#daisuke having two dads in the ship is something that can be so personal

[twobellsilence]

I haven't seen anyone point this out but only Curly had access to the sweetener supply. So there's really only one way Daisuke could've snuck some packets """in secret"""

[spirirsstuff]

so i made an oc for the silly mint liquid game (mouthwashing) but he’s still kinda a wip (tws for basic mouthwashing stuff like references to sa, suicide, and jimmy)

his name is blake, he’s a trans guy who doesn’t really bring up his gender since he’s been trans long enough and legally changed just about everything. he’s pretty silly and makes bad jokes and puns, but can be serious when need be.

he had always wanted to be a pilot of some sort since he was young. he got his first pilot’s license at 16 and has been striving for a job to use it with ever since. he’s apprenticing under curly and has been for a little while and unlike daisuke was a planned member of the crew from the beginning, but this is his first (and unbeknownst to him, only) time working on an actual ship in flight (he had previously been training with simulations and ones that were still on the ground). but as we all know, things don’t go exactly as planned.

as for relationships, he’s closest with curly and anya. he has a massive amount of respect for curly for being his mentor, and they’re very close. obviously blake has known him for the longest and looks up to him a lot. it hurts him a lot after the crash and he spends a lot of time in medical talking to him, lamenting about what he didn’t get to learn, but not blaming him. blake doesn’t think that curly caused the crash at all. that’s not curly. but as he doesn’t want to point fingers and accuse people that he already has biases against, he chalks it up to an error.

because he spends so much time in medical, he gets to know anya more than he would have otherwise. even though he really got to know her later, from the start he made an effort to establish a friendship. he knows personally that it isn’t always easy being the only woman in a group of guys, especially with unfamiliar guys, and tries to make sure she’s as comfortable as possible. they become pretty good friends throughout their time together.

blake and daisuke both tend to be fairly upbeat and a little goofy at times, so they clicked pretty well. their senses of humor differ (blake loves his puns and dad jokes, i think daisuke is one for almost incomprehensible memes), but they’re friends. blake likes to play board games with him and anya, seeing it as a fun way to pass the time. overall, they’re not the closest, but they’re friends.

swansea isn’t someone who blake talks to that much, but they have a mutual respect for each other. mostly they let the other be, though i feel like they would gush about stuff together if they found something they were both interested in. swansea would probably get fed up with his jokes pretty fast, but it’s not anything bad.

blake never really trusted jimmy right off the bat. curly mentioned him here or there, but it never sounded truly positive. there was always a sort of uneasy tone. he knew from what curly said that jimmy didn’t have the best mental state, but it really got bad after they met in person. i think jimmy saw blake as a rival instead of someone just meaning to learn under curly, and was kind of rude off the bat. blake tried his best to be respectful, but ended up dropping even trying after a while. after the crash, when jimmy declared himself captain, he was especially cold to blake, making it clear that he would be following orders from him from now on. he was an asshole to jimmy since he was so awful to blake, even though he knew it would just provoke jimmy. it’s a miracle they didn’t start any huge fights. if blake were to find out what jimmy did to anya, he would NOT take it well and would probably beat the shit out of jimmy.

still working on a total timeline of how everything would work, but i know right now that blake would die somewhere not long after daisuke’s death. his two friends are dead, and his mentor has been mutilated. he doesn’t want to see what else could happen, even if he were to possibly get home. it would hurt too much. he ends up suffocating himself with mouthwash, pouring it down his throat continuously as his body tries to cough it up. in the end, he’s found dead in a puddle of mouthwash.

i’ll probably make another post at some point when i figure out the timeline a little better, but yeah!!! ask whatever questions you want i am very happy to answer!

[douwatahima]

Turns out I have some more feelings about the manga I finished yesterday. Not naming it so this doesn’t end up in the tags. Please don’t read this, lol. The fourteen year old version of me jumped out.

I think the thing that bugged me most about this last stretch of DN Angel is how much it felt like Yukiru Sugisaki was just...done with the whole thing. Like everything felt very rushed towards a specific, easy conclusion that didn't address a lot of the interesting pieces she had previously laid down.

Like, I remember reading those last few chapters before the eight year long hiatus and HOLY SHIT there was so much! The Dark/Risa relationship all of a sudden becomes an actual threat, not just to Daisuke/Riku, but to Daisuke himself! Satoshi completely lets his guard down around Daisuke, trusting that the person he loves will make this huge sacrifice for him, and when Daisuke refuses he POINTS A GUN TO HIS OWN HEAD. AND THEN WHEN HE GETS CAUGHT HE GOES OFF INTO THE FOREST WITH. THE. GUN!!! AND THEN!!!! RIKU FINDS OUT DAISUKE IS DARK!!!!!!!! IT'S WILD AS FUCK!!!!!!!!

And then we come back and a lot of this is immediately dealt with in a comedic fashion and we just move on. Dark and Daisuke don't talk about that Risa interaction. No one goes after Satoshi. Daisuke comes up with some excuse and Riku is satiated for now.

Then we got the whole dream circus arc. Which was honestly alright. I enjoyed Daisuke coming to terms with the fact that he cannot separate himself from Dark. They are one and the same, for better or worse. And honestly, at first I thought this arc was going to lead us somewhere interesting. Because if Daisuke and Dark now understand that they are a package deal, how do they deal with the whole Riku and Risa thing???? (The answer is they basically don't but I'll get there). I was 100% ready to love this arc and then they did...the thing and I...

Okay, look. Full disclosure, I've been a DN Angel fan since I was like, fourteen. It is linked to me in a way that can only happen when you're obsessed with something at the height of your awkward teen years. And the thing that continues to be my favourite part of the whole story is the relationship between Satoshi and Daisuke. They were my number one ship, not just at fourteen, but...honestly probably through all of my teen years. Like, remember when people used to make jokes on this website about someone asking about your otp and you pull out your binder of reasons? I literally made a Satodai binder. That's not a joke. They were it for me.

And, don't get me wrong, there was never a point where I honestly thought the manga was gonna have Daisuke leave Riku and end up with Satoshi. I dreamed about it, but didn't honestly expect it. BUT I loved the way the manga addressed Satoshi's feelings for Daisuke. This is someone who Satoshi treasures above all others. The person who makes him believe the world can be better. The person he would do ANYTHING for. Like, Satoshi LOVES him.

Which is why it's so frustrating to me that Yukiru Sugisaki decided it would be better for Satoshi to have a two second dream about Risa that changes all of his feelings instantaneously. Like, I'm not here to shit on Satoshi/Risa fans, and I'm happy y'all got your ship. Honestly. But, the two of them have barely spoken before this and then Satoshi has a dream and literally says, "oh I guess my feelings have changed now" like...two volumes before the end! AND THEN THEY DON'T EVEN TALK UNTIL THE VERY END OF THE SERIES. FOR WHAT????

It honestly just read to me as, the mangaka wanted to end the series and Satoshi continuing to be into Daisuke was too emotionally complicated to quickly wrap up so he loves Risa now. And hey, that clears up the whole Dark/Risa thing, right? I'll get to that.

ANYWAY, so then we jump into an elongated story about some past Niwa/Hikari drama which would've been fun if I hadn't been growing more and more confused as I noticed how few chapters were left and we were STILL ON THIS. Like, I love when DN Angel gives us fun new characters to talk about. Hell, the Freedert arc and the Argentine arc are two of my favourites. But, when you only have a limited amount of time...It just felt like this was something Yukiru Sugisaki was maybe sitting on for awhile so she didn't want to skip it, but she also wanted to finish the story as soon as possible so the ending comes IMMEDIATELY after which makes this whole arc feel...weird. Like...we could've spent our last few chapters on the characters we know and love but...instead...

