#daeguzen

[daeguzen]

Custody? Best Friend? Jisung You’re Rambling Again!

Jisung x Fem Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word count: 2.6k

Note: This was so cute lol. I feel like this definitely gives Jisung vibes. Like it may be a few days where he won’t mention it but then he’d do something so simple to slip up. Park Jisung Nation rise. 

Summary:  The boys always loved teasing Jisung about his love life. They’d ask if he’d found anyone or if he thought the girl behind the counter at their favorite arcade peaked his interest. In the end they’d all agree that it was simply impossible for Jisung to have a girlfriend at this point. He was the most shy out of all the boys and cringed at public displays of affection. Park Jisung was simply too much of a baby to have a romantic relationship. At least, that’s what they thought.

Requested by Anon

     Lying was not exactly what Jisung was doing. He was just evading the topic even though it proved to be quite tedious. He couldn’t let himself get jittery and physically excited when you texted him. That would be a dead giveaway. He couldn’t call you when he was home so as to not run the risk of being caught. He had to keep his texting to a minimum if he was around the other boys or keep another app open so he could quickly change it just in case. It was tiring really but he didn’t mind putting the effort because Park Jisung was so in love with you. 

     Love was a strong word in Jisung’s mind. He’d try to act like a a grown up but everyone knew that Jisung had the most beautiful and innocent heart. He was a gentle character, a little feisty at times, but genuinely caring. He didn’t like it when his members would feel down, tired, or angry. It made him feel sad which in a way made the others cut back a bit on their negativity. It was seeing Jisung’s sad puppy eyes that made their heart clench in pain. They understood that Jisung loved them all dearly and he was precious to them. 

     He was precious to you too. Meeting Jisung for the first time you knew that you were developing a crush. You told yourself it wasn’t serious but you couldn’t deny the little jump your heart did when you saw him. It surprised you really; meeting this boy was nerve wracking until you realized he was an absolute child. You’d gush over a lot of things when it came to Jisung. The way he pouted, the fact that he knew nothing about the kitchen or how to wash vegetables properly, misplacing things, being clumsy, and so much more. You didn’t find it frustrating but endearing instead. 

     Jisung could be strong when he needed to but he also needed someone to be there for him, to lead him along the way sometimes. You found yourself cooking food for him and placing them in a cute bento box one day. The first time you offered it to him you smiled shyly as you saw the blush rising to his face and his cute stutter coming out. It took a lot for you to just simply not place an innocent kiss on his cheek. Jisung avoided looking into your eyes, not knowing what to do with himself as his heart beat increased its volume in his ears. He remembered going into the company that day and finding a little space where he could enjoy your cooking without having the other guys questioning him or stealing his food. The food you cooked for him. He couldn’t stop smiling that day.

     After that came along the texts where you’d continuously remind him to take care of himself. You didn’t do it as often as you wanted, afraid that you’d annoy him but Jisung was more than happy with your text messages. They exuded so much care and adoration for the boy that he just wanted to combust. How could he not jump around with ecstasy to your sweet text messages? Text messages turned into calls and then into video chats. Jisung would comb through his hair and adjust his shirt and you would do the same. 

     This went on for about a year. Of course you wanted to be a couple but you thought it to be ideal to start off slowly and Jisung didn’t mind. He was very surprised when you told him what you were starting to feel for him and that you would respect his decision. You always remembered how awkward he acted and how his cute stutter showed up again. The two of you were already like a couple but without the title and it was okay. He knew you were waiting for him and you knew he loved you dearly. Jisung was the one who mustered up the courage to ask you out properly on a date. He wanted it to be something special so he tried to remember all the things you liked. 

     It was during a breezy fall evening that Jisung decided to ask you out. He asked if you would like to go out with him and having nothing to do that day, you agreed immediately. It was a comfortable day. You went to an arcade that you had introduced to him which he enjoyed a lot. He took you out for food, nothing extravagant because you didn’t feel like it was necessary. Although he wouldn’t have minded, he accepted your request of stopping for some comfort food. 

     By the time it turned dark and you were walking home you realized you had been holding his hand almost all day. It made you feel warm inside and Jisung had felt it too. The walk home was more quiet and calm but it felt just right. Once you arrived home you turned to look at Jisung, smiling widely and thanking him for taking you out. He told you it was his pleasure and you couldn’t help but notice the nervous look on his face. You couldn’t help but ask if there was something wrong and Jisung said no a bit too loudly. He whispered an apology and reached for your hands. 

     “We’ve been friends for only a year but I really feel like I’ve known you all my life. You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met, both inside and outside. I know I’m awkward and that I have no experience but I’d be willing to try if you give me the chance. I really like you Y/N, would you let me be your boyfriend?” It was the tears rolling down your face that scared Jisung and he panicked immediately.

     You laughed at his reaction and nodded through your tears.

     “I would love to be your girlfriend Jisungie. You just made me feel emotional, no need to panic, you dork.” Jisung let out a breath of relief as he came close to hug you, your head resting softly against his chest and your arms wrapping themselves around his waist. Jisung was the sweetest boyfriend a girl could ever dream of and you were lucky to call him yours.

     You had been going out for about three months and Jisung had never once let himself slip. He could not tell his members about you, at least not yet. The teasing would be endless but mostly Jisung wouldn’t know what to do or say. He wouldn’t know how his friends would react to him having a girlfriend even though they teased him for “not trying” or being “too innocent in this world” for anyone. Jisung was their baby, how could their maknae be dating? It could have been ridiculous. It wasn’t until Jisung made the stupid mistake of leaving his mic on did the boys find out he was hiding his relationship.

     Jisung heard Chenle’s voice ring out from his headset, “Jisung-ah, I’ll get the guy whose inside you go and get the other one.” He let out an okay and kept playing. 

     Another voice spoke, “Jisung, it’s almost one in the morning how has your mom not caught you playing yet?” It was the distinct sound of Haechan’s voice. Jisung perked up a bit and cleared his throat.

     “Uh, I’m just playing as quietly as I can.” The other boy just hummed. It wasn’t until Jisung heard you yawn and get off the bed that he realized he woke you up. Jisung immediately raised his finger to turn off the mic but was so caught up in playing that he didn't realize he hadn’t clicked the button properly. You spoke first.

     “Baby, what are you doing playing at this hour?”

     Jisung spoke softly, “I’m sorry Y/N, I didn’t mean to wake you up. The boys wanted to play.” You whispered immediately.

     “Oh, is your mic on?”

     “No, I turned it off. Cuddle with me?” This was one of Jisung’s favorite ways of being close to you. He loved to play and have you sitting on his lap. It made him feel all types of warm and fuzzy inside. There was a bit of noise as Jisung moved away from the table to let you walk around and be enveloped in arms. You sighed in content. 

     “Honey, are you gonna be here tomorrow?” Jisung hummed.

     “I have a schedule all morning but I’ll be off in the afternoon. The guys wanted to hang out though but why do you ask?”

     “Just curious. I wanted to go to the arcade but I’ll cook you some food to take to work. You could tell the boys it was from your mom.” Jisung laughed at that.

     “I don’t want them to get suspicious but we’ll go together this week. And I’d really appreciate that. Your cooking is just as great as my moms anyway.” You blushed and whined softly at his comment. Jisung took that moment to place a loving kiss on your head.

     “I love you.”

     “I love you too you big baby.”

     “Am not!”

     “Jisungie, baby, the love and light of my life, you’re a baby. I can’t call you a manchild because you’re not a man yet. You’re my cute baby.” Jisung blushed but responded sweetly to your teasing.

     “And you’re my princess. My one and only.” Jisung actually giggled wholeheartedly, smiling widely in content. He was too caught up with you that he didn’t notice how they had all stopped playing and surrounded his character. Jisung’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

     “What the heck?”

     “What’s wrong?”

     “The boys stopped playing, that's strange.” You reacted first, sitting up straight all of the sudden as you tugged on his mic, his eyes opening up in realization and his hand coming up to cover his mouth. What ensued was the screams of a bunch of teenage boys as they freaked out at what they had just overheard.

     “OH MY GOD PARK JISUNG YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND AND DON’T TELL ME? HOW DARE YOU CALL YOURSELF A BEST FRIEND!?”

     “I TRY TO RAISE YOU LIKE MY OWN SON AND THIS IS WHAT I GET IN RETURN? OH I OUGHTA-”

     “HAHA SHE SAID SHE CAN’T CALL YOU A MANCHILD BECAUSE YOU’RE NOT EVEN A MAN YET!” Jisung simply stared at you in horror as the comments kept coming through his headset.

     “GUYS SHUT UP!” That was definitely Renjun’s voice. They stopped yelling for a moment.

     “I just want to ask, Park Jisung, you had your first kiss? BEFORE US?” The screaming and coos of how cute the whole ordeal was started up again. Jisung had not moved from his place since they started talking and you took it upon yourself to deal with the situation. You took the headset and placed it on your head. You cleared your throat.

     “Uh h-hello?” There was silence but then someone spoke. You listened to NCT Dream, you could distinguish the voices easily. This one you distinguished as Mark’s.

     “Are you his girlfriend?” 

     “Yeah, I am, I just want to say that I uh think you broke him.” 

     “What?”

     “I think you broke my boyfriend, he hasn’t stopped staring.”

     “He’ll get over it, onto more important matters hi I’m Chenle his best friend and it’s nice to meet you but why the HELL DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS?”

     “Also, may I add that as the legitimate girlfriend of my son I automatically assume all legal custody of you and pronounce you my daughter in law.” 

     “Jaemin they aren’t married.” Jaemin must have kicked something because you heard the thud of something and then whining.

     “Jeno, Jisung has a girlfriend. A GIRLFRIEND. And he couldn’t find it in himself to tell me! Where did I go wrong in raising him Jeno, WHERE!?” 

     “There there, come here.” Jeno must have been hugging Jaemin because his cries were all muffled.

     “I still don’t get why my best friend didn’t tell me. Where did I go wrong in our friendship?”

     “Oh shut up Chenle, clearly Jisung didn’t want to tell any of us. Which is why I’ll do you one better, Y/N is it? Where is Jisung?” You heard many gasps and gave up immediately, making a mental note to be careful with Haechan.

     “Okay you know what, Jisung is in my apartment of which I do not need to disclose the location of and is currently still staring into space. He was going to tell you but he slipped up first because he’s a clumsy one. And so now all of you know. And uh, do you guys like bento boxes? I’ll send some with Jisung tomorrow if I can fix him. Have a splendid night.”

     “Wait, there’s so much we need to know!”

     “He still didn’t answer my question!”

     “Legal custody Jeno! LEGAL CUSTODY!”

     “Congratulations on your relationship Jisung oh uh it’s Jeno by the way.”

     “JISUNG ANSWER US JIS-” The voices died as you logged Jisung out of his game just like he taught you. You turned to face him and placed your hands gently on either side of his face.

     “Baby, are you okay?” He blinked.

     “Legal custody, location, marriage, best friend, clumsy idiot, they know, manchild, oh my god they know-”

     “Jisung baby! You’re rambling, snap out of it!” Jisung blinked many times, horror still evident in his eyes.

     “Y/N I can’t go back. I can’t face them now. I-we have to run away, get new identities, start fresh. Burn the SM building, LET IT BURN!” 

     “JISUNG! You’re rambling again stop it. It’s going to be okay. Go clean up and come to bed. You need to sleep on this one. We’ll deal with it in the morning.” Jisung nodded absentmindedly and the both of you got up. Jisung walked as though he were a zombie all the way to your bedroom’s bathroom. Before he walked in he turned to look at you.

     “They can never meet you. Ever. I’ll hide you if I have to.” You laughed softly at your cute boyfriend.

     “Honey, relax. Go do as I said and we’ll worry about it tomorrow.”

     Jisung was many things. Clumsy was one of them. Crying easily when it came to people he loved was another one. And so when the time came that the boys finally met you, he cried because he felt bad that he hid his relationship. He didn’t know how he would introduce you or what they would think of you or what they would say about his relationship in general. Jisung loved you too much to let you go. Upon seeing his trembling bottom lip and the tears pouring out the teasing ceased and all the boys approached Jisung worriedly. You went up to Jaemin first, knowing he was quite the brotherly figure among the boys and explained to him quickly what Jisung’s internal issues were. And that's how you all sat down for a serious conversation of love, friendship, and acceptance. If you made Jisung happy and reciprocated his love genuinely then everything was okay and you were more than welcome in their family. After Jisung calmed down Chenle turned to you. 

     “So, Y/N...how old are you?”

     “A few months younger than Jisungie, why?” You looked at Chenle with confusion but he just smiled, a glint evident in his eyes. It was one thing hearing their chaotic voices through the headset, it was a completely different thing to witness them being chaotic. You didn’t know whether to laugh hard or be scared for the rest of your life. There were screams of legal custody, having a second baby in the family, a new gaming buddy and more. When Jisung reached to hold your hand you looked at him, giving him a quick peck on his cheek while brushing away a few tears and oh boy was that a mistake to do in front of them.

[neowritingsnet]

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rowan - @enchantedyeo

sally - @seocvlt

tiffy - @nctstudio

xyra - @xyyydream

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[daeguzen]

NCT 127 + Dream - Being the Maknae in NCT and Ignoring Them because of Sasaengs

NCT 127 / NCT Dream x Reader

Genre: Angst Fluff

Word Count: 2.5k

Summary: You’re the female maknae and you start ignoring them because you’re afraid of sasaeng threats.

Requested by Anon

- NCT 127 -

Taeyong

Taeyong would be the type of person to get really soft and upset. Like, you two got along so well. Even though you were the youngest, you were good at taking charge. You even matched Haechan’s witty personality. It was natural for you to take up most of the responsibilities of cooking and cleaning although the boys always pitched in. They liked to take care of you too and Taeyong was always cuddling up on your side asking to play Animal Crossing. It’s been about a week and Taeyong had noticed how painfully obviously you had been avoiding him. He felt hurt so he came to your room, knocked, and when you gave him permission he walked in. He asked you if you were avoiding him and at first you denied it. But after the constant whining you gave in and told him that you were afraid about how the sasaengs would try to attack you for being so close to him. Taeyong would be upset but he’d comfort you and tell you not to listen to them because he’d protect you.

Doyoung

Doyoung wasn’t one to shy away. If he saw something wrong with his relationship with you he’d talk about it. It wasn’t a surprise when Doyoung knocked on your door a bit harshly and walked in asking why the hell you were avoiding him. You’d look at him startled and he’d soften his voice. Why are you avoiding me? Did I say or do something wrong to upset you? Of course you’d tell him it wasn’t his fault. It was the sasaengs that threatened you. You were afraid they’d hurt you because, well you were so close to Doyoung. You really appreciated his company. Whenever he was attacked by Haechan you’d stand up for him. If you were to have a deep conversation and Johnny would drop by the three of you could go for hours. Doyoung would assure you not to worry. He would protect you just as the other boys would and that you shouldn’t ignore him anymore over some rude sasaengs. They didn’t know him and had nothing to do with your friendship. 

Johnny

Johnny was always a happy guy. He liked joking around. He’d pick you up all the time because you were just so tiny compared to him. You were like a plushie and Johnny was like...you’re go to teddy bear. Literally. Johnny could just be sitting on the couch joking around with the guys and you’d come by to ask if you could cuddle. Johnny knew there was something wrong because it’s been a week and you haven’t asked to cuddle or watch a movie. Not even to have a Harry Potter marathon. Like. . . what the heck? You love the movies, why do you no wanna watch??? One day you’re just sitting on the couch watching a movie and Johnny comes by to sit next to you. Before you could leave Johnny holds you and cuddles you. Why are you avoiding me? Johnny. Tell me. You’d hesitate for a second but eventually reply. Cuz of the sasaengs. Because of that? Don’t worry about them. If they try anything it’s okay I have a team of 22 other guys to take care of it. You’d just laugh and he’d smile at seeing you get comfortable around him.

Yuta

Yuta was like Doyoung. Man lives for confrontation. Brave boy. The moment he sees you shy away from his hugs and jokes he’ll be like. . . tf. Why are you ignoring me? And you’d be like Yuta don’t worry about it. But he be like no no what the heck is going? So you explain the situation and feel kinda dumb about it afterwards when he gives you the biggest wtf kind of look. But he’ll see the tears welling your eyes and bring his hands up to your face to wipe them away. Honey, you don’t have to worry about that. We’ll take care of you. Just stay close to me and if they say or do anything they’ll have it coming. Don’t ever ignore me because of them. You would nod and melt into his hug.

Taeil

Taeil is a mellow person but he’s very funny. His personality was just extremely nice to be around so you always tried to find his company. Mans would be chilling to some music and you’d come by to listen with him. You guys go from chilling to jumping on the sofa and throwing pillows. However, it’s been quite awhile since you two had a jam session and Taeil was wondering why. Taeil doesn’t come to you to ask what’s wrong. It’s actually you who goes up to him and explains the situation. You felt so sad and guilty so Taeil comforts you telling you not to worry. You guys were going to be okay. He’d ask if you wanna just listen to some music and would order some comfort food for you. You guys would spend the rest of the time chilling and talking and you’d feel the weight of your burdens lighten up a lot.

