#daisuke’s always been agonized by the way he couldn’t be with Risa but she never wants to let go

[dnangelic]

lain said it before when they called it a stereotypical shoujo confession/love pose but the sum ends up being ‘I don’t want you as you are’ given the context, (context being Risa, daisuke’s first crush had flat out, continuously rejected him yet fell in love with dark, who is by all means still him) and between the shock in daisuke’s expression and the way dream!risa still pushes herself onto him, then the fact he’s technically trying to hold onto/accept her but is actually staring at his own hand trying to figure out why he transformed??? how do you get something so horrific (affectionate) out of a shoujo and a fucked up trope you’ve twisted from a lovey-dovey rabbit into the shape of a monstrous hare. not even counting the dialogue surrounding this encounter (dream!Risa referring to daisuke in this moment completely as dark; asking him why he can’t just get rid of daisuke because he’s useless and unneeded so that he could just be ‘her’ dark,) because that’s just as brutal and gut wrenching for daisuke to hear

what is it about that baku arc dream risa panel that’s just so horrific

[mint1412]

D・N・Angel - Balance(Fanfic)

My take on a possible direction the DNANGEL finale might go.

Daisuke has to choose between breaking his promise to Freedert and breaking his promise to Satoshi. AKA Daisuke’s promise with Freedert + Satoshi’s family curse of dying early = ?

Story underneath read more

A03 and FFN link added to the reply section since it doesn’t show up in the tag with them linked. :(

“Please..don’t choose death to protect your love. To protect your love....no matter what...you must live.” - Freedert

As he watched Satoshi’s nearly lifeless body fall to the floor amidst the pained and confused screams of the Black Wings, Daisuke couldn’t believe how quickly everything had gone wrong.

It had all started with dreams of the first Niwa and Hikari. Daisuke had dreams of them here and there for years, but had never really put much thought into the dreams. Until, that is, he saw Hiwatari Kei. At first, he hadn’t realized the significance Hiwatari senior’s appearance, and had attributed his appearance to an identical ancestor-just as both Satoshi and Daisuke’s were identical to the Hikari and Niwa within Daisuke’s dreams. However, Dark, being a part of Daisuke and therefore privy to his dreams from time to time, began to recall seeing someone identical to Hiwatari senior enough times to be suspicious during his time with Daisuke’s family. Each and every generation of Hiwatari had been identical down to the smallest mole. Seeds of suspicion were planted.

But before Daisuke and and a protesting Dark were able to confront Satoshi about it(or, to be accurate, before Daisuke was able to gather his courage to ignore his family’s protests and confront Satoshi about it), they’d felt a massive surge of power as the last of the Black Wing’s seals finally broke.

As it, for once, hadn’t been a school day (thank the kami for small miracles), Daisuke and Dark were able to contact the rest of the Niwas to make a plan, and, that night, headed to where they could feel the presence of the Black Wings to make their daring theft. As it always was with Satoshi absent, getting through the police and to the target was embarrassingly easy.

Once they arrived though....things went downhill fast.

In a series of events too fast for Daisuke to follow, Dark and Krad had both been absorbed into a now berserk Black Wing, and Satoshi was a forced participant of a ritual that rid Hiwatari Kei of his apparent age. This seeming immortality of Hiwatari Kei, the shortened lifespan of the Hikari line, the constant background appearance of Hiwatari senior look-alikes during Dark’s life near the Hikari descendants painted a clear picture. For hundreds of years Hiwatari Kei had used the abilities and life of the Hikari line to essentially make himself immortal.*

As the ritual finished, Hiwatari stood triumphant. Behind him, both personalities of the Black Wings seemed to agree on something, as the furious Black Wings(Dark? Krad? Or... Daisuke wondered, looking at one white and one black wing both? ) viciously attacked Hiwatari senior, lobbing him high ober Daisuke’s head. From behind, Daisuke heard the sound of bones crunching as he smashed into the wall. Daisuke shuddered when he heard the thud of Hiwatari’s body hitting the floor, and knew there was no way the man had survived. But the Black Wings was furious, and white wings(Krad?) flapped overhead as they flew to where Hiwatari Kei lay dead on the floor.

At the sight of Hiwatari senior’s blood splattering the floor, the Black Wings again went berserk, clutching their head in their hands and screaming with the pain as it tried to reconcile the halves that had been separate for far too long. With one threat eliminated Krad fought to eliminate Daisuke, the problematic Niwa, and Dark fought to protect his tamer. Their hair, wing, and eye color rapidly flipped back between their light and dark colors as they each fought for control, the constant switching as they yanked control from the other leaving them temporarily immobile.