Then we get to the endgame. So, quick poll, do we think the mangaka already had this ending in mind before the anime came out or do we think she decided to do the anime ending because she had no idea how to finish the story. I'm really not sure, but either way it felt soooo anticlimactic given that we've had the anime ending for almost 20 years. Like...what was I waiting around for if you were just gonna do the same thing????? And look, I honestly never finished the anime because I couldn't stand the way they chose to characterize some of my favourite characters (most notably Satoshi and Risa) and I'd read what the ending was and hated it lol. But I digress.

The thing about the ending that gets me most is that it all comes on so fast. Like, you wanna do the anime ending? Okay. Don't love the idea, but okay. BUT it all happens in like... 2-3 chapters. Like, all of a sudden the Black Wings is sucking up power from the artwork and, oh no, here comes Krad ready wreck shop. And then we, randomly at THE END OF THE MANGA find out Satoshi's adopted Dad is actually his real Dad and also he's a piece of artwork which makes Satoshi half a piece of artwork???? Why are you telling us this now???? Then Satoshi and Daisuke seal Dark and Krad into the Black Wings the end. Like...????? That's it?????

OH ALSO I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT THE HARADA TWINS ARE MOVING TO ANOTHER COUNTRY. HONESTLY PROBABLY BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE YUKIRU SUGISAKI FORGOT TOO SINCE THERE'S NO CLOSURE ON THAT?????? (Honestly, I'm laughing because I literally forgot about this fact until just now. AGAIN WHAT WAS THE REASON LMAO!!!)

Okay, so the story's done but where does it leave our favourite characters???

Daisuke and Riku have figured their shit out and are...presumably going to do long distance??? Idk, they never really address whether they're staying together or not as far as I can remember???? Like, this is the relationship I thought we would get the most closure on but ?????????

Risa just gets to be sad for awhile I guess. It's honestly so infuriating to me that we got this awesome moment before the hiatus where Dark asked Risa if she would love him no matter what and she says yes with her WHOLE CHEST and that's enough for Dark to almost, like, take over Daisuke's body permanently. Like, her love for Dark is as real as Riku's love for Daisuke but she's not allowed to have a happy ending like her sister. She gets to see Dark one last time where he kisses her and hopes she'll always be his best girl and then he flies off into the night while she begs him not to leave. Then, she gets to cry in the street, trying to remember him while everyone else is forgetting. Well, at least she has Satoshi, right????

But like, we don't even know if she likes Satoshi that way. There's been...no indication that she does as far as I know. And as he's hugging her, Satoshi is having these thoughts hoping she'll be able to remember Dark because he knows how meaningful he is to her. So their ending is LITERALLY Risa gets to be horribly heartbroken and Satoshi gets to pine for someone else who, at this point, doesn't love him back.

Like, once again not to shit on Satoshi/Risa fans but...is this the ending y'all wanted????? Because as someone who stans them both this just felt horrible. It reads as a feeble attempt to "pair the spares" (since in the story the mangaka wanted to tell, neither of them could be with who they originally loved) but, like, even then this is the saddest way to do that. OH! And once again, if Risa is moving, ARE THEY EVEN GOING TO BE TOGETHER????? Like, what are we supposed to get from this what is the REASON??????

And then there's Dark and Krad being stuck in the Black Wings for eternity. The biggest reason I didn't like this ending in the anime. Like, look. I get that you have to end your manga somehow. BUT if your plan was to reunite Dark and Krad in this way I don't understand why you would write a whole interaction, mere chapters before, having Dark say that that's the LAST thing he wants to do. HE SAYS THAT THEY AREN'T THE SAME ANYMORE AND THAT HE DOESN'T WANT TO RETURN TO HIM. AND THEN HE'S FORCED TO DO JUST THAT. FOR. WHAT?????

Like, Dark isn't a villain. He's one of our main protagonists and has been this whole time. I get that in stories sometimes characters have sad endings. (I've already argued that I think both Satoshi and Risa's endings were bittersweet at best). But to have Dark say mere chapters before it happens that he categorically DOES NOT want to rejoin Krad and then force him to do just that feels like such a needlessly cruel thing to do to this character we're meant to love.

Once again, it just felt so much like Yukiru Sugisaki wanted to end the series as quickly as possible. I get her wanting to come back to it; she's kinda notorious for not finishing things so I get the impulse to just drive through and get at least one story done. But, it felt like so many things were skipped over or changed just because it made getting to the end goal easier and less complicated. Not addressing some of the cool shit she laid down before the hiatus, completely morphing Satoshi's feelings in a dream, writing off Risa's feelings for Dark, telling us all of the Satoshi backstory stuff at the last goddamn minute, giving Dark his worst nightmare as an ending, so many of these things done just to move things along towards a specific end goal as fast as possible.

Honestly, there's a part of me that wishes she hadn't come back and finished it at all. I was happy enough with the ending I had written in my head and would've preferred it to what we ended up getting ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Anyway, to anyone who actually read this (and a part of me hopes no one does lmao) thanks for listening to me ramble. And if you're a Satoshi/Risa fan, uh, sorry I hated on your ship lol. You're cool.

[im-a-lonelyheart]

Second Generation Headcanons

These are my headcanons of how the children from the epilogue would be. I know most folks don´t like the epilogue (For the most part I still don’t know how to feel about it) but I do, however in my head Takari and Koumi are canon (there are people who like the epilogue but don’t like including non explicit canon ships) (I won’t be mentioning them just in case), I really love the design for the kids!!!

Let’s start:

The following fanart is done by the amazing Mishy (who let me use her art for this post) (go check her out x)

Sora and Yamato’s kids: (sorry I suck at naming characters so don’t expect names)

The only ones who were fully planned they waited a while to have kids because:

1. Were busy building successful and time demanding careers.

2. Given their own childhood issues, they both agreed to wait until both were 100% on board and could provide a healthy household for their kids to grow up.

Were scared shitless anyways

Yamato is the cool uncle who is an astronaut, all the kids LOVE him, and he loves all the kids. Always brings every single one of them presents from his travels or science/related ones.

The son:

Tiny baby (the takeru of the group), everyone is so protective of him not only his sister and cousins. His Digimon follows the gabumon line and is really powerful so he doesn’t really need the extra protection (but everyone ignores this)

Inherited the crest of light. He is a ray of sunshine

Ok hear me out. I think the chosen lost/gave up their crest sometime between kizuna and the epilogue and while their kids got the same baby Digimon as their parents, the crest were redistributed according to their own personality traits.

That scared his parents, because they saw how it burdened Hikari. Even if the darkness was placated years ago (whatever was after Hikari is gone), it couldn’t be truly destroyed. Still, this crest carries a lot of power and responsibility.

 Hikari came over and took him to the park and over ice cream explained the crest to him and reassured them all that they have nothing to be worried about and they could contact her anytime in case something happens.

The daughter:

Bearer of the crests of Love and Friendship.

Scarily similar to both of her parents.

Loves to play and participate in group activities, but also enjoys being alone sometimes.

Really into art, she is never seen without her sketch book and a pen. All the paintings in her house are painted by her. And her mother also incorporates some of them into her designs or uses them as inspiration.

100% Daddy’s girl. She looks up to Yamato so much, even dresses a little like him and keeps her hair short for a while (she loves it when they tell her she looks like him).

Loves to hang out with Taichi’s son. They are in the same school.

Had an emo phase.

Miyako and Ken’s children:

The babies having babies. I am emo.

They both work a lot, but miyako does it from home (she works with Koushiro, fight me). They still take them to the park a lot and go on family trips all the time.

THE DAUGHTER:

Little shit.

Actual genius. Always doing experiments, don’t be surprised if you see the dog with a phone taped to his collar, she is probably trying something. Loves computers but science is her thing. After all these years they let her be as long as 1. She is home, 2. Doesn’t involve the digimons, 3. Doesn’t involve fire.