Jaehyun

Jaehyun is weird. He’s like the cool chill guy but he’s dorky and weird. You love it. You’re always laughing at his jokes no matter how weird or random they are. You guys have long conversations on what parenthood would be like and the responsibilities of little mini Jaehyuns. He doesn’t talk about mini you’s, you’re still a baby. He’s a sweet guy and likes to sing either for you or with you. So when you start telling him that you don’t want him to sing and that you just want to go to sleep he knows something is off. You would never be like that with him no matter how off your day was. He would be serious but concerned. When you’d tell him the situation, Jaehyun would have a serious talk and reassure you that he will protect you. You were the maknae, how could 127 not protect their little maknae? 

Jungwoo

People think Jungwoo is soft. They aren’t wrong. Jungwoo is witty and sassy. When he’s with you he’s just a little ball of fluff. You two are like the cutest pair of 127. You guys would watch Snoopy videos and make a bunch of jokes and it was just aegyo cringe inducing moments. So when you started hanging out less and less with him he’d confront you with a really sad look in his eyes. You’d coo at him and call him by his nickname, Snoopy. You’d feel bad so you’d talk it out with him and he’d try to bring your mood up. You’re his favorite person and no one will ruin his friendship with you. That’s just illegal in Jungwoo’s world.

Haechan 

Haechan would be whiny. He wouldn’t stop bugging or trying to get to talk to you. One day he comes by as you’re playing on your phone and he hugs you. You’re surprised because you know Haechan is affectionate but he’s never this quiet or intimate. You hear sadness in his voice as he tries to talk to you. He asks why you have been ignoring him and you’re silent for a little while when you decide to talk to him. It might sound stupid but the sasaengs have been threatning me because of our friendship and it really scares me. You’d start crying and Haechan’s heart would break. Y/N, they won’t do anything to you. I’ll sue them and fight them if they even think of touching one little hair on my baby’s head. You’re going to be okay because I’m here to protect you just as the rest of 127 will. Never ignore me for that reason. You would nod through your crying and he’d hold you close.

Mark

Mark would be confused. He’d joke around with you a lot and talk about music and a bunch of other stuff. But even under that quirky and dorky boy he was a serious and gentle soul. So he comes by and he starts talking to you quite gently and you wanna tear up because you know that this was your doing. If Mark Lee can avoid an extremely emotional moment he’ll do it. Not in a rude way but he was just a bit awkward when it came to feelings. But you see him looking at you sadly and fidgeting in his seat so you come up and hug him. You let everything spill out and apologize for ignoring him but he tells you not to feel that way. You're his best friend, the maknae of the group, he’ll do everything in his power to watch over you. I can’t believe you actually came to me with this. I thought you were going to cry, Mark. He’d whine because he was shy and embarrassed but you laughed through your tears and asked yourself how you ever got lucky with having him as a friend.

- NCT Dream -

Renjun

Boy was ready to square up with his cute little fists. And if a fist fight wouldn’t work he’d get a car to hunt down those sasaengs. It would be easy to tell how you avoided him and it got to the point where he got irritated and called you out on it. He’d regret his harsh tone as he’d see how sad and guilty you looked. He’d hear you sniffling and apologize, explaining to you why he was upset. You’d shake your head saying that he shouldn’t apologize. It was your fault because the sasaengs were scaring and threatening you because of your friendship with him. Y/N no, they won’t do anything to you I promise. If you ever have a problem like this don’t avoid me. Talk to me, that's why  we’re friends. 

Jeno

Jeno would be very sentimental. Like yeah he can look stoic but this is the boy who adopted 3 cats because he loves them even though he’s allergic. The boy who likes to hold hands, yeah go watch those vlives. He’s just so sweet and adorable. He would be confused as to why you were avoiding him and would come to the conclusion that he did something wrong. He would decide to face you about it but immediately break down in tears asking you why you were ignoring him. Your heart would break apart at the sight of a crying Jeno like no, it’s not your fault honey don’t cry. You guys would just end up crying together and you’d tell him your fears. He’d cuddle the life out of you and tell you to never do something like that again. He’s had enough of crying over Mark coming back to Dream he can’t take another emotional break down. 

Jaemin

...NA JAEMIN PEOPLE. Na to the flippin Jaemin. He’s introverted around big crowds. It just takes too much of his energy to be that hyper. But when it’s with his Dream members he will be the most boisterous cutie in the galaxy. Have you noticed I’m Jaemin biased yet? (their all bias wreckers tho) ANYWAY, so you two are the biggest duo of all Dream. You play games, having the inhumanely longest cuddle sessions possible, actually like doing aegyo, cook like the good parents you are, and just are the dictionary definition of best friends. Like nojaem. The first time you reject Jaemin’s idea of watching a movie he assumes you’re tired. The second makes him feel a little iffy. The third time is just too much already for him. He sees you scrolling aimlessly on your phone while lying on the edge of the bed and sits right in front of you. He’d poke your cheek and ask why THE HELL ARE YOU IGNORING ME? Jk he’d be soft and gentle about it. And when you finally open up to him about it he’d caress your head and tell you that you shouldn’t worry, Nana would take care of his little maknae. 

Chenle

The next biggest sassiest boy of all Dream. He’s probably almost as dangerous as Haechan. Said that one time in weekly idol how jeno was jealous because of jaemin. 0_0 like wow he really enjoys exposing and teasing the members. He is such a gamer boy. They're all gamers actually...and so are YOU. You game like there is no tomorrow. And you can bet your life savings that you're the top ranking gamer. League? You carry them all lol what losers. Jkjk. Playing games with Chenle is such a frequent thing that happens that it’s practically part of your routine. When Chenle realizes you haven’t been playing with and instead with the other members he gets upset and frustrated. He catches you playing on your phone in the living room and immediately makes his way to sit down next to you. He can see you’re uncomfortable and starts asking questions. You tell him it's nothing but then he takes away your phone and looks at you with that pouty look. You finally give in and tell him what’s been going on and he takes it all in. Y/N, you’re my best friend, don’t hide these types of things. You should have told me sooner, I am President Chenle after all I practically own all of South Korea. Lele stop being such a dork. 

Jisung

Jisung would be such a confused soul and you’d see that. It would hurt seeing him look like a lost puppy after rejecting his offer of playing a game together. And then you said you didn’t want to watch a movie and you saw how his lips made a silent “oh” and you just wanted to cry. The last straw was when you overheard Jisung crying softly and telling Jaemin that he thinks he did something wrong. You stood outside the door until Jaemin came out. Jaemin saw your puffy eyes and how your lips trembled. He didn’t look angry but concerned instead and suggested that you’d go and talk to Jisung. And you did. You walked into the room and saw how Jisung had wrapped himself in a blanket. You walked over to him and nudged him gently on the shoulder. When he saw you he covered his face with the blanket and started crying even more. After he calmed down you explained what was happening and he practically attacked you with a hug. You should have said something I thought I had hurt you or you were mad at me. I’m sorry Sungie, I didn’t mean to hurt you like that. Jisung would put out his pinkie, something you two did often, and made you promise to always talk to him if there’s something going and you promised you would because he was your best friend.

[daeguzen]

Son of Hecate

SON OF HECATE WILL BE UNDERGOING A REWRITE. SCENES WILL BE ALTERED OR REWRITTEN FOR A MORE CONSISTENT STORY LINE THAT WAS PREVIOUSLY MEANT FOR A PART 2. THANK YOU.

UPDATE: 4/8/2022

[daeguzen]

Son of Athena

PAIRING | h.rj x g.n reader

GENRE | angst fluff

WORD COUNT | 6.6k

NOTE | when i started this series i was like okay this is pretty cool lemme try. it's hard. my brain is woosh. but anyway, i was surprised to see it was around 6.6k which i'm kinda happy about. enjoy ~

WARNING | depressive thoughts

SONG | butterfly - umi

SUMMARY | you wished you had been born normal or at least to another god. perhaps dionysus or hermes. you never asked to be the child of zeus. weilding the power of lighting, storms, and winds was too much of a burden to bear. people thought you strong when you only saw weakness. no one saw the dullness in those stormy eyes. maybe that's what brought you to your current predicament in life. you had kindness but even that turned cold and unpredictable. and as much as renjun would say he would never leave you, as much as he said that he was strong, he thinks that you're the only one who he doesn't have the strength to save. not when you keep drowning him alongside you.

Miniature lightning strikes crackled around your fingers gently, your hand moving around slowly. You stayed sitting with your legs crossed on the edge of a cliff. The air was always fresher above. It was pure. Unlike those who lived under. Humans, demigods, and any other living creature besides animals. They were mostly impure. Tainted by greater flaws. You didn’t think yourself to be greater. No. But you did think yourself to be weaker.

Their hearts were...greedy. People did things for their own benefit. They approached you for their own benefit. They helped themselves to your kindness. In return they darkened your heart further to the point where you concluded that it was irreversible. 

You could not trust anyone. Even Renjun. He was different from others though. In your fifteen years of knowing Renjun, he never asked for anything in return. He reciprocated your kindness and you thought him to be a good friend. Even though you were able to tell him how your day was going or what you were feeling in the moment you couldn’t tell him the dark thoughts that dwelled in your mind.

Even if you did have Renjun, you felt lonely. You had a way of secluding yourself even though you didn’t mean to. You often found yourself high in the mountains, enjoying the comfort of loneliness and the wind and Renjun knew how to find you. He always did.

~

Renjun was among the people that thought you to be brave. You were the child of Zeus, the king of the gods. How could you not be? You had an immense power in you that could be lethal. Renjun always had a thing for heroes. That was his problem. Even Haechan had warned him about this. And yet he was dating the child of Poseidon which Renjun never figured out why. 

But that wasn’t his problem. His problem was falling in love for the wrong “heroes”. Children who were born from gods such as Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades were not a problem. At least that’s what he tried to make himself believe. It was the other children, he would tell himself. Some children of Apollo were talented and gifted. They could protect many and would be appreciated for being so helpful. But Renjun knew better and he learned the hard way.

Heroes, or so they called themselves, only cared about what they would get as a reward for helping people. He despised this about so-called heroes. But really Renjun didn’t care about any of them. They didn’t mean much to him because deep down Renjun knew that this heart belonged to one genuine hero only. That hero being you. 

~

Renjun had known you since you were ten. You had been fighting off a stray dog when he first saw you. It looked rabid and when fourteen year old Renjun decided to jump in to save you, he saw you striking the dog with a powerful force of wind that made it fly to the other side of the alleyway. Renjun knew what a demigod was but he had never met one that could manipulate the wind. That’s when he realized that you just had to be a child of Zeus.

He remembered how you turned to look at him. He knew he saw fear in your eyes but when you looked at him, your gaze became serious. Renjun had to lift his hands up in the air and try to convince you that he wasn’t a threat. You didn’t want to believe him but he told you that he was the son of Athena. He was a demigod like you. Ten year old you was skeptical but relieved that you had found someone just like you.

Renjun took you to his apartment where he lived with his father. He explained the situation to his dad and how he had found you. His dad was always grateful for Athena’s power that flowed through his blood and the kind heart that Renjun had. Even though that came from him and not Athena. The two of them helped you clean up, fed you, and kept you company. However, you soon realized that it was getting dark. You had nowhere to go but you didn’t want to tell them that. So you came up with a lie about having to get back to your mother’s house and left as fast as you came.

Fourteen year old Renjun was a prodigy. He knew many things. It didn’t even take two days for him to realize that you had no home. But of course he was smart and knew exactly how to rope his dad into taking you in. Renjun didn’t want you in a foster home so he pleaded and spoke quite seriously for a fourteen year old, to let you stay. His father had finally agreed and when Renjun found you in that same alleyway he told you all about living with him and his dad. You were grateful for being offered a home but you kept your doubts. They weren’t the first to show you kindness but you weren’t sure if it was genuine. Nonetheless you accepted it because it was better than living on the streets. 

You weren’t given much love or kindness from your mother. She preferred to show you off as if you were an expensive gift. She told people of how she was able to attain the love of Zeus, king of the gods and that she’d given birth to a wonderful baby whose power exceeded other demigods. She was nice outside but cruel at home. She’d blame you for Zeus leaving even though it wasn’t your fault. You clearly knew this when Zeus came to you in a dream at five years old. He knew that you were young but you unfortunately had to grow up quick. Your mother was not going to give you the home you needed and even though Zeus didn’t say that, you were able to understand. It wasn’t your best decision but you preferred living in that dark and cold alleyway then with your unloving mother.

As you got to know Renjun you found out that, albeit being a child, he was both amazingly and terrifyingly smart. Renjun was witty, sarcastic, and brutally honest. But even under all of that, he had a gentle heart. He was a sentimentalist and a hopeless romantic. Renjun had a good grasp on romance at sixteen. He always thought about how great it would be to have a partner who knew what they wanted, could at least kind of keep up an educated conversation, and be strong. So, it was only natural for him to develop feelings for you years after. Your eyes had always entranced him. He always thought them to look like the icy bluish eyes of a husky. At first he thought that it was a peculiar eye color but when you got older he fell in love with them. He thought it was a very attractive trait unique to only you. You always had a stern facial expression but it didn’t scare Renjun away, he wasn’t one to shy away from people. If they could keep up with him then that was all there was to it. If not, they were left behind. 

You weren’t as smart as him but you were curious. He taught you anything from academics all the way to how sports were played. All from a book of course. Only after you read the books did he let you put to practice what you learned. You were able to keep up with Renjun because you listened to him. You listened and only gave opinions or ideas when you thought it was appropriate. Renjun loved that about you. You never got annoyed with him and his educational rambling. Not even when he liked to flaunt how smart he was and how dumb all the kids at his school where. Instead you’d smile and tell him that he wasn’t wrong because the kids at his school were humans. Mostly. But even then there weren’t any other children of Athena. Renjun would have figured that out pretty quick.

Renjun liked to think that he was strong but he had his weakness. You had made it quite obvious that you weren’t interested in dating. At least from what he could tell. Renjun was a child of Athena not Eros. Romance worked a bit differently. It was all on a basis of emotions not science or formulas. Renjun knew he was in love with you when it was his senior year in high school. Renjun was eighteen and you were fourteen. He knew he was a little too old for you but once you’d get out of high school it would have been different. Not that he cared because he didn’t mind waiting for you. You were too mature for your age which was one of the many reasons why Renjun couldn’t stop his feelings from blossoming into something more.

He hadn’t been looking for a fight. The guy at his school, however, loathed Renjun to a point where if Renjun hadn’t been a demigod he would’ve suffered worse. Demigods healed faster than normal people. The guy who picked on Renjun was known for being the king of all bullies. He made fun of everyone and most of all Renjun. Renjun told himself it was because the guy envied him. Renjun had everything. He was extremely smart, handsome, strong, and talented. But he hated fighting and found it to be useless unless he was in serious danger. That being monsters attacking not ill mannered humans with inflated egos and the desire of being on top of the school chain. On a random day that Renjun had been walking to the lunch table where you were sitting at the school bully decided to get in his way. Renjun smiled at cute freshmen you when the school’s bully decided to purposely stick his foot out, causing Renjun’s lunch to go flying all over the floor. Renjun just looked at his school lunch, frustrated that the guy never seemed to stop.

You were about an inch shorter than the school’s bully. So really, swinging at him wasn’t hard. You didn’t know it at the time but you had gone absolutely livid, seeing Renjun on the ground with his glasses threatening to fall off his face. All of that sparked a rage about you that when you had come to your senses all you felt was Renjun pulling you back and hugging you against his chest whispering the words, “Stop it,” over and over. When you looked over his shoulder the bully's nose had been bleeding heavily, his hand was covering his right eye and you noticed a cut on his cheek. You didn’t know what you had done.

You weren’t popular per say but many people knew who you were. Renjun’s only friend that could keep up with that big brain of his. You were very serious and mature for a freshman. Much more than Renjun. Many had tried to approach you but they barely got a few words out when you’d reject them. Soon, people decided to ignore you because you were rude or so they thought. You had enough of people having taken advantage of you when you were a child. Especially from your mother. You weren’t going to let anyone else do the same.

You got in trouble for beating up the guy that tripped Renjun. Renjun’s father didn’t want to punish you but he deemed that it was the only thing he could do. To his surprise, you didn’t fight back with him. Instead you took your punishment properly, apologized and stayed in the confinements of your bedroom. You didn’t apologize to the bully. He got what he deserved. However, you were suspended for a few days but Renjun kept you updated. Renjun told you that you looked really cool, how strongly you fought against a jerk like him. The guy was really angry about the whole situation but he decided against fighting back. His parents would cut his allowance if he got into another fight and money mattered more to him than you. Although Renjun had told you looked cool he didn’t want to see you like that again. It hurt him seeing you full of rage like that. 