But Daisuke didn’t see any of that.

Horrified, he watched as Satoshi swayed dangerously where he stood. With all the speed his aching body could muster, he sprinted towards Satoshi’s falling form. Before he could reach him though, Satoshi, like his “father” before him, landed knees first with a sickening thud on the floor.

“HIWATARI-KUN!!!!!” The shout tore from Daisuke’s throat as he skidded to a stop near Satoshi’s unconscious form. Daisuke knelt on the floor and lifted terrified hands to give Satoshi’s prone shoulders a hard shake.

No response. Icy fear flooded Daisuke’s veins.

“Hiwatari...kun..?”

Daisuke gave him another shake. No response.

Was he...???

Daisuke shakily moved his right hand to look for a pulse on Satoshi’s neck. After a few agonizing moments of fumbling and worrying, he finally found it.

Badum.

Badum.

A small relieved sight slipped through Daisuke’s chapped lips.

Satoshi was alive. His pulse was weak, but it was still there.

Gently he shifted Satoshi’s too light and too cold body to rest Satoshi’s head in his lap. He left his shaky right hand on Satoshi’s pulse as he leant down further over Satoshi to listen for breath.

Daisuke shook as he tried to come up with a plan. He didn’t know what to do- usually when something went wrong Satoshi or Dark would be there to fix it. But this time Satoshi and Dark were the ones that needed help, and Daisuke had nothing. He wasn’t smart like Satoshi and he wasn’t helpful like Dark.

Like always, Daisuke was completely and utterly powerless. Terrified tears filled his eyes as memories accosted him.

“My family is short lived. My mother died young and I probably don’t have long either. ”

“We will do something. No matter what...we’ll do something...!!!”

That’s right. He’d promised Satoshi that they’d do something to save him.

Died young? Daisuke knew of another woman who had died young. A woman who’d selflessly given all her remaining time to a loved one.

Daisuke’s head jerked up as he realized.

“That’s it!” His time! He could save Satoshi! He could-

“Please..don’t choose death to protect your love. To protect your love....no matter what...you must live.”

Those words spoken by Freedert as she mourned her fate burned within Daisuke’s skull as Satoshi’s laboured breath stabbed it like ice picks. The two warred within him, determination burning like fire through his veins, and fear flooding his veins with ice. Daisuke knew from Freedert’s experience that giving your life, your time, for someone else’s life only ended in tragedy. He’d seen that very tragedy with is own two eyes. And yet, when push came to shove, he couldn’t not do anything. With every laboured breath, with every pulse of Satoshi’s veins, Daisuke heard the frantic sound of time running out.

“‘Something’. I think ‘something’ has already happened. I...could have died after a lifetime of hating my ancestor and the Niwa. But...because you’re who you are Daisuke...I stopped being full of hate.”

Satoshi had truly believed it then. That Daisuke had already saved him. That simply treating him like another person was enough. But when Daisuke recalled the look on Satoshi’s face as he said that...the small smile and look of relief....

...Daisuke wanted to Satoshi’s smile again. He wanted to truly save him.

However, as Freedert had shown him, would it do any good to give his time to Satoshi? Daisuke’s mom, Riku, Risa, Saehara, Dark- even Satoshi himself would probably be devastated if something happened to Daisuke. They always worried when he got hurt, and this would be so much worse. Also, Satoshi always seemed to have a low opinion of himself and was resigned to his fate- what would happen if he did what Elliot, Freedert’s lover, had done and tried to give back his restored time? Daisuke would like to think that was an impossibility-Satoshi was the smartest person he knew, after all, but that very tragic possibility had been thrown in his face when Freedert told her story of Ice and Dark.

And yet....what about Daisuke’s own feelings? No matter what Satoshi believed, Daisuke found him worthy. Worthy of being saved, worthy of family, worthy of friends...of love, and of life. He deserved to have a life full of smiles. The loss of Satoshi, the only person who eclipsed even Dark’s understanding of what Daisuke had been through, the only person who ever seemed to completely understand Daisuke was something that was utterly, catastrophically, wrong.

It was wrong and it wasn’t fair. Satoshi’s life had been stolen from him by Krad-who shared his soul-and the one person who was supposed to always protect Satoshi-Satoshi’s own adoptive Father. An adoptive father who’d been stealing the lives of the Hikari family and their artworks for hundreds of years.

