#damn i got feelings this morning
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If the last thing I hear before I die is Sylus’ morning voice, I’ll die happy 😮💨
#for real this got me feeling things#like dAMN please can I hear this every morning when I wake up and every night before I go to bed dndbndnd#love and deepspace#love and deepspace sylus#sylus love and deepspace#lads#lnds#lnd#l&ds#lads sylus#lnds sylus#l&ds sylus#lnd sylus#sylus lads#sylus lnd#sylus lnds#sylus l&ds#sylus#sylus qin#qin che#love and deepspace qin che#lads qin che
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I am jack's first I loled then I serioused
#artists on tumblr#digital art#illustration#art#doodle#fight club#tyler durden#the narrator fight club#angel face#this damn movie got me drawing jared leto I feel sick#did it this morning after I woke up from I dream where I was beating up some people who came in my house to harrass my sister#the artsyle disphoria continues hehe#going to clean my room byebye#martyryo
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When Dick didn't want to celebrate Christmas with his family because 1. he'd been through hell and 2. he missed Alfred and the manor.
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Nightwing (Vol. 4) #77
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Batman: Urban Legends #10
#the first one is sooooo#dick's like i know we're family but you haven't been my normal since i got shot#like damn. i'm not even bruce but that hurt my feelings LOL#and dick didn't say it to be mean ofc but still ow#and then that second issue annoys me with the bats hounding dick to join them for christmas#i mean I Get It but it still annoys me#and yes these are the thoughts i'm having at 7:30 in the morning goodness graciousss#Dick Grayson#Christmas
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this blog is 11 years old now 🎉
I drew the siblings ever to celebrate as usual
#loz#wind waker#legend of zelda#toon link#aryll#I wasn't gonna draw anything but then I sketched link real quick and I was like okay wait i can do this#and then my brother dragged me outside ☠ but i still got it done today!#the anniversary is today. tumblr sent me a notification like ravio is 11 years old now! ravio the character is actually 11 years old.#albw released in2013. i received two reminders this morning. ravio drawing soon maybe. coming this year definitely. maybe#arylls like big brother use a damn fork#<- that was the tag when I first started drawing them in 2018#also i noticed when I draw aryll i always draw her in her blue dress so i decided to change it up. i only play 2nd playthroughs of wind wak#r because fun fact: i hate link's green tunic and hat. i finished a first playthrough years ago with a finished nintendo gallery#and then when i want to start a new playthrough i fight ganondorf again go through the credits cry and then BAM new game no-plus#i miss link's green tunic now though. its been so long. im so sick of champions garb...............idk the green is iconic idk#im not a huge fan of it but i think his base form should be green again. with the hat. let him look doofy as a default again#he was green in echoes of wisdom but i need them to follow through after again.#i didnt finish echoes of wisdom yet (SOON IM TRYING IM STUCK I NTHE SONIC ADVENTURE 1 WEB HELP) but what I saw of Link there?#he was kinda terrifying lmao its always funny to see that link is so extremely competent because i am not. that boy efficient#im stuck in the sa1 web because everyone is always talking about how good it is. so i played the pc port and. its apparently awful idk it i#thats just what sa1 outside of emerald coast plays to me tbh. but the dreamcast is supposed to be better. and i own a dreamcast. free me#i played on gamecube too. 12 years ago. it made me sick. maybe one day i'll install some mods that make it play better#why does it feel like the month is over when its only january 6#i played sa1 as a kid btw. just emerald coast tho. ALSO I DIDNT BUY A DREAMCAST FOR THIS I ALREADY OWNED ONE
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I wonder. Would red be a light sleeper, since on mt. silver hed need to be on guard for any wild pokemon or anything else. I already said i imagine him having a very consistent sleep/wake cycle so he usully goes to bed and wakes up without an alarm since...yknow he didnt have one on the mountain. That said deviating heavily from his routine could probably throw him off. If he didnt get enough sleep hes groggy and a bit annoyed by whatever made him lose out on his precious sleep time, whether it be wild pokemom or a particularly strong storm or whatever. Since he sleeps lightly to stay on alert, these things do wake him up and can throw him off a little for the day. Thankfully he lives on a mountain so its not like he had any plans that would be thrown off by it, just his own annoyance with his routine being foiled.
Perchance when he was on the mountain and he slept lightly for self preservation or whatever, now that he and green live together hes become a deep sleeper who could sleep through a lot bc he can finally relax and trust that he is safe and doesnt need to be watching out for any potential problems he could have as mountain man. Green is here now, and red knows he can be vulnerable and relax around her.