One time Yamato gave her a chemistry set. They had to move out to another building. After that, Ken asked him to bring her moon rocks from now on. She also loved the rocks

Loves to roast everyone in the family (mostly Miyako). Ken has to remind her not to be so rude to her mom. She adores her parents, but this brings her joy.

Crest of purity. Mimi is proud of her

Don’t be fooled, she is the goggle kid of this gen.

The son

Actual cinnamon roll, too pure for this world.

Calm personality. It contrasts a little from his sister’s. But if she is up to something, he is the only one 100% aware of it and would follow her to the end of the world.

Miyako thought she was coercing him, but no, he loves his older sister’s ideas and plans.

Crest of Love.  He is really in tune with other people’s feelings, it concerns his parents because he can be overly empathetic sometimes and it affects him. He is really open and wears his heart on his sleeve.

He tells everything to his mom, and if something goes wrong, he’s the first one to contact the adults.

Iori’s daughter

Iori was the youngest to have a kid, he knew it, but he really wanted his grandfather to meet his kid and see him happy and married before he died.

He isn’t sappy or overly romantic, but he believes in love at first sight, meet his wife on his first day in college and didn’t look back.

Lives in the same building as takeru. They drink tea together in the afternoons like old british ladies

The kid

Looks like a cinnamon roll but is Little shit 2. Best friends with little shit 1 and Takeru’s son.

Again, Ken has to make sure they aren’t overly mean to Miyako and Iori.

Crests of knowledge. Wants to know everything about the digimons and the digital world.

Has Iori wrapped around her finger since day one, but he is the first one to call her out her BS.

Isn’t into kendo but likes to try different extracurricular activities (still hasn’t found what she likes yet), but Iori is her #1 fan everytime.

Jyou’s son

Jyou moved around the country for a while, so his kid didn’t grow up as close to the others. He still made sure they all hung out together whenever he was in town.

“I have to make sure you don’t miss me” 

“oh, it isn’t like you were around much when we were young” 

“MIMI-KUN!”

The kid

Gomamon’s biggest fan. He and his own Bukamon were his only friends for a while, he can’t wait for bukamon to digivolve so he can be with TWO gomamons.

When they moved back, He got close to Takeru’s kid. Doesn’t get what the fuss about his father is about.

He knows a lot about digimons but is more into engineering. Doesn’t like blood.

Inherited his father’s lack of chill. Has a little crush on iori’s daughter (hasn’t figured out how to act around her, yet).

Crest of purity/reliability.

Takeru’s son

He is with Hikari and their kids are siblings. Please let me have this.

Takeru really loves his nephew and niece. He totally would spoil them rotten.

Designated Babysitter. Since he is a freelancer, you can say he has a lot of free time (not to his face tho), he likes to take the kids to amusement parks, go for ice cream, etc.…

After his lonely childhood he is loving having such a big family now. I CrY.

The kid.

Grew up listening to his father’s stories every night.

One thing he learned about them was the importance of being prepared all the time and think before he acts. He is thoughtful, so he really related to Jyou.

Not only that, Jyou is his hero. Takeru was really amused at first when his son would ask him questions about him after his bedtime stories. He is fond of his son admiration for his friend, who also saved him when he was younger, and knows that Jyou being away contributed to this.

Carries a backpack with him all the time. You want water? He got it. You need tissues? He has some. Some kid at school is being mean to you? He would show up to walk you home. (doesn’t like violence)

Crests of reliability. The kid was ecstatic.

At first, he got close to Jyou’s son so he could talk about his dad but ended up really liking the kid. (he likes to be friends with everyone)

Best friends with Iori’s daughter. And hella overprotective of his cousins.

Hikari’s son:

Please

Designated babysitter 2. She is really good with kids, tho she also helps organize plans for only the adults.

Tailmon disappeared one day when she was heavily pregnant, she looked for her the whole day and finally found her in her mother’s house. Tailmon told her she was worried that when she had the baby, she wouldn’t like having her around anymore.

Hikari reassured her that she would love them all equally and she will need her now more than ever. They cried and made up, then her water broke.

Taichi totally cried nonstop the day she gave birth. She still teases him about it.

The kid:

Healthy as a horse, athletic and tall. Total opposite from his mother except for his looks. It amuses Taichi to no end.

Behind the scenes leader. He loves to bring out the best in everyone and always makes sure they are all fine. He specially loves to hang out with Miyako’s kids, Daisuke’s son and Takeru’s son his sibling (they have to deal with the shenanigans of LS1 and LS2, god bless them).

Crest of Fate. Hikari always suspected that like her, he wouldn’t get a normal crest, still cautious as to what exactly this one means.

Hates being alone, isn’t used to it. Tailmon slept in his crib with him when he was a baby. He is always with his plotmon and has got in trouble several times for bringing her to school. He hasn’t told anyone but his Nyaromon digivolved because he ran to the street without looking and was almost hit by a car. Plotmon saved him.

Loves having sleepovers at his uncle’s house, despite their age difference he really loves to play with his cousin.

Taichi’s son

Always said he’d rather be a cool uncle than being a father. But the more he thought about it the more he wanted it. He realized he was the only one without a kid, but his travels still made him hesitate.

Still goes over to Yamato and Sora’s house all the time. One time when Sora was pregnant Yamato arrived from work and found Sora sitting in the sofa and Taichi cutting fruit in the kitchen.

Yamato and Taichi sat down, Taichi handed Sora a bowl of fruit and whipped cream and started eating it with her.

“thanks”

“You didn’t bring me a fork?”

“oh, I am sorry, was the baby growing inside you pushing your organs too?” Taichi and Sora laugh.

“no. but then why are you eating?”

“I cut the fruit”

“well, I bought the fruit!”

“GUYS”

“Sorry… but seriously what’s the matter with you lately?”

“I don’t know what are you talking about… hey Sora how did I do it?”

“the fruit? Fine I guess… why?” both Sora and Yamato stared at Taichi waiting for him to spill.

“OHjustfine?ok,bythewayiamhavingababytoo”

One time he got emotional after seeing his little sister’s son taking care of his son.

ANYWAYS, THE KID

CREST OF FRIENDSHIP *not pictured: everyone laughing about it for years.

Baby but doesn’t like being treated as one. Super independent, dresses himself since he is two. Loves to challenge himself.

Instant best friends with everyone he meets. Loves to hangout with the Ishidas. They are his best friends, also his cousin, also is everyone else. Doesn’t mind being around adults as well, often called matured for his age. This amuses Hikari.

Apart from his parents, Hikari is his favorite person in the world. Right now, he wants to be a teacher like her. (Last week he wanted to be a Chef like Mimi)

He and the third Ichijouji kid will probably lead the next gen.

Daisuke’s son

Daisuke travelled a lot, meet a lot of people and ironically, he married one of his neighbors. He went one time to visit his parents and ran into the girl who lived upstairs, whom he knew since he was a kid, but holy shit. He visited his parents everyday for a month until she asked him out.

When she got pregnant, he asked Taichi for his goggles.

The kid:

Prankster. Did you expect anything else? (his chibimon has a really deep voice and he loves to use him to prank people)

Don’t leave him alone with the Ichijouji girl if you value your home or your life.

Crest of Courage. Loves a good adventure, well for him everything is an adventure: from running errands with his aunt to going with his father to one of his restaurants around the world.

He is a handful; however, he has a big heart and is such a happy kid.

Admires the older chosen a lot and it’s always asking them questions about their adventures. Dreams of being an explorer or changing the world. Yamato patiently answers all his questions about space since his own kids don’t seem to be interested.

Mimi’s son:

She totally married koushiro, bear with me on this.

She has a multifaceted career, although not in what you would expect (she wasn’t interested in acting or singing professionally). She ran a lot of business, selling them when she lost interest. Is not afraid of taking risks. This meant she travelled a lot.