It wasn’t fair. Bitter tears filled up Daisuke’s eyes. It wasn’t fair. He’d promised both of them. But he couldn’t keep the two promises. To save Satoshi he’d have to choose death. To keep his promise to Freedert he’d have to let Satoshi die of the ritual.

The Black Wings continued to struggle with itself, switching between Dark and Krad’s personalities, trying desperately to find a balance as it cried out, louder, from somewhere behind Daisuke, who couldn’t find it in himself to leave Satoshi struggling on the floor that had already seen the death of Hiwatari Kei. Satoshi would know what to do to fix the Black Wings- he’d always known how to fix everything. And if Dark were himself he’d save everyone. It was always Daisuke who’d been-who was still- powerless.

Daisuke-angry, sad, and still very, very, careful-stiffly steadied Satoshi’s head and lifted him from off of his lap and up into his chest as he bent himself forward around Satoshi. The feel of Satoshi’s slowing heartbeat and the quieting of his struggling breaths brought the tears Daisuke had been holding back flooding out. The droplets burned over his cheeks, and dripped from his chin onto Satoshi’s fluttering eyelids. The Black Wings cried out again behind him, and soon Daisuke couldn’t see even the icy blue of Satoshi’s hair through his own burning and swollen eyes.

He’d known Satoshi’s death would hit him hard- Satoshi had informed him of the Hikari family’s shortened lifespan months (felt like decades) ago, and even then Daisuke had been crushed. But then he’d had hope-he’d believed they had time to figure it out. Nothing could have prepared him for how truly devastated and unprepared he felt now. Dark gone-perhaps forever-merged with Krad back into the Black Wings. And Satoshi, whom Daisuke had truly and sincerely thought he and Dark would be able to save, was dying in his arms as Daisuke did nothing.

Knowing there was some way to transfer his life to Satoshi’s, knowing there was some way to save Satoshi....but also knowing that he couldn’t. It felt as though the fire and the ice that had been fighting in his veins had split them-split him- in half, and the edges were crumbling into a great abyss.

Freederts words-one of her last gifts to him-felt like a curse at that moment.

The screams of the Black Wings-of Dark, grew even louder behind him, and Daisuke wished Dark would take over, and save them like he always had. He’d saved Riku, and Risa, Towa.....

Towa!!!!!! Daisuke’s heart pounded in his chest as he remembered.She’d been almost completely drained of her energy when Dark saved her, and to the Hikari artworks, their energy was their time. Dark had managed take some of-but not all of-his and Daisuke’s energy and transfer it to Towa. Slowly at first, the pieces of the puzzle came together faster and faster as it revealed the solution in his mind.

It wasn’t quite the same, but maybe that was the solution. Freedert had given all of her remaining life to Elliot. The Second Hand of Time had fused with her to extend Freedert’s life until she could meet Elliot again. Daisuke had connected with them through his paintings, and further prolonged their life. Dark had given energy directly to Towa.

Daisuke’s dulled ruby eyes reignited with new determination, and the tears stopped. Hope chased the ice and the flames from his veins, and sticked his broken halves together. Daisuke could do it!!!!

Daisuke closed his eyes and one by one, moment by fearful moment, blocked out everything distracting him. He blocked out the cries of the Black Wings, the pulse of Satoshi’s veins, the faint sound of his wheezing breath, the feel of Daisuke’s own bruises and aching bones, and focused on recalling what it’d felt like when Dark had given his energy to Towa, and when Daisuke had prolonged Freedert’s life. He recalled the vague feeling of that connection with them-and he pulled on his connection with Dark, who Daisuke had been connected to in a similar way Freedert and her protector, the Second Hand of Time, had been connected.

As the world faded away he searched for those feelings-trying to find the common ground between the feeling of his energy and the life sharing connection with Dark. After what felt like hours but could have been only seconds, he found it. The commonality.

Daisuke gently cradled Satoshi’s face, and pulled on that feeling. As Dark had done with Towa, and as Satoshi himself had in a way attempted to do to save Daisuke multiple times before, Daisuke leaned his face over Satoshi’s, and then desperately, but still oh so gently, placed his lips on Satoshi’s. Daisuke felt Satoshi’s breath caress the inside of his mouth as he breathed into Satoshi, threading his energy and his very life through the desperate kiss of life. Daisuke let his life flow through their shared lips until he felt as though it was enough, and then exhaustedly parted their chapped lips.