At twenty years old, Renjun “fell in love” with another demigod. A child of Ares. It came as a shock to you. You wouldn’t have thought him to be compatible with children of Ares. And you were right to think so. Renjun’s relationship lasted a month before deciding to break up with his partner. He had been one of the kinder children of Ares but nonetheless, he was still violent. You didn’t understand why Renjun had fallen in love with the Ares boy. But then again, Renjun was a complicated puzzle. He’d give you a look that you couldn’t decipher. His gaze would rest upon your eyes for a few seconds longer than normal. What was going through his brain you couldn’t find out. 

Renjun kept trying to date a few times with other demigods. But the heartbreaks kept coming by for a few years. The thing was, it wasn’t because of the break ups. It was because he was in love with you and all he wanted was you as his lover. But he didn’t act upon those feelings.

Renjun couldn’t see that you were in love with him too. But you thought that you didn’t deserve anyone’s kindness. You were too quiet for him. You would get violent with people who harmed Renjun. When you were feeling extremely down you’d push him away. You wouldn’t tell him anything and that only angered him. Couldn’t you see that he wanted to be there for you? That he wanted to support you? But alas you were so invested in your own faults and mistakes to see the helping hand that Renjun had offered you. You didn’t realize that one day that hand would retract, leaving you alone in your misery. 

~

It was on a really sunny day that Renjun broke. He shattered into a bunch of uneven pieces and you were at the root of it all. It had been just like all your previous arguments but this one had a twisted ending. You felt depressed and sad but you didn’t want to talk about it. Renjun had been going through this cycle with you for a whole week but you didn’t open up to him at all. Then you started saying something about no one loving you and Renjun was so close to just screaming.

“You don’t understand Renjun. You couldn’t. Your father loves you and is there for you. You're handsome and smart. It’s only natural for people to want to be with you. I’m nothing but Zeus’s failure.”

“You’re not a failure. Y/N, you’re a wonderful person. You're smart and strong.” You scoffed.

“Renjun, that’s not true. You’re just trying to be nice. I’m weak. You don’t see it.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“The truth Renjun. Tell me the truth. Why are you even friends with me? I’m terrible and violent. I can’t control my powers. I can’t even look in the mirror because I just see broken pieces. I see nothing special. Why Renjun, have you still stood beside me?” In a flash of fury and despair Renjun let himself go.

“I’m in love with you and you can’t see it because you're so busy torturing yourself and being all depressed! I’ve loved you for so long. I fell in love with the person who felt like the weight of the world rested on their shoulders. I fell in love with the person who would do anything to stay safe and protect those they loved. When I see you I think about how it would be like to be next to you and telling you that you are loved and you’d believe it because I mean it with all of my heart. I want to support you in whatever you are doing because that’s what you do when you’re in love. You're there for the person you love through the good and the bad. I’ve dreamt of the day where I could kiss you and be able to tell you that I love you with the entirety of my heart and you’d know it’s the truth. But you’re so lost in your head about no one respecting  or loving you that you take me for granted.” His voice broke. In all your years of knowing Renjun you had never seen him lose his composure. He always seemed to be well collected. 

But here he was, anger and sadness mixing together in his eyes. Renjun had bottled up all of his emotions and let them run their course. He couldn’t keep living like this no matter how much your shattered expression hurt him. With a lot of strength Renjun said the words you weren’t expecting.

     “I can’t do this anymore.” You looked startled but he didn’t meet your eyes.

“W-what? What do you mean?” Renjun started backing away as the skies started to turn grey. Rain started to fall down slowly at first but then harder as he kept getting farther away from you. He knew that it was your doing but he couldn’t be there for you anymore. He was done destroying himself just to make you smile. Water dripped down from his eyelashes, his tears being easily masked as he looked at you.

"I can’t be your friend anymore. You’re too much for me.” Renjun ignored your pleas of his name. He ignored your helpless state as you let your knees slam onto the pavement and your heart cry out in sorrow.

~

The rain had not stopped for three consecutive days. Your emotions had been so turbulent to the point where the weather had gone mad. There was heavy rain that made driving in it extremely dangerous and almost impossible. The loud thunder had not stopped and there were frequent lightning strikes all across the country. People started fearing that something even more terrible was yet to come. Massive flooding destroyed homes and the lives of many.

During this time you stayed in the mountains. If Renjun had seen you he would have thought you to be an empty corpse. Your hair was a disheveled mess. Your eyes had looked almost grayish and sunken into your face. Your eye bags were almost close to looking greenish and your lips were dry and purple. Ultimately, your complexion looked terribly ill and you had lost too much weight to be deemed healthy. You stared down below, lifelessly, as the rain and strong currents played around with your soaked white t-shirt. Renjun was the last person you had in your life and he had decided to leave. He no longer wanted to be your friend and it was all because of you.

You couldn’t keep your friends.

You couldn’t keep your family.

They hated you.

Detested you.

You should just end it all.

Those voices didn’t leave your head. You were coming dangerously close to listening to them but before you could take action, you fainted. Your body lay there as it was impaled with harsh rain drops for a few seconds and then suddenly, the rain ceased. You completely blacked out.

~

You woke up to the sounds of water running. You felt weak but you noticed how bright it was in the room. The storm had stopped, you guessed. Your collapse had everything to do with the storm stopping though. Your power always ceased to influence the weather the moment you blacked. 

You found an air nymph beside you looking at you curiously.

“You have awoken. You should eat and drink to regain strength.”

“Where am I? What is this place?” You hadn’t noticed before but now you did. You found yourself in a sky blue room that seemed to reach to the heavens. It was rather empty with only the soft bed you laid upon, a mirror and a few pedestals that served as designs. You sat up with much struggle, feeling the soft winds in the room. The room didn’t smell sweet but it had a scent that you couldn’t put your finger on. It seemed to cause a nostalgic feeling in your chest but it relaxed you. 

You were brought to a dining room. There on the table had been plenty of food to feed a small village. It ranged from soft foods to heavier ones. There was an assortment of desserts on one side that made your mouth water. The aurae urged you to sit.

When you did the aurae sat right next to you which you found strange. You were still confused.

“You’re really pretty. What’s your name?” you looked at her.

“Y/N. Who are you?”

“I’m the aurae who lives here.”

“Where is here exactly?” you asked.

“In the clouds. My sister and I found you passed out on the mountain while we played. You looked sickly. And your powers were creating such a fuss with the sky. So we took care of you. We do not know what you would like to eat so we found plenty of food for you to eat from.” You wanted to cry after the confusion wore off.

“Why do you look sad? Did I upset you?”

“No! It’s just your very kind to me. I don’t know why.”

“You're a child of the sky. We like to care for them very much. They are the only demigods we can get along with very fine around here. We love our family but we like new friends.”

“I’m only going to cause trouble. I wouldn’t make a good friend.”

“Let us see about that. I will go see my sister now. We will get a bath running for you and then we can talk lots.” The aurae smiled gently towards you.

In all your time of living you never had someone care for you the way they did. You had Renjun but that wasn’t the only type of care you craved. You craved the hand of a loving mother. In no way was the aurae your mother but she provided care and love for you. She was gentle. 

~

If Renjun had any other power that wasn’t his brain he would have most likely thrown the world into destruction and despair. If he had powers like Zeus or Poseidon and most definitely like Hades, he would have used it for worse. Sadly for him, the best he could do was become an arsonist. He wasn’t sure at the moment what type of single person was able to bring mass destruction with only man made weapons. He would have done this in a fit of rage like Zeus darkens the skies and brings on an onslaught of heavy rain whenever he’s feeling moody. Renjun just wanted to curse and scream and tell the world that life was unfair. It was quite strange how the roles reversed with you but it wasn’t unexpected. Renjun had cared for you like a friend and then loved you like a lover. It tore him apart piece by piece as the days went by without you at his side. He knew he shouldn’t have complained but he had tried to turn his life for the better. You had shared your darkness with Renjun and he wasn’t able to carry any of it on his shoulders. But Renjun was now inhibiting destructive behaviors just as you had. He’d get into fights he’d usually lose. He got sick frequently because he didn’t pay attention to his health as he should have. Like you should have as well. While you were so busy opening up to the aurae who enjoyed your company and made you see things differently, Renjun lived on while hating himself for breathing without you at his side.

He let his thoughts go astray, images of you dying or in pain flooding his nightmares. Maybe you finally went through with it and now he would have to find your body lying somewhere. He hated it all. It had been five months since he last saw you and he wasn’t getting any better. It was almost half a year without you. How did he survive? He didn’t know. Did you survive? He wished you did.

It was terrible of him to leave you in such a reckless and dangerous state. Your heart had been dying slowly and the pain had almost started to become numb. But he should have been there for you. He should have told you that although he loved you, you were worth it. You mattered in this world and he should’ve shown you even harder.

But he left you instead. The storm had stopped days after three days and Renjun almost had a mental breakdown. Were you hurt? Captured? Tired? Numb? Dead? He couldn’t bring himself to really believe that you were dead. It just couldn’t be. Although you were weak, there was something that had to keep you going. If you really wanted to end it you would’ve done so already. Right? At least that’s what Renjun liked to believe. Renjun concluded that he hated everything. Because everything reminded him of you and he didn’t know if he could bare seeing you or never seeing you again.

~

At first, you didn’t know how to tell time while you were with the aurae. You had been so lost in your head that time was just another insignificance in your life. The aurae were kind to you. They woke you up early in the morning. They had a bath ready for you and when you had changed into comfortable clothing you would head to the little dining room with breakfast ready for you. You didn’t understand why they were nice to you. What did they want in exchange for treating you with such great hospitality?

But after a few weeks you stopped looking for that. Or at least stopped thinking about it. They were so kind to you. They treated you like you were a part of the family. Something that you never came to know. You enjoyed the interactions of being surrounded by other females. When you had gotten more comfortable around them they invited you often to their little get together. They would play Flying Hopscotch, Hide Seek and Float, Air Boating, and many other games. In return, you taught them cool lightning tricks that you had learned over the years but never really used because you didn’t see any meaning to it. They would clap happily and praise you for being talented.

After two months, the aurae that had brought you to their home spoke to you alone. You sat on a fluffy cloud when she came up next to you.

“You seem to be a lot healthier than when I first found you.” 

“Thank you. If it weren’t for your help I most likely wouldn’t be alive.” The aurae glanced at you taking in your sharp features.

“We aurae, are very protective over our own kind. We believe that family is important and that we should stick together. When I first saw you, you were just a little child trying to make it in life. You were trying to find a family and friends. But they were all so cruel to you. We kept watch over you. Hoping that you would be able to find a good path. But we noticed that things had only gone worse for you. But one day, we saw the boy of Athena approach you. He was very gentle with you.” You could barely listen to everything the aurae was saying to you. What was all of this?

“We watched him for a long time trying to see if he would be the one to help you. We realized that his heart was true. He’d always go out of his way to do little things for you. He would try and get money to buy you things to keep you occupied with. He’d teach you how to read and do mathematics. He was kind and didn’t want anything in return. All he seemed to want is for you to be happy. The day that you had gotten worse and was left alone we decided to take you in. We try not to meddle with the life of demigods. It is preferable for them to find their way. But it hurt us to see how much you suffered. Heroes are sometimes not heroes at all even if people consider them to be for whatever so called noble thing they do. People called you a hero even though you probably didn’t feel heroic at all. People saw you to be strong even though you thought you were weak. Child of Zeus, we want to offer you not only our unconditional love and care, we want to offer our help so you could diminish those burdens you carry on your shoulders. We want you to feel free and as light as the winds so you can try and find your happiness.”

~

The things that the aurae had told you took a lot to process. You didn’t know whether to be angry because they didn’t help sooner or feel grateful that they did their best to watch over you. You kept to yourself for a few days as you tried to figure out where your feelings were in the equation. The aurae did everything just as before. They set up your bath and made you food. They invited you to play but you’d turn them down often. You just wanted to think. 

You thought about it day and night. When you bathed and when you ate. It plagued your mind but you finally decided on something. You missed Renjun. You wanted to be with him. You wanted to know how he was doing. But you didn’t want to go back to being the same person. You wanted to change for the better. You wanted to be a person that you would feel proud of when looking in the mirror. And you wanted to be the person that would make Renjun smile and not have to worry about the burdens you had once carried.

You spoke with the aurae the following morning when you made your decision. She smiled warmly and it almost seemed like she wanted to tear up. But she led you away with a few other aurae and spoke to you about the exercises and other events that you would partake in. It was like being part of a therapy group or session. But it felt more like home than a hospital. Day after day you realized new things, learned how to control your emotions better, and realized that looking into the mirror wasn’t too hard anymore. You were starting to like it and even smiled back at the child that was now reflecting back in the mirror you had once saw a broken soul in.

~

When you had decided that you felt more like yourself than you ever had you spoke with the aurae about going back home. Your previous home. She asked you many questions wondering if you truly felt like you could face your past. The smile that you had would be forever engraved in the aurae’s memory when thinking about you. The aurae gave you some essentials to take on your way back. 

“Take care of yourself demigod and do not forget that we consider you family. You can come back anytime. Maybe you could bring along the other demigod that you fancy.”

“I will make sure to do so,” you giggled. You became a bit more serious after the joke.

“Thank you. I really appreciate all that you have done for me and I will never stop repaying you for your kindness.” The aurae smiled warmly, like a mother does when looking at her child, and let you go along your way. You looked back one last time and let yourself fall, the wind whistling around you as you controlled the winds and made your way to the place you knew you would find Renjun.

~

Renjun was the first to take a good and proper look at you. You had already sensed his presence but made no move of acknowledgment. Before you landed near the cliff that you always found comfort in, you made the wind make your landing as soundless as you could. The mountain wasn’t too far above from the field of flowers. You were still able to see Renjun’s face clearly from where you stood. He looked disheveled and you wondered what exactly had happened to Renjun while you were gone. He had a look you knew all too well. It hurt you. You started walking towards the field, knowing that Renjun would see you.

Renjun was lost in his thoughts. He thought he was daydreaming or even hallucinating when he saw a figure that seemed to resemble yours. Could it be? Renjun stood up and watched as  you walked through the flowers. The wind started to pick up in a gentle but strong breeze and Renjun felt a wave of nostalgia hit him as hard as his tears. He remembered feeling the surprise of seeing you for the first time back then when you had been in a bad place. He remembered your stormy eyes clearly and the sickly pale hue that your skin had. Seeing you now, Renjun realized there was no trace of that. There was no reckless power surrounding you. No, your power felt mostly tranquil with a touch of lightning. You seemed to be a different person. One he didn’t know if he could recognize deep down.

You looked so beautiful, the way you made the breeze pass through the field of flowers. The blue sky, the different types of colorful flowers and the gentle breeze made you look alive. Your face no longer looked like that of a person who went through war and came back broken. You had come back and were pieced back together in all the right places. Your smile was the most genuine he had ever seen and he wanted to do nothing more than watch you all day as you looked carefree and happy for once.  

“Hey, DaVinci. How’s this for a painting?”

“Divine.” Renjun muttered. His head felt fuzzy. Or maybe that was his heart. Or was it both? Renjun felt so many feelings surging through his body. He felt light but at the same time there was a suffocating heaviness that clawed its way to his heart. He loved seeing you smile but at the same time it angered him. You set your gaze on him while he stood still on the edge of the small cliff. 

“Should the Prince come to his lover? Or should the lover go to their Prince?” Renjun turned the brightest red you had ever seen taint his cheeks. You thought you saw anger flash through his sorrow filled eyes. He wanted to snap back at you but how would he? You left him almost speechless. Almost.

“I hate you.” Your smile was still there but your eyes were sad. Renjun’s sad expression turned to a pained one. His fists were clenched tightly, his posture seemed tense but you could see how unstable he was really. He looked at you hard as the tears welled up in his eyes again.

“I hate you I hate you I hate you!” His voice echoed out into the sky. 

“Do you mean that?” He hated hearing your voice because he missed you so much. He had been close to the edge just like you but now you were here, pulling him back to safety. Renjun felt a soft wind brush against his cheek and another breeze that ran through his hair. Renjun was beautiful. He was heavenly. The most beautiful demigod you had ever seen. No one could compare to him in your eyes. But Renjun stood on the cliff almost sobbing. He tried to breathe, sniffing quite often, his eyes closing tightly to get rid of the tears, and his lips quivering. He liked to pretend that he was strong. That no demigod or monster, not even a god, could bring down Athena’s most gifted child. Huang Renjun liked to think that he could take on anything. But he was wrong because Huang Renjun could take anything in the world except his heart being broken by you. 

“No,” he whispered. Your eyes were very apologetic. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Then why’d you leave!? Why did you do that to me? I told you what I felt. I told you that I wouldn’t destroy myself over you. But I ended up destroying myself completely without you.”