Eventually got tired (yes, I know. Mimi, tired? Yes) and came back to Japan. At first, she was promoting her new cooking book in a tv show but she got offered her own show and has been living her best life ever since.

The kid:

He is quiet, introvert but observant.

Ironically, he speaks 4 languages (Japanese, English, French, and Spanish), he is learning german now. He loves reading so that’s why he likes languages a lot.

He bonds with the other kids over the digimons and card games, ends up going to school with most of them and they eventually bring him out of his shell. He and Jyou’s son are kindred spirits.

Calm kid, but if you mess with him or one of his friends… you will see him angry. He is honest and loyal to his friends.

(you know how each baby Digimon has multiple evolution lines? I read in the Digimon wiki that one of Palmon’s ultimate forms is a cherrymon. Imagine Taichi saying something like: “Well kid, one advice: never tell someone to kill their friends” and the kid being like: “…ok?”, whereas Mimi and Yamato glare at him “I’ll fucking end you Taichi”)

Crest of knowledge/courage, of course.

Last but no least: 

Koushiro’s Daughter.

By this point You know what’s up

Koushiro first thought when she was handed to him for the first time was: “wow, she looks like me.” What really got to him (even though it shouldn’t) was how he had someone related to him by blood.

He adores her and is really proud of every little thing she does. Remember the “do it for her” scene from the Simpsons? He totally has one like that in his office.

Tentomon didn’t tell anyone that he spent a whole day watching Youtube hair styling tutorials. No, none. He didn’t tell Palmon and Gomamon who told everyone else, no.

The kid:

Actual ray of sunshine. (i know i seem to say this about every kid, but listen they are my kids too)

She is the nicest kid you’ll ever meet. Koushiro says he’s never had to deal with a temper tantrum.

Crest of Kindness. Loves animals, got her dad to donate money to the oceans and animal shelters.

Sora gave her stickers with cute animals and smiley faces for her birthday and now if she sees someone sad, she gives them a sticker. “Dad, you look sad today. Here!” she puts a smiley face on his forehead, he smiles and hugs her. He didn’t take it off and “accidentally” went on a meeting like that. Miyako took pictures and sent them to the group chat.

Closest to Ken’s son and Mimi’s son her brother. Also loves to hangout with Taichi’s son, and Yamato’s kids.

Loves music, actual prodigy. Plays the piano and the violin (she plays violin most of the time). Wants to compose a song for each Digimon. Invites everyone to her concerts.

Ok, this was long. I didn’t talk about the baby, but i think he would be Hope (since he is the last one) (wrote this in an hour and english is not my first language, so yeah. Sorry)

I think these people love each other so much, they might’ve drifted apart in their youth, but with the years they all got close again. Since most of the kids don’t have siblings, they set up playdates, so they don’t feel lonely. They don’t regret the events that brought them together, they knew they had to let their kids experience it when the time came.

[mcnyhearts]

✩ for Daisuke and Mafuyu :3c

SHIP THING FOR @kokoro-ippai

Disagreements:

Who is more likely to raise their voice? I don’t see either of them as big time yellers. They don’t want to bring that sort of negativity into their relationship. If one of them were, they would more than likely apologize right away. Who threatens to leave but never actually does? Neither. The thought of leaving is too sickening to even consider and neither of them would ever want that. Who actually keeps their word and leaves? Once again, neither. Who trashes the house? I could see Mafuyu trashing the house once or twice in more frustation. He has such trouble expressing himself that is he was sad or upset about something he may throw some stuff around. It would more than likely be when Daisuke isn’t around and Mafuyu would feel total shame afterward. Do either of them get physical? NEITHER! They were both abused by their father’s and know that pain. They would never lay a hand on each other in that way. How often do they argue/disagree? Not often, it’s rare. They don’t disagree on much and if they were it would be a quick fix. They are to dependent on each other to ever let a disagreement last too long. Who is the first to apologize? I think both would be likely too. But, I will say Mafuyu just because he is so careful about things like that, since he has that death in his past. If he says or does something he thinks upset the other, he will apologize immediately.

Sex:

Who is on top? Daisuke. Who is on the bottom? Mafuyu. ( Though is Daisuke wanted to be bottom once Mafuyu wouldn’t be against trying. ) Who has the strangest desires? Neither. At least, that I know of so far. Any kinks? We haven’t discussed kinks yet but, I will say Mafuyu for sure has some secret kinks. Who’s dominant in bed? Daisuke. ( And Mafuyu loves it. ) Is head ever in the equation? If so, who is better at performing it? Oh yeah, most of the time. I think they are both pretty damn good at it, but Mafuyu is REALLY good at it. Ever had sex in public? I could see them trying it. Who moans the most? They both are good about expressing themselves in bed but Mafuyu takes the cake. Who leaves the most marks? Daisuke!!! No doubt. Mafuyu will leave like one or two marks on his neck while Daisuke will COVER Mafuyu in marks from head to two. Who screams the loudest? Mafuyu for sure. Who is the more experienced of the two? Mafuyu. Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? Make love, no doubt about it. Always. Rough or soft? Both? Like they are soft but sometimes they can be rough. How long do they usually last? Daisuke is a tease so, things go on for some time. Is protection used? Yes. Does it ever get boring? No way, these two are way to in love with each other to ever get bored. Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? Backstage one of Mafuyu’s gigs? Or a bathroom after one of Daisuke’s games?

Family:

Do your muses plan on having children/or have children? They haven’t talked about things like that yet but, I could see them adopting one day. They both had rough childhoods so maybe they both really want to be good father’s one day unlike there own. If so, how many children do your muses want/have? I don’t know how many yet. Mafuyu personally wouldn’t mind two. Who is the favorite parent? Both of them are, depending on what the child is into honestly. Mafuyu is the music parent and Daisuke is the active and sport parent. Who is the authoritative parent? Daisuke more than likely. Mafuyu just likes to sneak them candy and stuff. Who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school? Mafuyu. He’s a big pushover. Who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around? Once again, big pushover Mafuyu. Who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children? Both! They both love things like that and feel they should both be there. Who goes to parent teacher interviews? That’s another both. Though Mafuyu doesn’t love going to them, they make him a tad nervous. He goes anyway though. Who changes the diapers? They take turns. Who gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby? I’m sure they take turns on this too. Who spends the most time with the children? Hard to say. In many ways I really could see Mafuyu as a stay at home dad, so maybe him? I think they both try to be around them as much as possible Who packs their lunch boxes? Both. Who gives their children ‘the talk’? I’m sure it was a team effort. Mafuyu would go in strong and Daisuke would take over because Mafuyu was being to graphic about it. Who cleans up after the kids? Both. Who worries the most? I’m sure they both worry but I could see Daisuke being the big worrier while Mafuyu would always be telling him it’s all going to be fine. Who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from? Mafuyu doesn’t curse a lot so... Daisuke? I think they would both be pretty good about not cursing around the kids though.

Affection:

Who likes to cuddle? They are both such cuddle monsters. Who is the little spoon? Usually Mafuyu, but they often switch through out the night. Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? They both have their moments no doubt. Who struggles to keep their hands to themself? Daisuke! Mafuyu sometimes, but more than likely Mafuyu would start something and Daisuke would take over How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? Until the end of time. Who gives the most kisses? Both. What is their favourite non-sexual activity? Just being near each other. Both of them laying in bed reading or studying. Daisuke sitting near Mafuyu as he practices or writes. Alone time is the best time.  Where is their favourite place to cuddle? In bed, where it all started. Who is more likely to playfully grope the other? Both! How often do they get time to themselves? Every morning when they first wake up and every night! They are both busy boys during the day, but when its all over they come together at night and have all the time.