Daisuke’s breath was laboured-la lack of breath from the length of the kiss or from anticipation he had no idea- as he searched Satoshi’s face for any signs of recovery. After a few more unbearable moments, Satoshi’s breathing eased and his eyes began to flutter as consciousness returned. Daisuke marveled at their icy brilliance as Satoshi's eyes eventually came to focus on him, and a different kind of tear filled Daisuke’s eyes. Absently, he noticed that the cries of the Dark Wings had ceased.

“Niwa...? Wha...” exhausted, it seemed to take all Satoshi had to get even just those two words out of his mouth.

Daisuke didn’t feel like he was any better off. He found himself unconcerned when his happy tears began to leave tracks on Satoshi’s now relatively rosy cheeks, likely freaking out the other boy. He pulled Satoshi into a hug. Daisuke’s gentle tears began to flow down his cheeks in streams as he transitioned into a full sob as what had happened - what he’d sacrificed and the relief of Satoshi’s unlaboured breath- hit him fully.

“Satoshi.....you’re okay.” The words came out of his mouth raspy and ragged. He felt hesitant hands close around his back as Satoshi shifted and gave himself fully into the hug. Daisuke didn’t know if Satoshi was trying to reassure Daisuke, or himself in doing so, but he appreciated the gesture all the same. After a brief period in which Satoshi kept his head up and faced fully behind Daisuke, Satoshi buried himself into Daisuke’s shoulder, which began to feel wet as Satoshi likely let loose a few quiet and uncharacteristic tears of his own.

The sound of teary but easy breaths and the sound of Satoshi’s strong and steady heartbeat was like music to Daisuke’s ears as the warmth of their huddled bodies began to calm them down and added strength to their veins, eventually bringing both their tears to a stop.

“Daisuke.” * Satoshi, much stronger now, broke the hug apart and grabbed Daisuke by the shoulders, forcing Daisuke to look him directly in the eye.

“What happened?” He questioned.

Daisuke raised up a nervous hand to scratch behind his head. He didn’t really know how to explain to his friend that Daisuke had given up some of his own life to him. Or that his father was dead.

“Umm...” Daisuke dropped his head down to gaze at the ground, unwilling to answer.

“Daisuke.” Satoshi’s voice was firm and demanding. He gave Daisuke’s shoulders a gentle shake.  “I - I’m not supposed to still be ali-here. What did you do?” Despite the harshness of his tone, Daisuke heard a whiff of concern laced in his words.

Ah. Satoshi was worried Daisuke had done something stupid. Again.

Daisuke raised his eyes to meet Satoshi’s.

“I didn’t do anything either of us will regret.” It was the only answer Daisuke was willing to give at the moment. He didn’t think Satoshi would take the whole “gave half my life for yours” bit very well. Satoshi had always thought lowly of himself, and valued the lives of others over himself.

Daisuke had time to work on that now. To show Satoshi that his life wasn’t worth any less than anyone else's, now that he had a life to live.

Daisuke blinked.

“Wait a second...did you just call me Daisuke?” And no honorific?  At their still close proximity, Daisuke noticed a faint pink twinge to Satoshi’s cheeks. Satoshi seemed to have trouble meeting Daisuke’s gaze as he answered.

“Sorry, Niwa. Earlier, I thought....nevermind.”

Daisuke thought about it for a second, then shook his head. “I don’t mind....if you want to call me Daisuke...Satoshi.” Daisuke felt himself turn bright red. This was the first time in a long time he’d given someone permission to call him by his first name-and without honorifics! His girlfriend didn’t even call him by his first name! And not to mention his mom would be absolutely horrified.

Somehow, that thought was comforting.

Daisuke noticed a small smile slip onto Satoshi’s face, before it was hidden behind Satoshi’s emotionless mask. Satoshi studied him for a few seconds, then let out a frustrated sigh, brining a hand up to his temple as if he had a headache.

“I trust you, Daisuke. So long as whatever you did worked without harming you, I’ll let it drop. For now.”

Daisuke’s cheeks stretched into a smile so wide he felt as though his face might split.

“Thank you, Satoshi. I’ll tell you one day.” When you’re ready to hear it. He got a nod in response.

“Oh! Right!” Daisuke jumped up, surprising Satoshi, who fell backwards.

“The Black Wings!!” Daisuke looked around wildly, trying to find them. Currently hyper aware of everything Satoshi did, Daisuke noticed out of the corner of his eye Satoshi stand up and follow suit. Satoshi hesitated as his eyes spotted something behind Daisuke, before he continued searching. Finished with searching in front, Daisuke turned, and he spotted Hiwatari’s lifeless body on the floor. He quickly tore his eyes away, trying to ignore the sight. There was no sign of the Black Wings.