“Renjun, I came back.” Renjun shook his head, almost in denial, as he let his hands come up and cover his ears. He couldn’t take hearing his name coming from your sultry lips.

“I thought you were dead. I thought you wouldn’t c-come back.” It broke you. Seeing how the mature and strong Renjun you once knew had crumbled into a sad and scared child at your disappearance. You really hadn’t seen to what extent Renjun cared for you. Renjun kept sniffling and rambling about how you left him and how he missed you so much even though he knew he was the one who walked away first. He went on about how scared he was that he would have had to come to the moment where he’d find your lifeless body somewhere.

And you couldn’t take it anymore. It was in an instant that you landed softly in front of Renjun who had already fallen to his knees. You pushed him into your hug and held him closely. He let himself be enveloped in your embrace. You let an arm wrap around his shoulder and let your other hand thread through his hair gently. Renjun’s cries turned into soft whimpers and hiccups after a while. Your eyes started stinging and you realized that your own set of tears were dripping onto Renjun’s hair. 

You looked down at him and noticed how his tears had made a dry outline around his eyelashes. His nose was red and in pain from crying. He stared at you with droopy eyes.

“I missed you.” You smiled softly.

“I’m sorry. It took too long for me to come back. But I’m here now. I’m here and I bring with me pure and brighter love just for you.” Renjun seemed to want to get closer to you as he held onto you tightly.

“Promise?”

“I promise.” It took a little while as you let the cold breeze brush against Renjun’s face in a relaxing manner. You always reminded Renjun of autumn. A bright reddish leaf flying blindly and carelessly in the wind. But now, as he let himself stare into your eyes full of life, he thought you to be like a colorful tree in autumn. Touched by the wind and rain but rooted in its place. 

“I love you.”

“I love you too my Prince.” Renjun thought you to be autumn and imagined an autumn sky and cool breeze when you kissed. When your lips parted from his he spoke up again, strength finding its way to his voice.

“Don’t you ever leave again. No matter what.” You laughed.

“Even if you tell me to go away?” He glared at you.

“I don’t care. If I ever say that then it’s bullshit.” You closed your eyes while a smile found its way to your lips.

“How’s the weather Prince Renjun?” He hummed softly.

“Perfectly windy.”

[daeguzen]

Feeling Blue

PAIRING | n.jm x f. reader

GENRE | angst

WORD COUNT | 1.7k

NOTE | hey guys, this is a rewrite of feeling blue. i’m not going to make a separate post of this fic, i’m just placing the rewrite here in the original post. as before, it is a little short and it’ll have an updated part two. 

SUMMARY | na jaemin had been your classmate for most of your school life. at one point you were close friends, until he expanded his social circle, leaving you behind. but still, you could confidently say you were in love with him to the point where all your classmates were well aware of your pining for him. but he didn’t reciprocate those feelings, always trying to gently push you away. maybe you spent too much time daydreaming on what could have been instead of facing reality. jaemin found that your love was too much for him to handle. ultimately, he decides to shoot his shot with the girl he does like, even if it means breaking your heart.

Slightly moving your head behind the pillar you stood behind, you looked into the distance at a boy. You noticed how jovial he looked, a smile gracing his lips and laughter bubbling up like a sweet tune. It made your heart leap and your cheeks flush with pink as you admired him. He was someone who was so beautiful on the outside and inside. Everything about him was admirable, from his kind words to his smart tone in class.

Na Jaemin simply had a way of roping people in. Even if his personality was sweet there was something you couldn’t put your finger on that exuded a certain type of uniqueness about him. It was something that attracted you deeply and you could almost say that you were well on your path of falling in love. The thought made you chuckle and you thought to yourself, how would it feel to have a beautiful romance with him?

You were taken out of your thoughts when the bell rang, signaling for students to return to their classes. You took a final good look at Jaemin and smiled. One day, you would have the courage to confess your feelings. You’d be able to sing them if possible but for now, talking to him as is would be enough. You walked out of your hiding spot, hands in your coat pockets. You followed Jaemin’s footsteps, leaving some distance between the two of you. You were so focused on him that you almost missed Jeno’s nudge on Jaemin’s arm as he signaled towards you. 

You didn’t look away, hoping Jaemin would notice you and he did. He looked at you for a second and then looked away. You pouted a little, noticing his face was void of any expression. He continued talking to his friends, a few of them laughing and you wondered if they were teasing the both of you. His whole group knew of your crush on him, it wasn’t exactly a secret well kept.

Students poured into the hallways and walked towards their classrooms. You made your way to the back, finding your seat and settling down. Your eyes were still trained on Jaemin’s figure when he walked in, taking his assigned seat in front of you. He didn’t pay you any attention when suddenly a voice spoke to you on your right.

“Y/N, did you study for today’s math quiz?”  You looked over to your friend, Min, and smiled.

“I did. Did you?” You heard her laugh.

“I'm going to fail. Unless, you know…you help me?” You roll your eyes at her.

“I’m not going to help you cheat,” Min whined, “it’s wrong and you should’ve studied so deal with it.” 

“Goody two shoes as always.”

“If you know then don’t ask.” She gasped, playfully smacking your shoulder and you reciprocated. As the teacher was walking in you took a moment to whisper to the boy in front of you.

“Good luck on the quiz Nana.” He turned slightly, his body tense, and whispering lowly just one word,

“Thanks.”

~

You've known Na Jaemin since you were ten. He was the boy who had moved into the house across from yours. You remember your curiosity towards him, seeing him jump out of the car and laugh happily as he stood in front of his new home. You remembered seeing his mother smile and thinking that she’d given him his smile. They looked almost identical. His father had started to unload some of their things and Jaemin happily helped, giggling as his father ruffled his hair. They looked so happy. 

It wasn’t until the following week that you met him formally. Your mother had been kind enough to bake some pastries for his family and had brought you along. Jaemin’s mother seemed happy as she took your mother away into the kitchen leaving you and Jaemin alone in the living room. 

“Hi! My name is Jaemin. What’s yours?” He looked so bright you wondered if it would ever become blinding to look at him so much. You shyly smiled.

“My name is Y/N.”

“Y/N, that’s a pretty name.” You had blushed pink and he laughed.

“I have some video games if you wanna play.”  You didn’t say anything but opted to just nod instead. 

That day Jaemin taught you that Mario Kart was a deadly game. You also learned that when he smiled at you, your heartbeat ran a little faster and you wondered if that was normal.

~

It didn’t take long for you to fall for Jaemin. He was everything you could ever ask for. He remained your friend for sometime. Not one of your closest friends but still a friend. By the time you had both started school Jaemin found a new group of friends. You soon came to the realization that maybe Jaemin was forgetting about you. He no longer texted you and he barely spoke to you. He’d respond if you’d tell him good morning or he’d give you a small wave.

A few years passed and you found yourself in high school, still stuck in the same loop. You knew Jaemin knew of your crush on him. If it wasn’t for you being so obvious he would’ve been oblivious to the fact. But your adoring stares and cute little gifts on random days and on holidays made him realize what you felt. He never acted upon them. Never mentioned a word about your feelings. And it stayed like that. 

Sometimes Jaemin would find you waiting for him outside of his music classroom. A candy or chocolate in hand. He couldn’t escape it as you’d call out his name and hand him the snack. He’d reject it softly, trying to make some excuse but you always ended up getting your way. Even if it meant putting it in his backpacks side pocket. 

“You need a little something for the day.” You’d grin at him and he’d stop himself from letting out a sigh.

“You really don’t need to, I’m fine-” but you would never let him finish. You would smile at him and hurry off to wherever you were headed to. 

It wasn’t that Jaemin didn’t like you. Yes you were cute but he wasn’t interested in that way. Because truly, Jaemin already had his heart set on someone and it wasn’t you.

~

“Why can’t you just tell her? She’s going to find out eventually.” Jaemin groaned in frustration. 

“I just, I feel  bad hurting her you know? It’s not something I want to do. I wish it were just as simple as telling her to leave me alone but even when I deny her gifts she doesn’t want to hear it. She just runs away pushing her gifts onto me.” Renjun pitied his friend. Truly. But he also hated him for his stupidity.

“Jaemin, the more you prolong this the more hurt she’s going to be in the end. Tell her the truth or this is going to come back and bite you.” Jeno perked up.

“Nana, Renjun’s right. If you don’t end this, things will get worse.” 

“How do I tell her I’m not into her without her being all, oh no it’s okay I'll just try harder,” Jaemin rolled his eyes, “it’s just not going to happen. She’s not gonna leave me alone.” 

Jeno looked at him, “She won't stop with that mentality of yours then.” Jaemin placed his head on the table and wrapped his arms around his head. He heard another boy speak up.

“Why don’t you be a little mean about it then?” Jaemin peaked through his arms to find Chenle staring back at him. His eyebrows furrowed at the statement.

“What do you mean?” 

“What if you say it in a way that comes off strong. Or you could always ask Sunmi out.” Jaemin flushed.

“I-I- can’t ask her out. She’ll say no.”

“Jaemin, she legit likes you back.”

“How do you know that?” Chenle grinned at Jaemin’s reaction.

“I overheard her talking with her friends. Jaemin just shoot your shot. You’ll be killing two birds with one stone.” Jaemin hesitated for a second. He looked up to the other boys but they all shrugged.

Renjun was the only one who spoke up, “Do what you have to do and do what you think is right. That’s all I can tell you.” Jaemin went back into his resting position. His cheeks were still burning as he thought of asking out Sunmi. 

~

The following Monday you returned to school. You happily walked down the hall with your friend when someone caught your eye. You raised your hand to smile at him and greet him when you stopped halfway. Your smile diminished with each passing second as you saw him wrap his arms around Sunmi. He looked down towards her and you felt your heart stop as his lips leaned in to kiss hers. 

Min looked towards you, worried at your crestfallen face. Your hand that had been up to greet him retracted and suddenly you couldn’t breathe properly. Was this the pain of a heartbreak? It was like feeling cold prickling needles all over your body and in your heart. You wanted to look away, to keep walking and forget what you saw. But you couldn’t help but think about the boy you had thought to be walking around with your first kiss. His dashing smile was the one you wanted to wake up to in the mornings. His arms were the ones you wanted the warmth of and now, they all belonged to someone else.

Turning around hastily, you found your feet taking you to the bathroom stalls. You closed the door and took a moment to breathe properly before breaking down. You crouched, wrapping your arms around your legs and tucking your head. You didn’t want to cry. You weren't supposed to be crying over some boy. But here you were, crying over Na Jaemin. Hurt that he’d been crushing on someone that wasn’t you.

Maybe you had idealized that dream that he would have eventually fallen for you. But it wasn’t like that as you were met with the repercussions of the hard truth. Jaemin didn’t like you and it hurt because you loved him so much.

[daeguzen]

NCT Dream Reactions - Falling in Love with Jeno’s Younger Sister

NCT Dream x Fem Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1.8k

Note: It’s all fluffy. ^~^ 

Summary: NCT Dream boys reacting to finding out they are in love with you and not knowing how to deal with it because you were Jeno’s little sister. As much as they loved you, they’d rather live beside you and not be killed by Jeno.

Requested by anon

Mark:

Mark was the boy all of the Dreamies looked up to. This included Jeno. Mark in turn, loved all the boys as if they were truly brothers. He was quirky in his own way, made jokes, and was blunt at times. And you didn’t understand why but you just fell in love with him for all of that and more. At first Mark treated you more like a friend or so he thought. It took anyone with a brain to see that he cared for you a lot more than just a friend. He’d even go as far as writing you a song. Now what friend would write a song that was based upon love for just a friend? No one with common sense. Jeno was the one who told him that he liked you and Mark just couldn’t see it at first. But then it kept coming back to him and soon he realized that he did like you. And then his eyes would start to linger more on your smile, his hugs would become more comfortable and he’d even go as far as holding your hand often. When Mark confessed to you he kept stuttering over his words and you giggled shyly opting to lean in and leave a lingering kiss on his lips. He nuzzled his head into the crook of your neck and sighed contently. And then he got annoyed when the boys started yelling and Haechan said something, then Jeno threatened him which at first seemed like a joke but his eyes said otherwise. As he once said, these kids were truly terrifying.

Renjun:

Renjun would be such a sweet heart to you. Although he tends to be sassy he finds that you’re the type to catch his drift pretty quickly and throw back a few remarks of your own. But he’s also very sentimental so when he saw you for the first time, his best friend's and band mate's younger sister, he knew he was smitten. It wasn’t weird to him at all falling in love with the eye smile that resembled Jeno’s. He rarely thought about that because to him that smile was unique to you only. Jeno and Haechan would probably catch on to him quickly and tease him. However, he’d come around one night to ask Jeno about you and have a serious heart to heart conversation about you. Jeno would accept his friends feelings and trust Renjun with his sweet baby sister. Once Renjun would build up the confidence to ask you out you’d hug him lovingly. The boys would gag at first but secretly adore you two with the exception of Jaemin who wouldn’t gag at all. He’d promote you guys and Renjun would do that little yell he does when he’s frustrated telling him to shut up.

Jeno:

Jeno would be very skeptical about the boys. These were the boys he grew up with and they all lived with each other for years so he knew them as well as he knew himself. His doubt didn’t lie with the whole not falling in love with your best friends younger sister bro code. His doubt rooted from knowing them all to well and picking their personalities apart. He knew that if you fell in love with one of them that he wouldn’t be able to do too much. Your heart was yours and you decided who you wanted to love. But he wanted to protect you to the best of his abilities. He’d think about the little things that would clash with your kind personality. Mark’s insecurities, Renjun’s sassiness, Haechan’s mischievousness, Jaemin’s stubbornness, Chenle’s sarcasm, and Jisung’s inexperience. But although he had all of these thoughts roaming in his head, you’d have your most serious brother and sister conversation about where your heart was in the situation and that you’d be able to take care of yourself. But you at least gave him full permission to scare the boys if they stepped far out of line with you. And Jeno? He was totally okay with that.

Haechan:

This boy. As all the boys knew, Haechan was quite mischievous. But deep down they saw that  he had a heart of gold. He adjusted his pace to match with Jeno’s personality so that meant a lot about how Haechan took others feelings into consideration. When he first met you he was like, this is your sister? How the fudge? But she’s so cute. Haechan was touchy and playful and did not leave you alone. Which caused Jeno to frequently hold his hand and crush it while smiling down at a fidgeting and struggling Haechan. He’d apologize but go back to being playful. You got along with Haechan so well and you had even become his Overwatch partner. One day as your eating with your older brother you ask him something serious. “Jeno, what would you say if I by chance. . . hadacrushonhaechan?” He’d be like “I’m sorry but what? My friend Haechan? That one? The one who gets too close to you?” You pout but Jeno puts his chopsticks down and tells you to look at him. He tells you he can’t control who you like and if you like Haechan then it’s okay because although they mess around he knows that Haechan would never purposely do anything to hurt you. You might have teared up a bit at your brothers words. The next day comes by and Haechan’s just watching a movie when you out of nowhere kiss him on the cheek. He looks at you with surprise and all you do is grab his hand in yours tracing the words I love you on his palm. Haechan feels that this is serious and is so excited when you two start talking about your feelings. He even went as far as telling all the boys about you two in such a loud manner but that still didn’t save him from Jeno’s wrath.

Jaemin:

Jaemin knew he was a goner when he met you. The thing was, he was best friends with Jeno for so long. He thought you were cute and would coo at you all the time. Those damn eye smiles you threw at him would be enough to end him one day. He felt nervous though. He knew Jeno trusted him but what would he say if he told him about being in love with his sweet baby sister. Jeno would already know Jaemin’s feelings before he even processed them himself. He could tell Jaemin’s mood swings all the time and so his feelings of affection were no different. But Jeno was closed off with certain things so one day he came to you and asked if you liked anyone. You were rather blunt and responded by saying Jaemin’s name. You two spoke about Jaemin all with a good heart. You told him that you loved Jaemin very much and Jeno accepted this. It was your life anyway but at least it was someone he trusted with his life. You didn’t let Jaemin torture himself any longer with those feelings of doubt as you confessed your feelings to him in the cutest way possible. Instead of him going all out and confessing first as “boys should” you were the one who bought him his favorite candies, his terrible concoction of coffee and two necklaces that were for the both of you to wear. Everyone saw it coming and no one complained because they knew Jaemin had the most sweetest heart on this planet and if he deserved to be happy with anyone it should be you.