Sleeping:

Who snores? Neither that I know of. Mafuyu makes a little sound when his allergies are bad but, that’s it. If both do, who snores the loudest? Neither. Do they share a bed or sleep separately? They started out in different beds but, it didn’t last long. If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? Cozy up. If one wakes up and can’t feel the other they get nervous. Both are more at ease when cuddled up together. Who talks in their sleep? I could see them both doing that sometimes. What do they wear to bed? PJ bottoms/ boxers and a tee shirt. Sometimes the tee shirt is taken off during the summer. Are either of your muses insomniacs? They both have issues with nightmares, so sometimes they have nights when sleeping is hard. For the most part though, as long as they are together sleep can be accomplished. Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? Nope. Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? Wrapped limbs for sure. Who wakes up with bed hair? Both of them wake up with crazy hair. Who wakes up first? Daisuke. Mafuyu has a lot of trouble getting up in the morning. Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? That sounds like a very Daisuke thing to do. What is their favourite sleeping position? They have a few. One spooning the other. Facing each other with legs all wrapped up. One sleeping on the other’s chest. Who hogs the sheets? Mafuyu. Do they set an alarm each night? Yes. Can a television be found in their bedroom? No. Only one tv is in the house and that’s the main living area. Who has nightmares? Both. Who has ridiculous dreams? Both. Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? Neither really, they cling to each other so much it’s never a problem. Who makes the bed? Mafuyu, he has a particular way he likes it.  What time is bed time? Whenever they fall asleep, no set time. Any routines/rituals before bed? Just normal things like cleaning up, making sure they are ready for the next day. Oh, and lot’s of kisses. Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? Mafuyu? Though he isn’t really grumpy, just a bit out of it.

Work:

Who is the busiest? Both.  Who rakes in the highest income? I’m gonna be vague with most of these because we haven’t discussed future stuff like this yet. But if Mafuyu keeps going music, I would say him. Are any of your muses unemployed? No, I don’t see that happening. Who takes the most sick days? Mafuyu. He gets sick when stressed pretty easily. Who is more likely to turn up late to work? Mafuyu. Who sucks up to their boss? Neither. What are their jobs? Not sure yet. Who stresses the most? I think they both equally stress? But maybe Daisuke a bit more? Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? I think they like them. Are your muses financially stable? Yes.

Home:

Who does the washing? Mafuyu. Who takes out the trash? Daisuke. Who does the ironing? Daisuke. Mafuyu more than like burned himself once and now Daisuke won’t allow it. Who does the cooking? Both. Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? Neither. Who is messier? Neither. Mafuyu is very particular about mess and where things go so, he wouldn’t let mess happen. Who leaves the toilet roll empty? Daisuke maybe? Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? Once again, neither. Mafuyu wouldn’t allow it. It stressed him out so more than likely Daisuke wouldn’t do it anyway knowing that. Who forgets to flush the toilet? Neither. Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? Daisuke. Who mows the lawn? Daisuke. Who answers the telephone? Both. Daisuke more though. Who does the vacuuming? Both. Who does the groceries? I’m sure that’s something they like to do together. Who takes the longest to shower? Daisuke. Who spends the most time in the bathroom? Daisuke.

Miscellaneous:

Do they live in the city or in the country? City.  Do they enjoy their surroundings? They are both pretty comfortable. What’s their song? They don’t have one yet and we need to change that soon! What do they do when they’re away from each other? Mafuyu gets pouty more than likely. Daisuke sighs a lot. Where did they first meet? They went to the same high school. How did they first meet? They had classes together and just connected. Who spends the most money when out shopping? They are both pretty careful about money since neither of them are super well off. Who finds it amusing when the other trips over? If the other was alright, I think either of them would find it a little funny. More than likely the first thought would be worry though. Any mental issues? I’m sure they both have PTSD. Mafuyu also has minor OCD that stems from being on the spectrum. Who kills the spiders around the house? Daisuke Their favourite place? Anywhere that the other it. Do they have any fears for their future? Sure, over things like college, jobs, ad things like that. When it comes to each other I think they are pretty confident they found there person. Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? That seems like such a Daisuke thing to do. Who uses up all of the hot water? Daisuke and his long showers!  Who’s the tallest? Daisuke! Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? Both would do it but Daisuke more. Who wanders around in their underwear? Mafuyu! Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? Mafuyu! What do they tease each other about? Cheesy stuff about being cute like sickening in love couples do. Who crushed first? I think technically Daisuke but, Mafuyu wasn’t far behind. Any alcohol or substance related problems? No. Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? Maybe Mafuyu later in life because gigs at the bar and such. Who swears the most? Daisuke.

[higuchimon]

[fanfic] Secrets of Ears:  Chapter 3

Ken tugged his hair back down over his ears, quickly arranging it so the tips couldn’t be seen. He ducked his head down and tried to get his thoughts sorted out. He wasn’t even sure what he wanted them to be – nothing like this had ever happened to him before.

I have a brother. Again. He couldn’t say he was all that fond of the reason why. He’d never met Piemon and everything he heard told him that he didn’t want to. But he knew Yamato was a good person and from what he’d heard from Takeru, a good brother, if kind of overprotective at some times.

He swallowed and glanced up again towards Yamato. “Hi,” he muttered. He truly wasn’t certain of how to react to any of this. A tiny part of him had always felt as if the Digital World were far more his home than the human world. He’d attributed it to the lingering legacy of the Kaiser and did his best not to pay attention to it. He wanted to stay with his parents – the parents that he knew and loved.

“We can talk later,” Yamato assured him. Ken managed a quick nod. He didn’t know what he wanted to say but he knew that he wanted to talk.

Koushiro coughed politely. “Now. Daisuke-san. You’re a very special case.”

Ken could have told him that. He'd always known there was something different about Daisuke, from the first moment he’d laid eyes on him. He’d not thought about what it was, only that it attracted him in multiple ways.

Daisuke tilted his head, curiosity evident in every breath he took. “What do you mean?”

“Have you ever noticed anything unusual about yourself?” Koushiro asked, bright black eyes resting on him. Daisuke tilted his head backwards now, face scrunched up.

“Well, not really.”

Koushiro nodded. “Exactly. You don’t have any physical tells. You blend in. But you are very clearly a Digimon.” He turned his laptop around to display a Digimon Analyzer screen. Everyone leaned a bit closer to read it, even Ken.

Actual name unknown. Level: Perfect. Ancestry: unknown. Status: Created Digimon.

Daisuke blinked, shaking his head. “Created?” That didn’t make any more sense to Ken than it did to Daisuke, or any of the others.

“I don’t have the full information on your nature as of yet. I’m hoping as you develop more, we can learn together,” Koushiro told him, a tiny smile on his lips. “But what I have managed to learn from the Analyzer and the scans is that some unknown force or being brought you into existence. You were crafted – for hat purpose we don’t know.”

Daisuke slowly blinked even more as the information sank in. Ken bit his lip. He’d never been so glad that he learned this now and not in his younger days. He knew exactly what he would have done with that knowledge. It wouldn’t have been pretty, at all.

Koushiro continued. “It is possible that Gennai knows more about this. I’ve been trying to get in touch with him but he hasn’t answered me as of yet.”

Daisuke finally shook his head. “Someone made me? I mean, like, put a bunch of stuff in a bowl, threw it in the blender, and hit a button and out came me?”

“Something to that effect,” Jou agreed. “But I think with perhaps more detail.”

“More like someone wrote a computer program, similar to an egg-hatched Digimon, and shaped it into the form of a human, so you look the most human of us all, but you are a Perfect level Digimon with the capability of evolving to an Ultimate. Exactly what your powers will be I don’t know yet. We’ll only know what you can do after you all begin to develop them,” Koushiro added. He glanced at Ken. “With you as the exception. Because you and Yamato are half-brothers, you will probably share certain powers and abilities. Which ones we can’t know yet.”