Green is extrmely touched by this, but also its a little annoying when they have plans and reds sleep/wake cycle made of netherite makes it difficult to wake him up before he usually would. He can but then hes groggy and doesnt want energy drinks or coffee so he takes awhile to fully wake up on his own lol.
We win some (complete trust and love for your wife and the happiness of the proof of how reliable and safe they see you as) and lose some (your beautiful wife trusts you so much he now sleeps through alarms and must be woken up by you specifically or you have to wait until his usual wake up time) im sure they figure some middle ground out after awhile but at first reds dedication to getting a full 9h of sleep is certainly annoying sometimes.
#sponsored by me being sleepy rn and having very little brain power atm#in my defence i got erm Reasons. medical or ofher reasons to be so god damn tired evrry day#i already posted that green needs caffine to properly wake up un the morning#red does not drink anything like that. hes a big water guy. maybe some fruit juice.#he does indulge in the occasional pop or yummy lemonades/smoothies/#n stuff lile that he just doesnt need fhe caffime that so many ppl do#since jis sleep scheduel os sp consiztent he wakes up at the same time and feels fully rested#green is vrry jealous of yhis he ruined his sleep wake cycle when studying in kalos and hasnt recovered#since i hc him as becoming a pokemon researcher too. hes mow always focused on his work n doesmt takw breaks#or sleep on time. many a time red has had to drag him to bed as green insists that hes not tired yet#(he is extremely tired but he wants to keep working)#trainer red#green oak#blue oak#reguri#pokemon headcanons
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I just don't understand people who don't do a COVID test when they get sick
#like yes of course for some people thats not affordable#but for the vast majority money isnt the issue#i picked up a sore throat and congestion over the weekend and figured it was allergies#i was pretty damn sure but i coughed last night and thats unusual#so i bit the bullet and at 7 fucking am this morning i went and found a covid test before work#good thing too because by the time i got to work the test was positive#because of that im within the window for paxlovid#and i havent really exposed that many people#my brother in christ this shit kills people#its not the common cold#the responsible thing to do is to test when youre fucking sick#and isolate if you know its covid#i have no idea on what criteria i qualified for paxlovid but im guessing it was asthma#heres hoping my mcas doesnt throw a tantrum about this#its entirely possible i caught this from my coworker#who did not test at all and stopped wearing a mask after a day or two#they know about my health issues and i cant help but feel hurt about how little they cared about the possible consequences to me#i should be fine btw im not even feeling particularly sick#salt baby talks#disability#chronic illness
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(charr voice) WAHOO
GO MY SHARKS
#gw2#guild wars 2#gw2 charr#eon#like a week ago i realized i had everything to make this except the cursed Gift Of Battle#so i went in last night (this morning? 4am my time) and got adopted by a lady named Holy Hallucination#and now i have shark :3#this and the disco ball are like. top tier legendaries in my onion#sometimes i make a legendary and i feel like. damn. this was such a waste what the hell.#and then sometimes im like YEEEEEEAAAAAAAA LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOO#this is a lets fucking go legendary
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Just made some homemade fettuccine alfredo. It was good but every time i cook something elaborate and special i always think i should have just had a cucumber sandwich or something. Granola with yogurt and fruit takes 30 seconds. I could just eat a handful of raw carrots no prob. Forager’s mindset. And you can trick the hell out of a cucumber sandwich in a thousand wondrous ways. And more vitamins than butter and cream and cheese. We’re an hour and a half too late for this epiphany
#i was thinking abt just giving up and having one#and then i think abt my british best friend who got me on those god damn cucumber sandwiches & when we ate cucumbers and tomatoes w za’atar#because she was sharing her palestinian heritage with me. and now i feel depressed and wanna go to bed#i miss her.#but now i have to do dishes.#like a schmuck.#maybe i’m just having a bad day i went to therapy this morning and she told me i need to write T_T#just take me out back doc#give me the old yeller#kennapost
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i love how . . . every time i sit down to write . . . the bright sword calls my name.
#;; NO BC IT'S SO DAMN GOOD OH MY GOD IT HAS ME FEELING *FERAL*#;; also i got in my car this morning to go to an appointment and the message on the dash may as well have said 'brrr bitch' IT'S COLD AF#;; AND I LIVE (for now bc i am most likely moving in a couple months) IN THE DEEP SOUTH#;; THE LIKELIHOOD OF SNOW WHICH *NEVER* HAPPENS DOWN HERE ANYMORE IS STEADILY RISING BY THE DAY#;; though i remember as a kid it snowing like ??? every year/every other year down here ??? 😬#;; ANYWAYS!!! if i'm not devouring this book i WILL BE AROUND TO WRITE BETWEEN WORK THINGS!#♕░░ queen of the summer isles ( LUXX SPEAKING )#;; tbd.