Chenle:

When Jeno mentioned that his sister was going to come over to meet his friends Chenle was excited. It wasn’t everyday that a new friend was added to the group. When you arrived you sat next to Jeno on the couch. Chenle had to go to the bathroom but when he came out and spotted you he swore you were an angel. You resembled Jeno only when you smiled. It was the Lee smile that started to lure him in. You hung out a lot with Chenle and Jisung from then on because they were about your age and you liked mobile games a lot. However, it was hard for everyone except Jaemin and Jisung to tell that Chenle liked you. Jaemin knew because well...he adored the two younger boys so he could tell from their eyes to their body language how they were feeling. Jisung was able to tell because they were best friends for life. He knew him like he knew the back of his hand. You were oblivious because you were so blinded by your own feelings you couldn’t see his. One day you were playing alone together and you asked Chenle if he’d ever fallen in love. He looked at you quickly and you looked away shyly, stuttering over your words. He put his phone away and told you to look at him. He said yes and noticed that you became sad, tears welling in your eyes even though your tried to stop them. He looked panicked, asking what was wrong and you told him that it’s okay if he loved someone else. That as long as he was happy you would be too. He understood the underlying meaning to this and told you to not cry, that the only girl he would ever love would be you. Jeno didn’t freak out. He respected your decision but didn’t miss the opportunity to threaten the poor boy telling him that if he ever hurt you he was a dead man.

Jisung:

Jisung was so terribly awkward and shy around you. He wouldn’t be able to process his feelings well, not knowing how to properly handle them because it was his first time. You were very obvious about your feelings and the boys could all see this. Usually they would tease Jisung about liking you and he wouldn’t say anything because he knew it was true. One day Jisung sees you being a little too close with Jaemin and he immediately goes to Chenle, asking him for advise on how to confess to you. Chenle gives him surprisingly great advise for being someone so young. He also tells Jisung to talk to Jeno first and he does. Jeno is very serious when talking to Jisung about you because he knows the two of you are very young. He wants Jisung to understand what it is he truly wanted. And he truly wanted to be by your side. So when Jisung comes along and confesses to you sweetly your surprised because you thought that either you’d be the first to muster up that confidence or that he wouldn’t say anything to you. The other dreamies coddle the both of you nonstop after realizing that the two of you were finally together.

[daeguzen]

Heaven Knows I’m Miserable

PAIRING | h.rj x g.n reader x ft. l.jn

GENRE | angst

WORD COUNT | 5.1k

NOTE | this one was for my anon, you know who you are <3. feels a bit rushed to me so i apologize if you get that feel while reading this. let’s be honest, artist renjun will always be one of my favorite ways of writing him. the title of the story was inspired by the smiths. although I don’t remember the lyrics, this does not coincide with the actual song just to let you all know. I’m pretty sure. anyway here it is ^~^ 

WARNING | just pure angst

REQUESTED | anon

SUMMARY | you didn’t ask to fall in love with huang renjun of all people. you were too scared to lose the friendship of the boy you’ve known since elementary school. but your wishes went by unheard as your relationship becomes turbulent. you have to face that the heavens had another path set for you, one where the clocks of your hearts inevitably miss one another.

Renjun was sweet and kind; he was like a nice cup of coffee on a windy winter evening. He was always warm and comforting no matter how much he’d complain for you to get off of him. It was always like this for you. Comparing Renjun to the nice things in life. Meeting him was the best part of your childhood. Five year old Renjun painting smiley faces and his parents on a big orange construction paper was what made you approach him. Asking to sit next to him wasn’t so hard for you because you were a little more outspoken than he was during that time.

     You always remembered vividly meeting Renjun. The class was very big in your five year old eyes. There were blue chairs and desks where you could place your books inside. There was a pretty rug in one corner that had the image of piano keys on the border. Your class had been given time to play and you couldn’t help notice how lonely Renjun looked. He was wearing a simple pair of black jeans and a striped black and red sweatshirt. His brown hair almost covered his eyes entirely. He was always very quiet and respectful to his teachers but Renjun rarely spoke to the other kids and so you found it in your heart to feel compassion for him. That was how you walked up to Renjun, a big smile on your face, and the question falling quickly from your little lips. 

     Renjun was always shy. He enjoyed looking at things from afar and keeping to himself. He told himself that it was okay but he was still a child and longed for the comfort of having someone to share his precious crayons with. So when you went up to him and asked if you could draw with him, he didn’t say anything. Instead he started to blush and slowly nodded his head as he gently pushed his crayon box towards the middle of the two desks. You giggled happily at the reaction.

     You noticed that Renjun kept more to himself but after a while of trying harder, he warmed up to you and by the end of the school year you two were inseparable. You’d never given up on being his first best friend. Elementary school, to you, were the best years with Renjun. The only thing you ever truly worried about was having time to hang out with Renjun. You would be by his side at all times. That time he fell off the slide and scraped his knee badly you felt your little heart break. You realized then that you hated to see Renjun cry. His eyes were red and his face stained with tears. When his parents came over to see what had happened they saw you hugging Renjun tightly, telling him that it’ll be okay. Renjun stuck even closer to your side ever since. 

     It went on like that all through middle school. Middle school was the time of cringe and terrible memories. Haircuts that were straight up in your face, music blasting in your ears. Being among your group of people. But most importantly to you, middle school was Renjun painting alongside you in the comfort of your basement. Maybe that’s why you ended up falling in love. Renjun was an artist. His cute little stick figures and pretty choice of colors evolved into pretty landscapes of oceans, mountains, and anything else that came to Renjun’s mind. You liked to do sketches at times but you weren’t as good as Renjun even though he liked to tell you otherwise. 

     Vintage was cool. Record players, vinyl’s, 80’s music, and typewriters. You loved it all. Renjun sort of noticed your love for music. He’d get you vinyl records of your favorite bands and you’d jump around in happiness thinking that he really did know you. You never told anyone but you loved music just as Renjun loved art. You started writing your own songs in middle school but you were afraid of your work. You were afraid that you weren’t good enough. So you let art overshadow your dreams and pushed forward because it made Renjun smile. 

     Renjun’s paintings became more interesting in high school. He was never one to do portraits. It’s not that he didn’t like them, he just thought they were...special. Different. Personal. He was extraordinary when it came to still life’s and watercolor paintings but he always preferred using graphite. He liked seeing what the movement of his charcoal tainted hands produced on the paper. He liked to use smooth Bristol boards. He also liked running his clean hand over the smooth paper sometimes. Maybe it was weird but he liked the feel of it.

     If art could be personified he’d fall in love immediately. You always enjoyed seeing the cute little furrow of his eyebrows, the concentration in his eyes, and the judging look he’d give his work. Was he ever satisfied with what he produced? No. You can never go back with an art piece, you can go forward. But even if you go forward there is somewhere you must stop. Renjun always thought about this. Even if you encouraged him not to. 

     The first three years of high school were nice. You grew up noticeably. You had that mature aura about you but at the same time you were a child at heart. It was a beautiful part of your personality. You noticed Renjun’s change as well. Everyone at school saw it. Your shy and timid friend grew up into a beautiful boy whose eyes reflected the millions of stars in the sky. Renjun’s voice became a bit deeper and you couldn’t help but fall in love with him more when he sang to you. He never truly understood how much you’d give to be the one who’d hold his hand not only as a friend but as a lover. 

     Unfortunately, it didn’t turn out the way you wanted. You held onto the small piece of hope that Renjun could like you back. Perhaps love you like you loved him. Even your classmates refrained themselves from making any moves because they thought that you two were eventually going to get together if you weren’t at the time. You two had even been chosen as the pair to take the best friends and possibly best couple picture for the yearbook. The survey had not been sent out yet but the students were already planning ahead. 

     It was obvious to anyone the way you looked at him and the way you would talk about him. Everyone saw it except Renjun.

~

     It started with the girl who walked into your art class midway into October. She had this chill vibe about her that you couldn’t help but notice. You were very observant of people and even if you wanted to hate her you simply couldn’t. You knew she was cute and Renjun seemed to think so too. When you saw him staring at her you knew that maybe he really never did think about you in that light like you did with him. You had lost him to some other girl.

     He looked at her like he looked at paintings that he admired from his favorite artists. He was in awe and completely starstruck. It hurt because you knew that he never looked at you with those eyes. You hadn’t said much to him after class because all he talked about was the cute girl in the combat boots. He couldn’t have known how easily he’d broken your heart piece by piece. It was excruciating and he didn’t notice anything. You had become too good at hiding your own emotions around him and you wondered if that made you a terrible friend.

     Soon enough Renjun would make excuses. Something you never thought he’d do to you. You would ask him to see a movie, he’d say he was going to watch it with her. You’d ask if he’d like to go to the new exhibit you knew he liked and he’d say that he already went. He kept bringing up excuses and you wondered if he ever realized what he was doing. You remembered meeting timid little Renjun with his box of crayons in the corner of the room alone. But all you saw was a boy whose confidence had emerged and tried hard to get what he wanted. And he wanted to love and be loved by her. Not you.

     Renjun came and went without realizing. That was when you started to change. You were never artistic. Well, not in Renjun’s sense. Your type of art was music. You wrote lyrics and although it takes time for some people to eventually write what they would consider a good song, it came easily for you. You were like a musical prodigy. You indulged yourself with so much music that you started to forget how it was like to be with Renjun. Through this path you ended up becoming friends with the quiet boy from your music class.

     Many thought him to be cold and rude but you knew better. Lee Jeno looked and sounded a little scary but he was the biggest sweetheart you’d ever come across in your lifetime. It started when Jeno passed by the music shop you worked at. It surprised you but as soon as you saw him wandering to the 80’s section you knew he had fine taste in music. 

     “If I were you I’d listen to a few of the songs first. Like Come on Eileen by Dexys Midnight Runners. Looking for something a little more on the slower heartfelt side? Don’t Dream It’s Over by Crowded House. Great song.” Jeno looked at you with that same stone cold expression and you thought that maybe you spoke a bit too much.

     You muttered, “Or not. I’ll be by the counter if you need any assistance.” Before you could walk away Jeno spoke.

     “Any other recommendations?” You looked up to him and noticed how his eyes softened only slightly. You waited a few seconds before speaking up.

     “Ever heard of the Smiths?” You concluded that Jeno had the cutest eye smile when he was happy or at least when he had come across someone who loved music just as he did. That was when the skies decided to place sweet Jeno in your life. In a way he replaced the hole in your life but he also seemed to bring something entirely new to your life.  You were able to have someone to talk to who felt just as passionately about much as you did. You never argued with Jeno about your differences but instead listened to each other’s side of the story. It was completely new but Jeno understood you in ways that Renjun couldn’t. You were able to talk to him and he was able to read into your expressions a lot more than Renjun ever could.

~

     The school’s talent show auditions were announced in early March and Jeno had insisted that you sign up. You denied him every time he asked but he would not take no for an answer.  

     “Nono, I’m not going up on stage in front of anyone. What would I do anyway?” 

     “You’ll sing one of your own songs. Y/N, I promise you’ll do great. You have a beautiful voice and your songs are wonderful. I think you should do it.” Your face felt hot at Jeno’s words. He was so sweet and although he was a good friend, you always wondered if you’d develop feelings for him. But that always made you think back to Renjun and it would always cause that slow burn in your chest. You’d barely seen him at this point. Renjun was too busy getting to know little Miss Perfect. You wanted to hate her, you really did. You tried to push away the thoughts and instead focused on your music. The talent show would be a nice place to start showcasing your talent and even get feedback. Maybe Renjun would go if you asked. You hoped he would.

     You agreed to audition and Jeno was ecstatic. When the talent show came along, you told Renjun if he’d go but he said that he was going out with her. All the happiness you held fell from your face and Renjun wasn’t too blind to not notice it. He felt apologetic but it seemed obvious who his top priority was at this point.

     “Snoopy, I’m sorry. I promised her that I would take her to the new exhibit opening up here in Seoul. Let me make it up to you.” You smiled and waved him off, hastily collecting your belongings from your locker so you could head home. Renjun noticed your discomfort and before he could say anything you spoke.

     “It’s okay Junnie, I get it. Go have fun okay.” But Renjun kept saying that he’d make it up to you and you wished he’d go away. He offered to walk you home but it seemed that your prayers were answered when you felt Jeno’s arm wrap around your shoulder. You felt relieved.

     “Hey Snoopy, wanna walk home together?” Renjun looked close to committing murder.

     “Since when do you call Y/N by that nickname? Last time I checked she was my best friend not yours.”

“Renjun!” Jeno kept his expression cold just as Renjun did.

“I was given permission. Right Snoopy?” 

“Nono…” Renjun gave you an incredulous look. 

“Since when do you call him that? You’re on a nickname basis? I don’t understand why you’re hanging out with him. He doesn’t have any friends besides that weird Jaemin guy.” At this Jeno got defensive.

     “Watch your mouth Huang.”

     “I’m not scared of you. Y/N we’re going now.” Renjun tried to grab at your arm but you pushed yourself further into Jeno’s grasp causing Renjun to look at you with hurt evident in his eyes.

     “Snoopy?” 

     “I have some stuff to do with Jeno. Sorry Moomie. We can talk later.” You turned quickly, ignoring Renjun calling out your name in the middle of the hallway. 

     When you arrived at the front of your house you hid your face in Jeno’s jacket. Your heart hurt too much. You didn’t know but Jeno had mirrored your own emotions. His heart broke at the sight of you crying. It isn’t fair, he thought. Jeno couldn’t understand how Renjun was such a smartass but undeniably blind when it came to your feelings for him. It made Jeno wish he was in Renjun’s place. 

~

     During the time that you were getting ready for the talent show Jeno stood beside you, playing guitar and helping with your vocals. Jeno hadn’t signed up but you decided to pull a few strings by asking your teacher if Jeno could go up on stage alongside you with his guitar. With some convincing and a lot of asking the teacher agreed. 

     On the night of the talent show you rushed an unsuspecting Jeno behind stage.

     “Isn’t this just for performers?”

     “Yeah, you're a performer aren’t you? You play guitar.” Jeno chuckled.

     “Snoopy you know what I mean.” You smiled widely and Jeno seemed to understand what was going on. Shock was written all over Jeno’s face, a laugh of disbelief escaping him.

     “I didn’t even audition!”

     “I needed some acoustics so I asked and here you are.”

     “You lunatic. You absolute adorable little lunatic.” Those moments were the ones you cherished with Jeno. He looked like he couldn’t be happier and you felt the same.

~

     The talent show had gone amazing. Many people praised you for your song choice, your voice and Jeno had also gotten amazing praise for his harmony and guitar skills. Everything felt like it should until you saw Renjun walking hand in hand with her. You noticed the way they looked at each other and in that moment you knew that Renjun had finally done it. The rest of the day felt numbing. Jeno tried to cheer you up but no matter how hard he tried you didn’t budge. 

~

     Jeno ran his hand through your hair while you tried to focus on the movie you had been watching in your living room. 

     “You’re not going to tell him?”

     “I don’t have a reason to and it’s not like he’s going to ask anyway.” Jeno took your hand. You heard him sigh.

     “Y/N, I know you’re upset with him but you two have been best friends for a very long time.”

     “Jeno, he won’t care.”

     “Y/N, I know it’s been hard on you but no matter what, Renjun was and is your friend. He’s a bit stupid but you have to talk to him.” 

     You hated that Jeno was right. You didn’t want to have to face Renjun because you knew that things wouldn’t end on good terms. So you nodded and told Jeno that you would do it. 

     Renjun had practically ditched you for her. Even on days he’d talk to you in class or miraculously come over he only ever spoke to you about her and rarely anything else. When June came everyone was getting ready for graduation time. Your parents were excited and without telling you until the last day that Renjun’s family was going to come over for dinner. They couldn’t have known anything because you never told them. You dreaded it.

~

     “Y/N, Renjun’s told me that you planned on going to the same art university. Did you get accepted?” you looked at Renjun who just flashed you a smile which you wished you didn’t have to wash off. You smiled softly before speaking out.

     “Actually, I applied to another university.” Renjun stopped eating after your statement. He looked up to you and before anyone else said anything he spoke.

     “What? What do you mean you applied to another university? I thought we were going together.” All the parents looked at each other awkwardly.

     “Well, I was looking at other universities and I kind of just fell in love with this one.” When your eyes made their way back to Renjun he looked angry.

     “We promised to go together. Why wouldn’t you tell me anything about this?” You felt a powerful surge of anger course your body and before you could stop yourself you started to let out all that pent up resentment you kept for the past year.

     “Maybe if you weren’t too busy making out with little miss perfect in the art room you’d notice all the things I've done without you.” Renjun who looked taken aback, threw another remark at you.

     “This has nothing to do with her. We promised to go to that university together. It was our dream.” And that was where you lost it.

     “No Renjun! It was your dream. It was your dream to go to that university and study art. I never said that it was my dream because it wasn’t. But you’ve been too busy being the worst best friend that you didn’t even realize it. Do you even know what I want to study?” Renjun just looked at you. His gaze faltered but he whispered.

     “We were going to apply for the art program.” You shook your head, an emotionless laugh making its way out of your mouth.

     “It’s surprising just how little you know me after so many years. I wanted to study music Renjun,” and with that you got up leaving your parents in an awkward situation and Renjun in tears.