Ken nodded. Honestly, all of this left him rather numb. It didn’t feel real – or perhaps it would be more right to say that it felt too real. As if he’d known all along and only now heard it put into actual words. He hadn’t made any real progress on trying to figure out what he wanted to think about any of this.

I’m half-Digimon. My – sire – was an evil Digimon who tried to take over the Digital World.

Somewhere in the very back of his mind he wondered if Piemon would have been proud of his efforts as the Kaiser. His stomach churned and he closed his eyes, tightening his fists. His fingers crushed into his palms and he forced every thought he had to center on Daisuke instead of his own problems.

“Is there anything that I can do to help?” Ken wanted to know. He didn’t have the same talents that he once had but he had a lot of experience and he knew a lot about Daisuke. Whatever he could do to uncover answers, he would do. Daisuke deserved to know about himself as much as they all did.

“We can use every hand we can get on this, actually,” Koushiro told him, warming Ken’s heart with a quick smile. It wasn’t nearly as bright or warm as one of Daisuke’s, but that wasn’t a surprise. There were very few smiles that could reach the same level of warmth and pleasure that Daisuke did with just a quirk of his lips.

Daisuke laced his fingers behind his head, rocking back and forth as he thought. “Mom and Dad have pictures of me as a baby,” he said. “I wonder if they know about me.”

“No, they do not.” An unexpected voice spoke. Everyone shifted backwards as Koushiro’s laptop screen glowed a little, and out of it there emerged Gennai. He looked much as he had the first time that Ken had ever seen him – a young man wearing a brown robe, with a hood that he’d just lowered to reveal his face. Takeru had mentioned once that the Gennai that they first knew had been an old man, but he’d never gotten the full story on why Gennai now appeared young

“Gennai!” Koushiro’s eyes lit up at the sight of him. “I wasn’t expecting you!”

“I’m sorry that I didn’t contact you sooner.” Gennai said with an apologetic tilt of his head. “I would have answered your e-mail but other matters held me back.” He didn’t seem inclined to explain what those other matters were as he returned his attention to Daisuke. Ken wondered if he actually looked nervous or if that were his own worries coloring his thoughts.

“You know something about me?” Daisuke asked, eyes open and eager to learn about himself. Gennai nodded, settling down into the chair that Koushiro vacated.

“I was the one who located you when you were still freshly made, and brought you to Earth to grow up, to keep you safe from those who would have attempted to use your unusual nature for their own purposes.” Gennai regarded him quietly before he continued. “You are a special case, more so than any other half-Digimon or born Digimon that I’ve ever encountered Those are few and far between enough. But you – you were created for one purpose. A purpose I suspect that you would not wish to fulfill.”

“What’s that?”

“First, let me explain about who it was that created you.” Gennai turned towards the older Chosen. “I’m certain you all remember Apocalymon.”

Taichi shifted a little. “As if we could ever forget.”

That was something that Ken didn’t think he’d heard about. The others had told them stories over the years about the various enemies they’d fought, but he didn’t remember that name.

Miyako must have felt the same way, since the next words out of her mouth were, “Who is that?”

“A powerful Digimon, created from the remnants of all of those Digimon who failed to achieve proper evolution,” Gennai replied. “For eons his existence was hidden from everyone, and was mostly responsible for the human world and Digimon World having time dilation between the two. But he did more than exist – he desired. He desired not merely the end of all things, but to ensure that no matter what, he would always be able to achieve his goals.”

Ken liked what he heard even less with every word that came from Gennai’s mouth. Daisuke didn’t look as if he were enjoying this either.

“To achieve that end, he observed Digimon and human life. Behind his firewall he could see everything but affect very little. I think in some ways – he was also bored. He had little else to do aside from put together the bits of data had drifted to him. He was able to fuse them, to take them apart, and make them into what he wanted them to be. So bit by bit, he spun together a new vessel for his consciousness. It would only be useful if his body failed him, or were destroyed.”

Gennai regarded the elder Chosen then. None of them looked very happy at this point. Ken wasn’t surprised. He knew very little about what they were talking about, but clearly this wasn’t a battle they enjoyed recounting.

“He was destroyed. But long before that, I had found his location, and I could detect the presence of another being in there. It wasn’t easy to get in there and find a way to retrieve that new being, and I did not at all expect that what I found was the form of a human child – or so it looked to the eye. I could also feel the presence of enormous Digital power. Apocalymon had created a son. The perfect vessel for his essence, to carry on his legacy of destruction when and if he were defeated. The vessel wasn’t ever intended to develop a consciousness or a personality of its own, or to become its own independent person. And yet you did all of that, and so much more.”

Once more he returned to Daisuke. “You are his son, Motomiya Daisuke. You are the son of Apocalymon.”

To Be Continued

Notes: So now they know! At least the basics. Still two more chapters and I hope you didn’t forget Tachibana from the first chapter. I have Plans! See you Friday with chapter 3 !

[ackbang]

personal shit under cut

so  i do this thing. and i do it rather frequently. i never noticed it as a problem until about three or so years ago, because it’s just how it’s “always been”. 

i hesitate to say that i went through trauma when i was a kid. it could have been worse, but i realize it was atypical. my mother passed away when i was in third grade. my dad remarried a year or two after. they divorced a couple of years after that. i was flung through dealing with the emotions that a lot of kids my age didn’t have to deal with. i didn’t fucking know what to do. all i knew, all i wanted to be, was to be strong. and being strong meant you didn’t cry. being strong meant that you just kind of dealt with what you had.

but i wasn’t ok. and it took me a long time to get as close to ‘ok’ as one can ever be, i suppose. and what really helped me was obsession.

i discovered dragon ball z in seventh grade. i fell, quite literally, in love with trunks. like, the type of shit that you cringe at when you look back. and my best friend (abbysucks) was with me through all of this. she humored me for some reason, and i know it’s because we both had our own way of dealing with shit. that she was going through stuff at the time too, and we just worked off  of each other, helped each other through the best way we could figure out how.

she would send me letters addressed from him. we had voices for all the characters, stayed up late with the lights off acting out dates. i had a little trunks figure that came around with me everywhere. i had a fucking space maker dedicated to him, and he lived in my desk at school. i cried to his movie; i cried when he got killed. he was my fucking boyfriend, and nobody could have him. nobody.

i lost that little trunks figure, and abby had gotten me another one, but it wasn’t the same. the spark kind of was lost, and i was going into high school. my infatuation started to wane, but he was still there. i struggled freshman year. i disassociated with a lot of what happened that year. i have very consciously tried to forget that year of my life. i was a person i am ashamed to associate with--that i can’t believe a person like that even ever existed in me.

i clammed up. i stopped answering abby’s phone calls. i stopped seeing people. i don’t even know what i did. i turned sadness into anger. i was an awful fucking person. i tried to turn it around. i hated myself. i cut myself. i chugged down pills. i was pathetic in every god damn sense of the word. i went to school and existed. i got grades. i had a teacher ask me if i was ok. my friend saw my arms in gym class once. i was fine. everything was fine.

sophomore year came around and i literally woke up one day and was like “i’m tired of living like this. people have it so much worse. just fucking deal with it.” and that worked, somehow. i remember things after that. i remember having ups and downs like anybody else, but i hated less. i was happier more. i felt better adjusted. i made more friends.

i got a boyfriend. things were ok. somebody saw me and thought that was good enough. and i was “just good enough” really. he had somebody else he was interested in, but she said no, so i would do. we were together for almost five years. really we were together for three years and the last two were a strain of being too afraid of being without the other. 

as things were going south, i was in my last two years of college. i had been running a role playing message board for several years, and was using it as my senior project. i wanted it to be perfect, i wanted to give as much as i could to my members. i poured hours into it--designing the website and then coding it. when i felt things going in my relationship, i poured more time into it. i did so much during that time, i often miss how much motivation i had for a project like that. it really felt like i was doing something. and i was doing a lot. i was obsessed with working on it, with the friends i made--they were my life.