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i need a new strategy for like, cleaning my room and doing yoga and reading and leaving the house. the adhd has reached mythic levels of bad. i have the thought, "i should do X," and then i won't move. i make a to-do list and i won't do anything on it. i queue up a yoga practice and i won't do it. i stare at my room and get stressed out about how cluttered it is. i write 3000 words of notes for a fic i don't even know if i'm going to write. i think and i think and i think about my OCs and they won't let me write them. i spend hours looking at stuff i can't buy. i take like an hour to write this.
#rum.txt#i have to do something about my phone...........#i might be able to uninstall tumblr#i can't uninstall twitter because the stupid fucking thing turns off notifications when you do#so i wouldn't be able to catch up on the accs i have notifs on for#(a very small list of forcebook- and kaibaek-related accs)#i can't uninstall instagram because of forcebook again lol#i also use it for recipes sigh#but i might start just... leaving it in my room when i get up and see how that goes#i'd also have to try to not look at my phone first thing in the morning#i also have to start actually getting up in the morning#i think that's the main thing#ok maybe when i take my medication in the evening i start getting ready for bed#it'll take long enough that it'll probably still be late but reasonable late#and not like. almost 3 am like now#one of the problems with my room right now is that i have a lot of STUFF#and i'm afraid of getting rid of the STUFF#because the last time i got rid of a bunch of STUFF#(mostly clothes)#i totally regretted most of it and i'm still like ah shit i don't have that anymore? :(#but also i have a big bed that i just want OUT of there#and a huge wardrobe that unfortunately holds a lot of the STUFF#so i don't know where all the STUFF would go#and every job i apply to sucks#and every job i actually want is TERRIFYING in both its unattainability and the miniscule possibility of its improbable successful executio#so i'm like stressed out about a thing that hasn't happened to make something that hasn't happened that i'm also stressed out about#every possible scenario whether i want it or not feels like it could lead to a meltdown because everything is so god damn hard right now#AND I FEEL SO!!!!!! SMALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#and the worst part is that i know all this is because my stupid fucking period is coming up#but just because my hormones are making me feel overwhelmed and melodramatic about everything doesn't make anything i've said untrue
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who the hell needs to text me five times a day hru. or hiiiii. or hii wyd. i know i am not that damn interesting.
#asclexeposting#i thinkk i got a girl who likes me (prob cus i have skibidi rizz 🔥🔥) but damn girl!!!#feel kinda guilty bc i can’t like her back but 🔥🔥 fuck it we ball#im going to a TEN AM spiderverse showing with her who the fuck wants to watch across the spiderverse at ten am#also good morning
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it’s okay Stephen
#playing with the camera tryna feel something#or make you feel something#my voice that is#Bandcamp#I was listening to my old shit all morning and like damn idk how people fronted#then I hear on the news somebody got shot in the head at a studio#just when I was bout to go back outside like guess I’m staying at the crib#me
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Got really horribly sad outta nowhere and like idk if its cause ive just been looking kinda ugly or like cause ive been working a lot or like general vibes but im not having a fun time
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#i lost a 20 dollar bill and im still upset about it#also still kinda mad abt the other day where i thought i was honest to god being stalked at the mall#it was bad timing and misunderstanding and no one is to blame but it didnt make me feel great#im also worried abt the grade im gonna grt on an assignment and if it tanks my overall grade#i will jump from the ferris wheel at the county fair#or maybe its the constant dreams of like having a sweetheart and being cute w em and stuff and waking up and its not there#then having to go to work and make elaborte giftsets and boxes of candy and see people buying their sigfig other pounds of fancy candies#and treats and be like like wow arent u the best and like lowkey the level of customer service i have to give so lest they take my kneecaps#verges on forced method acting levels of glee and whimsy and doting#and its like yeah at the end of the day sometimes hearing about how you got ur girl a kuromi plushie and a braclete and now ur getting#literally upwards of 6 pounds of treats while i know i have 7hours to go till i can go hom3 and have my microwave carrots#that smell like dishsoap but i must eat cause im not wasting it#kinda makes me feel bad and makes the day so horribly long#and its no ones fault but like idk damn it reall is what it is#also i realized that feeling of like what tf am i missing is cause i havent been wraring my locket cause it had to get repaired#id been like going crazy being like what is it!! when i catch u ricky!! then realized oh its that#also like i was like lets look at yellowjackets merch as a treat#its so expensive#anyways.......#i have to be awake at 7:30 in the morning out of the house by 8:15#and my hair is wet cause i took a shower#so its gonna be a horrible morning and its supposed to be cold again
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DID is really fucking annoying to have, actually.