~

     Renjun didn’t approach you again. He looked at you longingly but it didn’t matter because she was at his side and so you never bothered. Why would you? Your supposed best friend didn’t know you as well as he thought he did. Graduation came by and you still had not spoken to each other. It was right after your graduation ceremony that Renjun decided he’d talk to you. 

     Renjun felt lost without you at his side. After the feud during dinner he felt like he was falling and spiraling out of control. His girlfriend had tried to comfort him but it was of no use. Renjun would look through old photographs of when you were kids and all the art projects he had saved. Through all of this he’d just break down and wonder where everything had gone wrong. Even after all this time he had not understood how major the consequences would be.

     When Renjun found you Jeno had been by your side. You two looked so happy together and something about the scene bothered Renjun terribly. You were supposed to be looking at him like that, not Jeno. Because he was your best friend and not Jeno. Jeno couldn’t know about the time you scraped your knee in the third grade and tried hard not to cry because Renjun would cry even harder. He felt bad because it was his fault that you had fallen. He was the one who was supposed to hug you and spin and scream in joy that you two had finally finished high school. But he ended up being taken away by his girlfriend and he didn’t see when the tears of joy turned into tears of sadness. Huang Renjun had taken your heart as a friend but didn’t realize that you meant to give it to him as a lover. Seeing him smiling softly at her made you realize that your friendship with Renjun died during that graduation. 

     That same week you started packing. The one thing you didn’t tell Renjun was that the music school you applied to was not in Seoul but all the way in New York. All the way to the other side of the world. You hadn’t told him anything but through your talkative friend Haechan, Renjun found out that you weren’t planning on staying for long.

     Renjun was extremely pissed off and tried to find you at your house. Before he could get there he saw you playing around at the park with Jeno. Renjun had never wanted to beat someone up so badly because it seemed that Jeno could never stay away from you. He walked up right in front of you, surprising you immediately.

     “So when were you planning on telling me?”

     You blinked in confusion. “I’m sorry?” 

     “Don’t act stupid. When were you going to tell me that you and Jeno were going to the same university?” You looked at him, realization dawning on your features.

     “It’s not like you asked.”

     “That was our thing Y/N! We were supposed to go together! You’ve barely known Jeno but you’re going to study alongside him? What the actual fuck?” It was a rare sight to see Renjun seriously angry over something. You had never fought with him, at least not like this. 

     Sometimes Jeno thought that you wouldn’t have made a good couple. And that was because he thought that you and Renjun were just too alike. Just like right now.

     “Excuse me, but the university I want to apply to is my decision. Not yours and definitely not ours. It’s no longer us Renjun. It stopped being that way ever since you saw her.” Renjun wanted to scream in frustration. 

     “Why the hell do you always have to drag my girlfriend into this. This has nothing to do with her!”

     You cried out at this, “It has everything to do with her because I loved you first!” Renjun tried to process your words. You couldn’t have loved him, he would have noticed it. But Renjun couldn’t say anything. It was like he had lost his voice. Renjun couldn’t stand seeing the tears fall down your face and in that split second so many things crossed Renjun’s mind. All of the things you had ever done for him. 

     “I loved you with all of my heart. I was there for you when you needed someone. I was there for you when you were telling yourself that your art wasn’t worth it. I was always there! I tried to be a good friend but I couldn’t help my feelings. I couldn’t push them away and I had a bit of hope that maybe you’d like me too. But the moment you saw her walk into the art class, you had that look in your eyes and I knew that I had lost you. You fell in love with her and you left me. You left me Renjun. Did you even remember my 18th birthday?” Renjun teared up as he was trying to explain himself.

     “I would never miss your birthday you know that.” You glared at him.

     “Then where were you on my birthday?”

     “Snoopy don’t you remember that I asked if you wanted to get ice cream?” You laughed bitterly.

     “You asked but do you remember showing up?” And that’s when all the pieces started falling together to create the bigger picture.

     “You didn’t show up for Christmas either. I bought tickets to the art exhibit but you told me you had already gone with her. I spent my allowance on those tickets. Jeno agreed to go with me and I didn’t even have to ask.” He wanted to reach out to you but you didn’t let him.

     “S-snoopy.” 

     “You didn’t even know what I wanted to study. You didn’t show up to the talent show. You didn’t show up for my birthday. You didn’t even say anything when I told you I got my driver’s license. You weren’t there.”

     “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. But I’m here now.” Renjun took the sleeve of his worn out jacket to wipe away at the tears. 

     “I’m here now Snoopy and we can fix this. I’ll be a better friend I promise.” 

     “I already made a better friend. Someone who actually knows me and understands me. He listens to me and knows what I’m passionate about. Renjun, you don’t seem to understand what I’ve been saying.” This was what Renjun was dreading you’d say.

     “There is no us anymore. There never was. I’m done being treated like this.” Renjun panicked.

     “Snoopy you don’t mean that.” Renjun tried to pull you towards him, to hug you and apologize for not being better. You didn’t let him.

     “Come on Jeno.” You walked away with Jeno, your hand holding his and Renjun didn’t know what to do. You left him there crying.

     “Snoopy come back.”

~

     Renjun liked to keep to himself. But you sat next to him that one day in class and asked him about his drawing. He was awkward when it came to making friends but you made your way into his life rather easily. You were his best friend and now he had lost you.

     Renjun thought he had to be the dumbest person to have ever walked the planet. How could he have been so stupid and blind to your feelings? To how much you cared for him. He concluded that he was truly a fucking idiot. 

     Renjun tried to contact you because he couldn’t leave things off like that. He tried to call and text you but it seemed that you had taken the liberty of blocking him on everything. It hurt like fucking hell but what could he do. Instead he decided to stop by your house, unknowing that he had been too late.

     He knocked on your door and was greeted by your mother. 

     “Hello Renjun, what brings you here?” he smiled softly and shifted awkwardly.

     “Is uh Y/N home?” Renjun was quick to notice the shock on her face. Then he registered what seemed to be pity.

     “Renjun, Y/N’s not home. I’m guessing Y/N didn’t tell you.” His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

     “Tell me what?”

     “Y/N left for university with Jeno this morning. They’re on the plane.” Renjun’s heart broke. Shattered. That was the look that Renjun wore on his delicate features.

     “P-plane? W-what do you mean plane!? Y/N never said anything about a plane.”

     “Renjun, sweetheart I’m truly sorry. Y/N applied to a music school in New York with Jeno. They decided to leave early to get settled over there before classes. I would have thought Y/N would have told you. I’m terribly sorry Renjun.”

     You left the country to go study fucking music with Lee fucking Jeno.

~

     It had been five years in New York and they had been the most blissful. Especially with Jeno at your side. You worked hard and felt that this was where you were supposed to be. You lost contact with Renjun in all the time you were studying abroad. When you finally decided to go back you let your mom know. You weren’t expecting to see Renjun sitting outside your house but there he was.

     Renjun had always been beautiful. He had this boyish charm about him that you used to like. But seeing that same charm now, it just made you nostalgic. It did hurt seeing him but because you hadn’t realized how badly you missed your friend. 

     “Hey Snoopy. I missed you.”

     “I missed you too Moomie.” Renjun hugged you closely, not wanting to let you go ever again.

~      But Renjun seemed to still be as dumb as ever. At thirty years old, you were walking down the aisle. A beautiful dress that seemed to have come from a book of fairy tales beautifully wrapped itself around you. You walked and walked and stood in front of your husband to be.

     You had said your vows and smiled. You kissed the groom and held him close to you. You made your way out and threw your bouquet in the air. You were happy.

     Renjun always thought that he would be able to find his happy ending. That he would fall in love at the right time with the right girl. But seeing you smiling brightly at Jeno with eyes full of love he realized that he was too late. You slipped through his hands because of the one stupid mistake he made in his senior year of high school. With a heavy heart, Renjun walked away from the scene opting to live a life with only his art. 

     Renjun died at seventy. He left all of his paintings to the exhibit he worked for. He left his house to be managed by his parents. Renjun had no children, no lover. You remembered how Renjun had said that self portraits were something important and special. You cried badly the night you received the self portrait he made of you on a stage wearing the same outfit you had worn for your first talent show. Although you stopped loving him, it hurt to know that he never stopped loving you.

[daeguzen]

Pastel Blue

PAIRING | n.jm x f. reader

GENRE | angst fluff 

WORD COUNT | 8.2K

NOTE | i still think this could be better. a writer or artist is their own worst critic lol. so this kinda makes sense? really, jaemin and reader were friends but he was overwhelmed and tried to find a way out, it backfired cuz he actually likes reader.

SUMMARY | things had changed since junior year of high school. you tried to move on from jaemin by focusing on more important things. you began the journey to find yourself as a person, whatever that really meant and you had your friend min at your side. but then jaemin sees you again after the summer, sunmi no longer at his side, and he wonders why he can’t bring himself to talk to you. he wants to apologize for being so dismissive of you, missing your caring presence that only cared about him, not just the popular boy from school. or perhaps he missed the friend who even after all the heartbreaks, supported him.

Wanna join me?

Come and play

But I might shoot you in your face

Bombs and bullets will do the trick

What we need here is a little bit of panic

Do you ever wanna catch me?

Right now I'm feeling ignored

So can you try a little harder?

I'm really getting bored

You moved your head rhythmically to the music playing through your headphones. You sang the lyrics under your breath and felt the strong autumn breeze brush upon your shoulders. Currently sitting in your friend's car, you don't dread going back to school. It was your senior year.

A whole year had passed. In that year many things changed. Jaemin knowingly broke your heart. You remember crying in the bathroom stall. Min had let you cry in there as she sat on the other side of the door, tearing up at your choked sobs. When your sobs silenced and there were only sniffles, Min offered to skip school and drive around with you. With little strength you opened the door, pausing and then giving her a gentle nod. 

Even while she dragged you away by your wrist the image was burned into your head. You still saw Jaemin walking happily with Sunmi, hands interlaced. As you sat in the cozy café you frequented you felt a little bitterness. You felt it unfair at how happy he looked. How bright he seemed to shine with her hand in his. You were suffocating all on your own, knowing that nothing you did was ever going to change the fact that he simply never liked you. That he wasn’t going to fall for your foolish antics at trying to do so.  You didn’t go to school the day after, showing your parents that you weren’t in a good state. Truthfully, they worried for your wellbeing but Min had shown up like the ever faithful friend to help you get through the rough times.

The first few months you felt like shit. Instead of suffocating yourself with the thought of Jaemin, you tried to drown him out. You started putting all your focus into your studies and seldom went out. It wasn’t until Min started forcing you to go out that you started getting back into the rhythm of things. You even found yourself doing new things and finding yourself. It was a journey you didn’t know was necessary. You came to the conclusion that you were going to study art and you were set on applying to an art school. All your focus ended up geared towards that. 

It couldn’t be helped that rumors of Jaemin’s new girlfriend and your crestfallen reaction reached everyone. But you also drowned that out too. Any news or pity stares that were sent your way were ignored. Through your self-discovery junior year, you also found out that archery was a fun sport. You were never one for sports but Min had pleaded with you after she gushed about the fact that Jeno attended those classes. You wondered if her luck would turn out better than yours. Afterall, the glimpses from Jeno didn’t go unnoticed. One time he’d even accidentally met your gaze while staring at Min fumbling with her arrows and you swore a blush bloomed across his face as he snapped his head back to his bow.

You found that these activities had taken up your schedule. Besides archery you had registered for mostly art based electives. They were all either traditional art, music, or theater which seemed like a lot but you were excited to further delve into all your chosen subjects. This year was going to be all about you and the college applications that were right around the corner. Smiling softly to yourself, you walked in through the entrance, Min’s arm linked with yours and chatting away about Jeno’s puppy-like smile.

“I love that our lockers have always been next to each other.”

“You say that because you always need someone to rant about homework and gush over Jeno.” Min pouted.

“The slander,” you chuckled at her remark, “anyway, where will you be today? I can’t remember your schedule.”

“I have Drawing Fundamentals first period, Intro to Novel, I signed up for Piano, then language. After that we have lunch and then I go back to Graphic Design III, Contemporary Math, and finally we have Gym.”

“Man, you really went out with your art classes. Nerd.”

“I love you too.” Walking towards your locker you saw the one person who had been your first love. You wished you didn’t feel that little pang but it never did go away completely. Min held you closer and tapped your hand a few times, something she did when she wanted to make sure you were okay. You smiled back at her and gave her a firm nod. 

Your locker was next to his but that wasn’t an issue, you just had to pretend he didn’t exist. Just like he did with you. But you felt cold prickles as you noticed Jaemin’s laughter and that of his friends had died down.  Just out of the corner of your eye you could see Jaemin glancing at you. You paid no mind as you left your backpack in your locker and grabbed the few materials you needed.

“I’ll see you during language, good luck Y/N.” You responded with a thumbs up, “See you then.” You closed your locker and walked away but strangely even after you left, you felt eyes burning into the back of your head. 

~

Jaemin had been doing great during junior year. He had fun with his friends, managed to be studious, had even found himself a girlfriend and had you off his back. It was like a dream come true. He was high on his feelings of happiness that nothing could have ever shattered it.

Junior year had really felt like a blur. Sunmi had been in his arms, laughing, smiling, and exuding that warmth he yearned for. But when the end of the year came problems arose. He thought everything was okay but truly, he was trying to ignore the fact that Sunmi didn’t seem to be giving much to the relationship. Dates started to dwindle down, late night talks were stopped altogether, and then arguments started. Jaemin never liked confrontation with people he cared about because it always ended up in him feeling upset and hurt. 

But Sunmi had started to become very clear that she wasn’t happy anymore and confessed that they simply weren’t compatible anymore. Jaemin had asked what that meant but she didn’t really give much of an answer. Just that they should try seeing other people. And that’s when he realized that she didn’t love him anymore. He remembered Sunmi leaving in a rush. She had felt like the coming of the spring season and left like the autumn leaves in the wind.

Jaemin couldn’t handle the heartbreak. He would show up all gloomy to school. And he barely spoke to his friends anymore stating that he wasn’t feeling well. And he was still in an awkward position with you. At least he felt that you two were. Sometimes, he wanted to apologize for hurting you. For causing your heartbreak. Maybe it was because he understood how to give more and not receive just as much. Or maybe it was just the heartbreak that he now knew how to sympathize with you. 

Or maybe it was because even after breaking your heart, you left him his favorite snacks in a small gift basket with a note on the last Friday afternoon of school, telling him not to look so sad and that life goes on. It wasn’t signed but he knew it was yours. He caught you leaving it in front of his locker with his name on it. He thought you’d speak to him but after that you simply went back to ignoring him completely. And he no longer felt any of the warmth he yearned to feel.

~

Walking through the door, you immediately settled at the back of the classroom. You were more than excited for your art class. And it was going great until you saw Jaemin and his friend Renjun walk in. Oh how you wanted to run away. You didn’t expect him to sit in the back but it seemed Renjun was leading the way. At least he took the easel next to yours and not Jaemin. 

Your first assignment was simple enough. You had to draw the setup of the boxes in the middle of the classroom on an 18x24 page. Charcoal was the material that had to be used. You set yourself up, rolling up your sleeves and getting your easel set up as well as placing your needed materials next to you. You were so lost in your thoughts until you heard the whispers next to yours.

“Renjun, I can’t draw. I hate you.” Renjun chuckled.

“Well that’s why you’re here to learn. You said you were curious about drawing, don't blame me.” Jaemin pouted at Renjun’s cold shudder. His gaze then fell on you. He didn't know you were into art, he was a little in awe seeing how well you seemed to know what you were doing. You looked at the boxes, moved your charcoal stick to take measurements just as the teacher had taught everyone during the first twenty minutes of lecture. If he wasn’t so worried about his own work he would’ve almost caught himself thinking you looked pretty. He looked back at his blank sheet.

There were, eventually, a lot of eraser marks on Jaemin’s page. The perspective seemed way off. His hands were covered in charcoal, two of them had actually broken in his hand and Renjun almost laughed at him. He glared at him in response. And then again, his gaze fell on you. He watched as you drew and actually envied how easy you made everything look. He looked at Renjun’s page and that just comically infuriated him more. He was more than relieved when it was time to clean up.

“I have my regrets.”

“Well, why don’t you consider being patient instead of whiny?” Renjun sassed. Jaemin had the audacity to look offended.

“I am not whiny. I just have come to the respectable conclusion that this is extremely difficult and I want no part in it.” 

“Well too bad. You can suffer on your own or you can be patient and learn.”

“Did I ever tell you I hate you?”

“Only once.”

“Make it twice.” Jaemin was so lost in his banter that he didn’t realize half the students were gone. You included. After a while Renjun spoke up again. “Jaemin, I really don’t think she'd mind hearing an apology instead of you staring at her.”

“I wasn't staring!”

“That’s not what that pathetic longing look said.” Jaemin sputtered.