but i was just covering things again. i took to self harm again--not as serious as it was before (not that it was before either). paper clips against my legs really. he didn’t know. but he told me i should get therapy. that i needed to not be so angry anymore. i felt like i was being told it was all my fault. and i wanted to be better for him; i wanted to be better. i went to one session. i didn’t need to go again. i was going to be fine.

he didn’t care about my senior project--or at least it never felt like it. he sat outside and smoked cigars with his friend while the most important day of my college career was concluding. even his friend did more to help put together the final piece of my exhibit. i was hurt. i was upset. i was livid. we broke up. i think i screamed at him. we went to christmas together a few weeks later. i cried in his grandmother’s bathroom. i started visiting my mom’s grave--something i never did before.

i felt lost.

i met my second boyfriend a couple of months later, because i don’t know how to love myself without somebody else showing me that it’s possible. it was good. he was and still is such an amazing part of my life. he’s close enough to a soulmate as you can get, and i have little to say about our relationship as whole. i like to think it was largely good. we were together for five years. we’ve been living together for almost six.

i’ve always felt like identified as queer. i didn’t really know the details past the idea that i liked girls. like... really liked girls. as in, if i never got a chance to be a with a girl, i know i would die with regret. but this wasn’t a thing that was compatible with either of my relationships. and my first boyfriend came out as transgender, started to make changes in his life, wanted people to call him by a new name. i told him this during that time. he said “well if i make the transition, how does that make it different? i’m still a woman.” and i said it was different. and i hurt him, and i didn’t understand why. and i understand now, because it is amazing how much 10 years of social advancement can change a person’s outlook. i can say it would not make him any less valid, but i know it would probably still not be a proper fit for me. (and i use ‘he’, because he has remained cis as far as i know--we do not really talk anymore)

but again, being queer wasn’t compatible. my second boyfriend and i were monogamous with no potentinal to go poly, and that’s fine. i’m not sure either could handle that. but this was bothering me. a lot. it was affecting our bedroom life. severely. it wasn’t fair to him. and i was miserable. we would plan times to do stuff, and i would make sure to go bed hours after him. i had anxiety going to sleep in the same bed as him. i was a fucking disappointment. i couldn’t be what he needed in the relationship. what i should have been in the relationship.

then i found digimon was released on netflix.

wow, blast from the past. i loved the show as a teenager. shipped the hell out of daiken. oh wow, daiken i still really good. started reading fanfiction again. started drawing again. started writing again. found out one of my friends from my role playing forum loves them too. we became close. role played daiken, drew daiken, wrote daiken. obsessed with daiken.

what if they had to deal with their sexuality? had to worry about coming out? how would they handle it in a situation that could feel so fucking helpless?

you know... like mine.

i knew my relationship had to end, i just didn’t know how. i talked about it initially. “listen, i’m bi.” “oh, i didn’t know it was that serious. i just thought you also liked women.” i don’t understand. i don’t understand how to be bisexual because i want to be with a woman, but i like being with him.

friends tell me they had no idea. tell me that maybe i just don’t know what i want. that there’s not that much of a difference and i’m not missing anything. i have other friends cheering for me. i have no idea what to do.

i write about daisuke going through this. my obsession increases. i haven’t been this depressed since high school. i feel like a shell of person sitting at work. i draw daisuke on scrap paper everywhere because he’s my anchor. he’s going through what i’m going through. we’re on our second daiken role play, and i can’t stop thinking about it. i can’t stop thinking about them. i read more fanfiction--they’re happy there. i can be happy too.

we continue in our relationship for a few more months. our fifth anniversary rolls around. i’m self harming again and he won’t know because we don’t really undress in front of each other anymore. i’m pretty sure i cried that night as we try to be intimate. i just can’t. i feel awful.

we get through his birthday. we make it to march and we have the talk. i steel myself. i try not to cry, because strong people don’t cry. i say how it is. that yeah, this isn’t going to work. and i know inside, i’m was always too much of a coward to start this conversation, even though i had known for years it was going to happen--needed to happen. but it’s harder when you don’t hate the person you’re with, that you still love them on a deep level, but know that a romantic relationship won’t work anymore. eventually seeing him cry makes me cry too, and i think we hug. i’m not sure. we still need to live together. 

the guest room turns into his room.

i write about daisuke and ken breaking up. i write about them moving on. about them being friends, or trying to be friends, after losing the best thing that has probably ever happened to them. the best relationship they could ever have, but had one thing that wedged them apart. i get comments from strangers that it sounds realistic, that they can sympathize, and it means a lot because it’s my life. they are my life.

i meet my girlfriend through daiken. i’m happy. i create less. i don’t need daiken as much anymore. but i’m not healed. i still don’t know who i am. i have less faith in myself, in relationships. i’m just not good at this, i’m not good for her. i’m this broken fucked up person that doesn’t know how to deal with emotions, because i never really learned how to. anger is easier than depression, and i’m so afraid of being mad that i am constantly hiding from her.

but she’s stronger than she appears, and i always forget. but i still tell myself she’s fragile. the dynamic is different than what i’m used to. i don’t know what to do with it. i don’t know how to deal with anything anymore, and i still don’t feel like i’m good enough. there’s other things of course, because there’s always more to a story when it comes to relationships. but something isn’t right with myself.

i watch attack on titan. i go to japan and discover eruri. i’m already struggling with how i feel about where i’m at romantically. i fill the void with fanfiction, info gathering, doujinshi. i want to get my mind off of it. i want to feel invested in something that isn’t my shit fucking existence. remove myself from some charade i’m trying to play, and see it being done “right”. it makes me feel happy, or at least gives me the illusion of it.

but i can’t run from things forever. we break-up, and i feel like i should feel more. but i’ve padded all those feelings down with obsession, that it stings a bit less. that i know on the other side of this conversation will be unrest, but at least i have a way of feeling better. and i’m sorry if you’re reading this, because i did love you, and you were way too good to me when i never deserved it. i could just never be what you deserved.

and that’s where i’m at now. where i can’t stop with this obsession. it’s been so strong for four of five months... and i feel like it’s a decent excuse that “hey, at least i’m creating a lot”. and yes, that’s good, but i’m clamming up again. i don’t know how to talk to people. i feel like i’m in a constant haze. this shit is all i want to talk about, it’s all i want to do, because it makes me feel good.

eruri doesn’t need to hide who they are or what they’re sexuality is. that doesn’t matter to them. i’m past that now. but they’re in a world where romance is dangerous, that they can’t have these feelings at risk of damaging themselves or the other. and that appeals to me now, because i feel like i don’t belong in one anymore. and i want to explore it--write about it--figure that shit out.

but it’s obsession.

and my friends are rolling their eyes at me.

and i’ve never actually felt so ashamed of who i am or how i deal with things.

i don’t know what i’m doing. what i’m trying to cover. i don’t know if i’m depressed, but i guess i don’t feel happy either. but i don’t know when i was really happy, or if it’s a feeling that ever really matters to have. my nihilistic point of view is humorous, but there’s a very serious backing to it. i just don’t fucking see the point, i guess. not that i’m going to empty a bottle down my throat anymore, but i don’t know...

i don’t know know what i’m trying to say, and i wrote a shit load to get here without any actual substance. i guess i just needed to get it out so i feel less bad about myself. i just wish i wasn’t like this sometimes. and i’m usually ok with my interests and stuff, but i feel so isolated...

god whatever. this is whiney and fucking stupid. end

[higuchimon]

[fanfic] Secret of Ears:  Chapter 1

Ken carefully arranged his hair so that it fell over his ears, checking his reflection. The tips still pointed out of his hair, but not enough that anyone would call attention to them. He nodded; just the way that he liked them.

