowly began entering her in order to let her get used to his size little by little. once he was fully wrapped up by her he leaned down and kissed her forehead, then her shut eyes, then her lips. her arms came from beside her and wrapped around his neck, locking him in place as she began to move her hips under him. he took the hint quickly and began to pull his hips back and pushed them back in slowly.

“noah,” she breathed out again. “noah, please.”

“please, what, baby?”

“faster.”

he kissed her on the forehead again before sitting back and giving himself more leverage as he pumped in and out of her quicker than before.

“oh my god,” they moaned at the same time.

“you feel better than i could have ever imagined,” he said through gritted teeth as he watched himself move in and out of her.

she moaned his name again as she came the fourth time that night. he followed right after feeling her clench around him. he pulled out and laid next to her, both of them catching their breath as they looked in each other’s eyes. he turned on his side, facing her, “i love you, y/n,” he said as he brushed her hair behind her ear.

“i love you. so much,” she answered.

he pulled her lips to his for a sweet kiss, placing their foreheads together after pulling away.

after a few minutes laying there, he rolled out of bed and walked to the adjoining bathroom, he wet a washcloth with warm water and walked back out to wipe the mess that they had made together from the inside of her thighs. when he finished, he pulled her up, much to her protest and pointed her to the bathroom. he smacked her ass lightly to get her moving, earning him a playful glare.

he laid back on the bed, arms folded behind his head. when she emerged from the bathroom she scoured the floor for her underwear.

“doll, you could just sleep naked,” he laughed as she continued to look in the dark for them. 

“it would make me more comfortable to not,” she said, practically jumping in them once she found them.

after donning the lace garment, she climbed in bed and put her head on his chest with one arm thrown over his middle. 

“so,” she started, causing him to laugh.

“so, indeed.”

“condoms from here on out. i can’t believe i let you do that,” she said, burying her face in his chest.

“honestly, me either. and i’m sorry, i wasn’t even thinking.”

“me either! so no need to say sorry.”

“wait, does this mean there will be a future time?” he joked, causing her to roll her eyes.

“maybe,” she said, he feigned hurt.

they fell asleep shortly after, holding each other.

[k9iriz]

super fluffy christmas baking with yoshi with a pinch of smut???🙏

[ yes i can 😁 & requests are open! ]

𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠

𝘣𝘭𝘢𝘤𝘬!𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳/𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘪 𝘪𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘴 [ ♫ 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘦 - 𝘣𝘢𝘻𝘻𝘪]

𝙨𝙮𝙥𝙣𝙤𝙨𝙞𝙨: 𝘤𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸/ 𝘺𝘰𝘴𝘩𝘪 𝘨𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘦𝘭𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘮𝘢𝘴 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘳

[ warnings: extreme fluff to the max, w/ some smut, teasing and etc. ]

it was christmas eve at you and andrei’s shared apartment, just sitting around and baking cookies.

you two weren’t sure what to do with andrei’s hetic schedule, so you went to target and found some cookies to bake.

“andrei, did you finish the icing?” i asked as he was too busy with his headphones in, back on the game, as usual.

but he did finish the icing.

i walked in the living room as i slapped his shoulder, as he was so focused on call of duty, that if i was to start a fire he wouldn’t notice.

“hold on baby, give me one second…fuck bruh!” andrei groaned as he laughed it off afterwards, his focus was on the game.

i stood in front of the tv as he tried to see around me, but soonly availing, he was able to see.

i breathed out, smiling as i walked up to him. “yoshi. is that all you’re gonna do while at home?”

he wordlessly nodded, as his eyes didn’t break from the tv screen.

“you promised me we were gonna bake cookies!” i whined as unfolded my arms, pouting as he looked up at me for a second.

“we are, i made the icing, so while you were preparing the cookies and cleaning i just wanted to hop on with jamarr and the team right…quick! damn!” andrei groaned in dissatisfaction.

i rolled my eyes as made my way back into the kitchen.

andrei smacked his teeth as he put the controller down, shrtlessly walking behind me.

“don’t tell me your mad at me. i paused the game y/n.” andrei pleaded as i looked up at him, ignoring him as i began icing the cookies.

“thank you.” i smiled widely as he picked up a cookie, icing one along with me.

FOR THE NEXT twenty minutes andrei and me finished off the cookies and hot cocoa, just playfully cleaning up.

andrei smirked as he seen some icing left on the spoon. “y/n look. it’s some icing left.”

“really? you can eat it if you want to.” i shrugged as i bumped into him, the spoon getting on my collarbone, splattering icing on me.

i whined as andrei looked down at me, his hair dangling in his face. “let me get that for you.”

andrei began licking his way from my chest, soonly to my neck, making his way back down to my collarbone as a shuddered breath hitched from my lips, before kissing my lips, licking his.

no he did not…

“there you go.” andrei chuckled as i fluttered my eyes at him, knowing he did that on purpose in such a sense.

“oh you definitely set me up.” i chuckled as andrei helped he washed the leftover dishes, playing with some floating bubbles that were in the sink.

just having the best time together, quality time.

after we finished up, andrei dried his hands as i sat on the counter, eating another cookie before he stood between my legs.

“okay, we’re finished. anything else you think we can do for the holidays?” i mumbled as it went silent as andrei gave me that “look”.

i tried reading it as i suddenly caught on. “no! not that! you play too much.”

“i mean it! what can we do?” i whined, as he kissed my lips, taking a bite out of my cookie.

“hm…i really don’t know. i can take us ice skating tomorrow morning.” andrei suggested as i nodded, agreeing before i seen those eyes he gave me again.

he’s so cute. “baby?”

“yes andrei?” i smiled, looking down at him again as he still stood between my legs, placing his chin on my cleavage.

“can i go back to playing the game now?” andrei pouted, planting soft kisses on my chest.

this was a content christmas eve.

[ HELLO YALL! keep the andrei requests coming! I hope you enjoyed. reblogs are appreciated! ]

andrei taglist — • @egomuse & @glitter-vamp