“I-I was not, t-that’s not it! I was looking at her artwork and yours.”

“Yeah sure.”

“Fuck off man.” At that Renjun gave a full wholesome laugh and Jaemin just scoffed in disbelief. 

~

It seemed like the world hated you. As much as you claimed to not feel anything around Jaemin, you couldn’t avoid the pang in your chest that hit once again. It was laughable, your situation, at how Na Jaemin was also in your piano class. Who would've thought you'd have things in common? Even more so when the world decided you’d be seatmates. Your jaw almost dropped as Jaemin walked up to you in all his glory, smiling sheepishly as he took the seat next to yours. Apparently this class worked in two ways, you’d have individual assignments but you’d also have partnered projects. Your first assignments were individual. Learn basic notes and reading. You didn’t speak to him all period, opting to listen closely to the lesson.

But Jaemin then realized he didn’t have a pen and looked around awkwardly before deciding to ask you.

“Hey Y/N, do you have a pen I could borrow?” His face was fully turned towards you but you only looked to the side, eyes glancing down at the notebook in front of him. You didn’t say anything as you gave him the pen you were holding and reaching to take another one for yourself from your case. He thanked you but you only hummed in response, acknowledging him only slightly. The both of you focused back on the class but the awkward tension, mostly from him, was obvious.

By the end of the class he handed  you back your pen and before he could say anything more than a thank you, you were gathering your things and walking out the door. He only looked at your disappearing figure.

~

“Y/N is your seatmate? You know, have you ever considered that she’s your soulmate?”

“I don’t like her.” Renjun then chips in.

“And yet you glance at her a little too often.” Jaemin rolls his eyes, totally ignoring his friend's comments.

“Not because I  like her. I just…I never got the chance to apologize. Ever since she started avoiding me.”

“Good riddance for her, you were a jerk.” Jaemin smacked Chenle’s shoulder.

“Hey! That’s harsh. And besides, weren't you the one who told me to be a little mean as I recall?” 

“Well, I only put the idea on the table. Renjun told you to be careful.” Chenle said nonchalantly.

“I swear, you are one dangerous kid, you know that?” 

“But I’m your kid.” Jaemin snorts.

“Jisung’s my kid excuse you.” He then hears Haechan speak up from the other side of the lunch table they were sitting at. 

“Okay, but explain this to me because I don’t understand. What exactly do you have to apologize for? Like where is this whole I should apologize internal woe me coming from?” Jaemin looked at him, a little surprised by the question that seemed obvious to him.

“Well, for hurting her. I knew she liked me and I saw how she ran to the bathroom…crying after Sunmi and me. After that she pretended like I didn’t exist. I just, I know I broke her heart and it makes me feel bad.”

“But what are you gonna say? Sorry I dated Sunmi and not you?” 

“Haechan! That’s not what I’m saying. I just feel bad is all. I didn’t tell you guys this but…after Sunmi and I broke up I saw her leave a basket full of my favorite snacks by my locker. She didn’t leave it signed but I saw her anyway. I thought you know, maybe she was gonna say something but she ignored me again and I just don’t know how to apologize. She heard about the break up and gave me words of encouragement. When all I did was be dismissive of her.” Haechan put his hands up, shrugging slightly. 

“Well, as Renjun said, staring at her like you’re in love with her isn’t going to help.” At this, Jaemin’s frustrations only grew as he saw how stubborn his friends were.

“For fucksake I don’t like her.” The bell rang as Jaemin finished saying that and decided to go to his next class, muttering a small goodbye. The boys just looked after their friend, all concluding that he was indeed stupid and most stubborn of them all.

“You know it’s okay to feel bad for hurting someone because of unrequited love, but he’s had a whole year to apologize. But he just looks at her.” Haechan says.

This time it’s Jisung who says, “He looks at her like he’s trying to find something.” Everyone looks at him and his face scrunches up in confusion.

“What?”

“You just said something that makes perfect sense.” Jisung scrunches his nose up in offense.

“Compared to what?”

“To your childish blabber. But seriously, he does look at her like that. Could it be that he misses feeling loved after she who shall not be named left him?”

Jeno looks thoughtful towards Jaemin’s retreating figure.

“Maybe he doesn’t know that what he was looking for in love was right in front of him. He just couldn’t see it because of his blind adoration for Sunmi. Honestly, I keep thinking Jaemin and Y/N are so alike. As far as I know she enjoys going on bike rides, she dabbles a bit in photography, and she’s really into music. They also drink disgustingly terrible amounts of coffee.”

The five boys look at Jeno curiously. 

“Jeno, why do you know so much about her?” Renjun questioned him and Jeno felt like he was up against a wall.

“U-uhm n-no reason. I just hear things.” Jeno didn’t allow anyone to question him any further because he gathered his things quickly and made his way to class. 

“You know now I miss Mark. Why couldn’t he just be stupid and stay back a year?”

“Because he’s smart, older, and not stupid like you!” Chenle runs and Haechan screams after him.

“Get back here you bitch!”

~

You didn’t mention anything to Min about being in the same classes as Jaemin. You were on edge honestly, hoping that you wouldn’t have more classes together. At least he wasn’t in your lunch from what you had observed. It didn’t last long though when you realized that he was in your math class too. Of all the choices he could’ve made for his schedule they just had to magically pair up with yours. The strange thing that left you a bit tense was that the seats weren’t assigned. And he just happened to settle down next to you.

He didn’t say anything to you and neither did you. The both of you just went about your class, taking notes, and just looking anywhere but at each other. At least that’s what you thought. But you seemed to miss the glances Jaemin threw at you. He had this urge to just talk to you, to make up for things, maybe even over a cup of coffee or something. But he didn’t say anything. 

This went on for the first month of school. Jaemin only spoke to you if he needed a pen which became increasingly annoying as it seemed he never brought one to any of his classes. Or so he said. One day you spoke to him, surprising him as he heard the same old soft spoken voice of yours.

“Jaemin, don’t you ever bring your own pen?” you had asked him. He looked at you, his mouth a little agape. And then you felt a twinge of shock course your body as you saw the Na Jaemin, flush red, and stutter. All just because you asked him a question.

“I- w-well it’s that I…I didn’t bring a pen?” Jaemin mentally cursed himself for being flustered. You were asking a valid question but he knew exactly why he was feeling that way. Jaemin obviously had a pen on his person, he just wanted an excuse to say something to you. It was stupid he knew. But he couldn’t find anything else to say. He felt that all the words were wrong. So as a way to make up for what he thought was dumb, he said something even more stupid.

“W-would you like to grab a cup of coffee with me?” Jaemin waited. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Five seconds it took you to answer.

“Why would I do that?” He could almost laugh. Of course, why would you grab a cup of coffee with the boy who broke your heart? You felt bad when you saw the little flustered and half smile on Jaemin’s face evolve into a frown. You sighed.

“I’m just wondering why you want to grab a coffee with me Jaemin. We never really spoke to each other before.” He felt a twinge of hope as he stared back into your eyes.

“I just want to talk with you. I have some things I’d like to say but it’s a conversation I’d like to have just between us.” You  looked a little hesitant, he noticed, but after a few seconds of thinking about it you agreed. 

“Thank you thank you, we can go after school today. I-if that’s okay with you of course.” You simply nodded and went back to not speaking to him. You didn’t really respond when he said goodbye to you as he left with your number in his phone now.

~

“He did what!?” You furiously put your hand over your friend's mouth. 

“Shut up! You want the whole school to hear you?” You moved your hand away as she gaped at you eyes wide.

“Na Jaemin, the boy you’ve been pining over for years, asked you to get a cup of coffee with him. Why? Does he like you? Does he regret it? What’s happening because I’m so confused.” 

“I’m just as confused as you are. Honestly, he’s always asking me for a pen in class. I know he has a pen on him because he did in like the first week of school. Now, I walk into math class and he’s always asking to borrow a pen.” Min gets all giddy and you groan at her next words.

“He totally likes you. He wants to approach you; he just doesn’t know how because he was a jerk. I’m telling you that has to be it.” You shake your head in denial.

“Jaemin would never like me. He made it pretty clear last year when he was happily laughing away with Sunmi in his arms.”

“But he’s talking to you now. What if he sees now that you genuinely liked him for who he was? Come on, be a little optimistic.” 

“I’m optimistic with anything but him Min. Please, let’s not talk about this. I have to suffer with seeing him in my classes all day. And I have to see him after school too. I just want it to end.” You pouted, resting your head comfortably on her shoulder. She just patted your back, soothing your nervous thoughts.

“Just listen to what he has to say, okay. You’ll be fine.” It was funny that even as she said those three words, you felt like things weren’t going to be fine. 

~

Jaemin sat across from you. Nervously drumming his fingers against his thigh. You didn’t say anything either as you simply stared at your hands crossed in your lap. You were brought back when Jaemin started speaking.

“I wanted to talk to you because it’s been about a year since you know, we stopped talking. And I know I was a jerk to you. I always tried to avoid you or barely spoke to you. I couldn’t be upfront with my feelings because I felt bad about hurting you. But I wanted to apologize to you for hurting your feelings the way I did. For being a coward and not telling you how I was feeling.” Jaemin felt as if a little bit of his burdens were lifting off from his shoulders. Like he could breathe a little better. 

“Jaemin, you know you don’t have to apologize for that. If anything I should be the one apologizing for annoying you so much. Really, I thought maybe if I tried harder you’d like me back. But that was stupid and selfish of me.” Jaemin looked at you and then a smile graced his lips. One that you wished wouldn’t affect you as much as it did. 

“I guess we were both a little childish. Honestly…I’ve been wanting to apologize to you over some time now. I’ve just always hated being the cause of someone hurting or getting upset. And also, it’s been nagging at me for a little while now but  I’m wondering if you’d like to be friends. I still remember that we were once friends before all of this. You know, before high school.” Those words, you kind of wished he didn’t say them. Because it brought you back to when everything was okay and Jaemin had just been the cute boy who moved into town. The one who shared his games with you. The one you missed talking to.

“You remember that still?”

“How could I forget? It’s not everyday you see a girl beat someone like me at Mario Kart.” You scoffed.

“Jaemin?”

“Yeah?”

“You sucked at Mario Kart.”

~

It was strange how Jaemin and you fell together into a whirlwind of emotions. You were once so awkward with each other, not speaking and the next you were warming up to him and telling him all about your favorite songs. 

“Arcane is a masterpiece. Have you seen the art? The music? Like damn that’s mad talent right there.” Jaemin just shook his head at you.

“You know I never pegged you as a gaming nerd. You’d totally get along with Haechan.” You giggled. 

“Is this another boy I can beat at a video game?” Jaemin rolled his eyes at you, playfully smacking you upside the head.

“I’m pretty sure even you’d lose this one Mario Kart Princess.” It was at times like these, that you kind of questioned Jaemin’s choice of words. Yeah your heart skipped a beat when he’d give you a cute nickname but did his whenever you called him Nana or even Peaches because of his love for the fruit? Those questions, you knew, were to remain unanswered but ultimately the answer had to be a resounding no.

“It’s Queen to you and everyone else. Why don’t you introduce me to him then? I need a new friend since your application seems to be expiring soon.” He feigned hurt and a small gasp as his hand was displayed across his chest.

“Hurtful. You know what? Maybe I should, that way Haechan will have to deal with all your weird antics.”

“You’re calling me weird? Last time I checked you hated strawberries and you were posing as your friend by introducing yourself as Jeno. Now that’s weird.” 

“Shut up.”

“Hmm, I don’t think so.” You looked at Jaemin without any of your adoration but because you masked it under a friendly gaze. One that you didn’t realize Jaemin had started to not return. Instead, his gazes lingered on you. He started to think back on things. You were talented with any artistic material in your hand. You were a fast learner when it came to piano. You were also great at math which actually seemed to be saving him in class. There was just so much to your character that he didn’t bother looking at until now. Honestly, he’d say you were a great friend once all the feelings were out of the way. But even through this realization, Jaemin held his words to what he thought was true to his heart. That you were merely a friend and nothing more. 

~

Jaemin’s friends were the first to notice his little descent into jealousy when you met all of them, including the boy prodigy who graduated your junior year. They noticed Jaemin was off especially when their beloved friend Mark had let his eyes linger on your glimmering smile a little too long to be deemed anything but friendly. He felt the need to stand next to you, patting your head affectionately as he introduced you.

“Jaemin hyung, you never told us you were friends with Y/N.” Jisung looked at him with innocent curiosity and surprise. You then answered before Jaemin could.

“Well, we just started speaking about two months ago. It was a little awkward but we have classes together so we were able to bond a bit.” You shyly looked at the boys, feeling a little nervous that their attention seemed to be on only you. When Mark spoke, you felt that familiar blush bloom across your face. 

“A little bit selfish if you ask me. I didn’t know Jaemin would be hiding such a pretty friend.” The other boys watched between the three of you as if watching a drama unfold. Jaemin just laughed at Mark’s words and dragged you away to the arcade that he had invited you to before you could even respond to Mark’s compliment.

“J-Jaemin I have to wait for Min.” But your voice was drowned out by the loud noise of the machines.

“I didn’t know Jaemin had such a pretty friend. She isn’t his girlfriend is she?” Mark’s little heart eyes turned into worry, expecting to be told that he just flirted with his best friend's girl. Before any of the boys could explain the situation to Mark, Haechan perked up.

“Actually, they aren’t dating. They're just friends. I’d say you could try.” 

“Haechan, stop fucking around.” Renjun hissed at him. The last thing they needed was for a love triangle to ensue. And they knew it was true because most of them didn’t miss the annoyed look that flashed across Jaemin’s face and how he reached to pat at your head affectionately, almost like drawing you towards him and away from Mark. 

“Oh come on Renjun! Jaemin obviously is too stupid to do anything. This is perfect.” Mark looked confused and Renjun informed him on what was truly going on.

“Look, remember how she used to have a big crush on Jaemin and how he ended up with Sunmi and all that shit happened?” Mark nodded.

“Oh yeah, that was her? She completely ignored him, right?”

“Yeah, and well Jaemin apologized for hurting her feelings and shit but their friends now. And we suspect that Jaemin might like her. But he’s just too stubborn to realize that.”

“Oh. So Haechan was willing to put me against my best friend for the sake of a girl and Jaemin waking up to see the reality?” When Haechan heard the softness in his voice turn to steel he slowly backed away just as Mark turned to grab at him but Haechan was too quick. He ducked away from the grabbing hands and ran to find someone to protect him which took form in a calm Jeno.

“Please don’t let him hurt me, I didn’t mean what I said.” Jeno didn’t hesitate as he stepped aside and let his dear Mark hyung strangle Haechan for being a little conniving brat. 

~

When winter came around, you had become pretty attached to the seven boys who you called friends. They also seemed to be attached to you and your friend Min. It didn’t take long for Min’s “friendly outings” with Jeno to become full blown dates. You were happy for her. She deserved someone good for her and you knew Jeno was. And even if Jeno was one of the strongest among the boys, he realized that you were the most threatening and fear inducing person he’d ever met. 

“I hope you take care of my friend Jeno or I might accidentally shoot my arrow at the wrong target during practice. Clumsiness can have dire consequences you know,” you had said this with a soft smile on your face but your laugh and eyes said otherwise. Hurt my friend and you’ll regret it. But Jeno was true to his words when he said he meant what he felt towards your best friend. 

Parallel to you, it seemed that you were getting another chance at romance in the form of Mark Lee. A music major in his first year at college. He was sweet to you. In ways you didn’t think would be real because how could a perfect boy exist in real life? They were something of fiction. But Mark was so kind to you. You indulged each other when it came to music. And soon enough you found yourself hanging out with him often. Something that didn’t sit well with Jaemin.

You had been sitting with him and Renjun in the library. The three of you writing down your own notes for your upcoming drawing project. The conversation ended straying away and eventually it landed on Mark and how he was already doing his thing in college. Jaemin stilled, as you let Mark’s name spill out of your mouth. But not just any name, you said his Korean name. One he reserved for his closest friends.

Renjun, noticing the tension radiating from Jaemin, didn’t know how to react. You were of course oblivious at the newly created tension. 

“Thank you Nana.” He looked at you confused.

“For what?”

“For introducing me to Minhyung. It was merely by chance but I’m happy it turned out that way. He’s really sweet. I think I’m going to say yes.” You shyly looked down at your notes, tapping your feet against the carpet quietly as you waited for someone to say something. But Jaemin didn’t really know what to say. He felt a strong bitterness rise in him as he saw you looking all shy and nervous about another guy. About one of his closest friends. And then he processed what you said.

“W-what? Say yes?” you nodded with a cheeky grin.

“He asked me out on a date. And I’m going to say yes. Which is why I’m thanking you. If it wasn’t for you I would’ve never met him and I probably would’ve been waiting for my second chance at romance you know.” And Jaemin, still baffled, couldn’t find the right words. What was he supposed to say? You're welcome? He wasn’t feeling it when he thought those words. Because it annoyed him just how much time you were spending with Mark and how now, he was practically taking you away from him completely. So Jaemin answered with a lie.