“Why do you hide those, Ken-chan?” Wormmon asked, peering up from where he sat on the back of the toilet.

Ken rested his hands over his ears for a few seconds before he turned to look at his partner. “Haven’t you seen other humans’ ears?”

Wormmon tilted his head, considering. “Well, yes. Yours aren’t like those.”

“I know.” Ken looked back at the reflection before he reached to pick Wormmon up and settle him on his shoulders. “But that’s why I don’t want people to see them.”

His ears were just different. The skin on them was paler than the rest of his body. But that really wasn’t the problem. He wouldn’t have cared if that was the only issue. They were pointed. Far more so than anyone else’s that he’d ever seen. He could keep his hair over the ends most of the time. No one had said anything about them for ages.

Though he did remember – long ago, when he’d been young, before his hair grew out to cover them. He didn’t remember the kid’s name, but one kid he’d played with at a park had – he shuddered just at the memory before he carried Wormmon out of the bathroom and into the living room.

Daisuke lay on the couch in the living room, V-mon next to him, chatting about the latest soccer scores with Ken’s dad. His dad didn’t play soccer, but he’d learned enough about it when Ken had to keep up with Daisuke.

“Ken!” Daisuke jerked up to his feet and grinned the moment Ken entered the room, previous conversation forgotten. “What took you so long?”

Ken just shook his head, ever so carefully. Daisuke knew about his ears but he never said a word about them. He never had, not since Ken started doing his best to be a better person.

“Are you ready?” Ken asked instead of answering. Daisuke wouldn’t press. He never did.

“Sure.” Daisuke waved at Ken’s dad, who waved back at him. “We can finish later?”

“Sure!” Mr. Ichijouji nodded. “You boys have fun and behave yourselves!”

Ken fought back a blush. His parents were well aware that the two of them weren’t only best friends. He thought they were a little sad that they’d never have biological grandchildren but Ken hadn’t ruled out the idea of adopting one day. He hadn’t talked about it with Daisuke or Wormmon, though. They were fifteen. There was so much time ahead of them.

Together the four of them headed out of the building. Daisuke chattered relentlessly the whole way, about at least half a dozen different topics, and Ken knew he was only required to nod and smile at the right points. He did listen, though. He loved hearing Daisuke babble about whatever was on his mind.

Right now it was ramen – which wasn’t a surprise since they were going out to have a ramen lunch. Daisuke insisted that he would have a ramen restaurant of his own one day and he searched for ramen all over the world. Ken didn’t even remember how many times he’d been taken out for ramen anymore. At least it was delicious – and Daisuke’s own cooking got better every time.

“You know, your ears aren’t that strange,” Daisuke said without warning. Ken stumbled over his own feet, catching himself, and staring at Daisuke.

“Where did that come from?” He raised one hand to make sure his hair remained tucked over the tips, while his other made sure Wormmon remained safe. Both those situations settled in his favor, he stared at Daisuke.

“I was just thinking, that’s all.” Daisuke shrugged. “I even know someone who has ears like that. Someone who isn’t you, I mean.”

Ken blinked, mouth working but not actually having nay words come out. He shook his head. No one else had those. He would have noticed – wouldn’t he?

“Yeah. You know him too.”

Ken didn’t have the chance to ask more questions, since they came to the train and they both had to worry with getting their tickets out and finding the right train. Once they got settled on their seats, he glanced around, not wanting anyone else to overhear this. While Digimon were known and the world remained in the process of adjusting to the existence of a fellow sapient species, there were always those who weren’t happy about it. He also suspected this conversation might bring up his past as the Kaiser and he really didn’t want that to be brought up around people who didn’t know.

There weren’t that many people around them right now. One little girl had her own Digimon partner, but no one else there seemed partnered. Ken nodded to himself, then turned to Daisuke, opening his mouth.

“Ichijouji? Is that you?”

It was a voice he didn’t recognize right away. But he wasn’t surprised that people he didn’t know knew his name – the remnants of fame clung to him, thankfully more for being a Chosen these days than anything else. He turned to see a teenager lurching down towards them. He was grinning wildly and threw himself casually into the seat next to Ken.

“Yes,” Ken murmured. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember you…”

“Yeah, you probably wouldn’t,” the teenager agreed a little too cheerfully. “Tachibana Noriaki. We played together when we were kids. Before your brother -” He waved one hand in lieu of finishing the sentence. Ken held back a flinch and managed to nod. He could think about Osamu without it hurting much these days. But he still didn’t like hearing him mentioned without warning.

Tachibana regarded Daisuke carefully before he looked back at Ken. “I’ve seen you on the news. So you grew up to be a hero, huh?” He grinned at the way Ken blushed. Daisuke leaned forward.

“Was there ever any doubt? He’s the best hero!” Daisuke declared without a breath of hesitation.

Tachibana grinned, displayed teeth that looked as if he had been sponsored by a toothpaste company. “Well, when he was a kid, I wouldn’t have guessed. Little kid drawing all the time.” He shrugged before he reached over and dug one hand into Ken’s hair, grabbing onto his ear. “And with these ears -” He pulled on the tips.

Ken jerked away, eyes going wide, and Wormmon glared at Tachibana. “Stop touching Ken-chan!” He snapped, ready to spew out silk at a moment’s notice.

Tachibana tilted his head. “Man, what’s the problem? You’ve see those ears, haven’t you? How can you resist?”

“Pretty darned easily,” Daisuke snapped back. “Leave him alone.”

Tachibana drew his hand back. “If you’re gonna be that way about it. Just trying to have fun.” He snorted and got up, walking to a seat farther away from them.

Ken leaned back on his own chair, tucking his hair back over his ears, trying so very hard not to tremble and not doing a very good job of it. Daisuke rested one hand on Ken’s.

“You okay?”

Ken nodded a little. His ears weren’t just a bit larger and pointed, they were sensitive. Having someone yank on them like that would leave them red and burning for ages.

Daisuke grumbled a few words that Ken suspected his parents wouldn’t be happy to hear on his lips. They were in English, and he had a surprisingly good accent. Ken tried not to feel so very warm inside from knowing that was because Daisuke was upset over something happening to him.

Before Daisuke said anything else beyond the few profanities, both of their phones started beeping, alerting them to a text. Ken glanced at his and blinked. He hadn’t expected this at all.

“A meeting?” All of the original twelve Chosen being called together by Koushiro. He wasn’t sure of what this meant, but it had to be something important. Izumi Koushiro wouldn’t gather them all without a very good reason. “Change of plans?”

Daisuke sighed, tucking his hands behind his head and pouting. “I guess. We can hit up the ramen place afterward? If it’s not too late.”

Ken nodded. He didn’t want to lose this special time with Daisuke, no matter what the issue was.

At least they were on the right train to get to Izumi’s place. Ken wondered what they would need to talk about. Some sort of new villain? They didn’t really have regular meetings when there wasn’t someone they needed to fight. He wasn’t even sure if they’d had those when there had been. He hadn’t exactly asked back then.

He ran one hand over Wormmon’s back and tried to ignore the way his ears ached. He’d been so looking forward to having a pleasant trip to a new ramen place with Daisuke. Today wasn’t turning out to be his day.

To Be Continued

Notes: Tachibana is probably Uchiyama’s second cousin or something. Maybe I’ll make that my canon for them. Anyway, I didn’t mean this as a chaptered piece but I ran out of time and writing juice to make it a one-shot. The full hurt/comfort will be there by the end. As will how the breeds work into this. Though I’m sure you can guess, if you know what Piemon looks like. Extra Notes: As of August 5, 2020, this story is on indefinite hiatus. I intended to restart in September, but YGO GX Month came up and it gave me ideas. So, once that’s taken care of, I’ll return to my WIPs.