#damiangst woo

[sy-on-boy]

I just saw your post about how Damian is second place in everything and wow, that's a great finding! In the terms of brains, Demetrius is better. Even when he got his first stella, he's the second best in their grade. Then I saw the post about author who may or may not make an episode where he fall into the darkness. Why does it seem like he got nothing but angst tropes 😭

Yeah I saw the whole "darkness" thing too... it's so sad AAAA

And I think Damian got 11th overall in his grade during midterms? (Or something like that.) He literally BARELY misses out on top 10. I swear it's intentional. It's so painful that he literally gets second in history and that's how he gets his first Stellar. It's been established that he's good at history, even Anya knows, he got 94/100, but he's STILL the second best.

Damian being the second best has always been emphasized. It's literally how Loid views him, how Anya calls him, "Plan B", Loid noting Demetrius' grades were particularly excellent (compared to Damian), Ewen and Emile screaming they're the heirs to their family while "drowning" in that field trip (Damian is not the Desmond heir). Endo is amazing with details and he’s telling us again and again that Damian is the substitute. He’s never the priority. He might be Anya’s priority for Plan B, but that’s literally it, and Anya’s motivations for befriending him are impure. 

I guess that's also why Ewen and Emile are such precious friends to Damian. Damian's the leader of their pack, he stands in the middle, and for the first time in his life, he's not the "second best". He IS the best in their trio. Down to the field trip when Ewen and Emile, the heirs, start crying and asking Damian to live on for them and carry out their dreams. They want to pass on their dreams of being the heir to someone who actually won't become the heir because Damian is THAT important to them. And you can tell Damian does treasure his friends a lot. When he writes that short field report, he initially begins with "I", then crosses it out and writes "We saw a lot and did a bunch of stuff".

I think deep down, all Damian wants is attention and validation. He stupidly assumes Anya has a crush on him because he caught her staring at him, and he gets all flustered when she follows him. When Ewen and Emile go "uhh boss, maybe she's following you because...", Damian immediately assumes they think she has a crush on him, but what they really want to say is that Anya is only following him to get close to his dad (again, Damian is just a means to something else, he's never the priority).

... Wait, now I’m thinking about the handkerchief arc in Ch 61. Anya has helped Damian plenty of times, but it’s never really at her own cost? She defended him against George, encouraged him to talk to his father, “helped” him with the paper griffin, but Anya doesn’t lose much. On the other hand, Damian does sacrifice himself for Anya, most famously the dodgeball arc and when he purposefully picked the wrong card so he would lose out the macaron. (When it comes to it, even Damian himself is his own second priority compared to Anya. Geez.) But for the handkerchief, Anya literally gets a bolt to save Damian. When Damian realizes this, he tries to fix it because he is a Good Boy. Note that Damian was hesitant to push others (eg. Ewen) under the bus but ultimately decided he NEEDED to for his father. He would’ve taken Ewen’s handkerchief but it was too late. So in the end, Damian was begrudgingly willing to sacrifice one of his closest friends (but not Anya, apparently) to avoid a bolt. Except when realizing he took Anya’s only handkerchief, he was about to sacrifice HIMSELF so Anya would be safe. Because all in all, it is HIS fault that he didn’t bring a handkerchief. 

But Anya surprises him when she stops him from telling the truth. We know this is because Anya heard that they would each get 3 bolts for tricking the teacher, which is worse than either her or Damian getting a single bolt, so Anya made her decision logically. But from Damian’s POV, Anya sacrificed herself for him for No Particular Reason and even got a bolt (when she already has one). And I think that must had left quite the impact on him because like Ewen and Emile, Anya “sacrificed” herself for him. Damian was Anya’s priority even if it cost her. 

... Anyways, feeling bad for the Second Son Damian. At least he has a whole panel to himself in the ending, lmao.

This got super long, but I do like some angsty Damian analysis. Thanks for the ask <3