Yeah yeah, friends in your head, pre-installed found family, lifelong teammates, fun innerworld/headspace interactions, good and dandy. Genuinely, those are the only parts of all this I take any comfort in.
The rest of it, though?
There’s no point “living each day to the fullest”, because I’ll forget it by tomorrow. I have to take notes on my own life like I’m studying for a final exam solely to exist. I have to write down every appointment, every task, write down whenever I eat for fucksake, because “I” might not be here in 20 minutes and whoever comes next cannot remember what I’ve done. We’ve tried.
It’s near impossible to maintain relationships because, even though most people don’t know what is wrong with me, they can tell something’s off. Even if I do make friends, everyone in my system has such messed up attachment styles that I sometimes wonder how we have anyone.
Those who get it don’t even truly get it. I have been in and out of therapy for over 12 years, and I’ve spent most of that time learning with the professionals. This disorder has effective treatment, yet so few know anything about that, or about the disorder in general. It’s horrifying.
I adore “the people in my head”, they’ve done so much for me, for us, but it wasn’t supposed to be this way. We were supposed to be one. I was supposed to be just I.
As much as I don’t have time to think about it— I have a life to live, I have to keep going— it’s still there. Always an active part of me, voices and thoughts that aren’t my own commenting on every little thing I do. Because, even though I wish it weren’t the case, anything I do affects them, too.
I have never lived my life for myself and I never will. It’s beautiful, in a way. It just was meant to be different.
I was meant to be different.
#x nathan#we’re back in trauma therapy after a break and it’s hard#it’s been so many years#and ik it can’t be true but it feels like we’ve made no progress#like we start over every time we go back#(that could be the permanence issues though)#idk i’m in my feels this morning for some reason#i didn’t even get a childhood i just get vague memories of it#that’s…. fucked up honestly#the part of us that is me never got to grow up#i long for a mother i’ve never met#for siblings i’ve never seen before#because ‘i’ wasn’t here when they were#i hate this#i’m not saying i’d get rid of my sysmates if i could#i’m not#i guess i just wish there was never a system to begin with#i wish we were….. treated right growing up idk#we were so little and we got no choice in this#we’ve tried so hard not to be and it just doesn’t work that way#i know there’s no changing it#but damn dude sometimes that fact makes me tear up#i could’ve just been nate#instead i’m ‘nate part of [legal name]’#anyway sorry i just had to get it off my chest i think#did system#actually did#dissociative identity disorder#flux vents#flux shares
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when you do something weird standing up and now your hip hurts (you can't twist it or put weight on it without it hurting) but it's also 2 AM and you've been told by so many people to 'walk it off' for other injuries that you're not completely sure if you should be concerned or not:
#like if i sleep on it will i feel better in the morning#or am i going to die in two hours#it's probably not good that i've walked off at least two sprained ankles and a sprained knee#my body just hurts all the damn time#got them tmj and the lower body of an old man#i don't want to go to the google for this because#yknow#idk it feels kind of like the good pain of stretching but in a much more painful way#it had good pain vibes in a very bad pain way#i can't put weight on my right leg#help#injuries#i'm not a doctor HELP
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Ryū Shimizu and Karasu (the dragon and the raven)
“Come on Shimi, I told ya there’d be less people roamin’ at night. Look, you can see the stars from the beach!”
“In all these centuries…only you have made me turn my gaze to the skies.”
Something something gay ass dragon
Applaud me for finally making a character with both a family name and a given name
#grrrr there’s so many subtleties in their relationship I want to talk about#but also I am so damn tired#btw the nickname Shimi is so funny to me because it’s the word for a freckle or a blemish#something not normally seen as endearing but Karasu’s always been a bit of an oddity#Shimizu finds him very endearing#also there’s so many lore things I’ve been thinking about just for their storyline#feel free to spam my inbox with asks about them#I’ll answer them in the morning while I avoid doing my coursework#lemon arts#random fox becomes a superhero (not clickbait)#repost because the old one got marked as mature for no reason grrr tumblr
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