“Of course. Anything for you.”

~

You weren’t completely in love with Mark. That you knew for sure. But he seemed to really take your mind off everything else. Even Jaemin. And you saw that as a sign that maybe you should try to move forward and try things out with him. On a late Friday afternoon, you set up your keyboard outside. There was a nice breeze outside and you felt like playing a piece you were trying to learn. Knowingly in a slightly dramatic way because who plays piano on their tiny balcony? You did. You started hitting the keys, your singing voice coming through in the comfort of your own home.

Track suits and red wine 

Movies for two

We’ll take our phones

And we’ll turn off our shoes

We’ll play Nintendo

Though I always lose

Cause you’ll watch the TV

While I’m watching you

You had first heard this song play when you were randomly going through Spotify playlists. You loved the beginning and stayed listening until the end. It was a sweet song, one you wished you could play for the person you loved. You internally chuckled at the thought, seeing yourself as a hopeless romantic. 

You failed to realize the boy who had walked out of his house. He was about to start cycling when he heard a voice singing. Yours to be specific. He walked over to your house, passing through the little front gate and walking over to the left side of the house. He knew the layout of your house, as he had spent the last few months getting to know you and hanging out. When he looked up he felt his heart soar. It was sudden. Like a wave of adrenaline. Jaemin looked at you, he really took the time to look at you and all he felt was flutter in his chest as his body temperature rose and a pink blush spread across his face.

You were absolutely gorgeous. And Jaemin was scared because he stopped ignoring what the tiny voice in his head kept telling him. That you weren’t just a friend to him. Not at all. That what he felt for Sunmi was just an infatuation and really he’d just felt overwhelmed by your love. But seeing you now, singing so carefree and smiling while you played Jaemin let himself accept it.

Jaemin was in love with you.

~

Jeno walked in hurriedly into his room where his friends were currently playing games. Everyone was present except Jaemin.

“Guys, we got a situation.” They all perked up.

“Is it about Jaemin and Y/N?” Chenle asked. Jeno answered, 

“So Jaemin just texted me. He says that he wants to ask out Y/N. But he doesn’t know how he’s going to do it because Mark asked her out and she was going to say yes.” Mark pouted.

“I hate that I’m going through with this. But that means that Jaemin realized his feelings.” 

“You know, the more I think about this the more I come to the conclusion that you guys are so royally fucked for doing this.” Haechan rolled his eyes at Renjun’s remark.

“And why’s that?” “Because when Jaemin finds out what you guys are doing he’s going to be pissed. And when Y/N finds out she’ll probably be both pissed off and hurt.”

“Okay but we’re doing this for the greater good. Yes they are both gonna go through a rough patch but at least now we know that Jaemin reciprocates her feelings.”

“It’s about damn time. Honestly, they practically share the same coffee mug,” Chenle remarked.

“Well, I’ll text her now and say that I can’t go anymore,” Mark said. Jeno then asked,

“Do you think he’s going to ask her out anytime soon?”

“Just tell him to go for it. That I have to cancel anyway. You know, Haechan, your planning skills are scary.” Haechan just smirked.

“It’s for the greater good.” But the boys just shook their heads at his confidence and started on sending their messages, hoping that Jaemin would finally act upon his feelings.

~

Jaemin was walking you home one rainy afternoon when he decided to confess in the worst way possible. You walked up the steps of your house and Jaemin put down his umbrella. He looked at you and you smiled back, thanking him for walking you home. 

Before you could turn to your door he spoke,

“Y/N?” You looked back at him.

“Yeah?” Jaemin didn’t say anything for a few seconds. It was a brief silence.

“Don’t go out with him.” The words spilled out of his mouth. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion.

“What?”

“Don’t go out with him. Please? Don’t say yes to Mark.” And then you understood what he was talking about. That still didn’t explain why he was asking this of you.

“What why?”

“Why?” Before you could let out another question, Jaemin let his body move forward, the umbrella escaping his grip easily. His grip that was now gently cradling your face, lips meeting yours with a soft touch. It surprised him, as he found himself kissing you with even more fervor than before. He wanted to get lost in you so badly. But before his hands could bring you closer he heard a pained whimper leave you. He detached his lips from yours and your pleas slipped out.

“Stop it. Y-you’re being mean. Just stop please.” Jaemin had never seen this expression on your face. Not when he ignored you every time you tried to get his attention. Not even when you saw him holding hands with Sunmi. This was different. You looked so utterly shattered as tears welled in your eyes and your sniffing became louder, your sobs controlling you more.

“I spent my entire life loving you. And now that someone actually wants me and cares for me you can’t let me have it? Why won’t you let me go? Why can’t you let me breathe Jaemin?” He couldn’t stand seeing you so hurt. Every question of yours slashing away at his own heart. Because of his words. Because of his actions. Because of his kiss. 

He remembered how you used to mention to him that he was walking around with your first kiss. You had said it in a joking manner but your love filled eyes said otherwise. He never thought it to be true. And now that he realizes that he wanted to kiss you, you didn’t want him. And he felt stupid all over again. For hurting you, for being selfish, and for having so much power over your heart that every time you let him hold it he chipped away at it excruciatingly.

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I- wait, don't leave.” But Jaemin couldn’t find it in himself to stop you from walking away and walking into your house. He couldn’t do anything. And so with a heavy heart he turned and walked the opposite direction. Just as you two always did.

~

You sensed the deja vu when you went back to ignoring Jaemin completely. He hated it so badly. But he wouldn’t bother you. He had hurt you enough. You just needed time. And then he would be able to properly apologize. But time turned into three weeks and Jaemin already felt like it was too much. Not even his friends bothered him when looked so downcast at the mention of your name. 

It wasn’t until the end of your school day that you closed your locker and turned to face him, scaring him noticeably as those pretty eyes of yours looked into his sad ones.

“Hey, Jae, can we talk about what happened?” Jaemin could only internally cringe at himself for how fast he answered.

“Yeah of course. Where do you wanna go?” 

“Let’s walk home together. We’ll talk on the way.” Jaemin nodded and hastily put his things in his bag before zipping it up and turning to look at you. You had already started walking and he took only three quick steps to catch up to you. The walk home was a little over fifteen minutes. At the rate you were going it would take longer but it was perfect for what was needed to say.

“Look-”

“Y/N-” 

You both looked at each other, a small sheepish smile bubbling up on both your faces. Jaemin spoke up first after a moment. 

“Y/N, I just…I really want to apologize for what I did. I shouldn’t have come unto you so strongly. And I should’ve spoken with you first anyway. I just hope that even if you…want to say yes to Mark…I hope we can still at least be friends.” You didn’t say anything to him and for the longest moment, Jaemin thought you didn’t want to be his friend anymore. Why would you? But then you asked him a question.

“Jaemin, why did you kiss me?” An innocent and curious question but the impact it had was far from small. Jaemin took a deep breath and finally revealed all of his pent up feelings and thoughts he’s had of you from the past year.

“When we started talking, that same week I moved into the neighborhood, I was pretty nervous. I didn’t know if I’d make any friends. I only spoke to you and it was okay because I enjoyed your presence. You made a really kind friend. But then I met the guys and you had Min and I felt like we just drifted. Sometimes you wouldn’t pay attention to what I said. I didn’t realize you were interested in me. Other times I didn’t have time to listen to you because I had activities and hangouts with the guys. And then you started to express your feelings for me and I felt overwhelmed. But I didn’t want to hurt you because you were still the girl I met when I was younger. And then I saw Sunmi.” You took a sharp breath at the name. Jaemin could only glance at you, the prickle of a needle poking at his chest just as it did yours.

“I wasn’t in love with her. I thought I was. I thought that what I felt was love or at least something close to it. But she was just an infatuation. She was what I described as my ideal type. And I got to ask her out and she said yes. I always thought she was out of my league.”

“Jaemin, you’ve always been not only a sweet guy but very attractive. If anything you’re out of her league.” Jaemin could only let out an empty laugh.

“Maybe. But even so, I felt bad. I’ve always hated making people feel upset or hurt. And you were always going to suffer because I didn’t return your feelings. But then Sunmi broke up with me. You know what she said to me?” You shook your head, listening intently to what he said.

“She said why was I dating her if it was so obvious that I loved you.” At this you stopped walking. Only gazing at him when he stopped a few steps in front of you. 

“What?”

Jaemin looked as if though it hurt him physically, the words he let out.

“I was so busy trying to avoid your confessions and was so hellbent on claiming that Sunmi was my type without even realizing that when you stopped talking to me, I could only look at you. I won’t tell you that I was in love with you at the time because I don’t think I was. But you always had my attention and I just couldn’t push it aside. And then on the last day of school,” Jaemin choked back a sob and you realized he was tearing up, “on t-the last day of school…you gave me that note and told me to be happy and I just thought at how unfair I was to you and how unhappy I made you. I hurt you. And I wanted to apologize so badly but I didn’t know how, I didn’t think you’d want to hear me.” Neither of you said anything. And then you tilted your head to the side, fists bunching up the edge of your shirt.

“I guess our timing was off huh?” And he couldn’t answer you because his eyes were closed tight. Jaemin had always been the type of sight you could never get enough of. His smiling face, laughing joyously was something you came to cherish. His dorky nature always made you laugh. And on days where he wasn’t energetic you’d silently bask in his warm aura. You always had the itching curiosity to run your hands through his hair, hold his face gently, and appreciate every detail of him. Looking at him now, he looked so sad, the warmth you always found wasn’t there. He looked like a little boy who had lost his way. And you thought, how problematic life was giving you such a complex obstacle. You’d spend most of your high school life pining for a boy who didn’t know how to come to terms with his complex feelings for you. 

Jaemin was cold. He was shaking and the cold breeze in the air wasn’t helping him. But then he felt arms snake around his waist pulling him close, he felt your body against his, and your head rested on his chest where his erratic heartbeat could be heard. His eyes opened, still red and teary eyed and he didn’t miss a beat when his arms came to wrap around you, one hand coming up to hold your head close and his lips comfortably resting upon your head. 

“It’s okay Nana, even if it took time you still made your way back right?” And Jaemin swore that he would never give you up. Not for anything or anyone. You were his and he was yours. Two hearts entangled and yet fitting each other so well. His voice came out softly through the silence.

“I love you.” And with a content smile and a lull pulling at your heartstrings you responded with the same words, happy that the boy you had lived across from for many years, was now yours unconditionally and lovingly. Just as you were his.

~

“Mommy, why does daddy always give you presents in the same color?”

“Because daddy knows the color is special to me. So he finds pretty things in that color to give to me.” 

“It’s always blue.”

“It’s always a pastel blue baby.”

“Pastel blue?”

“Yes, because blue was a color that made mommy feel sad. But pastel blue makes mommy feel happy.”

“I want a pastel blue flower too mommy!”

“I guess we’ll just have to ask daddy to get you one.” The giggles of a child could be heard and from just a few feet away, a boy stood smiling and reminiscing all of his happy memories with the person who he made his vows with.

~

Let’s just say Haechan didn’t survive Jaemin’s wrath when he found out what he was planning. 

Mark kindly apologized to you for going along with it but you forgave him. 

And Min? She was so lost in Jeno’s eyes as he was in hers that sometimes they’d just forget everyone was there and would be so cute to each other. 

Renjun was just happy that he was bonding with you over drawing. 

Chenle was tired with all the couples that he decided to adopt a dog. 

And Jisung was just playing games. And then he had to come to terms that he was no longer the youngest as he saw the little baby in the crib making grabby hands towards him.

[daeguzen]

“jeno, where’s my bike?” jeno looked at you, expressionless almost, but you knew he was hiding something.

“i don’t know. it’s your apartment, why are you asking me?”

“it was literally just here this morning. did someone steal it!?”

“princess go check again.” you groaned as you told him it wasn’t there but went out to check nonetheless.

jeno just sat on your couch as he waited for you to come back and you did but with a pout on your lips. he smiled.

“did you find your bike?” you ran up to him as you jumped into his embrace, resting your head in the crook of his neck almost immediately.

“nono, I told you I was going to buy the bike. it’s expensive.” he laughed and pulled you even closer.

“is it so wrong for a boyfriend to get his girlfriend a gift?”

you whinied, “it should be illegal if it’s something that expensive.” he laughed.

“thank you nono.”

“anything for you my princess.”

[daeguzen]

“so you see, if you stretch out your arm, angle your pencil along the lines of the box, move just your body and place your charcoal on the paper and draw the line then you’ll make accurate lines based on the still life. but after drawing the lines you have to make sure they are parallel so the perspective doesn’t look off.”

renjun listened to you intently and watched how you explained the details of drawing a still life to him.

“y/n.” you hummed in response. he came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist as he let his chin rest on your shoulder.

“i think i fall in love with you more and more everyday.”

[daeguzen]

“haechan! he destroyed the other turret!” you let out in frustration. haechan whined in response.

“it’s not my fault he’s so overpowered.”

“i guess your girlfriend has to carry the game now. i wonder how the boys would react when i tell them that you suck at league.” haechan gasped, taking full offense at your words.

“baby don’t do that! they’ll tease me.” you grinned.

“that’s the point.”

“baby no, let’s just play one more game and i’ll show you that i can win.” after your screen went back to the stats of the game, you jumped up from the bed and walked over to haechan who was sitting at his desk.

you stood at his side and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before laughing.

“it's okay. no matter how many times we lose just know that you’re my beautiful loser.”

“that’s not right! you were supposed to say i love you!”

[daeguzen]

jaemin’s light blue hair glowed and added a look of innocence on his soft features. his eyes were slightly wide but looked into yours lovingly. he felt nervous though, seeing how cake was smothered all over your face after his little stunt.

“na jaemin,” by the sound of your voice he figured he had about half a second to run.

“you are so dead!”

“b-but I love you peaches!” and off he ran, afraid of what you would do to him once you’d get your hands on him.

“get back here!”

[daeguzen]

Why Couldn’t It Be Me?

Jaemin x Fem Reader

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 390

Note: This was something I was going to write but just made this little blurb instead. It’s like an alternate universe to the plot of my prior story, Broken. I felt like sharing it instead of it collecting dust among other stories. :D

Summary: Jeno doesn’t understand if there’s something wrong with him or if he’s simply unlovable romantically in your eyes. All he knows is that he would have loved you just as you deserved but instead you look towards his best friend. 

     Jeno was sitting at the kitchen table silently, his posture stiff, and his hands resting on his lap. Jaemin didn’t move from where he was standing and flinched when Jeno started to speak.

     “You know, after becoming closer to Y/N, I used to call her snoopy. She used to love that nickname so much. At one point in her life, she had gotten angry with me for calling her that. I understood why but I couldn’t bring myself to bury that. I wanted her to accept it and not push it away.” Jaemin didn’t say anything as he stood there, not trusting himself to keep his composure if he looked at Jeno in the eyes.

     “Jaemin?” Jeno called out. He furrowed his eyebrows, Jeno’s tone seeming to be off for some reason. 

     “Why is it that I keep losing Y/N to someone else? What is it about you and him that she sees? Why can’t she see me and how much I love her?” Jaemin didn’t say anything and didn’t feel angry for hearing Jeno’s confessions. He pitied him instead. Shy and sweet Jeno who he befriended first among the boys and who everyone mistook for being serious and cold. The boy who owned three cats because he loved them although he knew it would be terrible for his allergies. The one who deserved to be loved just as much as he himself loved others.

     “I know her better than you ever did and yet after going through so much, she chooses you. After seeing her tear herself apart and being there she chooses Na Jaemin. The asshole who doesn’t understand what the story is behind her nickname. The guy who doesn’t know just exactly what going to her show’s means to her.” Jaemin tried to regulate his breathing and hoped Jeno would stop but he didn’t. 

     “My best friend whose position I wish I could be in.” Jeno let out brokenly.  

     “I envy you Jaemin but I don’t pity you. Whatever Y/N wants to choose I’ll accept. Even if it hurts me because I love her and I want her to be happy.” Jeno got up, the chair almost knocking over. He walked towards Jaemin’s direction but not before telling him.

     “I don’t know if I could say the same for you.”

[daeguzen]

tagged by | @pastelsicheng  | this is really cute omg also i kinda used the same format you did with the written part i hope you don’t mind.

rules | google/search your name + your favorite color + the word “aesthetic”. take the first 4 (non collage) photos and voila you have your aesthetic mood board! (i would tag but like..idk anybody im sorry)

real name + baby blue + aesthetic

dae + baby blue + aesthetic

[daeguzen]

SUCCESS! i have successfully changed my theme, updated my 1/2 mslists, updated the visual appearance of my stories...now all that’s left is proof reading everything and updating stories that i wanna change cuz aha why not...

I have decided to pasaway