Daisuke frowned, trying to remember what happened to them. He’d watched them stop Hiwatari and then...he’d heard screaming. The screaming had stopped, at some point, but when...?

“Daisuke.” Satoshi’s voice from behind broke his thoughts.  Footsteps echoed from where Satoshi’s voice had come from as Daisuke turned back around. Satoshi was approaching the painting the Black Wings had once been a part of. He quickly caught up to Satoshi, and they both stopped mere feet in front of the paining to stare.

It looked different than the quick glimpse Daisuke had gotten of it earlier- it had looked empty and broken. Now though...it was the most stunning painting Daisuke had ever seen. It looked...complete. Complete and happy.

“Is that...?”

“I think so. It looks like whatever happened...they found their balance.”

It was years before Daisuke felt confident enough in Satoshi’s confidence to tell him what he had shared with Satoshi that day. He was sure Satoshi had figured it out some time along the way, but it was only right he share the tale with him

As he told the story Satoshi sat there, quietly. Daisuke spotted no anger, no sadness on Satoshi’s, just a resigned acceptance. Once he’d finished, instead of yelling, sighing, or closing off like he would have years ago, Satoshi simply smiled and said:

“Thank you, Daisuke. You were the first person to truly make me happy, and you showed me how to live. You gave me half your life, so it’s only right that I share half of mine.”

Many years later, a tale was told in the town of Azumano. A tale of the two who worked together to break a curse, a tale of giving instead of sacrifice, a tale that spoke of such closeness that the two it spoke of died at the exact same time. It is said that the graves of the two exemplify the balance they found between death and life, and left between them a sign for anyone else seeking to save someone.

“Half of my life...and half of yours.”

おわり

The End.

NOTES

*It’s implied in Stage 4 volume 15 that Hiwatari had been around since the time of the Hikari ancestor as we see a cloaked figure who looks like him whispering things to the Hikari. Then we get a shot of his hand, which is all wrinkled. For me, someone who seems immortal + family of people who die early + previous examples were time has been shared between people = immortal has been stealing the time from the family, which grants them an early death.

*So i’d just like to point out that though I generally used the official translation, in the original Japanese and many unofficial translations, Daisuke always calls Satoshi “Hiwatari-kun” and Satoshi calls him “Niwa”(no honorific). The switching from Niwa to Daisuke after Daisuke actually calls Satoshi Satoshi isn’t a mistake. It’s meant to indicate that he noticed Daisuke’s slip up and feels comfortable enough to reciprocate. Though FYI Daisuke totally didn’t actually notice that either of them had switched to first names right then. He’s oblivious like that XD.

Also I’d apologize for making Satoshi cry, as it seems a bit out of character,but, hormones and stuff are powerful things and honestly he was expecting to be dead or wake up in a hospital. Instead he wakes up confused to Daisuke crying all over him and to the sight of the completed Black Wings + his dead father in the background. He’s smart enough to realize that given the relieved but teary look on Daisuke’s face that something saved him (though he’s probably not getting his hopes up on being cured for life), which, honestly, is a huge relief. He’s gonna be a little off...

And you can read into the last bit however you want. Yeah, they didn’t live till like 80 or anything, but it seems like Daisuke’s family is pretty long lived so he would have lived till around 90 or maybe even higher. So they both lived to at least 45. A bit young, but long enough to live a full life and something neither of them regretted because the years were spent together. They died at the same second :)

Honestly this started out as a little joke theory of mine- that the reason Satoshi was never able to give Daisuke the “kiss of life” because Daisuke was meant to give him it, and then I remembered the promise with Freedert and the stuff with Towa and thus, this was born. Do I think it could happen? Yes. Do I want it to happen? Also yes. Do I think it’s for sure going to happen? Honestly....probably not. Likely the promise with Freedert will end up referring to how Daisuke sharing his life with Dark, and it will be one of the things that spark him from giving Dark up.

But, it’s still fun to imagine this possibility! XD. Also I do think they will share a “kiss” between them. But it’ll either be an accident or a drowning incident. I mean it’s happened twice now so third time’s the charm, right? XD

And you know what....1001 Knights did end up with a gay pairing so even if Daisuke never returns Satoshi’s feelings, I’m pretty certain that Satoshi does have romantic feelings for Daisuke. And Satoshi is such a sad but so kind soul that if Daisuke makes him happy then gosh darn it he better get together with Daisuke.